Cum Town | Regular | 05/10/2018
[00:00:15] You know, it's you cook steaks on that motherfucker.
[00:00:31] That's how you know there's no anti-Semitism in the world anymore.
[00:00:42] You got your own shower in your apartment?
[00:00:46] We're in a trailer that takes you to the bank.
[00:00:55] How about after a Five-O-Goes-Westers movie called Five-O-Goes-The-Hell
[00:01:09] In the movie, How does Five-O-Goes-Westers-The-Fible?
[00:01:33] That's like everyone if there's Jews that own Bitcoin.
[00:01:35] The first Jews to come to the New World were during Peter Stuyvesant's
[00:01:42] I bet the guys that were first into slavery were like Bitcoin guys.
[00:02:04] They smash it and they're attached to a chain.
[00:02:08] It's an auction block and there's chains attached to it.
[00:02:11] And that's really, it's called crypto current.
[00:02:15] I mean, that is the most beautiful free market thing if you really think about it.
[00:02:24] Guys, here's what we really need to be worried about as white people.
[00:02:28] We just have to word the read word for word because obviously, the Haci Coates are upset
[00:02:35] about what Kanye said, but as white people, we need to temper our rage at him because
[00:02:45] I can't believe Kanye would not think and feel exactly as I do.
[00:02:50] I can't believe this is bipolar schizophrenic guy that we've known.
[00:02:53] When his bipolar schizophrenic career was a sneaker.
[00:03:01] Well, he blamed himself for her death and went crazy.
[00:03:09] I'll tell you where I'm right in hell with Fival and the rest of those rats.
[00:03:22] I would love to feed somebody to my pigs.
[00:03:37] Stop watching this show called Breadwood.
[00:03:38] It's about a guy who's dick gets hard every time he thinks about bread.
[00:03:56] It would be like some fucking lamb chops, some grilled ass lamb chops.
[00:04:02] Which by the way, on this new fucking stove, you throw a cast iron on there.
[00:04:11] Why don't you get, do you have a gas hook up?
[00:04:17] There are going to be fans that are going to get mad.
[00:04:19] I'm going to send you just made it worse.
[00:04:31] I love my apartment, but my landlord is kind of fucking just...
[00:04:35] Our neighbor's balcony is just drooping.
[00:04:45] I ripped all the fucking baseboard out today.
[00:04:50] No, I'm just hanging out with the folks.
[00:04:52] I'm hanging out with the parts of the baseboard that I'm discarding.
[00:04:54] So when I move out, I can just pop that shit back.
[00:05:04] I can't imagine the guy would have a fucking issue with that.
[00:05:23] There is a correlation between the two.
[00:05:24] There is a correlation between the two.
[00:05:31] That's why they used to not let them in at the pool.
[00:05:35] I'm supposed to censor myself on such a beautiful day.
[00:05:43] Look, don't have a question by knowledge of American history.
[00:05:47] Oh yeah, I was saying earlier that Peter Stuyvesant wrote a...
[00:06:06] That's actually what they call your apartment, Nick.
[00:06:16] So a boat of Jews showed up in New Amsterdam, Harvard.
[00:06:21] He wrote a letter to the Dutch West Indian Company.
[00:06:25] And he's like, guys, you won't believe this fucking Jews showed up.
[00:06:31] And then the Dutch West Indian Company said, let them stay.
[00:06:36] And then from then on, this has become a disgust.
[00:06:52] I was like, when you get the darts at the bar and then you go to the office inside the bar and you throw the darts from the other side of the bar at the dartboard.
[00:06:59] And first, everyone's mad at you, but then you get a fucking bullseye.
[00:07:02] They're like, all right, we'll allow this to continue.
[00:07:04] And then the second time you hit someone in the eye and you're like, whoa, you're peacocking.
[00:07:11] And then you just hit the barber, the Mexican barbag and his cheeks.
[00:07:21] Trying to work hard, trying to become a bartender.
[00:07:27] No, you got to remember all the ingredients of the truth.
[00:07:30] The easiest job in the world bartender, hardest job in the world, the mother.
[00:07:42] I don't have any because I'm busy watching.
[00:07:51] Waking up, taking pills, drinking a tall glass of peanut.
[00:07:55] You're much even harder than being a stay at home mom.
[00:08:00] You have to keep committing crimes to not be near your kid.
[00:08:14] Look how bad the dog wants to go outside.
[00:08:18] And smelling the air outside and wishing she was free.
[00:08:26] I don't think she's ever been to nature.
[00:08:29] Why don't you just say something normal?
[00:08:34] Well, that's like I don't think like that's nature.
[00:08:36] Like a field where I could take her leash off and let her run around.
[00:08:40] They're the mother of a child in the nature.
[00:08:45] She can mall and she can mall all the animals she want.
[00:08:56] How about doing Darth Maul makeup combined with Joker makeup?
[00:09:23] People are like what are you Darth Joker?
[00:09:40] Or like zzzzzzzzz or some shit like that.
[00:09:43] You know Darth Maul got that idea from the guy who told the girls to go ask to ask.
[00:09:49] He's like why don't we do that with lightsaber?
[00:10:26] Do you remember the host of G's to Chant was?
[00:10:46] You guys are watching Love and Hip Hop.
[00:10:49] All I know is that that's where Cardi B's from.
[00:10:51] She's from Love and Hip Hop New York, yes.
[00:10:54] But Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, good stuff.
[00:10:56] Do they have arguments with each other?
[00:10:58] Who's a reality show that was just about Lil Wayne's friends?
[00:11:05] No, there was a reality show that was just like Lil Wayne wasn't in it.
[00:11:09] It was just people he was like involved in his life.
[00:11:18] That documentary about him, the Carter.
[00:11:40] New Jack City, because the Carter is the drug house in New Jack City.
[00:11:45] So all of his professional shit has been a no-mosh to New Jack City.
[00:11:50] And that's a good ass movie, by the way.
[00:11:51] That was like Chris Rock playing a crackhead.
[00:11:55] It's where I do a triple feature, dead presidents, New Jack City, fresh.
[00:12:03] It's also the first 10 minutes of belly.
[00:12:10] All paid and full, that's another good one.
[00:12:15] Yeah, I think he's a talented gentleman.
[00:12:23] A people talking sports and other stuff on the MSG network alum, Cameron Giles.
[00:12:26] Have you seen I got the hookup, um, the Master P movie?
[00:12:34] I had a scam to sell like the most beepers.
[00:12:54] Oh, I think Repo Man's like a way better movie.
[00:13:02] I wanna watch this Christian documentary.
[00:13:12] It may just be somebody who's done like a perfect impression of Tom because it's...
[00:13:20] I can't believe our mouth breathing retard fans would be able to pull off and ask me anything
[00:13:28] Basically, it's just that homosexual Liam.
[00:13:47] You're only saying that because you're...
[00:13:56] You just have weird body dysmorphia that extends to other jacked guys sometimes.
[00:14:01] He looks like an ugly version of Handsome Jim Norton.
[00:14:07] No, he looks like an ugly version of Handsome Jim Norton.
[00:14:23] He looks like a Handsome guy just does it.
[00:14:27] Or some guy just looks like a Handsome Jim Norton.
[00:14:30] It's like very good Photoshop where it's like...
[00:14:32] He basically does whatever they do to like models, but he does to Jim Norton.
[00:14:37] But to the next level, he looks like just a sexy-ass guy.
[00:14:43] Yeah, that's a pretty good looking guy.
[00:14:47] He looks kind of like Jerry Ferreira from Entarazzo.
[00:14:56] Well, he's also people talking sports alum.
[00:15:11] Oh, yeah, I don't think you're that ugly.
[00:15:17] But both of you guys blocked him though.
[00:15:34] I think I stopped responding because he asked me what your dick looked like.
[00:15:39] And I'm not trying to think about your penis on my off days.
[00:15:42] You know, when we're working, I think about your talks all the time.
[00:15:48] Right now, people don't know this, but we're in the control room.
[00:15:51] We're all constantly looking up things to.
[00:15:56] And I have two monitors, two 32 inch computer monitors, HD.
[00:16:00] And I have scans of your Cox bio scans, you know, and like when it, where it's like
[00:16:06] that picture with the guy who's got his hands.
[00:16:12] You know, it looks like he's doing jumping jacks or whatever.
[00:16:17] And you know in movies where they have like the 3D rendering and it like goes around and
[00:16:21] she, and it's like the Leonardo da da da shit.
[00:16:26] So there's two 32 inch monitors of our dicks.
[00:16:29] And then there's a there's an iPod nano.
[00:16:34] Yeah, it's not even so small that it makes you go blind trying to see it.
[00:16:43] The scoreboard on MSG is what my dicks on.
[00:16:47] You know what the Dallas scoreboard, the biggest fucking.
[00:16:50] No, we've already decided it's braille.
[00:16:52] So one in Korea, they have bigger ones in Korea where they play fucking League of Legends
[00:17:02] Wait, what do you know, we can move on to the blind people.
[00:17:29] After I had the final word and we're moving on now.
[00:17:34] So you think blind people, Jack, off to Braille.
[00:17:37] Tell us somebody their dicks size half a braille bump is pretty funny.
[00:17:42] And remember that later and say it to people.
[00:17:44] Yeah, because it's a generic insult that doesn't apply to me because my dick is bigger than
[00:17:50] And I say, I'll say, hey, asshole, your dick's like star is there.
[00:17:55] And they're like, come on, man, not the half a braille bump dick guy.
[00:18:02] They will say the dick from the big ass screen in Korea.
[00:18:07] The time they'll have a baby braille bump dick.
[00:18:11] Tell me I ain't got no star bros half braille, baby dick.
[00:18:16] I swear to God, if my son is bored, he's got one of them.
[00:18:22] I'm telling you, some of my life is totally just brailing out girls.
[00:18:26] I'm just brailing this shit out of them.
[00:18:30] Well, I know that deaf people like have like a wild community and they like have they
[00:18:35] hum and runk and how many balls and shit.
[00:18:42] I told you that guy I knew in college who was like a dipshit idiot.
[00:18:47] Like ended up at a deaf kid at the deaf college.
[00:18:54] You know that son, I was pronounced Gallaudet.
[00:19:17] You're like getting little moans in your ear and shit.
[00:19:20] Maybe they have those uh, flesh light things that are attached to bodies like titties and
[00:19:26] Maybe that's for the blinds so they can feel titties.
[00:19:30] I mean everybody was able to jack off without pornography prior to the, you know, the...
[00:19:35] The abundance of pornography available.
[00:19:37] So, I mean obviously blind people could just use their imagination.
[00:19:44] In their heads, what does a blind guy think titties look like?
[00:19:45] They don't think things look like things.
[00:19:47] Well, it depends if you've been blind forever.
[00:19:51] How would you imagine the, you know, I mean like a different sense that you don't even
[00:20:03] Do you remember in Ben Affleck's Daredevil?
[00:20:16] And so then they kissed, it was raining.
[00:20:17] They were on a rooftop, it was raining.
[00:20:20] And because his hearing was so good, he could echo locate what her body looked like from
[00:20:29] There's a little blind blackhead that has sewn our...
[00:20:35] Oh yeah, he makes all the noises and shit?
[00:20:39] Is he like that guy from Police Academy?
[00:20:44] Michael Winslow is doing an hour on shitting this week.
[00:20:45] Oh, wow, we saw this black man with autism the other night at Carnegie Hall.
[00:21:10] It's so funny that like nobody knew what to classify Michael Winslow as, so they're like,
[00:21:17] He could very easily be a musician, a juggler, I mean, of anything, a magician maybe.
[00:21:26] We're like, no, that's stand up comedy.
[00:21:28] Like wrestlers just tell stories about like getting their nuts stomped on by a fucking
[00:21:42] Ben Shapiro going around complaining about trans people one night only at Joker's Wild
[00:21:56] He's actually he's like not that short.
[00:21:57] You know, he's actually taller than you.
[00:22:34] So accidentally unplug the recorder while finding out.
[00:23:17] Yeah, I don't know if it's real or not, but it's very well done.
[00:23:28] What maybe last time was like, Tom, what stayed are you from again?
[00:23:32] But now, he's just misusing words the whole time, you know, it's like a.
[00:24:01] her name that Redhead, Kathy Griffin, was like,
[00:24:09] And then Tom replied with a link to his Instagram.
[00:24:19] God, remember when Judd Apatary tweeted, Tom?
[00:24:26] Look how good portrait mode looks on there.
[00:24:30] Oh, I feel my face looks naked without a mustache.
[00:24:32] I didn't think she was wearing the background as blurry.
[00:24:44] I made a mornay sauce in a Vitamix last night.
[00:24:53] And yeah, well, you don't have to make a roux or anything.
[00:24:57] You just put butter, flour, milk, and then blend it.
[00:25:03] And then you throw some Gruyere in there.
[00:25:05] I'm going to look at this little fancy bitch.
[00:25:15] I'm more of a Mediterranean Asian people.
[00:25:29] I used a sous vide for the first time recently.
[00:25:49] You vacuum seal the meat and then you boil it.
[00:25:57] But yeah, then it cooks for like, you know, an hour and a half at like the perfect temperature.
[00:26:10] So then it's like, it doesn't matter if you, it's been going for like an hour and a half
[00:26:15] It's still at the same exact temperature and then you just slap it on.
[00:26:19] You slap it on the cast iron for like, you know, finish it off.
[00:26:23] I cannot wait to meal prep with that motherfucker.
[00:26:28] In the marinade, you cook it in the fucking marinade.
[00:26:41] I had, I made like a 10 servings of chicken souvlaki for throughout the week, you know.
[00:26:49] It's fucking, it's chicken breast marinated in lemon.
[00:26:53] Lemon garlic and a little salt pepper or a oregano.
[00:27:02] No, that's just, you gotta be careful with that because it's like very easy to find
[00:27:06] They're like verified salmon in my fitness pal or whatever is like wildly inaccurate.
[00:27:13] I was like fuck, I like stalled for weeks, you know, like when I was back when I was
[00:27:19] Yeah, I was having a fucking salmon fillet like every other day.
[00:27:21] And it's because in my fitness pal it like registers as having like no fat in it.
[00:27:27] Just like, I don't know, I guess I know I just trusted it and I didn't look at it.
[00:27:30] And it was like, oh, there's 10 grams of fat in a pound of salmon.
[00:27:33] It's like, there's no way that's fucking accurate.
[00:27:36] No, I'm very, I, I, I, you think there's more or less fat.
[00:27:41] It's got a lot of protein, but it's got a lot of fat.
[00:27:51] That's why tuna is not as good as salmon because it's not as fatty.
[00:27:55] Tuna is, well, I guess there's fatty tuna.
[00:28:04] Anyways, now, now it's break time and we're going to take a second to talk about underwear,
[00:28:10] folks, whatever you're wearing right now, throw it away and go to macwaldon.com and get
[00:28:14] yourself a pair of Macwaldon underwear.
[00:28:17] They believe in simple shopping, premium fabrics and smart design.
[00:28:28] They don't make underwear for people that are having five, seven and a half.
[00:28:36] Unless you're five, unless you're five, eight and a quarter inch.
[00:28:40] I feel like they're really shutting themselves off to a three and a half, maybe two and a
[00:28:45] half percent of the market of men that are five foot seven and a half.
[00:28:50] By the way, you missed a real opportunity to make Nick feel bad about how short he was.
[00:28:55] So I just want to let you know you're now you're upset about being short. I'm not sure
[00:29:01] I don't give a fuck we've covered this. I don't care about my body
[00:29:04] My body is merely a fucking vessel that has trapped me and I've overcome it. Yeah
[00:29:09] It's a vessel like a ship. Do you refer to it as she?
[00:29:12] Yeah, I do she's she can't take it anymore. My dick. She has her teeth are falling out of our head
[00:29:37] Fast right a million times shorter than me and Adam actually me and Adam who are actually
[00:29:46] See what you've begun to establish this already
[00:29:51] The tallest oldest he stops right you have begatted this you fuck. I think begat works by the way
[00:29:56] I didn't mean to begat all three of us varying it so much in body styles
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[00:30:25] Which means that they eat odor you'll suck it out of your body your deformed disgusting body
[00:30:29] So go to Macwell calm and tell you what they just want you to be comfortable
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[00:31:37] Well, we said take the pellies of the smoothie king center game three what I say take them no matter what the spread was
[00:31:44] They fuck that ass now they will lose they lost the next game of the argument they are gonna get it's gonna be a gentleman
[00:31:53] Damn it. I hate saying it take the fucking warriors dude. Just bet take oh in the Warriors rockets. Yes. Go Warriors
[00:32:01] We're gonna have another we're gonna have another game before that stars another episode before that starts
[00:32:07] I'm gonna say it take Philly and take Philly in game six take them. Yeah, you know your game five
[00:32:12] Yeah, take Philly in game five and then take the Warriors in the next round. I'm behind both of those picks mhm
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[00:32:38] I make a set of bet see how much see how much a child pornography you can download before the FBI
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[00:33:57] You cook sucker you fucking filthy cook and we're back and we're back bitch
[00:34:03] We the big dick boys are back except for Nick and Adam just stop has a big big big big big
[00:34:10] Whoa was that a computer voice? I was saying that was a computer. I didn't even see you did hell
[00:34:15] That was the that was this fucked up. There's a lie detector. Hi. It's me. I BM Watson
[00:34:21] I have all the information and the entire Watson sounds fucking gay and I can confirm that stops dick is the size of half of a braille
[00:34:34] Point zero two percent pica, you know, it's not you know what I will I will level with you
[00:34:39] It's not that big, but it's also not that
[00:34:55] Hey, I'm Siri. I have access to a ton of photographs of stops penis from the cloud
[00:35:02] And guess what guys the files are too small actually fuck you see a
[00:35:22] Hell yeah, dude transporter 5 the child pornography if you want to see some of the most disgusting pictures
[00:35:37] Salute this day. Oh guys, you know, we got to talk about the fucking Met Gala guys. Oh, yeah, we weren't invited
[00:35:43] Come town will be invited next year. Yeah, what the Met Gal yeah, and to art Basil, Miami
[00:35:49] Hell yeah, we're gonna be we're gonna be getting more into the art world. You know how some people call it Gala
[00:35:55] Yeah, yeah, I feel like gala or gala somebody said gala to like make fun of the gala. Mm-hmm. Then it's stuck
[00:36:02] Yeah, although people that go to gala's are pretty gala. Yeah, they might they might have liked it
[00:36:12] Know has anyone done? I mean it's probably like you know how like Norm did that roast and then he like did like
[00:36:20] Yeah, and then no one like everyone who tries to do it after that. It's like oh no Norm already did it. Yeah
[00:36:27] Gone to the Met Gala just in like a t-shirt ball shorts. Yeah like basketball shorts. No, that would be funny though
[00:36:34] Yeah, I'm sure some like one person's done it right. I don't think so. I think people like really
[00:36:39] Excited to be there. Mm-hmm. So like let's do that. Let's let we could be the norm of the Met Gala true
[00:36:45] You know what I mean? Yeah, that's smart. Yeah
[00:36:53] And it's so nice out. It makes me want to go it's fucking nice out
[00:36:57] It's fucking nice fucking nice. We should go have a little day out in the park
[00:37:01] I want to have a BBQ. Yeah, I want to have a BBQ. I'm gonna go to a state fair
[00:37:10] Yeah, five bucks to get a five bucks. You just fucking whale on a car. Yeah, we could just do that now
[00:37:23] Nice to help retard raising money for the part of the volunteer fire department
[00:37:28] There's a role retarded fireman the truck doesn't even have a siren
[00:37:41] They just keep sliding up and down the pole it was slide instead of a ball
[00:37:51] By the way guys, I just want to do a public endorsement of the new Adam Sandler Chris rock movie on Netflix
[00:37:57] Oh the one where it's a black guy. It's a bad guy's daughter. I'm wearing a Jewish guys
[00:38:03] It's really good. It's really good. Okay. I'll check it out. Is it actually good. Yeah, it's really funny. Yeah, they're funny
[00:38:08] It's a return to for well. It's a Robert Smigel directed it. Hell. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Damn. I want to do a Netflix deal
[00:38:15] Yeah, Adam Sandler made like 300 million dollars or something. Yeah
[00:38:19] Oh, you know what? I'm not I don't have a Netflix deal, but I have a twitch now, baby
[00:38:24] Oh, you got one. I just did one dude. So what are you gonna do? Stop you baby twitch.tv. Stop you baby sta
[00:38:32] I played fortnight for the first time and I sucked dick at it, but I also do some cooking foods. So how are you boy?
[00:38:40] How do you make money like how do you monetize? I don't know. I just did it for fun. Yeah, I figured out I guess but
[00:38:46] See dude, why is it always got to be about well like you hear about those guys? It's got to be about
[00:38:50] It's got to be about have a phone with your friends on twitch man. Yeah, you know is that guy poo-poo-dee pie?
[00:38:57] Pewdiepie he's still on there. Pewdiepie. I don't know
[00:39:01] Whatever. I know one of them is like cool with Drake and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Oh, was that his name? Ninja
[00:39:06] I thought it was like monkey or some shit. That's cool. Yeah, like cool rap friends. Mm-hmm your video game
[00:39:13] So anyway anyway, what were you up to little text message? Yeah? Yeah, the girl lives upstairs shit
[00:39:19] Ask me what I was up. She said yeah, she's a girl which is where she asked tell her said what's up
[00:39:24] I ask her what she's wearing. She said she's wearing a picture of you getting being raped by a man a picture
[00:39:36] I'm done repeating things that the woman said is it on a dress. I don't have to put up with this
[00:39:42] Did she ask me I'm not on trial here. Yes, what would I love to be on trial for?
[00:39:46] Raper murder. They're like look I'm not on trial
[00:39:51] Yes, you are literally you couldn't be more on trial when you are
[00:39:57] I still have the idea the prosecutor being like ladies and gentlemen have you ever considered that it takes one to know
[00:40:13] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I'm a simple faggot
[00:40:23] Down home Alabama homosexual what you called a gay man
[00:40:33] Love going to the water and hole looking at boys
[00:40:36] Watching the high school football team practice
[00:40:39] I would like to swim in a in a in a watering hole in a watering hole in the south or like
[00:40:46] I think like in Elphin's I think upstate New York you can find some nice like
[00:40:51] Some swimming holes. I don't want to swim in a swimming hole. I want the ocean, baby
[00:40:54] The Atlantic the Atlantic's during every every pushes the swimming hole when your dicks half the size of a braille box
[00:41:05] Yeah, I was I had a job I ran a little cabin in the the pokéna's a couple months
[00:41:13] But there was a hot tub and it sucked what do you mean it sucked?
[00:41:16] Well, I was expecting to be good, but you get in there and you just feel sick. It's just like cooking your insides
[00:41:21] Hmm. I don't like you hot. See you know, I'm not about pleasure. You're not you really I felt better walking barefoot through the snow without my shirt
[00:41:30] That felt good to me you should get into like
[00:41:33] Russian baths because it's like really unpleasant and like hurts, but then afterwards you feel good
[00:41:40] I would like the knife fight a man while completely nude. Yeah, like in Eastern promises. Yeah for sure. Bea Mortensen
[00:41:46] Mm-hmm. We should get some of those tattoos. Yeah, the only Eastern promise I've ever heard is uh, yeah, no MSG. We swear
[00:41:55] Good luck keeping that one fellas. Yeah, that's my my daily dig on the Chinese
[00:42:07] There was a there was a flavor of ramen that was just called oriental. Yeah, it was pretty racist. It does seem
[00:42:13] We're just means Eastern. That's what the word they orient what flavor was that shit
[00:42:19] They already had shrimp. They already had beef. They're a chicken. You tell them. You know what I'm saying?
[00:42:23] Yeah, I want to know a flavor my fucking ramen. I get it. Oh, you're side here. Thank you Nick
[00:42:28] I'm backing you up. Thank you your fight with the Maruchan company
[00:42:33] Maruchan company spicy. That was a flavor. Mm-hmm anything could be spicy spicy spicy's not a fucking flavor. All right
[00:42:42] Spicy chicken yes spicy beef spicy pork spicy shrimp with just spicy spicy ramen
[00:42:50] No, man. Yes. No one flavors the broth is it just ramen. This is ramen for you. It's just spicy
[00:42:56] No fuck that. Come on. That's why I'm out on the Maruchan company right now. You're being difficult. I am being difficult
[00:43:02] I have very particular Costco. It is so cheap. I don't I'm not even that I'm eating clean
[00:43:08] It's really bad for you those little packets are just filled with sodium package. Yeah, baby
[00:43:13] I'm eating motherfucking clean chicken souffle. I key fucking
[00:43:17] Sweet potatoes a spare. Yes, baby. It's cold inside my ass
[00:43:25] I really don't think I should be eating your ass
[00:43:32] Put your thumbs in my ass an updated version where she they're having consensual sex. Yeah, and he's trying to talk her
[00:43:54] Should have left earlier so you fella see infinity war without me, huh? I didn't see it
[00:43:59] Yeah, I just saw a black panther for the first time. Yeah, we just talked about I'm trying to see infinity black
[00:44:06] What is that just a black screen? Yeah?
[00:44:10] The blackest movie it's just a move. It's not playing TV's off. Yes girl
[00:44:20] This is an answer to Kanye's hijinks the black movie
[00:44:25] You really must fuck me in the ass. Yeah, if anybody's not she's saying that she's renting out
[00:44:34] She's looking for a roommate for next month nice. So if anyone wants to live anybody wants to live above if you want to have
[00:44:45] Access to the noises coming out of Nick's apartment which are like saw noises and then the word at the F word
[00:45:07] That's where Nick works on his real avant-garde too too hot for TV material
[00:45:12] That's where I work out all these bits. So definitely completely. Oh, yeah, we're all reading from a script
[00:45:17] Right now. Yep, if you want to hear nine hours of men practicing ladies and gentlemen on a simple country faggot
[00:45:30] By the way, I saw Ian do speaking of simple country, you know what I saw Ian
[00:45:37] What what he said he's a gay vampire and then he said the punchline was I
[00:45:52] I mean it was part of a gay where we'll keep talking about being by and sometimes you gave a werewolf whatever that was fine
[00:45:57] But I want to suck your people when Ian gets like political
[00:46:05] So stupid like we're all stupid none of us should be talking about politics, but you are
[00:46:16] He's stream-shotted a tweet of his and put it on Instagram the other day and it made no
[00:46:25] And people were coming I think Andy his there's some people were coming to you like what the fuck
[00:46:30] Like why did you feel it necessary to feel bad? He's probably to cross post this yeah
[00:46:36] Well, at least is is he on the wagon? I?
[00:46:39] Think he fell off actually, you know what I mean not on drugs, but I think on men's drinking
[00:46:52] I animal animal yeah, there was a what what's another really funny what I say
[00:46:59] Yeah, you know you're talking about the one about Michelle Wolf
[00:47:08] Yeah, Andy wrote I can't believe you tried to call me out for a bad tweet and then screenshot this
[00:47:16] Damn the Institute is lol Republicans colon these jokes are out of control attacking a mother and a woman
[00:47:22] It's only okay to attack a woman with pen and legislation what?
[00:47:38] Yeah, there was one where he responded to that guy I
[00:47:43] Baredled the guy from you spat it down. Oh, I saw that was making a joke and he's like all great
[00:47:52] I got on follow day some on the inside now. Oh, really?
[00:47:56] I don't know the same reason any other fucking celebrity follows me for a week or so or used to and then would follow me
[00:48:02] Shut up to Anthony Bourdain for being the only guy that's like never unfollowed
[00:48:06] Never followed. Yeah, been been there from the fucking get he's tight, dude
[00:48:10] Anthony Bourdain followed me when I had like 250 followers really yeah
[00:48:14] That's big the first celebrity followers I had when I had like 200 followers Chrissy C. G
[00:48:18] G and Anthony Bourdain and then Rob Dierdach. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll be D
[00:48:24] Yeah, what about big dude? He didn't follow no
[00:48:27] Is he from DC or his skate company? It's just called that. Hey, I don't think
[00:48:33] Shuts up had my locks me my celebrity follower really she likes some of my stuff, you know shots Padma from the top chef
[00:48:41] Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, so she fucks. What's his name?
[00:48:49] Rasti, please don't I'm pretty sure no you're thinking of
[00:48:53] She was married to him, but please don't marry to him. Please don't say that about my good friend Padma. Okay. I won't do don't disrespect her
[00:49:00] Why I don't understand what people would fuck Salman Rasti he folks is hideous
[00:49:05] Hey, you know, I mean some people just have these other stuff about them and he's a coward because he wouldn't return to face his crimes in
[00:49:19] Yeah, no you first of all you want to talk shit on the fucking profit you better stand by you better step to this
[00:49:31] Cowed for many if you had a numerous fat twice against me if you don't think this fat twice against me
[00:49:37] You don't know who you're talking to you. That's so true. You don't know who you're talking to
[00:50:03] Yeah, Al Pacino's a naive boardwalk caricature guy who did we did Muhammad surfing
[00:50:21] The sentiment the sense of these cats right what do you ever watch this thing it smells like old come
[00:50:41] That brown come you believe an old come up sock outside
[00:50:47] On the toolshed where you fuck your socks. That's what this turban smells like
[00:51:14] In the yes, baby, I'm gay I'm gay inside
[00:51:20] Yeah, that's a fun one that's smart, oh
[00:51:24] You gotta go smart luley brother you gotta do smart bits, you know, that's what that's how harry condo Bolu is gonna stop
[00:51:30] Donald Trump, you know with this this new special of his that I guarantee you is
[00:51:35] So fun really yeah, we should you know why because I know he has the right opinion
[00:51:54] Not it not in any way Harry Harry is a thousand times funnier than
[00:51:58] Yeah, yeah, that's the point of the documentary
[00:52:10] I decided to do this to point out how under the stick up with
[00:52:19] Every grade of that documentary is made by a guy that's just a poop that would be entirely of course yes
[00:52:27] Not all the Indian people work for example my uncle he owns a dip in dots
[00:52:34] We are not all the 711 employees. We don't talk like this some of us are deaf
[00:52:41] Shouts out to Dunkin donuts also what's whatever happened to dip in dots by the way?
[00:52:45] It's still is still kicking still still those dots are still dip in that ice cream
[00:52:50] It's the future dude. It was the ice cream in the future when we were children does that mean we're living in the ice cream
[00:52:55] That is such a bad joke. Yeah, put it. Put it that in the act
[00:53:02] Sorry, I'm sorry. Let's go back to baby. Please fuck my ass. I mean, yes, just a fucking
[00:53:09] Tom you're doing you're doing a dick suck at vampire thing. That's yeah
[00:53:15] This is the stage. This is not the stage. This is a
[00:53:20] Interview with Mike diesel where somebody's interviewing him. It's like Harris Burke one night or with Lillian Ardo
[00:53:26] And he's like you really fall in love with the process
[00:53:30] It's all about I used to be more animated on stage. I would do a lot of voices and
[00:53:35] Then you fall in love with the writing, you know
[00:53:37] So but page the stage he says that he goes the page the stage the stage. What an artist craftsman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:53:55] How little your nuts are oh yeah retard neighborhoods
[00:53:58] Yeah, we're like hey before all these fucking hipsters showed off this was a retard
[00:54:12] Until these fucking faggot hipsters had to come around
[00:54:18] Baby, please suck me. Are we watching fucking Instagram stories Nick? Yeah, I'm bored
[00:54:30] The thing man dipping dots, okay, let's go
[00:54:36] Oh now is the fucking expert, huh? I okay now is the fucking
[00:54:42] I've been an expert the whole time first of all I brought up
[00:54:45] I made the reference to dip in dots. I know everything there is no about what's one of the flavors bitch
[00:54:56] Damn you got me there fun far away great if you go back to 1993 and dip in dots had an ice cream flavor called Donald Trump is the president
[00:55:10] Yeah, it's just another flavor called all Muslims are dead
[00:55:30] Interesting taste what would that even taste like I don't know banana cream mmm. That's true bills bill Cosby rape 68
[00:55:37] Yeah, it wouldn't taste like pennies. Yeah, it wouldn't taste like salmon. Yeah, you know
[00:55:43] Wouldn't taste like fucking locks and yeah, which I've been craving a damn bagel. It's so good
[00:55:55] New York and nothing but bagels and pizza for the first like six months and they get over it
[00:56:00] Yeah, yeah, and but they get sandwiches. I haven't had one for I still go but they I saw a little bit strami egg and cheese
[00:56:06] Almost every day. It's so nice just for six bucks the way I change it off. I go to different bodegas
[00:56:12] Oh a little sample stick with the strami egg and cheese
[00:56:15] I like that move because they all got different styles. Do you do scrambled eggs?
[00:56:21] Coast scrambled. I like them hard. You know, it's a real power move real flex power move
[00:56:32] Bacon egg and cheese. I think you're wrong Adam. I think pulling out of God
[00:56:37] Okay, but shaw me again cheese morning. Yeah, no get down
[00:56:45] What's going on and known in the store knows how to react
[00:56:51] Please can show up nobody helps them his girlfriends there. She's like I don't know if we could be together anymore
[00:56:57] You know the I the only episode of the shield I watched I just was like flipping through channels
[00:57:03] Yeah, and they saw Michael chickless like that's me
[00:57:14] Bread your Michael your Michael dickless. That's your oh fuck. All right. That's pretty good. That one is pretty good
[00:57:22] I've been grudgingly have to give you that burn
[00:57:27] But there was just a scene where like the Latino with Jimmy smith. Is that the guy Jimmy Smith's wasn't it Jimmy Smith's who has the world's most
[00:57:35] Asymmetrical face doesn't it take a picture of Jimmy Smith to bring it into Photoshop and mirror one side to the other
[00:57:41] And you'll see how fucked up in a symmetric. He's got one eye. That's like two and a half inches above the other
[00:57:46] How do you become a famous movie star? I don't know
[00:57:48] I mean, he's more of a TV. Yeah, he's not really a famous movie star
[00:57:53] I feel like he had a run like character actor. He just played cops in various forums. That's exactly what a character
[00:58:02] Different characters, right? No, you could be a character actor. That's does one type. Yeah, it's like pigeonholed or whatever
[00:58:09] Yeah, look at the look at his stupid eye. Oh, wow. That's not yeah
[00:58:13] He really looks like he got punched in the face. You're right
[00:58:16] But he looks he looks interesting though. Wait, what was happening on this show?
[00:58:20] He like busts like some fucking drug guy he gets the scene of a crime like 15 minutes before anybody else can get there
[00:58:28] And the two guys just make make it or he tells back up to leave like it was
[00:58:33] Everyone was like gone and then the two guys come back and it's two versus one and they make him
[00:58:38] Suck their dicks and I was like this show is
[00:58:41] They made Jimmy's yeah, it was so weird like these and then he doesn't say anything because it's like a shame
[00:58:50] Word of God dude. It was so weird. Yeah, and it was like what the fuck on a show
[00:58:56] It was like on FX and shit and then like out of curiosity
[00:58:59] I followed up with this and there's like an arc where his wife literally says what you said Nick where it was like
[00:59:05] I don't know if we could be together like couldn't you have done something to stop?
[00:59:08] He's getting like a victim blame. No, I know I mean I'm a television writer and you stand where that story
[00:59:22] But I wanted to make a minute to write about some one of the things I found most striking about the show the storyline
[00:59:26] Which a male character is sexually assaulted?
[00:59:30] Yeah, captain David Aceveda gets jumped by two criminals who managed to disarm him and force him at gunpoint to perform oral sex
[00:59:39] Well, the other snaps pictures on a cell phone
[00:59:41] This alt is hugely upsetting if not explicit we can hear Aceveda choking and later
[00:59:46] Wait, but aren't play the gut gagging in the bathroom. Wow trauma doesn't end with the attack
[00:59:52] Yeah, I'm a shocking and upsetting things about it
[00:59:55] That's a bit his experiences how his wife treats and when she finds out what's happening
[01:00:01] I'm shaming him for letting the men amassically
[01:00:04] Impossible that he would be disarmed and turning away from him rather than comforting him
[01:00:09] Why later when he struggles in fairly or and feels like he isn't making sufficient process
[01:00:14] She tells him I'm tired of feeling like I was raped to whoa nasty line what a bitch
[01:00:19] Yeah, it'd be great to if on the show he's telling the therapist the therapist pulls out a gun
[01:00:33] Yeah, I mean he really took a serious L
[01:00:35] And I think it was like wow and I think I think he was like he was like Michael chicklesses like main
[01:00:41] Antagonist or whatever the guys trying to bust him or some shit
[01:00:44] There's on his tail, so it's like the way Michael chickless like get some leeway is because a guy gets fucking raped
[01:00:50] And so he's not as like so wait Michael chickless is like internal affairs
[01:00:58] Oh, and he's like internal I don't know if he's internal affairs, but I think he likes he's starting to figure out some
[01:01:04] Serpico no, I don't want to watch this man
[01:01:08] That's just some kids molesting each other on YouTube
[01:01:11] No, I don't want to watch the scene dude. I don't know what I want to watch this shit. Come on
[01:01:17] I have to see this. I mean they made they made this TV show. It's already made that is
[01:01:28] No, you got me there man. I got it made
[01:01:32] That's just so funny dude. Yeah, he's so fucked up and I was just like just channel surfing like looking for to kill some time
[01:01:39] Like the magic like rape scene was it's son out. No, it was late. It was late
[01:01:45] Yeah, it was like I was having trouble sleeping and I'm just like looking for something to like put me to bed
[01:01:50] What the fuck is going on here? Jesus Christ. Yeah, dude sucked. That's wild. That's so funny
[01:01:57] I gotta watch that episode when I get home
[01:02:02] I'm like I feel I feel upset just thinking about it right now
[01:02:05] Mmm poor Jim Schmitz Jimmy Jimmy smits his pants
[01:02:15] If I was in the police bracelet, I'd be saying that you'd be like that's not that's the actor's name
[01:02:21] You're ruining the whole show. There's aren't your lines. You're an extra
[01:02:25] It's the black eye from that show with Donnie Wahlberg. Hey Donnie
[01:02:28] Lawrence Jimmy Smith is just like on Conan the night after night before that episode and they're like
[01:02:35] Conans like how did you summon that emotion?
[01:02:37] You know, how did you get into that that like headspace and Jimmy Smith's like well, you know
[01:02:43] My friend Eric is purse trainer great guy. He actually bought a gun
[01:02:49] He would just like come into my house in the middle of the night
[01:02:52] Shoving in my face and forced me to suck him off
[01:02:54] And then the audience is like whoo yeah, yeah, yeah, so
[01:03:00] You know that was going on for a couple weeks and I turns out I actually kind of liked it
[01:03:06] Then my wife was having to rape me at gunpoint so that I could not like the dick sucking anymore
[01:03:11] And then I actually yeah, you know what it's like on the other side. That's great. We'll be right back with the Kings of Leon
[01:03:32] Yeah, I don't like him at all you don't know I don't really know the guy or
[01:03:35] His Twitter is Twitter just sucks. Oh does he yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? He gets retweeted every once in a while
[01:03:40] But I don't when he went off on that like 17 year old girl. So he's he found some tweet
[01:03:46] It wasn't being retweeted. It was a tweet with like
[01:03:49] Four retweets from like a 17 year old girl
[01:03:51] That's like depression fake AF like you know like my get a real problem or something
[01:03:56] And and he's right in nine tweets. He's like fuck
[01:04:01] You and like quote tweeted this child it was it was not a big tweet not a big tweet
[01:04:06] He had directed at him. He found a tweet calling depression looking for someone and he looked at it
[01:04:11] He found it and he like just fucking like harassed a child. He's like I had to pull over
[01:04:17] You don't know what I deal with as the guy who's had six sitcoms
[01:04:22] Drag all the way to the top of Hollywood by his way more talented friend
[01:04:26] And is that you literally don't have a real problem. Yeah. Yeah, it is except, you know
[01:04:37] Last week there was some girl who posted pictures at prom wearing like an Asian style dress, but she was white
[01:04:43] And she just got tracked for cultural appropriation. There was like a tweet that was like
[01:04:48] You'd like with like a hundred and fifty, you know
[01:04:51] Thousands yeah, I guess I don't get that it's like aren't you allowed to do a different style of dress from somewhere
[01:04:57] I don't know that well there is a really the answer is no white women aren't allowed to do anything that even remotely resembles any other
[01:05:03] Culture no, but there was like an Asian like SJW girl who was like I would never wear a Chinese dress
[01:05:09] I would never wear a Japanese dress. I would never wear a Korean dress
[01:05:12] I would only wear because I do not know what kind of Asian I am
[01:05:17] Because I forgot and I did I wrote it down somewhere and what am I supposed to do look in the mirror? I can't tell either
[01:05:25] If you lose if you lose the keychain they give you when you're born right, that's it
[01:05:30] So you'll roll fried right you'll never know what kind of Asian you are after that therefore you got forbid
[01:05:38] What we need is better measures to help Asian people remember what type of Chinese they are
[01:05:45] Before it's pushed out by math homework
[01:05:49] But like what the fuck is there between like we're just bullying a child basically but can you make a dress?
[01:05:54] What are you now allowed to eat other foods like where does it just close now use what I understand
[01:05:59] And it really this okay, let's hear it listeners here mr
[01:06:02] My fellow americans is what I want to know suddenly
[01:06:06] It's cultural appropriation right this is something that's wrong for a woman a white woman to wear the dress
[01:06:13] Of a different culture, but it's totally fine for a man to appropriate the clothes of a woman
[01:06:19] Yeah, it's yes go into the bathroom and to go into a walk into any church in america go into the bathroom rape a child
[01:06:28] That is legal in obama's america who he's still making for all the laws. I don't like
[01:06:35] He's coming in and for anything that I dislike his he's doing
[01:06:40] And he said and this is a direct quote from barack obama himself ooga booga. It's legal
[01:06:48] That's what he said whoa. Yeah, that's fucked up
[01:07:01] Damn bitch. I got a hard penis. Yeah, uh, well boys
[01:07:10] Uh, yeah, that is the money mom's is monday. Yes. Also. When is this going up? This is going up tomorrow
[01:07:19] Oh, it's Tuesday. Nice happy birthday. Nick and george my little beautiful brothers birthday to me too. My name is also Nick
[01:07:26] No, you're a person to know it's but also happy birthday
[01:07:30] But guys make sure to wish me a happy birthday. I like it feels
[01:07:34] Also like being thanked and apologize to so if you want to just send me a little thank you
[01:07:43] Um, yes funny moms on the 14th, uh, we have a bunch of shows, but I don't think any of them are may 18 diamond
[01:07:52] To some of me this morning. I got home. Okay. Well, uh, if you check my instagram bio
[01:07:56] I have the link to the tickets in there 8 p.m. Show is sold out the late one
[01:08:00] It's also going to be the same exact material I did when I filled in for stop
[01:08:03] So if you saw that show don't bother coming
[01:08:11] Uh, what's the name p t barnam? Yeah, well, I'll tell you what the shows will sell out in a matter. What about this?
[01:08:20] And it's just it's a big ladies and gentlemen
[01:08:22] And then he just takes the top hat off of beds over
[01:08:33] That he said his asshole on fire the greatest ass on earth. Yeah, that's the show folks right. Goodbye