Cum Town | Regular | 05/17/2018
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the big ass dick hour. I'm your host Andy Dick hour
[00:00:06] We gotta do some a little different this time in terms of the live reads. Okay, you say complain about
[00:00:14] Doing them at the same time. Okay. Oh, we got it split up time this differently
[00:00:19] Yeah, start with one and then halfway through to another no because the they were like oh well
[00:00:25] The audience is what happens when you do them at a certain point the audience knows it's advertising time
[00:00:33] Which like they want to hear the rest of the show that somebody's gonna go through the hassle of being you know
[00:00:39] I mean well not when you do good ass read like yeah, they said that too
[00:00:43] They said because we do good ones that it's not a problem. Okay, we still have to do the rules the rules
[00:00:48] Yeah, break them up first of all don't come to come town with rules. That's right except we are going to follow them
[00:00:54] It sounds like well just cuz I like having two different times
[00:00:59] You should get a second they said that and then I developed the system. Yes, you start pro you start programming immediately
[00:01:06] Once there was an opportunity for new systems to be put in place. Mm-hmm
[00:01:11] I got my replacement bonds eyes today. Oh, what do you mean replacement? Well, I love the old ones at the the old apartment
[00:01:18] I see you just bought new ones right things are displacement. Yeah, this store didn't say we sold you mouth
[00:01:26] Functioning bonds. Oh, no. Yeah, sorry. I don't I don't start beasts with customer service departments to get shit for free
[00:01:33] Constantly the word replaced to me you get Amazon prime for free because you constantly yell at Amazon on the phone
[00:01:39] No, not constantly loses. Yeah, cuz you sps Pat misses my package. You just call Amazon and you say yeah
[00:01:45] USPS there is exactly what you just described
[00:01:49] No, no, you're saying I'm getting something free because you're saying I'm constantly yelling at Amazon
[00:01:55] Which is not true if you something doesn't show up you call Amazon and you say hey sure show up and they go
[00:02:00] Okay, here's a month of prime for free and say oh, thanks
[00:02:03] They do and I think that the bonds I treat people deserve the same kind of treatment. I didn't get a bonds
[00:02:09] I'm just saying theoretically if they sold you a faulty bonds
[00:02:13] I treat one that was on fire or something like that you get home. It's like, you know messed up
[00:02:19] All right, that's enough. So I mean I feel like we've there is there is a glee though
[00:02:22] You do enjoy when someone fuck something up. I know I hate to post office, but that's an extension
[00:02:29] That's right. That's right. That's right. That's you copying mark Marin. What do you mean? It's me copying mark Marin's thing
[00:02:38] Just it's called teas. That's all playful your biggest criticism of anyone who said that their mark Marin
[00:02:45] Which is some internal fear of annoying you right?
[00:02:48] Yeah, who only people only listed because of his podcast, but at least mark did it all himself, right?
[00:02:53] Exactly. Damn. You're like double mark Marin
[00:03:03] That's when I was like I can't listen there's a picture of him like shredding
[00:03:07] I've never I've never listen to one episode of what the fuck ever in my life. There's a couple good
[00:03:12] I listen the one with big J's hilarious
[00:03:14] The one I the only one I listen to I don't listen to cuz I was in some girls car and we had to like drive the Dallas or something
[00:03:20] I was gonna mark my hair in who was this person just something
[00:03:31] Dallas huh, yeah, why don't you tell me that everyone in Dallas is like is jacked the whole comedy Jack?
[00:03:36] Yeah, there's like that's like the only scene with Jack comedians. There's no fat guy Los Angeles has it too
[00:03:41] No, they're fat, but then they're also but they got bad tracks, but they got big necks
[00:03:46] That's my shit. Dude. I'm gonna have big traps big arms people are just big there in general
[00:03:51] I'm gonna have a little stomach a little cushion for the push in for when a girl's perched upon my beautiful glistening oil
[00:03:57] He oiled up body natural oils by the way. I don't need no other fucking shit
[00:04:02] What these secretions secretions sexual secretions. I'm like a fucking dodo
[00:04:08] It gets its fucking feathers all you're
[00:04:12] What it's when it's when it's fucking there's got to be a bird that like dodo spit on themselves
[00:04:17] I don't know, but I was doing this. I like it. You I do come up with any bird and you picked the only one that doesn't exist
[00:04:22] Yeah, cuz there's no way to fact check me motherfuckers. Well, you could read it. There's a book or an encyclopedia problem. No, no
[00:04:29] No, there isn't there was no bird research at the time. I do respect all what birds do to get pussy
[00:04:35] You like birds? No, I actually hate birds
[00:04:37] I really don't like them, but I respect what they do to get pussy
[00:04:40] They all have like dances and like how the guys have like colorful plumage and then exactly get pussy
[00:04:48] Exactly well some girls are pretty some birds are pretty girls
[00:04:54] Could actually loose. Yeah, yeah, you know I'm saying what animal do you admire Nick admire?
[00:05:04] You don't you know my girls are pretty cool. What's a man's real? It's that baboon with face paint. Oh, yeah
[00:05:13] That gives to show you what our asses would look like if we never wiped our asses all monkeys asses are so fucked up
[00:05:19] They have poop and they're mostly baboons. It's got a hurt
[00:05:22] Baboons have those swollen asses. It's good. That's like a that's like a secondary sex characteristic of baboon
[00:05:28] Say like what do you mean that huge ass to attract mates?
[00:05:32] So the thicker the baboon the more pussy which it's like you ought to be careful with any of that shit because it just sounds racist
[00:05:40] Why saying thick baboons get pussy I guess yeah, dude
[00:05:51] It would be funny if that's the thing someone takes out of context and ruins
[00:05:55] You although what way would they be possible, but like I've given you plenty of these in context
[00:06:00] But that's what I mean it would be it would be hilarious was something out of context when just in context
[00:06:05] I think we do at least three different types of mentally disabled characters per show you took that out of context
[00:06:11] The context was me saying it to other racist guys
[00:06:19] No, it wasn't me it was the character gay retard saying it so I'm it was satire lieutenant faggot
[00:06:32] States gay army formerly known as the Marines
[00:06:45] Addies that just means unclench your asshole on his dick
[00:06:48] That's what I had these means in that scenario and so the saluting they just they have it like a dildo and then they can all straight plug it in their mouth
[00:07:03] Yeah, formerly known as formerly known as the US Marines
[00:07:09] Who rock per fuck yeah, you know I'm saying
[00:07:12] Semper gay Semper by Semper by that's good. Yeah
[00:07:19] Do they have a snake in any other stuff no right?
[00:07:22] They have like an eagle or some show the place that has a snake is like the the Gatson flag the
[00:07:28] Medical whatever that oh, yeah half with the snakes around oh, yeah, it's like a torch or something
[00:07:34] Yeah, it's crazy how long they've been using that symbol and it still goes on ambulances and it's been around for like 2,000 years
[00:07:40] 2,000 years I'm like that it's old from like Egyptians. There's like a Bible Wow. I think yeah
[00:07:48] But yeah, I mean nothing's been around that long
[00:07:58] Sure, it is weird how long Judaism's been sticking around yeah, yeah, it's just one dumbass religion
[00:08:04] It's not even that many people yeah, it's a really small it's like maybe they are like bad boys
[00:08:11] Once you know if too many of them poke their heads we're gonna do a we get rid of them
[00:08:18] Although we're like now they're getting now at their nest they're getting pretty their nest is getting their nest is they're getting a little aggressive over
[00:08:26] Their nest yeah, I'm just saying we're gonna get a bit of our own
[00:08:34] I don't know what you're talking about stuff. I thought there was a lovely ceremony with Jared and Ivanka true in Jerusalem to celebrate
[00:08:43] Oh, yeah, we talked about on the live show, but we haven't talked about on the on the actual show. Have we?
[00:08:51] I think we've addressed it. I don't think so because this is our first show, isn't it? Oh, yeah, it is
[00:08:55] Yeah, since the kite flying incident since the
[00:09:03] Bombs or is there there are kites that were on fire
[00:09:08] What if a little bit of ash fell from the sky under my suit that is that is
[00:09:14] That is pathetic. Yeah, they were like all they were strapping bombs to kite
[00:09:19] First of all, I don't think the kite would work if they did that second of all
[00:09:22] Do you know what a fucking kite is it's attached to them right right?
[00:09:28] It's just gonna go back to them. There's a string that they're holding you don't know how long that string is yeah
[00:09:34] What if what do they just throw the bomb?
[00:09:38] Because Israel doesn't allow like anything into Gaza. It's pretty much sealed off from the rest of the world
[00:09:43] So they all they have is kite bombs and rocks basically. There's no way to bomb though, right? That's bullshit
[00:09:48] I mean they used to have rockets from Iran the katusha rocket nice
[00:09:54] But then there was like this brutal Israeli invasion of Gaza and they're like leveled like you know hospitals
[00:10:00] That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's great a lot of goodwill. I was saying I realized podcast
[00:10:06] This is a little 3d chess move by Donald Trump. Mm-hmm. He solved Korea. Yes. He did only pro only president capable
[00:10:13] That's right solve korea broke Iran. He literally solved Korea. He's gonna solve Iran
[00:10:19] And he's gonna solve is what do you mean? He's gonna solve Iran. There was already a deal. He's gonna solve Iran
[00:10:26] You'll see oh yeah, Nick Nick can't say right now, but I can't say because I don't know
[00:10:32] What I'm so you don't know what he's thinking
[00:10:34] But I mean who would have thought that that he just figured out the perfect amount of saber rattling and insults with North Korea
[00:10:41] That's right to get down to it's almost like a Jedi mind trick. Yep
[00:10:46] The man's in control at all fucking time. Yeah, it's a character. It's a level of diplomacy the world
[00:10:54] He's really a Dan Whitney, but on Twitter. He's a Larry the cable don't don't don't him please please
[00:10:59] What it's a rubber band. Yeah, but I got hit in the eye as a kid when yeah, I wouldn't like that
[00:11:05] I don't like it. I don't like it. Don't point rubber band
[00:11:08] Nick has a little rubber band done. Well, if I was Israeli and you were fucking ink from Gaza right now
[00:11:24] Well, they say he's three years old but but next year he's four then five then
[00:11:31] Well, we supposed to wait until then so true. That's a good Netanyahu, dude. Thank you
[00:11:36] Yeah, he's got like a Boston accent Philly. Yeah, what's up with BB? Is he from here? He went to like high school in America
[00:11:43] Oh, so I mean like and that's why like Americans like him. They're like yeah
[00:11:46] We like him because he speaks proper English. He's he he doesn't have that weird time to learn our language
[00:11:53] He didn't have that weird French, but not French accent that all Israelis have anyway my theory is that that Donald has
[00:12:02] Convin like made Israel do this. Mm-hmm. Okay. He well. Yeah, he switched the embassy to switch the embassy
[00:12:09] He tricked them into doing something so obscene that the world finally comes around and by world
[00:12:15] I mean America mm-hmm the Western world mm-hmm
[00:12:18] He has to say something, you know somebody will say something like I got to say something
[00:12:24] Pretty fucked up what is real today and then the old move us to finding a solution by nuking Israel
[00:12:30] Ah, that's the opposite of what happened yesterday
[00:12:34] But I know it's the opposite but they said that all of the Palestinian deaths were the responsibility of Hamas
[00:12:40] That was the White House statement really said congratulations
[00:12:43] Real on Twitter. Well, he said congratulations on the embassy embassy
[00:12:48] But I mean it with the timing was like exactly when well those two things were having Simon
[00:12:52] They're happening simultaneously, but like as the fucking New York Times
[00:12:56] You know the headline comes out that 41 people are dead then he tweets. Oh, it's more now. It's like 50 something. Okay
[00:13:04] Damn. Yeah, but no you'll you'll see yeah
[00:13:08] He wasn't congratulating them for killing for obviously you fucking imbecile
[00:13:13] I know that but it's they run concurrently and you put it in any context is still going to fucking look bad
[00:13:19] I mean like it does look bad. Yeah, it's look bad. What do you care?
[00:13:23] Of course, he's not congratulating them for killing people that would I don't think that I don't think anyone fucking thinks that
[00:13:30] Everybody released a video that was like bew bew bew nice shot boys
[00:13:34] Yeah, I guess the mix it own is that he did it. I'm not giving a shit about the context or how it would look
[00:13:43] It was like when that split screen was crazy yesterday with like Jared and Ivanka at the ceremony laughing and then just like
[00:13:50] Children being shot on the other side of the screen. It was fucking insane
[00:13:54] Oh, yeah, it looks pretty badass if you ask me. Yeah, pretty cool. Did pretty cool
[00:14:00] Of Jared here's the thing we don't know Jared's the mastermind
[00:14:04] He looks like a little fucking dumb ass bitch ass twink but
[00:14:08] It's him sometimes in fact he's he beat it. He's in a Trump suit
[00:14:13] You know what I mean? That's why he's so slender to fit into that fat ass Trump suit. That makes sense
[00:14:24] I had for breakfast three eggs. Yeah and some turkey sausage. Yeah, I had a spinach
[00:14:35] Uh-huh, and I have some chicken thighs marinating in lemon juice. I just I was just switched back to flavored BC aa's
[00:14:44] Yes, that's my big move. I got Korean food last night. Oh, hell yeah, what'd you get?
[00:14:51] Scallion pancake with Kim Chi. Yes. Yes. Yes, man
[00:14:56] Secret is to just go you get very little but then you keep getting refills on the the bonchan or whatever the fuck oh hell
[00:15:03] Yeah unlimited. Yeah, it's like the cheese and the chili seven fucking
[00:15:09] More that's the way. I mean and now that we got North Korea and South Korea double the appetizer. That's so true
[00:15:15] Yeah, I'm excited about every Korean restaurant. It's all they're all starving to death
[00:15:22] Somehow just the fish cakes that I think all I know about Korean cuisine
[00:15:26] You get as much of it as you want and 90% of their population is starving. That's right. Well, it was pretty cool
[00:15:33] I think that that works out. Well, so now that we're doing the new break time
[00:15:37] Yes, say if you're wearing underwear throw it out get rid of it get it the fuck out of there get that fucking wait
[00:15:43] What is it May? Yeah, never mind. We're done
[00:15:53] From April I guess yeah, yeah, wait, but it's been made for weeks. We already did two weeks of okay, oh
[00:16:07] I didn't go to the gym today. I know you've been to the gym. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was getting fucking shred
[00:16:11] DC mode with my little brother dude. We went to the Dundalk Gold gym, which first of all a
[00:16:16] Beautiful place dude. It's so fucking good. There was just so fucking like Jack to have like a close in the lobby, but it's like
[00:16:33] Instead of a headband it's like fucking an old ass at knees hat for some reason
[00:16:37] They serve instead of like a cooler with like muscle milking shit in it. There's just four loco in Chinese
[00:16:42] No joke Jimmy seafood sells like meal prep kits
[00:16:54] Lobster I got that obey way. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be disgusting. Oh my god
[00:17:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah a scoop of old on Mother's Day me and my brother worked out
[00:17:04] We worked on Friday and also on mother's day come home Jack. Yep letter tech turk's. Yeah kiss your
[00:17:10] Yeah, mom check this out. You breastfed me and now I will breast now. I'm yep
[00:17:16] I put my juicy pecs. Yeah peck feed you
[00:17:19] Just flex it to do a peck fluttering thing and now and olive oil comes out. Yeah, you know man
[00:17:26] It must be nice to be Greek. It is nice to nice culture to have it's a fun culture because it's like white
[00:17:30] But also, you know, it's like it's like not exactly white, but it's southern. We get we get all the good stuff of
[00:17:38] My little brother wanted to see like my max on some chest shit
[00:17:43] So I did some like fucking I max out at 70 dumbbells or whatever the fuck for each side
[00:17:50] Just like flat bench flat bench. Yeah, yeah, so we did some of that was pretty good
[00:17:56] Yeah, I was better than I thought honestly. Yeah, I'm having a fucked up shoulder
[00:17:59] Yeah, and I hadn't been working out like I'd worry I were a little bit on my own, but I was doing like lower weights
[00:18:03] But Nick also does a bunch of crate like he was doing the first time worked out
[00:18:08] We did like a bunch of like PT type shit because he's like been he got a lot of bands and shit
[00:18:12] Yeah, oh actually deadlifted to yeah, that was nice. I feel what you mean, dude. You feel powerful. Oh, yeah
[00:18:18] Well, it's the most amount of weight you can it rules. Yeah
[00:18:21] How many can you do I didn't well? I didn't max out on that when he just wanted like teach me form and shit
[00:18:26] Yeah, so I just did like one plate on each is he putting you on a program?
[00:18:31] Get some spreadsheets together. He's he's in the lab right now brother. Yeah spread sheeting it up
[00:18:36] That's all XL is for I think yeah, it's for real prepping and putting the other weight plans. That's right for your degenerate friends
[00:18:43] Yeah, it's either for doing the dumbest bitch ass most nerd shit of all time or it's forgetting Jack
[00:18:49] I used to like I put up flyers said I could tutor people and whatever and I had the scam going for
[00:18:55] You just like tell them bring their class material and then whenever they ask your question be like that's interesting
[00:19:00] What does the book say and then you would just like you would guide them through finding the answer themselves?
[00:19:05] And so I would do that and this one girl hired me to teach her Excel and I was like oh you're in a class for
[00:19:12] Exiles usually I was like just bring all your core stuff. Okay, it's really just a couple things
[00:19:16] I need help with and then so she showed up and she'd already paid me the money and
[00:19:21] How do I do this and I'm like that's interesting. Let's go to the help
[00:19:25] Yeah, and we'll find it because on your own you'll need to do it this way
[00:19:29] She's like can you just show me how to do it? I was like no no you have to learn. Yeah
[00:19:33] Yeah, she's like show me that you even know how to open Excel. She's like demanded her money back
[00:19:43] Dollars an hour. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm people off left in my government county. Yeah, yeah
[00:19:47] Yeah, you got a bunch of rich like fucking yeah, that's a rich bunch of rich kids whose parents want them to be good at school
[00:19:52] Yeah, that's incredible. What were you? I taught some old man Photoshop, and I just like never used Photoshop
[00:20:05] That's a beautiful scam, bro. Yeah, what were you like 17? Oh
[00:20:11] 19 maybe okay. Yeah, yeah, tell them that window. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a good way
[00:20:17] I used to actually work for Chris Baralick. Oh, no, I remember Chris. Yeah, yeah
[00:20:21] Autistic guy and he would like refer people to me because he like his whole thing was he would just drive around DC like
[00:20:26] fixing people's computers right on quote, right and
[00:20:30] All you do is like they're like all my computers running slow. You just show up reinstall the operating system go home charging
[00:20:38] No matter what the issue is you just always just
[00:20:41] up back up the shed reinstall the operating system
[00:20:44] It's like $200 $300. I did it was this Nigerian family one time and I showed up and their computer was in the basement
[00:20:51] I literally just took a nap. It was like I went to sleep
[00:20:54] This guy was trying to fucking lowball me. He's like okay, so I pay you a 75 dollar. I'm like no motherfucker. No, no, no
[00:21:03] He's like okay 150. Yeah, I'm like haggle with me. I was like sure and then I just slept I didn't do anything
[00:21:08] You want to do you want to haggle? Yeah, I'm doing my own type of that's right where you get less work
[00:21:17] That's right. You had go money right I haggle what I had my expertise right of doing basically nothing
[00:21:25] My already of doing crazy scam of doing no work. That's too much work
[00:21:31] You literally could have napped while it was reinstalling
[00:21:34] I went to this old guy's house one time he had like a problem and it was like the printer is beeping or whatever
[00:21:41] Like there's a light blinking on the printer and I just like googled it and it just means it's like oh no
[00:21:47] No, it's like that nothing it was like literally nothing is like incredible
[00:21:50] It's like I don't think it used to do that. I'm like well it does it now
[00:21:53] Yeah, and he I was like does it have trouble printing? He's like no and he's like I was like yeah
[00:21:58] I just ignored it. Yeah, it's not doing anything and he was like alright
[00:22:01] I just get to check book. Yeah, he just gets his checkbook out and he was like
[00:22:13] Incredible dude. I wouldn't even have the that's how I move. I like I moved the awesome with that money off scam money
[00:22:18] I'll scam money. Yeah, I made like five thousand dollars Jesus Christ
[00:22:21] Yeah, just and then I got back into that when I left Austin
[00:22:25] I got back into that to move to LA. I was like doing Craigslist like Craigslist scamming just like all about fixing a computer problem
[00:22:35] Because you don't need to do you know, they're not gonna hire you again
[00:22:38] It's a right time saying right they've lost their money and it's not like they know you're already a town
[00:22:43] I'm literally gone. Yeah. Yeah, I'm literally living in a different. That's some old snake oil sales
[00:22:48] Which it makes show up sell a bunch of shit. Yeah, yeah, tell them it'll take a week to kick in and you're already gone. Mm-hmm
[00:22:55] My next move is doing that with home remodeling. Oh, that's yeah
[00:22:59] Somebody that's got like I want to redo my kitchen come in there bring all my tools
[00:23:04] No, I can't hammer the walls. Yeah, take everything out. We're gonna do an open concept
[00:23:12] You just you turn all the cabinets upside down
[00:23:19] This is French. This is the French Cabernet
[00:23:22] That's like the classic general contractor move, right? It's just like disappearing in the middle of a project taping the things
[00:23:32] Now they always just tell you but they just tell you it needs more shit. Well, it's already underway
[00:23:37] So you kind of like yeah mechanics do that money wise. Yeah
[00:23:40] Except my dad who can't fucking haggle for shit my dad always gets taken advantage of by people. Yeah, he's like
[00:23:47] Yeah, it's all material. No joke. Yeah, he really does
[00:23:51] It's funny because it's not my like that's not my instinct at all
[00:23:55] I'm always surprised when you go to like any kind of shop or whatever. They're like, yeah
[00:23:58] I'll just like take care of it, you know
[00:24:00] Yeah, like a deal from a mechanic or whatever. They're like, oh, you know, don't worry about it like throwing like a tire rotation
[00:24:07] Yeah, it's good will. Yeah, and it's like I would not I know
[00:24:11] Anything I'm doing I'm gonna charge you out to ask for it
[00:24:14] Or it's like anything that's like custom built or whatever how how little of a margin that those people actually have right?
[00:24:21] You know, it's like if you spent all that time building furniture and you like paid for all those materials and shit
[00:24:26] Yeah, well my dad shouldn't do it everything. Yeah, everything should cost a million dollars
[00:24:31] Yeah, and he does good work. He's just a fucking what does he make like cabinets and stuff? Yeah, yeah
[00:24:35] I have no work and shit like that. It's really my dad used to do that for a while. Yeah when we were growing up
[00:24:42] Come on. There's called closet max. Yeah, and he used to say he wanted to call it closet queen
[00:24:47] And have the guys like the installers going with like pink shirts. He thought it was a really funny
[00:24:51] Yeah, it still seems like it's a company about him being in the closet. Yeah, that's that's what a lot of people said to him when he told them the name
[00:24:59] He sliced off is the tip of his finger with a fucking like circular saw though. Whoa
[00:25:05] He like bled in the sky's house. He was doing cat like which his finger look like now
[00:25:09] They got it like it was like hanging on by like a like half a you know layer of skin and they reattached it
[00:25:15] I don't think he can feel at the end of the finger, but it's there. Oh, that's his that's his finger
[00:25:19] Probably was to myself last year with a whole saw
[00:25:22] Oh, yeah, that's just fucked up. You can still see the fucking scar. Yeah, dude. I remember that shit
[00:25:27] There's no feeling in your finger looked so fucked up for so long and you just had dirty ass bandages on it and shit
[00:25:33] Yeah, that was fucking brutal. I thought you're gonna like get some kind of infection
[00:25:37] I mean, that's like what happens. You know you do any kind of like
[00:25:41] You know seeing you're gonna hurt yourself. Mm-hmm. You do anything in life. That's true
[00:25:45] I hurt myself cooking all the time. I do I get burns cooking. I have a shot. I chop my finger cooking
[00:25:52] Do you use mandolins? No, they're they're so fucking I slice my finger every time I use it
[00:25:56] But you get an even slice. Oh, it's beautiful speaking of meal stuff. I made fried plantains the other day
[00:26:01] Oh, look at this little Dominican Grandma. I grated some white cheese with brown sugar and a little bit of sea salt in the bowl
[00:26:09] Damn, that sounds good. I tossed some plantains in that afterwards. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. My dawn. It's really tasty. Great. Yeah, really
[00:26:16] Really good snack if you guys are looking for an easy snack to make
[00:26:20] Fry up some plantains you want to find the yellow plantains in the grocery store and find the ones that look like they're almost black
[00:26:25] Mm-hmm. They're gonna real sweet plantains. There's a type though. That's the green kind fried
[00:26:31] Testonas you mash up into a into a you know what I've been getting into shishido peppers. Oh, I fuck with you
[00:26:38] You have a fuck with shishidos fucking broil and bitches up
[00:26:42] I mean they're really minutes. Yeah, good as hell dude. Delicious. Yeah, I've been finding like they're supposed to be spicy
[00:26:47] But they're not spicy at all. Yeah, which I would I would prefer a little more spice
[00:26:50] But hey, we can do I'll just need things to replace fries in my life
[00:26:53] Because I ate those with some chicken and I just snacked on them as if they were fries
[00:26:58] Right my dumb brain into thinking I'm eating unhealthy. I gotta stop with the goddamn wheat thins. They're killing me bro
[00:27:04] Also, why and fucking especially um what the fuck are the other ones?
[00:27:08] Triscuits? Triscuits are so not healthy, bro. There's three like four triscuits like 190 calories. It's some wild. Really? Yeah
[00:27:18] I guess it's just the word thin is in the name of wheat then so you feel like you're making
[00:27:22] That sucks. Nick you made some sauce recently. Uh, you've been on a sauce kick. Yeah, sorry. I'm trying to find this
[00:27:32] Okay, okay. Why don't you make a lot of sauces?
[00:27:37] Do you guys ever do that thing where you sit on a photocopier and do your ass?
[00:27:44] Because of the light. Yeah, the light. It didn't seem like sort of dangerous
[00:27:49] Yeah, I don't want my balls to get fucking the classic gag
[00:27:52] I don't want cancer on your balls from what light Xerox? It's a it's a photocopies light. I don't know man
[00:28:00] I'm kind of with some chemicals in there. It seems it seems dangerous some chemicals in there
[00:28:04] Yeah, did you ever do it? You put your ass on a Xerox? Never. I don't think I've ever used a Xerox
[00:28:09] Really? Never? You're never an office job guy. Yeah, I've never made a copy
[00:28:13] Whoa, I've used a scanner before you've never gone to kinkos to make copies of something
[00:28:17] No, I've never had to make a copy of anything. Not that I can think of. Wow. Really?
[00:28:21] Yeah, any time I've like had to copy my birth certificate or
[00:28:25] Social security card for a job. I just bring those and they copy them for me. Nice. Yeah, I'm not paying money
[00:28:31] Hell yeah, dude. Fuck that to work at Papa John's
[00:28:34] Yeah, fuck that. Yeah, fuck that. They can suck your fucking home. They make you take a test to work at Papa John
[00:28:40] The pizza to watch videos and then you have to like take a test on like the like the Papa John specific the Papa John's way
[00:28:47] They're like, yeah, we got we got there a lot of people call him portabella mushrooms. We call him Papa Bell
[00:28:56] Like you know all their dumb like workplace acronyms. Yeah, yeah
[00:29:00] Like hot stuff stands for helping over time not going unpaid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:29:06] Yeah, yeah, selling never right never reporting OSHA violations
[00:29:16] Ripping off customers always $4 an hour smiling about your $4 an hour
[00:29:22] Turning a blind eye to workplace sexual misconduct
[00:29:25] Yeah, that kind of shit basically what happens in the walk-in stays
[00:29:31] The walk-in is what we call a remember no remember no memory zone
[00:29:35] You know that that common can soil his mouth tastes a lot better than a ticket back to the Dominican
[00:29:48] Did you know any delivery guy that ever fucked did a big sausage pizza that ever had sex with a woman?
[00:29:56] Playing I had these two girls like bring me into their house one time and like get me fucking high and like take pictures with me and shit
[00:30:02] And they're like hey the pizza guy. They're hot too. Did you smash cool?
[00:30:05] I had a girlfriend at the time and I was like trying to make money. Yeah, he's like ma'am. I'm a professional
[00:30:11] Excuse me. I guess I should have that would have been pretty cool. That would have been a cool-ass story
[00:30:15] Maybe like that's like a cool story for like
[00:30:21] It would be cool that you did it then if you did it
[00:30:27] I'm trying to fuck every woman. Yeah, dude. There was a guy
[00:30:32] There's a guy that used to hang out at ej's landing
[00:30:35] There's a bit this guy but they were the wrestling shirts
[00:30:37] I mean, it's like stringy shitty black hair. I think with his friend who lived in like their mom's house
[00:30:45] That guy was at one time. He's like telling my friend georgia. He's like, uh, he's like, yeah, dude
[00:30:52] Westman's sir college. I think it's like it's on the eastern. Yeah. No. No, it's in uh, it's in west
[00:30:59] Yeah, what's this party westman's sir college and like
[00:31:02] Yo, I stayed at this dorm and I fucked every girl
[00:31:11] So bad guy with oily hair lives lives on his friend's mom's couch
[00:31:23] Once word gets out. That was that guy. That was that guy that was like why you get water?
[00:31:29] I haven't had a drop of water in five years
[00:31:34] Dude, don't play good rules. Well now it's break time break time bitch. You know what if you're still listening to the show
[00:31:41] You we got something for you to listen to right here
[00:31:44] A new way to spend your money and maybe make a little bit more. I love it gambling
[00:31:49] That's right online gambling. So you don't got to leave your house bet dsi.com. They've been in business for over 20 years
[00:31:56] Paying winners. They got an easy to use mobile playing interface. So you can download the app on your phone play some bets
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[00:32:09] Anything you want to bet on they got a great mobile app and they offer live in game wagering
[00:32:14] So you can make plays throughout the entire game and uh makes watching sporting events way more fun
[00:32:20] I know stav uses it. Oh hell. Yeah, baby
[00:32:23] Tell tell us about some of the bets you've been placing well your boy
[00:32:27] Lost a little money on the philadelphia 76ers, but that's okay because we're coming back and you know what bet on labron
[00:32:34] I know it looks bleak right now. Okay game. What's the feel that game? He is going to win game too
[00:32:39] He's a monster in game twos bet on labron
[00:32:41] You'll make your fat fucking money back and if not then we we're all assholes, but I feel a baby
[00:32:47] I feel it's a little cold recently, but the streaks coming alive. Yeah, we also made a lot of money on the kentucky. Derby
[00:32:52] Don't you don't forget Nick. We've been on right. We've been on anorexic health. I made it
[00:32:57] I don't like discussing my financial situations, but let's just say
[00:33:01] Let's just say I put a lot of money on extra chromosome
[00:33:04] It's so much stronger than the other horses
[00:33:13] Yeah, he's he's eating crayons. That's right. That's the name of the horse
[00:33:20] They're great. Check them out and if you go on the bette si
[00:33:24] Off our recommendation if you use promo code come 25 that's uppercase c lowercase um 25
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[00:33:43] And yeah, check it out. It is a lot of fun. You know a couple combos
[00:33:47] Money lost some money. Yeah a couple combos message that they made a little money on labron
[00:33:52] In toronto so shots out to that that was also a pick that did make money and the pelicans in the oh, yeah
[00:33:57] That that was a nice call actually, but I forgot about it. Yeah three. Yeah three
[00:34:01] I said bet your house on that shit. Make the hellies at the smoothie king center
[00:34:04] That's right more importantly if you're going to gamble make sure you use yeah
[00:34:08] Yeah, yeah from now on keep you keep double those winnings, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:34:13] Uh, all right and we're back on the show
[00:34:17] That's our we're back noise. That's a cool. Do do do do do do. We should get I should get some extra gear to hell
[00:34:33] Oh, yeah, dude mike shinota, that's Lincoln park though. Yeah, it's
[00:34:38] I said limbus. Oh, yeah, we all knew it. Yeah, we all felt it
[00:34:42] Boom boom boom. Did you see that shit that Fred Durst is directing a movie with travolta? Yeah?
[00:34:57] Yeah, I think I heard that the villain is uh the new health care system that takes seales
[00:35:03] That says you should get birth control before seales is that what's this? What are you talking about?
[00:35:08] What limp hogs three oh limp hogs three. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:35:11] It's it's it's a it's a dystopian future where hilary wins
[00:35:15] Presency and i don't want a hot air balloon, right seales off the thing. I feel like that would be pleasant
[00:35:19] Yeah, that'll fix it. It is a really lovely
[00:35:23] Look up. I want to do one of those helicopter tours, but those kill people now. Do they?
[00:35:27] Yeah, you said that helicopter clap crash in the easter
[00:35:32] Local and national news has been trying to get people to care about and nobody gives a shit
[00:35:36] Right, it's so rich people every two weeks. It's like remember the helicopter crash and it's like give it a rest
[00:35:43] It was a hell yeah, it was a helicopter tour and it crashed and like they buckle you in real tight so they can like leave the doors off
[00:35:49] Right and uh because they were buckled in so tight. They all everybody just drowned
[00:35:54] What the fuck you didn't even die in a fiery ass crash. You have to just slowly die
[00:35:59] They drowned in the easter river next some bullshit accountant that's also on this unangled unbuckled group on
[00:36:05] I'm sorry. It's like if you don't have like the tactical awareness to unbuckle yourself after a helicopter crash
[00:36:10] Maybe you deserve that's so true. You know, well, I always carry a blade on so I'm saying we should make America like Sparta
[00:36:17] You know and everyone should go through army rangers. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we should have a warrior king
[00:36:23] And well, we already do yeah, we do that's right
[00:36:26] Um, yeah, I feel like helicopters the premise of con air is that he's like
[00:36:30] He's an army ranger and somebody tries to like fuck his wife or whatever
[00:36:34] They harass his wife and so he's spin kicks the guys head off and they
[00:36:41] They're like you're training make you have because you're a weapon right right right right
[00:36:47] Show even more restraint or whatever which actually if he's a weapon that seems like he'd get away with it
[00:36:54] If you're you're as deadly. Yeah, we don't believe this veteran
[00:37:03] You know certainly have a record that's who goes to jail
[00:37:08] You know, uh, my roommate's just watched the one where the movie where michelle fight for shows are pussy
[00:37:13] Or is it Sharon stone Sharon's Sharon stone attraction fatal attraction. Yeah, that's it was wild dude
[00:37:18] I was popping I was popping in and out. It was really good. I love that movie. Yeah, and also it looks great
[00:37:22] Like movies looked so much better back. You don't mind if I read you into my story. Do you nick?
[00:37:27] Is that uh, what's his name who directed it paul verhoeven?
[00:37:31] No, it's not no he did um the other one like that, right?
[00:37:36] Maybe he did like robo coffee shit. Um, yeah, she made Sharon's done was hot as shit, bro
[00:37:43] Dude, she had that at that point. She was the hottest woman in the world. She was hottest fuck. Yeah, and uh
[00:37:51] A lot of killing. Yeah, oh, so Michael Douglas had a run. I guess it's like the sexiest motherfucker
[00:37:56] Everyone wanted to fuck Michael Douglas. It's just a guy that had sec. We've talked about he was the guy who talked about this movie
[00:38:01] I just checked out because I hadn't seen it. Well, you guys talked about it. Yeah, but now I'm excited
[00:38:05] Michael Douglas was in that and then uh basic instinct right right
[00:38:16] Oh, so I was watching basically but they are both about crazy bitches that are trying to destroy a good man
[00:38:21] Right that was kind of a motif, but he was like he might I guess that's what a sexy s guy used to be
[00:38:25] He wasn't like particularly jacked. He was kind of older than everyone else. Yeah, nobody was jacked until like
[00:38:31] Probably Troy came out. Yeah, leonidas was the first jack
[00:38:39] Oh, Troy was Brad Pitt Brad Pitt. That's right. That was a good. I don't remember even when I went back and I watched it again
[00:38:44] I remember thinking Brad Pitt was like huge in that movie and he's just he's not as abs
[00:38:48] Yeah, he's like not particularly big all I remember in that movie is how he kills that guy in the first scene
[00:38:53] They're like giant guy Nathan Jones. Yes, so it's fucking yeah. He was a sword through his collarbone
[00:39:00] Yeah, he just does one stab does like a run and he jumps and stabs him clam. He's dead. Yeah, it's really sick. Damn
[00:39:07] I should watch that shit again. I think that movie sucked though in general. I think it probably did
[00:39:10] But I think it was fun. I liked Troy, bro. I used to be such a little mythology nerd when I was a little kid
[00:39:15] That was my shit dude. Yeah, I remember everybody was everybody liked that shit
[00:39:19] That but that was our shit dude. Yeah, that's Greek people's food boo is mythology
[00:39:25] It is for us and by us and I'm tired of other people doing it getting that shit
[00:39:30] You shouldn't be allowed to enjoy Hercules. Yeah, I should be the one a lot. Oh shit. I she's looking my fucking feet
[00:39:37] Yeah, let her let her go. It's really it's quite pleasant. Yeah, it felt weird. She is no self-esteem
[00:39:42] She'll really if you were gotten your toes sucked by a woman sexual partner man. Um
[00:39:50] I'm not sure. I have I've definitely sucked on some toes. I've sucked on some toes, but I I've got my toes sucked
[00:40:02] It's good a nice toe between the big toe in the ring toe or whatever right in between there
[00:40:07] I don't know. I didn't let it go on too long. I was I was startled, but it felt good. Yeah, you know
[00:40:14] But yeah, I think people go and they get the fish that eat dead skin off their feet
[00:40:18] Yeah, and the singapore airport and exist. Yeah, I like that idea. I don't I think that would feel good
[00:40:24] I think we should make luxury illegal. No, dude. I love luxury. You're a tanky. No
[00:40:32] I don't know. Don't they say it's cool that Stalin killed people is not a big deal. They think the gulags are the cool part of the
[00:40:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, you should kill artists and fucking gay people. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:40:47] No, no, they were all gay actually Stalin. Oh, stahle was gay Castro's gay
[00:40:53] They're all queer. I could see them all fucking and suck and do like a big bearded communist suck and fuck party
[00:40:57] Yeah, I don't think they were but but that you can see it though
[00:41:00] You can see it. They all get together in Cuba on the good news
[00:41:04] Uh death of Stalin. No, it was good. I haven't seen the site. Yeah, I'm trying to go to kubat
[00:41:10] Paul G and bodies really they came out young Carl not Paul Jim was excited about. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a German movie
[00:41:16] Uh, is that real it looks stupid. Is it another one of those like the one we did Einstein buddy fox Newton buddy fox is this
[00:41:23] Mark Karl Marx buddy. Yeah, buddy fucks. Yeah, really?
[00:41:32] Theory of everything or whatever. Oh Stephen Hawking every Eddie remain and it's like just wait two years until he's dead
[00:41:39] Right, right? You know like you're making it's they're not portraying him. You're doing an impression of a disabled person
[00:41:44] Yeah, if he's still alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, I'm
[00:41:50] I still can't believe you want a fucking Oscar for that. I know for just a crooked glass in his face
[00:41:59] Mix fucked up his glasses in the room. It looks really good guys. I don't more likes is not working anymore
[00:42:11] He's not fucking his nurse. There's limp ass fucked up dick. Yeah
[00:42:15] Do you think she put like one of his I mean he's dick couldn't get hard, right?
[00:42:19] Oh, that was the only thing they could get. That was the only thing that worked until the end. Yeah
[00:42:26] Uh, yeah, exactly. How do you have like a galaxy like circling around? How do you even fuck Stephen Hawking?
[00:42:33] Um carefully. Mm. Mm. He fucks you with his mind. Oh nice. Yeah, he plugs in the pussy
[00:42:40] He's probably gets hard. They're different systems. I learned that from murder ball
[00:42:44] I learned it from lieutenant dan in uh, who kind of dan gets hard. Well, remember that scene where he's like
[00:42:49] Ten of dan is a paralyzed. He doesn't have legs. He doesn't have yeah. Well, I I thought he you know
[00:42:54] I was surprised that a legless guy could fuck fuck, but he's just got his legs work
[00:43:00] They're just cut off. I thought he was a paraplegic or whatever. No, I don't know how you fuck that detail
[00:43:06] Clearly missing his legs from below any any's like anything swimming in shit. Yeah, you remember that part
[00:43:12] I don't think in that scene where uh the principal fucks far scum's mom was so hot
[00:43:20] Where force scum's mom like was willing to do the ultimate. Yeah, he just has to listen to his mom get fucked
[00:43:28] I thought that was so hot. You know, he's younger
[00:43:33] Fuck yeah, did you ever listen to your mom get fucked from the other room ever?
[00:43:36] I my mom is not my mom probably hasn't fucked for 20 years. Whoa, really? Yeah, well
[00:43:51] One I was trying to say I fucked her last year. Yeah. Yes. That was that was good man
[00:44:02] Sike I fucked her when I was um nine so 19. Yeah
[00:44:08] Yeah, it's funny. I remember like freaking out about turning 30 when I was like 26 now that I'm almost 30
[00:44:13] It's like yeah, it doesn't matter. We're gonna die right. I'm soon soon. I'll have a solid gold fabric
[00:44:20] Nobody can tell me shit. I was putting my egg to the museum and they go. Oh, go right through
[00:44:25] Sure, then you get to pick anything more get the thing guys museum not let me in there because I'm not rich
[00:44:33] Yeah, dude. I'm tired of this fucking classist fucking organizations like museums and libraries. Yep. You know how libraries only let in
[00:44:43] I'm trying to be a one percenter dude. Yeah, you probably are dude. No, not yet. Yes. You are
[00:44:49] Yeah, not one one is like billions. Also if you go based on billions first of all if you go based on my tax return
[00:44:56] Then I'm absolutely not even close. I think it's like over three hundred thousand dollars or something now people
[00:45:01] I don't make anywhere near that amount and you write off most of the shit
[00:45:05] Yeah, you most of its well write off stone matter what matters is how much you make no
[00:45:09] I mean, it's it's entirely based on fucking tax return data
[00:45:12] That's not we're not rich by taxes. Yeah, no, so if you lie on your taxes, then you're not
[00:45:20] 1% of income isn't factoring people's like gross
[00:45:23] So if Jeff if Jeff Bezos pays zero dollars in taxes, then he's not wealthy. He doesn't pay zero dollars in taxes
[00:45:29] I'm just saying if he does because of whatever
[00:45:32] Then he's not wealthy. No, I'm not in the top tier of income. You know how this works. I don't know why you're like
[00:45:37] I don't think that's how they have to calculate it
[00:45:40] I don't think it's aftertax. It's absolutely aftertax. Oh, it's based on your AGI
[00:45:46] I think it's pre-tax ash cheeks gross. We can look it up
[00:46:00] Intercourse as cheeks gross intercourse. Yeah, no motherfucker you write off expenses
[00:46:05] That's that is your salary and that's what it is right?
[00:46:08] This motherfucker doesn't write off expenses Jeff Bezos or I guess he does probably yeah
[00:46:12] If you had like a business that makes fucking like 80 million. Yeah, whatever his salary like okay
[00:46:17] So Donald Trump didn't pay taxes like you know when the last tax return he released he didn't pay taxes
[00:46:23] You mean the mad-out one because he yeah because he reported the loss paid he paid 30%
[00:46:28] His income was went to taxes, but still that is the mad-out tax return made him look like he pays his fair share of tax
[00:46:34] We're getting taxed on one no matter after after expenses. Why don't you understand? I'm stupid as shit and I get it
[00:46:41] I understand how taxation works, but I don't think that qualifies you as 1% or not
[00:46:45] I think your pre-tax income qualifies you as 1% your income you get taxed on your pre-tax income
[00:46:51] But your pre-tax one percent earner okay, so here's the answer before you're gonna talk out of your ass
[00:46:58] Overall the income threshold required to be in the 1% of earners is 389,000 pre-tax
[00:47:05] That's you pre-tax pre-tax your income your pre-tax is yes, it's your adjusted gross income
[00:47:11] It's not yes pre-taxes, but it's not before deductions
[00:47:18] I'm fucking dumb or as a wrong not even close to wrong your options are post-tax that's no
[00:47:23] No, you're fucking you're wrong. No, it's gross income. It's what you what you make before taxes
[00:47:29] It's what you make before taxes what you make before taxes isn't reported as until after you take the show
[00:47:35] Adam here's the thing whatever let's say we make so if you buy a computer you subtract that from your yes
[00:47:41] Yes, no, no, that's not true. Yes you do you do in your taxes. Oh my all right. No, you're wrong
[00:47:48] I'm not wrong dude. We are not wrong. You're wrong. Whatever dude. It's so simple
[00:47:55] This is embarrassing that you're that I'm I understand a thing about money so much more than you
[00:48:00] I'm just saying what qualifies to be let's say we made not let's say I made like 70k last year, right?
[00:48:06] Yeah, and then it's something like yes off
[00:48:09] K and you bought a $2,000 computer you did not make $68,000
[00:48:13] Yes, you fucking did it's a business expense. No, it doesn't okay. It does on your taxes
[00:48:18] But that doesn't count as your pre-tax income. I mean, okay, you know, it doesn't matter
[00:48:23] I get that that's how it works on your taxes, but I'm talking about pre-tax income
[00:48:28] So even if you have business expenses that doesn't I understand how AGI works on your taxes no, bitch
[00:48:34] You're wrong you guys are both wrong. No, you guys are both wrong. No, all right. I mean, I don't care you're wrong. No, bitch
[00:48:39] Well, uh, this is you're wrong for you when you find out we're gonna be right
[00:48:45] You're right about what you can't say that if you spent that's okay if you you're in bro, maybe
[00:48:52] That came to you was 70,000. Oh, so if you own if you own a restaurant
[00:48:57] Yes, and the restaurant has total sales of I don't know that's a business
[00:49:05] You have a you have a passenger you have a restaurant that's owned by an LLC. It's attached to your
[00:49:09] Social security number. Yeah. Yeah, so your income you're effectively owner. All right
[00:49:13] So they have a total gross sales of four hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year, right? Which is low
[00:49:19] So now that restaurant owner they on top of that then pay employees and they pay people and their take home pay is probably somewhere around
[00:49:27] $20,000 a year. You say that's a one percent or
[00:49:30] No, because they pay those employees. That's that would be
[00:49:33] The business expenses are business expenses. I disagree. I still disagree
[00:49:39] 1% because you can't count a rest in somebody who's still rent is a business
[00:49:45] So is we are a business like an individual
[00:49:47] I know I got your individual income that you make throughout so let me say let me do the same way
[00:49:53] Let's say you make $70,000 a year your restaurant makes $70,000 a year and you spent $2,000 on an oven
[00:49:58] Uh-huh. Don't include that. It's the same thing. It's of course you included of course you included on your taxes take the L
[00:50:08] What is income now you're just going back to it's a means yeah think of what the word means
[00:50:13] Oh my fucking it means everything that comes in shut the fuck up. Yes
[00:50:18] The fucking make your wrongs with your move. I'm not admitting my wrong. I will be vindicated by our genius
[00:50:24] Now you're a genius now their genius is two weeks ago. They were retards. I've never called them retards
[00:50:32] You think it's like it's it's not included because the the kind of shit we spend money on seems like frivolous purchases
[00:50:38] Right, but they are business expenses just as much as a deep fryer would be for a rest. I need a burst
[00:50:44] I needed a $5,000 on computer. Exactly. I needed a new TV
[00:50:52] I understand how business expenses work and I understand how you we're not talking about this more motherfucker
[00:50:58] It's over but I'm saying in order to qualify on the 1% you can't you can't take you can't have your AGI
[00:51:11] Pre-tax the person that owns a restaurant. Yes managed by an LLC and it's a single single single member LLC
[00:51:16] Yeah, they're paid they're paid they're paid by the restaurant that is a 1% no
[00:51:21] They have they have their anime or not. They're not paid by the restaurant
[00:51:25] It's an LLC that owns the restaurant. It's a single member LLC
[00:51:29] Sure, or even if you don't even need a fucking LLC you could just be at the owner of the business
[00:51:33] Okay, so and then they get a salary from that business. No, they don't motherfucker. No, they don't
[00:51:40] Over after expenses. They have the fuck yeah, they have whatever leftover after I disagree
[00:51:45] You only get a salary you can't just disagree when I disagree didn't you only get a salary if you like
[00:51:50] I don't know a former corporation then pay yourself a salary and that's reported through like a 1099k
[00:51:55] But I mean that your income when a girl when a girl is like wow your dick is oh shit. Do you go? I disagree
[00:52:02] Is that what you say? What do you mean when a girl's like your dick is four inches and I hate it you go. I disagree
[00:52:13] Shut the fuck up your cum tastes bad like fucking like fuck like expired tapia
[00:52:18] Including do you say I disagree when she says that I love tapia. I know it is good. It's so good dude
[00:52:24] We should have a little tapioca that I can't do me and you do we'll get some tapioca. I don't want to have you a bubble tea
[00:52:44] Adam it's fine that you were wrong about this. I don't know understand why this is a hill you want to die on. Yeah, I'm okay. There's
[00:52:52] Who cares man put the phone away. We're not talking about talking about it after it's not about taxes. It's pretty tax
[00:53:03] Who even gives a fuck even if you are right who cares which are not I care
[00:53:08] I just I finally deposited on my my refund checks. I got more back than I thought I did
[00:53:13] That's good because I had my penalty for not having health insurance. There's like $2400
[00:53:18] Is this supposed to be $2100 max? No, it's 2085 is the max
[00:53:23] And then because I asked the account like nine times. Yeah, he was like it's 2885
[00:53:29] Or it's this other amount whichever is it's the way it's worded. I guess it was right when I looked over gotcha
[00:53:37] Shuts out shut shop Patrick. Yeah, it's good account. Um, yeah, I mean it just didn't I'll have to look at the
[00:53:43] Because we were I was yelling about it on the show. I remember yeah, but I mean I still got about like $6400 back
[00:53:48] Nice. I'm starting stop. He baby enterprises my corporation. Yeah, I don't know you guys should both have as I have I'm doing one right now
[00:53:55] Yeah, I don't know shit. Well, I got it. Yeah, it's me and Nick people who is also
[00:54:03] Further what I don't shoot on your exam. Okay
[00:54:05] Let's go you say well that well that's a business is you could very easily like a mitt romney could start an escorp and then pay
[00:54:11] Himself a salary of $20,000 a year right escorp
[00:54:15] But then still have a shit ton of dividends from the escorp
[00:54:18] But you say that he's not a 1% or because his income is $20,000
[00:54:24] I that that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm saying that he is a hovers
[00:54:28] He's a lower middle-class person because that is true. I'm saying that technically in my opinion
[00:54:33] $20,000 should be beneath the poverty level in this country. No one should have to live off me
[00:54:37] It should be on food stamps. Mm-hmm. I think you should I saw him at that jazz game. He was looking at gaunt. Yeah, dude
[00:54:43] Let's get let's get let's feed him some government cheese
[00:54:47] Noise this is horrible fucking no, but what did the escorp have to pay the taxes anyway shut up, man
[00:54:52] I'm gonna talk about fucking just taxes
[00:54:55] taxes are gay. Yeah, that's what you gay. I'm a libertarian
[00:54:58] The government has no controller for me and there shouldn't be roads. All right, not only is the episode bad
[00:55:04] But now there's like fucking I know audio the episode's fine
[00:55:08] Yeah, I know but there's the sounds all fucked up should we stop for a second? No, I don't know what the fucking problem is it one
[00:55:16] Is it because items gay yes, I don't you know what I don't even give a shit
[00:55:22] What's it what's like staticky and crackling?
[00:55:25] Mm-hmm. Is it a phones? Yeah, there are funds. Oh, it was your phone. It was your phone
[00:55:30] You motherfucker sorry first you're wrong about taxes now you're trying to sabotage the app
[00:55:35] It was one of the people won't see how wrong you are about it was my dog's phone. It was my phone
[00:55:39] No, I see what you're doing dude. Whatever Adam stop reaching for the power cord. Yeah, Adam doesn't want it on record
[00:55:45] He's not really understand taxes. I've already on the record said I do not understand money or taxes and any and I'm not cheap
[00:55:53] And I spend money on the dumbest stuff whatever man like a deetis kind of shit
[00:55:58] You don't even do that shit. I just spent $200 at a deetis because I was stoned would you buy
[00:56:07] I don't need soccer. It's such a nice day. What a horrible day to have to sit inside and podcast
[00:56:12] We can go outside podcast dude. Yeah, you should have podcast too late now. Fuck. It's too late to
[00:56:18] I'm not redoing this. No, no, no, I don't fucking care too. Yes, finally
[00:56:24] That's what I'm saying. Oh, I'm saying the last one we didn't redo was fine
[00:56:29] People didn't know what the fuck the difference was
[00:56:31] As a bonus. Yeah, yeah, it's all the same shit. Well, we just didn't ex rep shit
[00:56:37] Yeah, so it's gay and our dick. No, some of them are good. No most of them. We had the ones the ones when you're in Las Vegas
[00:56:45] Check out check out the real-ass podcast
[00:56:47] With Tim Dylan yesterday. We had a lot of fun. It was a great show
[00:56:53] We had a lot of good riffs on that one. I talked about those his civic guys. I saw a buying down. Oh, yeah, talk about it here
[00:56:58] You only talk about the live show. Yeah, but I already did it on realize podcast dude. That's proprietary man
[00:57:03] We're gonna sue you for doing your best riffs on another show me and Adam are gonna form a fucking s-corp
[00:57:09] We had a union we are we say the whole thing about how the game snooker is bullshit. I love snooker though
[00:57:16] Do you play snooker? I used to when I was okay red balls. It's just like you you you shoot a little
[00:57:22] Yeah, you take turns you put sink all the balls at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to match up the colors
[00:57:28] I know you're supposed to put the ball snooed. Oh, yeah, yeah, that is not even
[00:57:33] That is that's what you're talking about snookers like billiards. Yeah, oh fuck that
[00:57:40] Fuck pool, but it's like all the same color ball. I think or black and red balls
[00:57:45] You have to sink balls in like the appropriate order or whatever. I don't know sounds fucking gay. It is yeah
[00:57:52] Uh, you guys would play bumper pool. Yeah, of course shit rules, dude
[00:57:56] What it's like is it like pinball? They got little bumpers on a pool table and shit. You just gotta get your red
[00:58:00] It's red versus white. I think it's the one you thought snooker was
[00:58:06] Oh, that's bumper pool. Yeah, what's snooker then snooker is like there's a bunch of balls on the table
[00:58:11] Of one person sinks all the balls at once and it's like it's like bowling. I guess it's frames. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've never played
[00:58:18] I don't know. It's stupid. It's a dumb sport. It's like one of those sports where there's like all right
[00:58:22] Well, there's already a more popular version of this and I'm not good at that
[00:58:26] Yeah, you all do the one that most people don't do right and then become good at that and pretend like like racquetball and squash squash
[00:58:35] I love playing squares. I love playing squashed. I like
[00:58:42] Sometimes I put a whole square bracket in my ass. You know what I'd like to do when I put a whole butternut squashed
[00:59:06] Yeah, go to the grocery store. I see the vegetables. Oh boy my ass is starting to water
[00:59:41] This is jake who told me about this guy that he's still like coming to do the mic
[00:59:44] But he used like some texas guy so he had the accent
[00:59:48] He would order ice water, but he had the accent and they're like I gotta big old glass of ass water
[01:00:00] That's what you do after an enema. Yeah, he's drinking
[01:00:06] Man pour me up one of them used colonics
[01:00:13] I guess well sir there's nothing I love more than drinking my wife's coffee
[01:00:17] At the after she passes it make a nice little ice coffee ass coffee ass coffee out of my wife's
[01:00:29] Yeah, well sir. We got a big hot heatable bladder and we fill it with none of them of the hanis Maxwell house
[01:00:36] My wife she gets down doggy style and they use a garden hose to funnel it in the rectum
[01:00:41] And wait about 10 minutes and then she so beautifully paints it all over my face and chest
[01:00:47] Not drink that shit up brother. And that's how I start my day. Mm-hmm. That's how you start a lord. That right about down on
[01:00:54] Yes, well, I'd like to thank every member of the congregation that's come out to our new
[01:01:05] Yeah, yeah, welcome to church after dark and this one Jesus
[01:01:24] It was just eating shrimp fucking and sucking in a polyester cotton blend
[01:01:28] Mm, which is not allowed. Oh, you can turn one or two one and it just also turned that ass out
[01:01:35] Mary Magdalene she he fucked her so hard one time that she pink-socked. Who knows what that is
[01:01:44] Is when the as the pussy come out of the hole
[01:01:49] More or less. That's right. Thank you brother. Very good brother. Jeremiah
[01:01:52] Now the lord bless Jeremiah would down syndrome. That doesn't stop him from knowing how to fuck
[01:02:00] That's that's what church after dark is
[01:02:02] As we give us your sick your poor you're mentally disabled your handicapped
[01:02:11] It's you know when they fucking put their hands on someone and they like pass out and shit
[01:02:15] They do that but they're all coming the great a guy that goes to evangelical like pre-churn. He's like my dick doesn't work anymore
[01:02:32] The guys like dick gets hard and it's like mom faints
[01:02:37] The breeches who wipes the come off his lips. He's like now Satan was trapped in the form of a cum
[01:02:58] This big horse mouth. Yeah, that's I mean it would make sense all those guys are gay dude
[01:03:04] Shout out the creflo dollar the best name of all seven hundred you do a jug about 700 clubs
[01:03:09] Is pat Robertson is like the amount of women that he's fought
[01:03:14] You if you like getting posted this is the show to watch
[01:03:18] I used to confuse the shit. I'm even 700 club came on it was after cartoons because I didn't understand
[01:03:26] What is this? Yeah, I know I had no idea bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, I was waiting for it to be like a funny show or like waiting for him to be sort of like mr
[01:03:35] Rogers was like sunday mornings, right? Yeah, and then and then like 15 minutes and you're like oh, this is some bullshit fucking religious shit
[01:03:45] What no, I thought he came back four days later. I came back 700 years later to create in the middle ages
[01:03:54] Create evangelicalism. What is 700? What is 700? Oh, they named it after the amount of inches of my dick. Yeah
[01:04:02] Pat Robertson Pat Robertson was like bragging about leg pressing 2,000 pounds. Yeah years ago. Is he jagged? No
[01:04:13] Right it feels cool though to put a bunch of plates on yeah
[01:04:17] Was that pat Robertson or papi cannon? No, it's pat Robertson. I don't know why I thought it was papi cannon. No pap you cannon
[01:04:25] So I said some pap you can't end quote or he's like just praising Hitler
[01:04:32] Hell yeah, dude, it's not ironically that rules man. Yeah, well, that's the show for today. Thanks guys
[01:04:43] I feel like when's the next one in two weeks
[01:04:49] Labor Day or whatever. Yeah, auto bar Memorial Day August
[01:04:57] Fourth yeah by those otter bar tickets and then Cleveland and Boston in September and I think I'm in long I'm in long island in july
[01:05:06] The 12th august 12th at auto bar and then yet Cleveland and Boston in September. Yeah, let's do it folks. Bye