Cum Town | Regular | 05/31/2018
[00:00:00] Motherfucking begin. This is our first or second episode with intern Stobros. Stobros on the ones in motherfucking twos
[00:00:09] L. Zars make sure all those inputs are set correctly. I think they are all right. Are they they're all on
[00:00:15] He has the headphones in so you can hear all of us. I can hear everybody. Everybody sounds good. Everybody sound good
[00:00:23] What a bill Clinton. Hey bill Clinton is me. No, there's one thing I love it's
[00:00:32] Heading back down to Arkansas to get nice sweaty hog shoved up my oh, yeah, my country boyhole
[00:00:38] That's right putting a cigar in a man's ass. Yeah, I'm smoking it. I like to get a blowjob. Where's
[00:00:44] Mon that way I literally did the Montel Lewinsky joke
[00:00:48] I'm pretty sure I said that on the show before that's funny. God damn. He's a marijuana advocate
[00:00:54] You know we can have bad episodes that are filled with dead air, but repeating bits will be the death of this
[00:00:59] We never do it. We've done it. We've done it numerous times. I'm just kidding. Are you? Yeah?
[00:01:05] Well, that's the first time you've ever done a just kidding on the show
[00:01:08] You've ever just dreamed before in your life. It's true. I'm dead serious normally
[00:01:13] We got a regular Joshua Jewish over here Josh and us. Oh hell yeah, I was just doing a Joshua a
[00:01:25] It's a type of a tree or a desert plant. It was also a you two album. Yeah
[00:01:31] You too, why was you too famous? Then we take all sucks dick, right? Because no
[00:01:36] I'm not as bad as people said if all the shit that Ireland exports you too is the only thing that's not like complete and
[00:01:43] Auto trash. What about the cranberries?
[00:01:48] Happened everyone's really sad when they leave dear DRA
[00:01:56] Yeah, I mean today, but there are people like for people like going to cranberries shows. I guess so I guess yeah
[00:02:03] It's yeah in the night people. No. I mean now. I guess people go to fucking everything dude
[00:02:08] I mean people so go see like Pauli shore. Yeah, because it's about going about your youth. Yeah, yeah
[00:02:13] It's pretty impossible to lose any well, I could you know who's going to like like I can't wait to go see Marcy playground
[00:02:21] I smell dick inside my ass you smell it. That's the only sense. No feeling in my
[00:02:54] They're angry at me. They're all angry at me
[00:02:58] Oh, this is like can you smell the dicks right now? It's like yes, and then it pans out and Bruce Willis is pants are down
[00:03:14] This is why his wife won't talk to him during that restaurant is Dick's just out. He's like god damn it speak to me
[00:03:22] Whatever so the ending is we find out he's a ghost is dead. Yeah, so what happens is he so there's no you know
[00:03:29] Haley Joel just has to go through life seeing ghosts. Yeah, well
[00:03:33] He never for us is the ghost that helped him right because he's like a child psychologist and his unfinished business was like
[00:03:40] You know see that patient he couldn't help and the patient he couldn't help Donnie wall. He's killing
[00:03:45] I got a young patient this kid Donnie he's got terminal Bostonitis
[00:03:58] Okay, Donnie that's normal where you're from I just don't want to hear the
[00:04:04] Word you failed me you failed me dr. Edward
[00:04:15] It's okay. Well, it's Stevenson, but I see I see your point now
[00:04:20] So Haley Joel just has to keep seeing dead people
[00:04:24] Yeah, but he was he's cool with it now because he's gotten some psychotherapy gotcha. Yeah
[00:04:30] This is cool. I saw I'm getting the New York Times home delivery
[00:04:34] So I'm just someone through the headlines here Nick said newspaper reading the arts page for we got a headline an error
[00:04:42] In the art section the art section the utopia well races am used to Chinese is an art in and of itself
[00:04:48] My argument for that is that I do it for a living. Yes
[00:04:54] I wish I didn't have to but now last night again
[00:04:58] Best part of my son. I did did you got joke about Billy Joel and then I had to find that Chinese voice to say I
[00:05:05] Could have not done it. I could have not done. I wasn't funny until I did it. No, it was funny
[00:05:09] Now you're just in your head, dude. Maybe I am you're just in your head about never not gonna be in my head
[00:05:13] Which like when you you know, it's funny. I was browsing the
[00:05:17] The subreddit which I don't often do why
[00:05:20] Well cuz the chapel I saw the chapel thing and I thought would check ours pop over yeah pop over
[00:05:27] I guess good content on there sometimes. Yeah, some of the kids are funny
[00:05:32] Most of them could easily replace any of us on the show
[00:05:36] Maybe 70% of them could replace you probably
[00:05:39] 10% stop and then 8% me 8% of them could replace you probably yeah
[00:05:45] That's fair the problem is is that none of them know how to do levels on record
[00:05:49] That's true. That's what makes a successful podcast
[00:05:52] Is that we have to get gear? Yeah, I know all about gear head. I'm basically a sound engineer
[00:05:58] You know I understand how knobs work. What kind of buttons the press. Yeah, I feel like also
[00:06:02] I got the New York Times home delivery, so I stay informed. I see some dumbass millennial try that
[00:06:11] Millennials like oldest shit like they are I feel like the label should scale down because you know what I'm a fucking grown man
[00:06:18] I don't want to be called a fucking millennial anymore. Yeah, I was next one Gen Z. No, I want to be greatest generation
[00:06:24] I want credit for the young the Nazis. Yeah storming the beaches of Normandy. Yeah. Yeah, we got to out meme the Nazis boys
[00:06:30] That's our world war two. Yeah, we got a fuck that fucking takedown Pepe
[00:06:34] Yeah, that's gonna get a big suck battle still happening the alt right
[00:06:39] Yeah, does anyone give a shit about I think people moved on right? They should although Roseanne's why don't we all just get in the model?
[00:06:46] Yeah free Roseanne free Roseanne our girl
[00:06:50] Stances that we should bring back resident someone tweeted today
[00:06:54] Bring back Roseanne and replace it with stuff
[00:06:58] Show is you like all cast black woman remake of Roseanne, but it's called nose and and they all wear anti-Semitic
[00:07:06] Giant noses. Yeah, so they're black women making fun of Jews
[00:07:11] Mmm, and but then it's the plot of Roseanne. Okay, that way
[00:07:21] It's filled with black women they get wondering what middle America gets Roseanne back with a caveat sure
[00:07:27] It's filled with black women making fun of Jews now. Are these prosthetic giant noses? Are they black or are they white?
[00:07:33] They're white of course. Yeah, okay, so it's on their black face on their black face. Okay, so you know
[00:07:38] It's fake. Yes, just to make it look extra fake right well in that case then it's fine
[00:07:42] I think yeah, you're trying to okay. Yeah, that's well. I'm fine with that. I think I'd watch nose and so is
[00:07:51] All the characters are all black women. Yeah, so John Goodman black woman who plays John Goodman
[00:08:01] We got to get Sherry Shepard in the mix. Uh-huh. Niecy Nash with her big titties by the way shots out to the
[00:08:10] On TNT during the NBA player. Yeah, I've I've just fallen into watching claws because Niecy Nash's big ass titties
[00:08:18] Are just all the way out. What's the what's the what's the time stamp?
[00:08:21] But we are at eight minutes and 24 seconds eight minutes and 24 seconds custom
[00:08:28] Oh my man doing a fucking timer. Oh timer here. Is that the series three Apple watch?
[00:08:41] Know what the problem with clauses they got Carla from scrubs
[00:08:45] They got the bald guy from breaking out of the other guy
[00:08:48] But they got Carla from scrubs and she's real butched up not hot at all
[00:08:52] Was that Zach Raff's girlfriend or the blonde girl? No, no, no Carla, bro, which was close sexy Latina
[00:08:58] There was there was hanging out with fucking Turk. Do you uh-huh?
[00:09:03] Was Stacy Dash on that show no no, oh the reason I brought up what is this chocolate on here if that's shit
[00:09:10] Why would there be a shit on Apple brick? Why would there be chocolate on it because it's on a table people
[00:09:17] We ate chocolate a couple episodes go well numerous times in my life. I've thought shit was chocolate
[00:09:23] Fool me one. I want that happening again not before my 30th birthday
[00:09:28] I want to close out my tonies with a smooth seven incidents of thinking
[00:09:36] Shit was chocolate what was one other incident? Oh, I don't know
[00:09:39] I mean really I'm only thinking of a time I put a cocoa puff in my mouth that turned out to be a ball of
[00:09:46] No, it would have been awesome. No, I've never put shit in my mouth. I don't think you've never just looked down the toilet
[00:10:08] What do you say though you said you just remembered something oh yeah, no no I was saying I went on the subreddit
[00:10:13] They got they post some good stuff on there. There was a story about a
[00:10:19] Yeah, the top surgery is that way you you got that for the subreddit I did I said when you sent a tough
[00:10:24] Yeah, a child with Down syndrome who's dying and in intensive care and they're raising money to get it top surgery
[00:10:31] Oh my god really wait it's dying to yeah, it's a dying
[00:10:36] I'm only saying it because I don't know the gender key. I don't know the pro top surgery is getting your tits removed
[00:10:42] No, yeah, oh, maybe it's getting tits. I think you maybe it's getting big juicy double these on that dying
[00:10:53] Would be a good make a waste for just a little either way dude you could get tits or have tits removed top surgery doesn't necessarily
[00:10:59] Mean one way or the other that would be really funny if it was just die. I just want to straight my
[00:11:05] Young son is dying. I want his wish to be to get double the titties on the way
[00:11:11] Yeah, he wants to meet the Dallas Cowboys and get a huge pair of John Cena and just fucking double these
[00:11:24] About John Cena man's penis going into his mouth
[00:11:32] I feel like we didn't get enough mileage out of the wife of the day labor named John Cena just seen
[00:11:37] I'm seeing John Cena John Cena Gonzalez
[00:11:40] When CINA yeah, John Cena, you know some of them are just technically
[00:11:47] Beautiful, you know beautiful and then all the machinery to go deliver as promised
[00:11:52] Mm-hmm as much as they should it's more beautiful to think of them as a concept as an idea
[00:11:57] Yeah, you know what I mean like John Cena that's in your head dude and you smile
[00:12:01] Mm-hmm. Exactly. I have to take it out for that long of a spin. Yeah, anyways the Italian president sinks coalition do it
[00:12:08] You know what? I don't know who the Italian president is this little burles go still burles go knee. No Sergio, Matt or Ella
[00:12:14] What they got a new what awesome. Yeah, it hasn't been Burles go knee for like seven years
[00:12:27] No, really yeah, we never did a video him like getting out of a limo in a woman walk spot. He's like
[00:12:34] Think I feel like he was like the he was Trump
[00:12:37] He was Trump before Trump because he was like a rich ass business nice cool in Trump though
[00:12:41] He owns like the media there. He owns AC Milan. Oh damn. He does yeah that rules. Yeah
[00:12:47] He rocks dude. Yeah, what were the parties? Bunga Bunga. Oh, yeah, does that mean ass fucking something like that
[00:12:54] Him and a bunch of like old Italian. He's just fuck that is really dance. That's gross
[00:12:58] So when you think about who has to fuck Burles go knee?
[00:13:01] Oh, no, I think this is a fun headline ASAP rocky tests the limits of a box
[00:13:08] What box I mean, I'm assuming I think it's a blowing out the back of a 14 year old who attended his show last week
[00:13:15] ASAP rocky turns to me and smiles. I love fucking gas
[00:13:19] Oh, that's cool. We're yeah, we're in the double tree after one of his shows in Stanford, Connecticut
[00:13:30] Her cervix has been pressed all the way in they're small intestine
[00:13:38] What is that how did this get past dinner ASAP rocky tests the limits of a box
[00:13:43] Yeah, dude, it's art dude. I guess that did eat. What are they referencing? I don't know
[00:13:48] The box where he like yeah, he's a performance installation lab rat where he's in a box
[00:13:53] That's you know, he's like a renaissance man. I feel like that's what I feel like everyone would do that for a while where you'd like
[00:13:59] Lived in a window. You know, I mean like a stavey Blaine did it David Blaine did it
[00:14:03] Hannibal Lecter did it Magneto did it. Yeah, I'm doing it was cool. Yeah
[00:14:10] Plastic box to put him in a plastic prison because he can use his mind to control metal
[00:14:15] Did you know I don't understand is how like kid professor acts through the same exact thing?
[00:14:21] Professor X can do it with everything right and he's like this is my greatest foe is a guy that has the same power
[00:14:27] It's with the only metal only metal and it can't read minds or control people
[00:14:32] Damn professor. I should have done way more shit. Of course. He should make Magneto suck his dick
[00:14:37] And then it's like yeah, try to take over the world now
[00:14:39] Why don't you have that memory in your head for the rest of your life in fact? I'm going to control your mind so you have flashbacks every 20 minutes
[00:14:47] Every time every time you start to think about taking over the fucking world boom there it is
[00:14:56] Well, you're a line of Chevy's, you know, just trying to get some some chicken tortilla soup
[00:15:01] And then boom there it is my fucking cock all the way down his rug was that a subtext magnet faggot together?
[00:15:09] Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that's like a sub-tone
[00:15:16] Doing an American accent, but not he was just making absolutely no efforts of it doing American. Have you seen green room?
[00:15:22] I have oh, yeah, that's good. We watched it this weekend. It wasn't that scary. I'll say no that's a great movie
[00:15:29] But it was cool. Yeah, you're a dumb bitch if you think that sounded good movie
[00:15:33] I thought it was a good movie. I just said what's his name?
[00:15:37] You're a assault the sauna. It's the same crew that did like blue room. Yeah, it's the director
[00:15:46] Fresh nice could make magneto suck his dick and shit. Why can't he just walk?
[00:15:50] Right. Yeah, now people have made that point. I mean, that's funny, but I've heard that before why to you wouldn't even have to walk
[00:15:56] Yeah, he also can't make his hair grow. Yeah
[00:16:03] That's funny. It's like it's a future world where people can control everything and there's absolutely no way will ever cure baldness
[00:16:10] That will never be cured damn dude. I want plugs
[00:16:15] And then beast was supposed to be like what like Frazier if he wasn't gay Frazier. Yeah
[00:16:22] Yeah, they're like beast. Listen, we can cure you, but you have to be a gay man in Seattle. He's like no
[00:16:32] Was beast wait beast in the first class and all those he's like a guy sometimes in blue sometimes he's always blue
[00:16:41] Yeah, I don't know in first class. I think he turns blue he fucks up his experiment and he makes himself extra mutating
[00:16:47] Oh, it's from just fucked up little feet little beast feet. Yeah, and then he becomes a beast full-time because he fucks
[00:16:53] And he has like a tail is like Icarus. He flew too close to the motherfucking
[00:16:57] Yeah, you know I'm saying so now he's blue as hell all the fucking time. Yeah, I'm actually
[00:17:03] He could probably lay it down though. He could probably lay some beastly pipe. He fucks someone I think
[00:17:12] Are there any animals that have fur on their dicks
[00:17:20] Yeah, boy. They got the feathers all over the dick. They do yeah
[00:17:24] Yeah, and then it expands. Have you ever seen a turtle's cock? No, it like opens up
[00:17:29] Whoa, and it's got like four like a plaid post is dick. It's got like four trumpets on the end
[00:17:33] That's that rules it kind of looks like an air raid siren. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:17:42] Yeah, that's not what a dick is supposed to look like rather fuck or be fucked by an air raid siren looking genitalia
[00:17:48] Like if there's a pussy to look like an air raid siren would that do it for you? No
[00:17:54] Made the noise when you made her yeah, what if it was a loud type?
[00:17:57] I don't understand why people have to like they assume that an autistic obsession is somehow sexual
[00:18:05] Pleasing yeah, I don't know what it is about air raid sirens. It attracts me
[00:18:13] You like it when the Orthodox do every Friday every Friday night fucking day
[00:18:17] Yeah, I go to the window and I listen to it for those of you that are not from New York that Orthodox people play an air
[00:18:23] It's iron right before show I was a little kid anytime my heart attorney
[00:18:27] I remember the first time I heard a like a like a storm warning or when they test the air raid
[00:18:32] Yeah, I was like what oh wow. Yeah, you're like this is it. I was like what is that this is the top?
[00:18:36] Yeah, I was like what is this sound you can hear it everywhere. Yeah
[00:18:41] No, and then I didn't yeah until I was like older and I spent like five hours watching air raid siren videos on YouTube one day
[00:18:49] Someone on Twitter made a joke about people with siren autism. I was like ha ha
[00:18:57] And then I found out that's like what does he listen to in the account when he has the strobe light
[00:19:02] And then he's like rolling his body. I just like disturb. He listens like metal right? Oh, yeah, fuck. Yeah, I
[00:19:09] Just Starbucks is close. Oh, what were you saying? No?
[00:19:11] I just imagining you when you finally find happiness will be you just in a room by yourself with an air raid sound playing
[00:19:18] You're just smiling dude. Yeah, your eyes closed fucking. No, I mean the only way I'll ever be happy is if I get that Frank freeze at a pain
[00:19:25] 1.8 a cool 1.8 mill brother. It's really that's how much money it takes to be happy in New York
[00:19:33] You need to be like a fucking multi millionaire
[00:19:35] Otherwise, you're still like somehow and it's funny because I remember that like there's articles about it like for five years
[00:19:42] You guys read where it's like people saying like, you know 250 thousand dollars
[00:19:46] It's not a lot of money in New York and it's like oh shut the fuck up, you know, but now that I'm here
[00:19:50] It's like, you know, you got it by the racing wheel
[00:19:56] You know, I have to put my son in private school. Mm-hmm. Where'd you send him Dalton? I sent him to Dalton
[00:20:07] I said to a guy that dresses up like Dalton
[00:20:10] And teaches him how to bar for forty five dollars a year. I need you to learn my son how to bartend
[00:20:16] There's only three rules here number one be nice
[00:20:21] Number two, I forget the other two rules in the movie Roadhouse. I've never seen Roadhouse yet you have it
[00:20:26] I want to do a roadhouse episode. I'd love a great way fucking burn our stupid show
[00:20:37] Rest in peace, I would love to RIP the Sways, man. Wait, so you what movies have you seen Swayzian dirty dancing?
[00:20:43] Ghost ghost. Yeah, have you ever seen dirty dancing? It's pretty funny pretty much just ghost. I think you see dirty dancing
[00:20:51] Yeah, it's about a guy that shits himself every time you go dancing dirty dancing new deli
[00:20:59] It's about a summer camp if they do salsa in the 50s, but you go to camp with your family. I've seen the movie
[00:21:04] Wait, it's a nobody puts baby in the corner. Is that John Lithgow?
[00:21:09] No, no, no, no the guy from law and order plays the dad
[00:21:19] I can't believe my gay son is doing dancing especially that dirty
[00:21:28] Elliot you want to come in here and do dirty fucking dancing
[00:21:34] They listen to tell me why you rate that little girl
[00:21:41] What you think raping a little girl makes you a man no dancing doesn't either
[00:21:48] Damn dude, it's about having a ponytail on leather jack
[00:21:52] I feel being a man the ball still have like a wet ponytail always brother. I love that look
[00:21:59] Dude, I'm gonna get a wet bald pony. Yeah, it's coming in. I'm going bald enough soon that is gonna happen, bro
[00:22:05] How do you get your hair always looking wet like that dude?
[00:22:09] Just fucking you need some sort of product a pomade baby pomade a pomade cocoa butter
[00:22:19] You know how they have those little squirt balls to scare cats with yeah, you just got to be
[00:22:23] Scared those and we've got a squirt bottle of scare cats with the catcher. It's a regular regular spray spray bottle
[00:22:29] Oh, okay. I wanted those for my bonsai trees
[00:22:32] Which hey if you're one of these bonsai pros out there, that's DMing me to call me a faggot
[00:22:37] And I'm not good at bonsai. You know what that's not what bonsai is about
[00:22:42] Everybody has their own their own journey do not hate on my man Nick
[00:22:46] They're like it's gonna take 10 years before that even looks like a tree well, so be it. Yeah
[00:22:51] I'm gonna be an old Japanese man. That's right my little cottage and a hill somewhere
[00:22:56] You know this got nothing but time brother is bench pressing and fucking doing bonsai
[00:23:01] Bro, I did I did a fucking masterful home workout with my little brother the other day
[00:23:06] Would you do Nick was up for your brother? I fucked him by the way guys. It's almost home workout month
[00:23:23] God damn dude. Yeah, that was a big we were laughing about that at the live show. I was saying this morning to amber
[00:23:30] That they're you know, they did the OJ series American crime story and they did the John Benet one
[00:23:35] There has to be a dramatic 10 part series on the Chris
[00:23:40] You just find all actors that look exactly like Chris
[00:23:43] Yeah, you know one that looks a lot exactly like Chris Jericho. Yep, and then you just get Jericho
[00:23:49] You could just get your goes around he's available. He fancies himself in actor. He did people talking sports. Did he?
[00:23:55] Yeah, he's a cool guy, right? Yeah, he's charismatic
[00:23:58] Well anyways you get him to do a dramatic series about the death of his colleague and
[00:24:02] Yeah, that would be a great. I would watch the shit out of that
[00:24:05] That would be the series of the summer 100% and you know what?
[00:24:09] Optioning the story works or what's legal in terms of doing that shit, but I might write a little spec and pitch it
[00:24:15] Well technically agency that doesn't speak to me
[00:24:20] Hey, I know it cost that company six million dollars
[00:24:24] My come podcast, but we think about this
[00:24:28] Just a little quick treatment this guy murdered his family with wrestling news a decade ago
[00:24:33] And then the same vein is the John Benet Ramsey series
[00:24:37] We do a series about a man with CTE murdering his family and then hanging himself in the bowflats
[00:24:47] Straight the voicemail, okay, I mean cripple a crossface to son to death
[00:24:53] That is a literal finishing move well technically
[00:24:56] If he killed his entire family then no one owns his estate then right I'm pretty sure I was nearly a lawyer for grabs
[00:25:03] So that means that the story you could just use yeah, you don't have to pay anyone
[00:25:08] Or you probably don't have to if it's a public story and their public figures. Why wouldn't you be able to I guess we can do the unlicensed story
[00:25:15] Yeah, crams been only today if the pay anyone to do the OJ series
[00:25:20] I think I don't know a lot of times people just find a book and then they they option the book
[00:25:28] They must have written a book about it. Let's go option that. Yeah, let's start our own studio
[00:25:33] Yeah, let's go bankrupt and every cent we make on page
[00:25:37] Well, why don't I just write the Chris Ben Wambook and then I option for myself now you're
[00:25:45] I get a book advance and then I optioned I need extra money from the book publisher to option my own story
[00:25:50] And then that's good idea. I like that. How about this we started our own fucking publishing about this
[00:25:58] It's my story and then I'll be fictionalized my story as a man named Chris Benoit
[00:26:04] It's who's not related to the original Chris
[00:26:07] It's based on my story. It's a man who happens to be the Chris Ben. Well, but it's the story about me
[00:26:19] You got to start a family right you gotta let them grow up for like gosh you get in here. No, don't don't make that joke
[00:26:32] She's gonna be a millionaire dude. Well, no, she'll be dead. I guess who Dasha. Yeah, I'm gonna kill her a child
[00:26:39] Who are we gonna make who are we gonna find? Oh?
[00:26:41] I guess I mean I guess Nick can get me Chris Benoit story the true story of professional wrestler Nick
[00:26:58] Hold on was it W. Yeah, I guess it was W. Yeah, they switched from W. F and what 98
[00:27:03] Then he said they got to see yeah, there was like a lawsuit. No, it was like 97 or 98
[00:27:08] I think it was later than that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, cuz I remember I remember that
[00:27:13] Maybe I just remember learning what the World Wildlife Fund was in like fourth grade
[00:27:17] I remember watching raw in like seventh grade and that was
[00:27:23] I remember going to Greece and being like and we they still had like very bootleg like
[00:27:28] video game rental shit and me and my family would spend like six weeks or whatever at a time in Greece and
[00:27:34] My cousin was like big news. We're gonna go get fucking rent a video game. It's gonna be awesome
[00:27:39] He was like what do you want and they didn't have pictures? It was all bootleg
[00:27:42] They just literally burn all the games and one just said WWF and I was like oh my god. Yes
[00:27:47] Let's get this it was like that's like my big game
[00:27:49] I'm in Greece and we fucking put it in and it's just a bunch of gas pandas and shit. There was no fucking
[00:27:57] And it wasn't even like a game that you could do anything it was like
[00:28:00] It was like a fucking you remember those games were just like stories and you just like picked
[00:28:05] It was like a choose your own adventure book. Yeah, it was like what do you want the pandas to eat bamboo a press a for eat bamboo
[00:28:13] beef or yeah, I around it was the fucking biggest let down of my fucking life, dude
[00:28:18] So opening scene the Chris Benoit movie. He's in an exercise at equipment store
[00:28:22] and he's looking over all of like the both flexes and stuff and
[00:28:27] You know he's like the salesman's talking to him and he's like yeah
[00:28:30] Yeah, yeah, this is this one and then you can see that he's like going over the features and then from Benoit's perspective
[00:28:36] His ears start ringing and he's like zoning out. Yeah, and he doesn't really know what's happening. Mm-hmm. You know
[00:28:42] Oh, yeah, that like hi pitch any like yeah, yeah, and then he like comes back and the guy's like mr. Benoit mr
[00:28:48] Benoit and he's like oh, yeah, yeah, sorry
[00:28:59] You know like the and then just pictures of wrestling move super
[00:29:04] Yeah, yeah, I think you got a crisp and wild
[00:29:06] Major Selba, you know title card you got to open on a cold open which is the crime, right?
[00:29:12] And then you got to spend the entire ten episodes. Yeah, the nine one one one one call
[00:29:22] Did another reservoir find him dead I don't
[00:29:25] For this for this whole Hogan found I like that watch a man found
[00:29:31] Give me a second. I gotta snap into a slim
[00:29:39] Oh, yeah, dude, okay, so so that's okay. I like that you got you have him like zoning out
[00:29:45] You can tell that he has a I want to play yoko's una and I'm gonna be in yellow face
[00:29:49] Okay, yeah, let's ask you right now. Come on. Let me be you got to break this story. No. No. Yeah. Yeah
[00:29:54] Let's let's let's come up with an arc for the 10 episodes, right?
[00:29:57] So the cold open is most important and then yeah, we can probably bang out act one before we need to take a break for
[00:30:07] If you want any cuz look I am a professional television writer
[00:30:11] Right if you guys want to see what it's like this is the process in the zone with me when I'm on the fucking clock
[00:30:16] You know when I'm not goofing off with my boys on a stupid podcast. This is how it works
[00:30:21] Adam go get the index cards. Yeah, I got that go ahead and start putting holes in your wall. Okay. That's fine
[00:30:26] Yeah, can you just set up an entire like whiteboard system? Yeah, I'm gonna get that whiteboard pain
[00:30:32] We need some Laquaz and goldfish. Okay, I got the
[00:30:35] Let's take a minute and we're gonna spend the next 20 minutes writing down our favorite Laquaf ladies
[00:30:39] And then we'll give that to the production assistant
[00:30:42] Which who is Adam is that well? Yeah as the only non television writer on this on the show. Oh, that's right
[00:30:49] I forgot you wrote for television. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Adam's the only one which is funny because
[00:30:58] For television, but I am in the guild. Yeah
[00:31:02] Yeah, it's right. I don't really even consider myself a TV writer, but I guess I've written for like what for show
[00:31:07] Are you in the guild? No, I'm a week away. I was a week away. Are you kidding? Yeah, the show guy?
[00:31:12] Well, I think it cancels just get picked up. Yeah, we fold the order. So you'll you'll get a sense cancellation
[00:31:17] It's the same. It's hard to get in the writer's guild. It's very hard. Yeah, but I was like a week off
[00:31:21] And I probably won't at this because it's because you know if you look at the trajectory of my career
[00:31:25] I mean the writing jobs is sort of dried up. Who knows yeah for me. I mean I write for the same shit every year
[00:31:30] But no, I've got something in my back pocket. You know, we'll see what Chris Ben was story. Chris Ben. Yeah, okay. All right
[00:31:37] All right, let's get back to hold on. It's lunch break. So
[00:31:46] But on sports which you can do anywhere now
[00:31:50] But why do it anywhere when you can do it with one of the best places to do it bet dsi.com
[00:31:56] That's right bitch. They've been in business for over 20 years. They're not one of these new players to the the sports betting game
[00:32:01] They've been around for a while and they got a great easy to use mobile app. I use it myself
[00:32:06] You know bet on people I don't like you know that pools. Yes, right exactly
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[00:32:18] They have a great track record of paying out their customers and one of the top reviews
[00:32:24] Sports betting websites online now. I don't actually bet on sports
[00:32:28] So you can bet on a lot of different things a lot of events, you know
[00:32:31] Like what's the NBA finals coming up right now any and the Stanley Cup finals go nights go
[00:32:37] So you can play spats on things like who is Stanley, you know, yeah, who's good. Nobody knows who that was it was the guy that came up the
[00:32:44] Construction stuttering Stanley from six cents
[00:32:47] Yeah, I don't know the difference between gambling and trivia
[00:32:53] That's another thing that you can bet on you offer live in-game wagering that's all you know
[00:32:58] You can make plays as the game edge your bets when you're losing. Yeah, what do you guys you got some picks for us?
[00:33:04] NBA finals are coming up and it seems like I will maybe give LeBron one game
[00:33:10] I'm saying warriors and five three bet the cab get the yeah, that's where they go home. Yeah
[00:33:15] I'd say yeah, Caz game three. That's it. That's a safe bet, but I don't know what the line is safe bet, bro
[00:33:22] I don't even know it could very well be a sweep. It's looking like I hope not LeBron's like a pretty epic fucking
[00:33:29] mismatch we think that game seven game seven was a real sleeper as
[00:33:34] Sleepier, what do you think about? What do you think about gah hockey, bro?
[00:33:40] We went home and we watched game seven on the television, but on my phone
[00:33:46] Golden Knights than one game one. I mean I could see that going. I don't know. This is such a fucking improbable
[00:33:54] Game two I would take the Knights at home. There's a guy on the cap says that's
[00:34:01] Suspended for the game for a late hit at the end game. I don't really know much about hockey
[00:34:05] I'm a fake hockey fan. I started actually no, that's not true
[00:34:11] My grandfather is in the hospital and he's rooted for the Golden Knights for 85 years and he is on
[00:34:19] Death's door, but he just wants to see this
[00:34:22] There's magic there and the magic of the magic of
[00:34:25] Anyways, that all sounds boring to me, but if you place bets on this stuff at bet dsi.com mix it a lot more fun
[00:34:31] It really in fact while I was sitting here. I made 200 million dollars
[00:34:35] What would you bet on I don't know whether Adam sucks dick. Yeah, that was it. That was the one Nick you bet
[00:34:43] So once again go to bet dsi.com and use promo code come 25 that's capital C
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[00:35:00] You know might as well just take that free money go check it out develop a little bit of a gambling problem
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[00:35:10] Yep, and let me tell you smoking made me the man I am today five foot one
[00:35:16] I can't run up a flight of stairs. My dick doesn't work. My teeth are very dark
[00:35:23] Dick that indicates some kind of circulation kind of a livery color. Yes very much so like paté
[00:35:30] Not enormous paté right it doesn't look like another race. It looks like a like it's like a maroon a boiled piece of
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[00:35:46] Hit your free $25 wager and the 200% extra bonus go gamble it'd be great and we're back
[00:35:53] And what were we talking about the crisp and was the Chris Ben was oh the Chris Ben was back at work
[00:35:57] Let me plug my date in Seattle also well in the middle of the show six 28 laughs in Seattle Thursday
[00:36:03] That's already up, and then I'll be in Portland. I think seven
[00:36:08] It's probably gonna be at the siren theater, and it's probably gonna be either the third of July or the second or first
[00:36:13] So anyway, hopefully it'll be up by the time you hear this but yes come out and see me right before
[00:36:18] Independence day. That's right. All right, so
[00:36:26] 9-1-1 call all right, okay, so here's the book
[00:36:29] It's called christen nancy the true story of the Ben wall murder suicide and pro wrestling's cocktail of death
[00:36:34] So we're gonna go free sample, and if you just read the sample you don't have to option whole book. Yeah, that's true
[00:36:40] It's available to the public on Amazon. Yeah, yeah
[00:36:44] When a writer's room what they call a maverick, you know
[00:36:49] They call me a goose because I like to instead of doing my job
[00:36:53] Argue with the lawyers from by a calm about what constitutes fair use and harassment. Yeah
[00:36:59] You're one of the finest legal minds. I know
[00:37:03] Yeah, they really they really enjoy having me around when I say technically
[00:37:09] It's not it's not child pornography because the baby's penis is in heart
[00:37:15] Yeah, by urban much Nick that's this guy's name
[00:37:38] Urban much dick he's a real loose asshole take that over and you fucking bitch
[00:37:45] All right, let's go. Let's start this what was what's he say? What's ervin say?
[00:37:49] I'm okay. Please don't want. Oh, yeah, here we go grow up your 40
[00:37:53] This is a it opens with a text message to our from Nancy to Chris
[00:37:59] Grow up your 40 years old for mighty takes get off this stuff. It's obvious
[00:38:03] I'm probably not the only one who can see and you both know
[00:38:12] The scandal is in what's illegal. It's it's what's legal. I don't know who Michael Kingsley is
[00:38:17] I share an unintended badge of honor. This is a forward by Phil Mushnick
[00:38:23] Phil Munster brother who also much is dick. Yeah
[00:38:33] The fuck is this now it's all about a stupid last name boo
[00:38:38] Staten Islander or when Mushnick became Mushnick or was living in New York. Oh, you're reading the art about the author
[00:38:44] No, I'm doing reading the sand. Why is this included in the sample damn dude?
[00:38:49] That's fucking bullshit. Never trust a munch dick. All right. Let's get let's get into it, please
[00:38:54] What do you guys remember but much that was a good ass child?
[00:39:06] All right, don't let me leave me hanging here guys the dick shit the dick the dick
[00:39:15] I got you know the ball a little bit ISO for me. Here comes the site that scene in cliffhanger where he's like just barely hang out
[00:39:36] Alright, what are you looking up at the entire sample up for I'm looking up another Chris Benoit book, okay?
[00:39:42] All right, fuck it. We don't need the books. We'll make up our own goddamn story. All right, so he's in the
[00:39:47] Bowflex thing and now we the conflict we have to establish is between him and his wife Nance
[00:39:53] Well to me it's already she's 350 pounds black one. Mm-hmm. You know, hold on we got the
[00:40:03] Yeah, it's better. It's over now Nancy Benoit stop DJ stuff Rose on the one's mother
[00:40:08] Fucking shoes. What kind of dispute are there having in home? She's making lunch for the kids. Mm-hmm. Oh, she was a professional wrestler, too
[00:40:18] All right, so she want that detail in there. No, let's get rid of that. Let's make her
[00:40:24] theoretical physicists I like that because we contrast the two brains and right on yeah
[00:40:30] So she's she's at the forefront of science. She was raped by Neil deGrasse Tyson in the 1990s
[00:40:35] She's the woman that was raised by him. Yes, and that's why nobody knows who she is and she had to marry a mental retard
[00:40:42] Yeah, so she's living a quiet life and quiet life hiding from the science world, but quietly doing science in the attic. Yep. Yep
[00:40:49] What if Neil deGrasse Tyson where the attic where she lives because it's the only place in the house. It's not filled with exercise
[00:40:58] Think I think we got a fucking the sec the
[00:41:00] The on the grassy know Neil deGrasse Tyson to cover up. I like that. Yeah, it's actually the one who crippled cross faces her
[00:41:08] That's what that's what Chris Benoit is quietly dealing with he's piecing together the fact that his wife was raped by Neil
[00:41:14] So he's got like in the basement. He's got a whole like set up like with like a strings and like
[00:41:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah coming up with like shit this who ran my wife just all the arms of the bowflex lead
[00:41:32] Astrophysics and he has to lift this way and he has to lift the strings together
[00:41:37] Okay, all right, so you get home from the bowflex door and she's like where have you been?
[00:41:42] He was like I was just at a bar drinking and she was like let me see your phone
[00:41:45] He's like I don't want to show you my phone. I've just been I've been getting drunk all day during the day
[00:41:49] Yeah, she was like you were at the Bowflex store again
[00:41:51] It's like get off my fucking ass you don't know everything I'm doing for you
[00:41:58] She's like doing for us what you just because you put food on the table
[00:42:01] He's like I do a hell lot more than that and at the time we're on her side because we don't know that he's solving her rape with
[00:42:13] Yes, so we initially we just said because people know the story people know he murdered his family
[00:42:18] So he has to look like they think the first and then as we peel back the layers he becomes a more sympathetic character
[00:42:24] Mm-hmm as we remove weights from the stack. Yes
[00:42:29] And that's what the title card should be it's like yes people's names and then different settings of the bowflex lowering
[00:42:35] Yes, and not yeah as we get more and deeper into this story. You're also I'm gonna be directing it as well
[00:42:42] Okay, I think I think like something that could really add to this project is if we have a lot of
[00:42:50] Dialogue dialogue free scene. Let's get that guy that did true detective. Yeah, we could have him
[00:42:57] Yama Gucci yeah, yeah, yeah that guy he's
[00:43:04] Okay, we have a lot of decky yama. She's a Gucci. We need a lot of dialogue free
[00:43:08] Like sort of with just only like a kind of a hard rock
[00:43:13] Soundtracked of men just getting ripped what has to be what it has to be is a moment strong
[00:43:20] Moments where we're seeing the old Chris come through have to be under underlined
[00:43:25] By hair metal because yeah, it has to dial back to the 1980s motley crew right
[00:43:30] Excesses that led to in fact yeah, right we should get Tommy Lee on board. Yeah quiet riot
[00:43:41] The 80s were kind of like when steroids were king right yeah, that was like a hot
[00:43:46] You know what but we only hear it. We only hear when Chris is driving around in his 1997 era star listening to quiet
[00:43:55] So it will it'll it'll wow that sat sure quiet right saturates the scene where he's storming out of the house
[00:44:03] After the argument with his wife and it dials back where it's just on the cassette while he's driving and what that symbolizes is is that
[00:44:13] Chris's memories of like the glamour of the 1980s saturate his entire existence
[00:44:18] I can't see that it's destroying his life and ultimately it's a very small
[00:44:22] Low fidelity part of what's going on in the world at large in his era star that's filled with yet another bowflex
[00:44:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah, the bear star has to be a
[00:44:33] Two both laks is addicted literally to buy
[00:44:37] Yes, yes, that's his real problem. It's not the steroids
[00:44:40] It's the both like the next year whatever the fuck her name is well
[00:44:44] That's help herself. She's it's been too long without science. Yeah, she goes
[00:44:48] She sneaks back into the fuck the observant. Yeah, well, she's she's sneaking chemicals into his food to try and kill him
[00:44:54] But she's accidentally making Oxycontin
[00:44:58] So she's going to get chemicals and then she bumps into who does she see macho man Randy?
[00:45:12] Never told anyone she's burdened by this yeah, wow, she's holding macho man's secret macho man's like I'm gonna tell you something I
[00:45:26] My god, so they're in sort of a sister. That's gotta be like episode four of survivor. That's when the show really falls off
[00:45:36] And the lawyers hiding drugs in her pussy
[00:45:39] Did she really yeah, dude the night of just completely just the first episode is really good
[00:45:44] The first episode is one of the best things I've ever seen on TV
[00:45:47] I mean that like anxiety it creates with that fucking kid where you don't know and he doesn't know and it's just it was just real
[00:45:54] Unpowable and then by the fifth or sixth episode. It was just a completely she really has drugs in her pussy
[00:46:00] She hides drugs in her pussy. So he's making all of them and it's like yeah, like what a rikers the lawyer
[00:46:05] I thought John like not John was I'm I thought no she has a lawyer that like can't resist his like
[00:46:11] sexuality oh yeah, so he like uses his like talking ways
[00:46:20] John tutorial also gets the family I guess gets they go to some big dick law firm
[00:46:25] Who has an Indian intern or when she's like a junior associate. Yeah, you know, so she's basically
[00:46:32] Sweet little girl from Darjeeling Limited. Yeah, never saw it that girl that Jason short. Yeah. Yeah, everyone knows stop seeing Darjeeling
[00:46:43] It's a good movie is that what the space Wes Anderson. Yeah, I've seen most of his movies
[00:46:49] Yeah, yeah one time I was watching I wish I could get into Western movies again
[00:46:55] I wish I could just go to the theater and have a nice
[00:46:57] tweet bullshit fucking I didn't think the I wish I wasn't so cynical now that I can it got more you
[00:47:05] I haven't liked the last like two or three. Well, I didn't like the little kids dancing
[00:47:11] I don't like that one the hotel movie was good the hotel one
[00:47:14] I was kind of sick and tired. I think I was in a bad mood when I was watching it
[00:47:18] I saw that movie on an iPad how about a movie called hotel bro?
[00:47:21] On done, it's about a good guy but you guys it lift weights. Yes, and they were in a hotel and after
[00:47:33] So cow bros just getting beefed up and beating out they're all named like laser
[00:47:48] Damn, I thought they would just be gay together. Yeah, anyways back to work. Yeah, sorry. Okay, so so
[00:47:54] Macha man ready to have it great money. Oh, no, but we got we got to figure out what happens in act one
[00:48:01] That lets us know that this is only gonna end with him murdering his family
[00:48:06] Okay, was that necessary because people already know the end no
[00:48:11] Didn't I think Neil degrastize and kill them did an artist. Oh, so we should go back you think it's a false
[00:48:19] You know him sitting down at that Bowflex and he's got
[00:48:23] Blood and yeah, yeah at all glue to his face. Yeah, or the 911 call
[00:48:30] What are we trying to say with the opening no no no?
[00:48:33] I think you're right. I think you have him sitting at the both legs. We'll never know his motivation
[00:48:38] You have to know our mode no, but what we know what we see a shadowy figure at the Bowflex and everyone will shatter
[00:48:44] We figure and everyone will assume it's job Ben wah dude
[00:48:48] You have Chris Ben. Why he's put on the choir. I know it's we know it's yeah, we know it's no it's the Chris
[00:48:53] Good watch. Okay. Okay, but how about I still think Neil degrastize. You should brainwash him with science
[00:48:58] All right, but beyond that ultimate that you want you don't want to disclose that I know but I'm saying we
[00:49:04] From the job. You know what it is. You want to have that you know, right? No, no, it's the police officers
[00:49:09] You know the crime one cops cleaning this up and then one guy's like yeah
[00:49:13] This guy's like a like a wrestler or something and then the other guy's like yeah, are you speeding this shit when I was a kid?
[00:49:20] That's the greatest back. He's the greatest goddamn wrestler that ever lived. Yeah, yeah
[00:49:26] And then we go back to his childhood. Yeah in in the out of Canada. Yeah, that is Canada south
[00:49:34] It's Georgia, Canada. What is it? What's the plate Calgary?
[00:49:39] The cowboy part of Canada. Yeah. Yeah, so he's like running through the forest. He's chopping down
[00:49:45] He's and stuff sort of that like that beer that rock rise south Canada rise again
[00:49:49] He's yeah, exactly. It's a maple leaf in the middle of a Confederate flag, you know, and he's buddy. How about this?
[00:49:56] He accidentally kills his little brother doing a cripple across face that didn't happen
[00:50:02] That's like the flash. That's the thing that's been haunting him forever. He's entirely you do need something like that
[00:50:07] It is childhood something that he's been running from his entire life
[00:50:10] No, you know what we flashback to the first time he has like a concussion and the doctors like you can't fart. Yeah
[00:50:16] Yeah, that's that's what you flashback right right. Yeah, I agree
[00:50:20] And it has to be flashback even more but the doctor the whole thing should be a series of flashbacks
[00:50:26] The doctor is Will Smith doing African voice from the movie concussion. Yes. Yes. You got it. You got a
[00:50:31] Why you do this to your head? Why are we going to make your noggin feel bad? I
[00:50:38] Am a doctor who has taken the time to do a little research into what homosexuals do in the privacy of their own
[00:50:45] They have a practice called anal feasting. Yeah, where one man's son is inserted into another man's
[00:50:51] And he has to be full that's a drug and then Vince been like my favorite part of that video is that they're just showing hardcore gay porn to like a
[00:51:07] Am here to in the capacity as the chairman of the task force against concussions in the NFL and also homosexuality
[00:51:17] 68% of the gay community has CT from saying from getting their fucking brains
[00:51:28] They just fucking those big Ugandan dicks they use them like fucking baseball bats on each other
[00:51:37] And of course we got it we got to use that name
[00:51:45] Just remember what the name was the fake African name
[00:51:50] Oh, yeah, no, that's for a sketch something
[00:51:54] You just say it people don't know how to spell and they think it's racist. Yeah, yeah, we can't just say it is
[00:52:01] It's a bad word. Yeah, anyway, okay. I don't know what it is
[00:52:05] Okay, you don't know the slight change we did to that word to make it funny, right?
[00:52:15] Okay, all right, I think if Chris Benoit has it's do-do. It's professor dude
[00:52:19] You have to have a central tension in the relationship, right?
[00:52:22] We're like a soft day and words should sort of be a demilitarized zone between white people and black people. Oh
[00:52:31] Neither of us should be allowed to say why are they allowed to hard-r should be that's fun hard-r should be the demilitarized zone because it's more of a proper
[00:52:42] Walk you walk in the in that zone get too close you get your ass
[00:52:47] What if that's like it's like a white guy that's mad at black people for changing the word. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah
[00:53:00] Bells tuck in your shirt and say the hard-r
[00:53:09] Gumbin don't pay for that dinner what they got a waste the letters to
[00:53:13] Well, I'm out here drinking my own spit
[00:53:17] Sitting on this poor drink of my own spit and piss all day because I lost my job at the phone booth
[00:53:23] They stop putting you couldn't bust open the phone blue take the corns out of no
[00:53:31] Well cuz damn savages done gotten cell phones now. Yep, it's true wasting all them letters
[00:53:36] They love for what you got unlimited text messaging type the damn R in there
[00:53:44] I got my big ass turn in the middle of a hot dog bun. I'm sucking on it in the brutal July heat
[00:54:00] Stool I got big old dog turrs sitting on my head shoot all my clothes off my body
[00:54:09] You know the cut out of this infected flesh wound and angry old raises you only eats his own bodily
[00:54:20] That's a Georgia summer for you boy, that's Creole
[00:54:28] Here with a great character that Adam doesn't know anything about I wasn't there. Yeah, you weren't there. Yeah, that's right
[00:54:34] You weren't fucking there Nancy. I'm sorry. You were fucking there. Oh, we go back to Ben. Why yeah
[00:54:43] What this we should actually write that I think it's actually a fun treat for the patreon if we write a whole five act
[00:54:49] Chris Ben was saw it was a movie. No, oh no five act story structure for like a 10 hour long drama
[00:54:58] I'll write a little treatment up for the whole series and then you know what we could probably actually pitch it
[00:55:05] Well, I mean you if you could go look at some of the dumbass emails I've sent to my manager
[00:55:11] This one not not I don't yeah, I don't listen. We're passionate about the project
[00:55:17] Passion about exercise. Yeah, we're passionate about this getting the story out there and we're coming up on the the 10 year
[00:55:23] Are they 12 year anniversary, which is technically the amount of time you have to wait before you can yeah develop a project like this
[00:55:30] Yeah, we're nostalgia began right exactly. I mean it was yeah, it was 11 years ago. All right
[00:55:35] So yeah, I mean I figure we sell it now
[00:55:38] Probably be shot and then ready to air next year right at 12 years
[00:55:44] It's vintage 12 years. Can I be Neil deGrasse Tyson a black face? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna be Eddie Guerrero
[00:55:56] I think there needs to be a central conflict in the relationship where Chris is lying to her about something
[00:56:01] Which is his both legs and to and steroid addiction and she's lying to him about something and I can't read the reading books again
[00:56:08] She's doing science. She's doing science in in private. Mm-hmm and he said and he said she's like
[00:56:14] Baby, I'll keep you safe. You gotta you gotta promise me you'll never do times again because when you do size
[00:56:19] You get raped and then and then well he doesn't know she got right, but then also
[00:56:23] The baby he doesn't want his son around gay ass books. That's true. He wants a son to be working out and not gay
[00:56:30] That's right and his son has been super. He catches his son reading check this out, dude
[00:56:35] So Chris Benoit's real life wife. What's her name? She used to be married to another wrestler named
[00:56:45] Who's that sully and Kevin Nash Kevin Sullivan and he designed he his rival was Chris Benoit and in the wrestling world
[00:56:55] He was like what if we had a storyline where you leave me for Chris and
[00:56:59] In the 1990s they get so Nancy who wrestled under the ring name woman
[00:57:05] Yeah, we would leave him for Chris Benoit and she in Sullivan insisted that the two should travel together share hotel
[00:57:12] rooms and hold hands in public to preserve the
[00:57:19] Well, I mean he that's a beautiful that is a beautiful love story. He was trying to get out of it, dude
[00:57:24] There's no way he knew it was like what if you fuck
[00:57:27] Yeah, yeah, he knew that once you get that mongoloid Canadian charm, dude
[00:57:31] We got to have that in the movie though. That's good. Yeah, that's got to be in there, but it's gotta be
[00:57:38] Are we scrapping this whole science thing and making her a wrestler? No, no, no, okay?
[00:57:44] Well, we can just bounce back and forth because you know what we're also gonna do do it from Chris's perspective
[00:57:50] So none of it's gonna make any sense because he has brain. Yeah
[00:57:54] It's gonna be an unreliable narrator. Oh, I like that. You know me. I'm a huge fan of Faulkner
[00:57:59] So we're gonna we're gonna do it Faulkner stuff. Fucking her style. Mm-hmm. You like Faulkner. I like fuckner. Yeah
[00:58:05] Mm-hmm. I like that. It's a book. We can work that
[00:58:09] Fuckner maybe we can open it's a lot of care
[00:58:15] Is the murder scene right? Uh-huh and very graphic very everything and they were painting
[00:58:22] Blood spraying out of the Bowflex onto a bookshelf too much blood and then all the book
[00:58:27] It's the bookshelf from the Danzig home. Yes, so it's like spooky books true stories about how Jesus was gone
[00:58:34] Yeah, where works and how to jack off to them
[00:58:39] Then also a copy of the sound in the fury
[00:58:42] Squashes on that then we have a flashback. Oh, you know, we're in Mississippi second flashback. Yeah, we're in Mississippi
[00:58:48] Double flashback William Faulkner. It is typewriter
[00:58:51] Yeah, I like it's a hot day William Faulkner very similar to Chris Benoit and we we draw a parallel between Chris Ben
[00:58:59] And then it's really not even a show about Chris Benoit anymore. It becomes about it's about an art artistry
[00:59:04] What's about what about great Americans?
[00:59:06] Wasn't Faulkner writing like while he had a fucking like job at a
[00:59:12] Fucking factory shit. Did my man write that big-ass book he did while at a factory. What are you talking?
[00:59:17] I don't know. What's like the most famous book you wrote? Oh, I don't know. What do you do East of Eden or no?
[00:59:25] It's not Faulkner. It's Steinbeck Steinbeck
[00:59:27] He had one big ass book. What did he do?
[00:59:30] Absolom Absolom a light and August sound in the fury sound the fury
[00:59:36] As I lay dying. Yeah, that was also an emo band. Yeah, yeah, I think he wrote that shit at it
[00:59:44] Well, he was had a factory job. Okay, so flashback William Faulkner. He's in the factory. Yes. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:50] Yeah, and his manager is a cajun man named Pierre Benoit
[00:59:58] We don't know yet is Chris Ben was great grandfather great great great grandfather
[01:00:03] Uh-huh because his Chris Benoit's father was 12 when he had him. Yeah, and he comes from a long line of men that only
[01:00:09] They give birth at 12 years old the men
[01:00:19] 70 years prior whatever it's already a time for five generations generations
[01:00:23] Right to move to Canada. Yep. Yeah and lose their cajun accent and just become Canadian rednecks. Right. It's good. I love that
[01:00:30] Anyways, I think that's we got the first half of the first I mean, that's enough. It's a pretty good
[01:00:35] No, it's not enough work for today, but we certainly you know, we've made some progress
[01:00:40] I think we'll figure out how the next podcast. I think are we out of time. We still do some time
[01:00:44] Yeah, we have 17 minutes to write more of this
[01:00:49] 17, but we can still keep going. I mean, I've got a timer on here
[01:01:00] My day and your goddamn seat my dick dismisses you
[01:01:03] I love my teachers showed you that the bell doesn't dismiss you I dismiss you it's like no the bell dismisses us
[01:01:08] That's the whole point of the bell you fucking moron
[01:01:11] I hate it when they were trying to take a little extra party
[01:01:16] You're not you're not on your time. You're on my time
[01:01:20] Is what does that mean? Yeah, I know you don't own I had pretty good teachers who owns time who owns time?
[01:01:26] What do you the oh that's good time master? Yeah, what's this? Is this a glue stick? I think it's a chapstick
[01:01:41] Okay, I think we could take a break from writing the ben wah movie. No, no, I think we I think we still need to keep going
[01:01:47] Yeah, okay. All right, so here's saint ben wah. Yeah, why are you always trying to take a break?
[01:01:52] Are you trying to have a career in the entertainment? Okay, third flashback
[01:01:56] This is first of all, there's a lot of agents and managers that listen to this
[01:02:03] These are the industry trades they need to know that we have the kind of work ethic that will allow us to get jobs
[01:02:09] On the next season of Bosch, which is what I'm angling
[01:02:12] I want to write for Bosch. I'm trying to write for rosanne. I'm trying to write for Bosch
[01:02:16] Which and this is about me right? Okay, that's fine. I respect that so step one. What is Bosch?
[01:02:22] What does that show about? I don't I still don't know what does anyone know who has any idea?
[01:02:26] Yes, I think it's tools. I think he's a detective
[01:02:29] Who may remain like a new monk may or may not be named Bosch
[01:02:33] He's pregnant Franklin and Bosch it'd be funny. You're hickling in Bosch. Yeah, everybody was his detective named like eric smith
[01:02:43] And they never explained why it's called Bosch and then you find out that's what niel de grass Tyson
[01:02:49] The type of jigsaw he used to cut off crisp and wise dress
[01:03:00] Cut her dress off with the jigsaw before raping us right in space in school
[01:03:06] Planet in the planetarium and saying things are different sizes than they are right
[01:03:12] That's where you learn in space. Okay, so you go flashback carny gimelain university Cleveland, Ohio
[01:03:17] She's a young co-ed. He is a professor. He says I want to meet me after class
[01:03:25] I see this one fine. She goes to his office. He's shirtless. So back back and background. We're hearing rock and roll
[01:03:30] Yeah, yeah, because metal isn't around yet one o'clock one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock
[01:03:35] Five o'clock six o'clock nine all the nine o'clock ten o'clock twelve o'clock eleven o'clock thirteen o'clock
[01:03:49] She's like what's happened to me. He's like they don't have a name for this yet
[01:03:55] It hasn't been invented. They don't know this is called having sex still
[01:04:10] Yeah, on the chart. I'm trying to say boys will be boys. Yeah, we're trying to send men to the moon
[01:04:17] You do it complaining this is why they shouldn't let girls in space school here at carny gimelain home of space
[01:04:28] Hell yeah, we get we get a jacked guy to play young Neil degrasse Tyson. Yeah, and he has a base guitar. We get Terry Cruz
[01:04:34] Of course, and you know he's doing that titty thing that does
[01:04:37] Everyone loves it. What he does that titty flex thing
[01:04:41] One honkley born of a plane. Yeah, we do also have to license one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock rock
[01:04:47] No matter how much the estate of elvis ass was that elvis one o'clock two o'clock suck a cock clock
[01:04:56] Lick my nuts fuck my ass lick my dad's dick who wrote that song elvis the shock. I think so
[01:05:04] It was a very popular back in the day. Yeah, what about you ain't nothing but a hound dog. Mm-hmm. That was a dog song
[01:05:09] Yeah, you ain't nothing but a guy that fucks dogs
[01:05:16] That's unexplored territory for comptown is that's good 50s pop music 50s and about fucking dogs instead of your dad
[01:05:28] Flashback to her rape then flashback north carolina 1981 wwf wrestling
[01:05:35] Uh like combine training institute whatever the player is running the combine you got all these young that's cool
[01:05:41] So it's like a first class like x my first class all the guys young version
[01:05:44] All the guys are like, you know seeing how much they can bench press doing the 40 yard or whatever
[01:05:48] Right and then in the back corner. We see
[01:05:54] Rolling out this like thing under a tarp and all the rest is like what the fuck is that?
[01:05:58] And they're like opening it up and it's a bowfly
[01:06:04] I saw when you're going with that Chris been like just leaning over a squat rack and he's like that's stupid
[01:06:09] He's like that's the biggest thing i've ever seen you know, they're like, what crazy times we're living in you know
[01:06:14] And they're like this is actually the future. He's like do you want to try it?
[01:06:17] Yeah, and then the first time you see him use a bowflex
[01:06:21] No, he's he makes fun of the scientist, but then he sneaks back in later that makes fun of the scientist
[01:06:26] And he's like no scientist will ever own me in any way whatsoever
[01:06:30] And then he finds out years later that his right wife was raped by
[01:06:34] Because he so hates that's the own guess who guess who the scientist is
[01:06:42] He's the one who made both before he put on the makeup that's
[01:06:49] Oh, wow, that is the lick he has reverse vidolaga
[01:06:54] Black he'll deGrasse Tyson. I can think of a better name for reverse vidolaga
[01:07:04] Oh, fuck this is really coming together boys. I like it. Okay, so Neil deGrasse Tyson both raped his wife and
[01:07:12] Which is the thing that he has developed this crippling addiction to it's the stare
[01:07:22] Yeah, this is gonna be a good ass show dude
[01:07:27] He's gonna be the best show that anyone's ever watched
[01:07:38] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Do you think about casting for for Ben what dream casting budgets? No, that's that fat
[01:07:48] Perfect and he's in all that country. What's his name fat Matt Damon? What's his name?
[01:07:53] Somebody if he if he listens to the show, please reach out to us. We would love to cast you in our crisp and washed
[01:07:59] Which is like Friday night wink un wink
[01:08:05] It's about this actually going to be committing so we don't have to license
[01:08:17] Yeah, so fat Matt Damon is listening whatever your stupid ass name isn't he in breaking bad
[01:08:22] He wasn't breaking bad. He's in breaking bad and and Friday night lights and Fargo and Fargo was in front of which Fargo
[01:08:29] Which was the best show in TV last year is prior to the Chris Ben Waugh story. Yep, which is going to be the best coming for you motherfuckers
[01:08:36] Like my dick Billy Bob Thornton in the first season
[01:08:40] So what's so he's going in the first wrestling match right? He's at the combine and that's where he makes friends with Kevin Sullivan. Yes
[01:08:47] Kevin Sullivan we have to change it. He's gotta be
[01:08:50] Kevin Sullivan's his best right Kevin Sullivan
[01:08:52] Kevin's should be it's Kevin's store about
[01:08:54] Because and Kevin Sorbo I was allowed to use because he's a Christian and he has been locked out of holly wane
[01:09:00] Exactly you're allowed to any Christian person is allowed. You can do their story. So let's get um, what's his face?
[01:09:06] Kurt Cameron Kurt Cameron. Yeah, what Kevin Sorbo. So we got her Cameron to play Kevin
[01:09:15] So yeah, the sorbo walks up and introduces him Chris Ben Waugh to his wife
[01:09:20] This is my wife Nancy who hasn't been raped yet by the way. Yep Kevin and Chris is like she hasn't been raped
[01:09:26] And then he they kind of have like a moment where he falls in love there because she's not rape victim
[01:09:30] So she's yeah, she's pure. Yeah, so pure
[01:09:33] And then she's like I just got to go back into
[01:09:43] You know, oh it happens then and there maybe it doesn't happen then but no, you know what there's probably too early for that to happen
[01:09:48] The rape no you will I thought it happened
[01:09:51] Because you know where we find out that it's
[01:09:54] That the the Bowflex guy is know the grass Tyson has to be the end of the episode where we see
[01:10:04] At the end of episode like four or five people watching at home
[01:10:10] I can't wait for next week. Yeah, he just looks exactly like Neil's
[01:10:27] That's okay, this is like Vince Gilligan level. Yeah, and then people on Twitter are gonna be like what's gonna happen next week
[01:10:34] You know that the whole audience debating and arguing Chris hard work. Hey, you're here and talking Ben
[01:10:45] Yeah, I really can you know what's up nerds. We're talking Ben. Why?
[01:10:50] Yeah, when it turned out the Bowflex salesman was also mentally retarded
[01:10:55] And then he could he spoke a language. You only Chris understood
[01:11:01] So then you want to take it back to modern day, right?
[01:11:06] No, because it's got to be kind of like oh, we got to go way back and then work. Yeah, work our way up to the murder
[01:11:12] So he just sort of meets her he's in his first wrestling match or whatever and there has to be something that happens in the first wrestling match
[01:11:18] Where it shows his promise but then also him getting fucking dinged in the noggin. Yeah, he well
[01:11:23] He doesn't he doesn't have his character down right. Yeah, he's ashamed of being French Canadian. Yeah, he's afraid afraid of his French ass
[01:11:39] Yeah, so he comes up with like I'm one of yeah one of the other wrestlers like he's like dude
[01:11:43] I used to have an accent too. I'm actually from Turkey
[01:11:46] Yeah, and he's like what I found that works is I hit my I smash a hammer into my forehead. Yep
[01:11:59] So then Chris Benoit tries. He's like oh my god. It works. It's like the poppers basically
[01:12:04] Wow, and they are also so you also get to
[01:12:08] He's really in the poppers and smashing himself in the head of the hammer to get rid of his French Canadian accent
[01:12:14] We gotta have a scene where he tries the both legs total gym
[01:12:22] He doesn't win this first match because his range of motion isn't good enough and his character's bad
[01:12:27] No, I think he has to win the first match. That's too much. That's too much going on for the first episode
[01:12:32] He can't also not this is like episode four. No, no, we're still
[01:12:45] Dense show. Oh, yeah, there's a lot happening. You want to be you want to be a big boy
[01:12:50] You want to be a real big big boy television right here. David chase. This is the kind of work we do. Okay. Well 45 minutes a day
[01:12:59] Well, I'm already out of Laquat breaks. I'm ready for another one. Yeah, I think we're out of Laquat. Oh god
[01:13:04] Do you have goldfish? I did this tiny Oreos which Oreos minis. Yeah, those are great. You're not eating 35
[01:13:11] Or you're eating like five sir legs. Yeah
[01:13:18] That's something the production needs to get on. Uh, I I like to go
[01:13:22] Salsa leader. That's what we all we all stop working for two hours and start taking vines is the writing room
[01:13:28] That's makes us make sure that's remind their other friends who are still just stand up comedians
[01:13:33] We're living in Los Angeles now making $3,000 a week and it'll never end
[01:13:38] Let's do that. Yeah, I actually have something to tell you guys. I got tired. Yeah, let's uh, let's all just go on social media
[01:13:45] Complain about the differences between uber and lift which we can afford now
[01:13:49] As lost felay's television writers. I just got hired on the
[01:13:54] Carmen's s bizzito, uh, please please fuck my wife
[01:13:58] Please I know I bet yeah, they need a show called white guys from his Carmen s bizzito
[01:14:09] This dumb bitch is releasing a new special and it's up to you to figure out
[01:14:23] No, it's an hour of rape jokes. Did you see it? No, I didn't yeah, she's she tells rape joke
[01:14:30] She's giving rape jokes back to the victims. Oh
[01:14:35] Supposedly damn that sucks. That sucks. Yeah
[01:14:43] I think you know what this would be a risk, but I think we should give rosanna cameo
[01:14:47] I think so too. The thing is that you have so many actors because of liberal hollywood who have been blacklisted kevin sorbose one of the
[01:14:55] Oh, you know what we sure does hands what I'm gonna
[01:14:57] I'm gonna get my people out to john millius to write the uh, the the
[01:15:02] Speaks right wing too the speech that chris ben wag gives before killing his son with wrestling
[01:15:08] Millius will do that. Yeah, no, I I've known him for years
[01:15:12] Yeah, we gotta have david mammin 500 men went into the water chief
[01:15:17] How about we just use john millius's speech from jaws?
[01:15:20] I think that's and then we can credit him as the writer of the show. Yes. Yeah, well option. I'm from john from the mind
[01:15:28] Sorry for having some by john millius. Sorry for having such a sinister speech from jos
[01:15:38] You know how you tell that chief you tell by looking from the tail to the door so thin
[01:15:45] They got black eyes lightless eyes like adult eyes
[01:15:50] You know what you don't have to pay him if you just say the speech in real life
[01:15:55] Then you quote me you quote yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Let's do a video of me saying the speech
[01:16:04] I know you just came up with it because they have to prove that i've seen jaws. How would you have been having seen
[01:16:19] John millhouse we're talking about millhouse
[01:16:23] Millhouse from yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah. I don't know
[01:16:26] Um, did I ever tell you the guys the story of the uss in the anapolis? No, I haven't heard that. Yeah, no, what's the story?
[01:16:36] mission to bring the atomic bomb to the annola gay. Wow, and so it was a mission so secret that when the
[01:16:46] Japanese torpedo boat hit in the anapolis no distress signal went out
[01:16:51] Damn, and so 500 men went into the water. Oh my god. And took two days before
[01:16:57] Uh the rescue boat showed up. Mm-hmm and that's crazy
[01:17:01] Uh, tiger sharks showed up whoa whoa and they got lifeless eyes
[01:17:08] Like what black eyes like a doll's eyes. What?
[01:17:13] And then when they sink those teeth into those black eyes roll back white
[01:17:17] And the sum about the screaming is horrific. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'll have to go find a transcript from jaws. I mean
[01:17:24] From the story that you from the thing that i'm saying right now the story you heard spontaneously
[01:17:31] The word for word thing i'm saying now exactly by chance might exist else. So that's how we
[01:17:37] We wrote it down in your diary. Yes, i'll tell you dude maverick illegal department
[01:17:42] We're gonna do our own legal on this project. We're not hiring any lawyers the legal the legal bad boy
[01:17:52] Uh, I have to go soon. What do you have to do twitch? I have a phone call at five. You have a phone call
[01:17:58] Yeah, and i'm assuming you want me to drop you off. Yeah, it was it for with one of them 1 900 numbers
[01:18:03] Yeah, you're on a party line at five. Oh my asshole is wide for me
[01:18:12] I remember as a little kid. I'd see those commercials be like party live like that. What are they like I didn't know that it was about six
[01:18:19] All right, that's the end of the episode
[01:18:21] All right, we'll uh say to next week for act two of the christman lost
[01:18:27] And every week and netflix original it's five every single week until they give us the show
[01:18:34] Um, that would be a fun project. We should sit down and and not actually do that that would actually be pretty funny. It would be fun
[01:18:41] All right. All right. So we got funny mums coming up june 11th
[01:18:44] Please thanks everyone. Thanks come out last night. That was a fucking banger of a show
[01:18:48] Um, we will be apologies to that guy with the messed up face whose voice
[01:18:58] Apologize for anything and the cleveland boston tour some time in september and again i'll be in seattle on the
[01:19:09] On the fucking 28th and sometime in portlendy to the first second or third of july anyway, that's good. Bye guys. Bye