Cum Town | Regular | 06/28/2018
[00:00:00] Alright here. We are everyone yeah back in the motherfucking trap
[00:00:05] Two episodes back to back ran out of steam pretty hard on the last leg
[00:00:09] So well you got your burrito and your I got my burrito my coffee. That's not coffee. It's coffee
[00:00:15] What it literally does not taste like it's coffee. There's no tea bag in it. We've got
[00:00:23] Oh, it's a good thing. I got my flab tits flannigil my nice cup of milk
[00:00:27] We got fat Nick's drinking a whole thing a whole milk
[00:00:34] Yeah, that's good. This is how we get people we're trying to figure out ways to get people to stop listening
[00:00:43] We don't get what it is. I can see that I can see it in your eyes
[00:00:48] Because this thing man all these people they move here to the comedy right and then it doesn't work out
[00:00:53] Yeah, and then they like finally you can start your life well
[00:00:55] They have relationships and shit right or they figure out how to enjoy their 30s is dog walkers
[00:01:01] Yeah, we can't we've been robbed of that
[00:01:05] Stolen from us. Yeah successes. We have a poverty of the heart. Yeah, people understand what it's already of the heart
[00:01:12] But a bounty of the whole yeah, we're all getting fucked in our ass
[00:01:16] I saw the stupid shit Adam was buying with their money
[00:01:25] I was it I was a coney island yesterday eating an Italian ice and paying $16 for a Ferris wheel that I wrote
[00:01:32] Grunman, I was laughing at this fat guy singing Billy Joel karaoke while watching the fireworks and I just thought my life sucks
[00:01:40] Have like the worst life that guy's the best life that guy is the best life. Yeah, how is the people watching it?
[00:01:44] Coney, it's always top notch. I don't go people watching
[00:01:49] How is the penis watching everywhere you go every time what are you talking about?
[00:01:53] You watch people's penis my eyes are closed shout out to that guy by the way, so they do fireworks at Coney Island
[00:01:58] I guess on Friday nights. Oh every Friday night. It's not just like a fourth of July. I think well, it's not worth a July
[00:02:04] That's true. Yeah, it's a couple weeks away, but you just
[00:02:16] You just walk by some black kids in Coney Island. Yeah, right
[00:02:20] We bought we bought a scarce info. I did get people that go ahead
[00:02:24] Yeah, well, so there's a bunch of crowded people waiting for the fireworks to start and then some radio station had like karaoke set up
[00:02:31] So is this guy wearing like the best outfit which is hoodie jean shorts? Yes, you know
[00:02:37] Tall tea Kevin Smith outfit Kevin Smith outfit. Yeah. Yeah, just like absolute shit. Yeah, singing
[00:02:44] We didn't start the fire and then I didn't know there was fireworks. So it looked like there was like a thousand people watching
[00:03:02] Person's Lester bangs we didn't start the fire
[00:03:14] The words easy because everybody's waiting on you to nail the technical aspects of it
[00:03:26] It's all in the how you say purple rain
[00:03:34] Very hard it's a very hard yeah easy song we didn't start the fire even easier
[00:03:39] No, even those what you're fucking saying to the world random people's names
[00:03:42] No, you can say the names you just memorize the names and if people are like wow, you know
[00:03:46] It's all the names and you don't have to really be good at singing. Yeah, you just be good at listing things
[00:03:51] Yeah, the world as we know at REM same deal. Yep. I have the that is
[00:03:56] Interesting this that's great. It starts with a hurricane
[00:04:03] Many Bruce is not afraid. Oh, they also shout out Lenny Bruce
[00:04:07] Yes, and and we didn't say we the fire. I don't know if they do in fact when I said Lenny Bruce and Lester back
[00:04:13] Thinking of I was trying to do the song badly
[00:04:20] Would be surprised yeah, we did we did it across for 40 minutes
[00:04:26] What's happening is I am that guy singing Billy Joel and the fireworks are my inevitable suicide
[00:04:38] Well, these people think I'm a good comedian
[00:04:40] My Kevin Smith outfit fucking up all the lyrics to and speaking improperly
[00:04:47] We didn't start the fire was actually the first rap song. That's true. Yeah, and
[00:04:53] End of the world as we know is the second rap. So why are you always trying to take things away from black people on the show?
[00:04:59] I've been spending a lot of time online and learning facts real true
[00:05:03] It'd be funny if you become old right and that's how the show that would be funny. Yeah, dude
[00:05:07] I'm I told you already. Yeah, Dasha gets you into like Russian nationalism or whatever. Oh, I'm a total Russo file now
[00:05:15] I've started jacking off to Russian. They are the cool. You know, it's funny. I shit on Russians
[00:05:19] But if I were Russian, I would probably be dude. I actually yeah
[00:05:23] Russian they're angry as people the Russians. It's that's the best type of person. Yeah, yeah
[00:05:29] I mean they're they're completely a moral they're a moral. Yeah, they're buyers. They're fucking liars. They literally
[00:05:34] Grandmole is a piece of shit. They only keep it up here. They smile
[00:05:39] Why is it shitty why on rules? They have like rules as to when you smile. It's not just like a fucking natural reaction
[00:05:46] What are some of the rules? I don't know like if you're trying to lie to somebody. Yeah, that's the only time they're ever smiling
[00:05:55] Hold on. Hold on. I think my plan is it we have another chord for this or no. I can look down there
[00:06:00] Look in the border is it's a mic. Shake this out. Shake it out. Shake it out
[00:06:04] I think my plan is if Dasha and I break up. I'm just gonna get a mail order. That looks exactly like her. Oh, that's good
[00:06:10] Yeah from Russia. Yeah, I'll just Skype for in I'll spend a ton of money on her Skype wife
[00:06:16] Skype wife get her all hanging out with seed and Tiffany from Twitter. It's him that Skype pussy who's sitting Tiffany
[00:06:22] I don't know just some girls two girls. I mean you probably know Tiffany
[00:06:29] She's Leon's long-term girlfriend. They dated for a very long time. I thought they broke up. He broke up with her. Whoa, why we say
[00:06:39] They did very long and I think she broke up with him, but the real story
[00:06:45] And he dumped her ass. Well, that's fucked up. She got super dumped by him and she's still upset about it
[00:07:08] Noodling yeah, no Tiffany is the one there's a girl. Tiffany implied that that maybe her mom is a male or a bride now. I don't know
[00:07:29] And then you have like a platform where Nick doesn't seem like the kind of guy you tell shit
[00:07:33] That's true and somehow I have told him
[00:07:43] Funny is steady hands too much fun fucking with the FBI probably were like investigating
[00:07:49] They're like oh, there's no way this guy wouldn't just blurted out if he was part of Isis
[00:07:56] So I just I just switch with Justin because I said that I can hear whenever the mic is fucking up. Okay cool mm-hmm
[00:08:03] Starvey are the ones and twos bitch super good call your hand fucking hot as hell. Yeah, he's got hot hands
[00:08:11] You know what's stop actually found away and because he does food preppy eats all day long
[00:08:16] Instead of like having to he just microwaves his hands
[00:08:20] My hands are hot all day hot and then he just holds the pop charts and hot
[00:08:27] He cooks all the food in his hands. That's right. You give me a room temp hot dog
[00:08:31] I'll fucking warm that boy right on that's right with my sweaty ass
[00:08:41] Really she's to make you well she not she didn't like hold me down and force me to eat a fuck your ass
[00:08:53] You should eat a cold hot dog and I really like dumb enough to listen
[00:08:56] Yeah, you should fucking take those little shorts. I need a cold hot dog
[00:09:00] But she watched was it like a nice lady. I would you did you ever get molested?
[00:09:08] I don't do that. I don't think I've ever even come close to being really you an ugly child. I
[00:09:13] Was fat I wouldn't say I was ugly. Yeah, imagine being fat and getting molested
[00:09:25] Let's go to hold him down and pour Hershey's syrup
[00:09:31] Dear directly he would just throw chocolate to the stop dude
[00:09:36] I feel like fat kids get molested all the time. I think they're probably gullible. They're probably easy to get with the candy
[00:09:45] Do a normal kid though? Like I don't want yeah, yeah, right special occasion. Yeah, if I kid you could lure them in with bread
[00:09:51] Hey check this out. It's the end piece. No, that would not work
[00:09:56] I don't mind the end piece. Yeah, why do people hate the end piece? I would not get molested for an end piece. Yeah, and not white
[00:10:04] I would have no not white bread dude a baguette. I said it back. Yeah, dude like that
[00:10:13] She's super yes, bitch. I just went to Lucha Lucha place for hot absolute solution
[00:10:20] I think I thanked me for shouting. Oh, you said thanks to podcasting general
[00:10:24] We got a match friend Matt's friend. Yeah, yeah, did he give you a free breeder? No
[00:10:29] He offered a discount I rejected the Wow Nick man of prince man of honor you retread anyone
[00:10:39] There's no reason I should eat for free and established for our because I'm a hero here. Oh, you're a hero
[00:10:45] You're because I'm a I want if you need to molastic it later and you need a burrito
[00:10:49] That's why we need to put it in his ass. Okay to warm it up. That's a different way you could cook food either
[00:11:00] That's how they got the convey I was the first convection oven a young boy's ass. It's tighter than
[00:11:06] Your ass and warmer used to be a common
[00:11:10] Remember that kid who's it that like Lao Asian kid used to live here used to do it
[00:11:16] I'm sure he still does he's from New York, but he used to havin a lot in Lawson
[00:11:21] I was friends with him. Yeah, yeah boys with Brison mean Brison or tight. Yeah. Yeah, and you were boys are Lawson
[00:11:42] In New Jersey and just like fat Hawaiian looking kid came out of the woods. I think it might have been lost
[00:11:59] In the woods, Jersey, we had a joke. It was pretty funny about how like he's like he's like I had histories fucked up
[00:12:06] He's like I was reading like like Socrates you would take yeah, but it was just too many words boys boys
[00:12:13] You would press their thighs together and he was fucking between their thighs and make a little fly pussy in Greek for that
[00:12:27] Abraham Lincoln apparently fucked thigh pussy as well. He had like a best friend and he fucked his thigh pussy
[00:12:32] Yeah, and that's how you oh, that's how you were gay back then which is like guys
[00:12:37] Just fuck each other in the ass. You know I mean if you're gonna fuck each other's thighs
[00:12:41] Well, maybe they know about it. It's fucking I feel like you could put it together
[00:12:43] I feel like you do a little experimentation
[00:12:46] That had if he was already tall. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that's hot. It's fucked up dude. Isn't his wife like
[00:12:59] Martha Jones Lincoln that's not her name something like that isn't it a very Todd Mary Todd
[00:13:07] Ashley Mary Kate Nash Lincoln. Yeah, dude. I mean who wouldn't fuck their friend's thighs. Yeah
[00:13:14] Yeah, Justin's got a picture of this ugly ass fucking my reading grandma faced bitch
[00:13:19] Dude, you don't want to read this. Oh, yeah, she's not playing
[00:13:25] I bet you got that she's got a toy. Everyone says she had a bad pussy. That's an every history book. Yeah, yeah
[00:13:31] Very timely. It's got that garbage cunt. Mmm. She was singing up that Ford's theater with her. Oh, yeah
[00:13:57] Feminisms next goal replacing Abraham Lincoln's face with his wife's
[00:14:05] There's got to be a monument that should just be her ass. Mm-hmm. I agree
[00:14:09] They put on they said they put him on the farm, dude. I don't know man
[00:14:16] In some pictures she looks like who's on the dime Eisenhower
[00:14:19] Oof, but that's an old ass bitch version of her. He's on the penny, right?
[00:14:22] No, the pennies pennies Lincoln Eisenhower's on the dime. Yes. Yeah, dude
[00:14:26] It would be it would make that to our first link was on the dime because his wife's ass is a dime
[00:14:30] Mmm. Shout out to shout out to Eisenhower a bald. Yeah, you who did put on the food stamp Barack Obama
[00:14:42] Check this out, why don't we put him on a fucking bus transfer
[00:14:48] Subway token. Yeah, they still have those. Yeah, just yeah Philly. They do have subway tokens
[00:14:53] They should make a $70 bill and put Barack Obama on it and then make a $71 bill and put Donald Trump off it's more it's more money
[00:15:02] That'd be fun. It would be funny to get Donald Trump. It would be cool if Trump started destroying things and making them about himself
[00:15:12] The Washington Monument of the tattoo of him shaking hands with
[00:15:22] Never met. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Terry Bolaya. What's his name? Yeah, Terry Bolaya. Yeah, 100%
[00:15:29] Yeah, yeah, who's that Italian? Yeah, dude. He wants the they both want to fuck their daughters. So yeah, yeah, that show was
[00:15:37] The whole Cogan reality show was just this like ploy to make people think that he's a good dad. Yeah, a lot of him being tough
[00:15:46] Like you want to take the Corvette up on my dead body homework first pal
[00:15:54] Just fucking his daughters like 12 year old
[00:16:01] Like make you push the tighter. I got something to help
[00:16:25] Just fucking he had a girl on a segue somebody saw you getting road head. Oh, that wasn't me you're on the
[00:16:30] You're in the Palisades mall on the segue getting roadhead
[00:16:38] I got to get a picture of Hulk Hogan on his segue. Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely was the name of his friend who he cooked Bubba
[00:16:46] Loves bun she was in on it playing again. You're like a wrestling guy, huh? Yeah, I am a wrestling fan, but I'm not like a
[00:16:52] You're not you're not a bitch about it. How are you saying? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, I think you are
[00:17:02] Right now. Yeah, Shinsuke Nakamura. Oh a Japanese Japanese. Yeah a Japanese. Yeah, is he good
[00:17:10] Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's good do flips
[00:17:13] He doesn't do a lot of flips, but he like kicks people in the balls a lot. No, he has no rules
[00:17:17] He's an Eddie Guerrero. No rule. Well, he's not like Eddie Guerrero Eddie G
[00:17:58] You never dress an engine he does it he does it before but I took that part out I
[00:18:05] Google Hulk Hogan on a segue and I got a nice gift is it called yeah of you saying bolt being run down by a segue
[00:18:12] No, that's perfect. It's Usain Bolt. No, it's insane bolt. Oh you said who say
[00:18:22] I'm saying was not a terrorist. He was a strong man that led his country through a lot of struggle
[00:18:27] Yeah, despite the West fucking interference. He's so fucking true
[00:18:33] The fucked up state made it a pretty okay place to live for a lot of people. This is a bathtub contest. Yeah
[00:18:39] No, I'm a bubble bathist. Yeah, bubble bath
[00:18:49] Was there a guy named chemical Ali yeah, he's part of the chemical brothers
[00:19:05] It's the gay's name for any type of yeah, what is an artist like a fix twin
[00:19:15] So now you have to shoot on his favorite type of music
[00:19:17] That's why he's been so depressed the last 10 years because she took his heart intelligence
[00:19:23] It's intelligent dick munching that's what you do
[00:19:28] Nick's being quiet right now, but he also really used to like IDM to I still do I still like a fix twin really
[00:19:41] There's no way that Hispanics could dance to this
[00:19:47] Latino guys can't steal your girlfriend
[00:19:55] There's too much computer. Yes. There are too many computer noises
[00:20:06] You don't computers confuse me anything
[00:20:17] Was an a fax twin song they have by the rude is that my favorite
[00:20:28] Selected ambient that's everybody's favorite. Yeah, yeah the first one the first one is the best. Yeah, I mean, it's like almost perfect
[00:20:37] Can you like that can you like be box it right now?
[00:20:41] No, okay, blue is bully some homeless man
[00:20:44] The boxing there one time Jesus I was laughing and then the guy was like I'm mad at me and like
[00:20:52] Not another he wanted to fight, but it's like he was like no boy
[00:20:56] But laugh at me and it's like all right all right, and then Lewis is like aching him on it's like Lewis
[00:21:04] I'm not gonna do that beat up a guy that lives outside as a comedy bit
[00:21:09] God damn yeah, and then the guy went to the bathroom and Lewis starts going through his backpack
[00:21:18] I'm like, please don't do that. Yeah, what does he got in here? And of course, it's like napkins to wipe his ass
[00:21:27] Because he lives outside it's just all fucking napkins. It's like yeah, I'm sure it's just napkins. He's homeless
[00:21:34] Yeah, take that motherfucker down a couple notches Lewis. Yeah
[00:21:46] To the homeless the homeless got a squatting on the floor taking a shit about the comeless and a cigar
[00:21:54] Oh, I like that Justin we had you on the show cuz Nick
[00:21:58] One of the organizations that he hates the most is the United Parcel Service. Oh really that makes two of us
[00:22:05] No, I actually don't have beef with UPS. It's more the USPS
[00:22:10] United States Postal Service. Yeah completely different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Yeah your rivals
[00:22:16] Dude, I don't even know how I know we're losing a lot of business to FedEx, but that just means I have to work less which is
[00:22:28] Get a headache head to express. Mm-hmm. Dude, but FedEx is like not Union if you like bring it up
[00:22:32] They like have like secret service guys coming out of a truck mark my words
[00:22:36] I'll tell you this right now. Yeah guarantee it next two years FedEx will go back to being federal Express
[00:22:40] And they're gonna change all the logos to the retro logo. You think so I guarantee you they'll fuck guaranteed
[00:22:45] Yeah, it's easy money. I will bet in fact. How would you bet? Is it been 30 minutes? No?
[00:22:50] All 22 50 well wait eight minutes. I'll tell you how he would that fuck this might keep fucking up
[00:22:56] Why do you really don't have a yes so much? Do we really not have another cord?
[00:23:00] We need to buy like we need to buy another cord we don't the bag do they not get your packages to you on time
[00:23:08] My friend just is texting me because she accidentally had sex during her fertility window
[00:23:14] That she tracks using this fertility. Oh, that shit is bullshit this period track wrap. Did she get right?
[00:23:20] Don't yeah, she got raw dogs. You got fucked out. Did she get it?
[00:23:23] Did you get her fucking pussy? She got a pussy just just power
[00:23:32] Like yo, you know I should reach out to
[00:23:48] Devil in his eyes when something bad happens to somebody
[00:23:52] It's lights light up. Yeah, I saw a guy get hit by a car and Nick eyes lit up any I actually showed personality
[00:24:06] You got today you saw the dog in his headstock in a window and you were glowing
[00:24:13] He was on 8th Avenue, but you can see him from 5th.
[00:24:15] Yeah, the dog got its head caught in a revolving door.
[00:24:22] I was taking a video, I was trying to sell it to the news.
[00:24:25] Yeah, dude, now imagine, imagine, all because I was going to a year show that day.
[00:24:31] And I was, I walked past Nick and you know, I mean, and then I had to explain to my girlfriend
[00:24:38] who Nick was when he was like, dude, he just like...
[00:24:42] Dude, we see him on the street and he's like, yeah, man, I got this fucking dog.
[00:24:46] Got his head stuck in a revolving door.
[00:24:54] Good luck selling that video to the news.
[00:24:57] They didn't, I mean, I could probably have gotten a couple thousand dollars.
[00:25:03] Yeah, you're like, you're like, you're selling all that money.
[00:25:05] Well, you sell them to different news outlets, but you get fucking $25 a year, $50 a year,
[00:25:13] A couple thousand dollars you think you'd make.
[00:25:17] Good luck selling that story to the news.
[00:25:19] It's all been local New York news stations, all 500 of them.
[00:25:25] Coming up next, a dog with his head cock on the floor.
[00:25:34] And if you thought we had any more information on that, we don't.
[00:25:39] When he told me he was going to sell it to the news for a second, I was like, that's not
[00:25:55] Yeah, you're capitalizing on the suffering of a pew.
[00:26:01] Oh, I think there's a union job going in your backyard right now.
[00:26:11] Maybe she should close your legs and stop riding that chair like a fucking sibian.
[00:26:16] Maybe you should move to a neighborhood you belong in.
[00:26:23] That's a little Brooklyn joke for you guys.
[00:26:25] You know, I biked down to Coney Island yesterday.
[00:26:30] They just keep going all the way down there.
[00:26:39] But like off a lot of times, we get fire.
[00:26:49] There's like all types of all types of fucked up type of Jews down there.
[00:27:00] I ended up being just completely dog shit.
[00:27:11] Adam just did the jerking off of a guy's cock in his mouth motion.
[00:27:16] And then he said five minutes, I think.
[00:27:19] He was like, give me half out of the hour.
[00:27:22] I was like, it was Max's buddy Davis who actually listens to the show.
[00:27:29] But he listens to come down apparently, he told me at 1.5 speed.
[00:27:34] And he said that your stops laugh is just insane.
[00:27:42] I'm going to do some extra high pitch quick ones for you.
[00:27:48] That's like predicated on timing and like jokes.
[00:27:53] Just because you want to get all the info.
[00:27:59] For like a fucking video game of like a slow RPG.
[00:28:07] Because the handle keeps taking everything down.
[00:28:12] I thought you got that shit sent to you from Ukraine.
[00:28:20] It's like a N64 cartridge with an SD card slot on top.
[00:28:27] I thought you could get bored of it after like two hours.
[00:28:31] No, it is honestly like, dude, I have all the emulators.
[00:28:33] I have a computer hooked up to my fucking TV in the living room.
[00:28:41] I have all the emulators on there, but you're like, dude, I'm going to play so much super Nintendo.
[00:28:42] And you realize how annoying the games are.
[00:28:50] Because I used to have a call center job.
[00:28:51] So I bring my laptop in and I had like a USB SNES controller.
[00:28:56] I bring my play consistently from where it's like, no, Earthbound.
[00:29:02] The advantage of the game you play on one half speed.
[00:29:14] It was a popular in America until like a year.
[00:29:33] And then you run into like monsters and shit.
[00:29:36] And then it's like the same kind of shit.
[00:29:39] You know how we just fucking attack monsters.
[00:29:42] We just found that dog that got his face.
[00:29:53] I don't think that's a very funny thing.
[00:29:59] Dude, you got to get one of those acidic Jewels.
[00:30:04] They do look like an Auschwitz prisoner.
[00:30:07] They are literally the boy with a striped pajama.
[00:30:11] They're like, what's the boy with a striped pajama?
[00:30:13] It looks like he makes a friend through the fence.
[00:30:16] He's a hole in the wall and this man sticks part of himself.
[00:30:25] He looks like he puts his dick through the hole.
[00:30:31] It looks like you were going to a Halloween party as Beetlejuice
[00:30:34] but then you got to go find your girlfriend.
[00:30:38] That is literally my favorite shit in the world.
[00:30:43] Seeing couples getting into fights in couples costumes.
[00:30:50] Like seeing a depressed guy wearing a dress.
[00:30:58] Seeing Mrs. Potato Head take a piss behind a car.
[00:31:04] Damn, this fucking shit keeps fucking up.
[00:31:43] Atreon.com. Please subscribe to Premium to hear.
[00:31:59] I want you to go erase that Lawson story.
[00:32:04] The one about him walking behind the mall.
[00:32:07] We've burned so many bridges on this show.
[00:32:11] No, I'm not talking about the bridge burning.
[00:32:21] You said your family listens to this podcast.
[00:32:32] Do you remember the episode where we were watching that movie?
[00:32:38] Yeah, that movie is where we were ever.
[00:32:50] Gala Guinness is this British officer and is like platoon is ordered to surrender to the Japanese.
[00:32:57] So he's in a POW camp and he like followed the orders to surrender even though he didn't
[00:33:02] And then he's in the camp and then the common Don's trying to make the officers do labor.
[00:33:07] And he's like look at the fucking rules in the Geneva convention or whatever.
[00:33:13] He's like you can't make me do, you know, it's a war crime to make me do labor.
[00:33:18] And so he won't like order us men to work and they won't work because he won't order them
[00:33:25] And then so the Japanese guy like beats them and tortures him and he realizes he can't do
[00:33:28] it until eventually he says like okay you won't have to work.
[00:33:35] And then still the entire his entire platoon is like, or his slave labor, whatever, whatever
[00:33:42] His triumph is that he doesn't have to be that he doesn't have to work.
[00:33:50] So he's like supposed to be the hero in the movie.
[00:33:53] And then they build they build the Japanese a bridge and then he's like we're going to
[00:33:57] build a proper British bridge and this is going to be like great British engineering and then
[00:34:07] And we should have sabotaged it themselves.
[00:34:09] Please bets on how the bridge would blow up.
[00:34:14] Anyways, we should bet on how soon it's going to be FedEx that they do the thing I said earlier.
[00:34:20] And where would you bet on that at bet the SI dot com everybody.
[00:34:30] In fact, when you said no, I heard a hint of yes in there.
[00:34:33] Wouldn't you say sounds like you are a gambler and you've used bet DSI dot com.
[00:34:37] Haven't you just easy to use mobile every day?
[00:34:58] Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl.
[00:35:21] And you say I'm going to change my bet.
[00:35:24] You can change your mind and switch your two million dollars back with the same odds.
[00:35:29] If I understand what live in game wagering.
[00:35:52] because it doesn't even have to be sports.
[00:36:09] I'm going to call my four skin my dick.
[00:36:16] I'm decided I'm putting all my weight behind Team Mexico because their team
[00:36:27] And I'm like I said Russia because it's all fixed.
[00:36:36] And you know what really makes watching sporting events way more fun.
[00:36:40] I already believe it makes watching sporting events way more fun.
[00:36:49] And use promo code capital C lowercase you have 25 and I'm sorry you get a free $25
[00:36:56] weight damn bitch and then 200% extra bonus when you don't cause you fucking.
[00:37:01] That's come 25 get your free wager and start winning today.
[00:37:06] I'll tell you what else happened today.
[00:37:19] Yeah, what kind of burrito did you get?
[00:37:30] Where's the most exotic place you ever been?
[00:37:46] Dude, this fucking guy gave me a bracelet, right?
[00:37:51] And you know, like, you were the boy in the stretch of this.
[00:37:54] And I'm like, oh, it's a nice bracelet.
[00:37:55] Then he asked me for a tip, and I was like, I don't have any money.
[00:37:58] He just like ripped the bracelet off me.
[00:38:12] How do you save someone from the Bahamians?
[00:38:17] Whatever his voice out that you make yeah
[00:38:20] Patois yeah, yeah a little bit of a patois little bit of a botty boy
[00:38:24] Just be a comic that was good. This joke about how he's like yeah
[00:38:27] I use my pat why you'd always say use my patois like it wasn't an accent that some people just have but what is voice that you would affect?
[00:38:35] Yeah, huh what you're talking about rude boy. It's like we're here
[00:38:39] Me now we gonna start up my asshole and let them brood boys fuck it
[00:38:46] So the Bahamas huh with the whole fam with the fam yeah, man nice dude
[00:38:51] They're fucking too relaxed about like stingrays and shit
[00:38:55] Like you're like swimming and they're like there's a stingray under you and they're just like yeah
[00:38:59] I think it kill you and you're like what the fuck am I here? Yeah, but a lot of things could kill you that's true
[00:39:04] Love good point to the stingrays. They don't they can't kill you
[00:39:07] They killed Steve Irwin with like a freak accident. Yeah, they only kill you if your dick is really
[00:39:14] Never have he's also probably doing some dumb shit
[00:39:30] Yeah, she's got she's got huge I would love to service up to him and I'm supposed to Mindy
[00:39:35] Yeah, it isn't his son like the crocodile hunter now, but it's Cindy
[00:39:50] So his son is the crocodile hunter now his daughter sons crocodile Dundee
[00:39:57] His daughter is a hunter she puts on the khaki shit now really his son does that shit too really yeah
[00:40:02] Come on do some original. Yeah, dude. Who wants to get into a family of alligator hunters
[00:40:08] You wouldn't ugly child she was to not I mean she's kind of yeah, that's an ugly
[00:40:14] It's like a fucking ape. Why are you saying baby? Yeah, that's not even from Google. That's saved on his
[00:40:23] Let's see current bendy the ugliest of children can grow up. I'm trying to smash these kind of thick
[00:40:34] Binge's like I mean look at look at that. They got to do an episode where she gets fucking cat called by the crocodile
[00:40:57] Yeah, I killed my old friend. I came out for everything. I kill my you how many gators I kill
[00:41:02] Gator, please come on. Oh, you're giving something that human pussy. I hate these gators
[00:41:24] Why don't you come over here? Oh, yeah, she's 19
[00:41:28] Nice. Dude. I want to say I didn't say anything crazy. Oh, I said was they got to get the crocodiles
[00:41:33] You know, yeah, I both said she had big tits that she was ugly as a child and I did that
[00:41:56] Boomer my shit. I'll try to have a nice sunday
[00:42:13] Dude, you got to like ride a sketch Puerto Rican
[00:42:17] Oh, Durham she does it. Okay. Um, that's enough. So I'll give you can I give you a
[00:42:23] Character and then a location. You can't give me shit
[00:42:27] Oh, oh, oh, you're at the character is you are a librarian
[00:42:35] Yeah, and you are at the zoo. All right
[00:42:47] These motherfucking animals. Yeah, I only like
[00:43:13] You have to do that with a friend look if any of you have the money and time to sign up for UCB
[00:43:30] And it's usually be for whatever they don't understand why they're getting all these people signing up
[00:43:40] Man what this ain't even my motherfucking time machine
[00:43:56] Going through time and shit. I could be the time right now. Look at there go
[00:44:02] Right now the time machine with her ends
[00:44:07] Big hand little hand like okay. This one is Donald Trump
[00:44:13] By mule ice by mule are for stealing the election go man. I steal
[00:44:34] You better not be touching my my dork is here
[00:44:37] This weave yeah, and then you pay so much money for the classes that they can't kick you out
[00:44:42] They probably could be that level of races. I'm saying anything like no, that's just your comedic style
[00:44:48] Yeah, I'm just doing that's a voice. Okay. Let's try a different
[00:44:52] And there's a lot of there's a lot of overlap
[00:44:59] Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm a white person that talks like that. You could just think that's how Donald Trump sounds. Yeah, I do
[00:45:05] You could be confusing Donald Trump with iced tea. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Firth. You got a deal the election
[00:45:14] Got a clue with the rough it rough. You got it. Oh shit. I think it's making noise put your phone away Adam
[00:45:24] Damn, damn, damn phone check. So Justin did any uh any wild shit ever happened in your childhood and you're in your
[00:45:45] No, man, I made a similar massive where in new jersey are you from? Oh, cereville
[00:45:50] Cereville with what kind of like cervixville just like a suburban north jersey
[00:45:56] Central central. Yeah, I don't understand because like north jersey means right outside, New York central jersey means 30 minutes outside of
[00:46:04] New York. Yeah, south jersey is just like north of philadelphia. Yeah, you got all this extra new jersey
[00:46:10] That goes like ways out. What the fuck is this it Nick?
[00:46:14] Dude, I don't there's like a big argument on it right now on face
[00:46:17] Look somebody somebody found an SD card on the train plug that shit in see what's on there
[00:46:22] Happened to me go through people's files
[00:46:25] I need to say this. There's never a race. Well, I was like the only white kid in my high school for like
[00:46:30] I got kicked out of high school as a freshman. I was like for being white. Yeah. No, no, yeah
[00:46:34] You believe I was there was a lot of white people my first listen to this folks. We have a young man here
[00:46:39] Who's been kicked out of his school is that you had to go to school with black?
[00:46:42] Yeah, well first was by saying it's not a punishment
[00:46:47] Who was punished for not being dark enough
[00:46:55] Why did you not fucking hug the teacher?
[00:47:00] I like fucking he kicked me out and he kept kicking me out and I went back and I was like
[00:47:04] Y'all let's just patch this up and he hugged and I hugged him as like a joke
[00:47:07] He like pushed me to the ground and filed sexual harassment
[00:47:10] What the worst part is the worst thought it's a fucking truth story and he listened
[00:47:16] Yeah, he looks like the fucking penguin from Batman. That's like the worst part. There's like man. He chose the other penguins
[00:47:24] All the other characters from regular ass penguins
[00:47:26] Can you imagine being such a loser that you're around 14 and 15 year olds and then you'd like you're terrified of them touching?
[00:47:33] Yeah, I was like also I wasn't like strong enough to like hold him down
[00:47:37] I want to be a victim blamer. I want to be a victim blamer
[00:47:41] Yeah, I want to be a victim blamer, but I definitely couldn't have picked that pussy, you know
[00:47:51] What was he wearing though break down that outfit for us? All right, so he was a woodshop teacher
[00:47:57] Oh, he shouldn't have been wearing it. Dude. I'm like dude. This fucking woodshop show
[00:48:00] We had a fucking work with wood, you know
[00:48:02] Yeah, yeah run his cock in the scroll. So after that fucking
[00:48:07] Cut it off real quick. Dude. Just what would you picture a fucking woodshop teacher and like dikies you buy from Walmart sure
[00:48:13] Yeah, but enough shirt you buy from Walmart the shittier dikies that they have a Walmart. Yeah. Yeah. What is that shit called? What?
[00:48:25] There's like a work where they're not the brand she go. No dude. They actually do have a dikies has a shittier
[00:48:33] That they sell at Walmart called genuine dikies
[00:48:37] Interesting. I tell you know something's not genuine when they have to
[00:48:41] In front of the day Walmart had to like the Walmart house brand was like starter for a couple years
[00:48:46] I don't know it started became cool again, but it's sort of it's kind of getting it off hard and we're just like you could buy starter shit at
[00:48:52] Walmart. I have a good character. Yeah, okay guy who doesn't realize that starter is not hot anymore and it's still rocking it
[00:48:58] Yeah, that's good. I would love to and he's like she
[00:49:11] And he she I got my in each he on those are my favorite kind of my style pole denim when they're like people
[00:49:20] People it's the only people wearing avarach's anymore. No, I'm talking about like homeless
[00:49:24] Like still wearing like the fucking uh, pellet pellet sweatsuits or yeah
[00:49:29] Or like the fucking you gotta like buy it at four men mills
[00:49:31] They like you if you like go into the the deepest section of a four men mills you could still find like jeans with the NBA logo
[00:49:42] Yeah, people are just like fans of a league
[00:49:49] I gotta get the patches. I do need the patches. We got to sew some fucking patches on those shorts
[00:49:54] Well, once you fuck the way you get those is you get a patch for every player of every team that you fucked
[00:49:59] So once I start fucking more players. We started should we start a motorcycle?
[00:50:03] It was fuckable on the net you should start on the net Jeremy Lynn
[00:50:07] Dwight Howard got bought out right? Yeah, he's not on the team. Yeah, dude. He was on the team for like a day
[00:50:15] Kick you out for hugging some some so you were 13
[00:50:20] Uh, yeah, what year are you a freshman in high 14 14? I think I was like 24
[00:50:27] Oh, so you were did you fail ever 13 and then they say you were a black school
[00:50:33] Well, it wasn't a black school necessarily
[00:50:36] It was an alternative school. It was like a reform like
[00:50:40] Seriously for hugging. Yeah, they took it that damn
[00:50:48] And I didn't get any punishment. No, you didn't. Yeah, dude. I don't believe that. I didn't see any conviction in
[00:51:14] Pointed out it looks like his dick is completely hard too
[00:51:21] Hell yeah, dude. I get stiff as fuck every set I do every open mic. I come in my jeans
[00:51:26] Oh, wait breaking news. Christian has had some sort of public meltdown. Oh, no, who Christian
[00:51:34] Trans guy term woman again. He's on the ground
[00:51:37] At some convention at Otacon. He's too many games convention. I don't know what that is
[00:51:53] Justin showing this picture with guy having a hard-ass
[00:51:59] You're not gonna say his name, but jesus fucking christ. He just showed up on my facebook feed
[00:52:03] It's the picture of a guy with a heart on it carol. I'm not
[00:52:16] What's going on like what are you playing it's it's still chris having a meltdown. He's just lying on the floor refusing to be
[00:52:27] I'm naming all my kids. They I don't want to fuck up his or down. So I guess he's she
[00:52:36] You're really christians. I want to suck up
[00:52:40] Man's dick the guy drinks come on camera. Yeah. Well, bottoms up
[00:52:46] Yeah, you should have a drinking come with fan
[00:52:54] Uh, posting this like oh, he's having a public meltdown. It's like yeah, this video should start in 2003
[00:53:02] This is public meltdowns have been happening when he was bullied into being a girl. Yeah, yeah, that's tough
[00:53:08] Yeah, what was me just like a even a good looking guy sort of at some point. Yeah, so in your response. Why lmao? This isn't funny
[00:53:20] It's sad but also good to hopefully see this kind of behavior from him end. We know it won't but we can hope
[00:53:27] So why do you give a shit? We can't hope just stop pretending like you're not laughing at these people
[00:53:34] Like people don't have the courage to like sit there and gawk at somebody that they
[00:53:39] Enjoy the humility is very funny. You're like no, I care about him
[00:53:44] You're laughing at BB every single person that fucking enjoy 100
[00:53:47] Because he's retarded because he's a little bit like I what was his name ed hymnas who was that David?
[00:53:56] Dude, I didn't have your number the other day. I was trying to text you because I was trying to tell somebody about like this guy
[00:54:00] And I couldn't like figure out his fucking name
[00:54:05] He pops up sometimes in like law and order episode
[00:54:08] It was like a cop in the background just like
[00:54:11] Yeah, dude. He's got like the fucking most intense eyes. Yeah, really. I mean he looks like you think I got fucking shark eyes
[00:54:18] Yeah, dude. He's like if Nick was like eight times more retarded
[00:54:25] Despicable to anyone no he's got like murder eyes. Everything. No, I think he has everything about him is bizarre
[00:54:32] You don't think he's done anything. I think he's done something weird
[00:54:34] See we do comedy and it like I always got the impression from him that he didn't know why he was doing comedy
[00:54:40] It just was always seemed like well, that's what you do you get you grow up. You get a job
[00:54:46] You know, open mike. Yeah, what were his bits like
[00:54:50] It was just like oh you're saying like he thought he got like hired as a comedian. It just had to do it
[00:54:55] Yeah, it's like he just like like he went to school for age back
[00:54:58] Explains that he's doing comedy the same way he would explain why he's like went to the grocery store that
[00:55:05] Had to go pick up groceries. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I had to just do an open mind
[00:55:10] Is he here in Austin? He was here. Uh-huh. That's how I knew him. He was here
[00:55:15] Where is jokes? Do you remember to remember anything? No, he would like mumble through everything
[00:55:19] He would always talk about being like a background actor
[00:55:22] Yeah, like he doesn't understand why he does comedy because background acting pays so much
[00:55:29] Which comedy pays zero. Yeah, yeah, you could be a bum that asked for money on the train
[00:55:37] But he would like sit at the fucking pit
[00:55:39] He would always do the pit mic and you know how they have like those fucking like uh
[00:55:43] What do they call those like the stadium seating where you like yeah
[00:55:46] He would like always like set up the chair like slightly outside of the spotlight and he would just read
[00:55:51] But it would look so crazy because he would never be in the spotlight
[00:55:56] It would just sit in the darkness and rant
[00:56:00] Yeah 100 percent the first time I ever saw my song
[00:56:04] Open mic it kicked blood coffee in Austin
[00:56:06] He goes on stage and he puts like a stool down and he's got he puts his notes on the stool then he goes up. Uh
[00:56:17] high school basketball game where one team beat the other team 100 or nothing and uh
[00:56:25] They fired the coach of the team that uh one because he wouldn't apologize
[00:56:34] I mean, I just say I think they should have fired the coach at loss
[00:56:41] He goes uh, let's see what we got here and just goes back to his note
[00:56:44] And that was like the joke and I thought it was like
[00:56:49] I was being ironic. I thought it was like a joke. I'm like oh, this guy's pretty cool. Yeah
[00:56:53] Yeah, pretty good bit, but then that guy was like I need to move talk to him. Yeah, right?
[00:56:56] And it's just all that you know, he's like I remember one time he's like doing anything
[00:56:59] He's like I saw this bus go by he like describes a party bus
[00:57:03] Yeah, he's like when I thought damn I'll I'll like to be on in there. What what none of the buses I get on like that. Yeah
[00:57:27] We're doing we're doing you see get picked on for me at gay school
[00:57:36] Later find out that the bully dies in a car crash
[00:57:59] Waiting for the same he just thinks jokes are just set up
[00:58:04] I'm just gonna laugh. This is the funniest person in Austin contest. He actually beat Nick this
[00:58:39] Did that bit and then walk to the left until he was not visible
[00:58:45] The joke of you didn't hear it was I was thinking about going to Dubai
[00:58:48] But I'll probably need a boat at some point
[00:58:53] I'll probably just invest in a hovercraft and then written down hovercraft impersonation walk off state
[00:59:02] That's fucking site. Yeah. No, he's it's that he's completely on hit should we keep watching?
[00:59:11] I mean, I'm not in charge. I don't know. I'm into it. No stop doesn't want to watch
[00:59:14] We stopped something else. He wants to go
[00:59:22] He's doing a bit about how Patrick's way he can't leave his shirt on
[00:59:25] Isn't that other guy who like always takes his shirt off like yeah, he couldn't do like a more fucking caron actor
[00:59:31] Yeah, yeah, Patrick's way in 2015. He's already dead. I believe yeah, he was dead damn that Patrick's way
[00:59:40] A lot of people thinks he died from cancer
[00:59:50] Because he's doing the ring god damn dude. No, that's the end. I'm gonna be making a pot. He's gonna come back as a ghost. Oh
[01:00:13] This is why the best part is when he walks out of frame
[01:00:22] One year at the funniest person awesome contest he ran out of material about three minutes into his set and he's like, uh, we're uh, hmm
[01:00:34] How did he get in front of the contest? He just paid $25. Oh really ran out of material and he goes
[01:00:45] Said that and people already know his stong
[01:00:50] Already kind of laughing and he's like getting this confidence. He's like it's um been said that uh
[01:01:01] You know and then people are already like laughing. Yeah, he's like and so uh one day there was uh secret service
[01:01:13] Sir did you've heard a one about the uh elephant and the pig?
[01:01:17] And he says no, he's um, you know, would not talk to me
[01:01:24] Tell me a street joke can't even think of a street joke
[01:01:33] Because there's uh, you know, well, there's uh, uh, it's an elephant and he's uh fucking this pig
[01:01:43] You know, he's fucking the pig from behind the pigs like oh, yeah and the elephant's like, yeah, and then
[01:01:51] You know and then the pigs like oh keep going and the elephant's like, yeah, yeah, yeah
[01:01:56] Then you're a stop that and it's like where are you saying that? I'm
[01:02:00] Doesn't know where and then out from uh the shadows
[01:02:10] looks at the pig and the elephant goes why
[01:02:13] And then he says the panda says because that's my wife
[01:02:24] You can hear the video got taken down but people were clapping for like
[01:02:38] I actually used to have a shirt with david amenez's face on it. I printed out like one of his facebook
[01:02:50] And people like is that a band and i'll be like, yeah, it's a band
[01:02:53] I love that joke because it's like who is speaking is it the secrets
[01:02:59] Is saying these things to reagan reagan's ragan's ragan's being told a dirty joke
[01:03:08] I feel bad because now i didn't realize how many people are gonna go watch this thing. Yeah, oh for sure
[01:03:13] Yeah, i mean, you know, whatever. Oh, he was on america's got talent. Oh, was he?
[01:03:27] Oh, yeah, oh, they're giving the crickets
[01:03:29] Is he even get on stage i've heard star in a guy who has midgets fuck each other on his tv show just shook his head
[01:03:42] Did he immediately get asked he got asked immediately
[01:03:45] But he also that sir went on that we're having a contest sues the ugliest woman harvey winstein wouldn't fuck
[01:03:52] He doesn't think the worst part is he uh
[01:03:55] He put that clip up. Oh really? Yeah, he's an insane person. He gives these videos
[01:04:01] He's like sketch videos that he made that are just absolute nonsense
[01:04:09] He isn't acting real is it just an extra?
[01:04:22] Oskums, yeah, he's he's completely schizophrenic
[01:04:29] It's like the ramblings of it just a guy it sitting at mcdonald's because he has no place else to go
[01:04:34] He lived here. He lives here. He was coming here. He lived here
[01:04:37] I remember I went into an open mic one time and I just saw him standing there and I like freaked out and I had to run outside and called jake
[01:04:44] I was like, you're never gonna guess who I just fucking saw
[01:04:47] He showed up to a taping of comedy knockout. Whoa when I was there
[01:04:52] I was like they sometimes the writers have to like hang out on
[01:04:56] Yeah on stage. I guess the like pitch out shit
[01:04:58] I guess in between rounds and I look up and david sitting there and fucking audience
[01:05:04] I'm like, holy shit. Holy shit. Everyone's like, what's going on?
[01:05:07] I was like, this is guys crazy. Do we need to remove him? I'm like, no, no, no, no, just let me play all of his videos
[01:05:14] Yeah, you're also like I don't know that would happen to you what
[01:05:21] You would know this guy david came in as he would be like a lunatic and then he would just show up everywhere you are
[01:05:28] It's like it's like god is just giving you people a bully
[01:05:36] Yeah, I guess it is like that that way I sure that for that reason I shouldn't feel bad about the things I do
[01:05:41] Yeah, it's the word. It's divine intervention. You should feel bad. You should definitely take it out on yourself
[01:05:53] Well, you know, what you know, let's let's go back to the Justin well, you know what I mean
[01:06:00] Yeah, but we do one more david came in as video sure because there's a ten second video named shades and the thumbnail of the video is just him wearing sunglasses
[01:06:08] Yeah, so I see there's what what's going on in this video
[01:06:18] Because it's exactly what you wanted it to be oh
[01:06:22] So he took off his shade and there were swimming pool goggles on underneath
[01:06:28] Get it you have to it's nice out you have to wear shades because it's exactly what you wanted it to be
[01:06:44] Put the sunglasses on it's nice day. Did I say I have sunglasses on because it's exactly what you
[01:06:53] That makes sense I think you wanted it to be a nice day out to where your son
[01:06:58] Your son your son goggles. Mm-hmm. It has fucking goggles though
[01:07:09] No, I had this when I grew up in had a swimming pool in the back. Really?
[01:07:17] Is like a lap swim thing. It's just like a regular pool. He's just a regular pool indoor in ground pool
[01:07:22] Oh in ground in my grandparent's house. Oh, you can't swim and that you just sit in those no
[01:07:33] I mean even in ground. They're not like
[01:07:38] It's like you can't do Olympic laps. It's not an Olympic swimming pool, but it's like it's like the same shape
[01:07:43] It's like rectangular. It's got a low end and a deep end. Oh, yeah, there's a there's a end that you fucking jump into
[01:07:49] Um interesting. Okay, so I was there when you search when you search David and men as actor Harvey Weinstein's picture comes up
[01:08:03] Jersey trashy shit must have happened in that pool
[01:08:08] Why do you keep trying to get stories about him being molested?
[01:08:10] Did you think a frog style in that pool? I don't think I've ever I've had sex in a pool, but
[01:08:16] I've never a froggy style hasn't fucking a pool though. I haven't I haven't
[01:08:21] And really and then I was low to the top
[01:08:31] Complaining about that fat girl trying to get you to come over with that like I got a pool. Who's coming? What was that story?
[01:08:40] Dude, yeah, all right, tell us your name to I don't remember
[01:08:45] But there was a woman who kept trying to get everyone to come over to her pool
[01:08:48] Just a fat girl that wanted everyone to come over the pool and then when it became a clear in broklin
[01:08:53] No, it was all involved all involved or and then when it became clear like none of her room was like yeah
[01:08:58] Yeah, and then when like all of her hot friends bailed everyone was like no we can't
[01:09:09] I would love to hit a pool right into his tweets now. Yeah, dude. Pools are fucking sick
[01:09:14] Yeah, dude. I'm sorry. I got Nick. I got Nick starting on this David Jimenez
[01:09:17] How about after this we all go down to the New York City departments of parks and recreation
[01:09:22] We all get ourselves the nice little pool pass for the rest of the year. It's open right?
[01:09:26] They are open. Yeah, it's $200 for the year you get access to every pool in the
[01:09:29] Grandma still has the same pool. Yeah, should we go?
[01:09:36] Fuckin New Jersey. Let's just go to six flags great adventure. How far is it?
[01:09:45] Two flags great adventure 45 minutes by bus that leaving directly from Penn station. I'm not doing it. Dude if you got to
[01:10:00] No, you specifically you're if I was fags that'd be like 13 of them
[01:10:09] Nick is actually just 13 bags and a rain cold goddamn stack of fags
[01:10:15] Uh, I'm sorry Michael. What character is this? Uh, it's a black guy who's made out of faggots
[01:10:26] So I don't know if we any need we don't need anything more than just a regular bank teller play it straight go
[01:10:31] Man, I work no damn bank. I'm a black man made out of fags
[01:10:40] Put my multiple faggot ass on the mod team for I bust a faggot
[01:10:45] He's dragging out there. Oh, look he does this but he's the only person you're a resident raped anybody
[01:10:59] Then let's join ucb guys. That's what we should do with the money. Yeah, infiltrate infiltrate dude
[01:11:04] I'm getting it. I want to take class. I'm trying to get into being sneaky this year. Oh, yeah
[01:11:12] Hiding things in people's assholes while they're asleep
[01:11:14] Just a little like make a little like plastic bullet shaped things that you can twist open
[01:11:20] You put little messages in there and so I would wake up and find something
[01:11:24] And then you would shit out something to look like a magic marker and be like dear stavras. You're beautiful one day
[01:11:39] No, I mean he'd be physically sick from you shoving something up in there
[01:11:44] You get way up to it. Yeah, make sure that your psyche gives you a psychosomatic response
[01:11:50] You know you've been violated even even if you've been GHB'd out. That's sneaky
[01:11:56] Yeah, it is very sneaky. You guys want to get into doing uh the date rape drugs recreationally. Yeah. Yeah
[01:12:02] I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, people you could do
[01:12:05] You guys do intelligent dance music. Yeah, you guys do it because uh you don't get the calories of alcohol
[01:12:13] So if you just take it without drinking
[01:12:26] This is a couple boys on fire. Yeah, it went out and I got violently right behind the
[01:12:29] Ally who gives a shot. Do we should make retarded? I'm on gee. We should set david him in as his comedy to dance music
[01:13:00] Yeah, how can I bait and say what I wouldn't say
[01:13:05] It's the adult version of like making that one kid eat things
[01:13:08] Look at how sharp and looks like earthworm Jim without his suit. I know it's crazy
[01:13:13] He looks terrible. He looks like an anorexic seven year old because he used to be fat like four years ago
[01:13:18] He was probably his head bad. Yeah, he had like a perm. Yeah, he was crooked. He's that video him fighting
[01:13:24] He looked like a down junior show. Yeah, no, I haven't seen that
[01:13:27] You know old white guys still don't know that black people also hate al sharp did
[01:13:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they like don't know that I thought they all loved al sharped every single one of them
[01:13:37] No, everybody hates al sharped. I like him too. I'll show up. It's actually a pretty nice guy
[01:13:42] So well guys sent a lot for his community. I think it's cool
[01:13:46] He makes things run. He was the only one right about Tawana Brawley. Well, what he sound like in a
[01:13:58] She said she got raped by like the da in the process and then like sheriff's office
[01:14:03] She's like like cut her all her clothes off and hidden a dumpster and said I got raped and thrown in this dumpster
[01:14:09] And they're like who raped you and she was like the mayor
[01:14:24] John L. Way didn't he like fuck Carmen's mom and like the first season of South
[01:14:28] Artment. Yeah, he was he was rumored to possibly be Carmen's father soccer pride versus political drama
[01:14:49] Now that's a video you could say yeah, come here next we got a video of a toucan with his nose stuck in a man's ass
[01:15:00] Meet the man who shoves exotic birds faces and who's asshole
[01:15:04] He's named brian. He's 42 years old and he doesn't have a job
[01:15:11] Yeah, I don't know man. It's just something about those
[01:15:17] I don't know what to tell you motherfucker of the ucb
[01:15:24] Is a white american but he talks like this after being ejected from the improv classes
[01:15:30] Surprisingly not for the voices they said I couldn't put a bird in my damn ass
[01:15:44] Yeah paid for by fox five news fox five
[01:15:47] I'm trying to fuck a local newscaster. Yeah, that seems like some good pussy
[01:16:05] A little bit harder not that hard close enough. I don't know if you're capable of it. Please choke me instead
[01:16:11] Yes, I would love that shit dude get some of that pancake makeup all over my dick and nuts
[01:16:19] A local woman is passing off period blood as feces
[01:16:34] When you promised when you promised men that you had a hysterectomy
[01:16:45] But you're 42 unmarried unmerried just trying to get them to blast inside of you
[01:16:53] Yeah, right there that lady come on. Yeah, I love being blasted inside
[01:16:58] How about you? I do too can I love you know, it's crazy the first time I got blasted inside
[01:17:07] Sorry, I'm trying to match your lips. I'm not gonna watch the news what
[01:17:16] Do people fucking watch the news who fucking do who's like watching this who's watching the news
[01:17:23] The reason broadcast television still exists is because people watch local news
[01:17:26] One of my favorite stories about Justin
[01:17:29] I bet you the ratings aren't that good about me about you via nik is that there was a female comedian on stage an open mic
[01:17:37] And you just turned to nik. He said what she she's just gonna move here and have opinions
[01:17:45] I don't know what to say the name of the way was she talking about new york probably
[01:17:52] She's powerful now so she could probably she's a pretty powerful comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah
[01:17:56] Yeah, she did she ended up doing well for herself with those opinions
[01:18:00] Yeah, yeah, I hate when people I used to hate when people had opinions
[01:18:06] Like who cares about your fucking it's just like such a
[01:18:11] But at the at the at the very core isn't having opinion like very entitled of somebody
[01:18:24] See your crazy fucking story. This is an opinion. This isn't an objective fact what that having an opinion it makes
[01:18:36] Another opinion what that I ruin everything he said why do you have yeah, that was a question
[01:18:42] I was a question opinion. No, that's a question. Oh, man. I was going on this strong rant about opinions
[01:18:52] Strong rant also an opinion. Yeah, that's so you're making it. Yeah, those are pretty
[01:18:57] Subjective judgment about the ran itself
[01:18:59] You could have just said I was going on a rant about opinions
[01:19:02] You had to throw a wrench in there and said you said strong rant in fact. I think you're full of opinions
[01:19:07] You know what they say opinions are like assholes everybody has multiple
[01:19:12] Yeah, hundreds of opinions are a lot like that. I don't know if you listen to the game about ran though
[01:19:22] Now you don't care about what people say anymore opinions are like assholes you can have them turned into a vagina
[01:19:45] Easy to turn an ass into a pussy than a dick
[01:20:09] It's actually a very simple procedure to switch the
[01:20:12] The the angle tracked and the the urethra. Yeah, you can cut out pieces of the colon and then just sew the remaining parts
[01:20:19] Yeah, yeah, just shorten the rectum and then you make a vagina out of what was inside the asshole nice
[01:20:25] Honestly, you go to Home Depot. It's like probably under a hundred bucks. Yeah. Hey, you need a van
[01:20:29] Yeah, probably we could rent one for the surgery some day labors. Yeah, hang it out
[01:20:36] We just won't use a scour book we read a day labor
[01:20:39] a little bit to perform as a nurse. Yeah
[01:20:49] Uh very experimental. Yeah, I think you did it better go job
[01:21:01] You've done six excellent hours. Okay, go get yourself something nice and nice treat down at the 7-11
[01:21:08] Maybe you slurping or something for you and your friends
[01:21:20] I'm really looking forward to having all this food
[01:21:23] Yeah, I'm ready looking for a blow in my nose and
[01:21:30] Yeah, are you gonna come to the party? I guess I'm already here nice 7 o'clock. Oh, yeah, I casting for a doc sex
[01:21:36] That max told her that um you're not allowed to invite anyone so okay
[01:21:43] And he was too much of a coward to tell you that well, I'm invited
[01:21:50] Elders much of big old boys big old boys
[01:21:53] They only said that because they don't want you inviting your fat
[01:22:00] Love it all the food. Do you have fat friends? Yeah, my best one of my best friends is fetish Elvis Elvis
[01:22:06] I grew up with my roommate and we live together now. Oh really? He's very fat. Yeah, it's a fat. Thank you. Thank you very
[01:22:13] Well, what do you guys just do it again?
[01:22:15] That's like a fucking classic team right there for it was that during the Elvis
[01:22:19] Well, you guys both fatted for the rockability. Did you just look at each other and be like this is gonna work?
[01:22:24] We weren't that fat, but we were big we were big as shit, but yeah, we've been fat. We've been code dependent fat boys our whole lives
[01:22:30] That's pretty cool. It's fun. Yeah, it's like a movie. You guys should marry sisters. You ever talk about that? Yeah, maybe yeah
[01:22:39] You guys shouldn't take a photo of each other wearing diaper
[01:22:42] Picture like you and another does he look like you? No, no, he's all we've just been falling fat on the podcast as the red and yellow m&m
[01:22:53] Even the shapes too like he's the kind of fat like he's got a long
[01:22:58] Woman's at the fucking crazy story to have well, it's like crazy story. Go ahead. My mom made me
[01:23:02] I have a twin sister. My mom made us like Halloween costumes
[01:23:07] Because we were on stage and you were like I guess I'm a feminist because I got a twin sister and everybody laughed
[01:23:12] You understand it was because people put together some poor girl that I
[01:23:16] Yeah, I usually do I usually do do a line acknowledging that but yeah, no, we have a smart audience
[01:23:23] Yeah, a lot of people listen to show are very smart very intellectual individuals
[01:23:29] Lawyers lawyers doctors surgeons. I thought they were gonna be like fucking all right
[01:23:37] Everybody on the internet is like an alt-right maniac. Yeah. Yeah. No, most people aren't anything in real life and then they get online
[01:23:44] And they yeah, yeah, put that stupid avatar next to their name and they they become these opinion people that you hate
[01:23:50] Mm-hmm. So anyway, my mom made us these M&M costumes and she made me the fucking green M&M the sexy woman sexy
[01:24:05] Brown with that bitch knows how to read yeah, yeah the green one's the one that sucks good. That's right
[01:24:10] Yeah, yeah, remember the brown ones like I'm not naked. She's got glasses on yeah
[01:24:15] She's a fucking prude. Maybe the green one is glasses. I can't remember the green one doesn't reach. He's too busy suck
[01:24:22] So true, that's the type of reading that's true is there there's a deviant art category for the green M&M for sure
[01:24:38] Dude, how is this not fucking provocative? Oh, I'm hard. Let me see she's on zizzing you in your costume
[01:24:47] Dude, it's a picture of the M&M taking off her candy shell. Mmm. That makes me horny
[01:24:55] Wanna fuck a candy if you fucking draws this if you want to fuck one candy. What candy would you fuck? Oh?
[01:25:06] It's not a candy it's a mascot pink starburst cuz it looks like
[01:25:17] Is she and then the red one says no idiot that's her shell trust me and then the brown M&M is going
[01:25:23] What is that green slot doing implying that the green one is nude here? Oh, she's got a fat ass
[01:25:28] Bad ass why did they doesn't a donk actually why did they can you see her pussy?
[01:25:34] Yeah, but yo, why did they like draw like beads of sweat coming off the chocolate?
[01:25:39] Like we didn't know she was naked without the beads of sweat. Yeah, I you can't tell what's going on when you're pussy here
[01:25:48] Here's a subway sandwich bonded and ready to be raped
[01:25:55] Do deviant what is going on with deviant? Oh, I thought this was just imagine your images
[01:26:01] No, did we already do that bit about the fucking Sun? Yeah, oh, let me see that one. Oh, yeah
[01:26:08] Wait, hold on wait why does she have white legs? Okay, so they fucking white watch the female M&M
[01:26:14] She's wearing boots. That's pretty good. Yeah, let me let me read that caption
[01:26:18] I'm bringing the caption now. It's on a website says tie penis whitening fad drives social media nuts
[01:26:25] I don't know. That's the related image for that. Well, it's part of the video describe the image to our viewers to our listeners
[01:26:31] They can't see it. Uh, it's the green M&M with her legs up and she's getting drunk off chocolate milk
[01:26:39] And her pussy has an additional M on it. Oh, let me see that. That's quite the fucking pubic hair
[01:26:55] It's a green fleshlight tucked underneath the bed
[01:26:58] I've seen that one. That's good. Dude. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna Google image shirts
[01:27:16] We really have been podcasting dude. Why is I just fucking Googled M&M sexy and like got like
[01:27:25] Like fuck M&M's I think so it's a pretty well tread
[01:27:33] I got something nice and well tread for you. What's that your daddy's butthole
[01:27:39] Um, okay gang listen. I I'm just gonna plug my dates now
[01:27:42] We'll probably keep googling M&M's for a while, but I am tomorrow if you listen to this. I'm in Seattle laughs
[01:27:52] We should be almost selling out hopefully and then I'm in Portland on the third July. I should I'd do that as a bit
[01:27:59] I've been doing that as a bit for like seven years. That's a portal raping is there orange M&M being raped by a pretzel
[01:28:06] Oh, yeah, I remember that like maybe someone heard your bit and somebody stole my fucking bit
[01:28:19] The creative the creative goddamn it this fucking piece of fucking microfucking keeps cutting the fuck out
[01:28:25] I keep going in. We need a new fucking wire dude. Yeah, sucky my dick
[01:28:33] Never have things to talk about. Oh shit. What is that? It's a red M&M coming coming chocolate into the green M&M and the yellow M&M's waiting to drink it
[01:29:00] That one's good. Yeah, so guys just go ahead and go ahead and google that
[01:29:06] Um, Justin would you like to plug yourself? No, I don't think I I don't think I have anything just your social media anything
[01:29:12] Oh, Justin. I don't even know my fucking Twitter handle
[01:29:18] Dash an underscore between flat and man. Yeah, hit up the flat man and also on instagram. I'm a yo
[01:29:29] So find a yo, I fucked them gummy bears
[01:29:33] Yeah, I think we'll probably just keep googling these for a while. Yeah, this is a good thing to look for
[01:29:38] I'm definitely not into it sexually. I just want to look at deviant art for hours
[01:29:43] For bits. Yeah for bits for fucking bits
[01:29:46] M&M pornography is bronie still thingers. They all give up like graduate to something like after that documentary. I think yeah, they're all racist now
[01:30:04] What all right people used to be bronies or some shit apparently damn I just want to eat i'm tired
[01:30:09] Okay, so in the podcast you're the producer. That's true. I am the pure in charge of the chutru train these days stop
[01:30:14] That's right. Well gang all pressures off for me. I am now second chair on the podcast. That's right
[01:30:19] It's the stop rose big day. Why is Nick not the producer anymore? I'm done with this shit. I'm producing
[01:30:30] Yeah, I like how unsuccessful Nick wants to be yeah
[01:30:36] Success is like a bird internet is raping rabbit shut up. So this is making money for rabbit
[01:30:44] Rabbit from winning the poo and Tigger fucking but Tigger is Jesus Christ. No, that's pretty good. Yeah, and he's writing rabbit's cock
[01:30:54] Where you find in all these images google his fucking this is oh, this is my camera roll
[01:31:01] This is youtube channel. I found it was a statistic guy that was in the dragons and like but also he's autistic
[01:31:06] So like fire alarms and antique elevator equipment
[01:31:09] And so like you would have nine videos of like old fire alarm systems
[01:31:14] He's going through and then there'd be one video like this is my dildo collection
[01:31:24] This one's a dragon and it's like a dragon
[01:31:26] Hold on. There's like different kind of dildo. He's got a dragon tip and he's holding it up to the camera
[01:31:31] And first of all his nails are disgusting. I've never been caught. They're covered in dirt and asshole cheese
[01:31:43] This one's pretty good. And then the next video is like this is a dude fucking cab watch
[01:31:53] Next like yeah, there's fucking shit on his dildo
[01:32:00] Know how dark people get yeah, very dark there was this guy I found whose fetish was like wearing diapers and being
[01:32:10] But do this one fucking dolphin. I went looking for him again
[01:32:14] I couldn't find him but his thing was you know, I had videos of him like he's like, okay. I'm feeling my diaper
[01:32:21] Shut up. Oh, yeah, he's like I'm like I'm feeling my diaper now
[01:32:25] And he would stand there and just piss and shit himself in the diaper
[01:32:28] And then uh his whole thing is like I really want to cast
[01:32:32] He really wanted to like get a doctor to put one of his arms in a cast because he's like the idea being
[01:32:37] Of course, no doctor is gonna do that. Yeah
[01:32:39] Make your own cast one in one video. He has a cast because he
[01:32:49] She's like a wolf. Hold on. I'll give you an answer to that. Yeah, first I already explained to yeah
[01:32:55] I was just I was just googling images. Yeah. Yeah, but then yeah, and then one of the videos
[01:33:01] He's got the cast on in the background. You can see his wall and there's just mad man scrawlings all over
[01:33:07] Oh my god. Just cheating and pissing himself and breaking his arms and legs
[01:33:14] As the impulse to be like I'm gonna put this up. Yeah, yeah
[01:33:19] I just found a pig shaped penis dildo sextoy, but then also there's a diagram of like what
[01:33:28] That pigs fucking uh body parts next to those in mouth. Yeah
[01:33:35] In case you ever been like eating a like a Jamaican stew and thought I want to fuck this
[01:33:42] Well gang uh, thank you for listening. Um, that's the episode
[01:33:46] Now how do you get this off your fucking search history? Nah dude, that's there forever
[01:33:51] I'm always in con incognito mode. So please send us any please send us any dildos
[01:33:57] Send those to Justin Flanagan. It doesn't plan man. I'm the government associate and um
[01:34:02] If you have any sweet ass pics of the green m&m with their titties and pussy out
[01:34:07] Please send those to come at iclouc- come town at iclouc
[01:34:14] Uh second man fucking a day. You know it's not my personal email. It's a show email. Yeah, okay
[01:34:21] That's what I said. So when it's filled with shit. I don't see like the offer. Okay. Don't send it to that one send it to
[01:34:29] 82 at gmail.com. Well, I use it for like customer service issues people. I'm like a fucking problem. Okay. Well, don't send don't send it there
[01:34:36] Uh, anyway, uh, I hope this mine my cutting out the whole time wasn't too annoying
[01:34:40] But like I said, it's quantity over quality before and we gave you plenty of quantity. So