[00:00:00] The episode begins now.

[00:00:03] Alright, yeah, so Adam's gonna be making a coffee.

[00:00:05] So I'm not making you coffee.

[00:00:06] I have cold brew to offer you.

[00:00:08] If you reject the cold brew, I'm not making you coffee.

[00:00:10] I need a hot coffee.

[00:00:11] I offer you this nice hot day.

[00:00:14] Hot, hot, hot.

[00:00:15] You're always complaining about how hot it is.

[00:00:17] Hot, hotty.

[00:00:18] I like hot, hot.

[00:00:18] Today's system better.

[00:00:21] We're gonna just like inject cold heroin in the hands.

[00:00:24] Now you heat that shit up.

[00:00:25] I put it in the blast.

[00:00:27] You know what I'm saying?

[00:00:30] I like cold cum.

[00:00:31] I was thinking about a bit where it's like something about

[00:00:35] how when fat people relapse, it's like,

[00:00:37] there's no spoons in this house.

[00:00:39] It's like, oh no, is he doing heroin?

[00:00:41] It's like, no, it's ice cream.

[00:00:42] Yeah, it's all spoons in this room.

[00:00:43] I was trying to work on a bit about how like,

[00:00:47] I want to be able to hate light skinned ass crackers.

[00:00:49] Light skinned ass white people.

[00:00:52] Oh, you want to call pale people white skinned ass crackers.

[00:00:54] I'm tired of his light skinned ass crackers.

[00:00:56] Yeah.

[00:00:57] No one can get mad at that.

[00:00:58] Northern Europeans.

[00:00:59] Right, exactly.

[00:01:00] Yeah.

[00:01:01] Fucking skinned an avian ass red bone ass cracker.

[00:01:03] Fuck that here, nah.

[00:01:04] Yeah, yeah.

[00:01:05] I need to be a red bone cracker.

[00:01:07] Ginger, you just start calling Ginger's red bones?

[00:01:09] Fuck the red bone ass cracker.

[00:01:11] Okay.

[00:01:12] I'm tired of these light skinned ass skinned

[00:01:14] gossamer skin looking like a sock

[00:01:16] they give you to try on shoes looking ass crackers.

[00:01:21] Fucking skinned talking about half a millimeter thick

[00:01:24] when you're light skinned a cracker ass.

[00:01:26] Oh, yes, bitch.

[00:01:27] Ruin in the beach.

[00:01:29] It's a little alabaster ass.

[00:01:30] Reflecting your ass on everybody.

[00:01:32] Yep, absolutely.

[00:01:33] Bringing a whole fucking tent like you the monster energy,

[00:01:38] you know, sponsored whatever thing.

[00:01:41] Oh, it's like you're a local.

[00:01:44] Yeah, like you, my man got his own kiosk.

[00:01:48] We're on a whole circus tent.

[00:01:50] Bringing his light skinned ass cracker family.

[00:01:54] That's what I want to be mad about.

[00:01:56] Also, another bit I'm working on about how

[00:02:00] you can get high off saying the N word.

[00:02:03] But for white people, we get high.

[00:02:04] A lot of people know that.

[00:02:05] The reason we love saying it so much

[00:02:06] is we get a little buzz.

[00:02:08] That's why we say it so much at home.

[00:02:10] And we, they took all of us and they took away

[00:02:13] the N word from us.

[00:02:15] What's left?

[00:02:16] That's right, Fennel.

[00:02:17] Yeah, it's me.

[00:02:18] That's what created the opiate crisis.

[00:02:20] Then taking the N word from it.

[00:02:21] Donald Trump became president.

[00:02:23] That's right.

[00:02:23] So if you don't want Trump as president,

[00:02:25] you don't want a bunch of doped up white people

[00:02:27] voting for Donald Trump.

[00:02:28] Lattice blast ends in public.

[00:02:30] I'm talking Boston market.

[00:02:32] Just blasting.

[00:02:33] Just fucking blasting.

[00:02:34] Boston market, huh?

[00:02:35] Yeah.

[00:02:36] You waiting for that fucking little rotisserie chicken.

[00:02:38] It is on the menu.

[00:02:40] It's part of the ordering process.

[00:02:42] That's how you end word.

[00:02:44] Yes.

[00:02:46] Yeah, let me get the chicken pot pie.

[00:02:50] The Cambridge french fries.

[00:02:52] Oh, and boo.

[00:02:53] What is it?

[00:02:54] You just say it?

[00:02:55] Oh, and I don't have to pay.

[00:02:57] I can just say it for free.

[00:02:58] So I can just keep saying it.

[00:03:00] Oh, this is great.

[00:03:02] I'm going to go vote for a progressive candidate now.

[00:03:04] Now that I got that out of my sense.

[00:03:05] That's my free love movement.

[00:03:07] It's free the free and free the free and free and free and

[00:03:09] movement.

[00:03:13] Yeah, I'll tell you, man, you let us blast ends at KB toys.

[00:03:16] Yep.

[00:03:17] Just going in there.

[00:03:18] Not no child.

[00:03:19] I don't even have a child.

[00:03:20] Absolutely.

[00:03:21] Just going there blasting ends.

[00:03:23] It's out of business.

[00:03:24] Guess who I'm voting for.

[00:03:25] That's right.

[00:03:25] Hillary Clinton.

[00:03:27] Jim Webb.

[00:03:28] I'll give you Jim Webb.

[00:03:30] Hell yeah.

[00:03:31] I vote for for Kasich.

[00:03:33] John Kasich.

[00:03:34] Kasich.

[00:03:34] Kasich goes in.

[00:03:35] I blast two ends of day.

[00:03:36] John Kasich.

[00:03:37] Four ends of day.

[00:03:38] Jim Webb.

[00:03:39] OK.

[00:03:39] Unlimited ends of day.

[00:03:41] Hillary Clinton.

[00:03:42] Whoa.

[00:03:43] Wow.

[00:03:43] Maxine waters.

[00:03:44] I'm writing in Maxine waters.

[00:03:47] It's every single word I say.

[00:03:49] It's full board blasting in.

[00:03:52] Like I'm trying.

[00:03:52] Like I got a mining company and we're

[00:03:54] going through the mountains using the N word.

[00:03:57] Blasting the rocks to the N word.

[00:03:59] Until we get to that sweet natural gas.

[00:04:05] Hell yeah.

[00:04:05] They just huff that.

[00:04:06] Yeah.

[00:04:07] And say, yeah.

[00:04:08] Scientists say it's better for the environment than fracking.

[00:04:11] But is it a new N blasting method of finding natural gas bad

[00:04:15] for society?

[00:04:18] Dude, there's a lot of.

[00:04:19] I mean, I'm just I don't understand how it works,

[00:04:22] to be honest with you.

[00:04:23] I just know it's wrong.

[00:04:26] Look, I can't tell you.

[00:04:27] And I know that seems like liberal bullshit.

[00:04:28] No, I'm right.

[00:04:29] That I shouldn't just be opposed to a type of drilling.

[00:04:32] But I'm pretty sure screaming the N word of rocks.

[00:04:36] That can't be good.

[00:04:37] It's not good for the communities.

[00:04:40] It's not good for the people that live in those towns.

[00:04:42] Yeah, I don't know, man.

[00:04:43] I was out of work for years.

[00:04:44] And when this happened, I just knew my calling was about.

[00:04:47] I've been calling my nephew that for free.

[00:04:50] And so I figured I'd do it now.

[00:04:51] And I get a health insurance plan out of it.

[00:04:54] But the results are catastrophic.

[00:04:56] Take a look at Centralia, Pennsylvania, a town

[00:04:59] overcome by over N word.

[00:05:01] Unlivable now, even by white people.

[00:05:04] Because it's two races.

[00:05:05] They live 1,000 feet below sea level now.

[00:05:08] Every time somebody put up a build on not just y'all D.M.

[00:05:11] Word.

[00:05:11] It's fun watching it go down.

[00:05:13] Big blast.

[00:05:15] They're calling it N 11.

[00:05:19] And it's the greatest tragedy since the real 9 11.

[00:05:24] Damn, dude.

[00:05:25] Yeah, we should harvest N word technology,

[00:05:27] clean N word technology.

[00:05:31] That's like, would there be dirty and clean?

[00:05:33] Right.

[00:05:33] ER and A. That's like a deleted scene from Independence Day.

[00:05:37] They get aliens come.

[00:05:39] And then Bill Pullman's like, I know how to handle this.

[00:05:42] On three.

[00:05:43] The whole world.

[00:05:45] And I'm like, what is it?

[00:05:48] It's the general that's like, let's call them the N word.

[00:05:51] Let's call them the N word right now.

[00:05:53] Sir, I've been in this army for 52 years.

[00:05:56] And I'll tell you the answer is calling those aliens the N word.

[00:05:59] Let's use the N word on them.

[00:06:01] Why do you think we lost NAM?

[00:06:02] They wouldn't let me scream.

[00:06:03] Let us do our damn job, sir.

[00:06:06] Let us do our job.

[00:06:09] Use the N word at the aliens are like, it has no effect.

[00:06:15] At 12 o'clock tonight, the combined military forces of the world

[00:06:20] will point megaphones and unleash our most powerful weapon

[00:06:27] against the aliens.

[00:06:30] For today is our Independence Day.

[00:06:34] There you go.

[00:06:35] I have dependence on the N word.

[00:06:39] Very nice.

[00:06:40] We should end the episode there.

[00:06:41] And that's what I tell you.

[00:06:43] Independence Day, brother.

[00:06:44] That's what the red one is for.

[00:06:46] We're going to do four o'clock.

[00:06:47] I said, let's do noon.

[00:06:48] I'm fired up.

[00:06:49] Imagine how much better this would be if you got me that fucking coffee.

[00:06:51] You sound like you're pretty on all the old news right now.

[00:06:54] Maybe you're going to fade.

[00:06:55] Maybe removing the coffee from you makes you run on any one.

[00:06:58] I had one.

[00:06:59] I had one.

[00:07:00] Let me taking it away, offering it and then taking away.

[00:07:02] So you just made you request the one for the power of requesting it.

[00:07:07] That's what that's the caffeine.

[00:07:09] That's the caffeine.

[00:07:10] What's in the news?

[00:07:11] Long after vile hate crime, tending flame to fight racism.

[00:07:13] I don't know what that means.

[00:07:14] Jasper, Texas.

[00:07:15] That's so good.

[00:07:16] That's the most racist town in America.

[00:07:18] Is that your name?

[00:07:19] The Jasper or Vider?

[00:07:21] One of the two.

[00:07:22] Is that where they did the dragging?

[00:07:24] I think Vider is the one where they did the dragging.

[00:07:26] Vider?

[00:07:27] Yeah, Vider, Texas.

[00:07:28] Gary Vider, Texas.

[00:07:29] Mm-hmm.

[00:07:30] Vider just sounds like an evil southern town.

[00:07:33] Yeah, yeah.

[00:07:34] Sounds fake.

[00:07:35] Sounds like Jasper.

[00:07:36] Sounds like Darth Vider.

[00:07:37] That's a dark vibe.

[00:07:38] That's a dark vibe.

[00:07:39] I love Darth Vider.

[00:07:40] I was ashamed to find out that his voice was a mufasa.

[00:07:44] They used a goddamn mufasa to do the voice of Darth Vider.

[00:07:49] Because he was my favorite character.

[00:07:52] The father that comes back.

[00:07:53] I can relate to that.

[00:07:55] Oh, fuck.

[00:07:57] Damn.

[00:07:58] Yeah, I'm running.

[00:08:01] I'm drinking coffee again, you know?

[00:08:04] Because I got to get back on the East Coast sketch.

[00:08:07] I was on that damn West Coast.

[00:08:09] I'm sleeping in, dude.

[00:08:10] I need some.

[00:08:11] What can I do to jumpstart my productivity?

[00:08:13] Bring me back into the fold.

[00:08:16] You can start.

[00:08:17] What do you guys think?

[00:08:18] Jack and I, first thing.

[00:08:20] You think so?

[00:08:21] Wouldn't that make you sleepy?

[00:08:22] Does it?

[00:08:23] You go to back in the morning?

[00:08:24] You're Jack off in the morning?

[00:08:25] I used to, but I don't anymore.

[00:08:26] Why did you use to?

[00:08:28] I don't know.

[00:08:29] Why not?

[00:08:30] You get the day going.

[00:08:31] Yeah.

[00:08:32] Nice.

[00:08:33] Jack and I, first thing, always.

[00:08:34] I rarely wake up hard anymore.

[00:08:35] Really?

[00:08:36] Yeah.

[00:08:37] I wake up in the middle of the night.

[00:08:38] I wake up in the night.

[00:08:39] I wake up hard.

[00:08:40] No, I very rarely wake up hard.

[00:08:41] That's the stop a couple years ago.

[00:08:43] Really?

[00:08:44] Yeah.

[00:08:45] Interesting.

[00:08:46] I feel like I'm only hard in the morning.

[00:08:48] That's when I got that real nice one.

[00:08:50] Ready to go.

[00:08:51] Yeah.

[00:08:52] I like to fuck in the morning.

[00:08:53] There's less pressure.

[00:08:54] No, no.

[00:08:55] I'm never really.

[00:08:56] I'm not really ever hard.

[00:08:57] You're never hard?

[00:08:59] Never.

[00:09:00] It would have been when you're having sex.

[00:09:02] Not particularly.

[00:09:04] You're just hitting them with that fucking...

[00:09:09] Yeah.

[00:09:10] No, I kind of fuck like I'm packing last minute for a trip.

[00:09:13] Just jam all the...

[00:09:15] Jam all the clothes into a backpack.

[00:09:17] Yeah, I like it.

[00:09:18] You ready to go?

[00:09:19] All right.

[00:09:20] Just keep an eye on my neck pillow and read my damn bra.

[00:09:23] And that's how I thought.

[00:09:25] That's good, bro.

[00:09:26] It's important to have weddings.

[00:09:27] What if paintings were magical?

[00:09:31] Dan Brown, the magical paintings.

[00:09:35] Jesus is magic painting.

[00:09:37] Yeah.

[00:09:38] This painting of Jesus is actually magic.

[00:09:40] It's black girl magic.

[00:09:43] That would be so powerful.

[00:09:44] A Tyler Perry...

[00:09:45] Not even Tyler Perry.

[00:09:47] What's the black lady that...

[00:09:49] Ava DuBernay?

[00:09:50] Ava DuBernay?

[00:09:51] No, there's...

[00:09:52] Is that her name?

[00:09:53] Yeah, that might be her.

[00:09:54] It is.

[00:09:55] Her slash Dan Brown.

[00:09:57] Black magic.

[00:09:58] Dan Archimagine.

[00:09:59] Dan Dark Chocolate Brown.

[00:10:01] Dan Brown.

[00:10:02] Dan Brown.

[00:10:03] Dan Brown.

[00:10:04] Dan Brown.

[00:10:05] Dan Brown.

[00:10:06] How brown that guy?

[00:10:08] He's Dan Brown.

[00:10:09] Dan Brown.

[00:10:10] Do you guys see that movie with Oprah and Reese Witherspoon where they're wearing purple and blue lipsticks?

[00:10:17] The blue and purple.

[00:10:18] The blue and purple.

[00:10:19] The blue and black.

[00:10:20] It's not a black woman that comes to lawyer.

[00:10:24] Yeah.

[00:10:25] Yeah.

[00:10:26] She gets her permit.

[00:10:29] She's the first.

[00:10:31] A loud to be black person in Vader, Texas.

[00:10:34] What was that?

[00:10:36] That Ken Burns documentary Unforgivable Blackness?

[00:10:39] What?

[00:10:40] Is that real?

[00:10:41] No, that's...

[00:10:42] Unforgivable?

[00:10:43] No, it's Unforgivable Blackness.

[00:10:45] That's a fucking...

[00:10:47] Jackie Robinson or something.

[00:10:48] Oh shit.

[00:10:49] Is that the name he gave us?

[00:10:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:10:51] Why are you so...

[00:10:52] Because all of the other names of his stuff are...

[00:10:54] I mean, I call it Unforgivable Black.

[00:10:56] I would fuck up and call it that, which sounds worse than Unforgivable Blackness.

[00:11:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:11:01] Yeah.

[00:11:02] Because it sounds like you're deciding to be a level of black.

[00:11:04] Right.

[00:11:05] You've deemed something too black to be forgivable.

[00:11:07] Yeah.

[00:11:08] That's got to be a quote from someone, right?

[00:11:10] Unforgivable Blackness.

[00:11:11] Ken Burns and just come up with that.

[00:11:12] Yeah, I know.

[00:11:13] I know.

[00:11:14] It's something that's from something.

[00:11:15] I looked up stupid ass blacks, the Ken Burns.

[00:11:17] It's starting.

[00:11:18] These dumbass, light-skinned, and...

[00:11:22] Ken Burns is light-skinned.

[00:11:24] Yeah, he's a light-skinned ass cracker.

[00:11:26] Even though he has that...

[00:11:27] 11 years old.

[00:11:28] Even though he has that fucked up wig.

[00:11:30] Damn.

[00:11:31] Look at this.

[00:11:32] Just let that baby die.

[00:11:33] Look at all the science going on.

[00:11:34] No, man.

[00:11:35] That baby doesn't want to die.

[00:11:36] Look at all the wires it's got.

[00:11:37] That baby wants to grow up in fuck.

[00:11:39] It's got spark plugs.

[00:11:40] Yeah, she's a little fucking robot.

[00:11:42] What is that like the natal ICU or something?

[00:11:44] Damn, I hope I never have a kid.

[00:11:45] It's going to be so fucked up if I do.

[00:11:47] Yeah, it really will be.

[00:11:48] Just every disease.

[00:11:49] Yeah.

[00:11:50] Everything you've ever mocked.

[00:11:51] Mmm.

[00:11:52] Just a club foot in.

[00:11:55] It's a retarded trans, baby.

[00:11:57] I feel like all...

[00:11:59] Careful, baby.

[00:12:01] Hey, please.

[00:12:05] Faggot Mullen died.

[00:12:08] Yeah.

[00:12:09] Nintendo 64 Mullen.

[00:12:12] This is what we call an affront.

[00:12:16] An affront to God.

[00:12:18] Oh, yeah.

[00:12:19] Not only was the kid retirement

[00:12:22] aimed at after the game.

[00:12:24] Damn.

[00:12:31] I would name my baby GameCube if I had to pick a system.

[00:12:33] That's a system that meant the most to me.

[00:12:35] GameCube?

[00:12:36] I think GameCube.

[00:12:37] Really?

[00:12:38] I played the best gaming years of my life on a GameCube.

[00:12:39] Crazy taxi.

[00:12:40] I'm trying.

[00:12:41] I think probably PlayStation 2 was the best console.

[00:12:44] Either play...

[00:12:45] Actually, you know what?

[00:12:46] Honestly, Xbox 360 was like...

[00:12:48] That was the first...

[00:12:49] Halo?

[00:12:50] No, I was never gotten into Halo, but like there was so many...

[00:12:53] Because I didn't play games for like seven years or whatever.

[00:12:57] And then when I was in my early twenties, I got a PlayStation...

[00:13:00] Or an Xbox 360.

[00:13:01] You played Call of Duty?

[00:13:03] Yeah, I would play Modern Warfare all the time.

[00:13:05] I remember playing that and I'm like, oh, this is it.

[00:13:07] They figured out video games.

[00:13:09] Yeah.

[00:13:10] This is it.

[00:13:11] My friend had to...

[00:13:12] Don't ever get better than this.

[00:13:13] He was like, oh, this is a series of college because of Call of Duty.

[00:13:15] Yeah.

[00:13:16] He failed out of a year and a three semester.

[00:13:19] Modern Warfare 2 was like, god damn, I played that game so fucking much.

[00:13:24] Yeah.

[00:13:25] Because if you get 25 kills in a row, you can call a nuke and end the game.

[00:13:28] Oh, that was awesome.

[00:13:29] Oh, yeah, I think I remember that.

[00:13:30] It was just so much of like just trying to get that 25th kill.

[00:13:33] Well, you get to seven, you can call in the Harrier Jet.

[00:13:36] Hell yeah.

[00:13:37] And then the Harrier Jet, you get four kills, you get to eleven, you call in the Chopper Gunner.

[00:13:40] And then you come in, you just light people up with that Chopper Gunner.

[00:13:43] Just fucking wasting news from the patching of my whole life.

[00:13:46] What a great feeling.

[00:13:47] And then you hope while you're using it because you do it from a laptop.

[00:13:50] Oh, hell yeah.

[00:13:51] So something can help fuck your ass up on the laptop.

[00:13:52] So you're just fucking typing on the game?

[00:13:54] No, well, it's the screen but your character just fucking...

[00:13:57] Just stays like Guy just stays on a laptop.

[00:13:59] And so he finds you and ices you while you're in the Chopper Gunner.

[00:14:03] You're dead.

[00:14:04] That's got to feel good for you specifically to be killing using a laptop.

[00:14:08] Me?

[00:14:09] Me?

[00:14:10] That combines your two grades.

[00:14:11] You're posting any murder in the same time.

[00:14:14] And then it's a form of directly, instead of hurting their feelings, you're literally killing

[00:14:19] them.

[00:14:20] That's right.

[00:14:21] What if they fucking weaponized fucking posts, dude?

[00:14:24] And the government called you.

[00:14:25] They don't want to get you to post.

[00:14:27] They weaponized posts.

[00:14:28] Oh, posting?

[00:14:29] Yeah.

[00:14:30] That'd be pretty cool.

[00:14:31] You need to own foreign leaders in the dark future.

[00:14:33] We're posting.

[00:14:34] It's only a moment.

[00:14:36] We need someone to draw a dick on Garfield.

[00:14:42] It can't be done.

[00:14:44] No, it's that fucked up.

[00:14:45] I've been in prison for 25 years.

[00:14:47] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:14:48] Just completely jacked.

[00:14:50] Working out your fingers specifically.

[00:14:53] Your fingers are fucking ripped, dude.

[00:14:55] The second they're allowed near a fucking keyboard, you're going to do memes.

[00:14:58] That's right.

[00:14:59] That is damn right.

[00:15:01] We need someone to draw Odie with a pussy.

[00:15:05] And then fuck it.

[00:15:07] What if you could draw things and then fuck them and they come to life and you fuck them?

[00:15:12] Facebook is watching you.

[00:15:13] The social media giant is aggressively spreading its facial recognition tools even as it confronts

[00:15:18] heightened security from regulators and legislators in Europe and North America.

[00:15:21] Nice.

[00:15:22] It's going to start to be like terrorist attacks, domestic terrorist attacks on tech companies

[00:15:26] specifically.

[00:15:27] Who's still on Facebook?

[00:15:28] I don't know.

[00:15:29] Are you?

[00:15:30] No.

[00:15:31] I mean, I have a page, but I never check it.

[00:15:34] I'm like, I feel like it's moved to old people now.

[00:15:37] My mom's only.

[00:15:38] Yeah.

[00:15:39] Yeah.

[00:15:40] There's a Greek town.

[00:15:41] There's a Greek town group where it's all like 65 year old people are like, remember when

[00:15:46] there was no blacks here?

[00:15:47] They're just reminiscing about Greek town so funny because it's like, they're like,

[00:15:53] all these Mexicans are stealing our neighborhood.

[00:15:55] It's like, the neighborhood was a German neighborhood before Greeks came in.

[00:15:59] We just stole it from those fucking crowds.

[00:16:00] Right.

[00:16:01] But you know.

[00:16:02] And before that, I know it's like every city in America.

[00:16:04] It's just American.

[00:16:05] Now, Baltimore was always not a trace of Native American.

[00:16:10] Didn't.

[00:16:11] None.

[00:16:12] Thank you to stay away.

[00:16:13] Yeah.

[00:16:14] The old.

[00:16:15] The old.

[00:16:16] He's coast just has like Native American names.

[00:16:18] It's never.

[00:16:19] It's Chesapeake Native American?

[00:16:21] Yeah.

[00:16:22] Yeah.

[00:16:23] Yeah.

[00:16:24] But, I mean, you know, like all of New York is fucking Manhattan.

[00:16:28] Yeah.

[00:16:29] Native word.

[00:16:30] Jersey is Native American.

[00:16:35] That's a tribe.

[00:16:36] Jamaica is a Native American word, actually.

[00:16:37] They're two different.

[00:16:38] Jamaica, the island, is a completely different like route, like the origin of that name.

[00:16:43] They came up with that.

[00:16:44] They're different from Jamaica.

[00:16:45] Jamaica Queens.

[00:16:46] Get the fuck out of here.

[00:16:47] That is wild.

[00:16:48] That is completely separate.

[00:16:49] Yeah.

[00:16:50] No relation whatsoever.

[00:16:52] And then you know, a bunch of Caribbean people.

[00:16:54] That's a good.

[00:16:55] Yeah.

[00:16:56] Yeah.

[00:16:57] That's a good hacky comedy mashup.

[00:16:58] That's the Native American guy.

[00:17:01] Take that for a spin.

[00:17:03] Yeah, that's all you, man.

[00:17:05] Let's hear it.

[00:17:06] How?

[00:17:07] Let's hear the professional comedian, Adam Friedlin.

[00:17:09] Riff out the bit that he came up with.

[00:17:10] I didn't come up with it.

[00:17:12] Yeah, you got it.

[00:17:13] I'm sure you came up with it, but you know, do your job.

[00:17:15] Come on.

[00:17:16] Do your job.

[00:17:17] No, go ahead.

[00:17:18] You go ahead and do your job.

[00:17:19] No, we believe in you, man.

[00:17:20] We believe in you.

[00:17:21] I'm rubbing your shoulder.

[00:17:22] I'm rubbing Adam's shoulders.

[00:17:23] I'm getting ready.

[00:17:24] I'm getting some really good massage.

[00:17:25] Thank you.

[00:17:26] All right.

[00:17:27] So, uh, live, lively up yourself.

[00:17:30] How?

[00:17:31] Lively up yourself.

[00:17:32] Smoke weed.

[00:17:34] Smoke weed every day.

[00:17:36] How do Native Americans be listening?

[00:17:43] So, it's like, it's rain-daggering.

[00:17:48] Yeah.

[00:17:49] We're aggressively driving home people around.

[00:17:51] And then it's raining.

[00:17:52] Because it's under start out.

[00:17:53] And they're like, fuck on, come on.

[00:17:55] You know, and then the committee's gross.

[00:17:57] You're even easier to do the Jamaican accent with the Native American.

[00:18:01] Yeah, that's good.

[00:18:02] Well, hey, man, you'll get your groove back.

[00:18:04] You remember how to be a comedian someday.

[00:18:05] I'm, you know, I'm getting you back slowly.

[00:18:07] Well, you know, it could have been a thing in your early 20s while you're relevant now

[00:18:09] you're an old man.

[00:18:10] No, it's...

[00:18:11] You know, we all look, we all burn out.

[00:18:13] We all fade away.

[00:18:14] The situation is not as...

[00:18:15] The flame is extremely...

[00:18:16] It's not as dire as you're putting it.

[00:18:18] You know, we all lose sight of ourselves.

[00:18:21] Time goes on and then instead of being a guy that had some sort of creative edge, you're

[00:18:26] just working retail.

[00:18:29] You're 46 years old.

[00:18:30] Yeah.

[00:18:31] You say, yeah, I used to be on a podcast or whatever.

[00:18:34] I'm not going to wear a child support to some Russian woman or a black husband.

[00:18:39] We didn't say it right.

[00:18:41] You assumed that.

[00:18:42] You assumed it.

[00:18:43] I didn't say that.

[00:18:44] You just happened to say a Russian woman.

[00:18:46] Yeah.

[00:18:47] Her black husband and you have to be paying child support to your son who's also black.

[00:18:53] He has to John Redcorn situation.

[00:18:56] Yeah, yeah.

[00:18:57] Now you guys are actually still together, but you have a black son.

[00:19:01] You're like, oh did you adopt?

[00:19:04] No.

[00:19:05] He's just black as shit.

[00:19:06] He never did it on the face.

[00:19:09] Yeah, that's funny.

[00:19:11] That was pretty funny.

[00:19:13] You have a beautiful...

[00:19:15] He's like, Dan, Dan, I bought the keys to go hang out with my friends.

[00:19:20] Dad, I got to go to shit.

[00:19:22] Dad, me and my friends are trying to go to Bojangles Chicken.

[00:19:26] Dad, Dad, it's me your son.

[00:19:32] Adam Jr. is me Adam Jr.

[00:19:35] It's me Adam Jr.

[00:19:36] I'm 11 years old.

[00:19:37] I'm in the first grade.

[00:19:44] Damn.

[00:19:45] We learning about the helicopters to school.

[00:19:48] It's crazy that people did that to us.

[00:19:50] The Jewish people like us.

[00:19:53] Eastern European Jews like Hossel.

[00:20:00] Dad, can I have a magic city theme bar?

[00:20:02] We were reading about Anne Frank, who was one of us.

[00:20:08] I don't know how...

[00:20:09] Because you know, I'm 647.

[00:20:11] Wow, I want to hear that from now.

[00:20:15] Dad, ah, damn, Dad, I just want to throw on some wood.

[00:20:21] That woody-allen boy crazy, Dad.

[00:20:24] Dad, how do I fit out my arms, pussy?

[00:20:27] We were spread out by somebody else before.

[00:20:30] I was born.

[00:20:31] Because you know, I was a 17-pound baby.

[00:20:36] That's just true.

[00:20:39] How come you'll risk the same size as my thumb?

[00:20:44] Dad, Dad, what come up?

[00:20:47] Okay, so guys, if you're wearing underwear, go ahead and take them off.

[00:20:50] Yeah, take them off.

[00:20:51] Take your underwear off.

[00:20:53] Shit those underwear is off your body.

[00:20:56] Because we got a new underwear for you.

[00:20:58] Mac Weldon underwear.

[00:21:00] You can go check out at MacWeldon.com.

[00:21:02] The premier outlet for premium, simple shopping, premium fabrics, and smart designs.

[00:21:08] It's a simple shopping experience.

[00:21:10] You'll love it.

[00:21:11] You'll love to wear the underwear and fucking eat it.

[00:21:14] Let your dog eat them up after you get a little pussy blood on the front.

[00:21:18] You're talking that pussy blood.

[00:21:20] Every dog eats pussy blood.

[00:21:22] It's nothing special.

[00:21:24] There's nothing special about your dog.

[00:21:26] There's something special about Mac Weldon.

[00:21:28] Oh, yeah.

[00:21:29] This is what we're talking about right now, not your dog.

[00:21:31] I bought underwear there myself.

[00:21:33] It's one of the easiest shopping experiences I've ever had in my life.

[00:21:36] When you go there, they put all the underwear up on the auction block to examine their physique.

[00:21:42] No, I don't think you think of something else.

[00:21:44] Well, I'm thinking of a different purchasing experience.

[00:21:46] Well, Mac Weldon, very similar to that.

[00:21:50] The power you feel.

[00:21:52] Yes.

[00:21:53] Subjugating those underwear.

[00:21:55] No, no, no.

[00:21:56] Different angle.

[00:21:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:21:58] Remember when we were talking about putting in your bitch's pussy?

[00:22:00] Let's go back to that.

[00:22:01] Okay.

[00:22:02] So, Mac Weldon underwear, very smart design.

[00:22:06] Simple shopping experience.

[00:22:08] We love those underwear.

[00:22:10] Anti-mother fucking microbial.

[00:22:11] Anti-mother fucking microbial.

[00:22:12] Anti-mother fucking microbial.

[00:22:13] They got a silver line of anti-microbial shirts and underwear that will suck all the sweat

[00:22:19] of your glistening bodies.

[00:22:20] You're out there in the field.

[00:22:21] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:22:24] A lot of people work in fields.

[00:22:26] What field are you in?

[00:22:27] I'm in the entertainment field.

[00:22:28] Okay.

[00:22:29] That's a different type of field.

[00:22:30] That's where they don't say out in the field. That's the term field. No, that's not sure. I work out in the software

[00:22:43] Use promo code use promo code come town capital C lowercase you are all capital letters C U M T O W

[00:22:51] and all one word to receive

[00:22:54] 20% off your water and

[00:22:56] And yeah, check them out, but the anti we have to do mention the anti microbial line of

[00:23:02] Newers insurance. They suck all the sweat off your body and they look good no matter what you're doing

[00:23:06] You know going out during your day doing a podcast you look good feel good. They got crewnecks all sorts of shit

[00:23:12] All the good shit they do have good stuff there for real. I know we joke around a lot on this podcast. Yeah

[00:23:18] Anything sincerely

[00:23:20] Ever in my life. What's this please buy those under

[00:23:23] Please why do it please God by them for the glove of God

[00:23:30] I'm trying to afford numerous abortions right now. Oh, yeah, we got to stack up on I went on a little bit of a tear

[00:23:36] Did you yes, I had

[00:23:38] Pregnanted probably 17 different women. Hey, man after the show last week and the only way I can kill those children as if you buy

[00:23:45] Those that's great

[00:23:47] And we're back and we're back damn so

[00:24:07] Proud

[00:24:09] Probably a very good father to your cuck your cuck created son you would be actually when you get when Dasha cuckles you with a

[00:24:14] Dasha's not gonna. You know what with like a beetle juice sized black guy

[00:24:20] But then he's still got the jeans in him to produce a large boy. Yeah, yeah, so the real father comes alive

[00:24:27] And he's like

[00:24:33] She's like Roscoe remember you're not supposed to say he's your son around that my husband Adam

[00:24:38] I got trash. I got trash

[00:24:48] I got I got trashed stuck in my dick

[00:24:53] I got a bunch of trash though my dick

[00:24:56] Got a bus stop

[00:24:59] I

[00:25:01] I'll try hiding the trash

[00:25:03] Well, we'll book on bar

[00:25:05] Then more the more for dry bo be laughing at me

[00:25:12] Dibit so my dick

[00:25:22] Imagine coming home

[00:25:24] His father's like coming home from his job it I don't know Boston market a guy they can't do man

[00:25:37] Football size dick

[00:25:42] She's like Adam I have the house all afternoon I told you that

[00:25:49] Come on Adam jr. Dad, where we going?

[00:25:51] Dad who's I gone?

[00:25:54] Dad who was I got don't worry about it

[00:26:10] Would be so funny

[00:26:13] It would be very funny for us three of us

[00:26:27] Sam I retard that guy's full retard just a 32 year old crack, baby. Yeah

[00:26:32] We'll bring that mouth over here bitch. I got I got trashed on my dick

[00:26:43] Got king and trash on my dick

[00:26:45] Just living in a trash can't like Oscar the ground

[00:26:49] One of those little rectangular ones next to the bus a little room here with that the rectangular ones that have like the top on it

[00:26:55] That's like elevated. Yeah, it just pokes his head out there. Where's that buck on?

[00:26:59] It's just

[00:27:05] Put it like Joshua

[00:27:11] Out of your asshole this is a receipt receipt

[00:27:15] Adam don't ask me questions. Yeah, what mommy I know you

[00:27:28] Let's go shoot free throws Adam jr. Yeah, yeah Adam comes to do the podcast and he's like everyone's posting Roscoe's home address on the

[00:27:36] Reddit

[00:27:37] And it's like I don't I mean I care about the guy

[00:27:40] It just drop a pin to the trash can I don't want people harassing Roscoe

[00:27:47] Because he's upset and then dosh is upset

[00:27:49] I have to go the guy that's fucking you your son is out of your son is out of your son is a guy that lives in the trash can outside of the

[00:28:00] That side of the blockbuster

[00:28:08] Because I

[00:28:10] Have to say I do care

[00:28:14] Yeah, I have to say the image of the lid opening slightly and then just you see two white eyes. Yeah, yeah

[00:28:25] Just yellow

[00:28:31] Wild Irish rose in that trash can for we can have

[00:28:35] Guy man, he doesn't know he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah, what mom in a bad mood. Well your

[00:28:40] Uncle was arrested for stealing tricycles

[00:28:47] So she's been she gets cranky

[00:28:52] Fuck because as you know my penis fell off when I when I gave birth to you

[00:28:58] She had her her uterus surgically implanted into my body my balls as to not ruin her pussy for your uncle

[00:29:06] It would be my honor to see horse for my wife

[00:29:13] So that I had to give birth to a 17 pound

[00:29:21] It ripped your arabic penis and

[00:29:27] You're just like you're you're asshole from your nuts to the top of your back

[00:29:31] I've said this before guys, but but I'm your muse and you have to accept

[00:29:40] Do you guys know step brothers came out 10 years ago damn what a few step brothers came out wild that is

[00:29:48] I feel I was reading you like that's a new movie 10 years makes complete

[00:29:53] Long dude, that's like that's like some consolation. You know you get down about like yeah, I know stop stupid

[00:30:03] Step brothers was already 10 years. Yeah, that's correct. That's wild. Well, do you guys were being dead?

[00:30:08] We'll be dead before we know it. Yeah, it's probably 10 years old. That's wild. It was 10 years ago

[00:30:13] You guys are fine with that. It's really not if you told me it was 13 14 years ago. I'd be like yeah, that makes sense

[00:30:17] I feel like that movie came out in 2006. No it came out

[00:30:21] 2008

[00:30:25] Wild and it was a long time. It was weird. What's the last thing at will Ferrell's made? It's a fairly bright movie the house

[00:30:33] No, it's not it's him and

[00:30:36] The guy who did anchor man. What's the director that he works with Adam McKay?

[00:30:40] Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, who else did the big short? Which is the name of my dick? Yeah

[00:30:47] Yeah, I don't know what the fairly brothers have been up to

[00:30:49] Come back

[00:30:53] Common dumber that's good one's dumb one's horny one. Yeah, one's yeah

[00:30:59] It's like I don't know Lloyd

[00:31:02] How we gonna get this briefcase back to that bitch and the boys just like

[00:31:09] Just coming to hold it. Yeah, it's a diarrhea scene, but it's come

[00:31:12] I told you guys right I cried when when he gave the blind kid that bird when I was like a little kid and seeing that movie for the first time

[00:31:23] Made me cry and really you're a liar dude. I was really sad. Do you look like yeah? Can I get one of those?

[00:31:30] Yeah, I'll get it

[00:31:33] Drink

[00:31:37] I'm not gonna take that away

[00:31:39] Cheer up get some fucking confidence

[00:31:41] I'm just hung over you guys. I don't even look confident. You need to get your confidence back down

[00:31:49] Talking about his girlfriend becoming his wife and then cheating on him with the trash midget

[00:31:57] Honestly, that was a good bit. I'm not upset about that

[00:32:02] Adam where Roscoe's butter fingers

[00:32:04] No, he had a bag of butter fingers sitting on me

[00:32:12] I may have one I don't

[00:32:15] Slaps you yeah getting beat my five foot one track. Yeah, my one my snickers. I thought you said they're butter fingers

[00:32:21] You know he doesn't know how to read

[00:32:24] Doesn't know the difference between

[00:32:31] Long live Roscoe

[00:32:33] Roscoe's doing stern at three o'clock. I have an audition. What are you doing? I'm watching film struck

[00:32:41] You got hung over would you get fucked up last night? I got pretty fucked up after the show last night

[00:32:45] Shout out there when we came out to the show by the way and happy birthday Jonah once again

[00:32:49] Yeah, shout out to Jonah happy birthday our DJ for funny mom shout out to all the different types of ladies who came out

[00:32:55] Big bitches small bitches white bitches the whole gamut of bitches black bitches. We didn't have a bunch of

[00:33:00] Ladies fat bitches. We also had another

[00:33:04] Bitches I was pleased to see that we had a

[00:33:07] Johnabitch hard pussy ass I did as Chinese bitches. I lose all pull back

[00:33:14] Hell yeah cross eye all the kind of bitches

[00:33:17] I love fucking durians that weird little fruit durian bitches dragon for bitches

[00:33:24] pomegranate bitches

[00:33:26] Mm-hmm papaya bitches oh papaya bitches key we bitches mango bitches

[00:33:33] Strawberry bitches

[00:33:37] Bitches a little very just mulberry bitches blackberry bitches raspberry bitches sawdust

[00:33:45] Plumbing supply

[00:33:47] ground tile bit

[00:33:49] math bitches math last

[00:33:51] See bitches Macintosh bitches software bitches HVAC repair bitches HVAC bitches

[00:33:58] Wall paper bitches Wayne Scott bit for board bitches

[00:34:03] OSBS bitches on trampoline stores trampoline ass bitches spring ass

[00:34:11] Law and garden supply

[00:34:13] Medicine cabinet

[00:34:21] schizophrenic rapper

[00:34:24] It's a four and a half hour long intro to us home

[00:34:29] This one goes that an American ass bitches bowling trophy bitches. Oh yes

[00:34:36] Safety glass bitches ribbons la gear ass bitches

[00:34:39] dial tone bitches

[00:34:45] Movie phone watch the movie hairspray hairspray bitches fat bitches

[00:34:54] I do like free associating but with bitches with every word feels good. Yeah, I guess Freud would approve that

[00:35:01] Mm-hmm. That's what Freud he had people coming his off. Yeah, that's what his book is about spit

[00:35:05] Yeah, yeah, you got two things you either do this or you jerk off the picture your mom on cocaine Freud. You said it's Freud people cipher

[00:35:13] Past the mic

[00:35:17] The cry bitches yeah, I think you know when came out we should also just say in the middle of the show that we are hitting the road as a unit

[00:35:24] 12 we're in motherfucking

[00:35:27] We have to listen to that on Twitter. Yeah, have we yeah also buy tickets for carolines

[00:35:32] I'm in carolines are bitching at me because tickets aren't selling yes by tickets go see naked carolines 9 10 11 carolines

[00:35:38] You go the carolines website looks through the schedule find me in a muscle. Oh, you got it on my Instagram bio

[00:35:43] Yeah, go buy that shit. I posted the Australia stuff on Twitter

[00:35:48] But also the clean the Boston tour and then we're in Boston Sunday the first

[00:35:53] September 1st September or I'm sorry

[00:35:55] The Sunday the second and then we are in Boston the next day the third so pleased by tickets to both those

[00:36:02] Ticket links are up and then I'm coming to fucking Chicago Chicago bitches Chicago bitches

[00:36:09] I'm going to Charlottesville to a bitch's bill bitch's village

[00:36:13] Take out the cops Charlotte's bills will the 17th of Friday. I'm gonna drive a Prius through a bunch of Nazis

[00:36:20] Yeah, that was a bunch of Nazis with the Prius right now

[00:36:24] I'm you I'm getting a fucking Vespa dude. Yeah about to fuck them up on armored. Yeah, I actually have a bio diesel Prius runs off

[00:36:30] Pussyjuice I make it myself. I've trained my penis to make pussy juice

[00:36:37] Instead of coming

[00:36:44] That's how I'm stopping down

[00:36:46] My penis doesn't get hard anymore gets wet little soaked up. No

[00:36:54] My clits eyes dick is wet as well

[00:36:58] Take that Trump bitches bush bitches Clinton bitches and bush one bitches

[00:37:03] Raining someone's always basing my cock with baby oil shrinking my dad's bitches LBJ Nixon bitches

[00:37:10] LBJ bitches Kennedy bitches Woodrow Wilson as bitch Eisenhower bitches

[00:37:16] John Quincy Adams bitches Truman bitches

[00:37:20] Wilford Wilford brim is before Truman George Grover Cleveland now

[00:37:25] before Truman was

[00:37:27] Woodrow's a built

[00:37:29] Yeah, right FDR then prior to that and then Truman took over drop the bomb baby right so after you are

[00:37:35] Before that either coolager Wilson before it's the arm free or Hoover. He read home Hoover. Yeah

[00:37:44] It's hard to go backwards. I thought we'd go backwards. We're doing it right now. I used to be into presidents

[00:37:50] Yeah, well, it's Washington Adams Jefferson. You're going to get him with yeah

[00:37:56] Madison Madison we got here no

[00:38:00] Uh-huh point you can and you can't it was to be one there's to be can you can and was before Lincoln

[00:38:08] It was 15 William Henry Harrison that motherfucker that died once like six died in the mackerel. Taylor is in there

[00:38:15] James K Polk that's right. Yeah, that guy was didn't like Indians. Yeah, Andrew Johnson

[00:38:23] Johnson's like you didn't like Indians 12 Andrew John Andrew Johnson was after Lincoln. He's 17. No

[00:38:28] Yes

[00:38:31] Yeah, I'm who he got him Hamilton right Hamilton was never the president Hamilton

[00:38:36] Who am I thinking of them Hamilton like ten ten dollar bill who the fuck is Andrew who you think about?

[00:38:41] Andrew Jackson. He's a Jackson was like eight or nine. Yeah, yeah

[00:38:48] He was there was a memorize all the Indians to I remember one point when I was thinking fourth grade

[00:38:53] Yeah, I did in chunks of eight

[00:38:55] That's how you did it. Yeah, I did it in I

[00:38:59] Used to be that hard. We're only what forty five forty five. Yeah, it's not difficult. Yeah

[00:39:05] This tricky one because who's the one who's the guy that was president and then was it Chester a Arthur was president

[00:39:10] Then he someone else was president. Then he was no that was Cleveland. Yeah, Grover Cleveland

[00:39:14] That ass half. Let's not forget about half to his right before Teddy Roosevelt. That's right. Yes

[00:39:20] So it's coolage Taft Roosevelt

[00:39:22] Roosevelt

[00:39:25] Coolage that far back now cool. No Teddy Rose no no no teddy lage it's coolage was after Teddy

[00:39:31] So it's Teddy Coolidge Taft. No, no fucking coolage was like in the 20s, right?

[00:39:37] I don't know who cares who gives a shit fuck the fuck the presidents

[00:39:42] Trump 1000 years

[00:39:44] Mm-hmm forever Trump Trump 44. Did you hear that shit? He said about?

[00:39:49] Elton John no, what do you say? He was just an extremely low-t individual

[00:39:56] President Trump's selection of Brent M. Kavanaugh. What do we think about Kavanaugh? Kavanaugh? He's gonna

[00:40:04] Get rid of abortion

[00:40:07] Yeah, Roe v. Wade's about to get fucked in the ass. I guess that's it. These are these are things I don't really care about

[00:40:12] abortion abortion gay rights don't matter. Yeah, yeah for some reason. Yeah, I mean I

[00:40:19] Agree that you should have them. I was right to choose and I believe gay people should get married

[00:40:23] But like does that affect me? No, not really. Yeah, so I really don't it's not like I'm like, what are we gonna do? I'll be fine

[00:40:32] You know

[00:40:34] It's a dog's dog world out there. That's right. So let's write they have the better it is for you

[00:40:38] Well, it's a zero-sum game

[00:40:40] Yeah, I mean it just does mean I have more rights. Yep

[00:40:44] That is how right if I if only I have the right to get married it means more than a gay people

[00:40:50] Which like that may sound rude, but hey, that's business. Uh-huh. Yeah

[00:40:56] Murphy's law Murphy brown's law that if a woman sounds like a man she gets a job

[00:41:05] You got the good that's Murphy's law. Yeah, get me them bitches that sound like men. Mm-hmm. They got they got the best pussy girls

[00:41:12] That sound like man. What was Murphy Brown's job? She was a newscaster. She was she was a journalist a journalist

[00:41:18] And she had an abortion on the show on air on air laws that women are alive women

[00:41:23] They sound like men are allowed to get abortion

[00:41:27] Yeah, who worked over Murphy's pussy who was in the show?

[00:41:30] Uh Craig T Nelson Ferguson

[00:41:36] Craig Ferguson had that run there for a while

[00:41:38] Craig T Ferguson everyone was saying his show was really good

[00:41:42] His late night show. Yeah. Yeah, didn't he have pre-taped but it seemed like no

[00:41:47] I think Colbert does that now

[00:41:49] Where it's like not a live stand-up. No, you do you do like a showcase?

[00:41:54] Yeah, they do like they taped this stand-up separate from the show. They do it like

[00:41:57] Craig Ferguson did that Craig Ferguson did that

[00:42:00] I feel bad for anyone that had a Craig Ferguson credit because it was like that was worthless from the get-go

[00:42:06] You're on TV doesn't matter. It's a meaningless TV credit. I was I'm on CISO. I'm on Fox News

[00:42:11] I can say I was on TV. They're both like worthless crap. Yeah, but you're not doing stand-up. It's doing stand-up on CISO

[00:42:17] Oh, yeah, now stars

[00:42:20] Which it's on star. I think I'm owed residuals or something

[00:42:23] New York's funniest thing just sold cuz Cesar went out of fucking business and they sold all the content now

[00:42:28] It's like I mean stars $600 buyout for that bullshit. Yeah

[00:42:33] Stars shows that thing New York's funniest from 2014 on TV do I was in the background that adult swim thing is fat

[00:42:41] Yeah, it worked I was on the MSG network. I was on the MSG network. You check out my credits logo access TV

[00:42:48] Open mic out

[00:42:50] Adult swim at 1 a.m. That's it's having those things are so much worse than having like a real fucking credit

[00:42:55] It used to be a credit that people would listen DC Comcast. Do you remember that? Yeah, dude?

[00:43:00] It's big it sucks. It's funny because he is from Comedy Central

[00:43:03] I used to harass red. I let me go on the show is a joke and then they had me on and I was like

[00:43:08] This is gonna be hilarious, and then it just sucked and then they kept asking me back and it's like alright

[00:43:12] I guess I'll do it

[00:43:14] I'm mad. I never does guys. Are those guys funny at all who?

[00:43:18] Red Eye

[00:43:20] What do you mean that guy like shaloo and oh no, no, they're not funny. Yeah. Yeah, yeah was me a comic

[00:43:26] Yeah, but I mean, it's not funny on red eye. No one's funny on red eye. Yeah, it was a horrible formula for comedy

[00:43:32] Yeah, they're gonna have one comedian on and then you know the editor

[00:43:37] Yeah, right reason magazine the secretary of state now right was sitting next to you

[00:43:44] Yeah, yeah

[00:43:46] Yeah, well, I mean he was already a fucking you know

[00:43:50] No, he was an ambassador to the UN, but

[00:43:54] Bush did it

[00:43:56] before if you're in a betting type

[00:43:59] That as ambassador. Yeah, there you go I

[00:44:03] Slam the slam basitor slam basitor if you're the betting type you want to check out bet dsi.com

[00:44:09] It's a sports betting website one of the best ones out there with the 20 year history of paying winners on time

[00:44:15] Oh, yes, you know within a reasonable amount. Yeah with the amount of time you're supposed to be paying people in a window

[00:44:22] Yeah, I don't know exactly

[00:44:25] What that means but they're

[00:44:29] Great company

[00:44:30] They've been they've been taken bets for a while and if you want to bet on

[00:44:35] Sporting events live events of any kind you want to check out bet dsi.com. I use it myself

[00:44:40] I've made some money lost some money. Hey, that's that's part of life

[00:44:43] You know taking risk so if you're not a pussy, maybe you want to go take a risk. Oh, yeah, yep

[00:44:50] Put your house down gamble away your children say you got to know when to hold them

[00:44:55] And that that songs about my nuts. Yeah, they got a fun easy to use mobile app

[00:45:01] Download the mobile app you can bet and play anywhere play bet win. That's right bitch check them out

[00:45:07] You guys got some pics I have to say my rush is gonna win because Putin rigged it prediction

[00:45:12] Finally ended because of the fucking

[00:45:15] Croatians and I'm sorry about that someone DM me and said he had to put his boy pussy up for sale to pay for the bets

[00:45:20] He lost and I'm sorry for that

[00:45:22] But yeah, I'm saying we got France vs Belgium about to kick off here. We're recording this on Tuesday

[00:45:27] I'm thinking Belgium over it's gonna be over so you can't so can't but I'm thinking France because they all know how to do that the shoot dance

[00:45:34] Yeah, they're there. They're swaggy. They're all African Francis

[00:45:38] They're they they used to be all African. Yeah, but anyway Croatia, where's England?

[00:45:44] I'm going against these fucking English fucking pasty light skin ass motherfuckers

[00:45:49] And I'm going Croatia keeping it in fucking southeastern Europe

[00:45:53] I was against it, but then I saw that video of that British soccer fan

[00:45:58] Snorting a bag of coke on top of that lamp pole and that's the thing you can bet on on

[00:46:03] Yeah, we'll this guy die. Yeah, and I'm gonna say Belgium wins the whole damn thing

[00:46:07] I'm reading for England

[00:46:09] So those are that song is good dick locks of you know and also they offer live in game wagering

[00:46:15] So you want to you want a hedge on them?

[00:46:17] Betch yeah, go ahead do it and to go to bet the SI comm use promo code CUM

[00:46:24] 25 that's capital C lowercase UM 2 5 and what do you get hit him with the details Star Rose?

[00:46:30] You don't remember you get a motherfucking we get $30 no you get $200 match. I don't know

[00:46:36] No, you get you get a credit you get a credit to start betting with $40 to start

[00:46:41] I had to write this down every time because it's so fucking complicated. Yeah, what is it use promo code good at shit?

[00:46:46] I'll be honest with you. It's it's an extremely confusing promo

[00:46:52] Is it very capital C lowercase UM 2 to 5? I know what it is. I was testing you guys

[00:47:00] You also use the promo code. Yeah, and it's capital C UM 25 write this down

[00:47:05] Everybody because it's hard to remember

[00:47:08] Okay, you guess what I do I never get a free $25 wager and then they match her deposit up to 200%

[00:47:16] Oh 200% I thought they matched up $200 no 200% nice

[00:47:20] Because I fucked that up two weeks ago, and I think I said $200

[00:47:25] 25% which is not other way around it's other way around so correction and also write it down

[00:47:30] So you know so I know look write it down betting is not about knowing how much money you got out there

[00:47:37] It's about taking wild-ass risks to make you feel the show isn't about the truth. No never it's about what feels good

[00:47:45] Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? You don't need to know who your actual son is no

[00:47:48] No, you need to know who the real father exactly. He might feels good to think that your son is a six foot seven

[00:47:56] Don't

[00:47:58] People on my mother we're tall. Yeah, that's what you tell

[00:48:08] My cousins are all taller than me, it's I hate me it's just sucks be the shortest member of your extended family

[00:48:13] Yeah, I have a cousin. It's five like five and I mean he's got it the worst of anybody of course

[00:48:18] I have the the rest of them are all like fuck. Are they really six feet? Yeah, two uncles are like six four

[00:48:24] My little gas jeans

[00:48:28] I'm much I'm much prettier than all yeah, there you go. They have pretty ass face. Yeah, would you take that you'll take that sure

[00:48:35] Over being a tall ugly bitch. Yeah, my uncle

[00:48:39] Now but only because they're all like naturally athletic and then they never exercise right right right and then they hit 30 and it's like

[00:48:45] Guess I'm fat now. Yeah, they don't care. They've lived a good life. They've lived a much better life than I ever will

[00:48:49] Yeah, exactly. I'll never be able I see I watch them. I watch them. Just enjoy things like barbecues or a tv show

[00:48:56] No, I'm not overthinking it having a nice time. Yeah, Sunday fun days. Can you imagine things? Yeah, that'd be awesome

[00:49:03] Imagine holding a sparkler on the 4th of july and extract something out of it

[00:49:08] Yeah, and not imagining jamming it into your fucking brain and not putting it in front of your dick and be like look my dick is a sparkler

[00:49:15] That's how I oh, yeah

[00:49:17] That's there's something wrong with dick sparkling

[00:49:21] Yeah, whatever though luckily no one in my family is happy

[00:49:25] My uncle pumped my two cousins with hgh

[00:49:29] Really since they were like like he was like yeah, they're small in the growth spectrum. He's like a doctor

[00:49:34] And now they're like both six five really and he's not that tall so I could be like fake. Yeah, he like just

[00:49:41] They're both like athletes now. Yeah, I've said it before but I'll never forgive my doctor

[00:49:46] Why doesn't every she told me I was gonna be six four or some shit. I never knew what I don't I didn't have a doctor like that

[00:49:53] He would put you on the gross chart. I was tall. Yeah, I never got I never got gross charts done

[00:49:57] That was never anything that was there was no none of that. Yeah, there's no doctor

[00:50:02] I don't remember having it was all about percentiles. I have a pediatrician that you went to I don't think so

[00:50:07] I mean, I don't remember going to regular checkups or anything really I'll go to the doctor when I was sick

[00:50:11] Yeah, but I don't know my man doctor

[00:50:13] I don't want to say his name. I mean whatever he cares man. Gullah. Dr. Mangala

[00:50:18] My man always came through with the lollipops. He always checked my little ass dick

[00:50:22] He would check it for a while actually but just to make sure it was healthy and uh, yeah, we're going to the doctor

[00:50:33] Yes

[00:50:34] Yes, we're going guys my son has actually active my son. I'm such a active in line

[00:50:40] Yeah, my son has a dick that could blackout the son

[00:50:44] I'm so proud of him

[00:50:46] I don't know where you got that thing from this is the art section your times savoring a Cosby spin-off post verdict

[00:50:54] A different world holds firm and fans hearts despite the tarnish legacy of its creator who cares like what do you

[00:51:01] From 40 years ago, right? It's like what who is it? Who's sitting around having debates?

[00:51:05] I can enjoy a different world. Can I enjoy that guy flipping his sunglasses? Yeah, that was a good bit

[00:51:11] So stupid. I like that show Adam you had those glasses. Yeah, by the way, let's not I did I lost them

[00:51:17] They came with my glasses and then you went around going people doing way you point at them and referenced for the first four years

[00:51:25] Way, I thought I was doing way. Yeah, Dwayne Wade

[00:51:30] spells his name all types of yeah

[00:51:32] D. Why D. W. Y. A. Yeah, yeah, which is just a typo. It does there's no way

[00:51:38] That's not there's no way that that's like there's you can't make it sounds right. He's just corrected. Yeah, it's fucked up

[00:51:45] Whatever man. His mom wanted some fucking some fucking agency in the spelling of her son's name

[00:51:50] Yeah, she just she's to the type for many the Cosby show has become unwatchable since the dozens of sexual assault

[00:51:58] allegations against Bill Cosby entered the media spotlight

[00:52:04] It has it

[00:52:05] Adam Adam left the room. I think it has. I mean, I don't want to watch that shit. It's fucking weird

[00:52:09] Yeah, that guy raped the but he was probably he probably raped someone the night before he did the Cosby show

[00:52:15] Yeah, but it's like you don't watch and consume things and like I don't it's hard not to think about it when you're looking at the motherfucker

[00:52:22] No, it's not not for me. Really? Yeah, no, it doesn't come in. It doesn't know it's a fucking tv show

[00:52:27] I mean if you needed if he was in like a mask or something. Okay. Well, then where does it where does it not?

[00:52:33] Where do you draw the line? I'm not saying that like well if you did rapes

[00:52:37] What if a guy just got like a parking ticket, but there's plenty of bad people that are yeah, yeah for sure. I guess

[00:52:43] raping and drugging

[00:52:46] That's specifically one. So I don't know if that's one one person. No, no, I don't know if that's line

[00:52:50] I just know that that's past the line. I still have watched the dr. Larry nassers stand up special. Yeah

[00:52:58] Hilar, yes, it's like like I won't I don't listen to like Chris Brown or x x x x ten tasion or whatever the fuck

[00:53:05] So you're glad he's dead. I am going on the record saying that and guess what his music maybe

[00:53:10] Maybe it was one of my shooters that did it. I don't know why do why do people

[00:53:14] Sad they're like he had so much talent his music he sucked. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know man

[00:53:19] I get it though. Most people in entertainment are bad people

[00:53:23] so well, it's not even that most people are bad people. It's just it's like

[00:53:28] It's just fucking entertainment. I mean you can separate

[00:53:32] It's not even a discussion about separating art from the artists, but like it's just a fucking tv show

[00:53:38] Right, you know, I mean, maybe if it wasn't this show about what a wholesome ass dad

[00:53:42] He what maybe if it was like some cartoon where he did a voice I can yeah, but everything's hypocritical

[00:53:45] Yeah, everything you consume is is inherently hypocritical

[00:53:50] What do you mean everything you consume to hypocritical?

[00:53:52] Well, if you wear a pair of shorts is made by a four year old exactly

[00:53:56] It's like how do all these things all of these things are built on human suffering and exploitation that you sit there and consume

[00:54:03] Yeah, that's sure. I think I think like having this like, you know

[00:54:06] All I can't watch the show because of what bill Cosby did is like

[00:54:10] An easy way to purchase some sort of moral purity for yourself

[00:54:13] Because it's like you weren't watching the Cosby show anyways

[00:54:16] It's very easy to say like oh, I can't watch it anymore. It's like how often were you sitting around watching the Cosby show?

[00:54:22] Yeah, but I mean I mean I get what you're saying. I mean, I don't know

[00:54:26] Why don't you the problem and not wanting to watch it because the guy raped

[00:54:30] Do you know what I mean? Well because it's like fake. I don't but it's not I don't want to what I mean

[00:54:35] I don't know I wasn't watching it, but if it fucking came up, I would be like, I can't it's weird

[00:54:39] So if you were sitting around at somebody's house scary and they put on the Cosby show

[00:54:43] You would say I we have to turn this off. I can't like I would be like we're gonna watch cause

[00:54:47] That's a strange show. I would think it was a strange choice

[00:54:50] What you just throwing on Cosby and everyone's gonna lie it's weird dude

[00:54:53] If it just had to be happen to come on the TV you're sitting in a friend's house

[00:54:56] You're watching TV the Cosby show

[00:54:58] Please change the channel. No, we would start making Cosby's a rapist jokes sure. That's fine

[00:55:03] But you would not be able to watch the show. No, I wouldn't be like, uh my eyes wouldn't fucking hurt

[00:55:08] But if I'm like I'm not gonna watch in the privacy of my own home

[00:55:12] R star p is to

[00:55:14] R star a p s t

[00:55:17] I'm an r star a p s t r

[00:55:21] I love that. I love that song because he doesn't spell traps. No your a p s t r

[00:55:25] I'm a r a p s d r i m a trapster

[00:55:34] Is cheesy still make music? I think he's retired tech. I think so, but he just dropped respect to tremendously

[00:55:41] Job something recently. Did he yeah, I remember liking cheesy me too. Yeah, fuck motivation 101

[00:55:47] It's a great album. There is a summer where I went to the gym every day. I listened to put on for my city

[00:55:52] Every single day. There's a fucking you really should go back to the gym, dude. I'm gonna go that was like

[00:55:59] Come on. You don't have to bring this up. I mean, it's it's one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed

[00:56:05] There are sadder things there are sadder things in the world. No the way that janitor lady was looking at you

[00:56:11] It wasn't a janitor. She was a personal trainer. She was just an older woman that had a trainer t-shirt

[00:56:16] Well, she had a janitor hue to

[00:56:18] See people like that you're like how the fuck are you a trainer because it's fake. Yeah, yeah

[00:56:28] Um

[00:56:29] I'm a t r a p s t r. There's a fucking intro to a song he did

[00:56:34] Ah, it's so fucking funny. We're just they're like if you're not rich kill yourself

[00:56:41] They're about to go to a strip club. He's like if you are rich kill yo

[00:56:44] See

[00:56:46] Ever seen that video that woman doing for a while I was really into chug videos

[00:56:51] Yeah, and then a woman doing a patron chug and she goes, I'm gonna do this for young jeezy

[00:56:57] And she's like this fat lesbian wearing a young jeezy t-shirt

[00:57:00] No, that she chugs a bottle of patrona and immediately just face plans like really yeah

[00:57:05] Yeah, it's so funny. Damn. Yeah, so much for doing it for you. Do it for young jeezy

[00:57:10] Easy the funny videos of the videos that are like the wigger lesbians getting KO'd by men. I love that

[00:57:18] Nah, nah, what's up come see me outside

[00:57:20] Just like call the police just hit a girl call the police just hit a girl

[00:57:50] Oh

[00:58:01] Y'all lay motherfuckers ain't got no money, please leave an exit the building kill yourself

[00:58:08] That's how I feel about the underclass be walking into a pop eyes

[00:58:15] Get the fuck back

[00:58:17] So I guess Britain's government is collapsing are they yeah, who's that guy with the fucking

[00:58:22] Theresa me. Oh, Boris Johnson. Yeah, he looks like a bitch. He was mayor of london

[00:58:27] He was a journalist before that. He was a he's a piece of shit. Yeah, he looks like a bitch

[00:58:31] I don't know shit about

[00:58:33] Brexit guy

[00:58:36] Why is it falling apart the break it do the break

[00:58:39] Someone put me on skying use or whatever the fucking england's news is the sex is horrible with the brexit

[00:58:45] Brexit I can't fuck but the Brexit my bloke. Yeah, I want to wear one of those fucking red

[00:58:51] Uniforms the big furry hat. Mm-hmm put that in the bitch's pussy the March Simpson hat

[00:58:56] Just go on British TV to take take the piss gets him. Oh, yeah, take the piss

[00:59:01] I love to take the piss out of some love to take this piss right into a bitch my fan at and it's the guy that lives in a van

[00:59:10] Trash can at it's about Roscoe

[00:59:12] It is a very funny bit just him like Eli from that rap rap battle video the retard. Yeah. Yeah

[00:59:24] That's who your wife is like a bisexual

[00:59:31] Just sharply inhaling. I'm like Rosie O'Donnell with the

[00:59:35] intersection what does he say that video is so funny that was like one of my first favorites

[00:59:43] We're a clock an hour an hour all right now. I hate to be the guy this week, but I gotta go fucking audition

[00:59:49] Okay, well if I be watching this I'm thinking about going back to ask to mouth, Oreo

[00:59:55] Because if I get stuck here right now, yeah, you guys doing that basketball tournament

[01:00:00] I don't if you're not gonna do it. I want it. Yeah

[01:00:02] It's a three on three would it the three of us be a basketball team? I think so. I don't know if you guys want to do it

[01:00:09] But if you if you don't want to do it, let's not do it. All right, okay, but we're at Skankfest this weekend the 14th

[01:00:15] I believe is our live show and we're doing we're all doing some stand-up sets on it

[01:00:20] I'm standing up on that Sunday. So I don't know which one I'm on

[01:00:24] Franti

[01:00:25] I'm not sure, but also

[01:00:27] Look how nice this looks this Chinese guy in a field. That's a life

[01:00:31] I want that is nice just be a rice farmer. I

[01:00:34] Thought that it's it's in water. Don't think we're rice in water. I don't know man

[01:00:38] I should I just want to be out in a field just my Chinese mind the empty of all thoughts

[01:00:44] Waiting my sword around in my place

[01:00:47] Nothing do you get a lucy k-bit about it has his races thinking that Chinese women are just thinking Chinese nonsense

[01:00:53] I'm going on going on my own

[01:01:05] But

[01:01:07] Stav's not allowed to enjoy it because I'm thinking about the right

[01:01:12] Oh, yeah, congratulations. Why are we congratulating Ian for being a

[01:01:17] Why are you bringing up?

[01:01:19] Being a good guy. No, what do you know?

[01:01:21] For another for getting past it. Let's say it forgetting past of the comedy seller. Mm-hmm. Why is that funny?

[01:01:29] You say it go ahead say it

[01:01:33] That's right

[01:01:36] You should say that with gusto next time

[01:01:40] Okay, I will also like I know you know I'm saying busto how about with busto

[01:01:45] So like I said, I'm gonna be in Charlottesville August 17th

[01:01:48] Then Baltimore the 18th and Philly on the 19th do a little run there

[01:01:53] Then we are at Cleveland on the fucking second and then Boston on the third in Cleveland

[01:01:59] We're doing the live pods

[01:02:00] That's all three of the boys and then I am going to be in Chicago on the 21st and the 22nd of September and

[01:02:07] Detroit on the 23rd, so my head to be cut off by the cartel. I don't think I hope not

[01:02:13] I hope the car seller by Isis. I don't know but I feel like that would be a nice warriors end

[01:02:18] I'm out in my field a decapitation about my field, you know doing dumb sword bullshit in the rice patty

[01:02:25] Remembering my days as a samurai in my dark warrior past yep, and then

[01:02:30] You know my son who I have no emotional connection to is like father. Delviso those at the gate

[01:02:36] And then I look over and it's the Shogun shit, you know, and I'm like go inside

[01:02:41] Tell your mother to load a door

[01:02:49] And then they just cut my head off damn you wouldn't fight back you wouldn't go to the barn under the haystacks

[01:02:55] Old warrior dog. No, you gotta go out with a sword by the sword. I buy the sword

[01:02:59] You can't get to take a guy out on your way out

[01:03:01] It's gotta be real hard to get a clean slice. You got to go to wax at least

[01:03:05] Well samurai's know how to do that and they respect each other I wouldn't respect your execution or too much to try and kill

[01:03:12] Yeah, well cuz I mean I've killed this guy's entire family. I killed his brother. Yeah, it's a samurai's we're all gay, right?

[01:03:18] They were pedophiles their pedophiles, but back then they were it was just called, you know Ronan

[01:03:25] Let's call I love Ronan children

[01:03:27] I love Ronan brutal boys

[01:03:39] All right, well we do have to go next guy a little

[01:03:42] business to take care of yeah, and

[01:03:45] Fuck I wish I was a Shogun you will be someday dude. Just drinking sake waving my fucking blades around

[01:03:52] You know isn't that reckless behavior from a Shogun? No, just the Shogun

[01:03:56] I've got sake I sit in my fucking temple or whatever. I've got my goons with me

[01:04:02] This boisterous exterior, but inside I'm tortured because I realized that life

[01:04:07] Isn't as satisfying as I thought it would be at the you know and I'm like I'm sort of like a king-soluban character

[01:04:15] Yeah, yeah, I acquired all this wisdom and gold this pussy meanling list to me

[01:04:19] Yeah, what I really want is to be out in the field

[01:04:22] Getting my baby and getting my head cut off. Yep. Yeah, and some beautiful

[01:04:27] fucking underwear. Yeah fucking

[01:04:30] We already did the read okay

[01:04:34] Well, that's a joke

[01:04:36] They pay for a drop extra baby. Goodbye everyone. We'll see you soon. Bye