Cum Town | Regular | 07/19/2018
[00:00:00] Not enough hose and we've begun. Oh, did we already take that part out? No, it's good, man
[00:00:08] The only herd was not enough hose they didn't hear. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah, don't figure out what I say I
[00:00:19] We're we are fucking broadcasting live from my depression cave
[00:00:23] I'm here story of stop beautiful Queen's come here to a story. I look after our beautiful boy
[00:00:31] I'm fucked up, bro. I'm fucking depressed dude. My life's gonna. I'm gonna die here. You tell everyone what happened
[00:00:39] Okay, so first of all I was the only one manly enough brave enough to play in the skankfest basketball tournament
[00:00:45] My friends my dear brothers in podcasting and in life Adam and Nick abandoned
[00:00:51] I didn't abandon you. I mean it's clear. I I've been wide open about the fact that I have zero athleticism
[00:00:57] That's right. I'm like me who is I am a great athlete damn you see that I just actually I just actually shot a piece of gum
[00:01:04] I was chewing into a cup. Yeah, that's pretty great
[00:01:09] Anyway, I I played in the skankfest basketball tournament just the most athletic I've ever been was
[00:01:15] When I had the ponytail, which is a type of martial art? You can make fun of me all you fucking want
[00:01:23] That's one of the key components to being a samurai
[00:01:29] You know they said Samson's power was his hair
[00:01:33] Mm-hmm. How do you think he held it? Yeah, what is he supposed to do let his power just
[00:01:38] Flop all over the plate. Yeah, right. Yes. It's a beam. It's like a focused beam of energy
[00:01:43] That's what a ponytail you fucking assholes
[00:01:50] And people made fun of him on twitch about it. It's weird
[00:01:53] It's funny because I like completely forgot about that and then it's like yeah, why did I do that?
[00:02:03] No, it was I was in a relationship for like two years and like I had long hair and she was sort of into the long hair
[00:02:09] But she just stopped fucking me like I mean
[00:02:11] We didn't fuck for like eight months towards the end and it's like was it because of that?
[00:02:16] Yeah, I know I've had all these insecurities my whole life for no no eventually
[00:02:23] Which is nice because it's like the whole time I had just assumed she was and then when she finally did it was like oh
[00:02:28] Then that means you weren't the entire time
[00:02:31] So it's like I found out I was getting cheated on but really I was finding out that I hadn't been
[00:02:38] It's like when you find out that that tumor you've had you're just filled with tumors and you're like well, it's not cancer
[00:02:43] Yeah, that's what happened to me. Yeah in my mouth. Yeah, and you're like guess what?
[00:02:48] Yeah, I just have a giant tumor on my face. I have a giant hole in my jaw now
[00:02:55] The guy should shoot it on you have a ponytail. He had a sweeter
[00:03:01] He just conditioned his hair into the gorgeous ponytail. Yeah
[00:03:07] Yeah, what have you got cheated on because your ponytail wasn't good enough. You had highlights. I don't know I mean
[00:03:12] Yeah, I guess yeah, that's the flaw if you go long hair you better be careful because it could very easily turn into ponytail
[00:03:18] Absolutely you get one or two jobs or they make you do that and then and then you realize the convenience
[00:03:26] You go to traffic court one time. Yeah, you know, that's lights out for you
[00:03:30] Absolutely dude when I had long hair back in my high school days. I was a big fan of the you never once put it back
[00:03:37] No, no, I was gonna I was just gonna say I was a big fan of the little pony up top
[00:03:41] Yeah, well sumo pony. I would do that shit. That was a good look
[00:03:44] That's a that became like a man, but you never once put it back behind your head. I never did know never never really sincerely never
[00:03:52] I guess I should feel bad about myself. It was like wasn't that I was like shoulder length. Maybe okay
[00:03:57] Yeah, my hair got long as shit. Oh really? We're talking titties in below. Oh, yeah down here
[00:04:02] They didn't come I hear for like two years. God damn
[00:04:05] Straight homeschooled look like a mom homeschools or kids. Oh, yeah
[00:04:10] That's some fucked up here. That's probably the worst kind of hair is homeschooled mom
[00:04:14] They all have that same haircut the homeschool haircut
[00:04:17] It's sort of like a long shit and it's freesiest
[00:04:19] That's that story about that dad that like didn't let any of his kids leave the house for
[00:04:28] Also, I gotta say it again, I guess because with the
[00:04:32] SPD guys anytime I've mentioned Reddit does these people that go on our reddit and he's like how come he never talks about the
[00:04:38] Subreddit like I talk about it all the fucking time. I've acknowledged a numerous times. Did someone say that? Yeah
[00:04:43] There's always just some idiot that doesn't think I'd look at the fucking sub
[00:04:46] I've acknowledged him all the time. I love the sub
[00:04:49] They were which is like somebody pointed this out on there, but like you need to learn how to just fucking enjoy things
[00:04:57] Like what how you think you're gonna make it funnier than it already is
[00:05:02] You're a fucking idiot also props to Frankie Bianchi for tricking people into thinking he was gonna kill himself
[00:05:09] We are not publicly called out. That's we're not being good at posting
[00:05:13] That's right, and then he threatened to kill himself because of it
[00:05:16] And then some of the other posters giving him props for some of the other posters who are usually better than Frankie
[00:05:24] Fell for it, and they said don't do it man gave out their personal phone number
[00:05:31] So this is what Frankie just consumed you and took your spot with hierarchy text them. Oh, I don't know
[00:05:40] I don't know if it's a good Rick roll videos. Yeah, meat spin. I don't know that it's a good idea to be
[00:05:47] praising people for suicide. Yeah, yeah, so now our second is gonna be a suicide arm has a fake suicide
[00:05:54] Yeah, yeah, look we've created or maybe I've created you a weird death cult. Yeah, they're all apart out and
[00:06:02] You lean in and if you try to find the eye of the storm or you let this shit kill you
[00:06:07] There's no out at this point. We should just start a religious. You're you're the fucking god of destruction and death
[00:06:13] I'm like the happy Buddha character. You're smiling. I'm bochus. Yeah, you're like fat and eating a lot
[00:06:20] Yeah, that's and then you're so you're like a someone who's gay. I'm like pan
[00:06:24] I'm like kind of a fairy, but maybe I've got your fairy. Yeah, I'm playing on a loot
[00:06:30] Yeah, fairy of snitching the god of a child's upper torso and a ghost or so
[00:06:35] But the goat has a little dick for goats of course as far as goats go the small
[00:06:48] To our top Sawyer and sucko Berry dick one day Tom was sucking a dick and then the suckle Berry dick came by
[00:06:56] I'll pay you to suck these 400 and the biggest
[00:07:01] May said I had to suck the whole every dick in town and
[00:07:06] The biggest dick of them all belong to beep Jim. Yeah, that's funny. Hey there goes Adam
[00:07:13] I got a lot of confidence from all the really nice people. I met at Skankfest. Yo shouts out there
[00:07:20] I'm sorry. I couldn't make it. They were really wanted to go. I gotta say that they were really
[00:07:24] It was really cool to see all those people and we're sorry
[00:07:28] We couldn't do a full show Nick and I did not have the confidence to do a full pod without stop
[00:07:32] I could have done it and then we did you know 20 minutes up top and we could have kept going we surprised ourselves
[00:07:38] We did 10 minutes up top and you're running out of steam. No, that's not true Nick
[00:07:42] You could have done it with a guess we surprised ourselves. I mean I wish I could have been there. You are our beautiful
[00:07:50] But no that was it went better than I expected. I wish I could have been there for the skanks
[00:07:56] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't there guys. I was planning on getting really high. Oh, yeah
[00:08:00] So I pop my I didn't even say what happened and in the fucking tournament. I fucking I just two inches off the ground
[00:08:07] No, first of all and then gravity did the rest
[00:08:09] It was a very normal motion and I just heard a fucking just a
[00:08:14] Pop in the bottom my fucking foot and then like a fucking idiot
[00:08:17] I played the rest of the game on one foot because I'm a champion knock down a couple fucking jumpers off one foot
[00:08:22] No big deal, huh? Yeah, it's funny Dave Smith came up to me. He was like, yeah
[00:08:27] I was the only one encouraging stavros to not continue to play on his injury
[00:08:32] Yeah, I mean it was dumb, but that is that libertarian logic. That's true. I should have listened. He used facts and reason
[00:08:38] He was right. I don't know why the fuck I mean she listened. Although it was really fun. I gotta say
[00:08:43] But yeah, it and now I'm fucked up. I have a cast on my fucking left foot. I can't really fucking walk
[00:08:50] So I was basically just glued to one spot on his couch
[00:08:53] Which has kind of a damp ring yeah around him. Don't smell this fucking cushion
[00:09:01] I gotta put a bag around my fucking cast and then put a towel on that shit
[00:09:04] I'll put a bag around your cast will you you know what I'm talking about my cock and your cock
[00:09:12] Pretty fucking sexy. Where's the time we are at I want to say 15. Oh ten nine ten minutes
[00:09:19] All right, I'm about to go out of town for a couple days guys. Oh, yeah jealous
[00:09:24] Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm leading the woods. I need the woods right now. Yeah, we're going to a national park
[00:09:30] I'm really I need to get a white national park
[00:09:32] Oh all the user V's we should go to when we go to that fucking trip down south
[00:09:40] We should go to the fucking woods. Yeah, I'm gonna North crack a lacquer
[00:09:44] Yeah, so if you want to kick my ass, I will be in the state of North Carolina somewhere in North Carolina
[00:09:49] Somewhere just you can just look for me. Mm-hmm. We'll be a
[00:09:53] Just a car full of Jews. It's not gonna be a car. It's gonna be an RV
[00:09:57] Yeah recreational vehicle that there I'm really stoked about it. Although I'm nervous about can you drink in the back?
[00:10:05] There's dude if someone's driving who gives a fucking an RV. There's no laws in an RV
[00:10:09] It's cuz that's the thing you can do whatever you want you can fuck whoever you want
[00:10:13] The chilling starts immediately once everyone gets into the RV course. It's not like you
[00:10:20] Well, there's one sober guy well, then he can drive but it's gonna be like to get down there
[00:10:26] It's gonna be like 12 hours. We're gonna have shifts. That's rude
[00:10:30] Yeah, last time you went on a fucking big-ass road trip. I haven't been on one forever
[00:10:35] Yeah, you went across America with Brandon Wardell
[00:10:38] Solarius he wouldn't share a fucking bed with me that fucking slut you wanted to share a bed with Brandon for for cost-cutting measures
[00:10:46] He made you get your own hotel. We got an Airbnb and I was like, yeah, motherfucker. We're just gonna split a bed
[00:10:51] He made you sleep on the floor. He slept on the fuck. That's such a classic brand
[00:10:55] I wasn't sleeping on the fucking floor so selfish
[00:10:58] He slept on the floor to his credit, but good. I think he was trying to get me to sleep on the floor
[00:11:04] What Travis Barker almost died again? Oh, no, dude. This guy can't stop almost dying. Sorry. What are you looking at on your fucking phone man?
[00:11:16] I usually it is in my heart my heart hurts and it's tight from having a little too much fun. The other
[00:11:27] Do you know what you guys need to stop predicting my death. That's something I can't deal with death pool
[00:11:34] Yeah, I mean I look we all know it's going to happen
[00:11:39] But just you know, it's your opening let me just peek at the Christmas presents. No don't
[00:11:46] Nick and I were talking last night. Wouldn't it be funny if it was ended up being anorexia and nervosa that did a
[00:11:52] Yeah, yeah, but this weird thing with the last like two and a half days. I haven't had any appetite
[00:11:56] I just went 48 hours without even think about jealous just laying in bed wasting away dude
[00:12:03] It's been wild out here since I got hurt me and eldest have just gone buck-ass fucking wild
[00:12:08] I think you may have gained 10 pounds and Nick may have lost 10 pounds. That's what I took the appetite from you brother
[00:12:15] Yeah, it's because I we give it back. We had some back-to-back nights where it's whole poser the other day
[00:12:21] I'm ready for the Chinese to come in and just throw me in a fucking labor camp. I
[00:12:29] Can't imagine how that wouldn't be better than my life. There's so many ways
[00:12:33] I can't I really I can't will be better. You'll sleep on a nicer thing. You have television now
[00:12:39] But you don't back in this I just want to be in prison by the Chinese
[00:12:46] The Chinese concentration camp like Nick with just a full grid on just a big smile on my face
[00:12:52] We do great don't get me wrong. So I want watching everybody around me die waiting for it to happen myself
[00:12:57] Yeah, but they wouldn't kill you. Yeah, of course not. They just break my shoulders
[00:13:05] Riven pain on the bottom of a cell. I can't wait to be a traitor to the America
[00:13:10] Yeah, we make the Chinese like us when they take over right well, they would probably assume you're some kind of deity exactly
[00:13:19] I'm Buddha dude. I'm the lord of the fuck of the lord of fucking mirth
[00:13:24] How are we gonna prove our worth to the china to president dumpling eating gz
[00:13:29] Jingping I will be I will be a competitive dumpling eater. I don't know about you guys
[00:13:34] You're gonna be a dumpling eater. Yeah, I don't think they have competitive eating competitions. Yes. They do. I
[00:13:40] Think I'll prove it. I'll prove that I'm about competitive shitting competitions. I'm not as good at Coney Island
[00:13:48] Opens his asshole and he's like what just takes the biggest shit in the entire world and all these huge fat American guys
[00:13:55] Try to out shit him, but they can't because they've destroyed their GI tract by overeating. Yeah, is that Japanese guy trains for one thing?
[00:14:05] I have such beautiful turds. I've had some tough ones, man. Kobe. I she's amazing. He's like jacked
[00:14:11] He's not that Jack and he's just that he's his stomach
[00:14:15] No, he can like squeeze the hot he's like making stomach into a trash compactor to make more space
[00:14:20] It's pretty cool. There's that episode of King of the Hill where it's the ring of fat
[00:14:27] If your stomach is about King of the Pilman's the guy that's like
[00:14:31] I sell Oxycontin and Oxycontin. There you go
[00:14:35] That's good. Yeah, or King of the Pill and he's like you can come inside of me. I won't get pregnant
[00:14:41] Bobby no ahead and bust inside of me on the pill
[00:14:57] Well you will you bust inside just off rip no right?
[00:15:01] What do you mean if someone says I'm on the pill will you bust inside? I always bust inside
[00:15:05] They said even if they're a stranger two pumps dude. I did the bustings inside. I've done in like so many just like
[00:15:12] Well, not so many but situations where it's like do not crazy. Yeah. Yeah, it's like just an absolute mistake
[00:15:19] You said every regulated no never I think I've I think I've got like just fucked up mutant cum because there's been numerous times
[00:15:27] Remember like yeah, I didn't get my period for like two months and I just bled horrific. Oh, yeah, that happens
[00:15:32] Yeah, that's the lord vetoing you having a son
[00:15:41] Yeah, I'm probably just gonna adopt a chimp at some point later in my life
[00:15:45] Yeah, just and then but teach it to rip off faces
[00:15:48] Like Dexter, you know, that's that's why that's the plot of Dexter. It's like do you adopt a chimp and all these people are like
[00:15:56] No, mr. Pringles wouldn't rip off faces, you know, so they just ignore that that
[00:16:01] They look so nice. The chimp, but do you start day one and you say look you stumb monkey fuck?
[00:16:07] Yeah, I know you want to rip my dick and face off. So what we're gonna practice that
[00:16:11] We're gonna party guys face only people I disagree with on the internet
[00:16:17] To show pictures of Liam and keep Liam in check
[00:16:23] Vyin and Yang of my online enforcement army
[00:16:26] Mm-hmm. I'm in the china that chimp. I sick Liam on people
[00:16:31] In case Liam ever turns on me. I got that chimp. It's ready to be reserved rip all of his cystic acne right off his face
[00:16:38] Wouldn't you be doing him a solid in that case?
[00:16:40] Yeah, probably in fact leon would probably look a lot better if his face was ripped off by a champ
[00:16:45] Oh, that's me. I have cystic acne. Yeah real something real. It was the worst you went on a cute
[00:16:53] I went on a cute hand. I don't want to push my back back. I came back now at 29 years old
[00:17:03] I you know, it's so funny because like people think that and I'm like not
[00:17:08] And then you know, I get acne and I have anger problems
[00:17:11] Mm-hmm. Maybe someone slipping you. I mean who gives you sure you're getting
[00:17:16] Rufeed steroids. What if someone was secretly giving you steroids? That's why you're Jack now
[00:17:21] Uh maybe yeah, I just happened to go into the gym at all
[00:17:24] Somebody's just been injecting steroids into my brain stem while I'm asleep
[00:17:29] Would that work dude? I would do that shit
[00:17:31] Yes, how do I get jacked with no or work whatsoever? I'm scared. I'm gonna die dude. I can't be in this fucking apartment. You just be black
[00:17:38] I'm scared dude. Oh, that's a good point
[00:17:42] Yeah, you're not gonna die dude. You could walk in 10 days. They said yeah, but those are there's gonna be a tough 10 days
[00:17:48] So you gotta find some you gotta do like a old lady chair exercises like exercises old ladies can do like while they're sitting in a chair
[00:17:55] Okay, like raising your arms up into the sides
[00:17:59] Calisthetics all right. Oh, yes Richard Simmons. How much you've been beating off? I have not been I've been kind of sad dude
[00:18:05] I'm scared dude. I'm scared to be alone. You maybe should you maybe should beat off try to
[00:18:10] Correct your shit. I'd be off. I mean medically speaking you probably so funny how much that solves
[00:18:16] Jacking off the it's and it's kind of fucked up because I'll get like into a real dark place
[00:18:20] I'm just beat off and then it's like man. Here. I am. Yeah, you know, I'm addicted to calling yourself out of the woods
[00:18:28] It's good. It's it's meant for that. Yeah, you're supposed to come a bunch. I think it's supposed to come once a day
[00:18:37] It's gonna be so funny when all those no-fap guys just get prostate cancer like 34 exactly it's for prostate
[00:18:43] Yeah, it says dumb as if you were like yeah, this is the no
[00:18:48] We hold our breath as long as we can throughout the day and that's gotta be really good for our brain and lungs
[00:18:57] Yeah, yeah, my friend was telling me about it's like my best friend growing up. We went to different schools
[00:19:09] He told me about this kid at his school that
[00:19:12] Held his shit in so long. He was anal retentive
[00:19:15] Held his shit in too long that he impacted his fucking colon and they had to like
[00:19:22] His kid had a bag of shit because he like
[00:19:24] Wouldn't unclench his asshole and it's so funny that like
[00:19:28] Freud just figured all that out. Yeah, he's like some kids just hold in all the shit in their ass
[00:19:34] Because uh, you know, they're not developed properly. Yeah mentally wait. He was retarded
[00:19:41] I don't know when I had it. I don't know, but you know, you know, it's a fun game is uh
[00:19:47] Uh shoving dice in your ass. Oh, yeah. Oh, I like the game of chance
[00:19:52] The game of chance and you can place bets on it even
[00:19:56] Will come out of your astronaut. Yeah, and what numbers will they be and that's a type of bet you can place on bet dsi
[00:20:03] Yeah, bet dsi dot com the premiere sports betting website that also also offers betting on things like shoving dice in your ass
[00:20:12] Shitting them out and guessing the numbers that's bank ox. They call that why would they call that Hoover ville yachty, baby
[00:20:18] Boo boo boo bad when you live in your shanty town. You can't afford a yachty cub
[00:20:26] Uh-huh and it'll make you feel full because you've been eating paint
[00:20:29] It painted you've been stealing off the shutdown schoolhouse
[00:20:33] Anyways, check it out on bet dsi dot com download their award-winning mobile app
[00:20:38] It's easy to use play bet win you can bet anywhere they offer live in game wagering
[00:20:42] That's right so you can change your mind on things
[00:20:45] Which I love doing I love completely contradicting myself waffling flip flop
[00:20:50] I don't fucking john kerry out here believing john leaving another
[00:20:53] Multi-face carry remember that fucking board they had him on where you flip flop verse, uh-huh surfboard
[00:20:59] That's you yeah, uh, you bet on the 2004 presidential election you could you go back in time
[00:21:08] Yep, uh, and you can do it all on bet dsi
[00:21:14] Another thing you missed you guys have pics here's the thing too when you do the pics
[00:21:17] You have to make sure that they're not for things that'll happen before the episode is released. I've been a problem. We've encountered
[00:21:26] Accurate things. Well, I don't fucking know man baseball is on that the world cup just ended
[00:21:31] My pics were kind of dog shit. I'll admit that I said Belgium was gonna win my bad. I fucked up
[00:21:36] Um, uh, I don't know what the fuck is there even coming up baseball baseball kind of sucks
[00:21:41] I think it's all star game. Uh-huh bet the fucking al dude fucking
[00:21:47] I have no idea what's going on here's the thing either the the al wins or the nl wins
[00:21:53] So true, you know, I'm gonna say nl so it's like a okay. I picked the al
[00:21:57] Gentlemen are lots of the week. Those are a box of the week. One of us is gonna be right
[00:22:04] You know a draw out to 17 innings and they just give the metal to a retarded kid
[00:22:08] Mm-hmm. They pick a retarded kid out of the stands. That's good and they let him eat the baseball
[00:22:14] Do you get home field for the world series? No, that stopped that stopped. Yeah, that was dumb as shit
[00:22:19] That's dumb all star games in general are pretty dumb. Well, it's a nice summer time thing. It was cool this year
[00:22:25] Sorry, how they pick come on Jeremy's clover on versus team. Yeah, that was tight. Yeah, so yeah pick
[00:22:35] He's promo code capital c lowercase um 25 to get a free
[00:22:41] $25 wager and they'll match her deposit up to 200 percent
[00:22:45] So you put you slam that fucking money down motherfucker. You just slam your hand right on that asshole
[00:22:53] You ever do that you ever play a bitches asshole like a french guy's mouth 100
[00:23:01] B-air, you know like bet dsi.com check it out
[00:23:08] You know you fuck a bitch goo when her asshole goes home when it starts speaking french
[00:23:13] Did french win the world cup? Yes, there's a bunch of french people on the train singing
[00:23:18] What is it allay la blue? Yeah, yeah, I know this I had no idea. They were just drinking
[00:23:25] Yeah, it's like oh, I hope your french ass goes to jail
[00:23:28] Shut up not in my country. Yeah, stop it with that language. I don't want to hear it
[00:23:34] I saw a bunch of fucking cross punks just take over in our train
[00:23:37] They had their dog walking disgusting just loose. No leash disgusting get a job
[00:23:42] They were real deal cross punks too. No, just like
[00:23:45] Around here motherfucker. Is it true that most cross punks are like middle class?
[00:23:49] I don't fuck it. Did someone did I make that up? You probably made it up. All right, whatever, but um who's doing that research
[00:23:55] Uh, Yale actually Nick the university. I knew a kid named Yale growing up
[00:24:04] And uh, or not even growing up. He went to high school with me and he had a name tag that said Yale at a college event
[00:24:09] And I walked up and was like, what's up, man? You going to Yale?
[00:24:15] Another thing you missed at scankfest was free bet dsi swag what I got bet dsi hat
[00:24:22] I got bet dsi polo. Are you kidding? I got a bet dsi t shirt. I want to rep the squad. Yeah, dude
[00:24:33] I got one of those five panel military style hats with a zipper on the sides as bed dsi in front
[00:24:39] I don't want you to tell everybody about the movie. So looks like zach de la roca. What why don't you tell everybody about the movie?
[00:24:45] You saw I saw well I got stomach flu. I watched three mission and possibles damn nice
[00:24:50] And then last night I saw a movie about it's called three identical strangers
[00:24:56] It's about these three triplets that found each other what?
[00:25:00] At 19 did they start fucking and then they all became best friends got an apartment together in New York City what?
[00:25:06] Yeah, it's fucking heartwarming as shit
[00:25:11] That they the adoption agency was doing this study in conjunction with this Yale
[00:25:16] Psychologist who was a holocaust survivor
[00:25:20] Twins which is ironic that a holocaust survivor would be doing those kind of yeah
[00:25:26] But he wanted to know what makes it you know
[00:25:29] It was a whole nature versus nurture things so he put them with three different socio-economic
[00:25:34] Jesus Christ really and then they visited the kids like until they were 18 like doing science experiments on them
[00:25:40] What the fuck that's so fucked up. Yeah, then yeah, it was pretty uh, do one of the kids fucked up
[00:25:47] Um, I'm gonna get in trouble for ruining a movie. No people get mad at me. It's a documentary. You're one of them committed suicide
[00:25:58] He wasn't poor they all they actually all like it was when they all like became famous
[00:26:03] They all got on like Donahue and the today showing shit
[00:26:06] And then they were like going to studio 64
[00:26:09] It was like 1981. They got pussy out of it. They were definitely triple teaming girls that rock
[00:26:14] They were like respect they love to get fucked up and like, you know, can you matt
[00:26:18] That would be so sick to be 19 and find out you have a twin brother
[00:26:22] Like just to turn the corner on the street and see another stop and be like you fucking rule dude
[00:26:29] Yeah, you go out together triple team girls that would fucking happen. Yeah, um
[00:26:34] Damn this storm is awesome. Yeah, there's a there's a there's a storm is based
[00:26:38] The storm is based dude my I'm getting into storms dude my friend uh, mixed making
[00:26:44] Yeah, just that's what I meant by storms. I meant black women that aren't
[00:26:50] My black women with great silver hair. Yeah, you know control the weather
[00:26:57] Yeah, yeah, that's a total fucking whirlpool my nuts
[00:27:14] Yeah, make a big ass with a cumulogous right lower the pressure in my ass
[00:27:18] So it gets real tight and just blast it open with some brother balls
[00:27:22] Hell yeah, that would rock damn. I just I would love to be sexually abused by
[00:27:28] By holly berry by anybody really you know, I just want to get you just a homeless person
[00:27:34] Really? I'm into that. You know, I keep discovering new things about myself. Yeah
[00:27:38] You'd be interested in being sexually abused by homeless. It would be freeing look at this butt plug looking as bowling
[00:27:47] I mean, you know, what's the worst thing that could happen? Yeah, I see you surrender at all
[00:27:51] Just being beaten and raped ultimate surrender. Yeah. Oh ultimate surrender. That is true freedom
[00:27:56] That is the yeah, you know, I mean Hemingway said you can never destroy a man
[00:28:01] You can only defeat him and then what happened he fucking killed himself by trying to hold that up
[00:28:06] Go ahead destroy my ass. Yeah, I live forever. Yeah. Yeah, who cares?
[00:28:11] Fucking turn that she didn't do a pile of apple sauce. That's like those guys that get really into being raped in prison
[00:28:16] Yeah, they get turned out and then they're like that's right. I'm a prison one right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love it
[00:28:24] Yeah, I love brushing my hair. It's looking pretty. You get out of jail on nails nice
[00:28:29] You know people were like are you okay? And they're like I think so
[00:28:37] It's fascinating what can happen to a human being's mind
[00:28:41] In prison or just anywhere in life. Just the way people can be distorted and fucked up and traumatized
[00:28:47] Yeah, Stockholm syndrome's fucked up. Uh-huh. Yeah, you know, that's one example
[00:28:52] Uh, whoo, let's see what else. Hey the fucking school system
[00:29:01] I don't know so much of like maintaining mental health is like having some kind of understanding of who you are and feeling like there's like some sort of
[00:29:11] So when like your sense of self is so completely violated that to survive you have to just reprogram and become somebody different
[00:29:18] It's like yeah, that fucks you up big time. It's just so just a little cock loving slut
[00:29:23] You're like I love this. This is me. Yeah, right
[00:29:27] I love wearing I were I love wearing miniskirts made out of extra pajama pants from the jail
[00:29:31] Yeah, I love I love wrapping my making a fucking makeshift thong out of gauze from the medical thing
[00:29:37] I'm getting fucked in my ass. Yeah, damn. This storm is about to get buck. I love it is
[00:29:44] Working for stop. Where's the timing the time is at 30 minutes
[00:29:50] 30 minutes 30. Yeah, I guess I should talk about what would have my just disgusted side that kill stein roast. Oh, yeah
[00:29:57] Heard you fucking crushes a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know. I mean like that should makes me think about
[00:30:03] You know because I don't it's like I've taken this hard stance with like
[00:30:10] I didn't want to do the roast because I don't want to be part of his like rehabilitation or whatever
[00:30:15] But I see the guy and I've never met him once in my really never met
[00:30:19] I just mean to him online because I thought he was full of shit sure what she was and what she was
[00:30:24] I mean that's like he is he's still full of shit
[00:30:26] And I see him and he's like body and he's trying to give me a hug and shit
[00:30:29] And I never met this guy once never met him. That's wild and he's acting like you know where pals or whatever which is like
[00:30:38] Go ahead and dislike me. You should fucking dislike me
[00:30:41] I've like publicly criticized you at a time when it was like there was no reason to do that
[00:30:46] I was just being spiteful and shitty. I mean I I had you know
[00:30:50] I mean I was like maybe 40% sure that you were just doing all that as I could put on to
[00:30:55] To find some kind of place for yourself and like you know your career or whatever but
[00:31:03] You should you should hate me and you should fucking be mean to me when you see me
[00:31:07] And then you know we do the roaster whatever and after I mean I felt bad for the guys home like you know good job or whatever
[00:31:15] Still like hey, yeah great, you know, he sent me a message like if you ever need anything
[00:31:19] You know what he and I don't know what he's got a lot of power in the entertainment industry
[00:31:24] You need taekwondo less is a real mover and shaker
[00:31:28] Yeah, I don't know that's my fucking with my head. I don't even know what I want to say about part of it's fucking with your head
[00:31:37] The lack of like consistency that someone could have it could just it just I don't or like the spectacle of a roast
[00:31:43] Well, no that's being like I can't put my finger on it
[00:31:46] But some has been fucking with me like since that that's kind of what you're talking about though about like what the you know what it is
[00:31:51] Honestly because it's like here's this person and people are gonna hate this
[00:31:55] I don't want to listen to it. Yeah, but the honest answer is like here's this person that's being nice to me
[00:31:59] And I still have this instinct to like no fuck this guy. I'm gonna be mean to him
[00:32:02] Yeah, because he's being disingenuous though, but so what he's been I still have I still have afraid of I still have like an empathetic
[00:32:08] Response well, I mean I don't I don't feel like I'd ever be in his position because I wouldn't you know
[00:32:15] I wouldn't be somebody for years. I wouldn't I didn't it got you there was a
[00:32:19] Crumble very few very few people would do that. Yeah, but the position he's in is like an enviable. Nobody wants to be
[00:32:29] But it's a table. Right. It's his own goddamn fault. I mean tell him get him. He's just afraid of you Nick
[00:32:36] Okay, that's fine. That might motivate whatever he's doing, but it's still like
[00:32:43] Know I don't understand my own impulse to like shun and punish this person because you are someone that
[00:32:49] Abides by certain like like prince. No, that's bullshit. I mean not anymore. Not anymore than not anymore. Yeah, that's not true
[00:32:57] No, I didn't know I don't you don't you don't I don't I don't
[00:33:02] That's not about me. I just I don't like you know, I don't know. It's been fucking with me
[00:33:06] I don't understand my own impulse to like shut this guy out or like try to his not your fucking friend
[00:33:11] And he's not my friend, but I mean it shouldn't concern me. I don't know why it does
[00:33:15] And I guess you know you're saying you should have pitied him. Well, no to have to
[00:33:24] Yeah, I don't know just having like because you know, it's like in my head
[00:33:27] I know yeah, I wouldn't give this guy a platform and don't you know, whatever
[00:33:30] But then when it's somebody actually like you're talking to them face-to-face and you know, they're continually trying to hug you and be your friend
[00:33:39] You know, but I think that if you're expressing this I think that that that signifies like an an adequate empathetic response to like
[00:33:48] I'm just saying to a genuinely awkward social interaction between like someone that is like trying to suck your dick because he's afraid of you
[00:33:55] No, you know what it is is because I have like a big problem with
[00:34:03] cultural imperative right now to shame and punish people right and
[00:34:08] Like I would like to think that I'm not participating or contributing to that in any way
[00:34:13] Yeah, even though I'm like going through the small dick problems Reddit
[00:34:17] Reading them out literally about and it's like oh, I do it all the time
[00:34:20] Yeah, all the things that and cuz like that was like that was a problem
[00:34:23] I had with like I you know cuz I'm like a I guess a free speech guy. Yeah, and then yeah
[00:34:29] Fuck is awesome. It's on a roll and we got a fucking I want to go to the fucking jungle, you know
[00:34:42] No, you know, I'm like kind of like a free speech guy like 2014 where people started like drawing lines in the sand or whatever
[00:34:51] Libertarian guys that eventually just became alt-right then you know we do Gavin show and he's talking about how he gives his shit about free
[00:34:56] Expression then he's like trans people shouldn't be allowed to talk to children. Yeah
[00:35:01] You know and it's like what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:35:03] Mm-hmm. He's like why would would what am I supposed to explain this to my children?
[00:35:07] You know, it's like they don't really give a shit about freedom or whatever
[00:35:10] Yeah, and it's like the same thing now where I don't like I don't like and I take it way too far
[00:35:16] With my like, you know where I say oh, we shouldn't shame this person or
[00:35:22] But then I ignore that entirely when it's something convenient to me or I don't know that bothers me
[00:35:27] It fucks with my own sense of like integrity and it's like well, maybe I have as little integrity as Jamie
[00:35:32] It's just put in a position where it's not challenged
[00:35:34] because what you can do is carve out a way for yourself to
[00:35:42] You know divergence from whatever popular opinion is to seem like you're thinking on your own
[00:35:48] But you're not really you're just like slightly pig-headed on a couple of issues, right? So I guess that's
[00:35:54] Yeah, I don't know it's been fucking with me a lot. Well, I guess the point of a roast is to shame, right?
[00:36:01] It is to put the ros. No the most point of the ros be funny
[00:36:05] I mean I enjoy doing the roast by being mean by shaming someone. I mean by writing jokes and doing jokes. Yeah sure yeah
[00:36:14] Yeah, I guess so I mean I enjoy you know
[00:36:17] I mean Jamie had a Jamie's joke about a come town is named after my mustache is a funny joke. That's a good joke
[00:36:22] Yeah, I enjoy being part of a comedy show. So it's not the roast itself. It's like
[00:36:28] No, it's my own impulses and because I didn't ask anyone want to not be nicer to be nice
[00:36:33] No, I'll tell you what it is. It's like my impulse was to say I don't want to fucking do this roast
[00:36:37] I don't want anything to do with this guy. Gotcha gotcha
[00:36:40] You know doing the roast itself is nice
[00:36:42] It's nicer for me to do the fucking roast and to not do the roast and say shut this guy out
[00:36:46] Right, right, right, right, right, you know, I mean if he wants to rehabilitate his image
[00:36:49] I mean he did get railroaded over a fucking bullshit thing, but it's also like
[00:36:54] He's not actually friends with us just like he wasn't actually friends with all the people he threw under the bus when he took a hard 180
[00:37:02] I mean, whatever. I don't I don't know. I don't know. It's not funny, but whatever fucking I have a podcast
[00:37:08] I can talk about things that they want to but I don't see that as an issue
[00:37:10] I don't see your responses a fucking particularly as an issue or showing that you don't fucking like I don't see that as a
[00:37:16] Problem to have that you ultimately you did the fucking roast you didn't shut him out
[00:37:21] But even if you wanted to shut him out then who gives a fuck?
[00:37:23] Yeah, you said you didn't want to do it because you don't want to like be part of whatever he's doing that would have been fine, too
[00:37:30] Yeah, I thought I felt like I had to because I didn't I don't want people saying like oh maul is afraid to do it
[00:37:36] No, but that was the only reason I bit that's people pressuring you. That's not that's that's you would have been
[00:37:41] reality yeah, I mean it's I'd like because I'm not and you know
[00:37:46] I just don't like doing roast because I think they're a stupid gimmick. Yeah, I'd rather just be bad at stand-up comedy
[00:37:52] I'd rather just continue to do mediocre feature level stand-up comedy and have
[00:38:00] Sold out headlining shows where people come to see me and then just sort of do my job
[00:38:05] Now do the more shows you do the better you'll get I guess man. I'm jealous of
[00:38:10] How much you still care about stand-up love stand I wish I still had that in my heart. It's the only thing I care about
[00:38:23] Having four-day-old low main portal your head
[00:38:30] Not do this flat. I bet you if you get on the road you'll fucking enjoy it. Yeah
[00:38:35] It's doing a couple hours in a night feels good dude. Yeah feels like you're fucking making
[00:38:39] Yeah, you seem pretty energized after poor
[00:38:42] In September I got a whole rack of dates that I'm doing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that is cool
[00:38:46] What about this Jamie Phil steam we feel his ass with cum. Yeah, yeah, okay? I'm listening or gamey
[00:39:02] Any can't object to that because he's not an SJW anymore. That's right
[00:39:06] Check and may see what I like to do Nick is never worry about any of the
[00:39:11] Never think about a coat like how I should behave or uh-huh. Just try and fucking I don't know I
[00:39:17] Don't really know try and have sex although I'm tired of that too. I think I'm celibate
[00:39:23] Well, I'm like naturally bad at social skills. So I'll always be insecure about that. So I like you'll overthink yeah
[00:39:29] I count my supposed to behave because I'm a robot right right right so I can't if I if I didn't think about
[00:39:38] You're a lot less of a robot than you give yourself credit for like I think that you have like the right social impulse
[00:39:45] Well, I don't want to turn this into like a whatever pity party or whatever. It's on a pity party. I think you're a bit
[00:39:51] Yeah, I think you're also a homosexual man bitches. This is see this is a problem
[00:39:56] You won't hang out as boys. We have earnest conversations on the podcast. I know I'd be avoiding it all cause
[00:40:02] I've been laughing. I've been laughing about how you keep talking about gay men kissing your neck and
[00:40:12] Yeah sexy it's sexual speaking neck and chest
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[00:41:59] Just caress your nuts and we're back to my struggle session. No dude. It's all right. Yeah
[00:42:05] We're all gonna we're I think we're probably due for a pretty depressing because Adam is about to leave
[00:42:11] So we're probably gonna have another come town classic when we're sad. Yeah, I'm sad about my foot
[00:42:16] Yeah, I was depressed all weekend. It was like vomiting. I was alone dude. Just in the oh me. No, we all had a bad weekend
[00:42:25] But you know what guys we've got you guys ever been immobile
[00:42:28] I've you ever been forced in your home for extended periods of time
[00:42:31] I got shingles after I told my parents I was gonna be I wanted to be a clown and not a lawyer you got shingles
[00:42:37] Yeah, I got so stressed out. I got shingles damn how long do you have to stay in the home?
[00:42:41] I was in bed for like a week damn, bro. Yeah, it's like chicken pox
[00:42:45] But it like it was on my chest and it like wraps around to your back the fuck yeah, it's fucked up never
[00:42:51] I watched all of mad men. What never an injury Nick. Do you ever have like anything?
[00:42:55] We're just a flu. I've never been laid up never ever had surgery. It's really bad hangovers and shit
[00:43:03] Oh, yes, I used to love that part of a hangover actually. Yeah, dude
[00:43:07] I was miserable and I would just lay on the floor of the shower and throw up directly into the drain
[00:43:13] I'm serious because it's like I like having a reason to feel like this that exactly you're like I can't help it
[00:43:20] Yeah, alcohol that's been horrible. This is why I want to die and yes
[00:43:24] Dude that I love that you're sweating in the sweat smells like alcohol. Yeah, sometimes you just drink for the hangover
[00:43:29] Dude, I mean I eat like that the best part of eating like shit
[00:43:34] But then like when you just fucking feel like shit and you just have to lay down and it's like your body slowly shutting down
[00:43:40] This is sucks. I'm so tired of it. I wish I could just be happy. I'm so I just hate this so much
[00:43:48] Yeah, man, you could go to therapy. I've told you a hundred times. No, that one maybe the focus is like
[00:43:55] Unhappiness is the wrong focus. Maybe no one will ever really would have happened. Yeah, that's the way to think about it
[00:44:01] Tap that you'll never be happy and neither will anyone else right
[00:44:06] You will be happy. What are you being a bitch for?
[00:44:08] I feel like I've been getting if you're never gonna be happy then then it doesn't matter if you're not happy
[00:44:15] No, that's some fucking dumb-ass Buddhist shit, dude. Yeah, I'm Buddhist dude. I've been learning about Buddha
[00:44:21] People seem to go Buddhist. I've been smoking that Indonesia dude people seem to go Buddhist and claim. It's like a religion. Is it?
[00:44:31] People go Buddhist and claiming that it's a religion and claim to think that it's a real
[00:44:39] You could be dude, dude, but just just fucking surrender don't think
[00:44:45] Say whatever the fuck comes into your head. The thing is that isn't it's not like as hardcore as being like a fucking
[00:44:51] Muslim or Catholic or some shit. Well, nothing's as hardcore as being a Muslim. Yeah, you gotta get different clothes
[00:44:58] Yeah, you gotta get chin strap beard. Yeah being an Orthodox Jew
[00:45:03] You gotta get different clothes for that too. Yeah, that's what I'm saying
[00:45:06] There's plenty. Thank you the come boy who DM me that video of that Orthodox guy in a strip club just getting
[00:45:12] Just the fattest ass just slamming against his cock
[00:45:17] Getting absolutely destroyed by this stripper. Yeah, I want to watch an Orthodox in the East Village at that
[00:45:29] They're Orthodox guys is like co-ed and girls are in bikinis and then there they'll be Orthodox guys like sitting next to girls and bikinis
[00:45:36] Which they most certainly are not allowed to do. Oh, yeah, and they'll be sitting there like
[00:45:41] Are they hard you can tell that they're like and it go jack off so furiously to it that rocks
[00:45:47] But yeah, they all have like terrible like spindly awful bodies and they're like still wearing yarmulkes in the sauna
[00:45:54] Yeah, it's really disgusting. That's fucked up
[00:45:56] One of them was going on a rant once when I was there about had the blazios putting socialism into the school textbooks
[00:46:06] Speaking of good you saying you were saying earlier that
[00:46:11] Caesio Cortez your girlfriend is already cucked on Israel. Oh, yeah, so now we are actually officially dating. I've told her to revise her Israel stance
[00:46:19] I'm dating black dasha. Oh, yeah, who is black. I have no idea someone sent that to me and it's perfect
[00:46:26] Yeah, what if we did start dating black dasha? How would you feel Adam? I feel great, dude?
[00:46:33] If she had siblings, I'd tell you to date him
[00:46:43] I saw speaking of someone's dad. I watched a celebrity family feud a clip. Mm-hmm and Jeff Dunham's daughter
[00:46:51] Looks good. Could get it. She's a puppet. It's leaner Dunham. She's got yes, it's got a fucked up jaw
[00:46:58] There's like an imperfection there, which I think it's like it's like when you bought when dented cans of soup
[00:47:04] Cheaper yeah, I think I could and then you know she's rich as hell because Jeff Dunham is rich as fuck
[00:47:10] Uh-huh, so I think I'm gonna try and marry Jeff Dunham's daughter that other guy Bill Ingvel about Jeff come
[00:47:29] Over 80 million tickets sold this year to Jeff come
[00:47:37] Hey, it's me. I'm at the dead terrorists. Please don't fuck my ass
[00:47:57] Oh shit, I just got really dizzy. Yeah, maybe you should eat dude. Yeah, I
[00:48:05] I miss when you used to do this and just get obsessed with kids getting fucked in the ass by old Jewish
[00:48:11] This isn't any of though. I'm like man. I fuck. I'm just like a slow down. I'm so tired of not having a normal head
[00:48:28] Or we could do crime I should I'm probably gonna lose it soon if I don't there we go. Yeah
[00:48:35] But you're like attitude is always like well
[00:48:37] I don't want to find out I've had a broken leg my whole life and then fix it because then what about those 30 years of me
[00:48:43] Having a broken way kind of like that girl who was cheating on you. Oh, right exactly like that
[00:48:53] Yeah, yeah, no be like if I could you cheat on me with John or whatever and she's like no, no, but John
[00:49:02] Yeah, oh no every basically everybody yet the game stopped
[00:49:09] Who would be the funniest person to ever cuck you like who we could you never get over?
[00:49:13] What do you mean like what kind of guy would be hilarious if like your girlfriend like
[00:49:19] Game stop employees pretty good like if you're manager whatever that one guy. Yeah, I think I
[00:49:25] Roscoe. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's pretty cool. Mm-hmm
[00:49:29] Oh, no, I was cucked by like a loser. It was not like yeah
[00:49:33] It was one of those situations where it's like I'm hanging out with this guy to make fun of them dude. I got caught so hard
[00:49:40] Just like the hardest cocking you could imagine. Yeah, yeah, I know it fucked me up for like a long time
[00:49:49] But then you know you come out of it as like somebody that's just really solidified on their defense mechanisms and
[00:49:55] And trust anyone any more trust anyone ever trust a bitch. Yeah, but I'm pretty funny guy
[00:50:05] Pretty good at saying things that's what happened to me in high school that I tell you the girl that was my girlfriend
[00:50:12] She called me one time and I tried to do a bit about this, but it would never work
[00:50:15] She called me and she was like I accidentally got fingered last
[00:50:19] Yeah, yeah, it was like and I was like wow yeah this girl goes I blacked out and I woke up and there was condoms everywhere
[00:50:45] There was all sorts of a button yeah, but I'm telling you man because I was doing stand up at the time
[00:50:50] And some like that happens and you were just a beast. Yeah for like six months
[00:50:56] It just turns you into like the best comic dude whenever I've had like yeah
[00:51:00] I remember when you went through the breakup in DC. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you got you stand up got
[00:51:08] Yeah, we both got good at stand up this is I can't wait for this podcast to just talk be us talking about how we used to be fun
[00:51:14] Yeah, we're almost there. Oh, man. This is kind of I am
[00:51:19] I mean look at my foot my foot pops because I grabbed a rebound in a podcatchers basketball game
[00:51:23] Yeah, I'm going to die. So we fucking suck dude. I gotta exercise more man. I'm gonna kill yourself
[00:51:29] I need to settle down. We should get a canoe together and just go out to the middle of the lake
[00:51:32] Just hell yeah, just have a couple of nice cliff bars out in the middle of the lake the three boys
[00:51:37] I love that idea. I can find you a catfish in the lake and fry it up for you
[00:51:41] Just feed my friend Stavros raw catfish
[00:51:49] So gross looking catfish, yeah, Charlie Bronson of the sea
[00:51:57] Fuck dude, I got a shower after this I got a hard I got a fucking put a bag on my cast
[00:52:03] Broke a mirror today. So I got seven years bad luck. Damn. It is just not my fucking week, dude
[00:52:08] I like woke up. I was like I gotta get something done. I just wanted to hang that medicine cabinet
[00:52:12] Place it against the fucking wall while I go get like my level and somehow it just falls
[00:52:18] No, it fall leaning against the wall and then if I guess it was top heavy or something
[00:52:22] But it came off leaning and just fucking smash chatter. Yeah
[00:52:29] Start the clock. Yeah, seven years bad luck when you turn 36 you'll have regular ass luck again. Yeah
[00:52:36] Damn, it's gonna be fucking gay to be old man. Yeah
[00:52:42] That's going to suck dick. Yeah for a while
[00:52:44] I was kind of looking forward to my 30s, but
[00:52:47] Considering like my feelings don't abate
[00:52:50] It's like now I'll probably suck too. Not 30s would probably be good after that
[00:52:55] We're gonna be adults. See we're gonna wear suits every day. You 30s already started at them. I don't have your 42
[00:53:02] They start 29 year old young men youth of the we still got some fire
[00:53:08] You're talking about having kids and getting married and shit. Yeah, I'm talking about
[00:53:12] Ferrari conventions, you know monster energy
[00:53:17] You know I'm saying yeah playing Xbox with my Latino friends my geek squad Latino friends
[00:53:27] Uh-huh just girls sitting on top of accuracy. I love act dude. Catch me in a rx. I'm really in the butterfly knives
[00:53:37] Look I watched face-off recently such a good movie rocks. Yeah, you know what fucking I watch Baywatch to the rock one
[00:53:46] By the work off right and he swaps dicks
[00:53:49] With a big girl fucking his wife. Yep that girl with the best hits ever isn't that me? Oh, yes, she is
[00:53:55] They don't really check your sisters and Dario shut up shut up. I wasn't talking about my sister
[00:54:00] Okay, I was just saying she has I was a second my sister's got the second best hit sir
[00:54:05] Shut up. Nice pair on that guy. Shut the fuck up. You shut up. He's not lying
[00:54:13] No, no, you recognize that your sister has a nice pair
[00:54:16] No, I don't yes. I mean come on objectively if she had strong arms you
[00:54:21] I don't I don't recognize my little brother's jacked right?
[00:54:26] He's got big arms and thick thighs. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. My sister when I look look at her her tits are pixelated
[00:54:37] The release what about her pussy her face
[00:54:43] Just say it tastes good. That's always saying
[00:54:51] Just saying it's got a sweet little strawberry aftertaste
[00:54:56] You finish up you're like what is that did someone just light a candle? Oh
[00:55:01] No, is that a glade plug-in? Oh the tape it's coming from my mouth
[00:55:09] Please leave she's a much better person than fresh lavender. Uh-huh
[00:55:14] She doesn't any ire from our community that abuses men with small penises on Reddit. Yeah, although we totally started that
[00:55:25] Those threads were so funny. I mean it was it that was
[00:55:33] Yeah, it's somebody had a pose that made me laugh because there's someone on our reddit that was like anybody else got a pencil dick
[00:55:39] Yeah, and they were like where it's real long but then we're kind of in this in-between place not quite gods not quite man
[00:55:53] Little dicks um damn my fucking foot is I think that girls girls say that that's bad. I thought a long skinny cock
[00:56:03] Yeah, that depends. I guess if you have a skinny pussy. I've heard that
[00:56:08] Short-assure is better than long skinny. Yeah
[00:56:11] But there's so many ways to be unattractive
[00:56:17] Just see all your flaws as a whole and don't worry about it
[00:56:22] Transcend that's if anything could be our message to the sdp subreddit. That's right. It's not that you're bad
[00:56:27] It's not just your little dick. Yeah, right so much more work. You're such a bitter piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, you're a bad person
[00:56:34] It's it's personality such an easy thing to overcome
[00:56:37] So people are in fucking wheelchairs and the dicks don't work at all. Yeah, you know and they still fuck
[00:56:43] He's like oh well people still have respect for those people in the world. No, they don't
[00:56:47] We pretend to those guys are under brilliant
[00:56:50] Pretend like like you don't laugh uncontrollably in your car when you see somebody going up a wheelchair ramp
[00:57:05] That legs retard not able to physically retarded
[00:57:10] Yeah, dude, I mean I've as a member as a new member of the disabled community. Yeah, you are disabled
[00:57:18] Shit sucks, dude. I can't even imagine a disability. I want to get a fucking kid. I want to get a robotic leg
[00:57:25] Bionics, they get straight up having a fucking
[00:57:31] Oh, come on brother dude. I know what we're gonna have a good hang out just strike that baby food
[00:57:36] And some one of your pedia lights you need to have a good meal Nick. I know but every time I eat
[00:57:41] I feel like I want to throw up he came over last night at 10 or 11 and I made him dinner because I was so sad
[00:57:46] My boy wasn't eating. I really got a piss. Pissing my mouth. I'll piss you in god damn mouth. I'm gonna piss man
[00:57:56] It's fine. We could do sweet do more time
[00:57:59] Why are you leaving? He's got a piss. Oh
[00:58:03] You can go piss man. Go ahead. Thanks. Stop. Well
[00:58:05] It's time for our movie review corner. What have you seen recently? I recently watched the first 20 minutes of the classic
[00:58:15] Leonardo da cap. Yeah, turns out what's eating him is his mom
[00:58:19] Because she's fat. She's fat. Yeah, that was a big joke when I was a little kid. I thought I was a I thought that was a mall
[00:58:28] And you thought you came up with his mom's yeah
[00:58:33] I mean, that's good when you're a little less kid. It's funny because it's like I'd mentioned this before but
[00:58:55] I'm he's just doing Juliet Lewis in the other sister. He's doing her version of a retarded person
[00:59:03] And that's why both of those movies suck
[00:59:09] He nailed retarded he nailed retarded that was a breakthrough role for him. Yeah
[00:59:16] Juliet Lewis is in that movie and it's like just do the Leo. Yes. Why are you trying to put your own spin on this
[00:59:22] But you ate Lewis, but she ever good actors. No, but she was hot. She was hot. Yeah, she was in um
[00:59:28] There was something death about her face
[00:59:30] Something deaf. Yeah, she looked like a deaf woman. Look the hottest. Yeah, like a hot death chick
[00:59:35] Oh fuck a hot death lady. Yeah, I would totally
[00:59:39] Just can't hear you. Yeah, she can't hear you sobbing. You don't know. Yeah, you turn around and just cry. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:47] The fake being a always the gayest answer when like you're like would you rather be deaf or blind and people are like
[00:59:53] I could never I could never live without music
[00:59:56] Like shut the fuck up. Wait whose answer is that to that question?
[01:00:00] Whenever people say oh like death like death is clearly better because you can still see shit not bump into walls and shit
[01:00:07] Yeah, I would definitely go deaf. I don't know what I would do without music. Fuck music. Dude music sucks
[01:00:13] Did you see that movie mr. Holland's opus? No
[01:00:16] Where he's at? Mr. Holland. Oh, oh piss open open
[01:00:20] Mr. Mr. All right students pay attention. Welcome to Holland Oats class. I watched me drink this piss
[01:00:29] Who's the greatest professor? I don't know what that movie's about
[01:00:33] It's about richard drive this plays a music teacher and then his son is born deaf. How about richard guy?
[01:00:39] He's just it's for guys just guys over there. It's Josh, but they're looking for a guy with a really big dick. Yeah, richard guys dick
[01:00:51] This storm's great. The storm is really cool. He's moody
[01:00:54] I had a friend who I could tell was losing his mind because right after college he got really into the weather
[01:00:59] Nice and he saw I checked the temperature on my iPhone weather app. He's like dude
[01:01:04] You're you're using the iPhone weather app and I was like, yeah, he's like that's fucking pathetic
[01:01:09] He's like you can you need to get this app. I paid $11 for it. I get doppler radar
[01:01:14] Jesus. I was like that is so gay to get into the weather
[01:01:20] We were and then we were at a we were at a hurricane party when we had that hurricane in DC
[01:01:27] We were all getting wasted and he was sitting on the couch alone looking at his fucking stupid weather app and looking up and being like the storms
[01:01:37] Nick was referencing earlier. Ah, yes, the storms based
[01:01:41] This is kind of nice. Do you know it is nice. I would love a storm. It's a shame. We're doing the podcast right now
[01:01:46] It's I can't just sit in silence and appreciate it
[01:01:50] People don't like that. Nope. You got it worked two hours a week
[01:01:54] Dude this is getting kind of wild this storm. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[01:02:00] I want to hold a lover. It really does suck. They only have to work two hours a week and then like
[01:02:06] 30 40 percent of the time. You're just terrible at your job
[01:02:11] You just can't fucking do it. I think the episodes have been okay recently. Oh, they have but I mean, there's still days like this
[01:02:18] Yeah, but sometimes I don't know. Maybe sometimes people appreciate us getting real. No, no, I don't think no sort of no
[01:02:26] It's a podcast where we say things like things like but it's guys only and I do parody songs
[01:02:36] Because my dick my dick is in your mouth
[01:02:40] What about another parody song so what do you think sob about um
[01:02:46] Donald's trump meeting treason Vladimir and trade her and you think he's a traitor treasonous
[01:02:54] Traitor my father called me and said it was the worst day since 9 11
[01:03:09] Do two big-ass pussies fall from the sky. Yeah
[01:03:12] The terrorists are like when once we do 9 11 it will be vaginal
[01:03:26] They all were friends they were all from
[01:03:33] No, they were like, what were they they were all like Saudi. Yeah
[01:03:36] Damn dude, that should so imagine having a fucking fly up into a fucking building
[01:03:42] That shit would be fucking stupid. Funnish. Yeah, dude
[01:03:47] Aha because they got to go to strip club, you know before right is the second the
[01:03:54] Fucking Muhammad Aha had to have been like, what am I doing? Yeah, yeah, you know like this what is this my job?
[01:04:00] I'm so fucking get here. Yeah, imagine it would be so funny if they just were like, no, fuck this and just like landed it safely somewhere
[01:04:08] Yeah, it's like I I was raised in a desert
[01:04:15] I learned how to shoot guns in a cave and I just got a fucking like fly a fucking plane into a building
[01:04:21] Yeah, dude for some rich asshole. Yeah, it's just downloading porn in a mansion
[01:04:33] He's like sandwich bin Laden. He's like the mailroom guy of al-qaeda
[01:04:39] He's like the mailroom guy of al-qaeda the guy that actually has to fly the plane into the fucking mirror
[01:04:44] Have you ever seen that movie paradise now? No about the two palasimian suicide bombers?
[01:04:52] But yeah, it just follows these two guys on the way to going to kill themselves. Oh, damn. Yeah, it's fucked
[01:04:58] It's not a documentary. It's a no. It's fictional. It's heavy. Why? Yeah, how about a sot cocky memory?
[01:05:08] I like that. No, don't let him finish at him. Don't know that said
[01:05:15] I should go to the zoo and yell at the animals
[01:05:18] You see some fucking jaguar or some shit got loose in a zoo guys any eight like four emus and shit
[01:05:23] Hell yeah, I saw a peacock the other day. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it
[01:05:34] They like give me like shivers of my areas because I don't fuck with peacocks. Yeah
[01:05:38] I don't I've said that to people before and they don't get it. No people
[01:05:42] Yeah, I don't like it dinosaurs bro. Fuck all birds. Yeah, there's some eerie about their plume and there's like just too big
[01:05:49] It's too fucking big. Yeah and that noise they make I don't like it
[01:05:55] Fuck that. I don't like bats either. So this episode takeaways peacocks bad. Jamie kill scene question mark. Yeah
[01:06:15] What we're gonna do more episodes guys don't
[01:06:21] The show will go on. I mean, it's at a low point right now both. I'll eat the sandwich at some point. Yeah, I'm pretty hungry
[01:06:29] Hopefully in 10 days, I'll be walking. Hey, you know what you want to hang with the clown sometimes you got to drink the tears
[01:06:43] You know put that on the fucking yeah put that I want that on a quote go on my t-shirt. Go ahead Lewis make that on merch pump
[01:06:52] Just Lewis solemnly looking out a window and black and white
[01:06:56] I'm starting to feel like galaxy brain is being like just flying off the cray handle at the slightest criticism and being extremely sincere and
[01:07:04] Goth all the time because honestly what's funnier than a fucking train wreck lewie lewis got mad at what's her name that
[01:07:15] Louie no anyway, he got mad at who some comic was like oh some guy called me a dumb bitch outside skank fest
[01:07:23] She was like, how are you gonna use our hashtag and say that?
[01:07:26] Well, she's like it was a fun festival. I was just saying that someone called me like a yeah
[01:07:33] I mean did you get called a thumpie healthy. Oh, I'll this oh, what up beautiful boy
[01:07:44] Damn, oh shit. My man's out here getting a bucket. I was gonna borrow your car to go to IKEA, but I think I'm gonna bail
[01:07:53] Come back. I'll just smell my armpit. Maybe want to throw up. Yeah, dude
[01:07:57] I've been I'm gonna smell and I smell terrible right now about to go sit in the bathtub with the shower on and rub my fucking titties
[01:08:03] Tilt or clean. Yeah, you should just do a one foot out bath. I'm about to that's gonna be nice
[01:08:11] It's gonna be such a chore yourself a bath put some oils in there some lavender. Oh boy some essential oils
[01:08:18] I don't like bathing like in a bath though. It's gross. Yeah, but what do you do man? The water gets nice shower sitting down shower
[01:08:26] That's what I'm gonna do chair shower like an old person. Oh, yeah
[01:08:40] I have company coming over. Oh, yeah, you're gonna try and smash no, don't put it so crudely Nicholas
[01:08:47] I can't hear you with a woman. I can't hear his gone now
[01:08:58] We have to sign the podcast you just have to pretend like my impressions are good
[01:09:15] Good job, Nick. That's a dupe of chemi next
[01:09:27] Thanks. Well, you know some of them are just gonna be rough fellas. Yep
[01:09:32] We're up against a lot right now, but we're gonna come out of it with harder dicks than we started
[01:09:39] It's nice that all three of us are at a low point. Yeah, that is nice
[01:09:43] It's good when I sync up with my boys because you know ultimately this podcast it's about friendship
[01:09:51] Is that our low point nobody's bullying Adam? Who's probably the funniest one on this episode?
[01:09:55] I don't know about that. Well, that being said it was one of the worst episodes we've ever done
[01:10:01] But you were the funniest you've ever been
[01:10:08] We're we're gonna come out of this stronger together like Hillary Clinton said
[01:10:13] And I know we say that I know that these moments are becoming more and more frequent
[01:10:18] That every two weeks now we have an episode every so low point
[01:10:21] So now it's every two weeks every two weeks, but you know I truly in my heart don't believe that things have a shelf life
[01:10:29] I think that things become good and they stay that way forever. Yep, and the bottom can never fall out bro
[01:10:35] This is the only actual bad one though. The other one's it's just being in your head
[01:10:40] Yeah, well if you think it's bad that means it's fucking awful
[01:10:43] Well, we're sad. Whatever subscribe to the fucking patreon and listen to this weekend's that was a great episode
[01:10:48] So it was one of the best and here's here's the thing too
[01:10:51] Because you're not gonna be able to get the the premium stolen anymore because that fucking red
[01:10:56] It's gonna get shut down. Thanks all those idiots brigading
[01:10:59] And harassing those poor small dick man
[01:11:02] Wait, they were harassing the small they were fucking harassing them dude
[01:11:06] They're going on there being like you should fucking kill yourself
[01:11:09] That's so it's like of course they should why are you saying
[01:11:12] Just tell me that don't tell the small dick guys. I deserve it. Adam can handle it. I can't really handle it
[01:11:19] Hurt me do me instead. I can barely handle it
[01:11:24] I can't really handle it. I get really sad
[01:11:29] Oh fuck well guys if you want to watch this live and you're in baltimore
[01:11:33] August 12th autobar. We've already sold I think like 50 tickets. So keep buying those money mums is monday the 23rd
[01:11:40] Caroline's 9 10 11. I guarantee you because I am a professional comedian
[01:11:45] I should be taking comedy seriously. I will have new shit for that show. Oh would it be good?
[01:11:52] Probably not. I barely remember how to be funny. Oh see Nick. Please come he'll probably do his uh
[01:11:57] Please help me remember how to do comedy his winter olympics figure skating chinese chunk
[01:12:06] I was happy with that. It's a good job. I thought that was a fun joke. Yeah, no
[01:12:14] Adam's speaking in shots now. I should get your lowest
[01:12:24] It is a good joke very funny. I don't even care
[01:12:27] So yes that I will be that same weekend. I will be in charlotte'sville
[01:12:31] Um at the southern on the 17th. Oh stop. I will be yes
[01:12:38] I'm there in town for some meetings and I figured I'd do a show while I'm gonna be wearing a under armor polo short or a shirt and some
[01:12:46] I will and then on the 18th. I'm back in baltimore
[01:12:49] Uh, it's suspended brewery doing an hour myself
[01:12:53] And then I will be a filly good good comedy club good good comedy theater on the 19th
[01:12:59] Um, and then yeah, I have a lot of shit coming up
[01:13:01] But also come see us in cleveland and boston the cleveland boston tour cleveland the second
[01:13:06] We are at hilarities as part of the accidental comedy festival
[01:13:09] And in boston, we are in the boston podcast festival at laugh boston on the third
[01:13:14] Is it the podcast festival or the comedy festival?
[01:13:17] I don't fucking know who cares, but just buy tickets those are both up
[01:13:20] Please come see the guy in new york this monday funny moms as always head come on everybody war
[01:13:25] Well, all three boys will be there looking good
[01:13:27] I'll be the tan from the beach of north carolina
[01:13:30] And then i've got more dates coming up that i'm working on nothing to announce formally yet
[01:13:34] But i think i'm going to be in new orleans in chicago and maybe l.a. In september
[01:13:39] So come come say what's up every nay, uh stave worldwide
[01:13:45] Um, all right guys. Well, thanks. We're gonna try not to kill ourselves