Cum Town | Regular | 08/02/2018
[00:00:00] And yeah, baby. Hello and welcome to fucking come tell me set a timer real quick set that time
[00:00:11] What I talk for a second we're here mother fuckers and beautiful son of your queen's I'm still recovering from a
[00:00:19] Unidentified bottom lower foot injury. It's not planter fasciitis. Probably planer fission. I got an MRI
[00:00:25] I paid 250 out of pocket not a good not a bad deal for an MRI
[00:00:29] But it's been like four days and I haven't gotten any results and I paid cash so I wonder if I'm being robbed
[00:00:37] Yeah, good news is I think the benzos worked for me
[00:00:41] I start from a little hiccup today where I had to repeat the word simple over and over again and chew on an extension
[00:00:47] Yeah, a little bit. I'm back the normal ready to podcast
[00:00:51] I think we learned an important lesson that you never need to see a psychologist for any reason will of the human spirit
[00:00:59] Will rise you out of the so true out of the tires and back to normalcy. That's your free the
[00:01:07] Need to wear a full suit of armor right now a full suit of armor filled with shit to the brim
[00:01:20] Filled to the brim with shit saluting all of my comrades out there
[00:01:28] No, yeah, I didn't learn my lesson I won't go to the doctor
[00:01:31] No, I guess I have an appointment Friday
[00:01:36] I have that they're gonna diagnose me with borderline personality disorder, which I have no interest in having because it's for bad women
[00:01:49] Yeah, that's like a death sense because that that one's like if you get if you get diagnosed with borderline personality
[00:01:54] Just sort of the psychiatrist basically saying like yeah, you probably should kill yourself
[00:02:00] You're a really bad guy I think that you know, we are lame laypeople
[00:02:05] We should wait till to see what no, I think wild speculation is better. I think wild speculation is the right answer
[00:02:12] Yeah, you probably have some other shit. You don't even know about yeah, something even worse. What's worse than borderline personality
[00:02:21] Not borderline hella over the gay ass line
[00:02:26] Very across the gay line. I don't think I have it though because I've always been able to do I will do criticism
[00:02:31] I think that's a telltale sign. I also don't like get clingy in relationships
[00:02:37] So that's not something I really worry about okay
[00:02:40] But I don't know man these fucking mood swings are wild. Hmm like I don't know
[00:02:48] I mean I can't be like a bipolar thing because like you shouldn't I don't know today in particular. I was like fine
[00:02:58] But I started thinking about something too hard and then I had to just like repeat it over and over
[00:03:04] I saw that peeing on his door and then I saw that last week and it's like well why is that happening?
[00:03:13] Yeah, you're on a new wave. You're on a new crazy wave right now. Oh, yeah
[00:03:17] It's not wanting to kill yourself. It's oh, yeah
[00:03:19] You were literally saying that you think what is it that the world is an experiment about emotions or something? Yeah, kind of
[00:03:32] See where people's heads are you know, you need
[00:03:35] You need a magical Negro you need like a bagger van style
[00:03:41] Like old ghosts to come visit you until I'm really sure you tell you everything
[00:03:46] It's gonna be okay. I just probably like kicked down the door to the homeless shelter. We're the magical Negro
[00:03:54] My name's diarrhea. Well, I need you to guide me through this simulation
[00:03:59] Oh nice brother. Yeah, no, I mean, I don't get it and it's like I do you know, I
[00:04:08] Don't know. I mean, you know, it is kind of embarrassing to talk about these things
[00:04:12] Yeah, but I think you are being very brave and open also. Thank you. Thank you for saying I'm brave
[00:04:17] I think you're a coward think I do think yeah, I think you're a bitch
[00:04:21] You should be embarrassed to have mental problems
[00:04:24] I am yeah, I mean, I should be humiliated the trap that I cuz I shame in it
[00:04:31] Well, I posted on Instagram because I didn't want the people that
[00:04:34] Message me that are like I try to kill myself nine times this year in the podcast. I'll be I don't want to ignore them
[00:04:39] Right true, you know cuz I like for me in particular and I can only assume people listen to the show. It's like
[00:04:47] Disgusting to be sincere. Mm-hmm. So if you do that and you're met with like
[00:04:51] You know just being brushed off or whatever. I think it would suck so sure but now it kind of backfired
[00:04:57] There's all these people expressing concern and I don't like I don't want to turn into one of these like
[00:05:03] Guys whose identity is like just mental health bullshit
[00:05:07] Yeah, it's like it's so easy to do that and it's lazy and there's so many like not so many but I mean
[00:05:14] The specific people I'm thinking about where it's like yeah, you're listening to like yeah, they're like being depressed
[00:05:22] Hour doesn't help that I'm doing it in my head me
[00:05:25] Yeah, like being depressed is like yeah, it's like, you know, it sucks
[00:05:30] But you know like yeah like just doing it's my body makes me feel better. It's my whole life
[00:05:35] So like you know even when I'm not depressed. I'll talk about being constantly depressed cuz that's how we sell ad reads
[00:05:43] Sucks yeah, you can't even be happy cuz the fuck is that because it's like I mean, I don't know
[00:05:51] Experience depression of the extent that it's like unrelenting and it lasts forever, but like
[00:05:56] Those people probably kill themselves. Yeah, they don't do podcast
[00:05:59] They don't do a podcast for the whole thing is like so happy to be depressed again today to tell everyone how fucking depressed
[00:06:06] I am so it's like you know what I find depression going to the post office. Yeah. Yeah stamps.com has helped my depression
[00:06:13] Right well, especially if you're like a in a public position. It's like it's because it's ridiculous
[00:06:18] I just posted this one message should be like hey
[00:06:21] But like thanks for reaching out and then it's just like an undated with messages from people being nice or whatever
[00:06:28] Yeah, cuz people care about you well people care about each other in general and I mean
[00:06:33] I mean, I think that okay, surely that's not the point
[00:06:36] I'm like people care about each other in general and like it's a nice thing to say but like
[00:06:42] It's like very easy to use that and have that turn into like a positive feedback thing and then just be perpetually like I don't know
[00:06:53] Self-pitying piece of shit and and turn that into your whole identity eating some love
[00:06:57] I don't think that's what you're doing. I don't I don't think it's what I'm doing, but I'm saying it's like I
[00:07:09] Worried about their parents all the time anything I say that involves everybody just means me and me in particular and I'm
[00:07:17] No, I actually no you just talk over people don't even listen to you talk over people to yeah
[00:07:23] But I listen to what they're saying I determine that it's not worth listening to and then I say what I have
[00:07:27] Yeah, he's doing cuz he doesn't care about them
[00:07:30] You're doing cuz you care about yourself more than yeah, that's right. That's right. That's the difference
[00:07:35] I care about them, but only to the extent that I
[00:07:45] Said well anyway guys the point is you have not no one everyone that's expressing their concern
[00:07:50] You have nothing to worry about nik is now
[00:07:53] Communicating with a metaphysical spiritual being that is guiding him through his
[00:07:57] journey towards becoming the yellow king and
[00:08:01] We're all proud of him. Yeah, I was getting upset earlier today that I can't be God
[00:08:07] Oh, yes, this is his level shit pissed off in his air conditioner. I cannot wait to cancel last minute
[00:08:14] This fucking you're like I'm stuck in my fucking air conditioner dude. I wish I was God
[00:08:20] This air conditioner is fucking with me. It would be cool to be God
[00:08:23] You do anything you want there is you have a piece of cake that I don't want to do anything
[00:08:33] But it doesn't taste like calm cuz you're God
[00:08:35] Yeah, it tastes like the best piece of cake you ever had in your life the motivation to be God isn't to do anything
[00:08:39] It's like I don't when I'm like losing it. I really don't understand like
[00:08:44] What is holding everything together in my head? I don't like when you're not like all the things all your normal
[00:08:51] Those dumb pot thoughts you have it's like yeah, there is no meaning alive
[00:08:55] You know like what does it matter? It's like suddenly those carry like an emotional weight
[00:08:59] Yeah, and it's like yeah, why don't I kill myself?
[00:09:02] You know, yeah, and it's not that even I want to die. It's just like why not?
[00:09:06] Like what what who cares like how do you not think?
[00:09:09] Constantly that you're going to die at some point. Yeah, and you sort of just you're just like waiting for it to happen
[00:09:16] Yeah, it's really sad that that happens to everyone
[00:09:20] What does that we all die? Yeah, it's fuck
[00:09:26] And then you're afraid of it happening everyone's constantly afraid of it happening which is kind of the only reason you do anything
[00:09:32] It's the opposite. So you just all live in fear. No, it's the opposite
[00:09:36] I think people are constantly telling themselves that it's not true and they're not gonna die because otherwise they wouldn't be able to get out of bed
[00:09:42] That's still fear. It's denial. I of course it's but it is denial and what's fucked up is the longer you live the more
[00:09:48] The more fucking ugly you are and lose your fucking skin isn't shit
[00:09:53] No old people no the rest of us we get like hotter until we're like 35
[00:10:00] I mean first of all I I'm gonna be fine because my body gives me nothing
[00:10:05] I'm ahead of the curve on you motherfucker. Yeah, your body's great way. That's like being God. I am God
[00:10:16] That was like I don't even care about my poor poor real form, dude
[00:10:20] I don't care about my body because it's all about Nirvana. Yeah, it's all about Nirvana my brain. I'm getting sucked by that piece of cake
[00:10:29] Who would have thought stop is the most enlightened out of all? Yeah, brother. I start and here's another point
[00:10:35] That's to now to even start wearing diapers soon brother. Yeah, give me another week
[00:10:40] I if this am our eyes and come back with good news like I'm keeping it together right now, but I am
[00:10:45] Yeah, if I can't start walking to him and if I had a dream that I was just walking dude
[00:10:52] I literally I literally got up to go to fucking glass of water and halfway in the dream
[00:10:57] I realized my foot hurts and then I just collapsed and I woke up
[00:11:01] I had a dream Zack amico had a vagina and he was masturbating in front of everybody
[00:11:05] And I was like can you stop doing that please can you imagine how bad that pussy would smell?
[00:11:10] Well, it's a fake blood taking five HTTP because people recommended it and actually you know what I do think it helps
[00:11:19] Helps it helps like because honestly, I do think that like most of vitamin most of what's being going on
[00:11:26] Like I do have periods of like hypomania or whatever where you know like with getting obsessed with pedophiles
[00:11:34] But I really think like I was overstimulated it's skank fest and like whenever that bullshit thing that got stuck in my head about like
[00:11:43] Like why do I give a shit whether kill scene it? Yeah sure like like
[00:11:48] I don't think it was blooping back around on that over and over again and then that night
[00:11:54] Oh, yeah, and like just burned out laughing last night me and Nick about how both of you guys got injured at skank
[00:12:07] No, I didn't I did way too much coke that night and it was like we should sue Lewis
[00:12:12] I was already it wasn't Lewis we have it. We have a cake else where we have a case
[00:12:16] I think I just like fucked up my serotonin also
[00:12:19] I got like food poisoning that night because I'm pretty sure someone tried to poison
[00:12:22] Bro, we got a case here against skank fest. Yeah, they're trying to take us down there. Hey, baby James is fucking bullshit
[00:12:30] Pay for me to get a biomic foot pay for Nick to get a fucking beautiful gold nose
[00:12:45] Yeah, and Lewis's son can go to fucking public school. It's that we gives a fuck
[00:12:53] But anyway boys, thanks for coming. It's I hope are you guys doing anything after this?
[00:12:58] We should fucking just kick it. I have to go to this come on
[00:13:01] I could kick it for a little bit. I gotta go to the gym at some point. Okay, I'm bad
[00:13:05] I've been waiting for you to ask to hang for months. I didn't want to say anything
[00:13:08] Oh, she's been asking us to hang last three times. We're over here. I did I have love me
[00:13:13] It has a big abby and abby came out a little lunch was great. It was nice. Yeah, I mean that time
[00:13:18] Yeah, we put a little Mario tennis. Do that game is fun. I don't like it because I'm not good at it
[00:13:23] Yeah, easy. What are you talking about? I don't like it because I'm not good at it
[00:13:29] Bro, exactly that's why I'm not good at it because I'm not a baby Bowser. Me too. That's my bad
[00:13:34] Because his wingspan is really long baby Bowser. Yeah, honestly you either him or Waluigi
[00:13:39] I like the defensive players. Yeah, I'm a defensive mastermind
[00:13:55] Riffs hitting all that let's get a couple just think this fucking brain bullshit's gonna keep the boy down now fuck no, dude
[00:14:02] I'm not leaving you guys. Thanks, man. Yeah
[00:14:04] We gotta go on to dude. Honestly this us getting fucked up
[00:14:09] You know what honestly now that I say that the idea of having to live to October for that Australia tour is just like
[00:14:16] No, don't think of it that way. Don't think of it that way. I don't want to be alive. I know for another season
[00:14:22] Yeah, I don't want to have to get a like sweat around you mean I gotta outlive the pool
[00:14:28] No, I gotta stick around longer than the pools open think of it this way dude
[00:14:34] We're not living long. We're waiting to go on adventures because I think on these tours. We should literally do fun like dumb shit
[00:14:41] Yeah, dude. Take days where we're just doing like day trips. I want to go to surf
[00:14:45] Yeah, how was that hold on how was that dumb shit? That's just what you do on vacation. Yeah, we should go
[00:14:50] Yeah, I want to do some crazy stuff. We're gonna go to a museum
[00:14:53] Like I don't know like fucking hang gliders you've been you've been inside for a week and you forgot that people do things
[00:15:01] Dude first of all two weeks. I'm going crazy. Yeah, but uh, yes, that is true
[00:15:07] But what I'm saying is we should just go you know have little little trip diary have shit to do
[00:15:12] Especially we're doing back-to-back pods and shit. Yeah, we're gonna like fucking
[00:15:18] What's some shit you what if I kill myself with a boomerang in australia would be cool
[00:15:23] I would be down with that. I was saying I got the money now because like i'm adam recommended this psychiatrist
[00:15:28] It's a jewish friend of his oh, it's not a Jew. I made sure it wasn't a Jew
[00:15:32] Okay, because I didn't want anything he was getting tricked into being happy
[00:15:36] Yeah, this is how much thought he put into it
[00:15:41] To prove that it's not a Jew conspiracy. Yes to prove how not calculating a ship. Yes. Instead of recommending a
[00:15:51] Friend he was concerned with the anti-Semitism element because you have to protect israel first
[00:15:59] I know that from the movie that departed that froyt said that the irish mind is impervious to psycho analysis
[00:16:06] So you know fritt said is it the only two people that psycho analysis doesn't work on the irish and people with down syndrome
[00:16:15] It's true no matter how much therapy you give it's just like a rubik's cube. Yeah four blocks
[00:16:22] I'm a guy with down syndrome spending like four three green ones one red one
[00:16:26] He just can never solve it a guy with down syndrome spending like years in psychotherapy being like well
[00:16:31] My mother was often distant, but I don't think it was to an extent that really didn't he damaged me
[00:16:38] I mean sure there were times when I just wanted to be a mom and instead she would cry and
[00:16:47] I don't know. Okay. Well, I'll see you next week doctor car and then the next week just like my father one time
[00:16:54] I saw him play catch with the boy across the street and he seemed to enjoy it so much more on it
[00:16:59] He created a deep emotional whiff between me and my father that I'm not sure was ever with head
[00:17:05] And then it's like four years after that like well my high school years of course I was attracted to girls, but
[00:17:13] I saw who they went with and I still feel like I carry that pain to this day that even when I have
[00:17:18] sexually and romantic feeling relationships they're not
[00:17:24] And I mostly function is someone that was just waiting to get hurt and then the therapist's like well, mr. Michaels
[00:17:36] Oh my god, what a relief, but he just becomes retarded
[00:17:42] I'm gonna prescribe you velcro shoes 200 milligrams of jiffy peanut butter
[00:17:55] Just a little pill bottle just fucking Nutella
[00:18:00] Pieces in a button. Yeah, yeah in the monday to the nwt
[00:18:07] Well monday again then opens the thursday one and takes
[00:18:19] Yeah, that's right nick you have a beautiful mott and where you can make make that kind of stuff up
[00:18:26] And also go to war with yourself. I'm such a creative boy. Yeah, really are man is creative boy
[00:18:31] I'm gonna get a water. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna look
[00:18:37] Sure, I would love a water. Sorry. Thank you. You get host one account of my injury
[00:18:48] Yeah, oh shit what I'm sorry. There's new copy that I'm trying to
[00:18:54] Memorize well also talking. Oh no worries. Listen buddy. We'll figure it out
[00:19:03] I don't know. No, I just got I became obsessive thinking about whether or not I have borderline personality
[00:19:08] So I'm dude god that would be fucking terrible
[00:19:11] Whatever who cares you don't have it, but if you do who cares? Oh, I would care
[00:19:16] What difference would make you've been you your whole life?
[00:19:19] P. Davidson smashing area on agron days cheekies. Yeah, it is a bad person. Well, do is he?
[00:19:24] If you got BPD you're a bad person. I don't know man. I know that that's true
[00:19:29] If you've got although BPD Baltimore Police Department. Yeah, that's true. I guess I don't really judge p Davidson. Yeah, he's not a bad guy
[00:19:37] I don't know if if it's true that he has a
[00:19:42] I judged him hard for that. That's a tough tattoo. Oh, right. I forgot about the city. Yeah, nevermind. He is a bad guy
[00:19:48] Yeah, but it doesn't a big dick. Yeah, he's got a huge dick which makes him even worse and it must be cool to fuck Ariana Grande
[00:19:56] Yeah, you'll give me that surely you'll concede that to me. There's a bunch of dirt in this water
[00:20:01] That was uh just the story of minerals. I like that you can't even go get a glass of water
[00:20:08] Oh, you gave me the dirty one, huh? My glass is pretty glass dirty. Yeah, I'm sorry
[00:20:13] It's like I like I hope I don't have by by the borderline personality disorder and then I just abuse Adam
[00:20:25] Why don't you check out gambling? Hold on. There's a spirit coming in from the wind of the wind china a native american spirit. Oh
[00:20:48] I'm here with an important message about gambling on the internet
[00:20:56] They've been in business over 20 years with a strong record of paying out jews like myself
[00:21:01] Wow, that sounds incredible chief. Wow what a long standing track record
[00:21:09] They offer live in-game wagering so you can change your jewish mind whenever you like
[00:21:15] We do do that often. They do do that often
[00:21:20] Um, yeah, bet dsi.com the number one website for betting on which race is the best
[00:21:28] Sports games they change their promotion. I guess this is you know what fuck the copy you guys know here
[00:21:38] They've been around long enough. You don't have to worry about them being running away with your money
[00:21:43] Um, but they changed the promotion. It used to be come 25
[00:21:48] The capital c lork is um 25 and then you would get the free $25 wager
[00:21:53] But they've updated their websites. They're temporarily suspending that
[00:22:00] Promoted it already and it'll be back in the future
[00:22:03] But uh, it's like they're having trouble with uh, the $25 free promotion now
[00:22:08] So there's a new promo code that's come 120. So if you listen we've passed you try it out. It's not working
[00:22:17] Uh, so it's come 125 and you get 120 on your initial deposit
[00:22:31] There is still that bonus. They're honoring it now. Sorry. I'm reading through this email because like this just came up
[00:22:38] So i'm reading through the email now to figure out the details here
[00:22:44] Yeah, no, that's yeah, that's it come 120. So
[00:22:47] Upper case c lork is um 120 and now the promotion is you get 120
[00:22:52] Percent in your initial deposit. So you put down a hundred you get $220 to play with
[00:22:58] Uh, that's right and I can only assume they made that change because people are winning money on winning money
[00:23:03] The house house has got to change the rules because people are winning money
[00:23:06] So go there check it out. We see if you can bankrupt the company by winning. So goddamn it
[00:23:11] I'm certain is that's exactly what they want here gambling
[00:23:14] Um, keep gambling eventually you'll beat them and you know if any of that's confusing
[00:23:18] They got great customer service. You can call them up 24 7 365 days a week. Um, you can bet on other things
[00:23:25] You know, yeah, somebody's gonna say something funny the Oscars. Yeah, I wonder
[00:23:32] Be mean to our president Donald Trump the Oscars
[00:23:40] You're that guy eat cheese and swallows gum
[00:23:43] Uh, who I saw that shit on tour. Well, hold on here's because we need to pick some UFC 227
[00:23:47] Dilla Shaw versus garb rant. Oh stop knows about fighting. Are those real names. That sounds like marmaduke characters
[00:23:57] Garb rant too. Mm-hmm. Is that is that his main second fight? Oh, okay. Yeah, I would assume
[00:24:03] Yeah, yeah, it's a rematch. Yeah, the main card is yeah
[00:24:07] Yeah, dillish are gabra and then the meat tree is johnson and henry mighty ma hudo mighty man. I know who he is cool
[00:24:14] Yeah, man. There's so many people. I just don't know who they are both for. Yeah, I would say bet on bet on motherfucking me
[00:24:20] I would go to me for his johnson. I've heard of him because henry is kind of a pussy name. Yep, you know what I mean?
[00:24:26] I'll say that I'll say that to henry sehudo. Oh, you'll definitely say I would say that to anybody's face
[00:24:32] I think that guy's probably like 120 pounds. Yeah, he is fly away. Yeah, and I'm gonna there's also a
[00:24:38] a gal's fight. Oh, daniel taylor versus jang way way lee
[00:24:45] My wife chinese wife sight unseen I will marry strong chinese wife hopefully to
[00:24:56] Anyways guys go bet on those fights getting while you can with 120 bonus with promo code cum 25 that cum 25
[00:25:16] What was that show jake was on 227 was that it?
[00:25:20] Fum 227 and jake will suck your dick. That's the bonus
[00:25:24] Remember her. She's hot these days, dude
[00:25:27] Who jake the black actress? She's pretty funny. Yeah, anyways, she was like the mom on smart guy or something
[00:25:33] Her back back to our very serious afternoon special about mental health
[00:25:38] No, fuck that although I am fucking where my therapist is just gone for all of August
[00:25:43] Yeah, and your boys I texted him. I was fucked me up too. Yeah, I texted out
[00:25:48] He said some fucked up shit to me, man. Should we go fuck him up? I don't maybe
[00:25:55] Internally tortured because I have a secret emotional life. Did he tell you what that was?
[00:25:59] I don't know. Are you gay? Is he saying you're gay? I know that's what it sounded like to me
[00:26:07] You know, I mean honestly what he was describing was just irony poisoning. Oh, yeah sure that is true
[00:26:13] Yeah, you don't know what you like you present the things you enjoy or the things you hate
[00:26:17] No, I do know what I like and I do I do know as far as like my taste though. I don't think that that's really
[00:26:23] In question, I don't know what I think is I'm convicted on that like don't really change but
[00:26:29] I definitely I mean for like a lot of people it's like
[00:26:33] You don't want to feel anything ever for sure
[00:26:37] I don't know about that. So yeah, like I just don't feel things and I sure but that's a problem when I do I just suppress them
[00:26:44] Yes, I'm with you, but it's that's a real big issue. Yeah, because then once you feel them you feel them a lot and it sucks
[00:26:50] Yeah, they rush at you and then you're saying we must protect this heart
[00:26:54] So then what you do is you eat a gyro for example what you might do is have
[00:26:58] Our gyros they take a while, but they'll be here in the very tasty. They are good. Yeah, shout out to the bees
[00:27:05] Did you tell the woman on the phone that I'm crazy? I did I said
[00:27:09] We get one twisted stuff that we got hallowie G
[00:27:15] Oh, I also sorry. Um, I told my friend jamele
[00:27:19] He's doing an he's taping his hour tomorrow on thursday at the lyric hyperio go see jamele go see jamele
[00:27:27] No rocks. Um, yeah, I told him I'd mention it on the show. So if you're in los angeles
[00:27:32] Go see our buddy at the lyric hyperion. I believe it's at eight go see jamele and he's a very
[00:27:38] Stand up cosign him a hundred percent. Yeah, we definitely sometimes when I when dc when I had to follow him
[00:27:44] I would say give it up. That was black stop rose and then yeah, I mean say that was white jamele
[00:27:50] They are sort of like a double xl boys of comedy
[00:27:53] Really been a me too guy, but I had to follow tj miller at this
[00:27:57] Whatever this stands pop up. You know, that's did you no, but he threw he did well
[00:28:02] Then I walked half the room and bombed when I was already in a bad mood. So you know what guys
[00:28:07] We gotta start we gotta start removing these men from entertainment
[00:28:10] Everyone that's ever buried me. Yeah has to go only if they've done it right only if they've done it
[00:28:16] Yeah, but if you've raped and buried me. Yeah, see you pal. Yeah get the hit the fucking bricks
[00:28:23] Sorry misspoke jamele shows at seven thirty at the lyric hyperion tomorrow
[00:28:28] Thursday august go see lyric drink beer on yeah
[00:28:32] Go there go to jamele show show up drunk his punk is fucking yellow interrupt the show say racial slurs
[00:28:37] He's a black column white stavras. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey everybody. It's white stavras. Yep
[00:28:45] That's good. Yeah, that doesn't make sense
[00:28:48] I know but you'll be drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it'll be good
[00:28:52] Damn, i'm trying to be sober again. Dude. I want black ass wild on maybe I should just go
[00:28:56] Maybe I should fix myself by not rejecting irony but going just nothing but earnestness
[00:29:01] Whoa no times be post irony. Yeah, go netnet baby. Yeah, that's not
[00:29:08] Well, I guess that is but most of the people most of the people in that you know, I'll be honest with you
[00:29:16] Adam go fetch the gyros. They'll make my point about nana
[00:29:20] Go fetch them fetch them with your rubbish legs
[00:29:25] Damn what a horrible Adam's running the way he normally does
[00:29:28] This is for a comedic effect. He's showing us his true run
[00:29:34] Um, it's quite the stride. Yeah, I didn't know I had a gay run my entire childhood
[00:29:43] I run weird and then I had to run through the mall one time when I was working on something my co-workers laughed at me
[00:29:48] And I was like what and I until that moment I had never considered that people run different possibility of a weird
[00:29:54] I've never really considered my body or the space I take up
[00:29:56] I used to just dig into my ass to scratch it
[00:30:01] Until I finger interest your ass. No, no, I mean over my pants
[00:30:05] But I would like just dig in your finger yourself in like school
[00:30:10] No, I would just if some ish I jammed my hand right in the middle of my basketball shorts and scratched my asshole
[00:30:16] It took I then I saw someone else doing it when I was like 10 and I was like oh my god
[00:30:23] Been doing this entire time and I had no idea damn bro
[00:30:30] But I will say about the optics that realization a couple weeks ago the cameron s bazito probably hates it
[00:30:36] Yeah, and then realizing that that's true. I've since found out that that is true nice
[00:30:42] well, I guess it like answers like a lot of
[00:30:46] the things that like kind of made me upset with
[00:30:48] Woke art and like woke bullshit over the last couple of years
[00:30:53] because it was like I don't know all that like
[00:31:00] Like and you know, I've always just been a comedian. I didn't go to school
[00:31:03] Yeah, my entire adult life have been a comedian. My entire world has been comedy comedy is a very stupid world filled with donna
[00:31:11] So there was none of that there was none of like conversations about like identity politics or whatever it was all
[00:31:17] It was just comedy. Yeah, seeing if you could do well, and then that hitchens essay
[00:31:22] Came out and that's when like wokeness sort of stuck its head into the world of comedy
[00:31:27] Yeah, and then it ramped up adam can you lean back so I can see my co-hosts when I'm starting to
[00:31:32] Can you pick that up and not open the food on the floor? I'm just trying to untie the bag so it so just do it on your lap
[00:31:39] Okay, I'll do it on my eye. Just all right the couch is disgusting. It's I'm just kidding buddy. Do it wherever you want. I didn't want to
[00:31:47] Just joshing you know, I was just doing a look see I was doing a little bit
[00:31:54] See Nick that's bad. It hurts people. I know it's gonna be so funny when Nick gets fucking diagnosed with whatever
[00:32:00] What's the thing BPD and they use come in you start trying way too hard to be nice. Yeah, that would really fucking suck
[00:32:15] You'd wear sweaters and we'd make funny for being gay and then you'd become a villain you would you would become haloigi
[00:32:23] Soprano another borderline personality. Yeah, I'm fucking Olivia Soprano. No, that is I changed my mind. That is bad
[00:32:30] Yeah, you know, I live you try to have her guy got she ever own son got
[00:32:35] In the flashbacks when she was young she was a nice piece of ace well anyways
[00:32:40] What I was saying about I was like woke shit shows up and it's like you're not like you don't disagree with like
[00:32:46] The actual things they're saying but you don't know why it like bothers you and it's like because it's like
[00:32:52] Most of the time just inherently cynical it's cynical just a way to get a career in a game. Yeah, yeah
[00:32:57] Yeah, but it's hard to accuse somebody of that you just as a comedian you can smell the bullshit or whatever and
[00:33:05] And then that's like not bullshit. I think it's not funny and yeah
[00:33:09] No, I think a lot of the points she makes are like pretty stupid, but it feels honest. Yeah
[00:33:16] Yeah, she said I mean that's half of it. I agree what?
[00:33:19] Fuck don't come from a man who the fuck here
[00:33:28] I did a lot of different shit. Yeah that blue fucking phase or whatever he had
[00:33:54] Nice see what happens when you fucking take the fries out of you on
[00:33:58] Unpatient bitch. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Now. We're eating on my now. We're eating on Mike. I can't help myself
[00:34:02] You know, I need those carbohydrates to think these deep powerful thoughts
[00:34:08] Nick said while he was having his fucking I'd eat like three bowls of cereal
[00:34:13] I'm thinking so hard. I need all these carbohydrates. Yeah, it does. No, I mean it is mentally exhaust wires are fucking firing
[00:34:20] On the same actions like you just obsessively think about bullshit and then you just need
[00:34:25] Yeah, what kind of cereal the new cheerio the new cheerio's
[00:34:29] Come town officially endorses the new cheerio's what kind I don't know. It's like a cinnamon oat thing
[00:34:34] Helly, can I say what's your cheerios as a dessert cereal does not get enough credit? I grew up on honey
[00:34:40] They got honey. That's great as is but they got hella different shit, dude
[00:34:45] The little apple Jack type motherfuckers the little fucking
[00:34:49] Chocolate the tri ones where it's like three different flavors. Great. Those are great. Those are the multi-grainer good
[00:34:54] Yeah, I remember like the three type of cheerios
[00:34:56] Maybe the multi-grange here is I can't remember what it was but the they had like a promotion for like I think like the 96 or
[00:35:07] 98 98 when you say Atlanta was like Atlanta was a 96 winter Olympics
[00:35:13] I might be fucking this up. Maybe it was 96 or whatever, but they had like a
[00:35:17] Like a medallion like an Olympic medallion you could get in the cereal box
[00:35:21] Mmm and my cousin like had that medallion and he was like wearing it around or whatever
[00:35:26] And then he was wearing it and he had diarrhea and then it fell in the toilet
[00:35:31] Then he fished it out of the diary and he just put it back on
[00:35:34] To bring a brown ass fucking splotch on his white shirt
[00:35:41] Yeah, dude that kid was so funny got in trouble for like he flushed a bunch of socks down the toilet one time and just
[00:35:47] Fought destroyed why just cuz that ADD or whatever respect
[00:35:53] I mean we're the he had to carry them all the way like it's like he had 50 socks with him in the bathroom
[00:35:59] He had to go to the sock jar carry them over the fucking bathroom
[00:36:03] He used to have such like I don't know if it was ADD or what but yeah, he would just he would chew on his shirt
[00:36:09] Compulsively, so it was just always soaking wet
[00:36:12] Well, let's get close to the mic. Yeah, I don't want to eat into it. I got you. Well, don't eat then that's the solution
[00:36:19] I like eating into a pussy. Oh, I know brother. I'm not done. Please. So can I eat into your pussy?
[00:36:26] Resting the half of a half of a sub in a pussy while you eat it get the fuck it
[00:36:31] You using a pussy as a subhole as a baguette talking into a pussy. Do you ever do that? Only Spanish dog?
[00:36:54] Damn, I would I love some damn cheesy fiesta potatoes. Maybe I should just keep smoking weed
[00:37:01] You stop swimming weed. Yeah, I gotta cut something out. I've been back on weed back on the tweeties. It's been making me
[00:37:08] I think a better person. No, it hasn't I think so. No, I don't smoke all day. I
[00:37:15] Think of what I was doing the first week was after about 6 p.m. I would take an edible just to end the day
[00:37:20] So I could pass out and just like it would be over
[00:37:22] You know be that much closer to having my powerful athletic body back I get edible I get edible dude
[00:37:28] I take it I wake up eldest sucking my dick when I come to oh, I'm sorry
[00:37:34] By the way salute to oh also, I'm a damn homeowner boys
[00:37:38] Salute to eldest is insane to me. Yeah, you're a mobile. You haven't had clothes on for a week
[00:37:43] I know I threw on a Hawaiian shirt long enough to fucking last time I saw you you're just giving me a legal dick
[00:37:53] Bro, and honestly I was thinking about it
[00:37:55] I have researched like where to get good wings longer than I researched buying a house
[00:38:00] I just listened to whatever my agent told me. I hope no one ripped me off
[00:38:04] But the good news is I have a damn fucking house now
[00:38:07] You know two bedroom three bed three bed two bath
[00:38:10] And so you have a bedroom like set up there have a guest bed
[00:38:13] Yeah, my room my home away from home that's sick and my little brothers will be moving in that'll be the house is pad
[00:38:19] When are they moving in I think starting already dude so sick. Yeah, and you have projects and shit you need to do
[00:38:25] You know we should do we should go fucking spend a week there and just demo shit
[00:38:29] I want to knock down a wall. I want to do a bunch of shit, dude. That's me dude
[00:38:33] That would be a fun week give me saw maybe after the fucking come on a bar show
[00:38:38] We hang out a couple days knock some walls down get our cocks rubbed
[00:38:45] But yeah, dude, I'm excited to be a damn homeowner. I can't wait dude have some equity
[00:38:54] It has a backyard from a slum Lord. Yeah, that's a bag has a backyard
[00:38:59] Yeah, dude shuts out the eldest for driving me down being my fucking transporter my Jason Statham
[00:39:04] You came back in the same day same day dude went down signed the paper the guy that was doing the like closing or whatever
[00:39:11] Listen to this how random this is he owns the Baltimore comedy factory from 87 to 92
[00:39:19] It was bizarre and he just like knew all this shit about like old comedians and shit whoa
[00:39:23] He like you know, just tell me Tony Wood stories and shit. It was pretty cool. Wow
[00:39:28] But yeah, that club used to be the coolest looking place and it was so wasted on that fucking audience
[00:39:34] I know the comedians they would book there where it was in the inner harbor. Yeah, yeah above
[00:39:39] Bears Birx Birx that was it he owned it when it was at Birx. Yeah
[00:39:45] Yeah, that was such a cool fucking spot. Yeah, I remember going in there and I was like this is awesome
[00:39:49] Yeah, look it had that like cool like post-industrial look and now it's over because of all those like milled shutters
[00:39:56] Yeah, it was cool. It was legit cool. Yeah, and now it's you know why it went out of business and now
[00:40:01] Well now it's at the fucking travel process next to a bus station
[00:40:04] The best Western but it went up is because airy spears someone stabbed a body
[00:40:09] Security guard and an airy spear show over a chicken wing tab
[00:40:14] It's nice to see a comedy club live the same tragic life that the underpaid comedians it employees live
[00:40:21] To see that happen to a club. Yeah, just have everything fall apart and end up in a bus
[00:40:27] Living in a fucking hotel right by the projects. It's literally by the O'Donnell Heights
[00:40:31] Yeah, yeah, it's good that that happens to a club. Yeah
[00:40:35] Instead of just the lives it destroys the actual dumb comics. Yeah, but yeah, dude
[00:40:41] It was fucking nice me. We went up. We got a big celebratory meal afterwards
[00:40:45] I fucked them up with it. I got a damn cream of crab soup went to Jimmy seafood. Yeah
[00:40:51] Got a damn cream of crab soup fucking ribeye crab cake on the side baked potato
[00:40:58] The brothers told my little brothers and eldest get whatever the fuck you want dude
[00:41:02] Whatever daddy's buying your good, bro. It was good. Yeah, it was a nice day. We should go to the Phillips in Ocean City
[00:41:10] Okay, yeah, we should literally do a live podcast
[00:41:14] I went to the oh we did an episode already. I was gonna say I went to see I went down to the eastern shore
[00:41:24] Yeah, I got a some pussy soft shell crab sandwich, but it was bad. Yeah, it was bad
[00:41:30] I remember that I filed that away as a memory to keep you telling me about a bad
[00:41:40] You have no information in your head besides like who flocked in meals
[00:41:45] It's literally true. That's the way I lived my life brother
[00:41:48] That was such a good meal ahead yesterday, and I took a beautiful shit as a result
[00:41:54] Because I've been eating nothing but seamless, but this was nice. Dude. This meat
[00:41:58] Spare, you know potatoes. Yeah real cooked meal cooked meal felt good
[00:42:07] It's apparently it's Harry Potter's birthday or some shit today, do you know that?
[00:42:11] Harry Potter the the boy or Daniel none of them in the books or some shit
[00:42:28] If you were a gay wizard or a woman wizard, that's I'm kind of hung up on that bit now. Yeah, go ahead
[00:42:33] Yeah, keep Liam nason nason. What is that Irish? Yeah?
[00:42:37] Usually I can usually pick that you're a novice. Oh, what is that?
[00:42:46] Saki Diki Morimoto is that also Japanese? That's actually French
[00:42:58] My my genius question that I was about to ask about Harry Potter is if you were a gay wizard or a woman
[00:43:05] Wizard do you think they would take the flying broom? No, you could be a straight male wizard
[00:43:10] You think you'd take the broom and put it in and out of your ass or pussy
[00:43:13] Oh, you let it would like fly in and out because the quidditch brooms. Would you do that? Do you think I'm sorry?
[00:43:21] If you were a female or game you let a way would you use a broom to master?
[00:43:26] Yeah, basically would you let a broom fuck women use dildos
[00:43:32] I'm gonna write a Harry Potter fan fiction
[00:43:34] We're the first like 50 pages vibrate it are just the first Harry Potter book, but when that owl shows up he fucks it
[00:43:43] I would you listen to the stairs and an owl shows up and he's like how do you
[00:43:54] Because he's been so emotionally abused. I don't think that crawl space. I think you think you're the owl from the
[00:44:00] Tootsie pop commercials. I don't think they have talking owls in that
[00:44:04] Allen that all Harry Potter works is a talking
[00:44:06] I bring the mail that I was like drop off like
[00:44:09] How they're talking owls like you and you will become the president of the wizards
[00:44:14] And then Harry goes to the train station and he jumps in front of that train and you got the train part down. All right gets
[00:44:21] I took a nice little train ride yesterday. Fuck it. I'm not afraid of who I am anymore
[00:44:25] How funny would be if I go to therapy and they're just like yeah, you're just autistic all that crazy bullshit is just autism
[00:44:32] You're incapable of feeling depression because you can't feel anything
[00:44:36] You're disappointed that you didn't get to ride a train and you threw a temper tantrum for a month
[00:44:43] Here's a little kit to do some circuitry. Yeah, knock yourself out. I'm like, okay
[00:44:49] Mean that would actually that jobs more because it matches like that I don't have fear of like criticism or rejection
[00:44:55] Yeah, we were just talking about that with feel about how autistic guys fuck because they don't they don't process rejection
[00:45:03] In the same way. Oh my god rejection is the worst thing girls like fuck off
[00:45:06] And they're like, okay, okay. Thank you, and then turns to their friends. Oh, can I fuck you?
[00:45:11] Yeah, I fuck. Yeah, that's like the only reason I was able to fuck when I was young is because you're just
[00:45:16] Ask everybody to fuck. Yeah, I was so self-conscious. I sort of like the girl and then I was like terrified
[00:45:21] Yeah, oh no, I wouldn't I wouldn't like girls. It would just be like that. She is a pussy. I'd be like do you want to have sex?
[00:45:29] Anyways, chief the chief is back here. I have come all the way back from the big TP synagogue
[00:45:36] to talk to you about a new type of underwear
[00:45:44] When I'm painting stars of David as I prepare for war, that's what we call complaining
[00:45:54] As we go as we get as we prepare for the great command she battle of calling up customer service
[00:46:03] Build a bear and complaining that they had a two for one special that they didn't honor when I brought my
[00:46:13] Anyways, I wear Mac welding underwear when I do
[00:46:24] I was wearing a metal wall and underwear wall that was happening
[00:46:31] Is the greatest underwear you'll ever wear they believe in smart design premium fabrics and simple shopping
[00:46:37] You go online to Macwolden calm and it's easier than any any online shopping experience. I've ever had
[00:46:44] Yeah, me too chief not only do they believe in feeling good they look good too
[00:46:49] And not only do they believe in that but they also feel good and they perform well
[00:46:53] Where many where out the battle on a date where you're having a manic breakdown?
[00:46:59] When you're screaming at a therapist denying that you have borderline personality disorder
[00:47:06] Usually that those guys screams make your cock really stinky. Yeah, right thank God. Thank God there
[00:47:10] They got a silver line of underwear that are naturally anti-microbial
[00:47:14] Wow, which means that they suck the stink off of your borderline worthless fucking body
[00:47:19] It might as well be dangling from a rafter
[00:47:23] Because good riddance to you your borderline fucking piece of shit
[00:47:28] I mean, I don't think there are any not probably there are borderline personality people are busy like threatening to kill themselves if they're
[00:47:40] Girlfriend leaves them. Hell. Yeah, they don't have time for podcasts. Yeah
[00:47:45] Anyways, you don't have time to host them either therefore guess what dude you don't have it. Yeah, you probably don't by that logic
[00:47:53] Um, yeah, Macwalden calm check them out and use promo code come town
[00:48:05] What you just forgetting how to spoke? Yeah, I've been having trouble with memory lately. Okay, nice and spelling things
[00:48:12] Let's let's uh sound it out. Yeah, how and come town
[00:48:17] Think about your favorite movie of all time the town starring Ben Affleck that is my favorite movie of all time
[00:48:23] Which you can purchase on Macwalden calm
[00:48:27] You purchase custom the town underwear on Macwalden
[00:48:35] That comes with the Macwalden calm guarantee if you go to their website and they don't have it everything is free
[00:48:41] Everything on the website is free if they are out of stock of the
[00:48:50] Come town promo code come town receive 20% off your order
[00:48:53] And if you're not totally satisfied they'll refund you and you can keep the underwear. No questions asked folks
[00:48:58] Check them out macwalden calm and we're back. How oh chief. Oh chief
[00:49:04] We're back, baby and we're sucking and fucking pussy
[00:49:07] Um, yeah, dude. Yes. They were pretty nice though. I felt like a fucking I felt like a prisoner out on parole or not even that
[00:49:13] I don't you know in like the first time you'd literally besides going to the doctor. Yeah, dude
[00:49:17] You remember remember like piano reeves movie which one the the fucking the replacements when they get a guy at a place
[00:49:24] Into play football. Yeah, that's what it felt like for me. Dude. I'm like that guy and now I'm back in jail
[00:49:30] That was a good movie. It was cool, man. I like the replacements. They filmed it in Baltimore too
[00:49:35] Did the MNT games. Yeah, and they have to be gay again. Yeah, like we did last time they finally were straight
[00:49:41] And they're like, you know, that's what the twist is
[00:49:52] Twist is it's an ass instead of a pussy
[00:49:56] Yeah, I'm fucking back. I'm back, baby. Damn. Yeah, I'm pretty much back Mullins back bitch
[00:50:02] Shoot it in the fucking microphone doing fucking solid ass riffs
[00:50:08] fucking greatest comedian in several years
[00:50:13] If I killed myself you guys are right absolute trash people would be really upset if they couldn't hear things like the regasements anymore
[00:50:23] Yeah, you have so much to live for I have so much to live for
[00:50:27] Yeah, you know you do you do such important work. Yeah
[00:50:31] That's the thing too is like any of the cool charity work. You can't you have there's a process
[00:50:36] What do you mean? Well doing any kind of like charity work, you know if I want to just fuck off and like Lake LeBron
[00:50:43] If I wanted to go to Africa just search LeBron by the way
[00:50:46] You can't just watch a couple of female genital mutilation videos and expect them to hand you a scalpel true
[00:50:51] It takes a lot of that cut off a couple clits before they leave right you got to practice here first
[00:50:56] You got to show them your own videos of
[00:51:06] Here is this drop box work. How about doctors without borders, but they all have borderline personality disorder. Oh wow
[00:51:15] Bob way and they're like gaslight all the patience right they're just screaming into
[00:51:20] Somebody some child with a distended belly. It's like I'll give you this sandwich, but you have to promise to never leave me
[00:51:37] Yeah, don't bully me. I'm in such a I'm in such a vulnerable position
[00:51:44] Actually, it really is not a disaster broadcasting is the only thing that holds it together
[00:51:49] You think it's like that with that rowdy danger field. Yeah, oh, that's my favorite quote a ball time
[00:51:54] one of the best quotes that in the calling queen quote about
[00:51:58] Thank god. I how lucky of mine that I get to do a thing. I used to love for a living. Yeah
[00:52:03] Oh my god, that's so fucking yeah, but the Rodney danger field quote stand up is everything everything else is shit life shit
[00:52:11] Yeah relationships are shit stand up as shit. Yeah, he's like that's it. That's all there is stand up and then just like
[00:52:18] 30 seconds that you're like stand up shit
[00:52:20] God yeah, that's on the mark mara that's on the norm mcdonald his first mark marin if you guys are
[00:52:28] Interested in finding that oh is it it's a relays anecdote from norm. Yeah, this book was good as shit by the way
[00:52:36] It's so good and there's a part where he I mean, it's all fake obviously no it's half fake
[00:52:42] Yeah, it's half fake, but then there's a part where he's like he hints at getting molested and I don't know if that part's real or
[00:52:47] It's probably real it was wild the way he that came out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah
[00:52:52] Just the old guy on his family's farm just fucking trapped him in his shed and fucked his ass. Yeah
[00:52:57] I mean, he didn't say that I think that might have been a show
[00:53:00] Who knows though? Cause he didn't say he because he didn't do it in that like over the top norm way
[00:53:05] Yeah, yeah, I mean it is very a funny norm bit to just
[00:53:09] Hint seriously that he was molested and never address it again. Yeah, that is a good bit
[00:53:15] You know what I also was treated to watching on my way back up here was we stopped
[00:53:19] We we huh we stopped at eldest's family's home on the way back and albanian tv fucking rules, bro
[00:53:27] That shit kind of shit dude. Yeah, I find it hard to believe that albanian tv rules. It's so funny
[00:53:33] I mean, it's horrible obviously. Yeah, it's still like it's still the comedy is still like men and dresses obviously
[00:53:39] Yeah, yeah, like in makeup and shit, but there was like miss albania and it was just bikini
[00:53:43] There's no other part. They're just spraying around and there's someone there was uh, uh, uh, like albanias got talent
[00:53:53] By the way and one of the one of the things was a kid that was double jointed
[00:54:03] There's another guy that i'm not even kidding
[00:54:05] Just twirling close to the guy like twirling close things really fucking fast
[00:54:12] Um, and then there was someone so good someone called dj topless and it was literally just
[00:54:20] DJing on television do cable companies like sell like the albania tv package
[00:54:24] Yeah, every like like there's a greek your parents gave greek to you
[00:54:28] You get a lot of greek channels now when when I was little all we had was antenna the main channel now
[00:54:33] You get fucking mega just call it antenna. What do you have to say about that?
[00:54:38] I didn't really I literally did not realize until this
[00:54:49] Feel like a story about the latino community and the newscaster is like the latino community can't wait to open up schools
[00:55:00] And bro, I'm not even fucking right. I did not realize it until now. There's another one called mega that's mega
[00:55:07] Yeah, and sad about my big beautiful ass. No, that's my new thing now is my bot
[00:55:12] I'm gonna use my body to spore fear for good and convince myself have a giant ass
[00:55:16] Just a big brazilian booty that everyone can't wait to touch and dance with are you gonna wax it or keep it furry?
[00:55:22] Oh, yeah, I forgot. Do you have a furry? Dude, I'm fucking hairy as shit. You really you're surprisingly hairy
[00:55:27] Yeah, I remember driving down the road with my friend
[00:55:34] Well, I did it one time. I moved somebody for my friend's car and he became obsessed with it
[00:55:38] Yeah, yeah, and he would go maul and get this guy
[00:55:40] Yeah, like just moon everybody on command and I was doing it one time on the highway and he was matching speed with this like middle-aged black
[00:55:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah, so that my ass is just like in her face
[00:55:52] And then and then eventually I sat down and you guys I want to see your white ass
[00:56:06] And then later they saw my answer my friend was like, oh my god, that's what you've been doing to people
[00:56:14] Yeah, dude, how about your nuts are they furry? Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm hairy as shit, dude. I got a pretty hairless ass
[00:56:19] Pretty smooth. Yeah, yeah, I'm so mad. I met I talked about this before but our L.A trip
[00:56:26] I had great footage of your nuts. Oh, yeah
[00:56:28] From unlike from from behind behind you balls tiny, but long long tiny tiny tiny for sure
[00:56:37] Large they're small. They are literally very smart. No seriously. I'm not even trying to be a crew or my balls are rule
[00:56:44] My balls are you know, they were very normal balls are probably the size of like a mango each. Yeah, of course easy easy
[00:56:51] An over ripe mango really for all guys all guys everyone has a mango
[00:57:01] Yeah, I spent all day sucking on my damn balls, but big mango balls
[00:57:08] Yeah, that's true. They're my eyelid can't stop twitching either. I don't know what that is potassium
[00:57:13] I don't know that's the other thing too is like maybe I don't even fucking need medicine
[00:57:17] Maybe it's just I just need to go back to the gym and start taking a fucking multi again
[00:57:21] Sleeps medicine. I probably need medicine. I am like insane, but yeah, you know, I mean it would definitely help
[00:57:27] Just something to be said about just dehydration and shit and smoking a million cigarettes
[00:57:31] Yeah, yeah, you went back to smoking sick. Yeah, I started smoking again. I started drinking coffee
[00:57:35] I stopped going to the gym. Yeah, I haven't been sleeping. I've been eating bad
[00:57:39] Yeah, you're doing everything bad. Yeah
[00:57:43] But I mean it's a relief to know that like a lot of the times these things are just completely
[00:57:49] Just environmental or whatever, you know, I mean it's something they can be you know when this all started honestly
[00:57:54] When you watch call me by your name, dude
[00:57:59] Name and nannette for both two things I saw in the last year that like because it's very hard again to make like
[00:58:05] Something that's like sentimental that isn't fucking it doesn't cross the line into being like
[00:58:11] smalting saccharin corny, which nannette doesn't really do but there's like
[00:58:16] They're different for different reasons good
[00:58:18] But anytime that I'm like surprised by something that I think I'm gonna fucking hate and it's like oh, yeah
[00:58:23] That was actually pretty good. I mean it means something to me
[00:58:26] Yeah, um and both of those like I yeah now that it because you're like there's humanity under my
[00:58:30] Because I I sat down and I actually watched nannette all the way through and it's not powerful or anything
[00:58:38] It's coherent and like she's speaking honestly and very few comedians do that. Yeah, it's like, you know, I
[00:58:46] Looking for the right thing to say in a particular moment, right?
[00:58:50] Necessarily comedy then it's just like a woman. No, it's bad comedy, but it's good art. I guess
[00:58:56] I mean not even that I don't have much honest art. What it is
[00:59:00] It's different than every special I've seen and it's in a way where like the core of what's that man that I don't
[00:59:07] Really have a problem with because and that's the thing too is like
[00:59:12] I don't like that it's labeled as comedy, but like
[00:59:15] When you speak honestly on those things if that had been done like the whole time and like kind of why I was like with like the me
[00:59:21] Two stuff. It's like oh yeah, obviously, but like a lot of woke posturing again. It's like yeah cynical cynical. It's just I don't trust it
[00:59:30] Yeah, yeah, my problem with me team movement not enough punchlines, right? Yeah, I'm saying yeah last permitted nannette same thing
[00:59:46] This is not what I had to say just now, but if you guys you guys are watching Sabrina the teenage witch
[00:59:51] Yeah, yeah, I fucked you you fucked I fucked her
[00:59:55] I was gonna say if you had to fuck one of the aunts which one would it be?
[00:59:59] Caroline ray dude that big the big teddy one
[01:00:01] She's but she's the other one and this is again if I had to fuck one of you had to I wouldn't choose to fuck either
[01:00:12] She yeah, she was had a really long neck
[01:00:16] Had kind of bird-like features. Yeah, I would have fucked him all dude
[01:00:19] Yeah, I fuck I would have fucked say love I would have fucked Salem the cat
[01:00:26] Salem the cat huh? Mm-hmm interesting choice
[01:00:30] Nah, but uh wasn't Keenan from Keenan and Kellen that shit at the end. It's Sabrina
[01:00:36] Didn't they do like a spin-off route she had like a house in college
[01:00:40] You went to college with Keenan I think so
[01:00:45] Dude how much dick does it suck to be Keenan when or I'm sorry to be Kelle. I'm Kelle
[01:00:50] She's Kelle. Yeah, how much does it suck to be Kelle when Keenan is just like been on SNL for 20 years
[01:00:55] Everyone thought that Kelle was a star of Keenan and Kellen and Keenan was just biding his time
[01:01:00] So Kelle was doing his famous who loves orange soda
[01:01:04] Routine and everyone's like this guy has the makings of a comedy superstar. My man's got the fucking juice
[01:01:09] Yeah, you know, no, it sucks dude. Apparently. He's like still just like going out for auditions and shit
[01:01:15] Oh, damn. He's like, you know, he was in that movie mystery men. Do you remember my love mystery men?
[01:01:21] I love that movie too. Yeah, my mom got that shit from the fucking public library. You remember that movie Nick?
[01:01:31] Mystery men. Oh, yeah, I remember mystery man Dane Cook
[01:01:34] Peewee Herman right Dane Cook is in it. Peewee Herman Ben stiller Ben stiller
[01:01:40] Was that Peewee Herman post beating off post beating off Peewee Herman salute the return salute to my man for him dude
[01:01:47] I feel like he got set up. Yeah, I feel like it was definitely set up
[01:02:00] What do you suppose to do not jack off in a porn? I tell you that Viagra barely works
[01:02:05] But it was cool how how fucking nice my forearms looked on it. You get vascular
[01:02:10] Dude, I got vascular because I already have pretty vascular forearms. Yeah, but
[01:02:15] Pop that shit. Yeah, that's out to the fucking come boy that sent me those by the way. Yeah, send me every
[01:02:22] Look with sea Alice. I want liquid sea Alice. I want every type of prescription drugs sent to my house. Also, I also I want
[01:02:30] Yeah, no, I want the liquid let you say Diego and then go to fucking Tijuana dude
[01:02:34] Honestly, I was like reluctant to get on the dick pill game because it's like I don't want to accept that
[01:02:40] I'm just an old piece of shit now with a broken dick in mind
[01:02:42] I don't need it. I don't even you know, I'm going my man. Welcome all pills welcome aboard brother
[01:02:49] I want to fix nice to have you in the family. Yeah, you just have you in the pill family. Yeah, just peel me up
[01:02:56] Get my dick hard get my mind numb. That's right. You know some pain pills. I want to have those nice turgid forearms
[01:03:02] Mm-hmm. I never noticed it would get you vascular, but it does get my cock nice and fucking stiffed up
[01:03:12] Nothing really works. Mm-hmm. Have you tried maybe you know exploring that secret inner life of yours?
[01:03:18] Maybe that's your cock problem. No, I don't think it is because I mean I think I would have explored it by now
[01:03:26] That was really when you were drunk as shit. You would have fucked a guy by accident if you never never know
[01:03:32] Because I came up numerous times. I didn't my friend
[01:03:39] Did fuck get a good guy with a couple guys. Yeah, I'm sure he's not gay. I don't think he really isn't I don't think come on
[01:03:46] I'm serious. I know the guy. I mean fuck guys. He's gay dude
[01:03:52] But some gay guys. Yeah, but then he's by or something
[01:03:55] I mean you're not like nobody's blacking out and doing something that's like just
[01:04:03] Yeah, I don't think that people's doorsteps and shit you might not get your cock sucked
[01:04:08] And just come to I'm not saying you suck. I you guys dick sucked you can do that on a blackout and not be gay
[01:04:14] Maybe sucking dick on the blackout. Maybe you're sort of buying but getting your dick sucked on a blackout
[01:04:20] I think that's fine. I mean there's it's fine either way. Yeah
[01:04:23] And maybe I don't think I if I thought he was by I'd be like yeah fine, but I don't think he is
[01:04:30] Shouts out what if I just said his name I
[01:04:33] Think that um the guy had AIDS too by the way. They're sucked as dick
[01:04:37] And he thought he had my friend thought he had AIDS from can you get it?
[01:04:41] I don't know what happened. He just knew he fucked a guy. He got AIDS
[01:04:46] I thought he did and there's like and then he asked the guy to fuck me. He's like no
[01:04:50] I just sucked your dick. He's like nice
[01:04:53] Yeah, if you weren't gay and you woke up from a blackout and someone had sucked you another man had either fucked you or sucked your dick
[01:05:00] You would develop PTSD. I don't know no this is not something that
[01:05:04] That like that would like so violate your
[01:05:14] I woke up and somebody had fucked me. I would assume I was fucking raped. I wouldn't I wouldn't be like I guess that's what I want
[01:05:27] I guess I guess I'm gonna just not I'm gonna continue to think of myself as a he didn't think
[01:05:33] That consensually fucked another man. He didn't think it was cool. He just said he said nice
[01:05:38] All right, well, you know, he said nice. He didn't have AIDS. No well
[01:05:42] I'm my heart goes out to this guy this poor young man that was raped and
[01:05:54] Fuck I mean, I think he was raped, but I don't think it was that big of a deal. That's my problem. Yeah, that's probably he was
[01:06:04] I'm speaking of gay guys go see Nick Mullen a Caroline what next weekend no
[01:06:14] You know what you know, I've got a brain problem
[01:06:16] I do you see me at Caroline's the 10th and 11th. I thought 9 10 9 10 11th
[01:06:26] And then on the next day the 12th we're in Baltimore at auto bar is it sold out?
[01:06:31] I don't know some of the people we talked to in DC this weekend said they're also gonna be at that show about Blotto bar
[01:06:39] Yeah, call me call Saveras black stavras black Jamelle how my name is black star
[01:06:54] Then the second well hold on cuz your boy stavros has some dates in the meantime
[01:06:59] Please come out and see me in Charlottesville on the 17th
[01:07:05] In Baltimore doing a headlining set the 18th we're doing in Charlottesville the southern the southern you should do it
[01:07:11] Yeah, oh is that a Chris Allen it's a big bar
[01:07:16] It's a music venue music venue. Yeah, I'll tell you how it is. I've heard very good things about it couple of friends
[01:07:21] I don't think I think I only know about it from there's like videos of this guy who's like
[01:07:26] He's like a fedora with a feather in it guy that does open my comedy respect who uploads these videos
[01:07:33] I gotta find that guy again. I was obsessed with him for a while because he would tape himself
[01:07:43] Like then he would tape the two hours preceding the open mic and then two hours after
[01:07:48] We just of the venue or himself himself, but you get this insane that's
[01:07:53] Delusional man with the door well one of them
[01:07:56] He's like you know just hang down in a parking lot talking about like we're gonna go to the comedy show tonight or whatever
[01:08:02] And he's taping other comedian sets which are still in the video and but it's just like dude
[01:08:06] Are you fucking taping my set like a woman saying that is like, but I was helping you she's like don't fucking tape my set
[01:08:12] I didn't like cuts and then that's still in there
[01:08:15] And then like him doing his weird shit on stage, you know like
[01:08:20] Spinning around he's wearing a cape I think you know
[01:08:22] And then and then it's him hanging out after and then if you just fast-forward in the video
[01:08:27] He's like free styling with a bunch of black guys that rock
[01:08:33] This obese dark wing dark game stop freestyle. Oh, he was oh this guy sounds great
[01:08:39] Yeah, I wish I could remember his fucking name
[01:08:40] But if you guys know who that is please tell us if you are listening obese dark come come to Charlottesville
[01:08:45] Man, I'll give you a guest bottle of the 17th, but come out to that Charlottesville 17th at the southern 18th
[01:08:51] Me and my little brother doing a comedy show and gallery opening George how kis very good painter at
[01:08:56] at suspended brewing company in Baltimore on the 18th at 8 o'clock and then the 19th
[01:09:02] I'll be back at Philly good good comedy theater
[01:09:07] It's two shows last time we did three if we can get if we saw out the two will do three again
[01:09:11] So please come out to that gang and then we the whole squad is in Cleveland on the second
[01:09:17] For a live pod on the at 420 and then flying to Boston on the third
[01:09:22] We did not look into whether we should add a second show or we're gonna try because we thought Nick was gonna kill himself
[01:09:29] And what was the point? Yes, but we are gonna try to
[01:09:39] But that's I if they tell me I got fucking by borderline personality sort of I have to do it
[01:09:48] Don't you're a good person no, I'm no even if you're not you are a good person legitimately
[01:09:54] Let's say you're not a bad person. Let's say you're a bad person
[01:09:57] You've been a bad person this whole time that's sure and the world you've been aiding to the world with you know trolling
[01:10:04] You you fuck you're like that sure I have heard people you you're like Dexter dude
[01:10:08] We're you're a bad guy, but it's for trolling sake, which actually is just bad. So it's not Dexter was for good
[01:10:13] All right, you're bad. But you're also a TV show not a real human being
[01:10:23] Anyway, we we've been waiting on these gyros for about a half hour here gang. So there you go
[01:10:28] I hope you're all happier. You can stop asking us if Nick's gonna die
[01:10:34] But who knows who knows what Sunday holds
[01:10:36] No idea baby life is like a box chocolate some of them you wish we're a bullet
[01:10:44] So fucking true, okay boys and girls. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. Bye. Bye