[00:00:00] We're in.

[00:00:01] We're live.

[00:00:02] We're live.

[00:00:03] Welcome to Countdown.

[00:00:04] The wind level sound.

[00:00:05] Stop.

[00:00:06] How do the levels sound?

[00:00:08] It sounds pretty good.

[00:00:09] How does my new XLR cable sound?

[00:00:12] Oh wait.

[00:00:13] No, you're a touch under five.

[00:00:15] Nick and I are touching above five.

[00:00:17] Who gives a fuck?

[00:00:18] Just keep your mouths on the fucking mics.

[00:00:20] I'm going to do that.

[00:00:21] Don't worry.

[00:00:22] Yeah, we all know about the inches, but where are the levels at?

[00:00:24] You know what I'm saying?

[00:00:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:00:27] We're like five point one inches each.

[00:00:30] Above average.

[00:00:31] Stop.

[00:00:32] Oh, no.

[00:00:33] I'm in five.

[00:00:34] Slightly below baby.

[00:00:35] I'm in five point six two.

[00:00:36] If I had to guess.

[00:00:38] I put on a little weight.

[00:00:41] It kind of fucked up.

[00:00:42] You know, kind of stole that point.

[00:00:43] It's like insane to have no music playing and stops.

[00:00:45] Got this laser measurement system.

[00:00:48] Robotic arms descending on his crotch.

[00:00:52] He's doing weird science on his head.

[00:00:54] I want every single man theme plays.

[00:00:57] Stop dick.

[00:00:58] Stop dick.

[00:00:59] Dude, I want every single morsel of dick that I can get credit for.

[00:01:03] I'm not giving up a single fucking Iota of five.

[00:01:06] So guys, what I do, what I do is I first of all, I got into foreskin regrowth stuff.

[00:01:12] You stretch your foreskin.

[00:01:13] Welcome brother.

[00:01:14] But the sensitivity never returns.

[00:01:16] It never does.

[00:01:17] I've twisted my dick 180 degrees.

[00:01:20] And then sewed the tip of my dick onto where it meets my balls.

[00:01:25] So my dick forms a Mobius strip.

[00:01:28] And that way, you know, a woman's like, what the fuck is that?

[00:01:30] I'm like, bitch, it's technically infinity inches.

[00:01:33] Ooh.

[00:01:34] It continues forever.

[00:01:35] What is Mobius?

[00:01:36] Mobius strip is a.

[00:01:38] Classic circle dick.

[00:01:40] I'm sorry.

[00:01:41] I'm doing sixth grade geometry reference.

[00:01:43] Like an infinity scarf?

[00:01:44] I don't know what an infinity scarf is.

[00:01:46] Oh, an infinity scarf is probably a Mobius strip.

[00:01:49] Is this a circle?

[00:01:51] Nick is demonstrating with cardboard what a Mobius strip is.

[00:01:55] So you take that, you fold that.

[00:01:58] Okay.

[00:01:59] And then it looks kind of like a circle.

[00:02:01] It's not a circle.

[00:02:03] So there's only one side to that strip.

[00:02:06] Uh-huh.

[00:02:07] But it continues forever.

[00:02:08] I see.

[00:02:09] Yeah.

[00:02:10] Okay, nice.

[00:02:11] Well, can it be a small Mobius strip though, even if it continues forever?

[00:02:14] Yes.

[00:02:15] So you have a little ass Mobius strip.

[00:02:16] No.

[00:02:17] Yep.

[00:02:18] No, but it's small.

[00:02:19] You said they could be small.

[00:02:20] I said the Mobius strip.

[00:02:21] Not you bro.

[00:02:22] Listen, man, facts don't care about your mother fucking feelings, pal.

[00:02:26] Neither do my feelings don't care about facts.

[00:02:28] Yeah, that's true.

[00:02:29] That way they trump facts.

[00:02:31] No.

[00:02:32] They go beyond it.

[00:02:33] And my feeling is that you're wrong.

[00:02:35] Well, the fact is you have a little ass Mobius strip dick.

[00:02:38] I would like to host public debates just for a complete more.

[00:02:43] It's about like redistricting sometimes.

[00:02:47] And I'm like, I'm not going to be a districting in some town in Indiana.

[00:02:52] It's just me and you.

[00:02:53] It's like people that come out and he's down all and he's like, actually, you're dinky

[00:02:57] son this fall.

[00:02:58] Oh, I thought it was.

[00:02:59] I was like, what?

[00:03:00] All these towns people that are like, what?

[00:03:02] But my son still doesn't have, you know, lunch paid for.

[00:03:06] Like, sir, you'll get a minute.

[00:03:08] Sir, please.

[00:03:09] After we resolve this issue, we will do this.

[00:03:11] The problem is that my balls are so big.

[00:03:14] So my dick is little, my dick is medium sized.

[00:03:17] Balls are gigantic.

[00:03:18] I think it was just the true fall of the Empire is the public forum.

[00:03:25] Debates about whose dick was worse.

[00:03:27] What if you had like, you got like, no Chomsky and like Zijek and then we were the moderators

[00:03:34] and then we asked them, like, if you so'd your dick into a Mobius strip, would it be infinity

[00:03:41] or would it be very small?

[00:03:44] And then they would be like, this is crazy.

[00:03:46] I can't understand.

[00:03:47] I want to ask him that thing about shitting hamburgers.

[00:03:50] Which one?

[00:03:51] Shit out of perfect hamburger.

[00:03:52] Would you eat it?

[00:03:53] What did you say about God being a cupcake that you fuck and then you eat it?

[00:03:57] What I said was you could do whatever you wanted if you were God.

[00:04:00] You could make a piece of cake that sucks your dick and then you eat it and it doesn't

[00:04:03] taste like semen.

[00:04:04] Like the 50 cents song.

[00:04:05] Because you're God.

[00:04:06] Yeah.

[00:04:07] Exactly.

[00:04:08] That's what that's what that's what it's about.

[00:04:09] If I could be God.

[00:04:11] Oh yeah.

[00:04:12] A girl I'm going to turn you into a birthday cake that sucks dick.

[00:04:15] Why not?

[00:04:16] Why not?

[00:04:17] Why not?

[00:04:18] Why not?

[00:04:19] Well.

[00:04:20] If I could be God, everyone knows this.

[00:04:21] I'm more familiar with the I smell pussy.

[00:04:24] I think it's coming from you Adam.

[00:04:26] Yeah.

[00:04:27] What are you talking about?

[00:04:28] The pussy smell?

[00:04:29] That's what that song is.

[00:04:30] No, I think that you're it.

[00:04:31] I smell pussy.

[00:04:32] You're emanating.

[00:04:33] I think it's coming from you.

[00:04:34] Speaking of which ladies, you don't need to clean yourselves that often.

[00:04:36] You know, your pussy.

[00:04:37] This is an interesting thing.

[00:04:38] You know, a non pussy that doesn't smell like anything.

[00:04:42] You need to fuck your pH up levels up a bit.

[00:04:44] Why don't you just put some fun dip powder in your room?

[00:04:47] So you want a real skunked out pussy.

[00:04:48] I like a French onion style pussy.

[00:04:53] With a little strip of cheese you pull off of this blocking bowl.

[00:04:57] Oh, it's 80.

[00:04:59] That melted fucking gouda covering the clint.

[00:05:03] That is when's the last time you had French onion soup?

[00:05:06] I'm not a big fan of it.

[00:05:08] It's been a while.

[00:05:09] I had a really good one the other day.

[00:05:11] And it really reminded me of if it's good, it's good.

[00:05:14] This place by you.

[00:05:16] Very good.

[00:05:17] Freedom onion soup.

[00:05:18] Yeah.

[00:05:19] Yeah.

[00:05:20] That's fucking fraud.

[00:05:21] The Pulitzer pod.

[00:05:22] Fuck, fuck the French.

[00:05:24] So we're going to book our flights.

[00:05:25] Macron.

[00:05:26] We'll book the flights at some point.

[00:05:27] Macron can suck my hard caulk.

[00:05:30] Macro, Macrostano, and just Macro for short, means long in Greek.

[00:05:35] Macro.

[00:05:36] Macro, exactly.

[00:05:37] Yeah, like so.

[00:05:38] Yeah.

[00:05:39] And I guess it's like in English too.

[00:05:41] Macron might have a big dick.

[00:05:44] But then mi cron means small.

[00:05:46] Yeah, micro.

[00:05:47] It's the same in English.

[00:05:48] Both of those words are the same.

[00:05:50] But what I'm saying is I think about macron having a big dick.

[00:05:54] Yeah.

[00:05:55] Because he fucked his teacher.

[00:05:56] Yeah, which is kind of a high for teacher baby.

[00:05:59] Respect to him.

[00:06:00] He wiped his French teacher.

[00:06:02] Respect revoked.

[00:06:04] He can't be wifing up that old bitch, dude.

[00:06:06] She's an old bitch.

[00:06:07] Although he probably gets pussy.

[00:06:09] French people legally have to get side pussy.

[00:06:12] French people fuck a lot.

[00:06:13] Yeah.

[00:06:14] It's weird that they're such miserable people.

[00:06:17] I bet you they have it a nice time.

[00:06:19] No.

[00:06:20] French people don't enjoy life.

[00:06:21] I'm trying to think of it.

[00:06:22] Some of them probably do.

[00:06:24] They're party French people.

[00:06:26] Yeah, they party, but they don't enjoy life.

[00:06:28] Well, they have very nice lives that they hate.

[00:06:31] They have existentialism.

[00:06:32] It's so pretty cool.

[00:06:33] I mean, I know what that's like.

[00:06:35] It's basically what our lives are.

[00:06:37] Yeah, we're basically French people.

[00:06:38] We're French, dude.

[00:06:39] I'm on the rear.

[00:06:40] You become successful enough.

[00:06:41] This is a French style, French style podcast, for sure.

[00:06:44] Bad get.

[00:06:45] You know that guy Eric that I'm friends with.

[00:06:47] He went, he did a study abroad in France.

[00:06:49] And he's sick.

[00:06:50] He used to get in arguments.

[00:06:52] Adam gets mad that I do better impressions of his friends.

[00:06:55] No, I do a better Eric than you.

[00:06:56] No, I do a better Eric.

[00:06:57] I do a better Joan.

[00:06:58] I do a better Ari.

[00:06:59] You do a better Jonah.

[00:07:00] I do a better Ari.

[00:07:01] No, you don't.

[00:07:02] Let's have an Ari.

[00:07:03] Jonah is probably going to arrive while we're doing the party.

[00:07:06] Your Ari is just a copy of mine.

[00:07:09] Well, I broke our ideas.

[00:07:10] I broke our ideas.

[00:07:11] I broke our ideas.

[00:07:12] Okay.

[00:07:13] You can hear from what side of the room is coming from.

[00:07:15] No, I've got headphones on.

[00:07:16] I don't like these competitions, first of all.

[00:07:18] I already say.

[00:07:19] I am the master of this podcast.

[00:07:20] I will decide who wins the competition.

[00:07:22] Okay, I'll do it.

[00:07:23] I'll do it.

[00:07:24] Right now, Adam's in the lead because I'm getting a little too much lip from you, Nick.

[00:07:26] So go ahead.

[00:07:27] Thank you, Saveras.

[00:07:28] Go ahead.

[00:07:29] This is Eric.

[00:07:30] His hands are biased there.

[00:07:31] You know, round one has nothing to do with the fucking impression.

[00:07:33] Yes, it does.

[00:07:34] You just admitted that you're fucking biased.

[00:07:36] No, we're going to do an impression.

[00:07:38] We're going to do an impression.

[00:07:39] This is an impression competition of two people that no one knows who they are.

[00:07:44] No one is listening as any idea.

[00:07:46] Save for like maybe three people.

[00:07:47] We're going to hang out in the DJ booth at Funny Mom.

[00:07:49] Yes.

[00:07:50] So no, no, Eric, Eric does it, but we're not talking about Eric.

[00:07:53] We're not doing Eric.

[00:07:54] You can do Eric.

[00:07:55] Go do it.

[00:07:56] I can't do Jonah.

[00:07:57] Jonah's hard and so you already see Jonah.

[00:07:59] I see Jonah.

[00:08:00] Okay.

[00:08:01] Go, Eric.

[00:08:02] Eric, for like 10 years.

[00:08:03] Go, Eric.

[00:08:04] How long have you been doing, Ari?

[00:08:05] Ari for more than that.

[00:08:06] Ari and I have been friends since we were doing him.

[00:08:10] Doing impression.

[00:08:11] Hey, whoa.

[00:08:12] Whoa.

[00:08:13] Listen, guys.

[00:08:14] How long have you been pressing in the room?

[00:08:16] Listen.

[00:08:17] I've been doing an impression of him since we were maybe 14 or 15.

[00:08:19] Okay.

[00:08:20] I have.

[00:08:21] I have.

[00:08:22] I have.

[00:08:23] I have never won.

[00:08:24] I see the line of questioning going down and what you're trying to do is logic your way to this

[00:08:26] win.

[00:08:27] You got to get in the booth and voice your way.

[00:08:28] Okay.

[00:08:29] You're blind.

[00:08:30] Blind test.

[00:08:31] Okay.

[00:08:32] So there is this bitch.

[00:08:34] Okay.

[00:08:35] Hold on.

[00:08:36] We're doing some static.

[00:08:37] Move your phone.

[00:08:38] Move your phone.

[00:08:39] Okay.

[00:08:40] So there's this bitch in Spokane, Washington, who was she was a white.

[00:08:44] She's a white bitch, but she was couldn't she was head of the NWACP.

[00:08:48] Okay.

[00:08:49] Yeah.

[00:08:50] Next.

[00:08:51] Okay.

[00:08:52] Dude.

[00:08:53] Adam is such a bitch.

[00:08:54] Oh, damn.

[00:08:55] That's pretty good.

[00:08:56] Adam's Adam's impression is the worst fucking impression I've ever heard.

[00:08:58] This storm's beast.

[00:08:59] Dude, Adam has the fucking literally the worst fucking impression.

[00:09:03] See, the only problem is that you're bleeding into a different impression that you do,

[00:09:07] which shall remain nameless, but I'm going to give this one.

[00:09:10] Wait, who is the other one?

[00:09:11] What was the other one?

[00:09:12] The other one.

[00:09:13] The other one.

[00:09:14] What's the other impression?

[00:09:15] Who?

[00:09:16] Oh, oh, yeah.

[00:09:17] Yeah.

[00:09:18] Yeah.

[00:09:19] There's similar voices.

[00:09:20] Yeah.

[00:09:21] I don't I don't accept that.

[00:09:22] You I don't know.

[00:09:23] Next one.

[00:09:24] I'm the master.

[00:09:25] It doesn't matter what you fucking accept.

[00:09:26] And this is this is a.

[00:09:27] Sorry.

[00:09:28] Also, you can say Aaron Berg's name.

[00:09:29] You're right.

[00:09:30] Aaron's not going to get his feelings heard that I do an impression of him.

[00:09:34] Everyone doesn't impression of you.

[00:09:35] Right.

[00:09:36] We all do his voice.

[00:09:37] Yeah.

[00:09:38] I mean, it's like, don't tell Lewis.

[00:09:39] We're doing his voice.

[00:09:40] Look, I'm in master mode.

[00:09:43] I'm not in compound.

[00:09:44] So that was so you're saying that he didn't air and burn pressure.

[00:09:47] I didn't.

[00:09:48] Listen, you should quietly mouth things to me more often.

[00:09:52] I kind of yeah, that I like that.

[00:09:54] I like that.

[00:09:55] You're a secret.

[00:09:56] Yeah.

[00:09:57] Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:09:59] Yeah.

[00:10:00] Oh, yeah.

[00:10:01] Yeah.

[00:10:02] Are there big chocolates?

[00:10:03] Yeah.

[00:10:04] Will there be chocolates?

[00:10:05] Okay, next one, please.

[00:10:07] Adam Adam has the shittiest impression of worry.

[00:10:11] No, no, that's not it at all.

[00:10:13] No, it is.

[00:10:14] And when I was a kid, people used to say that my dad was a pornographer, but he's actually

[00:10:20] owns a business that does medical device instructional videos.

[00:10:25] That's terrible.

[00:10:26] No, he doesn't.

[00:10:27] He's a good person.

[00:10:28] He's close to call Florida.

[00:10:31] Florida hanging Chad.

[00:10:33] So Nick Supreme Court.

[00:10:34] Two to one you seated.

[00:10:35] Ding ding ding ding ding.

[00:10:38] That was the Lewis Gomez verse Ryan O'Neil.

[00:10:41] Impression.

[00:10:43] Did Lewis wreck it?

[00:10:45] That's out to Lewis.

[00:10:46] Lewis won.

[00:10:47] And you know what?

[00:10:47] I'm not going to take a single thing away from that man.

[00:10:49] I didn't see his foot.

[00:10:50] Except to make fun of him for wearing a shirt

[00:10:51] and said that it was an embarrassing fight to watch.

[00:10:53] Hilarious that he did wear a shirt.

[00:10:54] It's so funny.

[00:10:55] Because he got in pretty good shape.

[00:10:58] He didn't wear a shirt.

[00:10:59] He wore a rash guard.

[00:11:00] Like they literally look like he's boarding.

[00:11:03] It looked like a company that had a startup that

[00:11:06] makes shirts for fat kids that are afraid of the pool.

[00:11:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:11:09] I got flashbacks.

[00:11:10] Like a fat kid in the pool.

[00:11:11] Oh, a rash guard.

[00:11:12] Yeah.

[00:11:13] But I mean, hey, look, I legitimately

[00:11:16] feel bad for not believing in him.

[00:11:19] But he triumphed.

[00:11:20] I mean, that Ryan guy sucked.

[00:11:23] Yeah.

[00:11:24] Did he have like an MMA guy train him?

[00:11:26] He did.

[00:11:27] Yeah.

[00:11:27] Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis, those fighters.

[00:11:29] He knows fighters.

[00:11:30] I was on high like shit.

[00:11:31] I was on high like shit.

[00:11:32] That Ryan guy like trained.

[00:11:32] It did this shit all the time.

[00:11:33] That's what I thought too.

[00:11:35] Yeah.

[00:11:35] And then, I mean, you look at him and tell him that, oh, he

[00:11:39] took karate in like 1993.

[00:11:41] Right, right, right.

[00:11:42] Yeah.

[00:11:43] So actually, there was the same day.

[00:11:45] There was another celebrity micro-celebrity fight,

[00:11:49] which was Logan Paul.

[00:11:51] Your dick.

[00:11:52] Your dick fighting your balls.

[00:11:53] My micro-fist.

[00:11:54] Versus some.

[00:11:56] Say, get out of here.

[00:11:57] Shout ahead.

[00:11:59] Versus some boys.

[00:12:00] See, we just added a little balls.

[00:12:02] Settle, settle down.

[00:12:03] And boys, let's not hate each other again.

[00:12:06] Shut up, asshole.

[00:12:07] Shut up, you fucking faggot.

[00:12:09] We could have been a pussy if it weren't for you.

[00:12:11] You've seen my ball.

[00:12:12] You know how much harder it is to make money

[00:12:14] having to be friends with two other guys?

[00:12:16] We could have just fucked for cash and jewels.

[00:12:23] Adam's dick mad.

[00:12:25] He couldn't sell his theoretical pussy for jewels.

[00:12:27] Could you get jewelry for your dick?

[00:12:29] Yeah, of course.

[00:12:30] I mean, so we're talking about getting chains and rings

[00:12:32] and shit.

[00:12:33] Yeah, your dick.

[00:12:34] Well, for our bodies.

[00:12:35] I want a chain for sure.

[00:12:37] Yeah, I have a chain.

[00:12:38] I've been wearing a chain.

[00:12:40] Yeah, but you don't pull it off.

[00:12:41] You actually do wear a chain.

[00:12:42] I get the little ear.

[00:12:43] I have an earring and a chain.

[00:12:44] I'm a jewelry guy now.

[00:12:45] That's really the only thing the podcast has changed about me.

[00:12:48] Yeah.

[00:12:49] I've become a jewelry guy.

[00:12:50] I want a chain really bad.

[00:12:52] If anyone knows where to get a good chain in New York City.

[00:12:54] Somebody sent me a Tony the Tiger chain.

[00:12:56] That's cool.

[00:12:56] You know what?

[00:12:57] I still have yet to regret giving my address out to people.

[00:13:01] Everything I receive is such a pleasant surprise.

[00:13:03] I would if I didn't live with other people.

[00:13:05] The only thing I feel bad about receiving is somebody sent me

[00:13:08] to like, hey, you know, like I know you like reading and stuff.

[00:13:11] Here's like a novel that I wrote.

[00:13:13] And it's like, you were like.

[00:13:15] Well, I'm sure it's good.

[00:13:17] I just like I don't have time to read 50 pages of.

[00:13:20] Yeah.

[00:13:20] Yeah.

[00:13:21] Some guys bringing his copy of Call Me By Your Name

[00:13:24] to have you signed tonight.

[00:13:25] Right.

[00:13:25] I'm too busy rereading Call Me By Your Name.

[00:13:29] No, he is.

[00:13:29] He said, can Nick sign it?

[00:13:31] I was like, of course.

[00:13:32] Sure.

[00:13:33] Oh, OK.

[00:13:34] And then someone else asked if we could sign the Choppo book.

[00:13:36] And I said, no.

[00:13:37] How about Call Me By Your Train?

[00:13:39] And it's about two autistic guys that fuck each other.

[00:13:43] Two autistic guys are running train on each other.

[00:13:46] Yeah.

[00:13:46] Do you think that like train hobos in the 30s suck and fuck?

[00:13:50] We're like autistic guys that like, you know, that was like that.

[00:13:54] They just didn't know that.

[00:13:55] Because everything had gears and machinery the way trains do.

[00:13:58] Oh, everything was steampunk.

[00:13:59] Yeah.

[00:14:00] Back then.

[00:14:00] So they were in fact, they were probably cool guys.

[00:14:04] They might have been gay guys who just wanted to suck and fuck

[00:14:06] on those trains.

[00:14:07] Train hobos had to have been there had to have been a disproportionate

[00:14:10] amount of autistic guys.

[00:14:11] No, I think gay guys.

[00:14:13] And I'm basing that strictly.

[00:14:14] Do you think it's gay guys?

[00:14:15] I'm basing that strictly off of Mad Men where Sal.

[00:14:17] It's a shame that before he died, John McCain's brain tumor

[00:14:21] didn't cause him to just act out in like very public homosexual

[00:14:24] displays.

[00:14:26] How funny would that have been?

[00:14:27] I know that's not how brain tumors are.

[00:14:29] I'm a goddamn co-worker.

[00:14:30] Just bring me that goddamn dick.

[00:14:32] What am I now?

[00:14:35] All right, Peter the Maverick, man.

[00:14:37] Yeah.

[00:14:37] You know?

[00:14:39] The fucking true Maverick.

[00:14:40] Look, you don't have to agree with the fact that the guy wanted

[00:14:45] to drag us into war with every country in the world

[00:14:48] and kill a bunch of people.

[00:14:50] But you do have to expect that he was a war hero.

[00:14:53] You have to respect that he crashes so fucking fucking.

[00:14:58] Got captured.

[00:14:58] Because he got hit.

[00:15:00] That's the only part I can relate to is being bad at doing

[00:15:03] a job.

[00:15:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:15:04] I mean, he just didn't get hit by war hero.

[00:15:08] The only part of him I identify with is the bad at flying.

[00:15:11] Yeah.

[00:15:12] Yeah, I couldn't fly a plane.

[00:15:13] Yeah, but he got to fly because his dad owned

[00:15:17] was like an admiral.

[00:15:18] Yeah, he owned the Navy.

[00:15:21] Something like that.

[00:15:22] Well, he did.

[00:15:23] That was the boss of the Army.

[00:15:24] Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:24] I woke up in credit for not getting released or whatever.

[00:15:27] But whatever.

[00:15:27] Here's what I was thinking.

[00:15:28] What if he gets to heaven and the juiciest pussy of all time

[00:15:32] is there.

[00:15:32] But you have to reach above your head to get it.

[00:15:35] And he can't any can.

[00:15:36] You think you'll still be paralyzed?

[00:15:38] Arms back.

[00:15:39] Yeah, no, no, no.

[00:15:40] But what, you know what else would be funny?

[00:15:42] If everyone's saying like Aretha Franklin is in heaven and shit,

[00:15:45] what if he gets there all those fucking

[00:15:47] what if he's in the me's got?

[00:15:48] No, what happened?

[00:15:49] Of course.

[00:15:50] Of course.

[00:15:50] He gets the 72 virgins for his contributions

[00:15:54] to global jihad.

[00:15:56] Turns out heaven's real.

[00:15:59] But then the Muslim God is like, no, you've actually really

[00:16:01] helped.

[00:16:02] You've actually done a lot for jihad.

[00:16:05] Believe it or not.

[00:16:05] Yeah.

[00:16:06] He's like, fuck it.

[00:16:07] Just give me the goddamn pussy.

[00:16:09] Give me that.

[00:16:10] And they're all Vietnamese lady boys.

[00:16:12] Yeah.

[00:16:13] Secret VC spies.

[00:16:15] The good shit.

[00:16:15] Yeah, the good shit.

[00:16:17] Let's be a cunt.

[00:16:18] Let's be a cunt.

[00:16:21] We got the icon.

[00:16:23] So I do want to say in these trying times,

[00:16:25] if anyone has a picture of his daughter's titties,

[00:16:28] I will.

[00:16:29] Meghan?

[00:16:30] Yeah, they're pretty big.

[00:16:31] She's busted, dude.

[00:16:32] Dude, she nasty.

[00:16:33] Say what you will about her foreign policy.

[00:16:36] But I will not.

[00:16:37] I will not have you fucking disrespect how big that lady is

[00:16:39] to you.

[00:16:40] You see her get owned by Joy Behar on the view.

[00:16:42] That was awesome.

[00:16:43] That was so funny.

[00:16:43] I wanted to suck off Joy right then and there.

[00:16:45] Yeah.

[00:16:47] I used to think it was very funny when Fred Armisen did

[00:16:50] Joy Behar on this.

[00:16:51] How about instead of Joy Behar, it's boy Behar.

[00:16:54] She's it's guys only.

[00:16:55] OK.

[00:16:55] And so it's still a woman named Joy Behar.

[00:16:58] But only man can fuck her.

[00:16:59] Yeah.

[00:17:02] This pussy is just for the fouls.

[00:17:04] Oh shit.

[00:17:04] Where were you at?

[00:17:05] I forgot to keep track of this.

[00:17:07] We are at, can you see that?

[00:17:08] I can't see.

[00:17:10] 17.

[00:17:11] 17 inches of dick.

[00:17:13] Little time arena over here.

[00:17:15] Time timer timer timer timer timer.

[00:17:19] You ever set the stopwatch on your phone?

[00:17:22] You forget to turn it off and then you check it days later

[00:17:24] and you're like fuck, I'm just dying.

[00:17:26] Yeah.

[00:17:27] It's been 182 hours.

[00:17:29] Yeah.

[00:17:30] And you've done one of nothing.

[00:17:31] Yeah, nothing.

[00:17:32] I've cycled through the same four problems in my head

[00:17:35] that there's no solution to really.

[00:17:37] Yeah.

[00:17:38] Well, there's the final solution.

[00:17:39] The final.

[00:17:39] Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.

[00:17:41] The final countdown.

[00:17:45] Another thing that happened.

[00:17:49] This guy.

[00:17:49] Some guy got it.

[00:17:50] Some guy shot up a fucking mad tournament.

[00:17:52] Yeah.

[00:17:53] Sounds like he was super mad.

[00:17:55] And he was pretty mad.

[00:17:58] Sounds like he was a pretty mad guy.

[00:18:00] Do you ever watch Rage Quick Comps?

[00:18:02] Complications on YouTube?

[00:18:03] You're going to be better as a guy driving a John Madden

[00:18:06] bus through a crowd.

[00:18:07] That's true.

[00:18:08] That would have been the ultimate.

[00:18:09] If it was John Madden shooting up the John Madden tournament.

[00:18:11] Yeah, yeah.

[00:18:12] Yeah, John.

[00:18:12] You goddamn nerds.

[00:18:15] Somebody drove a John Madden bus through Bastille Day.

[00:18:17] Yeah.

[00:18:20] Madden's confusing trying to get to that game in London.

[00:18:23] You just ended up killing people.

[00:18:24] And what the fuck they do at Bastille?

[00:18:27] They rush the prison.

[00:18:29] Is that correct?

[00:18:30] Yeah, they stormed the Bastille.

[00:18:33] Is that the prison, the Bastille?

[00:18:34] Yeah.

[00:18:35] Bastille is the prison where they kept all of the good

[00:18:38] those French Revolution people.

[00:18:40] Sure.

[00:18:40] Something like that.

[00:18:41] Yeah, yeah.

[00:18:42] My only knowledge of the French Revolution

[00:18:44] comes from Tale of Two Cities.

[00:18:47] And my only knowledge of Tale of Two Cities

[00:18:48] comes from Tale of Two Cities, the Garfield.

[00:18:53] So from my understanding is Vidova

[00:18:56] represents the original Garfield,

[00:18:58] whereas Kalei is obviously the imposter Garfield.

[00:19:02] Yes.

[00:19:03] It's all because all the rich Garfield

[00:19:05] were hiding all the lasagna.

[00:19:07] And then the fucking Odys did some other shit.

[00:19:11] I'm not even familiar with Tale of Two Cities.

[00:19:12] I don't even know.

[00:19:13] Is that a real thing?

[00:19:15] Oh, you haven't read the novelization of Garfield?

[00:19:19] Was that a real thing?

[00:19:20] Yeah, dude.

[00:19:20] You remember Bill Murray in it?

[00:19:22] I know he was in the first one.

[00:19:23] Tale of no, I think it was Lorenzo Music.

[00:19:27] That's a guy's name.

[00:19:28] No, you know what?

[00:19:29] That's who played Garfield on the animated series.

[00:19:31] Lorenzo Music?

[00:19:32] What?

[00:19:33] That's a cool ass name, dude.

[00:19:35] Wow, Nick.

[00:19:36] Did he play music?

[00:19:38] Get your phone away from me.

[00:19:39] No, I'm looking up the fucking Garfield, Tale of Two Cities,

[00:19:42] 2006 British American Family Comedy Film, written

[00:19:46] by the Cohen Brothers, actually.

[00:19:49] That's what they, yeah, literally written by Joel Cohen,

[00:19:52] who's a different guy.

[00:19:53] Oh, yeah.

[00:19:54] Yeah, yeah.

[00:19:55] That's why Bill Murray said he agreed to it

[00:19:57] because he thought it was a Cohen Brothers movie.

[00:19:59] It's so fucking funny.

[00:20:01] This sequel to that fourth film Garfield movie.

[00:20:02] Some other guy named Joel Cohen, wrote it.

[00:20:05] Just Bill Murray, fuck Scarlett Johansson in that movie in Japan.

[00:20:07] No, they're friends.

[00:20:09] Damn.

[00:20:10] Yeah, Bill Murray's in it.

[00:20:11] But that would be tight.

[00:20:12] Bob Hoskins is in it.

[00:20:13] Damn.

[00:20:14] He made some super Mario.

[00:20:15] Stakes, dude.

[00:20:16] He, the super Mario movie is so fucking funny.

[00:20:20] I haven't seen it.

[00:20:21] Such a piece of shit.

[00:20:22] It's hilarious because like, they went to some

[00:20:24] coked out 80s screenwriter and was like, look, can you adapt this game?

[00:20:28] And the guy's like, all right.

[00:20:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:20:32] What is a game?

[00:20:33] Yeah.

[00:20:34] Yeah.

[00:20:35] And he's like, he's an Italian plumber and he's got to fight this turtle.

[00:20:38] And he's like, yeah, it's not fog.

[00:20:39] Figured it out.

[00:20:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:20:41] And like, yeah, it's a lizard dimension.

[00:20:42] And you know, Dennis Hopper is like, he's Bowser, right?

[00:20:46] He's Bowser.

[00:20:47] I'm gonna play Mario Tennis.

[00:20:48] Yeah.

[00:20:49] Shit's tight, dude.

[00:20:50] Yeah.

[00:20:51] I've been whooping out his ass in Mario Tennis.

[00:20:52] Yeah.

[00:20:53] I just bought a couple more controllers for the Switch Boys.

[00:20:55] You should come over and play doubles.

[00:20:56] Yeah.

[00:20:57] You know what we should play is.

[00:20:58] Yeah.

[00:20:59] Poker.

[00:21:00] Yeah.

[00:21:01] A gamble in here.

[00:21:02] Maybe we can gamble on the gamble at Bette aside.com.

[00:21:04] Oh, yeah.

[00:21:05] Bette sa the premier sports betting sports book website.

[00:21:09] Yeah, they've been in business over 20 years paying out winners.

[00:21:13] They got an easy to use fun mobile app.

[00:21:18] I love that.

[00:21:19] That's a surprise to the regular kind of app.

[00:21:21] That's suck dick.

[00:21:22] I get on them.

[00:21:23] I'm like, dude, what the fuck is this?

[00:21:24] I need a mobile app.

[00:21:25] I don't need something.

[00:21:26] I have to sit down and use.

[00:21:27] You can't use a computer.

[00:21:28] You can't pop your phone on the news both hands.

[00:21:30] I'm on the go constantly.

[00:21:31] I need a mobile app.

[00:21:32] Always gambling on Bette aside.com.

[00:21:35] They got easy to use 24 7 365 days a week.

[00:21:40] 366 if you're lucky.

[00:21:41] Oh, yeah.

[00:21:42] Leap here.

[00:21:43] Leap here.

[00:21:44] That's, that's.

[00:21:45] Got it.

[00:21:46] I can't think of anything.

[00:21:47] I don't know.

[00:21:48] I don't know.

[00:21:49] You kill yourself.

[00:21:50] Yeah.

[00:21:51] You can jump up.

[00:21:52] Yep.

[00:21:53] Might as well jump.

[00:21:54] Might as well.

[00:21:55] Jump.

[00:21:56] Yeah.

[00:21:57] So yeah, you can bet on other shit too.

[00:22:02] You know, in game, motherfucking major.

[00:22:04] Trans hailing.

[00:22:05] Also good.

[00:22:06] Yeah, bet on that.

[00:22:07] Bette aside.

[00:22:08] I'm.

[00:22:09] Bet on.

[00:22:10] The concept of.

[00:22:11] Well, man.

[00:22:12] Call it the customer service, dude.

[00:22:16] 24 7 365 days a week.

[00:22:19] You say how about a trans hell?

[00:22:22] He's like, yes.

[00:22:24] And then you ask them for the promo code.

[00:22:27] No, I did get a little bit of pushback for them because I said the promo code wrong

[00:22:31] again.

[00:22:32] Oh, so maybe they changed it on.

[00:22:34] So we have any picks, Stav?

[00:22:37] Let's see here.

[00:22:38] Yes, you know, here's my here's my pick.

[00:22:39] Oh, yeah.

[00:22:40] I think you were just about to say it in the motherfucking US open fucking T. T. T. Paz.

[00:22:46] T. T. Paz.

[00:22:47] I don't know how you fucking say his name.

[00:22:48] All right.

[00:22:49] But there's a Greek fucking tennis player.

[00:22:50] Put your whole fucking put your money on that motherfucking.

[00:22:53] Isn't that big?

[00:22:54] He's not here.

[00:22:55] Guillots or whatever.

[00:22:56] No, he's not.

[00:22:57] He's Australian.

[00:22:58] He's Australian.

[00:22:59] He's ethnically Greek lives in Australia.

[00:23:00] This guy is fucking T. T. Paz is fucking Greek, bro.

[00:23:02] Got the little Greek flag next to his name.

[00:23:04] Shit's his pants.

[00:23:05] Yeah.

[00:23:06] She sees.

[00:23:07] I don't know what his fucking first name is.

[00:23:09] I think yeah, definitely bet on this guy.

[00:23:11] He stopped us.

[00:23:12] No, his first name.

[00:23:13] Yes, bet on him.

[00:23:14] His name is the stuff.

[00:23:15] Oh, you got a bet on this guy's name's I don't know something.

[00:23:18] Step on.

[00:23:19] Step on us.

[00:23:20] T. T. Paz.

[00:23:21] Okay.

[00:23:22] And you're betting on him to win it all for the whole motherfucking.

[00:23:25] He's going to win the whole tournament.

[00:23:26] What's he ranked?

[00:23:27] He's ranked 15th.

[00:23:28] 15th?

[00:23:29] Not bad.

[00:23:30] Not bad.

[00:23:31] Good money.

[00:23:32] Good odds on that motherfucking.

[00:23:33] For me, I don't think you can bet on it, but there is a tournament on Twitter for the

[00:23:37] worst online fan base, most annoying fan base.

[00:23:41] And I saw that our fans made it through the first round.

[00:23:43] I want to make it the whole goddamn way through.

[00:23:46] Yeah.

[00:23:47] We're growing up against Chris Hardwick.

[00:23:48] Which is tough.

[00:23:49] None of us have raped or whatever he did.

[00:23:51] But did he rape?

[00:23:52] I don't know.

[00:23:53] He did some bad.

[00:23:54] Yeah.

[00:23:55] Some bad shit.

[00:23:56] I believe in you boys.

[00:23:57] Allegedly.

[00:23:58] But he held that girl at gunpoint when she was eight and he fucked her mouth and ass

[00:24:02] in front of a comic-con panel.

[00:24:04] Oh, yeah.

[00:24:05] I don't remember.

[00:24:06] I mean, this is a allegedly.

[00:24:07] This is already already a month ago.

[00:24:08] So I don't remember all the details.

[00:24:09] Yeah.

[00:24:10] Yeah.

[00:24:11] Something.

[00:24:12] Something along the way.

[00:24:13] He did that a month ago.

[00:24:14] Yeah.

[00:24:15] And he got his job back.

[00:24:16] Yeah.

[00:24:17] That's what he got him back.

[00:24:18] He did.

[00:24:19] He got him back.

[00:24:20] And how's that for a meltdown?

[00:24:22] Yeah.

[00:24:23] Oh, the meltdown.

[00:24:24] Yeah, I get that meltdown comics.

[00:24:25] Yeah.

[00:24:26] I've got a comic book for you right here.

[00:24:28] And he had a book of pictures of her nude as an infant.

[00:24:32] Oh my God.

[00:24:33] I held together with his own comics.

[00:24:34] That's really terrible.

[00:24:35] That's fucked up.

[00:24:36] And he was the bound with his own semen.

[00:24:38] And he...

[00:24:39] Did we ever finish this read?

[00:24:40] What?

[00:24:41] Oh, yeah.

[00:24:42] Oh, yeah.

[00:24:43] That's his eye.

[00:24:44] Yeah.

[00:24:45] I think we could be Beth the Assignor.

[00:24:47] Hey pal.

[00:24:49] You can bet on when they'll pull their ad rates.

[00:24:53] This is probably already happening.

[00:24:55] We're going to cancel.

[00:24:56] You're going to bet those Greek guys that.

[00:24:59] 50-plus baby.

[00:25:01] It's definitely a shit's his pants.

[00:25:02] And you can do it with promo code COM120.

[00:25:05] CUM120 and it will give you 120% bonus on your deposit.

[00:25:12] You know, so you put down $200.

[00:25:14] You get Stavros, hit him with the man.

[00:25:17] You get 120% of whatever.

[00:25:21] You get $240?

[00:25:22] $240.

[00:25:23] Bonus.

[00:25:24] I think that was right.

[00:25:25] Yeah, that's right.

[00:25:26] It's a total $370.

[00:25:27] That's right.

[00:25:28] When you really, when you really clunk.

[00:25:30] I think if you add them together, that's right.

[00:25:35] So yes, do that.

[00:25:36] Yeah.

[00:25:37] And I think it was weird that they wanted us to say all that stuff about Chris Hardwick.

[00:25:42] Legally they did not ask us to do that.

[00:25:45] You know, I use that.

[00:25:47] The aside.com is not affiliated with the come town party outside of the promo code, which

[00:25:51] is a filter.

[00:25:52] It is.

[00:25:53] We also have little Aztecs.

[00:25:55] But they meet Stav Nick and Adam, not Bette.

[00:25:59] I don't understand why that part was going to happen.

[00:26:02] I just like talking in dumb voices like this.

[00:26:06] Yeah.

[00:26:07] So anyway, Stavros.

[00:26:09] I was watching Michael Winslow videos the other day.

[00:26:12] There's one where he's on the local news and the woman's like, now the other night on

[00:26:18] Jim, first of all, any like all of daytime network television, every single one of those

[00:26:24] people on there has just drunk out of their mouth.

[00:26:27] Oh yeah.

[00:26:28] Unlued.

[00:26:29] Like just pays.

[00:26:30] Just like the so far.

[00:26:31] Yeah, yeah.

[00:26:32] The midday news.

[00:26:33] Yeah.

[00:26:34] That's a rough one.

[00:26:35] Just like a woman who like one of her eyes is shut all the way.

[00:26:37] And she's like, we'll be back with the Pilates cats.

[00:26:41] But first, Michael Winslow, who you may recognize from police academy movies, interviews fucking

[00:26:48] hilarious.

[00:26:49] First of all, he's dressed like a Lego man.

[00:26:51] Like a Lego for a poor child where they just assembled him out of other Lego bands.

[00:26:56] Respect.

[00:26:57] The bright orange pirate pants.

[00:26:58] Bright orange shirt and a bowler hat.

[00:27:00] Hell yeah.

[00:27:01] This, like he's never seen anyone put on clothes.

[00:27:04] Like an alien doing his.

[00:27:06] He's got to be in his 50s or 60s.

[00:27:08] Yeah, we sold him the 50s.

[00:27:09] Yeah.

[00:27:10] He's like late 60s.

[00:27:11] Yeah.

[00:27:12] Yeah.

[00:27:13] I mean, 60s.

[00:27:14] Yeah.

[00:27:15] Yeah.

[00:27:16] Yeah.

[00:27:17] Yeah.

[00:27:18] Yeah.

[00:27:19] Yeah.

[00:27:20] Yeah.

[00:27:21] Net worth Google that.

[00:27:22] Oh, he's not that rich, dude.

[00:27:23] He's doing gigs with everyone.

[00:27:24] Well, yeah, she's like, she's talking about, she's talking about like, you know, last night

[00:27:29] on Jimmy Fallon, we saw you do an impression of Jimmy Hendricks's guitar.

[00:27:34] Can you do that for us?

[00:27:36] And he goes 59.

[00:27:37] Yeah.

[00:27:38] Well done.

[00:27:39] Yeah.

[00:27:40] He's like, you did an impression of Jimmy Hendricks guitar.

[00:27:42] Can you do that for us?

[00:27:43] And he goes, no, he's, he wouldn't do anything.

[00:27:48] He saves that for the stage.

[00:27:50] He wouldn't do anything.

[00:27:51] The only sound effect he does while he's on there is a chicken, which is, which is,

[00:27:56] yeah, and anyone can do that.

[00:27:58] Anyone can do the chicken.

[00:28:00] There's nothing that differentiates Michael Winslow.

[00:28:02] And then she's asked him, she's like, do you have any advice for younger people trying

[00:28:06] to get into this? And there's not even a name for the sound effects.

[00:28:11] And the only advice should be do something.

[00:28:13] I mean, there's only one Michael Winslow.

[00:28:15] Yeah.

[00:28:16] It's not like there's a whole industry of people that make sound effects.

[00:28:18] Right.

[00:28:19] And even he's absolutely great.

[00:28:20] I haven't looked into it.

[00:28:21] Yeah.

[00:28:22] She was like, and can we look for you in anything?

[00:28:23] And he's like, I swear to fucking God, he goes, well, you know, I can't promise anything,

[00:28:28] but there are rumors about about a police academy eight.

[00:28:31] Oh, no.

[00:28:33] That's miserable.

[00:28:34] Yeah.

[00:28:35] Gutenberg retired from acting.

[00:28:37] Is it Gutenberg dead?

[00:28:38] No, no, he's not dead.

[00:28:40] He was funny.

[00:28:41] Oh, Rick Moranis retired from acting.

[00:28:42] Yeah, because his wife died around.

[00:28:44] Yeah.

[00:28:45] Gutenberg, he did a hilarious thing on a party down.

[00:28:47] I remember that.

[00:28:48] Where he was like, oh, Gutenberg's kind of ripped now.

[00:28:51] He's ripped.

[00:28:52] Yeah.

[00:28:53] He's a good looking guy.

[00:28:54] Yeah.

[00:28:55] Yeah.

[00:28:56] He looks good.

[00:28:57] Yeah.

[00:28:58] He's still got his hair.

[00:28:59] He was like the most famous guy of all time for like three years.

[00:29:00] He had a run.

[00:29:01] So weird.

[00:29:02] He had a run.

[00:29:03] And then it just didn't happen.

[00:29:04] I was always a Steve.

[00:29:05] He's cuter than him.

[00:29:06] I don't know.

[00:29:07] I thought he was incredibly charismatic, funny.

[00:29:09] But basically they're in the same lane.

[00:29:11] Yeah.

[00:29:12] I guess so.

[00:29:13] You know what I mean?

[00:29:14] Tom Hanks fucked that fish and everyone's like, oh, yeah.

[00:29:16] It is weird that Tom Hanks was as successful as he is.

[00:29:19] Because he's not.

[00:29:20] He's not.

[00:29:21] He's so milk toast.

[00:29:22] He's so boring.

[00:29:23] And he's not in anything that's really particularly good.

[00:29:27] Where does that come from?

[00:29:28] Big toast.

[00:29:29] Big.

[00:29:30] I don't know.

[00:29:31] Not a fan of that.

[00:29:32] No, what is the best?

[00:29:33] What is the best Tom Hanks movie?

[00:29:35] Saving Pride Run.

[00:29:36] Yeah.

[00:29:37] Yeah, but that doesn't really count.

[00:29:38] Not really.

[00:29:39] The one where he fucks in the second Pride Run counts.

[00:29:41] Darryl Hannah.

[00:29:42] All right.

[00:29:43] Say not saving Pride.

[00:29:44] No, no, he's actually actually that scene at the end of Captain Phillips where he like

[00:29:48] doesn't realize at first that he's been rescued and then it hits him.

[00:29:52] It's good acting.

[00:29:53] He's a good actor.

[00:29:54] I'm a good actor.

[00:29:55] He does.

[00:29:56] He does kind of.

[00:29:57] It is pretty good.

[00:29:58] Castaway.

[00:29:59] Castaway is he he acts real hard.

[00:30:00] That whole movie is just him.

[00:30:01] And that ball.

[00:30:02] Of course, Gump sucks.

[00:30:04] The terminal.

[00:30:05] So we.

[00:30:06] Yeah.

[00:30:07] Green mile.

[00:30:08] Yeah.

[00:30:09] What's this guy?

[00:30:10] He does a couple of his.

[00:30:11] A couple of fucking airport movies.

[00:30:14] Green mile.

[00:30:15] Eight Meg Ryan's pussy or something.

[00:30:17] Little Delphi he acts.

[00:30:19] He acts good in that.

[00:30:20] Yeah.

[00:30:21] Sleeples in Seattle.

[00:30:22] That's that's a fucking great one.

[00:30:24] That's a good one.

[00:30:25] You think cloud Atlas?

[00:30:26] Damn, remember how stupid that was.

[00:30:28] That was a piece of shit.

[00:30:30] There's that came out.

[00:30:31] They have like Chinese words themselves.

[00:30:32] They're wearing like prosthetics.

[00:30:34] I didn't mean there was always news that.

[00:30:37] That would be the Golden Compass and then like Sky Captain in the world of tomorrow.

[00:30:43] No, there was always movies that had title.

[00:30:45] Where it's like, oh, I'll never see.

[00:30:47] What's the shit about the guy in the tiger on the boat?

[00:30:50] I was pie.

[00:30:51] I used to confuse that with cloud Atlas.

[00:30:54] I read the gold.

[00:30:55] I read the gold.

[00:30:56] Yeah, hell yeah.

[00:30:58] I read the Golden Compass as a little kid.

[00:31:00] She was good, dude.

[00:31:01] She called a Damon or some shit.

[00:31:02] A Matt Damon.

[00:31:03] It's like a little.

[00:31:04] I remember reading like it was like Stormfront or something when Golden Compass came out.

[00:31:10] Yeah.

[00:31:11] There was like an article about not an article like a post on the forum.

[00:31:15] Oh, do you mean you read that?

[00:31:16] I thought that was like the name of another book, but you mean the racist.

[00:31:19] Oh, the racist.

[00:31:20] Yeah.

[00:31:21] Yeah.

[00:31:22] No, I found it.

[00:31:23] I found a thread on is either Stormfront or like Vanguard News Network or something where

[00:31:26] somebody was complaining about the Golden Compass.

[00:31:30] It was the Golden Compass or something.

[00:31:32] It's one of those types of movies.

[00:31:34] Yeah.

[00:31:35] And I think I've told the story on the podcast before.

[00:31:38] How they enjoyed it aside from the quote, N word centaurs.

[00:31:43] They're bad.

[00:31:45] Like as a racist, the fact that the black people in the movie are half animal, it actually

[00:31:52] would be like, you think that's like the meeting you halfway.

[00:31:55] You know what I mean?

[00:31:56] This guy's just imagining his girlfriend being fucked by a literal horse.

[00:32:01] Oh, fuck dude.

[00:32:03] That's so funny.

[00:32:05] You know what?

[00:32:06] I'm looking at Tom Hanks's.

[00:32:07] I take back what I said.

[00:32:09] He's got quite the career here.

[00:32:10] Oh, he's crushed it.

[00:32:12] A league of their own.

[00:32:13] Yeah, Tom Hanks rules and he's very good.

[00:32:15] No, I don't like Tom Hanks.

[00:32:17] Who's your favorite actor?

[00:32:18] My favorite actor of all time.

[00:32:20] Like me.

[00:32:21] All new.

[00:32:22] All right.

[00:32:23] That's a good choice.

[00:32:24] Was he ever in Turner and Huch though, where he co-star with a fucking dog?

[00:32:29] Remember cop in a half?

[00:32:31] I don't.

[00:32:32] Burt Reynolds and some little black kid.

[00:32:35] The little kid got to be a cop.

[00:32:37] Yeah.

[00:32:38] Burt Reynolds has to like take some black.

[00:32:39] You don't remember cop in a half?

[00:32:40] No.

[00:32:41] It was like one of my favorite movies when I was a little kid.

[00:32:42] I don't remember that.

[00:32:43] Just some piece of shit.

[00:32:45] Burt Reynolds comedy.

[00:32:46] Yeah, yeah.

[00:32:47] We're nothing's fun.

[00:32:48] You know, there's not a single good joke.

[00:32:50] I would watch it over and over and over.

[00:32:53] I watched there's a cop movie with Jay Leno and then-

[00:32:56] It's got 15% on Rotten Meadows.

[00:32:59] Have you seen that cop movie with Jay Leno and Mr. Miyagi?

[00:33:02] No.

[00:33:03] And it takes place in Detroit?

[00:33:05] That rule.

[00:33:06] It's psycho.

[00:33:07] It's on HBO Go right now.

[00:33:08] Look at this picture of Burt Reynolds.

[00:33:10] Oh, hell yeah dude.

[00:33:11] Holy shit.

[00:33:12] Those are rose colors.

[00:33:13] On glasses.

[00:33:14] Clearly fucked up.

[00:33:15] Oh man.

[00:33:16] Remember that story about him posing nude in

[00:33:00] playgirl because he thought it was for women.

[00:33:24] Yeah.

[00:33:25] He got pissed off that you guys were Jackie off to.

[00:33:28] What the hell is this?

[00:33:31] I thought it was supposed to be women, Jackie off to me.

[00:33:34] There was a cop and a half new recruit in 2017.

[00:33:37] What the fuck?

[00:33:39] With Lou Diamond Phillips.

[00:33:40] They thought that they needed to reboot cop and a half.

[00:33:44] 15% on Rotten Meadows.

[00:33:46] No one remembers it.

[00:33:47] It's from when?

[00:33:48] From like 1993.

[00:33:49] You know we should watch?

[00:33:51] There's a dice movie.

[00:33:53] The Adventures of Ford Fairlawn.

[00:33:54] Yeah, I've never seen it.

[00:33:55] I want to watch it.

[00:33:56] Yeah.

[00:33:57] I've never watched it.

[00:33:58] I've been done.

[00:33:59] I was with company that was like no.

[00:34:00] What the fuck is wrong with you?

[00:34:02] I would love to watch the dice movie.

[00:34:04] Day of the laughter died is amazing.

[00:34:06] It's my favorite comedy album of all time.

[00:34:07] Easily.

[00:34:08] I've listened to it the most.

[00:34:10] More than any other comedy album.

[00:34:12] Listen, listen to the plot of this fucking movie.

[00:34:14] Hit me with it.

[00:34:15] Devin Butler is an eight year old boy who lives in Tampa and dreams of being a cop.

[00:34:18] Watch his police TV shows and those police procedures and plays cops and robbers of this

[00:34:22] friend.

[00:34:23] He killed his own father.

[00:34:24] One day while snooping around in a warehouse.

[00:34:26] Hell yeah.

[00:34:27] Already.

[00:34:28] Yes.

[00:34:29] What?

[00:34:30] No one does that.

[00:34:31] Yeah.

[00:34:32] He witnesses a murder.

[00:34:33] He goes to the police who want the information but he refuses to give it unless they make him

[00:34:36] a cop.

[00:34:37] Ha ha ha.

[00:34:38] What the fuck?

[00:34:39] Well, we have no other choice but to make him a cop.

[00:34:42] They didn't teach him.

[00:34:43] There's nothing in the rule but that says they didn't teach him with veteran cop and child

[00:34:48] hater.

[00:34:49] Detective Nick McKenna.

[00:34:50] Oh, he hates children.

[00:34:51] Dude, the only scene I remember.

[00:34:53] Plastic conflict.

[00:34:54] The scene I remember in that movie is when they have a sword fight.

[00:34:58] So they both were there dicks.

[00:34:59] The eight year old boy and Bert Reynolds is a grown man pulled their cocks out and sword

[00:35:03] fight with their piss streams.

[00:35:05] Wait, really?

[00:35:06] In the movie.

[00:35:07] Yes.

[00:35:08] Hell yes.

[00:35:09] That's hilarious.

[00:35:10] Bert Reynolds is trying to piss and the child comes in and goes sword fight and then they

[00:35:14] start sword fighting.

[00:35:16] So Bert Reynolds looks at this child's penis and pisses on him.

[00:35:21] Yeah.

[00:35:22] What a good ass movie.

[00:35:24] Detective Nick McKenna and they team up in a comic series of events to find the killer

[00:35:28] and take down a drug kingpin who ordered the hit.

[00:35:31] They eventually come to a mutual understanding in order to bring the killer to justice.

[00:35:34] Hell yeah.

[00:35:35] Yeah, dude.

[00:35:36] Cop and a half and problem child.

[00:35:38] Problem child.

[00:35:39] I saw that in a million.

[00:35:40] John Ritter just getting owned by this little last kid.

[00:35:43] Yeah.

[00:35:44] That movie, 4% on Robert Tomatoes.

[00:35:46] Problem child?

[00:35:47] What?

[00:35:48] Yeah.

[00:35:49] I thought that was a great movie.

[00:35:50] Of course, dude.

[00:35:51] All the movies you loved as a kid were awful.

[00:35:52] Damn.

[00:35:53] It's incredibly simple and it's just like 80 minutes of, you know, like somebody stuck

[00:35:59] my dick in my ass.

[00:36:01] That's like, yeah.

[00:36:02] It's like, it's like a prank that gets to be president.

[00:36:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:36:05] Oh yeah.

[00:36:06] Every one of those movies had a thing where first kid accidentally had laxatives.

[00:36:09] I was like all these liberals that are like, how am I going to explain Trump to my son

[00:36:13] or whatever?

[00:36:14] And it's like Trump as president would make an excellent early 90s.

[00:36:19] That is true.

[00:36:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:36:21] They're like, he's bad, but they can't stop him.

[00:36:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:36:25] And now he has control of the nukes.

[00:36:27] What's he doing with it?

[00:36:29] Cheating on his wife and eating candy.

[00:36:35] This summer, problem child for problem president.

[00:36:39] Problem president.

[00:36:40] Ronald Plump, dude.

[00:36:41] Yeah.

[00:36:42] Yeah.

[00:36:43] That Donald Plump.

[00:36:44] They defeated him with logic and reason and jacked old men.

[00:36:48] They definitely don't want to fuck your head, hold you down and fuck your ass.

[00:36:52] Those, yeah, those two twin brothers.

[00:36:54] They just look like Ken dolls.

[00:36:56] They fuck each other.

[00:36:57] I've got Michael Richards was in problem child.

[00:37:00] Oh, yeah.

[00:37:01] Oh, yeah.

[00:37:02] He was hilarious.

[00:37:03] He's a great physical comedian.

[00:37:04] No.

[00:37:05] I'm going to do some words.

[00:37:07] Let's hit the laugh factory problem.

[00:37:12] Those clips have like Seinfeld when they would when they edited.

[00:37:16] You know the bloopers where you get mad at them.

[00:37:18] You get mad.

[00:37:19] Yeah, yeah.

[00:37:20] Somebody would like, you know, laugh during a scene and be like, try and be a fucking professional

[00:37:24] here.

[00:37:25] Yeah.

[00:37:26] Yeah.

[00:37:27] Yeah.

[00:37:28] I love the edit.

[00:37:29] I've said this before, but I love the edit when they there's like an episode of Seinfeld

[00:37:31] where Kramer's on the news.

[00:37:32] And they're like, Oh my God, it's Kramer.

[00:37:36] And then they splice in the he's like, Kramer.

[00:37:39] It's just so good, man.

[00:37:41] Did you see that that edit of friends without the laugh track where it's just Ross beating

[00:37:46] up a woman?

[00:37:47] He's like, the girls take a self defense class and then he feels like he masculine because

[00:37:53] he can't fight.

[00:37:54] Hell yeah.

[00:37:55] And so at the end, like he has to like he fights a woman to prove that he's strong,

[00:37:58] but there's no laugh tracks.

[00:37:59] It's just like that.

[00:38:01] The woman that's like Ross showing up and he's explaining how he like accidentally like

[00:38:07] tried to have sex with a 14 year old or something.

[00:38:09] What?

[00:38:10] But they edited the laugh track out.

[00:38:11] So it's just Ross being like, I didn't know she was 14.

[00:38:14] It's something like that.

[00:38:18] Yeah, Ross is a pedophile.

[00:38:20] That's how I feel about what we just said about all those shitty movies because I used

[00:38:23] to love friends, dude.

[00:38:25] When I was like a little kid, I was like, yeah, this is my shit.

[00:38:27] When I was like 10.

[00:38:28] I was like, yeah, can't wait to be a cool adult.

[00:38:30] I can't wait to have friends, dude.

[00:38:31] Yeah.

[00:38:32] Watch that show and just fantasize about something talking to me.

[00:38:35] I want to go to a, I was like to at a coffee shop.

[00:38:38] It's just going to be cool.

[00:38:39] Yeah.

[00:38:40] Yeah.

[00:38:41] When I'm in a coffee shop.

[00:38:42] I was in office space and I was in like sixth grade and I'm like, man, I can't wait to have

[00:38:46] a job.

[00:38:47] This is my own apartment where I drink two beers before passing out.

[00:38:51] Hey, you know, I'll be honest.

[00:38:53] When I was like 2021 and I worked in a fucking shitty call center and like, yeah, came home

[00:38:58] and drank myself to sleep.

[00:38:59] It was all right.

[00:39:00] It wasn't bad.

[00:39:01] It was pretty good.

[00:39:02] Yeah.

[00:39:03] Yeah, cause that why it was pretty good was because you were just like, you're dumb.

[00:39:07] Exactly.

[00:39:08] You're like not, you're between childhood and actually you're putting off real responsibility.

[00:39:11] You're just like getting to be a big ass kid.

[00:39:13] Yeah.

[00:39:14] Never have that was wise.

[00:39:15] Getting in like eight hours of Call of Duty.

[00:39:17] Yeah.

[00:39:18] Yeah.

[00:39:19] Yeah.

[00:39:20] And feeling good about it.

[00:39:21] Mm hmm.

[00:39:22] But then, but the older I've become the more child this should become, you know, more,

[00:39:25] more playful, the more.

[00:39:26] Yeah.

[00:39:27] Yeah.

[00:39:28] I got a child.

[00:39:29] Yeah.

[00:39:30] I got a child.

[00:39:31] She has.

[00:39:32] I tell this bitch my shit ain't small.

[00:39:34] It's child.

[00:39:36] That might be my favorite character.

[00:39:37] What's that guy's name Lorenzo?

[00:39:39] Yeah.

[00:39:40] Lorenzo the child.

[00:39:41] I tell this bitch, look, a.m.

[00:39:43] Wake up.

[00:39:44] I drink my nescafé espresso.

[00:39:46] All right.

[00:39:47] Head on down to the nail salon.

[00:39:49] Get my shit.

[00:39:50] And a French man again.

[00:39:51] My shit.

[00:39:52] Beauty up.

[00:39:53] All right.

[00:39:54] Then I go have a little lunch.

[00:39:56] The samples at the cost code.

[00:39:58] They can't kick me out.

[00:39:59] They don't know.

[00:40:00] They cannot.

[00:40:01] My face too beautiful.

[00:40:02] They don't know the difference between me and my auntie.

[00:40:03] I walk right in there.

[00:40:04] When you say here to yeah, I do the same.

[00:40:07] Same as say, man's haircut.

[00:40:09] You know?

[00:40:10] Uh huh.

[00:40:11] I'm like under three thousand.

[00:40:12] Sorry.

[00:40:13] Sorry for the confusion, man.

[00:40:14] When I say that's all right.

[00:40:15] I go have two hot pockets.

[00:40:17] They on display.

[00:40:18] Those those in mind, I'm getting the first ones.

[00:40:21] Clean my hands off.

[00:40:22] Go back to the nail.

[00:40:24] Swag.

[00:40:25] Wash my hands.

[00:40:28] And from that point on, we're talking 10 30 11 a.m. is fucking bitches till midnight.

[00:40:35] I got I got a whole system set up.

[00:40:38] I know that whole transit system.

[00:40:40] I ride the 43 bus to your longest house.

[00:40:43] Fuck that bitch with my childish ass penis.

[00:40:47] She don't even wake up.

[00:40:49] That's how I like it.

[00:40:51] Say stay asleep, that's right.

[00:40:55] She's like, Oh, who is that?

[00:40:56] I'm like, shut up.

[00:40:57] Go back to sleep.

[00:40:58] It's my auntie.

[00:40:59] It's yeah.

[00:41:00] She she ain't waking up from the deck.

[00:41:03] She waking up because she smelled a hot car.

[00:41:04] The cost go on.

[00:41:05] We're going to smell.

[00:41:07] She's going to smell.

[00:41:08] She's going to smell have Faber J eggs and trampolines and Kirkland brand jeans.

[00:41:13] You know, I said, she's like, what is that?

[00:41:15] Is that 200 batteries?

[00:41:16] Right?

[00:41:17] 99.

[00:41:18] I'll say shut up, bitch.

[00:41:19] Go back to sleep.

[00:41:20] I'm being childish.

[00:41:21] Childish has Lorenzo.

[00:41:22] Lorenzo, go to my auntie's house.

[00:41:26] Oh, you know, I thought I saw a hilarious name that could have been Lorenzo's actually.

[00:41:31] There's a quarterback on Florida State named DeAndre Francois.

[00:41:35] The reason I trucked Greg War.

[00:41:39] Yeah.

[00:41:40] Bonjour.

[00:41:41] Why is he bitches?

[00:41:43] Buses at the pussy.

[00:41:44] Why the band?

[00:41:45] Oh, Nick, are you timing?

[00:41:46] No, who are we?

[00:41:47] 41.

[00:41:48] Oh, damn.

[00:41:49] You know what that means, baby.

[00:41:50] Yeah, it's time to shit your underwear right off your fucking body, whatever you wear and

[00:41:59] take it off, throw it away.

[00:42:00] We got better underwear for you.

[00:42:01] We got Mac.

[00:42:02] Well, Mac fucking welded.

[00:42:04] Macwelden.com.

[00:42:05] They believe in smart design premium fabric, simple shopping.

[00:42:09] No matter how childish your penis is, click by when, you know, you know what I'm saying?

[00:42:13] No, that's the wrong one.

[00:42:16] You know, for a long time, I didn't wear underwear.

[00:42:19] Oh, Lorenzo.

[00:42:20] Lorenzo, you're a Macwelden user?

[00:42:23] That's right.

[00:42:24] It's silky smooth like butter.

[00:42:26] I got a baby dick and a baby's mind.

[00:42:28] Smooth like a baby.

[00:42:30] Bick like a baby.

[00:42:32] Now does your dick smell like Costco?

[00:42:34] My dick don't smell like shit, baby, because Macwelden, they got a line of natural.

[00:42:40] I don't want to do this voice.

[00:42:42] Silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial, which means that the sore

[00:42:48] boater, it's like a little bacon soda, you know, well, bacon soda box in the couch.

[00:42:56] Oh, yeah.

[00:42:57] That's what you do.

[00:42:58] You put a little arm and hammer right in that pussy.

[00:43:00] You make a bitch, put the arm and hammer up and do a volcano experiment in the pussy.

[00:43:06] That's right.

[00:43:07] Put some vinegar down there.

[00:43:08] Fourth grade science fair.

[00:43:10] Yeah.

[00:43:11] Yeah, and they got great shirts, hoodies, duffel bags, socks.

[00:43:15] The most comfortable shit you'll ever fucking wear in your life.

[00:43:18] I guarantee it.

[00:43:19] You're going to like the way you look.

[00:43:21] What if you don't like the underwear?

[00:43:25] Yeah.

[00:43:26] What happens if you don't like it?

[00:43:27] You hold that on there.

[00:43:32] It means something, maybe it's...

[00:43:52] Return it you check them out now if you call them up in complaints

[00:43:55] So you don't get your money to get your money back

[00:43:57] They'll keep the underwear because nobody wants to clean your shit

[00:43:59] You do do it all sway your dirty you nasty ass off the fucking underwear

[00:44:03] You go and check them out use promo code CUM

[00:44:07] T O WN

[00:44:09] Come town from a go-com town all capital letters receive nice 20% off your order. Hell. Yes check them out Macwell calm

[00:44:15] They've been with us the whole fucking goddamn salute to Mac. Yeah, only ride or die

[00:44:20] Oh, think about all the sponsors we've lost on

[00:44:26] Yep, the new Adventist church craft macaroni Oliver

[00:44:31] McDonald Douglas airplanes

[00:44:35] Blackwater cutaburo private airport we used to these to be a alright. These would be a westboro Baptist church

[00:44:42] They stopped advertising way too early. They should have given us some time

[00:44:47] Yeah, just let it rock right just because I said I'd suck George Carlin's dick

[00:44:53] That I'd go to hell and suck his dick. Mm-hmm if it meant we could have

[00:44:58] Find out a couple more

[00:44:59] Wipes back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

[00:45:02] I'm trying to figure out what else we can't say on TV. Yeah, that's why I want it back. Mm-hmm. You know the seven racial slurs

[00:45:09] You're not allowed to say on TV

[00:45:12] Jake

[00:45:16] That clip of him going through all the racial slurs all right, I put it on Instagram

[00:45:20] Yeah, yeah, you just edit out the punchline and the setup and it's the funniest

[00:45:24] It's just five minutes in being like

[00:45:27] Hike honky people like

[00:45:34] That is good as hell he's up there with McCain right you know it's funny when I started comedy

[00:45:40] George Carlin was like a god. Mm-hmm like that

[00:45:43] There was not you couldn't be more than George Carlin in my mind. I thought George Carlin was the fucking guy

[00:45:48] Yeah, I mean I go back and watch it now and it's like this is so stupid

[00:45:51] Yeah, I mean it's so there's a lot of it's still really good. It's really but all that fucking word play nonsense

[00:45:56] Yeah, that's download your megabytes. I hate that shit. Yeah, yeah

[00:46:00] Yeah, but I do I actually like his first album like class clown

[00:46:03] I love that the old Carlin like the old clips of him on the tonight show when he's like joke

[00:46:07] He looks kind of like a normal guys like before he became like a hippie grandpa kind of look yeah. He was great. Yeah

[00:46:14] Um, I always I was always a Richard Pryor guy when I was like I always thought he was yeah prior to yeah

[00:46:20] Prior Carlin kind of occupied the same space if I had mm-hmm. Yeah

[00:46:24] But then even but then yeah my like casual comedy interests are pretty stupid. I thought like Jim Burr was like my favorite

[00:46:33] Hardcore I thought he was hilarious. I thought Pablo Francisco is hilarious. That's true

[00:46:37] I'm never being like 14 being like that's gonna be me man a guy that talks about we

[00:46:42] Carlos Mencios first half hour. I really like the one that ends with that him trying to have that like solemn note

[00:46:48] Where he's like cuz sometimes then he just walks. I think it was yeah, yeah, Jesus Christ

[00:46:53] I was like damn Carlos really I mean I was like I like I like I like Dane Cook that first one the first

[00:47:00] First Dane Cook was great. It was a black hilarious the black tank top

[00:47:03] Yeah, I was a big thing he was using the space so well, dude

[00:47:06] He was all over that never like Dane Cook, but I was already kind of like a comedy snob. Oh, I was it

[00:47:10] I was like yeah, I was like 12 years old 13. Yeah, we were young as shit. Yeah. Yeah, I know I was already kind of a snob

[00:47:16] Yeah, I that that Apollo Francis go special. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's great

[00:47:23] You had to do it on TV. You and I miss liking the stand-up. Yeah. Yeah being able to watch it really. Yeah. Yeah

[00:47:31] Yeah, I used to watch comedy and listen to it's not all the time

[00:47:35] I can't do it anymore. Yeah, cuz you know, I don't want I don't want you know to be influenced my art has to be pure

[00:47:41] Dude, yeah, my stuff about how I don't fuck that good. I

[00:47:44] Don't want I don't want anybody else. No one else in the game is doing this stop. Yeah, stop you're on your Marco Polo shit

[00:47:51] Well, it's just it's like uncharted water. Maybe a part of me is like oh well

[00:47:55] Is it because that I've been in comedy so long now that I'm jaded that like stuff?

[00:48:00] I see I like judge it more harshly or whatever

[00:48:03] But then I go back and watch older shit and it's like oh no comedy used to be better

[00:48:07] Comedy was easily. Yes, dude. I went back

[00:48:10] I was like trying to really sit down and watch old Steve Harvey shit the laugh at it to make fun of it and it's like this man is a

[00:48:18] genius

[00:48:19] He's he is so much better at comedy it stand up comedy than like anyone we're fucking friends what the King special

[00:48:26] No, he's like independent specials. I don't think I've seen too many of those Steve. Steve Harvey is not to be

[00:48:33] I mean, he's like a buffoon and he's an idiot silly

[00:48:36] And then opinion he holds his wrongs or whatever

[00:48:39] Yeah, I mean that should like I send me to Iraq. I'll kill the children

[00:48:45] That's funny, but then his execution of that bit is also so much better than most well. He's performing. Yeah

[00:48:51] Yeah, he's performing, but he's like it's fucking funny. Yeah, it's really funny. I think Cat Williams is really funny

[00:48:58] Cat Williams is great. He's amazing. How will he's his fucking last special his last special was pretty fucking good

[00:49:04] Seriously, like white people white people voting this year in line like they got a secret

[00:49:13] Step forward step thing. I mean the physicality of it. He does that. Yeah, but he's sorry

[00:49:18] But I watch a couple back to back. He's he does a couple the act. That's at the same every time. Oh, yeah

[00:49:23] Yeah, I'm only gonna give a fuck you want you want the greatest hits, baby, of course. Yeah

[00:49:28] I mean he does just you wedding the second he does do 15 minutes 15 minutes on Jacksonville of the new special

[00:49:35] That is like how the hell does this guy know so much about Jacksonville? Yeah, he's not even from there

[00:49:40] No, a comedy kind of hit a stride again in like the probably mid to late 90s and

[00:49:46] But I wasn't that like kind of the dark era

[00:49:48] But I was absolutely in terms of business in terms of like it was funny. Yeah, I'd say yeah

[00:49:53] But I also do feel like there is like Pete there. I don't know really old shit

[00:49:58] It's kind of like watching the NBA or like old yeah, they're not as good

[00:50:01] Yeah, it's just like there's not as many laughs per minute. There's not as much. Yeah, and I think probably there is an there's probably an era

[00:50:06] That was like more contemporary. Yeah, but you're I mean look at the state comedies in and it's like Nanette is the most

[00:50:13] Oh, yeah, that sucks dick. Yeah, yeah

[00:50:16] Well, it's a weird comedy is so bad now that it's just moved away from comedy

[00:50:21] Well for like stand up whatever dude comedy's not I don't think comedy's important. Yeah, well stand up comedy

[00:50:27] That's what I'm fucking talking. Yeah, I don't mean comedy at large, but I mean that no that's also true

[00:50:32] They don't make comedy movies anymore. They're not profitable. They don't make them any there like the last like

[00:50:38] Major studio like comedy. I haven't watched Drew Michaels thing yet. He just had a HBS. Yeah, but there's no audience

[00:50:44] He's alone. It's him. It's it's like shots of him up close and then you know weird. Yeah

[00:50:50] Yeah, I don't know I've seen it. I mean I'm friends. Is it an hour? I like Drew and he's a good comic, but that seems weird

[00:50:55] Yeah, yeah, well, I mean what's your name? Did that Maria Bamford did that for her cats? No, no, she never her parents

[00:51:01] That was good actually it's like how is this the evolution of comedy is writing more jokes, right?

[00:51:07] Yeah, well, that's what I mean

[00:51:08] It's like it's that's just not the same thing with Nanette where it's just like I mean this could be good

[00:51:12] But it's not a stand-up. Like it is I don't know and where are you going?

[00:51:16] Adam has to piss everyone apologize Adam

[00:51:20] He's he refuses anyway, man. Yeah, it's like I don't know it's

[00:51:26] There is an impulse always with anything to be like well everything's been done already, but it's not true

[00:51:32] I mean it's just that's never fucking true. Yeah, it's standing on a stage in talking. There's infinite fucking possibilities for sure

[00:51:39] Do it to an audience and make them laugh. It's be funny. Yeah, and I mean that's how I feel

[00:51:44] I don't overthink the shit. I don't ever think anything. I've tried I try not to think you don't even yeah

[00:51:49] Forget overthink but like I just want to get on stage and do what's funny to me and right figure it out

[00:51:54] Yeah, I don't really give a fuck where I stand

[00:51:56] I'm not really trying to like I mean I'm not trying to be you know

[00:51:59] I'm not trying to be reductive, but I'm also not like oh I have to be cutting edge or whatever

[00:52:04] I'm just I'm a fucking idiot who

[00:52:06] Talks about shit that makes me feel bad and then hopefully I find a joke in it. You know what I mean?

[00:52:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's all comedy is yeah

[00:52:13] Yeah, and I and I don't find it to be a higher art for my think it's stupid. No, it's not a high-art

[00:52:18] It's barely art. It's barely art. Yeah, yeah

[00:52:20] But if I can some people sometimes

[00:52:23] On a very rare occasion couldn't do something you're like oh, that's good. That's

[00:52:28] That makes me like think about how you know being alive or yeah

[00:52:33] Luis had like a couple jokes and specials where I've been like oh, that's like yeah

[00:52:38] That's on a different level and I'd like to maybe have one my goal is

[00:52:41] You have to be like in your age special you have to be in your forties to yeah

[00:52:46] You they comes with like life experience and like to like get gravitas or like whatever. Yeah, but

[00:52:53] Yeah, I think I think it's yeah totally fine. I mean Cameron Cameron Esposito's

[00:52:59] Her rate she didn't think he's a joke. I'm going to work any rape jokes in it some kind of giant totem

[00:53:05] That's my gonna be my wife's work. Okay. Like a tower of babble some yes some giant tower. How tall?

[00:53:12] It's gotta be taller in the world trade center

[00:53:14] You'd want to go you it would be unfinished you would keep wanting to keep building higher time

[00:53:19] Would it just be a collection of shit you just like like pots

[00:53:23] You're hot gluing it together tumbles

[00:53:35] All the languages and then it was destroyed by God because he doesn't didn't want any spread everyone else around

[00:53:43] Everyone around the world and gave them different languages

[00:53:46] People talking to each other snitching on I think they were trying to get up to see him or something

[00:53:51] Be like fuck you with different languages. I don't really remember that's right Chinese and one floor

[00:53:56] No, no, everyone spoke the same language before they did it. I think

[00:54:00] And then I think God got mad and so if you're racist you actually hate God

[00:54:05] God gets mad a lot. You really old testament God for sure. Yeah. Yeah, that's my god

[00:54:11] Jewish

[00:54:12] Fingers on fire. Yeah the bitchy god kill like babies all just left and right. Yeah, that shit that he did

[00:54:18] They would ever the fuck Abraham or whatever made him kill his son. Well, he like had to like get real close to kill

[00:54:24] Yeah, yeah, and then he was like sigh

[00:54:28] And then he's like, you know what God this like mysterious voice in the sky that I've been talking to I will kill my son

[00:54:34] Yeah, you know, yeah, he shouldn't have done that. He's a bad father

[00:54:38] And that's supposed to be like fuck an example of like what faith is yeah

[00:54:42] It's murdering the son that you waited for for 75 and plenty plenty of women

[00:54:47] Plenty of women in Texas have you know drowned all four of their kids and then had to go to jail for that

[00:54:53] Yeah, but they had the same exact but you know a story God told that God was selling them. What's the difference?

[00:54:59] You know, let him free. Yeah, they are prophets

[00:55:03] Yeah, if they're God doesn't promise their heart go to jail

[00:55:08] That's the God doesn't promise it. You won't that's true

[00:55:12] It's locked up at the end of that story. Yeah, yeah, like damn that's fucked up man

[00:55:16] You're gonna sacrifice your son. I watched this talking about when mothers killing their kids and shit. I watched

[00:55:25] The season finale of sharp objects you guys watch that

[00:55:28] No, I've never played a man. Is that something that scares you? Yeah, I'm like I don't want to go

[00:55:33] Pop

[00:55:35] I was a child thought you could do that to fat people

[00:55:38] Is that you could pop them and they'd fly around the room

[00:55:42] Which balloons don't even there was that there's a month you fight on sketch about the fact

[00:55:46] I'm the restaurant and he's like miss you do you want dessert and then he eats the wafer cookie and he explodes

[00:55:52] Yeah, I used to think that was really good

[00:55:56] One of those guys was gay and he fucked a bunch of guys. Yeah, rich guy was gay the guy with the pipe the British guy

[00:56:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah, the little guy the quiet one

[00:56:07] They told I watch a documentary and they told some story about seeing him just fuck a guy

[00:56:11] What's his name Graham something he would just go out and get Graham Norton Graham Norton

[00:56:18] Did you know Graham Norton's gay remember when the Graham Norton show came out? No, of course

[00:56:22] He's the case guy vault. I didn't Graham Norton show came out and like I didn't know what he who he was because I'm American

[00:56:28] Yeah, it was on BBC America. Well, it was on C. W. Or some shit. I think so. I don't remember

[00:56:35] Yeah, that fucked up like Northern Irish accent too. It's like what the fuck kind of accent is that the clip sometimes are on

[00:56:41] On Facebook and it's a pretty good show

[00:56:44] Yeah, they have a lot of fun on that. Yeah fun time

[00:56:47] You know Russell Crow apparently do you know the guy who played Superman was in from England?

[00:56:53] Henry cave, though. Yeah. Yeah, he sucked. Yeah, but he was in the new mission impossible

[00:56:58] He's the worst actor of all time. He he met Russell Crow when he was like a little ass kid

[00:57:03] And he said I want to be a bad man or something like that and then they like met up later

[00:57:09] Or like they were on the same movie and the rest remember that kid from you fucking talk to he's like yeah

[00:57:15] It's like it was fucking me, dude. Yeah, there's a gram norton effect

[00:57:18] It sounds pretty tight. It was cool if you'd watched it. Yeah, well, what's his name?

[00:57:23] Greaseman from the French soccer team met Zadan after they won the World Cup in 98

[00:57:27] Well, he said I'm gonna win the World Cup and then they just I mean it probably so many kids said it

[00:57:32] I'm sure yeah, pretty cool, but he did that anyways the first time I saw a grand orton

[00:57:36] I didn't know Graham Norton was because you know, I'm not British or whatever

[00:57:40] Yeah, and it was like what the what the fuck is it presented him as if like you should know who Graham

[00:57:45] Norman of course like it was a big get they did the same thing with James Corden

[00:57:49] Yeah, that was weird because it was like what was it even his credit?

[00:57:53] What was he he's like not going away? He'll never go away. He was the fattest man in

[00:57:58] No, he was like a musical theater. I remember that fat guy that had pictures of the Queen

[00:58:03] Oh, yeah, I love that guy the unit. That was the best picture of the year that guy rules the absolute

[00:58:09] You know fridge. Yeah. Oh, was that the was that the origin of absolute unit? Yeah, it was that picture

[00:58:16] Yeah, this lad is absolute unit

[00:58:21] The material that it would take to make that suit is an unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, let's look him up again

[00:58:27] So many fucking you could yeah so many homeless families have that guy suit. Mm-hmm. It's amazing

[00:58:37] Y'all y'all can shy this is why you got to ruin shit by getting too much information. Yeah, it's true

[00:58:42] You can just smile and I thought that's how the Jews ruined religion for themselves

[00:58:47] Well, they invented yeah, but then they had to find out that God didn't exist now. Everybody hates them. Yeah, if they just

[00:58:53] Stayed in their lane. How did they find out by killing Jesus by learning how to read?

[00:58:59] they all had to learn how to read because

[00:59:02] Judaism requires literacy. Oh fuck. So I read well, that's why the Jews are hated is because

[00:59:08] They know it was like the only group of people that required literacy of all so it's all nerds

[00:59:13] Well, it's all nerds. They all went into finance or banking because

[00:59:17] And then you know they would adopt usury which they're allowed to engage in as long as it's towards

[00:59:23] Non-Jews so then they would just steal everyone's money. I'm sorry take everyone

[00:59:28] Wasn't some shit like it was like, you know people didn't thought it was bullshit

[00:59:32] She's got the enlightenment like a hundred years after Europe got it at least like Eastern European Jews

[00:59:38] They like the enlightenment was like in the 1700s and then the bulk of Ashkenazi

[00:59:44] What's that when that's what I call taking a shit?

[00:59:47] No, you know because I go in and like myself after dropping a fucking fat load

[00:59:52] No, yeah a bunch of people realized there was no God before Jews did no, I don't think so

[00:59:58] Now the Jews kind of always knew there wasn't God as soon as as soon as Christianity was born the Jews thought okay

[01:00:05] We need another game plan. So obviously we accept that God doesn't exist. We're gonna go into banking

[01:00:10] Which a lot of them just hidden which is shettles most of them hidden which is fine

[01:00:15] The majority of them went into banking and they controlled the world's fine. That's not true

[01:00:19] They

[01:00:21] They all wanted Jesus to be like some big-day guy with a sword that was gonna chop off Caesar's juice did yeah, right?

[01:00:27] Isn't that what they were looking for in the mist?

[01:00:30] They just suggested they thought Jesus was gonna be Jewish instead of Christian, but he showed up

[01:00:36] It wasn't Christian. There was no such thing as Chris showed up and he's like I'm Christian. I'm me. Yeah

[01:00:43] That's like you saying I'm moldy and no it's not like it's not nothing like saying that

[01:00:48] Anyways, the Jews couldn't stand that that Messiah turned out to be a Christian

[01:00:55] This Gentiles gonna tell me what to do

[01:00:59] Is there any way we can screw him over with

[01:01:02] Interest rates no, they were just trying to you know, they lightly suggested to Pontius Pilate

[01:01:08] But they might want to do something about I've heard he's been saying something they suggested

[01:01:12] Did he flip over like he went he brought you to the money the money lenders. I like to imagine Jesus walking into the temple like a

[01:01:20] 80s movie bully like flipping over cafeteria tables

[01:01:25] Like oh, yeah, what's up fogle trying to have your lunch in here not on my watch

[01:01:33] Yeah, they I owe Adams friends. I think he made it like a tremendous mess my lunch

[01:01:38] I

[01:01:40] One individual pickle with the side of a salt packet

[01:01:46] What what's the fuck is Gefilte fish? I feel like that was the go-to punchline for Jewish food bullshit white fish

[01:01:52] It's just like it's maybe a couple positive a paste

[01:01:56] Composite of three different fishes that are kind of ground up like a hamburger and then mold it into a loaf

[01:02:03] That sounds gross. It's a fish low. It tastes pretty good

[01:02:06] Sounds bad. It's not bad

[01:02:08] But it was a big it was a big joke in rush hour obviously that's why yeah

[01:02:13] Yeah, cuz I love filthy fish that movie by the way holds up. What the hell in a filthy fish. Yeah. Yeah

[01:02:20] That was a that was a good. Can you understand words are coming out of my mouth?

[01:02:25] Could you all don't stop

[01:02:29] Great

[01:02:31] Solid

[01:02:35] Speaking of Jackie Chan we will be in Japan. That's right. We're going to Japan

[01:02:41] Joe Joe he grew up

[01:02:45] I got this Japanese haircut and I really think it's really embarrassing. What makes you think it's a Japanese

[01:02:51] It was all Japanese people that were at the hairdresser. Oh is that so I've always had white trash haircuts. Yeah, yeah, no I have to shut up

[01:03:00] No, dude, it looks fine shut up, but it looks I feel like it looks kind of super saying right now

[01:03:06] Well, I think the answer is to continue looking at yourself in the mirror and fishing for complex

[01:03:11] America yeah, we maybe you do look in the mirror not on the podcast I focus on the job. I hate don't want anymore

[01:03:21] We'll be free soon. I know anyway, so yeah guys the plan good luck. It was the play

[01:03:30] Fully realized

[01:03:32] No, we got to figure that out

[01:03:34] So yeah, we think we're gonna we actually I'm gonna be Japan we're gonna go to Japan before or after Australia before

[01:03:40] I'll be nice little fun boys trip. It's gonna be like kind of us trying to save the marriage

[01:03:45] And maybe like we'll have some momentum from it for a couple weeks afterwards and then we'll just slow down to

[01:03:52] the slow the pace of our normal lives and

[01:03:56] You know whatever man. I mean sushi. I mean ramen. I'm eating fucking I'm gonna eat so much food when I'm there

[01:04:03] Before we go to Japan though. We will be Tory

[01:04:05] We'll be in Cleveland on this fucking leave on that I don't know I got to check the numbers

[01:04:11] But I don't we in fact it's not so that they would have said something so please buy tickets to that

[01:04:15] We are in hilarities on the second

[01:04:18] In Cleveland Sunday 420

[01:04:21] So please buy those tickets you find that on my website and then the next day on Monday. We are in Boston

[01:04:27] We're doing a live podcast at eight o'clock at laugh Boston that is sold out though

[01:04:32] So now there's a six o'clock stand-up show if you want to come see that I posted the link for the

[01:04:37] Tickets, but I'll post it again, and I also put it's also on stavey dot biz

[01:04:42] STHV

[01:04:43] 6b

[01:04:44] Um also, there's funny moms the next Monday, which I will not be there cuz it is on the 10th

[01:04:50] I will not be there, but Nick and stop why aren't you gonna be there? It is the

[01:04:54] Jewish holiday of rush Hashanah really are you really not gonna be I'm gonna go see I'm gonna go see my folks

[01:05:03] Damn I also want to get into Jewish holidays. You can't they're pretty bad for the most part

[01:05:10] Yeah, they're not very whoo San Genaro is coming up. That's a better. Oh fuck god damn. I love San Genaro

[01:05:18] Let me plug my ditch real quick and I'm in Connecticut on the seventh of the Fairfield Comedy Club Friday the seventh

[01:05:23] Please buy takes of that and then I'm in your lens on the 14th

[01:05:27] I'm sorry on the 15th and Lafayette Louisiana on the 14th

[01:05:31] So pleased by those motherfucking tickets and then finally Chicago

[01:05:34] I am at the Lincoln Lodge on the 21st of the 22nd and then the 23rd. I'm in Detroit doing a fucking hour

[01:05:41] That's an early show is driving you driving out there. No taking plane

[01:05:46] How far is this drive to Detroit's dude? I drove I drove me and Lewis and Dave out there doing coke though. That's true

[01:05:51] Yeah

[01:05:53] That doesn't mean that I didn't drive there you know if you did drive you had some you had some help along the way

[01:05:58] Yeah, and then we're in Australia in Sydney the 23rd Melbourne 26th

[01:06:04] Brisbane 28th so I take us to those motherfuckers to and I guess there's two different shows

[01:06:09] It's gonna be a podcast and a stand-up show if it yet when they sell sell out

[01:06:14] We do we'll do a stand-up show after the live pod

[01:06:16] So if you didn't if you missed a chance to watch you do the live pod come watch is you stand up or do both?

[01:06:21] We're probably never coming back to Australia again for the rest of our lives. I'm gonna go once a year

[01:06:27] Damn we need some fucking zannies for the plane, dude

[01:06:29] Yeah, we're gonna get a zannies mail them to Nick or Adam who's both the dresses have been said on the podcast stops address

[01:06:37] No

[01:06:39] Because one of his weird bullshit queens addresses where they got two numbers with a dash and what the fuck are they thinking?

[01:06:45] I don't know what's going on in Queens. I like Queens man. I like the story. I'm hiding Nazis weird addresses

[01:06:50] You know, it's so many of you and we were I'm I am more mad about the addresses in Queens than harboring a Nazi

[01:06:59] We're gonna Nick and I have a little Queens

[01:07:02] Date night at the end of this month when I will be in stop is out of town. Oh, yeah

[01:07:08] You see Paul Simon. We're gonna see his final concert ever. Yeah. Yeah Neil Simon died today by the way

[01:07:14] He died yesterday. Are they related? No, well

[01:07:18] Probably part of the same global

[01:07:22] RIP to Neil Simon RIP to John Mickey, that's right. Just kidding

[01:07:27] I'm gonna be those guys that got got at the mad tournament. Mm-hmm. That was pretty fucked up

[01:07:31] Yeah, it's been a week of RIP that guy was from Baltimore the shooter. Yeah, mm-hmm David Katz

[01:07:37] Represent dude. Hey, proud. He's a shout outs at Baltimore. We're proud of him. All right guys. We'll be back. Bye

[01:08:07] You