Cum Town | Regular | 08/11/2016
[00:00:00] So we're either back from break or this is the beginning.
[00:00:27] I think this is the beginning of the episode.
[00:00:33] I first half stop was late so Mia Adam did.
[00:00:43] I'll be there like half halfway into the show.
[00:00:51] Now we have the riffs we had on the first one.
[00:00:58] Yeah, just bring back all the hell you were.
[00:01:01] Stop fucking you stop was late and we're joking that he was at a.
[00:01:14] That's why he's late is because you went and got a fucking sandwich.
[00:01:26] Okay, well you guys just hang out early.
[00:01:32] And then when we finish this, I'll just tack on that first half at the end in case people
[00:01:40] So we'll repeat all the things we said.
[00:01:44] I talked about how my dad got depressed after he saw Avatar because he didn't live in the
[00:01:50] There's actually some good stuff in that first.
[00:01:56] Well, no, stay stick around guys for the bonus.
[00:02:00] I think that if the first half goes at the beginning, people won't be listening by this
[00:02:26] I'm sure the end word is going to come up again a couple times.
[00:02:29] There's only a couple of things to talk about folks.
[00:02:37] Well, just like a come town news, I was in DC this weekend and I talked to a friend
[00:02:42] of mine who is a nanny for a retarded Chinese boy.
[00:02:57] That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
[00:02:59] Somebody mentioned having like a Chinese nanny recently and like the first place my head
[00:03:40] Why did they have a butler and a nanny?
[00:03:43] That's how fucking Sheffield was fucking caked up.
[00:03:56] No, who the fuck is the king of England?
[00:04:05] What do you mean the husband or the queen?
[00:04:24] There's a certain type of drone that fucks the queen.
[00:04:27] And that produces everybody in England.
[00:04:33] A specific kind of chimney sweep fucks the queen.
[00:04:35] I like how they named like bees, they named like the queen.
[00:04:38] They're like, oh, that must be the royal one because it's the biggest.
[00:04:43] It's just this sex slave that lives in the middle of the high.
[00:04:49] She's just a big fuck hog that lives in the middle of the beehive.
[00:04:57] Imagine if we could just go every time we want to fuck, just take a train to like the queen.
[00:05:00] The middle of like this midtown or something.
[00:05:02] And then just fuck right where we're building the empty line.
[00:05:06] There's an eleven hundred pound woman that everyone has sex with.
[00:05:10] That's a good push underneath that stomach.
[00:05:15] Who's bit is that everyone's I don't think it's anybody's bit.
[00:05:27] You think they'd be nasty, but underneath that stomach.
[00:05:48] I still think she's the boss of everyone.
[00:05:51] What does she do to make them she just gets fun?
[00:05:53] Was there a queen in the Jerry Seinfeld movie?
[00:05:56] Jerry Seinfeld is the one be the can't get it hard for the queen.
[00:06:05] And then fucking like craymers like Jerry.
[00:06:17] Wait, so they got so Woody Allen got an aunt movie.
[00:06:29] But that was a bootleg of Bugs Life, right?
[00:06:31] It came out at the same time and Bugs Life killed.
[00:06:49] It was the same movie as Bugs Life, except it was called Ants.
[00:06:54] Next, they're going to give Kevin Hart the cicada movie.
[00:07:12] Ooh, every Jewish comedian should get a bug CG.
[00:07:18] It's catch trying to eat my fucking sub.
[00:07:21] Move it the other direction because it's going to fuck up the podcasting equipment.
[00:07:32] There's a cat in the Anthony Coomie Studios now.
[00:07:37] Me and Stav are doing the Anthony Coomie a show next week.
[00:07:40] By the way, it seems like an error on like, like, looking.
[00:07:44] No, no, no, like, political season to be on the Anthony Coomie.
[00:07:54] So, you know, like, just last week was like, you know, that shooting at that nightclub in
[00:08:00] As soon as it happened, he's on fucking Twitter.
[00:08:06] He's on social media and he tweeted, I guess black lives don't matter with like the black
[00:08:11] And it's like, what do you stand to gain in this?
[00:08:17] You're just happy that black children are dead.
[00:08:21] Somebody was showing me when that guy drove that truck through the in France.
[00:08:36] I just don't know how to drive this truck.
[00:08:49] This guy's really trying to get after my sub.
[00:08:54] It doesn't respect the rules of broadcasting.
[00:08:57] It doesn't know that we're this is an alpha male podcast and we don't stand for that kind
[00:09:09] Something about when that happened and somebody said something or something.
[00:09:33] I didn't think you guys are going to be here this week to do this one.
[00:09:37] So I was going to do like a podcast takeover where it's like an episode on like carpentry
[00:09:44] and then just have another mic like next to the fucking circular saw and then just be
[00:09:54] Just blow out the fucking have it be completely.
[00:09:59] I thought that would be a fun way to treat the listeners of the show.
[00:10:04] So who do nothing for us, literally nothing for any of us.
[00:10:20] I'm such a fucking idiot to the president of comedy.
[00:10:23] I yeah, I just completely forgot where I parked.
[00:10:26] And like I call the cops three different times.
[00:10:32] And they come and they're like they refuse to take a report.
[00:10:36] They're like, we don't believe that you, your car got stolen.
[00:10:44] Call back and like call back the next shift.
[00:10:47] I'm like, all right, these I can't believe it.
[00:10:49] I'm being fucking oppressed by these fucking pigs.
[00:10:54] I look all up and down fucking all the story from like a fucking 15 block radius, dude.
[00:10:59] I'm talking like from you know, Broadway to fucking 24th Avenue from 42nd Street to 50th
[00:11:08] Wait a minute, 42nd Street all the way to 50th Street.
[00:11:18] This is like a pretty New York insider part of the podcast.
[00:11:33] The second guys won't take a fucking they won't take the report because it's registered
[00:11:39] So they tell me get a fucking notarized letter from your father.
[00:11:43] Get title registration, all this fucking paperwork that I got my parents to prepare.
[00:11:49] My brothers were visiting me that weekend.
[00:11:53] Next day I call the cops finally again.
[00:11:58] These are the third people that have come out.
[00:12:06] And they're like, look, we understand we have to do like our investigation.
[00:12:11] We're just going to take you up and down some streets for 10 minutes and then we can be
[00:12:16] And I'm like, listen, you stupid motherfuckers.
[00:12:19] I have walked up and down this whole neighborhood, but fine.
[00:12:24] And so I am about to take them back on 42nd through 50th, but 42nd's blocked.
[00:12:29] So they go up 41st and my car is just on 41st right there, right by my house.
[00:12:34] They probably found your car immediately after they first came out and they were like,
[00:12:37] Yeah, fucking it was just so embarrassing.
[00:12:40] Did you see that video that guy in Staten Island like tearing down the ribbons for the
[00:12:45] No, they're like the headline was Black Lives Matter supporter tearing down blue lives matter
[00:12:52] And then you watch the video and he's wearing like short, short, like bite.
[00:12:58] It's like a white dude with the fucking Mac or more hair.
[00:13:01] It's just some fucking like piece of the insert that's like, I'm going to move to like Staten
[00:13:05] Yeah, I'm going to move to Staten Island.
[00:13:09] And so he's tearing down the ribbons like emphatically and he's like, Black Lives Matter
[00:13:20] It's like Black Lives Matter not blue lives or whatever.
[00:13:24] And just like, you know, like kissing them and throwing them a ground.
[00:13:28] And yeah, Staten Island is basically a police station.
[00:13:33] The entire island is like a police station built on top of garbage.
[00:13:38] How does the economy work if everyone is a firefighter there?
[00:13:42] Literally every single male in Staten Island.
[00:13:51] Just think about all the pins and little flags that they.
[00:13:59] A little hats, little helmets for tiny hats.
[00:14:04] Yeah, like I got a firefighter store with firefighter T-shirts, fire, fire, pins.
[00:14:09] They say firefighters, you know, they got the biggest hoses.
[00:14:22] It was like a cool guy on like the truck this week, but he like also was like, you
[00:14:27] know, he's like from the Bronx or whatever.
[00:14:29] And yeah, just not cat calling women, but like every girl walks by the truck just like,
[00:14:38] Wait, but you know why it's in theory, right?
[00:14:42] What's that to them or like quite a little.
[00:14:44] Yeah, I feel like only because it was hot out.
[00:14:49] Well, we did truck boys like you just become a monster when you do menial labor.
[00:14:56] I remember when we were in that truck and they were just like girls walking past the truck
[00:14:58] and I'd be like, I would I would fucking I would fuck her in the ass right now.
[00:15:02] Yeah, I don't care what I don't care if it's 10 degrees outside.
[00:15:08] I would just behaving the way you think Teamster should behave.
[00:15:12] You just first of all, I am a teamster.
[00:15:18] You literally just become a monster when you're working a menial labor job.
[00:15:22] That's inside you the whole time, Adam.
[00:15:27] That's what you know, the second I lift one box that I've got.
[00:15:36] That's like, like, you know how Buddhists have like all.
[00:15:45] And it's like he has yoga, but it's to make your, you less flexible.
[00:15:50] And so that you fucking slip a disc, try and pick up, you know, your wallet when you're
[00:15:58] Do you know what would be a fat guy with big ass arms?
[00:16:14] The whole time it right for the pizza or the bagels.
[00:16:23] They're just tricking fat people into giving them $10 a month.
[00:16:27] It's a low enough number that you don't really have to commit to go to the gym.
[00:16:32] I mean, what the fuck is in a plan of fitness?
[00:16:38] Yeah, like 10, 10-tonne's dog rack or anything like that.
[00:16:42] There's dumbbells up to like 90 pounds.
[00:16:45] And like there's Smith machines and she is.
[00:16:47] Which is really, I need more than the other one.
[00:16:54] So I used to work out in the gym next to like the office in my apartment complex and
[00:16:59] the maintenance guy who was like, just sort of a weird guy.
[00:17:06] And he's like, I just say shit that was like obviously not true.
[00:17:11] And he like came into the weight room while I was in there like squatting or something
[00:17:15] and he's like, yep, I used to curl 225 pounds.
[00:17:32] It's like, yeah, no, you know you didn't.
[00:17:34] I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:17:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was like a it was like a small room.
[00:17:48] I was there by myself with the rack and he walked in and he's just like, you know, hands
[00:18:05] That guy, he blew up at Seth one time and Seth was like completely shook.
[00:18:11] Because all the comics lived in that, in that, yeah, yeah, we all lived in that apartment
[00:18:14] complex and like he had said something like about Seth's girlfriend, you know, and they
[00:18:18] were like, and he, in his mind, he was joking around or whatever.
[00:18:21] And I guess Seth was, you know, you mean his Goyell friends?
[00:18:25] He was like, he was like, yeah, I guess you like them Amazonian girls, huh?
[00:18:30] Because his girlfriend's like, five, nine, you know, and so he's like, I guess you like
[00:18:37] And Seth was like, you know, watch it, buddy.
[00:18:39] I'll knock that coffee cup right out of your hand, you know, and it, and Harlan's mood
[00:18:45] And he's like, yeah, that'll be the last fucking thing you ever do.
[00:18:49] And like, I was like, oh, like terrified.
[00:18:56] I love there's that aggression for no fucking reason.
[00:18:58] Just always hoping to get into a fight.
[00:19:02] I'm so scared of those kind of guys though.
[00:19:05] Yeah, but everybody wants to be those guys.
[00:19:07] And that's what a good prophet Tim Allen teaches us.
[00:19:16] Like yeah, any kind of violent altercation.
[00:19:22] There was a shove, a shove, a shoved guy and then the you were the aggressor.
[00:19:27] The security at the Wonderland ballroom scored him out.
[00:19:30] Okay, well, we did a brand new weather be his podcast.
[00:19:38] So he's like, I'm getting a guest host this week.
[00:19:44] It was this like talk show podcast, whatever in like a bar, basically.
[00:19:52] It's hella paid attention to the he puts so much effort into that podcast.
[00:19:55] It's got to have big numbers to justify.
[00:19:59] I don't know if he's doing it as much anymore.
[00:20:02] I think he's like more into writing for that website.
[00:20:06] Bwets anyway, so Michael, so you got he had a book, a band and guests and stuff.
[00:20:23] They're these three guys in the back of the room.
[00:20:37] Michael's doing a very bad job of hosting the show.
[00:20:42] And then he's like, um, uh, next up we have the band.
[00:20:45] I don't know if they're here and it's those three guys stand up.
[00:20:49] And then they like take their acoustic guitars.
[00:20:56] And they like start playing these like this really bad like blue grassy, like it was awful.
[00:21:01] I remember one of the lines of their songs was I'll write you letters from the blood
[00:21:22] Brandon had one of those zoom recorder things.
[00:21:25] And so he plugged it into the soundboard and my job was to take it and like keep it at
[00:21:32] my house until he was in town the next week.
[00:21:35] And so I grabbed the zoom recorder after the show and those three guys like who had a terrible
[00:21:46] Would this be like funny to set up if you could like had the money to bankroll it but
[00:21:50] an MMA promotion, but all the fighters have to fight in jeans.
[00:21:54] They all wear like Wrangler dungarees, like big work jeans.
[00:22:01] That's like your style of fighting is what kind of.
[00:22:05] Doesn't jinko sound like like an Australian racial slur?
[00:22:10] Every Australian word sounds like a racial.
[00:22:16] You let him stick his didgeridoo dickens audio.
[00:22:19] You know their comments got age in it, don't you?
[00:22:23] Yeah, it's got that didgeridoo bog semen in it.
[00:22:27] This neighborhood's all lemmas, jinkos.
[00:22:30] Anyway, I grabbed the zoom recorder I'm leaving and this the dude, one of the dudes is like,
[00:22:38] if you fucking put that on the internet, I'm gonna sue you.
[00:22:41] And I was like, you're not gonna sue anyone.
[00:22:46] So he grabs the zoom recorder and I'm like, we're in like a struggle for the zoom recorder.
[00:22:51] And this guy agreed to be on a podcast.
[00:22:54] He agreed to be on a talk show podcast with his fucking awful man.
[00:22:58] And he bombed and he was heckling the whole show.
[00:23:01] And Michael is like on the side the whole time and he's like, even though it's a poorly
[00:23:06] attended, that we have a listenership of 60,000 people, you know, like he was just like, you
[00:23:16] This dude, I like grabbed the zoom recorder and he gets in my face and he's like, listen,
[00:23:22] And the second he said, while the while the thing's still recording.
[00:23:26] Yeah, no, no, it wasn't recording at this point.
[00:23:32] He's like, I'm a fucking breaker glasses.
[00:23:34] And then the second he said, Jew, for some reason, I don't know, I just shoved him into
[00:23:40] You're training kicked in my training came in here.
[00:23:48] That band the band Bruno Mars and the Mars boys.
[00:23:52] That was before they Bruno Mars and the Mars Mars.
[00:23:59] And as he got the bottom surgery, he got dragged out.
[00:24:04] And then that's how it came up with that song.
[00:24:08] Was that one shove fight that I was in when I was 24 years old?
[00:24:22] I was in a room of people that were like, this fucking song.
[00:24:29] He was dressed exactly like a member of that girl Chelsea that did comedy.
[00:24:46] Yeah, I remember how DC is good Brandon Brandon booked this guy on one of those shows one time
[00:24:52] who brought this weird fucking like accordion thing.
[00:24:57] He had this like weird bullshit instrument that this guy like he's like, and you know,
[00:25:01] whether he knows that thing from from that.
[00:25:03] That PTS is a movie from with a tiny piano.
[00:25:14] You know, and when I got something I know something.
[00:25:21] You know, and the guy doesn't even know how to fucking play the thing.
[00:25:26] Yeah, like Dana was like crying, trying not to laugh.
[00:25:33] He's wearing like girl jeans and like, I think he was doing like poems about how he might
[00:25:39] I couldn't tell what like the point of it was.
[00:25:44] We were talking about slam poems, like how 50% of slam poems, like they accidentally say
[00:25:50] I don't think we were talking about that.
[00:25:53] Personally, I don't think it's funny to make fun of slam poetry.
[00:26:10] One thing I said in the since we're catching up, I said in the first half that's not coming
[00:26:16] out, but I went back to Vegas for my dad's birthday.
[00:26:19] Oh hell, you all went to a bar together.
[00:26:23] Actually, like the people that my parents and my sister me.
[00:26:26] And there's a dude dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow in the part where you would Joe's
[00:26:32] And then the cheeky lounge like Hawaiian theme bar.
[00:26:34] It was 111 degrees outside and night times.
[00:26:41] Hang out a Joe's crab shack as Jack Sparrow at the bar and try to pick fights with you.
[00:26:51] Just order order margaritas and try to fucking get in a fight with you.
[00:26:54] So I see the Jack Sparrow guy, my sister sees him.
[00:26:58] Haley goes to law school with that guy.
[00:27:06] No, I think he was hired for like the okay that we were at maybe.
[00:27:09] But whatever we were just joking around earlier about like a pirate in law school.
[00:27:15] She's like, oh, yeah, that pirate goes to my law school.
[00:27:20] How long do you think it would take if you came back to a place dressed as a fictional
[00:27:24] character to just get give people would kick you out ever?
[00:27:27] Or do you think they'd be like, just you'd be that free publicity.
[00:27:31] You'd be like a free fixture to the bar.
[00:27:34] What if you like spent your time putting either a cool bar and some guy just kept showing
[00:27:40] I think could you do anything about that?
[00:27:43] You can't kick him out for being really cool.
[00:27:46] Why would you get the coolest guy in the bar?
[00:27:49] You can't kick him out unless it's actually Johnny Depp in which case you can ask him
[00:27:55] I think that that guy actually was telling me was a glorified like like Times Square
[00:28:00] Elmo, like street performer from the strip that was so good.
[00:28:05] Oh, he came up like he would hire him for events.
[00:28:08] That girl was so hot that ever ever heard Johnny Depp and the one you want to beat up
[00:28:13] which is like she's so hot that like even for being Johnny Depp, I don't think he should
[00:28:19] So even if she is lying, it's like, yeah, I'm kind of on her side here.
[00:28:26] You don't think Johnny Depp, the famous millionaire movie actor is hot enough to fuck
[00:28:32] a hot girl to fuck a hot like actress who's also a millionaire on her own.
[00:28:43] She's in that movie starring Donnie and Mark Wohlberg, the dice brothers where they play
[00:28:50] They're like, hey, Donnie, what if we start making our own dice and they they open a
[00:28:56] dice factory and Amber plays the foreman.
[00:29:02] Yeah, and that evil Jew wants to buy it and turn the dice into the dreddles.
[00:29:06] Yeah, so the Wohlberg brothers have to tear his eyes out with meat hooks.
[00:29:14] And that's where that song brings a golden back to life and they have to fight it.
[00:29:20] Oh, what are we doing with the eye of the tiger?
[00:29:40] I think we should do an album per artist.
[00:29:44] We could almost do a full album off of Springsteen.
[00:29:47] I really wanted to, I saw the best of Kenny Loggins.
[00:29:55] I wanted to just make one of those, but it's every track as it's the danger zone.
[00:30:08] One time I was in Sam Goody and I saw the best of the Fugees.
[00:30:12] I think the Fugees only had one album, the score.
[00:30:15] So it was just a different track listing of their one album.
[00:30:29] I don't know if that was the first one.
[00:30:31] Like, there wasn't like a gift I asked for, but I mean, either one.
[00:30:44] Mine was the Backstreet Boys, untitled.
[00:30:51] A little like gender confused, fat boy.
[00:30:55] Wait, what is the gender confusion coming in?
[00:31:09] He's like, apparently grew up so poor that he had to go to school wearing his...
[00:31:17] He's like, give me his end school wearing his sister's dresses and kids would make fun of
[00:31:26] We should have a death wish viewing just the boys.
[00:31:33] Actually, I just downloaded Under Siege and I was going to watch it afterwards.
[00:31:39] So if you want to watch Under Siege after this, I know stops got to run.
[00:31:47] Tell him something came up until he listens to the podcast.
[00:31:49] And here's my secret plan to cancel his birthday.
[00:31:54] I think you came to his birthday party last year.
[00:32:04] Another Charles Bronson story that's great.
[00:32:06] Some woman who is like an heiress of some kind, or at least she had a decent amount of
[00:32:12] She had like skits of Freddy or something and she started going crazy, like late in her
[00:32:18] And she wrote her last wool in Testament and left all of her money to Charles Bronson.
[00:32:25] And she died and he got like $300,000 from this woman or something.
[00:32:30] And the family contacted and they're like, look, she was going on, she was crazy.
[00:32:35] So like if you could just give us the money and he was like, no.
[00:32:46] If you wanted, you can come and take it from a gold dead man.
[00:32:57] He's been dead since like probably the mid 90s.
[00:33:01] Because he was in something in like 2000s.
[00:33:02] It was shocking how like that he was still alive.
[00:33:05] Yeah, because he was born in like 1920.
[00:33:13] When Death Wish came out, he was already a fucking like an older guy.
[00:33:17] And that was in like what, 74 or something.
[00:33:19] Yeah, I think his whole career, he's been an older guy.
[00:33:24] I mean, he was like relatively young and like 30 dozen and shit.
[00:33:28] Was funny is like he used to be like a boxer and he like always stayed in that shape.
[00:33:47] Well, I was doing the Charles Bronzine voice.
[00:33:50] I thought you were doing the Charles and Heston voice.
[00:33:53] That's not what Charles and Heston sounds like.
[00:34:27] It opens up with this scene of him on the beach and like a Speedo.
[00:34:31] And like you're used to seeing him in like fucking pea coats and shit like lurking around
[00:34:36] And he's wearing this like you know tiny bathing suit and he's just fucking jacked and he's
[00:34:41] I think there are like memes with that picture.
[00:34:45] Yeah and that and the Sean Connery and a Speedo with the bullet...
[00:34:55] I wanted to get a portrait tattoo of Charles Bronson.
[00:35:12] You become a cool guy like every comedian who gets sleeves and...
[00:35:24] Shouldn't get buried in a Jewish cemetery dude.
[00:35:27] I'm friends with the guy that's the lizard.
[00:35:36] Yeah I don't know if I told this story on the podcast but I used to deliver pizza in Austin.
[00:35:44] But Austin's also filled with a bunch of fucking like retard's that do weird shit.
[00:35:49] Wait maybe he did come up on the podcast.
[00:35:52] And I delivered pizza to him and like I didn't recognize.
[00:35:56] He was wearing glasses but he didn't recognize me and so he was just taking the pizza and
[00:36:03] at the end I was like Eric and he was like yeah I'm like Nick.
[00:36:06] He's like oh shit yeah sorry I didn't like recognize you.
[00:36:12] I'm like okay because for like 30 seconds I legitimately thought Austin had two guys.
[00:36:17] They were completely tattooed like lizards with implants and shit.
[00:36:23] I was on the train the other day and there was a guy who had like scale like green.
[00:36:32] Like like a big like a septum like Bullring and he like sits down on the train and the
[00:36:38] next stop this mom and like little toddler gets on and she the little kid looks at him.
[00:36:48] And then just the look on this guy's face like oh Jesus fucking Christ.
[00:36:55] That just can't walk around the public.
[00:36:57] I want to get on my forehead just Staten Island.
[00:37:00] Across the top and then one of the towers on one sheet.
[00:37:03] The other tower on the other cheek and then never in the mustache area and then forget
[00:37:16] Yeah and then gauge my ears out and little pentagons.
[00:37:18] That's what that movie Memento is about was a guy who couldn't remember 9 11.
[00:37:28] There's a guy with all the tattoos from Memento.
[00:37:32] There's definitely someone who has that.
[00:37:38] It's actually not bad but it's so miscast.
[00:37:42] Like there's all these weird fucking casting choices in the movie.
[00:37:50] Elysium yeah Prometheus is like the alien prequel.
[00:37:55] Oh yeah the Ridley Scott made it right.
[00:37:58] And it's good but then well they have like Idris Elba in it.
[00:38:02] But like as a background like character he just places a captain of like the guy that
[00:38:07] flies the ship and he's like well y'all better get get back to the ship pretty soon.
[00:38:14] He's got this like weird you know he's like a redneck but then Guy Pierce plays a 90 year
[00:38:18] old man and it's like just cast a 90 year old man.
[00:38:22] Like just cast an old guy they have like Guy Pierce and all this weird like like Jackass
[00:38:29] So he doesn't he looks like the old guy from Jackass.
[00:38:32] Why don't why do they fucking bother with prosthetics and shit just fucking every actor
[00:38:36] wants to like be lauded for giving a cool performance.
[00:38:39] There's so many old ass actors can't get work.
[00:38:42] It's like how like you remember the really beautiful actresses when they go ugly they
[00:38:48] I might be imagining this but do you remember the fresh Prince of Bel Air episode?
[00:38:52] Where will Smith where's the fat suit so he knows how to like fat people feel because
[00:38:59] No yeah he's making fun of Uncle Phil for being fat.
[00:39:02] No no no no no he gets he wears a fat suit so he can know what it's like.
[00:39:16] So he would change the mom every episode every episode there's people know sometimes
[00:39:20] halfway through the episode you can see they would shoot them swapping out.
[00:39:24] She used to be like the hottest girl in the world.
[00:39:31] I was laughing at a day about like you know like today being like okay hottest girl in
[00:39:38] Way's world to yeah no now like current modern day.
[00:39:48] What I thought it was funny that David Cross said Alyssa Milano.
[00:39:51] Yeah she was like a sex symbol from 20 years ago.
[00:39:59] We only get sex when he was having sex.
[00:40:01] Yeah he probably doesn't have sex anymore.
[00:40:05] We'll probably hang out and pretty soon honestly.
[00:40:07] I saw on the street like one of my all time crushes.
[00:40:18] Nick and I walked past us on the path to Heather Graham of the street and she like literally
[00:40:25] She fucked her before she saw you and she said she didn't.
[00:40:29] Yeah she walked by and I was like I fucked you six times.
[00:40:35] Yeah I fucked you six times because it confused me.
[00:40:41] I already fucked you it wasn't that good.
[00:40:49] All the come boys out there take videos of you doing that and send us vines.
[00:40:55] We're cat calling women to raise awareness for ALS.
[00:40:57] Just run up to a random woman on the street, honker tits and an ice bucketer.
[00:41:03] Say Dix have for Harambe Brandon Wardell.
[00:41:07] Did Brandon, okay guys if you're in college.
[00:41:19] Brandon's never made anything up in his life.
[00:41:25] Whatever venue was mistakenly let Brandon do his shitty Snapchat comedy.
[00:41:30] And he's like oh I'm gonna get this dishwasher.
[00:41:41] DJing Twitter personality Brandon Wardell like that.
[00:41:49] Did Danny Trejo used to fucking rob convenience stores with hand grenades.
[00:41:57] He'd pull a fucking pin out and be like give it a money.
[00:41:58] When he was like 12 and he had that voice.
[00:42:02] Yeah the chest tattoo of the top a tee oh man.
[00:42:12] Fuck when we're talking about hot celebrity.
[00:42:23] Just like asking your friend permission to fall in love with his sister.
[00:42:31] Yo dude I know this might seem weird but like what if I fell in love with your sister.
[00:42:36] I mean I'd be perfectly real with you guys.
[00:42:39] When I was 17 me and my friend Leo had that conversation.
[00:42:52] I think I'll I think I'll love your sister.
[00:42:55] You dated Leonardo DeCaprio and I just want your permission for her hit.
[00:43:02] You don't you forget because he's a celebrity.
[00:43:04] How much of a fucking guido name Leonardo DeCaprio.
[00:43:11] He's such a blue eyed like spaghetti did the pasta sauce.
[00:43:17] Oh, happy bowl and this commend the Tory.
[00:43:22] An arrogant pair of parents to like name him like well you know like Leonardo da Vinci.
[00:43:29] That's like he's he's not even from New York right.
[00:43:36] So every child star is like you know has terrible name.
[00:43:40] They're a child star because they knew some of their parents knew somebody and they were
[00:43:53] What a you think he ever got molested like everyone in Hollywood.
[00:43:55] Who said who came on said everybody got molested in Hollywood.
[00:44:02] Someone also said it was Corey Feldman initially and people like dismissed it.
[00:44:06] Someone said that the one of the Spider-Man directors.
[00:44:10] Brian Singer has boy sex parties where he just fucks like him in a bunch of powerful
[00:44:19] Brian Singer was accused of like being a pedophile when is that why they cast a 90 year old Spider-Man
[00:44:35] Yeah, it's Brad Renfro and Ian McKellen.
[00:44:40] And Ian McKellen plays this like Nazi war criminal that's like living covertly in Southern California.
[00:44:48] And like Brad Renfro like discovers that he's a Nazi.
[00:44:50] So he confronts him and he's like, I've got a dossier on you.
[00:44:54] Like, you know, it's like, I can expose you at any time.
[00:45:01] And he's like, I want you to tell me about, you know, what it was like to kill people or
[00:45:05] And then they have this weird sort of homo erotic relationship where they never actually
[00:45:11] But then there's this extended like showering scene where like boy young boys are showering
[00:45:18] And they called in a bunch of extras for that scene.
[00:45:23] And then like, you know, he was directing.
[00:45:25] He's like, all right, no, take off all your clothes or whatever.
[00:45:27] Because they were supposed to be in like bathing suits and like, you know, film production
[00:45:36] They're like, they're just going to do it because there's all this pressure not to
[00:45:40] Also, you just, they're little kids, right?
[00:45:43] And then their moms were all like behind the camera.
[00:45:53] So we can get my mommy needs a Ferrari.
[00:45:56] So they, you know, they, you know, they, then there was a lawsuit and the lawsuit got dismissed
[00:46:05] And then like years later, it came out that, yeah, Brian Singer is like my last thing.
[00:46:09] So is he, you still fucking and sucking off little kids or?
[00:46:13] Apparently there's like a ring of powerful, powerful.
[00:46:17] Bill Clinton is part of this child molestation.
[00:46:21] I never even like read anything about that, the pedophile, the Lolita Express that plane
[00:46:32] Lolita Express, that guy Epstein that runs like a child fucking service or something.
[00:46:45] Brian, I've seen the first manager of the Beatles, the fifth beetle.
[00:47:01] It's about fucking a kid, but it's actually very, very good.
[00:47:08] We were talking about it on the lost habit.
[00:47:10] Adam's favorite book, but I feel like it's also everybody's favorite book.
[00:47:14] That's just what I tell graphic designers that I meet on Tinder when I were on.
[00:47:20] Even though it's pedophilia, I think the pros are so beautiful.
[00:47:24] Even though it's something reprehensible.
[00:47:26] So yeah, what is it like being a graphic designer and what's that like?
[00:47:36] You studied genders, just like penises and the credits.
[00:47:43] It's a plumbing degree, but it's also a gender woman.
[00:47:46] You've tried on multiple dates with gender studies girls to make the joke.
[00:47:51] Oh, gender studies was that like gynecology and it has bombed so much.
[00:47:56] Well, first of all, it's not a very funny joke.
[00:48:09] That would be funny, but also not to these fucking...
[00:48:13] That would be like a good like Ricky, like Ricky as well.
[00:48:18] Malapropism, propism, is that what you said?
[00:48:25] There's some fucking word you don't know how to say.
[00:48:32] No, I'm trying to look up this Lolita Express where Rich Celebrity...
[00:48:35] They just go read Lolita on the planet?
[00:48:51] The Bone Collector starring Angelina Jolie.
[00:48:55] It stops reading the novelization of the body.
[00:48:59] Denzel is in it and he's playing like a paralyzed guy.
[00:49:08] Yeah, in the book and they're like, yeah, Denzel is...
[00:49:11] The Bone Collector is one of the shittiest movies I've ever seen.
[00:49:16] Just the guy that murders people, he doesn't collect the bones.
[00:49:20] There's no bone collection that happens whatsoever.
[00:49:24] The title, The People Killer, wouldn't sell.
[00:49:27] So they had to change it to the Bone Collector.
[00:49:34] I was reading the collector which is a book about a guy who just kidnaps a woman and
[00:49:45] He fucking takes weird pictures of her.
[00:49:48] And spoiler guys, if you're reading the collector, just nothing.
[00:49:52] The girl dies and then nothing bad happens to this guy.
[00:49:56] And then he just ends with him being like, so anyway, I had my eye on a different girl
[00:50:03] That book is just all those guys that make sex dungeons and shit kidnap women.
[00:50:11] That book has just done nothing but harm for the world.
[00:50:14] And it's just like, it made me feel so fucking weird just reading it.
[00:50:21] That's the last time I'll read anything I think.
[00:50:34] It's pretty cool, though, in the middle of it, it changes from first person to third person.
[00:50:43] Yeah, the listener at home is really gonna be eating that shit up.
[00:50:47] Did you fucking talk about this pedophile plan thing?
[00:51:03] You bitch, I'm taking a bite of this sandwich.
[00:51:14] Flight logs for Jeffrey Epstein's private plane dubbed the Lolita Express.
[00:51:19] We're published for the first time on Thursday.
[00:51:31] He says she was recruited as a slave when she was 15.
[00:51:35] And she was forced to have sex with both Prince Andrew and Harvard Law Professor Alan
[00:51:44] So that's why he couldn't be in LA for the OJ trial.
[00:51:47] Yeah, yeah, because he was busy on the kid fuck plane.
[00:51:50] Speaking of kid fucking, I live across the hall from my folks kids.
[00:51:55] The guy from the kid fucker, the main bad guy from season one true detective.
[00:52:01] Yeah, dude, one of the most famous pedophiles from TV lives across the hall from me in my
[00:52:07] I think the most famous pedophile from TV is Oscar the Grouch.
[00:52:14] You know that trash guy is filled with children and all of their mouths are open.
[00:52:27] That's why he's a Grouch, because you interrupted him getting his green D assed by a child.
[00:52:36] It's just that wander into the garbage can.
[00:52:40] So, oh, yeah, come boys are hosting a show.
[00:52:50] We're going to try and have a guest next week.
[00:52:56] You know, we can't do big guests every week.
[00:53:09] My little sister, when I saw her at my dad's birthday, took me aside and said that she
[00:53:15] thinks that we spoiled a really big opportunity for the fuck.
[00:53:22] And my roommate said, I had to turn it off.
[00:53:25] That was another review that the critics have been talking about.
[00:53:32] I thought it was hilarious, personally.
[00:53:37] Apparently what people were most upset about was that after we hung up with him, we were
[00:53:42] all stoked that we were all excited about it.
[00:53:49] We just talked to Daniel Cross, star of HBO's VEEP.
[00:53:57] What you know what I was thinking about is like, you don't hear about Brony's much anymore.
[00:54:15] I was listening to some like station that was playing.
[00:54:25] I'm going, I don't want to date with the Spanish girl tomorrow, so...
[00:54:31] Wow, that's pretty fucking racist of you, dude.
[00:54:35] Is she one of those Spanish women that looks Chinese, though?
[00:54:42] Does she have banks and straight black hair?
[00:54:43] I was listening to some radio station that was playing Free Jazz the other day, and it
[00:54:49] was like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
[00:54:51] But then I was just putting Chinese words to it, and it was really funny.
[00:54:55] Like, ting-tongue, ting-tongue, ting-tongue.
[00:54:58] With that Free Jazz, I can't answer it.
[00:55:01] Anyway, BronyCon was weird as fuck, and there was this kid, there was a circle of kids that
[00:55:08] were just chanting and screaming, and like, I didn't know what was going on in the middle
[00:55:14] In the middle, it was just a boy with two my little pony stuffed animals that were just
[00:55:21] putting the private parts of them, like, smooshing them together.
[00:55:25] And just all these kids are like, cheering, and just being like, ah, ah, it was one of
[00:55:30] the weirdest things I've ever seen in my entire life.
[00:55:34] His face was purple from like, just being so intensely like, I don't know, like, just
[00:55:40] having a natural, hands-free orgasm from it or whatever.
[00:55:45] Well, I think they all quit playing with those dolls.
[00:55:55] I'm so happy I'm not playing that game.
[00:56:13] I can't wait till we have him on the pot and just really give it to him real heavy.
[00:56:32] His side can is like, his dome is ridiculous.
[00:56:36] When he wears hats, it looks very funny.
[00:56:40] It looks like, you know, like, what kind of question is that?
[00:56:42] You know, there's like baseball helmets that you get ice cream in?
[00:56:47] It looks like a normal person wearing one of those.
[00:57:04] That's actually opening for, what's his name?
[00:57:22] Huge DNC police academy shout out yesterday.
[00:57:27] His speech was so long and rambling in one section.
[00:57:30] He said, and Hillary was mad at me for taking chills out of school and watching all six police
[00:57:34] And Gutenberg probably got hell stoked about that.
[00:57:40] That should be a goal of the podcast is get Gutenberg in the mix.
[00:57:50] Tom Sizemore got arrested for beating his wife.
[00:57:52] Yeah, and that's why we can't get him on the podcast.
[00:57:55] I was like, my good friend, Tom Sizemore wouldn't do this.
[00:57:58] These allegations are lies and he favorited it.
[00:58:09] So Tom, if you're out there, you owe me one.
[00:58:12] I was confused him and the guy, the breaking bad, the bald guy, the cop guy.
[00:58:20] I don't even know that actor from anything.
[00:58:30] Sizemore, Madsen, they're only in short, I thought.
[00:58:35] Well, they're all in the same category.
[00:58:38] But he and Madsen are similar personalities.
[00:58:40] It's kind of like a weird thing with how Gary Busey and Nick Nolte are easy and you know
[00:58:46] Or you know what I used to get all the time?
[00:58:56] Because one of them couldn't speak and one of them just couldn't speak.
[00:59:07] I actually used to do a bit about Helen Keller and it's so funny that like, you know, like
[00:59:13] women will be like, oh, they don't teach you about like women in history or whatever
[00:59:18] And it's like, Helen Keller was kind of the one that made me realize that because it's
[00:59:22] like, why the fuck do I know who Helen Keller is?
[00:59:25] They teach you about all these men and they're like, oh, and then there's this bitch who
[00:59:28] was like retarded or something like that.
[00:59:33] She's on a dime that nobody uses and then there's a retarded girl.
[00:59:39] And then this is the guy that invented peanut butter.
[00:59:44] The peanut butter black guy, retarded girl.
[00:59:49] And then Einstein, back to Einstein, who invented space, folks.
[00:59:58] Isn't it like Albert Brooks real name is Albert Einstein?
[01:00:04] And his mother just go by Albert Einstein.
[01:00:06] Albert B. Einstein, like Michael B. Jordan Jordan.
[01:00:14] You guys want to go around the room and do that thing where we do a new bit that we're
[01:00:23] I did last week and none of us wanted to do it.
[01:00:26] But tell you what, that's been an hour, folks.
[01:00:33] Remember, subscribe, donate, download, donate.
[01:00:40] And yeah, we're going to get hormones for stav.
[01:00:45] I don't even know how to take that money out of the...
[01:00:59] If they pussy the kid, motherfuckers be going to the store steal that shit.
[01:01:14] Those are some great memes where they took Bernie Mac.
[01:01:19] These are the favorite Google that shit.