Cum Town | Regular | 09/13/2018
[00:00:08] the camera talk about something really fucking gay earlier don't you don't have
[00:00:26] city can be yeah if you got up our pictures of bobbies cock
[00:00:38] coincidental pictures of all these calls
[00:00:40] and you know about these cock looks like a spot on the bottom
[00:00:49] getting sucked off eating but super excited about the new star wars movie
[00:00:56] has been announced yet but boy my site it'd be awesome i can't wait
[00:01:00] finally all the answers to find out lando is actually the smartest jedi
[00:01:07] yeah lando's been a jet i told time he's been controlling everyone
[00:01:11] it's a game of check you know when people really good at chest they play
[00:01:14] mhm that's what lando was doing with darth vader and luke the whole time about
[00:01:18] blando caligesian he's like i'm just a boring guy but i do like to come
[00:01:34] yeah did we are fucking love it do i love smoking we actually am addicted to
[00:01:41] i don't want to find uh... doing we'd with you
[00:01:45] yeah i think about our friend getting laughing about a lot of people reading an
[00:01:56] of out and for her number and then she gave it to him whoa she did and then he
[00:02:02] asking for dates some some middle east of the trademark
[00:02:07] uh... persist maybe i think it's it's that he asked for a hug
[00:02:12] but they may be a little bit like that yeah it's the way
[00:02:24] number one party animal stand-up comedy
[00:02:27] all of his stories are one hundred percent true
[00:02:33] because there's no such thing as a comedian that would lie on stage nope
[00:02:39] never would a comedian just make a story up entirely
[00:02:43] you mean people like that the just wholesale fabricate like complete crazy
[00:02:46] uh... i mean you embellish a little bit but like you had a little bit of
[00:02:51] and bill bell checking it would be so easy to be
[00:02:55] someone with a phone from the court uh...
[00:02:57] it would be so easy to be just be a comedian just
[00:03:01] tell the story tell there was a comment uh... back in d.c. who doesn't do stand
[00:03:07] one time i was like he like got off stage and i was like
[00:03:11] do that's a crazy story is like yeah i did completely didn't have it
[00:03:15] i was a game gave it a bit that's the way that getting in a car accident with
[00:03:20] busy bone and i don't know what that's going on joke
[00:03:29] uh... no he made up that story about getting in
[00:03:32] and i think car accident with busy i think he added busy bone for no reason
[00:03:36] yeah it was just maybe a little oom for a little punchline he just added a
[00:03:40] member is part of the story which is that that was like the biggest one
[00:03:44] like that i think i really like cocaine
[00:03:47] yeah yeah he was up here for a minute i went to a baseball game with him after
[00:03:53] we went to a Yankee game was this a fuse
[00:03:59] you guys doing a uh... quitting comedy together
[00:04:06] november twenty th and he would be drenched in sweat yeah yeah it'd be
[00:04:14] yeah think about getting back together with my ex you don't know sure that
[00:04:18] you caused the way they're back together there he truly did love cocaine
[00:04:23] and but he like low-key like had like great finance job so he'd go completely
[00:04:29] live like like complete like psycho like modesty for like a couple months like
[00:04:35] make all the money back then we can't get an apartment like
[00:04:38] down the street he was like over in uh...
[00:04:41] in bushwick now he's in the east village he was a well fucking spot like uh...
[00:04:47] yeah like a couple blocks away from the pianos or some shit oh shit
[00:04:50] alphabets city no i don't i'm trying to think with that area is that's the
[00:04:55] lower east side pianos yeah it's like it's like alan and the lancey yeah yeah
[00:05:02] uh... yeah gave us a good deal of larry side
[00:05:04] yet hello is the larry says welcome to lower east side in the work for the
[00:05:10] yeah i just love being a bahini and poet yeah
[00:05:13] you know me i love being a fucking kite landlord
[00:05:16] that's my whole thing is i wake up the pastrami yellow some black people who
[00:05:22] come out there put on my stupid fucking hat
[00:05:27] you've had a lot of awareness dumbass fucking yeah i love the suck in a baby's
[00:05:31] penis i love the little curly shit off the side of my head yeah there's a
[00:05:44] you ever do that and eat part of your body because you forget it's you
[00:05:48] i do that all the time and i thought my fucking thumb was a hush puppy
[00:05:56] yeah i'm a fucking Jew yeah i'm a fucking Jew bastard
[00:06:01] i know shit about fucking nothing but money
[00:06:05] but i love like my fucking big ass candle
[00:06:11] that was a deal down at the family dollar oh yeah
[00:06:15] they said i said let me get let me get nine candles but pay for one yeah yeah
[00:06:19] i just like to walk into the ninety nine cents store see if i could talk
[00:06:22] them down a couple cents yeah about this eighty seven cents
[00:06:29] i can not my friend but i should say you're i was born i got that number tattooed
[00:06:34] yeah everybody knows how personal it is to me the year i was born
[00:06:40] my own flag even though i am a jewish man
[00:06:43] from the larry's uh whose buildings in the larry's
[00:06:48] i got the nanny bo-ga on my fucking nuts i got the nanny bo-ga on his winkin at a
[00:06:57] my friend my friend danny moved into this like
[00:07:00] shitty building that was just first like renovated to rent out to white
[00:07:04] people in on bushwick i have like like right by that cemetery
[00:07:08] the jackie robinson parkway like way down the
[00:07:13] just for guys who have ball seams okay does everyone have a ball scene
[00:07:16] yeah and then i do you have a ball scene and of course
[00:07:19] down some people didn't some people just have one nice around age
[00:07:23] asian people i bet you some people have one big-ass nut
[00:07:27] that would be pretty funny you bet me i bet you want to bet
[00:07:31] no i think that's right yeah thanks no you they were like born with one nut
[00:07:35] yeah you know you can't answer guys i mean guys with one
[00:07:39] big-ass not with two nuts swimming but in it but there's no seam
[00:07:44] he means a seamless sack like seamless that yeah
[00:07:47] but that was seamless means yeah yeah every delivery guy does not have a
[00:07:53] nice that we're great if they started the company seamless and didn't buy
[00:07:55] the uh didn't buy the website so they're like it's it's seamless you can order
[00:08:00] food on it and then they started like with all the branding and shit and
[00:08:03] everything's like they already got the license and then they check in seamless.com
[00:08:07] is some guy who doesn't have a ball seam and he's just posting pictures of his
[00:08:11] balls and asshole brother plowed other middle-aged
[00:08:14] closeted guys to jack off to so much of the internet was that like in 1997
[00:08:20] half the websites were like the pepsi Bart Simpson experience
[00:08:25] and it's like go online to exxon's website where you can play games with
[00:08:29] other fourth graders. You can enter a chat room that's filled with
[00:08:34] other kids for sure on the on the bisco website
[00:08:40] and then it was like you know guys that love to like
[00:08:44] fuck the menus from panda expres just like these weird gay
[00:08:49] niche angel fire websites oh yeah we're part of the
[00:08:52] you know inserting nails into your urethra web ring.
[00:08:56] Damn was that a ring? Yeah there's a ring there's guys that were
[00:09:00] light jeans pulled all the way up to their fucking the rib cage.
[00:09:04] Just bulge gays you know gays that are always thinking about how can i
[00:09:08] accentuate my ball. Was there like a wet jeans subculture?
[00:09:12] Creaming my jeans baby. Creaming my jeans.com.
[00:09:15] I know very fondly. Was it men creaming their jeans or
[00:09:19] creaming my jeans.com it's men creaming in coming in specifically
[00:09:29] Hell yes. Yeah there's also bear back exchange which was
[00:09:32] where I learned the term paused up. Nice. That was a big moment. These are big
[00:09:36] websites for me when I was a kid dude. Just nine years old.
[00:09:40] Yeah just fucking looking at goatsie and sending it to people.
[00:09:44] Now bear back exchange was just gay guys having gay sex with no condom.
[00:09:48] Well no it was like you could bring in like you know a donkey con
[00:09:52] country or like you know like your boat bugs and harmony CD
[00:09:56] in exchange man would fuck your ass without a condom.
[00:10:00] Ah that was your form of payment. Yeah it was bartering with the Native
[00:10:03] Americans. Yeah beautiful. Is that buffalo exchange is that how it
[00:10:07] got started. Was it originally bear back exchange?
[00:10:09] Couple of buffalo soldiers. Yeah you know. Just go in you bring your old like
[00:10:13] quicksilver teas and then you get fucked in the ass. Fuck in the ass. Yeah
[00:10:17] then they rebrand it because they were like we should just take money for
[00:10:20] the clothes. For the buffalo soldiers. Black people are like hired to kill
[00:10:24] Native Americans. Yeah they were like black mercenaries. It was raking guys.
[00:10:28] Yeah but they were more rasta. Yeah yeah they're a dreadlock for us.
[00:10:32] Buffalo soldier is an extremely gay name for such a homophobic culture.
[00:10:38] Were they actual Jamaicans or just Bob Marley had a song about that? I think
[00:10:41] he had a song just called Buffalo Soldier. But I think Buffalo soldiers were
[00:10:45] black men that signed up to kill all the Native Americans. I think that which if
[00:10:48] you look at the history books it's not a single white man ever harmed
[00:10:51] the Native American. That's true. It's entirely free blacks who also own
[00:10:55] slaves. Storyfront.com. Who bought slaves from the Jews.
[00:11:01] That's very funny. That's a good joke. Anyway so uh look man read your
[00:11:05] fucking Howard's Inn. That's so it's right in the people's history. Yeah
[00:11:08] can't believe you can't believe everything. Before they talk about how
[00:11:10] racial white people were so true. The white people's history. Yeah nice.
[00:11:14] Um oh anyway Danny moved into this like
[00:11:17] hussed like shitty like just just open department. And they were like
[00:11:21] basically taping tiles to the walls and like and I get to his house I was like
[00:11:26] can I get a glass of water? He's like oh yeah the you know the the
[00:11:29] cabinets right there. I literally just opened the cabinet and like the door
[00:11:32] just flies back. I just like ripped off the entire door. Yeah it was just
[00:11:37] so shit. I don't think it was fixed for like four months. Like they you know
[00:11:40] those hussed guys like wouldn't do anything for them. Yeah you know. I know
[00:11:44] that is a type of like I mean is it racist to be like I don't want a
[00:11:48] aesthetic landlord? They're the worst landlords. They seem
[00:11:51] just like the Polish landlords are pretty bad. From what I
[00:11:54] understand and Green Point my friends live there.
[00:11:56] Um people are pretty good. Gold Greek landlords aren't bad. My first
[00:11:59] landlord in New York was a Dominican guy who also owned a
[00:12:04] pawn shop. Nice. That you needed to buzz in to like get into it. Like to
[00:12:08] get into the business. Yeah. Do you ever get anything nice?
[00:12:11] Do you ever do a little buffalo exchange? Uh no he didn't he
[00:12:14] when rant was due would you ever do? He didn't let me get any. Yeah he
[00:12:17] sold a lot of chains with like you know Jesus pieces and he had
[00:12:20] basically just a Jesus piece store bro I'm going.
[00:12:23] You guys are out of town. Um you guys are out of town on Saturday.
[00:12:28] Are you back Monday? I'm back on Wednesday morning. Oh fuck.
[00:12:32] Nick are you gonna be are you back in Monday or no? Uh yeah but then I gotta
[00:12:36] go to Boston to Boys Town. I think Marr Wilson is
[00:12:42] sub-tweeting my ex-girlfriend. What? How would they were? Yeah they were. You got
[00:12:47] to stop doing that kind of shit. Damn bro. You really can we stop it? Stop it. Stop it.
[00:12:52] No no no it's fine it's fine. Okay. I mean the the most like
[00:12:56] you know the people that would do anything about it already know
[00:13:01] who yeah my ex-girlfriend is. It doesn't fucking matter.
[00:13:04] Anyways don't fuck with my ex-girlfriend. My j- my jizzled uh. Yeah yeah yeah. What about that?
[00:13:09] And um yeah she can jack off dicks with her mom. I don't know how about this
[00:13:14] fuck Marr Wilson. I don't need to sub-tweet anything. Nice. Your fucking
[00:13:17] idiot. It's all just sucked. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It was a miracle on 34th
[00:13:24] Street Sock. I didn't see that but yeah I did like
[00:13:26] Matilda a lot. Uh-huh. I identified with that Facky that
[00:13:29] ate all the cake. Yeah that was my favorite guy. In
[00:13:32] Matilda? Mm-hmm. What was it there was like a mean
[00:13:36] lesbian? Yeah some fat some fat rusbands.
[00:13:38] Runtz-bein. Runtz-bein. Who in- in el- truntz-bull? Truntz-bull. In elementary school
[00:13:44] Elders played her in a production of Matilda. A boy. Yeah yeah yeah.
[00:13:48] He did a crosstress. Yup. That rocks. And he nailed it.
[00:13:52] His rock he knocked out of the park because he was tall probably in it.
[00:13:55] Yeah. Pudgy fat he looked like a lesbian. He looked like a big old guy he did.
[00:13:59] And listen too many people make that joke like now every straight comic
[00:14:03] every straight male comic that wears flannel says I don't look like a lesbian
[00:14:06] but Elders legitimately has the body type of a big
[00:14:10] like butch lesbian. Mm-hmm. He's got women's hips and he dresses like a man
[00:14:14] and that's pretty much what you need. That's the combination. Yeah yeah.
[00:14:18] And he's got a couple nice little paratidies on him. Yeah I fucking-
[00:14:21] Would you fuck Elders? No way. I mean he is disgusting.
[00:14:24] Fucking pudding man. Disgusting. Yeah. Gross.
[00:14:28] You have a better version of fat than him. Yes but he just happens to be tall.
[00:14:33] Yeah he has a better version. He's got a better body for sure. He just lucked in.
[00:14:37] Like I've said before. No but he's like pear shaped.
[00:14:39] His body. I have a better shape. I have a funnier, nicer, I'm very taught.
[00:14:44] Yeah your skin is tight. His skin is loose. Exactly.
[00:14:47] Yeah. Yup. You get a little squeeze of my cheeks.
[00:14:50] You're- He's more like jiggly than you are.
[00:14:55] You're sort of just bursting. Go off my dick. Yeah I am.
[00:14:58] I'm bursting at the seams because I'm fucking horny dude.
[00:15:01] Mm-hmm. My nuts. My seamed up nuts. Yeah exactly.
[00:15:04] You don't only have cum in your nuts. It's in your stomach, ass, everywhere.
[00:15:09] And then when you blast it's just- I'm not- Yeah I'm not fat. I just have a lot of jizz.
[00:15:12] Old faithful. Throughout my whole- Oh yeah.
[00:15:15] The girls jump up like a- Yeah like a geyser basically.
[00:15:19] Peter North style cum shots. What's the biggest cum shot you've ever done in your life? Do you remember it?
[00:15:24] Yeah I don't know. I guess it could be about a lot of people.
[00:15:26] Oh so do you want to take back what you said? Can we- No I still don't like-
[00:15:31] I don't know. There seems to be nothing wrong with her. I don't really know her,
[00:15:34] but I like Matilda and- Don't fucking take Matilda's side on this dude.
[00:15:38] Bro I don't know man. She's not gonna suck your dick with her mind.
[00:15:42] She's a bunch of books rubbing your dick. She's a floating books.
[00:15:47] Danny DeVito's like get him off. Do it Matilda get him off.
[00:15:51] Just a fucking fleshlight. She jacks my cock off.
[00:15:57] What if Darth Vader was in the closet right? I'm listening.
[00:16:00] But then he used Sith magic to jack men off, but because he wasn't touching them he's like it's not gay.
[00:16:06] Right? He can choke guys. Why can't he jacks him off? He chokes them and he does the thing with his hand.
[00:16:12] So he can do this though. But what I'm saying is as long as he only uses his mind and not his hand to
[00:16:16] pantomime it, it's not gay. All right. They're at like a Sith council meeting and his hand is under
[00:16:22] the table. No one sees him jacking on to the guy. If he can do with his mind, which I believe he's
[00:16:27] powerful enough to do. He is. He's one of the most powerful Sith Lords. She's sub-tweeting
[00:16:33] brilliant sensitive, warm, funny, accomplished women who have podcast boyfriends.
[00:16:41] She goes brilliant sensitive, warm, funny, accomplished women. Have you met my boyfriend?
[00:16:45] Gestures to grunting fang, the drooling mini eldritch abomination wearing only a t-shirt that says
[00:16:51] jizz woman. He has a podcast. I don't. She has a girlfriend? Yeah. First of all Felix does his
[00:16:59] girlfriend is gaming. That's a girl. His girlfriend is for married to the game. No
[00:17:03] mistress. What the fuck is mini eldritch? What is that a reference to? Is that some sort of
[00:17:07] Tolkien-esque kind of maybe I don't know. I don't like a black guy from the 70s. Yeah, we're only a t-shirt that says jizz. I don't have any
[00:17:16] shirts. A guy with like a black guy with mutton chon. I don't have racist t-shirts. I have a podcast with common the name, but I don't know.
[00:17:23] I don't think she's talking about you man. Relax. Yeah. And then she says you have a degree in social work and run a feminist website. Why are you with an actual monster?
[00:17:31] Yeah, I mean that sounds good. I don't want to tell you. You idiot? Yeah, because he can damn this guy. You dude. Well, I just don't like her. Well, I have all the people because she just sucks.
[00:17:41] Who Mara? Yeah. Dude, don't talk about it. Are we deframing? Are we deframing? Tilda like that. Yeah, she's always had garbage takes. Yeah. But she gives a fuck about her take. She's Matilda. That's all she had to do. Yeah. That's the thing dude. I don't need to hear what anyone thinks about anything. If you did a thing I love, that's it. You're in the rest of my life.
[00:17:59] That's right. I'm there for the most part, but it's fun to engage in these. That's true. Yeah. These things. This would be back to her probably. Oh, hopefully. I'm sure it will. This is the free episode Wednesday, the 12th. Tilda, if you're listening to this, I think the 12th. You can move things with your mind. Yeah. Let me know.
[00:18:16] Yeah, Matilda, if you're so smart, why don't you use your fucking mind to rebuild the Twin Towers. Yeah. Selfish piece of shit. Stop it from crashing in in the fucking first place. Yeah. Why didn't you do that? Yeah. Ice agrees.
[00:18:28] How about a miracle on Wall Street. It's got a little girl stood up to that bull or whatever. And then everybody fucked it. Yeah. Give me some of that good bull pussy. Do you think some of that capital is fucking? Do they end up doing that statue of the little girl at the bull? What do you mean did they end up doing it? Yeah, they did it. It's there. You saw pictures of it. Well, I thought that they ended up not doing it. It's either there or it's not. Well, I thought that some of it said they were going to do it. But then they were going to do it.
[00:18:58] What did you see an artist right now? I don't hang out on wall. You're trying to steal being stupid for me and stop. I am stupid. No, you know, he's doing it. No fucking piece of shit. If I ever know something, the way I presented is this way. I start being nice to him. He loses his edge on the show and then he's still trying to steal being. Don't start. First of all, I hold down. Don't start being nice to me. You've always been such a kind gentleman. Listen. Second of all, don't.
[00:19:28] I come from my fucking corner, dude. Okay. I'm the dumb one here. Please. I have said some of the dumbest things that have ever been on the show.
[00:19:34] But I do it. Alignment charts. Stop dumb. Good. Me dumb. Bad. You bad. Smart. Evil. Smart. That's true. I'll take that. Chaotic smart. Bad. What is the what are those alignment charts? I don't know. I think it's a mini eldritch thing. I saw one.
[00:19:51] We're in the middle of it. Eldritch is a black mechanic from the 70s, who are concerned. I was on the road with this comic from Texas. And you know, let me tell. Let me tell the story after I think about my underwear for a sec. Actually, I think about gambling.
[00:20:20] I think about my own employer in about 20 minutes exactly
[00:20:23] right now I'm thinking about gambling and I'm thinking about gambling at Bette aside.
[00:20:30] Bette aside.com what can you say about them folks number one they're a website that's
[00:20:35] definitely that's in for sure they got a website they got a mobile app that from what I am
[00:20:40] to be made to understood is very easy to use.
[00:20:45] You know you're out there you're one of these guys.
[00:20:54] Yeah when I play backjack there is it you go all the way up to twenty three because there's
[00:21:33] I'm going to say that we're going to say that we're going to throw up to twenty two and then the
[00:21:37] That's the chromosome rule after rain man.
[00:21:40] After after they stole the man came in.
[00:21:41] They had to change the rules so we didn't get any more rain men in here.
[00:21:42] But then the different kind of rain man's figured it out.
[00:21:43] Absolutely. It is kind of situation. It is a game on blackjack. But you don't have blackjack game on sports sports game
[00:21:50] And you know what they got great customer service to call them up 24 seven demand they add blackjack
[00:21:55] Demand that you say first of all my fucker. Do you feel lucky?
[00:22:02] Yeah, you got to ask yourself do you feel lucky and then you know place bets on shit like was
[00:22:08] Mar Wilson sub tweeting that's right off the board. Yeah
[00:22:13] One yeah, they got a good they've been paying out winners
[00:22:18] The long time long ass time probably as long as the company's been around. Yeah, I would say if I have to assume something
[00:22:31] Easy ass you bet play motherfucking win. It's fucking easy
[00:22:38] Take listen take the Ravens man over the Bengals Thursday night football
[00:22:43] We're doing this a little early so the line isn't out yet. Oh, it's next week
[00:22:46] Yeah, but I I will say we will not lose to the bum ass bangles
[00:22:50] So the bingles fuck the bangles ravens at home
[00:22:54] Ravens at at TD Bank. No, it's not TD Bank. What's it called?
[00:22:58] M&T Bank M&T Bank. Yeah, take them and also
[00:23:04] I don't fucking know bet against the Raiders every game
[00:23:16] DSI dot com what is it Nick come one come 120 and you get a hundred and twenty percent
[00:23:24] Let me find I gotta find that because I fucked it up one time. They got mad at me
[00:23:36] Sorry, okay. Yeah come 120 come 120 and you get a hundred and twenty percent bonus on your initial deposit
[00:23:42] See look I mean look this is the kind of stuff that bet the aside will do for you
[00:23:47] You know you don't need to remember things. You just got to gamble all your money away on the list
[00:23:52] Right, but as long as long as you come 120 and play bet win
[00:24:06] We're back then we're back. We're back and I have a hard penis
[00:24:13] Yeah, I'm sort of excited you guys don't care about football at all right
[00:24:16] No, but I did want to tell that story that I was on the road with that comic from Texas. Oh, yeah
[00:24:19] Oh, yeah, tell the story and yeah, he said the fucking funniest goddamn thing
[00:24:24] So we were driving we were going out to like Midland, Texas
[00:24:28] So we're in the middle of fucking nowhere and he was talking about his timing belt snapped in the middle of like West Texas
[00:24:42] I don't it couldn't like replace the time you got there
[00:24:44] So like we you can get a toad to the next town over and there's this guy and he calls the guy like inward Charlie
[00:25:06] He's like no, it's three. It's okay. He calls himself that you know that's his
[00:25:16] Mark twin, but they're really big twin. Yeah, why would you love it?
[00:25:20] We got that tiny's like yeah, I'm looking for Charlie and they're like who are you talking about yeah, and then the black guy comes up
[00:25:25] He's like well, I mean I'm my but that's not my name exactly. Yeah, you know
[00:25:32] Charlie is there another only one chocolate Charlie
[00:25:38] I put the fuck is that supposed to mean?
[00:25:41] Like I didn't want to call you the other thing and then he says it he's like oh so chocolate's okay, huh?
[00:25:46] You think just because I'm a boob that you can call me chocolate
[00:25:55] Damn that seems that West Texas seems horrible. It's actually nice
[00:26:03] Completely empty. It's so open and empty that you get claustrophobic
[00:26:08] And like because you're trapped by nothing. Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing. There's a lot more Mexican people in West Texas, right?
[00:26:15] I don't know. There's no nothing. No people much. You said more than in East Texas. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm wrong
[00:26:23] I don't know why you're trying to do he's doing me man
[00:26:26] It's watching you can see this guys moves from a mile away. I'm gonna say some smart shit
[00:26:30] I all right. Let me think about some sort of shit. Yeah, you want to you want to position yourself to be the dumb one
[00:26:35] I'm believe let me try to do some more. I'm here. I'm trying to be stupid. Let me try liking titties
[00:26:39] Yeah, and being fat as shit. Let me try. You will not take any of that. I'm the wildly insecure
[00:26:44] Angry one. That's my role Nick. You're the smart one. You see what are you trying to do?
[00:26:48] He is smart. He's not smart. He's very smart. We're all dumb. You think you're smart Nick is is kind of smart only because other people are dumbest
[00:26:57] And I'm dumb smart. I'm smart at like UPN from
[00:27:02] 1997 yeah, but I'm in those facts, but through months of abuse from you guys. I've realized that I'm not smart
[00:27:09] Stop it. You guys know you win you win. I lose. I'm done. First of all. Yes, you do lose
[00:27:14] I'm done and you're you have a little penis the last time
[00:27:24] Either you're smart and you have a good dick or you're dumb and you have a little penis. So which one is it?
[00:27:29] I'm smart. Never good. Yeah, bitch. You're fucking smart except your dumb and your dick is small
[00:27:34] But you can't say it motherfucker. I'm smart at my
[00:27:36] You'll switch through God damn it. I'm out smart and recognize that I really it's not the end of the sting
[00:27:46] Robert Shaw's like watch more dick look like this
[00:27:55] Also, he was the one that did it this thing is a movie where Paul Newman and Robert Redford trick
[00:28:01] Robert Shaw into putting a B into his penis
[00:28:03] He's like okay, I'm gonna get started put a B in my dick
[00:28:11] Loyal Donnegan is that the characters? No, but it's a little something like well Donnegan. I don't remember
[00:28:17] But salute to them for having such a stupid like such a good friend. Yeah, and by the way that wasn't smart
[00:28:25] Street smart is you put the you put the vegan the napkin the napkin over the vague and you put that in your pocket
[00:28:30] You shake his hand twice you go outside you wait for the trolley car and the trolley car comes you hop on hop right back
[00:28:36] Off real quick go back inside kiss you're broad on the lips then you present the guy with the scam
[00:28:42] Once the scam. It's a bumblebee and you say listen pal
[00:28:45] Wow, I got five hundred dollars in my pocket and you can have it as long as you put this be in your dick
[00:28:52] What that's a lot of money. I guess I should put this
[00:28:55] And then it stings him and of course, I mean you got already gave him a 500 dollars, but it's pretty funny
[00:29:11] What is that song called yeah the entertainer Scott job. Yeah, yeah, it's Paul Newman. He's got a little cigar. Well, grab it
[00:29:19] We're all out of fucking money, but that guy got a bead is dick
[00:29:32] Time to go mourn the loss of your black friend that died in the first half of the movie and we didn't really care about it too much
[00:29:38] Oh damn. I forgot about that. Yeah, you played him
[00:29:51] Richard Jones with the fuck is that Jenny Jones John Johnny Jenny Jones
[00:29:58] Who was she's hot she was hotter than Ricky Lake. Yeah, Ricky Lake her weight used to fluctuate Jenny Jones
[00:30:04] Did she was not she had big titties, right? I don't remember the city. I remember she was blonde
[00:30:08] I think I would pound out Jenny she had yellow hair Robert Earl Jones
[00:30:12] Mmm. They have the same middle name or Earl Jones is their last name. Yeah. Oh, that's cool
[00:30:22] Mufasa Jones Mm-hmm Mufasa is a good-ass name
[00:30:25] Would you guys think it was weird if I named my son? Yes?
[00:30:35] It makes sense it's a nod to the prairies
[00:30:39] Exactly Savannah that you grew up on yeah
[00:30:43] Watch my father die before I met before my eyes. What a great voice. I wish I sounded like
[00:30:52] Is he alive? Yeah, he's still okay. Who's Lacey green?
[00:30:59] Know but she sounds like a porn star Lacey's a real porn star name
[00:31:06] Scott Peterson's wife is that her name Lacey? I don't know
[00:31:09] My man Scott chopped that bitch up, huh?
[00:31:13] Then died of shit or bleached his hair. I didn't know I didn't say that. I'll catch your motherfuckers in like the classic middle school
[00:31:21] Move which was like you ask your dad if you can get bleached tips
[00:31:24] And then your dad's like what do you gay and then you're like never mind and then you take hydrogen peroxide
[00:31:29] And you try to bleach your hair yourself, and it just turns orange. I never
[00:31:34] Know anyone in middle school Adam had his visor upside down in middle school
[00:31:39] He has razor scooter around upside down quick silver visors bleach tips spiky hair
[00:31:45] That was like the the razor scooter was not stable enough for me. Yeah, I got I got one
[00:31:51] Chance stop were a couple of big boys. I literally had a big boy style
[00:32:01] Guess while we're doing the show working dude. He knows we're doing the show no respect so funny
[00:32:07] We had because is you know usually we go a couple days in between but for scheduling we had to record back to back
[00:32:15] To fucking do the podcast again tomorrow. All right, sorry
[00:32:20] Jones here now. Hey Jonah. Good to see you
[00:32:24] Jonah don't you have something to say yeah? Oh
[00:32:27] Do it do it do it. Oh you can't put me on the spot like that
[00:32:31] So my friend Jonah just came over and Nick's been doing a really good Jonah
[00:32:35] Yeah, I really won't be able to do it if he's here damn go in the other room Jonah
[00:32:42] Oh, he's gone dude. He went off the window. He was the Joe list the Joe list has been fucked up too. I can't look here
[00:32:48] Okay, he called you I'll use list as a test. Okay, so you you do it and then Jonah will on Mike just say one thing
[00:32:54] I'll see how close I'm telling you. I'm just not I'm not feeling
[00:32:57] I'm retiring from impressions. What are you talking about your master impressions for me to to perform at this caliber is
[00:33:11] Something like that. No, what Tyson said
[00:33:14] Last fight he just like quit. Yeah, he was like some fat one guy. He's a fairly just some Irish guy
[00:33:20] Yeah, just some big Irish retard. He like just gave up. He was like for me the luth to a fighter this caliber is
[00:33:33] Disrespectful to my falcon the fourth. He's right
[00:33:38] He was one of the greatest champions of all time
[00:33:44] He went to jail for raping and beating which should make you better in the prime of his career. I
[00:33:51] For any other career. I would say yeah that probably didn't help
[00:33:55] But if you go to jail for rape, there's no way you didn't become better at boxing
[00:34:01] I think that if you're Mike Tyson you're going to jail and you're like the heavyweight
[00:34:04] Not only this makes you better boxing. It makes you better at rape
[00:34:09] Yeah, and and mr. Tyson for raping we sentence you to seven years in prison
[00:34:15] Which will either make you worse at rape or much much better
[00:34:20] Either you'll regret your decision to rape or become a master of rape
[00:34:25] Quite possibly the greatest rapist of all time
[00:34:30] Big fan of your work by the way. Who's fan?
[00:34:32] The rapes I mean the rapes not boxing. I like these going to some colonial British prison
[00:34:39] The judges bring a wig. No, I just thought you had to start talking like this when you became a judge
[00:34:47] Um, I used to always think that I was born on the day. He lost
[00:34:53] I was born to who buster Douglas. He was on February 11th
[00:34:57] And one of my like a family friend like told this incredible story about watching the fight and hearing that I was
[00:35:04] Uh being born at the same time and then I looked it up and it was actually 1990 not 1989
[00:35:12] And I was fucking I was robbed of this beautiful memory. See that's the difference between you and me
[00:35:18] I would just keep telling that lie because someone told it to me once so it sounded plausible
[00:35:22] I would make it even more fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, my mom the moment the moment Tokyo his face hit the mat
[00:35:29] Yeah, I popped. Oh, it's in Tokyo. I popped out of that post of duchelio. Oh, I can't wait boys by the way
[00:35:36] To go to fuck you. Yeah, they go to fuck you unbox you
[00:35:39] Don't tell people we're going to Japan man. I don't really do I don't want people coming up
[00:35:43] I don't want these Japanese people coming up to me swan swarming us. Yeah. Well, my idea
[00:35:47] The podcast is like the number one thing in Japan. We had no idea. Yeah, we just move there
[00:35:53] Anvil have you seen that documentary? They let me like cut a fat pigs throat at the festival. Oh, yeah, there's really fat pigs
[00:36:03] It's in Taiwan, but that's their south. Yeah
[00:36:08] There's this documentary called anvil about this canadian band who were like complete metal band and they were complete washouts
[00:36:15] And they're like yeah, just one more tour one more tour and they're you know
[00:36:19] They're like there's no reason to keep doing this and then they get to japan and like the whole time
[00:36:24] They were just huge there. They had no idea
[00:36:27] And they're like playing a stadium. It's like you want to cry at the end of it. It's like you know
[00:36:31] I was thinking earlier panic where did dicks go? Yeah, that's right
[00:36:37] Damn, which one is there so I can't remember them
[00:36:42] I chimed in with the haven't you people ever heard of?
[00:36:46] Sucking goddamn dick. Yeah, letting me suck your cock, please
[00:36:56] Legends of the penis where did all the dicks go? Holy shit. Where are the dicks?
[00:37:16] Just want to be a part of something. I wish I could do a key statement of precious. I like butthole
[00:37:20] I like man come I was saying there the name. Yeah, the name. Maybe accelerate your life. It's not bad
[00:37:27] Yeah, people would know what you're talking about as to as to a suck that dick snowball
[00:37:34] What does he say? What does he say? It ain't gonna
[00:37:36] Uh, I ain't taking it out for air Cinderella. Yeah, that's a great one
[00:37:41] Uh, what is he what's the line that he says to connally though?
[00:38:03] Uh, can you feel me? Can you fill me in? No, you remember that song? Is that about his ass?
[00:38:11] He says he says I know it's pretty baby, but I didn't take it out for air
[00:38:20] That rules that was like not as good as I remember it was
[00:38:25] I've never fully seen it. I've seen the end of the ass
[00:38:27] When you're like when you're like 15 you're like wow, this is amazing
[00:38:31] So many cuts ass to ass. This is the greatest movie ever
[00:38:34] Then you watch it again. You're like, oh, it's not actually but black brats don't know nothing about no head
[00:38:40] Wait, that's not true. I don't know why maybe that's what we do with super head super heads. Yeah, how do you do Keith?
[00:38:51] Accelerate your life. I don't know. I can't do it. That's good. No
[00:38:54] That's close. Do the I take it out for everything again. I know it's pretty baby, but I didn't take it out for air
[00:39:01] Yes, it's good. It's gravelly at the end. It's better. You can't go as deep though. You don't have his vocal range
[00:39:08] I didn't take it out for air. Yeah, I can't do it. You lost it. He's got he's got like a
[00:39:13] An elocution. Yes, he does. You know, he sounds right. He does. Yes. Yes. Not why he's the voice of the navy. Yeah
[00:39:32] There's marines commercials where it's like the marine is like on a chessboard fighting a dragon
[00:39:37] No, the fire monster. Yeah, there's like a lava monster. It's right. Yeah, he's climbing that like that like
[00:39:45] It's like looks like a tower, but it's like made out of rocks and shit
[00:39:51] Do you think this kind of shit is cool?
[00:39:56] That hopefully in seven years you'll know that this is what you want to do with your life
[00:40:06] What they had to a couple guys that think that they got into the marines for
[00:40:14] I got into this to kill a dragon. I thought I was gonna kill a dragon
[00:40:19] There was probably I actually think you're right. I think they thought that sword they're gonna fight magical guys
[00:40:26] Nothing about being marine has anything to do with
[00:40:28] And they got they got those little fucking bitch ass uniforms that white
[00:40:31] Dude at the end of that commercial the few the proud of the marine
[00:40:35] He like flips the sword up to his shoulder
[00:40:37] And it's like have you ever tried to I constantly tried to do that as a kid
[00:40:41] Yeah, adam would play with his baton and his arm and try to do all of the moves the pretty navy man
[00:40:49] Yeah, I had a place his baton collection. I had a lightsaber. Yeah, it was a lightsaber. Yeah, mom dad. I'm gonna be expensive one
[00:40:58] Yeah, I mean the army one. You know the expensive one that made the noise. Yeah, of course. Yeah, my parents wouldn't get me that
[00:41:07] What's like a there was like a better lightsaber that you could get a toy's our
[00:41:11] Us the one that didn't fold out. There was one that was just a sword the whole time and turned on I was like
[00:41:16] That's yeah, I made the lightsaber noises
[00:41:19] And then there was one that was just like they just extended you like just flip it up. Oh shit plastic
[00:41:24] I would someone cries as a little kid. I would fantasize it when I was older
[00:41:29] They would know how to make lightsabers and that I would just be able to have access to one
[00:41:35] Laser sword. Yeah, do you remember that? I wanted to be Luke Skywalker remember that movie Johnny Numanic
[00:41:41] Yeah, do you remember that thing that like rope thing that they'd cut people's heads off within that movie?
[00:41:48] And then you just like go behind someone and then wrap it around their neck and just slice their head off
[00:41:52] Yeah, I want to cut somebody's head off. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm with what?
[00:41:57] Um, I don't know machete maybe really sharp would you hack doll doll
[00:42:01] Yeah, a couple wax. I want to cut someone's head off with a souvenir baseball bat
[00:42:10] That would be that would hurt if that happened there used to be a minor league team in vegas and I used to
[00:42:17] Called the vegas gay atom. No, they were called the vegas stars now. They're called the 51s
[00:42:27] They're the Mets the Mets triple a team. That's pretty cool
[00:42:29] Um, but they were the Dodgers triple a team for a while anyway, do they have green?
[00:42:34] They had a mini mini bat night and people were throwing them on the field and they had to stop it. Yeah
[00:42:40] How many did you sneak out in your ass? They still do that thing at uh
[00:42:44] Red Wings games where they the squid yeah an octopus. I think they still do that nice
[00:42:53] Yeah, no, it's the dangerous ones. Oh fuck the evil
[00:42:56] They're smart. They're like they're like uh they escape like yeah, I don't fuck with them
[00:43:02] I don't fuck with octopus. They don't have bones. You know, I think it's cool
[00:43:05] There's sort of like birds in a way. There's a beak a big type of hermit crab
[00:43:10] They related to hermit crabs. They're called robber crabs that break in the pupils houses and steal their pots and pans
[00:43:17] Because they like shiny things. Is that real? Yeah
[00:43:23] Uh-huh how big here I'll pull one up. That's crazy. Yeah, imagine just finding one of those motherfuckers in your kitchen
[00:43:29] I know they're enormous. They're terrifying. Can you shoot it? What was it? What does this meat taste like?
[00:43:37] Probably but I mean look look at the size of this fucking thing
[00:43:41] Oh, I hate that thing. I know that makes that scares me. I know look how fucking big that crab is no fuck that
[00:43:52] I do not what yeah, they're like giant spider's base. That's really scary. I know look at this
[00:43:59] Fuck look up what its meat tastes like. I don't think they taste very good
[00:44:03] Well, who know you won't know until you look it up. Yeah, well, I'm not looking it up
[00:44:07] I want to see a picture of one stealing pots and pans
[00:44:11] Well, I'm gonna just wonder I'm just gonna assume it's like crab but a little game here
[00:44:15] Oh, I call her pots and pans are gone. I guess a Chinese family must be naming their kid
[00:44:31] Well, if you got parents they probably wear underwear
[00:44:36] Yep, that that no that's fact that's factual
[00:44:40] Yeah, no you're right. Yeah and with the holidays coming up. You probably want to
[00:44:49] That means it's underwear season baby. It's getting cold out there folks
[00:44:54] Pulled up your dad's another pair underwear
[00:44:58] For your mom and dad to wrap your mom's pussy up. It's beautiful and mom's stinky pussy
[00:45:05] You stunk it up when you came out a lot of people don't know this but if you listen
[00:45:09] The most baby shit you were probably taking dumps in your mom's pussy throughout the pregnancy
[00:45:15] And that's why your mom needs mackewelt and underwear
[00:45:22] Because your mom's got a bunch of turds of baby turds
[00:45:26] 25 years ago ladies if you got a fella in your life
[00:45:29] He probably needs underwear, but more importantly you need to go to macwell.com and get some men's underwear to deal
[00:45:34] Deal with your turd it up pussy. Mm-hmm. They got a whole they believe in smart design
[00:45:40] Premium shopping and simpry fabrics. I think you kind of fuck that one up. That's fine
[00:45:46] We got simple simple minds simple clothes as a mentally handicap
[00:45:58] In the rain men of different kinds. Yeah, definitely need to wear definitely need to wear more underwear
[00:46:03] God damn it Ray did you shit yourself again? You're lucky you've made me two hundred thousand dollars over the weekend
[00:46:11] Also, we're brothers charlie. Don't forget that we're brothers with each other
[00:46:17] How does that move actually let's face the read yeah
[00:46:20] Um, we should all watch rain man together after this. Well, I'm gonna take a nap dude. I feel yeah
[00:46:28] And while I'm at the gym, I'll be wearing my macwell and underwear
[00:46:31] Which is good for any kind of napping with them. Yeah, you can nap and wear macwell and underwear
[00:46:38] You get your cock right out of the little penis in the underwear and demand that she sucks you off through
[00:46:43] That's how good the shit is. Yeah, the cum will seep through the seams
[00:46:47] You could do what I do. It was just wear one pair of macwell and underwear and then second pair second pair on this day
[00:46:53] No, that's not a day to go. That's not what I was back. Well, but that's homophobic to trade you
[00:46:58] It's fault saying that's what you do. I'm not afraid of it. I'm pushing. Yeah, I'll never be afraid of any gay man
[00:47:10] underwear, I think that's well in the other way smart design premium fabric simple shopping
[00:47:13] I've used the website myself very easy to use you go on there click bet win you check them out
[00:47:19] Uh, they got the wrong one. I know I'm sorry. Yeah. No, it's not a bit. I really do love their underwear
[00:47:26] You know, I really especially there. There's there's silver line of underwear and shirts
[00:47:30] Which are naturally antimicrobial, which means if you got a small dick and you put them on your dick is gone
[00:47:36] It'll burn your dick off it'll burn your small
[00:47:38] That's not true. It'll make it bigger. Well, Adam knows personally. Yeah, I don't know
[00:47:42] I wear two pairs of mac weldens at the same time. No double as big
[00:47:46] No, it's because the outer mac weldens function is short. I don't have a dick. I actually have an Audi pussy
[00:47:57] Anyways, when you buy underwear for your Audi pussy what promo code do you use promo code?
[00:48:05] You're 25 off or sorry 25 dollar. What the fuck was it?
[00:48:12] Anyways use promo code come town. I'm sure you guys are all at the website right now, of course
[00:48:21] Um and you get 20 and then you tell you what if you don't like the underwear
[00:48:26] Oh, yeah, you get it. You just keep them and they'll refund you. Yeah, they refund you the money
[00:48:30] But you keep the underwear to call them up use promo code come town
[00:48:37] It's just it's so hard to search the mail
[00:48:52] I know the promo code is definitely cumt. Oh, yeah, it's almost certainly cumt
[00:49:00] I'm a fucking it's a go to mac. Well, now come get 20 percent off not 25 dollars 20 percent off your order using promo code
[00:49:13] Damn bitch. We're fucking back. Hey lucky guess
[00:49:19] I love that song dude. Oh, yeah, I can't wait for summer to be over. I fucking hate the song
[00:49:25] No, dude. I want to get now that i'm oh by the way, i'm back in shoes today was
[00:49:28] Oh, yeah, yes, it was my first day out of the boot. I'm limping like a bitch
[00:49:33] But i'm out there dude. We should go to the aqueduct soon when the ponies start racing again when what is that?
[00:49:39] I want to go to the beach. I think so. I think they don't know on april and then again in fall
[00:49:43] I would love to be out of the ponies. Actually a friend of a friend. I hear is a hell of a hand handicapper
[00:49:49] Oh, yeah, and apparently it's you got to go to the races with this fellow. I love that. He knows what he's doing. Yeah, we'll be some money
[00:49:55] What's his name? I'm not I can't i'm not gonna say his name on the pod
[00:49:58] But we should go with this guy. I say his name. It's a man. That's right. What's his name?
[00:50:07] Me this horse had to go into the ponies. Yeah, yeah, what's his name?
[00:50:27] Yeah, dude. So anyway, what are you saying dude? I've never even met a guy
[00:50:34] I don't know any guy. That's crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. What do they're named?
[00:50:46] Oh, yeah, I genuinely mean this feels good. It feels good. Like we're back to normal a little bit. It feels like we're back to normal a bit. Yeah
[00:51:07] That's his name. I can't wait for people to say that to me for years
[00:51:15] Yeah, I'm sure you're gonna be the one that people are saying that too. Oh, well, he will. Who's who's gonna say it to you? What's his name?
[00:51:21] Yeah, what's his name? I don't know. What's his name? I don't know. What's his name? Oh, I got a name.
[00:51:41] You guys you guys are right. Let me tell you guys
[00:51:45] It's like who's line is it anyway, but it's what's his name anyway, and it's an improv show where they just keep calling Ryan Styles gay
[00:51:58] Roger gay. Yeah. All right. The next game coming up. Uh Wayne Brady your gay. Oh damn
[00:52:09] Thanks true. I used to think call him. I agree was hilarious. Yeah, but you know, it was a guy. I always
[00:52:21] I thought it was I thought it was fun. I just knew I mean it was like so clear that we scripted
[00:52:28] I guess you're probably right now. It probably was
[00:52:30] Why would they just because I thought it was like magic, you know, there are a ton of people like TV
[00:52:34] That can do improv. Yeah, and you can edit around the bad jokes. Yeah, so sure they probably did like an hour and then we
[00:52:40] They probably did an hour and they made it. Yeah, 22 minutes. Yeah, what's his name? Anyway, but it was British
[00:52:45] Remember there was like a British one. Yeah, and then it was Drew Carey. Yeah, and then it was Greg proofs
[00:52:51] Fuck it JP McDade told me Greg proof says like a joke on one of his albums or some special from like 10 years ago
[00:52:57] Where the punchline is he goes logic train?
[00:53:00] Oh and like pretends like a train is passing over
[00:53:08] That's one of the worst things I've ever heard mine great great proof's whole like brand is that he's very smart
[00:53:13] Yeah, then he reads a newspaper. Okay. Very smart, man. Yeah
[00:53:19] No, of course not I don't think I've ever heard no one who makes that facial expression has ever been funny in their entire lives
[00:53:25] Anybody that like tense their fucking eyebrows and then raises one of them and like does that sort of like boy
[00:53:40] 2003 damn that was already 22 years ago. What the fuck you can you can give him a pass for that no
[00:53:47] You can pass on to my speaking friend. Yeah. Oh, that's
[00:54:07] What is it Greg what's his name? We've done it again
[00:54:25] Like a six year old I always thought his voice was more like stoner. I thought he had more of like a scallie stoner affect
[00:54:33] No, I don't think so. Yeah, I think he's just like when I was a kid. I used to think Norm was a stoner because he his
[00:54:41] Yeah, he was a drunk and he's never drank apparently well. He's been sober for like 22 years. Yeah. Yeah
[00:54:49] He's he used to smoke mad sigs apparently
[00:54:55] You ever smoked those oh hell. Yeah. No, we used to smoke black and miles and ice. Oh, there's a mark norman video on here
[00:55:13] Do we do we definitely we've tried cruising Joe on nine different audiences and no one likes it?
[00:55:19] No, they do that's not true. I think people like cruising Joe. Oh cruising Joe might have gotten
[00:55:23] Might have gotten deleted from that one episode. I think cruising Joe got deleted from the last episode
[00:55:28] No, because it was right at the beginning. I think was it who cares? Yeah, it's uh, I don't give a fuck
[00:55:40] I got a lot of these hotels lately and they have a uh
[00:55:43] Handy cap stolen there as I like to call it the master bedroom
[00:55:47] It's great. You ever go in this? There's so much room. Really just stretch out feel like the king of france
[00:55:55] Dominic stress kind never works on anyone
[00:56:01] Yeah, those handicap stuffs really make it feel like that Dominic's
[00:55:55] Dominic stress kind never works on anyone but yeah
[00:56:02] Yeah, those handicap stuffs really make it feel like that Dominic's
[00:55:55] Dominic stress kind never works on anyone but yeah
[00:56:02] Yeah, those handicap stuffs really make it feel like that Dominic's stress
[00:56:07] You know there you can do whatever you want a woman from Sierra Leone comes in drives to clean it up you're a piper
[00:56:14] DSK dude. Yeah. Oh cruising Joe's also into women. No, he's just into Dominic stress con
[00:56:01] Yeah, dude. I would like you dude like Greg perips
[00:56:24] But all he can do is Dominic's drow's con references
[00:56:31] Uh, I have a question for you. Um you think
[00:56:36] Is it possible that the woman who Dominic's drow's con quote unquote raped is
[00:57:00] Salute to Gregy. Yes damn he looks old in every video. Yeah, I feel like he's been old since we were children
[00:57:11] Bert Reynolds age. Hey, it's me Bert Reynolds. All right p squirrel squirting Bert. Hey, it's me bert
[00:57:19] You know, I really feel bad for his uh that Dominic's trust content
[00:57:27] No, it's not very good. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay. I have to spend a lot more time with that
[00:57:34] My man probably stuffed some some premier vintage hole. Yeah
[00:57:39] Back in the day. He beat. He beat some women too. Uh, the countries
[00:57:43] That sucks. I didn't know that. I think he beat loni anderson
[00:57:46] How did our oil end up underneath their land?
[00:58:02] Yeah, but you're digging. Did you know dumptemberton is 78 years old? Yeah, dumptemberton is really old
[00:58:08] I feel like I feel like I'm getting actually sick
[00:58:13] Oh, he was also he was also bob the builder. What yeah, great groups. Yeah, great proves the voice dude
[00:58:20] He's been doing comedy since 1982. What Jesus Christ. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah?
[00:58:26] Wow, what's insane? That's such a weird time to start doing comedy. No, that was the boom dude
[00:58:31] Now who's in that cohort? What are we talking about starting in 82?
[00:58:35] fucking like 82 is like bill Hicks dice
[00:58:39] Uh, uh, uh, berry soba legends, you know
[00:58:43] Berry so no, I mean, that's like the tim allen fucking, you know, that's like those
[00:58:49] Damn. Yeah, you know when people are like predate that really or like probably like
[00:58:56] Right. Um, it's kind of in between those two things probably
[00:59:00] Robert Klein no seinfeld started in like the mid-lates that when was robert klein
[00:59:07] So fucking goddamn old he is old as fuck he's alive
[00:59:10] What's funny is like how long those like the like legendary black comedians were doing comedy like red fox and dick reggae and uh
[00:59:22] Yeah, like gay looking one. Oh, um, fuck flip wilson. No absolute wilson. He had
[00:59:29] Who looked gay? No, he has adam freely. Yeah adam free
[00:59:34] Now there's a guy I can't remember his name penis jennel car michael something jurad
[00:59:44] There's some time enough for you because you said you're feeling bad. I am. That's the kind of stuff I do for my
[00:59:49] Appreciate what's his name? What's his name? Star Wars?
[00:59:56] Oh god i'm gonna hear a lot of that. Oh six months that's six months
[01:00:06] Well, look well nigg looks up for this guy. I want let to let you guys know that this weekend you can see me in la fayette
[01:00:14] Friday and then i'll be in new orleans, Louisiana on the 15th
[01:00:17] I'm looking at some damn po boys. Hey, it's me bert rattles
[01:00:20] I'm dead normies to do him on celebrity jeopardy. Yeah, I don't know if I can do him. He's hard
[01:00:36] No, it's me bert that sucks that sounds like poly
[01:00:44] We do in if you're in chicago the 21st mark wallberg and ellen degeneracy create commercial for his new car dealership at the link in
[01:00:53] Lodge welcome to mow wallberg chevallate. I'm here with a dyke
[01:00:58] I'm here with the real life lesbian folks. I know this is against god in the church
[01:01:03] But you got to treat everyone as equals unless if you're in the me
[01:01:09] Fuck dude. I have to fuck it. Yeah, we're in this. I got a new movie coming out mile 22. We saw a mile
[01:01:16] We said let's go let's go three times that at least
[01:01:20] Someone's informing me that it's less than three times that guess who has to go back to the gym
[01:01:26] Because the brain is a muscle you guys are played game 24. What's that?
[01:01:30] That's it. We had to make all the numbers equal 24 somehow. We got four numbers game 24. Oh, I like that
[01:01:36] So let's do it right now. Um six. Mm-hmm 12 18
[01:01:41] No, that's not 24. No, that's my that's my turn
[01:01:47] Now it's your turn now you say no you have to say two numbers and they have to be 24
[01:01:51] No, that's six and 12. It's not 24. I know but that was my turn
[01:01:55] Now I add to that no or you could divide or multiply no you it's now you have to say two numbers and they have to make 24
[01:02:02] No yours didn't make 24. I know that was my turn
[01:02:06] What do you mean that was your turn? I went and it didn't know there's four numbers. Oh, okay. He tried now you go
[01:02:15] No, two and 12 is 14. That's bad. You multiply and it's 24. No, it's any of your turn. No, you said two and which means plus
[01:02:27] What are their names? Come on. That's how you play 24 guys. You trap Adam and on
[01:02:36] Now let me ask you this you can take it back if you just put this B in your dick
[01:02:51] The sting the sting my penis two men three hours
[01:02:58] 17 weeks to trick a man into putting a B in his day
[01:03:03] What the fuck is this this came came up when I google 24 the game. Oh, nice. There's a playstation 2
[01:03:10] Game about the show 24. That makes sense imagine what kind of weird republican child you'd have to be to play
[01:03:16] The 24 game for playstation 2. I don't know I fucked with that first
[01:03:21] Like season of 24 that shit was pretty tight. It was like very like uh bush
[01:03:27] Alberto Gonzalez is right for wanting to torture the a-rap check power and I'm gay
[01:03:33] It's got a real breathy voice. I wish I could do him too. Yeah smokey for listen. I'm gay
[01:03:39] Shut up to Donald his dad. You can see his ass in uh
[01:03:44] Uh, see gramps cereal or maybe that's the girl's ass
[01:03:49] Chats of the yeah, let's google Donald Sutherland's ass
[01:04:00] Hey, I'm trying this is good. Yeah, do a good. Did you mean Donald Sutherland's ass? Yes? Yes. He did
[01:04:10] Donald Sutherland sounds like a real asshole
[01:04:12] Go to dong's. I like it as an actor, but what a jerk. Let's see the responses
[01:04:19] Um key for should be gave up the career
[01:04:21] Dont say the real best what a piece of shit. Wow. What did you why aren't these gay guys saying they want to fuck him? I don't know
[01:04:29] All right, let me plug these fucking do that. Does he have a mr. Skin profile? Yeah, he does
[01:04:33] Is it only chicks on mr. Skin? No, there's good. There's guys. There's plop premium hog on there
[01:04:42] My estranged friend Jeb Lund Donald Sutherland's butt has had a pretty solid film career animal house
[01:04:48] Don't look now just some really a list ass work
[01:04:53] Nice, that's what you're strange friend. I haven't talked to Jeb in a while. Well, you're not on twitter. That's true
[01:04:58] Who's Jeb? I don't know another person that probably doesn't want to be associated with
[01:05:06] Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum down on southerland talks about revealing his bare bottom and his latest film. Nice. He's still doing that shit
[01:05:20] I will be there at the Lincoln Lodge if you are in Detroit on their sunday the 23rd
[01:05:25] These by tickets that and if you're in denver
[01:05:28] We're doing this a little ahead of time. So I think I will be doing a show in denver
[01:05:33] September 30th sunday go to stavi.biz for all info
[01:05:39] If by the time you are hearing this it'll be on if it's happening
[01:05:43] I'll have it on my website and I'll probably have plugged it on instagram and stuff. So, um, yeah
[01:05:53] On the 14th New Orleans on the 15th Chicago 24th to 22nd
[01:06:00] And uh, Detroit on the 23rd and then denver on the 30th
[01:06:04] So come out if you're nuts are really fat and nice and juicy
[01:06:08] And if they're not keep your little shriveled up nuts at home
[01:06:13] And we'll be in australia sydney the 23rd of october
[01:06:17] Malbin the 26 if you google donald southerland's ass and just get a picture bunch of pictures of keefers other one
[01:06:28] You guys like how much that is named? Yeah, you rusted them
[01:06:32] Look at this cool headshot. It's him hiding from being gay
[01:06:38] Don't look at me. Nobody look at me. I'm not gay
[01:06:45] Yeah, we're good. Are we good? Yeah, we've done over. Yeah, we've done too much politics. Yeah, okay
[01:06:53] Uh, what else you say funny mom's on the 24th that at all baby conero malle is gonna be there a couple other people
[01:06:59] All right, who else is gonna be there at him?