Cum Town | Regular | 09/19/2018
[00:00:00] And we're having sex welcome to come town with special guests
[00:00:07] Gregory today's episode is brought to you by cracklin oat brand. Oh really my favorite cereal
[00:00:13] You really like that shit. I love that shit crack my first favorite cereal is that that little cereal
[00:00:19] And when you could then you could have a favorite in mind was cracklin oat brand and it continues to this day
[00:00:24] Wait, is that is that's not grape notts is it like a little okay?
[00:00:27] Grape notts is a completely different thing
[00:00:30] It's a different brand. It's not the word that I said
[00:00:35] Now hold on hold on let me explain myself
[00:00:43] What I thought it was was maybe a generic version of grape not no no it's cracklin oat brand
[00:00:49] It's own it's his own thing brand brand. It's like raisin bran without the raisins
[00:01:03] Brand sort of squared circles, but then it's yet Oat brand compressed into like circular shapes
[00:01:09] Is that what sweet grape isn't it kind of like grape? No, no, no, it's like I it's like raisin like a bunch of grape
[00:01:15] Nut raised in well, it's like raise a brand if you crushed up the flakes and turn them into circles and then added some like honey
[00:01:21] Or something okay, all right when my mom went on this health kit like that
[00:01:25] She stopped letting us have real cereal and by health kick
[00:01:28] We just never were allowed to have real cereal
[00:01:30] But damn she would buy plain bran and then allow us to put a little bit of money on it. Oh
[00:01:42] Lower East side where they already eat cereal out of a blue one tenement apartment
[00:01:50] Dude, they love writing stories about that. Yeah, Adam learning how to beat off the women trying to go to school
[00:01:58] Women on the bus trying to go to school and the trials and tribulations of beating off to them
[00:02:03] You only got a quick glimpse. Yeah, you know what I mean?
[00:02:05] And the beat off to them real quick on the bus before he goes to his job
[00:02:09] Working for some Italian man that keeps calling him kike boy
[00:02:13] Yeah, you're never gonna afford the real cereal kike boy
[00:02:16] They're about six months where Jews were tough. Yeah, but they did boxing
[00:02:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then we've been coasting off that reputation for about a hundred years since I know you Jewish
[00:02:31] Yeah, yeah, I feel like everybody was tough
[00:02:35] But you two no down you know, we just got that wild
[00:02:40] So far removed from like the men that made American men have like the identity
[00:02:47] Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, I'm such a bitch right dude. I get sick every time I eat dude
[00:02:53] I'm a delicious food. I'm legitimately been staying up terrified about this Australia trip looking at pictures of spiders on my phone
[00:03:01] Like the trip is gonna be fine. We probably won't see any spiders
[00:03:05] And I'm like I don't think I can leave America
[00:03:16] Now dude, I need like days to recover from
[00:03:20] Eating too many po boys like I got sick again
[00:03:23] You like yesterday I was feeling kind of bad and I still feel kind of don't feel great. I'm gonna go home and just fucking
[00:03:28] Just nap 16 minutes and it's just you don't take your you don't take your pills. That's true
[00:03:34] I you're telling me have you guys ever finished antibiotics? Have you ever in your life finished a course of antibiotics?
[00:03:40] Never finished them. No, I do like three days internist and then I'm done
[00:03:45] Yeah, then I'm like I want to drink or something, you know, and they fuck you up like we're making super bacteria, dude
[00:03:51] But not finishing that shit. Yeah, that's why that's why I never treated anything nice
[00:03:55] I just like a spester. I take them all one day. Yeah, that's smart old thing right now. I'm right really kill the fish
[00:04:05] Have you ever finished the antibiotic a course of antibiotics? Yeah, yeah, you do you're supposed to I know but I never do
[00:04:12] Why not because it's I forget I mean I can't that there's been I've been only prescribed antibiotics
[00:04:17] Maybe twice ever in my life. Yeah, really? Yeah, dude. I just you never got sick as a kid
[00:04:23] I used to get strep throat like every four months. I never get
[00:04:27] Science and sinus infections, but I just wouldn't do anything about it. Mmm. Damn. I've been on antibiotics
[00:04:33] I wasn't really a Madison head, you know
[00:04:35] It's kind of like you just you get sick and then you don't go to the doctor when your wait until it goes away
[00:04:38] Yeah, yeah, that's usually what I do. Yeah, I don't know it was it was interfering with my life. Mm-hmm. You know I'm saying I
[00:04:46] Finished all the medicine when I got shingles that one time
[00:04:49] Yeah, yeah, 80 year olds back on the lower East side
[00:05:00] Shingle look we do it look we do one thing here. Joo boy. We make meat hooks. We don't get diseases
[00:05:10] They let you fucking freeze it out they put you in the fucking locker Adam's 1930s Jewish American story
[00:05:16] That this in the second act him and his friends scare a
[00:05:21] Food cart guy and the food cart falls down the stairs and crushes him and Adam ends up in a reform school
[00:05:28] Being sodomized and mouth fucked by Kevin Bacon
[00:05:34] It's about you that is not a chill movie, bro
[00:05:37] I've been making is really raping those children a lot. Yeah, it is cool when they kill Adam's Adam's life story the adventures of Faggy Marsh
[00:05:47] Yeah, who's then faggy goes west is the second one of course
[00:05:57] We mentioned father goes west maybe I don't know on 20% of the episodes. I was that was my guy dude
[00:06:02] I thought cuz I thought he was Jewish fun. Yeah, and I thought I've said this before
[00:06:07] But I thought Aladdin was Jewish when I was crazy. Well, he's wearing the guy who goes breasts
[00:06:15] You think Aladdin was just because he was stealing from a hard work. Oh, by the way great stones the guest on today's
[00:06:24] The wild Gregory. Yeah, we never do you guys plan things to talk about on your thing?
[00:06:32] I feel like I feel very comfortable here. That's the thing man real comics riff city, baby
[00:06:36] Yeah, you know think about shit you sit around with your boys you talk about Adams Jewish upbringing. Yeah an alphabet city
[00:06:44] His family came over from Latvia. Yeah, I
[00:06:57] That is so fucking funny you went from just like
[00:07:02] The like dodging the Soviets. Yeah, like having to know how to use guns and shit right coming here
[00:07:15] Dodging the pogroms. Yeah, we had this we had this Holocaust survivor come into school once and talk to us when we're like fourth grade
[00:07:23] Mm-hmm, and she was like yeah, they so then that she's coming my mom gives me diamonds
[00:07:30] So I ate the diamonds and then when I get to Auschwitz
[00:07:33] I take a shit and then I go through my shit and I find the diamonds and I eat them again
[00:07:38] We're like in we're like nine years old. We're like yo, that's fucking gross
[00:07:42] You wait time it was just that bitch the whole time she's an Auschwitz you would eat she was eating eating
[00:07:51] Eating she was finding the diamond jewels out of her own shit
[00:07:57] Just like the good I guess just let's just show people this
[00:08:06] Yeah, they were like she they brought her to our school to like teach us like about yeah, you know
[00:08:24] We got in trouble like the teacher got like we got yelled at for laughing at this Holocaust
[00:08:42] We're like you know, we're nine that shit. Yes, just don't tell us about the Holocaust
[00:08:52] I want to go back and watch the seventh heaven episode where the son or the daughter discovers that there's a Holocaust survivor living like next door
[00:09:00] Oh, I don't remember the one had the tattoos. She's got an Auschwitz tattoo. I bet that one's pretty funny
[00:09:10] That whole show was so funny. Oh, yeah, I should I should go back and watch there was a video project
[00:09:14] I wanted to do with that show that oh, yes. Yes. I need to rewatch the show
[00:09:24] Jessica beal right. Yeah, that was her guy kicked off the show for being too hot having big-ass titties got really oh, yeah
[00:09:33] She got her star and then the summer's that guy Barry
[00:09:37] She was a nice piece of a river ass in the Adam Sandler movie. Of course. I do
[00:09:41] That's the only reason people watch that movie salute to yeah, that was a great that was a great casting choice by the Chuck and Larry
[00:09:48] Brothers, yeah, yeah, because it was like yeah, we're gonna watch her titties are nice
[00:09:51] She's like in a wet bra on that you'd see her ass. I love I she's in that Texas chainsaw remake, too
[00:09:57] Uh-huh I remember that would you ever show bear titties was critically paying definitely does
[00:10:04] The Texas chainsaw remake it wasn't bad people hated because there's no reason to remake the original which is like a masterpiece
[00:10:11] But it's still good. Yeah solid movie. Yeah, Harley Ernie's great in it. Who?
[00:10:17] Arlie Erme great name earlier me. Is that the army guys? Yeah, early Erme was the drill instructor
[00:10:24] Yeah, you know our in full metal jacket. Oh, yeah
[00:10:27] There's like I'll rip off your head shit down your neck that guy and the guy from my he was in the Neil Diamond movie would just
[00:10:43] No, I didn't want to mock you but you're correct that should be called the Neil Diamond
[00:10:49] I mean it's as close to a quote unquote the Neil Diamond movie as you're ever going to get
[00:10:55] Yeah, there's not gonna be another movie that's ever made that's even remotely in the territory of being what you can
[00:11:02] Bell Neil Diamond. Yeah, that's true. That's a good. Yeah, that makes sense
[00:11:05] I wonder is Neil Diamond a plot point in any other movie that's ever been made?
[00:11:09] No, I told Evan Williams that Caroline's on Broadway was a Neil Diamond themed comedy club
[00:11:16] Like sweet Caroline and then that's why there's diamonds on the stage. He was like shut the fuck up man really
[00:11:27] Now of course not she was nude in a movie called the sinner. Yeah, Jessica Beale
[00:11:32] No, it's TV show is that TV show she was hot she pops titties out in the TV show was it on HBO?
[00:11:38] I don't know I was on like AMC, but they do whatever they want now. I was remember
[00:11:41] She masturbates her little sister in that show as well. How old is your sister Jessica Beale masturbates a little
[00:11:59] Nude in something called powder blue. Yeah, she was hot in that too. Yeah, all right. All right shows to do
[00:12:06] I got a nice day ahead of me after this
[00:12:09] Actually, I don't I'm gonna stop beating off. Why because man I um it makes sex worse. Yes
[00:12:15] I've been I've been back to myself dicking waves recently and I want to change those. Oh, yeah
[00:12:21] Yeah, you know we might have another sponsor on the show at some point
[00:12:25] But I mean we're filled up we're filled up as far as ad space goes, but they're a dick pill company dude. Yes
[00:12:36] No, we can't that's the whole point of this fucking podcast because we just do
[00:12:47] First of all I handle all this shit. No, we'll get us the dick pills
[00:12:53] They can't pay us in dick pills wait, I think I know are they real how about this bitch they can baby and stop and
[00:12:59] I'm not you can suck are now finally hard
[00:13:12] I just I'll take the money you sell me the dick pills. I'll give you the money there you go, baby
[00:13:20] Direct door everything I know my neighbors back from
[00:13:25] I think dick pills were kind of pathetic, but like if you made a pill that just made my legs walk for me
[00:13:35] 35-mile walk today people like you tired like no, I just took leg
[00:13:51] God yeah, I took a so I was looking up this girl and the first time we hooked up
[00:13:56] It was fine, but it took me a couple go rounds to get my dick really pumping what does it go round like what is it go
[00:14:02] We're making sure she's sucking me off. We're about to fuck
[00:14:04] Oh, nice soon as soon as dick skin touches latex. Yeah, boy starts. Whomp. Yes, exactly
[00:14:12] It's tough you know getting up to get the condom and then your dick goes and I know it's a risk against time
[00:14:17] Yeah, miserable anyway, we did get we did get the gun pressed firmly to your temple
[00:14:29] So finally the first time we woke up I get hard and it was a good it was it ended up being good-dicking
[00:14:35] But the second time good-dicking the second time I was like I can't risk this I'm gonna try some weird
[00:14:41] DP like juice that someone mailed me a random fan and
[00:14:45] It did not work that night, and I was like great this thing doesn't even fucking work
[00:14:50] And I couldn't even like that was a very pathetic showing
[00:14:53] But I made up for with a real marathon pussy eating
[00:15:07] You're talking about it like what you had to eat that
[00:15:09] Yeah, what the fuck I'm you know I want to tell everyone everyone out there suffering from having a fucked up little dick that doesn't get hard that easy
[00:15:17] Sometimes I'm here for you representation matters anyway, whatever it was fine
[00:15:23] Then but that was so that was the night before I was flying to New Orleans
[00:15:26] And so I'm like man that dick I can't believe that she didn't work
[00:15:32] And I'm just wearing like basketball shorts on the flight and I am hard as shit
[00:15:47] No, it was just my dick hurt it was that hard that my head is hurt and
[00:15:52] There's just like a woman next to me like I was napping bro, and it was just like you can see my cock
[00:15:56] And yeah, I did not do if you ever get a little bit of flaccid. I got this move. I do every time I'm listening
[00:16:06] And then it's I don't know what it is about that show
[00:16:09] Like I don't know if it's like the mystery
[00:16:17] Visual stimulation I'm really into that kid missing a tooth
[00:16:21] A little boy that looks like a lion. Yeah, what it is. I don't know there's something about it
[00:16:26] Yeah, I don't know what it is, but I get a rock hard
[00:16:29] Are there any other shows that maybe you have that same effect? Yeah, there was one with an old guy and he had these two black children
[00:16:39] Brady Bunch is that ever work only if it's weird because when the parents like it turned me off
[00:16:44] I don't know why I think it's there because they have silly rules
[00:16:50] That's pretty cool. I don't know, you know, but it's just like those random things I think they're like
[00:16:54] People think about baseball. Yeah, I don't know about children
[00:16:59] The children it's media it's media it's a specific media. Yeah, maybe it's puppets because I watched Destiny Street
[00:17:05] That's a good tip man, I'm gonna try that
[00:17:12] No joke though if there was about a breastomy Street
[00:17:17] Would Elmo's tits be red or would there be tits underneath? No, it would be like just regular black lady tits
[00:17:28] I thought so I mean the black reporter Egan, it's like Harlem
[00:17:55] Damn Elmo you dumb as shit, but your big-ass titties that big titties Elmo low
[00:18:00] Mm-hmm. That's a bit so that so Elmo's black titties. Mm-hmm. Grover definitely is black titties
[00:18:07] Stuff love it gets is already brown. Yeah big bird is Puerto Rican. Yeah
[00:18:14] Birdner and he or just gay men. Yeah, they are in the regular show. Yeah
[00:18:22] That you can easily do that. Yeah, I guess the internet's full of that. Yeah, which one's the top and which one's the bottom?
[00:18:32] Birds definitely the top. That's why Ernie so chill
[00:18:36] Interesting bird's got all that pent up top bird is the bird's the yellow one. Yeah, Ernie's the cool one
[00:18:42] Yeah, getting fucked in the ass. Yeah Ernie gets to be yeah, actually, you know
[00:18:45] I know everybody fucks Bertie now because I mean Ernie gets to be fully gay, which is all he wants. Yeah. Yeah
[00:18:52] It's just to be fucked where his bird. He's it. He's middle-aged now
[00:18:55] I think Bert really what he really wants to go do is fuck 17 18 year old twinks
[00:19:01] Which is in every gay man's heart. Yep. They just want to fuck young hot-ass
[00:19:05] They know they have to have relationships because they fought tooth and nail to get married
[00:19:17] Legalize it. All right. Well there you go boy
[00:19:25] Because he pays half the rent the disability checks he gets not taking his AZT
[00:19:35] I don't know man. I could see Bert get it being the fucking getting no no birds like he's too
[00:19:48] He just got living out loud so much top stop being tops tops hate themselves tops are like Bert cuz tops still have this like need to fuck
[00:20:02] Where as a bottom is like yeah, just fuck my ass
[00:20:05] Well sashay around the apartment not have AIDS
[00:20:25] And you can bet on it about the SI dot the number one premier sports betting website
[00:20:31] I do not believe should kick rocks and they're very clear. I love they can kick rocks all the way to
[00:20:37] The Hollywood Walk of Fame where they should get their own star because not only are they a star
[00:20:48] They two prerequisites for being a star in the Walk of Fame
[00:20:54] Anyways bet the aside I come they got an easy to use simple mobile app
[00:20:58] It's an app that goes on your phone believe it or not
[00:21:01] Is downloaded onto your phone and play bet win anywhere you fucking want they offer live in-game wagering
[00:21:06] You change your mind about a bet you go ahead and fucking change it in the app, which is easy to use by the way
[00:21:12] I love that. I love that it's easy to use. Yeah, I know me too
[00:21:19] What do you love about that the aside I love the 24 hour
[00:21:24] Customer service 24 7 baby 3 o'clock in the morning. You're gambling
[00:21:34] He couldn't fuck Bert, right? Yeah, right?
[00:21:37] Come look where's the section on the website the bed on whether Bert Fox
[00:21:41] They are dying to hear hundreds of people call it
[00:22:02] Bet the aside customer service was designed to answer
[00:22:16] Yeah, do we got any fucking pics? Yeah, well the NFL season is back and yeah, we got
[00:22:28] Action always you've been on the Ravens always every time that's the
[00:22:34] Did that work out this week? No, but we got wrong Ravens rock the bills week one
[00:22:39] Yeah, did we get our fucking Tushy smashed?
[00:22:42] Bert Nerny style Thursday night against the Bengals sure
[00:22:46] But I could if you can bet this I would bet the
[00:22:51] Bills to go 0 and 16 this year. Oh, you can't you can they have a but I would not bet that I think that they would lose to Alabama
[00:22:58] They have no defense or offensive line. I would not bet that they are
[00:23:03] Pretty bad. Okay, Baltimore is against the Broncos minus five
[00:23:13] We are at home at M&T getting five or wait, we're minus five
[00:23:20] What for real? Yeah, they're not they're getting or taking fun
[00:23:25] I can't they should have lost the Raiders this week if we're getting points take the Ravens if we're not
[00:23:35] Just if we're the dogs take us if we're the mind
[00:23:40] As you know the NBA season is just around the corner can't wait and
[00:23:45] Stavras and I will come in with some educated picks. Oh, yeah NBA. Don't be gay. That's the motto. That's right
[00:23:51] And that's bet the aside bet the aside calm and use promo code come 120 capital C lowercase
[00:24:01] You get a hundred and twenty percent bonus on your initial deposits you put down a hundred dollars you get two hundred and four some
[00:24:09] $280 40 180 180 120 percent of a hundred dollars
[00:24:14] Which that's 120. That's one two way. It's like 120. That's like two hundred and seventy dollars
[00:24:20] No, no, it's 120. It's what 120 hundred hundred dollars
[00:24:27] First of all, there's no such thing as more than a hundred percent. Okay, right?
[00:24:31] But how much have I been given this there is no there isn't so to do a hundred and twenty percent do a hundred percent
[00:24:36] You can have two hundred percent and then it loops back around at a 20. No 100% is 100
[00:24:42] No, you start off at a hundred because it's already a hundred but then it's a hundred percent
[00:24:46] So it's a hundred again and it loops back around starting at a hundred so then it's 120
[00:24:51] No, two section one 20 a total no because it's half of it comes off
[00:24:55] So it's 50 plus the 20 percent. So it's 70 and then 70 is
[00:25:00] Percent of a hundred is 70. So you get two hundred and seventy dollars doesn't sound right to me
[00:25:10] It's gonna be a good amount dude. Hey bed on it
[00:25:13] Bet the bet the SI you're gonna like the way
[00:25:32] Back so we're talking about oh, yeah, Bernice definitely yeah
[00:25:43] Ernie's at the I gotta rewatch I gotta rewatch Ernie's on a flow. He's wearing just like a silver thong
[00:25:50] I guarantee you're already gets off from like just pure print penetrator penetration. We just loves it getting fucked
[00:25:57] Bernie's all about you say is you should get off sucking dick I
[00:26:06] Mean if you were to declare the dirty is in fact that homosexual
[00:26:13] He ejaculate from suck the top the top also sucks the dick because they got to prep the whole area
[00:26:19] Yeah, top then they put it then really yeah
[00:26:22] It's a dick they eat the ass and then I can see that meeting the ass. What do you do at all?
[00:26:27] I would do it all. Yeah, I'm a little piece of fuck that's
[00:26:32] That's this is why I asked it. This is why us straight guys
[00:26:41] Straight man would say that why don't you do it all
[00:26:45] Some people have like specific things that they I don't know I don't know that's why we're straight
[00:26:57] Fuck the Wiley Coyote. I won at the boardwalk in Wildwood hell yeah
[00:27:03] I could hold him a man. It was anything. Yeah, it was a doll. I got a hole in it and fuck it. Yeah
[00:27:11] Yeah, we I fucked two steaks I never took the two steaks
[00:27:14] Yeah, this football player told me yeah, what a god. He goes of a giant feels like two steaks
[00:27:22] So we took two steaks that where my father had fucking defrosting what I fuck of my steak. Yeah
[00:27:31] Somebody somebody already prepped the Bernays songs
[00:27:34] Yeah, I think that I think the first step in in gay sex is you lock eyes
[00:27:40] Mm-hmm and then the second step is you say what part of the booty from what where you from in Italy?
[00:27:46] Yeah, and they say where their people are from and then they just prep the area maybe do a little
[00:27:54] Let's go back to Greg is fucking steaks right yeah, I think so I had Greg was having sex with steaks
[00:27:59] I'm all in tight. I'm flop. So I'm fucking these steaks
[00:28:05] I fucked him and then my stepfather he announced theirs and he was just like he literally was like what the fuck with the
[00:28:12] Steaks you got it we got rules just right
[00:28:17] We ate you know we ate them you ate the six I'm not gonna admit that I
[00:28:22] Was and he knew I swear to god he knew because he was making I got
[00:28:37] What do you want man was a game of fucking he knew we all knew but nobody was gonna fucking admit it so we all
[00:28:50] How Bert became gay and why he's such a self-loathing homosexual is forced to eat his own come by stepdad
[00:28:59] The stakes yeah, you like put him in the oven it's like a young a young a young
[00:29:04] General Bert his friend just experimenting and sucking his friends dick
[00:29:09] And he's like yeah, I don't know if I'm really into this
[00:29:12] But I guess we can try it and his stepdad like barges and he's like what do you do with your little fucking queer?
[00:29:18] Okay, we're gonna treat it like cigarettes you want to suck a dick. I got everybody from the local 512
[00:29:23] I'm coming over to Mon night for polka, and you're gonna suck every one of their fucking cocks
[00:29:29] That's a young bird being just brutally raped by it
[00:29:37] He thinks about that every time he penetrates earnings like who's gay now
[00:29:41] Who's gay now and Ernie's like I am Bert
[00:29:44] Oh, that's incredible dude you didn't come on the stakes did you?
[00:29:51] That's what I was like, what do you think of course you did what you're so that's what I'm saying
[00:30:05] Well like I was just like you know you fucked them and then you just kind of I was gonna you know, what what did you take?
[00:30:10] What what did you take did you write the come off? Yeah? Where's the guy? There was no come on the stick okay?
[00:30:15] Don't come you might come off okay like come off and like cock debris is all the top of the other thing
[00:30:20] Oh, so you think about it the no no no no
[00:30:23] Dick is a dick is like cleaner than most your body because like you know, I mean a dog's mouth doesn't have any bacteria
[00:30:34] Yeah, my ass is so clean to them unless there was like some sort of toxicity to the peanut butter. I really
[00:30:45] That's what so did you fuck them yourself or was your friend who told you about fucking steaks there also?
[00:30:50] No, see he wasn't he was like he was telling everybody was up to cool kid in town
[00:30:54] And I overheard it and I was like well take this home. So this is second-hand now
[00:31:05] Young thrall of turk 12. No, how will you now 37? Okay, so I'm trying to place is this pre or post internet?
[00:31:12] Way pre way way pre yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, nice
[00:31:17] Wait, you don't have weird situations like that. No because they get us Google like what?
[00:31:21] Yeah, there's eight year olds now that are like 37 year old homosexuals
[00:31:25] Yeah, they're like well, you know, I know exactly what I'm into
[00:31:32] Like I've been in a relationship with Marcus since
[00:31:36] Probably last San Gennaro that's where we met I was with my family. I was seven and
[00:31:43] You know, we locked eyes. He was helping Tony Danza
[00:31:48] But you guys are younger you guys fucked weird shit when you're younger, right? No, I never thought
[00:31:52] Hello's why I didn't even find I always just beat off. I like figured out how to beat off when I was like nine or ten
[00:31:58] Oh, I thought about trying the American pie thing, but no joke. I was too fat to do that to a pie
[00:32:06] It was one time where I very seriously considered fucking one of those it wasn't a whole pie
[00:32:11] I didn't have the you know access but those little remember those little snack pies
[00:32:16] Yeah, yeah, like just on to on tea grandma's yeah
[00:32:24] Because when that movie came out I had already fucked the stakes and I was like it's not a fucking pie. It's steaks
[00:32:31] One more time we're gonna ask you leave the theater
[00:32:41] Wait, it's the exact same movie, but he fucks two steaks
[00:32:48] Yep, you don't even have their act you don't even have character names. It just says Shannon Elizabeth
[00:33:01] Fuck anything else was that the weirdest thing you fucked
[00:33:09] Is it the only thing that you fuck an animate that you fucked and then eaten yes, that's the prick
[00:33:21] We have a show it's like Charlie Rose, but it's Charlie hose
[00:33:24] And then he just pisses all over the guest face
[00:33:27] Is our my guest today is Donna taught author of the gold Finch
[00:33:34] We're here to discuss her latest work in progress the story of a boy who
[00:33:40] discovers his mother's love of ballet late in life and bonds with her over it his me Donna Donna
[00:33:46] Thank you so much for being here. Well, I'd like to thank you for for welcoming me to
[00:34:01] His me two allegations were so funny because he asked that staffer for his show to come over to his house
[00:34:06] And then he went upstairs and he came downstairs wearing a robe with his cock out in the middle. He's like, I don't what's the matter
[00:34:15] Haven't you ever seen a man where I come on out before?
[00:34:20] Was totally tied up, but it was so short his cock was just like half down
[00:34:28] An alloney tunes fitted in Stewie pajamas
[00:34:35] What's about I have you never seen a man in a came-out looney tunes
[00:34:39] Stupid and Stewie pajamas that was one of the first times a woman touched my penis is because I had these spongebob pajamas that were like this in college
[00:34:49] And I was too much of a pussy like, you know, make you would pretend to be women's beds
[00:35:15] The button popped off my shit and my cock just popped out and it looked like I just made a very aggressive move
[00:35:21] We just pulled my cock out when we were making out, but she was into it. So I was like nice
[00:35:26] So thank thank the god thank the Lord for that faulty button. Yeah, cuz I got my dicks smurfed off
[00:35:33] Because of it smurfed off. Yeah, she put it's cuz it's small and it's blue. Yeah
[00:35:42] I had the breathe life in just my shashing blood into it
[00:35:49] It wasn't even sexual it was like a baby. That's born like premature
[00:35:55] 360 huh, this is back when you're like 360 I
[00:36:02] Right. Oh, yeah, dude the weight of the Xbox
[00:36:05] Yeah, I was pretty fat. It's probably about as fast as I am now. Yeah, you were so fucking fat when we first started hanging out
[00:36:12] I was fat. That's it was so funny watching you walk through your car
[00:36:17] Yeah, I remember my friend Brendan being like I don't think he has knees
[00:36:23] But I had strong resilient knees the knees of a warrior
[00:36:26] Yeah, kind of knees that you know you motherfuckers could never support that kind of weight with your little bitch ass knees
[00:36:31] Yeah, I mean we could have we are doing like and spent a lifetime morbidly obese
[00:36:36] Yeah, women's knees would buckle under the weight of all the fucking beautiful fucking look that much warrior
[00:36:43] No, you're forgetting. I do have 140 pound weight vest that I can wear I use I loaded that shit up
[00:36:48] But I'd walk around and I'll be like damn this is his life every day
[00:36:52] I guess that would put me at 300 pounds. Yeah, or what at the time
[00:36:56] I've slimmed down but no, I was I was not that fat. Yeah, my dick popped out of those
[00:37:03] I'm gonna get those punch blue very comfy. That's gonna be my move from now on what we're pyjama pants and have my cock pop out
[00:37:10] Mm-hmm. Yeah, little cock flopping you figure it out, baby girl. Mm-hmm
[00:37:14] Do from here should I get a tent I'm gonna do the Bobby Kelly moving get in the camping this fall
[00:37:19] No, fuck that dude camping is fucking gay. No, I like it. That's where it's at
[00:37:23] Get an RV get an industry don't put your sneaker on the couch
[00:37:30] Yeah, it's what happened again, but you know I had to get in the fart position
[00:37:33] I'm already upset about people spilling oil on my fucking yeah, but and we didn't even guess that I was not one of those people
[00:37:40] No, I didn't accuse you of it. I didn't even assume that you would know but I'm saying I mean I probably did it
[00:37:46] I don't think it was anyone pretty proud of not spilling oil in the couch. Yeah
[00:37:53] Anyway, look one more question about Greg Foxy's a linguinee maybe nice, you know
[00:37:57] We're putting up noodles and it just splashes all over the place
[00:38:00] I have to take my glasses off when I eat because I'll just splash food all over. Yeah, mm-hmm
[00:38:06] Some fucking dumbass, you know I'm saying I really want to know what the weirdest thing. Oh retards, you know
[00:38:12] The psychology retard. I want to know what else Greg is fucked man. So Greg you know the stakes
[00:38:19] Of course the stage is really coy a mattress always go with the mattress, you know
[00:38:22] You those are probably the weirdest ones, right?
[00:38:24] But it hurts because it's got that metal lining and so on the box spring
[00:38:30] I had heard someone fucking mattress. So I tried and I was like, no
[00:38:33] Greg did you see the video of the man with Down syndrome in Saudi Arabia fucking in the front of the car. Oh
[00:38:38] It was incredibly it's so funny. It's this guy with Down syndrome. He's got to be four feet tall
[00:38:43] And he's watching a video of like watching porn and he's just fucking the front of a car
[00:38:50] Daylight and this guy comes by and like looks at him and he looks at the guy and then just goes back
[00:38:57] Bless him the guy knows what he wants. He does what he likes. Yeah
[00:39:00] What we just talk about with his model who's this model? There's a down
[00:39:04] fashion the fashion is now like trying to
[00:39:07] Mmm ramp up. She's not even the hottest girl with Down syndrome. There's hotter down
[00:39:12] That's my that's my problem is like even in the world of Down syndrome. You picked like a three. Oh really?
[00:39:18] She's not hot. No, she's not that hot. Maybe I'm just thinking of the hot Down syndrome girl when I said I would
[00:39:23] No, so yeah, I like that like you hear model with Down syndrome and your job is a stand-up comedian is to like be like, okay
[00:39:31] As a professional comedian you can't just be like oh good for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no
[00:39:39] I mean it is just googled hot chick with Downs and you get a whole bunch
[00:39:44] That's a baby. Let me see it's hard to tell if it's like a cherry oh Terry doing now. She's probably insane, huh?
[00:39:52] Yeah, probably I don't know I think that look at her. She's doing the wind, you know
[00:39:56] Not into it. Yeah, that's like yeah. Yeah, I guess this is her there's a hot one. Oh, she looks like a child
[00:40:10] Yeah, it was weird like I guess she walked in New York Fashion Week or something
[00:40:16] But I watched an interview with her and her mother and her mom's clearly evil and she's oh really yeah
[00:40:24] Yeah, she really loves Victoria's Secret. I'm gonna try and get it in you know some Victoria's Secret ads
[00:40:32] That's weird. She's like yeah people are looking at her not because of you know, her mint mint mint
[00:40:37] Because she's a kid. No, but they're looking at her because she's a celebrity now
[00:40:41] Oh, but it's like it's like you're just
[00:40:45] And then she's like they asked her questions and she was like she she can't really communicate like her mom is basically
[00:40:53] I guess there was like a picture like a before and after picture of her that like went viral and the fashion industry saw it
[00:40:59] They were like we need this down syndrome. You're like, thank God
[00:41:03] She walks down the catwalk looking like she thinks she's supposed to be stomping cats today
[00:41:10] It seems incredibly exploitive and it's presented as it's presented as inclusive, you know, yeah
[00:41:15] Well, I think it's ableist not to one. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to protect that girl
[00:41:19] Yeah by criticizing her and calling her a heavy-footed drunken pony. I'm trying to protect her from her
[00:41:29] Obviously doesn't care about her as much as I do
[00:41:33] The the observer of all of this yeah, it's if you think if anyone was arrested for having sex with a mentally disabled person
[00:41:41] Mm-hmm their defense would be like your honor that pussy ain't retarded though
[00:41:45] I mean you think that would stand up in court. It's being a classic David tell joke. Yeah, is that really a
[00:41:54] Yeah, I mean that that's like an Adam Freethland level. No, I mean what I was you think I listened to David
[00:42:01] Tell no, I think it slipped your mind then you just yeah, we're talking about that
[00:42:09] Let's be fair stop of Adam and just said that you would
[00:42:13] Immediately jump down his throat. I would know right you you would have that's my job and you would have joined me
[00:42:18] I know that you know that you know that of course you would have joined in after a couple minutes
[00:42:22] I would have like all right. Let's if you didn't talk yourself out. I would have joined in
[00:42:27] Made now I'm going 12 rounds. Yeah, yeah
[00:42:31] Well, it's it's nice, you know to have that reputation of
[00:42:36] A remix committee and you did it to yourself
[00:42:39] You did it yourself by doing those things so
[00:42:45] Yeah, but the funniest part about that girl just going back to that retard is that she has down is that she has
[00:42:51] That's the funniest part. No in high fashion. I considered all of it the funniest part is her face
[00:43:01] The funny is part is how wide her neck is
[00:43:09] No, the funniest part is that you know high fashion is traps like Tom Hardy and Warrior
[00:43:19] Actual models in runway shows kind of like retarded people. Yeah, so it seems like it kind of does look like with her
[00:43:26] Where the clothes like oh, this is extra raw. Yeah, you know what I mean
[00:43:30] I mean you're trying to get the whole thing about being a model is like you want people to fuck them
[00:43:34] It's like you that's what you know, you just want people to hang the clothes off. Yeah. Yeah, they're like
[00:43:40] Yeah, they have no tits. Yeah, there's six two, you know, they're not ugly. They're all they're like
[00:43:48] I literally I'm much you think models aren't you there's not a single supermodel
[00:43:52] You could point to that I would look at and be like wow, I really want to know that there's some
[00:43:57] No, I'm okay. First of all, it's true because I'm saying no
[00:44:04] No, I'm not there's not a single model that you would really super model. No, we're banks are prime
[00:44:16] No, yeah, I would fuck tire banks today Heidi Klum Heidi. Yeah, yeah, oh
[00:44:22] Oh, get the fuck out of here that one Leo the Israeli
[00:44:41] It they're like I guess they're trying to not have those kind of women anymore
[00:44:49] That's giving Victoria seed quote unquote a run for their money according to like BuzzFeed or whatever Mac well with no they had the
[00:44:58] advertisement with like the girl with Down syndrome and then the girl next to her as a
[00:45:01] Colosse me bag and then the third girl just says vittle I go
[00:45:04] And it's like imagine like you're the girl with vitiligo and you're showing up to that shooting they're like we're trying to showcase people that are just like severely
[00:45:17] Freaks that you can fucking find carnies somebody with a genetic disability that's gonna shorten their lifespan
[00:45:23] They'll never be able to live alone another person that shits in a bag everywhere they go and you the girl with skin
[00:45:33] Yeah, it's like the Italian guy who shows her the diversity show. Yeah
[00:45:37] Anyways, now we can talk about precious underwear. I love precious under. Yeah, I love I love taking my underwear off and then
[00:45:46] Getting better underwear. You know in fact, I've never worn and underwear my life until I went to Macwellton.com and got underwear
[00:45:56] I love it talking about Macwell in underwear. This is great fellas if you're new to underwear
[00:46:00] You know, you're out there. You're tired of you. I was personally tired of getting just cuts and scrapes all over my penis from the inside of my zipper
[00:46:07] Exactly. I just never knew that there was an answer to just not bleeding profusely
[00:46:12] Just constantly just just scars my penis is covered in scars
[00:46:18] For years, I didn't know that you could go to Macwellton.com your penis is a cutter
[00:46:22] And yeah, no longer you need to paint your shit and joke or makeup
[00:46:29] Macwellton.com and get a pair of the most comfortable underwear you'll ever wear because they believe in smart design premium fabrics and simple shopping
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[00:46:48] Tell me with the website. I'm nude. Yep. I'm doing their starbuck. This bird fucker
[00:47:00] They got a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally anti-microbial which means that they suck up odor, right?
[00:47:06] So you smell bad, you know possibly from all the dried blood
[00:47:14] Being scratched by your burly ass denim that you have to wear on your way to your totally straight job
[00:47:28] You put on that underwear you get some smooth textures all of your cock
[00:47:33] With a naturally anti-microbial shit to suck the stink off
[00:47:39] So check out Macwellton calm and use promo code come town CUM TOWN
[00:47:44] And get 25% off of your order and tell you what if you don't like the underwear you can call them up complain about it
[00:47:50] They'll refund you and you can keep the underwear. No questions asked back well calm. They're great and we're back and we're I saw a really funny
[00:47:58] Porn title the other day. It said first of all it described the girl as a dimwit
[00:48:07] Which is such an old term right like like who's searching for dimwit on X videos?
[00:48:15] Painl sex which I've never heard that used as a term before painl painl and one word anal
[00:48:28] Paint note it was like painl ass sex which is kind of redundant to sure you have the anal element of the painl
[00:48:35] Mm-hmm, but yeah, I thought it was really pretty novel. Yeah, I've seen painl thrown around you've seen painl on my favorite
[00:48:43] I saw on on X videos one time I some German porn and the title was just titin potty
[00:49:04] Yeah, I saw where the Titin party socialist. It's like not technically in fact
[00:49:09] There's a lot of misunderstanding in terms of what socialism meant back in those
[00:49:14] Mm-hmm. That's right. Were you guys getting your porn from where do you go? What's your state? I just want a new site
[00:49:19] I've been getting back and did the imagination
[00:49:23] Yeah, I have really yep, that's what I'm trying to do
[00:49:26] I guess I haven't beat off in a couple days. I don't really know I haven't let's put you guys challenging me on the
[00:49:33] Stand by my I don't that that is a weird that is a weird challenge to use your imagination
[00:49:39] Yeah, I can't I don't think I can't get into it. Tell you what dude
[00:49:42] I know guys seriously have been and my dick gets harder using my imagination
[00:49:46] It takes a while because at first you can't do it. Yes, and then once you can it's like oh that's been the problem
[00:49:52] Is that I'm like I have nine different cams open at once on
[00:49:58] Like I'm masturbating to it's like I'm like the arcade of the architect in the matrix
[00:50:05] Go my penis will become hard before I even come
[00:50:08] Before before my penis is even become hard. I've already come it's a four-garn conclusion
[00:50:15] What is these are these are you know vis-a-vis my balls of a jacket
[00:50:19] Yeah, go, but yes, no, you're right at first you cannot get hard at all with your imagination
[00:50:24] Yeah, what you break through that barrier you are the six
[00:50:27] You are the sixth iteration of this hard on today
[00:50:32] And I will beat you off and I have become very good at it
[00:50:37] For me jacking off is like a sweet treat these days because I live with my girlfriend
[00:50:42] So you know I can't jack off while she's there to rude. It's it's incredibly rude
[00:50:48] She's constantly jacking off while I'm there really yeah, but I have to accept not I have to support that
[00:50:53] I went I went back to my parents last week. I jacked off like all day long. I'd like you know jack off in the middle of the day
[00:50:59] I told you guys I told you guys I use that fucking lotion that
[00:51:09] Lotion whoa like man's doll in it and he put it on his dick and then cry
[00:51:14] Yeah, I was like for an hour like my dick was in pain and it was about to be Russia shun her dinner with my parents
[00:51:20] Just show no, what do you have to say like that? That's it's Hebrew say Russia Sean
[00:51:24] I don't know how you say I don't know how you say I don't know how you say I don't know how you say I don't know
[00:51:31] He says gyros he doesn't say gyros. He says Russia Sean
[00:51:36] Everyone's why I say you know, but I usually say gyro. Yeah, he says Russia Sean
[00:51:40] And he says you're lying you're doing it because you think you're better than everybody else with your special holidays
[00:51:47] You know what the holiday tomorrow is what Martin Luther King?
[00:51:52] young Kapoor the day of atonement day of atonement and I have to apologize for people have to people I've heard Simpson's episode
[00:52:00] We're principal skinners on the phone. He's like well. I understand the parents are mad super intended Chalmers
[00:52:05] But I mean it sounded so made up. I mean yam Kapoor
[00:52:14] Life that I've heard that you've wronged which means that you guys are gonna be getting phone calls
[00:52:19] I can't wait. Yeah, and I will never I will never pick up my phone when I say your name
[00:52:26] I'm gonna call up and I'm gonna tell you Nick that I apologize for nothing
[00:52:33] Now I want that apology now you want to do not to cry
[00:52:38] My sweet apology I was the apology I didn't know was coming I'm now furious
[00:52:50] In terms of pornography sites though Greg. Yeah, I think we're it sounds like we're all just ex videos ex hamster video
[00:52:58] Yeah, I don't like you on some little secret
[00:53:01] What is with the rating system on shut the fuck up ex and ex X dot-com use that one that we're shut the fuck up
[00:53:08] It's an aggregate for all the other aggregates. I think it's just ex video air go air go. We have become a very good
[00:53:19] Oh, I thought it was just ex videos, but maybe I just find all the same
[00:53:24] Videos because it's an aggregate why is porn hub like the top videos on porn hub are like
[00:53:30] 78% the rating system on porn hub at the curve is like a lot more worst
[00:53:39] Like comic book guys that are like it's so funny the people that rate like
[00:53:44] Yeah, like yeah, who's giving it the thumbs up
[00:53:52] Jesus Christ my book come podcast is late in this pornography is not not as good as I would like it to be
[00:53:59] Yeah, it's labeled panel, but she's barely screaming
[00:54:21] What do you use to jack off Greg now that you don't fuck steaks well, I do the lobster tube
[00:54:29] Actually at first I thought you were describing a physical thing and I'm like you don't fuck lobster
[00:54:38] Who just takes discarded lobster share as a website
[00:54:41] Yeah, and I was first I was scared because like I don't want anything to do with a lobster involved with
[00:54:53] Lobster lobster because it's red and they didn't want to copy that you know red to make sense
[00:54:58] That's what I think it is they use a lot of red tube things in there. I said that restaurant red lobster. I was always like
[00:55:08] Right exactly what the fuck are you talking about supposed to be fucking red?
[00:55:13] That's a good closer dude for your act. Yeah
[00:55:15] Yeah, what's going on with your act now is it's so the story about
[00:55:21] Because these fucking clowns they just repeat everything you say to me just a thousand times a day
[00:55:27] These fucking fat guys just tell you whoa whoa
[00:55:30] I'm having said of a closure for me. It's a point for you to make in three weeks on this show
[00:55:36] Stop it. I just hear poo poo caca thousand times a day
[00:55:40] Yeah, I didn't make fun of it. Yes, you did. No, what are these podcast guys did
[00:55:51] Effectively they did they played it look they reviewed our podcast they played one
[00:55:57] Like now you probably think that these guys their stand up isn't so much similar to the podcast
[00:56:03] But here it let's just this is Adam Friedlin from the show doing stand out five second clip
[00:56:09] And it was you probably think it's like you know more mature or whatever not as jude
[00:56:19] Poopoo cock eye my cock eye a bunch of shots out to everyone who saw me this weekend and came up and was like
[00:56:27] Yeah, I forgot that bit I forgot we were doing what's his name is so damn funny yeah my parents my parents and I went to the
[00:56:35] New York, New York casino. What's his name?
[00:56:41] Out of context what's his name is it the funny is very funny it is good
[00:56:48] Yeah, whatever so yeah fuck those what is this podcast?
[00:56:56] Podcast of these like two dads in like Buffalo, New York
[00:57:03] They review podcasts they make really good points
[00:57:08] They reviewed our podcast and they just could not
[00:57:12] They just they got so upset. They're like first of all they don't see their names at the beginning
[00:57:17] Okay, so how do we know what's going on?
[00:57:20] You don't even don't have a size are they don't have a jimmy lee I fucking laugh my ass off when they're like look at this
[00:57:26] Somebody just shows up in the middle of the show
[00:57:35] It's actually like really great listen yeah, you should get that bump you should get them to do red dude
[00:57:40] Yeah, but I guess that I would have to happen like
[00:57:44] Organically, of course you don't reach out your
[00:57:46] Check us out. Yeah, Greg. You should pose as your own speaking which I rewatched
[00:57:51] It was like in 2013 vise did like a little documentary on like the on who is dad boner
[00:57:58] It's like a oh la comic this guy Mike Burns that had the Twitter account dad boner
[00:58:02] Which is like that video is perfect example of why you should never do anything fucking sincerely as a comedian
[00:58:10] But if you ever like take your bullshit project seriously and talk about the creative process
[00:58:15] There's no way to not look like a fucking stupid asset and then that yeah
[00:58:19] There's one part where he's like you know at the time on the account
[00:58:22] I had like 200 followers happen totally organically zero retweets zero at
[00:58:32] Yeah, I don't remember dead boners. He's still around. Oh, I have no I mean yeah
[00:58:43] It was one of those guys that came out of that like something awful like
[00:58:48] Fyad forums those are the people that were like the funniest on Twitter and like 2012. Yeah, this kind of fine
[00:58:54] Yeah, yeah, that's funny shit style of comedy. It's not like that you guy which Jew guy fat
[00:59:04] I saw that guy walking around Clinton Hill and I
[00:59:09] Really got upset you should have fucked him up. No on site fad you if you ever see me on the fucking streets, bro
[00:59:17] Go the other way. It's on site. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a fuck your ass
[00:59:26] Fat Greek coming for a bad Greek. Yeah fad Jews
[00:59:30] I guess he's like there's like a click of like New York City meme people that just steal you know comedians
[00:59:38] Yeah, there's a bunch of fucking losers Jerry the guy Jerry
[00:59:45] Louis Katz is asking me if he can come on the show to promote his album coming out at the end of October
[00:59:50] So I just set up promote it now. Okay, sounds good
[00:59:53] Yeah, Louis great and we're on the street. Yes. He's a day. Yes. He's in the titty milk
[01:00:00] Which I want more information on somebody told me that and first I was like that's fucking because he's like looks like yeah
[01:00:06] Does so you don't imagine that he does anything sexually? Yeah, but yeah, I guess he was into titty milk
[01:00:11] Yeah, and and then I heard subsequent to that that it tastes like cereal milk and I was like what yeah
[01:00:17] Well, maybe Louie's on this. Yeah, I was when it told you that by the way. Oh, where are you? Yeah?
[01:00:24] I think we should get him in the mix. Louie's the best you know Louie. It shut the fuck up, man
[01:00:29] Greg, all right. Tell us who the fuck to have on the fucking show, all right
[01:00:42] Greg accused me of driving a centric. Can you believe that shit dude? Oh no
[01:00:46] Look at guys. Fuck you take it back motherfucker. Go fuck a couple New York strips. Yeah, man. I will
[01:00:52] Yeah, maybe you fucking should yeah, what kind of steak was it?
[01:00:58] Because Adam and his his side upbringing could only fuck a brisket
[01:01:09] These bits the bits were stick but all we had money for was all the beats
[01:01:16] We live in poverty on on Orchard Avenue
[01:01:21] Well my family we we we fuck whatever produce we could find
[01:01:32] My grandfather apparently his family was super poor and they had borders like they rented out rooms in their house
[01:01:41] He claims to have fucked like 25 year old woman
[01:01:46] Yeah, I know we're talking about that. Yeah, this is that's pretty cool. Yeah, he raped me
[01:01:53] Very poor and he raped so many girls in this poor one was seeking shelter in this dilapidated Jewish home
[01:01:59] And then just a fucking horny ass teenager comes into a room
[01:02:03] Ties her up in the middle of the night teenager and has his way with her this in the 30s when you're 12 you're 32
[01:02:09] Yeah, at that point dude. So yeah pretty cool thing to be proud of might have been the 20s pretty cool thing to be proud of
[01:02:16] They're a grandfather sexually assaulted a woman. Can you stop saying that about my grandfather?
[01:02:20] You brought it up, dude. I just brought it up and described it
[01:02:24] Just didn't put the right label on all these people
[01:02:26] Yeah, my grandfather he actually held down and fucked a four-year-old Chinese girl at gunpoint
[01:02:33] You can't bother rape the four-year-old come on
[01:02:35] Do you know people aren't gonna let me live that down?
[01:02:42] No, he did no one in the Friedland family has ever committed sexual assault is that what you want to hear Adam
[01:02:54] Do you want us to cut this part out what huh no because they
[01:02:59] For some reason the sign if you want us to cut out this when we cut an episode and for some reason some
[01:03:05] People think or maybe because you guys said it that the reason we cut it was because
[01:03:10] My grandfather we talked about how my grandfather raped
[01:03:20] And then I was like oh yeah, we got to cut this because it's a deep family secret that my grandfather
[01:03:25] He wasn't a very nice person, but he's certainly not a rape
[01:03:32] Wait, I don't even like it that wasn't why we cut the episode
[01:03:38] We cut it for like a different reason but for some reason the next episode were like yeah
[01:03:42] We had to cut that because we were talking about
[01:03:44] And then you commit rape in your family besides me
[01:04:02] Yeah, I'm sorry that we're ruining Shana
[01:04:06] Yum Kapoor yeah, oh don't do this too many vowels don't you we can
[01:04:11] Cut a couple of them out you have to buy a vowel in
[01:04:20] That's why there's no vowels in the original fucking Old Testament. It's only consonants
[01:04:32] There's no vowels in the Hebrew language. Yeah, it's just drawings of like would you like to buy a vowel?
[01:04:38] Absolutely not I've got a coupon two for one vowels a wheel of fortune and then they see where it says bankrupt and they're like
[01:04:51] Stay away from that wheel I don't even want the keys and all that anymore
[01:04:59] Let's want to add that my only contribution to this podcast has been a masturbate a stranger things fuck two steaks
[01:05:12] You've already contributed so much more than me
[01:05:17] Yeah, that's a that's a brilliant contribution rich that's three four things you ate the stakes you jacked off with
[01:05:24] Yeah, we all ate them in a way we did man
[01:05:28] And you guys like your friend New Jersey. Yeah. Yeah, we found your no
[01:05:32] No, no, no, but you said Wildwood. Yeah, well with New Jersey is that was that your beach?
[01:05:37] It's one of the many beaches. Yeah, Jersey's got a lot of beaches. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're hit up OCM D
[01:05:44] Yeah, I think I have that really place with the secrets secrets secrets of course
[01:05:48] Yeah, that's where come fest is gonna be secrets is the best. Yeah, I mean I mean that with three women in one night
[01:05:58] scared but like you could come in from the sea like it's gonna be
[01:06:03] Gentrance so we came in via boat. I just saw some girls like what's up?
[01:06:06] But she was like what's up and we started making out and I was like that's what happened to you come in via boat
[01:06:23] He wasn't that cool of a guy you can just make out within the girl you want they can stop you
[01:06:42] They count it. Yeah, it's like two hours later 273
[01:06:48] 274 that that would be such a slow count
[01:06:55] He just stopped to think about how much he liked raping for an hour and a half
[01:06:59] We have not there's nothing official on the books about come fest being in secrets, but that's that's the dream
[01:07:13] We could do that we could totally book a festival at secrets
[01:07:15] I know like off-season yeah December yeah, we should go we should go like oh
[01:07:38] Yeah, dude, just bring that cock get a van bring that cocks from New York
[01:07:41] We like you know just put on like just do it like Greg's there's 35 different showcase shows with the same seven
[01:07:48] Comedians just a different spot Lewis coming up. Okay. We're gonna put you on first and it's like Lewis
[01:07:54] This is just you pretending to be good at logistics
[01:07:56] Yeah, and all the stages have to be named after our sponsors. Yeah, all right. Well, that's the show everybody get excited get stay tuned for
[01:08:05] Come fest secrets in Ocean City, Maryland, but no we don't yet. Okay, but not about what the the
[01:08:13] Nashville. Oh, yeah all those Nashville, Atlanta
[01:08:18] Charlotte Chattanooga Hattiesburg Vicksburg
[01:08:28] We're doing a whole civil war type, but for real this weekend, please come to Chicago and see me and in Detroit
[01:08:35] I sold the Friday show sold out on the 21st
[01:08:38] 20 second there's two Saturday shows. Let's sell those motherfuckers out at the Lincoln Lodge and then in Detroit in
[01:08:45] I'm on there on the 23rd of Sunday a weird like six o'clock early show
[01:08:49] But come hang out and then maybe we'll have time to do stuff later
[01:08:52] And then the next day is funny mom the next day's funny mom's on the 24th and of course listen to the motherfucking rad dude cast
[01:08:59] With our boy Gregory thank you and our other we had such a blast with you and Brendan did Brandon was fucking great
[01:09:05] That was a great. Yeah, you should have been more like Brendan. Yeah, I know my eyes will tired
[01:09:11] Plex I have anything to play check out the red dude. Also. Yeah on the brain when we talked about how you're the funniest guy in the world
[01:09:17] Oh, really? Yeah, we shut you off maybe
[01:09:19] Maybe not a camera show. No, you did great that no joke that fucking steak story is hilarious Greg. Oh, thanks
[01:09:26] That's one of the funniest things that's great. Yeah
[01:09:29] So listen to that anything else Gregy boy. No, man. That's just this one the red dude cast
[01:09:35] Dude dude cast making their podcast festival debut at cumfest
[01:09:40] Atoms dead surprisingly me and stop are the ones
[01:09:51] Stop gets kitchen sober. I get mine sober
[01:09:53] Bro, if I could clean yeah, I mean anyway
[01:09:56] Can you imagine like if you went on like a like a mat exam juice bender and like got real thin you're
[01:10:02] One of those like three years of my life this pussy neck fat guys
[01:10:05] Yeah, yeah, like your head your skull already became a guy who Mac is am yeah, didn't he move out to Vegas?
[01:10:12] Maybe I don't know he's good. He's a good guy. I like man
[01:10:16] He got really in the juice and it's like whole social media presence was like guess who's making juice
[01:10:22] It's like juice again, and it's like I understand you're not fat anymore, but I know I'm scared
[01:10:27] It looks like shit. I'm scared of that that exact thing that pussy neck thing like fucking what's his face from a pen and teller
[01:10:33] The guy who wasn't pinched a let yeah, well his neck straight looks like a but here's here's the thing
[01:10:38] You know the older you get and stay fat the more your risk you are of that if you ever lose weight true
[01:10:44] If you just never stop you're gonna die at like 34 probably no
[01:10:48] If you continue living your life this way 56
[01:10:57] Live Bobby was not fat his entire life, but he's got a very very fat you need to look at Belushi and Chris Farley no
[01:11:04] They were also doing drugs. I stopped doing cocaine
[01:11:07] You were doing that much cocaine. Yeah, but I don't do it anymore
[01:11:11] What do you mean you didn't cocaine like once every two months? That wasn't the thing that was bringing me bad for your heart
[01:11:16] That's what killed those guys, so he's eating a shit ton of no
[01:11:21] I mean a lot of people did as much cocaine as Chris Farley and Belushi and that didn't kill them
[01:11:25] It's definitely the fact that they were fat yeah fat plus cocaine. Yeah only fat. Yeah, but make it to 58
[01:11:31] Look man. You're losing teeth. You're losing the
[01:11:35] That is not that is not being because I'm fat that was this freak accident technically
[01:11:41] I did eat it on a chicken wing so maybe you know roundabout way it was being fat with you everything's around about
[01:11:48] But anyway, I'm gonna live to the beautiful age of 58 or 59 at least and
[01:11:59] And the same day man animal die soon and join his father
[01:12:08] I'm really excited about comfess also as soon as as soon as summer ended I immediately feel a million times better
[01:12:15] Yeah summer now that it's fall. I feel great. Yeah, it's like summer is such a bullshit season
[01:12:21] It's been raining for a week. It's kind of nice. Yeah, Seattle vibe dude. I love fall
[01:12:26] I love fall so much man. Yeah sitting outside reflecting on wins and losses
[01:12:32] I love it, you know just accepting it all. That's great. You get a little pipe. Yeah some pipe tobacco
[01:12:39] Yeah, smoke a pipe Greg. No, I just like to get wet Greg
[01:12:44] You ever get wet great I like to get high up my son about what you know. It's about what you can prove I
[01:12:49] Have you guys training day? Oh, let's come up. Yeah, how about training day
[01:12:55] But it's Denzel Washington using a series of increasingly larger butt plugs to train
[01:13:06] Pawn soul Jake, that's what the asshole smells like I don't know this ain't what I signed up for
[01:13:13] On all fours reluctantly getting plugged do yourself a favor if you haven't look up
[01:13:18] Monologue training training day monologue and there's nothing but an ought start from the lowest hits
[01:13:24] Yeah, it's nothing but black actors trying to do the
[01:13:31] It's the range is amazing. That's hilarious. It's like
[01:13:36] Some people were outside another jacket. This one guy is just at his kitchen table. I love a jake
[01:13:42] Jake that's incredible dude. It's on but I want fucking I love those I found this Indian guy one time
[01:13:48] I would you do that with audition videos monologue videos and then impression videos and there was this Indian guy
[01:13:53] I found one time who's like, you know, it's like practice
[01:14:01] Like Dustin Hoffman and then it shows him in his house
[01:14:04] And he's got this whole like professional video set up with the mic and then the windscreen the pop screen
[01:14:10] And it's like this is not enough men from Kramer versus Kramer
[01:14:37] Man, let me see if I can find that guy Dustin here talk for a second because I wanted to see if I can
[01:14:42] Yeah, dude, that sounds very good the dude training you'll spend I mean
[01:14:47] I think I did like 7 a.m. I was like I just watched like almost all of them
[01:14:51] How did you get on those messaging them because anti-diathing do and I do a thing where we only watch you guys that have under
[01:14:57] 1,000 views beautiful and like what you saw one and then we were like, there's got to be more
[01:15:02] Yeah, this is Dustin Hoffman the Dustin Hoffman impression by me har is for the best six months of his bidding blood to get this agency
[01:15:10] One of the biggest accounts that ever had at five o'clock in the afternoon
[01:15:12] We got the account at eight o'clock. I come with the vice president who says I'm gonna be the next community that is a spot
[01:15:16] And I come to the door to share with my wife
[01:15:18] What happens to you one of the five best days of a laugh and she looked at me and says either one live with me anymore
[01:15:53] No, his YouTube is knee-har the artist hell yeah, and he's just got a million like a million of these
[01:16:00] Who's asking about bird Ernie? His video five Hollywood impressions in two minutes. Yes, I'll play all of these and then we'll guess
[01:16:49] We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever can't we for counsel for help I
[01:16:55] Can't remember the last time you had a media home for a cup of coffee
[01:17:01] Though my wife was God but a dear only child
[01:17:06] I want to know what happened to the plaits that they sent you
[01:17:09] You are part of the revenue lines and it's right
[01:17:15] Many things you said I was to do the thinking for both of us
[01:17:18] Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing
[01:17:21] We were getting on the plane between two very below
[01:17:24] God to listen to me you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here nine chances out of ten people
[01:17:30] To wind up in a concentration camp funny how I mean what's funny about
[01:17:34] Oh, he's a big boy. He knows what he said. What do you say?
[01:17:43] I mean these are like a little bit a little bit better than that
[01:17:48] Unbelievable they're all just kind of close enough that you kind of get it
[01:17:52] Well, you would recognize it, but do you know what the first one was no?
[01:17:56] I missed the fill-up seem we're off the Truman Capote, right?
[01:17:58] Yeah, but like all of the impressions you can't do an impression and be like, you know like hey, it's me Robert the
[01:18:12] People like is that Robert the Niro Wow
[01:18:20] I don't even here's me you do not come to my wedding
[01:18:24] You have never come to me before these and you come to me on this today my daughter's wedding
[01:18:32] Well, my wife ask you a word way for sucar you do not give up
[01:18:38] And now you ask me these are the day my daughter's wedding as the godfather also known as Marlon Brando
[01:18:46] Shout out to everyone guys, please go check out the rad dude cast and more importantly he harsh impression
[01:19:06] That's a show come see me in Chicago Detroit this weekend come see us in Australia next month
[01:19:10] Thank you. Goodbye everyone. Bye. Bye. Goodbye