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Ep. 124 - DJia Jones

Cum Town | Regular | 10/11/2018

[00:00:00] And we're fucking having sex Wednesday
[00:00:08] Wednesday October 69th is gay sex cool three experts way in
[00:00:15] I believe that it's I don't know whether you can I it's cool, but it certainly feels good
[00:00:21] Four out of five dentists agree getting fucked in your ass feels great
[00:00:31] Damn I do want to ask dentists what they think about getting fucked in the ass
[00:00:36] Yeah, who's the the trident death is there who's the fit dentist? It's like
[00:00:42] Tried and suck my fucking cock. That's probably a cool dentist. Yeah. He's like he'll never sell out
[00:00:50] I'm not I'm a soul dentist. Here's a lot to big gum. Well, he recommends brushing your teeth with his cum
[00:00:56] Yeah, that's why he doesn't recommend tried. Oh, maybe it's not so cool
[00:01:00] Yeah, remember that dentist is just like snuck come into women's mouths
[00:01:04] No, he shot like a he was like oh, that's one of the McDonald's characters
[00:01:11] Was brother
[00:01:13] I'm dentists just grimace bird bitch
[00:01:20] and the cum dent
[00:01:26] I don't know the 70s man was a different time when they came up with those
[00:01:30] With those characters who are the McDonald's care. Let me see if there's something forgetting. I know there's like two
[00:01:35] Nuggets
[00:01:36] Yes, there's a little nuggets. There are yeah for sure Ronald of course more freak nuggets
[00:01:41] I
[00:01:42] Think there's like a your contribution is Ronald
[00:01:45] You didn't say it. I think there's like some kind of captain or some some kind of nautical guy
[00:01:51] That kind of looks like yeah, you're right dude. You got stops got this course. He's got it. Thank you
[00:01:59] Because this is like the last really obscure
[00:02:02] McDonald's character that I've never before seen in my life. He literally knows nothing
[00:02:07] Well, which one of you motherfuckers knew about the little captain guy from
[00:02:12] Probably you felt during the movies game that we're playing. Yep. Yeah, we should do that
[00:02:17] Nice is Ambrose Burnside looking scientist. I guess he's a minor. I don't remember. Hold on dude. I'm doing this
[00:02:24] I got a girl right this fucking third grade game where I'm not allowed to look at pictures. You're looking at
[00:02:31] Well, I'm sorry. Have you not been to third grade?
[00:02:35] Yeah, I didn't mean to offend you by having been to third grade
[00:02:39] I didn't realize you were too stupid to go to third grade whoa
[00:02:43] You get your feelings hurt whenever third grade stuff comes out. No well whenever we revert back to it
[00:02:49] Oh, we're as reverted now. I'm reverting huh. Oh you revert brother. Yeah, you care as Lavert revert
[00:02:57] That's a little that's a little
[00:02:59] NBA reference pipe cast coming back in the next six months
[00:03:06] Sunday if someone does all the work for us well, it'll come back
[00:03:10] I guess my mom McDonald as a dog. There's a dog. Isn't there like a sexy girl too?
[00:03:16] Um, let's see here. Yeah, there's the chicken bitch. No, isn't it like a real woman. Yeah el mik fiercen
[00:03:23] Kathy ireland
[00:03:25] I mean I would have sex with whatever woman is inside that chicken costume. Yep. I was wearing it
[00:03:32] That'd be hot dude. Can you imagine she's like I gotta be back at work in 15 minutes
[00:03:37] You're like, oh trust me. I will be done. Oh that will not be an issue baby girl. You will be you'll be clocked in
[00:03:44] 17 minutes early
[00:03:46] My dick travels back in time. It's so small. Yes. I already came
[00:03:51] Hey
[00:03:54] And as soon as you said chicken bitch
[00:03:57] The nuts were flowing the quantum leap every time I come my dick is so little it does a rips the time
[00:04:01] I would love a space time continuum
[00:04:04] That would be cool. And then people have to fuck you for the good of the world. Yeah
[00:04:08] You know
[00:04:09] So there's two like you hate sticks. He's in conflict with the hamburger
[00:04:14] Mostly in visitors from outer space, which is the xenophobic mcdonald's movie
[00:04:18] Mm-hmm when immigrants come and they try to change the language you order. Yeah
[00:04:25] They try and serve tacos right and hamburger and grimace have to team up
[00:04:30] So they get some tiki torches
[00:04:33] Drive the mcdonald's challenger
[00:04:37] I don't know if grimace is on the tiki torch team. Yeah, he is. I think grimace is an african-american male
[00:04:43] Yeah grimace is definitely a fat black guy. Yeah, that's I
[00:04:46] I
[00:04:48] Did about how they put lips on him for black history months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was a good bit. Thanks, man
[00:04:55] grimace is a large purple character
[00:04:58] Uh used to be evil
[00:05:01] What oh, yeah, he was the original hamburger. He is a check checkered past hamburger
[00:05:06] He would he would he was he was the guy that stole hamburgers before they invented the hamburger
[00:05:11] Mm-hmm. Oh the the red condense of pio. He also used to have four arms. Well, I don't remember that. Yeah
[00:05:20] That's a wild goro like
[00:05:23] Gorilla
[00:05:24] Commercials and merchandise generally portray grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to ronald mcdonald
[00:05:31] So I guess stop you're like grimace and I'm like ronald. Mm-hmm. And Adam, of course is
[00:05:35] Haggard burglar. Oh, okay. I thought you were gonna call me the thieving Jew. What about the turd burglar?
[00:05:42] Yeah, that's Adam. That's you still shit. Yeah
[00:05:46] Wait, oh my god my turds
[00:05:50] Somebody's reached into my ass and stolen all my turds god damn it
[00:05:55] Turd burglar wasn't that an anti like a homophobic term. Yeah, I think so
[00:06:01] Where am I just making that up? No, I've heard turd burglar before I think so too, right?
[00:06:04] ass ass
[00:06:06] Clown but pirate but pirate is really good but pirate should make a full comeback
[00:06:11] That's a great one. Well, I think I've said
[00:06:14] Grimace is an unnamed bummer
[00:06:17] An unnamed dad a grandma named winky a great great grandma named jenny grimace
[00:06:22] What the fuck?
[00:06:24] Who's selectively getting into grimace family tree and might have a brother named king ganga who is the king of all grimaces? Wow
[00:06:34] Might what the fuck do they
[00:06:37] I want to be a screenwriter for mcdonald's only mcdonald's is in house
[00:06:41] Hell yeah, right or the historian. Yeah. Yeah, they're just rights all of their fucking weird movies. Yeah, that'd be great
[00:06:48] There's the bible came up with king ganga. I mean if if grimace wasn't racist enough
[00:06:53] Yeah, we've got king ganga. It's the king of all grimaces. Mm-hmm. Well, yeah in
[00:07:00] Grimace land before the hamburgler stole them and sold them into slavery
[00:07:05] There are kings there are kings
[00:07:07] Like gongong. You know, I like about the hamburgler is he gets out of prison, right? He escapes
[00:07:12] Continues wearing the prison clothes but puts a cape on that's right
[00:07:15] Yeah, you can never forget that time. Well, maybe that's to cover up his ass because maybe
[00:07:23] Someone ripped the prison thing pants the fuck. Oh, it's right here. It's often stated that hamburgler was sexually assaulted in prison
[00:07:32] Oh really? That doesn't mean that explains this often stayed
[00:07:36] No shut up that you that's a joke, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean who knows man. Who knows what he's reading
[00:07:46] Um, I know it's not true, but who knows what do you think we're spoken gibberish?
[00:07:50] Which was often translated by captain crook. I guess captain crook is the pirate you were talking about. That's right
[00:07:56] Wow
[00:07:57] do you think that's a common response to
[00:08:00] molestation is to
[00:08:02] drive your brain into
[00:08:04] Uh, like being a simpleton so you can sort of forget are you accusing me of being molested?
[00:08:10] No, I think grimace maybe was could have been a genius and then he he got raped
[00:08:15] He got raped in prison. Then you decide to live on by about the rest of his days as a simpleton
[00:08:20] He's great grandma meanie or whatever the fuck king Kong. No, that's his brother. You idiot. Oh, sorry
[00:08:26] He's got a grandmother and a great grandmother
[00:08:27] Damn, that's a that's a full family tree. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the fry kids
[00:08:34] That's right
[00:08:36] mare mcchees
[00:08:37] Oh, yeah, mare mcchees was an enormous cheese burger who appeared from 1971 to 2008
[00:08:43] They got rid of mare mcchees. He has a burger for a head and sports a top hat
[00:08:48] a little mare mccesh
[00:08:50] And a pair of pinch a net spectacles
[00:08:52] Mm-hmm 2008 it was obama's first thing in office. Yeah, that he proclaimed that mare mcchees
[00:08:59] Yeah grimace won the election. Yeah, and then they found out that grimace was actually born in grimace, Kenya
[00:09:11] Yeah, where's your berg certificate that was like a 70s thing right like all companies had like cartoon gangs and like tv shows
[00:09:19] It's a officer big Mac. I guess they had a cop
[00:09:23] I don't remember. He was similar to mare mcchees and then he had a large big Mac for a head
[00:09:27] Except he was the chief of police and his such he wore a constable uniform with a disproportionately small
[00:09:33] Custodian helmet resting atop of his head bun. I like that move look big head small hat. Did they also have like the uh
[00:09:41] the
[00:09:43] burger
[00:09:44] master general
[00:09:46] You know and it's like the post master general. Yeah, that's cool every
[00:09:52] They have the burger cop troller
[00:09:55] The burg de lorman what the fuck is an aldermen? I have no idea. I just remember in that uh Chris rock Chris rock movie
[00:10:02] He was an alternate head of state. Yep. Yeah, great flick
[00:10:07] I love professor beer. They were bad. I'm here to scientist type character. There was a scientist
[00:10:13] I told you I saw a guy getting literally blown during head of state. Yeah, which is rots. Yeah. Yeah
[00:10:20] Have you guys ever gotten?
[00:10:23] Pun
[00:10:25] Maybe at head of state. Yeah, something called
[00:10:29] Yeah, I put on maybe you sure dome every night. Maybe you're spinning a top while you're getting top
[00:10:34] Yeah, you know, maybe you're wearing a top hat. Yeah, or maybe you're just wearing a hat because that's another way to say
[00:10:41] I'm
[00:10:42] Getting head saying getting some cap
[00:10:45] Although now capping is bragging
[00:10:48] Language evolved so beautifully
[00:10:52] Don't you agree Nick? Yeah, sorry. I'm now I'm reading about uncle o' grimacy
[00:11:00] That's his sort. Yeah, that's how you go after the blacks and the iris at the same time
[00:11:04] He's kind of like the Cedric the entertainer. Oh grimacy is the iris uncle of the character grimace
[00:11:13] Very of the grimace design that he is green instead of purple sports a frock coat
[00:11:18] Covered with several four-leaf clovers and carries a chilelli
[00:11:21] Wow
[00:11:22] His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the irish folkloric leprechaun
[00:11:28] O'grimacy resides in his home country for 11 months of the year and visits his nephew grimace in march
[00:11:33] Bring with shamrock shakes incredibly delicious shake. Oh
[00:11:38] Stop you called that you had that one. I had it unlocked brother. Yeah
[00:11:45] Bodies a couple of chicken McNuggets that butt fuck each other
[00:11:49] Um, this is a flute pastel from a great grandfather. This is cool cosmic
[00:11:56] Oh temporary character from mcdonald and cosmic was an alien who wore large spacesuit and he talked like a surfer dude
[00:12:03] Hell yeah
[00:12:04] Was mcdonald and a place do they have a theme park? No, it's where they live. Oh
[00:12:10] Trash cans talking twin trash cans
[00:12:16] Jesus christ. Yeah, you have to deposit garbage into them to feed them
[00:12:20] Nice. What about your own shit? Yeah
[00:12:23] The second was garbage. Yeah, it was one of the characters of mcdonald is the giant shit you take after you get mcdonald's
[00:12:30] Ball on the road. Yeah, I am hungry a short-lived mcdonald and character to self-proclaimed vice president of snacking
[00:12:41] I want that job who the gridler. Uh oh, yeah, he uses slurs
[00:12:47] Mike the microphone. He was a one-time character created for kid rhino albums
[00:12:51] Ronald makes it magic and rattle mcdonald presents silly kid rhino
[00:13:00] Early hip-hop kid rhino
[00:13:03] When you click on it just goes to rhino entertainment company interesting
[00:13:09] What's that it's a it was a novelty music label. Oh, yeah rhino. Yeah. Yeah
[00:13:16] What else they do they did like compilation albums, you know simon cell on tv
[00:13:22] You know simon cow did uh like macho man's album
[00:13:27] Them macho man ready savage and maybe even rapping rodney. Oh, he used to do like no business. Yeah. He was in the rap. Yeah albums
[00:13:36] Fuck him dude. Who fucked simon cow
[00:13:39] Yeah, he's like, you know, what's he making people feel bad about how how good they sing
[00:13:44] Well, they his background is fucking Rodney danger. No, he doesn't know what he's talking about
[00:13:49] I think he's a fucking savant his grimace with his big fat ass meeting his stupid Irish uncle
[00:13:57] Oh grimacy damn uncle o' grimacee
[00:14:02] Uh folks. Yes, this uh this episode might not be as good because adam took my spot on the couch
[00:14:08] I don't have to sit on the floor every time he's thrown off the equilibrium
[00:14:12] You don't have to get me the fucking trundle bed in the hotel room
[00:14:17] I was injured man. I couldn't I know take the trundle bed. It was bad for my circulation
[00:14:23] And i've already detailed how it was a pr nightmare if anyone found out. Yeah
[00:14:29] You didn't want it
[00:14:31] It would look bad if he took the
[00:14:35] The bed of nails that I had to sleep on in cleveland. It looked nice. Honestly. It was not nice
[00:14:40] It looked really plush. I got so stoned that first night off those edibles and I was just late
[00:14:45] Yeah, that was fun able to go to sleep because I was prohibitively high what that's the best time to go to sleep
[00:14:50] Sometimes I get too high and can't go to sleep
[00:14:54] Um
[00:14:55] So uh, do you guys see that fucking the sallies chopped up some turkish guy the journalist? Yeah
[00:15:02] Yeah, they they got him in america
[00:15:05] Yeah, it like the fucking consulate they fucked his ass up in the souty consulate trump trump
[00:15:12] They saw his ass up and just took him out. They had a bone saw
[00:15:16] Dismembered his motherfucker and just like carried in the u.s embassy. I think I thought in the souty consulate the souty consulate here
[00:15:24] I think so in dc
[00:15:26] I think so. I don't know that ass. That's awesome. Remember when that it is pretty big dick if they did it
[00:15:29] But it's also scary. Is it like erdewans guys would beat the shit out of people like in front of that
[00:15:34] Yeah, I remember that last year a street brawl. Yeah, that was all really what they do
[00:15:39] Yeah, it was a bunch of guys in suits just beating the fuck out of protesters. Yeah, we're like protesting outside
[00:15:45] This is like this is american
[00:15:49] Damn and they're just getting away with murdering some journalists who wanted to like
[00:15:53] Do a pro democracy some shit or something. Yeah, that's that's how it should be reported
[00:15:58] Trying to do away with some journalists is trying to do a pro democracy some shit or something. That's basically it man
[00:16:05] We don't need all these fucking words muddying up what happened. What did you say about a
[00:16:10] Jeremy house style
[00:16:12] Little districts will fuck up a little
[00:16:14] Which is what it is man. They fuck up the little district so you can fucking vote republican or whatever
[00:16:20] Well, it's not little sometimes they make them really big
[00:16:23] That sounds smarter than gerrymandering. Yeah gerrymandering is a retarded word
[00:16:27] It sounds like australians named. Oh, it definitely does speaking which it's too late to do it
[00:16:32] But we wanted to sell shirts. It's got a little kangaroo and he's got his hip
[00:16:36] You know pushed out to the side and it says okay, man guy might
[00:16:41] Actually, if you're if you're an australian come boy and you have a screen printing
[00:16:45] Operation if you want to make those shirts bring them to the show. Yeah, we'll pay you a little pay you and then we'll sell them
[00:16:51] Oh, well, we Nick will pay. No. Oh, you you already figured out sales tax in another fucking country and evidence
[00:16:59] We won't do it. Sink wink you signed this up for that already out of listen and then i'll take care of it
[00:17:04] We won't do that
[00:17:06] Don't make those shirts. Don't make the shirts
[00:17:10] Sorry, because if friendly friendly because if you did make them we'd have to pay taxes
[00:17:15] But if you don't make them thank you, we'll never have to pay taxes
[00:17:19] So you do all the work and then we'll sell them
[00:17:22] For money for us, but no, no, don't do that. Do not know we'll get paid in in
[00:17:30] Tickets that we sell we sell a little or a little like fake
[00:17:36] Debloons. What if we charge for our time?
[00:17:39] We should have paid taxes for that
[00:17:42] Sure, damn
[00:17:43] Actually, I have to pay that what if we get I guess there is sales tax, but what if you have like a
[00:17:47] A visa, right? I don't know. I hope we do visa. I think you'd like the visa has to tell us say specifically what you're allowed to do
[00:17:55] Oh, we're allowed to perform. Can you suck dick?
[00:17:59] Yeah
[00:18:02] Imagine getting kicked out of Australia
[00:18:13] I love it
[00:18:15] Dude, so I've looked into a man who blew too much
[00:18:19] I was kicked out of every country for second day
[00:18:23] I've sucked dick in every single country. I sucked dick in North Korea. Can your dick get too sucked?
[00:18:29] Philosophical quandary my friends. Yeah
[00:18:31] Yeah, does there exist a dick that can be too sucked? I guess if you came a bunch just like a minute ago
[00:18:38] You know it's hard to get a boner again unless you're a strong young man
[00:18:42] Mm-hmm like me no I can get three four five boners in a row really no
[00:18:49] How much how much I remember when I was younger I could I could get hard again right afterwards those were the day those were the days
[00:18:56] I'm still able to do that
[00:18:58] I thought you said you can't get hard initially, but then once I'm going once it gets going and then it's like stuck that way
[00:19:05] Yeah, it's like a flywheel. Yeah
[00:19:07] Yeah, you got a flywheel dick
[00:19:11] I'm to the point now. I've been having I had it
[00:19:14] Well, I've been eating healthier because I know I'm about to wild out in Japan, Australia
[00:19:18] Yeah, and I was shocked that my dick was working again. Like it was one of those things where it was like oh, it's pretty simple
[00:19:24] Yeah, it was like it was just no issue. I've walked good. You're castrating yourself and making yourself more fun
[00:19:32] Yeah, yeah, it killing yourself literally
[00:19:34] I lost three pounds all my prop like I don't even have to be not fat. You're tooth with grow back
[00:19:39] Yeah, I just have to not be this fat. You wouldn't need glasses anymore. Yeah, you know
[00:19:44] But it felt good dude. It felt good to fuck without dick pills do with a hard-ass dick
[00:19:49] Mm-hmm. I was restored. It's like it's tech stocks are all fucked up today. Why I don't know
[00:19:56] That's the beauty of the markets, baby
[00:19:59] Fuck markets dude. Fuck investing. Mm-hmm. I'm against that shit. All right. Great
[00:20:03] I'm gonna buy every house in greek town
[00:20:07] I'm gonna become the mayor that's investing though. No, but that's hard. That's investing. I understand hard-ass
[00:20:12] I'm gonna become a feudal lord of greek town
[00:20:15] And everyone must kiss my ring and pay me sort of like the guy with the cape in godfather 2 exactly
[00:20:21] Yes with the pucks name
[00:20:23] Don finucci Don finucci. Yes. I'm gonna be Don finucci. I'm gonna dress the exact same way
[00:20:28] I'm gonna walk around white suit all white suit. I'm a walk around greek town. I'm gonna get fucking a gyros and fucking
[00:20:35] Tubbs of zaziki and feta you'll make diner guys kiss your ring. I'll make yep
[00:20:40] I'll fuck their daughters. That'll be proud. They pay me or so. I'm reinstating. I'm reinstating
[00:20:46] prima nakta
[00:20:49] I'm gonna buy all of old ham street
[00:20:52] Mm-hmm all of fucking eastern avenue is gonna be mine dude. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's a cool move
[00:20:57] Yeah
[00:20:58] Buying up the entire neighborhood. It's the block is gonna be mine dude. I'm gonna get back into quite a more millionaires
[00:21:05] Do that shit. I don't know especially in like ball. They do
[00:21:08] That guy Dan
[00:21:10] The guy from the right calves he owns like detouring over it owns like blocks of Detroit
[00:21:15] Yeah, I mean in Baltimore. You should just do that
[00:21:18] Yeah, if you were like a millionaire was just like it's a like a million dollars doesn't mean shit to you just buy like
[00:21:23] hella blocks
[00:21:25] Especially the ones right by Hopkins because those exist where it's like you just kind of push out the Hopkins fear a little bit
[00:21:31] Yeah
[00:21:32] I'm investing now as a homeowner. I want Baltimore to bounce back. Mm-hmm. There's no return on investment owning a whole block
[00:21:40] Maybe there is
[00:21:42] Is there I mean it's not it's not gonna be you're not gonna have like
[00:21:45] Baltimore's on the way when if I bought a block had my own private police force
[00:21:50] Guaranteed your safety that'd be cool
[00:21:52] Then I really am a feudal lord dude
[00:21:56] Yeah, that would rock
[00:21:58] There's uh, there's places in Detroit where they don't have police anymore. That's insane or the police just don't show up. Yeah
[00:22:06] Well, uh, sorry I have two minutes off the mark here, but uh stock markets fucked up guys
[00:22:13] So you're if you want to sound make money advice. You got a gamble. That's right on sport on sports
[00:22:19] Mm-hmm. It's the only it's the only guaranteed safe bet in the world
[00:22:23] And you can go check them out at 100 guaranteed safe bet calm which in a week's time should redirect to bet the aside
[00:22:32] Beat me off guys and now 100
[00:22:35] Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:22:37] Immediately
[00:22:39] I'm sorry. There's that guy DM me and I didn't get back to him. There's no way to lose money.com. Yeah
[00:22:44] Listen, I do want an email that staff at beat me off guys calm
[00:22:49] So if you can make that happen whoever bought it, please holler at us. We want stop nick and adam at beat me off guys calm
[00:22:56] Please yeah
[00:22:58] Um, yeah bet dsi.com is a premier website that does sports shit
[00:23:04] Dead on fucking games and stuff
[00:23:07] If you like that kind of stuff you can
[00:23:09] I don't know. I guess they're like cool or something. Yep. They're cool. Like yeah, they're cool. They smoke six
[00:23:16] They blast you go to bed after a big finger girls. Yeah, I guess it's supposed to be like a pretty good website or something like that
[00:23:23] Mm-hmm. I know I heard something along those lines, but people are definitely saying that they play electric guitar
[00:23:30] Everybody you fucking I mean I can't speak to it personally. No, we can
[00:23:33] But also other people are saying it too. Yeah, which means it's really fucking good
[00:23:39] Yeah, you know, I mean I wouldn't even come on this show with my own opinions. I mean that would be fucked up
[00:23:44] No, this is your responsible to like you can't have your this is mine adam and nyx opinion that it is a good website
[00:23:50] No, I mean some guy I'm we even a Christian. I know this guy is Christian. Yeah
[00:23:56] He's never lied ever he told me
[00:23:58] He told me to bet the his eyes like where he goes to bed on shit all the time
[00:24:03] This guy's in church every Saturday every day. That's a sunday. He just loves praying
[00:24:08] Tuesday, man
[00:24:09] He does that thing with the hand his hand all the time the cross. Yeah
[00:24:13] He's like never even I tried to like tell I was like I was like yeah
[00:24:17] I was fucking this girl with her pussy other days like what are you talking about?
[00:24:20] He was like what are you talking about? I was like, you know, I was not exact and he's like but what's a pussy?
[00:24:25] Yeah
[00:24:27] Yeah, I was like there's a hole in a woman and he's like that man. That's wild
[00:24:32] Yeah, I got to pray about that and then he left he just went to go to church and started crying
[00:24:36] I go to church and I see him and he's got the bible open and then in the inside the bible
[00:24:40] It's his phone and he said 100% safe guaranteed bet calm. It can invent the aside. It's redirects to
[00:24:48] No way you can lose calm
[00:24:50] The slash bet the aside and uh, you know in-game wagering in game wagering. They got an award-winning mobile app dude
[00:24:59] I think I'm pretty sure I can't you don't hold me to it, but I think they won an academy award last year
[00:25:05] For their mobile app mobile app and atoni and yeah, they wanted they did the end so it's where you were an Emmy
[00:25:12] Uh, Zion award for best israeli. Yeah from uh, it contribution the tech and then you
[00:25:20] And then the ends, you know, you don't want to know what that was
[00:25:27] Yeah, really raises guy named name the name the fucking uh, uh, what's she called not alga not algorithm?
[00:25:34] No, it's just called an any. Yeah, no, no, what the fuck
[00:25:37] What's the continuous about the palgarithm and it's where you and your friend figure out the best way to have sex
[00:25:43] We suck each other's dicks. Yeah, huh
[00:25:46] What is the word i'm thinking of hoggistics?
[00:25:50] It's like like laser is one of these where it's multiple words and anagram not an anagram
[00:25:57] palindrome no laser razole and not
[00:26:01] Everything stands for not an acronym acronym and initialism a very racist guy
[00:26:06] I created the acronym is like an fbi. Yeah, yeah, it's an Enzo is an fbi is an acronym. Yeah, anyway bet the aside dot com folks
[00:26:16] Really bet there put use promo code come 120
[00:26:21] 24 hours seven mother fucking
[00:26:24] Award-winning customer award-winning customer service from good housekeeping magazine high times
[00:26:30] and uh, um, you know you bet
[00:26:33] What is it you put in oh, yeah shit or some shit listen folks? I know you're thinking that we're just like
[00:26:41] You know just goofing around here, but this is fucking serious. Yes. You have to go to bet the aside sign up
[00:26:49] Look it won't cost you at the minimum it costs you two three hundred dollars
[00:26:55] That's it though. That's it. What do you mean an asshole?
[00:26:58] You fucking asshole you want this show to continue brought to you by half thy sponsors like and
[00:27:05] Corporation for public broadcasting and people like you. Yeah, you need to go to bet the aside deposit every fucking penny
[00:27:11] You have take it out of the stock market take it out of your 401k. We're headed for a drastic recession
[00:27:17] I'm I've been warned by the sec not to tell my crypto picks anymore
[00:27:22] After that man killed himself
[00:27:24] No, I am not allowed to do crypto picks anymore, but I will tell you that's right bet everything you own on bet the aside
[00:27:31] Dot-com yes on the future in the con the ravens on the ravens every dollar every time
[00:27:37] On the ratings we lose to the browns short but the week before that we won is I'm gonna tell you some empty your lifesavers
[00:27:43] Take a life insurance policy out on your wife kill your wife
[00:27:47] Yeah, and then you get a good cool quarter mill take that quarter million
[00:27:51] Yeah, bet on the Ravens money line you put you put the Ravens for the Super Bowl beating the Dallas
[00:27:57] Cowboys a hundred to zero
[00:28:00] Now I know you think that sounds crazy you will get crazy odds on that
[00:28:05] You'll get very good odds, right?
[00:28:07] You will I've done the math on this you will get 60 billion dollars, which will put you ahead of Carlos slim the world
[00:28:14] Rich is Mexican. Yep, and guess what? Carlos slim. He's named after his own dick
[00:28:19] Yeah, and you'll have a bigger dick than him too because he's got a slim dick
[00:28:23] So come one point promo code come 120 bet the other one you get you put your deposit down you get a 120
[00:28:30] Bonus. Mm-hmm. You know what that means
[00:28:34] Even more money even more money than the first bit fucking yeah do the math yourself
[00:28:38] Faggot bet the SI calm faggot
[00:28:46] Damn, I love gambling man. Yeah, I love gambling and I love telling people about my favorite website
[00:28:52] DSI calm. Mm-hmm. This is the read that never ends
[00:29:02] For listening to jazz. We bet the SI is like I mean
[00:29:06] They certainly gave us the time
[00:29:12] I don't know what Grover's fur being held on with calm
[00:29:22] Grover actually being completely hairless
[00:29:25] He's covered in blue putes. That's all actually cookie monsters calm how that really relates to sports batting but
[00:29:34] I
[00:29:36] Grover and cookie monster related to both blue. Yeah. Well cookie monster is Grover's retarded brother
[00:29:43] I'm afraid my brother with Down syndrome is I don't remember it
[00:29:47] It's pretty good. I think yeah, she is for chromosome. That's too many for me
[00:29:56] Well jeez chromosome monster
[00:29:58] We originally was the chromosome monster. They're like, I don't know
[00:30:05] Like what you got an autistic character. There's a gay cup this sexless gay couple
[00:30:09] You got plenty of blacks on the show. Why can't we go down syndrome? So true. Why isn't there a down syndrome up it? Mm-hmm chromosome monster
[00:30:17] Yeah, he snacks on the extra chromosomes and or or does a down syndrome monster?
[00:30:23] Who's a villain?
[00:30:25] He's the enemy of cookie monster. Mm-hmm. He's always trying to get those cookies. Oh, because he also wants them. He also
[00:30:33] That's the thing man. If you want real representation, it's not just the hero rules
[00:30:37] You know, you can't just have black panther. It's like where are the movies where black people are just are villain cereals pedophiles
[00:30:45] Raping white children across the land. Yeah, that's what we need that
[00:30:49] Here it comes down. We've pledged our own dollars to fund any movie about a black pedophile
[00:30:56] I'll tell you I know what black people want. They want to feel like human
[00:31:00] So you gotta give the good with the bad because in and all of us there is a panther and a pedophile
[00:31:06] The yin and yang. That's the original yin and yang is about. Yeah, one is a panther and one is a guy that sucks off
[00:31:12] Little kids very small penises. Mm-hmm. It somehow gets sexual gratification out of that
[00:31:18] That's so fucking weird
[00:31:30] It truly is ridiculous
[00:31:34] So yeah, we were saying on stage. Oh, that's how weird out got his name. Oh, yeah
[00:31:39] That guy's weird
[00:31:41] Weird how weird out. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm queered. Yeah, cuz I'm queered
[00:31:48] Because I'm gay. I'm gay
[00:32:01] She my one yo dick is hard your ass is mine is already pretty gay my ass is fat
[00:32:07] What is it your butt is mine, isn't that yeah, which is pretty gay you see Prince being like Prince refused to be in that video because of that lyric
[00:32:16] Bad yeah, did you see that interview no Prince and he was like he was like they wanted your yeah
[00:32:21] He was supposed to be Wesley Snipes. Oh and Prince that he does a video and he's like
[00:32:26] Actually, my butt is yours. I don't think literally Prince is like I'm not with that gay shit. Johovas witness
[00:32:33] He's a religious man
[00:32:35] Respect to Prince for being gay, but not gay the gayest straightest man of all time
[00:32:40] He got he got too much pussy that he went pussy blind
[00:32:45] He tried to use all those pills he does not have to Prince too for being
[00:32:49] 411 our all shared height that we all right. We're all the same height as Prince
[00:32:56] Is extremely the same height as us I'm comfortable
[00:33:02] Is
[00:33:04] Yeah, when we saw Paul Simon a couple weeks ago had to be five one. How about Paul wall Simon? That'd be cool
[00:33:11] Yeah, you don't know what height Paul Simon was we're
[00:33:14] 500 feet away. So I'm gonna monitor. I bet you's five six. You only saw I mean I'm sure I bet you on celebrity
[00:33:21] I'm sure he is but I bet you celebrity heights five four, which is inflated. Yeah, I'm sure he is that height
[00:33:27] But don't pretend like you could do he was on stage with like 20 people you were looking at a monitor
[00:33:32] He was tiny you only saw five three five three listed listed
[00:33:37] So he's got to be five two Billy Joel's five five
[00:33:39] I'm just saying you're bad at estimating distances and measurements
[00:33:42] Art sounds like I'm perfect. I know this is something you already looked up and then you pretended this was a
[00:33:48] Something you're good at space. Willy Nelson is five six. I looked it up
[00:33:52] Bob Dylan five seven perhaps because he looked five foot one on stage. Hold on willy Nelson
[00:33:58] He's five six. I just told you bitch. No, no. What's his name sound like? Um
[00:34:05] Um
[00:34:07] Uh
[00:34:09] Emmett tilly Nelson. No, we're not doing that one
[00:34:14] I want to do that one. Let's next one
[00:34:18] That was you guys want to go to fright fest at six flags
[00:34:21] We have literally 24 hours to do that before we leave the country. Oh, yeah, I got a package shit, dude
[00:34:26] I haven't done shit man. Stop. You want to go to Macy's with me after this and get nice stuffle bags
[00:34:31] I have a duffle bag
[00:34:33] Do you want to go to Macy's with me?
[00:34:36] Bedding and laugh at the gay guys
[00:34:38] The gay guys are working the bedding section are we only doing one of them?
[00:34:41] Usually I would like to that's what happens if you become a sexless gay man. You get into textures
[00:34:47] Feeling like feeling things. Ooh
[00:34:50] Yeah, yeah, soft smooth. I feel like every gay guy fucks though
[00:34:53] Or is that my prejudice not all of them? No, not that concierge at the radison in the inner harbor
[00:35:01] Oh, yeah, you you experienced him. I don't know him. Oh, yeah, that's right. It is funny to see you know a small town gay guy. Yeah
[00:35:09] Boom. I'm sure he has some there. Oh, he's working there. I was working at starbucks and like looks so desperate to get out
[00:35:16] Yeah, so he gets florida's getting owned by these storms. Yeah, my good. That's what they get for George
[00:35:23] Zimmerman, uh-huh. I hope all those people die
[00:35:26] Well, they also make me feel good one is also to make me feel better about my politics
[00:35:33] That's what they deserve all the people that those people heard are also in that state all those black people deserve to die because of George
[00:35:41] Zimmerman getting off
[00:35:43] so
[00:35:44] Take that florida so
[00:35:47] market cap
[00:35:49] Take a look at crypto markets. So I've been like really working my way into this fin goth thing
[00:35:56] I think that's like the new thing. I am financial goth. Yeah, I'm a financial goth. Hmm. It's like yeah, I just have fucking investments
[00:36:07] You said about a rich. I'm fucking I just I'm I want to die. Where's black. I want to die and I'm worried about my portfolio
[00:36:13] I just caught myself and diversify my portfolio
[00:36:20] Yeah, I cut a line down my fucking arm that
[00:36:24] mimics the nasdaq's ema 200, you know, mm-hmm. I just uh
[00:36:30] Love mucho ass. Do you have do you have blue ship investments or just crypto? I don't have any investments. Oh, yeah, he has no
[00:36:38] I'm not ever discuss my actual financial
[00:36:44] Do not let these people know that I am worth over seven million dollars now
[00:36:51] There's not true because this podcast will not be happening. Oh, yeah
[00:36:54] Seven million dollars. I would be so gone
[00:36:58] Is we add them and I would replace myself with somebody that I knew would fuck it up
[00:37:02] No, so this show would not continue doing the show. We would know there would not you guys would still need money
[00:37:08] Whatever we'd figure money you couldn't even be friends anymore because I would be so well the bunker
[00:37:13] Well, I wouldn't be my bunker. I would just be hanging out with other rich people. Oh, who's your other other other high net worth individuals
[00:37:19] Like who I don't know those people come out of the woodwork once you become rich
[00:37:23] No, they want to hang out with you those people are just hangers on no
[00:37:26] I mean other people that are worth 10 15 18 billion dollars
[00:37:34] Is there is there one guy in Nigeria where that scam thing worked and he has like I'm sure a hundred million dollars
[00:37:40] Well, according to a lift driver. I had that happens a lot. Yeah
[00:37:44] Nigeria
[00:37:45] Yep
[00:37:47] Diaduria
[00:37:49] They have diarrhea
[00:37:51] So song song song my dig song
[00:37:58] I think
[00:38:02] What's the studio
[00:38:05] It's one for sis studio
[00:38:08] Studio it's the studio apartment where you suck eyes off
[00:38:13] Welcome to my sisudia
[00:38:15] No furniture just want there's some need like a pillow for your knees on the floor
[00:38:23] Oh, this is something we should bring up. We're the main stop where this is a great story for the podcast
[00:38:27] We didn't stop for talking to some girl
[00:38:29] The other day and we kept saying as a joke. Let me see your pussy
[00:38:34] We were laughing pretty hard at that. Oh, yeah
[00:38:36] That she would like but you're not in a sexual way
[00:38:39] They're like do you mind if I take a look at your pussy
[00:38:41] Can we see her pussy real quick and we kept saying it to her and she laughed the first couple of times and then stopped and then we were laughing
[00:38:47] And then we kept doing it maybe six or seven because it was funnier every time especially when she wasn't laughing
[00:38:53] Well, she told a story about some guy being like, can I see her hands
[00:38:56] She's like training a box and she held her hands out and then he just held her hand
[00:39:01] And it was like that's cute
[00:39:03] That was his move to try and fuck and then we thought naturally can I see your pussy?
[00:39:08] Yeah, can we see your pussy real quick? Oh, that's cute. Yeah
[00:39:12] Look how well my dick fits into your pussy
[00:39:15] It's also sounds like you're just trying to borrow it. Yo, let me see that. Let me hold can I hold your pussy?
[00:39:20] Yeah, yeah, can I borrow your pussy
[00:39:27] Um, hmm other current events going oh
[00:39:30] Do you guys hear about that fucking guy who loves this is a cause we have to get behind
[00:39:34] Wario. There's a guy who loves trains. He's autistic or some shit
[00:39:40] And he got in trouble. He keeps getting in trouble for stealing the train
[00:39:44] We've definitely talked about that on the show. Have we or you know what it is?
[00:39:47] Is I've heard about that guy so many fucking times and people keep emailing me the story
[00:39:51] Yeah, that we don't that I don't talk about it because I I feel like I must have or but I saw it because I think will share the link
[00:39:57] Like now he's like he's about to go to he's got a big trial coming up
[00:40:01] And if they find him dangerous the poor guys got to go to fucking jail for like his whole life
[00:40:05] Or if they say he's like, you know got mental problems then he gets to like work on black autism
[00:40:11] I know but but this one's singing. Well, it's like autism trains. Obviously the uniforms like an obsession black part crime
[00:40:21] And you combine the two
[00:40:24] This man is a victim. He should be working for the mta. He's a train savant
[00:40:28] But because that's true. It's like if you're so good how hard is it to be good?
[00:40:33] It's they're on a fucking track
[00:40:36] The man where is he gonna take it?
[00:40:38] But he fucking was a little kid who learned how to do it. That's pretty impressive. What was the
[00:40:43] Leslie Nielsen movie where wrongfully accused that's wrongfully accused. Yeah. Well, here's the thing
[00:40:49] I don't know. They got a name. But instead of packing. Let's watch the airplane movies after this
[00:40:54] Let's watch airplane. I'll make a I'll make an apple crumble pie
[00:40:57] I don't want pine keep are we gonna do too? Dude, I can't wait to buy a house. Just be domestic
[00:41:03] I have to go see it. I'm gonna be my own housewife
[00:41:06] What I'm gonna be my own housewife. I'm gonna buy a house and just make myself pies
[00:41:09] I bet your pies suck dick bro. Probably it'll take a long time to get good
[00:41:14] You gotta put them on the windows. I'm actually I like I would post pictures on instagram of like food that I had made because it looked bad
[00:41:21] but
[00:41:22] like
[00:41:23] I have tried so hard to make food that's good like it was like a joke
[00:41:28] It's also
[00:41:29] Aftertime like I this started off with no, I know attempting something for real
[00:41:34] I know because I could see the pride in your eyes when it turned out good. Yeah, you know
[00:41:37] It's so fucking hard to cook. I don't understand it. It's not that hard, bro
[00:41:41] I have no idea how it works. You just gotta have a natural flair
[00:41:44] See, I'm gonna cook because I love food. So you know where you have to like develop film in the dark
[00:41:48] That's how like cooking works for me. Mm-hmm. You can't taste it throughout. I have no idea what's going on
[00:41:53] You're supposed to taste it throughout. That's like that's like that's no
[00:41:56] You can't taste raw chicken. He's wrong. No, no, but you're supposed to taste the food before
[00:42:00] Baking is hard cooking is easy. Baking's like science. Baking's easy. You just follow the rules. No you follow the instructions
[00:42:06] No, we can go wrong. I've followed so many fucking recipes when it's done. It's like this is barely edible
[00:42:12] I've gotten it. I do I follow it to a fucking tea. Yeah, recipes like cooking recipes is harder than bake
[00:42:18] No
[00:42:19] Because baking is like just you just put it in the right amount of ingredients and no listen
[00:42:24] You I've watched a great British bake off. Okay. She can go wrong. Yeah, but those people are really going off
[00:42:30] I mean, they're about the great bitch. It's bake off the great what a great bitch. It's bake off and it's only men with breasts
[00:42:36] Oh, yeah, those guys would honestly make really just topless and they go they have their arms band
[00:42:40] They're back and they go yes chef and their tits shake
[00:42:44] Yes chef
[00:42:45] What the fuck is frangi pan stuff who knows but I'll tell you what I'll talk about that in bake off
[00:42:50] I tell you what underpants. Yes
[00:42:55] Take it away take it away gold goldy
[00:42:59] Yeah, what's what's a good what's a good like?
[00:43:03] I like friendly endearing nickname for your anti-semitic. Yeah at the same time
[00:43:09] All right. Here's here's uh the return of adam's steel corner. Mm. You ready?
[00:43:14] Yeah
[00:43:16] Adam's steel corner carefully carved out of British mandated palace
[00:43:23] The deal corner is the forefront of horrific atrocities
[00:43:27] In the world first of all before the secret intelligence organization that's allowed to carry out assassinations without the international community batting and I
[00:43:37] Adam's deal corner
[00:43:39] First of all I just want to say the lowering prices around the globe
[00:43:42] The mandate for palace what if you know everybody hates israel but what if israel is the only thing preventing?
[00:43:49] globalist capitalism from taking over the world because israel keeps prices love deals little deal
[00:43:55] So I've deal that yeah, it's israel the balance between israel's love of getting a deal and discounts
[00:44:02] Prevents capitalism from just making all the money go up to the well. Did you see taxation? It's the massad
[00:44:07] Did you see it to that trump trump was uh, capping those chirping within israeli's security firm during the election hell yeah to like
[00:44:17] It basically everyone's been waiting for russia and the second israel's implicated now. No one's saying anything
[00:44:23] You know, I say like how people say like if you want to know who runs the world see you can max well zen underpants
[00:44:29] Yeah, you want to know who runs the world so you can't criticize
[00:44:31] But I posted some like pretty nasty comments about this three-year-old with down syndrome on youtube
[00:44:36] Everyone's like fucking mad at me damn. What's that's the runs the world probably yeah, it's kody from salt lake city
[00:44:44] And his mom is a school teacher
[00:44:46] I said what i'm supposed to be impressed that this kid knows half the alphabet. He's fucking retarded good point
[00:44:52] Regular child knows the whole alphabet by the time he's half is so true
[00:44:56] Anyways, you know who who isn't supportive israel bad baby
[00:45:00] The rapper oh 15 year old cash me outside. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:45:04] Yeah, she came out as staunchly pro israel on instagram. She's fucking the best like the best zionist celebrity is john void
[00:45:13] Yeah, well they got him off of drugs the real did no the hibad the orthodox jewish organization got him off a drug
[00:45:21] And they made him really right way that's like a good sandwich
[00:45:23] Hibad is like those dudes in crown heights
[00:45:26] It's the it's the blues brothers guys the guys that dress with that
[00:45:30] How about a fumu or a kebada boy and it's about a boy, but it's
[00:45:34] hiscetic guys
[00:45:36] Trying to cut off the tip of the circumcised human sucking his snakes
[00:45:40] I haven't seen about a boy. So I don't know what it is. I don't know. I'm assuming it's about a boy
[00:45:44] But hibada boy boy cute the boy is very cute and precocious and uh, and then you got huge hu
[00:45:52] What's his name?
[00:45:53] Jackman no, no, what do you go after who's that british guy? There's a
[00:45:56] Hibad guys you go. How about you suck my dick
[00:46:03] Hey, buddy
[00:46:08] How bad do you want to suck my dick
[00:46:11] They're the the are you jewish really bad probably yeah
[00:46:17] Anyway, so
[00:46:18] But if you want to get your dick sucked by hiscetic guy you got to pull your underwear down
[00:46:22] Yep in the best kind of underwear to pull down to reveal your you're ready to be sucked chubby mac world non-daware
[00:46:30] Macwell calm simple shopping premium shopping
[00:46:34] Simple designs simple designs for simple people are you simple? Are you stupid as fun?
[00:46:39] You a dumb motherfucker you stupid bitch stupid fucking asshole if so go to macwell.com
[00:46:47] Check out there. You look I'm gonna fucking any like you can figure out the website because it's that easy
[00:46:52] Look dude. I spent so much time at my computer just fucking screaming obscenities and online shopping. Oh, yes
[00:46:59] The other day I was at this website and it's like before you can download the video you need to like submit
[00:47:06] 30,000 bitcoins
[00:47:08] Through like this escrow service to make sure that you're not working for the fucking fbi
[00:47:14] And it's like just let me
[00:47:16] By the time the video downloads am i even gonna be hard anymore this kid's probably gonna be over 18
[00:47:20] Absolutely. I gotta think about that
[00:47:23] It's like it doesn't even work for me if he's not still
[00:47:27] Because not steal a child or you want to see a newspaper next to you know, and i'm like i'm like, you know, I was like, you know what?
[00:47:33] Fuck online shopping and then I found macwellden.com
[00:47:37] I
[00:47:43] Mean
[00:47:55] Website so macwell.com but they're easy shopping interface
[00:47:59] Damn if only all websites for this it's so much easier than the dark web when i'm trying to buy an 8k 47
[00:48:09] I could just go to macwell.com and load up on underwear
[00:48:13] Beautiful anyways
[00:48:15] Yeah, macwell.com they got a silver line of shirts and underwear
[00:48:18] They're naturally antimicrobial that means that if you got a small dick and you put them on they'll burst in flames
[00:48:24] Yes, and it's silver
[00:48:26] Bursting it's silver so it's made out of coins. Yeah, it's silver. So your skin turns blue
[00:48:32] You know smurf green. Yeah, that's it's green. I'm trying to get that. I want silver poisoning and just have blue skin
[00:48:38] Yes, uh
[00:48:40] Yeah, they got duffel the duffel bag. I think they got crewnecks
[00:48:44] Two next season dude fall coming up. You were in a hoodie. You're a fucking asshole. What do you miss a robot?
[00:48:50] You go crew neck. Mm-hmm hoodies are for children. I think they sell hoodies too
[00:48:54] Okay, well if they sell hoodies I've rescind that
[00:48:58] Check out their hoodies. It's the only company that sells hoodies that aren't for criminals or children
[00:49:02] And they're sweatpants to you they do it sweatpants great track pants
[00:49:06] You are you a guy that likes to drive his girlfriend's car
[00:49:10] Mm-hmm his girlfriend's father's car, you know, you're really into quick star get some sweatpants
[00:49:17] So true, you know, that's what I do
[00:49:20] Are used to I used to be one of those guys. I miss being one of those guys
[00:49:23] What kind of just a scumbag? Yeah, we're your girlfriend pays for everything. Yeah getting head in her father's car
[00:49:30] Yeah getting head in her car that you're driving drunk
[00:49:35] Damn I used to be so much cooler. Yeah, really cooler. It's funny. It's like
[00:49:40] Having money does cock you no matter what
[00:49:43] Because there's no way to be a piece of shit. Yes, you can uh you can you just that's why people fuck kids
[00:49:48] You can be a total piece of shit
[00:49:50] No, but the kind of piece of shit that takes things from people are you kidding that is exactly rich people
[00:49:55] That's what I'm too charitable for to be like that. It's my heart's too big. No, it's not
[00:50:02] No, that's what the doctor said
[00:50:05] Oh, yeah, you you just got diagnosed in a large heart
[00:50:08] Like yeah, I'm charitable. So yeah, the doctor's like no that's not what it means
[00:50:13] In fact, you're kind of a bad guy
[00:50:15] Like the stress of how bad you are is probably in large in your heart. Yeah. Anyways, go to macwell.com
[00:50:22] And use promo code come town c um to wn to get 20 something 20 25
[00:50:28] Something like that off your order. Yeah, I have completely forgotten. We've been doing these ads two years
[00:50:32] Uh, but it's somewhere up there and it's a nice discount you fucking yeah
[00:50:37] It's a fucking decent because I'll tell you it's not the fuck those underwear are fucking expensive
[00:50:41] Mm-hmm. So you're gonna need that you're gonna need that night
[00:50:46] But you're actually comparatively they're not if you go to like macy's or whatever you try to get like fancy underwear
[00:50:51] It's true for nice underwear. They're very nice. Yeah, it's reasonably priced for nice underwear for some and also listen
[00:50:56] You want to run that try? Hey, look I wouldn't say that you know if it weren't true. That's right
[00:51:02] Definitely wouldn't we stand by every clue actually being nice to these companies
[00:51:06] Mm-hmm. I'm not I'm not putting my fucking word on the line so true brother. My goddamn word
[00:51:12] Means more than anything my fucking look at the end of the day. The only thing you have is your word
[00:51:17] So true herpes. Yeah
[00:51:20] And also and a promise that you do not have herpes
[00:51:24] You do have at the end of the day the only thing you have is that your word the knowledge that you've lied about having
[00:51:31] a
[00:51:33] Never once if you believe something. Yeah
[00:51:37] If you say you don't have herpes
[00:51:39] Still your when you said do you have herpes? I thought you were asking me if I wanted to play the drinking game herpes
[00:51:45] Yeah, you have herpes. I didn't understand it was a literal question. I thought it was euphemism
[00:51:50] Referring to the classic drinking game. Do you have herpes?
[00:51:54] Which I have never played because I've only been drunk once and it lasted 25 years
[00:51:59] That was one drunk
[00:52:01] That was one drinking I've done and that was an entire session
[00:52:05] So to say that I am a drunk or somebody that drank a lot is incorrect
[00:52:10] I'm somebody that drank one time
[00:52:13] And
[00:52:14] Did I ever blackout no, but do I remember anything?
[00:52:18] No, not at all, but I wouldn't say my memory is black. It's more of like a white kind of hazy color
[00:52:23] Yes, in which a lot of yeah more of a yellow submarine out. It's smoked out brother
[00:52:29] I was also on academy at the time. Mm-hmm, which was legal
[00:52:34] Uh in the 1980s. Yeah when cocaine and ketamine were entirely completely legal for the
[00:52:40] 19 days of which we were alive for two years. Yeah an average of two years between the three of them look look look I don't want to
[00:52:49] Uh, get actually you but the way there's a little thing called expos facto. Maybe I can elucidate
[00:52:55] We sit in the day it was city eyes you most of me dude
[00:53:00] Expose facto means that if you were alive when something wasn't illegal you're allowed to do it
[00:53:07] And if you were alive while something was illegal
[00:53:10] For instance, you know, we choose we can't do inter Nazi Germany. We can't do interracial marriages in certain states
[00:53:18] Yeah
[00:53:19] Well that I mean the only reason I wouldn't interracial Mary is like just to be safe. I'm pretty sure
[00:53:25] It's fine
[00:53:27] But it's like why risk it
[00:53:32] Yep, no, that's true anyways promo code come town. Yeah, and you can return them if you don't like the fuck
[00:53:38] Oh, yeah
[00:53:40] I also bet the aside's got 24 seven car
[00:53:44] Award winning I always forget that
[00:53:46] Um
[00:53:49] Oh, man. I love pussy. No, you don't yeah in fact. I've heard the opposite who
[00:53:56] You said it
[00:53:58] It's all over twitter what it's trending. Oh, yes
[00:54:04] Doesn't go with this trending on twitter
[00:54:08] The New York Times is reporting about it right now. That's honestly so fucked up
[00:54:12] Mm-hmm. I'm gonna have to post a video of me eating pussy on twitter to revert those claims. I'm all about this limo driver
[00:54:20] What limo driver the guy that killed all those people. Oh, yeah, that sucks man. Why are you about him? I don't know man
[00:54:26] That seems badass. No, it doesn't
[00:54:30] You've been down too long in the mid-90s
[00:54:35] Killing an entire wedding party
[00:54:38] Yeah, deadly did he die too
[00:54:40] Or just ever did he kill them like
[00:54:45] Out on the fucking limousine
[00:54:48] The company was owned by some
[00:54:51] Upstanding immigrant from Pakistan
[00:54:55] A guy who came here from Pakistan who
[00:54:57] That's what I love is like
[00:54:59] You know like just like talking about like oh guys are gonna come here from Mexico and they're rapists and criminals and for the most part
[00:55:06] That's like statistically
[00:55:08] Accurate right but think about all the people that just suck at their job. Yep, you know
[00:55:13] They don't get the breaks changed on their fucking limo to save probably three dollars over the long right. Yeah
[00:55:19] Yeah, the more expensive than that item you side with the business owner that didn't
[00:55:25] Say there are plenty of Americans that don't like
[00:55:28] Do it. Yeah, no this guy life-saving the guy that owned the company was like indicted for fraud in
[00:55:34] 2001 when he first came here and to let him stay in the country because he was Pakistani
[00:55:39] He turned into like an informant in trapping other Pakistani people and like bullshit
[00:55:45] I didn't really look into it, but you know how the FBI just tricks retarded Muslim
[00:55:51] Driving vans full of fake bombs
[00:55:54] Yeah, they're like we got him. Just look at this elaborate plot. He had that we created that we entirely came up with
[00:56:00] Yeah, we're against we're against the Patriot Act on this show. We're against it
[00:56:06] I don't want the government listening to our body. We just say this what kind of Patriot
[00:56:11] Uh-huh would give up his essential freedoms. So yeah, good point, dude
[00:56:15] I would love to die in 9-11
[00:56:17] If it meant that I don't have to go through one of those body scanners anymore. Yeah, I don't want all those guys looking at my dick
[00:56:22] I like showing up. It's my dick isn't even hard. Yeah, you shouldn't be able to look at my dick through my pants with that body scanner
[00:56:28] No, that's not the Patriot Act what the Patriot Act is is no it is government guys reading
[00:56:34] Adam reading believe me. That's the Patriot Act. You're trying to get nudes from girls. Huh? Yeah, they have all those
[00:56:41] They shouldn't read those either. They shouldn't I agree
[00:56:45] I'm a patriot
[00:56:47] But fuck the Patriot Act. How about that for a take? Oh, I agree too and also abolish ice
[00:56:52] You see they fucking just deporting people they found some guy's wallet who was already applying for a green card
[00:57:00] And they're like hey, we found your wallet
[00:57:03] They called him and then they're just deporting his ass
[00:57:05] Back to Brazil. Oh god where Brazil seems fucked up, bro. Yeah, they just they're electing a fascist
[00:57:12] Damn, we're fucked huh. Yeah, global warming's gonna fuck our asses and it's gonna be fucking fascist
[00:57:18] The gap but we're gonna be broadcasting into the abyss folks and corny boogers gonna run for fucking
[00:57:24] Global horny and in 40 years everybody becomes horny. I love that. That would be a beautiful change if we could do global horny
[00:57:33] Okay, how about that we run and that's our platform. We turn global warming into global horny
[00:57:40] Everyone sucks and fucks. Yeah
[00:57:43] Maybe the cum can if we come enough
[00:57:45] We get cum we missed it. We make it turn into a mist that it's so sticky it it close up the hole in the ozone layer
[00:57:53] Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah, you get a big bucket of cum and hook it up to one of those paint sprayers. Yeah
[00:57:58] Yes, and then you just go around you go around midtown painting women until the cops stop no no not what are paint sprayers
[00:58:05] You know, there's like oh yeah, yeah, yeah, presser. No. No, I'll have to we have to think a hot air balloon
[00:58:10] The hilarious crime some guy with a backpack filled with like Mario paint Mario sunshine
[00:58:19] Where the Mario Sun shine out
[00:58:21] And then you just go around Times Square painting like middle-aged women from yeah, he's Minneapolis or like what the fuck
[00:58:27] And you're just painting them with cum. Yeah, he's welcome. Then you your bitch
[00:58:32] He's bombing the city dude. He's doing tags. I would love to read an article like that happen
[00:58:40] This shouldn't be a penalty for that. Well, there was a story somebody sent me not even a story somebody told me they got a friend that works for like
[00:58:49] The secret service, which doesn't really make sense, but there's this guy. You know my boy
[00:58:54] this guy was like
[00:58:56] They caught him he was sending the
[00:58:58] Musical instruments to disabled kid poor kids or whatever on the country and he was coming and all the flute now
[00:59:04] Oh my god
[00:59:05] And he sent out like thousands of flutes to kids and the kids are like the secret flute and like putting the cum on their mouth
[00:59:12] Jesus Christ, that's just a prank and he's beating off
[00:59:15] That's like you know, that's like that that prompt like if you had a button that killed somebody anywhere in the world
[00:59:19] But it's like you had a button that makes you come because of the knowledge that somebody else is eating your cum a million miles away
[00:59:26] But you know who it is. Would you press it that guy's like? Yeah, of course
[00:59:30] Yeah, no, I get it. I mean if I had that button maybe but is he I guess he is coming, huh? Yeah
[00:59:37] Damn dude. Just some kid putting cum in there coming before the fact though
[00:59:41] Like you're beating off to the idea of somebody putting that flute on their mouth not somebody a disabled
[00:59:47] You're beating off the idea of a poor kid putting your their cum in your mouth through the flute
[00:59:51] And so presumably you're beating off the idea and then you come on the flute
[00:59:55] Mm-hmm and that point you've already come. Yeah, I know why are you still?
[00:59:59] What the fuck are you doing don't mail it? I know I should be this guy's life coach. Yeah
[01:00:05] Absolutely. Yeah, just keep the but maybe it's sort of like he's planting seeds because it's like maybe he'll be down
[01:00:10] Sometime and he'll want to get horny and think about someone eating his cum, you know
[01:00:16] Mm-hmm just kind of not condoning his behavior. Just kind of trying to figure out exactly what he's getting at mm-hmm
[01:00:22] A lot of irons in the fire, you know
[01:00:27] Do you think it has pictures of those kids is he thinking about or is he just abstract people?
[01:00:32] For the price of a cup of coffee a day and then that guy's like can we just send a cup of coffee?
[01:00:42] Damn that's how that dentist did he just would squirt cum, but I guess he watched it McDonald's character
[01:00:48] I looked it up that guy's not a McDonald's character. So he's just a guy. Yeah, I went through the whole list
[01:00:52] They didn't have I mean this whole time. Yeah, everybody thought that McDonald's had a the cum dent
[01:00:58] I guess I guess they don't
[01:01:02] Dude, I'm so excited for fall. I feel so much better. I hate the summer dude
[01:01:07] We did kind of we are going we're kind of missing a nice chunk of fall actually
[01:01:11] We're gonna get a nice fall too. I looked up the weekly forecast this week. Oh, yeah
[01:01:16] Yeah, yeah, what's it looking like between 69 and 72?
[01:01:21] Yeah, it's gonna be perfect these porn stars. Yeah. Yeah, but your dick has to be blurred out while you do
[01:01:31] I'm like what the fuck is going on to my cock. Yeah, just walking around the street. What's the deal with the fucking blurred out?
[01:01:39] What's going on over here? It's gonna be so hard for me not to do the voice. I'm actually really worried about it
[01:01:44] Yeah, just doing because people are gonna say shit to me in the voice. Yes, I'm gonna lose
[01:01:50] When I saw you laughing at a gay man dancing the other night. Yeah, I knew what was going on
[01:01:56] And I was like don't make eye contact with him
[01:01:59] It's only gonna get worse because we'll lock eyes and laugh about it together. Where was this I can't say
[01:02:05] But where you doing it. I don't want to say so don't say but tell me
[01:02:10] I
[01:02:13] Did I there was no gay man dancing there was I saw it
[01:02:17] I guarantee Nick and I were laughing at just a fat gay guy ordering donuts. Well, I didn't to be let me clarify
[01:02:23] I wasn't laughing at the fact that he was gay. I was laughing at this act
[01:02:27] It was a big fat nerd wearing teavas and he was like, um one
[01:02:31] Don't trade a latte right please
[01:02:33] Don't take a lot check. No, that's how many sounded like dude. Yeah, he had like a lady's voice
[01:02:37] No, he was like a big fat nerd. He was like one odd all trade a lot of train plays
[01:02:43] How do you guys know he was gay then Adam? I didn't even ladies voice. I didn't even think he was gay
[01:02:48] I thought he was a nerd. Oh, he was free after Adam was like we're just laughing at a gay guy
[01:02:52] I'm like sure he could be gay also. Okay. Yeah, who cares. I'm not fully I am. Yeah, I don't give a fuck
[01:02:57] I'm not discriminating. Yeah, I'll make you like hey
[01:03:01] I'm not racist. I hate everybody equally
[01:03:03] That's right except kind of blacks a little bit just a pinch more insu also
[01:03:08] Yeah, okay, and okay Muslims as well, but after that yeah
[01:03:13] Chinese a half step less than them, but also more than white people I respect them
[01:03:17] But I respect them I respect them because they spit inside
[01:03:22] And Indians again, I'm racist even though they're smart too. I hate them too
[01:03:27] So my penis lick my bones and fuck my ass. I
[01:03:34] Saw Mandy guys. Oh, yeah, I
[01:03:38] Saw candy I heard it's great
[01:03:42] Good it rules. Yeah, it's okay
[01:03:44] It fucking maybe maybe I'll see it tonight. You can see it on demand
[01:03:48] No, I've been told by numerous people you gotta see in the theater. I saw it at home
[01:03:53] But I'm sure it was better in the theater. I got a big theater setup. Is it scary? I mean you have fucking scary
[01:04:01] Dolby scary point one and this amazing TV. I mean if we fucking close the blinds is it scary
[01:04:07] Yeah, I don't get scared
[01:04:10] But yeah, it's scary. It's yeah. Oh, you don't get scared, but it's scary. It's a movie
[01:04:14] How you gonna get scared? Oh my god answer the fucking quite is it a scary movie? It's a scary movie. Yeah, yeah
[01:04:19] So the answers yeah Adam Adam was in fear so much in his regular life
[01:04:25] You know, I'm not gonna get afraid of a movie. I'm a giant coward that
[01:04:29] Shrivels up anytime another man is on the same side of the sidewalk. That's not even true. Don't tell senior
[01:04:35] I see I've seen you every time a black person
[01:04:40] He's like, can we actually I don't want to go get a coffee
[01:04:44] running back inside
[01:04:46] Super professional you ordered food you ordered food. How long how long did you order? How long ago was the food?
[01:04:53] That was a while. Yeah, because this episode's almost done. Yeah, we're almost done here. I have a hard-ass fucking
[01:05:01] Dude, this rules is gonna be fucking awesome. I know this is the last good thing. We're ever gonna do dude. Oh, yeah
[01:05:07] Podcast is gonna go downhill. Yeah, this a lot many say it already has no no that's not true
[01:05:12] But it will soon. Yeah, we need to be sponsors. I just want to show the transition into an hour-long live read
[01:05:20] We we're almost there. Let's do the boat
[01:05:23] Oh fuck the next one's a bonus you do you do one one one company an episode and you charge them
[01:05:29] $800 million love it then you gamble all of that on the Carlos slim
[01:05:34] That's right. That's right. You put that in there. You seated your the spot on the couch Adam. How does that feel?
[01:05:40] That's fun. Yeah, I'll stand the rest of the up. Well, that's almost over. It's almost over. It's almost over. So catch us in Japan
[01:05:47] Australia the 23rd Sydney
[01:05:50] 25th Melbourne 26 Melbourne 26 Melbourne 28th brieze brain
[01:05:54] I thought I had that memorized and then I I am coming to Indianapolis on the 29th of November
[01:06:02] I think Cincinnati on the 30th and I think Columbus on the 1st and then in DC. I'm coming my first
[01:06:09] No, that's November. No, that's yeah, November and December and then DC the weekend of
[01:06:16] The 7th and 8th. I'm at the DC draft house doing my first
[01:06:20] Real comedy club weekend four shows please come out. I could really use the numbers gang
[01:06:25] So see you then everyone and we're about to get sucked off in Japan
[01:06:30] The next time you'll hear from us will be well actually we're about do another one, but
[01:06:34] At some point you're here from us in Japan
[01:06:36] Good. Bye everyone