Cum Town | Regular | 11/01/2018
[00:00:04] Oh baby, we're out here. We're sucking and fucking
[00:00:09] We're having just we saw the sucking was over the fucking begins
[00:00:14] We're pulling now. We're pulling the cock out of our ass and sucking it again bitch ready to fucking die
[00:00:20] We want to die. I hope I fucking died. Please kill me God. I wish I was dead
[00:00:26] I'm fucking gay and I'm too scared to kill myself
[00:00:44] Come town motherfucking classical out and about Adam gas stuck lassico
[00:00:49] Oh gas like lassikino your gear up a cast of classical
[00:00:59] Doesn't matter as long as you know Adam
[00:01:04] I love to listen to the podcast calm down
[00:01:08] That I listen to on a cup of us to a string that goes all the way
[00:01:16] We hit the caravan. Yeah, we're doing politics
[00:01:20] Yes, but these listen these are bad ombre's
[00:01:24] And they're using a cup with a string on it
[00:01:28] To steal podcasts from across the oh hold on are they stealing the page on link look they're stealing. Oh dude
[00:01:38] Now we gotta crack down these fucking motherfuckers
[00:01:40] Look Mexico is filled with people that not only steal the premium episodes, but then have the audacity to complain about them
[00:01:51] Truly the worst kind of yo if the if the caravan was full of people they do that shit
[00:01:57] I would personally take a fucking gun to every single one of those I take a gun and I'd kill the Mexicans
[00:02:11] Mexican Reddit guys Nick I didn't say Mexicans
[00:02:23] Mannequin just been everything we've talked about has been via the monster match on this beautiful how all hallows
[00:02:30] Oh, oh how all hollowed pussy. Oh, that's right. We get in there
[00:02:39] Your whole bitch, oh I'm bad fucking my dick doesn't work. Let me introduce you to the pit crew
[00:02:53] They come on they come in immediately just rip her legs off her body
[00:03:02] And then they just attach a fatter black women's legs. All right. They come up rip her tits off huge black tits
[00:03:08] Big black tears big black tits big fat black ass. Yes and
[00:03:15] Pit stop complete better bitch ready to go
[00:03:23] All the fucking sutures are getting infected in real time
[00:03:29] Sitting on this woman's back and she's bleeding out making race car noises
[00:03:40] The Monaco's that you're using for spout just a bunch of fucking princes watching
[00:03:45] Oh man, I'd love to be a rich Monaco guy dude. Uh-huh. Isn't that like
[00:03:53] Isn't that like the richest place or is it Abu Dhabi?
[00:03:58] Abu Dhabi I thought was the town from the Latin
[00:04:01] Hmm, what am I thinking? This guy sent me an email. I guess some like marketing company. This is like clearly a scam
[00:04:08] Okay, this is they're offering 10 to 40k and upfront marketing dollars. I love that
[00:04:14] I can't wait to hear what marketing I love marketing dollars
[00:04:18] And the thing is they're upfront. Yeah, the thing is you would think upfront means they just give it to you
[00:04:24] But it turns out you have to give them a couple dollars to really get the upfront dollars going
[00:04:34] What do they want to I don't know if there's so many email they wanted to get on the phone immediately
[00:04:38] But call them up dude. Yeah, I guess put them on the podcast. Oh
[00:04:45] Disrespect this guy call him gay and a little dick in yeah, I can't wait to do I can't wait to call this man gay
[00:04:55] I hope that he becomes gay, so let's run through real quick just the the day's news, okay
[00:05:09] Along with Luigi has stumbled across a new hat to wear it looks just like the Mario hat except it's brown
[00:05:21] I can stand for a lot of these stuff guys well
[00:05:28] That's good there is one very probable bad outcome of you putting on that hat
[00:05:42] Best the case scenario you're in a black face you put yes
[00:05:47] You have the best case scenario it turns you in to a chocolate bar
[00:05:53] and your chocolate in the end stands for nougat and
[00:05:56] And we get chocolate Mario best case scenario
[00:06:01] It does nothing for you Mario is not a power you do not want to be made out of chocolate
[00:06:06] And the big cool, but let's be happy Luigi. Let's be honest here. We both know
[00:06:12] We both know what that is stands for what's going down in a minute. They're going to cancel Mario
[00:06:25] Mario here I have made a hat that makes a Mario race
[00:06:30] And because he's addicted to fashion as he is a homosexual bitch
[00:06:36] He won't resist be able to resist putting on the hat
[00:06:39] Mario has invented an n-word hat Mario run around yelling the n-word in black face
[00:06:52] Fucking shit is Mario Mario Land 2's the sixth golden teeth
[00:07:00] That was a tight game Mario Land 2 to Mario Land Mario Land 2 six golden coins
[00:07:06] I don't think I played I played game Mario Game Boy the one that was a stolen game
[00:07:12] The one that they just stole from a different game. No, that was Super Mario Brothers 2
[00:07:16] I love that one. Yeah, everyone said that maybe that was Super Mario World 2. Yes. It was yeah
[00:07:22] Yeah, I played that on Game Boy in advance nice, dude. It's advanced. It's like when oh, yeah your T cell count drops
[00:07:30] Damn you just HIV has been leveled up powered up. I
[00:07:37] Was laughing today about telling people I have her pays
[00:07:44] I actually got it on the French Riviera. That's right the beautiful young girl 11 years old
[00:07:50] It's legal there. That's part of being an artist. You go to France have sex
[00:07:54] I was actually a beautiful sex with herpes Riddin children and experienced
[00:08:02] The beach the beach it were Faulkner once
[00:08:08] My cousin Vinny. Mm-hmm. That's my favorite of his favorite William Faulkner book. Yeah, number one my cousin Vinny
[00:08:15] I love how he does the the real dialect. Yeah, he spells it you know
[00:08:21] I mean like you can really get a vibe for these people. Yeah. Yeah, it's just beautiful
[00:08:25] What are some of the other good Faulkner books another one is the wedding singer the wedding singer? That's a
[00:08:32] All dogs go to heaven. Yep, that's him. Mm-hmm. I
[00:08:37] Think it was called all hounds go to heaven originally all dogs go to heaven. Mm-hmm. It's a story of a
[00:08:44] German Shepherd that lost all of his slaves
[00:08:48] and he understands his slavery is bad, but he's still a gentleman and
[00:08:55] Goddamn if anyone's gonna take his gentleman sensibility away from him least of all that bastard general Sherman
[00:09:06] Yeah, I don't remember any I mean as I suck dicking. Yeah as I lay dying as I lay
[00:09:14] Wasn't that a shitty band also probably?
[00:09:18] That's a pretty fucking little dick-ass thing to do name your band after a book. Yeah fucking nerd about a boy by William Fox
[00:09:27] Another thing I know boys don't cry also. I was having a pumpkin race latte today
[00:09:32] Mm-hmm said pumpkin spice latte. Yeah, and it's a latte that tastes like Korean people
[00:09:38] Is it the same race every time or is it? Yeah, well, no, it's pumpkin race
[00:09:42] Because they look Korean people like pumpkin. I suppose yes. Yeah, I always consider them to look more like Majin boo
[00:09:48] That's how I tell them apart from other Asians Majin boo Majin boo from Dragon Ball
[00:09:56] Dragon Ball Z as we call it in England. I was sucking on a dick late one night
[00:10:05] That awful sight and he shrieked in screams that I had to explain it was a joke. It was a joke that I was doing
[00:10:13] I'm not gay. It was a joke. It was a funny. It was just a joke
[00:10:20] Was just a joke. I am not gay. I am not gay
[00:10:25] Please show me your phone don't tweet that out
[00:10:38] Please don't post any pics don't post pictures of my dick going in going into that man's ass
[00:10:51] Just that guy just fucking fleeing the scene immediately yeah
[00:10:54] Well superfans we got a new Twitter account. Oh, yeah at come town records
[00:11:02] That's right. Joy come town classical podcast
[00:11:04] I'm laughing glassy go classical the good kind of the good kind of podcast. There are no facts
[00:11:16] Wait, we're in fucker didn't write all dogs good heaven
[00:11:18] He's Donne boy well soon Adam. He's sick and I'm praying for our boy
[00:11:36] Sir sir sir sir is the police your gate. We have a helicopter. We have a house around it and your gate. You're surrounded sir your gate
[00:11:47] One that was getting us yeah, we've been doing some good bits guys honestly me and Nick were talking about just starting to
[00:11:54] Always have field recorders on us and the second a bit pops off. We just start we should do at least one podcast
[00:12:03] Throughout it. We should hang out all day one day click it on and then just really that would be a fun one
[00:12:09] Just out in the field. Yeah, you hear the ambient noises. Oh the titties of the beautiful women that are around us constantly slapping together
[00:12:17] Oh that kind of stuff. Yeah, you know knob Evans and it's a place where you dick for breaks
[00:12:25] Exactly say we were walking past the Bob Evans. Yeah, that would be a thing that we should you know, let's say we were walking past
[00:12:31] The oh, let's see here our key foods. Well, you know what might be so we say there
[00:12:39] I mean that's the kind of shit that uh-huh, you know anyways if you want to look at the
[00:12:44] Twitter account come town records. You got to go to patreon.com slash
[00:12:55] Otherwise you were committing theft and fraud and you we will fucking have you arrested dude after spending just
[00:13:03] Hours and hours of my life on airlines and in airports brutal. I'm now a fascist. I love the rules
[00:13:10] Everyone asked to obey the rules. Yep. This fucking dumb bitch stewardess comes by
[00:13:19] Can't believe it's this lady walked by and took a pillow and blanket from first class
[00:13:23] Can you believe it she's telling us that like bitch anything bad that happens to first class
[00:13:29] Yeah, this is the place where socialism can start. Yeah coach
[00:13:32] That's what that's the what she's trying to like talk to other people and coach. Yeah as if we're supposed to be like how dare
[00:13:39] She or she take that fucking pillow woman
[00:13:43] We came into this rich guy's house and took some extra medicine. He wasn't using for her dying daughter
[00:13:49] Yeah, you believe what a dumb bitch. Yeah
[00:13:54] It's like are there so many people on planes that love the rules. Yeah, yeah that fucking dumb old bitch
[00:14:01] Oh, I almost went off on her dude. No when she wouldn't let me fucking she had the front seats
[00:14:07] Like where there's no other thing in front and I was trying to take a piss at the other side
[00:14:10] And I was like excuse I was so polite people don't do it anymore. Go ahead. I was so blessed excuse me
[00:14:16] Could I just go through here and I mean I don't even think you have to act like
[00:14:21] There's an extra extra fucking room and she's like
[00:14:24] I suppose that's fine and she gave me some tone and you know your boy's not having that
[00:14:29] Yeah, it's like is this really a problem for you bitch. Yeah, I didn't say bitch
[00:14:33] But I said this really prom here. She's like, you know, we paid extra for these seats and I just fucking hit her with
[00:14:38] You know just have some common decency. Yeah, I felt so good, dude
[00:14:42] I felt like I out can I see your manager? Yeah, can I see your manager bitch?
[00:14:47] Yeah, and I was ready to go out the fact that her dumbass husband was screaming
[00:14:54] Was ready to go off on his ass, too. I had some
[00:14:57] Your gnome your garden gnome looking husband
[00:15:01] In the chamber ready to go. Yeah. Yeah. I was ready to make fun of her hair
[00:15:05] I was waiting. I was in the I was I was like, you know, that would be so funny. She's no idea
[00:15:10] We know each other coming in from just the four o'clock vector with the like is this old faggot causing a problem
[00:15:19] Yeah, you know, you're there excuse me my unrelated sir
[00:15:23] This sir who is I thank you the pilot of this fucking airplane who was sitting in the back. Oh my god
[00:15:36] Who's now an air marsh who's been resurrected and is now yeah, we had the fake his own death to become a morbidly obese air marsh
[00:15:46] I'll be a fun TV show about the air marshal. It's
[00:15:49] Widely fat. Yep, and he takes up three seats because he's the best damn air marsh and his fucking gun keeps going off
[00:15:55] There's nothing wrong. There's nothing worth the being a fat and keeps having gay sex in the bathroom
[00:15:59] This is that's an aspect of the show the phone is an anthropomorphic phone that turns into I guess kind of a man
[00:16:08] Yeah, and has gay sex. Yeah, he's a now. He's a phone. Oh, he's a phone. Oh, no, I was saying he
[00:16:15] What turns into a phone? No, you just said that I was saying he keeps having gay sex in the bathroom
[00:16:20] Oh, what do you say? Did you say phone? I don't think I said phone. Did I just make you think you phone up?
[00:16:26] Yeah, I think you just yeah, I thought you said he takes his phone out
[00:16:29] No, no, no has gay sex no, no, but I do like this angle that he's like a
[00:16:34] Shape shifter. Yeah, he's a shape. He's a more he chooses to be
[00:16:40] And he turns into a phone that has gay sex
[00:16:50] That's fucking tight with a yeah, I have a dick or a horse, okay, all right
[00:16:54] You have to enter the secret code into the touchpad. Oh, and then it's like
[00:17:03] Magic like the ring yeah, like the ring goo it'd be cool if that ring girl came out of the TV pussy first
[00:17:11] You know, you know I never understood that absolutely just a crawl out of the TV. It's like just walk up and put your dick in her mouth
[00:17:17] Get your dick suck. Yes, you're gonna die get you might as well on the way out get your right get your fucking
[00:17:23] Fucker, oh dick just just coming in a dead girl's mouth
[00:17:27] Oh, yeah, and she looks slimy and shit her mouth's probably nice and wet
[00:17:31] That's what they don't tell you is the only way out of the ring is if you beat off to the video interesting. Yeah
[00:17:36] Yes, you see that little girl going into that well, okay, you know, and you're like that's kind of a damn
[00:17:42] I wish that was my ass. Okay. Oh, you took it a different way, right? You want a whole Japanese girl to crawl into your ass
[00:17:50] About like the world's most notorious pedophile and he kidnaps people's infants and then shoves them up his ass
[00:17:58] It's like I just want to feel like a mom
[00:18:03] It's the toughest job in the world. I I guess I'm stealing that
[00:18:07] He just puts on dresses and yeah, he puts on pants suits and sends emails while a baby is in his ass
[00:18:13] Yeah, I would love to do stolen valor videos, but it's like
[00:18:17] Just a butch woman confronting trans people. Uh-huh, you know, I'd be like, oh, that's interesting. Where'd you serve?
[00:18:27] You know something like that. Oh, we had a pretty good one. Oh, yeah, it's fucking
[00:18:34] Bambin have a lot of fun with oh, I'll be more gheron. This is sunken Phil's dick sunken old Phil's dick fully
[00:18:43] But it's is Jackass and they take dick pills while in his skirt. Yes, go into the women's bathroom
[00:18:50] Mm-hmm. You know and so they have a really hard dick. Yeah, and there's they're dressed like and basically it's this is Jackass
[00:18:57] And we're setting back the trans movement. This is Jackass years and this is get trans people in trouble
[00:19:02] This is this is do what Republicans claim trans people
[00:19:17] Bemarjara kick flipping into a woman's bathroom
[00:19:37] Yeah, dude, I love this new jackass reboot we're working on yeah, we got sunken Phil's dick sunken Phil's dick
[00:19:43] There's something there was something about Steve oh
[00:19:47] Get someone's fucking him in the ass. He's just throwing up
[00:20:07] Mm-hmm. Yeah, so those are the two we have so far or three I guess
[00:20:10] BAM leave your father alone. He's got a work in the morning. Oh, come on BAM get my fucking dick out you man
[00:20:24] It worked like in the morning. I don't look at my dick salt right now
[00:20:32] Oh, actually we should also say but this is a bummer alert
[00:20:40] And we're sorry, but we had to we're gonna have to reschedule shows in the south. Yeah, we fucked up some scheduling and
[00:20:49] We're not gonna be able to make it and our dicks are small for that one and we apologize
[00:20:53] But you know you should honestly be preparing for the caravan anyway. Yeah, you're closer
[00:21:00] So we're actually what we did is we can't imagine to give you more time to prepare for the caravan
[00:21:06] 16 covered wagons filled with Mexicans and ice gangsters
[00:21:13] Insane clown stuff. That's right. You know insane clown. I think posse is already a his Spanish word
[00:21:20] Busy Busy we are going to warm it pools
[00:21:24] So yeah, sorry about that, but I don't want those guys coming over here because I don't want them doing the voice and diluting my market
[00:21:34] Interesting. Yeah, so you just don't that's your problem with Hispanic people seeking asylum
[00:21:39] Is the voice I mean look what happened to blackface guys once black people were allowed to do music
[00:21:46] That's on TV. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that is what you know blackface. Yeah, I mean not that it's right
[00:21:54] Yeah, what Al Jolson was doing sure, but he had but the man had
[00:22:04] Kids yeah the jolson Christmas photo. Yeah, why was anyone thinking about Al Jolson's children?
[00:22:11] Yeah, dude, you know how expensive it is a wing nut and mud flap jolson. Yeah
[00:22:19] It's my son ding bad his pop his son doesn't even know how to speak any other way than like racistly. Yeah. Oh
[00:22:29] I was I was very grateful or whatever, you know, etc
[00:22:33] It feels wrong to do it even in the context of this bit. Yeah, but you do it anyways
[00:22:38] That's what you show it through. That's what the shows about man. This is this is gay jacket
[00:22:46] Thanks, yeah, you're watching gay jackets and this is racist
[00:22:58] I ain't sure yet don't call it my shoe baller bam. They're bad. Come on bam
[00:23:03] My balls look like plums. Yeah, yeah, bam you gave me prune nuts
[00:23:10] Putting your big purple lips all over the fuck up bill
[00:23:15] BAM your father doesn't want a black nuts bam your father's got to go to his work at the gay store
[00:23:23] Yeah, that's right, man. Yeah forget it on gay racist jacket
[00:23:28] Me dead versus the gay store. This is steve oh, and this is half day sex while you say the end word
[00:23:37] yeah, come on see it steve oh, just see it man
[00:23:55] Yeah, yeah, this is all good me and Nick are also thinking about doing a sketch show to for some of these ideas, you know, yeah, just
[00:24:11] capturing our Matt our twisted imaginations. I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is
[00:24:23] Yeah, I had pretty much yeah, you try and think of yeah
[00:24:27] You try and even the gay one the half the shit they do is already gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:24:32] Shouts out to Chris Piney says dick in a little mouse costume. Hey, I'm uh, I'm Johnny Knoxville
[00:24:37] And this is uh laugh at a retarded man in public
[00:24:42] Yep, there we go. Yeah, there's just like a guy with Down syndrome trying to like he's with his adult father
[00:24:48] I guess of course his dad being a yeah older gentleman
[00:24:52] Yeah, just a 75 year old man. They're holding hands holding hands of the 52 year old man. Yeah. Yeah
[00:25:09] I can't believe it he's lagging right in his fucking face
[00:25:12] Yeah, grab himself just fucking slap this retard in the face of the turor
[00:25:24] Preston just kissed his retard on a dick
[00:25:28] Hey, I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is big game
[00:25:35] I'm Steve Owen this is your king of pressure mole
[00:25:45] I'm wearing a dress and my dick is hard. We're gonna have day sex with the first retarded person we see
[00:25:56] This is put we men completely in your ass
[00:26:02] We put Phil's asleep we put we man crawled into his ass
[00:26:11] Bam what the hell is that Phil I think you're pregnant wait, we man you got a kick. Oh shit
[00:26:21] We suffocated we miss suffocated we miss suffocated the fireworks are going off
[00:26:38] Bam, come on. You know I don't got time for that
[00:26:45] And now your door friends is in my dad inside my ass
[00:26:52] Pam how many times do I tell you not to put dead midgets in your father's ass?
[00:27:03] That's so true the world's smartest geniuses. I'd like to see Neil deGrasse Tyson come up with something like that
[00:27:09] He'd probably be like oh, I'm gay. Oh my fucking idiot
[00:27:15] Plus five equals I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, that's right
[00:27:19] Don't ever try to podcast you fucking so fucking true. I know pick up these fucking mic this fucking mic
[00:27:25] Neil you bitch. I bet you won't be the down the on your knees and suck my dick off ass Tyson
[00:27:37] Jeez dunk dunk dunked on his fucking little dick ass. Yes. You have a small penis Neil
[00:27:44] And I we're only saying this stuff about him because he raped that woman. Oh, yeah, you know, Chris Ben was this is a real read
[00:27:51] Not and we got another four minutes. Okay, cool. I think I didn't know we're doing it earlier or whatever we do
[00:28:01] Does Obama's idealism belong in today's political class talk about it dude. I'm losing the ability to read
[00:28:09] Bro, welcome. I haven't read shit. I've been reading a book about I was thinking about getting like hardcore into opiates
[00:28:20] I on one level really supported on another. I really don't you know for example? I
[00:28:25] Do love the idea of us getting just co-dependent as hell back back to the fucking glory days. I'll get I'll put on another
[00:28:32] 100 pounds you get addicted to opiates. We're having a good time. Yeah, what's the story with this fucking Pittsburgh day?
[00:28:43] Some guy pulled up pulled off a very very not cool move honestly who was the guy was it like a Dylan rooftop?
[00:28:50] Yeah, I don't know so much the promises. I think yeah, it'd be funny if it wasn't
[00:28:56] It was just a guy that's like look I wanted to shoot a place up. Yeah, yeah the first place
[00:28:59] I saw yeah, there's like nothing race like a whole entire Facebook profile is just sign-felt quotes
[00:29:08] Favorite breakfast eating bagels and locks Jerry why wouldn't you just shoot the first place you find? I
[00:29:18] Yeah, yeah, that's a good bit that actually is a good one. Yeah, actually I mean we've been spending most of you
[00:29:24] I'm so talking about gay retarded boyfriend Jack has been talking about that is a funny bit Caesar say-ock
[00:29:30] How about Caesar say it that's right and he says the n-word
[00:29:36] He has to take a little trip to the post office
[00:29:40] Speaking of the post-off it's crazy that you can just do that's how fucking incompetent the post office is they delivered 11 bombs to people and
[00:29:47] A couple them after it was already right like like the Nero's bomb didn't come all come out to like the end of the thing
[00:29:55] You gotta feel like if a famous person if you're getting like a kind of heavy package sent to a famous person
[00:30:00] And then it was like the crime I didn't read anything about the story me
[00:30:04] They're having ready. Oh my god. I would say that the crime was solved by the FBI and the NYPD and
[00:30:09] Not it would zero help from the you as postal service police do they have their own their own internal
[00:30:16] Armed forces. I think so that would be awesome post office law enforcement. That's awesome. Give one of those rude old bitches a gun, dude
[00:30:26] Was that would you go with me to the post office that one day that with a bitch was just wildly disrespectful to me
[00:30:32] No, when I was like we're the stamps and she was like you need to get in line and then was like just drinking out of her
[00:30:40] Drinking out of her cup fuck. Yeah, I had at work
[00:30:43] I would dare this fuck up bitch. Yeah, you answer my fucking questions immediately bitch with a dry-ass mouth
[00:30:50] Yeah, I need to fucking mail these are not allowed to lubricate. I need some I need to mail back this fucking a
[00:30:57] rare Japanese pornography that I ordered off of eBay
[00:31:01] Because all the cocks were blurred out and they assured me they wouldn't be to jet lag sucks, dude
[00:31:06] Yeah, this is the worst feeling in the world. Yeah, and I know I'm gonna go. I'm not gonna be able to sleep
[00:31:11] Yeah, it's like unless you sleep right now and wake up at 1 a.m. You're gonna not be able to sleep. Yeah
[00:31:17] But you know that's the thing when you're an international fucking playboy
[00:31:21] Yeah, cuz you guys think we were out there doing live shows we were actually having sex with Australia the Australian volleyball team
[00:31:27] Dude, I had sex with every girl in Australia
[00:31:29] I know that sounds like hyperbole. Yeah, but I actually don't even know what a hyperbole means. Yeah, or what a hyperbole is
[00:31:35] Hyperbole's are so fucking stupid and fucking big. Yeah
[00:31:42] Yeah, so it's like what it's like a faster version of all the country. Yeah
[00:31:48] It's hyper hyperbole would it's every Bollywood movie, but it's really fast. Yeah for hyper hyper
[00:32:02] I think I almost shit myself on that one. Yeah, I wish I could ship myself
[00:32:08] Maybe the last time you shoot yourself years and years ago
[00:32:14] Probably second grade. No, you were drinking for that long and you never woke up never once and never did I shit
[00:32:20] Though I would piss but only because I would miss whatever I was trying to piss on and end up pissing in my own face
[00:32:35] Oh, no the back seat of my car. I remember falling asleep in the back seat of my car
[00:32:41] You just pull your dick out you forget you don't know which direction down is
[00:32:45] One time I remember when we maybe I've told the story on the pod when we went to my friends
[00:32:54] My friends bar you just pulled your dick out and pissed honestly on the mo you picked the most visible spot
[00:33:01] You were trying to be like yeah, the street and yeah
[00:33:04] It was like Boston Street in the middle of that shit and Canon and you went under a street like dick facing the road
[00:33:10] It was awesome. Yeah, why'd you go to the path?
[00:33:18] And then my man and then my man we'll call him Doug
[00:33:25] I won't say anything more, but he worked at a bar and he's like a handsome man
[00:33:30] he I believe he's either married or in a serious relationship and
[00:33:34] I had only like hung out with him and like family parties and shit. Yeah, and then
[00:33:38] He's just it was after a Ravens game. I think it was a Sunday because it was like I picked you up after that Sunday show
[00:33:51] Disgusting the like these bitches were from Dundalk and like coming to Canton
[00:33:56] Yeah, in the Baltimore City was like fancy for them. Yeah, these bitches literally one of them was in
[00:34:02] They're like in white Ravens yours in camo pants and he just starts triple kissing these two fat bitches
[00:34:08] In the middle of the bar he fucking works at yeah, I love to give a bitch the triple kiss
[00:34:19] I wish I could sunk your dick right now, don't
[00:34:23] Like this is a guy who's really straight. He's like damn. I love just like kissing girls dude. I fucking love that shit
[00:34:30] I know the way they're soft beautiful lips. Yeah, it gets nice
[00:34:35] He has gay sex, but he doesn't know what kissing feel yeah
[00:34:39] Dude, I love yeah, just the way a girl's mouth feels you know when it wraps around your mouth
[00:34:44] Yeah feels like you're something like that you guys do the work on those like your lips or a dick and your mouth is an ass
[00:34:54] The most beautiful kind of thing well today's episode is brought to you by bet the SI.com the premiere
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[00:35:17] Wow, that is fucking serious. That's almost as old as I am shit
[00:35:23] How old 29 you want to bet on it. Yeah, I'll bet on you can bet it bet the aside how much I don't know
[00:35:32] $400 I bet you guys I'll give you guys a hint. I'm 29
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[00:35:43] God damn, I'm just gonna like turn 30 and then 40 and then I'm gonna die
[00:35:47] Yeah, so that is what's gonna happen probably fuck it will happen in that order. They'll be stuff in between dude
[00:35:53] I'm serious back in into those opiates. I
[00:35:57] Felt great. Yeah, they feel good. Somebody. Let me a little Mickey the other. Yeah, I don't know what that means
[00:36:04] But they put they put a they put a whole glove in your ass. I had a great night. They put a mouse in your ass
[00:36:14] What is this a gay guy's? Hey, it's me gay Mickey Mouse
[00:36:26] I'm gonna go in the films bedroom. Huh? I'm gonna suck his dick. Oh, he's trying to sleep. Oh, oh, come on
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[00:37:07] You can bet on that shit damn Bet DSI is a great mobile app. He's used from anywhere
[00:37:12] I love that shit cuz sometimes I use other things that's what I hate about some like Twitter for example
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[00:37:22] Right if you're using it at Subway, it's a completely different experience sucks dick right if you're at Starbucks
[00:37:30] Oh, you know it's trying use some of these betting apps. Yeah certain places right they won't work not Bet DSI though
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[00:37:43] Locate right exactly which is unique to the bet DSI app. That's definitely not a
[00:37:53] It's not it's definitely I have had apps that are bad. No me too for sure for that reason
[00:37:59] They offer live in-game wager. Thank you
[00:38:05] What if it's live in game live in game wagering it's yeah
[00:38:10] You a bet take an anthropomorphous sized bet
[00:38:15] That's when you have like a live in your older. I hope I don't fucking end up in that situation
[00:38:20] What what do you think like a parent you think you're gonna have kids that love you enough to let you live?
[00:38:25] Oh, no, I mean, I hope I don't have to take care of one of my parents
[00:38:28] You think you love your parents enough to take care of them. Yeah, you're right
[00:38:31] I mean, it's gonna be so awful when they get to the end and I'm just like not doing anything about it
[00:38:40] I'm gonna feel so bad you will do not I'm gonna write I'm gonna be just be right right
[00:38:45] I'm gonna have no one close to me in my life
[00:38:47] I'll be in a meeting with like somebody who doesn't want to work with me. Yep, but I've
[00:38:53] Somehow I'm still in entertainment. Yep, cuz I'll just be one of those dinosaurs. It gets right on every garden. Oh, yeah
[00:38:59] I'd be like yeah, things are really bad. My mom's homeless
[00:39:03] And I'm I'm not doing anything about it. Oh, she's 87 years old
[00:39:09] Yeah, yeah, no, I was gonna take care of itself, right? I was gonna put her in a home
[00:39:18] Yeah, I didn't cuz I need all this extra income yeah to bet and make even more money with live in game wager
[00:39:27] You can make plays throughout the entire games and events. Mm-hmm. So let's say it's I
[00:39:33] Don't know two to two. Yeah the the massacre at Bob Bob a yard
[00:39:39] You know and you're saying how many more people are they gonna kill is it was that a real massacre?
[00:39:45] I think so, right? I don't remember it was like before the Holocaust and they were just using guns on them. Damn. Yeah
[00:39:52] Seriously fuck the how the fuck are people nachis now people are still alive that got got let
[00:40:00] And some preach it's crazy preach that's just wild absolute church and you know who doesn't support nachis probably
[00:40:12] Here's what we're gonna be betting on this week. Oh, I guess I was supposed to say that
[00:40:16] I'm what am I betting on this week? Yeah, what are you betting? I've lost all my money in cryptocurrency
[00:40:25] Yep, that's why you should have bet it all in bet. Yes. I guess I guess people were right. I should have kept my money in a
[00:40:43] Lower that it's creaking dude. Oh, it's creaking hit the ball hit the button to lower it to your little ass feet
[00:40:50] I was saying how about instead of the creek in the cave. It's the creek and I'm gay. Yes
[00:40:57] All right, here's what here's what you're gonna bet on motherfuckers. You're gonna make a ton of money
[00:41:01] Motherfucking tomorrow big game Milwaukee
[00:41:11] Fuckin Boston Celtics got a bit on this Celtics baby. No, you don't absolutely
[00:41:18] You bet on the bucks. No, you're not out of the out of the fucking concussion protocol. He's ready to go
[00:41:24] He's ready to fuck. He's ready to suck and
[00:41:27] They're you know Kyrie looks better after cutting his hair, but Janice is going to
[00:41:31] Split his ass cheeks open and crawl up in there like he's we man going into Phil's ass in that one bit
[00:41:37] We did yeah, like 15 minutes. All right Peter. We man
[00:41:42] To gay we man. Oh, we also wrote a sketch where it's the police trying to shoot a homeless guy in the dick
[00:41:47] And he's dodging all the bullets, but they're still hitting all his
[00:41:53] Dick never get you dodging the where the bullets go and then they have for some reason a military
[00:42:00] Let's finish this read and then we can tell you so much about that
[00:42:03] Ah when you sign up make sure to use promo code come 120 so they know we
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[00:42:16] And when you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money
[00:42:24] Getting a casino comp up front before you've played it to take get your dick suck by one of those fancy
[00:42:29] Horrors at a casino not one of the Chinese ones that hangs out
[00:42:34] You know by the buffet no no no no no talking a high roller type of bitches are on the floor
[00:42:39] Pussy feel like genuine leather. That's right. Corinthian. She got her own lube that she prefers
[00:42:46] Or you can take the bonus money, which is like oh, I said that already it has a rollover requirement
[00:42:50] But it's free cash now. I tried explaining this to me
[00:42:58] Yeah, which I'm sure if you gamble, you know what that you know what it means. We don't have to tell you
[00:43:03] Yeah, look they offer bonus money. It's bonus free fucking money
[00:43:06] It's free money. It's free money. You're a fucking idiot that you have to gamble or something
[00:43:12] So you can't just fucking take the money and cash it out. Yeah, but you listen you put you put that money on
[00:43:18] Stavi's lock of the fucking millennium the bucks
[00:43:22] The bucks over the Celtics. I don't know what the line is. I don't even give up the Tampa del Rey bucker unos
[00:43:30] Look if you go in there and you can come up with a new name for the Miami Dolphins. Yeah that they use you win
[00:43:43] And that is official that's an official
[00:43:46] Guys calm the Miami Dolphins want to pick a new flavor of Doritos
[00:43:53] Pitch the flavor and if you're thinking spray remix. I already I'm thinking ein horns boy pussy. I already sent in
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[00:44:25] 1,600 to play with yeah now. I'll tell you what I like playing with something titties. That's right a woman's breasts
[00:44:37] Titty fucking or is I like to call it hiding my penis hiding my penis where to go
[00:44:43] Yeah, yeah, is that it behind your ear my coin shaped dick
[00:44:53] So once again, that's bet the SI calm come 120. Let's start the show
[00:45:00] Mm-hmm. Oh that's sorry. I guess we supposed to read it. I don't know. I think that no I think that's uh
[00:45:06] Maybe that's I think they just sent me Lewis's copy
[00:45:10] Which is why all of these words are spelled phonetically
[00:45:15] Yeah, there's just a picture of a house
[00:45:38] Pictures and like a little boy a little girl holding hands
[00:45:45] This is great you can win little yellow circles. Oh, sorry the target Jack and Joe went up to him
[00:46:00] I have to take a most violent shit a most violent shit Johnny Johnny violence
[00:46:10] Hey, no, my name is Lorenzo and I would personally like to welcome you to club the sector me
[00:46:22] Singles night ladies night women's night
[00:46:25] Dames night every night a different type of bitch
[00:46:31] Guaranteed entry ladies night if you have if you have fucked over 40 men you are not allowed to attend ladies night
[00:46:41] We got nerd pussy night if you know how to read bitch you get in for free bitch if you know how to read I
[00:46:47] Got some you can read right here. It's an instruction manual for my penis
[00:46:51] And a super Nintendo game and replica instruction manual
[00:46:57] Describing my penis. It's a tattoo under my balls. It says please suck me. Yeah. Hey, I'm trying to read
[00:47:04] Yeah, I like to call my penis Nintendo's power because it's got tips and tricks
[00:47:16] And that's a trick in another cell. Mm-hmm. That would be tricky. Yeah
[00:47:24] This pay guy to go up to women and just say schizophrenic pick up line soon
[00:47:29] Damn girl, did you know they call my penis Nintendo power because it's got a tip and tricks
[00:47:40] The breakfast cereal tricks. Yeah, one of them's got and tricks
[00:47:54] Well that what I want if you're finished I wanted to ask a question about Ace Ventura
[00:47:58] No, I want to keep going with this the schizophrenic pickup. Okay, let's keep going
[00:48:03] Damn girl. Is your ass made out of light bulbs?
[00:48:05] Because my tongue is staying that asshole tongue
[00:48:19] Tungsten is the material to fill them in the early type of yeah, cuz I can't wait to fill a man
[00:48:25] Fill them a man's ass. No with anything but my penis
[00:48:30] Damn damn that was a fucking death to maneuver on that character's part
[00:48:44] Damn girl, have you ever been to lens crafters because I'm trying to discount the number of
[00:48:58] Yes, sir, yes ma'am. Yes ma'am. Yes ma'am
[00:49:08] Because I'm trying to I'm gonna resort to having sex with you one way or another
[00:49:15] Don't make me resort to finally resort the violence
[00:49:29] Mm-hmm. We'll be having mm-hmm when we sexualize our experience. Oh, yes. Oh, yes girl
[00:49:36] I'm trying to have a sexual experience with you. I'm trying to get some sexual ass pussy damn girl
[00:49:43] Because I'm trying to ride a fucking tiny rollercoats not a roller you think it's gonna be rollercoaster
[00:49:49] But then it's just some bullshit about learning and that's what I want to do
[00:49:54] You think it's gonna be hot, but you just learn shit about me
[00:49:58] I put my penis in and then I start telling you my life story beginning with third grade
[00:50:02] Yeah, and that's when everybody started calling me the smell again
[00:50:06] Because I shit my pants was never mind the fact that the smell was gone by the time I got back from the nurses office
[00:50:13] Wearing the clothes that a retarded kid left school a week prior when he just ran home naked
[00:50:24] When he disappeared into the woods dude
[00:50:27] When I was I came back to class saying who shit their pants now wearing a full Thomas the tank engine Swiss
[00:50:37] But did they stop calling that no it continued maybe that's what Bigfoot is yeah
[00:50:43] I Harry mentally disabled man that escaped into the woods. You're a good point very possible
[00:50:49] I'm just saying very fucking good because it's smarter. Oh man. I would love to have a conspiracy theory show
[00:50:55] We should do that and it's just us not understanding things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really know when people say jet fuel
[00:51:01] Can't melt steel beams or whatever. I don't really know what they mean. What the fuck is steel
[00:51:05] Does that mean just mean metal in general? I
[00:51:09] Think I think iron is involved maybe I think it's some kind of
[00:51:13] Steel is just iron that Scott. I think they fuck it up with some other shit. Yeah, exactly a couple different kinds of metal
[00:51:19] Yeah, cuz it's not a little copper in there. Maybe yeah. Yeah, some shit bronze. Yeah
[00:51:25] So damn girl is your ass made out of steel is it steve do you have a steel ass?
[00:51:30] Because I'm trying to take it without permission
[00:51:39] So much schizophrenic it's just not trying to do pickup. Yeah, these are just horrible pick up
[00:51:47] Is your ass a pair of headphones because I own a banana and I ate it one time. Yeah, that's two cartoonists
[00:51:54] So yeah, listen damn girls at three o'clock because I want to tell you I'm gonna take you back to the
[00:52:04] That's too direct. I can't I I want to just let me just let me put your hair in my mouth. There we go. There we go
[00:52:13] Yeah, it goes at three o'clock because I want to put your can only cannot put my hair in your scooby dooby deenus
[00:52:20] I'm gonna name my son scooby doo. I'm gonna my son scooby deenus. How kiss I like this prediction you have that you're gonna have a
[00:52:27] Child now, I think I will at some point. Yeah, maybe
[00:52:34] I'm gonna take the next decade to become a huge real adult man. I know I know I'm 29
[00:52:40] And that's too late, but guess what Godspeed
[00:52:45] The thing I was wondering about asfentories when Finkle
[00:52:52] And they said it's her dick in her ass. I don't remember
[00:52:56] I don't I always thought they chopped his cock off and so did back on to her ass
[00:53:01] This is the scene everyone complains about they're like oh, it's mean to trans people. Yeah, I mean it is transphobic and hindsight
[00:53:07] I never was throwing up with fuckers transphobia
[00:53:10] Been meaning to his trans people shit. Oh
[00:53:16] Okay, oh yeah, it is oh, yeah, it is trans I guess yeah, I guess that is transphobia
[00:53:27] Yeah, it's like what the fuck is sexism. It's like, you know when you just like discriminate against women in the workplace. Oh, okay, that's fucked up
[00:53:34] Oh, yeah, that's why I don't like that. Yeah, I thought it was like like having sex
[00:53:44] Was being mean the guys that fucking brother. Let me tell you something. I thought it was being mean the sex
[00:53:53] That's the case then every woman I've ever met
[00:53:57] Every moment I've ever fucked is sexist because every time they're like that was fucking damn
[00:54:02] I took a shit like an hour ago, and I'm already what did you have for dinner?
[00:54:05] I'm a bias out my man. I wasn't I'm burned. I'm done. We yeah, we might have gone
[00:54:12] I'm gone to play I've walked I've walked into the razor's edge
[00:54:16] I've walked into the mouth of the razor
[00:54:18] Cock first I walked dick first into the mouth the eyes of the razor. Oh
[00:54:25] That was another another one of eyes of the condor
[00:54:28] Yeah, another one of our characters is me trying to kill myself in it in an airplane's turbo
[00:54:33] Oh, yeah, no cuz we do it first we jump. I jump into the the turbine
[00:54:37] It cuts me into a billion pieces and then you try to do it and you're just a good stuff
[00:54:41] And it cuts your day, but it only cuts my dick
[00:54:44] It's the absolute worst out. I have to stay alive. I don't get to die and I'm dickless
[00:54:51] Yeah, it sucks your dick into the fan fuck at least I at least go out getting sucked in one way damn
[00:54:57] There'd probably be a second where it felt really good. Yeah, I want to press a gun to my head and pull the trigger
[00:55:02] I want to kill myself. I hope I die. I hope I die soon. I deserve death. I hope it I fucking die soon
[00:55:21] Being another edition I thought maybe get a little bit more Mario putting on the brown hat, but let's I do we did have that Mario
[00:55:29] Putting on a leather hat and he's gay sex Mario bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
[00:55:38] Let's assign to what his T cells dropped to zero. Yeah. Oh
[00:55:45] I am going to in fact mad at the HIV virus and then he is going to have sex with Peach
[00:56:03] Because I want some pussy because I because I love having sex with girls with AIDS
[00:56:15] I don't know about this plan actually now that I say it out loud now that I think about it
[00:56:21] It seems to it seems like it will backfire
[00:56:29] Wario has sucked Bowser's dick for some reason
[00:56:35] Only on Nintendo switch to yeah, we're gonna suck Bowser's dick while he's sleeping the latest Nintendo console is
[00:56:44] Also a toilet that anyone can use and it sucks your dick
[00:56:51] All I can think about right now is just shitting yeah all day I dream about shitting Adidas yeah
[00:56:59] Mmm once you use your sweatshirt. Yeah, that's cool
[00:57:04] That's really cool of you to suggest I wipe my ass with my shirt dude as if there's not people out there who do things like that
[00:57:10] Yeah, yeah, well if they are guess what you know
[00:57:12] I love is this fuck them. Yeah, it's homeless guys that are just like they're the outside of their pants are just covered in shit
[00:57:19] Yes, yeah, that's the funniest look it is funny. It's hilarious. I respect it. Yeah, just take them off
[00:57:26] Yeah, just go news be new honestly a shit covered nude ass makes so much more sense
[00:57:32] Yeah, then shit covered fucking sweatpants. I was laughing too about getting completely naked at the TSA security check
[00:57:41] Yeah, he turns around he comes back you're just fucking you still use shoes on though
[00:57:53] Go ahead go ahead take your take your finest look
[00:58:01] I know my freedoms. I know my rights and my freedoms and I feel violated here tonight
[00:58:11] All right, I'll jack off in front of you
[00:58:13] I know we're missing like two minutes on this one, but I have to shit
[00:58:16] Hey, look listen man go shit and you plug not or whatever listen. Yeah, Nick will be back. It's just it's just us guys
[00:58:23] Welcome to stop these beautiful sensual hour
[00:58:26] Nick is taking a turbo shit. I just heard a turd rocket out of his little ass cheeks
[00:58:32] He just floated I hit he hurt he hit the ceiling like a cartoon
[00:58:37] You know in a cartoon hits the fucking top of something
[00:58:40] That's what Nick did but propelled off the force of his ass
[00:58:43] So as Nick was saying and as we said earlier
[00:58:48] The shows are now canceled in the south and we're sorry. We're gonna book those motherfuckers soon though
[00:58:55] But in the meantime what you can do is come see us do funny moms on the 12th
[00:59:01] Here in beautiful New York City Brooklyn, New York. I will be in Long Island
[00:59:06] Somewhere the city cafe or some fucking dumb bullshit
[00:59:09] It's you know, it's in a movie theater, so please buy tickets to that
[00:59:14] And then even more importantly I will be headlining the DC draft house my first full fucking weekend as a hard-dick savage
[00:59:23] Headliner two shows Friday two shows Saturday
[00:59:27] Really would meet a lot if you came out to see those and then I'll also be in
[00:59:32] And that's December six and seventh and I'll also be in
[00:59:35] Indianapolis on the fucking 13th since San
[00:59:55] Those are all the plugs I do while Nick is finishing up shooting I wanted to say I wanted to just talk a little bit more about
[01:00:02] Finkles cock getting chopped off on Ace Ventura
[01:00:08] Is that what happened because I thought that but that doesn't really make sense I don't think they would
[01:00:15] Cut someone's cock off and then sew it to their ass. I
[01:00:23] Being trans was as a little boy, but now that I'm saying it out loud and probably makes a lot more sense it
[01:00:32] Right, okay. Yeah, that makes more sense
[01:00:37] Let me run some other ideas by you guys have you guys ever hooked up with someone?
[01:00:41] Only because you're like worried about them
[01:00:44] Like what it would do to them if they weren't for example if someone if someone tries to have sex with me
[01:00:52] I you know, I have to feel like I'm pretty low on their list
[01:00:55] So if like if I reject them imagine what it would do to them, you know, that's just an idea
[01:01:01] I had when someone asked me to have sex with her
[01:01:05] Oh, here's a good one. Here's a good song you will like this actually
[01:01:11] It's the king of wishful thinking I'll suck on your dick. I know I will
[01:01:16] I'll pretend your balls aren't stinking and I'll let you come
[01:01:23] Inside my mouth cuz I'm the king of semen drinking
[01:01:36] Let's see here guys. What else is really going on? There's a oh I was thinking about going to
[01:01:42] Denver and one of the venues I looked at was the bug theater
[01:01:49] Because of what you know what you guys call
[01:01:56] Let's see here. I really should have prepared some
[01:02:03] How's that shit brother Nick's back every dude perfect that was good timing. Did you get do were you able to go?
[01:02:08] Yeah, I was able to go burr man. I I did the king of semen drinking. How about what?
[01:02:14] You know what like what's what's my age again, you know, but it's what's his name again? What's his name again?
[01:02:23] Sucked his dick on a payphone. He gave me a fucking ride home
[01:02:29] He said he was the cops and that I was going to jail unless I sucked on to his dick
[01:02:35] And that's about the time he fucking raped me
[01:02:39] Nobody says you can be raped when you're 23
[01:02:46] But I have asperger's what the hell is as burgers
[01:02:50] My friends say I should check my privilege. What's my privilege again? I'm a white man who got raped
[01:03:04] Slam dunk and before you faggot say that song is about me. It's not I got my dick touch
[01:03:10] I did not say he was a police officer. I was not penetrated. I did not suck a dick
[01:03:17] All that happened was he pull he touched my penis
[01:03:20] He's with you like several times and I'm several times and then but he was busy
[01:03:25] Every time you come my strategy was a distract him by him driving his car
[01:03:32] Fucking smart dude, I know that's why you're the king. I am no one gets in other guys
[01:03:37] Car only driving out widely the the masters
[01:03:43] Nick's mates Nick just gets in other guys cars hard as shit
[01:03:47] Yeah, and just begs them to try and touch his dick. Yeah try it sir
[01:03:51] See what happens see what fucking happens you how you actually do it. Yeah, but not that ah
[01:03:59] But my race again what's my race again my friend said that I am Chinese
[01:04:10] But actually I am just Jewish and my face looks swollen
[01:04:17] Because I'm one of those weird allergic Jews always allergic to everything
[01:04:24] Where I bought my chain which I think I will be visiting again soon to buy more jewelry
[01:04:31] She asked me if I was part Chinese once you're dressed again. I'm not saying all right hold on
[01:04:39] I don't fear you like I would say what Nick said because I would like some fan mail as well
[01:04:44] We should set up a PO yeah, I get cool shit, man
[01:04:47] I don't have time to look at it or open all of it most of it just goes in the garbage
[01:04:51] Yeah, we do the we power the podcast. We don't use batteries anymore
[01:04:55] We just burn all the mail you send Nick. Yeah, some guys sent me a picture. It's a some guys cock
[01:05:03] And then there's a diaper on the balls and they said idea. It's a diaper for your balls
[01:05:11] But yeah, I don't hate it look look if you want to send me shit like that
[01:05:15] Yeah, send the tiny diaper you fucking lazy piece of shit. Absolutely. What do you think this is shark tank?
[01:05:20] Yeah, now my balls got to go fucking fucking unprotected look I am a king to you people
[01:05:26] That's right. No, I don't want to come I'm not gonna VC your shit into existence
[01:05:31] Do you want a diaper for your fucking balls?
[01:05:34] You make it and then let me try it out you send it to me and then I will try my damned is to shit my balls
[01:05:41] And if I can't do it which I have done. Yeah, I have wiped shit from my balls before my life. Yeah. Oh, yeah
[01:05:49] What the fuck was I doing? Oh, right looking up your address in the context?
[01:05:54] I wish I still had a roll of decks. This is your fun. You never had a roll of decks bitch. Well
[01:06:02] God is ass. All right. I'm sorry. I forgot. I wasn't a business
[01:06:06] Made but I know you mean I did want one. Yeah, when you saw those motherfuckers
[01:06:23] Right here Jenny Jenny with like the office ringtone that office was that we're
[01:06:31] How's this Jenny why don't you bring that fucking hairy ass 80s pussy over
[01:06:36] And maybe I'm trying to floss with those pubes. Yeah, let me try on your jacket and pretend I have shoulders
[01:06:45] But then I can play fucking football wearing any woman's jacket for the 80s. Yes captain
[01:06:52] Yes, sir, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, you know what else I wanted Murphy blow up
[01:06:57] I've been said a Murphy Brown. It's Murphy blown. Mm-hmm, and she's trans and she's got a guy
[01:07:02] And just getting sucked under the desk. No, no, it's like the modern woman of the 80s
[01:07:12] Shouts out to the movie police Academy where there's multiple coerced oral sex rapes
[01:07:20] Like when they're big pranks is when the like
[01:07:24] The principal or whatever or the leader of the fucking Academy that they hate he has to give a speech
[01:07:29] But they put a whore in the podium and the whore sucks his dick while he gives the speech and he just rolls with it
[01:07:37] It doesn't go. Hey, there's a there's a woman here trying to assault me. I'm police officer
[01:07:41] I'm gonna stop this well, man. Just get his dick sucked while doing a speech
[01:07:47] Hell yeah, so I guess I would love to get my dick sucked ever for any reason in any circumstance
[01:08:15] I was trying to figure out what it would even mean yeah like the more the lower you bend you get to fuck babies is that
[01:08:24] They we'd have some limber ass pedophiles honestly. Yeah, I feel like
[01:08:29] There's got to be people that we should went to kill themselves and they had to tie a noose and then they were like
[01:08:33] I guess I learned how to tie it tie a noose. Yeah, and then they like learned and tied a really good one
[01:08:39] And then that gave them the courage to go on another day, right?
[01:08:45] Which is a lot of people the pure satisfaction of tying the news. Yes, I think there's a lot of people that said I
[01:08:51] Want to kill myself and then they went to write a suicide note realized how bad they were writing and they were embarrassed about it
[01:08:57] No matter how hard they tried they couldn't write anything. It sounded good nice. So they gave up on it interesting
[01:09:02] Yeah, you think it's gonna be suicide like
[01:09:05] Hey, man, how about a black mirror episode of suicide selfie? Oh
[01:09:10] Hell yeah, yeah, suicide snapchat. That's already happened. There's been plenty of people that have killed themselves on cam
[01:09:16] I remember watching a video of a guy hanging himself on like damn some streaming service
[01:09:22] No, but and it's fucked up dude. I mean you like cuz you know me like Amazon prime. Yeah
[01:09:35] I can stand he said there in his fucking face turns blue
[01:09:38] You know I've had to call the police and the police show up like you know an hour later, and he's just dead damn
[01:09:45] That sucks. Yeah, you watch that whole thing. Yeah
[01:09:50] That's fucked up, bro. Why you why you putting that kind of shit in your fucking green space off?
[01:09:56] Look we all died man. You're never gonna be goth dude. I'm sorry. It's better to acclimate yourself
[01:10:01] You keep talking about why to be goth you're not gonna be fine. I'm not gonna do anything
[01:10:04] I'm literally never going to do anything
[01:10:06] I've done nothing to get here, and I will do nothing to maintain it or change it
[01:10:12] That's right. I'm gonna continue doing this podcast until I have to shit and
[01:10:16] Then I'll go do that and then I'll come back. Yeah
[01:10:20] We should say those were awesome shows not sure. Thank you everyone for coming. Yeah, and sucking psych psych fuck you
[01:10:29] So double psych most of you are cool. There's one guy in particular who I'm not gonna name
[01:10:34] But you know who you are he knows you're you fucking suck
[01:10:38] What the best part is they're gonna ruin so many people
[01:10:46] Now you're all cute as a point you're all cute as hell
[01:10:51] Yeah, that was the point we definitely aren't both thinking of a guy. Yeah, I mean obviously one guy has to be the worst
[01:10:57] But yeah, I'm trying to go back to Australia
[01:11:20] I don't want to do gay porn. That's why I have to take my alcohol. Yeah, I'm bam Mars. You're this is gay drug addict
[01:11:30] I'll do whatever you fellas want for a dog. I'll read the suck dick
[01:11:41] I thought we have more characters in there. I don't know man. I was ready to go with God. I'm really
[01:11:47] Honestly, we're both so jet-lagged right now. Yeah, we were gonna do this earlier
[01:11:52] But Nick got an audition to be in the newest
[01:11:55] Michael Bay movie. I'm in the new Michael Bay movie
[01:12:03] Six million question mark question. Yeah, it's it's nights of the Holocaust and we play
[01:12:13] Have entered a time rift and they wind up in Auschwitz with their forces in the armor
[01:12:18] And they don't that first they're trying to help kill the Jews as the Jews are their natural enemies right of course nights
[01:12:30] And then they realize that the Nazis have gone too far
[01:12:34] Yes, they don't even they're not even letting a few Jews like deal with their mind whatever
[01:12:40] Which they're not just imprisoning them. They're starving them and killing them right and out of the integrity of King Arthur
[01:12:47] Yes, he helps the Jews rise up to just regular prisoners status
[01:13:03] Fixes Hitler's poor military strategy and we now live in a world where it's Nazis and Knights Nazis and Knights
[01:13:18] Right rated it is fucking boys own no Muslim people do not bring your girlfriend to this movie
[01:13:37] Uncensored unlike that King Arthur has to pull a scallop out of Hitler's ass. Yeah King R word
[01:13:47] Mm-hmm. How about that King R word? That's good King R word in the Knights of the short, but around round is already
[01:13:54] In the round tongue nights of the round time round
[01:14:03] Round yeah, we want it's me King R word
[01:14:09] Yeah, cuz if it was a square table you could say that I don't know
[01:14:13] When do you have to pull out of what he pulls a scallop or out of the some kind of stone?
[01:14:19] Yeah, if you can pull the cat out of the shoe boxes hiding in from him and petted backwards
[01:14:25] What why is petting it backwards to think just because they don't even register where the head is
[01:14:38] Definitely heard that a lot. I don't understand why it's funny. Yeah, it's just very funny
[01:14:43] I would like to know the origin because they just do it wrong. I mean I pet cats backwards all the time
[01:14:48] Yeah, well, yeah, well, you I mean that doesn't do anything to change that argument. Yes, it does
[01:14:56] Wrong your ticket small your stupidest shit. This is the police. So
[01:15:02] There's the police in a helicopter and we have bigger dicks than that other guy who says he's the police and you're a retarded
[01:15:13] Hello, this is James Bond and I think every American is wrong and you'll actually get I have to shit again
[01:15:22] I know what else did you eat this kid just people be honest with you?
[01:15:27] I did not shit once the entire time we're on vacation and it's all coming out. Oh my god, really?
[01:15:31] Yeah, cuz my brain adjusted the other time zone. So it's like all systems shut down
[01:15:37] Mmm. We're going no hard ons. No hard cock. Yeah, my dick. I was wondering not work that entire trip
[01:15:43] Yeah, and now my dick is working extremely. Yeah, not I mean, it's still bad
[01:15:50] It's still a pretty garbage dick, but that's why it's dicks go. Yeah, you know, it's like imagine sitting in your driveway in your fucking
[01:16:01] You got that sunroof coming down. Oh, yeah, you know, that's like hey bitch
[01:16:09] Pretend we're on the PCH as I take the top down on the no, all right
[01:16:21] It's like the roof is coming off uneven. So once I get stuck and it just rips all my clothes off
[01:16:29] Yeah, the corner to start but I'll try and start it like seven times
[01:16:32] It's like it looks like your dick doesn't work either. I'm like bitch one step at a time
[01:16:42] Folks listen for years. It's like, you know, you're horny when you're young
[01:16:46] You're like, I wish I didn't want to fuck all the time
[01:16:48] Yes, then you get older and you don't want to fuck all the time your dick doesn't work anymore and you're like fuck
[01:16:53] Yeah, God. I wish I could have another thing to take away from myself
[01:16:59] My dick has been working pretty well as of late and I don't know why yeah, you won't know why until next week
[01:17:05] We're gonna find out the big reveal on the show. There's a big reveal folks. Yeah, this would be reveal for us
[01:17:10] The show is finally paid off. Yeah, it's finally worth it finally for guys like us thinking about quitting honestly for like six months
[01:17:18] Did I say this before I got post traumatic breast disorder?
[01:17:21] I don't think so and it's because that fuck the girls titties were too big
[01:17:28] I think I think about my friends just face down and all that pussy sign me up and I'm like I'm like for what?
[01:17:36] For some pussy oil big ass titties some pussy oil
[01:17:40] I would do it for some pussy. Why don't we go to war for pussy anymore?
[01:17:44] So I feel like there's plenty I feel like
[01:17:50] You had to fuck all the women of it like you really think we would be invading the Middle East if you if the soldiers still had to fuck
[01:17:56] All the women I think they do unfortunately look I've studied these kinds of things. I think that's kind of a big problem
[01:18:02] I know no no no you do not say that about the American military. These are upstanding men
[01:18:08] They just want to help people but if you force them to rape women and children, right?
[01:18:12] We would not be invading these countries
[01:18:15] Interesting and there's one thing I know about the the military is that they do not have a problem sexual assault
[01:18:21] They do not have in any way in any way. They're too busy saluting the flag and sending love letters home to their enormously fat wife
[01:18:32] They've only held hands with because they're waiting that they're waiting to come back for more. They're saving them themselves
[01:18:40] It's right they're saving they're waiting to have half Latino half white babies. Yeah, you know
[01:18:46] It's like it's too late for me to save sex for marriage, you know, so I figure what I'm gonna do is save gay sex for marriage
[01:18:54] When I marry my wife a couple weeks after we finally, you know, we tie the knot or whatever
[01:19:00] I'm just going out fucking hundreds of dudes. Yes, that's right and she's like, what are you doing?
[01:19:05] I'm like I made a promise to you and God lord between me
[01:19:09] You stay out of here you fucking bitch fuck you stay out of this they told me I would be fucking tempted
[01:19:18] Hey, I'll tell the priest about it when I get back from Cabo San Lucas
[01:19:28] Just bags and bags of Molly and we are going to make one with God. Oh, yeah through each other's powerful
[01:19:35] Anna I will I had gay sex. I had gay sex to piss off my wife
[01:19:45] Really she was being a bitch and I couldn't and I couldn't fuck another woman
[01:19:57] There we go. Um, yeah, I'm fading hard as shit right now dude. That I'm gay sex. It's a 927 damn
[01:20:06] Yeah on the pizam. I got a fucking I gotta make it another couple hours
[01:20:11] I think a hour and a half and I'll sleep yeah
[01:20:14] My little brother said you're not supposed to like try and rig the system, but he can suck my fuck my dick bad
[01:20:21] My dick sucks my dick really bad and my dick fucking sucks
[01:20:25] Luda swish Christopher what's his name?
[01:20:35] Well, I think Christopher Christopher Christopher Louisiana, Georgia Christmas
[01:20:42] Georgia Christmas Georgia Christmas come into the mail and it looks like a home run home run. Oh, that's a spalted and he's gay
[01:20:49] And this is the police and this is the police and you're gay and this is Ben Marchira
[01:20:56] And we're going to sunk Phil's doing a song Phil's penis. I can't wait to sunk Phil's penis with my mouth
[01:21:08] Folks that'll probably do it for us. Yeah, sorry everybody
[01:21:11] I don't think we have nothing to apply first of all that first hour had a blast doing it
[01:21:17] You take a shit and as far as I'm concerned. This is all bonus. Mm-hmm. This is to make up
[01:21:23] I mean, we don't have to make up shit. You motherfuckers got three live shows in the place of one regular one
[01:21:32] You don't like it as always go to patreon.com slash comtown if you want to really get in on we look
[01:21:42] Mm-hmm lying the people so much good stuff. You're entered into a raffle to be careful to meet me and star bro
[01:21:51] You could hang out with us and say whatever you want you can give us drugs and we'll fucking woman
[01:21:56] We'll listen to all your jokes and laugh at him. Yeah, we'll rip with you and it'll turn out you're actually you're funny
[01:22:03] Yeah, you're actually so much funnier and but you can't do it because of some bullshit reason. Yeah, because you have to
[01:22:11] People count on you to sell insurance. That's why you would never do comedy
[01:22:17] Yeah, so anyway, sorry to bully you guys right now, but listen if you look we're not even talking about you
[01:22:23] We're talking about one specific guy one guy just one guy. He knows who he is. He knows who he is and it's not you
[01:22:29] It's not you but he knows and he's but if it is you oh boy is it damn that sucks. That is you that's he
[01:22:36] It's really you. Why are you if it's you it's it's so you
[01:22:40] Yeah, but it's not it's not you so please and you know how it can definitely not be you if you go to patreon.com
[01:22:48] Slash come town and sign up remember every dollar helps find Adam Walsh. That's right
[01:22:59] It was a son. I thought it was his daughter. He was his daughter Adam Walsh
[01:23:04] That's right. We can't assume that she wasn't trans. It's true
[01:23:07] It would be wrong to assume that Adam Walsh's daughter Adam or John Walsh's daughter Adam wasn't a trans girl
[01:23:14] I mean, you know, he didn't she didn't live long enough to pick her gender
[01:23:21] She gee how old how old were they what the fuck is gee? It's like you're either a boy or a girl or Chinese
[01:23:29] Yes, it's that one though. It's you're Chinese what the fuck yeah, what the fuck is racism
[01:23:52] I'm about to die order up your little something everyone please come out here. It's so
[01:24:01] You know what I was watching it and the first half is kind of bullshit. How about I can have picks about Hans holo
[01:24:12] My name is Hans and this is my asshole. He made the asshole to penis run in less than 20 parts
[01:24:18] I'm so buddy. Let me get in that fucking ass
[01:24:22] He was good Donald Glover was good. Oh, he played young Lando. Yeah
[01:24:26] Damn they didn't do ability Williams hologram the only part
[01:24:31] I didn't like is it they made Han be like a good guy and it seems like you should be a scumbag
[01:24:37] But I actually ended up enjoying I watched half on the plane to Australia and what's his deal?
[01:24:42] He goes around space stealing come to eat. Yeah, yeah, the only thing the power spaceships is fucking as a specific kind of
[01:24:49] Lava, it's a nerve herder come it's come from a taunt on
[01:24:57] The only way the hyperdrive is gonna work is if
[01:25:04] We got chewy we need your come. Is he still smashing Calista flocards frail ass?
[01:25:11] That's a strange ass celebrity couple of yes, oh Calista
[01:25:25] But at least you did it for our doring fans who you love listen everyone. I'm gay actor Harrison Ford
[01:25:37] I'm gay actor Harrison Ford. This is sunk fools
[01:25:46] Come on the fugitive come on stop come on was this US Marshall's going on down here
[01:25:53] Come on, you know I gotta work in the morning Indiana Jones. Come on come on Indiana