[00:00:00] All the channels are on.

[00:00:02] All right, welcome to Com Town.

[00:00:04] The podcast that everyone knows and loves.

[00:00:08] How are you guys doing?

[00:00:10] It's Adam only.

[00:00:12] To make up for the last few episodes where Adam has not been on it.

[00:00:16] The Patreon dipped about $50,000.

[00:00:19] We're negative $10,000 right now because people are mad that I was gone.

[00:00:23] I am legitimately down tens of $1,000 for their currencies.

[00:00:28] So I'm making up for it by just wasting motherfuckers and red dead redemption.

[00:00:32] Which I would not be doing had I not lost money.

[00:00:35] Yes, they certainly wouldn't be serious.

[00:00:37] I'm taking it seriously.

[00:00:38] You're playing video games until I die.

[00:00:39] Yeah, I think it's a good insight into your psyche that losing tens of thousands of dollars.

[00:00:45] I've seen a calm go over you.

[00:00:49] No, damn headshot.

[00:00:51] He was way more mad when a bear landed on top of his hat.

[00:00:54] No, yeah, in this game.

[00:00:56] Well, bear, bear, I fucking you break a horse.

[00:01:00] And then the goddamn bears show up and great.

[00:01:02] Now we got law men coming from both sides.

[00:01:05] All right, man.

[00:01:06] Kill these law men and then time to put the game away.

[00:01:08] No, episodes have been great.

[00:01:11] Oh, man.

[00:01:12] You can't keep playing fucking red dead the whole time.

[00:01:15] People have been really into me just playing video games the entire time.

[00:01:18] All right, here we go.

[00:01:19] Nate's going to shoot a man in his head.

[00:01:22] They don't deliver here.

[00:01:24] Oh, really?

[00:01:26] Dude, they delivered a bushwick and bedside.

[00:01:28] I don't understand.

[00:01:29] Did I put the street in wrong?

[00:01:30] Maybe you did heart.

[00:01:31] Heart street.

[00:01:32] I'm trying to fucking buy weed everywhere.

[00:01:34] Damn.

[00:01:35] Nick just did a headshot.

[00:01:36] I'm pretty proud of.

[00:01:37] I guess the weed delivery guy says that this street is off limits.

[00:01:42] What the fuck, dude?

[00:01:44] I need weed.

[00:01:45] This is bullshit.

[00:01:47] I actually went to the dispensary last week with my sister.

[00:01:53] They're now fully legal.

[00:01:55] Oh, yeah?

[00:01:56] Vegas got weed.

[00:01:57] And I was very disappointed because she said last time she was there she had a celebrity

[00:02:03] sighting and that celebrity was one of the property brothers.

[00:02:09] Whoa, toking up buying nug.

[00:02:12] How much?

[00:02:13] Some fucking dank nugs.

[00:02:14] How much?

[00:02:15] I don't know.

[00:02:16] But apparently he was with a hot girl who I can only assume is their shared wife.

[00:02:21] I hope she was filled up.

[00:02:22] I hope she was filled up with proper.

[00:02:24] I think they breastfeed off of that one.

[00:02:27] I read about that.

[00:02:29] Oh, that.

[00:02:30] Is it still recording?

[00:02:31] Yeah, we're still recording.

[00:02:32] Oh, damn.

[00:02:33] They shot the bear cap off your head, bitch.

[00:02:35] Also, another thing I learned at the dispensary is that the band 311 has their own strain of

[00:02:41] weed and that strain is called and you would think it's called amber or something.

[00:02:47] Right?

[00:02:48] No, but the strain is called beautiful disaster.

[00:02:50] Oh, yes, which is.

[00:02:52] Oh, that's a song.

[00:02:54] I didn't realize it was a song.

[00:02:56] It's a fuck.

[00:02:57] I just thought it was just a song.

[00:02:58] It's a famous 311 song.

[00:03:00] No way.

[00:03:01] Amber is the color of your energy is more famous.

[00:03:03] Whoa.

[00:03:04] And then the cover of Amber is a color of my heart.

[00:03:07] Amber is a for 50 first dates with Adam Sander.

[00:03:10] Oh, yeah.

[00:03:11] Quality flick.

[00:03:12] They did.

[00:03:13] They did that cure song cover.

[00:03:15] Which one?

[00:03:18] You know, that one.

[00:03:20] What was it called?

[00:03:21] Tuesday, I'm sucking dick.

[00:03:23] No, not that one.

[00:03:24] Now I'm sucking dick Thursday.

[00:03:27] Forget about it.

[00:03:28] I'm fucking sucking cock.

[00:03:30] I have pride in it.

[00:03:32] My name is Ian.

[00:03:34] I'm fucking gay.

[00:03:36] Nick and I were the cure for heterosexuality.

[00:03:40] Yeah, exactly.

[00:03:41] The cure was about the cure about gay conversion, but making everyone convert to being gay.

[00:03:47] Yeah.

[00:03:48] That's what the cure is.

[00:03:49] There should be a chair.

[00:03:50] We should start a church that does that.

[00:03:52] It makes everyone convert to being gay.

[00:03:55] Yeah, we can.

[00:03:57] We can call it the church of Adam Friedland.

[00:04:00] That would be, you know, I would be flattered.

[00:04:02] Everyone's gay.

[00:04:03] Who know, but we make people pray away the straight.

[00:04:07] The gay man there is.

[00:04:09] You pray away the straight.

[00:04:10] But in a bad way.

[00:04:12] I didn't ask to be a clergy member, but if you need me to step up.

[00:04:16] Whoa.

[00:04:17] Amber is the color of my dark ass piss.

[00:04:22] Whoa.

[00:04:23] Damn.

[00:04:24] I think my kidney stopped working.

[00:04:27] Yep.

[00:04:28] Yep.

[00:04:29] Yep.

[00:04:30] I just, I'm panicking because I forget which reads were supposed to do this week.

[00:04:33] Oh, okay.

[00:04:34] You need a check?

[00:04:36] Yeah, I guess I should go.

[00:04:38] I heard on the app that I wasn't on last week.

[00:04:40] You guys did the reads for like an hour.

[00:04:42] Don't worry about what happens when you're not here.

[00:04:44] Chill out, man.

[00:04:45] I heard it was really good.

[00:04:46] Don't be hearing anything about them.

[00:04:48] I don't know.

[00:04:49] Just go about your business.

[00:04:50] Just go about your business so we'll have to spend you again.

[00:04:53] The Dow Jones Industrial Average is a brilliant one.

[00:04:56] One week suspension.

[00:04:57] The Dow Jones.

[00:04:59] The Dow Jones Industrial Average.

[00:05:01] Yeah, what about it?

[00:05:03] You know, the, the Gia.

[00:05:05] The Gia.

[00:05:06] The Gia.

[00:05:07] Mm hmm.

[00:05:08] Damn.

[00:05:09] Looking like I'm down 400 points a day.

[00:05:12] Oh, my job?

[00:05:13] Well, I'm what you refer to as an index.

[00:05:17] An index is a bunch of...

[00:05:19] Yeah, I'm a damn dude.

[00:05:21] Come on, come on.

[00:05:22] That's the kind of joke that we...

[00:05:23] Can you stop being racist, dude?

[00:05:25] Oh, I'm sorry.

[00:05:26] We come back from the show and we suspended you for being racist.

[00:05:29] You got a one week suspension for racism.

[00:05:32] I had to go to my mom's house.

[00:05:34] That's right.

[00:05:35] Think about it.

[00:05:36] And think about what you did.

[00:05:37] And now you start back up.

[00:05:40] Shit.

[00:05:41] Rob.

[00:05:42] Whoa.

[00:05:43] I've never had sex with a woman.

[00:05:46] Oh, it's like, it's like whatever things I go.

[00:05:49] I will always love you.

[00:05:51] That's right.

[00:05:52] Whatever wins.

[00:05:53] Ooh, damn.

[00:05:54] Now you're taking me back, dude.

[00:05:55] I will always love you.

[00:05:56] Bet DSI and Bluechoo.

[00:05:58] Okay.

[00:05:59] Okay.

[00:06:00] That's a little teaser for you.

[00:06:01] Yeah, so.

[00:06:02] You guys, if you want to hear those ads, stay tuned.

[00:06:04] Because we got nothing going on until then.

[00:06:07] Mm hmm.

[00:06:08] Oh, dude.

[00:06:09] I remember that I will always love you song, dude.

[00:06:11] I'm in eighth grade.

[00:06:12] That was a curious song, right?

[00:06:14] Absolutely no pussy whatsoever on the horizon.

[00:06:16] Just thinking about girls that would never even kiss me and thinking about how I always

[00:06:21] love them.

[00:06:22] I was just watching that movie, 51st States, wondering if I could find a retarded girl

[00:06:26] today.

[00:06:27] I'm a bitch with a fucked up brain.

[00:06:28] Did you hear it?

[00:06:29] Did you hear it?

[00:06:30] I don't want to say his name, but let's just, we'll call him.

[00:06:35] Did you hear the story about?

[00:06:40] And I don't want to, because it's like, if it's not true, it's wildly libelous.

[00:06:47] Yeah, I don't remember the exact details, but yes, I have heard this story.

[00:06:52] It unreal.

[00:06:53] It truly is unreal.

[00:06:54] That is like the most scumbag thing I've ever heard.

[00:06:57] Okay, well, let's just say some guy.

[00:06:59] No, we can't even do that.

[00:07:00] Because if it's not true, and we say that, like that is a level where it's like, we can

[00:07:06] say people are saying, like Trump, people are saying that.

[00:07:10] Allegedly.

[00:07:11] Allegedly.

[00:07:12] No, no, no, no.

[00:07:13] But it's not about a real guy.

[00:07:14] Let's stop talking about this guy.

[00:07:17] I want to talk about something else, a different guy.

[00:07:20] You know people will put it together.

[00:07:21] Not even a real guy.

[00:07:22] This is one.

[00:07:23] He did something so heinous that I don't even want to mention in the fear that it's

[00:07:28] not true because it's like, it would destroy his life.

[00:07:31] All right, what you have to do is take it.

[00:07:33] You can't not say it.

[00:07:34] I'm terribly confused.

[00:07:35] You have to edit out the joke saying of his name.

[00:07:39] Make sure I do that.

[00:07:40] I will make sure.

[00:07:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah, make sure.

[00:07:42] Because it's also hilarious.

[00:07:43] Yeah, he had sex with a woman with Down syndrome in the parking lot of a show.

[00:07:47] I'm like an open one.

[00:07:50] Oh my God.

[00:07:53] Come on.

[00:07:55] Whoa.

[00:07:56] Retarded pussy is the sweetest pussy there is.

[00:08:00] Whoa.

[00:08:01] I tried to turn to my fucking...

[00:08:04] I mean, look, all the crazy things I've heard, like, like shitty comics have done.

[00:08:08] Yes.

[00:08:09] To fuck a woman with Down syndrome because she was like, you are funny.

[00:08:13] Oh God.

[00:08:14] They're like, damn, you want to come out to my car?

[00:08:17] That is red for him so far.

[00:08:19] Turn to the car.

[00:08:20] The parking lot.

[00:08:21] Right.

[00:08:22] You get to go indoors.

[00:08:23] Take her to your fucking home for Christ's sake.

[00:08:26] Look, man, she thought I had a good set.

[00:08:29] There was a...

[00:08:30] By the time she knew it was going on, it was over.

[00:08:32] You've heard that story?

[00:08:33] Yeah, I have.

[00:08:34] And what's your take on it?

[00:08:37] I got it.

[00:08:38] There's more detail than I can't remember.

[00:08:40] What more detail could there possibly be?

[00:08:42] I think she was like hanging around.

[00:08:44] I think she was like kind of working on it.

[00:08:46] Oh.

[00:08:47] Like I think that was when he was like hanging around.

[00:08:49] He's like, you look beautiful.

[00:08:51] Yeah, dude.

[00:08:52] He was sober.

[00:08:53] Yeah.

[00:08:54] Like this is a manslaughter.

[00:08:56] This is premeditated murder.

[00:08:58] This is murder one.

[00:08:59] Retarded pussy, brother.

[00:09:00] Yeah.

[00:09:01] Retarded pussy one.

[00:09:03] Whoa.

[00:09:04] Yeah, she really liked that part where I yelled really loud.

[00:09:13] The car is hilarious, damn.

[00:09:15] Suck my dick.

[00:09:17] I am gay.

[00:09:20] So boys, what's going on?

[00:09:21] What's on the docket?

[00:09:22] What are we going for fucking Thanksgiving, boys?

[00:09:24] Huh?

[00:09:25] I'm in town.

[00:09:26] I'm here.

[00:09:27] I think I'm going back to the house.

[00:09:28] I was out of town last week.

[00:09:29] I might have to.

[00:09:30] I'm going to tell everyone I know that I'm doing something with

[00:09:33] somebody else and then sit on my couch and play Red Dead

[00:09:36] Marchers.

[00:09:37] Perfect.

[00:09:38] The only thing I'm fucking thankful for it.

[00:09:39] I mean, honestly, this game is saving my life.

[00:09:42] Beautiful, man.

[00:09:46] You can't fight it, man.

[00:09:48] There's nothing I want.

[00:09:49] I just want to eat pills and play video games.

[00:09:51] I know.

[00:09:52] My brother came and we hung out.

[00:09:54] And I'd been kind of, you know, I wasn't smoking and I was trying

[00:09:57] out the like shit.

[00:09:58] And then he came and I was like, well, my brother's here.

[00:10:00] I have to get high all day and eat dumplings.

[00:10:02] I was going to say you look maybe two to four pounds lighter.

[00:10:05] Thanks, man.

[00:10:06] I have, you know, I maybe it's the color shirt that you're going

[00:10:10] to catch flack like I always do because we have a lot of heat.

[00:10:13] You're really trying to turn it around.

[00:10:14] I am trying to turn my life around.

[00:10:16] I will say I've had four smoothies in the last day.

[00:10:19] I've been to Planet Fitness Astoria.

[00:10:21] Okay.

[00:10:22] Check my tag, you fucking haters.

[00:10:24] It has been fucking checked in the last two days.

[00:10:27] And I spent over 25 minutes on an elliptical and stationary bike.

[00:10:31] Yeah.

[00:10:32] It's still, I'm the king of low, low, basically the mayor on four

[00:10:36] square for a hundred percent.

[00:10:37] Yeah.

[00:10:38] Of course pay like a like a African man to come vacuum me.

[00:10:43] Yeah.

[00:10:44] You got a maid service.

[00:10:45] I got Pringles crumbs all over me.

[00:10:47] Just to, to, to, to, yeah.

[00:10:50] Do you think if I hired, okay, let's say that guy vacuums you.

[00:10:53] Do you think he would move my legs around as if I was on a bicycle?

[00:10:56] Yeah.

[00:10:57] And that way I don't have to actually do it myself.

[00:10:59] Mm hmm.

[00:11:00] That would help.

[00:11:01] That would be pretty sweet.

[00:11:03] Someone lifting the weights for you.

[00:11:04] Yeah.

[00:11:05] Damn.

[00:11:06] I had some, some good things I wanted to bring to the show.

[00:11:08] Oh yeah.

[00:11:09] We had a, there was some good riffs flying around before.

[00:11:11] Some news.

[00:11:12] Um, I am now in contact with the Savage Psycho Joe.

[00:11:15] Oh, that's big.

[00:11:16] Don't ruin it, dude.

[00:11:17] Come on.

[00:11:18] I would love to just surprise people by having him on.

[00:11:20] And he says he will not do the show.

[00:11:22] Nice.

[00:11:23] Good job.

[00:11:24] Yeah.

[00:11:25] Well, he says he's going to Columbia.

[00:11:26] He has to go to Columbia to train.

[00:11:27] I'm training my clients, models and important.

[00:11:30] And importantly, you fucking baggage, church, you want to come in?

[00:11:33] You think he would train me to.

[00:11:35] Maybe that's what I need.

[00:11:36] Yeah.

[00:11:37] I need Savage Psycho Joe.

[00:11:38] Nick fired up Red Dead again, by the way.

[00:11:40] I couldn't resist.

[00:11:41] Just letting you know.

[00:11:42] You guys just literally...

[00:11:44] This is five minutes I can't help myself.

[00:11:47] It's like the number one sign that I shouldn't start drinking again.

[00:11:51] It's like, I just can't stop myself.

[00:11:53] Yeah.

[00:11:54] I mean, you put a bag of Reese's miniatures in front of me.

[00:11:56] Mm-hmm.

[00:11:57] Five one of those.

[00:11:58] Guess who's going to see the mayor of Reese's town?

[00:12:02] Guess who's going...

[00:12:03] Mr. Mullins going to Washington.

[00:12:05] Mr. Mullins goes to fucking Washington.

[00:12:07] The Pentagon is trying to have sex with some of those children from the pizza place.

[00:12:12] Yeah.

[00:12:13] That'd be funny to go there.

[00:12:14] Just start raping the male employees at gunpoint.

[00:12:17] Is this what it feels like?

[00:12:20] Man, Birkin, the Comet Ping-Bong pizza and raped everything.

[00:12:25] It's a raped every employee at gunpoint.

[00:12:27] Who threw 300 during bus boys were raped at gunpoint?

[00:12:32] Mm-hmm.

[00:12:33] Oh, fuck.

[00:12:35] But like, bus boys a funny word, you know?

[00:12:38] Yeah.

[00:12:39] It sounds like if, uh, if child porn was legal, there would be a website called Bus Boys.

[00:12:44] Bus Boys?

[00:12:45] Yep.

[00:12:46] Just running a train on them?

[00:12:47] Uh-huh.

[00:12:48] Everyone takes a ride on the bus.

[00:12:50] Hop in.

[00:12:51] Choo-choo!

[00:12:52] I'm gay.

[00:12:53] Everyone fuck this boy's ass.

[00:12:54] What the fuck, dude?

[00:12:56] What the fuck, dude?

[00:12:57] I'm sorry that you're fucked.

[00:12:58] What the fuck?

[00:12:59] I'm sorry you're wanted dead or alive in those territories, man.

[00:13:03] I gotta pay an $85 bounty.

[00:13:05] Fuck, I'm sorry, man.

[00:13:07] That's fucking gay, dude.

[00:13:08] I agree.

[00:13:09] I did nothing wrong except murder that family.

[00:13:13] It'd be so sweet if you could murder a police officer and you just pay $85.

[00:13:18] That would be tight.

[00:13:20] Yeah.

[00:13:21] Mm-hmm.

[00:13:22] Damn.

[00:13:23] I don't have another save either.

[00:13:25] Shit, dude.

[00:13:26] You're fucked.

[00:13:27] Shit.

[00:13:28] You better stop playing for now.

[00:13:30] No.

[00:13:31] We're just gonna keep going.

[00:13:32] We're gonna figure this out.

[00:13:35] Oh, fuck.

[00:13:37] Okay.

[00:13:38] Uh, what kind of pies do you guys like?

[00:13:41] Pumpkin or sweet potato?

[00:13:43] Or do you go some kind of pecan situation?

[00:13:46] I like a fruit pie.

[00:13:47] Yeah, I bet you do.

[00:13:48] Shut up.

[00:13:49] Fucking fruit.

[00:13:50] I said that on purpose.

[00:13:52] Fucking fruit.

[00:13:53] No, no, I like a, um, a man come pie.

[00:13:57] No, that's not, that's not a fruit.

[00:14:00] Yeah, it is.

[00:14:02] Whatever.

[00:14:03] Adam, you eat man come pie.

[00:14:05] You can't make a pie out of that.

[00:14:07] Yes, you can.

[00:14:08] How could you get enough man's come?

[00:14:10] You do.

[00:14:11] You have eight.

[00:14:12] You're holding eight full-sized man come pies in your hand right now.

[00:14:16] That is.

[00:14:17] Isn't he Nick?

[00:14:18] Yeah.

[00:14:19] Probably less than a ton.

[00:14:20] You have a bunch of cum in your pants that you're drinking.

[00:14:23] Yeah, that's an addition to the- How am I drinking out of my pants?

[00:14:26] Because you have a camel back.

[00:14:28] You have a crazy, you have a crazy straw that's going into your pants.

[00:14:31] And it's drinking a bunch of other guys' cum, man.

[00:14:34] Yeah.

[00:14:35] I drink, I drink your semen.

[00:14:36] I don't know why you drink it up.

[00:14:38] I don't know why you'd be doing something like that.

[00:14:41] Yeah.

[00:14:42] Damn, I'm just trying to get to the post office to pay this down bounty and now-

[00:14:45] You're already wanted for a ride.

[00:14:46] I've killed another man by accident.

[00:14:48] Oh no, they're investigating.

[00:14:50] I ran over him with my horse.

[00:14:52] Shit, you think you're going to get rid of it?

[00:14:55] I don't know, dude.

[00:14:56] I've fucked up so much.

[00:14:58] This is sort of like real life.

[00:15:00] This game.

[00:15:01] You do one crime and then that's how they get you in the system.

[00:15:04] And once they get- They take these young men and they put them in the system.

[00:15:09] And then you go into- You go to a weekend in jail for shoplifting.

[00:15:13] You get out, what do you have to do next?

[00:15:16] Start raping people.

[00:15:18] And it's not even your fault.

[00:15:20] That's called being institutional.

[00:15:22] That's like that guy, that old guy that hung himself from Shawshank.

[00:15:30] He just couldn't stop raping and that's why he killed himself.

[00:15:34] Then when we pay another $20 now because that fucking asshole ran in front of my horse.

[00:15:38] This is just like taxes, dude.

[00:15:40] You have to pay taxes in this game?

[00:15:43] It's technically a tax to ride your horse at the kind of speed I enjoy.

[00:15:47] As a man of speed.

[00:15:49] That's right.

[00:15:51] As a fast boy.

[00:15:53] All right, pay bounty here.

[00:15:57] You pay a bounty for yourself.

[00:15:59] Yeah.

[00:16:00] Yeah, you clear your good name.

[00:16:02] You can commit a crime and then pay your way out of it.

[00:16:05] Yeah, you can pay your way out of it.

[00:16:06] That's great.

[00:16:07] The free market.

[00:16:08] That's capitalism.

[00:16:11] I mean, it kind of is.

[00:16:13] That was great when you used to be able to buy your way out of going to the Civil War.

[00:16:19] You're like, no, it makes sense.

[00:16:21] God damn.

[00:16:24] And it does make sense to me, honestly.

[00:16:27] You think the rich be exempt from military service?

[00:16:30] Yeah, but the way we do it now, we don't have a draft anymore.

[00:16:33] We just force poor people into the military by not giving them options.

[00:16:36] Yeah, exactly.

[00:16:37] Yeah, I agree.

[00:16:39] I agree generally, I guess.

[00:16:41] Damn, what a gay ass country.

[00:16:43] Yeah.

[00:16:44] And it's the best one and it sucks.

[00:16:46] Yeah, that's true.

[00:16:47] Maybe we should just go.

[00:16:49] Maybe we should go to fucking Kuwait or Paris.

[00:16:53] Paris?

[00:16:54] Paris?

[00:16:55] You want to move to Paris?

[00:16:56] No.

[00:16:57] That would suck.

[00:16:58] I feel like I would get kicked out of Paris pretty quickly.

[00:17:00] Why would you get kicked out of Paris?

[00:17:02] Because I keep saying words in Paris.

[00:17:04] Oh, yeah.

[00:17:05] Everybody.

[00:17:06] You'd be going up the Caribbean, guys, and be like, who let these be?

[00:17:11] I'm like, no, it's a song.

[00:17:14] And there's so many black people.

[00:17:16] There's a lot.

[00:17:17] There's a lot.

[00:17:18] Yeah, who let the...

[00:17:19] I'm like, I didn't understand what the song was about.

[00:17:24] I thought the song was for guys like me.

[00:17:30] You could do a whole series of those, you know?

[00:17:33] Yeah, I think it's a lot of words in Rome.

[00:17:37] Oh, just different cities.

[00:17:39] Yeah, different places.

[00:17:40] That's a good idea.

[00:17:41] You say the N word.

[00:17:42] Yeah.

[00:17:43] Yeah.

[00:17:44] Well, then where do we relocate?

[00:17:47] America ain't it, Sis.

[00:17:49] Oh, what's next?

[00:17:50] Yeah.

[00:17:51] As a trio, where do we go to start our lives over?

[00:17:54] Moghadis shoes, Somalia.

[00:17:56] The three busketeers.

[00:17:58] Where do the three busketeers go?

[00:17:59] Where do we find Dartanion and fuck his ass?

[00:18:02] The three...

[00:18:03] Elon Musk.

[00:18:06] Elon Musk.

[00:18:07] Elon Muskketeers.

[00:18:08] Yeah, the three-lons.

[00:18:10] Three-lons.

[00:18:11] Three-lons.

[00:18:12] The three-lons.

[00:18:13] Muskketeers.

[00:18:14] And we have to Dartezle in.

[00:18:18] Okay.

[00:18:19] Yeah.

[00:18:20] Dartezle in...

[00:18:23] Dartezle in...

[00:18:27] Dartezle in Neeson.

[00:18:30] Stars.

[00:18:32] Uh-huh.

[00:18:33] And the...

[00:18:34] He plays...

[00:18:35] Elon Muskketeers.

[00:18:36] He plays all three musketeers.

[00:18:38] Yeah.

[00:18:39] So take that, President Beavis.

[00:18:42] Someone with like a giant brain to emerge trying to go after the President.

[00:18:50] This doesn't make any sense.

[00:18:53] No.

[00:18:54] Calling him Beavis is good though.

[00:18:56] Now somebody had a tweet because Trump tweeted, they were like, nice to see little R Democrat

[00:19:04] or, you know, Democrat.

[00:19:05] Yeah, shit.

[00:19:06] Adam Shit.

[00:19:07] That was awesome.

[00:19:08] That was hilarious.

[00:19:09] And then someone responded, they were like, hey, President Beavis, it's Adam Schiff, you

[00:19:14] think?

[00:19:15] And it's like, he will rule forever.

[00:19:18] Beavis doesn't beavis and butthead.

[00:19:20] Yeah.

[00:19:21] Which is like such a weak diss.

[00:19:23] I know.

[00:19:24] If you give him his response to Adam Shit, the President is growing!

[00:19:29] He's about luck.

[00:19:30] I'm about Yuri.

[00:19:31] And he david Southeastern.

[00:19:34] And I was up four

[00:19:46] I love it about how Finland rakes their forests.

[00:19:50] Yeah, they sweep between the forests.

[00:19:52] They sweep between the forests.

[00:19:54] It's like, and the president from Finland's like,

[00:19:56] I don't know what he's talking about.

[00:19:58] Like, we have no idea what he's talking about.

[00:20:02] It's so cool.

[00:20:03] We don't sweep our forests.

[00:20:05] We just, like, we're under snow half the year.

[00:20:08] That's why we don't have fucking full forest buyers.

[00:20:11] They sweep all that shit up.

[00:20:13] Dude, yeah, he's the best.

[00:20:15] I love him.

[00:20:17] I don't know how you can't.

[00:20:18] I don't know how you, what kind of brain damage

[00:20:21] you have to have to not be completely in love with this

[00:20:24] friend.

[00:20:25] Absolutely.

[00:20:26] To find no faults and rededness back everyone.

[00:20:28] To find no faults.

[00:20:30] Dude, every time he insults, like,

[00:20:34] something that people think is like a serious institution,

[00:20:37] like, he gave Sheldon Adelson's wife

[00:20:39] the presidential medal of freedom for no reason.

[00:20:43] That's hilarious.

[00:20:44] He has, oh, yeah, did you get mad?

[00:20:46] He hasn't visited the troops yet.

[00:20:48] But he, like, he just doesn't care.

[00:20:50] Yeah.

[00:20:51] He just, like, makes everything that's, like,

[00:20:53] fake that we care about.

[00:20:54] Just look, like...

[00:20:55] He gave the medal of honor to Babe Ruth, too.

[00:20:57] And Elvis.

[00:20:58] He's bossy, mentally.

[00:21:00] Wait, wait, he gave the medal of honor to Elvis.

[00:21:03] Elvis and Babe Ruth.

[00:21:04] Yeah.

[00:21:05] He was like, we're gonna get Elvis,

[00:21:07] Sheldon Adelson's wife, and Babe Ruth.

[00:21:09] Sheldon Adelson's wife, Elvis.

[00:21:11] And Babe Ruth.

[00:21:12] I didn't know about Elvis.

[00:21:13] Yeah.

[00:21:14] And he was like, when he was talking about Babe Ruth,

[00:21:16] he was like, not a lot of people know.

[00:21:17] He used to be a pitcher.

[00:21:19] Yeah.

[00:21:20] It's like everyone knows that, man.

[00:21:21] That's true.

[00:21:22] Literally everyone knows.

[00:21:23] And he used to be on the wrist.

[00:21:24] Yeah, but a lot of people know that.

[00:21:26] Yeah.

[00:21:27] Yeah.

[00:21:28] Yeah, that, he, I love him.

[00:21:30] Yeah.

[00:21:31] Look, dude, we got two guys just hanging out.

[00:21:34] Oh, just, you just come up on two guys.

[00:21:36] I'm walking towards the woods together.

[00:21:38] They're cruising.

[00:21:40] They're definitely cruising.

[00:21:41] I'm just fucking with you guy.

[00:21:44] Dude, oh, they just threatened Nick with murder.

[00:21:47] Why antagonize them?

[00:21:48] What are you gonna do about it, man?

[00:21:50] You're gonna let them with your horse.

[00:21:52] You're gonna let those two guys about to hook up?

[00:21:57] Last warning, dude.

[00:21:58] Yeah, I know.

[00:21:59] I antagonize them.

[00:22:00] Wow.

[00:22:01] I love antagonizing people.

[00:22:02] You're a rude guy, man.

[00:22:03] I know.

[00:22:04] I love that you can be rude in this game.

[00:22:06] That's not just being rude to people.

[00:22:10] Yeah.

[00:22:13] Male a rude letter to your mother.

[00:22:15] Male, a picture of your dick to your mom.

[00:22:19] Oh.

[00:22:20] You guys ever accidentally send a dick pic to your mom?

[00:22:25] Of course.

[00:22:26] Everyone's done that quite accidentally.

[00:22:28] Yeah, you might as well do it Adam.

[00:22:31] I've on purpose sent a dick pic to both of your moms.

[00:22:33] Yeah, really?

[00:22:34] Yeah.

[00:22:35] I sent a dick pic to Charlize.

[00:22:38] Charlize Theron, no different Charlize.

[00:22:42] You know what I mean?

[00:22:43] She lives in Canada.

[00:22:44] Lying about.

[00:22:45] You're inventing a woman.

[00:22:47] You said it.

[00:22:48] You said it unsolicited dick pic.

[00:22:50] Yeah.

[00:22:51] You're making a girl up.

[00:22:53] Yeah.

[00:22:54] Yeah, I'm forced to go to look at my penis.

[00:22:58] You don't know.

[00:22:59] She goes to a different school.

[00:23:00] Yeah, there's a girl I like.

[00:23:02] You don't know her.

[00:23:03] Yeah.

[00:23:04] This girl I think is hot.

[00:23:06] You don't know her.

[00:23:07] Yeah, there's a woman I'm attracted to.

[00:23:10] You've never even heard of such a woman.

[00:23:12] Jump off this bridge.

[00:23:13] I should do it.

[00:23:14] Fuck it.

[00:23:15] Jump off, dude.

[00:23:18] Jump off, bro.

[00:23:21] Yes.

[00:23:22] Damn.

[00:23:23] A fitting end.

[00:23:25] Yeah.

[00:23:26] An end you deserve.

[00:23:27] I'm really pissed off.

[00:23:28] I had to pay that fine.

[00:23:29] Sorry, man.

[00:23:30] That fucking sucks, dude.

[00:23:32] A hundred dollars.

[00:23:33] That's a lot of money back then, dude.

[00:23:35] I was.

[00:23:36] I'm getting $80 million now for doing nothing wrong.

[00:23:40] Damn.

[00:23:41] Damn, a quarter must have been rich with a quarter, dude.

[00:23:46] Yeah.

[00:23:47] You had so much sex back then, if you had a full quarter.

[00:23:51] If you flipped a coin, that was a big dick move.

[00:23:55] Could you imagine, dude, if we flipped a hundred dollar bills?

[00:23:58] Can you imagine having sex?

[00:24:00] Yes, I do it often.

[00:24:02] I imagine it often.

[00:24:03] I would love to have sex.

[00:24:04] I would love to experience that.

[00:24:06] At some point in my life.

[00:24:07] I think I'd like to have sex soon as well.

[00:24:10] Yep.

[00:24:11] The more I think about it.

[00:24:12] In fact, I would like to place a bet.

[00:24:14] Oh, how much do you want to have sex?

[00:24:16] Goddamn.

[00:24:17] Finally, break time.

[00:24:19] We're finally ready to clock out of them.

[00:24:24] Whew, all this hard podcasting we're having.

[00:24:28] We're talking about my favorite website, betdsi.com.

[00:24:30] Dude, I love it personally.

[00:24:34] Yeah, they've been in business over 20 million years.

[00:24:38] Since the dinosaurs, back when the dinosaurs took a big gamble on whether or not they could

[00:24:43] stop.

[00:24:44] Yeah, a lot of people don't know this, but I'm what you refer to as some type of one

[00:24:49] of these weird new types of Christians that think that the Jews in the Bible are actually

[00:24:54] dinosaurs.

[00:24:55] Which they are.

[00:24:56] And the Old Testament, the dinosaurs were actually the original reptilian Jews that we

[00:25:03] all know about now as controlling everything.

[00:25:07] But they all, they would bet in the temple, which God was mad about.

[00:25:16] But some of the Jews would bet on betdsi.com, which was actually back in, it was in business

[00:25:21] back.

[00:25:22] Wow.

[00:25:23] It's been in business that long.

[00:25:24] It was 20 million years.

[00:25:25] That's incredible.

[00:25:26] It was the only website and it's, that's why to this day it's no Jews allowed.

[00:25:31] Bet the aside does allow you.

[00:25:34] That's why it's a German company.

[00:25:38] And a lot of people think that's the reason that they have explicit anti-Semitic rules.

[00:25:42] We want to talk about the ad.

[00:25:45] It's German.

[00:25:47] Start talking about the copy, please.

[00:25:49] It's been a business over 20 years and they do allow Jews in it.

[00:25:54] Now they do.

[00:25:55] Now they do.

[00:25:56] Yeah.

[00:25:57] We wrote a strongly worded letter.

[00:26:00] I was like, listen up.

[00:26:02] You fucking, you threatened.

[00:26:04] They're like, wow, these are pretty strong words.

[00:26:09] We better rethink our position on the dinosaurs.

[00:26:15] I guess it has been 20 million years.

[00:26:19] Bet the aside is the premier sports book betting website.

[00:26:23] It is.

[00:26:24] You go there and play bet when they got a mobile app that's easy.

[00:26:27] Awesome customer service.

[00:26:28] You gamble anywhere 27 customer service.

[00:26:33] Call them up anytime.

[00:26:35] Any fucking place.

[00:26:37] Anywhere.

[00:26:38] Call them up in the library and if they shush you, you'd be like, bitch.

[00:26:40] Shut the fuck up.

[00:26:41] Bitch.

[00:26:42] I'm on the phone.

[00:26:43] I'm talking about my bet.

[00:26:45] I'm on the goddamn phone.

[00:26:47] Fuck you.

[00:26:48] Fuck you.

[00:26:49] You 65 year old bitch.

[00:26:51] Fuck you.

[00:26:52] Fuck you.

[00:26:53] Fuck you.

[00:26:54] Fuck you.

[00:26:55] Fuck you.

[00:26:56] Fuck you.

[00:26:57] I'm on the phone.

[00:26:58] I'm on the fucking phone.

[00:26:59] I'm on the phone.

[00:27:00] I'm on the phone.

[00:27:01] I'm on the phone.

[00:27:02] I'm on the phone.

[00:27:03] I'm on the phone in the library.

[00:27:06] It's where I make my fucking calls because it's fucking quiet near you dumb bitch.

[00:27:13] Because I don't want to be interrupted by loud ass people on the fucking street.

[00:27:18] That's why I come in here to call Bet the aside's customer service department 24 fucking

[00:27:23] seven.

[00:27:24] I don't give a shit to library close 10 minutes ago.

[00:27:26] You can suck my fucking dick.

[00:27:28] I'm calling customer service at bet the aside.com.

[00:27:32] So true.

[00:27:34] You got a good ass history of paying winners and picking up the mother fucking phone.

[00:27:40] They love phone calls.

[00:27:41] Call them up.

[00:27:42] They offer live in game wagering.

[00:27:44] Yes.

[00:27:45] So you can fucking you can change your mind, which I love doing hedge on a bet.

[00:27:50] I hate I hate making the decision.

[00:27:53] Yeah.

[00:27:54] Nothing worse.

[00:27:55] The crypto is failing now.

[00:27:57] Take your money out.

[00:27:58] What do you mean to the read man?

[00:28:00] Take your money out on bet.

[00:28:02] DSI.com.

[00:28:03] No, it's also like I'm what you call a influencer.

[00:28:07] So I'll say this.

[00:28:09] By now.

[00:28:10] Yeah.

[00:28:11] By what?

[00:28:12] By now is the time to buy crypto currency more than ever.

[00:28:16] Look, and fuck that Coinbase shit.

[00:28:18] Don't go on there and spend $145 on Ethereum.

[00:28:21] No.

[00:28:22] You come to me.

[00:28:23] I need to make my mic directly.

[00:28:25] By me directly, I'll fucking OTC you that shit for $250 each.

[00:28:31] Easy.

[00:28:32] That way you're paying.

[00:28:33] That's how you know you're getting the good shit.

[00:28:34] That's right.

[00:28:35] You cheap out and you buy the cheaper theory of your fucking idiot.

[00:28:38] No, Nick's got the.

[00:28:39] I got some I got some fucking bags to dump on you if you want.

[00:28:43] That's right.

[00:28:44] But don't do that.

[00:28:45] First go to bet DSI.com and lose all your money.

[00:28:49] Yeah.

[00:28:50] And the make all your money.

[00:28:51] Make all your money.

[00:28:52] Make a lot of money.

[00:28:53] It's literally impossible to lose.

[00:28:55] Yeah.

[00:28:56] It's very possible to lose.

[00:28:59] Jews are allowed in this.

[00:29:04] So when you sign up, make sure you use promo code CUM120 so they know we sent you.

[00:29:09] And when you sign up, you've got some options.

[00:29:11] You can either play and cash out or you can take the bonus dollar sign.

[00:29:14] Oh, I love that shit.

[00:29:16] Which is like getting a casino comp up front before you've played at the tables.

[00:29:20] That's so true.

[00:29:21] Imagine getting money, someone just a big titty fucking bitch.

[00:29:24] Huge.

[00:29:25] You can see your nipples.

[00:29:26] Just the world.

[00:29:27] They're just a nice like fluid rack.

[00:29:31] Every step.

[00:29:32] It's like, yeah, you think a T. Rex is fucking cool for you.

[00:29:37] You have to pay for it.

[00:29:40] Don't make it.

[00:29:41] Don't make it move.

[00:29:42] Don't touch your titty.

[00:29:43] You'll come in your pants if you make a noise.

[00:29:45] This is the world's most perfect big shaky tits.

[00:29:48] Love it.

[00:29:49] And she walks up and she's like, yeah.

[00:29:51] There's a money, sweetheart.

[00:29:52] And then you're like, oh God, what's wrong with you?

[00:29:55] And she's like, I've been with a lot of men.

[00:29:57] There's a lot of common my Tom's.

[00:29:59] And it's like, damn, so it's going to be good, but I'll never be able to have feelings

[00:30:03] for you.

[00:30:04] That's a little lesson for ladies.

[00:30:05] Which we call the win-win around here.

[00:30:07] You know, you think like, look, we've learned not to slouch aim you out loud, but hey,

[00:30:12] do you think we're sticking around?

[00:30:14] Are we still there?

[00:30:15] Yeah.

[00:30:16] I read that.

[00:30:17] We are not sticking around.

[00:30:22] Anyways, bet the aside.com.

[00:30:25] You take the bonus money, which is like, that bitch that Nick's not sticking around.

[00:30:32] We're not sticking around for that bitch.

[00:30:34] I'll tell you you're sticking around.

[00:30:36] Bet the aside because they've been in business over 20 years.

[00:30:38] So if you're going to be in the sports book, which is where we like the gamble, we love

[00:30:43] the gambling in the sports book.

[00:30:47] You use promo code CUM120 up to $1,000.

[00:30:50] They're going to give you 60% bonus cash, which would turn 1,000 into 1,600 to play with.

[00:30:57] So once again, that's bet the aside.com.

[00:30:59] Come 120.

[00:31:00] Let's start the show.

[00:31:02] I'm going to read that every time.

[00:31:06] I love reading that part.

[00:31:09] I feel like Lewis bet the Ravens Lamar Jackson.

[00:31:13] I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, doggy.

[00:31:17] Oh yeah, you guys got your picks.

[00:31:19] Yeah, play bet the Ravens Lamar.

[00:31:21] The Lamar era is here.

[00:31:23] Flack Aves out the door.

[00:31:25] Flack Aves old news.

[00:31:27] And then continue to bet the Milwaukee Bucks.

[00:31:30] Yawn, this is a juggernaut.

[00:31:32] Fuck the whole team.

[00:31:33] Yep.

[00:31:34] Etcetera, suck, etcetera.

[00:31:36] Fuck me.

[00:31:37] Eat my pussy.

[00:31:38] Get hetera.

[00:31:39] Get hetera, dude.

[00:31:41] Etcetera, get hetera.

[00:31:42] Mm-hmm.

[00:31:43] I love fucking and eating, but all the time.

[00:31:48] I just came in my pants tonight.

[00:31:52] It must have been from getting hair.

[00:31:55] I just came in my pants tonight.

[00:31:58] She sucked my tech through my pants.

[00:32:01] I wish I had never had sex.

[00:32:03] It'd be nice if I had just never fucked

[00:32:05] and that I could delude myself into thinking

[00:32:07] I was pretty good at it.

[00:32:08] Like being a race car driver.

[00:32:10] You think I'll never do that.

[00:32:11] So I get to sit here and think, like, yeah,

[00:32:13] I'd probably be pretty good at that.

[00:32:14] Imagine if you just never fucked.

[00:32:17] You'd be like, yeah, dude, I'm awesome at fucking.

[00:32:20] No, you would not.

[00:32:21] Why do you?

[00:32:23] You would want to hang yourself 24-7.

[00:32:25] Yeah, nah, I already feel that.

[00:32:27] You'd be terrified of sex.

[00:32:28] It would be worse, dude, believe me.

[00:32:30] As a man who didn't fuck till late in life.

[00:32:32] Yeah.

[00:32:33] And who now is making up time.

[00:32:35] Yeah, but that never ends.

[00:32:37] I know it sucks.

[00:32:39] I know, I should probably look for a meaningful relationship.

[00:32:42] But in the meantime, it's so worth it.

[00:32:44] You're going to get tired of fucking

[00:32:45] and then you're going to try and have

[00:32:46] a meaningful relationship and you realize

[00:32:48] none of these women want to be with you.

[00:32:50] That's not true.

[00:32:51] It's absolutely true.

[00:32:52] They just want to make a mistake.

[00:32:53] No, no, Nick's right.

[00:32:55] They're just in it for your body.

[00:32:56] Great cop.

[00:32:57] Beautiful body.

[00:32:58] People want this incredible cop.

[00:33:00] I mean, 7'5".

[00:33:01] Kind of.

[00:33:02] Not a dumb like that.

[00:33:03] Women are like, you know, you just got to like try everything.

[00:33:06] Listen, bro, if someone wants to check

[00:33:09] fat, bald, and toothless off their head,

[00:33:11] DM me.

[00:33:12] Yeah.

[00:33:13] However, I still think I have a lot to offer

[00:33:15] and I am a good partner and I will have a meaningful relationship

[00:33:20] with plenty of therapy that will work through my issues.

[00:33:24] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:25] And I will be there and there will be a day

[00:33:27] where I wear a nice cozy sweater

[00:33:28] and my wife has a similar one.

[00:33:30] And we, our family comes over and we all hug

[00:33:33] and everyone's happy.

[00:33:35] But until then, I'm going to be fat, bald, and toothless.

[00:33:38] I'm going to suck on nipples through my tooth hole.

[00:33:40] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:41] But then you're going to be skinny and have hair and stuff?

[00:33:45] I might have hair.

[00:33:46] I might have.

[00:33:47] When you get that sweater.

[00:33:48] If the plugs are good, I mean, I'm probably going to be,

[00:33:49] listen, I'm going to be a little fat for the rest of my life,

[00:33:51] obviously.

[00:33:52] But I don't want to be this fat forever.

[00:33:54] Mm-hmm.

[00:33:55] I'd like to be slightly less fat than this.

[00:33:58] Big arms, no titties.

[00:34:00] That's all.

[00:34:01] Little tummy.

[00:34:02] You would actually sort of start looking like

[00:34:04] Savage Psycho Joe if you let him train you.

[00:34:06] I want to be trained by him.

[00:34:08] I would love to be one of his clients.

[00:34:10] He needs to, after Columbia, he needs to come here.

[00:34:13] Absolutely.

[00:34:14] Dude, this crypto shit is hilarious.

[00:34:16] Are people losing money?

[00:34:20] People losing so much goddamn money, which is like, that's usually,

[00:34:24] I mean, I said jokingly, this is the time to get in, but like,

[00:34:28] I think about it, and in the years prior, the best times to buy were when you would

[00:34:32] see nothing but like people posting the suicide hot right over home.

[00:34:36] Right, right, right, right.

[00:34:38] That's when you know the market's bottom, is when people are like, please don't kill

[00:34:41] yourself, man.

[00:34:42] Please buy my Bitcoin off me before killing yourself.

[00:34:50] How many get rid of this fucking poison?

[00:34:54] Is the Silk Road still around?

[00:34:56] No, no, dude.

[00:34:57] I got that was years ago.

[00:34:58] I got shut down.

[00:35:00] Where do you buy drugs on the internet?

[00:35:03] The Bitcoin used to be a thing where people were like, oh yeah, there's a lot of value

[00:35:07] in that pretend money to buy child porn and drugs with.

[00:35:11] Yeah.

[00:35:12] And then it was like, you know, oh, well, the value is going to go up once it's legitimized

[00:35:16] or whatever.

[00:35:18] And then Silk Road went away.

[00:35:19] That kind of crashed the price a little bit.

[00:35:21] This exchange got hacked around the same time.

[00:35:24] Oh yeah, I remember that.

[00:35:25] That was an issue.

[00:35:26] But yeah, I'd buy that.

[00:35:28] But it's like, now Bitcoin has zero utility.

[00:35:32] It's like the only people talking about Bitcoin or any kind of cryptocurrency, they'll like

[00:35:37] pretend like they give a shit about the project and use the language of like, you know, I

[00:35:41] really believe in this project.

[00:35:43] And it's like, how many other companies are you invested in?

[00:35:45] How many companies are you legitimately invested in?

[00:35:48] Or are you just tricking yourself into thinking you're not waiting to just dump the fucking

[00:35:51] bags on somebody else?

[00:35:53] It's entirely just gambling and hoping that there's going to be another rush of like idiots

[00:35:57] trying to get rich quick.

[00:35:59] And then you just con them.

[00:36:01] Wait, what is this?

[00:36:03] So you literally cannot use it for anything?

[00:36:05] You can, but it's like it's slow.

[00:36:08] I think it's not.

[00:36:09] Bitcoin ATM in Manhattan.

[00:36:10] The thing is, it's like, like people are like, oh, it's decentralized and like some of them

[00:36:14] are private.

[00:36:15] And it's like Facebook and social media proves that people don't actually give a shit about

[00:36:19] privacy.

[00:36:20] Right.

[00:36:21] Nobody fucking cares.

[00:36:22] The only thing that matters is convenience.

[00:36:23] So for like regular, regular people, the only thing they care about is the convenience

[00:36:29] of it.

[00:36:30] Like nobody's ever going to see Bitcoin as like something that has its own value separate

[00:36:34] from the dollar.

[00:36:35] They don't even do that with like forex markets really.

[00:36:38] I mean, like you think about, you know, it's like translating something to a second language

[00:36:43] in your fucking head.

[00:36:44] We're in Australia.

[00:36:45] We're in Japan.

[00:36:46] I'm not thinking about how much yen things cost.

[00:36:47] I'm like, what's the dollar equivalent of this?

[00:36:51] So like any idea that like crypto would be used purely as a currency is like a stupid

[00:36:56] idea.

[00:36:58] Like the ones that are strictly currencies, they were designed to be used as currencies.

[00:37:03] Like I think nano and some other shit are just like those are that one named after your

[00:37:07] dick.

[00:37:08] No, it's my the one named after my dick is it's got double nano.

[00:37:14] No, my car nano.

[00:37:16] What's I I'm trying to think of a name that sounds like a crypto name, but implies that

[00:37:20] I had sex with your mom.

[00:37:22] Good luck, bitch.

[00:37:23] Yeah, that sounds pretty specific.

[00:37:26] Yeah.

[00:37:27] In other ways, it's that that's no, I think I think the nano is named.

[00:37:32] I know I'm heavily invested in in Venetia in Venetia.

[00:37:36] Yeah.

[00:37:37] Yeah.

[00:37:38] There it is.

[00:37:39] Did you see that movie finding nano is about Nick trying to find his dick?

[00:37:42] He's a swim around the ocean.

[00:37:44] Look for his little ass dick.

[00:37:46] Where did it go?

[00:37:48] Nano.

[00:37:49] Why is your impression of me just a more Adam version of yourself because it was a here

[00:37:54] I am his me dad and finding Nemo is Elliot Gould.

[00:37:59] I thought I believe.

[00:38:00] No, I don't think it was.

[00:38:01] It wasn't it wasn't.

[00:38:02] Elliott Gould is too old, dude.

[00:38:03] Yeah, you can't.

[00:38:04] No, you know who was it was it was.

[00:38:07] It wasn't Elliott Gould.

[00:38:08] No, no, no, no, it was fucking Steve.

[00:38:12] CRL.

[00:38:13] No, Gutenberg.

[00:38:15] Steve Gutenberg.

[00:38:17] It was no, no way.

[00:38:21] He's retired.

[00:38:22] No, I was Gutenberg.

[00:38:23] Look it up, bitch.

[00:38:24] Shut up.

[00:38:25] He's not retired.

[00:38:26] Fucking look it up.

[00:38:27] Shut the fuck up.

[00:38:28] Why you guys don't need to shut up.

[00:38:30] Just shut up.

[00:38:31] Oh, man.

[00:38:32] Fuck you.

[00:38:33] Fuck you.

[00:38:34] I'm on the fucking phone, bitch.

[00:38:37] I'm at the fucking library.

[00:38:44] Make it a phone.

[00:38:46] Fuck you.

[00:38:47] Fuck you, bitch.

[00:38:48] That fucking rules.

[00:38:49] Tell me I'm burying this shut up.

[00:38:57] Fuck you.

[00:38:58] Go fuck yourself, bitch.

[00:39:00] They call a customer service department.

[00:39:03] Oh, I got it wrong.

[00:39:05] Yeah, you did.

[00:39:06] Nemo was played by someone named Alexander Gould.

[00:39:08] Oh, so you read it, bitch?

[00:39:10] You didn't know it intuitively?

[00:39:11] Yeah, that's weird that you forgot which one of your cousins played Nemo.

[00:39:15] Which one of the Gould brothers?

[00:39:17] Yeah.

[00:39:18] That was the dad, right?

[00:39:19] No, the dad was, was the dad Crush?

[00:39:22] No, Crush was the turtle.

[00:39:24] Who was Steve Gutenberg?

[00:39:27] What was the name of the dad?

[00:39:28] How about Steve Egan Terz?

[00:39:30] That's good.

[00:39:31] Yeah.

[00:39:32] These are great terrors.

[00:39:33] These are great terrors.

[00:39:34] These are really good terrors.

[00:39:36] Hey, Tom Selleck.

[00:39:38] Hi, I'm Chinese actor Michael Douglas.

[00:39:40] Would you like some of these terrors?

[00:39:43] Oh, it was Albert Brooks.

[00:39:44] I was thinking the wrong old dude.

[00:39:46] They sound the same.

[00:39:47] I was thinking the American Albert Brooks sound the same.

[00:39:49] I was thinking the wrong old Jew.

[00:39:51] Whatever, dude.

[00:39:52] Yeah.

[00:39:53] I was closer.

[00:39:54] Who the gay actor Michael Douglas.

[00:39:57] He's in a new movie on Netflix that looks like fucking amazingly funny.

[00:40:02] Like the guy from Two and a Half Men wrote it, Chuck Laurie.

[00:40:06] Really?

[00:40:07] Yeah.

[00:40:08] Chuck Laurie's writing books or movies now?

[00:40:10] Yeah, books now?

[00:40:11] Damn.

[00:40:12] It's him and Alan Marky.

[00:40:13] I've got a show called Two and a Half Inches and it's about Adam growing his name.

[00:40:17] Is Dick to the size of your dick?

[00:40:19] Of Two and a Half Inches.

[00:40:20] Yeah, it's about Adam growing his dick to the size of your current dick.

[00:40:23] It's about you guys putting your dicks together to equal one of my dicks.

[00:40:27] You admit your dick is going to have an inch.

[00:40:30] It's all relatively fucking idiot.

[00:40:32] You guys do it.

[00:40:33] You guys get to decide.

[00:40:34] You're going to do a Half Inch Dick.

[00:40:36] You guys, by the way, my dick is Two and a Half Inches and Adam's dick is zero inches.

[00:40:40] And so our dicks are the same size.

[00:40:42] If it's zero inches, then it's no dick.

[00:40:44] You know what?

[00:40:45] Exactly.

[00:40:46] Zero zero zero one.

[00:40:48] Obviously, you don't understand how values work.

[00:40:52] Yeah, you don't understand.

[00:40:53] You can't say to a woman that she has a small dick if she doesn't have a dick at all.

[00:40:57] You could if you wanted to.

[00:40:58] No, it's not small.

[00:41:00] It doesn't exist.

[00:41:01] You could if you wanted to.

[00:41:02] Yours are flat.

[00:41:03] Your dick looks like it's drawn on your pubic bone from the forward perspective.

[00:41:08] Yeah.

[00:41:09] Your dick comes out of my dick.

[00:41:11] Your dick comes out as much as pet as lead comes out on paper.

[00:41:16] After you've written something.

[00:41:17] Your dick is constantly two dimensional.

[00:41:18] Adam has Adam has Adam has a YouTube channel where he's like, okay, today we're going to

[00:41:21] contour a dick.

[00:41:22] You're going to draw my dick.

[00:41:23] And it's drawing it onto his balls.

[00:41:26] Time lapse of him drawing a dick on his balls.

[00:41:34] I think that would be an incredibly powerful page.

[00:41:44] This is Adam doing a makeup tutorial about it.

[00:41:47] For men in the community, men who have lost their penis.

[00:41:50] Yeah, I'm a part of the dickless community on San Francisco.

[00:41:54] The dickless.

[00:41:55] I'm actually part of the dickless community.

[00:41:58] That would make sense.

[00:41:59] I've long said that guy shouldn't have a penis.

[00:42:01] And that character?

[00:42:02] Yeah.

[00:42:03] Oh, here's these guys again.

[00:42:04] You should fuck them up, dude.

[00:42:05] The guys go to the forest to talk.

[00:42:06] Yeah, the guys who have a conversation on the wall.

[00:42:09] Those guys are so totally cruising.

[00:42:11] Couple of brothers having some brother chat.

[00:42:14] I guess it would be easy to have gay sex in the old west.

[00:42:17] Yeah.

[00:42:18] I want to do, you know what we should do after this?

[00:42:20] Get some lab mics so we can watch no country for old men.

[00:42:25] And just be shocked at the gay sex.

[00:42:28] They're like, what?

[00:42:30] Oh, what?

[00:42:31] Wait, is there a gay sex in no country?

[00:42:32] No, are you thinking of Brokeback Mountain?

[00:42:34] I am thinking Brokeback Mountain.

[00:42:36] You know what I should do is take hell or high water and edit in scenes from Brokeback

[00:42:42] Mountain.

[00:42:43] Hell and I water rocked, by the way.

[00:42:45] Yeah, it's great.

[00:42:46] I'm going to be ruled.

[00:42:48] So much as good as my favorite movie, Beauty and the Beast.

[00:42:52] That's your favorite movie.

[00:42:54] They're very similar.

[00:42:55] In what sense?

[00:42:59] This guy needs help.

[00:43:00] He's going to try and rob me.

[00:43:01] Don't put a...

[00:43:02] You should get out on him.

[00:43:04] The shoddy in his face.

[00:43:06] Uh-oh.

[00:43:07] This guy's trying to rob Nick.

[00:43:09] Let's see what he's doing.

[00:43:10] He's trying.

[00:43:11] He's a scammer?

[00:43:12] Yeah, maybe.

[00:43:13] Yeah, but he's trying to rob.

[00:43:14] Nick is pulling...

[00:43:15] Nick's character is pulling his pants down and he's on all four of them.

[00:43:19] Yeah, my character is sucking a dick.

[00:43:21] I'll lead the man to Strawberry.

[00:43:25] What if your penis tasted like a strawberry?

[00:43:27] Would you suck it?

[00:43:29] Would you at least take your finger and take juices and do one of those?

[00:43:36] Adam, you first.

[00:43:37] Adam, you can't use the phone while I'm playing video games.

[00:43:40] I was just...

[00:43:41] Yeah.

[00:43:42] The answer to my question...

[00:43:43] Adam, we got cutscenes going on.

[00:43:46] This dumb guy I went to college with has written three movies and he's sending it to my friend

[00:43:53] to get his opinion on.

[00:43:55] And so, I'm very excited to read his movies.

[00:43:59] Oh, nice.

[00:44:00] Yeah.

[00:44:01] But answer my question.

[00:44:02] What's the question?

[00:44:03] If your dick tastes like a strawberry, would you suck it?

[00:44:05] Or at the very least, would you run your finger across the head and then put your finger

[00:44:09] in your mouth to get a little bit of the flavor?

[00:44:10] I mean, why not?

[00:44:12] Because there's really no...

[00:44:13] I don't know.

[00:44:14] There's no...

[00:44:15] What's the bad part of that scenario?

[00:44:18] I don't know, but also it would probably be warm, which is not the way you typically

[00:44:21] interact with the...

[00:44:22] I've gotten head, but like I've gotten tipped before in a self-sucks scenario when I was

[00:44:27] younger and more limber.

[00:44:28] I don't think I could do it anymore.

[00:44:30] Yeah.

[00:44:31] Also, it was weird to have a penis in my mouth.

[00:44:33] Well, not for you.

[00:44:34] The first time it was, yeah, but you've gotten used to it since.

[00:44:37] Right?

[00:44:38] What do you mean?

[00:44:39] Nick, would you suck your own dick if it tastes like strawberries?

[00:44:42] It's not a good hype.

[00:44:44] Our own dick if it tasted like strawberries.

[00:44:48] Yes.

[00:44:49] Thank you.

[00:44:50] I would suck my own dick if it tasted like a shit of another man's ass, which you do

[00:44:56] a lot.

[00:44:57] Well, you got to clean it.

[00:44:58] You got to clean it off.

[00:45:03] Boys, boys, boys.

[00:45:05] Boys, boys, boys.

[00:45:08] Damn, you know what tomorrow is, right?

[00:45:10] What?

[00:45:11] It's Thursday.

[00:45:12] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[00:45:14] Great day to buy some boots.

[00:45:15] Wait, I thought...

[00:45:16] Tomorrow isn't Thursday.

[00:45:17] I thought it was a great day.

[00:45:18] Tomorrow is Tuesday.

[00:45:19] To chew things.

[00:45:20] No, it's not, actually.

[00:45:22] Oh.

[00:45:23] What?

[00:45:24] We already chewed things for two days this month.

[00:45:28] Oh, okay.

[00:45:29] Oh, that's all we get.

[00:45:30] Wow, I love Thursday boots.

[00:45:32] Do we have a boot company now?

[00:45:35] Yes.

[00:45:36] Yeah, do you fucking asshole?

[00:45:37] Of course we do.

[00:45:38] Not only do we, we're all wearing them right now, and our feet feel great and they're very

[00:45:41] comfortable.

[00:45:42] Yeah.

[00:45:43] Isn't that right, Adam?

[00:45:44] Yeah, I'm wearing them right now.

[00:45:45] That's right.

[00:45:46] It's Thursday boots, you fucking asshole.

[00:45:49] Why don't you just wait until I say the thing instead of...

[00:45:51] I was just...

[00:45:52] I didn't know we had...

[00:45:53] Come on, man.

[00:45:54] Yes, you did.

[00:45:55] You're wearing them, right?

[00:45:56] Actually, I'm wearing them right now.

[00:45:58] Actually, they offered free boots or whatever, and I was like, I'll send Adam down to pick

[00:46:04] you out of Paris, because Adam likes boots.

[00:46:06] Yeah, he loves boots.

[00:46:07] I have those boots ready.

[00:46:09] I got to get rid of clothes, actually.

[00:46:12] I just got rid of them, but...

[00:46:14] And you know what I'm going to do?

[00:46:15] I'm going to throw out all my clothes and get more boots.

[00:46:17] So now I'm going to go around completely nude, because Thursday boots guarantees you will

[00:46:22] not be arrested if you walk around nude in their boots.

[00:46:25] Thursday boots, there's not guarantees.

[00:46:27] Yeah.

[00:46:28] Trust me, this brand new sponsor that we have that will probably listen to this ad.

[00:46:34] Yeah.

[00:46:37] The brand new sponsor, they want you to know, Thursday boots are so warm that if you go

[00:46:42] outside completely naked, not only will you not get cold, it'll make your dick look bigger.

[00:46:48] It'll make...

[00:46:49] Thursday boots...

[00:46:50] The two main selling boots.

[00:46:53] These boots.

[00:46:54] Well, we're leading off with that.

[00:46:56] Yes.

[00:46:57] It'll make your dick look bigger.

[00:46:58] And you can walk around nude in them, and they'll keep you warm.

[00:47:02] Yep.

[00:47:03] It'll make your whole body warm.

[00:47:04] Whole body warm.

[00:47:05] In fact, Thursday boots has a new program now, where if you buy one pair of boots, they'll

[00:47:09] match it by giving 19 pairs to homeless men willing to be completely nude.

[00:47:13] Completely nude.

[00:47:14] Dick's now.

[00:47:15] Big looking dick.

[00:47:16] Just chunky.

[00:47:17] That is true.

[00:47:18] You know what I'm talking about?

[00:47:19] Yeah.

[00:47:20] Just a dick looking like a big old pile of vomit.

[00:47:22] Mm-hmm.

[00:47:23] And people are like, yeah, that guy's dick is ugly, but those are some nice boots.

[00:47:25] Some more looking boots.

[00:47:26] And he's like, can I go inside, please?

[00:47:29] Mr. Owus.

[00:47:32] I was wondering if you had any insight for a man like me.

[00:47:37] I said to him, well, you're going to have to take those boots off in the house.

[00:47:42] He's like, I'm going to stay out of here with my pile of vomit dick.

[00:47:45] Thank you.

[00:47:46] With my chunky looking hat.

[00:47:47] Because it's Thursday, and I'm wearing my Thursday boots.

[00:47:50] So a lot of people want to know where the name of the company comes from.

[00:47:54] Mm-hmm.

[00:47:55] Yes.

[00:47:56] Of our sponsor Thursday boots, ad reads starting now.

[00:47:59] Where does it come from?

[00:48:00] So if anyone is listening from the company, I love Thursday boots.

[00:48:05] Tell us about it in the first time, Nick.

[00:48:07] It's actually in the copy.

[00:48:08] The brand started in 2014, and the name Thursday came about because on Thursday you work hard,

[00:48:13] but it's also the unofficial start of the weekend.

[00:48:15] That is true.

[00:48:16] Bitch, I'm fucking rich, right?

[00:48:17] Thursday, Thursday.

[00:48:18] It's been the weekend for me since 1995.

[00:48:20] Yep.

[00:48:21] Yep.

[00:48:22] You know what I'm saying?

[00:48:23] Since your family won that lawsuit from that guy that molested you.

[00:48:24] Yeah, since I was molested by Bam Marjera and I took all of his seat for the time.

[00:48:29] It's been a tough time for Bam since.

[00:48:31] Check, mate.

[00:48:32] Hey, come on, George.

[00:48:34] Yeah, I'm Bam, and this is Touch a Little Boy's penis.

[00:48:38] It was about that time that Jackass took a turn for the worst.

[00:48:42] Yep.

[00:48:43] Marjera getting the show canceled.

[00:48:45] You're watching the history of Jackass.

[00:48:49] Is there a promo code or a text live, Steve?

[00:48:53] Oh, forget.

[00:48:54] This is for sure the last read they ever...

[00:48:56] No, no, no.

[00:48:57] They're cool.

[00:48:58] No, they are legitimately cool.

[00:48:59] They're cool?

[00:49:00] It's a cool company and they're good boots.

[00:49:02] It seems like for real, a lot of people are wearing them.

[00:49:04] Hell yeah.

[00:49:05] I wonder why a cousin's birthday.

[00:49:07] I was gonna...

[00:49:08] I think we get a hookup or whatever.

[00:49:10] Nice.

[00:49:11] I was just gonna fucking be a cheapskate and just get my cousin free boots or whatever from

[00:49:17] the company.

[00:49:18] But he had already bought boots from them.

[00:49:19] Damn.

[00:49:20] So that's what you're talking about.

[00:49:21] They might want...

[00:49:22] They might want...

[00:49:23] Like bought him a gift certificate to this company.

[00:49:25] I guess people...

[00:49:26] Where's getting out?

[00:49:27] Yeah, everybody knows.

[00:49:28] Now everybody listens to the come town.

[00:49:30] It's gonna be a brand new pair of fucking boots.

[00:49:33] For their birthday...

[00:49:34] If you fucking pieces of shit, sit here and laugh at the ad and you don't purchase the boots,

[00:49:39] you're the re-enrested...

[00:49:40] We're gonna fucking call the police on it.

[00:49:43] You're fucking listening to this show for free and don't buy the products.

[00:49:48] That's stealing.

[00:49:49] This is emotional labor.

[00:49:50] Yes.

[00:49:51] Thursday boots are built for men and women who understand quality.

[00:49:55] And non-binary.

[00:49:57] Which sounds like yeah.

[00:49:58] And non-binary and trans...

[00:50:00] Thursday boots are built for men and women.

[00:50:03] And you know, if you're in the middle of getting shit cut out or put on, you're getting your

[00:50:08] shit cut up, getting a haircut.

[00:50:12] That's what I call it.

[00:50:15] Wow, Nick.

[00:50:17] Have you said that before?

[00:50:18] Wow, that's good.

[00:50:20] Yeah, I just gotta go in to get my haircut.

[00:50:22] A little bit of that.

[00:50:25] Yeah, a lot of people get a circumcision.

[00:50:28] I got a circumcision.

[00:50:30] You know?

[00:50:32] Circumcision.

[00:50:34] Circumcision.

[00:50:35] Circumcision.

[00:50:36] That's really...

[00:50:37] Hey, Maurice, with the beautiful circumcision.

[00:50:41] Wow, it's the craftsmanship on the old chopped up.

[00:50:45] Down here, New Orleans getting my circumcision.

[00:50:50] Yes, sir, I've been here at La Fora Plantation for 280 years.

[00:50:57] They bring the slaves by and I perform the circumcision.

[00:51:03] You're like me.

[00:51:07] You're so pleased by Thursday boots everyone.

[00:51:10] I like that guy.

[00:51:11] He's like a Louisiana man who comes from a long line of guys who would circumcise slaves.

[00:51:17] What's this family?

[00:51:21] My name is Pia Soko.

[00:51:23] And I'm here for Thursday boot stuff.

[00:51:26] Made in the same North American manufacturing facilities as the heritage brands, your parents

[00:51:31] and grandparents wore it itself for two or three times the price.

[00:51:34] Oh, so I guess...

[00:51:35] Is that good shit?

[00:51:37] Yeah.

[00:51:38] There are better value, better materials.

[00:51:40] You get the good shit.

[00:51:41] Like the famous chrome XL leather from the Horween tannery in Chicago.

[00:51:46] I'm sure that's like a part of the copy that they want read.

[00:51:51] Chrome XL leather from Horween tannery.

[00:51:54] I got a Horween for him.

[00:51:56] I'm sorry, isn't every Halloween-horween these days?

[00:51:59] Uh oh, yeah.

[00:52:00] The way these bitches got their titties out it is.

[00:52:02] Yeah, I'll tell you that much.

[00:52:03] Would you mind being horrible?

[00:52:05] I'm still enjoying calling the women's march the slut wool.

[00:52:08] It's good.

[00:52:13] That's good.

[00:52:14] It's a good thing to do.

[00:52:15] Anyways, prices start at $149 and they got free shipping and returns.

[00:52:19] Love it.

[00:52:20] Thursday boots are the best buy for this winter.

[00:52:22] With their clean, timeless design and durability Thursday boots will keep you...

[00:52:26] Get this fucking shit out of my fucking face.

[00:52:28] Sorry, Google Docs was giving me fucking assholes.

[00:52:31] I hate it.

[00:52:32] Where the fuck was I?

[00:52:33] With these my own words.

[00:52:36] Where was I as I was about to say spontaneously read words out of my own fucking...

[00:52:42] Out of my own brain.

[00:52:44] A lot of people don't know, but I actually think in Mandarin Chinese.

[00:52:47] And I have to furiously just write out everything that I'm thinking into English.

[00:52:52] It's unbelievable to watch him work, including this thing that he's doing right now.

[00:52:56] He's saying that all these words...

[00:52:58] I'm also playing harpsichord behind my back.

[00:53:00] You can't hear it, I haven't muted.

[00:53:02] That's beautiful though, I can see the way his finger moves.

[00:53:05] You get gloating across the...

[00:53:08] The clothes.

[00:53:09] Yeah, well it's just...

[00:53:10] If I'm doing harpsichord and translating, sometimes I mess it up.

[00:53:15] Price is starting at 149, Free Shipping Returns.

[00:53:19] Thursday boots are the best buy for this winter.

[00:53:21] And with their clean, timeless design and durability Thursday boots will keep you standing comfortably

[00:53:27] for years to come.

[00:53:28] And you know what?

[00:53:29] They're good for sitting too.

[00:53:30] Oh yeah.

[00:53:31] Sitting on your face.

[00:53:32] Sitting on your shoes?

[00:53:33] Sit on my face while wearing a pair of Thursdays.

[00:53:36] They're doing that.

[00:53:37] Yeah.

[00:53:38] Sit on style face.

[00:53:39] They make belts.

[00:53:40] I guess they don't do sales or discounts.

[00:53:42] So their profit margins are probably pretty low considering these materials.

[00:53:46] That's the good shit.

[00:53:47] But if you go to Thursday boots.com slash town...

[00:53:50] Town.

[00:53:51] Yeah, I don't...

[00:53:53] Interesting.

[00:53:54] They definitely had somebody buying the ad and then they didn't want it.

[00:53:58] They were like, what's the name of it?

[00:54:02] Town baby.

[00:54:04] It's Thursday boots.com slash town and get free shipping and returns.

[00:54:08] That's great.

[00:54:09] So use the link.

[00:54:11] Yeah, use that one.

[00:54:13] Anyways, no.

[00:54:14] I mean, I do...

[00:54:15] Mac Weldon has good underwear and Thursday boots is good shoes.

[00:54:19] That is good dick pill.

[00:54:22] Yeah, genuine endorsement.

[00:54:24] We're real customers of these things.

[00:54:26] Yeah, I mean, legitimately.

[00:54:28] No, I've seen them shits around for real.

[00:54:31] I do care about...

[00:54:32] Adam being a bitch and trying to ruin the ad at the beginning of the night.

[00:54:36] I apologize for that.

[00:54:38] Aside, these are wonderful products.

[00:54:39] These are wonderful products.

[00:54:40] But I just did look at their website.

[00:54:42] Let me see your titties.

[00:54:43] They look like...

[00:54:44] Thursday boots.com.

[00:54:45] And they also have a bunch of products you could take care of your boots and leathers.

[00:54:48] Yeah, Adam's proud of the expensive boots that he stole from like a black lost and found or something a couple years ago.

[00:54:54] It was in my apartment building.

[00:54:56] Exactly.

[00:54:57] And it wasn't a black lost and found.

[00:54:59] You could have been...

[00:55:00] I was gentrifying it.

[00:55:02] Some Caribbean boys could have been wearing those boots, man.

[00:55:04] Those boots were bought by some...

[00:55:06] ...and bought some from black people.

[00:55:08] We'll see about this.

[00:55:10] What does it mean to be a lost and found?

[00:55:14] Hey, Greg, you have a box.

[00:55:16] It just says black lost and found.

[00:55:17] It's just completely empty.

[00:55:22] Oh, fuck.

[00:55:23] I was laughing the other day about black synagogue.

[00:55:25] Uh-huh.

[00:55:26] You know, I have people say black church is so fun.

[00:55:28] Yeah.

[00:55:29] I mean, I would love to go to black synagogue and they're like,

[00:55:32] Yeah, just waiting to collect that red money.

[00:55:36] Can't wait to get my hands on that money.

[00:55:40] Collecting the rent.

[00:55:42] Good Lord, please bring me the rent.

[00:55:46] So I can haggle about X bar coupons.

[00:55:49] These people are clapping.

[00:55:54] And who gave us these coupons?

[00:55:56] I don't know if you want me to be.

[00:55:58] The good Lord gave us these coupons.

[00:56:01] Good times, easy credit rip off.

[00:56:05] I also like the idea of a black church where they only sing the theme songs to black TV shows.

[00:56:12] Easy credit rip offs, good times.

[00:56:16] Hey, we happy we got them.

[00:56:19] A Milliboy Ed production.

[00:56:22] And as we say, ladies and gentlemen,

[00:56:26] black church is a Milliboy Ed production filmed in front of a live studio.

[00:56:31] God damn.

[00:56:34] I would love to go to black synagogue.

[00:56:36] Yeah, black synagogue would be pretty damn funny.

[00:56:39] Get in the building, condemned.

[00:56:42] Get in the building, condemned.

[00:56:44] I was saying Nick earlier today, but I was stuck in line at the supermarket a couple days ago

[00:56:51] behind this guy arguing that his coupon wouldn't scan.

[00:56:56] And it took about 10 minutes for him to save 50 cents.

[00:57:01] Oh my God.

[00:57:02] On a gallon of ice cream.

[00:57:05] 50 cents.

[00:57:06] And he's like, if you're going to print the coupons, you're making a promise to the customers.

[00:57:11] He said that.

[00:57:14] He's like, this coupon represents a promise.

[00:57:17] It's your problem.

[00:57:18] And you've lied to me.

[00:57:20] I was just in line.

[00:57:22] I just wanted to be like, car like he doesn't represent.

[00:57:28] Oh my God.

[00:57:30] I'm so mad.

[00:57:31] I wasn't that generation.

[00:57:32] That generation is like almost nearly dead.

[00:57:34] I was with my grandma actually.

[00:57:39] And she was even like Jesus Christ was wrong.

[00:57:42] Grandma was in the Holocaust.

[00:57:44] She's like, this sucks.

[00:57:49] That's so funny.

[00:57:50] And I was like, should we move to another line?

[00:57:52] But we're next in line.

[00:57:53] So it's like that like I should just wait it out.

[00:57:56] Other people are getting out of line.

[00:57:57] Oh my God.

[00:57:58] It was not good for the people.

[00:58:00] Not good for our people.

[00:58:02] A promise to the customers.

[00:58:04] You've made a promise to me and the rest of the customers that we get 50 cents off.

[00:58:09] This generic.

[00:58:10] Vons flavored.

[00:58:12] Flavored vanilla ice cream.

[00:58:15] It's the Vons ice cream.

[00:58:17] It's not even like a big brand.

[00:58:19] Oh my God.

[00:58:20] Yeah.

[00:58:21] That rules.

[00:58:22] Brutal.

[00:58:23] Absolutely rules.

[00:58:24] Those guys are almost nearly dead.

[00:58:26] Like that's it's just like a collection of like.

[00:58:29] And they deserve to die.

[00:58:31] Thank God.

[00:58:32] When they go, it's going to be like.

[00:58:34] Oh yeah.

[00:58:35] They're just going to lose your cool band.

[00:58:37] No, no, no.

[00:58:38] They're leaving us in a universe where they think where everyone thinks we're like that.

[00:58:41] To be honest with you, dude, that day I was with you at Guitar Center.

[00:58:44] I was like, fuck.

[00:58:46] Oh yeah.

[00:58:47] When I was asking the guy, I was like, that was insane.

[00:58:49] I was like, it does have scratches on the back.

[00:58:51] I know that was fucking insane.

[00:58:53] Dude, they'd been closed for five minutes.

[00:58:55] No, this guy doesn't make commission.

[00:58:57] They just weren't.

[00:58:58] Retail employee and Adam's like.

[00:59:00] I don't know.

[00:59:01] Can I take another picture of it and send it to my other friend?

[00:59:03] You know, like it was it was already $600 off this guitar.

[00:59:07] The problem is.

[00:59:08] $600 off.

[00:59:09] You're exaggerating.

[00:59:10] Do you still have the guitar?

[00:59:11] Did you return it?

[00:59:12] No, I have the guitar.

[00:59:13] Obviously.

[00:59:14] When Dasha leaves the house, I take all my clothes off.

[00:59:18] Shred alone.

[00:59:20] When my girlfriend's gone hanging out with her platonic, she swears male friends.

[00:59:26] Yeah.

[00:59:27] I play my song.

[00:59:29] She's just friends with-

[00:59:30] She's not getting boned.

[00:59:31] Drunk girls and mean gay guys.

[00:59:33] What's going on with this totem pole?

[00:59:35] I don't know.

[00:59:36] Let's take a look at this.

[00:59:37] We have a look, see.

[00:59:39] We're going to do some experiments.

[00:59:41] Wow.

[00:59:42] You can't climb this fucking mountain, bitch.

[00:59:45] Yes, I can.

[00:59:46] No, you can't.

[00:59:47] I can do anything I set my mind to.

[00:59:49] That's the thing.

[00:59:50] People don't believe in me, but I've proven that despite being completely able-bodied and

[00:59:56] a straight white man, I have accomplished almost nothing.

[01:00:04] That all it took was just sort of hanging out until I got lucky.

[01:00:10] Despite everyone saying that that's how the world works.

[01:00:16] I somehow found the courage.

[01:00:18] It's kind of staying in the mix.

[01:00:19] It's just one of the most retarded projects I've ever done catching on for some reason.

[01:00:23] Of all the things I've spent hours writing and editing and really working on.

[01:00:33] Now a podcast.

[01:00:34] I've got a little less penis.

[01:00:37] Boom, boom, bad times.

[01:00:41] Small dick is brought to you by some crest white strips.

[01:00:46] Easy credit rip off, suck my-

[01:00:51] Suck my-

[01:00:52] Please suck on my dick.

[01:00:54] Suck my beautiful little penis, it's small, but it's tasty.

[01:00:58] It looks beautiful.

[01:00:59] Why didn't it go into widescreen while you were on that?

[01:01:02] I'll make practice score off that mountain, too.

[01:01:04] You're supposed to be able to just go into that cinematic mode and hold X and it'll go along

[01:01:09] the road for you, but I guess that's not working, so you just rode the horse off the cliff.

[01:01:14] Damn, rockstar games.

[01:01:16] Man, I've been messing up my arms and elbows lately.

[01:01:19] It's Japan, dude.

[01:01:20] I know.

[01:01:21] I'll do that to you.

[01:01:22] Fuck Japan.

[01:01:23] I'm a man of the world.

[01:01:24] I actually looked up why that happens.

[01:01:26] Why?

[01:01:27] Because it doesn't happen with all words.

[01:01:29] Sometimes they can make the R sound and they don't flip it.

[01:01:32] So what is it?

[01:01:33] I think it's when words end in those letters.

[01:01:38] They don't have words that end in L. They only have words that end in R, maybe the other

[01:01:43] way around.

[01:01:45] So that's why they naturally flip it.

[01:01:48] They do it with every fucking word from what I heard.

[01:01:50] They don't flip it every time.

[01:01:51] They don't flip it every time.

[01:01:52] Yeah, they were like, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

[01:01:55] I did look it up.

[01:01:56] Well, you didn't retain a lot of things.

[01:01:58] You didn't retain a lot of things.

[01:01:59] You're not coming from every Japanese bitch I spoke to in there.

[01:02:00] I just retained barely nothing.

[01:02:01] You know, saying like crass loom and shit.

[01:02:04] They don't say I.

[01:02:07] They don't say I love you.

[01:02:09] They say I they can say I love you.

[01:02:11] No, they can't.

[01:02:12] They don't say Rove.

[01:02:13] Yeah, they do.

[01:02:14] No, they do.

[01:02:15] No, they don't.

[01:02:16] You're absolutely wrong.

[01:02:17] Okay, sorry you paid one prostitute who can say her L's to say she loves you over and

[01:02:21] over again.

[01:02:22] I'll look it up again.

[01:02:23] I should have retained for information.

[01:02:25] I guess you should have before bringing it up on our show.

[01:02:28] Yeah.

[01:02:29] We had a promise to fucking listeners that we will educate them.

[01:02:34] This is.

[01:02:35] We got some legendary legendary moose activity going on here.

[01:02:39] It's the moment everyone's been waiting for on the show.

[01:02:43] The legendary moose.

[01:02:45] That's what I call my dick.

[01:02:47] Yeah.

[01:02:48] Let me try to have a moose shaped.

[01:02:51] Legendary moose.

[01:02:54] I'm sucked as a legendary moose, bitch.

[01:02:59] That is good.

[01:03:02] About to let the legendary moose out of my jeans, you fucking whore.

[01:03:08] The legendary juice.

[01:03:09] Ooh, come get this juice from the moose.

[01:03:12] Yeah.

[01:03:13] Juice the moose, bitch.

[01:03:14] I love I love feeding my juice to whore.

[01:03:17] I'll tell you, there's one thing.

[01:03:19] Horrors can't get enough of.

[01:03:20] It's my fucking juice.

[01:03:22] My fucking juice whore.

[01:03:24] Damn, I just.

[01:03:25] Juice the moose, bitch.

[01:03:26] You got juice.

[01:03:27] Why don't you come juice my moose?

[01:03:29] You can't juice the moose.

[01:03:31] You fucking slut.

[01:03:32] I'm trying to get my moose juice.

[01:03:36] Yeah.

[01:03:37] That's a good one.

[01:03:40] That's good.

[01:03:41] That's good.

[01:03:42] You guys, you're welcome.

[01:03:43] You're welcome for that one, guys.

[01:03:44] You're welcome for juice the moose.

[01:03:46] Wow, you killed a little baby bear, dude?

[01:03:48] Yeah, I love killing baby bears.

[01:03:51] Little bear cubs getting the shit fucked up on me.

[01:03:55] Can you eat the bear meat?

[01:03:56] Champion.

[01:03:57] It's a chamois.

[01:03:58] Chamois.

[01:03:59] Chamois.

[01:04:00] Chamois.

[01:04:01] Yeah, let's go back to that guy.

[01:04:02] I'm not that happy during the read, but I love that guy.

[01:04:05] I love that.

[01:04:06] I've been all my family, my father.

[01:04:10] Well, come on.

[01:04:11] Let's go plantation.

[01:04:12] He came up with the idea of cutting off the slaves penis to prevent them from having a

[01:04:20] big opinion because they were disrespecting us.

[01:04:27] You don't want to be funny.

[01:04:29] Yeah, if they're like, let's try out slavery, right?

[01:04:33] And then so they go get a black eye and they take his clothes off and put them on the auction

[01:04:36] block.

[01:04:37] But he just says the world's smallest dick and they're like, oh, we can't do that to

[01:04:40] these people.

[01:04:41] Oh, so you think slavery started because they happen to see one guy with a big ass dude.

[01:04:48] They're like, oh, fuck.

[01:04:50] You got a job, bitch.

[01:04:52] I'm going to walk around with cock like that.

[01:04:59] Just not have fucking Monday through Friday locked up.

[01:05:03] I'm sure that like hotel, hotel Facebook memes definitely say that.

[01:05:08] What's that?

[01:05:09] I'm sure that like hotel Facebook memes definitely say like they sold us into slavery because

[01:05:13] our penis was were too good.

[01:05:15] You think so?

[01:05:16] Probably.

[01:05:17] Adam beats off to those pages.

[01:05:18] Do you do you seriously to reading the word penis?

[01:05:21] You need off to that.

[01:05:23] That's so weird.

[01:05:25] It's crazy that you admitted that.

[01:05:29] No, I'm like to read the word penis.

[01:05:31] It was funnier when you guys said that, but I masturbate to the word penis.

[01:05:37] I hate to admit this.

[01:05:43] That's pretty fucking gay.

[01:05:44] There we go, dude.

[01:05:45] I got some I got some moose evidence over here.

[01:05:48] No, juice my moose juice my moose.

[01:05:51] Hey, come on over here.

[01:05:53] Juice my moose baby girl.

[01:05:54] I got it.

[01:05:55] Oh, sorry.

[01:05:56] What do you have to do?

[01:05:57] I have to go.

[01:05:58] Where do you go?

[01:05:59] I'm out of here.

[01:06:00] How long have we been doing?

[01:06:03] We're at 106.

[01:06:05] It's five.

[01:06:06] Okay.

[01:06:07] He's got to be at the show at 630.

[01:06:09] Oh, yeah.

[01:06:10] The gay sex show.

[01:06:11] Yeah.

[01:06:12] I matter of fact it is.

[01:06:14] Gay sex civil.

[01:06:15] Gay sex divis for the rest of us.

[01:06:17] I'm opening for Margaret Cho and guy you're opening for your own ass.

[01:06:24] Yeah.

[01:06:25] And a bunch of other guys.

[01:06:27] Okay.

[01:06:28] Be gone at it.

[01:06:29] Margaret showed.

[01:06:30] That's good, bro.

[01:06:32] Hey, well, Adam's leaving.

[01:06:33] I want to let you guys know to make sure to come to my fucking shows.

[01:06:43] I'm on Long Island on the 30th.

[01:06:45] Go to Stavi.biz for that shit.

[01:06:48] I think Huntington Arts Center or something.

[01:06:50] No, that's wrong.

[01:06:52] Just look it up.

[01:06:53] But in DC, the seventh and eighth, come to those fucking shows.

[01:06:57] I'm headlining a whole weekend at a club.

[01:06:58] I'd love to see you there.

[01:06:59] I'm in Indy on the 13th.

[01:07:02] Fucking Cincinnati on the 14th.

[01:07:03] Columbus on the 15th.

[01:07:05] And I think I'm out in Cleveland on the 16th.

[01:07:09] And then look out for that LA show February 2nd.

[01:07:13] So buy tickets to all those.

[01:07:14] And we got more stuff coming up.

[01:07:15] Pittsburgh Buffalo, all that shit put together, bitch.

[01:07:19] So please come to my shows now.

[01:07:21] Please Nick continue with Margaret showed Margaret showed.

[01:07:26] And what the fuck did she say?

[01:07:28] Oh, my penis.

[01:07:30] Wow, my penis.

[01:07:32] So wow, but it's very short.

[01:07:37] I thought I told you to leave, Adam.

[01:07:39] What is that toothpaste you have?

[01:07:40] Do you have like Muslim toothpaste?

[01:07:42] You're using his toothpaste.

[01:07:44] No, I just saw it in his bathroom.

[01:07:47] Why you mad at his toothpaste, man?

[01:07:48] I'm not mad at it.

[01:07:49] I've just never seen the brand Dabber toothpaste.

[01:07:51] It sounds like you're pretty mad.

[01:07:53] Dabber toothpaste.

[01:07:54] I don't know.

[01:07:55] It's something like red clay shit.

[01:07:57] It's like it tastes like big red.

[01:08:00] Oh, really?

[01:08:01] Yeah.

[01:08:02] Yeah, cinnamon.

[01:08:03] That sounds awesome.

[01:08:04] Wait, how do you know that?

[01:08:05] It said cinnamon on the tube.

[01:08:06] Did you taste it?

[01:08:07] Were you in the bathroom eating my toothpaste?

[01:08:10] No, I was taking his tooth.

[01:08:11] He's like making fun of that Jewish guy.

[01:08:12] Ooh, a dinner for free.

[01:08:14] A lot of people eat toothpaste from the facamials.

[01:08:20] No, they don't.

[01:08:21] Yes, that's true.

[01:08:22] Oh, shit.

[01:08:23] A moose.

[01:08:24] Oh, was that a moose?

[01:08:25] You almost got stomped.

[01:08:26] All right, yo.

[01:08:27] I'll see you all.

[01:08:28] All right.

[01:08:29] Are we at an hour, Adam?

[01:08:30] We're over an hour.

[01:08:31] We're at 10 minutes over now.

[01:08:33] All right, well, fuck it.

[01:08:34] All right.

[01:08:35] It shows over.

[01:08:36] Bye.

[01:08:37] See you next time.

[01:08:38] See you.

[01:08:39] Jive ass.

[01:08:40] Something.