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Ep. 131 - ho canada

Cum Town | Regular | 11/29/2018

[00:00:00] It's on stage.
[00:00:02] That's a good look.
[00:00:03] I was I want to do a set like that where you go in with earbuds in and you're like halfway through a joke and you're like.
[00:00:08] Yeah, because you know, we've all we've all voted.
[00:00:13] Hold on. Sorry. Sorry.
[00:00:15] Mark just said something.
[00:00:19] It would be you doing stand up with headphones while listening to what the fuck.
[00:00:23] Yeah, it would complete like. Sorry.
[00:00:25] March is sad.
[00:00:26] It's a much is a much is made like a really good point.
[00:00:33] I'm sorry.
[00:00:34] I'm addicted to podcasts.
[00:00:35] I can't stop listening to Mark.
[00:00:38] Are people still listening to Mark Maron?
[00:00:39] No, in the year 20.
[00:00:41] I just was an any letterman yesterday.
[00:00:43] Oh, yeah.
[00:00:44] So yeah, so any's doing it.
[00:00:46] So it's not the pie isn't going that gray more.
[00:00:48] So I guess it's falling.
[00:00:50] Yeah, Obama.
[00:00:51] Now he's got any letterman.
[00:00:52] Right.
[00:00:53] Now he's doing middle.
[00:00:57] There's this great.
[00:00:58] Let's get on next week.
[00:00:59] We got Kurt Metzger's friend who drives him around.
[00:01:03] His name is Larry.
[00:01:05] Some kind of Larry that Kurt's friends with.
[00:01:09] Hell yeah.
[00:01:10] Yeah, Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt's a pretty good guy.
[00:01:13] Just a minute mentally disabled guy.
[00:01:17] Yeah, don't believe in the news.
[00:01:20] Larry, I need you to drive me.
[00:01:22] You should drive me to Costco.
[00:01:25] I don't know if I can't current.
[00:01:27] I got to do what the fuck.
[00:01:31] Oh, oh, good, good, good, good.
[00:01:33] Yeah, it's good.
[00:01:34] Mark 71.
[00:01:36] I tried to listen to Kurt Metzger.
[00:01:38] And I don't know whose podcast was.
[00:01:40] We was talking about the fight that he had with Lewis Gomez.
[00:01:44] And I have no clue at all what happened from car snow.
[00:01:48] You know, what about like this thing
[00:01:50] that like 15 years ago would have been like, oh yeah,
[00:01:53] I heard like Kurt and Lewis had a thing at the Comedy Store.
[00:01:56] And people were like, oh, who gives a shit?
[00:01:57] And that would be the end of it.
[00:01:59] And now because everything's fucking documented, it's like.
[00:02:01] Well, that's what I started seeing some things from Lewis
[00:02:04] on Twitter.
[00:02:04] And then I was like, well, what's happening here?
[00:02:07] Yeah.
[00:02:07] Well, they're also documenting it.
[00:02:09] I don't mean like this is entirely other people.
[00:02:12] I think it's mostly them.
[00:02:13] Yeah.
[00:02:14] Yeah, they had on the podcast and shit.
[00:02:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:17] You know, you got to have some fucking self.
[00:02:19] We don't talk about it.
[00:02:20] We've been beating the shit out of Adam
[00:02:22] before every episode.
[00:02:23] It's all thick.
[00:02:24] It never comes out.
[00:02:25] No, no, no, no.
[00:02:26] I'm talking about the beat, the lashings.
[00:02:27] Oh, before the episode.
[00:02:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:30] Yeah, yeah.
[00:02:31] We do a fight club thing with Adam.
[00:02:33] It's not allowed to fight back.
[00:02:35] It's not allowed to defend himself.
[00:02:36] Adam gets jumped and sext into the podcast every time.
[00:02:41] Every episode.
[00:02:41] Every report twice a week.
[00:02:43] So I had fun, but I feel guilty.
[00:02:45] You know what I mean?
[00:02:46] I know.
[00:02:46] I get it.
[00:02:47] That's just happy fun.
[00:02:48] I'll do it.
[00:02:49] He wasn't here the first time he did the show.
[00:02:51] I know.
[00:02:52] We'll try to make it good.
[00:02:53] Yeah.
[00:02:54] Oh, yeah.
[00:02:55] I did it.
[00:02:56] Way back in the day.
[00:02:58] A lot of people don't know this,
[00:02:59] but you were the original third chair on come time.
[00:03:02] I stole the money from him.
[00:03:03] I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
[00:03:05] I was like, what the fuck is the shit?
[00:03:06] He stopped.
[00:03:07] I was like, I knew you from some writing game.
[00:03:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:03:10] And then you were like, do my podcast.
[00:03:11] We were like friends or something.
[00:03:12] It was something like that.
[00:03:13] We had some connection.
[00:03:15] And then that was the first time I met you.
[00:03:18] That's when I stole your glasses.
[00:03:20] That's right.
[00:03:20] Yes.
[00:03:21] I went and bought the same glasses that you had.
[00:03:23] But you were at some company where they were cooking food.
[00:03:27] Yes.
[00:03:28] And I was at a horrible company, CPXI, it was called.
[00:03:32] Child Point Extreme Internet.
[00:03:34] Yeah.
[00:03:34] Child Point Extreme International.
[00:03:35] Yes.
[00:03:38] That company was so funny.
[00:03:39] It was like a parody of a startup.
[00:03:45] Yes.
[00:03:45] It's just way too much office space.
[00:03:47] Most of it is not being utilized.
[00:03:48] In Times Square, too.
[00:03:49] It was like central casting for these young millennial types
[00:03:54] cruising around.
[00:03:55] I was like, what am I doing?
[00:03:56] And you guys were looking for like in closets and stuff.
[00:03:59] Should we record it here?
[00:04:00] An receptionist came up to me one time when I was there.
[00:04:03] And I was just making myself a bowl of cereal.
[00:04:05] And she was like, do you work here?
[00:04:06] And it's like, no.
[00:04:11] And you're not going to do anything about it.
[00:04:15] He's pulled up a clipboard.
[00:04:16] Do I look like I work here?
[00:04:18] Yeah.
[00:04:19] I do.
[00:04:19] I would just stay after and eat cereal for dinner all the time.
[00:04:23] It was awesome.
[00:04:23] I would steal nuts from there.
[00:04:24] Yeah, they had like nut butters.
[00:04:25] They had like playstations.
[00:04:26] I think you offered me nuts.
[00:04:28] Yeah, there was all this.
[00:04:28] I was like, you don't offer people nuts
[00:04:30] before they're about to do a podcast.
[00:04:32] Well, you know, protein.
[00:04:33] It's like crazy.
[00:04:34] They have one of those like fancy, you know that Starbucks
[00:04:37] machine, they have it serious.
[00:04:39] They had one of those.
[00:04:40] And those things probably cost like $30,000.
[00:04:42] They're not so.
[00:04:44] No, yeah.
[00:04:45] Good fuck.
[00:04:45] Yeah.
[00:04:46] What do you mean a $30,000?
[00:04:47] I mean, it's nice.
[00:04:49] It's like in the residence lounge or something.
[00:04:53] Yeah, you know how much one of those like bun coffee makers
[00:04:55] costs?
[00:04:56] How much?
[00:04:56] Those are like $6,000.
[00:04:58] Damn.
[00:04:59] Yeah.
[00:04:59] He knows the prices of coffee makers.
[00:05:02] As soon as anything becomes for like commercial use
[00:05:05] because businesses write everything off,
[00:05:07] they're like, oh, an alarm clock?
[00:05:08] $50 million.
[00:05:10] I need a $80 million desk fan.
[00:05:13] And we're out of business.
[00:05:16] That's sweet.
[00:05:17] That's why if you do a corporate, you should always.
[00:05:19] Rich taught me that.
[00:05:20] Ask for $50 million.
[00:05:20] You ask for $40,000 right off the bat.
[00:05:24] 45 minutes, $45,000.
[00:05:27] That's what I charge.
[00:05:28] They'll say yes, too.
[00:05:29] Yeah.
[00:05:30] And then the guy calls you like an hour later.
[00:05:33] And it's like, can you do this show in Manville, New Jersey?
[00:05:36] I'm like, yeah, $150 million.
[00:05:39] Manville sounds like the spot.
[00:05:41] I want we need more towns like that.
[00:05:43] Yeah.
[00:05:43] Guy's city.
[00:05:45] Yes.
[00:05:46] It was renamed Dallas, Guy's City.
[00:05:48] I'd love that.
[00:05:49] Yeah.
[00:05:49] Walk around cowboy hats, boots, nothing else.
[00:05:52] Just do the boys.
[00:05:53] Boots and cowboy hats.
[00:05:54] It's very man bad.
[00:05:55] Top in tails.
[00:05:56] I don't know what that means.
[00:05:58] Classic.
[00:05:58] Not a heating air conditioning, guys.
[00:06:00] Oh, yeah.
[00:06:01] All hanging out.
[00:06:02] Just a little bib I put over my dick when I eat dinner.
[00:06:06] So I get barbecue sauce all over my hog.
[00:06:11] That's great.
[00:06:11] That's how we're going to make that crypto money back.
[00:06:15] Cockbibs.
[00:06:16] Cockbibs?
[00:06:18] You know, I had an idea for just you
[00:06:20] put on these like sleeves and then you can just wipe your mouth.
[00:06:24] Oh, that's good.
[00:06:25] Yeah.
[00:06:25] Disposables.
[00:06:26] That's pretty cool.
[00:06:27] That's pretty cool.
[00:06:27] Napkin sleeves.
[00:06:28] That's good sneezing to me.
[00:06:29] I said think, man, like QVC is like it's
[00:06:31] a place for people who aren't good at A business
[00:06:35] but are good at like 30,000 terrible businesses.
[00:06:38] Yeah.
[00:06:39] Like if you have one OK idea, you're probably going to sink.
[00:06:42] But if you have like 40 just shit ideas.
[00:06:45] No, I knew a guy who did that see that he did inventions.
[00:06:48] Really?
[00:06:49] It's a pen that fits in the tiniest pocket of your jeans.
[00:06:52] Yeah, right.
[00:06:52] Yeah.
[00:06:53] It's like the weirdest thing.
[00:06:55] Velcro sunglasses.
[00:06:57] Let me surgically reattach the Velcro to your face.
[00:07:01] That's good.
[00:07:01] I always lose my sunglasses.
[00:07:03] Here's the rub.
[00:07:04] You get to choose which side of the Velcro
[00:07:06] gets attached to your face.
[00:07:08] So you're like a fuzzy kind?
[00:07:10] Yeah, I would be on the face.
[00:07:12] Fuzzy on the face.
[00:07:13] That is entirely up to you.
[00:07:14] And Mark Cuban is just like 10 things as better as you.
[00:07:18] It's like, go on.
[00:07:18] Oh, yeah.
[00:07:18] Go on.
[00:07:19] We're mimics the eyebrows.
[00:07:20] Now we're really onto something.
[00:07:21] You know, this started out stupid.
[00:07:23] But I think we got another.
[00:07:25] We got some cop bags.
[00:07:26] Velcro sunglasses.
[00:07:28] We're going to be millionaires by the end of this.
[00:07:30] Yeah, no.
[00:07:31] I mean, because the guys that go on Shark Tank,
[00:07:33] like someone's like, oh, yeah, it's a.
[00:07:35] This is an early detection system for a sudden infinitescent
[00:07:38] syndrome.
[00:07:39] It's like, who needs it?
[00:07:40] Yeah, they're like, I want this shit.
[00:07:42] It's not scalable.
[00:07:43] There's other guys like it's Dyson for wiping your ass.
[00:07:46] You know, like $8 million.
[00:07:48] That would be awesome.
[00:07:51] Just the back.
[00:07:52] I hate wiping my ass.
[00:07:53] I'm out.
[00:07:54] It uses ions to suck the shit out of your ass.
[00:07:57] And then it turns the shit into peanut butter.
[00:08:00] OK, I'm in for your baby.
[00:08:02] What about like to wipe your ass a thing that's like a circle
[00:08:06] and it's a bunch of tongues.
[00:08:08] And it's like you're getting your ass licked clean.
[00:08:09] Well, they made that for eating pussy.
[00:08:11] Yeah.
[00:08:12] Did they?
[00:08:13] There was like a Cuddlingus machine.
[00:08:14] There was.
[00:08:15] Yeah.
[00:08:16] They made like a woman's pleasure.
[00:08:18] OK.
[00:08:19] I want to read like Tesla actually.
[00:08:21] It was just a belt with tongues on it.
[00:08:23] Yeah, Nikola Tesla.
[00:08:24] Yeah, that was a bad one.
[00:08:25] That's what he was doing.
[00:08:26] It was just like it was in a circle like four times.
[00:08:28] That's why they had him do.
[00:08:29] Yeah.
[00:08:30] That's why they found that blueprint.
[00:08:31] Well, he was working on it before he died on his deathbed.
[00:08:34] It was his theory of everything.
[00:08:35] I want to do the.
[00:08:36] Can you make it slurp?
[00:08:38] Can you make it call you a whore also?
[00:08:43] Yeah.
[00:08:44] What I want to do.
[00:08:46] I want to make it.
[00:08:47] I want to do the.
[00:08:49] What's the guy with the steam engine?
[00:08:51] The guy who.
[00:08:52] Thomas the tank engine.
[00:08:53] No, no, it was like a black folk here on Henry.
[00:08:55] Yeah.
[00:08:56] I want to do John Henry.
[00:08:57] I want to do me.
[00:08:58] I want to reboot the John Henry myth, but it's me eating pussy
[00:09:01] naturally versus the machine.
[00:09:03] The machine.
[00:09:04] You know what I mean?
[00:09:05] I want to do it.
[00:09:06] Yeah.
[00:09:07] And the machine wins.
[00:09:08] The machine wins easily.
[00:09:09] The machine wins out of breath.
[00:09:12] He's out of breath somehow from eating pussy.
[00:09:15] Bonnie, did they make it through what?
[00:09:16] They have the story of John Henry in Canada.
[00:09:18] I don't know it.
[00:09:19] John Henry was not a slave, but close enough.
[00:09:22] Yeah.
[00:09:23] He was like a really strong black guy that was good at hammering railroads, spikes in
[00:09:27] the railroad ties.
[00:09:29] And then they invented a machine and John Henry raced the machine and I think he dies.
[00:09:33] He wins, but he dies.
[00:09:34] He wins, but he dies.
[00:09:35] He's raced the machine for what?
[00:09:38] Just like run it?
[00:09:39] Who can who can like nail?
[00:09:40] It's an allegory about how the black man earned his freedom, but thus by doing so.
[00:09:46] Well, no, he invalidated his role in America.
[00:09:49] Oh, because that was a story.
[00:09:51] I don't think that's exactly.
[00:09:52] That was a story John Henry.
[00:09:53] That was tied in one for what reason?
[00:09:56] What's that?
[00:09:57] Because I said I wanted to, he raced a steam hammer.
[00:09:59] No, no, I know.
[00:10:00] But why was the story actually taught?
[00:10:02] Because it's like a folk.
[00:10:03] A folk tale.
[00:10:04] It's American.
[00:10:05] It's a Minneapolis.
[00:10:06] John, you know, John Henry.
[00:10:07] Paul, Paul, Paul, you know, Paul, you know, Paul, you know, blue ox.
[00:10:10] Yeah.
[00:10:11] Yeah.
[00:10:12] It doesn't feel like it has legs.
[00:10:13] And you guys are still talking about it.
[00:10:15] Yeah, no, it doesn't.
[00:10:16] Nothing on this podcast has to be good.
[00:10:18] That's the thing you have to learn.
[00:10:19] American folklore is pretty fucking dumb.
[00:10:21] Yeah.
[00:10:22] Yeah.
[00:10:23] We're Canadian folk tales.
[00:10:24] Well, we had the story.
[00:10:26] Oh, there was a matey.
[00:10:31] Yeah.
[00:10:32] I don't know.
[00:10:33] It seems like a pirate stuff.
[00:10:34] Huh?
[00:10:35] Like a like a fucking Canadian mountain.
[00:10:37] A mountain.
[00:10:38] Well, a matey.
[00:10:39] I thought a matey.
[00:10:40] Oh, a matey is a that's what they used to call half Indian half Canadian.
[00:10:44] Oh, that's probably right.
[00:10:46] That's like I have.
[00:10:47] That's probably racist now, right?
[00:10:48] I'm sure it probably is.
[00:10:50] Yeah.
[00:10:51] Isn't everything.
[00:10:52] Yeah, it is.
[00:10:53] Damn half Indian half Canadian.
[00:10:55] Well, the friendliest man in the world.
[00:10:58] Please welcome to my house.
[00:11:00] Please come please stay forever.
[00:11:02] I native Canadian.
[00:11:03] Oh, oh, okay.
[00:11:04] I'm still pretty friendly.
[00:11:05] They'll give you a first person, right?
[00:11:08] First peoples.
[00:11:09] First people.
[00:11:10] Is that what they're called?
[00:11:11] Yes, the first.
[00:11:12] First Nations.
[00:11:13] First Nations.
[00:11:14] A couple of food booths.
[00:11:16] First spy.
[00:11:17] Nice man.
[00:11:19] Thanks, man.
[00:11:21] What else?
[00:11:22] What else we got guys?
[00:11:24] You know, Thanksgiving.
[00:11:26] What would we all do?
[00:11:27] Thanksgiving.
[00:11:28] There's that guy they got eaten by a.
[00:11:30] Oh, yeah, that was tried.
[00:11:31] That guy.
[00:11:32] I'll try to kill that guy.
[00:11:33] I'll try to kill the arrows.
[00:11:34] Yeah.
[00:11:35] Hilarious way to die.
[00:11:36] Good.
[00:11:37] So funny.
[00:11:38] So funny, dude.
[00:11:39] Yeah, fuck that guy.
[00:11:40] Honestly.
[00:11:41] He didn't.
[00:11:42] What do you think was going to happen?
[00:11:43] And it's just it's a shame that he was like Chinese and not a white guy.
[00:11:45] Yeah.
[00:11:46] Because I haven't really dug through Twitter, but I just want to see those like.
[00:11:50] Mayo ass white boy.
[00:11:52] Trying to go to white privilege.
[00:11:54] Yeah.
[00:11:55] POC island to spicy for male.
[00:11:57] The island to damn spicy.
[00:12:00] He just was trying to take pictures or he was.
[00:12:03] Yeah, he was trying to just give him a pop blank.
[00:12:06] He thought it would be a really good Instagram post to go eat coconuts with people that think,
[00:12:11] you know, like God lives inside of a toothpaste.
[00:12:13] I love that you said you did it for Instagram posts.
[00:12:15] That is probably worth true.
[00:12:16] Now he was a missionary.
[00:12:17] He wanted to go.
[00:12:18] He was.
[00:12:19] Oh, of course.
[00:12:20] That fucking asshole.
[00:12:21] Which is kind of rude because if you don't know about God, don't you just get a pass?
[00:12:25] Like dead ass babies get to go to heaven.
[00:12:28] No, they don't.
[00:12:29] They got to go to purgatory.
[00:12:31] They go purgatory.
[00:12:33] They fucking did something.
[00:12:34] They know what they did.
[00:12:35] Pay off the scene.
[00:12:36] What they fucking did.
[00:12:37] Of dying.
[00:12:38] No, I don't know.
[00:12:39] Fucking religion is so just.
[00:12:41] Yeah, it's dumb.
[00:12:42] Yeah.
[00:12:43] You're married to a Jew, right?
[00:12:45] Maybe.
[00:12:46] I'm sorry.
[00:12:47] Adam likes to keep tabs on everyone.
[00:12:49] He's Jewish politically.
[00:12:52] Yeah.
[00:12:53] But he's religious a ishly.
[00:12:55] Oh, so the worst kind of Jew?
[00:12:57] Just one of those Israel.
[00:12:59] Yeah.
[00:13:00] Hey, hey, socks.
[00:13:01] So goddamn much.
[00:13:02] I went through an AA meeting with Evan Williams.
[00:13:05] Like, did I out?
[00:13:06] I guess I can't out him.
[00:13:08] Yeah, I mean, yeah.
[00:13:09] You just I can't out him as being.
[00:13:11] Wait, but you were you in any way concerned about your own alcoholic intake?
[00:13:16] Or you just going as a.
[00:13:18] I was literally killing time.
[00:13:19] I was literally killing time.
[00:13:20] His phone died.
[00:13:21] Literally my phone died.
[00:13:23] Free coffee.
[00:13:24] That was your bottom?
[00:13:26] Yeah.
[00:13:27] Well, I was doing it was like when I was doing heroin.
[00:13:29] I let my phone die.
[00:13:30] I can't drink anymore.
[00:13:31] And it's just all these people that are like, you know, I mean, as particularly in New York,
[00:13:35] I would think that like, you would be less depressing, but it's like people that still have hopes
[00:13:40] and dreams, you know, you go to like an AA meeting in the middle of Delaware.
[00:13:44] They're like, you know, and then after I got my 15th DUI, I was like, maybe I will call my daughter.
[00:13:50] Yeah.
[00:13:51] And they were like, damn, yeah, I guess this guy's doing all right.
[00:13:53] Whereas, you know, here it's like, and I never became a dancer.
[00:13:57] Yeah.
[00:13:58] I was supposed to be on Broadway.
[00:14:00] Oh, a bunch of people pretend the reason they failed is alcohol is well, not that, but they're
[00:14:04] just like bitter.
[00:14:05] I mean, you know, you've moved to New York to do so.
[00:14:08] They're people that had aspirations.
[00:14:09] Look, alcohol, you're not you get to a certain age, you get better.
[00:14:12] It just fucking happens.
[00:14:13] Yeah.
[00:14:14] Oh, I'm there.
[00:14:15] Oh, yeah.
[00:14:16] Yeah.
[00:14:17] I'm there.
[00:14:18] Trust me.
[00:14:19] You're pre.
[00:14:20] Perry.
[00:14:21] You're Perry bitter.
[00:14:22] Well, yeah, you just stopped drinking.
[00:14:24] It is crazy.
[00:14:25] You just were like, I'm just going to stop drinking.
[00:14:27] Yeah.
[00:14:28] And one day it happened.
[00:14:29] Yeah, I have no idea what the fuck we're talking about here.
[00:14:31] Yeah.
[00:14:32] What is that?
[00:14:33] Like, I think it's Perry Menopausal, you know, before he gets a menopausal.
[00:14:35] Oh, my God.
[00:14:36] Perry Menopausal.
[00:14:37] Did not know that was a phrase.
[00:14:38] That was one for the gals.
[00:14:39] Hey, ladies.
[00:14:40] Both of you.
[00:14:41] I wanted to say.
[00:14:43] There's zero.
[00:14:44] Yeah.
[00:14:45] All the menopausal women that listened to this show.
[00:14:48] Yeah.
[00:14:49] There's one.
[00:14:50] She made me a cheese.
[00:14:51] She's probably not menopausal.
[00:14:52] There was that one lady that killed herself.
[00:14:53] Oh, yeah.
[00:14:54] But she wasn't menopausal.
[00:14:55] She was a menopausal.
[00:14:56] She wasn't menopausal, though.
[00:14:59] She was fairly.
[00:15:00] How do you know?
[00:15:01] I think just suicidal.
[00:15:02] Because she said Adam videos of her like sucking dick.
[00:15:03] Shut up.
[00:15:04] Yeah.
[00:15:05] Everyone saw those videos.
[00:15:06] Adam was the one who kept asking you to send them.
[00:15:09] It was like, if you don't send me, you should fucking kill yourself.
[00:15:12] No, I didn't.
[00:15:13] You said it.
[00:15:14] It was fucked up, man.
[00:15:15] Yeah.
[00:15:16] I remember Adam was trying to like go fly and visit her.
[00:15:18] Yeah.
[00:15:19] I remember Adam was like, I think I finally have a girlfriend.
[00:15:24] He's menopausal.
[00:15:25] I didn't say a girlfriend.
[00:15:27] I said, I feel like I finally have a family.
[00:15:30] I got the kids.
[00:15:32] Her kids as well would be my kids now.
[00:15:35] Her husband would be my best friend.
[00:15:37] He would be your sister, sister husband.
[00:15:40] Yeah.
[00:15:41] Yeah.
[00:15:42] You would be.
[00:15:43] I can't wait till you and dash have a sister husband situation.
[00:15:45] Oh, it's not going to happen that way.
[00:15:47] It's going to be a sister wife situation.
[00:15:48] No chance.
[00:15:49] 100%.
[00:15:50] What are you talking about?
[00:15:51] You know why they don't have it that way?
[00:15:53] It's always like more women, one man.
[00:15:55] They never have like more men, one woman.
[00:15:57] Because that woman can't keep up with the same.
[00:15:59] No, that's not true.
[00:16:00] That happens.
[00:16:01] I saw a tweet the other day from a guy that was like, well, I lost $100,000 in cryptocurrencies
[00:16:08] and that my wife's pissed because I can't afford to put her boyfriend's son through college.
[00:16:13] That's not real.
[00:16:15] Come on.
[00:16:16] That's trolling.
[00:16:17] That's like, man, that guy is my fucking hero.
[00:16:20] That's the boyfriend or the husband.
[00:16:23] The husband.
[00:16:24] That's who you want to be?
[00:16:25] Yeah.
[00:16:26] Just a guy like that that's like, yeah, I'm not doing too good.
[00:16:28] Yeah.
[00:16:29] That kind of fuck things up here a little bit.
[00:16:34] Damn.
[00:16:35] I did see a Facebook video of something like that where it was like this couple that just
[00:16:40] like this Renfair couple that like added another guy with a beard and ponytail and they just
[00:16:46] take turns fucking and they're the same woman on Facebook.
[00:16:49] Wait, the guys don't fuck?
[00:16:51] I don't think they do.
[00:16:52] Or is there some kind of weird.
[00:16:53] It looked a little weirdly affection.
[00:16:55] I mean, I'm sure they fucked the girl at the same time, but they didn't seem gay.
[00:16:59] Oh.
[00:17:00] And they in fact, the husband, the original husband seems kind of resentful of the situation.
[00:17:04] But it's just kind of funny.
[00:17:05] Yeah.
[00:17:06] He's like, well, I guess it's what she wants.
[00:17:07] Yeah.
[00:17:08] I feel like that's every situation is like the one of them wants the open relationship and
[00:17:14] the other one is like fine.
[00:17:15] Yeah.
[00:17:16] Yeah.
[00:17:17] Yeah.
[00:17:18] There was like a thing in Huff Poe a couple years ago, but this guy that like begged his wife
[00:17:21] for like an open relationship and then they had the open relationship and then he wasn't
[00:17:25] able to fuck anyone else.
[00:17:26] And then his boss knocked up his wife.
[00:17:29] What do you mean he wasn't able to fucking well, he just couldn't get anyone?
[00:17:34] Yeah.
[00:17:35] Like just hilarious.
[00:17:36] Oh man, he had no game.
[00:17:37] You got to know the marketplace, dude.
[00:17:39] You got to know your worth on the sexual marketplace.
[00:17:42] Yeah.
[00:17:43] Damn.
[00:17:44] Yeah.
[00:17:45] Is it hard to get laid?
[00:17:46] It seems like it would be so fucking easy.
[00:17:47] It's not hard.
[00:17:48] No, it's not.
[00:17:49] Not in this damn city.
[00:17:51] Yeah.
[00:17:52] I mean, when you, I don't know, maybe just because we have a podcast now.
[00:17:56] Yeah.
[00:17:57] Women.
[00:17:58] Women.
[00:17:59] Women.
[00:18:00] We're more than I deserve to love podcast.
[00:18:01] Yeah.
[00:18:02] Oh, you guys have a podcast.
[00:18:03] Yeah.
[00:18:04] I mean, there are a lot of mentally ill women.
[00:18:05] Yeah.
[00:18:06] It's not like.
[00:18:07] Yeah.
[00:18:08] Yeah.
[00:18:09] Yeah.
[00:18:10] Yeah.
[00:18:11] It's not like, yeah, dude, we're basically the new fucking punk rockers.
[00:18:17] Yeah.
[00:18:18] CBGB's.
[00:18:19] Yeah.
[00:18:20] Right here.
[00:18:21] That's this living room.
[00:18:22] That's this living room.
[00:18:23] That bean bag.
[00:18:24] What kind of process are do you have?
[00:18:26] Like I'm thinking we're hosting service.
[00:18:29] Yeah.
[00:18:30] Yeah.
[00:18:31] We got it.
[00:18:32] Our hosting sex stick, by the way, we should do you guys all have cans or just one set ahead
[00:18:39] phones.
[00:18:40] Yeah.
[00:18:41] I'm the one who wears the headphones, baby girl.
[00:18:43] That's the guitarist.
[00:18:44] That's the guy with the headphones.
[00:18:46] I'm fucking the headphones guy.
[00:18:48] You get your choice.
[00:18:50] Yeah.
[00:18:51] Just remember.
[00:18:52] Yeah.
[00:18:53] He keeps the headphones on while he's having sex with you.
[00:18:56] Oh, 100% all the time.
[00:18:57] I'm speaking into a microphone while we fuck.
[00:18:59] If you're you kind of have to, if she's fucking you for the podcast.
[00:19:03] That's right.
[00:19:04] Yeah.
[00:19:05] I put nothing else off.
[00:19:06] You have to scope when he puts in a lower stomach.
[00:19:10] That'd be a cool move to hear your day.
[00:19:12] From inside.
[00:19:14] Just a light inside.
[00:19:17] I love sounds, man.
[00:19:20] Yeah.
[00:19:21] I get off my...
[00:19:23] That would be good.
[00:19:28] Yeah.
[00:19:29] Yeah.
[00:19:30] If you're doing an ultrasound, could you see it?
[00:19:31] Oh, we need an ultrasound machine in my house.
[00:19:34] Yeah.
[00:19:35] I'm just so...
[00:19:36] Where should you get all this medical equipment?
[00:19:38] I don't know.
[00:19:39] There's your baby.
[00:19:40] There's your baby shooting a load.
[00:19:43] Yeah.
[00:19:44] There's no way to lie about not coming inside of her.
[00:19:47] Oh, shit.
[00:19:48] I don't know what that is.
[00:19:49] Oh, yeah.
[00:19:50] I don't know what that is.
[00:19:51] She's a mess.
[00:19:52] I'm like, no, put the thing back on there.
[00:19:53] The headlight's broken.
[00:19:54] It's broken.
[00:19:55] Ambrianic fluid.
[00:19:56] Oh.
[00:19:57] Oh.
[00:19:58] Oh.
[00:19:59] Oh.
[00:20:00] Oh.
[00:20:01] Oh, sorry.
[00:20:04] My heart will stop.
[00:20:05] You got us.
[00:20:06] Yeah.
[00:20:07] She has to do this.
[00:20:08] Oh, yeah.
[00:20:09] You got to defend me real quick.
[00:20:10] My heart's not...
[00:20:11] I'm not healthy enough to sexual activity.
[00:20:14] I need all these machines to live, actually.
[00:20:18] Yeah.
[00:20:19] Oh.
[00:20:20] Oh.
[00:20:21] Oh.
[00:20:22] Oh.
[00:20:23] Oh.
[00:20:24] Oh.
[00:20:25] Oh.
[00:20:26] Oh.
[00:20:27] Oh.
[00:20:28] Oh.
[00:20:29] Oh.
[00:20:30] Oh.
[00:20:31] Oh.
[00:20:32] Oh.
[00:20:33] Whoa.
[00:20:34] This is your fully quarantined, like, the alien independence day.
[00:20:40] Yeah.
[00:20:42] Release me.
[00:20:43] Release.
[00:20:44] Release me.
[00:20:45] Oh.
[00:20:46] Fuck.
[00:20:47] I watched Alien last night on this TV.
[00:20:50] That wasn't, man.
[00:20:51] Looks great, man.
[00:20:52] I haven't seen that movie in forever.
[00:20:53] Does Sigourney Weaver...
[00:20:54] Yeah.
[00:20:55] Climate Wiener?
[00:20:55] Ve cartridges.
[00:20:56] Mog Bund pilgrims.
[00:20:57] It looks like Dan's egg in that.
[00:21:00] Oh.
[00:21:01] Yeah.
[00:21:02] Is that why you're attracted to her?
[00:21:05] Well, it's why I'm attracted to going dancing
[00:21:08] It's a real chicken or the egg situation. Uh-huh. Yep. That's what that expression means. Yeah, when two things look like each other
[00:21:15] You go, yeah, this is a chicken or I'm out. I'm right. What's the difference? No, no stop break it down
[00:21:22] Let's I will break it down. Thank you Adam
[00:21:24] Yeah, who's your sexual attraction which came first?
[00:21:28] Do you want to fuck Danzig because she look he looks like Sigourney Weaver can't tell the good do you want to fuck Sigourney Weaver because
[00:21:33] That's not chicken and egg that is chicken or the egg that is chicken or the egg motherfucker
[00:21:38] I would I heard you I heard you 100% that's textbook chicken
[00:21:44] Which came first dancing wanting to fuck dancing or wanting fuck Sigourney
[00:21:48] But that doesn't mean that it's a chicken the egg is though. This is a classic chicken is birth to an egg
[00:21:53] No, right and then the egg what it means if they rose into a chicken, no, but then if that's the case that you could never use the
[00:22:01] Saying because they're only applied to one fucking thing if birth to things that are analogous to that. Yeah, yeah
[00:22:07] Things that give birth to things. That's not what that means. You could actually you can actually just place bets on this
[00:22:13] Oh, yeah, I was in a sentence then and you're in your definition
[00:22:18] Yeah, which came first the chicken or the egg place your bets at bet the first the only things that you go to bet the
[00:22:27] Aside Johnny. Yeah, thank you Bonnie. I'm going to bet. I'm gonna bet the barn is right. I bet
[00:22:38] Yeah, I bet that people are gonna love and this argument and
[00:22:44] Think that I was right. Yeah bet the aside calm has been in business for over 20 years paying winners
[00:22:51] Wow and winners isn't a euphemism for losers. They literally mean winners
[00:22:55] They mean people will win money on their website. They got an easy to use mobile playing interface
[00:23:00] You can play when you get paid bet the SI offers odds on pretty much everything else, too. It's not just sports
[00:23:06] It's politics. Wow reality TV. I love that those things. Yep. That's everything
[00:23:15] They have a great mobile app. That's easy to use from anywhere. That's fucking awesome school the bathroom
[00:23:20] Yep, the new bathrooms that got now a bathroom where you're beating off the glen dancing. Yeah, he looks like Sigourney
[00:23:26] Chicken or the egg
[00:23:29] They offer live in game wager. History will vindicate me by the way on this you can get history
[00:23:34] You can make plays throughout the entire game
[00:23:40] Smart plays I love making smart plays on bet the aside
[00:23:43] Yeah, and here's what we're gonna be betting on this week
[00:23:46] Will vet tribe release that man's body will we ever see Mr.
[00:23:51] Mr
[00:23:52] They've already eaten it. Yeah, I think they buried him on the beach and then people went there's like pictures
[00:23:56] There's pictures that the police went to try and get the body and they're just like all just on the beach with their dicks out
[00:24:02] Waving the frozen
[00:24:09] A lot that you can't go over that I mean that's like the greatest thing I've ever heard that it's illegal to even fucking try to contact
[00:24:15] Yeah, you should like the best thing this world is ever fucking done
[00:24:18] You don't be a much better story instead of like a Christian going over there an MMA fighter that thinks you can single
[00:24:26] He's just got like a year of YouTube videos being like I've been training for this moment
[00:24:31] For years I know that in a world without guns and martial arts
[00:24:36] I could beat up an entire tribe of people and take over their island
[00:24:39] This has been my ultimate fantasy is to take over an entire society with the power of jiu-jitsu
[00:24:47] Can I offer up another scenario? Yeah, a 35 year old single woman. Yeah, there's no good man left anymore
[00:24:56] That's awesome. I'm gonna fuck the whole
[00:24:58] I
[00:25:05] Damn you'd have your pick. Yeah, it'd probably be exotic the problem is they wouldn't consider you a woman until you put fire ants in your pussy
[00:25:16] Yep, and I bet yeah, I didn't put him in my pussy, but they were there
[00:25:22] Oh
[00:25:28] No
[00:25:30] What are we betting on this week? Oh, you got to take the Ravens they beat the motherfucking the raiders. Yeah, they whooped that ass
[00:25:38] They were double digit favorites and they weren't gonna cover it and then the Raiders really just blew up in that
[00:25:44] Backdoor cover baby boys and girls so take the Ravens. We're on a fucking hot streak
[00:25:49] Yeah, say say see you later alligator to the Raiders. Yeah
[00:25:56] Yeah, say that to them
[00:25:58] And when you sign up make sure to use promo code come 120 so they know we send you that's right
[00:26:04] That's capital C capital you and then upper capital
[00:26:09] And when you sign up you've got some options you can play and cash out or you can take the bonus money
[00:26:19] Which is like getting a casino comp up front. I love you played at the tables
[00:26:24] There's a rollover requirement, but it's free cash
[00:26:27] So if that doesn't sound complicated to you
[00:26:31] And use promo code come 120 up to a thousand dollars are gonna give you 60% bonus cash damn
[00:26:37] We should turn a thousand dollars into sixteen hundred dollars damn to play with that's awesome
[00:26:42] So once again, that's bet the aside calm come 120. Let's start the show
[00:26:51] Yeah, and we're back and we're back we're back just seamlessly talking about one of our favorite websites bet
[00:26:59] Not being paid to do it or do we have to say that we are
[00:27:02] I
[00:27:06] Well the cats out of the bag
[00:27:12] I think you do have to say you're paid. Okay, then we are paid sponsored content needs to be that's my rule
[00:27:18] Okay, you have integrity. Yeah, look anything that we've ever promoted on this show has been paid for that's right
[00:27:24] Even my hatred of American Airlines was paid for by Delta by Greyhound bus
[00:27:29] Oh really?
[00:27:31] Graham Graham thinks they're competing
[00:27:34] The fun Wabas and China
[00:27:39] I wish there was something else that was a stage coach. They should just like be like hey
[00:27:44] It's a long trip, but we're nice. Oh, I should open a local and stage coach. Yeah, we do numbers
[00:27:49] Yeah, you take a stage coach down the go on us. Yes, you know to go to the this steam festival
[00:28:01] Yeah
[00:28:03] on board partner
[00:28:06] The Williamsburg stage coach company goes after bit out of business after
[00:28:11] embracing what they referred to as
[00:28:13] a historically realistic racism
[00:28:23] That would be you think it only pay in Bitcoin there is there is this thing
[00:28:27] There's like the jazz age festival on Governor's Island and some asshole from Brooklyn that just like rents out
[00:28:33] Governor's Island in the summer to be like it's the 20s and then you know he dresses. He's got like a dumb mustache
[00:28:39] Well, I love it. Yeah, it's terrific. Yeah, they go around they sing like that old dumb jazz music
[00:28:46] Well, you know like in like boardwalk empire any those like 20s basing is only like a party where there's like
[00:28:52] The gayest person they had back then which was a guy that just sang songs
[00:28:58] Every day guy was good at saying that be like oh, I can't wait to meet you on the trolley
[00:29:03] Like those guys. Yeah, yeah
[00:29:05] Yeah, you know, that's what they tell the songs are about back then is the trolley and guys named jelly roll
[00:29:14] You know, anyway, it's so funny how any song that's like just even 20 years ago sounds like a kid song
[00:29:20] It's like it right now is listens to the rich loves 60s odd six
[00:29:25] It's his favorite station and they sound like kids songs
[00:29:28] And every song is like I want to fuck you directly in the pussy
[00:29:33] By the way, I'm on experimental hallucinogens
[00:29:37] That aren't even illegal yet
[00:29:41] Yeah, like every new popular like soundcloud rapper or whatever they've got
[00:29:46] tattoos only on their face and
[00:29:49] They're addicted to like the whatever comes out of lithium ion batteries
[00:29:54] There's a guy named blueface right now who has who just talks about his penis all the time. It's pretty cool
[00:30:01] He's like he's like she pulling on my pants till the meat show. Yeah, right bitch. Welcome to the meat show
[00:30:10] There's way he run to meet with meat meat show with meat show. Oh, yeah
[00:30:15] That song that's like
[00:30:17] Oh, I yeah, there's many
[00:30:19] Yeah, there's just acceptable now
[00:30:22] There's a soundcloud rapper that I'm and Frank tattooed on his face
[00:30:27] No, I like that
[00:30:29] It says underneath those circles it says shh we keep in secret
[00:30:38] No
[00:30:40] My man none of my guys keep diaries
[00:30:43] Damn. Yeah rap used to be like rap from 30 years ago was all like nursery rhyme
[00:30:49] basically
[00:30:51] Yeah, one to the left one to the right this way that way. Hey, I'm all right
[00:31:03] The meanest thing they would say was like you're a clown. Yeah now rappers delights the funniest song cuz it's like it's like
[00:31:10] 35 it's 35 minutes long
[00:31:12] The first part is about like bringing women to motels and like they're like bitch
[00:31:17] I gotta be with you don't like that. Well guess who's got a Toyota to sell like they just named shitty cars
[00:31:23] And the hotel motel holiday in
[00:31:27] And if your girl starts acting up meaning if your girlfriend doesn't like that you don't even have an apartment to fuck it
[00:31:35] They go to motel you could probably just fuck her friend
[00:31:38] She won't have a problem with that and then halfway through the song. It's like this is like now
[00:31:42] I'm gonna bring my man big Hank on and then this other guy comes on. He's like
[00:31:46] Uh, you know when your friends mom is bad at cooking
[00:31:51] They're like all right. Where's he going with this? And it's like I guess it's just fine
[00:31:54] That was just it. Well the sugar hill gang wasn't even like yeah, it's man use man. You said people were like
[00:32:00] Oh, I know some black guys. Yeah, that's literally what happened. They're like the actual good rapper
[00:32:05] It was a guy this rap stuff is really popular
[00:32:10] Cashine on it boys
[00:32:12] That's what's great about Jersey, man
[00:32:14] That's right. They won't let anything go by. That's right. I'll try to jump in on it
[00:32:18] Mm-hmm. They'll find they'll find any black guys and just give them a record deal. They're around. Yeah, they got black guys in Jersey
[00:32:26] Yeah, I don't know man
[00:32:28] Fuck so what did you we never got into the Thanksgiving we got to do a full Thanksgiving recap?
[00:32:33] You know what you went back to Baltimore
[00:32:36] I was here had to be more had the first annual
[00:32:38] Halky's brothers Korean barbecue and a movie Thanksgiving cut out cut out the fam cut out my
[00:32:45] Parents completely felt good. Mm-hmm. It did actually it did actually. Yeah. Oh, what do your parents?
[00:32:50] What did your parents think? I don't know my mom was invited, but my dad was not so your mom go
[00:32:55] No, she went she she chose size. So that's you know what politely declined
[00:32:59] She politely declined to to stand by her man. Oh
[00:33:03] And have just a horrible dinner probably wait is your mom and dad's your real mom and dad?
[00:33:07] Yeah, but they have a horrible relationship
[00:33:10] They just have like one of those weird immigrant like should have gotten divorced 30 years ago, but yeah immigrant women
[00:33:16] Don't understand that they don't have to like just stay with the man
[00:33:21] Really is it a woman? Oh Canadians. Yeah, those are immigrants. Those are literally immigrants. Yeah, you fucking four literally
[00:33:28] Yeah, you grew up on a piece of shit. I read your book you grew up on a dumb farm. Yep. Yep
[00:33:35] That's pretty immigrant. See I like hardship. That's why I'm still married
[00:33:41] Makes sense to a Jew. Yeah
[00:33:45] Adam smiling so hard when he says to why is it like such a thing that he did he ever ask you to be a Jew
[00:33:51] Before you guys got no no, I would never you would never ask her do I would you know Adam has to change his first and last
[00:34:00] named Adasha
[00:34:04] He's taking his wife first and last name
[00:34:09] They'll both be wearing a dress a tradition
[00:34:12] It's a Eastern European tradition any time but you marry
[00:34:15] The Eastern European woman, uh-huh. He has to chop his cock off and take her name. Mm-hmm
[00:34:21] I'd have to start wearing like sailor costumes for babies
[00:34:23] Yeah, I
[00:34:25] Want to do a full Russian style wedding just cossack kind of hell yeah outfits and stuff
[00:34:31] That'd be fun those furry circle hats is dasha gonna dress like Donald Duck at your wedding to course
[00:34:37] Are you married or engaged his girlfriend?
[00:34:39] Like Donald
[00:34:43] No no pants no pants pussy all the way
[00:34:53] Crying in Russian in a Donald Duck outfit. Yeah
[00:34:57] Yeah, it's love that's a good look
[00:35:00] Yeah, I we went to my friends aunts place who's a was a famous actress
[00:35:06] Mmm in the 80s Wow should I get this all types of India this picture?
[00:35:11] Tattoo try my boss up. Yeah, you should
[00:35:15] You really should
[00:35:17] Good this Nick is thinking about getting a baby Donald Duck tattooed on his bicep mm-hmm
[00:35:22] Was that is that another character says baby fat denim?
[00:35:28] So I really just want to start getting really babes dumb tattoos
[00:35:31] I dated a guy who had a Mickey Mouse given the finger on a show and it was just the bane of his existence because kids would run up
[00:35:41] Constantly
[00:35:48] That's awesome
[00:35:49] He just thought it was gonna be cool like that's why you know
[00:35:53] It was a very very heavy drinker nice. Yeah, that's ever right. He's a pretty handsome fella
[00:36:01] He put on the Mickey Mouse Club about this
[00:36:04] For your dog
[00:36:07] That is pretty good. Yeah
[00:36:09] That's a hilarious
[00:36:11] So you just got it drunk probably
[00:36:13] I think they got a stop version of Donald Duck no, it's a pig wearing a Donald Duck costume
[00:36:21] I don't even have to look at it. Yep, there it is
[00:36:34] It is me that guy's very cute and I don't have a problem. He seems totally happy
[00:36:38] It's happy with himself people like him. Oh, this is like a whole like I guess Etsy store this guy just draws fat versions of cartoon
[00:36:44] I love that that's cool. That's bad Lego man. That's hilarious. That's also stuff. That's not really funny
[00:36:50] It looks like fat Albert. That is not me. That's great a fat ninja turtle. That's me. That's cool. He's got a sword. I'll be him
[00:36:58] Anyways, I'd like to see a picture of the fella that draws those yeah, what is he or maybe it's a beautiful woman that likes to fuck that guys
[00:37:04] Anybody ever think of that? Huh? No, I'm fucking a fat guy. Thank you Bonnie
[00:37:10] Yeah, that's a lot that you did have to that is the way you come on the show
[00:37:19] Now I had some fat boyfriend that's what I like to hear yeah
[00:37:23] There need people need to be fucking fat guys. I think that's my that's my that's my spin on body
[00:37:29] Nobody needs to be fucking anybody. I think that no you you I mean it was gross, but I didn't
[00:37:36] Was it was it was definitely not a fat guy a fact I definitely could not have pulled off the Mickey Mouse tattoo
[00:37:41] No, no that guy was that guy was ripped. Yeah for sure a fat guy with a bad ironic tattoo. Yeah, you can't do it
[00:37:48] We're held to a higher standard. Yeah, that's why I know the fat guy the real fat guy that I dated was very smart funny
[00:37:55] Like great guy. Yeah compensating cool to be around. Yep. That's the formula wrote a motorcycle. Oh
[00:38:11] Yeah
[00:38:13] Yeah, that is the
[00:38:17] We dated those two fat guys
[00:38:19] Yeah
[00:38:25] Yeah, I love chicken wings is Erica oh, yeah
[00:38:29] Can dip I could
[00:38:31] Greasy rider
[00:38:36] You can I try watching the writer
[00:38:40] Yeah, no, but come on you know come on a couple swings that it or what else what a greasy writer
[00:38:44] Um
[00:38:47] Cheesy rider. Yeah, she's your rider. That's pretty good. Oh, what cuz easy
[00:38:54] Sorry Dennis whopper
[00:38:59] Not good at puns, but you guys have fun with
[00:39:03] She's a dentist whopper
[00:39:08] But you were talking
[00:39:10] What was your penis hopper and Peter fun do yeah, Dennis what yeah, I said Dennis
[00:39:21] Why this is why I get the right for all the shitty variety
[00:39:27] That's right, man, you got skills you got talents. Yep
[00:39:31] We were talking about something that was interesting. Yeah, I'm pitching a show called true TV called how about we're audience members
[00:39:38] Just yell out a movie and then me and my friends are surrounded
[00:39:44] How about yeah, Adam star star warts and said Darth Vader and he's got warts all over stick
[00:39:52] Come on what's the next one
[00:39:54] Hey, you win the prize
[00:39:58] You win the pride come on down here actually we're out of time
[00:40:02] Yeah
[00:40:03] About yeah, I would love to pitch how about to to true TV. Yeah, we handle gets to have a show called why
[00:40:10] Yeah, how about they didn't last long I know but where's where's our turn?
[00:40:16] Our turn where's our turn? I have three episodes of something. Yeah, it's all out where's our turn, you know, it's where's our turn up
[00:40:25] Yeah, turn like the vegetable or like a party you get it
[00:40:30] Let us do that. I don't know why I'm just doing food puns
[00:40:37] You're getting into the spirit of the show or like a male feminist show called the good man show, right? Oh
[00:40:45] Jugby's jumping on the trampoline
[00:40:50] The juggies and then they're jumping up and down and we're like we're not we're not looking at
[00:40:55] I'm thinking about Bernie Sanders
[00:41:03] My dick's hard because I'm thinking about Bernie Sanders
[00:41:09] That's good man, I'd love to do good man show will be back after these commercials for I don't know probably sent the candles
[00:41:16] Yes and sent the candles candles for men
[00:41:20] No
[00:41:21] They gotta be
[00:41:23] There's no such thing candles for sensitive men. Yeah, I think you guys is everything's for women, right?
[00:41:28] It's like that you guys are trying to take some shit for yourselves. That's where you go wrong. Mm-hmm true
[00:41:33] We gotta start doing we gotta do a woman only come town guys
[00:41:38] Now yeah
[00:41:41] I tell you what I tell you what is for guys and girls is pair of new pair of boots from Thursday boots
[00:41:47] Absolutely that sounds about right here in this fucking place. It's fucking rocks. Yeah, this isn't Monday boots, right?
[00:41:54] Fuck Monday boots Monday can fuck off fuck Tuesday boots Wednesday boots suck my fat nuts Wednesday
[00:42:00] You can suck my dick. It's Thursday
[00:42:09] My
[00:42:11] Sunday sounds fucking gay to me
[00:42:20] Thursday boots that's
[00:42:24] Please let me fuck your shoes
[00:42:27] Thursday boots calm boots you can fuck
[00:42:32] Now you fuck you could fuck yeah, but they don't come like with a pocket pussy install
[00:42:37] Leathers are so premium. That's true these fabrics these leathers leather is so good. You'll want to fuck it
[00:42:47] Basically a pussy it's like a pussy for your feet
[00:42:56] Kick fucking
[00:42:58] Is this a segment on your boy? Oh no, we're doing an ad we're doing an ad for this company that sells boots that
[00:43:07] There's two boots. It's like it's like kick fucking a virgin
[00:43:11] It is not like that
[00:43:16] So many ads in our podcast it's weird. We've never lost an ad. Yeah, I've got we got I've forgotten to re up with people
[00:43:23] Yeah, what like we've got nasty letters from fucking yeah from companies
[00:43:27] Yes for what fucking up ad reads. Oh, well one time there was like a
[00:43:33] Flower company and they would say like she may say no, but she wants the flowers and I was like why are you using?
[00:43:45] Hold her down and shove the roses in her pussy
[00:43:48] Anybody anybody that comes us knows what they're getting because the show's called a cum town
[00:44:00] No, man, you just don't promise don't promise anyone anything ever and do the least amount of work possible
[00:44:07] Do that in styling under
[00:44:10] Over promise I'm gonna live it. That's a motto now if you're dumbass like Adam you you have to steal
[00:44:17] expensive boots from black loss and found
[00:44:21] The church for homeless retarded Pete that's not what happened Adam
[00:44:27] Read sorry sorry, sorry, so he's seeing it the cross
[00:44:30] It was burning my skin
[00:44:36] It goes waste it lost it found it was a hot cross
[00:44:41] And then he stole those boots
[00:44:45] Jewishly made off with those
[00:44:49] Do that a Thursday boots because they got look they they they somehow found the factories where they make them more expensive boots
[00:44:55] Mm-hmm broke in there made good boots for cheap and then pass the savings on to you
[00:45:01] Maybe their deal is they steal them from homeless black loss. Yes, we don't know we don't ask too many questions
[00:45:10] This is what I like they go they're manufactured in North America nice
[00:45:14] So it's like
[00:45:23] Never on a ship
[00:45:28] Yeah, this is I think they want us to mention that they the Thursday boots are not only a better value
[00:45:33] But they use better materials like the famous
[00:45:36] Chromic cell leather from the whore wean tannery in Chicago Chicago Chicago
[00:45:42] Chicago leather baby the good shit. That's a good name for a show. I thought Chicago leather was when you
[00:45:49] You cut off another mobsters face and then you wear it like a mask to eat his wife's pussy
[00:45:56] That was like a gang gangster land. That's how Al Capone got syphilis. Yeah
[00:46:04] With prices starting at $149 and free shipping and returns Thursday boots are the best buy for this winter
[00:46:09] That's a steal and with their clean timeless design and durability Thursday boots will keep you standing comfortably for years to come or sitting
[00:46:16] Stop is stop is literally handy captain. He loves the boots
[00:46:19] I am not handicap, but I do love the boots
[00:46:21] He's lost the use of his legs to totally walk
[00:46:24] But the boots are very good and while they don't do sales at discounts
[00:46:29] Because if you think about it, they're already discounted with your prices so low head on over to Thursday boots calm slash town
[00:46:35] That's Thursday boots calm slash town
[00:46:43] Why you do it think about the internal conversation they had about you
[00:46:47] Contacted who
[00:46:49] To be a smart okay, they get three reads, but that's it
[00:46:53] Yeah, right
[00:46:54] Thursday boots calm slash town and get free shipping and returns
[00:46:58] So use our links so the boot people knew that we know that we sent you
[00:47:03] Mm-hmm. They changed the tents in here and fuck me up. Sorry, bro. I hate reading dude. I didn't even know you were reading man
[00:47:10] I thought that was so seamless
[00:47:13] You seen me act you saw me in that sketch. You know I'm an actor. That's all right. Dude. I'm fucking I'm a killer actor
[00:47:20] I'm really good at acting
[00:47:22] I play a barista for this sketch. We shot really funny sketch for Jim's racist
[00:47:28] I was like what if Jim's racist? I was telling her how we had to go around. Are you done the read?
[00:47:35] Yeah, Thursday boots calm slash town check him out
[00:47:37] We had to go around for that thing and say who believed in white privilege and who didn't and like everyone said not like they didn't believe in white privilege
[00:47:44] Except for us
[00:47:46] So weird
[00:47:50] The whole writing staff who was it? Well, the writing staff was just me Bonnie Curt and Jim
[00:47:55] No, there was a couple other people all cuz there were the producers were in there. Yeah, I guess that
[00:48:02] Like to find out what he was a girl same Tory Tory contributed a decent amount for for an assistant and then that guy Tom
[00:48:09] I guess they brought in to actually write things down
[00:48:16] Well Tom was technically the head writer or not head writer, but he was like he had some position that was
[00:48:22] He was a producer he was a producer, but I remember whoever was the showrunner
[00:48:28] She was like talking about bringing him in as if he was gonna fix everything
[00:48:33] Yeah, you remember
[00:48:35] He wasn't completely bald. He was thinning Jim. Yeah, Jim's the bald guy
[00:48:44] And Ian was there too
[00:48:46] He came in he was pretty good. Yeah Ian who he was right at the beginning. No Ian Edwards to write something
[00:48:58] He still fox it up. Yeah, this is a paper bag filled with calm
[00:49:03] My bad this is my lunch
[00:49:05] My lunch
[00:49:14] Yeah, I get special Capri Sun filled with semen
[00:49:19] Yeah, my boyfriend slash girlfriend fills them up with semen
[00:49:25] It's like a capri Sun ad for like Ian's cum capri Sun
[00:49:29] We drinks it and then he just like turns into like a kid who has a dad and then he's like
[00:49:35] Standing outside of the skatepark watching everyone have fun and half-bike great always looking through the chain link fence
[00:49:44] Man, I wish I was good at something
[00:49:46] It'd be funny if Ian became an Orthodox Jew and started sucking men off through a hole machine that would be good
[00:49:59] There's so many good there's so many good options for Ian to be gay is a different version of himself
[00:50:04] He's like the oldest youngest looking person. I know
[00:50:08] He's ageless
[00:50:10] Yeah, he is kind of a enigma, right?
[00:50:18] Yeah, he's cool guy. Oh my my daughter who's 11
[00:50:23] And Kate's daughter who's 11. They came we were going on a gig
[00:50:28] So and Ian was there his first time I met him was who were driving to spring with a fairfield and
[00:50:36] That was two fucking kids
[00:50:38] To bore him
[00:50:45] Like a one point I took him aside and I was like wait
[00:50:49] Turn around Ian's just explaining the two 11 year old girls. It's like yeah, but if the dick is on a girl
[00:50:55] It's not
[00:51:04] Sucking dick feels good
[00:51:13] The first thing they said to my think was are you a crack at it and it just went from there
[00:51:18] It was bad, and they somehow got his phone number and they were like kept texting him in the card
[00:51:27] They were texting him. Yes, just totally harassing him
[00:51:32] He showed those texts to Nikki and I think I think that's why she put him on the show
[00:51:38] She was like I feel sorry for this guy
[00:51:40] He's been bullied by 11 years. Yeah, I had to take him aside and be like you guys cut it out
[00:51:51] No one point he was like stop it
[00:51:58] That's so fucking good, that's amazing
[00:52:01] I love you. He's so funny. Yeah, just like taking else to that degree
[00:52:09] His whole life
[00:52:11] His whole life has just been such a tragedy
[00:52:17] Like they said they smelled it. They're like we can take this absolutely
[00:52:23] You just look is just got these twinkly eyes you're like yeah
[00:52:25] Yeah, yeah things have been going real badly. Yeah, let's see if we can get him back to drinking
[00:52:38] I wish I could remember any of those texts now because when he started showing him to us I was like kind of horrified
[00:52:46] Yeah, I mean a little bit proud but a little bit
[00:52:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got you just told me you got like arrested like a year or so ago
[00:52:55] And it was literally like just a clerical error
[00:53:02] Literally just got the wrong
[00:53:08] No my lawyer
[00:53:10] I wanted to go to jail we went to jail for nothing
[00:53:20] I've always wanted to use this kind of urinal
[00:53:25] Always wanted to shit in front of other people I
[00:53:28] Love jail
[00:53:30] It's cool. You meet a lot of cool guys in jail
[00:53:35] Go in a jail feels really good
[00:53:37] Yeah, no, it's actually fun. Yeah, the toilet was broken, but everyone just pissed in my mouth
[00:53:45] Yeah, you know make some friends there
[00:53:52] So if everything about Ian is all say something that's like a joke and if people don't laugh the second it leaves his mouth
[00:53:58] He immediately just becomes like he's just drowning in insecurity. Yeah, he has to like
[00:54:11] I get drunk and do stand up ice. I feel myself doing these huge tells I don't know what happens
[00:54:23] Yeah, Ian does it like you know
[00:54:25] No, we don't know
[00:54:34] Even in his tweets you can tell that he's like he regrets it
[00:54:40] Dumb point that's like man women. There's no difference roll the same
[00:54:45] Check me out. What are you guys doing later?
[00:54:48] What happened?
[00:54:50] You have like no confidence in anything. We really should have made him defend his tweet is own. Oh, yeah, his tweets are so bad
[00:54:57] Yeah, they're the words. He's so fucking bad at tweeting. I'm back on soon. Oh, yeah, just bully him
[00:55:03] When rich gives a compliment or when rich like trash is someone and it doesn't get a laugh
[00:55:08] He'll pretend he's really meant he'll be like
[00:55:10] Well, they shirt. Hey, what'd you get it? That's great. I love that shit
[00:55:23] Damn, it's getting on to bully him. I was laughing about you know the sign filled episode where George had to come back
[00:55:29] Yeah, where he's like, you know the jerk store called. Yeah. Yeah, but it's it's George like waiting for his moment
[00:55:35] And then but he says the n-word store
[00:55:40] Cuz Kramer's like George here's what you gotta call them
[00:55:47] It's like oh, yeah, and they're running out of you Jesus Christ
[00:55:56] What the fuck is wrong with you? He's like cream. I told me to say it. It was Kramer's idea
[00:56:01] I
[00:56:05] Linching from a tree
[00:56:10] 50 years ago you would be upside down with a fork in your ass. It's like is that was he killed by Italians?
[00:56:17] Because the ruckus in an Italian restaurant like twist them up like this spaghetti
[00:56:22] I'm a little bit more good. I'm a towards the mob shots at the Kramer. That was the beginning of the ends
[00:56:28] That was the beginning of the end you couldn't say the n-word anymore free speech. No, I just mean
[00:56:33] No, I know you mean though. Yeah, I mean
[00:56:37] That's where it started because he had to go remember people were laughing so hard when he was on Letterman
[00:56:43] Yeah, because people were like stop laughing
[00:56:46] Yeah, yeah, because people never heard of celebrity fucking like apologize like that before I was like
[00:56:53] Yeah, I know
[00:56:55] He was like live via satellite. They like it was really weird. It was weird. Yeah, that was so weird
[00:57:01] Yeah, I watched that shit too. It was because it was like it was like a point
[00:57:05] You're like oh shit. He's gonna be on like sign folks gonna be on it's like and then it was so bizarre
[00:57:10] I think Kramer's just that funny now. It's like if you do want to laugh if you look at if you look at how if that had happened now
[00:57:18] Jerry Seinfeld would be in more trouble than Kramer
[00:57:20] Oh, he's never gives a shit about Kramer
[00:57:22] So if Kramer was racist they'd be like I knew it or whatever
[00:57:25] But if Jerry Seinfeld as like another white guy went on TV and we're like you need to accept his apology
[00:57:31] Right, right. You would be in more trouble now. Oh, yeah, right to imagine that Jerry Seinfeld could go on TV and be like
[00:57:37] It's not that bad
[00:57:39] He's even what Jerry Sam does walk back so many of his comments
[00:57:43] Just from a couple years ago everybody walks back to comment like people have this like
[00:57:48] Extremely short-term memory in terms of how shitty they were and shitty only in like a contemporary sense
[00:57:54] I don't even think a lot of this shit is shitty, but like you know, yeah, there's plenty of people
[00:57:59] We know who are like I'm not that guy anymore. It's like oh, you mean you're just a coward
[00:58:03] Yeah, you're a coward now
[00:58:05] And there's like the slightest amount of social pressure and you can't say these things that you were so edgy four years ago
[00:58:12] Now that there's actual consequences to face you can't do right. Well, I mean they're actors
[00:58:19] Comics I mean actors well Jerry Seinfeld has said some really reprehensible things in his act. Yeah, really racist. Yeah
[00:58:26] Oh, why don't you buy that the
[00:58:36] For
[00:58:44] You know make it look like he's wearing blackface just do a Photoshop
[00:58:49] Well, I love that like a couple maybe a year ago. He was like, yeah, I'm not gonna do colleges anymore
[00:58:55] Yeah, this is J. W's. They're like ruining their ruining comedy. They get so triggered by my comedy and it's like
[00:59:01] About your uber versus
[00:59:06] That joke is so fucking dumb if you heard that
[00:59:09] New like yeah, but he tried to pretend that is a joke that he wrote he literally did a
[00:59:15] Special where it's like these are all jokes
[00:59:17] I wrote my first year in comedy or whatever it was and then he does an uber joke in there
[00:59:29] Feel like that's new
[00:59:36] He's got all his papers
[00:59:38] I watched the new episode of the Simpsons last night was just on TV. I haven't seen the Simpsons in like 20 years in
[00:59:46] Saint it's just Homer's like tweeting the whole time
[00:59:50] He's like leaving Yelp reviews about crusty to clown
[00:59:54] And then crusty tries to kill Homer with his Tesla. Are you kidding? No, I'm serious crusty's got a Tesla
[01:00:01] I'm gonna kill this guy
[01:00:08] Trump supporter
[01:00:10] I don't know I have no idea. I mean he must be he has to be
[01:00:14] Yeah, well, it's it's funny too because you can hear in the voices of the actors how like old they are oh
[01:00:19] My gosh, like Bart's like don't worry crusty. I'll hide you isn't the woman who
[01:00:25] What's that? Yeah, I like cancer. Oh, right?
[01:00:37] Edna Kraboppel died damn. Yeah, what happened Edna Kraboppel died the lady that does her
[01:00:43] Yeah, did she do more than she's no they killed the character on the show
[01:00:48] Yeah, and a poo is gone. Yeah, she's racist
[01:00:51] Mm-hmm. I poo. Oh, man. Yeah, it's so funny how shitty the Simpsons is now that like harry
[01:00:57] Conda boo is like they need to get rid of that character and they're like, okay, who gives a shit?
[01:01:01] Yeah, we're just catching checks. Oh, right. We'll write off every character
[01:01:08] We're looking for a reason to quit
[01:01:11] Yeah, no, they had a joke on the show because like Homer becomes like a critic or whatever of crusty show
[01:01:16] And that like he becomes like a TV critic or he leaves the recaps episodes and then the joke on the on the on the show is like
[01:01:24] You know crusty's like what do you mean? Why isn't it season four anymore?
[01:01:27] And it's like look no one is watching the sims. Yeah, yeah, you literally never come back
[01:01:34] That's the thing is like that seems so out of character for like even typing seems like not something he should do
[01:01:40] Yeah, you know like what's he did? What are they?
[01:01:42] I mean it would seem to weird when Homer got a computer. Do you remember those episodes?
[01:01:46] Yeah, I mean that was a funny episode when Homer's like dragging the computer behind his car and he's like Lisa look who got a
[01:01:52] computer yeah
[01:01:54] Yeah, there's a lot of good lines in that one. We go. I believe he had a pod
[01:01:58] He's like this is the computer the astronauts used to do their taxes. I mean anybody can podcast
[01:02:04] Yeah
[01:02:06] No, there's gonna be one where Marge has a podcast
[01:02:08] Probably there's probably already been a podcast episode there has to have been yeah, probably
[01:02:14] Was it Homer buried Alina Dunham for a while?
[01:02:18] Yeah, Lena Dunham put pebbles in Lisa's pussy in Maggie's pussy
[01:02:29] The Simpson Sunday guest starring Ben Shapiro
[01:02:33] Milhouse you're not gay its women's fault
[01:02:43] Lisa did you know that Ben Shapiro said I could fuck you he's the same height as
[01:02:55] Boy
[01:02:57] Yeah, damn. Yeah fuck the Simpsons now. I guess I want to give us jobs. We'll write for you guys
[01:03:03] Yeah, hey, I would love this just give come town the same please actually they should give us mad TV
[01:03:08] I don't know why they said they know but I mean it yeah, well I got it. They rebooted mad TV and they did yeah
[01:03:13] But no way watch it was it yeah, wait where it was already gone. It's gone. It's been rebooted in all already
[01:03:20] Oh, yeah, I think it was on like CW or whatever their shit. Yeah some random shit. That was Fox
[01:03:24] No, well, we're
[01:03:27] Then they rebooted it on
[01:03:29] Yeah, they didn't do any racism. They had no retarded characters. Yeah, they didn't do any but gay
[01:03:36] Which is where they shine the president but most like tame character on mad TV was the Java man the guy who loved coffee
[01:03:45] Oh, yeah, and that was the dumbest sketch on that show
[01:03:48] 100% anything that was like all right, we're gonna have Alex Borsding make fun of Chinese women best
[01:03:55] She look like a man
[01:03:59] Perfect comedy right. Do it incredible. Yeah, just a terrorizing get a retarded sort of
[01:04:05] Yeah, you know is one that wasn't mean it was funny was
[01:04:09] Was like that character that said Midwestern woman that just goes huh?
[01:04:12] I don't remember that one. No, I never was good
[01:04:18] That no, no, it's no Collins. She's good. Oh, Collins is hilarious great on Parks and Rec too
[01:04:24] But everybody that was on mad TV was a super talented. Yeah, yeah, they had the best cat he and peel were on like the last couple
[01:04:30] See, yeah, yeah, they were
[01:04:33] Hands down one of the best sketch shows that there ever was and I don't know why people shit on it
[01:04:38] It's better than SNL much better than SNL for sure. I don't like this and I want to give us jobs
[01:04:46] SNL to come to
[01:04:50] That's why I found some like
[01:04:53] Liberal account on Twitter that were like there should be a rule that
[01:04:57] SNL gets to air six hours after Trump says anything
[01:05:00] Oh, it's mandatory that a new SNL is that like what gets these people through their week. Yes, come on Joe's fucking
[01:05:08] Amazon is good. Yeah, that was a tough one. Everyone got really mad. I didn't see that
[01:05:13] You just talk about how Amazon is good and like New York won the lottery by getting Amazon basically
[01:05:18] He's like that. Oh, yeah, I did see that
[01:05:21] People got really mad
[01:05:24] He's part of the thing. He's part of GE basically
[01:05:28] Yeah, whatever. I mean it just does suck though Amazon. I'm mad Amazon's come and do fuck
[01:05:36] I wanted to buy something you think it's cool. Yeah, it's like a New York
[01:05:43] Yeah, now you get to know what it's like to live in Brooklyn
[01:05:46] No, I wanted to buy something in Queens of you know, hopefully that's never gonna happen. Look me and Adam can't leave Brooklyn
[01:05:51] All right, we can't hear we love it since we came over. Yeah
[01:05:54] You came over on the boat from Israel
[01:06:00] You ordered him from Amazon. Yeah
[01:06:03] He was here the next day
[01:06:05] Why you don't order from Amazon I have I've stopped we should we should like
[01:06:10] I actually
[01:06:13] Uptake an Amazon ordering for me. Yeah, yeah
[01:06:16] Yeah, I don't think protesting Amazon by not buying shit on Amazon does anything. That's
[01:06:24] Boycodding is that you would you would just have to be naked living in a field. I mean, yeah, that is true
[01:06:31] It's like every fucking business is a piece of shit after they get a certain level
[01:06:36] I know it's hard because I was like I was trying to buy like gifts and I was like well
[01:06:39] I don't want to buy this like this video game from Amazon and then it's like okay. Let me go to what Walmart
[01:06:44] Like I don't know it's like the video game itself is probably
[01:06:48] Employee employing fucking people in China. Don't have any fucking water. Yeah, we're fucked. You're right. Fuck it. Amazon is good. I changed my
[01:06:55] Yeah, we love it. Yeah
[01:06:59] Explain like you know, it's also like how long is that gonna last first of all?
[01:07:02] You don't want to do anything. Are you just prepared to never use Amazon again? Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna go down with the ship
[01:07:08] Are you? Yeah, that's good. What are you gonna go down on the ship?
[01:07:15] Captain has to go down on the ship
[01:07:19] Suck that chick the ship is a woman
[01:07:23] I think everyone's day doesn't understand the expression. Yeah, the captain must go down on the ship
[01:07:29] Just suck the violin players
[01:07:39] Time is now
[01:07:42] No, but you're not supposed to drink any water from like Nestle or anything like it's like you start going uh, it's like two
[01:07:49] I don't know chocolate water
[01:07:51] No, no, they own a bunch of their the number one
[01:07:54] I thought I do whatever the fuck. I mean is trash though. Yeah, but I don't know
[01:07:59] That's like that's like not even as good as tap water. Yeah
[01:08:03] You're now listening to Adam's dreamer. I take aquafina. I pour it out. I put tap water in his
[01:08:09] Trash his dressing room. Go ahead Adam
[01:08:13] We sit air out your water bottle opinions
[01:08:15] I like that one. I like they always get me when they say they have like ions and like magnets and stuff in the water
[01:08:22] I always like I only drink it if this got magnets in it. Yeah, that's right. Well, it's really they're stealing water
[01:08:29] And it's from from like the flint. Yeah, isn't that right? That's something going on. I agree with the art
[01:08:35] I've seen some stuff. I mean, there's a lot of a lot of environmental shit. They're doing wrong
[01:08:40] Yeah, everything's bad. We're fucked up for doing it
[01:08:42] I don't know if it's anthro
[01:08:44] They should have put the hand side in headquarters in flint, michigan. Yeah
[01:08:47] I would have just learned that word yesterday anthropogenic anthropogenic
[01:08:53] What does that mean? I did it
[01:08:59] Not we were listening to this clip yesterday the girl the woman goes stops just looking up words
[01:09:05] The woman goes
[01:09:06] About global warming she goes is it anthropogenic? I don't know I might be uh, but it just means is it man man?
[01:09:14] Originating in human activity. Yeah, so
[01:09:16] Correct anthropogenic, but it's a pretty good word. It is good
[01:09:20] It is good. I agree with that. I've been looking this whole podcast for a while. I say I was like, please get to the flint water thing
[01:09:26] I can get to the environmental thing from there and then I can say it
[01:09:31] How like how expensive would be just fix flint water? What would that cost?
[01:09:35] Billions and trillions of dollars. That's just that they should write off the whole city
[01:09:40] Wall it up. That's what we used to do. Yeah
[01:09:43] You had a problem?
[01:09:45] Like the billionaires they should just have to be like okay
[01:09:47] You don't want to pay taxes. All right. You have to fix one bridge or one water or one thing
[01:09:51] You like just fix one fucking thing and get your fucking dumb name then you're done good. Yes get your name on it
[01:09:58] We should privatize all of the highways
[01:10:01] That way it's it's incentivized for business owners to keep the highways
[01:10:05] We should privatize everything and then we it costs us money to drive. I think that
[01:10:09] That adopt adopt a highway program
[01:10:12] Is a thing man prisons are a problem unless everything's a prison
[01:10:16] Oh my god, you can't make a point by yelling if you're yelling all the time
[01:10:20] Right you just incarcerate everybody everyone goes to prison everyone goes to prison. Okay. All right
[01:10:25] Living in a prison though
[01:10:27] He wants feudalism to come back
[01:10:29] No the open field system
[01:10:32] Yeah, a component of feudalism. I thought I thought about this now for about 10 seconds. No. Yeah. No, these are all horrible ideas
[01:10:38] You don't want the open field like some of the feud aspect of it
[01:10:41] What's the open field system just punch each other for a few others a word?
[01:10:45] There's a word that's granted land by the crown
[01:10:48] And then the Lord rents out the land to us at exorbitant prices that we'll never be able to pay off
[01:10:53] That's Brooklyn
[01:10:54] But then we get free use of the field to graze our sheep
[01:10:58] Now if we go to leave the field at any point the king can kill us but
[01:11:04] He wants to leave
[01:11:06] He can't evict us from the land unless he has good reason to do so
[01:11:10] Uh-huh, so but what if we can't pay the rent which we won't be able to yeah, you will be able to it's just whatever portion of it's just taxed
[01:11:17] So the amount of wool you get from the sheep certain amount of it goes to the lord
[01:11:21] And he gets the fuck it. This is what you want to bring back. Yeah, because you don't know how to no they open field system
[01:11:29] That's a good
[01:11:31] Well, I'm gonna give you a book deal feudalism sounds
[01:11:34] Neo reactionary it's like that's not really what I'm embracing here. Mm-hmm. Just the open field. Yeah open field sounds like like like a
[01:11:44] Start-up means you go play baseball
[01:11:53] All right, well, let me listen we can keep going. Let me plug a couple of dates here. I also bonded you have anything you want to plug
[01:11:58] I'm doing Chicago on
[01:12:00] No, uh, december 22nd at the north bar. I'd love for people. Yeah, go see bony me doing some Chicago leather
[01:12:08] Premium go see bony. She's funny as shit. She's great. It's stand up the best
[01:12:14] You'll be an idiot if you want to see me in Chicago go see bony
[01:12:17] Um
[01:12:18] And then I will be if you're in fucking long island this friday motherfuckers. I will be at the cinema art center
[01:12:24] No, he will not yes. I will be able to be the cinema art center on long island is my canceled
[01:12:29] It's not canceled. It's at ninth. There's a really Joel thing some the guy at the shut up to max who booked the thing
[01:12:35] Oh, that's great. Yeah, I'm gonna post this. Don't let Adam look at it. I already saw it. Don't let him see it again
[01:12:40] Um and then in dc. I'll be at the dc draft house on the seventh and eighth
[01:12:45] Please buy those. Yeah, it's good. Bye tickets to that. It's gonna be awesome
[01:12:48] And then i'm coming to indianapolis on the 13th since an adi on the 14th columbus on the 15th
[01:12:54] Cleveland on the 16th go to stavi dot biz for ticks
[01:12:57] And then of course i'll be in l.a. On february 2nd and soon i'll be announcing the whole tour
[01:13:02] I'm gonna be all over the place in january pittsburgh buffalo phoenix
[01:13:07] Maybe albany maybe or to san for sure san diego maybe delaware
[01:13:12] So yeah, it's hard for it all these fucking places, but right now buy ticks to go see bony in chicago go see me and fucking
[01:13:19] I didn't know we could do maybe's
[01:13:22] I didn't know we could do maybe dates
[01:13:24] Uh, maybe uh
[01:13:27] No, go to vos rose.com too vos rose.com go to vos rose.com you fucking pieces of shit
[01:13:33] I wrote a couple jokes for that you'll see a couple of your boy
[01:13:36] Oh, uh, bobby kelly i wrote a couple for bobby
[01:13:39] He is fantastic so funny
[01:13:41] Yeah, it's not none of zero a lot of my jokes were used fuck you nick none of his jokes were ever
[01:13:47] Who did you write any jokes for that friend for the vos rose? No. Yeah
[01:13:51] now i was busy writing for
[01:13:53] Hey
[01:13:56] Not cheeseburgers and wings
[01:13:58] The currency bobby pizin yeah, I was here tinos and soda as promised
[01:14:04] I was busy at the Pulitzer prize awards winning every category. Whoa
[01:14:08] Best male writer
[01:14:13] You know there's best writer and then best right
[01:14:16] Right
[01:14:19] That is so fucking fun
[01:14:21] I'm a rightress. Yeah, rightress directress. Yeah, it's a chinese. It's a chinese woman that serves people food
[01:14:30] Yeah, i'm a rightress
[01:14:35] An award winning rightress
[01:14:40] Well, that's it for today. Bye
[01:14:42] Um, should you co-seath 20 moms second and fourth mondays all right bye bye bye