Cum Town | Regular | 01/03/2019
[00:00:21] I was straight shitting my breeches for a full 24 hours.
[00:00:27] I used to be pro getting the flu shot, but...
[00:00:37] Now that I think about it, I have never gotten a flu shot.
[00:00:39] I got it once, one time, because the ladies pressured me into it.
[00:00:43] I thought I did once, but I've never done it.
[00:00:50] Like, you know, not speeding through a school zone.
[00:00:55] I've heard the phrase herd immunity, and I don't know if that means anything.
[00:01:03] You're supposed to get the flu shot, not to protect you, but to protect some old bitch.
[00:01:13] If I have to get a flu shot to protect some old bitch, we take away people's drivers licenses at age 60.
[00:01:21] If I get pricked in my arm, you're not allowed to fucking run over a field trip.
[00:01:27] A black child doesn't get their fucking...
[00:01:35] I want some old bitch with cataracts off the road.
[00:01:38] ...cruise right through a fucking state fair.
[00:01:42] Is this the way to my grandson's house?
[00:01:46] Hopefully someone sneezes on that woman before.
[00:01:50] Before they let her renew her driver's license by mail.
[00:01:55] Honestly, all these old people, they're the ones voting for fucking...
[00:01:59] They're the ones voting for Trump and shit.
[00:02:02] If you got the flu, go out and find her.
[00:02:05] Go find where old people live and start sneezing in their mailbox.
[00:02:08] The second you get the flu, go hit up a bingo hall.
[00:02:12] Let's fucking flip these numbers, baby.
[00:02:15] Let's get motherfucking Bernie in here 2020.
[00:02:18] You know, although apparently he's sexist, isn't that right?
[00:02:33] I'm looking forward to stepping on Bitts in his honor.
[00:02:39] Oh, you know what else is happening with Phoenix?
[00:02:43] Star Wars house gifts will be doing stand-up there.
[00:02:51] I'm worried about this shit selling, actually.
[00:02:53] Phoenix, what a white trash name for a city.
[00:03:08] I'll be in Phoenix on the 19th, so please come out to that.
[00:03:11] And then Pittsburgh on the 11th, Buffalo on the 12th.
[00:03:15] But those are the ones I'm worried about selling.
[00:03:31] But it's like so far away that no one cares.
[00:03:33] So you meet people from Arizona who are like, well, I'm from Arizona.
[00:03:41] I'm sure it's the same exact thing as Florida.
[00:03:50] At least Florida has cute, or has Miami, you know what I'm saying?
[00:03:53] Like your family relocated there to be cool or something.
[00:03:57] Yeah, it's a real, I don't understand the appeal.
[00:03:59] I guess it's hot, but it's like people golf.
[00:04:13] We need this shit for our fucking sickly motherfucker.
[00:04:20] You can call it our military secrets out there.
[00:04:29] Wouldn't Trump have popped off about aliens yet?
[00:04:36] The president's not briefed on everything.
[00:04:46] You're like, sir, that's not technically correct.
[00:04:49] Do you think that flashing light was really a power plant, dude?
[00:05:06] It was like, and I thought it was something exploded because it's like, because from where
[00:05:20] But I mean, I guess because everyone else thought it was coming from the sky because I guess
[00:05:24] I don't understand how air particles work or whatever.
[00:05:29] I could see the like it coming from the ground.
[00:05:31] Like it was like, I saw what it was coming from.
[00:05:37] So the aliens are underground now and they're coming up from underneath.
[00:05:40] Is that what happened in War of the Worlds?
[00:05:45] Yeah, there was that Worms movie, Tremors.
[00:05:53] We were just watching honestly one of the best pieces of fucking media I've ever seen in
[00:05:59] So just for those playing along at home, I fucking generated or exploded in this story.
[00:06:06] Yeah, this guy was like like like blue like a vibrating blue. Yeah, it looked like like an air the blue raspberry airheads
[00:06:15] Yeah, that's a bunch of kids got turned into did you like signs?
[00:06:20] Divisive maybe some people really don't like I saw it in like high school
[00:06:24] When there was like some weird testing day where they like show a movie instead of do work
[00:06:29] You know what I mean? Okay, so you liked it because it wasn't work. So yeah, I just I just remember being like whatever
[00:06:34] That was fine, but I don't remember I thought sounds dumb. Yeah
[00:06:42] People say the new M night shit was good though the one with a
[00:06:48] Fuck what the fuck is that guys a new new one? No, no, no, no the ones who have it had been a like a good
[00:06:56] There would have been something where you think it's aliens whole time and then it's not aliens
[00:07:00] Whatever whatever's causing those crop circles, and that's what he's good at but then there's movies where he just like phones it in where it's like crop circles
[00:07:09] And the twist is they're allergic to water. Yeah, I mean it was like, you know, I don't maybe had like a three movie deal or something
[00:07:17] I don't think okay the overall movie was stupid. Okay, like I get that the idea of water being what kills him is stupid
[00:07:23] But there were good moments like there were good jump moments in there, but you can put jump scares and fucking anything
[00:07:28] I mean, there's like yeah, I'm not judging it based on that metric
[00:07:31] I mean there's like I'm not gonna like complain about like oculus and say like I was stupid a spooky mirror
[00:07:37] It's like no, you know, there's jump scares and stuff. Yeah
[00:07:47] Dude I saw Mandy that shit is so good. Yeah, you gotta see that shit and I also rewatched we won't talk about since you haven't seen it
[00:07:56] So fucking I loved Mandy so much also also ran back fucking Thor Ragnarok. No, I did that
[00:08:08] No ran back true romance, that's a fucking banger
[00:08:12] It doesn't hold up as much because when I saw it I was like 16
[00:08:16] I was like dang I'm lose the best movie I love that movie, but it is so entertaining like yeah
[00:08:23] That movie has like six scenes in it that would be the big I fucking loved that movie when I was like
[00:08:29] 17 yeah, I was like this is the bet I literally pictured the eldest and we were all watching it was like damn
[00:08:34] I want a prostitute girlfriend. Yeah, I still kind of do yeah
[00:08:38] The other two girlfriend movie leaving Las Vegas. I haven't seen that one. Oh, you haven't no
[00:08:45] Here's a good double feature leaving Las Vegas and love Liza. I probably recommended that on the show before okay
[00:08:50] So you know there's gonna be plenty of like they've already said those
[00:09:01] It's fucking lazy shit you get $40 million a day
[00:09:10] The other shit that I watch was there's this Tom Cruise did I talk about sorry?
[00:09:15] How there was a Tom Cruise movie in the like late 80s. There was a fantasy epic that was directed by Ridley Scott and
[00:09:22] It was called legend or some shit and it was like it and Tim Curry played like this demonic
[00:09:29] Got Tim Curry actually rocks. Yeah, it sucked. It was bad
[00:09:33] But it was like but there's apparently some like theatrical or there's some director's cuts like two and a half hours long
[00:09:38] Tim Curry always looks like he's watching child pornography
[00:09:41] Like they're playing child pornography just behind the camera
[00:09:59] Oh, you're supposed to be a hotel bell hop
[00:10:02] Yeah, it looks like he's ordering someone to fucking child on his behalf
[00:10:16] God he fucking rules man. Yeah, but yeah, it was there like you could cut like a 20-minute version of like you could cut like a
[00:10:23] Short-ass little snippet of this movie and think it was the greatest movie of all time, but it sucked. Yeah, yeah
[00:10:29] It was really visually cool though. Tim Curry's set like devil character rock
[00:10:34] I've been skidding high and watching like fucking just really low-budget action movies. Mm-hmm. That was my shit when I was 20
[00:10:41] Yeah, there was so many just terrible action movies that I saw. Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah
[00:10:46] Yeah, there was one I can't find here's the thing here's a bounty
[00:10:50] I will pay literally a hundred dollars to anyone who can find me a copy of Death Ring
[00:10:54] If you can find me a copy of Death Ring. It was straight to video
[00:10:57] Action movie. Okay. Yeah, the box art. It says McQueen Norris Swayze
[00:11:16] Good for them Billy Drago is in it though
[00:11:19] And it's just the most dangerous game but but shit here. Yeah. Yeah
[00:11:23] Yeah, no actually the best of all of the most dangerous game derivatives is surviving the game
[00:11:30] You've never seen it. It's uh iced tea is a homeless black guy that gets kidnapped by like Charles S. Dutton. Hell. Yes fucking
[00:11:41] Rucker how are okay, and then who's the name of that actor? I always forget it's the older doctor from scrubs. Oh
[00:11:48] I don't know his name, but yeah, I know you F Marie Abraham's in it too. Hell. Yeah, that's all his cash
[00:11:59] He's uh, he's worth the fucking blonde ladies with big fake asses and tips are
[00:12:05] You know, you said his child by the way
[00:12:08] So this kid is half cocoa half iced tea in theory. Uh, it looks
[00:12:13] It's a little girl with exactly iced teas
[00:12:21] Every time it's a man that looks like that their daughter always looks exactly like it
[00:12:25] It looks like a creepy doll figurine of iced tea. It's fucked up. I feel bad for the girl
[00:12:31] Hopefully she's she's rich as fuck. She'll probably like grow up
[00:12:34] He just like keeps getting to like try to get her cast and svu as a victim and they're like we just we need to be believable
[00:12:44] I'm looking at it now dude tell me it does not look she does not look at it
[00:12:49] It does if you just show me this kid. I wouldn't be like that's iced tea's kid dude
[00:12:53] But this is an ugly fucking look at her next to ugly ass child. Oh no
[00:13:00] Look at her next to cocoa. Let me let me get some more. She just looks so tired
[00:13:05] No, it's like the it's in the smile. It's in that iced tea weird toothy smile
[00:13:09] And it's like she'll be posing to coat next to cocoa and it's like mommy and daughter
[00:13:18] Chemically fakely blonde and right right and it's just like what your actual daughter looks like just looks like iced tea
[00:13:25] Wasn't there some guy who like sued his wife for getting classic surgery?
[00:13:30] Is that a oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh nevermind that damn
[00:13:35] That was like that real though. No, it's like a fake head. I was gonna say
[00:13:49] Adam's dumbass got tricked by him facebook. Oh god
[00:13:53] I was gonna say it didn't look real at least I thought that did you also know that obon was actually
[00:13:57] Instituteing sharia law this year wait what yeah, I put it in a
[00:14:01] After the election I I photoshopped these articles. It said trump is bringing sharia law and I started posting in like those facebook groups for like
[00:14:08] Anti-obama stuff and then I had this one lady that's like if this is true. I feel completely betrayed
[00:14:17] I was wrong and I feel betrayed. I like that the open-minded
[00:14:23] Obama's a muslim that's bringing in sharia law, but she's like well. This might be true also
[00:14:28] It's not just bringing sharia law feel they have turned their back on me
[00:14:34] She doesn't even know what sharia law is none of them do yeah
[00:14:41] Yeah, can you explain it to me stop? Yeah, it's like this. I would like to go into it, but you know, it's kind of busy right now
[00:14:48] Otherwise I definitely just like shaking keys. I'm kind of busy. Yeah
[00:14:55] I don't think it's bad though. I don't know what sharia law is. I don't really know it's clerics or judges and everything is like
[00:15:03] Oh, I just thought it was like a I were a muslim word that they picked up and say that they're gonna like sharia law is like a
[00:15:11] Um, yeah, at least as far as like the judicial aspects are concerned is it good for women?
[00:15:21] But that's deceptively not as bad though. I know I I watched a very convincing reza aslan video that said sharia law is actually good
[00:15:33] That to be scared of sharia law is ridiculous
[00:15:36] And the truth is that jesus actually invented pedophilia. I believe that
[00:15:44] Like in the bible where we don't know about what jesus is up to
[00:15:47] Uh-huh real there's like childhood and age 33. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like maybe he was maybe he was sucking in fucking children
[00:15:58] They get the extra secret parts of the bible where they're like and by the way when jesus was 26
[00:16:05] He was fucking little kids. That's how he got all his magical powers
[00:16:08] They get caught for the pedophilia. You don't understand you haven't read all of the bible. Yeah. Yeah, what what if it's like getting badges
[00:16:14] It's like pokemon he gets different skills or whatever by whichever
[00:16:18] Children he fucks. Well, what are the different kinds of children that you try to fuck?
[00:16:22] Um like a like a retarded kid is the one that he can walk on water
[00:16:31] Let's see. What would bring him back to luck? Maybe an asian kid
[00:16:35] Oh, well, how about a kid with leprosy and the patch won't stay on
[00:16:39] She's have to keep putting the patch back on
[00:16:46] Yeah, that's just i'm kind of a working theory about yeah, yeah, that's how you can come back with some more on that
[00:16:52] Give me some homework. I fucking children. What do you think about that one nick?
[00:16:55] I always I got distracted by the time remember i had to go to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription
[00:17:02] Oh sure. I do that. What are you getting little dick pills?
[00:17:15] Your brain has a little penis you need these pills
[00:17:19] I ran it down to the I shouldn't have done that then I was throwing up for two days. I didn't take I couldn't take it
[00:17:26] Well, yeah, I guess yeah, you're right. I should just stop taking my days. Yeah, fucking man. I want to die
[00:17:31] I mean you can throw up any day. So really what's the point of taking any medication for anything? Yeah, we were watching uh
[00:17:39] What's a couple TLC shows? Oh, yeah, I am I got to get back into reality tv
[00:17:44] Good stuff because you realize at a certain point. It's like the point of reality tv is like the regular tv is supposed to be somewhat aspirational
[00:17:51] It's like what if your life was this interesting? Yeah, yeah and reality tv is like at least you're not a trans fat. So
[00:17:59] Well, let's separate the shows we watched we started with jazz life. I am I am jazz
[00:18:09] Jewish trans girl who's like 17. Well, the point of the show is that the family is Jewish. They gave incredibly big titties too
[00:18:16] Huge. Yeah, which is crazy. I mean good for her and she looks like you wouldn't guess. I don't think like she they blocked her
[00:18:23] And no, she's kind of she's cute. Yeah, she's cute. And they're only gonna give her they're gonna give her a pretty shallow pussy according to the doctor five inches
[00:18:34] But also she's got all that money now from the show. Oh true
[00:18:39] Damn, okay. So you got some competition. I'm sure she's being hit up left and right. Yeah, and she's also eight
[00:18:44] You know a child, but well, I'm sure she'll be 18. That's a stop trip before
[00:18:59] Right. It's like wait do these times tables real quick, and then we can check and see
[00:19:07] Um, but yeah, that's a good ass show man just that young ass trans girl
[00:19:14] They are they have to be so crazy rich so you can see the difference you can see the difference in how rich her family is
[00:19:19] Where's her like transfer who doesn't look they look quiet as spot on yet as perfect
[00:19:25] Yeah, is she supposed to get but I don't know how'd you get into the jazz?
[00:19:30] Oh, I don't know I was bored the other night
[00:19:33] Put some on my new things is watching that show and then uh
[00:19:38] What the what is what is snooker? Uh, I don't know really. I mean it's hard to figure out
[00:19:44] But just tell me in very broad terms is it a game?
[00:19:47] It's like a pool-ish type game. It's a pool. I mean we kind of already I
[00:19:51] When it was on the real last podcast, but oh, okay. Yeah, it's like
[00:20:02] No, I keep getting a bunch of there's a bunch of notifications on my phone from the new york times and all of them are interesting
[00:20:08] Okay, and also yes losing money a lot of things going on today
[00:20:17] Snapped her noon. Yeah, no, I you know I got that feeling you know when it's like there's something you were supposed to do
[00:20:22] Oh, yeah, and you can't remember what it is and you're like, I know I've fucked myself by now. Whatever the thing is. Oh, yeah
[00:20:29] It's like I'm fucked. I'm fucked in taxes. I don't know what's gonna happen. No, not yet
[00:20:35] Yeah, but there's something I was supposed to yeah, just and it's fucking the shit
[00:20:39] That's how I've done all the holidays. I was like there's so much work. I needed to be doing
[00:20:42] Yeah, I was like, well, it's the fucking holiday
[00:20:44] Right. Yeah, and I can't do anything now and now it's by the way
[00:20:48] It's January 2nd recording this on the day. You'll probably hear it probably who knows
[00:20:55] Yeah, it's the first day that's not the holidays and it's like fuck. I have all this work. I have to do
[00:21:00] Yeah, I'm fat as shit even by my standards me and eldest stepped on the scale
[00:21:08] East three bills you guys are the same ish weight. Yeah, and he but he's also sweet
[00:21:19] Either way, he's much taller than me like a whole two inches
[00:21:26] Uh, but yeah, I'm getting fat as shit, man
[00:21:29] It's that's the problem with the tracksuit lifestyle. You never know how fat you're getting no
[00:21:36] It sounds like a real gamble. It is again. I'm taking a real gamble on my health. Yeah, and
[00:21:41] Luckily, I get to blow off some steam by doing regular gambling. You didn't get a second sandwich earlier though
[00:21:51] Tomorrow you can bet on that. Make sure the dog doesn't lift the couch
[00:21:55] Oh, yeah, we got we stole the dog while Adams at the gay sex convention. Yeah, Phoenix
[00:22:02] Adam asked me to dog sit and didn't offer any money or to pay for the food for the dog
[00:22:07] I'm sure you'd pay for the food for the dog
[00:22:14] Seriously, make sure that dog. Can you take it to the vet? He's like hey is technically the weak your dog sitting?
[00:22:20] Yeah, so you should kind of pay for it. No, that makes sense
[00:22:32] You can gamble on whether I'll get a second sandwich or not
[00:22:35] Oh, yeah, I bet the aside doc look at this fat bitch trying to do this place
[00:22:40] We're also we're currently watching my fabulous fat life. Yeah, my big fat fat ass life fat. So style
[00:22:47] You're watching my fat fucking fat ass. Don't be that bitch life
[00:22:52] How fucking long is this is a two-hour show? Yeah
[00:22:56] You can bet how long this show is at bet the aside.com
[00:23:03] Mm-hmm. You know the the been in business over 20 years. Yes, which you some of you aren't even 20 years old
[00:23:10] That means this website's life is worth looking at her. Oh
[00:23:14] Fuck that she's doing pretty well, but I can't tell where her bones are
[00:23:19] Could just be it's just her legs hanging down. Yeah, it's like
[00:23:25] You you know been in business over 20 years. I can't say enough longer than longer than you've been a lot
[00:23:31] So if you if you haven't been around 20 years you might as well kill yourself and tell them bet the aside
[00:23:38] In the note specifically make it clear that it would make it clear that your family should sue bet the aside calm
[00:23:46] Because they said personally that you should kill yourself
[00:23:50] If you're not as old as bet the aside calm
[00:23:57] They offer live in game wagering they offer
[00:24:03] Basically, just about everything just about everything
[00:24:06] Sports politics reality TV pretty much every actually that is one of the things it says yeah, I know so you could bet on
[00:24:12] You could really whether this big bitch turns fat or not. What is the point? She doesn't even lose weight anymore
[00:24:18] She's just fat. She's just fat. She's just
[00:24:20] Watch this fat bitch continue to be fat and be annoying
[00:24:24] The whole time we already had fat bitch shows, but they would like be like this is the year. I'm losing weight
[00:24:29] And then they would end with like Krista died
[00:24:39] She tried to adopt a kid or they were talking about it, but her BMI is too high
[00:24:43] And she's like this is discrimination. This is literally I can't wait until we're like having to read articles about how discriminatory doorways
[00:25:03] We should all be able to just roll around the streets. It should be open
[00:25:09] Buttons and zippers. Yeah, that's discrimination brother can bet on how much this woman weighs a bet the aside
[00:25:15] Dot com because they do offer shit on that. Mm-hmm. And they offer live in game. We're drinks
[00:25:23] How fucking fat she is, you know the Eagles are
[00:25:27] Was it's third and ten and bottom of the fourth yep?
[00:25:34] You're like you know what I want to change my bet to how soon that fat bitch is gonna
[00:25:40] You can do that take all your money out of the one bet out of that. That's what in game goes wrong those games
[00:25:51] No, but that is literally what it means. Yeah, and if you have a problem with bet the aside on
[00:25:57] Kill yourself and then you know say bet the SI made me do it
[00:26:01] And then because they're award-winning customer service first. Oh, yeah, they got 24 seven customer service
[00:26:09] Two o'clock in the morning call them up you go. Yeah, I put a damn bet on that pigly bitch
[00:26:42] People say like you know in independent state will Smith says welcome to earth. Yeah
[00:26:47] It's like you can watch it 100% clearly says earth
[00:26:50] No, it's like in memes. Yeah, it's been parodied where they say earth and other like movies and shit
[00:26:59] It's like that you are just so clearly being
[00:27:06] Is that even something you can lie about happening? It's on fucking film, right? I just I choose to remember it as earth
[00:27:13] So here's what we're gonna be betting on this week take the Ravens of course always take
[00:27:20] Fuck the Chargers you motherfuckers if you'd been taking the Ravens every time I told you to you
[00:27:25] You'd be a fucking billionaire. I'm fucking 20 million
[00:27:29] Fuck the youngest mother fucking starting quarterback in the playoffs ever
[00:27:33] Lamar Jackson 12 years old all years old. He's one of the kids Jesus fuck to get his powers
[00:27:39] I'm sorry to bully him been took in place of school
[00:27:44] When you sign up make sure these promo code come 120's you m 120 so they know we send you
[00:27:50] When you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take it the bonus money
[00:27:54] Which is like getting a casino comp up front before you play to the tables
[00:27:58] Get yourself a nice little Chinese bitch to blow on the dice
[00:28:03] They offer that also you can email them and they'll send you your own personal Chinese
[00:28:06] We're gonna be bro on the dice she'll blow on the keyboard before you put in the it has a rollover requirement
[00:28:12] But it's free cash so if you're gonna be in the sportsbook, which is where we love gamble there
[00:28:17] We love gambling. Are you a gambler stuff to sports book with bet the SI calm bet the you're a fucking retard if you're not
[00:28:25] Use promo code come 120 up to a thousand dollars you're gonna be 60 bonus cash
[00:28:30] You turn a thousand into 1600 to play with so once again, that's bet the SI come 120
[00:28:35] Let's start the show start the show all right, doggy. What do we got this week?
[00:28:48] No, dude, I noticed this you can do rape jokes if it's about a Puerto Rican
[00:29:01] Oh, okay, what would be the point of even having them there? Yeah, that's true. I just insert beeps
[00:29:10] Edit an episode of real-ass podcast and anytime Zach speaks just replace it with like an end beep noise
[00:29:17] And then you know he's crushed people are laughing at it, but that's like literally his only contribution
[00:29:26] Everyone laughing at the end work for an hour. That's just all it is ever
[00:29:36] Yeah, oh damn she didn't she didn't used to be as fat
[00:29:40] Really? Oh, I just got I think you I think you were looking at you start off as a baby
[00:29:45] You have to get to a huh. That's a different woman next to her
[00:29:51] I know that yeah stops learning the concept of two people
[00:29:56] I still don't quite have object permanence. No, is that two or three people damn dropping object permanence
[00:30:02] Oh, man. My man got some psych 101 going over here. Yeah, dude
[00:30:06] I know a couple things. I was stalled right because her closure. She wasn't even I mean she was fat as shit
[00:30:11] But she wasn't but she was she's still kind of proportionally fat. You know what I mean?
[00:30:15] She looked fine there. I mean not fine, but you know what I mean? Yeah, she's like fetish
[00:30:19] But those pictures gave her the confidence to get even
[00:30:24] Wow, wow wow wow you can be a fun article right. It's like when are we gonna acknowledge black men's
[00:30:38] Dude that sounds like it's gotten its whole maulin written all over it partially their fault. Yeah
[00:30:42] Yeah, yeah, she was borderline hot. Yeah, yeah
[00:30:47] I would I would smash this woman got too strong by accident
[00:30:53] I like a strong woman. Yeah, sure her will or whatever
[00:30:58] I've been thinking about this. There's got to be strong women or skinny women that are very into a
[00:31:03] This is so funny dude like because it's this punching bag action is what's that why why would it be their problem?
[00:31:10] Like it's a pathology that they like because people like to get fucked or
[00:31:15] Fuck people they hate or something like that. So if you hate fat people
[00:31:18] They fuck you to make sure they don't give that only sexual experience
[00:31:23] Sad after they fuck you and like every time they're like there's a big mistake
[00:31:33] They're always like mad and they're like, wow, could I do this to myself?
[00:31:36] I'm just like stop and they leave and that so there's got to be one of them. That's also strong
[00:31:49] Strong right by definition. So having you fucked a strong woman like a
[00:31:53] You were strong retarded people. Oh, yeah, I've never I've never smashed the mentally disabled
[00:32:01] I mean there'd be a story about Jake. They're gonna
[00:32:13] Damn snitches get stitches name. I didn't snitch they figured it out
[00:32:22] I'm not gonna talk about it. Is that gonna make him bigger or or less cool in the dsa?
[00:32:26] Is it more cool? Obviously look dude fucking retard. It's like four years away from being like we also have pussies
[00:32:36] Just because it's filled with candy. So like it's not a pussy. So you think in the future. It'll be like I'm just like a wagon
[00:32:43] Just because my pussy is filled with tussy walls and
[00:32:47] And it's a warhead doesn't mean that it's not
[00:32:50] So you're saying the way about retarded girls are pussies are tighter because it's filled with sour candy
[00:32:57] A bunch of sour patch kids in there make my pocket
[00:33:02] She may have a big pussy, but I just wrapped my dick with fruit by the foot till it's tight as hell
[00:33:14] Oh, look at this exercise class for fat women
[00:33:17] For oh no one has cancer. Yeah, what all you do is just move your arms left and right
[00:33:25] This is hilarious. This just sucks without buddy dude
[00:33:29] He should be there's a fat cokehead that she used to be friends live with and then anybody well
[00:33:33] They end up married at the end of this season. They do and they get engaged or something. What?
[00:33:38] Yeah, spoilers, bro. I read that online. I want I didn't know that this show rules
[00:33:43] Damn not as much as I am jazz though. Yeah, I'm jazz does rule well. I guess dude
[00:33:48] I gotta get back into hg tv tlc this shit is like rally tv is fucking great
[00:33:55] Now that i'm all social media. I need some kind of connection something so stupid
[00:33:58] Yeah, you know yeah, you've been to you got to get out of your ivory tower man. I know what says that about you
[00:34:04] Just now up here reading fucking scholarly scripts. I said send my read I put piano. Yeah, that's right
[00:34:10] There's a grand piano in here right now. Yeah
[00:34:14] Yep, and I don't look this one snake is actually sitting on top of it
[00:34:19] All not that one on all fours and a white. Oh, yeah, jeez. Oh
[00:34:23] Yeah, madie dance student damn. I wish I could hear that voice. We got this
[00:34:30] Yeah, damn. Wow. Leslie Jones just got seven tv credits in 30 seconds
[00:34:35] She's nine different people in this room
[00:34:42] Yeah, so check out my big fat fucking life my big fat fat ass fucking fat bitch life
[00:34:47] She gets engaged the buddy dude the coke boy. I think so damn maybe that kiss meant more than yeah
[00:34:56] I remember the article the article that I read that inspired me to do any of that nicole shit. I think was the uh
[00:35:02] Or it was at least early on was that one do you remember it?
[00:35:06] It was an exo jane about the white woman that went to yoga and there was a fat black woman there and it made her cry
[00:35:12] What? I think the fat woman just like was mining her own business, but she's like none of this was designed for her body
[00:35:18] Are you kidding? No, it was like the fuck it was one of the funniest things
[00:35:21] She was mad that somebody theoretically could be too fat for yoga. Yes. Yeah
[00:35:26] Yeah, that rules would have dumb bitch yoga honestly
[00:35:33] I I I I used to do yoga at a point in my life and I felt great. Yeah, I was good on the fat body
[00:35:39] Oh, yeah, I didn't know what it would be like on a fat body, but I didn't enjoy it myself
[00:35:43] No, the fat body is great because it's like I was flexible as shit, but still fat and that's a funny thing to be
[00:35:50] That yeah, that's like an expecting that you know to be fat and be able to like kick your leg high as shit
[00:35:55] I'll put your hands behind your back and stuff
[00:35:58] You know crazy flexible feats like that. You can't find the article anymore. It was titled
[00:36:02] There are no black people in my yoga classes and I'm suddenly feeling uncomfortable with it
[00:36:12] A gen polar check I suddenly feel bad not helping the black family I kicked out of the house
[00:36:19] Moving into there if only I could give them a partial scholarship for yoga
[00:36:23] Yeah, well, I displaced them very far into Brooklyn
[00:36:27] Which trains don't even run. Yeah, let's start a program. Yeah, let's ship them from where we made them move to back to where
[00:36:33] Back to their old neighborhood. So they get to visit it and watch us do yoga and you can't find the original article
[00:36:43] That I wrote last week is deeply ignorant and sensitive and self-centered and I am entirely to blame for that
[00:36:49] Hell yes, it's tricky for me to specify where I went wrong because as many a point with the title probably
[00:36:58] For starters, I projected my anxieties onto someone else and dehumanize her in the process
[00:37:02] I wish I could find the original because it was so fucking fun
[00:37:05] It was like I watched her every move and tears began to run down my face
[00:37:09] As this big black bitch as this fat bitch
[00:37:12] Used the fingers that were designed for eating fried chicken to do fucking baby pose
[00:37:24] I'm just appreciative that other white women make the bar so low. Yeah, it's true
[00:37:28] So fucking low, you feel like they're gonna come for white women soon. What do you mean?
[00:37:32] They're slowly doing it. They already have who who's gonna come for white?
[00:37:36] I don't know why they came for white men. Who doesn't like I mean, you don't you don't hear white women shit all the time
[00:37:41] Yeah, I think his white men have the benefit of being able like you can still do the thing where you're like
[00:37:46] Oh, yeah, none of this shit means anything to me. I'm not gonna pay attention to it
[00:37:49] Right, right, right, right. We're like white women don't really have the room. That's true. Yeah, yeah
[00:37:53] The world does treat you bad and because white women fucked up and they threw us under the bus. So we could have joined up
[00:37:59] Did they oh yeah, oh big time. Yeah. Yep
[00:38:05] But I didn't just don't don't don't forget that
[00:38:11] I've been defending you guys all the time. We didn't start the fire
[00:38:19] Uh-huh black bitches retards transgender
[00:38:24] Grown men pretending to be little girls. We didn't start the fire
[00:38:29] Leave white man alone. We didn't do anything wrong
[00:38:37] Cat calling black woman in younger class
[00:38:48] No, there's plenty of white women shit in what wait do you mean co just making jokes?
[00:38:52] No, that's it. I mean blaming like white women. Oh white women have been blamed for shit. Are you kidding me? Yeah, but I just mean like, you know
[00:38:59] Where are you guys a scapegoat? Where white men scapegoat sure absolutely, but
[00:39:05] Yeah, I'm just mean like I mean, I don't really know in any real way what I meant
[00:39:12] I just mean like oh, is this thing you ottoman? Yeah, nice. It's a storage ottoman very nice
[00:39:18] Um like being blamed for being as big a part of society being bad as white men. Oh, yeah
[00:39:24] Do you do you not listen to black women talk ever?
[00:39:40] That I guess that has been a new it does swing back now every time where it's like white
[00:39:45] White feminism was getting attacked for a while there. Yeah, sure and you know a lot of it should be yeah
[00:39:51] I mean, I don't know I'm fucking stupid and don't pay attention to things, but yeah, I don't really care. Yeah
[00:40:00] But we made him come by joking his dick off
[00:40:06] Yeah, like you know they won't come for Billy Joel, but they'll come for Alexa ray Joel
[00:40:12] Shouts out to I wonder what Alexa's life is like. Yeah
[00:40:15] Day to day how does she wake up they'll come for white women if Hillary runs against a
[00:40:21] Perfume well Elizabeth is running now and everyone's talking Elizabeth Warren. Yeah doesn't count
[00:40:28] Uh, they're gonna they're gonna give her the same shit, dude
[00:40:30] They're talking about how she's like a dumb bitch already and stuff. No, no
[00:40:33] But they can't count as a person of color. Is that what you meant? No, no, no
[00:40:37] Instead of Hillary. Yeah, if it's Elizabeth Warren versus Kamala or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:40:48] Imagine if I thought Elizabeth Warren was a person of color
[00:40:54] That's what fucked her more than anything is like doubling down on this like got the 23 and me results. Yeah
[00:41:05] I'm not saying I can say the word, but I can spell the first two left
[00:41:08] I'm like just what are you doing? I can't say it if it comes out of my car on mouth it though
[00:41:22] So stave your dick doesn't work my dick doesn't work. Oh, yeah, there's a solution now. What's that? Uh bet the s
[00:41:32] Dude, I'm getting so fat that if I didn't have the like before they were they were
[00:41:37] Uh, the dick pills were you know a little pep in your step give your dick that extra hardest thing
[00:41:42] But now i'm so fat that I need blue chute
[00:41:47] And they worked so well the other day I almost passed out and had to lay down after taking
[00:41:53] Collapse in the hallway. Mm-hmm. Why couldn't see out of one of my eyes. That's how you know you're getting the extra powerful shit
[00:42:04] Yep, yeah when I said I had the flu I actually was suffering from taking too many dick pills
[00:42:10] Uh, yeah, I like to take so many dick pills. It's like the opening scene from apocalypse now
[00:42:27] Yes, we do have fucked up mangled ass dicks that won't get hard, but thank god there's blue chute.com
[00:42:35] Right is there more? Is there actual stuff we have to read? Yeah, I'm looking for it. Okay. Anyways, that's fun
[00:42:42] Blue chute doesn't like your tongue blue. Yeah, it's a dick pill company that makes your tongue blue
[00:42:47] It's like candy. It does take like candy do a baby. Yeah
[00:42:51] Uh, it's a little horny ass baby with same whose cock can't get hard way too early in his life
[00:42:58] Medicine is Viagra and Seattle. It's the same act. No, hey, look that's actually a good sign
[00:43:03] If you're taking dick pills and you're in your mid 20s. It means you're probably gonna die around 40
[00:43:07] Which is like take that mom and dad. Yep. Now. I don't have to pay for your nursing
[00:43:12] Yeah, figure it out on your own you dumb old ass busy having sex
[00:43:23] Yep, uh and that can all be accomplished with blue chute. Mm-hmm
[00:43:27] Where the fuck is it? You want an early exit from this?
[00:43:30] This mortal prison that we're in fuck yourself to death
[00:43:33] Just keep fucking till you you feel lightheaded and think you're gonna die
[00:43:37] And if you do that enough times for the next 10 or so years
[00:43:42] Maybe you actually will die. Maybe one of those times you will die. All right. There we go. All right. So they're chewable
[00:43:48] So they work faster. Mm-hmm up to twice
[00:43:53] As fast twice as or twice a day in fast
[00:43:57] That's not a real question twice than fast twice
[00:44:01] I don't know twice as fast man twice as fast. Yeah twice as fast makes sense. All right. The copy's right
[00:44:12] You can take blue chute on a fuller empty stomach. Mm-hmm. You know that's right so
[00:44:18] So you can swallow the cut a come before I'm going to dinner to skip dinner skip dinner go right to fucking
[00:44:23] Oh, I've had for let dinner the lat the how I'm losing weight
[00:44:27] Add it all for breakfast dick pills for dinner, baby
[00:44:29] She per then those other two and then in parentheses it says viagra and ciala
[00:44:33] I don't know if we're supposed to say that or I put it's cheaper than viagra and ciala's I can say that
[00:44:41] Because I say whatever the fuck I want. That's right. I'm on dick pills
[00:44:45] If anyone it look take him and you fuck up at work and be like, I'm sorry. I was on dick
[00:44:50] There's so there's not enough blood in my brain. It's on my cock. Yeah, I'm too busy having sex to know how to do my job
[00:44:58] No doctor visit no awkward conversation. None of that shit in line at a pharmacy. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:45:05] Ships directly or the door and discreet pack of street custom medicine
[00:45:14] Just say online pharmacy or something custom medicine like exhibit is getting your dick on
[00:45:31] They pluck out all your ball hairs and put like gold like strands
[00:45:37] Like one of those like old McDonald's cup mp3s in there
[00:45:48] You have hip clips. Oh, yeah, I love take one of your balls is a is a
[00:46:00] But it's oh, yeah, I've been trying to get dog to bite me in the face. I would lose an eye
[00:46:04] Although it's been around. What are you gonna do? I'm just slapping her and sticking my face in her face
[00:46:10] You should put a little fucking liver in your eye. Yeah blue chew gives you no dogs
[00:46:15] Excited about that gives you confidence in bed every time you and your partner will love it
[00:46:20] You're that partner. So if you're gay, you can also use it
[00:46:24] Don't let the tone of this show fool you gay men are also allowed to use blue
[00:46:29] Even if they're not allowed to listen to this show
[00:46:33] They're allowed to take the medicine that we advertise. So if you got a friend out there that's gay
[00:46:39] Don't say look hey, I heard about this thing on comtown. They said I don't want to hear anymore about that show
[00:46:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah, say no. It's about your dick that doesn't work
[00:46:46] Mm. Maybe I maybe I was wrong. You shouldn't just try watching straight porn
[00:46:52] You shouldn't just try it now if your dick doesn't work
[00:46:54] It seems like the natural solution in the gay communities to become a bottom
[00:46:58] How funny it would be if you were like if your dick wasn't working and then you just found out you weren't gay
[00:47:16] I guess at some point I'll start liking it
[00:47:29] Wow, I'm supposed to know in 15 years. I'm gonna make bills
[00:47:39] Here's a great deal for you guys visit bluechoo.com and get your first order free when you use promo code calm damn
[00:47:44] Cum T. O. W. That's a bunch of free hard-ons on us pay five dollar shipping. That's blue
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[00:47:54] Let's start the show. Let's start the show
[00:48:03] My big fat. Yeah, I'm out here in the fucking woods. How relapse. I'm feeling good as shit
[00:48:11] Fuck it. Okay. I was gonna die and do blow
[00:48:14] Respect to that man. Yeah, he rules sometimes I would just dude
[00:48:17] I'm getting so fat again that I'm like the voice in my head's like
[00:48:24] Okay, dude it rules I was just taking drugs that kills your sex dress
[00:48:29] It's like I don't I don't know Felix's situation, but I get the impression that he just never fucks
[00:48:34] It's literally just like nine monitors in his apartment
[00:48:43] And he's just gaming and quit streaming and then lifting weights and it's like god would have a god among men perfect life
[00:48:51] That's all fucking that's all we really want. Yep. The thing is men don't actually want to fuck
[00:48:55] We were tricked into it, but we can't admit that we're manipulated by social pressure
[00:49:00] Because what it's what is in our hearts is whatever the fuck Felix is doing
[00:49:05] Yeah, we don't like dying a war or something isn't that what men want to do?
[00:49:09] No, we want to die in 15 million wars, which is what gaming
[00:49:14] Yeah, you don't want you only want one death and war no thanks
[00:49:17] Yeah, we want to fucking die in the eight. We want to die against the covenant. Yeah, we want to die against Hitler
[00:49:22] We want to die against them all. Yeah, you want to be what? Audie Murphy?
[00:49:27] He got what one medal of honor maybe two
[00:49:30] I have played every medal of honor. Yeah
[00:49:33] I've earned all of them. Sometimes I did really bad. Guess what you just start over mother
[00:49:39] Wait, he's Audie Murphy. I wasn't Audie Murphy the the most decorated
[00:49:43] I knew a kid that I thinks had the same exact name, but he got a caught selling weed
[00:49:54] Audie, I think shut the fuck up shut up everyone shut up
[00:50:00] Audie Murphy was one of the most decorated american combat soldiers of world war two
[00:50:06] He received every military combat award for valor valor valor from the us army as well as french and belgian
[00:50:12] awards for heroism. Oh damn. I made up the beljica awards. Yeah
[00:50:19] No, I received the medal of honor for valor that he demonstrated age of 19 and blah blah blah
[00:50:23] So we're so gonna suffer counter attack when murphy's born a large family
[00:50:26] I thought he won two medals of honor, but whatever dude. It's pretty cool. Yeah, fuck him. Fuck Audie Murphy
[00:50:32] Excuse me. You heard me. I would love to be a war hero
[00:50:37] Nah, I'm just deaf and I own like a cotton store
[00:50:40] For the next 60 years of your life like selling pipe fittings and some bullshit down
[00:50:49] Like just the fucking short sleeve fucking flannel you tuck into your candies
[00:50:53] Once every that's what I love about the end of band and brothers for they're all playing baseball together and they do the like sand
[00:50:58] Lot, you know what they went on to do and half of them are like with is one of them
[00:51:01] That's like he went on a sailing trip and no one ever saw them
[00:51:04] Like most of his pockets with rocks and jumped in the middle of the ocean
[00:51:16] What happened to Benny the jet did he just he got taken away from the by producers or something because he was hot
[00:51:21] Yeah, he was on the Dodgers doesn't he huh?
[00:51:23] Benny the jet plays on the Dodgers and then the fucking boys in love with him and he calls baseball games
[00:51:29] The kid with a hat that's too big. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forget his name
[00:51:37] Just remember Benny because he was hot. Yeah, otherwise I can remember what they all look like
[00:51:43] I only remember the fat one obviously. Yeah, what was his name? I don't know and they're small orange shared
[00:51:49] No, he's the one that's on killing me schools. The orange shared one. Have you seen Angus?
[00:51:54] No, what is that about a cow? No, well, it's about a fat boy. So yeah
[00:52:03] Damn, here's where she gets told she's too fat to have a child Robin size
[00:52:10] Fucking bitch Robin. She probably picked that one. They probably she discriminated adoption agencies. She's like Robin size more
[00:52:17] There's something I like about this man. I feel like she'll just get me
[00:52:22] We can meet with Robin size more after being denied a baby
[00:52:25] Heather heads to auntie aunts for some therapy
[00:52:34] This is great suffering what would today be described as post-traumatic stress disorder murphy slept with a loaded handgun under his pillow
[00:52:42] He looks for solace an addictive sleeping pill
[00:52:45] In his last few years he was plagued by money problems, but refused offers to appear in alc
[00:52:50] But refuse offers to appear in alcohol and cigarette commercials because he did not want to set a bad example
[00:52:56] Murphy died in a plane crash in Virginia in 1971, which was shortly before his 46th birthday
[00:53:11] Fucking sucks dude. What a fucking horrible life
[00:53:19] It's too late now. We're 30 dude, but as a general
[00:53:23] They find me. They're like we need a beautiful mind maybe if you start playing video games
[00:53:27] Do you think they're gonna recruit from people who are good at video games?
[00:53:29] Maybe feel it's gonna be a general. That's what all the that's yeah
[00:53:33] That's in all the n-cells that play video games and stuff there that they're just training for the upcoming inevitable
[00:53:38] Let us show your own drone war. Yeah. Hey
[00:53:41] Icey shut the fuck up. We're trying to make money to feed shut up sit down
[00:53:46] If it wasn't for this podcast you'd be on the fucking street right now, Isis
[00:53:51] That's true your dumbass father can't provide for you
[00:54:00] Adam would be already put submitting her to dog fights to try and make
[00:54:03] Well, you have to pay your part of the rent. I see dog
[00:54:16] Man dogs like fighting anyway, it's true. It's what they'd be doing in the wild true dad
[00:54:22] People got to be in world war two. Yeah
[00:54:31] They got the cool wars they got to be racist out loud
[00:54:37] They got to see the original Mickey Mouse and said the n-word
[00:54:44] I mean, they used to be funny. Oh, yeah, it's people like why aren't cartoons funny? It's like well listen kid. They used to be
[00:54:56] And brought all this Indian bullshit over and said we had to be nice to the colors
[00:55:02] And that was the end of cartoons and good wars
[00:55:07] You see we used to have a nice balance with racism
[00:55:09] We do it until it was fun and then someone would take it too far and then we'd invade their country and have a war that mattered
[00:55:17] Now we don't do it enough so we have to oppress brown people with drone strikes
[00:55:24] Drone strikes that can't be that different from video games, right? No, exactly. That's what i'm saying
[00:55:33] If they did drone strikes like when you called the chopper gunner for modern warfare 2 that'd be fucking sick
[00:55:51] Nuking a fucking Pakistani wedding. Yeah
[00:55:56] That's that that Pakistani wedding thing is so goddamn funny
[00:55:59] Yeah, all of the generals that were like responsible for that are still like madis was i think
[00:56:04] In charge of that that would go to that massacre was and to this day he's still like their line. It wasn't a wedding
[00:56:12] He like his a quote where he was like he's like he was like let me ask you this
[00:56:16] Does it make sense to you that you have a fucking wedding 80 miles in the middle of nowhere?
[00:56:21] And it's like all those people were they lived in that town. Yeah
[00:56:25] They didn't have a fucking wall greens around there. Yeah, would you live somewhere without an alpac steakhouse?
[00:56:33] He's like there's no evidence of like wedding or wedding stuff
[00:56:36] There's no decorations or whatever and then like there's like ap footage that clearly shows
[00:56:43] They're like look bad people get married sometimes
[00:56:50] Middle East like you know they have all their end cells become
[00:56:53] You know kamikaze and they think they'll die and get 72 virgins in heaven
[00:56:57] But I think the american ones to convince them to go into war there's gonna tell them they get to murder 72 virgins
[00:57:03] To get to the point where they hate women so much here after playing those guys
[00:57:07] We don't even want to fuck them. We just want to murder
[00:57:10] We want to actually murder 72 whores that didn't fuck us in high school
[00:57:14] That's what they're that's what their religion is gonna turn into what if the 70 virgins you get our in cells
[00:57:23] They end up having to just fuck each other
[00:57:28] Please be gentle with my ass. Yeah. Oh, and then that's what they all really wanted the whole
[00:57:41] Fuck damn you motherfucking year. How are we gonna turn it all around? What are the resolutions?
[00:57:46] Do you do resolutions? No, I don't do you ever try at least no
[00:57:51] I don't I don't try I don't either but it feels never I've never done a new year's resolution
[00:58:04] Orthodox Greek Orthodox. Did you guys do lent? Yeah, I would just give up stuff that I didn't do already
[00:58:10] Oh nice. Yeah, that was the trick. That's smart. I'm very smart
[00:58:17] In high school and your priest was like oh, sorry. Uh, you don't get to choose
[00:58:23] You don't get to choose what it is. No, we didn't we our priests don't rape surprisingly
[00:58:26] What they have they have wives. Yeah in the Orthodox church. You're allowed. Oh really?
[00:58:32] Guys do being priests as opposed to Catholicism. Oh, so all everything's taken out on their wives instead of the children
[00:58:39] Oh, that's great. That's way better. Yeah in Catholicism. It's like maybe 10 straight guys
[00:58:45] 50 gay guys and 40 very active pedophiles very active
[00:58:53] They're very they make it up for the rest of them. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:00] Yeah, fuck lent though. Fuck fasting in general
[00:59:03] Yeah, I heard actually the catholic church
[00:59:06] They was selling fish and that's why they said you can't have hamburgers on fault except for
[00:59:13] That's actually why lenn is like it is. Yeah, prob that's why he can't be eating their meat
[00:59:18] Because they actually bought long john silvers. Yeah, they bought long john silvers long last time ago
[00:59:24] I'm talking 1800s. I love that long john silvers offers as a garnish just like shit out of the deep fryer
[00:59:43] They might have been a mocha, but they want to be more
[00:59:45] um, they have I don't remember them, but I remember like one or two on like
[00:59:56] Like uh, look on the jersey turnpike, but by the way the turnpike they had them all over
[01:00:01] Austin when I moved there. Oh, okay. Um, and yeah, they have like uh
[01:00:07] I don't know. What do they call them on the menu the um
[01:00:09] um hush puppies no the the name for that like greased trap. Oh, oh, uh, it's actually literally on the menu. Yeah. Yes. Yes
[01:00:19] Dripens or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got some drippings for you
[01:00:34] I cannot fucking remember the 95 I gotta say something i'm real miffed about
[01:00:42] Is how shitty the food selection is on the jersey turnpike now. It's all burger kings, man. It used to be good
[01:00:48] If sonyx do you have guys girls not with sonyx? There's two popeyes, but there is a great
[01:00:53] Sonic though growing up not growing up now. I want to
[01:00:58] Right before they came to baltimore. We were like dude
[01:01:00] We're gonna get fucking high shit. We're driving a Lancaster, pennsylvania
[01:01:05] Where the close the sonic is and we did that and it was like a fucking three hour drive or something or not three two a two-hour drive
[01:01:12] And it was like just a shitty fast food. Yeah, of course
[01:01:19] Their fries are just okay, but their tater tots are pretty good. Their burgers are decent. Their shakes are good
[01:01:24] Yeah, I heard white castle was awesome. Oh, I first really you I've it was before those fucking movies
[01:01:29] Mm, and then I went to white castle and it was like this is disgusting
[01:01:32] You didn't used to be good in the movie ruined it or something because I I've never heard one good thing about white castle
[01:01:38] Maybe you have to go to one that's not in the city
[01:01:40] Oh, right. Right. Any of them are good. They literally steam their meat. Yeah, that's how you what? Yeah, they steam their shits
[01:01:48] It's fucked up. It's fucked up and I hate it. Yeah
[01:01:57] Fuck what am I gonna do to turn my life around man? Uh do start doing a prep prep meals
[01:02:03] Maybe rice around look now. It's another show. This is a show about a bitch. She doesn't have an arm
[01:02:10] This show is a banger. Honestly. I love this show. See us the jet dress. Yeah, it's just a bunch of like
[01:02:15] Women trying to get dresses. What was that show that was just gay husband?
[01:02:26] Well, I told Sharon. I'm going out for what we call boys night
[01:02:33] Is not having little I mean regular boys. Yeah, she said she said she didn't want to watch the twins
[01:02:41] And you know it's half off drinks a club club secret
[01:02:54] There's a bar and the lorisa could like don't tell her please don't tell her something
[01:03:02] Got over there you're gonna gay bar stuff. Uh, probably clean up there, huh? Yeah
[01:03:08] Do you start going to gay bars? I should fall off the wagon. We should start going to gay bars for free drinks
[01:03:12] That would be nice actually. Yeah, I went to when I was at Atlanta. I made out with a homeless girl in a gay bar
[01:03:22] After well then she thought I was like rich and had a hotel room
[01:03:25] But I was like on tour with like six other guys. We were all splitting the same shit and so
[01:03:31] Uh, she was like, I'll sleep outside and then and I just knew we were gonna go to her place
[01:03:34] And then she's like I was like great. Let's go to yours
[01:03:39] She's like yeah, I was like what and then and then and then I was like oh cool
[01:03:45] Let's just um go to my hotel and I just like
[01:03:48] Pick the random hotels like and she could see me trying to book it on my phone
[01:03:53] Like while we were I was like gonna just get a room to fucking she's like now. I'm not doing this
[01:04:01] She was above it was weird man. Yeah, I think I think I think it ruins the
[01:04:05] I mean, but I haven't come for white women yet even when they're homeless. They're
[01:04:11] Excuse me. What do you think I am a black homeless?
[01:04:18] Yeah, if I had a hotel room, I would have gotten my dick sucked that night, but uh, unfortunately I just hey
[01:04:23] That's the name of the game. I just uh rubbed a pussy in a gay bar
[01:04:28] While looking at in a bathroom while looking at pictures of men's hardcocks
[01:04:31] So it was kind of like the best of both worlds in a lot of ways. Yeah, um, do you get hit on by gay men a lot?
[01:04:40] You're a bear or whatever. My DMs get get interesting. You're a polar bear
[01:04:45] I'm not a polar bear. I think a polar bear. I guess would have to be an old fat guy, right?
[01:04:53] Uh, yes, I believe I'm a bear some have called me a cub a hairless bear
[01:04:58] A young are you hairless? I'm not very hairy. I'm like, you know, yeah, but it's like it's still there. It's not
[01:05:06] Smooth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I'd have to it's indecisive hair. I'd have to ask what my direct, uh, you know
[01:05:14] Categorization would be yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, maybe I'd say I like if you search, uh, bear or daddy bear on google images
[01:05:22] There's not a single picture of a cabaire.
[01:05:28] That's like a child couldn't like like oh my son might accidentally see it's nothing but gay men
[01:05:34] There's not a single picture of like a teddy bear. Well, it could just be your specific search for no, it's not I
[01:05:42] People are just giving away their like personal information. Yeah, yeah when I write type this and this is the first thing that pops up
[01:05:48] I don't know deep as dargus desires. Just me kissing will their vault the problem
[01:05:54] Yeah, but can you blame him? He's so cute
[01:06:14] Because I don't know he could pound he'd be comer would have him down and then he would just very quickly
[01:06:20] Oh, because it's not consensual and there's no way that there's no way that
[01:06:23] That's homer can catch sonic. Yeah, so he has to be the one who's being in this guy's photography class
[01:06:32] An old he looks like a guy I used to work with
[01:06:35] It's an old Spanish man pulling his cock gooch
[01:06:39] A part so you can see his hard penis. Wait is that Ken Ken was a photographer. Maybe he got him to self portraits. Yeah, like welcome to community college
[01:06:51] When they passed a law that made it like free for seniors to go to to go to community college
[01:06:59] Man's gonna take photography and send his cock picks in
[01:07:03] That guy the guy who I worked with had like a lot of accounts
[01:07:06] But like I was like maybe he'll die because he was like really unhealthy. I'm like maybe he'll die sooner
[01:07:11] I'll get all of his accounts. It'd be a lot of money
[01:07:14] But I'm glad he didn't or else I wouldn't have moved from Nebraska, you know, he would have died. I'd be still selling
[01:07:22] That's nice. Yeah, you know he fucks all the controls
[01:07:31] Damn, I gotta see dentists. Yeah, I just want to get these teeth removed
[01:07:35] Right, just I think that all teeth should just be removed and we should get my friend Jessa, you know Jessa, right?
[01:07:40] What's going on with these? It's like I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm brushing them if they want to continue to get fucked up
[01:07:45] That's all I mean, I've been skeptical about you not doing anything wrong
[01:07:50] I don't know. I think there was a year ago
[01:07:53] I think you were talking about how the way you take care of your teeth is by taking a hook a
[01:07:58] Fishing hook through them or something like that. No, I do have like a scraper that I use the one they literally like a dental hygienist
[01:08:05] Uses yeah, but you're not licensed, bro. That's not it is you don't need to be licensed
[01:08:12] Scrapers you shouldn't be using a scraper man. Well, I feel like you get overstalled using it because I was bleeding all the fucking
[01:08:25] Fuck do you go to the dentist regularly do you have health insurance? I just got it kicked in today from what?
[01:08:30] Medicare I just bought it. Yeah, okay. It's expensive how much is it a month expensive a shit?
[01:08:37] It's a wild amount like $900. No, I can get this as a poster
[01:08:44] Can you see his cock no daddy poster? No, he's a little bit modest
[01:08:52] Yeah, it's a lot. It's like yeah, it's less than that but it's a lot of money
[01:08:54] And it's like but I just I'm so unhealthy and I have to get so much figured out
[01:08:58] Yeah, this tooth this tooth and on its own will be a couple thousand dollars without insurance Jesus
[01:09:04] So like I should I might as well just buy insurance for it
[01:09:07] And I'm pretty sure I have sleep apnea because I'm fat as shit and I haven't I slept well in probably three years
[01:09:12] I'm hoping I'm going back to mazaria family mazaria my great uncle is a dentist
[01:09:17] But he's the one who my aunt she's in jail now because she like was using his prescription pad to like prescribe people shit
[01:09:24] So I'm really hoping she didn't fuck it up for me
[01:09:26] Because he did help me with my teeth for free before I'm sure he would still do how old is he
[01:09:31] Uh, I don't know 60. Okay 70 60s great uncle could be like oldest shit. Yeah. Yeah, but
[01:09:39] I'm hoping she won old motherfucker. She was my in you know. Yeah, she fucked up
[01:09:44] She fucked the money up. She really ruined it for us by being in jail and
[01:09:53] Yeah, I'm about to be all over the fucking doctors dude. I'm getting rehab on my foot
[01:09:58] Oh, yeah, what other I'm getting this tooth fix. I'm gonna I'm gonna get a fucking sleep apnea bane mask
[01:10:04] Oh, yeah, I think so. I mean I have to have it. There's no way I don't and then I don't know what else
[01:10:09] What else should I do the bane mask, you know that you have to put some shit in your nose. Do you need that?
[01:10:13] Do you have sleep apnea? I'm pretty sure I do
[01:10:16] I haven't slept well in like years, dude
[01:10:18] Really and I think every fat person has sleep apnea. It just means you keep waking up
[01:10:24] Maybe I have sleep apnea. Yeah, it's really bad. I don't sleep well. It's really bad for your heart and shit, too
[01:10:30] Yeah, my dad has that shit does he yeah
[01:10:33] Like snoring now. He doesn't sleep in the mask
[01:10:36] You're gonna like wake like snore and then he starts like choking the death. Yeah
[01:10:42] That's not nest yeah, this guy's totally gay by the way. We're watching gay husband
[01:10:45] Mm-hmm. I mean every picture of him. He's got his eyes are too twinkly to be straight. Oh, yeah
[01:10:55] Um, yeah, he's his his prostate has definitely recently been hit
[01:11:04] Do you get fingers up your butt stuff? No one time a girl was about to and I was just like
[01:11:11] Skittish like instinctively, but I feel like if she just went for it a couple other tries
[01:11:17] It's her fault. She said I had a more confident energy going into it. Yeah. Yeah. She really was not going in confidence
[01:11:21] Yeah, you can't do that but I would be open to it. I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why waste it
[01:11:29] Why waste the butthole it's a beautiful thing to put a couple fingers inside of
[01:11:35] And then plus I like getting my balls sucked. Yeah, sure. So why not get your ass
[01:11:41] Mm-hmm played with as well. Do you know what I mean? I mean I know I don't
[01:11:49] I don't understand the lead between those two things. I like one thing. Why wouldn't I like something that's completely well
[01:11:54] Not okay, not in the ass. I like pussy. Why not get fucked in my
[01:12:01] No, no, no because you know what I mean because uh because they're both disgusting
[01:12:06] Yeah, this is both it's they're both disgusting. But when you get your balls like tickled
[01:12:11] It feels like when someone touches your ass a little bit
[01:12:14] So I guess I'm saying you ever a little sala when you get your balls played with
[01:12:23] Yeah, so uh, it's in a conversation my friend Jim the other day. I said maybe you should just try
[01:12:28] But you know see if you like it. Well come on Jim. You like it your balls
[01:12:42] Wow, you look bad every time I see I gotta tell you Jim
[01:12:48] In mind to fuck Jim to use his best part of that joke
[01:13:05] Uh mal set yo, thanks, man. Don't want to hang out today either
[01:13:12] I'll let you know when I get you y'all text you man. No worries. His whole act is about Jim to
[01:13:20] Sees him at the comedy cell. We're doing his set and Jim's like, I'll try to get a spot some other time
[01:13:32] Well, I think we should wrap this up so I can go to Dwayne Reed. Oh, yeah, get your fan get your fucking pharmacy
[01:13:38] Yep. Well everyone. Um, thank you for listening to the first one of the year
[01:13:48] January 14th before that happens. I will be in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania on the 10th
[01:13:56] Pittsburgh on the 11th buffalo on the 12th
[01:14:03] Phoenix the 19th by tickets to that one
[01:14:05] Doing Tucson hard for Delaware San Diego. Then I'm in LA on the second
[01:14:09] We added a second show at the lodge room. So please buy your tickets to that. Don't make me look like a fucking asshole over there
[01:14:20] You know, yeah, how's that going? It's going really good. Yeah, you got I'll bring you one
[01:14:26] For my grandma. Yeah, you tour until I said what's up
[01:14:30] Um, so yeah, please buy tickets to that Pittsburgh buffalo phoenix 11th 12th 19th stavey dot biz slash tour
[01:14:39] Come out and see me. Thank you for that. Nick will be in Chicago
[01:14:47] Nixon Chicago at some point. Yeah, march something. We're also the all three boys will be this is a big one in dc
[01:14:53] We're coming back to the black cat. We're doing two shows a stand-up show and a live podcast
[01:14:59] Come to both come to one. Whatever you want to do ices fucking chill out, bitch
[01:15:03] You're gonna fucking unplug the goddamn thing you fucking dumbass dog. Sorry to speak to you that way
[01:15:12] Anyway, yeah come see all three boys march 30th at the dc at the black cat dc
[01:15:23] web flash friday instagram twitter books. Let's podcast and then
[01:15:30] Yeah, check out abbe. She's funny as shit
[01:15:32] Um, this dog unplugs this fucking thing. I'm gonna punch Adam in the face
[01:15:36] It's not we should end the episode in case she does
[01:15:39] Fucking dumbass dog. I hate I hate Adam