Cum Town | Regular | 08/25/2016
[00:00:49] this way we get honest man this is where i want to say i want to say rnh so
[00:00:56] i have been using the and word yeah what's going on
[00:01:00] we skip the bit where we talk about what number episode it is
[00:01:08] number sixty nine number one literally ever done that doesn't matter who
[00:01:14] yeah now been using the word a lot lately you have been doing but soft a and word
[00:01:19] always it's because i figured out i thought it was because i was in a
[00:01:24] it's a group dm that somebody labeled uh...
[00:01:30] and you can imagine somebody change the name to it to to gain niggas up
[00:01:38] uh... but not s i i worked on a truck with this
[00:01:42] uh... this Puerto Rican guy that we just from from the Bronx and he just says
[00:01:51] absolutely it's so much fun and seems like so much fun porta begins with a
[00:01:57] yeah sure i think everybody is i think any group of new york teenagers
[00:02:03] uh... without with reckless i mean i've seen korean like a group of korean
[00:02:07] t-nays just dropping it actually i think i i think i saw some like fucking
[00:02:15] just like hanging out i car on the way over here me and star were doing like
[00:02:22] which is so fun yeah it is really funny it's also fun to watch the olympics
[00:02:33] and they're playing australia today which is a good game
[00:02:36] and uh... just saying the n-word or just saying racist shit as an australia
[00:02:39] how fucking bad china was it beach volleyball
[00:02:53] i think it is because like they just have to be like okay we'll do men's to
[00:02:56] us and one of one of the chinese teammates is just a flashlight
[00:03:03] i saw a conservative girl with bound feet and then the other one
[00:03:11] one of the never walked on sand before they don't have sand in china
[00:03:26] they're good at construction in other ways but making everything out of paper
[00:03:30] so you can watch people maybe that's why that reactor melted down
[00:03:34] uh-oh hot tape your fucking nuclear reactor out of paper
[00:03:38] that's right paper yeah with a sunset or a gauntlet
[00:03:45] you rethink your fucking origami nuclear reactor
[00:03:49] we're taking everybody down tonight bitch
[00:03:52] yeah well you're yeah there's something i wanted to say about the n-word thing to
[00:04:04] what i can remember i don't think there's any way i can do it
[00:04:09] well it's not racist it's just fun to say i guess
[00:04:13] it's why that's why he gets away with it because he's he's never as said it
[00:04:17] with any kind of hatred right right right you know that's true
[00:04:24] the guy or he can't just use the n-word
[00:04:32] i feel like you know it's bad at a territory that's true that's true
[00:04:36] i was thinking about orthodox jewish kids call each other
[00:04:39] that would be incredible chinese people actually they in i i think we talked
[00:04:48] right whenever they have like a beat or something that they can't feel they say
[00:05:02] yeah it's like you know they say it's where it got dude no i know but your
[00:05:06] impression is double racist uh i also used to work at a dairy queen
[00:05:11] they were owned by these two chinese brothers
[00:05:13] uh uh charlie and uh henley and i'm pretty
[00:05:18] henley? his name might have been henry but i wasn't gonna like be like oh you're
[00:05:24] that's right charlie and henley they owned a dairy queen
[00:05:28] and you know they add like an aid at the end of like everything
[00:05:33] so like but they would say my name with an a at the end so they'd be like
[00:05:43] i'm also like the only white guy that works here you don't say that to anyone
[00:05:48] the balevian girl i was thinking about it i was thinking you could say it if you
[00:05:54] oh god damn probably i don't know i've already i already feel bad
[00:05:58] but i can't believe i said it now it's hilarious yeah
[00:06:01] i think i'm the only one who hasn't said it on the cast yeah right so that's
[00:06:05] a thing it's like let's not pretend like we don't all say it in private
[00:06:09] well in our in our braids and everything in
[00:06:13] songs right when you're singing songs you change literally every word of the
[00:06:19] it never said it ever yeah right and you can't prove i have bitch
[00:06:24] that's how like it used to be not cool to admit that you masturbate
[00:06:28] when was this i don't know like my friend my friend norman was telling me
[00:06:32] about it because he's older right right right he's like i don't know like 85
[00:06:36] years old yeah he's old he was like a teenager in the 80s and he was like
[00:06:40] that was the thing in the 80s you're bully people for like masturbating
[00:06:44] touching yourself yeah that's what it's uh this guy it was it's a gay to beat off
[00:06:48] even everyone did it yeah dude i i feel like we grew up in the air
[00:06:52] where beating off was just so out in the open
[00:06:56] oh yeah i talked about beating off your household your weird greek household
[00:07:00] no i mean not in my house put amongst friends
[00:07:03] yeah i did beat off though win very close quarters to my family i would like
[00:07:07] the the computer was like right next to the fucking
[00:07:11] family room so i just like beat off and there's no lock on it so i would just
[00:07:14] beat off with my foot holding the foot like i'd beat off like one
[00:07:19] just with a wide stance with the foot holding my the compute the fucking
[00:07:23] thing and i just beat off and i remember one time my mom found me
[00:07:26] i don't know why i was beating off to crack whore confessions dot com but it's
[00:07:30] like once you like go through every point so you beat off to crack whore
[00:07:34] confessions dot com you're gonna say you've never used the n-word no
[00:07:38] i've never had yeah i was beating off to the white crack horse all right
[00:07:44] i yeah i was thinking about remember that show
[00:07:46] on tv one that i showed you uh black black man reveals black men revealed
[00:07:53] revealed it it might be the best show yeah black men revealed gold yeah
[00:07:59] it's it's one of the best things i've ever seen what is it i don't know i i was
[00:08:03] like in san diego my like cousin's house
[00:08:06] and they got this channel tv one yeah it was just on public yeah it's like
[00:08:11] it's basically public access isn't that like the black channel it's like a new
[00:08:15] black channel i don't know man but it's like round table format and it's like
[00:08:20] uh four or five middle-aged black ops you get on youtube so you can find on
[00:08:25] youtube and then they just you know they it's basically a podcast
[00:08:29] then they got a coffee table that sometimes has dominoes on it
[00:08:33] which is great and like the one episode i saw they're always talking about
[00:08:37] women or whatever oh yeah like steve harvey level yeah
[00:08:41] no there's like one where they're like i don't need some black bitch
[00:08:47] i've seen that one yeah they just fucking berate black women
[00:08:51] and we'll know like half of them date white women the other half like don't
[00:08:55] day well it's like a debate open forum debate well
[00:08:58] there was one episode where they were talking about pussy hair
[00:09:01] and this guy this one guy he he's got his fingers
[00:09:05] tinted he's got like tight braids and his fingers
[00:09:09] tinted and he's sitting there and he's like
[00:09:11] we see i prefer a woman to be uh own natural as they call it you know
[00:09:16] and uh as soon as he says that right underneath him like you know like the
[00:09:21] lower third or whatever it pops up and it says uh
[00:09:34] that's so good yeah fuck has gay has been gay ever come up on that show
[00:09:40] i don't know i mean i i've only seen like two or three episodes
[00:09:43] i'm sure it has i'm sure it has and i'm sure they're very very
[00:09:46] you know it probably has uh the dl that's like a big issue
[00:09:51] brothers on the dl spread nades in the community whoa
[00:09:57] well let's talk about that on our white men podcast
[00:10:01] i mean we already we're doing that right now yeah
[00:10:05] we already see the white men crossed over in the i don't know
[00:10:08] saying soft a n-word there how am i the racist one how have you turned on me
[00:10:12] now because greece what about it dude yeah greeks are
[00:10:17] racist yeah i mean yeah they have an obviously party in their parliament
[00:10:21] don't they yeah they've been not that's part of it
[00:10:25] so what dude honestly sometimes foreigners mock everything up they come in and
[00:10:29] they fuck it up you know they fuck up our beautiful country of greece
[00:10:32] that never had a problem before foreigners started coming into it
[00:10:36] what do you think about that yeah the trojan horse man the trojan horse
[00:10:40] that was the first first problem of foreigners
[00:10:44] shit i was going into troy we were the trojan horse oh you guys were the
[00:10:50] trojan horse fucking idiots sorry no yeah greece was in a country then
[00:10:54] greece was like 19 different countries the city states you know
[00:10:58] yeah so troy is like as much greek as not troy wasn't greek
[00:11:03] it was like in turkey it was in turkey yeah but i mean all that whole area
[00:11:08] it's like vague ethnicities you know i mean like how much different is it
[00:11:13] much different super different not like so yeah we're different as hell we're
[00:11:17] the good ones so what's going on this week we got to
[00:11:20] talk about something else yeah i was expecting to talk about this
[00:11:23] yeah uh we got olympics we got a guy climbing the trump tower today
[00:11:29] which has happened yo where do you get those suction
[00:11:32] cops i don't know from tom cruz uh mission impossible too
[00:11:37] yeah you could probably get them what i was wondering is if they wanted to get
[00:11:41] them why didn't they just get that like circle in the glass cutting thing oh
[00:11:45] yeah and then just cut the glass from the other side
[00:11:52] you're very cartoonishly funny yeah yeah whoop the glass
[00:12:02] they just fucking grabbed his ass just yeah they got him well if you get to
[00:12:07] if you got to the top legally they can't arrest him
[00:12:11] it's true well he owns the trump tower yes that's how you become Donald Trump
[00:12:15] yeah that's true look i promise you look i've climbed every building in new york
[00:12:20] chain i climbed all of them ask anybody i'm the best
[00:12:23] climber there is but if you can climb to the top of my tower
[00:12:27] you get to be Donald Trump and that's what he was doing the guy's hair just
[00:12:31] turns trumps oh yeah everyone's saying that that he
[00:12:34] should be in jail for saying uh i don't know maybe second
[00:12:39] amendment people can do something about hillary yeah which is like
[00:12:43] it is wild that he was doing a bit he said yeah he's fucking he's joking he
[00:12:48] jokes all the time yeah but he jumped out fucking killing
[00:12:52] he's not brent Carson being a fucking pedophile it's one thing
[00:12:56] and and Ted Cruz uh his dad been yeah but this is like
[00:13:01] hey maybe uh maybe you fucking maybe you killed the
[00:13:05] woman running against the joke also he's the other candidate
[00:13:08] yeah it's not like he's just Donald Trump when he was a dickhead on twitter
[00:13:12] it's it's like if mitt romney was like well you know no it's not like if mitt
[00:13:16] romney it but it is because mitt romney wouldn't do that
[00:13:19] Donald Trump would yeah but he is the well hillary didn't that doesn't excuse
[00:13:23] it just because he's a fucking idiot hillary has never said that as
[00:13:27] a personality in o8 do you remember hillary said um
[00:13:31] they're like why haven't you dropped out of the race yet like when it was like
[00:13:34] mathematically impossible at that point she was like well
[00:13:37] you don't i mean robert kennedy was murdered no really she said that like
[00:13:42] they might kill obama jesus so i mean i'm not saying she deserves it but uh
[00:13:48] you know she's got she's got her foot and it's still you know who killed rfk
[00:13:52] uh serhan serhan hillary clint hillary yeah
[00:13:56] a young you think about it who the fuck is named serhan serhan so true that's
[00:14:02] the fakest name i've ever heard it's just like bingazi
[00:14:05] yeah it's just made up it's another like what's your name he's like uh it's
[00:14:10] serhan uh star was just come out she loved serhan solo yeah jar jar
[00:14:15] yeah who else has got two names uh butros butros gala yep
[00:14:23] swish you did it yeah um anybody else well i don't know i i think i think
[00:14:29] what he said is fun it is fun with it it's funny it's just crazy i think it's
[00:14:35] funny but it's it's funny also how we're not like
[00:14:40] even appalled and like it it lasted maybe three hours that people are like whoa
[00:14:46] and then it's so right he i don't i literally what could he
[00:14:49] possibly say i want to raise taxes if he said the n-word if he said i want to
[00:14:54] raise taxes then ever then the republicans will be like all right
[00:14:58] i'm rescinding my endorsement he can say i want to rate paul ryan's
[00:15:02] kids and be like oh no he's not if he threatened rape be through an
[00:15:05] n-word i think he said conte'd be fine i think he said it like kind of
[00:15:10] under his breath yeah but he wouldn't you know yeah
[00:15:16] he was uh but he would hint at it in the same way he hinted at that woman
[00:15:20] remember he was like blood coming out of her who knows where
[00:15:24] yeah yeah blood coming out of her eyes blood coming out of her who knows
[00:15:29] where yeah well that's why he's the best we're
[00:15:33] agreeing it was a good bit right that's it's a good bit it's really funny but
[00:15:37] jesus it's weird to have it's really the guy running for president i guess
[00:15:42] you hinting it that do you think maybe he's having a nervous breakdown
[00:15:45] right now no no he loves it dude you think this is the best time of his life
[00:15:49] he's going to be president no for him and he's going to be president
[00:15:54] i can't wait think about how much better things will be for people like me
[00:15:59] yeah it is true anywhere by special tools has a mustache a white man with a
[00:16:04] mustache is king in trumps america yeah i go into any store i'm
[00:16:09] immediately the manager of the store that's the law
[00:16:13] who's the manager get the fuck out unless it's unless you got a better
[00:16:17] mustache this guy that came in two hours earlier
[00:16:23] another version of you yeah yeah i don't know man i still think
[00:16:26] bernie's got a shot at it yeah well if he's holding out hope
[00:16:30] yeah we just got to get a couple super delegates
[00:16:33] because of that cunt uh debbie waster wastelman shorts
[00:16:37] he was saying her debbie what's her name
[00:16:47] fuck our greatest political pundit he should have been our he should have
[00:16:51] been come town's political correspondent yeah
[00:16:54] can we get tom iris just we should have a safe
[00:16:56] photo he was too busy calling little league baseball
[00:17:00] legit we should yeah you know that's his job he's the
[00:17:03] announcer yeah and cow ripkin uh junior baseball yeah
[00:17:09] i think it was i think he got fired i mean he didn't he shouldn't have been
[00:17:13] hired in the first place yeah they should have made like a
[00:17:17] one reference called the joustin schlegel
[00:17:20] and schlegel would have been like uh yeah don't hire that guy
[00:17:23] yeah uh fuck dude we should for real get after every debate we should have it
[00:17:30] we should have a tom iris you think we get him just do five
[00:17:33] a segment every week he had a very funny tweet uh
[00:17:37] do what i retweeted from the primaries his about carly fierida did you say
[00:17:42] it actually was pretty funny what uh where he's like if uh
[00:17:45] if i was carly fierida son i'd kill myself too yeah
[00:17:50] that's not bad well most of this like political stand-up is like about like
[00:17:54] paul revere yeah no he's got some some about no
[00:17:59] harleys he's got some vietnam stuff yeah he used to stuff about george bush back
[00:18:03] when everybody did george bush stuff right god it's gonna be
[00:18:07] that's the problem it's gonna be a hot comedy yeah it's there's so many fucking
[00:18:11] idiots that are like i'm gonna be the i'm gonna i'm ever some guy that we go to
[00:18:16] open my sand just fucking like oh fucking
[00:18:19] donald rumsfeld he's a piece of shit you know yeah yeah
[00:18:23] i don't know it's gonna be more that i can't i can't stand yeah that's gonna be
[00:18:28] brutal i would much rather just have tom mires
[00:18:31] paul revere material you know i was laughing about today
[00:18:35] i met so uh like paul revere you know one if one if by land two if by c
[00:18:39] right but that's also how he announced his pronouns to the village
[00:18:45] one if one if by he two if by she so because paul revere was trans
[00:18:51] yeah it's definitely trans um that's what the pony express was
[00:18:57] is that does that him i don't think it's him at all no no that was the
[00:19:00] i think it's hundreds of years after a hundred years at least after about a
[00:19:04] hundred years what was the pony express the mail man who was the first
[00:19:07] mail guys male guys and they would like die all the time
[00:19:11] like skinny guys that rode horses fastest shit delivering the mail that was
[00:19:15] been joined by that uh that fucking uh well then what the fuck
[00:19:18] paul revere the minute man that's it i'm confusing the minute man in the pony
[00:19:22] express i think so yeah uh the the post office
[00:19:27] on like ninth avenue at like 34th the big that big
[00:19:32] fucking uh-huh post office across the street and they have that like
[00:19:36] freeze and above the freezers i can excre in an inscription that's like
[00:19:41] uh the post office motto that's just where the post office takes itself
[00:19:46] way too fucking seriously it's like by by sleet or storm or rain
[00:19:52] on you know yeah we will never fail to deliver a parcel
[00:19:56] which is like yet male never shows that you fuck up all the
[00:20:00] fun everyone hates you yeah first of all i don't think any mailman i've ever
[00:20:05] had speaks that much english on that inscription who's the most famous
[00:20:10] mailman ever benjamin franklin newman from sundown yeah
[00:20:14] newman probably isn't that uh... but newman was based on benjamin franklin
[00:20:17] yeah it's true that is true yeah the character he's an event actually
[00:20:20] yeah uh cramer was also one of the founding fathers
[00:20:24] which one was one what is john hancock do just he signed the thing
[00:20:29] you just had a gay ass signature and a gas name he's not a hand-cock
[00:20:34] he's that autistic it was obsessed with signatures
[00:20:37] remember in like yearbooks there would be yearbooks so yes
[00:20:40] like someone that had like a cool signature and everyone else had like a
[00:20:43] dog shit signature of course but they took that signature thing real serious
[00:20:47] yeah i hated those guys yeah my fucking handwriting is terrible
[00:20:51] yeah my signature hasn't changed since third grade
[00:20:54] yeah it's so weird like the one like two times someone's been like can you
[00:21:00] sign something it just looks like dog shit i'm like oh yeah i'm a pro
[00:21:06] i can't even spell my fucking name like you spell your name wrong when you sign
[00:21:09] it looks bad it could be anyone it could be any signature
[00:21:13] yeah mine's literally just scribbles yeah and you get practice every time you go
[00:21:18] to a fucking use your card you gotta fucking i should use that as practice
[00:21:22] well i love that they had the digital ones digital ones that they make you
[00:21:25] sign with your finger and it's like why am i
[00:21:28] even signing this you want me to just touch a line on the
[00:21:32] that's what i do that's what everybody does yeah i do i dig sometimes
[00:21:41] stop using those two remember they used to use those all the time and they don't
[00:21:45] do it anymore what the finger ones no the upside down
[00:21:48] question mark an exclamation point of the use of them
[00:21:51] that i use them i never see it we should bring that to english i think
[00:21:54] that's dope yeah you know that a question is about to come up
[00:21:58] yeah you don't have to get that with that means yeah
[00:22:00] ah yeah interesting well because we only do one at the end because when you
[00:22:05] ask a question your voice goes up at the end yeah but in
[00:22:08] spanish it starts up and then it goes low and then it comes back up again
[00:22:13] yeah yeah yeah is that so and if you get the upside
[00:22:17] down exclamation you're like wow this is about to be a fucking sick
[00:22:20] ass exciting ass sentiment yeah but how do you tell the difference
[00:22:24] between quotation marks and upside down commas
[00:22:28] i don't think they do the upside down why not what about an upside down semicolon
[00:22:32] that is too much exclamation question mark i don't think they have that much
[00:22:39] pieces of grammar they have in the yeah piece of punctuation they have in the
[00:22:43] Hispanic language um it's great well great we cover that
[00:22:49] come town after dark come down after dark what's up with you guys
[00:22:52] tired i'm gonna fucking work all day i was expecting you to
[00:22:56] yes i did what did you do i carried shit around all day
[00:23:00] you told me in the fucking car that all you did was just set the candy crush
[00:23:05] white a bunch of fucking uh housecraft services choc uh choc i set it up
[00:23:25] yeah well i'm busy too motherfucker i had not four meals and they were all very
[00:23:24] carb heavy and i'm pretty tired as a result of it i'm just
[00:23:28] stressed because i thought my dog was gonna die
[00:23:31] what happened i got her pussy removed yesterday got her
[00:23:36] spit did you keep it and just to fuck it i have an energy i got i'm gonna put
[00:23:41] it in a flashlight prison yeah you never want to
[00:23:43] lose out on that opportunity to fuck your pets folks
[00:23:48] hi i'm bob barker remember to fuck your pets
[00:23:52] fuck your pets till they're gonna still work
[00:23:55] that's what that's what my bob barker told people to get the dicks and the
[00:23:58] vaginas removed yeah so you don't get your dog pregnant
[00:24:01] yeah that's what's last name barker is english and it was the man that knew
[00:24:07] how to bark at the dogs to make them fuck
[00:24:11] it's like smith there's were blacksmiths
[00:24:15] barker was uh you know about english blood sports
[00:24:25] no uh this is always a fun anecdote so uh yeah the english had all these
[00:24:34] and like they were like they had one called fox tossing
[00:24:38] where you just take a fox by the tail and throw it up in the air as high as you
[00:24:42] can and try and like break its legs when it landed or whatever
[00:24:46] and uh i don't know how you score that game or how it really works you just
[00:24:49] sort of throw it i think everyone's sort of a winner
[00:24:56] the classic uh that do um do do they do pinata in the olympics
[00:25:03] that mexico the only country that competes pinata yeah they got rid of it
[00:25:07] because mexico was just dominant they got the gold medal
[00:25:11] they had the most candy they just yeah some fucking three foot four
[00:25:17] mexican guy thank you thank you betty betty mon
[00:25:21] oh my god that's got all shut up actually no center of gravity for pinata
[00:25:26] no they're wow i don't know the chinese were bad at beach volleyball
[00:25:30] i saw a conservative meme today of uh wait i didn't finish the story about
[00:25:34] blood sports please do yeah i did another one called goose
[00:25:38] polling where they would happen there all right so
[00:25:41] well similar to the fox toss they would take these two uh pillars and then uh
[00:25:48] span a rope in between the top of them and then it hang a goose from its feet
[00:25:51] he's just climb goose and you would ride a horse at full speed in between the
[00:25:55] posts and you would have to grab the goose's neck and you try and rip its
[00:25:59] head off without like ripping off the rest of the body
[00:26:02] or like you know but the goose is flapping around so it's hard to grab
[00:26:06] so that's how the sport worked is you would you know grab a de goose
[00:26:09] try and rip its head off and it's very difficult but the best sport that they
[00:26:13] had um i think was just called bear worrying
[00:26:19] so they called it they would take they had an arena set up
[00:26:23] and they would release a bear into the middle of the arena holy shit
[00:26:27] and then they had like wild dogs on chains that only went up to like you
[00:26:31] know near the middle of the arena so they would corner the bear in the
[00:26:36] middle of the arena and just scare it with the dogs
[00:26:39] and uh on the wikipedia page for bear worrying
[00:26:44] they have like this excerpt from some account of like some englishmen that
[00:26:48] saw like this happened back in like down at the 1600s or whatever
[00:26:52] they were still doing it and uh there was like a variation of
[00:26:57] bear worrying where instead of a bear they used a donkey
[00:27:05] and like the in the in the ax service like it was very amusing to see
[00:27:10] uh you know the screaming of the ape as it pulled on the donkeys the ears and
[00:27:15] the curves tearing at the apes for jesus fucking christ
[00:27:20] yeah so that's basically why they took over the entire world yeah
[00:27:23] why i'm just thinking analogy of what they did to the rest of the world
[00:27:27] yeah yeah just just pure evil yeah completely
[00:27:31] yeah you think there's someone who's just like trying to tone it down just a
[00:27:34] little bit it's like we're just you know we don't have to
[00:27:37] kill the bear did they kill the bear i mean probably why wouldn't they
[00:27:42] wouldn't the bear fuck the dogs up um no not if you had enough dogs i guess
[00:27:48] that's true fuck i feel like a dog how many
[00:27:53] one bear versus like five dogs beats up five dogs depends what kind of dog
[00:27:57] dogs dogs as a team are pretty sure right they're a pack
[00:28:01] that's right they bred bulldogs like four corgis versus the bear
[00:28:05] yeah yeah yeah yeah it's fucking bread bulldogs
[00:28:09] say uh you know they put like uh septum piercings on bulls
[00:28:13] yeah yeah for bulldogs to grab onto oh and they would stick bulldogs on the
[00:28:18] bulls i thought they get them because no one else in their town
[00:28:21] understands yeah there he is they're different
[00:28:25] yeah hot topic bulls yeah bulldogs used to be fucking strong as
[00:28:30] shit now they're just like fat as hell yeah those are american bulldogs
[00:28:34] what are america all english bulldogs look different than
[00:28:39] american bull american bull dogs are the ones that look like they have down
[00:28:42] syndrome no no american bulldogs are fucking big and jacked still
[00:28:46] the english bulldogs are the fat ones uh maybe i have it backwards i think you
[00:28:49] do i have a lot of people there's a third type that's like the classic bulldog
[00:28:54] or something and those just look like pit bulls kind of yeah that's
[00:28:57] american bulldog yeah looks like that yeah the weirdest looking dogs are those
[00:29:01] fucking uh bull terriers the ones that just have like the
[00:29:06] fucking uh like the lampshade head where there's no stop to their nose
[00:29:10] oh yeah i love those dogs yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:29:15] i don't know i think it's a ghost or something yeah
[00:29:18] it's a knocking murder downstairs they look like albino kind of
[00:29:22] those dogs sometimes like all white and they like have no bump to their nose
[00:29:27] do you remember them bringing a an albino boa constrictor to like your
[00:29:31] school is oh yeah yeah you listen without bino boa constrictor
[00:29:35] was it always with you guys a guy who had like the longest ponytail you've
[00:29:39] ever seen yeah all animal handlers are either that
[00:29:47] ass that's just destroying a pair of like khaki shorts
[00:29:52] pleated khaki shorts yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:29:55] they're like guys check this out and they always like
[00:29:58] squat at some point you're gonna see the fucking you know the sheer pressure
[00:30:04] every fibers yeah frame this khaki shorts they just have a man's name yeah
[00:30:10] you know i'm sorry i'm ice my partner Sharon couldn't be here
[00:30:14] but i want you to meet eric the boa constrictor
[00:30:23] there's a weird like are they telling us this noise
[00:30:26] i don't know there's a weird wrapping noise in the apartment i think it really
[00:30:29] might be a ghost so much i feel like someone's knocking we should have a
[00:30:34] ghost hunters episode guys if someone was knocking they'd be texting me too
[00:30:39] probably oh should we take a break uh you should
[00:30:43] probably just stop podcasting we've done like
[00:30:47] no we've done 30 minutes we'll take a break yeah take a break for a second
[00:30:51] get to the bottom of this this uh surprise ghost hunters episode
[00:30:56] of come town guys you got to stay tuned because
[00:30:59] i know it seems like there's just a knocking noise going on but this is
[00:31:03] actually a fully written bit yeah oh yeah we thought about this
[00:31:07] gonna get to the bottom of it all right we'll be back
[00:31:15] the home and prevent episode i'm playing tonight is the episode called
[00:31:18] ido season eight first aired Tuesday September 29th
[00:31:22] 1998 great episode that's what the tool time theme song
[00:31:32] well today we kick off the tool time lyric writing contest
[00:31:37] for years our theme song has had no words
[00:31:44] hey that theme song without lyrics is like
[00:31:48] it's like al's mom without a five o'clock shot
[00:31:51] the joke about al's mom the tool time theme song lyric contest
[00:31:57] Detroit's finest songwriters are buying to have their lyrics be the crown jewel
[00:32:03] the dazzling tool time theme right there's no money involved
[00:32:09] the crown jewel well the contest works well our contest
[00:32:13] begins to sing in that moment we don't like what we hear
[00:32:25] the flannels they all look like al borland
[00:32:36] where your instruments go oh we don't have any we'll be singing
[00:33:00] reminds me of the beach boys and brian wilson
[00:33:09] our rap group and they are big fans of the show ladies and gentlemen please
[00:33:24] yeah this is the last home premiere so with john fatailor thomas in it
[00:33:29] now let's win john fatailor thomas left the show
[00:33:33] mr. Stipso or Randy goes to Costa Rica it's great episode
[00:33:39] we're back uh guys it was uh ghost but uh we called the lady ghost
[00:33:46] bazors and i took care of it uh and then we fucked them we got we got
[00:33:50] yeah we fucked the lady ghost busters um you know like the ghost is always
[00:33:54] like an old prostitute that died in the 1800s right
[00:33:59] and what and let you know like camp they're like oh there was an old whore
[00:34:03] she died in a fire here you know everyone's like a screenwriting camp
[00:34:08] and like a lab where the story was always like it was a guy like the fuck
[00:34:12] kids yeah and then he got murdered so yeah but now he's a ghost and he
[00:34:16] fucks kids i thought it was always like an accidental fire and there's a
[00:34:20] little girl that's in hand yeah yeah it's a terrible person
[00:34:23] replaced it with another dick the fuck kids with
[00:34:33] um just when you think he's about to come another dick comes out of his
[00:34:38] dick he just comes another dick so he's smaller so it's not as bad but
[00:34:44] you get yeah you get fucked again so uh my name's Jonathan i'll be your
[00:34:50] counselor sleep tight everyone my name is Jonathan yeah
[00:34:56] um once with the fucking shining the light up uh on your face when your face
[00:35:01] flashlight because it makes you look kind of spooky
[00:35:05] yeah it's like hollers at your eyes and shit
[00:35:08] do you ever go to camp i mean obviously adam you went to camp
[00:35:11] oh i went to camp yeah you'd be funny to like
[00:35:15] oh nevermind what is another racist thing no his action just wouldn't be
[00:35:20] funny oh it just wasn't a good joke trust me i have no problem just saying
[00:35:25] the racist thing uh oh yeah we got to talk about
[00:35:31] jesus i'm so fucking tired i'm like exhausted and then this
[00:35:35] like slight it's 11 29 listeners slight wrapping on the wall
[00:35:41] it is it is annoying but i've been working for days on end
[00:35:46] i've been like literally at doing fucking 13 14 hour shifts since last
[00:35:51] Wednesday every week we come back your pile of tools
[00:35:55] has it's bigger has expedited i just move shit around
[00:35:59] it's the same pile of there's more tools there's no it's not
[00:36:02] it's usually in my room you got those coils look how mad he is
[00:36:11] what what is this a circular saw yeah it's a circular saw this is jim's
[00:36:16] kind of clamps are fun because you could pretend they're a gun
[00:36:19] well what are those called uh clamps gun clamps
[00:36:23] gun clamps yeah you put your fucking rifle in there
[00:36:28] you hold those down yeah these are good clamp-a-bitches
[00:36:31] these were reversible so you can turn them into spreaders
[00:36:35] like spread an ash sheet yeah be put you put
[00:36:39] here i'll show you basically you you sit the woman down uh-huh
[00:36:44] you know this is a this is really a bit i was going to talk about something
[00:36:48] else but as soon as i started talking about it you decided to mention a thing
[00:36:52] sorry that is true and can see so it's not me that did it
[00:36:56] it was i didn't fucking bring it up yeah
[00:37:00] that is true now we're going to talk about Brandon's beef with that guy who's
[00:37:04] basically Brandon yeah yeah the wilding out version of
[00:37:09] Brandon yeah i watched that kid stand up he's like
[00:37:13] you know for what he is he's not a bad joke writer oh really
[00:37:16] well i mean he's good he does like he's like
[00:37:19] yo there's this guy dj cow i saw that bit dude yeah
[00:37:23] what is it it's not a bad bit it's about how like dj
[00:37:26] kalad is like famous for like just saying his name and the
[00:37:33] it's a stupid bit because he wrote all the music how it produced all yeah
[00:37:38] produces all those songs yeah that's why he's dj kalad he's a
[00:37:41] dj he's not a rapper why was under the impression that he
[00:37:44] didn't produce all of the songs well that i i don't i mean he produces them the
[00:37:49] way like puffed p did he produced shit yeah he
[00:37:52] isn't actually also wrapped now he's ghost writers he had ghost
[00:37:56] writers don't worry if i write rhymes i write checks
[00:37:59] that was this sorry done d uh so you think that everybody
[00:38:05] writes checks you don't need a lot of money my grandmother writes checks i
[00:38:10] don't think he's good but i think you need to like
[00:38:12] can considering stand up comedy at large to watch that kid stand up and be like
[00:38:17] oh this guy fucking sucks it's like no i'm not really he's
[00:38:21] okay yeah he's all right i don't know what is he like 17
[00:38:26] yeah he's something like that that is the thing like his racist tweets probably
[00:38:30] were from he was always like 12 i think he was like 14 yeah 13
[00:38:34] so it's like all right yeah i feel bad for kids who like
[00:38:38] had twitter at that age or you can't i don't have twitter at that age i would
[00:38:41] probably say i wouldn't have said racist stuff but i would have probably said
[00:38:45] really unfunny stuff yeah i feel i feel bad for the kids that have like
[00:38:49] youtube accounts and they're like 11 years old and they're like
[00:38:53] this is daniel's uh penis measuring account
[00:38:57] and one inch yeah and then somebody like immediately downloads it
[00:39:03] and that's gonna be online forever yeah but
[00:39:06] yeah those are oh man how about that autistic guy who's autistic for home
[00:39:10] improvement i found what yeah i thought he said he sent us
[00:39:13] i've kind of sent the video you probably don't watch it no but this it's an
[00:39:17] autistic guy and he's got like home improvement on dvd and he's just
[00:39:20] shaping the dvd menu and he's like okay tonight i'm watching uh
[00:39:31] two two time lyric contest for a good episode
[00:39:36] and then with like every joke that happens he's like he's picking fun at
[00:39:39] al that's not fun he's like explaining the jokes
[00:39:43] statistically and then so i found that video first and then you go to the
[00:39:47] account and then you click on uploads and uh
[00:39:52] absolutely there is uh trained videos on there
[00:39:56] yes for sure of course yes of course he went down to the low
[00:40:01] railroad tracks yes you know it's funny i remember when i was a kid i would see
[00:40:05] things that were about autistic kids um back when like
[00:40:10] you needed to have like heavy-duty autism to be considered autistic right before
[00:40:14] it became just a thing everybody says right because he used to
[00:40:18] the diagnosis used to just be gay but not like i'm a sexual like
[00:40:22] you know 90s gay mentally gay yeah you know your son's just
[00:40:29] just people don't like him yeah he makes that noise when i reason i've been
[00:40:33] seeing these ads all over the city that's like do you know adults can have ADHD
[00:40:38] so yeah it's like yeah no they can't i'm saying they can't i don't give a
[00:40:42] shit what doctors say it's not ADHD you're just
[00:40:46] shitty at your job your job sucks but but it would be nice though to get
[00:40:52] fucking uh at or all prescribed no give that to you for any reason
[00:40:58] just for anything yeah you just go in there and you're like you know
[00:41:02] give me some give me that at or all bitch give me at or all and dick pills
[00:41:06] yeah that's all you have to do what were we talking about that kid brand
[00:41:10] brand and i'm ever saying something else
[00:41:13] uh autistic autistic kid train video yeah right
[00:41:17] these i remember seeing uh they you know they used to have these like
[00:41:22] like i remember seeing a thing specifically about like you know all you
[00:41:25] need to look after autistic kids because they they don't process sounds the way
[00:41:29] other people do oh shh they get hit by trains a lot
[00:41:33] and uh and i didn't realize it until i was older it was like oh no they
[00:41:37] it's not has nothing to do with the sound they just fucking love those damn
[00:41:40] trains yeah they're trying to fuck the trains
[00:41:42] what is it about those fucking trains i don't know man elevators too
[00:41:48] i did i i don't know if i mentioned it i do have like a bit of uh
[00:41:53] i do have like an autistic this is probably the most
[00:41:56] spectrum thing i do but i get i got into civil defense sirens a couple years
[00:42:01] ago holy shit tornadoes aren't like air that's
[00:42:05] like credible dude and it was yeah what do you mean you got into them well
[00:42:10] it started because i saw a video i saw a video uh somebody put like a train
[00:42:16] horn on uh on a Ford Explorer the shoots are loud
[00:42:21] oh damn you're out of shit so the undercarriage he's got like a train horn
[00:42:25] and he's driving around scaring people with it and i'm like oh that's awesome
[00:42:29] i got to do that and then i saw i got that at a cruise ship horn
[00:42:32] just in the bed of his pickup which uh rules that's fucking awesome
[00:42:38] and i was like what's the biggest fucking horn you could get
[00:42:42] and their air raid sirens that's the loudest horn you can get and the way they
[00:42:46] work is they have this like huge blower like a huge air compressor
[00:42:51] that like you know forces air up the and to power that you would have to have
[00:42:56] like some kind of i don't know like special transmission or something
[00:43:00] and yeah i was just thinking about it in my head like oh be cool if you could do
[00:43:02] this and then start reading about all these different sirens and then after
[00:43:07] a couple hours that just turned into like watching
[00:43:10] videos of air raid sirens going off and i just it was sort of like therapeutic
[00:43:16] oh man and now occasionally i'll just look up videos and just watch
[00:43:20] you know air raid sirens that's how you slowly turn retarded
[00:43:24] like that's just like it's not little by little
[00:43:27] every day until you're just fucking going to an air raid
[00:43:31] fucking you're going to see that just watching horn videos yeah
[00:43:35] yeah i mean why not you know uh that's where the word
[00:43:40] horny comes right is fucking hilarious um that's
[00:43:44] you still just do that like whatever six buns yeah
[00:43:50] when you really get the urges okay when it's a full moon uh there's a
[00:43:55] company called um federal signal i think they make a thunderbolt t-1000
[00:44:03] siren that's probably my favorite so they do that guantanamo they had like
[00:44:07] have like horns my favorite you've got fucking favorites
[00:44:17] thunderbolt t-1000 something like that i don't know i forget the name don't
[00:44:21] they do they torture people like audio torture yeah
[00:44:24] montano music is it with music i thought it was like maybe like
[00:44:28] certain pitches or like is it brilliant is it true they do everything are there
[00:44:32] brown sound machines no but there is a certain i think it's
[00:44:36] it's like seven kilohertz or seven hundred or something is where you poop
[00:44:39] your pants you crack a chicken skull what yeah it's a resident frequency
[00:44:45] what the fuck yeah that's every motorhead song actually yeah
[00:44:49] yeah that's asa space if you play asa space chickens will die
[00:44:53] asa space um our ep what happens the fucking chicken
[00:44:57] just fucks around it hits the resident frequency of their
[00:45:01] skull and it shatters holy fuck that's just cool like if you take
[00:45:05] it's like uh you know you make like glass shatter yeah yeah so it's
[00:45:09] whatever that is but for a chance now is that exist for human school or no
[00:45:14] um probably two things so yeah i mean if it did it wouldn't be like
[00:45:18] an audible right right right totally totally but the
[00:45:22] military has all this weird fucking technology have you seen that
[00:45:25] that thing that's like basically like a heat panel
[00:45:28] that can blast like heat directional heat like 300 yards or so yeah yeah
[00:45:34] so like i remember reading about like what is all the
[00:45:37] unitaries new non-lethal equipment like 10 years ago
[00:45:41] and they have this thing so it's like and it doesn't hurt the insurgents it
[00:45:45] just feels like they opened an oven suddenly and then they have to like
[00:45:48] surrender and it's like yeah i'm sure that doesn't have any kind of
[00:45:52] dramatic long lasting effect they feel like their air is gone right
[00:45:57] when they give cancer of like the fucking eyeball in two years
[00:46:02] oh yeah whoops no fucking effect that's hilarious yeah the military has never
[00:46:07] produced anything that doesn't give people like horrific cancer absolutely 10
[00:46:12] years later motherfucking agent Warren jat this
[00:46:15] mall fucker you except for uh military weed man
[00:46:19] yeah aka 47 dude that's the government that's the government
[00:46:23] KGB yeah i remember always we that's the right
[00:46:26] should be government we use kgp you know the weed names are even more intense
[00:46:30] now there's like legal and there's like different strains and growers and so
[00:46:34] that's the most obnoxious part it's so you know there's just good weed and
[00:46:38] shitty I kind of hope that would stop when it
[00:46:41] became legal but no it's getting probably the reason it's only gonna get worse
[00:46:45] fucking yeah there's the IPAs of everything is a pun yeah i laughed
[00:46:48] at myself all the time to like just uh you can go like talk to like beer guys
[00:46:53] or be like it's like i actually had this uh the dog shithead
[00:46:57] night at 120 minute yeah i just said uh this dog shithead it's really good
[00:47:05] yeah don't disrespect dogfish head yeah that's
[00:47:07] Frederick Maryland's own is it Maryland now it's Delaware oh is it yeah
[00:47:11] yo speaking of Maryland's country Maryland fucking legend Michael Phelps
[00:47:16] right guys yeah i'm posting toast and Mikey Phelps yeah he has like a
[00:47:21] million dollar condo in canton yes yeah and it's like no you just
[00:47:25] spent too much money yeah not fucking expensive yeah
[00:47:30] yo can't use fucking one million dollars per condo
[00:47:34] yeah dude it's fucking right on the water yo fucking beachfront property at
[00:47:38] that more fuck yeah his body is so black people out there yeah looking
[00:47:42] yeah his head is weird his upper torso looks like it's twice as long as his
[00:47:47] legs apparently his lungs have a 20 liter capacity
[00:47:52] it's like twice the amount of you know they found that out you
[00:47:55] went to a party ribbon the bong no you went to a party and he got really
[00:47:59] sick so you go to the hospital and they had to pump his lungs yeah 20
[00:48:03] liters of jizz yeah come he went to one of those
[00:48:07] rod steward parties yeah where they just have jizz on tap rod steward and all
[00:48:12] of the olympic athletes and they listen to forever yong and
[00:48:16] jimmeh shotgun come yeah um have you guys been doing i
[00:48:23] typing in a lot of olympic sports into my porn
[00:48:26] searches so i've been searching jimnest there's a lot of gymnastics oh yeah i've
[00:48:31] seen them there's a lot of those at some bar the other night and i was watching
[00:48:35] like beach volleyball that was a good fight ball yeah and some guy came up and
[00:48:39] he's like yeah i could beat it off to this
[00:48:41] what's like why why would you why would you beat off to it what do you
[00:48:46] jail just download pornography like a fucking normal human being
[00:48:52] well i was saying this earlier i saw a conservative meme on twitter today
[00:48:56] that was like the united arab emirates beach volleyball
[00:49:00] player and she was wearing a hijab and like long sleeves
[00:49:04] and then like some european chick and she's wearing bikini it's like
[00:49:07] which society is better the society that represses with it's like obviously
[00:49:11] like there's just one fine-ass girl and one muslim
[00:49:14] girls it was fair also it's not better it's like these
[00:49:18] british and other titties out yeah it's like if you want to
[00:49:20] cover your tits like i feel like whenever i watch beach volleyball i'm like
[00:49:24] this isn't there's no reason you need to be seeing their whole ass
[00:49:28] there's like absolutely for a sport oh so why are they playing on sand that looks
[00:49:33] for uniform volleyball they're sport uniform that's
[00:49:36] fast man in the olympic sport baseball what a ridiculous uniform that they've
[00:49:42] gone with yeah just floppy pajamas like with
[00:49:46] fucking buttons and it has and changed in like
[00:49:50] a hundred years yeah yeah i love the fat managers wear them that's the best
[00:49:55] they're also wear the outfits and hilarious the christy pants thing is
[00:50:00] the best thing it's the best picture ever yeah his
[00:50:02] little ass dick he's got a tiny dick well he talks
[00:50:10] into his ass i do that too yeah well that way if you have to pee
[00:50:14] you just pee into your ass and then you should have it out later yep
[00:50:17] yep it's efficient i mean that's what we all do here
[00:50:20] that's what they do the chinese i feel you know you who comes up with that
[00:50:23] guys that saved his state after hurricane sandy it's that kind of
[00:50:26] resourcefulness that we need leading this country
[00:50:31] god that guy is so fucked Chris Christie like what is his career
[00:50:35] ago i mean unless trump wins then he's fucking cabinet secretary of pizza
[00:50:43] chris christy um jared kushner uh his his dad was sent to jail
[00:50:52] by chris christy and that's why it wasn't allowed to be vice president
[00:50:56] because he sent melania's husband's dad to jail really remember that scandal
[00:51:00] new jersey a couple years ago they were like rabbis implicated
[00:51:04] they were like trading on the black market corpses and stuff there was
[00:51:08] like no there was like this whole crazy scandal
[00:51:12] and melania's husband's dad not melania's they were buying and selling
[00:51:23] to suck off they're buying and selling little kid weiners to suck off
[00:51:26] because rabbis are gay yeah there was like the mob was implicated in like
[00:51:31] real orthodox rabbis and they're doing that would be a good one
[00:51:38] yeah i can already hear every rolling stone song
[00:51:42] yeah it is funny it's like just fucking get different cultural references
[00:51:48] yeah it's like fucking to every well it's for says he's like
[00:51:52] scorsese transit and that it's a vinyl show that we were talking about that
[00:51:56] how that vinyl show has the same tone is like when like you have an older uncle
[00:52:00] that tries to tell you about how cool they used to be right right right and
[00:52:04] scorsese is now one of those guys absolutely was like legitimately cool
[00:52:07] super cool but now it's too late yeah you know
[00:52:10] unless he's trying to not be cool if he's just making a different which is a
[00:52:13] good movie like i don't actually i don't know i haven't seen it
[00:52:17] a recent i'm so impressed with that dude most people
[00:52:20] at like 50 turn really uncool he made the wolf of wall street as like a 75
[00:52:26] year old that movie is like we yes is a funnier than most funny shit
[00:52:33] funny as shit like yeah but then yeah go ahead you know how i did it
[00:52:37] yeah but jona hill is what made it funny i you can't just say we wrote the entire
[00:52:42] script himself he was like we're not doing this i think i think
[00:52:48] scorsese stayed cool by doing cocaine for 50 years
[00:52:54] huge coke had came out of it still a young man you know who else did that
[00:52:59] Adolf Hitler that's how he stayed he was a big cocaine guy
[00:53:04] did you greenies i feel like he must have been on something
[00:53:08] uh Nazis must have good drugs right they invented basically every drug
[00:53:12] really yeah like pcp they invented uh by trying to make like super soldiers
[00:53:19] holy shit yeah um that's the only one i think maybe
[00:53:23] maybe methamphetamines i feel like they must have made some kind of
[00:53:26] meth shit because they were fucking hopped up dude
[00:53:30] yeah they made the strongest weed ever but
[00:53:34] it was in hiller's bunker when he killed him no
[00:53:37] dude you gotta find it starring Seth Rogen and he's like we
[00:53:41] we gotta go get the weed find out how to get there and it's called in glorious
[00:53:47] fucking call it danny mcbride as fucking some german guy that talks like a
[00:53:52] southern or whatever you are not going to fuck up my
[00:53:56] Auschwitz this my Auschwitz get the hell out
[00:54:01] the miles danny right if you guys watch vice principles that's just pretty good
[00:54:06] i thought it was problematic it's problematic but it's not it's not
[00:54:10] problematic article they man have you ever read the pilot for hours
[00:54:16] down it's incredible if i read it so fucking not watch it read that
[00:54:21] yeah i don't know it's there's like one line in there it's just like
[00:54:24] dropping end bombs but racistly yeah oh yeah i love each band it's so very
[00:54:30] funny it's my favorite show it's it was so good just because the show
[00:54:33] changed the game i feel like this new show is just the same thing
[00:54:37] though right yeah but that's sort of what whatever yeah it's a shit it's so
[00:54:40] funny but it's not exactly i think it's a different it's a different character
[00:54:44] and uh the guy from fucking uh the guy who was in there will be blood and
[00:54:50] the the other guy in it what the fuck is his name what's he from
[00:54:54] he did the shield and he michael chickless it was michael chickless
[00:54:59] now the other guy he was in the and he was he played uh
[00:55:03] in there will be blood it was the guy's brother plain views fake ass brother
[00:55:07] you know i'm talking about oh and there will be blood yeah oh uh
[00:55:11] the fuck is in dano paul dano no no no no no no no
[00:55:16] he played his fake brother the imposter fuck what else was he in
[00:55:20] he's been a lot stuff you know paul dano was only supposed to play the first
[00:55:24] brother in there will be blood and petey anderson liked him so much as the
[00:55:28] first brother that he was like yo you'll just play the other guy too
[00:55:32] well and that's why it doesn't make sense it doesn't make sense it's weird
[00:55:36] i don't know if i mean i always like love watching his movies
[00:55:41] yeah but there's so much shit in there where i'm like why did he do this
[00:55:44] right right i can't figure it out i feel like he's making it up as he goes
[00:55:47] along right yeah i i read the first draft of the master
[00:55:52] and i was like this guy doesn't even have a movie here
[00:55:55] yeah it's not it's not a movie he's he's sort of
[00:55:58] i there's this woman megan ellison who's that guy from oracles daughter
[00:56:02] Larry ellison she's basically like she owns anapurna
[00:56:06] yeah she's basically like a patron of the arts she's like i want to let the
[00:56:10] best director is just fuck around do yeah yeah and so
[00:56:14] basically he has sort of a blank check whenever he makes a movie
[00:56:17] interesting that's why he made blank check yeah yeah it's actually about his
[00:56:20] history that was a fucking good ass fucking movie dude
[00:56:24] blank it off to that woman yeah we talk about how the
[00:56:27] the property brothers are basically building that like this member in
[00:56:31] blank check you had a slide yeah awesome the property brothers do that in their
[00:56:36] own their house really they're like we have a slide in our bedroom that we
[00:56:39] share that goes all the way into the pool and we built a movie theater in the
[00:56:43] backyard i'm convinced they never hit puberty
[00:56:46] do you think that's the next thing after after like so there's like gay
[00:56:49] liberation trans liberation do you think twin gay brother liberation is the
[00:56:54] next thing twin twin ancestral twin twin brothers twin gay property brother
[00:57:00] gay property bros those guys fucking would be a site
[00:57:05] i'd love to see it probably i would watch that on on hd
[00:57:08] hg tv after dark yes this is come down after dark tv
[00:57:13] go back to it i would i would actually not watch them
[00:57:16] fuck but i would watch them you remember that josh hardnet movie where he can't
[00:57:20] fuck for like 40 days yes 40 days of 49 yeah
[00:57:23] Shannon's awesome and the board white guy movie where he just decides not to
[00:57:27] beat off her fuck for length oh is that what it is just lent
[00:57:31] uh remember the feather coming scene yeah
[00:57:34] no that was that feather along that woman until she comes uh watch the property
[00:57:39] brothers do that that's what i want to see
[00:57:44] that's the property brothers have a feather blowing comes in
[00:57:48] fuck man making each other come by tickling their dicks would be so good
[00:57:52] but then like but then they just have to go back to being the property brothers
[00:57:57] i was doing like on the next episode it's a three and a half bit for
[00:58:03] a bit well we like it but what are you guys doing with that
[00:58:16] fuck yeah we should do that we should write that
[00:58:19] to white and women actually wear coconut bras oh yeah yeah of course
[00:58:22] under their under their t-shirts i mean have they ever done that though or was
[00:58:26] that just something something probably they like
[00:58:28] 1700s before we like took their country from them yeah we've yeah we brought
[00:58:33] them into the light what was his name king something
[00:58:37] king dol kingly and i just dol pineapples yeah
[00:58:40] Hawaiian kingly and i just didn't just a pineapple company just straight up
[00:58:45] stole hawai right uh yeah i don't know i think someone
[00:58:50] someone smart would know this i think so
[00:58:53] how the united states went over to hawai and just said this is ours now
[00:58:58] i think a fucking company was wanting to get the pineapples
[00:59:01] and they were just setting up shop and then they just fucked up some queen
[00:59:05] okay it was wasn't pineapples it was bananas
[00:59:08] and it did belonged to all the natives and then king k-rule
[00:59:13] came in and stole all the bananas from the kong family yes uh donke and diddy
[00:59:19] dong it uh that's true dong kong being um
[00:59:24] dwayne the rock johnson's father yeah uh Hawaiian
[00:59:28] that's a moment Hawaiian they are huge they're huge
[00:59:31] people enormous i went to high school with a bunch of
[00:59:39] gymon and the women are just as big they are all the fish in their diet
[00:59:45] they eat all that fish in butter the the poi yeah they do poi what's poi
[00:59:52] it's like their thing the Hawaiian dish they're into i thought they eat
[00:59:57] spam they love fried spam i thought they ate a
[01:00:02] chocolate taco you know i was doing i went i went to the
[01:00:05] beach with my friends we were like making a fake like
[01:00:07] hawai and slang oh yeah yeah we're like uh look at this
[01:00:11] bay over here yo like hey like yeah this beach is locos only bro
[01:00:15] so like you get off our beach fucking bay hey dude we don't want to see you around
[01:00:19] here bro is that a Hawaiian accent yeah yeah
[01:00:22] locos only bro it sounds almost like you're saying
[01:00:25] loco only yeah yeah sort of you know i didn't ever
[01:00:28] i never understood same shit was like uh four thousand miles away but
[01:00:32] same today the Hawaiian punch guy why does he have antlers
[01:00:36] i think that's a hat dude oh it's like a Hawaiian hat oh
[01:00:41] it's like a beach hat well that's so i said no we never got to the point
[01:00:46] where do you guys think they have big dicks the samon's because they are
[01:00:50] also asian no they just fat and have or big and
[01:00:55] left you know that's actually myth that asian septics
[01:01:02] it sounds yeah they actually uh breed through uh
[01:01:09] see that where they do the dah the karate where they don't touch each other
[01:01:13] oh and then a baby comes out of woman's pussy yeah
[01:01:16] nice that's how they would do they split off like he's my friend when i was a kid
[01:01:20] my friend tommy used to swear to me that
[01:01:23] alan irison was immaculately conceived that someone
[01:01:28] came long distance and it's the ski flew into his mom's vagina
[01:01:34] she was never penetrated i would until alan irison was born
[01:01:38] was that something that i thought that was you know i was like oh okay that's
[01:01:42] true well chews are still waiting for the messiah
[01:01:45] that's probably the funniest part about being jewish
[01:01:49] so with you so you're what you're saying is his friend thought
[01:01:52] alan irison was the jewish messiah well yeah i don't think that
[01:01:56] that's part of being the messiah i think that's just part of the jesus narrative
[01:02:03] well i just loved it like i mean if you're the messiah your parents cannot
[01:02:07] fuck right if you're actually like jewish
[01:02:11] your parent and your boy you're like parents think you might be the messiah
[01:02:16] oh that's hilarious so no matter what they're
[01:02:18] like they're going to be disappointed with you because that's not real
[01:02:21] yeah it's a good point yeah did your parents think you were the messiah
[01:02:25] uh kind of do they still in a lot of very unfair ways do they still think
[01:02:30] maybe oh i mean they just yeah they think i'm
[01:02:36] what i i should be way more successful than i am right
[01:02:41] like the president or something yeah of course any you think you could still be
[01:02:45] the president well i did talk about having a sex slave beat me off on this
[01:02:49] podcast that's fine dude it's all out there
[01:02:52] trump trump's so jumps had a fat howard stern that's the thing man you just
[01:02:57] stay problematic and you never have to worry about it that's what trump taught
[01:03:01] us yeah you might be president i know trump might be
[01:03:05] president it's not wait you say that with such
[01:03:08] confidence yeah i have no confidence i wish i did the math the math doesn't
[01:03:12] work or the math doesn't work yeah the math you know math doesn't work
[01:03:17] i don't i don't know folks maybe six million but
[01:03:21] yeah let's make an amendment people let's take a look at those numbers
[01:03:29] down in the Holocaust that would be awesome that would be fucking hilarious
[01:03:35] he's great i can't i'm like i'm so glad that
[01:03:38] we're at least gonna hear from him for the next year sure two years no matter
[01:03:43] what happened i think do you think he's gonna have like a really cool
[01:03:45] meltdown like tantrum when he loses or he'll just say that he's already
[01:03:50] saying it was rigged yeah he'll say it's rigged yeah
[01:03:53] yeah dude he might legit like start his own network
[01:03:56] that's what i think he's gonna do is he's because he's trump's have his own
[01:04:00] fox news yeah he's gonna have to try to get an audience dude
[01:04:03] he's gonna get 40 percent of the vote at least it's gonna be so impressive
[01:04:08] he literally has come out against every type of person yeah
[01:04:12] i was like the other day trying to think of a group that he hasn't disliked and
[01:04:16] i was like ask i was he was he about the basket
[01:04:19] the basket i thought like native americans maybe but no he
[01:04:23] fucking hates them because because he blames them for the casinos bailing
[01:04:26] in lantic city pokahana and pokahana so he was the one
[01:04:33] he's literally come out against every single group including women
[01:04:38] the only group he hasn't talked shit about is white men
[01:04:41] i love i don't know i i think he's great
[01:04:47] just his vote to send a message baby just like kumia that's what it is
[01:04:51] it's message signaling it's signal messaging that's what voting is i learned
[01:04:56] that from michael foodies facebook page you want to message signal
[01:05:01] with your vote foodie is smarty shit yeah he's so he's real smart i'm just
[01:05:05] saying i'm not gonna vote you're not gonna vote
[01:05:07] yeah i haven't voted since 2008 for anything
[01:05:11] yeah why did you go for in 2008 baracka obama
[01:05:14] young baracka obama bitch really yeah you find that shocking no
[01:05:21] yeah i i had a hard look at it and i was like you know what
[01:05:25] i'm voting for jill stein bitch if john mccain was a better pilot
[01:05:30] he would have he wouldn't have got caught
[01:05:32] hell yeah so i own like winners yeah so good
[01:05:38] yeah that's how he started you know what it is sort of true that he wasn't a
[01:05:42] very good pilot well yeah because he was his
[01:05:44] his parents were like navel at like uh royalty yeah he got you got skipped ahead
[01:05:50] yeah but he was like a gold star p o w you could oh yeah you couldn't be a
[01:05:55] better absolutely ro then john mccain he's a hunter really good at being a
[01:05:59] prisoner and he refused to get fucking released until
[01:06:03] everyone else gets released that's crazy yeah i would have been
[01:06:06] smashed his teeth out of his mouth yeah there were so
[01:06:09] mean terms yeah i would have killed my fucking
[01:06:12] you know what they didn't what they didn't do
[01:06:16] why didn't they just fuck him yeah they didn't they definitely fucked them
[01:06:21] do you think they fucked them oh yeah it probably was the first thing i asked
[01:06:24] do you know michael michael foodie his prank on john mccain he wants to pull
[01:06:30] he wants to have like a big a big ceremony like a stadium and it says like
[01:06:36] american number one or like put america first something about like being
[01:06:40] patriotic and then have a hat this is all pre-trump with the make america
[01:06:45] great again huh but i have a hat this is like
[01:06:48] america is number one or put america first and like present it to john mccain but
[01:06:52] put it on the floor oh then and like and say like all right and then we give
[01:06:57] him the hat because he can't lift his arms above his head
[01:07:01] he'd have to like squirm like a worm on the ground to put the hat on
[01:07:07] i don't know i think it's pretty mean pranked
[01:07:10] it sounds like a good ass prank to pull on uh john mccain
[01:07:14] call that the shang high hat it was like uh one of the ways they tortured him
[01:07:21] making put a hat on like a little you know about the ways they tortured him
[01:07:24] yeah they would fuck disaster they like tie your hands behind your back and then
[01:07:28] like raise you from your hands so just dislocate your shoulders
[01:07:32] jesus christ so that's why i can't yeah that's why i can't raise his arms
[01:07:36] why he can't do the wave at stadium he looks hilarious
[01:07:39] yeah bob dol has dead arm for being like gunned down by
[01:07:43] german machine did you see bob dol the fucking rnc the pants
[01:07:53] guys there's no way he can mentally even make a decision
[01:07:56] for who he wants to support for president he literally had his belt wrapped around
[01:07:59] his armpits like they're right under his titties
[01:08:02] oh shit was so funny it's gonna be fucking terrible people here's here's our
[01:08:07] hilarious commentary on it did you see that shit
[01:08:10] oh i tell you boy boy i tell you shoot i tell you what
[01:08:16] boy shoot come town after dark bitch we get wild
[01:08:19] malaniatrump is like russian spy kgb style and that that's why he's pro
[01:08:26] poutin because that's poutin's secret wife yes think about it that is what i
[01:08:31] think that he wins she's like infiltrate the white house
[01:08:36] poutin takes over we become russia pretty cool right that's it baby
[01:08:44] that's it yeah you know what do you mean that's it
[01:08:52] uh did we were we saying anything funny this i don't think so
[01:08:55] no we had a thing we're doing right what on the truck oh fuck we didn't plug the
[01:09:00] show at all either what show we're doing a show Monday oh we had that roast
[01:09:04] battle this oh yeah we also did a roast battle good stuff
[01:09:07] nick barely it was really came down to the wire barely squeaked out
[01:09:11] did really good you guys should watch the video unanimous decision pretty well
[01:09:15] not unanimous rich false did vote for me because he said he felt bad i don't
[01:09:18] remember that exactly but you know either way you guys make up your mind a lot of
[01:09:22] people count me and said they thought i won but it's you know whatever it's like
[01:09:25] a lot of kind of up in the air it was basically a tie
[01:09:28] basically well essentially somebody we have a show on
[01:09:32] Monday we're all listening a show on Monday
[01:09:36] had come on everybody it's not it's spelled wrong it's spelled
[01:09:41] C apostrophe it's spelled mexican question mark
[01:09:47] c o m o b h come to that show even though no one's listening anymore
[01:09:51] yeah um it's gonna be fun we're gonna fuck
[01:09:56] and eat pussy on stage right guys yeah i feel like there's something i wanted
[01:10:03] to mention that we were saying what were we saying
[01:10:06] i said it was very funny yeah we were oh there was the
[01:10:08] the tour that's or the cleveland boston tour
[01:10:15] we're the guy for that now i wrote this guys like yeah
[01:10:19] yeah i saw no i really ruined it i went around all summer i saw jane's
[01:10:24] addiction oh yeah was jane's addiction cleveland boston tour
[01:10:28] cleveland boston 912 cleveland 913 boston 914 cleveland 915
[01:10:34] boston 916 boston 917 that's right baby cleveland
[01:10:41] just the t-shirt that would be really funny i'd be sure today yeah yeah jane's
[01:10:46] addiction just going back that wasn't the funny thing though that we were
[01:10:50] i forgot what we were yeah what the fuck was it
[01:10:52] it whatever you found in something one of those idiots we worked with
[01:10:56] we're now in who gives a fuck dude the guy we were working with thought both
[01:10:59] me and adam were named matthew he kept calling us matthew
[01:11:03] he was pretty like matthew matthew can i get a hand over here
[01:11:06] yeah which matthew dress both of us is matthew what the fuck was the
[01:11:12] we should have thought about this man what are you going to do guys i should
[01:11:15] have written it um yeah we were at we were at chelsey piers
[01:11:19] we talked about that we want to do a show it's about oh yeah
[01:11:22] new york rich girls yeah yeah one of them's name i'm chelsey piers and i'm rich
[01:11:28] and i just love shopping and having sex and then her friend is uh
[01:11:32] mattison square garden and then they have a korean friend uh kim park slope
[01:11:40] who but she just she just looks curious she's she's like i'm a real new yorker
[01:11:45] just like the rest of them he has like a normal voice right right when she's
[01:11:49] korean that's always funny when you're in china town you see like
[01:11:53] a chinese cop in china town and then they just talk they're like yeah
[01:11:58] what the fuck you boy well no there's a lot of like there's a lot of old school
[01:12:02] chinese china town guys that are like hey who's this guy or me yeah
[01:12:07] and they're like wearing like a fishing vest yeah maybe eighters
[01:12:11] they're still chinese as shit yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm trying to play my jong this
[01:12:15] afternoon you know a place where fella can hang out
[01:12:18] you know what i mean hey how you doing whatever they still fuck up the lrs
[01:12:27] yeah you want to get the Williams bergie train the art train this plane's
[01:12:32] 40 minutes rate what the hell is going on with this plane
[01:12:38] do you remember when you were in jake we're laughing about a girl using to it
[01:12:44] uh having the lr problem using yeah i was trying to do that it's why i'm
[01:12:49] laughing i was trying to do that as a bit on stage but it's too racist
[01:12:53] as if i got kept matching with chinese girls on tinder and it was like
[01:12:57] it's i was joking it was because she was using like the series commands
[01:13:01] we just could read it she's like swipe raft this is why big right right i'm
[01:13:13] it's so stupid it races yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i had so much fun just
[01:13:17] saying racist shit in china town when i lived there
[01:13:20] now just walk around laughing at those people all day long and now you live in
[01:13:26] bedside and if you say racist things someone throws a
[01:13:28] fucking garbage can through the front window yeah pizza store right
[01:13:32] ruin your pizza restaurant they take all the pictures of Italian guys off the walls
[01:13:39] whoo well i think that was a fun riff ended on good fun riff
[01:13:43] yeah we we saved it maybe a little bit i don't know who knows uh thanks