Cum Town | Regular | 02/28/2019
[00:00:00] I can't wait for you to check out my penis.
[00:00:05] Hey bitch, when did you check out my balls?
[00:00:15] Check out my, I move it called my balls and beak.
[00:00:23] Mr. and Mrs. Milastrios, your son told, told one of the girls it's, he told me, he told
[00:00:29] it's school to go to block, I quote, go to block busser and check out a movie called
[00:00:35] How does he even know about block bussers?
[00:00:43] I'm sorry, are you on the writing staff?
[00:00:48] We're introducing a new segment for Adam where he reads us the weather for the week.
[00:01:00] So we got an exciting week of weather coming up in the New York area.
[00:01:17] Saturday 42 degrees with a little snowflake symbol.
[00:01:22] Wait, is it supposed to snow the, the, the, the fucking sign on the road said winter
[00:01:29] I think it's, I think it might snow tonight tomorrow.
[00:01:52] I'll probably do chicken chili because I am, I'm watching a figure.
[00:02:03] You got a, you got an apple watch to check your, I don't track your, I don't believe
[00:02:13] So I will not be exercising ever as a result.
[00:02:15] That's what I take from that saying abs are made from in the kitchen.
[00:02:23] Cause the stronger my stuff, you know how fucking distended my stomach gets?
[00:02:25] That's like, that's maxing out on a rep is when you fill your stomach completely.
[00:02:32] But then you have to empty it, which most people don't do.
[00:02:40] I enjoyed, I enjoyed just getting the opportunity to do the weather.
[00:02:50] I did always like when a radio show had a guy who was the news man and ostensibly he
[00:02:54] was not to talk the rest of the time, but he would always chime in.
[00:02:58] And then every once in a while, he would say that the stories of the day.
[00:03:04] Give me a rate like, for example, a classic example for big Baltimore heads, Baltimore
[00:03:09] morning radio heads is Josh Spiegel, who has survived many incarnations of that morning
[00:03:22] I think he started even before whatever Mickey, whatever the show, whatever the show, whatever
[00:03:26] the show, whatever the show was, yeah, even before Mickey and Amelia, I think Spiegel
[00:03:31] I don't remember anything prior to Mickey and Amelia because when I was a kid, I would
[00:03:38] That was like the, did you guys get Howard Stern in Baltimore?
[00:03:46] No, I, the only way I knew of Howard Stern was from the movie private part, which I never
[00:03:51] That show that was like the sense of rock stages.
[00:03:58] I definitely feed off to the censors, Sibian rides.
[00:04:00] Which is great if they censored shit, but they still just showed bitches on the Sibian.
[00:04:14] That's why I spent a lot of time with the junkies.
[00:04:21] And they would say harking or hurting or some fucking shit.
[00:04:28] I remember Johnny, Johnny Riggs was the HFS DJ.
[00:04:35] It's so funny how like you just become a guy that's like 30.
[00:04:46] But like reminiscing on, I remember I used to listen to like some radio station in Austin
[00:04:52] And like one of the guys from Butthole Surfer's was the DJ.
[00:04:57] My man Cashed in, got the corporate job.
[00:05:00] And I remember like numerous times you would find a way to bring up that he was in Butthole
[00:05:07] I just remember hearing that and being like, wow, this is what the Butthole Surfer's got.
[00:05:13] You could be working in a radio shacker.
[00:05:18] But yeah, no, Johnny Riggs got caught with a bunch of child pornography.
[00:05:22] Dude, there's always scandal with those guys.
[00:05:29] He wasn't a child pornography guy, but he like that's how he got the name.
[00:05:36] It could be mustache or it could be a stash of child pornography.
[00:05:42] We're jerking off the child pornography.
[00:05:45] You're listening to Cashay on the morning.
[00:05:53] A secret storage facility under my bed.
[00:05:56] That's filled with pictures that go back to the 1970s.
[00:06:02] Grown men, accountants, lawyers, I got them as children jerking on.
[00:06:08] So if the child in a child pornography is now an adult legal baby, then it's legal.
[00:06:14] Your honor, this man has a mustache and a family now.
[00:06:17] I should be fine looking at pictures of his honor, sucking him off.
[00:06:21] If we find out that those kids in those pictures ended up being Trump supporters.
[00:06:28] Maybe you deserve to beat your racking.
[00:06:30] Let's see that he beautifully abuses the child to meet Jack and off to you.
[00:06:36] I've been watching a lot of Ellen to page videos and she's really convinced me.
[00:06:46] Maybe we haven't, but we'll pay good money for videos of the boys in Covington getting
[00:06:52] If you have a video of, let's wipe that smirk off his face.
[00:06:56] Ellen Page right now is to do that by having him be having adult have sex with him.
[00:07:20] They're like 12 year olds believe in like a skinny man.
[00:07:25] Yeah, that kills you with his fingers or something.
[00:07:29] Oh, I guess we should say I'm ready to get my Bernie bro shit fire back up.
[00:07:36] You don't like Bernie Sanders guess who's going to hold you down and rape you.
[00:07:44] We did get our we did get a letter from Bernie.
[00:07:47] Please stop telling people that you're going to rape them on my behalf.
[00:07:54] If I see a woman running her mouth about Bernie, I'll just fucking I'll say this right now.
[00:08:01] I'm going to do as much as I possibly can to not pay attention to this election.
[00:08:05] I probably won't vote, but I come town gives a full-throated endorsement a full deep-throated
[00:08:29] I mean, he said numerous times there's no such thing as the black working class.
[00:08:42] I mean, and like, you know, Hillary voters proved in 2016 that there's no such thing
[00:08:47] as minorities that embrace any kind of socialist policies.
[00:08:51] These are things that only white guys care about.
[00:09:00] The fact that there's that there's zero, you know, people like AOC or Russian plants,
[00:09:13] They got the O and let me tell you, they got their money's worth on the titty part of that
[00:09:17] I can tell you looking at AOC, there's no way that that woman has better breasts than
[00:09:23] There's no way anyone has just your tits than me.
[00:09:35] I love when these relief pictures haircut, these bras, you know, they're complaining
[00:09:39] about our, our men, Bernie Sanders, right?
[00:09:42] And then they just talk about how tired they are.
[00:09:45] Because that's really the goal is that we want to get them all sleepy, tuck it out, tuck
[00:09:49] Keep that glass ceiling intact so that they can't smash you the glass ceiling.
[00:09:54] We're just trying to make every woman in this country.
[00:09:59] Why don't we start working with glass floors, right?
[00:10:01] We're going to go women to the top position.
[00:10:24] We'd like to invite every Hillary supporter to one of those cruises with a glass body
[00:10:31] And we will be scuba diving underneath in shark.
[00:10:42] You can watch the bubbles are leaving my body as I beat off.
[00:10:56] Honestly, I hope that like Kamala and all these fucking losers drop out and Hillary gets
[00:11:10] It was those were no isn't Biden about to get in the mix.
[00:11:15] I love every picture of Biden feeling titties and shit.
[00:11:19] Yeah, he's like there's so many pictures of him molesting people.
[00:11:25] It's like because then if it's Biden, it's not even like a fucking white guy thing anymore
[00:11:29] It's just they just have like some pathological hatred of Bernie Sanders.
[00:11:34] It's like you don't you think socialism is bad or you're an anti-Semite.
[00:11:39] Those are like the only two options left.
[00:11:56] Everybody talks about what a hero John McCain is and how tough he was for going to a P.D.O.
[00:12:18] Dude, how old is he and he's still not grown up?
[00:12:30] As you know, 85% of our listeners are first responders.
[00:12:44] Number one, there's a way to track that.
[00:12:50] Are 85% as you know, 85% of our listeners are military.
[00:12:53] I think he said, yeah, he said military or first responders.
[00:13:04] But yeah, I can't wait for politics, man.
[00:13:10] I'm about to get my, I want Cory Booker.
[00:13:18] But he was rumored to date that hot ass woman with the big ass titties.
[00:13:39] Maybe it was like two years ago or whatever.
[00:13:43] And like, I guess I haven't seen Rosaria Dawson since she was in like rent, maybe.
[00:13:52] Introduced to her in Spike Lee's 25th hour.
[00:13:56] I don't remember where, but I was all, I was very well introduced to her in the stills
[00:14:00] from Alexander where you can see her titties.
[00:14:09] And Greeks were real mad because they made Alexander sort of gay.
[00:14:13] But I think he just sucked and smock that.
[00:14:18] You saw a picture of her year ago and she looked good.
[00:14:19] Oh, no, I just like quietly remark like, oh, she's got an old.
[00:14:26] Well, I just said that it was a bad picture.
[00:14:29] Have you ever, um, you know that monologue from 25th hour?
[00:14:41] He was just saying how he thought she was ugly and then he realized she's still hot.
[00:14:52] No, you know, you know, you know, I don't care to tell the story.
[00:15:02] I'm trying to find this this Ellen Page article.
[00:15:17] He's going to be here for posting child pornography.
[00:15:23] Eli, you got to stop doing that, my man.
[00:15:28] Yeah, he always has his famous pedophile.
[00:15:34] Shout out to pedophile Eli for sending me this article.
[00:15:47] Well whatever it is, find the guy who used to be Microsoft incel.
[00:15:50] That guy, whatever he is now, he's a pedophile.
[00:15:53] Oh, I also want to say, shout out to the come boy who gave me acid on my birthday.
[00:16:04] Shout out to the guy who gave the stuff to us on his birthday.
[00:16:07] That juicy butthole felt so good on my cock.
[00:16:11] He wanted me to say that one of his friends gave...
[00:16:13] Those are cool move by Eldus to have his birthday party to crowded bars.
[00:16:21] Oh, all these people are here to see Eldus.
[00:16:37] He also wanted me to say one of his friends was gay.
[00:16:42] But I can't give them what they wanted.
[00:16:46] No, he came through in the fucking clutch.
[00:16:48] That's why I don't give homeless people money.
[00:16:52] Then they're just going to keep coming back saying, ooh, can I have more money?
[00:16:58] Can I hang out with you and your girlfriend?
[00:17:04] And did you hang out with the homeless guy?
[00:17:12] Well obviously you have to make them do a little dance.
[00:17:24] That's just what the guy who gave me acid told me to say.
[00:17:36] And I know our 85% of our fans are first responder pedophile.
[00:17:44] 85% of our fans are military first graders.
[00:17:48] Uh, they're either tier one operators or six years old.
[00:18:06] I just watched the what's the what's the oldest?
[00:18:11] And it was like I was like damn, maybe I should be on like a fucking illegal ass fucking black ops squad.
[00:18:16] Dude, I would love to be fucking Josh Brolin in that movie.
[00:18:34] See, you are you don't really know too much about the intelligence.
[00:18:41] I know a lot about the day of the story.
[00:18:43] How funny is that that the FBI goes around calling themselves the intelligence community.
[00:18:52] Uh, we're part of a program called the SNOE.
[00:19:13] Yeah, we were all pretty fucked up when we came up with that.
[00:19:16] You can email me at agent Johnson at snoe.fbi.gov.
[00:19:40] To, you know, pretend to be little girls in chat rooms, right?
[00:19:50] They rest a lot of retarded Muslims who the FBI and send them to Gitmo.
[00:19:56] Like mostly Gitmo is like just a puzzle room.
[00:20:00] Yeah, mostly it's just like blocks and they sort of harass like some Muslim guys after 9 11 that were like straight up.
[00:20:10] They tricked a guy into like fake doing a terrorist attack and then they arrested him for doing a terrorist attack.
[00:20:21] No, there was a there was a handful of them that were like.
[00:20:28] But I don't know if any of them have been like determined to be entrapment by the courts.
[00:20:37] So fucked up world after watching the car.
[00:20:40] I realized it's a fucked up world out there.
[00:20:47] The ending of the Sicario is great though.
[00:20:49] He's just some other fucking like drug dealer or whatever.
[00:20:58] He's like, yeah, we could use this to our man.
[00:21:14] Well, you're fucking bringing negative energy into this fucking podcast.
[00:21:18] I'd like to go into every movie thinking it's bad and then I could be pleasantly surprised.
[00:21:22] Apparently they had to remove the one to see meter from the new Captain Marvel movie.
[00:21:30] Well, from what I've read is that they're mad that she has bad feet.
[00:21:43] Bree, if you're out there, I'll select your toes.
[00:21:53] This bitch is just going to be named after cheese.
[00:21:56] She had a big, like, anti- groping, like, thing under me too against sound guys that put
[00:22:11] She had another, like, thing about, like, getting hit on by a TSA agent, like, a tweet
[00:22:16] or something, which is like, you're just, you're just shitting on peasants.
[00:22:20] So many of the guys at MSG would cut my nuts, and I didn't say anything.
[00:22:23] What do you mean, that's the voice of the peasants?
[00:22:31] That's another thing that those dumb bitches do.
[00:22:34] Like, that's supposed to be a fucking insult.
[00:22:46] Barry Obama sounds like he plays a piece of...
[00:22:47] How about we start calling Barry Weiss, Barack Weiss?
[00:22:57] It was like about Bobby Jindal or whatever.
[00:23:01] It's like all the people that get mad about Barack Hussein Obama are probably going to
[00:23:05] be pretty pleased about Priyash, Bobby Jindal or whatever.
[00:23:12] You understand that at the point of the Barack Hussein Obama thing is that it sounds like
[00:23:20] It's like whatever dumb point you're trying to make, you just expose your own racism.
[00:23:26] That was so funny when they thought he was the future of the Republican Party, and then
[00:23:30] he opened his mouth and he just sounded like...
[00:23:36] He sounds like a man that's never gotten pussy in the day in his life.
[00:23:42] Imagine how poorly Bobby Jindal fucks, dude.
[00:23:53] You don't want to hear that motherfucker whispering in your ear.
[00:24:06] Suit kid, but also kid who pulls his pants all the way down.
[00:24:11] Who fully removes his suit to become naked.
[00:24:13] Yeah, he puts it on a hanger and takes a piss at a urinal.
[00:24:35] I don't want to get wrinkles before speech, the big speech tournament.
[00:24:46] You can see this article about how Bill Hicks is canceled.
[00:24:59] It's the Guardian interviewing Open Micros in London.
[00:25:03] And then they don't even make a point about how he's misogynist.
[00:25:06] It's like, yeah, he does yelling and stuff.
[00:25:20] If you really think about it, he's almost right with you.
[00:25:25] Right, he's just right, he's just right, he's just right.
[00:25:42] And especially to drop it on the 25th anniversary of his death.
[00:25:52] I wanted to get to a point where it's like-
[00:25:57] I don't even want it to be Nanette is good.
[00:26:01] Nanette's coming through with the follow-up dude, apparently.
[00:26:20] Leonardo, he's the one that's a little bit more chill.
[00:26:42] Yo, do you think Splinter raped the Turtles, dude?
[00:26:49] Splinter was a Japanese man trapped in a rat's body.
[00:26:57] Splinter, and I didn't watch, I mean, I watched the show.
[00:27:00] You know what, you remember the movie, he was a pet of like a samurai.
[00:27:05] And then he trained, he watched it and did all the movies.
[00:27:07] Yeah, Shredder killed his master or whatever.
[00:27:12] Remember the movie starts with a little mess?
[00:27:15] Now that you're talking about it, you really do.
[00:27:18] I literally am seeing it exactly the way he's doing the little cage.
[00:27:33] And he gets some pussy off April played by Greek actor.
[00:27:42] I don't know, but it's a point of pride.
[00:27:44] A great point of pride for the community.
[00:27:47] Well, it's funny because it's like he did that movie.
[00:27:49] And I think right after that he went completely bald.
[00:28:00] Because he started going slightly bald and he just shaved his head completely and he's
[00:28:12] People are going to be like, is that Billy Zane?
[00:28:16] After I do John Wick for Halloween, I'm going to do Billy Zane.
[00:28:18] Honestly, Titanic would make a way more sense if someone would look like you play.
[00:28:25] Why is he cheating on hot ass Billy Zane?
[00:28:33] So fucking some fucking guy from the store.
[00:28:35] Well, I don't get how an also hot guy, but a different style of hot guy would make sense
[00:28:48] She wants to pay in there to the working class until it's time to share your door.
[00:28:57] Yeah, Billy Billy Zane is pretty much the OG cock for for that role.
[00:29:02] He truly got cucked wildly up and down.
[00:29:07] I love that he stole some poor guy's daughter.
[00:29:13] And but it's also like, I don't understand that doesn't make any sense because it's like,
[00:29:18] you know, the rest of the kids are like just not on the boat with their parents.
[00:29:24] Yeah, but you know, so but listen, hold on.
[00:29:32] The violin guy is going to get their own boat or something.
[00:29:39] You know, I mean, there's a lot of many different angles.
[00:29:44] You know what they could have done, they could have used that Kathy Bates as a as a flotation
[00:29:57] Do you remember the movie where she's naked?
[00:29:59] Yeah, because she's also she's new money.
[00:30:05] Um, well, I was the first woman to invent camming.
[00:30:08] Nobody liked big pussy until you put it on the internet.
[00:30:32] She's fucking doing the fucking with some Morse code, but she's tapping it on her pussy.
[00:30:52] I want to see the where are the movie where what did Billy Zane do with that girl?
[00:31:10] Say, like, we mix her trans and then the sequel to Titanic is there will be blood.
[00:31:27] Hey, that's him after they cut his dick off to make him trans.
[00:31:34] She got a writing job by pitching the trans father is a sketch.
[00:31:44] May your first child be a masculine child.
[00:31:53] You come to me on this with a my daughter's transition.
[00:32:05] I don't know that I'd like to have sex with James Kahn as a woman.
[00:32:12] You can imagine a pair of tits on there.
[00:32:14] I guess kind of like like Stormy Daniels.
[00:32:19] She got kind of a powerful, powerful power titty.
[00:32:27] Although she was the points are from four year old virgin, wasn't she?
[00:32:38] Yeah, because they fucking pay out winners, dude.
[00:32:44] As you know, 18, 18, 97 percent of our listeners are winners and first responders.
[00:33:10] One of the things I like the most about BTSI.com is that they have a ticket system.
[00:33:15] So you put in $1,000, let's say you gamble on something, you win like $6,000.
[00:33:21] You don't get some fucking boring $6,000 back.
[00:33:25] And it's $7,000 worth of tickets to their cool gift shop where you can get things like
[00:33:37] An inflatable bullet bill from Mario that costs the equivalent of $75.
[00:33:45] I was like, I love when David Busters fucked up and they added like, you could just buy
[00:33:52] And you see what they're charging for it and it's like, oh, this is this room.
[00:33:58] Because I remember, I remember there was a pair of night vision goggles at David Busters.
[00:34:02] And I was a kid and I was like, man, if I could get those night vision.
[00:34:05] And then I just, of course, was imagining myself spying on girls trying to put on their clothes.
[00:34:12] Me going around my neighborhood at like eight years old as a peeping tongue.
[00:34:17] I was like, the fantasy that I had, so if I could just, if I could be good enough at
[00:34:30] That's what, that's what fucking bet the aside less you do.
[00:34:34] Every game you win, you go on bet the aside.com, you play poker, right?
[00:34:43] You can play a coin and take a video of it and be like heads or tail.
[00:34:51] You take the video, you flip in a coin, you mail it to your friends.
[00:34:55] Bet the aside works with some sort of escrow.
[00:34:59] You have your hand like, yeah, yeah, you know, yeah.
[00:35:05] But it just makes, bet the aside makes me think that, that casino is saying, well, I'm
[00:35:11] not saying something that makes me think that, that casino is saying from the scene from
[00:35:16] What's the, when you talk a bunch of people, it's a bunch of people sitting at like a
[00:35:21] And the tight, the above it, it just says you lose the money or whatever.
[00:35:25] The guy puts the money down and he's like, you lose.
[00:35:29] It's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it was good, man.
[00:35:32] My favorite line in that movie is when it's like supposed to be like old New York or whatever
[00:35:36] and then like WAP immigrant is like, Andy, come to the duck fights.
[00:35:40] And he just holds up a duck that's got boxing gloves.
[00:35:46] I was like, oh, that's because it's so stupid.
[00:35:50] Anyways, unlike this show where we're promoted or sponsored by bet the aside.com and Kathy
[00:35:54] Bates, Kathy Bates, the premier sports betting website, they got 24 seven customer service.
[00:36:02] 24 seven, you can use the app and call up their customer service from anywhere in the
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[00:36:25] I know back when Tony Hawk was still the king of the fucking one when he was king.
[00:36:29] When he was king, I would have bet he would have been president.
[00:36:34] I mean, he probably could be president.
[00:36:36] If Tony Hawk ran against Trump, you see, he went and Tony.
[00:36:51] But if you did that gay ass rap again, maybe Trump would win.
[00:36:58] I've got boys is in my basement because now I'm doing gay shit with a seven year old.
[00:37:18] That sounds exactly like that's basically.
[00:37:35] Yeah, something that gay are in from Boston now.
[00:37:37] Yeah, I guess that kind of sounded Boston.
[00:37:39] Thank you for telling me I did it wrong so you could do that.
[00:37:43] Yeah, Nick did freestyle, which was impressive, honestly.
[00:37:48] And then you just kind of said the bars that he has already written to watch.
[00:37:54] Yeah, the third in a gay guy from Boston.
[00:37:58] Which, if you wanted to participate, that's fine, but to tell me no, I did it wrong.
[00:38:05] You know where you can't go wrong though.
[00:38:20] So you're watching the big game, you know?
[00:38:34] Bette Ase is a great mobile app that's easy to use from anywhere.
[00:38:47] You make plays throughout the entire game.
[00:39:00] We've got to put down $40 at the Danes of in case six.
[00:39:08] Listen, I'm going to ask Steve Bishamie to marry me.
[00:39:30] Why is Dean going to find out about that?
[00:39:33] I love it almost as much as I love Bette Ase.com.
[00:39:38] What are we going to be betting on this week, folks?
[00:39:41] Well, tonight, if you're listening to this today, I'm perusing the games.
[00:39:48] The Clippers are getting nine and a half points.
[00:40:17] But my barbershop was the haircuttery behind the Roy Rogers across from Lake Forest Mall.
[00:40:36] I wasn't saw my dad and it's still there.
[00:40:40] No, I guess I just stopped going to Roy Rogers.
[00:40:44] My, I think it was a haircuttery was in the front of East Point Mall, the entrance by
[00:40:50] I'm like, Donald's is no longer there and by Aladdin's arcade.
[00:40:54] It'd be interesting if the McDonald's is still there.
[00:40:57] It's not a weird thing with haircuts and I don't think it is, but you know what is still there?
[00:41:00] The brass hen, which is a Chinese fried chicken spot.
[00:41:07] We're also sponsored by East Point Mall.
[00:41:10] East Point Mall in conjunction with Bette as a designer.
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[00:41:51] So once again, that's Bette as I come on 20.
[00:41:54] Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.
[00:42:12] Now that I have the ability to make shirts and get them, I tried to learn screen printing
[00:42:16] when I was like 20 and I couldn't do it.
[00:42:19] I just kept fucking it up with some like cheap fucking screen printing kit my roommate
[00:42:25] But I want to make shirts that it's like the ACDC logo, but it's ABDL for adult baby diaper
[00:42:41] I'm going to make Bernie T-shirts, sell them online, give all the money to Trump.
[00:42:57] You're going to be great if Bernie Sanders like completely copied Hillary Clinton's
[00:43:05] So he's like, I'm here with Beyonce and Cito Rapids.
[00:43:16] Just Bernie with Cardi B and the city girls.
[00:43:19] Well, Ellen, I will tell you, I've been doing the nay nay lately.
[00:43:24] Most recently, I've been involving myself in the nay nay.
[00:43:37] I bet you could get more people to be like to vote for Bernie if they were like, imagine
[00:43:47] That's how you fucking get center, center like Republicans.
[00:43:57] She would hate it more than Trump winning.
[00:44:00] I bet Hillary would rather Trump win again than Bernie.
[00:44:07] Because I would like a rehash of the 2016 election.
[00:44:11] Like I want Hillary to run to see how many people who vote for Hillary do not vote for
[00:44:19] When it's like the stakes are even higher this time because of the
[00:44:18] They'll be like, it would probably be like a horrific number, probably like 45% of
[00:44:29] Everything that they fucking accused Bernie Sanders people doing.
[00:44:35] Well, in 2008, like more Hillary people voted for McCain than Bernie.
[00:44:44] Twenty five percent of them went to McCain's.
[00:44:47] And then they and then they should have an a turban and shit.
[00:44:50] Like Hillary was like fucking she was the one that started all the fucking birther shit.
[00:45:03] And then they like there's somehow we get rid of the electoral college at the same time
[00:45:08] that we get rid of presidential term limits.
[00:45:10] They think that that's like a good move.
[00:45:13] And then that's when Trump starts winning the yeah the popular vote.
[00:45:17] And then it's every every four years Hillary loses to Donald Trump.
[00:45:24] It's what we just until the Chinese invade.
[00:45:27] I'm enlisting in the fucking Red Army, dude.
[00:45:33] I'm fucking General Sour doing that motherfucker, dude.
[00:45:37] I'm not fucking I'm a five star Chabata General.
[00:45:44] Now I'm thinking about the bread army for real.
[00:46:01] What kind of we have to start with different kinds of different kinds of.
[00:46:06] Didn't we fall into this trap a year and a half ago with bands.
[00:46:13] I was wondering why Pantera bread kept coming up.
[00:46:19] Because I'm like well there's panzer tanks and that doesn't really fit.
[00:46:23] But why do I keep thinking of Panera and Pantera and Pantera and that's why that's why.
[00:46:28] It's bread Zeppelin because this is one of the critical failures of my career.
[00:46:32] It was falling short with bread Zeppelin and Kazi Osborne.
[00:46:41] But a bit of a stretch because I think we went from Pantera to Kazi Osborne.
[00:46:46] And it was like well if we did Panera but Panera bread in and of itself was kind of a stretch.
[00:46:51] We don't have to relocate to the bread.
[00:47:07] We should Mystery Science Theater our own show and be like oh yeah that was funny.
[00:47:14] Oh you think you have Chinese bread stuff.
[00:47:18] Well yeah because it's red army and then bread army.
[00:47:20] But I mean you could do any kind of military shit.
[00:47:24] The Russians are wide open with this one and we're failing here.
[00:47:56] Not only that that was probably something someone else said on the bread episode.
[00:48:08] If I had if I was a bet de-assigned man I would say.
[00:48:20] I can't I would love to just do a come down clip show.
[00:48:25] But to really produce it well we're it's like man we've had so much fun.
[00:48:30] And then we'll just cut back those laughing.
[00:48:37] I would love to do the dream is an episode entirely in Mandarin Chinese.
[00:48:46] I mean I would have to write an hour of Mandarin Chinese.
[00:48:49] Do we know any Mandarin Chinese people that can help us?
[00:49:02] I saw I'm sure they don't remember me either.
[00:49:05] Well how many white people do you think they've lived with?
[00:49:08] You're probably you're probably you're probably the foremost honky in their lives.
[00:49:13] You think that you think that they would forget about you ever?
[00:49:32] Well do say easy money because no one's sat it.
[00:49:38] It's see you you don't have to take it all as a I'm saying good.
[00:49:41] It's a positive that we're getting the easy money.
[00:49:59] PETA you know we do is PETA people people for the.
[00:50:11] No P I yeah but they're at their their economic or their environmental terrorists.
[00:50:28] It's so funny how many TV shows like this is like woodwork is during the day.
[00:50:34] It's doing this kind of shit and actually maybe making four thousand dollars a week
[00:50:39] Actually making for like at night or whatever.
[00:50:47] No but Chris but you can't keep old Chrissy down he's back.
[00:50:52] How about I'm glad to see him back and it's a show where Chris Hardwick is just eaten
[00:50:56] It's a bunch of he's at the bottom of the cage and he's like Star Trek the next generation.
[00:51:08] You know the Joker Renaissance festival.
[00:51:15] Like like T to no he's just throwing out references the nerd bullshit.
[00:51:21] Well he sinks into the pile of rats like the Terminator.
[00:51:25] And he's like look at me sinking into the pile of rats like the Terminator.
[00:51:29] Because that's also a reference that he would make.
[00:51:32] You know because there's zero difference between me and Chris Hardwick.
[00:51:40] You don't play mind games with your girlfriend.
[00:51:46] Every night I force my wife to play trivial pursuit with me.
[00:51:52] And you better be careful man you're going to get called out for this guy like bruises
[00:51:55] all over her face and like the blood is like trickling down from her nose and she's like
[00:51:59] you memorized all of the cards already.
[00:52:03] And I'm like is it my fault that you didn't?
[00:52:12] This is you and your wife alone and you're beating her trivial pursuit.
[00:52:22] Because I've memorized all of the cards.
[00:53:03] And I just imagine we ran across the stage like a horrible improv.
[00:53:09] Were we joking about going to like the weird or whatever the source and then everything
[00:53:16] Go to some improv jam and we're like an indie troupe and we're just like God.
[00:53:21] Pretend it's like each other off every scene.
[00:53:32] And just running across and starting a new one and clapping it.
[00:53:48] I'm gay sex came in a million years later.
[00:53:53] Oh say governor the colonies would be even better for you to butt fuck each other.
[00:53:58] One of the worst things in the world is when they do like someone's playing piano and
[00:54:15] Yeah it is fucking horrible to do improv.
[00:54:24] Oh speaking of performance that Nick's going to hate.
[00:54:30] We're doing a live stand up show at the black cat.
[00:54:34] We're doing a live stand up show at the early show and then the late show will be a live
[00:54:41] We're it's part of the DC Underground Comedy Festival.
[00:54:46] Please go buy them and we'll tweet about it and all this other shit too.
[00:54:49] And actually I believe my friend Adam do you have some things to plug?
[00:54:54] You have to be in Chicago and Milwaukee and all Claire with Eau Claire Wisconsin.
[00:55:06] Dude I'm hitting all the big cities like Eau Claire.
[00:55:20] It's more of a dessert but we will take whatever we do.
[00:55:23] I'm going to be a little bit costored in it.
[00:55:27] Okay three three March 22nd Chicago 23rd Milwaukee 24th Eau Claire.
[00:55:35] Your little road dog that weekend before DC.
[00:55:38] And then yeah and then we have funny moms the next night.
[00:55:41] Next night and then March 30th like we said.
[00:55:44] And I'll be out with my Racine who's a very talented much more talented.
[00:56:08] Well the doctor said my brain is made out of dough.
[00:56:16] Your son's brain is made out of uncooked.
[00:56:34] You've seen him trying to navigate the refrigerator.
[00:56:59] Did anyone call Nathan Phillips shitting bull?
[00:57:08] What I've always said is that I have never stepped foot.
[00:57:18] Just telling his lies like a crazy old guy and then he had to get on TV.
[00:57:30] How many fucking dumb motherfuckers claimed to be in an army?
[00:57:39] If it weren't for all that bullshit he's like a guy that you would just take a shot.
[00:57:45] Oh, you shot a grenade launcher and hochi men.
[00:57:53] That would be a cool guy to hang out with at the bar.
[00:57:57] You could spend a couple hours just kind of leading him on and seeing how much you could get him
[00:58:18] That's why they got me here on the boat because I made all my big bitch money and now I'm the
[00:58:25] Don't you see her pussy or something and fucking about shit?
[00:58:41] I remember people being mad about that shit too.
[00:58:45] They were like, I'm not trying to fucking see that shit.
[00:58:48] Just that an old lady was naked in a movie.
[00:59:02] Does Sam be do full frontal in her show?
[00:59:09] I went to go talk to real working class people.
[00:59:13] She finds like, do you see that segment?
[00:59:18] She went to like Pittsburgh to meet up with like the black women that represent the real
[00:59:27] She's like, yeah, coal miners don't exist.
[00:59:31] I gotta say Rosario Dawson is so fucking hot.
[00:59:37] Do you see the front line on black lawn?
[00:59:44] They changed something with like the way mining works or produces all this like silica
[00:59:48] So now miners just get black long like I mean, it's like worse now.
[00:59:59] This is something weird about Rosario Dawson.
[01:00:02] Dude, look at this pink is fucking funny.
[01:00:11] She's kind of like she seems like she's wearing a human skin.
[01:00:18] She looks like some kind of like a sexy alien.
[01:00:20] No, not like like a shape shifter or something like a.
[01:00:26] She can she can shape shift her pussy on top of my nuts.
[01:00:33] If she shapeshifted into a man while I was fucking her, I wouldn't be.
[01:00:38] How about a mutant whose power is he's a shape shitter and he can like shit out play dough
[01:00:45] That would be getting more fizz assholes.
[01:00:47] That's the thing I didn't get about X-Men is these are just supposed to be like genetic
[01:00:51] variations and it's like what qualifies what's a mutant and what isn't.
[01:00:58] Didn't you have great questions about that?
[01:01:00] Yeah, that guy with the really small dick being in the Xavier Academy and he's like
[01:01:14] He's like, can I come on this mission guys?
[01:01:21] Maybe someone with a very little pussy.
[01:01:24] I mean, into the school and he didn't be fucked.
[01:01:28] And then Magneto is like the only way you can rescue Wolverine is if someone fucks this
[01:02:03] Just got infant blood all over his cross.
[01:02:06] She has the phrase you're being beast in the last one that Brett Ratner directed.
[01:02:17] Do you don't fucking love Kelsey grammar?
[01:02:24] Not deniable to how well this Ed Buck thing is like staying out of the news.
[01:02:31] Ed Buck, the Democratic donor that murdered two gay.
[01:02:34] And I mean, it's like, like there's a lot of things where it's like, how about this?
[01:02:38] It's like all this water baptism and the media doesn't want to be like probably participate
[01:02:45] But like he's murdered to black gay black.
[01:02:50] And he's like, and it's like, one is like, okay, I guess with a good enough lawyer.
[01:02:55] But like three weeks later, the exact same shit happened.
[01:03:00] And it's like, you have to, you have to fucking talk.
[01:03:08] I think that the, it seems like the Epstein thing is looping back around on the guy.
[01:03:13] Well, it's because of the like, the folks at the Miami Herald who probably all commit
[01:03:22] The, I don't know the names of the journalist, the Miami Herald.
[01:03:24] No, no, the secretary of labor was the, yeah, but that's not who's doing.
[01:03:33] The Miami Herald like had those like, you know, that long expos and then they've been
[01:03:40] So you think they're going to dot they're going to get got?
[01:03:43] Well, what they found was like the deal.
[01:03:47] Like the, there was some, it's pretty insane.
[01:03:50] There was some, now the labor secretary.
[01:03:53] There was some like a, like playboy model or whatever in Argentina that like announced
[01:03:59] that she had evidence of a pedophile ring or whatever and stuff like started because she
[01:04:03] was like this like call girl for a leads basically.
[01:04:08] And claims she had like evidence of a pedophile ring and like posted on social media.
[01:04:11] She's like, I'm not going to kill myself.
[01:04:12] I'm not going to die of a drug overdose.
[01:04:15] She's like, I have hard evidence of this.
[01:04:20] And then like the media was posting pictures of her like naked body trying to shame or
[01:04:31] Well, she was already a, a, a new dress lady, a lady, a lady of the titty.
[01:04:42] Most of these stories don't really apply.
[01:04:43] I don't really that interested, but this one I'm going to do a little more research.
[01:04:54] I don't think that's I like it better if the cat doesn't have a name.
[01:05:03] I was having like a big spring cleaning day.
[01:05:05] I was like cleaning the kitchen and shit doing the dishes and she was, she's like found
[01:05:16] You got a big futuristic litter box for her now.
[01:05:18] And she, she respects you as a alpha master dog, like a dog, a daddy dog.
[01:05:26] No, Adam, I don't fuck my pets like you do.
[01:05:29] I'm just saying that is on the internet.
[01:05:35] You pull out of dogs nipples all the time.
[01:05:41] I don't pull on my dogs nipples and no one else.
[01:05:51] It's like fun to play with her long ass.
[01:05:54] Just like the pedophile defending himself.
[01:05:59] Your honor, I'm not attracted to a child's pussy.
[01:06:02] It's interesting to me because it's a small, it's same as a regular pussy, but it's so
[01:06:10] I can appreciate that the tactile difference because it's a pussy, but it's small.
[01:06:16] And the boy's penis, it's like a regular sized penis, but small.
[01:06:21] As you'll notice, I also collect miniatures.
[01:06:25] If you want to establish yourself as a guy who's only in it because of the size, you've
[01:06:30] got to start collecting dollhouses and shit.
[01:06:32] You've got to start collecting like, you know, little dioramas.
[01:06:41] Yeah, miniatures and that kind of shit.
[01:06:48] It's not because they don't know any better.
[01:06:50] It's not my fault society couldn't create miniature people.
[01:06:57] Well, there was that article trying to like that guy who's like airtight theory.
[01:07:02] The guy who's son with autism was like downloading a bunch of child porn and like, you know,
[01:07:07] he's like, there should be a way for my autistic son to download a child porn, you know, or
[01:07:13] And it just turns out he's a pedophile.
[01:07:15] It's like, if you're like, I don't know, I don't know what conclusion you're supposed
[01:07:22] It was like an autistic teenager that got arrested for downloading like a bunch of child
[01:07:28] And their defense was that he was autistic?
[01:07:29] Well, that he's autistic and that, you know, autistic kids are like, you know, they're not,
[01:07:33] they're not, they don't have proper social skills.
[01:07:35] So they don't get that it's like wrong and they're like, you know, maybe he had or something.
[01:07:45] So yeah, and it's like, like, if, if, like, if that's, because I guess it's a thing that
[01:07:50] happens like somewhat regularly and it's like, well, then you're just going to have to keep
[01:07:59] It'd be like, well, it'd be like, well, he just keeps fucking kids.
[01:08:02] He's just going to fucking play pen, just raping children as well.
[01:08:10] I guess, I guess you're going to have to create another computer for those kinds of kids
[01:08:13] that doesn't actually connect to the internet.
[01:08:19] Give him the way you would get your little brother to play PlayStation or it wasn't their
[01:08:22] Give him a keyboard and something that's not hooked up to anything.
[01:08:25] That's the same three pictures over and over again.
[01:08:33] I think that if you're retarded, you should be allowed to be a pedophile.
[01:08:50] If you were retarded, you should create a system where you could download child pornography.
[01:09:01] Only one percent of retarded people are pedophiles, but they download 99% of the child
[01:09:12] There could be a national child pornography registry.
[01:09:15] You know, and it's like, what do you mean?
[01:09:18] It's like 10 videos that you just lend out.
[01:09:22] So there's no new porn child pornography being created.
[01:09:32] After a while, you've seen all 10 videos.
[01:09:34] You throw some Snapchat filters on there.
[01:09:46] You seize all the child pornography, right?
[01:09:53] So it's like for a month, there's 10 videos.
[01:10:01] And then you release another 10 videos.
[01:10:04] And so with all the child pornography that already exists, you dole it out.
[01:10:10] And you sort of, you know, and it's like, and that way they're satiated and they get
[01:10:24] Would you like pay residuals to the kids that were in the videos?
[01:10:32] Should we be like paying attention to this Cohen testimony while doing the show?
[01:10:37] Like I really haven't watched any of it.
[01:10:43] Nothing said that Trump said that Donald Jr. is like, dumb.
[01:10:50] He's like, by the way, he shit, he shit all over his son.
[01:10:54] That's so funny to have that like on on the like congressional.
[01:10:58] So he submitted like the check that he wrote to reimburse him for the Stormy Daniels pay
[01:11:03] off, which he wrote after he became president.
[01:11:13] I feel like is some, do you think anything should happen?
[01:11:16] I feel like this shit happens every day now.
[01:11:28] No, it's important is that there's a lot of silence on the podcast.
[01:11:32] Yeah, I think that I'm looking at Rosario Dawson fakes now because I've looked at all
[01:11:37] See if you can find a picture of her dressed as not bad.
[01:11:42] I mean, I think she would be hot, but only if she was.
[01:11:46] Those aren't what her titties are like.
[01:11:49] Yeah, I wanted to freeze and shatter my day.
[01:12:10] So you'll have to live with the trauma forever.
[01:12:11] You don't even get the release of that.
[01:12:16] These are the ones that are just like, I love the fakes where it's like hardcore pornography
[01:12:20] and like a picture of them, like different lighting from like the red carpet.
[01:12:29] You know, the Kathy Bates from Titanic would be a cool wrestling persona.
[01:12:38] Just coming down the fucking wall up with her arms.
[01:12:48] Has there ever been like a big fat female wrestling?
[01:12:52] I mean, she's not fat, but she's like bigger than the rest of them that are a hot as shit.
[01:13:00] No, I don't watch it, but you know, I have friends that watch.
[01:13:05] And I pay attention to the divas because like I said, that's one of the first ways I was
[01:13:11] So how about the wrestling and they just slap her tits against you.
[01:13:21] The burled bride, wrestling federation.
[01:13:28] Apparently the big bitch injures all the other little ones.
[01:13:51] Xbox gave her the Bronco bust until she died.
[01:14:03] Do you think that would bring the toxic masculinity levels up an extra notch?
[01:14:17] Hey, a bunch of people DM me and shit about if you're a lawyer, could you actually?
[01:14:21] Email me at stave at stave.biz at stave.by.
[01:14:29] I do legitimately need legal assistance.
[01:14:39] Because you still get points on your shit.
[01:14:47] That's for me and my lawyer to discuss, Nick.
[01:14:58] Why don't you just go fucking talk to a judge or like a traffic court magistrate or whatever?
[01:15:06] Well, in New York, they don't have like there's an entirely separate court system for fucking
[01:15:13] So you have to go see the count of moving violations.
[01:15:16] Yeah, you could get creative with the lawyers.
[01:15:18] You have to make an appointment, but then they pick you up in a chariot and they take
[01:15:25] Yeah, then you go up to the counts house and the door shuts behind you by itself.
[01:15:37] Please, I would like you to stay the month.
[01:15:40] Would you stay with the count for a month, though?
[01:15:45] Would you get my, would you get my, to stop my life?
[01:15:50] How I miss the, you cannot wait to come home to your loving embrace.
[01:15:59] I wish I could kiss you and we were married right now.
[01:16:05] I listened to the children of the night.
[01:16:15] Dude, you don't know the story of writing.
[01:16:44] He's like, oh, I didn't know you were in the brotherhood, the fraternity.
[01:16:50] He's going to court dressed like a fucking British judge.
[01:16:56] It's like, this is just to have my personal style.
[01:17:00] That's how you ingratiate yourself with a judge.
[01:17:15] It would be nice to dress up like a trans person and go to court and the judge is like,
[01:17:20] you know, like, I'm sorry, but these violations, excuse me, I'm not done talking yet.
[01:17:25] And then it's like federal judge lit up for trying to talk over a trans woman.
[01:17:42] I'm trying to get these tickets figured out, man.
[01:17:49] Or, you know, why don't you just threaten the killing of the judge?
[01:17:56] I just show it in the courtroom and I lift up my fucking waistband.
[01:18:10] I've had somebody that like misunderstands the waist lifting thing up and they don't
[01:18:15] They just think that that's like a sign of aggression.
[01:18:24] You're less hairy than I thought you did.
[01:18:27] Do you know also the have you seen that movie Dead Man on campus?
[01:18:32] So you get straight A's if you're a roommate dies.
[01:18:36] That's like a well known rule at every every college that's well known.
[01:18:50] Listen, I don't want to kill shut but I can't kill eldest.
[01:19:09] And we talked about Kathy Griffin or whatever being a big bitch.
[01:19:28] I mean I'll be posting links to that on the 30th come suck all three of us off in DC.