[00:00:00] I'm fucking gay.

[00:00:03] And you know you're a gay man!

[00:00:07] Girls were girls and men were men.

[00:00:12] Mr. We could use a man like Richard Spencer again.

[00:00:18] Suck my dick and eat my ass.

[00:00:22] Call me gay and beat me up.

[00:00:26] Put me in a dress and beat me up.

[00:00:30] I'm fucking gay.

[00:00:36] Gay family.

[00:00:37] Gay family.

[00:00:38] In front of a live studio audience.

[00:00:42] Come on, Pop, you can't say that being gay is normal and being a pedophile isn't.

[00:00:51] What is it what you lose?

[00:00:54] Back in my day two fellas could go into a bathroom, do a little dance under the stall,

[00:00:59] and have gay sex with each other go home to their wives.

[00:01:03] Wasn't that enough?

[00:01:05] Now you got a rape kids in the middle of the McDonald's.

[00:01:11] Gay family.

[00:01:13] It's all in the family.

[00:01:15] 20, 30.

[00:01:17] Up there.

[00:01:18] Come on, Pop, I'm using my universal basic income money to buy child pornography.

[00:01:23] What's wrong with that?

[00:01:25] People used to be ashamed of the fact that nobody works anymore.

[00:01:30] Look at me, I torture myself about it.

[00:01:33] Well, I download gay pornography in private secretly.

[00:01:40] I do it.

[00:01:45] You used to have to draw your own child pornography back in my day.

[00:01:48] Child porn used to be drawings.

[00:01:52] No one needed real child porn.

[00:01:56] You could just be sonic and joke raping Elmo.

[00:02:02] Now they look at real child porn.

[00:02:07] Ah, fuck, those were the days.

[00:02:11] My dick was small.

[00:02:15] People still had dicks.

[00:02:18] They didn't forcibly remove them at birth.

[00:02:23] Now everyone's got the smooth paint down there.

[00:02:29] Everybody's like a candle.

[00:02:31] Damn, that would stink.

[00:02:33] No genitalia.

[00:02:35] Would it just be everybody with strap on each other's ass?

[00:02:38] Yeah, the post-gender society.

[00:02:40] Whoever can afford the strap.

[00:02:43] For some reason, 2% of the population still owns 98% of the dildos.

[00:02:50] Damn, that would be fucked up.

[00:02:53] People are unsafely putting, you know, lead pipes up their ass and keep numbers and shit.

[00:03:00] Check.

[00:03:01] Check, check, check.

[00:03:02] Check.

[00:03:03] Are we all on?

[00:03:04] Yeah, we're on.

[00:03:05] I just want to make sure before we got too far into it.

[00:03:10] My dick was...

[00:03:13] You're going back through all of the family.

[00:03:16] How many seasons are there?

[00:03:19] I think...

[00:03:21] Eight, nine, six?

[00:03:23] They have like 30 episode seasons and shit like that.

[00:03:26] I think they're six seasons.

[00:03:28] But like, don't they do like a wild amount of ass?

[00:03:30] Like Seinfeld, like 28 episodes or something?

[00:03:32] Maybe.

[00:03:33] Cheers had a wild amount of ass procedures.

[00:03:35] Yeah, it used to be like 22 episode orders for a season.

[00:03:39] That's what shows were.

[00:03:41] Back.

[00:03:42] Those were the days.

[00:03:46] Now, yeah.

[00:03:47] Those words are gay.

[00:03:50] You ought to suck my dick.

[00:03:53] You ought to...

[00:03:55] Well, so folks, I guess more information's coming out now.

[00:03:59] It turns out that the Ethiopian plane crashed.

[00:04:06] Because of somebody plugging in their...

[00:04:10] Yep.

[00:04:12] Same stuff Galaxy S8.

[00:04:14] Same stuff Galaxy S8.

[00:04:16] Really?

[00:04:17] That's what happened?

[00:04:18] Uh-huh.

[00:04:19] That's what I heard.

[00:04:20] Oh my God.

[00:04:21] Yeah.

[00:04:22] Those guys should have known better.

[00:04:23] You can't bring that on a plane.

[00:04:25] Also, update, I hear BAM is out of the loony band.

[00:04:30] Oh, you're doing better.

[00:04:31] Yeah.

[00:04:32] Vinnie texted me to let me know.

[00:04:33] He was like,

[00:04:34] I just wanna let you know BAM texted me and he said that, uh...

[00:04:37] You know, he's doing alright.

[00:04:39] So just to let everyone else know that.

[00:04:41] Vinnie's coming back on the show.

[00:04:44] Vinnie's ready for his redemption episode.

[00:04:46] What's he gonna say?

[00:04:48] Oh, I don't know.

[00:04:49] He's gonna get his bits ready.

[00:04:50] He better come with the heat.

[00:04:52] He's gonna be alright.

[00:04:53] Otherwise, he's gonna get slammed by the king.

[00:04:56] By the king.

[00:04:57] What if Vinnie just goes back on and torches your ass at him?

[00:05:00] Me?

[00:05:01] Yeah.

[00:05:02] He's gonna do a little bit of recon.

[00:05:05] A little bit of get some fact finding.

[00:05:08] Mm-hmm.

[00:05:09] You know?

[00:05:10] I'll let Vinnie come back prepared.

[00:05:12] He wasn't ready to hop into the dojo with me, you know?

[00:05:15] Just off the couch.

[00:05:17] We need to get Gene back.

[00:05:21] As soon as he launches a new business, we have to help.

[00:05:25] We have to help the man get on his feet.

[00:05:27] You know?

[00:05:28] What do you think his next business is gonna be?

[00:05:30] Elvis's go-karts.

[00:05:32] I would go to Elvis's go-karts so bad.

[00:05:35] This is the Elvis go-kart center.

[00:05:37] We've been in business over 40 years.

[00:05:41] I thought you could just say that.

[00:05:46] It's got the three things people love.

[00:05:48] Go-karts, Italians.

[00:05:49] Be Italian.

[00:05:50] And them, and them, and them Mario.

[00:05:53] It's got everything everybody loves.

[00:05:56] I'm Italian.

[00:05:57] I'm from New York, and I'm super Mario.

[00:05:58] That would be so good if he just started doing Mario.

[00:06:01] Mario Kart.

[00:06:02] We just blues brother, he does Elvis.

[00:06:05] When we brought up Andrew Dies Clay, he's like, I did his act once.

[00:06:09] Well, we should help him branch out into the next thing.

[00:06:12] He should be doing Bruno Mars.

[00:06:14] Yeah.

[00:06:15] She didn't have a way to do Bruno Mars.

[00:06:17] 24 carat magic in the air tonight.

[00:06:19] So there's 24 carat magic in the air tonight.

[00:06:22] I'm Italian, and I'm Bruno Mars.

[00:06:25] I got everything.

[00:06:27] Everything the girls want.

[00:06:30] Damn, I want a bit of him fucking.

[00:06:33] Yeah.

[00:06:34] Back in the day though.

[00:06:35] You want a video?

[00:06:36] You want to see Gene have sex?

[00:06:37] Have sex with like a beehive hairdo?

[00:06:39] I think we all had that same thought.

[00:06:41] Yeah, that was the first thing that came to mind.

[00:06:44] When I met that guy, I was like, damn.

[00:06:46] I want to see this guy have sex.

[00:06:48] But back in the day though, like it's really hiding in the bad.

[00:06:52] It's no matter what you meet, Ed.

[00:06:55] Can't you just make fun of the guy in a racist way?

[00:06:58] You got to think about him having sex.

[00:07:01] You're not even gay.

[00:07:04] I know.

[00:07:05] Come on, come on, Archie.

[00:07:10] This is Archie with that big breast implants.

[00:07:14] Yeah, Archie, this beautiful blonde air.

[00:07:18] Oh, come on.

[00:07:22] You did, all you did back in my day was you got the top surgery and you tried to look as good as you could in a sundress.

[00:07:31] Now everything is hormones, this and injections and posting pictures of yourself went all over the suburbs.

[00:07:39] Oh, I look cute today.

[00:07:42] I had to get a job.

[00:07:49] The only daily affirmation I needed was the sound of the punch guard going through my time sheet.

[00:07:55] That would be cool if that's what the 1970s trans people were like.

[00:08:00] The ones with triangle tits.

[00:08:04] True pioneers, man.

[00:08:05] You're going to go like Sweden to get your job.

[00:08:08] To get a job style.

[00:08:11] Yeah.

[00:08:16] Who was the first trans person?

[00:08:21] Probably the governor of New York.

[00:08:23] Yeah, there's a painting of him.

[00:08:25] What?

[00:08:26] There's a cousin of Queen Anne or something.

[00:08:32] Ed Cott is probably the first trans person.

[00:08:36] Wait, there's a governor that was trans?

[00:08:38] You know this.

[00:08:39] There was like a British governor.

[00:08:41] There's a picture of him that just looks like a lady.

[00:08:44] And he's like, you know, the Baron George, the something.

[00:08:48] And it was like the Queen's cousin who she just sent over to be.

[00:08:51] I know we got a nerve, New York.

[00:08:52] He'd get his yeeks just absolutely blown out.

[00:08:55] His yeeks, yeah.

[00:08:56] Trans governor.

[00:08:59] The trans governor starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[00:09:04] Aah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

[00:09:09] Do-da-da-da-da.

[00:09:12] Where did my cock go?

[00:09:14] My vagina is a C120.

[00:09:17] Supercomputer.

[00:09:20] It is a learning vagina.

[00:09:23] Bum, bum, bum, bum.

[00:09:28] Ah, what'd you boys get up to this weekend, huh?

[00:09:30] I can't remember.

[00:09:31] I never remember.

[00:09:32] I don't know where I am or where I've done or been.

[00:09:35] Yeah, I'm trying.

[00:09:36] I can't even think.

[00:09:37] Yeah.

[00:09:38] I saw Blake and Jake.

[00:09:39] Oh, yeah?

[00:09:40] Yeah.

[00:09:41] I saw Jake last week.

[00:09:42] Yeah, I guess Jake's podcast host died.

[00:09:47] Oh, yeah, damn.

[00:09:48] R.I.P.

[00:09:49] Good dude.

[00:09:50] Wild, wild week in podcasting.

[00:09:52] Yeah.

[00:09:53] Did you- I've never met him.

[00:09:54] Yeah, he's a good dude.

[00:09:55] You've never met him.

[00:09:56] No, never met him once.

[00:09:57] Yeah.

[00:09:58] You see something there now with the blue guy and the elephant.

[00:10:01] John McCain?

[00:10:02] No, he's so about Indian heaven.

[00:10:05] Oh, Indian heaven.

[00:10:06] Oh, yeah.

[00:10:07] The eight-armed guy.

[00:10:08] Yeah, the eight-armed guy.

[00:10:09] The Jai-Haw guy.

[00:10:10] The softball guy.

[00:10:11] The softball guy.

[00:10:12] He's up in there to band with the elephant and the guy who can play six guitars at once.

[00:10:17] Yeah.

[00:10:18] In the cantina.

[00:10:19] The big butter.

[00:10:20] The big spider.

[00:10:21] Yeah.

[00:10:22] Yeah, all the musicians in the cantina scene were Indian gods.

[00:10:28] Yeah.

[00:10:29] I made that joke last night.

[00:10:31] Did you?

[00:10:32] Yeah, to Jake and- Did I copy it?

[00:10:34] No, you didn't copy it.

[00:10:35] You weren't there, but it didn't get anything last night, so I didn't repeat it.

[00:10:38] Oh, okay.

[00:10:39] Yeah.

[00:10:40] We'll deserve more.

[00:10:41] Just in case.

[00:10:42] I think probably he was just sad about his friend dying.

[00:10:45] Who?

[00:10:46] No, no, he was also making fun of it.

[00:10:48] We were all laughing about it.

[00:10:50] Oh, that's good.

[00:10:51] I'm glad to hear that.

[00:10:52] So, yeah.

[00:10:53] He just didn't like that one.

[00:10:54] What's that?

[00:10:55] He just didn't like that.

[00:10:56] I don't think people heard me.

[00:10:57] I think I had maybe I was crushing so hard for you.

[00:10:59] It would have gotten more if the room was paying attention.

[00:11:03] Yeah.

[00:11:04] So my problem is I often step on bits by crushing too hard.

[00:11:07] That's a big problem, comedy.

[00:11:09] Crush yourself.

[00:11:10] Yeah.

[00:11:11] I'm just a crusher.

[00:11:12] Dr. Beverly Crusher.

[00:11:14] Mm-hmm.

[00:11:15] Mm-hmm.

[00:11:16] Sometimes I wish I had a first name like Beverly.

[00:11:19] Yeah, you could be Beverly.

[00:11:21] You could be Beverly.

[00:11:22] You could be Beverly.

[00:11:23] Yeah, yeah.

[00:11:24] How are you doing?

[00:11:25] My name is Beverly.

[00:11:26] Was that Crusher's real name in Sartre?

[00:11:28] Yeah, Beverly.

[00:11:29] Yeah, Beverly Crusher.

[00:11:30] That's not real.

[00:11:31] What do you mean that's not real?

[00:11:32] I've seen probably like a hundred episodes in the next generation.

[00:11:35] Never knew it was Beverly.

[00:11:37] It's Beverly Crusher.

[00:11:39] Well, I don't know what...

[00:11:40] Oh, okay.

[00:11:41] Okay.

[00:11:42] I didn't...

[00:11:43] I didn't...

[00:11:44] I didn't...

[00:11:45] I didn't...

[00:11:46] I didn't...

[00:11:47] I didn't...

[00:11:48] I didn't...

[00:11:49] I didn't...

[00:11:50] I didn't...

[00:11:51] I didn't...

[00:11:52] I didn't...

[00:11:53] I didn't...

[00:11:54] I didn't...

[00:11:55] Patrick Stewart was young, he didn't have hair.

[00:11:57] What?

[00:11:58] That's how you know he's a pedophile.

[00:11:59] That's not true.

[00:12:00] Yeah, sure, but...

[00:12:01] What was his brother's name?

[00:12:04] Patrick Stewart?

[00:12:05] Yeah, there's like an episode where Luke's on...

[00:12:08] Whenever he goes to earth, he gets like real French.

[00:12:11] Like he starts...

[00:12:12] He wears like scarves and braids.

[00:12:14] Yeah.

[00:12:15] He's just eating nothing but pralines and...

[00:12:17] He's like a British guy on the fucking spaceship.

[00:12:20] But when he goes to earth, he becomes like a...

[00:12:23] A French baguette.

[00:12:24] A French baguette.

[00:12:25] Yeah.

[00:12:26] I like...

[00:12:27] Smelly pussies.

[00:12:28] Damn.

[00:12:29] I'm feeling like maybe like a ham and cheese croissant or something.

[00:12:36] Ooh.

[00:12:37] They imply that Picard used to fuck Crusher?

[00:12:40] Yeah.

[00:12:41] Or they had their like close friends or something.

[00:12:43] There was like winking at each other.

[00:12:45] Does he fuck at all on the show?

[00:12:48] Yeah, he's had a relationship.

[00:12:50] He also like...

[00:12:51] It's just him...

[00:12:52] Shatner fucked every alien.

[00:12:53] Well, no, he doesn't really.

[00:12:54] Shatner, I think only fucks like once or twice in the original.

[00:12:57] He kissed the black girl.

[00:12:58] That was a big deal.

[00:12:59] Fucks the green aliens.

[00:13:00] But yeah, Picard has all these like...

[00:13:03] I think it's also implied that he fucked Whoopi Goldberg's character.

[00:13:06] Oh yeah.

[00:13:07] Guino or whatever he was.

[00:13:09] Hell fucking.

[00:13:10] Guino.

[00:13:11] Yeah, no.

[00:13:13] She was like the god of titties or something.

[00:13:15] Nice.

[00:13:16] Yeah, that dumb hat.

[00:13:17] I remember being a little kid and seeing Whoopi Goldberg's character on Star Trek and thinking

[00:13:22] like, do black women just dress like that?

[00:13:24] Like that hair?

[00:13:26] Yeah, well, I thought it was like, no, with like the big disc hat.

[00:13:29] I don't know what you look like on Star Trek.

[00:13:32] You remember?

[00:13:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:34] She had such a funny cast.

[00:13:35] You see enough black people in Montgomery County?

[00:13:39] Yeah, but I mean, it's like the future.

[00:13:41] Oh, I see.

[00:13:42] No, I mean, it's like, don't like...

[00:13:45] It's like, this is just what they think black women...

[00:13:48] Right, right, right.

[00:13:50] That's their fault, like that.

[00:13:52] Yeah, that's their red...

[00:13:54] Red...

[00:13:55] Red...

[00:13:56] Red-2-E.

[00:13:57] No.

[00:13:58] Whoopi...

[00:13:59] Right you.

[00:14:00] Right...

[00:14:01] Stop.

[00:14:02] The black women's Pikachu.

[00:14:03] Oh, I saw the Dola's all documentary this weekend.

[00:14:05] Oh yeah, do you ever see her tinge?

[00:14:07] I really wanted to like, to be like, she's...

[00:14:10] She's innocent.

[00:14:11] Of what?

[00:14:12] She makes it hard.

[00:14:13] She makes it really hard.

[00:14:14] Here we go.

[00:14:15] At the end, she changes her name to like, Malika Africa Diallo or something.

[00:14:19] Oh shit, it's Guinan, not Guino.

[00:14:22] Same shit.

[00:14:24] No, but here, look...

[00:14:26] Oh, oh yeah.

[00:14:28] Yeah.

[00:14:29] Yeah, that's a weird look.

[00:14:31] That's not the future at all.

[00:14:33] That looks...

[00:14:35] That looks real.

[00:14:36] She looks like a Cobra.

[00:14:38] Yeah.

[00:14:39] Like a blue Cobra.

[00:14:40] How long was she in the movie in the show?

[00:14:42] She was like a guest character that would show up.

[00:14:45] But they would, she would like her and like Picard would like...

[00:14:50] Mm-hmm.

[00:14:53] She was on a different ship?

[00:14:54] You know, they would like, wink at each other.

[00:14:55] No, she wasn't on a different ship.

[00:14:57] She was like an alien or something.

[00:14:59] She would come for black pew.

[00:15:01] Black pew.

[00:15:02] From the planet of Africa.

[00:15:04] Yeah.

[00:15:06] I...

[00:15:07] What do people...

[00:15:09] Goldberg has a strange ass career?

[00:15:10] Like, what was the first shit she did that really made her pop off?

[00:15:13] Sister Act?

[00:15:15] Sister Act's good as shit.

[00:15:17] Well, her stand up.

[00:15:18] No, she didn't just stand up.

[00:15:19] She was like, mom's maybe like a one woman play.

[00:15:22] I wasn't...

[00:15:24] She wasn't a stand up.

[00:15:25] I don't think she ever really was.

[00:15:26] Dude, I can't remember anything anymore.

[00:15:28] I remember, like, the other day somebody was saying that...

[00:15:30] That Will Smith is like doing stand up now.

[00:15:33] And I was like, didn't he do stand up prior to that?

[00:15:35] Apparently not.

[00:15:36] That's what I thought he did.

[00:15:37] I thought he was a rapper and a stand up comedian.

[00:15:39] Yeah, no.

[00:15:40] Did you also think that was a comedic actor?

[00:15:42] This is some Barrenstain Barren shit.

[00:15:44] It is.

[00:15:45] It's like, I...

[00:15:47] Like, remember that he was specifically a stand up comedian and a rapper.

[00:15:51] When I was a little kid, I was like, that's cool.

[00:15:53] Yes.

[00:15:54] Maybe it's just I thought he was a comedian and a rapper.

[00:15:56] Yeah, no, but that's...

[00:15:57] I think that's what it is because I thought the same shit and then I was like, wait a second.

[00:15:59] I had no memory of him ever actually.

[00:16:01] Oh, yeah, I saw that.

[00:16:02] But it felt like he did.

[00:16:03] And you know what's funny, dude?

[00:16:04] It's like, you see someone who's, like, actually talented?

[00:16:07] Do stand up, like, for the first time and he's just like...

[00:16:10] He sucks.

[00:16:11] Huh?

[00:16:12] No, he sucked.

[00:16:13] Nah, I saw like a clip.

[00:16:14] None of it was funny.

[00:16:15] But it's like, that guy's like a famous guy.

[00:16:18] It's just like, this guy's got a lot of next level talented for real.

[00:16:21] Like, Jim Carrey wasn't a good stand up, but it was like, that guy's like, talented as

[00:16:27] shit.

[00:16:28] My impression of the Will Smith stand up video is he looked nervous.

[00:16:32] It like, it wasn't funny.

[00:16:34] I mean...

[00:16:35] Shoot, oh, I don't know.

[00:16:36] I saw the clip I saw was him, like, Jade's in my house and I'm like, can I get on the track?

[00:16:39] And he's like, oh, I'm like, what you mean?

[00:16:41] Oh!

[00:16:42] You know, and it's like not...

[00:16:43] Yeah, I guess I don't remember what clip I saw.

[00:16:45] I just saw the video of him with like...

[00:16:47] But I enjoyed him, dude.

[00:16:48] Yeah.

[00:16:49] I just, I was smiling with my friend Will, dude.

[00:16:51] Yeah.

[00:16:52] You know?

[00:16:53] It was nice seeing him out there.

[00:16:54] No, it was good to see him.

[00:16:55] I mean, I like Will Smith, so it's nice to see him do something that he wanted to do.

[00:16:58] Right.

[00:16:59] I have no, like, I don't respect stand up comedy.

[00:17:01] Yeah.

[00:17:02] In fact, I think it's pretty funny to see comedians get upset about Will Smith doing comedy.

[00:17:07] Right.

[00:17:08] And celebrities just think my art is something they can just do when it's like, don't you

[00:17:13] work at Panera?

[00:17:14] Yeah, yeah, you don't do anything.

[00:17:15] You've been doing this for what, three and a half years?

[00:17:18] Also, it's like, it's one thing that'd be like, screech or like Jeremy Piven, but it's like,

[00:17:24] I would go, I would love to be in the room while Will Smith talks for an hour.

[00:17:28] Of course.

[00:17:29] He's so famous, he's so cool.

[00:17:30] No.

[00:17:31] He's so, I don't give a fuck what he does.

[00:17:32] Yeah.

[00:17:33] Like, it's different than like, literally, you know, just a broke ass.

[00:17:37] Like being mad at Stormy Daniels.

[00:17:38] Then horny Daniels.

[00:17:39] Yeah.

[00:17:40] That's what I call her.

[00:17:42] Dude.

[00:17:43] That's fucked up.

[00:17:44] Yeah.

[00:17:45] Stormy Daniels really triggered a lot of female comics out there, which makes her part of

[00:17:48] the team, you know, that's right.

[00:17:51] She makes their honor.

[00:17:52] She's gonna get on the show.

[00:17:54] Will P Goldberg just had sepsis.

[00:17:55] I thought you just said your bloodstream.

[00:17:57] Yeah.

[00:17:58] You get turds in your blood.

[00:18:01] Shit.

[00:18:02] What did she do?

[00:18:03] You turds?

[00:18:04] She's been eating too many turds on the view.

[00:18:06] I think she possibly had a rectovaginal fistula.

[00:18:10] Just a wild guess.

[00:18:11] All right.

[00:18:12] So, what you're reading here first?

[00:18:13] Her asshole split open into her pussy.

[00:18:16] Yes.

[00:18:17] And she shit into her own pussy.

[00:18:18] Yeah.

[00:18:19] And gossipsis.

[00:18:20] Oh, hold on.

[00:18:21] So, here's what happened.

[00:18:22] I had pneumonia and I developed sepsis.

[00:18:24] Oh, interesting.

[00:18:25] Okay.

[00:18:26] But you can't move out that.

[00:18:27] I mean, that's a convenient cover up.

[00:18:30] What's it called?

[00:18:31] The deductive diagnosis or whatever.

[00:18:37] How doctors?

[00:18:38] They start with the most common thing and they work their way down.

[00:18:40] Yeah.

[00:18:41] You know, so you're like first, like if you're like, I have a stomach ache.

[00:18:43] You're like, it's probably just gas.

[00:18:44] Right.

[00:18:45] Like, no, it's really bad.

[00:18:46] And seven months later they're like, oh, whoops, you have cancer.

[00:18:49] Right.

[00:18:50] But it's too late to do anything now.

[00:18:51] Yeah, that's why we start with split your pussy open into your ass.

[00:18:56] Mrs. Goldberg.

[00:18:57] I believe you have a rectovaginal fistula.

[00:18:59] She's Mr. Goldberg here to process your intake papers in case you die in surgery.

[00:19:06] Now, Mr. Goldberg, how when we sew up her pussy, how type would you like it?

[00:19:12] Oh boy, my wife is so sick.

[00:19:16] She's got a rectovaginal fistula.

[00:19:19] If you get your pussy torn up by a baby, do you get to do they sew it up?

[00:19:25] Yeah, they sew it back.

[00:19:26] But do they make do they give you a smaller pussy if you want one?

[00:19:29] Oh yeah, they give you a cute little small little pussy.

[00:19:31] They trim the lips down a little bit.

[00:19:34] They make it look fresh.

[00:19:35] Yeah, just the baby gnaw on the lips on the way out.

[00:19:38] I'm mad.

[00:19:39] I have no dick lips.

[00:19:40] I think it would be cool if I had like cool wings.

[00:19:42] That's what being forced.

[00:19:43] Like, like a horse.

[00:19:44] No, I mean at the base.

[00:19:45] Oh, the base.

[00:19:46] So like your balls flare up.

[00:19:49] Like around the day.

[00:19:51] What's that reptile that that their neck talking about?

[00:19:53] Yeah, what's the name of that?

[00:19:55] A boss lizard.

[00:19:56] No.

[00:19:57] That's the boss of the desert.

[00:19:59] That's not called the boss.

[00:20:00] The boss of the planes, baby.

[00:20:02] Well, I tell you, if you're a gambling man, you can bet that on Nick's dick lips, you

[00:20:10] can bet on how tasty they are.

[00:20:12] You can bet on what my dick lips tastes like at a website called Bet DSI.

[00:20:22] Bet DSI.

[00:20:24] You may have noticed that our reads are a lot of fun.

[00:20:32] We're going to be serious and dedicate this one to our good friend over at Pod Dam America

[00:20:39] who passed away.

[00:20:41] This advertisement is dedicated to me.

[00:20:43] Something he would love.

[00:20:44] He would love to have an advertisement dedicated to me.

[00:20:47] I don't see anything about him.

[00:20:49] He'd love advertising for a gambling man.

[00:20:53] It's a rag out, buddy.

[00:20:58] This bet the S.I.

[00:20:59] readers dedicated to you.

[00:21:01] He loved commercials.

[00:21:02] He's one of his favorite.

[00:21:04] This guy never.

[00:21:05] You love people being defrauded.

[00:21:07] Not defrauded.

[00:21:08] I mean, hey, play the bet, bet the win, play the win, bet the play.

[00:21:14] And that's why we're dedicating this one because this is not a problem.

[00:21:18] Because it's not that dude.

[00:21:19] That's what I'm saying.

[00:21:20] You're a socialist gambling website.

[00:21:24] Bet the S.I.

[00:21:25] is a world's first socialist gambling website.

[00:21:28] They've been in business over 20 years.

[00:21:30] They started in East Berlin.

[00:21:33] That's right.

[00:21:34] I'm a socialist.

[00:21:35] That's on the other side of the wall.

[00:21:37] Yeah.

[00:21:38] Where the only way you're getting out is in a box.

[00:21:39] That's a real high-seller.

[00:21:41] High-lock.

[00:21:42] And gang.

[00:21:43] Real.

[00:21:44] You know, we're tattered up.

[00:21:45] We're fucking gambling on things.

[00:21:47] You know, if you today say communism is bad, guess we got a fucking knife, a big knife

[00:21:56] that we're going to slide.

[00:21:58] That's me taking that out of it.

[00:21:59] Yeah.

[00:22:00] And then we're going to slowly slide it up your rectum so it cuts through the middle

[00:22:03] of your body.

[00:22:04] I'm going to Chette.

[00:22:05] I'm going to Chette.

[00:22:06] Yeah.

[00:22:07] Do you think you could beat up Danny Trejo Adam?

[00:22:10] What's that?

[00:22:11] Do I think I could beat him up?

[00:22:12] Yeah.

[00:22:13] Yeah.

[00:22:14] He's got a gay little chest tattoo.

[00:22:16] Yeah.

[00:22:17] I like that he got like the logo from a bag of chips.

[00:22:21] Yeah.

[00:22:22] This is my girlfriend, man.

[00:22:24] She's from the chips.

[00:22:25] Yeah.

[00:22:26] I love my big, my chips bitch.

[00:22:29] He's friends with Brandon Wardell.

[00:22:30] Of course I could beat him up.

[00:22:32] Yeah.

[00:22:33] Bet the aside that comm is because I'm for Harambe, man.

[00:22:35] For 20 years paying out winners.

[00:22:37] They got an easy to use mobile playing interface.

[00:22:40] VR headset.

[00:22:41] That's right.

[00:22:42] I could put mine on.

[00:22:43] I walk out in the traffic and I say hit me, motherfucker.

[00:22:46] I'm gambling.

[00:22:47] That's right.

[00:22:48] I'm looking at stuff on my VR mobile playing interface.

[00:22:51] And legally if you get hit.

[00:22:53] Why is that even in here?

[00:22:54] I don't understand why that's in the copy.

[00:22:56] What?

[00:22:57] Easy to use mobile playing interface.

[00:22:59] Because that's what it is brother.

[00:23:01] That's what it is.

[00:23:02] Like people aren't going to be like, what do you mean app?

[00:23:05] What the fuck does app mean?

[00:23:07] Yeah, they could have just said you need a mobile playing interface.

[00:23:10] That's right, bro.

[00:23:11] A term that no one uses.

[00:23:13] Yeah, but doesn't it sound cool?

[00:23:15] I guess.

[00:23:16] Well, that's the thing.

[00:23:17] It's all about playing.

[00:23:18] I just want my eyes modified so that it does that targeting thing where like it identifies

[00:23:24] it.

[00:23:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:23:26] Would you get both eyes or just one?

[00:23:28] One.

[00:23:29] I would get one.

[00:23:30] Yeah, one red.

[00:23:31] One red.

[00:23:32] Cano style.

[00:23:33] Yeah, cano style.

[00:23:34] Oh, hell yeah.

[00:23:35] Metal arms.

[00:23:36] Metal arms.

[00:23:37] Red eye.

[00:23:38] Titties like Chunley.

[00:23:39] Eyes like Chunley.

[00:23:40] Eyes like Chunley.

[00:23:41] Legs replaced with big tire tractors.

[00:23:44] Like tractor tractor trailer.

[00:23:48] You know what, like fucking the guy from Twisted Metal, the black guy?

[00:23:51] Yeah.

[00:23:52] Axel, who's a black man that's part car.

[00:23:54] Take that white man.

[00:23:57] Heart black man, part car.

[00:24:00] Just picture.

[00:24:01] An allegory fruit Detroit.

[00:24:02] Yeah.

[00:24:03] Yeah.

[00:24:04] And he goes around screaming Motown songs.

[00:24:07] Crucified on some wheels.

[00:24:10] Cheers, walk away, Rudy.

[00:24:19] Bet DSI offers odds on pretty much everything else too, including all the major sports, politics,

[00:24:24] reality TV, pretty much everything.

[00:24:26] Bet DSI is a great mobile app, easy to use from anywhere.

[00:24:29] So both of those are there.

[00:24:30] They have a great mobile app, but also an easy to use mobile playing.

[00:24:33] They got two different types of shit.

[00:24:35] Yeah.

[00:24:36] Wait, those are two different.

[00:24:37] There's two different bullet points.

[00:24:38] Yep.

[00:24:39] They're live in game wagering.

[00:24:42] So imagine this.

[00:24:43] Yeah.

[00:24:44] You're in the game.

[00:24:45] That means if you're playing for the Denver Broncos, you're allowed to bet on the outcome

[00:24:50] of the game and let that define your actions.

[00:24:52] And you can swing it.

[00:24:53] You can even, yeah.

[00:24:55] If you're, this is a point shave, do with with Bet DSI.

[00:24:57] 95% of our listeners are military first responder John Elway.

[00:25:01] Wow.

[00:25:02] Yeah.

[00:25:03] You're the general manager of the Denver Broncos.

[00:25:05] Who listens to this show?

[00:25:08] You can rig your games.

[00:25:10] Even though you make, I don't know, $10 million a year.

[00:25:12] But you can go on Bet DSI.

[00:25:14] You bet $80 billion.

[00:25:15] Wow.

[00:25:16] Yeah.

[00:25:17] Every dollar you have.

[00:25:19] You bet all your super, your super bowl rings.

[00:25:21] You bet all of them.

[00:25:22] And Bet DSI will pay you a million to one odds.

[00:25:25] So you just made $800 trillion.

[00:25:29] And they will, and they've been in business over 20 years.

[00:25:31] So you can be sure they'll pay that out.

[00:25:33] They definitely will.

[00:25:35] They definitely will.

[00:25:36] They have to summarize.

[00:25:38] If you work for the Denver Broncos and you point shave, as long as you do it through Bet

[00:25:43] DSI's in-game wagering app, you will not be arrested and they will pay you $800 trillion.

[00:25:49] $800 trillion.

[00:25:50] And that's the Bet DSI.

[00:25:51] This is your money to take.

[00:25:53] Look, we only do this podcast so we can help guys like you make money.

[00:25:57] That's right.

[00:25:58] We're all about the independent business owners and the spirit of commerce.

[00:26:01] That's right.

[00:26:02] The spirit of commerce.

[00:26:03] I love small business for one.

[00:26:04] That's actually the name of my yacht.

[00:26:05] Spirit of commerce.

[00:26:06] Spirit of business industry.

[00:26:08] It's my 120 foot yacht.

[00:26:11] Respect.

[00:26:12] And I go out on Lake Superior.

[00:26:15] It's white people only out there.

[00:26:19] That's right.

[00:26:20] That's my big problem.

[00:26:21] I take my yacht out.

[00:26:22] Most of the coastal areas are a little too.

[00:26:26] They're a little too big.

[00:26:27] But on Lake.

[00:26:28] When you're on beautiful Lake Superior.

[00:26:33] And here's where we're going to be betting on this week.

[00:26:37] Take Huccicio over Maldonado.

[00:26:40] Huccicio over Maldonado.

[00:26:45] That's Huccicio two knives De Santos.

[00:26:48] And Rique the bathroom boy Maldonado.

[00:26:54] I guess it's March Madness.

[00:26:55] So you got any bracket busters?

[00:26:59] Yeah, I got some bracket busters.

[00:27:02] Don't you vote on Beto or work landing the 900?

[00:27:06] Beto or work has to land the 900.

[00:27:08] If he doesn't do it, everybody listens to the show gets $200.

[00:27:12] Yeah, and they get to fucking come on this.

[00:27:14] So when you sign up, make sure you use promo code COM120.

[00:27:17] That's C-U-M.

[00:27:18] I was going to say C is in, you know, but I didn't know if I wanted to earn the ire

[00:27:26] of the Asian community.

[00:27:27] Yes.

[00:27:28] Yes.

[00:27:29] C-U-M.

[00:27:30] We're in good sense.

[00:27:31] We're in good standing.

[00:27:33] I would say take the Mississippi State Bulldogs.

[00:27:35] There should be an Equifax for like minorities.

[00:27:37] You know what I mean?

[00:27:38] Like a trans union for trans people.

[00:27:41] Like I can go check my credit with which minority with Hispanic people and just see

[00:27:46] like, have I been pushing it too far lately?

[00:27:50] Right.

[00:27:51] Right.

[00:27:52] You know, I just, the Jews have really like a 280 credit.

[00:27:55] Hell yeah.

[00:27:57] And that's the most important one.

[00:27:58] That is because it's actually actual credit.

[00:28:00] They do the real credit.

[00:28:02] That's my actual credit.

[00:28:09] So when you sign up, use promo code COM120.

[00:28:12] So they parentheses, parentheses, parentheses.

[00:28:15] No, we sent you.

[00:28:16] And you sign up, you've got some options.

[00:28:18] What do you mean there?

[00:28:19] You, when you sign up, you've got some options.

[00:28:21] You can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money, which is like getting

[00:28:24] a casino comp up for you.

[00:28:26] Boy, the table is as a roller requirement, but it's free cash.

[00:28:28] So you're going to be in his worst book, which is very like the gamble.

[00:28:31] There use promo code COM120 up to $1,000.

[00:28:35] You're going to give you 60% bonus cash return $1,000 in the 1600 to play with.

[00:28:40] So once again, it's bet the aside.com.

[00:28:42] Come on 20.

[00:28:43] Let's start the show.

[00:28:44] Let's start it.

[00:28:45] It's come down.

[00:29:00] And Star Rose.

[00:29:01] How yes, Mr. Have gay sex himself.

[00:29:05] Star Rose have gay sex.

[00:29:07] Yeah.

[00:29:08] Yeah.

[00:29:09] Star Rose.

[00:29:10] Have gay sex.

[00:29:16] Mr. Dalle.

[00:29:19] What's the song that has that bump, bump, bump sound?

[00:29:24] Pretty much every song.

[00:29:26] Now, you know the one.

[00:29:28] There's this specific pitbull song where it goes.

[00:29:31] Bum, bum, bum, bum.

[00:29:33] Should we all move the Norway?

[00:29:34] We like to party.

[00:29:36] That guy that's running for president Pete Buttgate.

[00:29:41] Buttgate.

[00:29:42] Yeah, but but gig.

[00:29:43] I would love if something got caught up in the case.

[00:29:46] Who's called it buttgate?

[00:29:48] He's gay.

[00:29:49] They're calling it buttgate.

[00:29:51] He got his cheeks absolutely blown out.

[00:29:57] He's gay.

[00:29:58] But apparently someone said that he learned Norwegian so he could read books.

[00:30:03] Damn.

[00:30:04] What a glorified.

[00:30:05] What a fucking door.

[00:30:07] Get the fuck out of here, bro.

[00:30:10] This video is this guy squaring off with an old man.

[00:30:14] A fight video.

[00:30:16] Hey man, calm the fuck down, bro.

[00:30:20] This guy this guy looks like he has Down syndrome is squaring off with a 70 year old.

[00:30:25] Oh, yes.

[00:30:26] At the gym.

[00:30:27] Remember when that mentally challenged gentleman slapped the shit out of a woman on the train?

[00:30:34] No, that video.

[00:30:36] That's one of the best videos of all time.

[00:30:37] Oh, yeah.

[00:30:38] That that black girl that black dude was he mentioned black?

[00:30:44] There was like a white girl mouthing off on the J train and a black guy just smacked

[00:30:48] the life out there.

[00:30:49] No, I don't think that guy was that guy rocked with that.

[00:30:54] What happened to the old guy get fucked up?

[00:30:56] A homeless student DC homeless student DC one time said to another dude, I'll smack the

[00:31:04] black out of you.

[00:31:07] I could never forget that.

[00:31:09] Yeah, because you hate that kind of black on black crime.

[00:31:12] Yeah, I said, come on guys, we need to get the community together.

[00:31:18] We have to stop killing us.

[00:31:19] Okay, Adam, you're back in the gym.

[00:31:21] Why don't you tell us about that back in the gym?

[00:31:24] Like I was saying to you.

[00:31:25] I did see a trans man there who was just insanely brawlic.

[00:31:32] Nice.

[00:31:33] And Nick said that it's because when you're on HRT testosterone, you're basically on steroids.

[00:31:40] Should we go on steroids?

[00:31:42] Well we have to become mad.

[00:31:44] Yeah.

[00:31:45] Well, you should, yeah, you would have, you should have enough testosterone in your body

[00:31:49] that you're not being upstaged by.

[00:31:51] No, but Adam's getting a show.

[00:31:55] That's stolen from him at the gym.

[00:31:57] That gentleman, listen, everyone's stealing the show from me, but that gentleman in particular

[00:32:00] was just like insanely powerful.

[00:32:02] How do you know he was?

[00:32:04] Yeah.

[00:32:05] That trans woman goes up that goes up to Adam and they're like, I just want to say it's

[00:32:09] a trans man.

[00:32:10] You were years ago and through a lot of hormones.

[00:32:14] They're just hanging their sister.

[00:32:17] Because the mustache is already almost coming in.

[00:32:20] Yeah, I'm looking, you are passing.

[00:32:25] Don't let anyone tell you you're not passing.

[00:32:27] I appreciate the pep talk.

[00:32:29] It's here for you.

[00:32:30] You are a man.

[00:32:31] Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[00:32:33] I'm 32 years old nearly and I'm still transitioning into becoming a man.

[00:32:38] But yeah, I appreciate the positive.

[00:32:41] Yeah, you guys are finally almost girl mustaches.

[00:32:43] Yeah, me and Sove, it's, you know, it's taken about a year.

[00:32:46] Yeah.

[00:32:47] Meanwhile, I feel good.

[00:32:48] Mine is so perfectly curated.

[00:32:50] I had a beautiful mustache.

[00:32:51] You do look, I just gave Arthur that mustache and you're playing the Arthur.

[00:32:57] He's playing the Arthur the art Vark video game.

[00:32:59] Yeah, in the art.

[00:33:00] On his own DC.

[00:33:02] Adam's in the gaming now.

[00:33:03] So he's got a rear rabbit going and if he's supposed a nine school blast, yeah, he's a

[00:33:08] fucking hat.

[00:33:09] I love math blaster because he's like fucking just nutting all over girls face.

[00:33:12] He's like, oh, two plus six.

[00:33:16] The updated version.

[00:33:17] Every every fucking question you get right is another stroke of your car.

[00:33:24] Some woman on her knees.

[00:33:27] Hell yeah.

[00:33:29] Damn, should we create that?

[00:33:33] Math blaster.

[00:33:34] Yeah.

[00:33:35] Tish him little kids how to how to learn.

[00:33:38] Yeah, how to do math.

[00:33:39] I'm trying to get some pussy from Mavis Beacon.

[00:33:41] I'll tell you what.

[00:33:42] I'm trying to get some head from a black lady in a business suit.

[00:33:47] Yeah, maybe it's a chief from is that who Mavis Beacon was?

[00:33:51] She was a professional black woman.

[00:33:52] I think so.

[00:33:53] Is that the chief from Sam Silver vibes?

[00:33:56] Yeah.

[00:33:57] Yeah.

[00:33:58] We're in the world.

[00:34:01] It's Carmen.

[00:34:02] I guess that's supposed to be like Kamala Harris is the chief from where detectives.

[00:34:08] I bet you Kamala Harris back in the day could absolutely get a little piece of dick pie.

[00:34:13] Yeah.

[00:34:14] I mean, she's still like kind of hot.

[00:34:15] I was smashed.

[00:34:16] Yeah.

[00:34:17] To show that I'm an ally.

[00:34:18] Uh huh.

[00:34:19] Yeah, let's see.

[00:34:20] Kamala Harris young.

[00:34:21] Let's see what we got here.

[00:34:23] She's probably pretty sloppy.

[00:34:25] She's probably a bitch.

[00:34:26] Yeah.

[00:34:27] She's silly.

[00:34:28] But you like that, don't you?

[00:34:30] I kind of do.

[00:34:31] Yeah.

[00:34:32] Adam's been bad.

[00:34:33] Actually, I would smash right now.

[00:34:34] Adam's been a bad boy.

[00:34:35] Tell me I'm going to jail.

[00:34:38] Adam's been a bad boy.

[00:34:39] Tell me I have to go to school.

[00:34:40] I didn't send my jail school.

[00:34:42] So lock me up and fuck my ass Kamala.

[00:34:44] Yeah.

[00:34:45] Adam's a naughty boy from Bad Boy Town.

[00:34:48] He's going to get locked up.

[00:34:51] Oh, fuck.

[00:34:53] Locked up.

[00:34:54] Yeah, I would smash locked up.

[00:34:56] Yeah.

[00:34:57] Kamala, I would smash cut Howard.

[00:34:58] Did she go to Howard?

[00:34:59] I don't know.

[00:35:00] I think she did.

[00:35:02] I would also smash Amy Klobuchar.

[00:35:05] Hell yeah, dude.

[00:35:06] That fucking dumb bitch.

[00:35:09] She was saying she's going to be mean to Putin.

[00:35:13] Amy, not.

[00:35:14] She's like, it's good that I was.

[00:35:15] Oh yeah.

[00:35:16] I'm sorry.

[00:35:17] Amy, knob gets hard.

[00:35:18] That's right.

[00:35:19] She got a little cock under that fucking skirt.

[00:35:21] Yeah.

[00:35:22] And it'll fucking shoot.

[00:35:23] No, I talked to some girl.

[00:35:24] I was with a group of men discussing politics.

[00:35:28] Of course, as you like to do.

[00:35:30] And we were discussing Bernie.

[00:35:31] And intellectual salon.

[00:35:33] We were discussing Bernie and some woman comes up and she goes, I'm voting for Amy Klobuchar.

[00:35:39] And I fucking, I just like, I took my hand.

[00:35:41] I put my palm right underneath her chin and I just rammed her head through the drywall.

[00:35:47] Yeah.

[00:35:48] I just.

[00:35:49] I'm right.

[00:35:52] Right in sync that right between the studs.

[00:35:54] And she didn't even press charges.

[00:35:55] Well, I did it.

[00:35:56] So in a way so that her chin went back first.

[00:35:59] So the just the top of her dome smashed into the drywall and she tries to get out her

[00:36:04] chin comes forward and she gets stuck.

[00:36:06] So she's just standing there with her head stuck in the wall and then we all had sex

[00:36:09] with her.

[00:36:10] Wow.

[00:36:11] Really?

[00:36:12] Yeah.

[00:36:13] Everyone.

[00:36:14] Everyone.

[00:36:15] So I don't know much about Amy Klobuchar, but that's what it makes me think of when I hear

[00:36:18] her name.

[00:36:19] It's kind of like a glory hole, but only your head is on the other side.

[00:36:23] It's just me and a couple of Bernie bros hanging out and then a woman coming up and saying,

[00:36:27] I'm voting for Amy Klobuchar and then the just the sound of sheet rock shattering and

[00:36:32] then my sexual gratification afterwards.

[00:36:34] Yeah.

[00:36:35] Me and my fellas all high-fiving as we come.

[00:36:38] Yeah.

[00:36:39] Now they think about Bernie brothers.

[00:36:40] That's what socialism is.

[00:36:41] Yeah.

[00:36:42] That's what democratic socialists.

[00:36:43] We all call each other brother like kind of like Muslim black people do like so brother

[00:36:47] Nick and like yeah brother stuff.

[00:36:50] Yeah.

[00:36:51] It does really feel good to talk like a Muslim black person.

[00:36:54] Yeah.

[00:36:55] That's what we call the brother of Mujalan and the Bernie brothers.

[00:36:59] Hey brother of Mujalan.

[00:37:02] The Bernard Bragan.

[00:37:04] Smash his bitches and through the drama.

[00:37:06] Yeah.

[00:37:07] He's clobuchar bitches and through the drama brother of Mujalan.

[00:37:11] We got some Bernie brother in the do some Bernie business.

[00:37:15] That's what we call handling female detractors.

[00:37:20] Yeah.

[00:37:21] I'm ready to go full Bernie but I know I said it before but if that's if that's how it's

[00:37:25] going to be if we're if I'm going to hear nothing about how harassing Bernie bros are

[00:37:30] then you better you better believe I'm going to do some harass.

[00:37:33] You get a little bit of my money's worth.

[00:37:35] Yeah.

[00:37:36] If I'm already in trouble for it.

[00:37:38] Yeah.

[00:37:39] I cannot wait.

[00:37:40] Yeah.

[00:37:41] We're outside a Sadie Doyle's house with a sniper rifle.

[00:37:44] Every time she leaves your pointer everybody just loses the middle of her forehead.

[00:37:50] I've got I've got a big megaphone on a sniper rifle tripod.

[00:37:55] And Sadie is a boo bitch from across the street.

[00:38:00] Excuse me boo.

[00:38:01] What is that a zit on your forehead?

[00:38:03] That's a ways are this message brought to you by Bernie Sanders.

[00:38:06] Hey, you're dumb but just must pay for it.

[00:38:09] Yeah.

[00:38:10] You're so much we burn the centers entirely supports this.

[00:38:12] Yeah.

[00:38:13] This is where you're $37.

[00:38:14] Yeah.

[00:38:15] I'm going to fucking do hate speech at women and be like ad paid for by the Bernie Sanders

[00:38:20] Yeah.

[00:38:21] I pretty said this is I'm going to press it.

[00:38:23] Sanders, it's your job to find sponsored content.

[00:38:25] Go on Twitter, find any woman talking about Hillary Clinton and then send her videos if

[00:38:29] you're deadlifting.

[00:38:31] I got something to say now.

[00:38:34] Bitch.

[00:38:36] And that's how we're going to win this election.

[00:38:44] Don't even like don't even don't even argue with her.

[00:38:49] She should even know why you're doing it.

[00:38:52] Yeah.

[00:38:53] What's up, bitch.

[00:38:54] You got something to say to me because I'm from a league.

[00:38:59] I'm from I'm from I'm from Texas man.

[00:39:01] I'm Beto.

[00:39:02] I'm from I'm from yeah.

[00:39:03] My name is Beto and I'm from East Delhi.

[00:39:06] Like from Texas.

[00:39:08] Yeah, that's what I thought East Delhi was.

[00:39:10] Hey, I'm Beto.

[00:39:13] My name is yeah.

[00:39:14] My name is Robert O'Dane, me and Patrick Leahy.

[00:39:19] Oh, Colonel.

[00:39:22] Yeah.

[00:39:23] Fuck Bobby.

[00:39:24] Doherty.

[00:39:25] Fuck Bobby, O'Rourke.

[00:39:26] Yeah.

[00:39:27] Yeah, I don't fuck with him anymore, dude.

[00:39:29] Did you fuck with him?

[00:39:30] I mean, it was cool when he was running against Ted Cruz's bitch ass.

[00:39:33] And he could he didn't even win.

[00:39:36] No, he didn't even.

[00:39:37] I don't like losers.

[00:39:39] This guy couldn't even beat Ted Cruz.

[00:39:41] That beat Ted Cruz so easily.

[00:39:42] He did.

[00:39:43] He's gonna see now, Beto.

[00:39:45] That's the thing.

[00:39:46] They're gonna think they're gonna attack Trump.

[00:39:47] He's gonna spend the entire time talking about Ted Cruz and what will lose her.

[00:39:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:39:53] This guy lost to Ted Cruz.

[00:39:54] If you've seen him, it cried when I said his wife was a rat.

[00:39:59] He already he already went on Joe Biden.

[00:40:01] It's gonna be awesome.

[00:40:02] Yeah.

[00:40:03] Trump did.

[00:40:04] Yeah.

[00:40:05] What do you say?

[00:40:06] He's called a very low IQ individual.

[00:40:07] Yeah, he's right.

[00:40:08] It's not wrong.

[00:40:09] Absolutely.

[00:40:10] He doesn't even grab.

[00:40:11] Pussy is good as me.

[00:40:12] This guy is God damn.

[00:40:17] Yeah.

[00:40:18] He said that there's something wrong with.

[00:40:20] He said, I saw that video of Beto.

[00:40:24] He was just moving his hand so much.

[00:40:25] Have you ever seen someone move his hand?

[00:40:27] Really?

[00:40:28] Yeah, he's like, I think he's like, I think there's something wrong with it.

[00:40:33] I think you know, something wrong with it.

[00:40:36] Yeah, well, he's just like slowly he's trying to get them to do that.

[00:40:40] Like he's Beto has Parkinson's thing.

[00:40:42] Yeah.

[00:40:43] Which maybe he does.

[00:40:44] Oh, like how?

[00:40:45] Maybe something happened when he was driving drunk all those times.

[00:40:48] Yeah.

[00:40:49] He messed up his brain in all of his drunk driving incidents, you know, which I heard

[00:40:55] he only did so he could see more Hispanic.

[00:40:57] He just wanted to seem like more of a Mexican.

[00:41:00] So he would drive drunk all the time around Texas.

[00:41:02] I cannot believe he's Robert, dude.

[00:41:05] Yeah.

[00:41:06] That's fucking, that'd be like if you were just like, I'm Nikola.

[00:41:09] Yeah.

[00:41:10] But he's like, he went to like prep school on the East Coast.

[00:41:13] Like he's just as much.

[00:41:14] He's like George Bush.

[00:41:15] He's like putting on a literally worse thing.

[00:41:18] Dola is all.

[00:41:19] Yeah.

[00:41:20] Rachel Dola has more of a claim to blackness than Beto or work does to being his band.

[00:41:25] Dude, I agree.

[00:41:27] That's insane that he just made it up.

[00:41:30] When did it start?

[00:41:31] When did that shit start?

[00:41:32] I guess it was a nickname when he was a kid.

[00:41:34] Yeah.

[00:41:35] Whatever, man.

[00:41:36] Fuck off.

[00:41:37] Fuck off Robert.

[00:41:38] Yeah.

[00:41:39] But it's like, you know, to the same extent that BAM is a nickname.

[00:41:43] Yeah.

[00:41:44] You know, that doesn't mean that he's, you know, I don't know.

[00:41:47] We're targeted.

[00:41:48] Yeah.

[00:41:49] BAM would be the, the, BAM is a cooler nickname.

[00:41:52] Is it?

[00:41:53] Is it Adam?

[00:41:55] Is it a cooler nickname?

[00:41:56] Yeah, BAM.

[00:41:57] It's cool.

[00:41:58] Who would you like your nickname to be Adam?

[00:42:01] I'm afraid I got plenty of nicknames.

[00:42:03] Yeah.

[00:42:04] Yeah.

[00:42:05] Like what?

[00:42:06] Cheese of the South.

[00:42:08] Yeah.

[00:42:09] Mr. Steelier joke.

[00:42:10] Yeah.

[00:42:11] Mr. Suck your dick.

[00:42:12] Mr. Suck your dick.

[00:42:13] Mr. Suck your dick.

[00:42:14] The winds, the winds of the Trans River Jordan.

[00:42:17] So they call them the winds.

[00:42:20] The winds?

[00:42:21] Yeah, the winds.

[00:42:22] Because you're always blowing the trans women.

[00:42:25] The trans women.

[00:42:27] Trans women Jordan.

[00:42:28] Trans women.

[00:42:29] If you, if you like getting your dick heart trans women, you're going to love blue chew.

[00:42:33] Blue chew.

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[00:42:40] For over 18 guys that are really trying to get there.

[00:42:42] Yeah.

[00:42:43] So make sure if you're 18 and one day old, now is the time to start taking.

[00:42:47] Start young.

[00:42:48] Start young.

[00:42:49] Can your body use to the mess?

[00:42:50] Yeah.

[00:42:51] Yeah.

[00:42:52] So much so that you have to start taking more and more in order to have any type of reaction.

[00:42:56] You know what, do these old guys that doesn't even know how to handle this by.

[00:42:59] Look, if you're 16 year old, if you're 17 year olds, you go March right up to your parents

[00:43:03] you say, mom and dad, for my 18th birthday, I don't want a car.

[00:43:07] I just want Dick pills from blue chew.com for my sweet 18.

[00:43:14] I want to take if you are 18 and you take a, I want to take Dick pills and the pigs to

[00:43:18] Adam with dad and grandpa.

[00:43:20] And then we're all going to compare.

[00:43:21] We're going to put it on a line graph to see what's happening to the men in our family

[00:43:26] over generations.

[00:43:27] What are they?

[00:43:28] How hard do they're?

[00:43:29] How hard do their Cox get?

[00:43:30] You chew.com is the only website on the internet.

[00:43:34] It's a fully medically diagnosed, complete 100% real one of the realist websites that

[00:43:42] anyone has ever heard of.

[00:43:43] They've won multiple P body awards for for being for the hardest dick website for a

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[00:43:56] Nice penis regional.

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[00:43:59] Nice penis retard.

[00:44:00] This is.

[00:44:01] Yeah.

[00:44:02] Yeah.

[00:44:03] Yeah.

[00:44:04] Welcome back here listening to nice penis retard.

[00:44:10] We look at pictures of people's penises.

[00:44:12] They all have retarded.

[00:44:32] Hello.

[00:44:33] This is all things considered and everyone's here has a pulling out their cock.

[00:44:36] Oh, nice penis.

[00:44:37] Nice penis retard.

[00:44:38] Nice penis.

[00:44:39] Nice penis ripped down and we're back with the Westminster retard show.

[00:44:45] If you're just joining us, the obstacle course has finished.

[00:44:49] Jesus Christ.

[00:44:52] This is this is blue shoe.

[00:44:54] They're telling us to say this.

[00:44:57] The Westminster retard show brought to you by blue shoe.com.

[00:45:04] We will now be looking at the retards penises down syndrome.

[00:45:07] Usually the strongest in this category.

[00:45:09] We have some interesting entrance from the autism spectrum disorder.

[00:45:17] And of course, the fetal alcoholism kids sort of a longer baseball bat shape.

[00:45:22] I get hard, but very impressive to the eye.

[00:45:25] Yeah.

[00:45:26] It's just sort of like a meaty baseball just fat at the end from all the edema that builds

[00:45:30] up in their retarded dicks.

[00:45:34] Michael, you said that you saw a similar thing at the Pebble Beach retards show last year.

[00:45:40] That's right.

[00:45:41] Right.

[00:45:42] It was very interesting.

[00:45:43] I don't know if it was the heat, but all the humidity that built up in the fragile ex-kids

[00:45:46] crotch.

[00:45:47] It made it look like it's dick had just been stung by a million bees.

[00:45:54] Once again, we're brought to you by blue shoe.com.

[00:45:57] This is NPR covering the Westman's toe.

[00:46:04] Westman's a retard show.

[00:46:06] He likes sexy like blue shoe.com.

[00:46:08] They offer men a performance enhancement for the bedroom or the bathroom.

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[00:46:17] Blue shoe makes the first chewable with the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis,

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[00:46:55] That's very important.

[00:46:56] Nothing stops in the way of getting your car.

[00:46:59] They should directly your door into screen packaging, you know, and that's the most important

[00:47:04] thing because you're a cool customer.

[00:47:07] You're one cool guy.

[00:47:08] You don't want the hot girl next door knowing that you're getting dick pills when she goes

[00:47:11] through your mail.

[00:47:12] That's right.

[00:47:13] I would wonder to know.

[00:47:14] So, you know, you're coming through with that heat.

[00:47:16] Yeah.

[00:47:17] Yeah, that's true.

[00:47:18] I've been doing just opening up the, even though it comes into screen packaging, I open it

[00:47:22] up in front of all my neighbors.

[00:47:24] I'm like, nice.

[00:47:25] What do you think of this?

[00:47:27] They're prescribed online by a doctor and made in the USA.

[00:47:30] Those are hard work and just imagine Dan from Roseanne making me.

[00:47:35] Oh, in the USA.

[00:47:38] Gee Stan, where have you been all day?

[00:47:39] I've been at the dick pill factory, Roseanne.

[00:47:42] You know that.

[00:47:43] You know where I've been.

[00:47:44] Respect.

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[00:47:59] Chew it and do it.

[00:48:00] Yeah, that's a dumb issue.

[00:48:01] Have we said that before?

[00:48:02] I like Chew it and do it.

[00:48:04] Yeah.

[00:48:05] That's there.

[00:48:06] That's what we're supposed to be saying.

[00:48:07] What about this?

[00:48:08] Chew it and fuck it.

[00:48:09] Yeah, chew it and fuck.

[00:48:10] Chew it and fuck.

[00:48:11] Chew it and then smash that bitch and said through the drywall.

[00:48:15] Okay, clobuchar.

[00:48:17] Yeah, clobuchar that pussy.

[00:48:21] Yeah.

[00:48:22] Bitch, I'm about to treat your fucking pussy like it's an intern and I'm Amy clobuchar.

[00:48:29] Yeah, right.

[00:48:30] Yeah, I call my dick Amy clobuchar because I abuse women.

[00:48:39] Because I physically...

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[00:49:01] Crazy.

[00:49:02] I think.

[00:49:03] Yeah.

[00:49:04] There's some, some why.

[00:49:05] It's good.

[00:49:06] Look, this is a try.

[00:49:07] Five dollars.

[00:49:08] Five dollars.

[00:49:09] How many chews do you get?

[00:49:10] Me?

[00:49:11] Yeah, for that.

[00:49:12] I set my shit up so I get just the maximum amount of pills with the highest dosage as

[00:49:16] frequently as possible.

[00:49:17] Yeah.

[00:49:18] It's great.

[00:49:19] For the promo, how many chews?

[00:49:20] I don't know.

[00:49:21] I think it's just, yeah, stop asking.

[00:49:22] I'm not the fucker.

[00:49:23] Look, if you want these questions answered, go to the fucking website and sign up for them.

[00:49:28] That's what I'm asking.

[00:49:29] I'm like you.

[00:49:30] Me and Stav use the products from our sponsors.

[00:49:32] Because we like to, we don't take, we don't lie to our fucking beloved listeners.

[00:49:37] Yeah.

[00:49:38] We want them to know it gets our little pathetic Cox hard.

[00:49:40] I love it listeners.

[00:49:41] I love it.

[00:49:42] Yeah.

[00:49:43] I love you guys.

[00:49:44] I love you and I want your Cox absolutely stiff.

[00:49:47] I don't even have sex.

[00:49:48] I just loop my penis around, shove it in my ass and then I take a blue chew and then it

[00:49:53] gets my dick hard and then it's in soft and stays on the end.

[00:49:56] You come, gold, no, it pops out and then I don't need to wipe.

[00:50:00] You call it a pop goes the weasel.

[00:50:02] Well, that's, that's how the French do it.

[00:50:05] French stuff.

[00:50:06] Oh, next cock just came out.

[00:50:07] Yeah, I'm continental.

[00:50:08] So you're caught.

[00:50:11] So let me just get this straight.

[00:50:14] Your asshole is filled with shit and your dick is not in it.

[00:50:18] Then you put your soft dick in your shit and fill that hole.

[00:50:21] Right.

[00:50:22] And then you take a blue chew and you wait on out how long approximately for it to act.

[00:50:27] Well, it works twice as fast.

[00:50:29] So it works whatever.

[00:50:30] Yes.

[00:50:31] Let's say 15 minutes.

[00:50:32] Yeah.

[00:50:33] And then you're just going about your day while you with a shitty asshole or you're

[00:50:36] still in the toilet.

[00:50:37] Well, then my dick comes out and then it just wipes shit all over the back of my pants

[00:50:41] and then the front.

[00:50:42] Yeah.

[00:50:43] Inside the tires.

[00:50:44] Yeah.

[00:50:45] But at least it saves you all that annoying wiping.

[00:50:51] I hate that.

[00:50:52] I hate to wipe.

[00:50:53] If I take swings in between my legs, just spraying shit.

[00:50:57] I'm spraying diarrhea all over your walls.

[00:51:00] You're hanging out just bottomless.

[00:51:02] And you're living room.

[00:51:03] Michael friends like, did you stop wiping?

[00:51:05] I'm like, that's right.

[00:51:07] Thanks, blue chew.

[00:51:08] I mean, notice the spray pattern on the wall.

[00:51:12] Yeah.

[00:51:13] Sort of like a crime scene investigator.

[00:51:15] You can tell like how fresh last time you shot was.

[00:51:19] CSI, Miami.

[00:51:20] Got job.

[00:51:21] Welcome to Miami being.

[00:51:24] Be in my penis.

[00:51:26] I am gang.

[00:51:27] Why don't they just call it Miami?

[00:51:30] Why the fuck they have to fuck with it and call it me, I'm me.

[00:51:33] I'm me.

[00:51:34] What do you mean?

[00:51:35] That's how Cuban people say it.

[00:51:37] Do they have an eye sound?

[00:51:38] But it's not their country.

[00:51:39] Do they have an eye sound?

[00:51:40] Yeah, but it's a Spanish word.

[00:51:42] No, I don't know.

[00:51:43] It's a fucking American word.

[00:51:44] It's the name of our state.

[00:51:46] So they should fucking call it Miami.

[00:51:48] What is Miami?

[00:51:50] What is Miami mean?

[00:51:51] Is it some Indian shit probably?

[00:51:53] Yeah, it doesn't mean it's a good English word.

[00:51:55] Is it?

[00:51:56] Yeah.

[00:51:57] What does it mean?

[00:51:58] Miami dude.

[00:51:59] It's just the name of the fucking place.

[00:52:00] My money's on it's some kind of Indian shit.

[00:52:03] Yeah.

[00:52:04] It's like a seminal word.

[00:52:05] Like a harry kind of a bo-lose or something.

[00:52:07] No, no, no, no.

[00:52:09] The cool kind with arrows and shit.

[00:52:11] Yeah.

[00:52:12] We scarecrows?

[00:52:13] We're both buffaloes.

[00:52:14] Scarecrow Indians?

[00:52:17] That's right.

[00:52:18] You know, it's crazy that the Indians could never develop society or culture because they

[00:52:23] didn't come up with scarecrows.

[00:52:26] The birds would eat all their food.

[00:52:28] That's what they always had to keep moving.

[00:52:30] They couldn't do agriculture.

[00:52:32] I did not know that.

[00:52:33] I don't think I know it either.

[00:52:35] I just showed it something.

[00:52:37] I did not know that fact.

[00:52:40] I think I read it in school.

[00:52:43] Worrying about the natives.

[00:52:44] There were definitely natives that had farms, right?

[00:52:48] Maze.

[00:52:49] Come on, bro.

[00:52:50] Blaze?

[00:52:51] Maze?

[00:52:52] Yeah.

[00:52:53] The Indians call it Blaze.

[00:52:54] Oh, they smoke a corn cob?

[00:52:55] Yeah.

[00:52:56] The whole shit.

[00:52:57] Do people say that?

[00:52:58] Did the Indians call it Blaze?

[00:52:59] No, that's all you, brother.

[00:53:00] Yeah.

[00:53:01] It was like a joke for people that weren't funny to be like, or as the Indians call it,

[00:53:05] Maze.

[00:53:06] It really was.

[00:53:07] Starting from like third quarter.

[00:53:08] I remember.

[00:53:09] Yeah, I don't know what the fuck that was.

[00:53:10] How was that a joke, though?

[00:53:11] I don't know.

[00:53:12] People would say people who weren't funny.

[00:53:14] They absolutely would.

[00:53:15] Would say, or as the Indians call it, Maze.

[00:53:17] I mean, it's sort of like an essay thing.

[00:53:19] I think it might even be from The Simpsons, but I think it was like an essay thing like

[00:53:23] Webster's Dictionary Defines.

[00:53:25] Yes.

[00:53:26] But that one's still a funny joke because I do that one still.

[00:53:29] The Maze one is not funny.

[00:53:32] OK, it stops right.

[00:53:34] Woo.

[00:53:35] What?

[00:53:36] Marge motherfucker on the pocket.

[00:53:37] May Amy was the original name for Lake Okachobi.

[00:53:41] And then the river that ran Chokachobi.

[00:53:44] Chokachok, Chokachobi.

[00:53:46] Lake Smasher, Klobachard.

[00:53:51] Keep going.

[00:53:52] Keep reading me.

[00:53:53] Keep reading me.

[00:53:54] Wait, wait.

[00:53:55] This is fucked up.

[00:53:56] The current name Okachobi is derived from the Hitachi word.

[00:54:02] Like the vibrator.

[00:54:06] That company also makes other things.

[00:54:07] You know they didn't tend that to be a vibrator.

[00:54:09] It was literally supposed to be a back massager.

[00:54:11] And then, oh, I'm sorry.

[00:54:12] Did you want to tell the story?

[00:54:14] And then horse-startling.

[00:54:15] I'm sorry.

[00:54:16] Excuse me.

[00:54:17] Excuse me.

[00:54:18] What else happened with my Amy?

[00:54:19] Excuse me.

[00:54:20] What else happened with my Amy?

[00:54:21] Hold on here.

[00:54:22] Adam.

[00:54:23] We got a regular Amy Klobachard.

[00:54:24] So it's named after the Miami River, which I guess runs into Miami, which was, I guess,

[00:54:32] originally named after the original name of Lake Okachobi.

[00:54:37] And that's how.

[00:54:38] But it was like with wise and a bunch of different eyes and stuff.

[00:54:42] You know what's crazy?

[00:54:43] Jamaica, the island in Jamaica, Queens.

[00:54:45] Not related in the slightest.

[00:54:47] In terms of the naming.

[00:54:48] Really?

[00:54:49] Yeah.

[00:54:50] How?

[00:54:51] How's that possible?

[00:54:52] They're just completely dev, like completely different edamology.

[00:54:54] Are they spelled the same?

[00:54:55] Spilled exactly the same.

[00:54:56] What is one, Micah?

[00:54:58] The Jamaica, Queens one is like some Native American bullshit and the other one is like,

[00:55:02] you know, I don't know.

[00:55:03] Really?

[00:55:04] Yeah, they're just not, they're not similar.

[00:55:05] That's wild.

[00:55:06] Yeah, they're not like based on the same.

[00:55:09] That's fucked up.

[00:55:10] Did you make us live there in Queens?

[00:55:12] I don't know.

[00:55:13] I mean, I just remember thinking.

[00:55:14] Don't acknowledge us from here.

[00:55:15] I remember, I always saw the Jamaica, Queens.

[00:55:16] I'm like, that's funny that like they're just like, oh, this is the black where the black

[00:55:18] people live.

[00:55:19] This is the Jamaica plain.

[00:55:20] We'll call this Africa Brooklyn.

[00:55:22] I got a little Stavi's movie corner recommendation.

[00:55:31] Oh, yeah?

[00:55:32] It was a Hurt Locker.

[00:55:33] Oh, wow.

[00:55:34] Cool.

[00:55:35] It was 10 years ago.

[00:55:36] You liked it?

[00:55:37] Yeah.

[00:55:38] I guess it was okay.

[00:55:39] No, it was good.

[00:55:40] And also, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

[00:55:42] Yeah, thanks.

[00:55:43] Really good.

[00:55:44] Good record, dude.

[00:55:45] This is fucking good, dude.

[00:55:46] It's tight.

[00:55:47] I think it's better than the Hurt Locker.

[00:55:48] Yeah.

[00:55:49] What is what happened?

[00:55:50] I went from a poker game Saturday to my home in my homestead in Baltimore.

[00:55:55] My little brother George was working on some.

[00:55:58] He likes to work on paintings late at night and watch movies while he's doing it.

[00:56:02] And he just had the Hurt Locker going.

[00:56:04] And I just got sucked the fucking.

[00:56:05] It was fantastic.

[00:56:06] Did you fuck, Chastain?

[00:56:07] We talked about this all the time.

[00:56:08] How about the Turd Locker?

[00:56:09] Yes, I would.

[00:56:10] She wasn't in the Hurt Locker.

[00:56:11] Who's the main girl?

[00:56:12] You're thinking of fucking.

[00:56:13] Oh, the Hurt Locker is the bomb one.

[00:56:14] I'm thinking it's zero dark.

[00:56:15] The Hurt Locker.

[00:56:16] The bomb one.

[00:56:17] Yeah.

[00:56:18] They're dark people.

[00:56:21] And it's a movie where they kill all of them.

[00:56:23] Yeah.

[00:56:24] The Hurt Locker is with the Jeremy Renner.

[00:56:26] Yeah, it was really good.

[00:56:28] They did 9.11.

[00:56:29] So we did 9.11 million.

[00:56:33] Both those are Catherine Bigelow though.

[00:56:36] Yeah.

[00:56:37] Chastain, Dragon, and St.

[00:56:46] Catherine Bigelow moving from 95.

[00:56:48] Strange.

[00:56:49] Gaze starring Adam.

[00:56:51] It's a...

[00:56:52] They did 9.11.

[00:56:53] No.

[00:56:54] So he did gay 9.11.

[00:56:56] No.

[00:56:57] That's not what it's about.

[00:56:58] He's asking to two guys this.

[00:57:00] He shoved the entire Twin Towers up his ass.

[00:57:07] That's not how 9.

[00:57:08] Gay 9.11 starring Adam.

[00:57:09] They hit it with a plane.

[00:57:11] Yeah, but you did gay 9.11.

[00:57:13] Are you even listening to the bit Adam?

[00:57:15] They thought they were flying a plane into the Twin Towers, but it was actually his ass.

[00:57:22] They flew the plane into my ass?

[00:57:24] No.

[00:57:25] They flew your ass into the plane into the towers.

[00:57:28] He did both of those things.

[00:57:30] The plane went into my ass and then...

[00:57:32] The one man who could do both of those things.

[00:57:37] Gay Adam stars as gay 9.11, but also the planes.

[00:57:42] And he's gay too.

[00:57:44] He's a character and the man in the room.

[00:57:48] He's the planes, the buildings, the terrorists, and the victims, but the gay version of all

[00:57:55] of them.

[00:57:56] I was like the clumps.

[00:57:57] Adam plays them all in.

[00:57:59] Well, yeah, I'm a versatile performer.

[00:58:01] He's also...

[00:58:02] Adam also exists as a concept.

[00:58:05] He's conceptually...

[00:58:08] He is the act of being gay.

[00:58:10] He's in the film.

[00:58:11] The concept of being gay.

[00:58:13] And this summer, gay 9.11.

[00:58:15] Gay Adam 9.11.

[00:58:17] Well, anyway, Strange Days is sick.

[00:58:21] You guys should watch it.

[00:58:22] It's on HBO.

[00:58:23] Which is about...

[00:58:24] It's about, like, the drug of the future, like, people are called wireheads, and they

[00:58:31] put this contraption on their brains and then it's like full VR like...

[00:58:35] It's not gay.

[00:58:36] No, it's not gay.

[00:58:37] No, it's not gay.

[00:58:38] You're interested.

[00:58:39] Pass.

[00:58:40] You're wrong.

[00:58:41] Pass.

[00:58:42] You're wrong.

[00:58:43] But they can't stop describing it.

[00:58:45] Yo, uh, crouching tiger is much, much more epic than I thought.

[00:58:49] Like a literal epic than I thought it was going to be.

[00:58:52] What does that mean?

[00:58:53] It's like very sweeping...

[00:58:54] The crouching tiger is Adam, and the hidden dragon is the HIV virus in the penis that

[00:58:59] he's crouching over.

[00:59:02] It's got, like, big ass...

[00:59:07] Can one man get HIV from a Chinese ninja?

[00:59:11] The answer is yes.

[00:59:12] They're not ninjas.

[00:59:13] This summer, Adam.

[00:59:14] This summer, gay Adam gets AIDS from Chinese people.

[00:59:19] Crouching tiger hidden dragon.

[00:59:22] This is the reboot.

[00:59:25] I remember I saw that movie in theaters one of the first times I ever smoked weed.

[00:59:33] Whoa, dude.

[00:59:34] That's cool.

[00:59:35] It was tight.

[00:59:36] Yeah.

[00:59:37] I saw that, and I also saw on 420, I saw the scorpion...

[00:59:41] Oh, yeah, dude.

[00:59:43] And everyone in the theater was laughing.

[00:59:45] I think everyone was stoned, and we were all laughing at it.

[00:59:48] Like, how bad of a movie it was.

[00:59:50] That was some hell worse CGI at all times.

[00:59:52] It was really bad.

[00:59:54] Yeah.

[00:59:55] I think they made a scorpion king, too, like, direct to DVD.

[00:59:58] Nice.

[00:59:59] Not with the rock.

[01:00:00] Was it a stiffler in that?

[01:00:01] Stiffler?

[01:00:02] Was he in the scorpion king?

[01:00:03] I thought he was.

[01:00:04] I don't know.

[01:00:05] Maybe.

[01:00:06] But maybe I'm just...

[01:00:07] It was a spin-off of the mummy.

[01:00:09] Yes.

[01:00:10] I think the rock appeared in the mummy as the scorpion king.

[01:00:13] Yeah, in the mummy three.

[01:00:15] Mm-hmm.

[01:00:16] And then he's in the...

[01:00:17] I was going to sit down and re-watch all those movies.

[01:00:20] Just to have something to do before I die.

[01:00:24] Just have another thing.

[01:00:26] Just another day in my life.

[01:00:27] Nothing you have to finish.

[01:00:29] Yeah, and you're like, well, I guess I'll probably only have like 4,000 of these days left.

[01:00:33] Until I literally die.

[01:00:36] But here's what I'll be using it on.

[01:00:38] Not even, probably.

[01:00:39] What is that?

[01:00:40] What is the math on that?

[01:00:42] So 365 is a year.

[01:00:44] 365 and then how many years?

[01:00:47] No, you got more than 4,000 days.

[01:00:49] No, it's 11 years.

[01:00:51] You're going to look longer than 11 years.

[01:00:53] We will see.

[01:00:56] Yeah.

[01:00:57] Yeah, it is pretty good to think about mortality.

[01:01:00] When one man doesn't wipe his ass.

[01:01:05] Somebody on this plane's got shit in his ass.

[01:01:08] And holds an entire plane hostage.

[01:01:12] I can't breathe.

[01:01:14] No, I can fucking breathe in here.

[01:01:17] Have you guys ever taken like a really wild shit on an airplane bathroom?

[01:01:21] Like almost every flight.

[01:01:22] Like the guy on a plane that's like, and he's going to say it.

[01:01:26] Yeah.

[01:01:27] No, no, yeah.

[01:01:29] It's a...

[01:01:30] Gee.

[01:01:31] It's like phone booth.

[01:01:33] Yeah.

[01:01:34] I'm going to say the N word.

[01:01:35] Oh, that's what it was.

[01:01:37] Yeah.

[01:01:38] Man.

[01:01:39] Um...

[01:01:40] Yeah, so those are my recommendations.

[01:01:46] You guys should see Strange Desplut.

[01:01:48] No.

[01:01:49] See her locker and crouching tiger.

[01:01:51] Everyone's seeing those movie stars.

[01:01:53] Literally everyone's seeing those movies.

[01:01:55] Strange days.

[01:01:56] What if...

[01:01:57] The baby's seeing...

[01:01:58] What if Adam's dick was a day?

[01:02:00] And then they called it Strange this summer.

[01:02:03] What do you think of that Adam?

[01:02:04] Strange dick could be big.

[01:02:06] But it's not in this game.

[01:02:07] But it could go...

[01:02:08] But it could go...

[01:02:09] You don't know that it isn't true.

[01:02:10] That adjective could be used for a large...

[01:02:12] In the last prize twist.

[01:02:13] It was large.

[01:02:14] Yeah.

[01:02:15] It was so strange how large it is.

[01:02:16] But it's so strange how large it is.

[01:02:17] What it is is that it's gay.

[01:02:18] It's kind of a gay penis.

[01:02:20] That's how gay your dick is.

[01:02:22] That's true.

[01:02:23] It's a physical appendage.

[01:02:24] On sites they know.

[01:02:25] No.

[01:02:26] The doctor said your son's going to be gay.

[01:02:28] They said, how do you know?

[01:02:29] They said, just look at his dick.

[01:02:31] And then your dad was like, I guess he's right.

[01:02:34] Fun.

[01:02:35] This summer.

[01:02:36] My son's got a gay dick.

[01:02:40] One man, one gay son.

[01:02:44] Strange penis.

[01:02:46] A cop, a retired cop, who was good at his job.

[01:02:51] Now in retirement he has one last task to deal with his two gay sons.

[01:03:00] Seattle.

[01:03:01] That's great.

[01:03:04] Well done.

[01:03:05] Yeah.

[01:03:06] He did the phrase for a trailer.

[01:03:08] One last job.

[01:03:10] Just take out the laugh track.

[01:03:12] Coming out of retirement to do one last job.

[01:03:16] Deal with his two gay sons.

[01:03:18] We're not without gay his sons.

[01:03:20] And some of the three.

[01:03:21] Niles, have you seen my crocs?

[01:03:23] This summer.

[01:03:24] Frazier.

[01:03:25] That would be a great like trailer to cut.

[01:03:30] Just take out the laugh track.

[01:03:33] Boy, friends.

[01:03:36] One Jewish comedian.

[01:03:39] Another racist.

[01:03:41] Probably Italian, but we'll call him Jewish anyways neighbor.

[01:03:46] George.

[01:03:47] Elaine.

[01:03:48] So God, my dick.

[01:03:52] I got to say, dude, I'm mad at sitcoms for giving fat, fat boys unrealistic expectations

[01:04:00] to live up to.

[01:04:01] Well, I was George Slade.

[01:04:03] George Slade Pussy.

[01:04:04] King of Queens.

[01:04:05] Yeah, but that's more of a New York thing than a fat guy.

[01:04:08] Yeah.

[01:04:09] Because there's a hot girls here.

[01:04:10] I'm in New York.

[01:04:11] I'm in New York now, man.

[01:04:13] Yeah.

[01:04:14] And you overachieve all the time.

[01:04:16] Why is it?

[01:04:17] That's not unrealistic.

[01:04:18] It's very similar to your life.

[01:04:20] It's pretty much the most realistic picture of what was going to happen other than the fact

[01:04:26] that you're unemployed most of the time or working for the Yankees.

[01:04:29] That is true.

[01:04:30] Yeah, I'm not.

[01:04:31] Everything else is worked out.

[01:04:32] No, but they were.

[01:04:33] Yeah, Adam's basically Jerry Seinfeld.

[01:04:34] No, I'm not.

[01:04:35] Well, you're Kramer.

[01:04:36] I'm not fun.

[01:04:37] I'm sort of Kramer.

[01:04:39] Yeah.

[01:04:40] I would say, you know, but the racial outburst.

[01:04:42] Yeah, that's right.

[01:04:43] My schemes.

[01:04:44] Mm-hmm.

[01:04:45] I am Kramer.

[01:04:46] You're Kramer.

[01:04:47] I'm definitely George.

[01:04:48] I mean, there's no discussion there.

[01:04:49] Yeah.

[01:04:50] I guess Adam's also Elaine.

[01:04:51] I think I'm more George spiritually.

[01:04:52] Do you not?

[01:04:53] No, no, no.

[01:04:54] Yes, I am.

[01:04:55] No, you want to be the coolest one.

[01:04:56] You're the least funny.

[01:04:57] And the one that has to be the center of attention.

[01:04:59] That's not true.

[01:05:00] It is true.

[01:05:01] George is an Ebish and Schmuck.

[01:05:02] Adam, I'm telling you.

[01:05:03] He's not the coolest one.

[01:05:05] Adam, we talked about this and it's true.

[01:05:08] He's a Jerry.

[01:05:09] That's more.

[01:05:10] Jerry, Adam.

[01:05:11] That's more Peterson than, uh, Stav is Jerry.

[01:05:13] Elaine is the most spot.

[01:05:14] Elaine, you're a friend, Jerry.

[01:05:15] Yes, yeah.

[01:05:16] Bitch, I'm George.

[01:05:17] Did you know it?

[01:05:18] Who are you kidding?

[01:05:19] I'm George.

[01:05:20] You're not a good Jewish.

[01:05:21] You're out of your mind.

[01:05:22] Oh, come on.

[01:05:23] George isn't Jewish, bitch.

[01:05:24] Yes, he is.

[01:05:25] No.

[01:05:26] Spiritually he is.

[01:05:27] That's how I am.

[01:05:28] What?

[01:05:29] I'm Kistansa.

[01:05:30] How about on putty?

[01:05:31] Yeah.

[01:05:32] How about I just get the feedback?

[01:05:33] Why is putty?

[01:05:34] One under your car to have guess sex.

[01:05:39] What?

[01:05:40] What?

[01:05:41] What are your keys?

[01:05:43] It's like going to your car and have guess sex.

[01:05:48] Yeah, putty.

[01:05:49] Putty.

[01:05:50] This summer.

[01:05:51] Okay.

[01:05:52] The guy from the tick.

[01:05:59] Remember that guy.

[01:06:02] We're doing a full boob.

[01:06:05] He's gay.

[01:06:07] He's gay now.

[01:06:09] And the other characters call the lane, but legally it has nothing to do with science.

[01:06:14] Her name is spelled.

[01:06:15] It just happens to also be Elaine.

[01:06:20] Elaine, me and my voice over friend guy are going to go into the bathroom for a second.

[01:06:28] But the twist is I have gay sex.

[01:06:31] Yes.

[01:06:33] The trailer guy is now part of the movie.

[01:06:38] Also having gay sex.

[01:06:40] I have gay sex with putty.

[01:06:42] Yeah.

[01:06:43] Feels pretty good.

[01:06:46] Always makes me come.

[01:06:50] I would love to smash Elaine's cheeks.

[01:06:52] Yeah.

[01:06:53] Yeah, I love her.

[01:06:56] Well, you should be happier Jerry because Jerry got the fuck Elaine.

[01:07:00] Too bad I never did as George.

[01:07:02] He should have gotten back with her.

[01:07:04] They used to frustrate me as like a gay little boy.

[01:07:07] Why doesn't he get back with Elaine?

[01:07:09] Yeah.

[01:07:10] She's so charming.

[01:07:11] Maybe the pussy was trash.

[01:07:13] Yeah.

[01:07:14] If you see the way she dares as a kid.

[01:07:17] Watch Will and Grace as a kid.

[01:07:18] I'm like, I don't understand it.

[01:07:19] Why don't Will and Jack have sex?

[01:07:21] They're both homosexual.

[01:07:22] I thought that too.

[01:07:24] We all know that homosexuals just have gay sex with whatever man they know.

[01:07:29] If you leave them in a room that's written into the show that they fight like once?

[01:07:33] No.

[01:07:34] Like why aren't they just always having sex?

[01:07:36] Yeah.

[01:07:37] It's not implied.

[01:07:38] They never did.

[01:07:39] Yeah.

[01:07:40] I remember also thinking as a little kid that Deborah Messings character made them gay by being

[01:07:43] flat-chasted.

[01:07:44] Yeah.

[01:07:45] That was not like me being mean.

[01:07:47] That was like my thought.

[01:07:49] Yeah.

[01:07:50] Your logic.

[01:07:51] If she had big old cans, they wouldn't be gay.

[01:07:52] What about Karen?

[01:07:53] She had big titties.

[01:07:54] Karen who?

[01:07:55] Oh, yeah.

[01:07:56] But her voice was annoying.

[01:07:57] Yeah.

[01:07:58] But her titties were vulgar.

[01:07:59] She talked like a baker's.

[01:08:00] I literally jacked off to episodes of Will and Grace when you could just sort of see parts

[01:08:04] of her kids.

[01:08:05] Yeah.

[01:08:06] Then they would cut to Jack being gay stuff and you're like, oh no.

[01:08:10] I can't.

[01:08:11] Whoops.

[01:08:12] I'm just rewinding this part.

[01:08:14] Oh.

[01:08:15] Whoopsie.

[01:08:16] Living out loud, you know.

[01:08:17] Didn't mean to do that.

[01:08:19] Your mom's like, stop it.

[01:08:21] Why are you doing this in the living room?

[01:08:23] I'm having a birthday.

[01:08:24] I don't know.

[01:08:25] Oh yeah.

[01:08:26] It's your mom's birthday.

[01:08:27] It was last week.

[01:08:28] But I went down to celebrate it this week.

[01:08:31] It's my dad's birthday.

[01:08:32] Really?

[01:08:33] This week.

[01:08:34] Did you kiss her?

[01:08:35] Yeah.

[01:08:36] Mouth?

[01:08:37] Yeah.

[01:08:38] Me too.

[01:08:39] Why?

[01:08:40] Are you serious?

[01:08:41] I went to the theater.

[01:08:42] I went.

[01:08:43] Before you were born during that year and a half that you weren't allowed.

[01:08:45] But you were a baby?

[01:08:46] Yeah.

[01:08:47] I fucked 18 months old.

[01:08:48] You fucked my mom?

[01:08:49] Yeah.

[01:08:50] That'd be fun.

[01:08:51] A fun movie where we all invent time machines and we go back in time trying to fuck each

[01:08:54] other's mom.

[01:08:55] Yeah.

[01:08:56] We also got to get the day before and just sort of fuck up history and like Hitler's back

[01:09:01] and there's like 9-11s of millions who are just poor.

[01:09:03] But at least I fucked your mom.

[01:09:04] Or did you?

[01:09:05] Because I've gone back before that and prevented the mom fucking but also making time to go

[01:09:10] fuck your mom.

[01:09:11] And then it turns out you're both my sons.

[01:09:13] But it's too late because we're already gone past beyond that history and we've formed

[01:09:18] a secret alliance.

[01:09:19] Oh fuck.

[01:09:20] The double team your mom.

[01:09:22] With the Nazis.

[01:09:23] With the third right.

[01:09:25] Yeah, well it's your grandma, you fucking weirdos because I fuck your moms.

[01:09:29] No, you can't make you.

[01:09:30] You fucked our moms in some timeline, but we use the time machine to go beyond.

[01:09:34] Honestly, like you're legitimately like, I wouldn't give a fuck if you, if you just

[01:09:40] absolutely fucked the shit out of my grandma.

[01:09:42] I'll give you the two more.

[01:09:45] I'll give you the two more.

[01:09:47] I'll give you the two.

[01:09:48] Was that you gave, you gave that.

[01:09:49] Yeah.

[01:09:50] Then they came when I was gone.

[01:09:51] The two.

[01:09:52] I gave it to him.

[01:09:53] Damn.

[01:09:54] That's right.

[01:09:55] Damn.

[01:09:56] Esther.

[01:09:57] My grandma's name was Esther.

[01:09:58] Both of my grandma's names were Esther.

[01:10:00] Shut the fuck up.

[01:10:01] I swear you always got to one up me, huh?

[01:10:02] Are you serious?

[01:10:03] My both of my parents.

[01:10:04] Wait a second.

[01:10:05] Both your grandmother named Esther and one of your grandma's name.

[01:10:08] Esther, yeah.

[01:10:09] The three, Esther podcast.

[01:10:11] Jean.

[01:10:12] Jean?

[01:10:13] She was a man.

[01:10:14] Yeah, she was a man.

[01:10:15] Jean.

[01:10:16] She's a napily.

[01:10:17] Damn.

[01:10:18] I had Olga and Despina.

[01:10:22] Oh yeah.

[01:10:23] That's basically Esther.

[01:10:24] No, Esther.

[01:10:25] No, Esther.

[01:10:26] No, Esther.

[01:10:27] No, Esther.

[01:10:28] No.

[01:10:29] Yeah, Esther, no.

[01:10:30] Esther, no.

[01:10:31] Oh, that's Esther.

[01:10:32] Like it was in American, it's Despina.

[01:10:34] Yeah.

[01:10:35] And then there were girls named Despina.

[01:10:37] Of course, we called them Despina's.

[01:10:39] Yeah, Despina's?

[01:10:41] Yeah.

[01:10:42] Despina's.

[01:10:43] Damn.

[01:10:44] I didn't think it was in Vegas.

[01:10:45] That was a good look for you.

[01:10:46] Yeah.

[01:10:47] It's kind of, you're kind of, the good one.

[01:10:51] Podcasting in all blue.

[01:10:54] Like literally anybody looks like shit sitting on that thing.

[01:10:57] It's just sort of a design.

[01:10:58] It looks, that looks crazy.

[01:10:59] Yeah, you got it.

[01:11:00] It's the same color.

[01:11:01] Mm hmm.

[01:11:02] I look cute.

[01:11:03] So the Dole is all documentary, she's like kind of stating her case and like talking

[01:11:07] about her childhood.

[01:11:08] You say you go through that baseball round?

[01:11:10] Where does it get nice, huh?

[01:11:11] I know, dude.

[01:11:12] We got to go to the park right after this.

[01:11:13] Oh my gosh, shit dude.

[01:11:14] I got to get my taxes ready for Patrick on Thursday.

[01:11:17] You know that it's too late for that.

[01:11:19] He doesn't have a business.

[01:11:20] I don't have a business.

[01:11:21] Oh, yes.

[01:11:22] I have to make a business.

[01:11:23] Yeah, they fuck my shit up.

[01:11:24] Really?

[01:11:25] Well, this is minor things in there.

[01:11:26] Like my address is wrong, but then only, not only is it wrong, it's spelled wrong also.

[01:11:30] Damn.

[01:11:31] Yeah.

[01:11:32] That's gay.

[01:11:34] But they're good.

[01:11:35] I mean, they do a good job in terms of like saving money.

[01:11:38] They definitely do.

[01:11:39] But like, the problem I have is like I can't ever get any like clear answer on anything.

[01:11:44] Yeah.

[01:11:45] I guess question and treat it like an asshole for asking for clarification.

[01:11:49] Yeah, or you have to like call or like go in.

[01:11:52] Yeah.

[01:11:53] Like I've gotten clarification like that, but it is a thing.

[01:11:56] Yeah.

[01:11:57] But you know, the accounts make it do magic and that's what's important.

[01:12:01] That's right.

[01:12:02] Yeah, I'm hoping.

[01:12:03] They make the pussy talk.

[01:12:04] I'm moving my man.

[01:12:05] I can't make the pussy talk back.

[01:12:07] Does some magic on me?

[01:12:09] Well, and I saw this thing online.

[01:12:10] I want to use your pussy like a puppet.

[01:12:12] Well, it's going to require you have a rectovaginal fish.

[01:12:18] Yeah.

[01:12:19] It's a whoopi Goldberg thing.

[01:12:23] She did it in one of her movies.

[01:12:25] Yeah.

[01:12:26] Patrick Swayze cut a hole in her asshole.

[01:12:29] Then he would use her pussy to talk to his wife.

[01:12:32] No, I've seen the movie.

[01:12:35] It's a different movie.

[01:12:37] No, Lane, it's no.

[01:12:39] There's ghost and then there's this other one with the pussy puppet.

[01:12:42] Anyways, I want to do that to you.

[01:12:46] Ah, fuck.

[01:12:48] Say you tied it all together.

[01:12:51] I can't believe I didn't know that's called theme.

[01:12:54] I can't believe I didn't know her name was Beverly Cresher.

[01:12:58] Why?

[01:12:59] I don't know.

[01:13:00] I feel like I didn't.

[01:13:01] I was trying to cut up my couch with you.

[01:13:03] I was just pushing.

[01:13:05] There's a wrinkle.

[01:13:07] Push this dick into your ass deeper.

[01:13:10] Yeah.

[01:13:11] Deep.

[01:13:12] Anyway, sorry.

[01:13:13] This doll is all documented.

[01:13:14] You're ass deep.

[01:13:15] Let me just say this.

[01:13:16] You must push it deeper.

[01:13:17] It's not coming up.

[01:13:20] Maybe what happened?

[01:13:21] So she's like saying her case to you kind of like, oh man, maybe, you know, racist is

[01:13:26] a social construct.

[01:13:27] If someone could become a woman, why can't they become black?

[01:13:30] And then like she's saying her case.

[01:13:32] And then at the end of the documentary, they just go through black, like interviewing black

[01:13:35] people about it.

[01:13:36] And they're like, oh hell fucking no.

[01:13:38] They're like, they're so mad.

[01:13:40] They get so pissed off.

[01:13:41] Of course.

[01:13:42] And one of them is this this black girl doing like a deaf poetry jam.

[01:13:46] And her poem is about like, and if I ever see Rachel Dole-Dazal, I'm a poncho in her

[01:13:52] fucking face.

[01:13:53] I'm a, I'm a, she's going to be black and blue.

[01:13:56] It's like, and it's, it is so.

[01:13:57] She talk like that on the show all the time.

[01:13:59] Yeah.

[01:14:00] If I do my deaf poetry jam, nobody thinks you're the woke one anymore.

[01:14:04] I'm definitely not the one.

[01:14:06] I'm definitely a, this is no longer a woke show.

[01:14:09] This is a Bernie show.

[01:14:11] This is a Bernie pill show.

[01:14:14] Yeah.

[01:14:15] We're Bernie Pilts.

[01:14:16] When universal healthcare, but also universal slurs, universal basic income.

[01:14:21] Everyone gets exactly.

[01:14:22] We all share money.

[01:14:23] We all share the end work.

[01:14:24] Yeah.

[01:14:25] Universal basic income.

[01:14:27] Because basically, come 2020, I'm saying the end work.

[01:14:35] Yeah.

[01:14:36] At the inauguration.

[01:14:37] Yeah.

[01:14:38] How much you call a universal basic bitch?

[01:14:40] Do you want all that shit?

[01:14:46] It'd be sweet if like we get UBI or whatever and it's like $200,000 a year for everyone.

[01:14:53] That would rock.

[01:14:54] And it doesn't raise the price of anything.

[01:14:56] Yeah.

[01:14:57] You could just game.

[01:15:00] You know, and people are like, who's going to pay for this?

[01:15:02] And it's like our children.

[01:15:04] Yeah.

[01:15:05] Fuck them.

[01:15:06] Yeah.

[01:15:07] I'm not having kids.

[01:15:08] Your dumb ass kids are paying attention.

[01:15:09] Yeah.

[01:15:10] Your dumb.

[01:15:11] Yeah.

[01:15:12] I still think something's going to come out about Andrew Yang.

[01:15:13] It's going to be very funny.

[01:15:14] What do you mean to me?

[01:15:15] I don't know.

[01:15:16] He's just such an unknown entity.

[01:15:18] There has to be something that's very funny in the, in his past.

[01:15:21] You're like, did you know that he turns out he was the Virginia textured?

[01:15:25] Something like, he just killed another Asian kid and let the body in his dorm.

[01:15:31] They're like, yep, that's him.

[01:15:33] We bring the family in to identify the body and they're like, I guess it's him.

[01:15:37] I don't know how the fuck we know.

[01:15:39] It's all they seem to us.

[01:15:41] Yes.

[01:15:42] We're not even we're not Asian.

[01:15:44] We're not Asian.

[01:15:45] We're those Mexican people.

[01:15:46] They look Asian.

[01:15:47] Yeah.

[01:15:48] Chino.

[01:15:49] Yeah.

[01:15:50] Oh, fuck dude.

[01:15:51] Yeah, but Yang, it's not like he's well known.

[01:15:56] I feel like it's only on the internet, right?

[01:15:59] Yeah.

[01:16:00] Well, he did Rogan.

[01:16:01] He blew up from it.

[01:16:02] Yeah.

[01:16:03] On the online.

[01:16:04] A lot of the, like the Pepe guys.

[01:16:05] I can't wait to blow up.

[01:16:07] Can I, oh, I want to say this is my last time to see my dates on the show before I go to

[01:16:11] the Midwest this weekend.

[01:16:13] So I just wanted to say improper because I've got to fuck them up.

[01:16:15] This is going up, but by then.

[01:16:17] This is going up on Wednesday.

[01:16:18] Yeah, but by that time, it's too late.

[01:16:21] Yeah.

[01:16:22] So I'm going out with my Adam.

[01:16:23] Come on.

[01:16:24] Guys, importantly March 30th will be DC Black.

[01:16:29] DC.

[01:16:30] We're doing a stand up.

[01:16:32] We're doing an APM stand up show, a 10 PM live podcast, two different shows.

[01:16:37] So get your tickets to one or both.

[01:16:39] They will be completely different shows.

[01:16:41] I mean, it'll still be us the whole time though.

[01:16:43] So Friday night, I'm at North Bar in Chicago.

[01:16:46] So importantly, only it's only about a hundred tickets left for both shows.

[01:16:51] So please buy those.

[01:16:52] Fuck.

[01:16:53] We're close to selling out.

[01:16:54] God damn it.

[01:16:55] Did you get.

[01:16:56] Snuggers on your news.

[01:16:57] Trags it all over my fucking your.

[01:16:59] Okay.

[01:17:00] So Friday night on the 22nd.

[01:17:02] Fuck March.

[01:17:03] I am at North Bar in the middle of the night last night and there was just blood pouring

[01:17:06] out of my nose.

[01:17:08] This is profusely.

[01:17:10] That happens to me all the time.

[01:17:13] Yeah.

[01:17:14] Since I was a kid, not even from all the drugs.

[01:17:17] Okay, we get a new two.

[01:17:19] All right, so I am at North Bar in Chicago this Friday to date to two times.

[01:17:26] You can look on the website for that on Saturday night in Milwaukee at Puddler's Hall.

[01:17:32] And then we are in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, which I understand is about an hour from Minneapolis

[01:17:40] on Sunday, the 24th at the plus.

[01:17:42] And then Mike will be in Minneapolis on Monday night.

[01:17:46] I will be back in New York.

[01:17:47] Check out Adam at the Diddlers pocket April 22nd and headlining the ball pit at the Eau

[01:17:53] Claire McDonald.

[01:17:54] I will say that.

[01:17:57] Microscien is our buddy.

[01:17:59] You've heard him on the show.

[01:18:00] He's a fabulous Santa comic.

[01:18:01] You guys will really enjoy it.

[01:18:03] That's right.

[01:18:04] So March 30th March 30th DC.

[01:18:07] Come time live at the black cat two time trying to put together a West Coast thing.

[01:18:12] Yeah, hell yeah.

[01:18:13] I talked to that San Diego guy and then I got another thing in the Bay area and then

[01:18:15] Portland.

[01:18:16] I might do a little early summer run.

[01:18:19] What are you doing in the Yay?

[01:18:21] Huh?

[01:18:22] What are you doing in the Yay area?

[01:18:23] I don't know.

[01:18:24] I'm still going back and forth to the guy.

[01:18:25] Nice.

[01:18:26] Yeah.

[01:18:27] That would be fun.

[01:18:28] That would be fun, dude.

[01:18:29] West Coast.

[01:18:30] Portland was fun.

[01:18:31] You should do Seattle and Portland.

[01:18:32] Well, what I want to do is rent a car to San Diego, LA.

[01:18:33] Just do like, just drive up the PCH.

[01:18:35] That would be tight.

[01:18:37] It would be tight, dude.

[01:18:38] PCH is great.

[01:18:39] The pussy cheese.

[01:18:40] Oh, wait.

[01:18:41] You got to borrow your car to go on a gay sex trip up the PCH.

[01:18:45] Puddy's child.

[01:18:47] Have you ever done it?

[01:18:48] Did you do it when you were in California?

[01:18:50] The PCH?

[01:18:51] Puddy's come hour.

[01:18:52] You should go to Big C.

[01:18:54] Going up the PCH.

[01:18:55] Puddy's come hour.

[01:18:56] And usually you go to Big Sur and do acid.

[01:18:59] Why don't you let me live my own life?

[01:19:00] I'm saying.

[01:19:01] Why don't you let me just be like my son?

[01:19:04] Drop a little tabby.

[01:19:06] I had my wings.

[01:19:07] Drop a little tabby at Big Sur.

[01:19:08] Go to big, go to Joshua Tree, press a gun to my temple.

[01:19:12] Uh-huh.

[01:19:13] If I can say what a beautiful world.

[01:19:15] Listen to it, click.

[01:19:16] Yeah.

[01:19:17] And then inhale deeply.

[01:19:18] Pull, click, click, suck.

[01:19:20] Say, wow.

[01:19:21] The gun jammed.

[01:19:22] Suck, suck, dude.

[01:19:23] Now I have a second lease on life.

[01:19:24] Yeah.

[01:19:25] Suck, suck, dude.

[01:19:26] Suck, suck.

[01:19:27] I wonder if, like, gun store owners, they recognize guys that come in that want to kill

[01:19:33] themselves and they have special guns, the jam.

[01:19:35] Yeah.

[01:19:36] That would be a gun store in over the heart of Gold.

[01:19:38] Yeah.

[01:19:39] Mm-hmm.

[01:19:40] Well, then you can sell them a second gun, though.

[01:19:42] Yeah.

[01:19:43] And this smart business is just a savvy business decision.

[01:19:47] Yeah.

[01:19:48] Sell them on the jams.

[01:19:49] Uh-huh.

[01:19:50] He comes back.

[01:19:51] Mm-hmm.

[01:19:52] Then, you know, sell them two guns to kill himself.

[01:19:54] Yeah.

[01:19:55] But about one with, like, one of those flags that comes out.

[01:19:57] It's, like, 3D chess.

[01:19:58] Like, the other day I was explaining to someone that the only reason I make fun of retarded

[01:20:01] people is to guarantee that I have a retarded kid.

[01:20:04] Because I care.

[01:20:05] You love them so much.

[01:20:06] I love them so much.

[01:20:07] Yeah.

[01:20:08] You're going to be, they're being eradicated from this world to the vicious act of abortion.

[01:20:12] Which you are fully against.

[01:20:14] Which I, which I every circumstance.

[01:20:16] Which, yes.

[01:20:17] Yeah.

[01:20:18] Nick has tried that only because, only because of that powerful testimony from that boy,

[01:20:25] that man.

[01:20:26] Oh, yeah.

[01:20:27] He's a man.

[01:20:28] That's right.

[01:20:29] Who was, was recently actually covered on NPR.

[01:20:32] I don't know if you can get it.

[01:20:33] Oh, yeah.

[01:20:34] Yeah.

[01:20:35] On nice business.

[01:20:36] Yeah.

[01:20:37] It is a, uh-huh.

[01:20:38] Special, I don't know.

[01:20:39] He was at the show.

[01:20:41] Yeah.

[01:20:41] It just, I did, it is funny though, because like, you would watch it and you would think

[01:20:45] that I, I did actually not even consider the fact that they are happier than regular people.

[01:20:50] Oh, yeah.

[01:20:51] And like, when he said that, it was like, oh, I guess they probably deserve life more than

[01:20:55] most people.

[01:20:56] Easily.

[01:20:57] Because really, the only thing that matters is like, whether you enjoy your life or not.

[01:21:01] Yeah.

[01:21:02] The rest of it's bullshit.

[01:21:03] 100%.

[01:21:04] And if they're having a good time.

[01:21:05] Yeah, they have the best time.

[01:21:07] Which, and every, like good moods are contagious.

[01:21:09] You're going to get chocolate milk and shit.

[01:21:11] Exactly.

[01:21:12] We should all hope that we could be, have people with down syndrome.

[01:21:15] Yeah.

[01:21:16] Like, like here's the thing.

[01:21:17] If everyone had down syndrome, it would probably throw the world into like, pretty significant

[01:21:22] disarray for a while.

[01:21:23] Yeah.

[01:21:24] But we're still like much smarter than chimps.

[01:21:27] Right.

[01:21:28] You know?

[01:21:29] Yeah, we'd have a little nice, we'd have really nice grass hunts.

[01:21:32] Mm-hmm.

[01:21:33] You know, when we have complete indoors, probably.

[01:21:36] If they can automate the candy manufacturing, I think we should like, just willingly excellently

[01:21:40] accept a future.

[01:21:41] Everyone gets a thousand dollars a month from Andrew Yang.

[01:21:46] You have full automation of candy.

[01:21:49] Andrew Yang would be on the syndrome.

[01:21:54] I think your son's going to probably be more likely to be gay than retarded.

[01:22:00] Why?

[01:22:01] Because, you know, you make, you know, a lot of gay sex, parry songs, jokes.

[01:22:07] You know, that's, you know, if you want to guarantee your son, why is there got to be

[01:22:12] both?

[01:22:13] Why can't it be both?

[01:22:14] Well, I probably both.

[01:22:15] You're right.

[01:22:16] That's the happiest kind of guy.

[01:22:17] I love-

[01:22:18] Well, your kid's probably going to be disabled because Dasha's irradiated.

[01:22:21] From Chernobyl.

[01:22:22] From Chernobyl.

[01:22:23] Yeah.

[01:22:24] That's true.

[01:22:25] I think about that a lot.

[01:22:26] Yeah.

[01:22:27] Whatever.

[01:22:28] Maybe my kid will be like, some fucking Charles Xavier mutant.

[01:22:30] Yeah.

[01:22:31] Maybe he'll be strong.

[01:22:32] Yeah.

[01:22:33] Strong.

[01:22:34] Kick my ass.

[01:22:35] Probably not.

[01:22:36] Probably like missing a nasal bridge.

[01:22:38] No.

[01:22:39] Left lip.

[01:22:40] That's on how flippers.

[01:22:41] Dasha came out all right.

[01:22:44] Yeah, but she was the first one.

[01:22:46] I guess.

[01:22:47] She's laying dormant in her eggs.

[01:22:49] Yeah.

[01:22:50] Her irradiated eggs.

[01:22:51] Her pussy glows in the dark.

[01:22:54] Can you play like, can you-

[01:22:55] Adam's like, where is it?

[01:22:57] I came far, where is it?

[01:22:59] Oh, there it is.

[01:23:00] Oh, there it is.

[01:23:01] Oh, there it is.

[01:23:02] I came already.

[01:23:03] I'm already having sex.

[01:23:08] His pants are still on.

[01:23:11] I've finished having sex.

[01:23:14] Do you want to get like hazmat suits or whatever and then like go paintballing in Chernobyl

[01:23:19] when we're in Europe?

[01:23:20] Yeah.

[01:23:21] We're not going to Europe.

[01:23:22] Oh, we might not.

[01:23:23] Yeah, we're not.

[01:23:25] If we go.

[01:23:26] Yes.

[01:23:27] All right.

[01:23:28] Have you ever gone paintballing before?

[01:23:30] Let's end the show.

[01:23:31] Bye.

[01:23:32] Bye.

[01:23:33] Bye.