[00:00:00] Okay, I am good in my penis is small

[00:00:09] Robot noises or dick robots assemble

[00:00:17] That's a little teaser so how's it really I got an animated pilot on the works

[00:00:21] That's a little taste a robot a pilot. Yeah, it's a Gundam

[00:00:30] Gundam warrior, but the only thing that changes is the penis the cockets. Yeah, the metal penis

[00:00:37] Then different alloys right normally your penis just looks like a toy car or a bus

[00:00:43] Mm-hmm, and then a transel metal pin your soft cock is a little VW Hot Wheels car

[00:00:50] And then when it gets hard, it's a sword a browns a brown and like white

[00:00:55] sword

[00:00:56] nice

[00:01:00] Looking at XLR cables. Oh, yeah, yeah, I figured might as well

[00:01:06] Replace the equipment that breaks half the time. What are we gonna have a futuristic studio dude?

[00:01:12] No, we're living as soon as Ralph's dad builds it for us

[00:01:16] We should we should have a living room that's like or we should make your living room a fucking

[00:01:21] We all have like giant chairs that go back all the way gaming chairs, dude

[00:01:25] But they were client completely so we're we can lay down if we need to like a like a

[00:01:30] First class on Emirates exactly. Yeah, we should all have a little booth like we're flying first class on Emirates

[00:01:36] And we should have a stewardess while we record. Yeah, and I don't want to see your hair, dude. I want to see it covered up

[00:01:41] Like a shit. That's what they're doing. There's why they wear those hats way to be hot. They're hot

[00:01:49] Yeah, that's why they look like that didn't didn't they buy another airline or something?

[00:01:54] They buy Air France

[00:01:56] Emirates or something like that or Delta. I don't know all I know is that they sponsor a lot of soccer team jerseys

[00:02:03] They do that's why I support them soccer teams have no problem

[00:02:08] like

[00:02:10] doing business with just

[00:02:13] Slavery countries. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm being owned by by oligarchs

[00:02:20] Nick, what are you doing shopping? I'm looking for a replacement XLR cable. What are you looking for?

[00:02:25] We're your top quality

[00:02:28] Reading some article about

[00:02:30] the best ones. I don't know something that's

[00:02:32] Not gonna have a bunch of interference. I guess sturdy who wrote the article. I don't know fucking genius, dude

[00:02:40] The wire cutter calm

[00:02:43] Why do I trust that website? It's your favorite website. They've led me astray on half of the purchases really taking yeah

[00:02:50] I think when I moved into a new apartment

[00:02:52] I was like just looking at whatever wire cutter told me to buy with like can openers and stuff

[00:02:57] And I think they were like wrong half the time damn

[00:03:00] It's here in New York, but it's nice having someone tell me what to do. You know what I mean?

[00:03:04] You're a dog you want a Dom? I just I don't have to like you know

[00:03:09] You're a sub and the website is your item. I just don't like the I don't like the stress of not you know

[00:03:15] You want daddy to tell you get on your knees. I need daddy wire cutter

[00:03:20] I just love to see a picture of what that guy looks like though. Dude, you know, he's squat, but stocky. Yeah

[00:03:29] Five three ripped you like consumer

[00:03:34] Report things Nick. No, not really. I mean I kind of bought all the shit that I wanted to buy and it doesn't work on me anymore

[00:03:40] Whoa, you don't trust anyone? No, it's just like you know

[00:03:44] I mean I used to when I didn't have money. I would go to Best Buy and be like damn what if one day I could

[00:03:49] watch DVDs

[00:03:52] but in a way that like a

[00:03:54] Middle-age man does yeah specific room for it. Oh, yeah

[00:04:00] Yeah, I just wanted to be one of those like quiet fathers that like reads consumer reports and yeah has too much money

[00:04:07] But you know, I mean I I don't know you buy it you buy two TVs. It's like

[00:04:13] I don't fucking care anymore. They're all good. The next thing is yeah buying a portion living and running in the garage

[00:04:19] The exhaust

[00:04:23] Snake, are you wearing in the jacket in the gloves while you die? Oh, yeah

[00:04:29] They do have that like Ferrari jacket that they only let you buy the Ferrari dealership if you have a Ferrari no, huh?

[00:04:34] I think so. Yeah, is it nice? No, no, I have to have it. I have to have it

[00:04:39] Yeah, with the same with if anyone here has a Ferrari and is a fat man or I guess just going and buy the fattest size

[00:04:45] they haven't mailed to me I will give you four thousand dollars or

[00:04:51] G's for the John or whatever it costs

[00:04:56] Yeah, well you got a fit in the Ferrari first fat boy, I could fit in a Ferrari bitch

[00:05:01] How do you know you've never tried I know dude you've been in one they got because they make them for fucking leaders of industry

[00:05:08] Mmm, you know, I mean men who've grown fat off their riches. That's right

[00:05:12] I am

[00:05:14] Someone's telling me you need to I guess maybe it was even my girlfriend

[00:05:17] I'm telling me that like if you have a car like that you need to pay a race car driver to like take it around the track

[00:05:23] To like keep it functional if you have like a like an exotic car like that

[00:05:28] No, dude, you have to pay to get cocked by some fucking you got a guy like any son

[00:05:33] Yeah, you got to pay a real race car driver to like make it go fast

[00:05:36] Are you sure your girlfriend wasn't trying to introduce the idea of a hiring man?

[00:05:40] Yeah, you think

[00:05:43] capable

[00:05:45] She thinks of herself as a Ferrari. Yeah, I'm not a fucking Kia Sorento. She's like a

[00:05:50] type of Korean bullshit a

[00:05:53] daywoo

[00:05:56] A daywoo with rims on it. That's what that's what dasha. No. No, not dasha the other one. Oh, I didn't know this

[00:06:03] I didn't know it's my other girlfriend. I didn't know it's my career your Korean girlfriend Joyce, which is why she wasn't she wasn't a

[00:06:10] Growns to imply that she's a wigger

[00:06:14] I wasn't gonna say her name, but but I figured you'd be able to put it together. So well you said it

[00:06:21] I did I was

[00:06:25] Thinking about it. Yeah, it was actually dasha's present enough who told me that yeah, if you have a Ferrari

[00:06:31] You need to pay that again that totally makes sense and I kind of now

[00:06:34] I actually know a lot of I know a lot of race car drivers. She said after that. She does she never

[00:06:41] So hang out. Yeah, get to know each other. Do they have Russian brand cars like during the Soviet Union? Yeah, good point. Yeah

[00:06:50] Yeah, there was a car that they

[00:06:53] You go to your go to the spy museum

[00:06:56] no

[00:06:57] said

[00:06:58] It's like the spy museum. They have like an exhibit of like the way they would smuggle people across the border and

[00:07:05] From East Berlin and the chill Berlin

[00:07:11] There's like mannequin jam then like the fucking like engine bay of this shitty car

[00:07:17] So hot as shit

[00:07:19] What's that so much been very hot? Yeah? Yeah, I think there was a good most popular car in East Berlin was I think

[00:07:26] I don't know it may have been a German manufacturer now. I can't remember you know what this is a piece of trivia that slipped out of my

[00:07:31] But yeah, no a lot of like a lot of the cars in Cuba run off just like old Russian parts

[00:07:40] Because you know they're all the the the bodies and are from like the 50s right?

[00:07:47] I'm sorry. I'm having old Russian ass car. No

[00:07:50] I'm rescue a rubesky maybe cold something like that. Yeah a prefalls of the Berlin wall car

[00:07:59] Right around I mean they're like just their pieces of shit. I think they just drove like all like like two stroke

[00:08:06] Just that's all I golf cart. Yeah

[00:08:09] Like a lot of pollution good dude stun

[00:08:17] So we're all I guess thanks for coming to see us in DC. Oh, yeah, thank you

[00:08:22] That was sleepy from how much fun we had yeah, dude. We've been tuck it out for four days

[00:08:27] We were all on cocaine the whole time. Yeah, we were just yipped up

[00:08:32] Hard core style. We had sex with a lot of male fans. Oh my god

[00:08:36] You don't know that but if you do the hundred dollar a month patreon tier you're you're eligible for cock

[00:08:44] From us after the shows

[00:08:47] What's good with you sleepy Nick?

[00:08:50] Yeah, okay, you guys see that the Mussolini's fucking granddaughter or some shit. Yeah, I'd fuck her

[00:08:55] I would smash a hundred percent. She's got she's also big old duck lips

[00:08:59] She does and she was also on a Italian playboy apparently was she so I think her titties are out there to be seen

[00:09:07] It's sick that she's in the parliament, you know, you don't you know, I don't know that

[00:09:12] She's like a member of their parliament. I think the bitches

[00:09:16] Research either first of all if she and she like married did she keep Mussolini around?

[00:09:21] I yeah, that doesn't make sense either because she's the granddaughter, but she's she's like no

[00:09:25] I don't want to take your

[00:09:26] Dude, you don't see a lot of Hitler isn't you know the I'm telling you dude German parliament

[00:09:32] Fascist are still pretty cheap like they still are pretty proud Greek fascists are still around dude golden dawn. Yeah, and

[00:09:39] They were like they're around from like the 60s

[00:09:43] They never saw it. Yeah, Italy is the same fucking way dude

[00:09:47] What's her name Mussolini? Whatever dude?

[00:09:49] I'm Jelica. I'm jolly. I fucked her. What we all fucked her for real

[00:09:56] Yeah, yeah, she got mad at Jim Carrey

[00:09:59] When did Jim Carrey start doing all these shitty ass drawings, dude

[00:10:03] Why do you think now cuz he killed his girlfriend?

[00:10:08] He killed his 18 year old girlfriend with bad drugs, so now he's dealt with it

[00:10:13] Was that one of the deleted scenes for that 13 movie or whatever the number that was that no that yeah the number 23

[00:10:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah the kills girlfriend to be method that movie was such a piece of shit

[00:10:25] I thought it was gonna be so good. Yeah me too the trailer looked dope

[00:10:29] I think I was the freshman year a caller sophomore year a college when I saw that

[00:10:33] Yeah, what are you looking at nudes of that bitch now Nick no I was looking at that car

[00:10:37] Whatever man

[00:10:45] Let's see yes the Travant that's a good name dude was that the Russian car

[00:10:51] It's the East the car from East Germany. Oh that they smell of people

[00:10:56] Yeah, yeah, I remember just seeing that picture the guy jammed in the engine bay and yeah, but it's just this like shitty two-stroke engine

[00:11:03] But it was like the most popular car in East Germany. Oh, yeah, dude. It's basically a go-kart that rocks Travant

[00:11:13] Sounds like a man an african-american gentleman's name

[00:11:16] Yeah

[00:11:18] The Pontiac Travant that's a cool. Yeah

[00:11:23] Travant get your ass in here

[00:11:26] Why you got East Germans in your ass?

[00:11:28] It was sort of thing

[00:11:30] Yeah, that's good. Maybe a man named Trabot. Are you sure it wasn't a man named Trabant?

[00:11:37] Sneaked Germans in his ass. Oh

[00:11:41] No, it's a car

[00:11:46] Just making sure yeah, I just checked it's

[00:11:50] Can you double check that it's not a man's yeah, I'm checking again. Hey Siri

[00:11:55] Can you check and see if a man named Trabant snuck Germans in his ass

[00:11:59] During the 1980s model had no tachometer no headlights or turn signals

[00:12:12] No, sorry no headlights or turn signals indicator, so you had no way of knowing with it headlights are on or off

[00:12:17] No fuel gauge no rear seat belts no external fuel door

[00:12:21] And you have to pour a mixture of gasoline and oil directly into the engine

[00:12:32] Rocks, I love how we front that like Ronald Reagan gave a good speech and that's why the Soviet Union fell apart

[00:12:39] Not like they were driving fucking like clown cars around

[00:12:43] It's cuz Ronald Reagan gave a really scary speech. Yeah, yeah

[00:12:48] Yeah, my man had practice. He was in green gables or whatever the fuck who?

[00:12:53] Reagan gun or whatever

[00:12:55] He was in actually the naked gun

[00:12:58] Oh, speak of the naked gun my sister served OJ Simpson last night

[00:13:02] So this is how this is a restaurant this car is a piece of shit, right?

[00:13:07] But because the company was a state monopoly you just sit on a 13 year waiting list

[00:13:12] That rules dude fuck and

[00:13:20] Apparently the juice said to my sister. She looked like a woman who enjoyed a nice massage

[00:13:29] It was trying to fucking fuck your sister. Yes. Yeah, and then he said she no, why not?

[00:13:34] That'd be funny to fuck OJ Simpson honestly, it would be an honor. You know, it would be dude Hall of Famer

[00:13:42] Jesus Buffalo Bill's legend USC legend just just to imagine the nephews

[00:13:52] You know they'd be legacies at USC

[00:13:55] They get in no prob I wouldn't have to bribe them like on Becky. I love that shit. Oh

[00:14:01] My god a free blend in a Simpson now I'm having fantasies

[00:14:07] Although I guess we change your name to Adam Simpson if your sister got knocked up by OJ Simpson

[00:14:13] I'd change my name to Adam OJ Simpson free

[00:14:18] Replace the middle

[00:14:20] I'll be you could just do that now. I guess I

[00:14:24] There's really nothing holding me back nothing to stop you. Yeah, you better fucking do that shit

[00:14:30] I wonder if my dad still thinks OJ's innocent because he

[00:14:34] He really used to think OJ your dad thinks OJ's innocent

[00:14:37] But that he is during the trial but that he is guilty of taking the memorabilia

[00:14:42] No, he got really mad about that too. Oh really? He's like they set him up

[00:14:46] In which they did he was right

[00:14:50] No, my dad was watching the OJ trial

[00:14:53] LAPD wants to set up a successful black man in America

[00:14:57] a

[00:14:59] Fellow African yeah, I guess your dad on Jesse small it

[00:15:03] I don't think he cared about Jesse small. I think he's just too sad about the no collusion thing right now

[00:15:09] Oh, you're dead really it's probably wrapped up in a blanket. He was ready for Russian, huh?

[00:15:15] Yeah, I mean you watch Rachel Maddow for two years you turn into a real fucking psychopath

[00:15:21] I was trying to tell him

[00:15:23] Yeah, I think got my parents don't are too foreign to understanding use

[00:15:28] Yeah, my mom's watching like 13 reasons why or whatever the fuck's on Netflix

[00:15:33] I think I think Rachel Maddow is double down. I think she's like still collusion with Russia respect

[00:15:39] Fonettes dude if she's getting all those baby boomers to watch like just double down. Why not don't lose those ratings

[00:15:46] Should we starting using a new network? Yeah, but we got to come up with something even more salacious than Russia

[00:15:51] What do you got? I don't know

[00:15:56] Hmm nothing I mean you give me a fucking day. I'll come back. I'll come up with Donald Trump

[00:16:03] I'm a mayor definitely a terrorist. We start there Donald Trump's Muslim. There we go. There. That's good

[00:16:08] That's there we go Donald Trump's a Muslim

[00:16:10] He was jealous of how tall the Twin Towers were because he's a notorious New York City real estate developer interesting

[00:16:18] So he paid his Muslim brother his friends in Al Qaeda, which he was a member of

[00:16:24] To knock them down because they were too huge

[00:16:28] They he was gonna put up the Trump down and he had penis envy of them because he also is a small

[00:16:33] He's that's good like a little Muslim's he has a Muslim size penis

[00:16:39] Don't forget to get his little hands in the mix. Oh small hands to yeah, he couldn't fly the

[00:16:44] The

[00:16:47] He would have done it, but his hands are too small to control the steering wheel

[00:16:51] Yeah, beat that mad out you fucking stupid bitch. That's good. You look like her too. I know we're we look some we have similar haircuts similar haircuts

[00:17:01] Probably grow better mustache probably but she was actually a college athlete. I believe so she's probably stronger than me

[00:17:07] Yeah, she would definitely lose in the fight to racial matter. Yeah

[00:17:10] You

[00:17:13] Still reading about that car but but it but no, I was looking up more

[00:17:18] Mueller report stuff

[00:17:22] Where you up to today doing a little red that again brother no, it was just on for a second was waiting for

[00:17:30] Some food to finish cooking what would we chef up? Oh meal?

[00:17:35] Nothing in particular

[00:17:37] That's good man. Well, we're in some people like trying to like make recipes from red dead

[00:17:44] I think there's some shit online where people are like make cooking the recipes and

[00:17:50] then posting the pics

[00:17:52] and then just waiting for

[00:17:56] For women to have sex with them just waiting for the DM support and yeah, how would that work?

[00:18:02] You know some hot bitch would see you posting your red dead, you know meals

[00:18:08] You get so turned on that should DM and be like I loved I loved to I

[00:18:14] Love to fuck you

[00:18:17] You know, that's all I got on that I think that would be hot

[00:18:20] Yeah, I would fuck a bitch who DM me off of PlayStation

[00:18:24] You know PlayStation PlayStation messenger. Mm-hmm. That's where the good pussy is dude. Yeah, you get on that shit. Mm-hmm

[00:18:31] Can you send pictures on PlayStation messenger? I don't know if you were trying I

[00:18:36] Guess I've somebody sent me a picture of a t-shirt on it, but I have no idea how you do it

[00:18:45] I've been watching the new season of queer. I don't know if you guys I have not and there's a blurred episode

[00:18:52] I just skipped all the episodes just to go to the black nerd episode

[00:18:56] and

[00:18:58] really really

[00:19:01] what a sweet person and

[00:19:04] You know, I don't think any of the changes that they instituted is left we're gonna stick

[00:19:10] They like made him stop playing Wow and he's like

[00:19:16] Hell yeah, dude Wow will ruin your damn life. He's like yeah pretty much

[00:19:19] I was very outgoing and then

[00:19:21] My mother died when I was a child. Oh no now. I like playing a

[00:19:26] You know roll

[00:19:29] What are they called? Mm. Are Mmo RGs. Yeah. Yeah

[00:19:35] multiplayer online

[00:19:37] Really gay shit. Yeah, and then they took him to the cuz I guess it's taking place in Kansas City

[00:19:42] They took him to that Kansas City Japan club, which is like all the people that like and made

[00:19:47] video games

[00:19:48] Kansas City Japan club

[00:19:50] I guess so and then they set him up like all hanging out and then they took the blurb to go to go hang out with them

[00:19:56] and then

[00:19:57] He got anxiety like five minutes and they had a pep talk of them like just asked him like what video games they like

[00:20:06] And it's just so clear like yeah the second they're gone

[00:20:10] He's just gonna like log back into Wow. No, he's like five five and

[00:20:15] With that yeah, he's huge. I didn't ask an unknown

[00:20:20] Nothing it was cute though. They did ask him what his ideal look was and he goes um

[00:20:26] Donald Donald Glover

[00:20:31] Was he gay or was he straight?

[00:20:33] No, I think he was straight, but yeah, his only friend was his sister

[00:20:38] She was kind of cute actually they live together. She's like whatever

[00:20:43] Well, you can bet on

[00:20:47] Whether that it actually happened on that show

[00:20:51] Yes, I you can bet your sweet tits that you can do that at bet the SI calm

[00:20:56] They've been in business over 20 years doing what you might ask paying winners

[00:21:02] I love that shit and telling losers to fuck off

[00:21:06] Fuck off you fucking losers. They got an easy to use

[00:21:09] mobile playing interface you can play win and get paid

[00:21:15] You know anywhere on the go at home

[00:21:18] Use it on the on your phone while you're in the bathroom

[00:21:22] You know you can conduct you can gamble on your phone use your phone to wipe your ass

[00:21:27] I just raped the shit off if you have a iPhone 10 you can sit in the bathtub

[00:21:33] Take a bubble bath water blue. That's you know

[00:21:37] That's how they used to do it back in the back in the old days at the sports

[00:21:42] You have a big clawfoot tub and you take a big bubble bath and gamble on you think about the

[00:21:47] Dingo fights

[00:21:49] wheel your clawfoot tub into

[00:21:52] Drafting room a gamble

[00:21:54] Gone the plantation to bet the SI plantation

[00:21:57] And that's that's why they were found that's why they invented mobile playing interfaces

[00:22:02] So the genteel

[00:22:05] So the dandies wouldn't have to go to the

[00:22:08] Go down to the you know that fucking room from the end of the sting

[00:22:13] Where people

[00:22:14] Bed or whatever the overalls on pretty much everything you know not just sports but also

[00:22:21] Movies you can bet on you can sit at home. You rent the movie the sting you have to sign a form that says you've never seen it

[00:22:27] And then you get the bed on what happens

[00:22:29] You just have to sign it does a form you have to sign on the website that says I promise I've never seen

[00:22:35] I've never seen Jurassic Park

[00:22:41] You've got a bed on what happens in the movie

[00:22:45] They'll know if you're lying though

[00:22:46] They'll know if you're lying because they they actually the website installs a program on your computer that you what uses your camera and your

[00:22:54] Microphone when you're not looking yeah, it's Russian for your own for your own safety

[00:22:58] You're corroborating your head yeah to create an alibi for you in case

[00:23:05] They offer live in-game wagering

[00:23:08] So if you're watching the movie and you're like oh never mind I've changed my mind. I don't think yeah

[00:23:13] I don't think Ripley's gonna beat the alien actually yeah, I changed my mind

[00:23:16] I don't think that Joe Montaigne actually has feelings for this woman

[00:23:21] And the David Mamet classic house of games I

[00:23:23] Think I think maybe he's lying to this woman because she's a mark see a

[00:23:31] Mark it's all a con you understand. Let's write a con. I said it a con

[00:23:37] Don't you understand that's what it is a con after all

[00:23:42] Page 282 that's right. I said a con

[00:23:45] And you can bet on that don't you understand look at me. I'm expressing emotion right now. I'm furious

[00:23:55] I've never been more furious in my life

[00:23:57] Or am I it's a con you see

[00:24:00] They offer live in-game wagering you make plays throughout the entire game

[00:24:04] Here's where we're gonna be betting on this week

[00:24:08] Final four I

[00:24:10] I don't do that in state baseball you play

[00:24:15] Fuck base you're gonna you pick a team and you do it like high-card low-card

[00:24:21] $1000 per game

[00:24:25] And you predict the entire season right now high-card low-card actually that would be pretty fun

[00:24:29] You can do like plus minus wins you think the Orioles are gonna get to 70 wins

[00:24:35] No, no, so you go take the under on that

[00:24:38] Mmm, but it's more fun to do it like high-card low-card. Yeah, you pair off with somebody

[00:24:43] Yeah, and then the money changes hands every single day

[00:24:48] So when you sign up, or is there other shit you're betting on

[00:24:54] I'm gonna watch I'll probably see Captain Marvel. I'll bet on that movie. Mm-hmm. I saw it

[00:24:59] Don't tell me anything about it. I don't spoil anything but the most powerful thing in the universe is a white woman

[00:25:08] Is that what they say in the movie is that a line from the movie? No, it's kind of the implication though at the end

[00:25:13] Okay, okay, what did you just say that you're not gonna spoil anything? I'm the implication at the end, huh motherfucker

[00:25:21] David ma'am. It's Captain Marvel

[00:25:24] She's a bitch you see

[00:25:26] She bitched everybody that's what constue you ever meet a cunt well. I'm looking at one right now

[00:25:33] regular St. Louis Sally

[00:25:37] Listen are you gonna are you gonna take a shit or are you gonna waste my time pal? I don't have time for cunts

[00:25:46] Listen you're a cunt see

[00:25:49] Don't give me those fucking no no Hindus. Yeah, nothing. No rojesh's

[00:25:54] It's I mean I like David part I like David ma'am, but I really don't know why I do

[00:26:01] It's so great like when you watch Glenn your clan Ross

[00:26:04] It's looks like so racist towards indian to hilarious. I don't remember that part

[00:26:09] They're mad anytime they get indian leads like if they have like oh if that's a call in yeah

[00:26:14] Yeah, that makes sense dude. They're too busy at running subway franchises around. Let's 50 states

[00:26:20] Yeah, well when you sign up you make sure to use promo code come 120 so they know we sent you and that's it bet the aside

[00:26:26] Dot com

[00:26:27] And when you sign up you've got some options you can just play and cash out or you can take the bonus money

[00:26:32] Which is like getting a casino comp up front before you've played at the tables it has a rollover requirement

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[00:26:57] Let's start the show

[00:27:00] This is how we have sex this is how we have sex we pull out our winners my dick is small

[00:27:10] Friday night and my dick is here on the West side and I've never had sex with women

[00:27:17] I've only

[00:27:21] Yeah

[00:27:25] So that's my little penis

[00:27:28] So that was a

[00:27:31] What is that black street?

[00:27:33] I don't know Montel

[00:27:35] If you could suck my dick would you?

[00:27:39] I tell Jordan is pretty cool name. Yeah better than Montel Williams pathetic name. Mm-hmm. Why?

[00:27:49] Very similar names

[00:27:51] But I'll Jordan

[00:27:53] He's the one

[00:27:55] Talk show no Montel Williams was the talk show and now current marijuana advocate

[00:28:02] Well, my man has some kind of disease glaucoma

[00:28:04] No, I think some of those joints that fuck they get fucked up. I think he's going blind from glaucoma. Maybe I'm wrong

[00:28:12] We should let Montel back on TV give him a show dude. I want to see him yell at teenage parents

[00:28:19] You know keep it really real with them if I had a show I would get pre-monautica

[00:28:24] I'm a teenage parents be able to fuck them get first dibs on that pussy. Yeah, it's a good policy

[00:28:36] What would be a scenario in which I would

[00:28:39] Did I would some girl come on girl come on?

[00:28:43] I'm 15 years old and I have six and mom. I don't care what my mom says and the mom's crying and stuff and then stops

[00:28:50] Like that's terrible, but I have to go backstage disgusting. So it's like the bootcamp episodes

[00:28:58] Marine Corps outfit

[00:29:02] Scream at them and they got to leave and have sex with you. Yeah, and then they come back something like that. Yeah

[00:29:09] They're wearing I would wait until the age of consent in each state

[00:29:13] For legal purposes is on television after all

[00:29:16] Mm-hmm, but I would show my full unblurred cock and the way you get around that is you blur everything but the cock

[00:29:22] So on the screen it would just be nothing but blur but my cock would be there, but you wouldn't see

[00:29:29] That it was doing anything sexual

[00:29:31] How about a computer program that automatically blurs the vaginas and Asian porn and then they use it and then it blurs all of their eyes by accident

[00:29:46] That's clever that would be yep, that's one of the problems with AI that people don't think about

[00:29:51] Yeah, it was too perfectly that to be a sketch as part of a larger sketch. That's a Japanese version of mad TV

[00:29:58] Yes

[00:30:00] Isn't most of Japan's takes on sketch comedy isn't Japan

[00:30:05] Japanese to be essentially what if everything was mad TV?

[00:30:09] What if the game started sure yeah, what if mad TV was like the start and then we got crazier from there?

[00:30:16] It seems like they're very mad TV ethos

[00:30:19] Yeah, I think I think that's what comedy is in most places in the world. No no comedy in most places in the world

[00:30:25] There's a guy dressing as a woman

[00:30:27] Yeah, that's which is mad to mad TV was all about that

[00:30:32] No, it was much more. It was much more nuanced than that. Yeah, mad TV was more like something something but gay

[00:30:42] What brother signed me up on this program sign me up and fuck me?

[00:30:48] Let me get my dick sucked

[00:30:51] after I sign us

[00:30:53] contract

[00:30:55] Selling you my pussy

[00:30:59] So we were all hyped up on that mayor

[00:31:03] Pete butt edge edge

[00:31:06] I'm trying to edge edge edge on his butt cheeks. I'll tell you yeah, we're on the Pete train

[00:31:11] Um, I'm trying to fuck his husband, dude. She's trying to be president. He's trying to be the president right now

[00:31:18] That's pretty stupid. Yeah, it seems like a guy that's like in an acapella group. Yeah, that's definitely what his vibe is like

[00:31:27] You know the acapella groups that go to elementary schools

[00:31:30] And they're like all excited to be there because they think that elementary school age kids don't know what gay is

[00:31:38] It's the one place he can be free free of society like these these kids don't understand that we're

[00:31:44] complete fucking lose a

[00:31:49] Little does he know dude they get it the most. Yeah

[00:31:53] There'll be like six kids that really get it in ruthless. Mm-hmm. Yeah

[00:31:58] One time they had a bitch do tang or like do like not tango

[00:32:03] But like that Spanish shit where you clap you have little clappers in your hands

[00:32:07] The clickers yeah castel and that's yes, and I remember being horny in like third grade dude

[00:32:13] You liked it. I wanted her to fuck she was stomping too. Yeah, she's doing stomping and yeah, sir

[00:32:20] Hornier than one time they brought in a bell dancer and I wasn't as horny some about yeah some about for boy for children

[00:32:29] There's no educational

[00:32:31] Purpose and it's just like let's look at yeah, I don't remember what she came to her click at this Turkish lady

[00:32:37] I think it was like under the guise of cultural something

[00:32:39] Mm-hmm, and she and I wasn't as horny and I was up close with her

[00:32:43] And I guess I could see belly too if I recall I think maybe she was a little more modest than usual

[00:32:50] But dude the fucking castel the Dan castel and that or whatever the fuck that bitch

[00:32:55] Yeah, who I'm wanted to clack them little shits all over my nuts dude

[00:33:00] Yeah, one time we had a Holocaust survivor come

[00:33:04] And I got real torqued up

[00:33:06] I think I told the story before she was talking about

[00:33:10] How like she her family gave her these diamonds

[00:33:13] She put them in her pussy and she had to eat them on the train of Auschwitz and then like when she got to Auschwitz

[00:33:19] She had to like search through her poop for it. She had to she continues

[00:33:22] She was like and that's how terrible the Holocaust was and all of us were like that's disgusting. Yeah

[00:33:28] This lady was eating poop diamonds for four years. That's wild. Yeah, put them in your position

[00:33:34] We got in trouble for laughing when she was talking about searching through her poop

[00:33:42] I don't know imagine you're like a guard

[00:33:45] You just like you were a guy that was just in like the German army and I know that's not really how the Holocaust were

[00:33:50] But you were in the German army like prior to the war right out of member the Nazi party

[00:33:55] You're having to load these Jews on the trains and you're like

[00:33:58] I'm committing an atrocity. Mm-hmm. Like I can't I don't know how to fucking live with myself

[00:34:03] I don't I'm powerless to like stop it

[00:34:05] Yeah, you're just sort of in this funk and it's like these are human beings and then there's like Jewish people eating diamonds out of shit

[00:34:13] You're like

[00:34:18] I guess all the videos we had to watch

[00:34:23] I mean honestly that was kind of our reaction as you know fourth graders

[00:34:28] Did they make it the whole way out of Jewish day school that closed the next year that was the last year

[00:34:35] I went to private school. Oh really? Yeah, it's a public school in fifth grade after that general pop for you

[00:34:40] Yeah

[00:34:42] Yeah, my parents. Yeah, then they were like I was never a fucking private school bitch like you dude

[00:34:47] I was always in the streets. They tried to make it work in Vegas with the Jewish school and they kept closing down. I

[00:34:53] Think now there is one though. Whatever. It's not

[00:34:56] This is really boring. No, it isn't but why would they choose to tell that story though?

[00:35:01] I mean they were trying to say this is how bad the Holocaust but the Holocaust was bad. I mean there were deathcams

[00:35:07] Well, it's like yeah, yeah, I don't I don't understand anybody that's like

[00:35:14] What but what else happened? Yeah, our teachers like they tried to take our diamonds away. You're like what?

[00:35:21] Now it's

[00:35:27] And people shouldn't have diamonds

[00:35:30] No, I mean no bad. There's no it's not it's nothing other than just like a symbol of like 40 wealth

[00:35:36] What are our teachers? It was from her like great grandparents or something

[00:35:40] But what our teacher said to us was that all the survivors were about to die

[00:35:45] So it was like we were lucky. That's when we were getting yelled at that's what they were saying. Why are heirlooms?

[00:35:51] Okay, but intergenerational wealth isn't because one's like a fun little trinket the other ones like you know five yachts

[00:35:58] And you know I'm saying it's too much. It's a scale thing. You can't be like hey, what the hell?

[00:36:04] I mean if someone's like this this slave was a family heirloom. No that happened

[00:36:10] What that yeah, they would get I mean yes, there were people that within the context of like slavery

[00:36:16] There were people that just thought it was like that's the way things are supposed to work

[00:36:20] Yeah, it's your property. Yeah, so like the obviously it like sentimental value for a slave the same way

[00:36:26] Sentimental value for a car

[00:36:28] That's ridiculous. I mean, but it's right in retrospect. This is that's crazy. Oh, this is my favorite boy

[00:36:41] You're right, but I mean like today if someone was like yeah, there's a couple of like response novels to Uncle Tom's cabin by southern writers

[00:36:51] Distracts

[00:36:52] Basically, yeah, there's one called the sword and the Distuff and then there's another one that's called

[00:36:57] the sort of Dixtiff the

[00:37:00] Northern or the the planters northern bride or the planters northern wife and

[00:37:07] Yeah, both of them are just like about like how slavery is good

[00:37:13] And like this like the slaves in the and obviously it's just racist bullshit. Yeah, yeah that that

[00:37:20] like they

[00:37:22] You know trying to like express like no, we love these slaves. Yeah, yeah

[00:37:28] Are pets well then didn't someone tried to do that like two years ago some Phillip

[00:37:35] Some guy was like yeah, my family is a slave and it's okay. Yeah some Asian guy

[00:37:39] I try to say that be crazy. I mean because like, you know, Spike Lee already made that movie

[00:37:44] the

[00:37:45] CSA or whatever, but if to update that even for now like

[00:37:50] 10 15 years after it came out of plix slavery still existed like people posting pictures of their slave to our slash all

[00:38:01] Like a slave a slave what was that Katie sub reddit you showed me

[00:38:08] Was that oh cat loafs or something. Yeah, yeah slave loafs

[00:38:12] Oh, yeah, sorry. I really should not have cut off that

[00:38:16] No, no, sorry. No, you shouldn't have Adam

[00:38:19] Like look at this cute outfit. I dress my slave and yeah

[00:38:24] Someone's dressed like an army man

[00:38:28] Yeah, I guess that is what would be happening

[00:38:30] Yeah, good thing. We don't have slavery except I guess if you're building the World Cup stadium and Abu Dhabi or whatever

[00:38:36] There's also if it had continued on

[00:38:38] because I guess what was it made when was it made like

[00:38:44] 64 well, that was a civil war

[00:38:46] And the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves but like

[00:38:50] Was the slave trade was illegal long before that

[00:38:54] Owning slaves wasn't but they they stopped the trade first. Yeah, I don't know

[00:38:59] I mean if it just continued eventually they would probably because there would be no utility for like, you know, we

[00:39:06] Wouldn't have

[00:39:08] Most people would have like white collar jobs. So right if they never gave like humanity

[00:39:14] You know, I can you get my seamless and they continued to be like

[00:39:19] Not even considered human they would eventually have like

[00:39:22] Bred some crazy looking black people

[00:39:25] You know like that the Chihuahua

[00:39:28] Mental yeah, if you look at if you look at dogs

[00:39:30] Genics run if you let look at dogs prior to like 19 and they were all they all kind of looked pretty normal

[00:39:37] There weren't any like yeah Chihuahua's or bold like imagine like the bulldog version of black people I guess is what

[00:39:43] Is what where that path would have led right?

[00:39:47] Crawford yeah, I think see low green is probably the closest

[00:39:51] The closest look we have that alternate universe where black people become luxury items for old women

[00:40:01] Like you can have like a toy black guy. Yeah, like a black guy that only grows to maybe be about two foot three

[00:40:08] Mm-hmm like a Gary Coleman. Mm-hmm. He's got like a huge underbite and he struggles to breathe anyone who lives ten years

[00:40:15] His hips can't handle his proportions. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, you'd have to jack him off this heads always just poking out of some

[00:40:23] Rich ladies purse

[00:40:29] Well, I mean, that's what would have happened

[00:40:32] Yeah, we're not saying it's good. This is an alternative his

[00:40:36] This is yeah, this is sort of like hardcore history with Dan Carlin. It's like what happens on that podcast

[00:40:42] Yeah, it talks about slavery like what we should yeah, I've never heard episode, but I think that's what it is if I'm correct

[00:40:49] It's him talking about breeding black people

[00:40:53] Mm-hmm Dan Carlin well anyways, if you like sex you'll like blue cheer calm

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[00:42:50] You know if I there's a way to save a couple of bucks

[00:42:53] On heart medicine if I can take dogs

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[00:43:17] They were doing it as a clinical trial for prostate issues and I made up that I had prostate issues

[00:43:22] And he wasn't he didn't believe me, but I complained so long. He gave me a couple samples of Cialis

[00:43:28] This was maybe five years ago another time. I had to buy research

[00:43:34] Yeah, yes

[00:43:37] There was another time when I had to buy research chemicals off of the internet and the guy the way I had to pay for them

[00:43:44] Was the guy I had to Venmo him and he was like say it's for pizza

[00:43:53] We're watching that he was illegally selling research chemicals. They got your dick hard. That's cool. So now I'm happy

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[00:44:06] And that's definitely not gonna raise any eyebrows

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[00:45:00] Let's start this

[00:45:02] Let's

[00:45:05] My dick's hard cuz I blew you my dick is hard as shit

[00:45:12] What are we talking about?

[00:45:14] Breeding slaves you've never taken a dick feel Adam. I did yeah once only one time. What did you fuck and it worked?

[00:45:21] just somebody oh

[00:45:24] yeah

[00:45:26] Just somebody a woman a woman

[00:45:34] Who was maybe on the clock?

[00:45:37] No, I didn't say for what I

[00:45:40] Didn't say for what it was a woman who was

[00:45:43] Working out of McDonald's yeah, you fucked her she let me back into the refrigerator room

[00:45:50] And you filled her and you filled her pussy full of

[00:45:53] Frozen patties no no it was nothing like that it was nothing and she was like go deeper

[00:46:00] And I said I'm said I'm as hard as I'll ever be and she was like wrap your cock around some fucking

[00:46:06] Mcgrip wrap some Mcgritdle's around your cock

[00:46:09] Just to fill it out

[00:46:11] So you did just that yep you stuffed a couple sandwiches at the end of the condom the grittles are pretty good they are

[00:46:18] Actually, I I'd take that back. I think what yeah

[00:46:23] I don't like fucking loser. They're my face feels sticky the rest of the day

[00:46:27] That's because you suck the man's penis. I want to get one of those tiny cast irons for making I have one

[00:46:32] Like the real small ones

[00:46:34] They're just one egg yeah for making like the size egg for breakfast sandwich bro

[00:46:41] Honestly, I was thinking about getting rid of mine. I'll bring it over see if it's really tiny

[00:46:44] They're tight tiny shit. I'm talking about like size of a posted note. Oh, no not that small

[00:46:50] But it's small. I'll send you a picture. Yeah, I know it's probably the sixth inch one

[00:46:52] But I want the I want the they make them. I think it's four inches

[00:46:57] Well posted notes probably what three inches. Yeah, so yeah, if it's four I'll show to you

[00:47:02] I think it might might do I might just bike over to target after this and all right and buy a

[00:47:08] a tiny cast iron and make perfect breakfast sandwiches

[00:47:11] I don't know

[00:47:14] What's up man trying to kill yourself no not even it's too late for that

[00:47:20] You seem down brother. No, I'm actually in a pretty good mood just

[00:47:25] Just slower pace for me

[00:47:27] We're hot off our big show in Washington DC at the black cat

[00:47:32] Which was great and hopefully we'll be bringing that to your town soon. I did email a woman who books

[00:47:40] Like little theaters around the country. So we might we might legitimately be in business. Mm-hmm and

[00:47:47] We'll figure out details of a euro tour as well

[00:47:51] It's gonna be like that movie euro trip

[00:47:54] And I'm gonna be Fred Armisen and I'm gonna rape you guys in a train urine trip. No

[00:48:01] You're in trip about the urine pain urine pain union the urine

[00:48:07] Yeah, yeah, I like that. I wouldn't want to I would want to Brexit too. Yeah, there's a bunch of German bunch of

[00:48:16] Homos trying to tell me I got to buy everything with her piss

[00:48:19] No, thanks bunch of Bavarians pulling out their fucking weird cocks later hosin making you sip on it some pepper snort and crowd

[00:48:27] Wants me to buy his piss

[00:48:30] for free

[00:48:32] attacks, I don't think so

[00:48:34] That's that makes sense, dude

[00:48:37] So with the instead of euros the euro urine peeing union would sell little their currencies little jars of piss. Yeah

[00:48:45] Nice. Yeah, I guess I want one of those ear necklaces

[00:48:49] What's that like from the Vietnam war? Oh?

[00:48:53] Necklace with your oh with someone's ear your the people you've murdered ears. Yeah

[00:48:58] Okay, was that they did that in Vietnam. It sounds like an old west kind of thing

[00:49:04] You know why we do if I was a poacher. I have a headdress with an elephant's actual ears on the side

[00:49:12] I have an elephant's ears taped in my head and then a lion's mane and elephants ears you make some freak animals in his yeah

[00:49:21] zebras dick

[00:49:23] Which I hope looks like the rest I hope I think it's fleshy like a horse. I would say it's like gray and black

[00:49:30] We're gonna have to enslave the zebras and spend a couple years making them fancy. You ever seen a giraffe's tongue?

[00:49:37] No, it's black

[00:49:40] Is it yeah?

[00:49:43] See a zebras cock looks pretty black to me unfortunately does it looks looks long looks good whoa

[00:49:51] This is a big cock. I think well horses tend to have big cocks. Yeah, but then oh damn zebra pussy looks kind of good though

[00:50:02] Yo, I'm telling you horses got good looking pussies. Look at these two zebras about getting ready to make that bubblegum

[00:50:09] Damn that that's a the juicy got bubblegum. That's some dick dude. You're right stuff. I told you bro

[00:50:16] You guys didn't say anything about that video the chimpanzee with this tiny cock that I said

[00:50:22] I didn't see it. I didn't get it. It was it was pretty fun. It was just a chimpanzee zebra stripes are cool, man

[00:50:30] I want to kill a small ass cock

[00:50:34] I've seen yeah zebra zebra skin rug or

[00:50:38] Are pretty nice my my buddy max is one is it real I think it might be yeah, I think it is I

[00:50:50] Think that zebra died ethically though. No way. I would have yes, of course

[00:50:56] ethical zebra rugs

[00:50:59] Yeah, would you be a poacher for a zebra's Nick? Oh, yeah, I would love to be a poacher

[00:51:04] No, but she makes me really sad shut up at it

[00:51:08] I always have those documentaries about those like kind park rangers in the jungle and they're gonna get like

[00:51:13] I'm the only one that's protecting these beautiful creatures and they're gonna fucking end up fucking and then some fucking

[00:51:19] It's a rubber Rhodesian special forces guys like you know, we get to kill all of the fucking it takes a lot of

[00:51:26] Integrity to be a poacher how so well because people already don't like regular hunters

[00:51:34] You have to be willing to accept being hated by every part of the animal kingdom

[00:51:40] The true outlaws so you like that's what appeals to you is hatred is universal hatred. Yes interesting and the elephant year

[00:51:51] Cock

[00:51:52] What would the zebra cock be again a belt? Yeah, I guess something well now that I saw it and it doesn't look like the rest of the zebra

[00:51:59] I've lost interest in it. What animal has the most colorful cock? What you think? I don't know probably a turtle

[00:52:06] Probably some kind of weird. Yeah, you see the turtles cock. It's weird, dude. Isn't it like a wide at the end? Oh

[00:52:13] Yeah, we're oh it's like ducks ducks have the ones that are like scorpion from world combat where they like throw them out there and they

[00:52:20] Mm-hmm grab bitches. Mm-hmm. Yeah

[00:52:23] Let's take a little rape hook. Yeah, like a corkscrew get over here. I

[00:52:28] Would like to be an octopus

[00:52:30] They are the smartest animals people say but they're smart in a different way than people are in what way well

[00:52:37] Do they have language they they're the way they think about things is completely different?

[00:52:42] You know, they're not mammals right they got brains all over the place. Yeah, it's not a central nervous system

[00:52:48] That shit's everywhere

[00:52:50] Yeah, it's fucked up. They're like aliens. Yeah, like their arms have independent neurons

[00:52:56] So like if you cut an octopus's arm grows back, right? Well, it operates autonomously

[00:53:02] The fuck dude, it's not fucking oh starfish does that no

[00:53:07] My dick does I thought an octopus's arm grows back. It doesn't grow back, dude

[00:53:11] That'd be fucking wild that if it does I'll be mad because that that means there's a fucking if I got a pet octopus

[00:53:19] I cut its fucking arm off every day and have fresh octopus

[00:53:23] That would be fucking awesome. There you go ethical octopus, dude. I love some grilled octopus grilled pool bow, dude

[00:53:32] Love that shit

[00:53:34] If I could be an animal

[00:53:36] Hmm I want to say a bird so I can soar in the skies, but it's probably not true a

[00:53:44] bull a

[00:53:46] strong oxen

[00:53:47] As long as I get some cow pussy. Mm-hmm, and I can fucking

[00:53:53] Break like a rodeo guys next when they try and best me and I'll never let them. I'll never be broken, dude

[00:54:00] I'm a wild fucking animal

[00:54:02] But I am getting cow pussy on the farm

[00:54:08] Can you kill a bull when needed like steak? Yeah, it's the same meat really there's the same animal. So yeah

[00:54:17] When we chicken though, isn't that just women

[00:54:23] Yeah, I think you know baby roosters. Yeah, I think well the hands are fatter

[00:54:27] I think I think that that poopa. Yeah

[00:54:34] How do what animal would you be um probably just a guy with a bigger cock

[00:54:45] That's what I want to be reading stay really like a Dominican teenager

[00:54:49] Good at baseball

[00:54:57] You just have a heater you just throw 97 yeah, just kind of a daniel

[00:55:03] Seven and six six and a half soft thick. Yeah, just one of those big

[00:55:08] Beyond the higher. It's just fucking the pirates just brought clean water to your whole village. Yeah

[00:55:13] I would love that

[00:55:21] That'll be awesome dude

[00:55:23] That's a that'll be fucking tight. I

[00:55:26] Think having sonar would be pretty cool too dolphins have that right echo location

[00:55:33] bats

[00:55:35] For bats, you know my opinion, but I just I walk into a room full of women, and I start screaming a really high-pitched tongue

[00:55:44] Then I find the one with the tightest pussy it based on circumference

[00:55:48] I'm going to go out there.

[00:55:50] Hey, how you doing?

[00:55:52] Yeah, after I've finished screeching to echo my head.

[00:55:56] Yeah.

[00:55:57] I found a one.

[00:56:00] Hello, Maddo.

[00:56:02] And then I just extend my elephant ears at them until they're so impressed that they have

[00:56:10] that set to me.

[00:56:11] I really marvel at Nick's ability to just invent new ways of woman bothering on every other

[00:56:17] episode.

[00:56:19] Not only are you shouting at them.

[00:56:21] For the purpose of sex.

[00:56:23] You found a way to both the rational woman verbally while looking at her pussy.

[00:56:28] Yeah.

[00:56:29] Well, I said sonar.

[00:56:31] I said sonar would be pretty cool.

[00:56:34] I don't know what you thought I meant by that other than screeching to find out the physical

[00:56:40] dimensions of a room full of women's vaginas.

[00:56:50] I respect that.

[00:56:53] Yep.

[00:56:54] Yep.

[00:56:55] Asians really like respect.

[00:56:57] I know.

[00:56:58] That's a big part of their thing is respect.

[00:57:00] Yeah, and honor.

[00:57:02] Yeah.

[00:57:03] Sitting down in uncomfortable ways.

[00:57:05] Respecting each other.

[00:57:07] Mm hmm.

[00:57:10] And I really wish I could have that breakfast in Tokyo every day.

[00:57:12] You could, dude.

[00:57:13] Become a horror as you could boy.

[00:57:15] Move to horror as you could.

[00:57:17] Yeah, sir.

[00:57:18] We're wearing pink.

[00:57:19] I don't know.

[00:57:20] I don't want to be like one of those.

[00:57:21] Those expat people.

[00:57:23] Yeah.

[00:57:24] They were nice, but I felt like it was weird.

[00:57:26] Yeah, they were pathetic.

[00:57:27] Well, no, they were nice.

[00:57:29] And you just get the sense that they like have been in a cave or something.

[00:57:34] Exactly.

[00:57:35] Yes.

[00:57:36] They have anything in common with any of these people.

[00:57:38] And they don't want you to.

[00:57:39] You're completely disconnected from like the world you belong in.

[00:57:42] Right.

[00:57:43] It's like, it's like when a fuck it, it's like if you grew up locked in a mall overnight.

[00:57:48] Kind of.

[00:57:49] Yeah, it's a lot of guys that probably still use the term and identify with Metrosexual.

[00:57:53] Well, that was the last time that they've been in America.

[00:57:58] It was in like 2005.

[00:58:00] Uh huh.

[00:58:01] Yeah, it's like their whole culture is like made up of like, I don't know, a thousand

[00:58:05] people.

[00:58:06] Not even.

[00:58:07] They probably have like, oh, the X 30 friends.

[00:58:10] Yeah.

[00:58:11] Yeah.

[00:58:12] I was thinking, you're talking about those comics.

[00:58:14] I was thinking about those dudes at the fucking.

[00:58:16] Any.

[00:58:17] Ties stores.

[00:58:18] No, those, those were visitors, dude.

[00:58:21] Those were all visitors.

[00:58:22] Yeah.

[00:58:23] We're talking about the guys that live in Japan.

[00:58:24] It's just like kind of normal.

[00:58:26] Damn.

[00:58:27] But they're probably on visas there though.

[00:58:32] They're probably not.

[00:58:33] Oh, dude, they probably live there.

[00:58:36] I think it's really hard to get.

[00:58:38] They knocked up Japanese women.

[00:58:40] That's what everyone.

[00:58:41] That's what they do.

[00:58:42] Yeah.

[00:58:43] That's what those African guys.

[00:58:44] GIs.

[00:58:45] Yeah.

[00:58:46] Yeah.

[00:58:47] GIs.

[00:58:48] All that shit.

[00:58:49] Oh, yeah.

[00:58:51] Cool.

[00:58:52] If you, if you could be an expat anywhere though, would you be, you'd be like a Thailand guy Adam.

[00:59:00] Do it sex crimes.

[00:59:01] Yeah.

[00:59:03] Thailand, you know, saving, saving boys from caves.

[00:59:06] I live in Amsterdam, baby.

[00:59:07] I was smoking that loud.

[00:59:09] I was smoking gan jat right in my bicycle.

[00:59:12] Getting absolutely an incredible amount of illicit pussy, but it's for free.

[00:59:18] Er, but it's legal.

[00:59:20] And then also going to museums.

[00:59:22] I fucking love Amsterdam, dude.

[00:59:24] I want to, I want to have a little boat and have a fucking bike.

[00:59:28] Have a wife that just fucking makes me.

[00:59:30] Like a little cheese pie.

[00:59:32] A big titted wife wearing clogs.

[00:59:34] Heavy, heavy titted wife with brawn dass freckles and shit.

[00:59:40] Damn dude.

[00:59:41] I fucked her.

[00:59:42] You fucked my fictional wife?

[00:59:44] Yeah.

[00:59:45] You fucked Ingrid?

[00:59:46] Yeah, I fucked Ingrid.

[00:59:48] That's, that's low even for you Adam.

[00:59:52] Oh, I can go lower.

[00:59:53] Did you fuck my little son also?

[00:59:56] Yes.

[00:59:57] I fucked Petter.

[01:00:00] My son Petter topped you.

[01:00:05] Yeah.

[01:00:06] Oh, Petter Van Halchius.

[01:00:11] That's right, dude.

[01:00:13] Von Halchius.

[01:00:16] Is that where Von Dutch started?

[01:00:18] Yeah.

[01:00:19] Is that a Dutch company?

[01:00:20] Yes.

[01:00:21] Is that what they're all like over there?

[01:00:23] Everyone, everyone wears Von Dutch.

[01:00:25] They wear a lot of fun.

[01:00:27] It's just guys that look like Ashton Kutcher and it just looks like Paris Hilton.

[01:00:31] Dude, 2003 is alive and well.

[01:00:35] Trucker has belts with like holes in the middle of them.

[01:00:40] Pranking celebrities?

[01:00:42] Oh yeah.

[01:00:43] Yeah, that was great.

[01:00:45] I did use those.

[01:00:46] Those were the days.

[01:00:47] I still love prank shows.

[01:00:49] The war in Iraq, we didn't know it was a lie yet.

[01:00:53] I still trusted Colin Powell.

[01:00:56] Yeah.

[01:00:57] So, god damn it.

[01:00:59] If he isn't an honorable man, I don't know who he is.

[01:01:03] I still thought, well at least Colin Powell, we could trust him because he's black.

[01:01:07] Yeah, and he's named after an asshole.

[01:01:11] Yeah.

[01:01:12] Yeah, what the fuck?

[01:01:15] Shouldn't his name be Colin?

[01:01:17] Yeah, it's Colon.

[01:01:19] Damn, you're right, he is named after an asshole.

[01:01:24] Yeah, male G-spot Powell dude.

[01:01:26] No, that's the prostate.

[01:01:28] Prostate Powell.

[01:01:29] What's the colon?

[01:01:31] It's your asshole?

[01:01:33] I think it's a tube in your ash.

[01:01:36] It's a large intestine.

[01:01:37] Oh.

[01:01:38] It's a big tube in your ash.

[01:01:40] That goes to your ash?

[01:01:41] I think it's just...

[01:01:42] Your colon connects to your ash?

[01:01:44] I thought if you get colon cancer, it's basically ass cancer.

[01:01:47] That's right.

[01:01:48] It's a tube in your ash.

[01:01:49] But prostate cancer is also ass cancer.

[01:01:52] That's the part.

[01:01:54] The prostate is the back of your dick.

[01:01:56] It's where your asshole and dick intertwine.

[01:01:59] Uh-huh.

[01:02:00] It's one of God's most beautiful inventions.

[01:02:03] If you'll recall from Road Trip, where Stiffler gets three fingers.

[01:02:07] And his ass.

[01:02:08] That was a big moment for queer culture in this country.

[01:02:11] That is why I did it.

[01:02:14] And then we're talking about getting penetrated in a straight way.

[01:02:18] I did try and get...

[01:02:19] I put a pencil and then a candle at my ash to try and...

[01:02:22] To hit that.

[01:02:23] I put an electric toothbrush in my ash, made it buzz.

[01:02:27] And then, you know, my dad didn't even notice that his toothbrush was missing.

[01:02:32] He was tasted funny.

[01:02:33] Is that a true story?

[01:02:35] No, I made it up.

[01:02:36] He did it Brussels up.

[01:02:38] Bristol, I mean.

[01:02:40] Bristol, let's see what this whole gay thing's all about.

[01:02:45] I know people that do ass stuff that aren't gay.

[01:02:52] Yeah, no, that's cool.

[01:02:53] My friend like wants his wife to peg him.

[01:02:56] Really?

[01:02:57] His wife?

[01:02:58] Yeah, I don't know if they've done it or not.

[01:02:59] He wants it.

[01:03:00] That's so funny.

[01:03:01] You know, please fuck my ass.

[01:03:03] They're having lasagna.

[01:03:06] So, Carol, have you given any thought to that thing I was talking about?

[01:03:11] Yeah.

[01:03:12] It feels weird.

[01:03:13] I like the idea of telling your friends that you want it before your wife's even giving it up.

[01:03:18] Just putting the political pressure on her.

[01:03:21] I remember seeing some video of like a security footage from some like business or whatever

[01:03:26] and they caught like one of the employees beating off at work when he thought he was the only one there.

[01:03:30] But he pulls his pants all the way down and shows his finger up his ass while he's beating off.

[01:03:34] And it's like, man, it must suck to be into that because then you have to do that every time.

[01:03:38] Yeah, dude.

[01:03:39] You just always have shit on your hand.

[01:03:41] Yeah, your index finger.

[01:03:42] Yeah.

[01:03:43] You wash your hands off.

[01:03:44] Yeah, but it's under your nails.

[01:03:46] Yeah, that smell doesn't come off.

[01:03:48] It's like fucking tree sap.

[01:03:49] Yeah, that's true.

[01:03:50] But how do gay guys do it?

[01:03:51] They seem so clean.

[01:03:52] I miss climbing trees.

[01:03:54] That was a simple pleasure.

[01:03:56] I'd get up there, dude.

[01:03:58] I was pretty good too.

[01:03:59] I could have had to yell at me.

[01:04:01] I'd get to the top of the tree and I would refuse to come down.

[01:04:05] No!

[01:04:06] No!

[01:04:07] Throw things at people?

[01:04:08] No, I wouldn't say anything.

[01:04:09] I'd sit up there silently and ignore their pleas to return.

[01:04:13] Where is that mic?

[01:04:16] I would throw my shit at people.

[01:04:17] It's awful earth.

[01:04:19] I, uh, you know, I found it to be very overrated climbing trees.

[01:04:24] Yeah.

[01:04:25] You weren't getting to have.

[01:04:27] I could have.

[01:04:28] But I thought it was stupid.

[01:04:30] But I definitely could have.

[01:04:33] And I want that on the record.

[01:04:36] I could climb trees.

[01:04:37] I could climb fences.

[01:04:41] I could do a whole lot of vertical stuff.

[01:04:43] No problem.

[01:04:44] We should get back into that kind of stuff, guys.

[01:04:47] 30 is not too old to get, you know, scuffed up knees again.

[01:04:52] Well, you can go rock climbing.

[01:04:53] Yeah, everyone rock climbing people do that shit.

[01:04:55] I can't do my arms.

[01:04:56] It is good exercise.

[01:04:57] Your arms are too short.

[01:04:59] Yeah, my ape index sucks.

[01:05:01] They call it your ape index.

[01:05:03] It's the, uh, it's your height versus your wings man.

[01:05:06] That really seems like it should not be the name.

[01:05:09] It's fucked up.

[01:05:10] Now that I say it out loud, I never really thought of that.

[01:05:13] But I was dating a girl that was a rock climber and that's what she said.

[01:05:16] Yeah.

[01:05:18] Yeah.

[01:05:19] She was also a member of the Ku Klux.

[01:05:21] Did she have any other political meanings?

[01:05:23] No, she was pretty.

[01:05:24] She was not.

[01:05:25] Your ape index?

[01:05:26] Yeah.

[01:05:27] It's like getting into rock climbing.

[01:05:29] Well, I mean, if your wingspan is like two inches longer than your height, your plus two ape index.

[01:05:36] Mm-hmm.

[01:05:37] But my arms, I think, are shorter than my height.

[01:05:40] Yeah, mine probably are.

[01:05:41] It probably means I have...

[01:05:42] Our black eyes into rock climbing.

[01:05:44] No, but they would...

[01:05:46] It's like any other sport.

[01:05:47] They would probably be the best at it.

[01:05:48] Yeah.

[01:05:49] They would probably kill it.

[01:05:50] They would probably have to change the design of the prison walls after it became a popular thing.

[01:05:56] Yeah.

[01:05:57] But they wouldn't have to put in so many forms.

[01:05:58] That specific index is something...

[01:06:00] That index, which I will not name because it's very problematic.

[01:06:05] I really hope I didn't just make that up.

[01:06:07] And the end players should make that up.

[01:06:08] I say Tom, that isn't something that I just made up.

[01:06:12] That sounds right.

[01:06:13] I think it's right.

[01:06:15] Yeah.

[01:06:16] They got it changed.

[01:06:17] It would look really bad.

[01:06:18] Because there's no way the people that started that aren't weren't least.

[01:06:22] Or Ape Factor or Gorilla Index.

[01:06:26] Damn.

[01:06:27] Oh, fuck.

[01:06:32] Is that a picture of the Vitruvian man on that Wikipedia article?

[01:06:37] That is.

[01:06:38] For Ape.

[01:06:39] Very good.

[01:06:40] You know what the name of that thing is.

[01:06:41] Yeah.

[01:06:42] Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian man.

[01:06:43] I wish they had his dick going in eight different directions too.

[01:06:47] Yeah.

[01:06:48] See his dick going at all.

[01:06:50] His dick 12 o'clock.

[01:06:51] Three o'clock.

[01:06:52] Nine o'clock.

[01:06:53] His heart ass dick leaning a bunch of different ways.

[01:06:57] Get back on it, Leonardo.

[01:06:59] You old pervert.

[01:07:01] He was fucking boys.

[01:07:04] I think he was fucking men.

[01:07:06] Oh, that's awesome.

[01:07:07] He was homosexual.

[01:07:08] He was just a good old-

[01:07:09] As was Isaac Newton.

[01:07:10] I believe.

[01:07:11] Isaac Newton was too.

[01:07:13] Yeah, because everyone says he died of virgin because he didn't have a wife, but it's like,

[01:07:17] come on man.

[01:07:19] He was a gay nerd.

[01:07:21] He was a gay nerd.

[01:07:22] He was a gay nerd.

[01:07:23] A badchiller.

[01:07:24] Yeah, exactly.

[01:07:25] One of those.

[01:07:26] That was nice before the whole, you know, people accepting gay people.

[01:07:32] Yeah, you like a bad guy.

[01:07:33] You could just be seen as like an old pimp.

[01:07:35] Yeah.

[01:07:36] A badchiller.

[01:07:37] A Hugh Heavier type.

[01:07:39] Oh my God.

[01:07:41] Look at that guy.

[01:07:42] He's such a badch.

[01:07:43] He's a fucking pimp.

[01:07:45] He must be a real pimp.

[01:07:46] I wish I was a bachelor.

[01:07:49] He's been single for 30 years.

[01:07:51] Imagine all the pussy he's gotten.

[01:07:53] The snatchelor?

[01:07:54] The snatchelor.

[01:07:55] Doo doo doo doo doo doo.

[01:07:58] On tonight's episode of the snatchelor, which is like the bachelor, but he puts the rose

[01:08:05] in there pussy.

[01:08:06] Oh, I thought he is just a blindfold sniff test.

[01:08:09] That would be good too.

[01:08:11] Yeah.

[01:08:12] It's one episode long.

[01:08:14] He smells 24 vaginas.

[01:08:16] If you smell 24 in a row, could you even tell the difference?

[01:08:20] Well, you'd have to have some sort of grating rubric after each one.

[01:08:24] You'd have to cleanse your nostrils.

[01:08:27] You'd have to like salt in between.

[01:08:29] Yeah.

[01:08:30] You'd have to have a fresh kind of a fresh perspective before each new puss.

[01:08:36] Kind of like how you eat ginger in between different types of fish when you're eating sushi.

[01:08:42] I have two girls in quick succession and I use a saltine cracker like the Pepsi challenge

[01:08:49] to give them each to make sure I wasn't, you know, so I could go in fresh each other.

[01:08:55] It's a clever way to sneak eating saltine crackers into it.

[01:09:00] Having sex.

[01:09:01] So, you're a real pussy connoisseur, man.

[01:09:06] Oh, no, I'm not just eating crackers.

[01:09:09] Yeah, no, it's going to take a whole sleeve.

[01:09:11] I'm not trying to incorporate eating into this threesome, which will probably never happen

[01:09:17] again in my life.

[01:09:19] It happened twice, thank you.

[01:09:21] That's pretty cool.

[01:09:23] Yeah, thanks.

[01:09:25] Next, do you ever, it was too much.

[01:09:28] Do you ever fuck two guys at the same time?

[01:09:30] I got him.

[01:09:31] No.

[01:09:32] Never.

[01:09:33] What's that called?

[01:09:34] The devil's gay sex.

[01:09:36] Yep, just have a old recycling symbol looking.

[01:09:42] It'd be tight if Kavanaugh was like, that refers to gay sex, me and two of my friends

[01:09:48] were having.

[01:09:49] Yes, that would be.

[01:09:50] The devil's triangle is when three guys have sex with each other.

[01:09:53] So there's no way Garth over here could have been involved in that.

[01:09:59] That would rule if he was just like, I didn't rape, I was gay.

[01:10:02] Yeah, he's like, I only had gay sex until like I had to pretend to be Christian because

[01:10:06] I'd become president or whatever.

[01:10:08] The king of being a judge or whatever job this is.

[01:10:12] Yeah, council of elders.

[01:10:14] Yeah, until actually, you can ask the FBI, I pretty much was gay until last week.

[01:10:25] Isn't that right?

[01:10:26] They just bring the FBI in and just show pictures of him holding hands with guys.

[01:10:30] Yeah.

[01:10:31] Getting fucking, getting branched together.

[01:10:33] Yeah, they called it Georgetown prep because they needed that for all the agents.

[01:10:37] That's really invented prep.

[01:10:39] Nice.

[01:10:40] Thank you.

[01:10:41] Nice, nice, nice.

[01:10:43] Thank you.

[01:10:44] I am gay, my day is so.

[01:10:48] My bad.

[01:10:50] My bad.

[01:10:51] And I'm sleeping.

[01:10:53] What are you doing to dad?

[01:10:55] I was working on my 2018 taxes.

[01:10:59] Damn, still haven't done your taxes.

[01:11:02] You're a lazy bitch.

[01:11:03] Hopefully by the end of this week they'll be done.

[01:11:05] Me and Nick are business owners.

[01:11:07] I know.

[01:11:08] Well, my LLC or my S Corp will be done also this week too.

[01:11:13] We're just small cock operational.

[01:11:15] Federal government to cash that fucking check so I know how much money I have.

[01:11:19] They didn't cash yours yet?

[01:11:21] No, the state did.

[01:11:22] We're not the federal government.

[01:11:23] They cash much it.

[01:11:25] Well, I'd probably send them off in different days.

[01:11:27] Yeah, sure.

[01:11:28] Or if you dig your small they wait longer.

[01:11:33] Hold on.

[01:11:34] I'm just getting a phone call.

[01:11:36] Who's at the government?

[01:11:37] The IRS, yeah.

[01:11:39] Oh, oh, you do wait really a long time if they're digging small.

[01:11:43] But if they're digging big you do it immediately.

[01:11:46] Okay, thank you.

[01:11:47] Oh, well, I'm looking at my bank statement.

[01:11:48] I guess they cash it weeks and weeks ago and that's why I didn't see it.

[01:11:54] My mistake.

[01:11:55] Damn it.

[01:11:56] Hold on.

[01:11:58] I'm getting another call.

[01:12:00] Oh, psych?

[01:12:02] Oh, the IRS said psych.

[01:12:05] And actually the earlier the year and that they haven't cash mine yet.

[01:12:11] Oh, well, now I've realized I was looking at your bank account, which I have access to.

[01:12:19] At the bank they said if your dick's bigger than another guy's you just get access to his bank account.

[01:12:25] Let me call the bank real quick.

[01:12:29] I checked our files and said I deserved to have access to your bank.

[01:12:34] Oh, no, that's what's happening.

[01:12:37] Oh, fuck dude.

[01:12:38] Let me tab over to mine and yeah, it looks like whatever we said the thing is is now in my favor.

[01:12:46] I just called someone and they told me the other thing actually was.

[01:12:51] I just got a Megan alert on my phone and says you're gay.

[01:12:55] My phone's buzzing in amber alert.

[01:12:57] I'm getting a Megan's law thing here that says you're faggot.

[01:13:02] Wow, that is fucked up, dude.

[01:13:05] I'm about to call Apple.

[01:13:06] Well, actually Apple just called me and they said every iPhone is wrong.

[01:13:12] Damn.

[01:13:13] But I guess we'll probably have to go deal with that then.

[01:13:18] Yes.