Cum Town | Regular | 05/23/2019
[00:00:00] that is a great question yeah i guess you can start get your phone away from the
[00:00:10] yes i'm waiting for some guy to call me some guy for what the kids later
[00:00:15] they they're supposed to be a venmo payment go through
[00:00:19] to just did you buy some of his silence at the same time
[00:00:26] you know any he's he found on facebook he found like my
[00:00:29] friends and families names about the status this is the sound of the
[00:00:33] you never exchange names i thought it was nsa
[00:00:37] and i said it's not a silences the price of silence uh...
[00:00:43] uh... paul simon raping a child okay and he paid pays a child on the mall
[00:00:51] that's the only one to have to change you don't have to that one stays the same
[00:00:59] the thirst for a child's asshole with that the one that's uh... mean hulio down
[00:01:07] that stays that was against the law that will combine both of those songs
[00:01:12] in the one what your mom is all i think is the next time mama's mom saw you
[00:01:17] molesting the child is that real yeah it's got a song about fucking
[00:01:20] and he'll be a hulio well hulio is a guy that they were
[00:01:25] school for this get one of these keys man
[00:01:31] go come on and claptons kid thought a window
[00:01:39] clapton fuck his kid out the window oh that's what happened
[00:01:45] yeah guys go on who is gonna be really good at doing art installation clapton
[00:01:52] she's a party trick where you go around with it
[00:01:55] four-year-old on your car your cock in the window
[00:02:07] yet uh... we got a board brandon air in the mix
[00:02:19] in the master's you get the we give you a reason for the four-timers
[00:02:23] i just wanted to mention the the jacket the master i love it for some reason
[00:02:28] i did a fucked up thing today i showed up uh...
[00:02:32] one hour and ten minutes early yes because here's what happened
[00:02:36] was fucked up because i was at i was at the coffee shop right now stop told me
[00:02:41] yet at the coffee shop and like there's too many people around i'm writing i'm
[00:02:46] these people are getting my nerves and musics i'm a sit on next to
[00:02:50] and just do the crossword puzzle in chill
[00:02:53] but then it but then it was fucked up because you came home then you felt
[00:02:59] it was all of course all you know i i want to say no you don't
[00:03:02] i all i wanted to do was sit on the stup and chill i don't need to come in
[00:03:06] you know it but you're a good we would have sat here in silence yet
[00:03:13] yeah it was a bad it was too fucking sociopath just checking your phones for
[00:03:24] it's time to engage in the social skill that i've turned into an occupation
[00:03:34] the one thing that made my life better i used to be the only thing that looks
[00:03:37] forward to as now just worthless garbage
[00:03:47] ice-set with its not sure i still i was thinking
[00:03:53] uh... sexually harassing that woman at that ramen shop
[00:03:56] oh yeah yeah it's like that really is the only thing that brings me to a
[00:04:00] true or it's a rip didn't sexually harass i didn't know but the uh... the
[00:04:15] issues japanese that's what was so funny this is a guy was hitting on a
[00:04:20] and we were like and we were laughing like on now that he got it started we
[00:04:24] would just like over which swooping which swooping
[00:04:27] there's two goods i saw in philadelphia hitting on that girl who was on heroin
[00:04:32] oh my god just that shit ruled that there is a difference is like a
[00:04:42] then how all the headphones small they have a small they would
[00:04:46] no dictate the fact that you anyways there is this this girl
[00:04:54] like you know like barely you know she's leading pretty hard
[00:04:57] and then these two guys come in both like
[00:05:00] you know the kind of the guys who were like wife beaters even though like they
[00:05:04] just have so much skin hang over the list
[00:05:07] you know it's like shitty tattoos sees her haircut like a nineteen ninety eight
[00:05:13] you know yeah just permanently in adidas slides and socks like those guys
[00:05:26] and he starts recording himself like walking over to him and her and be like
[00:05:33] recording himself hitting on this woman that's incapacitated
[00:05:37] and then the indian guy behind the counters like you should not be in here
[00:05:41] mommy up to leave and he's like the guys like
[00:05:50] she alright she's coming dear to it yeah
[00:05:55] lot I wonder like who he was gonna show that video
[00:06:02] who was you gonna die that was I told you I got game it's just anything up in
[00:06:09] supposed to be one of those social experiment yeah what would you do
[00:06:13] episode exactly we're talking about that yes what would you do live in
[00:06:16] Philadelphia yeah yeah would you have sex with a heroin adult woman I was
[00:06:21] thinking about it what would you do scenario where you had you find like a
[00:06:24] McDonald's where there's a down syndrome guy working in the fry you know
[00:06:28] where ever in the back but you can see him
[00:06:31] and then you get an actor with down syndrome to go in yes with a receipt
[00:06:38] no they do they already have actors with down syndrome oh they're at all I I
[00:06:42] thought you met a guy who didn't have down syndrome but no we get Sean Penn
[00:06:47] yeah Sean Penn or G of Honor BC it's Daniel Day Lewis yeah
[00:06:51] but the the no have you seen the show what would you do
[00:06:57] yeah where they they put they put on suspecting people in sort of ethical
[00:07:02] dilemmas yeah but I mean it's like not even an ethical dilemma it's like
[00:07:06] there's a man slapping his wife in the face you know that one they did a lot
[00:07:10] of yeah it's either being racist or slap yeah it's racist or someone being
[00:07:15] mean to retarded people okay the same thing but yeah so you set it up where
[00:07:19] there's a McDonald's and there you know wherever and there's a man with down
[00:07:23] syndrome working band account or like preparing the food and you send an
[00:07:26] actor with down syndrome in the receipt he's like I like to speak to the
[00:07:29] manager piece and the manager comes out and he's like I was eating in here last
[00:07:39] he's in a suit yeah yeah and I have here medical diagnosis of proves that I now
[00:07:58] have down syndrome ma'am ma'am I don't want to argue with you I did not have
[00:08:03] down syndrome last week I'll show you I have I have the documentation my brief
[00:08:07] case you open up the briefcase it just loose skittles right I seem to have
[00:08:12] eaten all of the paperwork and then the managers like what that guy's like I'm
[00:08:23] John King yes which one of these retarded people do you think is the worst
[00:08:32] yeah John King you he does a good job on date line yeah hey date line is he the
[00:08:38] guy with the sarcastic voice yeah and I was sarcastic voice and news I used to
[00:08:43] like date line but they're running out of stories so now all they do is they just
[00:08:48] withhold the guy till halfway through and they're like just when the trail was
[00:08:53] getting cold the police thought about her ex-boyfriend right who beat the shit
[00:08:58] not for every day it's like do you should totally it tells us in the first place
[00:09:03] clearly him it's pretty open in a shot yeah I love that shit I never wish to
[00:09:10] watch date line though I don't I should combine to catch a predator and what would
[00:09:14] you do and what's that they have the pedophile show up and have sex with the
[00:09:20] child would you do at a restaurant in public and then Chris and both Chris
[00:09:25] Hanson and John King yes come out and the children's the child is being
[00:09:30] Chris and since like you're going to jail for raping this kid and then John
[00:09:34] King yes is like why didn't you stop him to everybody in the restaurant oh
[00:09:37] interesting yeah so the kids so who is this child because they usually use
[00:09:41] decoys right we'll use a man with downs syndrome oh he's getting fucked
[00:09:45] because he's not a real star the guy is in every episode oh so I got
[00:09:51] actually doing it by IQ not age mental age I mean I guess it could be a child
[00:09:58] with down syndrome okay yeah that'd be good that's an ethical dilemma I'm saying
[00:10:01] a man with a small frame with down syndrome is the two for one that you
[00:10:06] might want the balance you might want to yeah straight I forgot who it was but
[00:10:10] some alt-right dude like a judge ordered him to break up with this girlfriend
[00:10:14] because she wasn't like she was too retarded no it was in the UK and it was
[00:10:23] that it was in the UK and it was a British guy that was told he couldn't
[00:10:26] fuck because he's retarded and he couldn't consent no no no no no this was a
[00:10:31] different story this guy that's gonna go with his girlfriend because first of
[00:10:35] all can we start a go fund me for that guy for the guy that's too retarded the
[00:10:38] fuck that's that that's what I'm saying we got to get him pussy yeah we got to
[00:10:42] find out doctors to make him just that you know what I mean what kind of legal
[00:10:47] ruling is you got to break up with your girlfriend that's not a lot like yeah
[00:10:53] it's jail or no jail or fine it's not you got a you got a teller you don't want
[00:10:58] to see her anymore well let down nicely MTV bought all the British courts
[00:11:02] yeah so is it like a like a what do you call it like a
[00:11:09] it's not profant what's it called something when something's Gary yeah it's
[00:11:14] a little bit vulgar to fuck like I know it when I see it like it's like
[00:11:18] pornography like pornography yeah is that like so they know I know if someone's
[00:11:23] too retarded look at him the judge is like it's next him like just like walks
[00:11:29] around the world on top he's wearing a dress shirt but it is tucked into sweat
[00:11:34] pants so it's a toss-up yeah I mean it was also in that story the guy was gay
[00:11:40] to what yeah any oh he could consent if you're gay I mean default you're in I
[00:11:47] don't know but that judge rules just imagine pretending like you just hate
[00:11:52] gay people that much like I'm sorry you're too retarded to be gay
[00:11:58] you know what I don't understand about to catch a predator and I don't know what
[00:12:03] percentage of those cases I get convictions but like why does nobody do
[00:12:09] this like so you go in Chris Hanson comes out thinking about your exit
[00:12:13] strategy goes you're busted and then you go you're busted yeah and he goes what
[00:12:19] and he goes I could tell from the typing there was some kind of older man
[00:12:23] involved here but they've been pimping out this young woman what's your fucking
[00:12:28] deal man I busted you that's why I came here I came here to fuck you up yeah
[00:12:34] what can they say really that's you gotta come in with a baseball bat yeah
[00:12:38] you come with a baseball bat yeah and yep this is an iron knuckles this is
[00:12:42] Robert Redford draw dressed as like a prohibition ericott yeah absolutely
[00:12:49] how I can't hear about you this is Robert Shaw I guess he's right yeah I was the
[00:12:58] one that was the pedophile I think you couldn't talk about wanting to suck
[00:13:02] their little pussies and you know come in their asses I don't know they're in
[00:13:06] trapping you don't they talk about that back so you're saying I'm entrapping you
[00:13:11] you pimp I think I think you would just have to keep it PG 13 but make it clear
[00:13:15] you wanted to fuck I don't know even for these fucking even keeping it PG you're
[00:13:24] I never did any dirty talk you want to keep it or not why it's called
[00:13:29] no man he's 13 or even 17 year olds say what you want about me fucking
[00:13:36] your ass yeah I never did any dirty talk if you're a pedophile you got to go to
[00:13:42] every meetup with a kid with a pair of handcuffs just in the event that you're
[00:13:47] ready in case it's yeah to catch a predator you can say I wanted to make a
[00:13:51] citizen's arrest you right yeah Chris Hansen you now okay I guess my big question
[00:13:56] would be you're saying why isn't this the way the pedophiles get out of it well
[00:14:00] because who who really wouldn't wants to stop someone would go about it this way
[00:14:05] well here's another ethical question not ethical but because look I'm not on the
[00:14:09] side of the pedophiles yeah let me ask you this yeah let me ask you this just
[00:14:14] I'm on the side of justice justice yeah and kids not getting fucked what no I'm
[00:14:23] interested in the law and at no point in that show in that scenario is a child
[00:14:29] involved right so what is the crime you're intent you can say you could how can
[00:14:36] you not say well I knew we were role-playing and what can they say back because it
[00:14:41] was a grown woman on the other well that argument doesn't really hold up though
[00:14:45] because it's like you know people buy fake drugs from the police and they still
[00:14:49] go to jail for like possession here's what you do ready I got it what you're
[00:14:54] doing is what you're doing is like it's conspiracy you're you're attempting to
[00:14:57] break the law right it's like if there was a child there do you have any doubt in
[00:15:01] your mind that this man would have fucked it right hold on wait here's what
[00:15:04] you do yeah you send in a child it's like you know what a scope it out for you
[00:15:08] you're like I was a kid pretending to be an adult man right I'm trying to get
[00:15:13] some child pussy I'm a child and then if you see there's no Chris Hansen he
[00:15:20] he we got walkie talkies a best friend like an apprentice you're no this child
[00:15:27] that would want to grow up to be a pedophile you know you're serious
[00:15:32] that anytime you don't meet a child yeah underneath your you wear a hoodie
[00:15:38] I mean that you were a t-shirt with Chris Hansen's face on okay and when you
[00:15:43] show up and he's like I'm Chris Hansen you're like dude I knew it yeah I've been
[00:15:51] sending you emails for weeks second bounce to the spam filter I am a fucking
[00:15:56] Chris Hansen head I wonder out to go bro I didn't like to do it I've got a
[00:16:02] Rose Bowl party and I want you to come and me and my boys were all we hate
[00:16:07] pedophiles yeah and we love you we were all raped as kids and you're our fucking
[00:16:13] hero and you gotta hang out with us you can't say no in front of the cameras
[00:16:17] right now you're coming to hang with us Rose Bowl party 2017 are you coming
[00:16:21] Chris that's good I think okay so I guess for any pedophiles listening a
[00:16:29] by mistake given you some strategies but that is not our conspiracy that is
[00:16:35] not conspiring to do we hope I'm against pedophiles I'm just yes I'm very much
[00:16:40] against pedophiles what I'm what I'm sort of also against though is the show
[00:16:45] because I'm like why are the police just doing this the show you know I mean
[00:16:50] why does right exactly it's not it's presented as like journalism and it's
[00:16:54] that's not journal no it's watching people's lives be destroyed which is
[00:16:58] fine their lives deserve to be destroyed but I don't quite understand why it's
[00:17:02] like why do they also sign like a relief they don't I believe I believe what I
[00:17:07] what I've been told and I don't know if this is a myth or not you're what what
[00:17:11] I've been told by cops or from someone when I asked about cops is if someone
[00:17:17] is convicted then there's no release if they're found not guilty you would need
[00:17:23] a release well even if you're even if you're just like they bring charges I
[00:17:27] mean they don't even need a conviction because if you get stopped for a DUI
[00:17:31] like there's plenty of jurisdictions will just publish your photo in the
[00:17:35] newspaper really yeah yeah mug shots or mug shots are available online even if
[00:17:39] they don't have a conviction I don't think you know interesting right you know
[00:17:42] that that's fucking Robert craft they had video of him getting sucked off we get
[00:17:47] to see that we get to see that you will no no his lawyers fought like it's not
[00:17:52] going to happen no somebody will leak it I mean that's a kind of like you know
[00:17:55] it's like the it got tossed out it got tossed out of like evidence so he he's
[00:17:59] probably gonna walk there they're not wanting to see what his cock looked like
[00:18:03] personally I want to see his old dick I want to see his old dick get sucked
[00:18:06] that's just me though I mean there are there are people with the money to scrub
[00:18:12] things off the Internet yeah he's the kind of guy if there's anyone that I
[00:18:15] think could prevent a sex tape from being leaked I would say Robert craft
[00:18:20] yeah like if you have if you have billions of dollars it can happen but I
[00:18:24] also wouldn't be surprised if someone someone somewhere you know there's some
[00:18:29] someone in an evidence lock or some totally dude whatever happened whatever
[00:18:34] happened to fucking the guys in the masks dude anonymous yeah we're we're
[00:18:40] they on this they're in jail dude Julian Assange went to jail they're they're
[00:18:43] listening to this podcast 95% first responders or hackers yeah 5% hackers
[00:18:50] now if you're listening to this if you're part of anonymous show us Robert
[00:18:54] craft's cock that's what I'm saying we'll show stop it I don't really care about
[00:18:59] show Adam yeah I forgot who Robert craft was the owner of the Patriots yeah I
[00:19:04] don't care about that story I have a I have a there my therapist is just an
[00:19:08] enabler oh no I was like I told it I go I go that's the kind of therapy you
[00:19:14] want yeah exactly just a guy that just gives into whatever I say so I go you
[00:19:18] got to do you bro you got to do you so on in all honesty I go I told him I go
[00:19:24] look man some some old guy you brought a dude you brought rock rock
[00:19:32] he's just standing in a squat rack yeah right you got to do you bro so I told
[00:19:40] him this was like a year ago I go look man I'm done with like I've been done
[00:19:46] with for a while rubbing tugs because yeah because like I like them it's a good
[00:19:50] outlet sure eat cheap and easy but these women are sex trafficked cheap
[00:19:56] easy race yeah these these these women are cheap and ease women yeah I go these
[00:20:04] they're sex trafficked out of that's not right I don't want to do it anymore he
[00:20:08] goes well that's one way of looking at it yeah but he goes but he goes think
[00:20:14] about this whoa you're one of these women you're dealing with just fat pieces
[00:20:19] of mean shit all day long and a nice young guy like you comes in doesn't
[00:20:25] start any trouble you're the best part of their day and I go well maybe I should
[00:20:30] be back in this that is a wild take by your therapist well he also told me
[00:20:34] this because I tell him because I get the next guy comes in he's like a rape
[00:20:39] he was just you to gunpoint yesterday and I want to kill myself and he's like
[00:20:44] that's one way to look but the thing is these women deserve it remember how bad
[00:20:50] your mom was well so so like I get I get I get it because he's just he got to do
[00:20:56] you bro you got to live bro you gotta do you last for the living
[00:21:00] from the front so I so I got out of his pussy I get I get very irritable like I
[00:21:12] get extraordinarily irritable it's part of bipolar type 2 which is kind of a
[00:21:17] bullshit diagnosis but essentially is that the kind of bipolar named after the
[00:21:21] amount of inches of penis that I know me I know me they and they had to round up
[00:21:26] but no it's it's kind of a bullshit diagnosed but basically what they tell
[00:21:31] you is you and you have to put you have the depression part but instead of the
[00:21:35] manic part you get rage and irritability which is kind of the crank weird but
[00:21:41] anyway so I'm telling my therapist how like I handle big things well like my
[00:21:45] good buddy died and it was like I grieved properly like you know I handle
[00:21:50] that well but like if I see someone like litter or people talking during the
[00:21:54] movies like I want to kill him like I literally think about fucking you know
[00:21:58] I obsess about killing him that's like a very Tony's
[00:22:02] a brand-new yeah I got hot yesterday and John Wick 3 there was no do not no no no
[00:22:15] theater there was a row of fucking French he dies shut up he dies at the end you
[00:22:13] didn't see it it's not part of the movie there was a row of French people I mean
[00:22:16] in the theater John Wick dies at the end
[00:22:19] shot on with guys at the end of three stop we're not talking about John
[00:22:23] he's killed by Ian McChange character don't shut up and so my guy goes my guy
[00:22:28] goes you know I think that's healthy these murder fantasies are away are you
[00:22:37] just talking to a guy playing dominoes I don't know why the guy that he does
[00:22:41] table by probably the same guy you go see he goes by having these murder
[00:22:45] fantasies you're preventing yourself from ever committing a murder and I'm
[00:22:50] like have you ever heard of serial killers like there's a whole genre they
[00:22:55] play it out people that fantasize about murdering they're until they murder there
[00:22:59] would be no reason to have a separate charge for premeditated
[00:23:03] right even an ounce of truth yeah so I love this guy he's on board with
[00:23:09] whatever I say just a yeah a real yes man of a therapist I mean you have to
[00:23:14] realize that guy's just ripping you off no because I feel you don't know you
[00:23:18] never went to shrink school he's a professional yeah he paid the money in
[00:23:23] suit loans yep he does I mean I act I think I would think the way you're
[00:23:29] thinking yeah if I didn't leave feeling better if your life I leave and I feel
[00:23:33] better you shouldn't leave feeling better you should go see somebody that's
[00:23:36] like no you fucked up that's so Catholic Nick yeah you should leave
[00:23:40] feeling better Catholic I mean it is no point of therapy is to like write it
[00:23:45] like experience I'm gonna personal growth right and that doesn't happen
[00:23:49] without any like degree of introspection but that if somebody tells you there's
[00:23:53] nothing wrong with your behavior or thinking like continue doing exactly
[00:23:58] what you're doing but on the other hand a lot of people eat themselves up about
[00:24:02] shit that they shouldn't be beating themselves up that's a great point and
[00:24:04] the therapist can say listen you think that this is weird and that you're fucked
[00:24:08] up that doesn't sound like the case here it doesn't sound like he's like I feel
[00:24:16] well no I do I do I did get mad at him because I said you minimize my binge
[00:24:23] eating problem and you act like a fucking problem I go minimize that and he goes
[00:24:29] I'm sorry if you if that is really a serious issue let's talk about that yeah
[00:24:34] so he's he's all right you I I think there's a middle ground between what
[00:24:38] Adam and Nick are saying I think that's the ideal therapist and maybe my guy
[00:24:43] leans a little heavy towards Adam side of things but I I like him yeah I like to
[00:24:48] be honest I just read I just watch all the melty scenes again instead of going
[00:24:53] to a therapist right yeah and that seems to work it's been working for sure yeah
[00:24:57] I'm sure a lot of the one thing that's infuriated me for years since I first
[00:25:03] was first was given psychiatric drugs the I find it to be one of the greatest
[00:25:11] rackets perpetrated upon us okay a therapist and a psychiatrist it's
[00:25:19] fucking ridiculous all need to go to the school to be able to subscribe or
[00:25:23] prescribe excuse me and this this two job shit is bullshit it didn't used to be
[00:25:28] like that it used to be like the psychiatrist was also a therapist you
[00:25:32] spent an hour talking to them and they could also write prescriptions and that's
[00:25:37] gone now you get see a therapist for an hour and then you talk to somebody for
[00:25:41] ten fucking minutes and they go here's fucking you need to be on this shit and
[00:25:45] that that's it dude I didn't know that they were two different jobs and I'm
[00:25:48] more like I'm more mad that they have a line you have to pay for now at the
[00:25:52] airport in addition to the T is that there's now a company that has their
[00:25:58] own special line oh yeah I saw that you have to pay money for it doesn't
[00:26:03] hear that doesn't let you get through security it just lets you cut the line
[00:26:06] it's basically a man saying they're being like give me 20 bucks to let you
[00:26:10] cut in front of me yeah clear that's all it is what is I saw a sign for that I
[00:26:14] couldn't figure out what it was what it is you paid a jump along it's a line
[00:26:18] cutting but it's not good yeah it's not worth it no I mean visit before not but
[00:26:24] I've seen people they just cut the line they still have to go through fucking
[00:26:27] security it doesn't it doesn't and but you have to give up all of your personal
[00:26:31] information them first and then they put you through some like biometric
[00:26:35] scanner and it's like a hundred two hundred bucks a year or some shit yeah and
[00:26:38] they have all your they know how big your dick is they know you know everything
[00:26:41] your blood pressure and shit yeah all that kind of shit your fingerprints well
[00:26:47] I like I like how we're all everyone's in an uproar about Facebook's sort of
[00:26:54] selling our data nobody was just like for 10 years how is this how is the
[00:27:00] biggest company in the world making money no plenty of people yeah yeah but
[00:27:06] not like not in general public plenty of people who are smart enough to be a
[00:27:11] yeah hey you fucking idiots they're selling everything you do well Facebook
[00:27:15] outrage and like privacy concerns didn't really seem to be a thing that most
[00:27:19] people gave a shit about until like they thought it had something to do with
[00:27:22] Donald Trump winning the election right and then like everything else that they
[00:27:26] get mad at Donald Trump for an issue that's been persistent and like a pretty
[00:27:31] apparent part of like American life for a while is now like I can't believe this
[00:27:36] now I'm mad about you know like fucking like jailing kids at the border drone
[00:27:41] strikes or any number of things here's yeah here's my here's my and you're right
[00:27:45] that stuff has been going on time and I also hate Donald Trump but this but here's
[00:27:51] here's my issue with the privacy concerns yeah for instance you're your
[00:27:54] iPhone listening to you right yeah which they continue to do
[00:27:58] does continue to deny despite the fact that 100% it does a hundred percent it
[00:28:02] does there's been test after test that shows it doesn't they continue to the NSA
[00:28:06] can also listen to you through your phone and here's my problem I'm fine with
[00:28:10] that I don't care because I at this point I operate as if every electronic
[00:28:15] device my whole life online or an electric device is public I operate that
[00:28:20] way because I don't trust any of them but don't fucking charge me for the phone
[00:28:24] if you're you know what I mean if you're gonna make money off listening to my
[00:28:29] phone and selling ads then give me the phone for free yep and then and then
[00:28:33] sell ads off me I don't give a shit but don't make me pay built into my plan
[00:28:38] with thousand dollars yeah which doesn't seem like a thousand dollars because
[00:28:41] it's in your monthly plan but that's what it is still 40 bucks or or in exchange
[00:28:46] give me all the personal information and private conversations of the Chinese
[00:28:50] people that made the phone give me access to their lives and I can
[00:28:55] rest them in kind that all my fingers it's all bad yeah yeah you get we each get
[00:29:00] we each get like five other people we get direct access to their Alexa and I
[00:29:04] get to speak through it directly to them yeah make them think you're a god I gotta
[00:29:09] break it to you I don't think the guys that made your phone heaven Alexa yeah
[00:29:12] they get one is that's where they're paid in they're given one Alexa and then
[00:29:19] 15 eggs all they are annual salary is is three eggs and some green squash all
[00:29:27] you hear is just them complaining about when they put the suicide prevention
[00:29:31] nets yeah I love that they're just bouncing right back into the factory
[00:29:35] cartoon like Mickey Mouse been like oh works too hard today and then he tries
[00:29:42] to kill himself and just bounces right back up assembly line who can't die today
[00:29:49] but oh well you think it would be you think got some guys just do it because
[00:29:53] it looks kind of fun what it would be fun honestly to jump off a building and
[00:29:57] yeah safe what they should be the end of the game one of them that jumps at the
[00:30:03] end what happens to the game it turns out it's all just a game it's a game he
[00:30:07] thinks he's jumping to his death yeah and then at the end it's been manipulated
[00:30:12] by everyone that he knows into things brother shot against all right he can
[00:30:16] never trust anyone again yeah he kills his brother and jumps out the window and
[00:30:20] then he fake it's not really doesn't kill his brother no is right it's a
[00:30:24] fake gun yeah everything's yeah and the thing is they've been like the the sort
[00:30:30] of double twist I don't know if it's a double twist but he has been told the
[00:30:34] whole time this is that it's again and then it becomes so real he stops
[00:30:39] believing in that game even though they told him this is going to be a game
[00:30:42] that becomes so real you I would fall for that shit I'm so weak-minded dude I
[00:30:47] would I would kill myself in a different way stop thinks of recording
[00:30:50] right yeah wait what he thinks we've had a podcast for the last year and he's
[00:30:54] never bothered to check that's just a website with Nick Nick keeps Nick's like
[00:30:58] he keeps being like I got you on the check next month yeah so I really hope
[00:31:02] I'm I'm I'm on a lot of money for it he took out a mortgage yeah yeah I have a home
[00:31:08] that I just paid for you just three dressed down therapists that's right tell
[00:31:13] me I should get jerked off I wish my therapist told me to get jerked off I
[00:31:17] still didn't go back huh I know you probably shouldn't add now do that's an
[00:31:21] outright man yeah Adam would you care to do the opposing view that it's good to
[00:31:27] go yeah well it's there's a great purpose I said so wait a second I already heard
[00:31:32] a very convincing argument going back so I didn't know that but now well yeah I'll
[00:31:40] just be a gentleman I'll dress nice yeah yeah we're a tuxedo a weird tuxedo you
[00:31:44] know I'll say how was your day asked them about their shit you know I sing
[00:31:47] that I got a lot of guys dicks today yeah how's that how's everything you know
[00:31:51] singing about is a new genre or era of Maury where he brings on white people to
[00:31:58] do 23 and me and then the DNA results allow them because Maurice we got the
[00:32:04] results and you are allowed to say the end yeah I knew it I knew it you bitch
[00:32:14] shit do my dad my dad did 23 and me and most depressing shit ever it was just
[00:32:31] 100% I was nothing nothing in him just Irish fucking straight Irish like not
[00:32:39] even like the Viking Irish there was no Scandinavian nothing cool you're just
[00:32:44] all Irish yeah and like two two percent English that's how Elders is with like
[00:32:49] this very specific region of Alabama like he's a straight my roommate my best
[00:32:54] friend is completely in breath just he villager from Albania that has moved to
[00:33:00] America his like bloodline was unbroken for thousands of years that's so fun
[00:33:05] he lives with six other people and walks around the entire apartment naked he
[00:33:09] does a lot he rocks he's amazing have you met him no I haven't but I have a great
[00:33:15] Albanian friend named Plurat and similarly very confident Albanians but also best
[00:33:20] friends with one yeah it feels like they're new to names Plurat Albanian
[00:33:25] people yeah yeah right they don't they have a white nail that everyone's got
[00:33:28] me well Elvis I've just been like hey good buddy come on god hey come here buddy I
[00:33:36] couldn't go to Albania because this is interesting I was reading like cuz I
[00:33:42] don't drink anymore and like they if you go into their home they offer you a
[00:33:47] little yeah they offer you a little shot of their moon shot fortified wine or
[00:33:52] whatever it is and if you decline it it's like you're now in a blood feud you
[00:33:58] know like you're now you seriously like it's like a fucking it's like you just
[00:34:02] spit in their face and so I can't ever go there yeah they don't even have they
[00:34:06] don't even have like running water in a lot of that shit yeah like elders tell
[00:34:10] me yeah when you I mean maybe they do now but when he was visiting his relatives
[00:34:13] you would have to just go it's like Borat's town yeah yeah really yes although I
[00:34:17] think I'll be a horse pulling the car I think Albanians in the mountains have the
[00:34:22] weird like you can become trained like women can become men yeah they have that
[00:34:27] in other countries to like India yeah tribes those tribes that there have like
[00:34:31] six genders yeah yeah like if you're too much of a pussy to stick your dick in
[00:34:36] the gourd filled with bullet ants you're not allowed to be a man anymore my
[00:34:42] you have to like bring water to the fucking grandma's that's cool my my barber
[00:34:48] is Albanian and he's got just a long about letter height rectangular tattoo on
[00:34:57] its form that's clearly a cover-up and I'm like oh that's what Christian desk
[00:35:02] that's either anti-Semitic or a war crime like one of those two things like
[00:35:07] that's it's one of those two things is under that tattoo yeah you because
[00:35:12] there's very few things a guy like that look what get covered up right
[00:35:17] look closely you can faintly make out avenge sevenfold yeah yeah he's got like
[00:35:24] I thought that a very good band for a while but you know I was younger I was
[00:35:28] thirty six I didn't realize they were gay I thought the bad country was cool
[00:35:35] song is good as shit I thought bad country was really fucking cool music
[00:35:40] back then and I like go to club to meet the pussy but now I'm not I know it's
[00:35:46] not not such a cool band that's cool yep I have you seen Flanagan's arms no
[00:35:54] Flanagan got some shitty tattoo covered up and he's just his whole forearm is
[00:35:58] just like this shitty like big heart with an arrow oh yeah I forgot about that
[00:36:03] yeah cover up yeah whatever the fuck that idiot got on his arm cover-ups are
[00:36:08] brutal dude when you know it's it's fucking a wigger spider-man yeah like I
[00:36:14] guarantee you he has tattoos that are just like the shirts from super K
[00:36:18] mark like graphics these words like damn it's like a homies doll like I
[00:36:25] the little the you know I had the I have this tiger tattoo that I like and
[00:36:32] that's cool though it's Asian it looks like a Yakuza yeah I like it but then I
[00:36:36] was on the road and I got a panther head tattoo and it's like selectively
[00:36:41] shaded and I was like looking in the mirror for a while and I was just like
[00:36:45] ah fuck I accidentally got another tiger tattoo if you have one tiger tattoo
[00:36:53] you can be like oh they look cool you gotta do like I got a no stuff about
[00:36:57] tigers yeah I gotta be interested you know your saved your life yeah I'm kind
[00:37:02] of like a tiger dude absolutely yeah I could just get it shaded or whatever
[00:37:08] I don't care I know I like I'm fine with my tattoo I don't I like people I was
[00:37:12] like aren't you gonna hate him when you get old I'm like I hate myself already
[00:37:17] right yeah also everyone looks like shit when they're old right argument is
[00:37:20] never made sense yeah it's like in fact they'll probably be kind of funny and
[00:37:24] cool to have tattoos oh all dudes tattoos look so amazing because the skin
[00:37:28] grows over them and they're just like a blurry blue and it looks cool as shit
[00:37:32] like if I had tattoos I would regret them less than like the vast history of
[00:37:37] things I've said on the Internet oh yeah yeah exactly like you know yeah I
[00:37:41] could I'd love that to spin the podcast the podcast all of the racist
[00:37:48] tweets the racist videos sure sure sure um you know the racist stuff I did last
[00:37:55] week yep yeah it's like I'm starting to think I'm waiting I'm gonna buy the dip
[00:38:01] on wokeness oh interesting you know and I'm waiting for it because it's gonna
[00:38:04] crash and you were saying you ready to get back on Twitter when you're gonna be
[00:38:08] woke again Donald Glover is gonna have a meltdown yeah being woke will be
[00:38:12] counterculture it will it will be and I'm gonna buy the dip yeah come town fans
[00:38:17] are fucking on the ball man it's you guys must have it rough I was not
[00:38:23] I tweeted I tweeted I tweeted this thing about this girl who gave me a who I
[00:38:33] thought was flirting with me but gave me a laser fat removal brochure laser fat
[00:38:40] laser fat removal oh that's hilarious I tweeted it I tweeted it like I go I go
[00:38:45] this happened a couple weeks ago and some guy immediately goes no it didn't
[00:38:50] you told that story on come town three and a half months ago and go do yeah I
[00:38:55] know but I hadn't tweeted it I just said a couple weeks ago to make it more
[00:39:00] recent like but yes yes I said that story well that makes you a liar in a bad
[00:39:05] person well no I know and he got me he showed me real quick that guys that
[00:39:09] guys definitely a much better person he's probably great and has a lot of good
[00:39:13] stories and understands and he's got a lot of friends yeah yeah that guy it's
[00:39:19] surprising he got online hanging out with all his friends probably takes up
[00:39:23] so much time yeah a young pussy now what is laser fat removal I it's like
[00:39:28] I guarantee you it doesn't work at least at the level they're trying to pitch me
[00:39:32] I bet if you were like yeah Hollywood millionaire yeah or you know mega you
[00:39:38] know hundred millionaire yeah there's probably some form of it that's
[00:39:41] effective whatever they were trying to pitch me on Fifth Avenue in Park
[00:39:45] slope I can imagine does not work I saw John Cena get himself frozen I think
[00:39:52] and I want to try that my son does that yeah my sister does that she runs
[00:39:56] marathon she loves it yeah she was telling me about that but I was like
[00:40:01] when I go in we were like to say we know each other like 15 minutes you know
[00:40:06] 20 minutes and I was like how do I get into it can I do 65 years oh then you
[00:40:11] come out in the future nice and you have all this knowledge that no one else
[00:40:15] knows because you're from a different time yeah because people from the past
[00:40:18] are smarter exactly yeah I can show up I'd be like I've never seen an iPhone
[00:40:23] as demonstrated like wait do you think you're from the future yeah it's clearly
[00:40:34] demonstrated in Encino you want to know who won the 2016 World Series just
[00:40:41] trying to make bets like it back to the future they're like no you have this
[00:40:45] backwards man I've got this sports all monastic that's gonna never be stopped
[00:40:52] there's gonna be a guy called Donald Trump and we got to stop him yeah like
[00:40:56] no you're from that time yeah and you decided to freeze yourself and come here
[00:41:02] I think you only freeze I don't think you freeze your head yeah you freeze like
[00:41:06] the body so I can have an old man's face but with the body of it of a sloppy
[00:41:13] 30 or like that you'd have to get ripped first I know yeah like that guy you
[00:41:17] saw jacking off on chat roulette that one time or a chatter bin what you nix said
[00:41:22] you saw an old man but he was like just had a 12 pack and he was jacking off
[00:41:27] alone to zero viewers no I did see an old man he was beating off to nobody
[00:41:33] just going at it there's like nobody he's like damn BRB there's like then he
[00:41:38] just goes I think he was Jack too I thought no there's a you're conflating
[00:41:43] that with the advertisement that's like that old grandpa like this grandpa
[00:41:47] got in shape that's all I had a guy I had an old guy in a sauna at harbor fitness
[00:41:56] in Brooklyn he was probably about 76 he started jerking off it was just me and
[00:42:03] him and he had been he was too old to like beat up and I didn't see him as a
[00:42:09] threat yeah like so I didn't want to report him so I just go hey man yeah you
[00:42:13] got to stop that there's a period where Lewis was complaining people had like
[00:42:17] either like not outright propositioning him or gay sex happening around the
[00:42:22] mid-equinox which is so funny to be happening the Lewis well I go it was
[00:42:27] very funny because this guy because I didn't really understand what gaslight
[00:42:34] meant yeah until this guy gaslight me this guy goes I go you got to stop that he
[00:42:39] goes stop what and just keep jerking off yeah well jerking off and I was just
[00:42:47] like man respect and I was like well I'm not leaving this sauna and you know what
[00:42:51] you're doing and he just jacked off you actually he totally won dude he
[00:42:55] alpha yeah clearly yeah because I'm not gonna beat up an old guy but I'm also
[00:43:00] not gonna let him make me leave the sauna right I'm enjoying this like I did I
[00:43:04] did my part which was tell him to stop jacking off and he beat me was and now
[00:43:09] he's old as shit did I see if you were a woman that would have happened the same
[00:43:14] exact way but you'd be an actress now you'd be a famous actor that's right so
[00:43:20] the next time they want to say they got it bad that's right remember that
[00:43:24] Brendan isn't isn't Scarlett just this has done nothing for me yeah you know
[00:43:29] that that old man with it he's not he's not in mode at least a smile right
[00:43:37] smile did he have a nice dick no no a real shabby piece fucking cob webby
[00:43:44] it's good he can still get it hard though yeah I mean it was it was it was I'd
[00:43:49] barely qualify this hard it was so you didn't come yeah how could be if that
[00:43:54] guy died we started clearly started having a heart attack while beating off
[00:43:57] and then you're put in the position where you have to help him yeah but he's
[00:44:02] still refusing to be and stop beating and I'm doing CPR and he's getting harder
[00:44:07] yeah and then the DNA is on him and it's like and then the door item the door
[00:44:14] the sauna swings open is like hi I'm John Kenyon yes
[00:44:18] just sweating profusely through his pantsuit
[00:44:25] how John Kenyon yes that would be a great scenario man yeah I think I think if
[00:44:32] if John Kenyon as came in I do think he would say you did the right thing that
[00:44:40] was the move we said no beating up but a firm talking to you is the right answer
[00:44:45] then the CPR was an CPR and then that guy with down syndrome is behind them he's
[00:44:50] like really good job but don't go McDonald's we're all proud of you
[00:44:58] me and the other guys were sitting in the control room watching a monos and we
[00:45:02] were all saying that that man is he's got real character but I didn't know this
[00:45:09] Jim's in New York historically sort of sauna specifically historically kind of
[00:45:16] a gay spot and I had no idea oh why I just like a steam I like a like a sweat
[00:45:21] I like a good sweat going yeah clean your pores you know of course I love I love
[00:45:26] a steam nice bits I would like if you could have one luxurious thing in your
[00:45:30] home would you what would you pick sauna would you pick pizza oven would you
[00:45:34] pick a basketball I would this is what I would pick about what wouldn't you do
[00:45:38] and a guy comes into a restaurant and he goes up to someone's table and he's
[00:45:41] holding a gun to a man with down syndrome's head and he's like either you
[00:45:45] suck my dick or I blow his brains out right now and then the guys like the
[00:45:49] woman's crying she doesn't know what to do and eventually she gets on her knees
[00:45:52] and starts blowing the guy and then it's like hi I'm John Keny on yes oh you'd
[00:45:56] let her blow it wait who are you I'm John Keny on you oh but I mean who is
[00:46:00] who is this for oh like an observer it's what wouldn't you do what wouldn't you
[00:46:05] do but to save the retarded kid okay so you're an observer at a different table
[00:46:10] you're no the woman is the one that's the mark oh okay the woman's the mark and
[00:46:15] they're like we were just gonna see if you would do it and we were trying to
[00:46:19] find your limit it seems like what you're saying is televising rape that's
[00:46:22] still what would you do scenario yeah it's still what would you do yeah that's
[00:46:28] still what would you do that's a better show if the guy that's a better show
[00:46:35] the guy comes in and goes I'm not John Keny I'm just I would also like my dick
[00:46:41] sucks I'm just that guy's friend yeah that's interesting Nick I think ultimately
[00:46:50] kind of hard to get greenlit but it's a good idea yeah okay so yeah I mean we
[00:46:56] gotta start taking meetings and stuff in Hollywood yeah that's a good thing to
[00:47:00] pitch something pitch that and then see what it leads to the the blackface John
[00:47:05] where that's true we came over the couple good ones I got I got fired from a
[00:47:09] writing gig one time I was writing for real TV and this guy who was I I can't
[00:47:17] really say but his IQ definitely was in the range of being considered mentally
[00:47:24] disabled like around there hovering around the right boss no he is a guy he is a
[00:47:30] guy appearing on the show he is a guy who they are pitching to do a show called
[00:47:37] zombie hunter right because this was when Bigfoot hunter was big so this guy
[00:47:42] is gonna hunt zombies which I should mention to your listeners don't exist
[00:47:46] yeah there are none so it sounds like you would want a man that was mentally
[00:47:52] well right but so I got fired welcome to say the hunter because I literally told
[00:47:57] this guy because like you know they're doing they're doing fucking 50 of
[00:48:01] these at a time they're running through development yeah and this guy is so
[00:48:06] psyched and he's talking to me on the phone because I'm gonna write it right
[00:48:10] and he goes I'm quitting my job at the gas station this is gonna be big and I
[00:48:16] go look man you don't quit your job yeah I go a lot of times these things don't
[00:48:21] happen like just hold off keep your job right like just wait yeah and a fucking
[00:48:28] reality TV son of a bitch executive comes into my office well Michael drank
[00:48:33] all the gasoline it goes and goes did somebody tell the fucking zombie hunter
[00:48:38] not to quit his job because now he's worried it's not gonna happen who the
[00:48:42] fuck told him to keep his job I go you evil piece of shit yeah they fired me
[00:48:48] for that for telling a retarded guy and just to be clear he still works at that
[00:48:52] gas yeah just to be clear I saved his job there's no zombie hunter on TV yeah and
[00:48:58] those evil people are like this guy can't take a meeting because he's working at
[00:49:02] the Sunoco you know to fire the guy who told him not to quit his job and ruin
[00:49:08] his life to hunt zombies Wow damn dude what if you fucked up your life to what
[00:49:14] if that was gonna be the way you hunt zombies is by shooting them in the head
[00:49:17] right I mean who is this guy been hunting here's what is why is he this is what
[00:49:23] it we only wait the only way you get a show about being a zombie hunter is if
[00:49:27] you're an expert on hunting zombies right and if zombies aren't real then that
[00:49:31] means that they're like we're all on equal footing assuming we haven't
[00:49:35] murdered anybody right so this guy is must have killed people no his deal was
[00:49:42] much like the Bigfoot hunter guys he was essentially a doomsday prepper but
[00:49:48] weapon oriented oh so they were gonna they were gonna like the law they were
[00:49:53] gonna like brutalize that like here's a mentally disabled man with a basement
[00:49:58] full like your boss bows and fucking ninja stars shit like and we'll just have
[00:50:04] walk around the woods for a while you know and get blurry footage of like a
[00:50:08] guy shoot someone the crew yeah so they wanted to make a documentary about
[00:50:15] Timothy McVay right leading up to the Oklahoma City bombing right and probably
[00:50:21] you know what I mean they're shitty enough to just watch that happen he
[00:50:24] like let him let this roll of course let's see what this great TV yeah they're
[00:50:28] like he seems to be expecting a rather large zombie invasion he's making a
[00:50:34] 70 pound 75 pound fertilizer bomb I think this is great preparation he's now
[00:50:41] taking it away in a van well I'm off the hunt zombies synagogue you ever
[00:50:53] wonder why so much money goes to that zombie country we have a thirty eight
[00:50:59] billion dollar budget set aside for the zombie countries defense that they
[00:51:05] don't even need and it's like these zombies these zombies run the media
[00:51:12] and they're always sick they are yeah they are annoying disgusting that's
[00:51:19] awesome that guy has fucking weapons just in some basement in Queens somewhere
[00:51:23] yeah no he was like a southern guy he was a southern guy and it was like man it
[00:51:29] was it was a low job I was like I was glad to be out of there because he was
[00:51:34] like because you realize real quickly and I knew going in but you I didn't know
[00:51:39] to the the degree to which those low-budget oh yeah reality shows are so
[00:51:45] fake yeah it's just totally scripted 100% scripted it's just scripted with bad
[00:51:51] actors you could you could never do it but it would be fun to do like a sitcom
[00:51:54] about like just a regular like Muslim American guy you know like this whatever
[00:51:59] the new Cal Penn show they got or anyone you know like the woke comedies or
[00:52:03] whatever right where it's just you know like him going on dates or like you
[00:52:07] know being in his job or whatever but then throughout the series he's slowly
[00:52:10] radicalized and eventually commits a terrorist attack yeah and you just sell
[00:52:15] it it's like as you just fucking make sure a lot of people are watching right
[00:52:19] and then the first four episodes are basically master of none yeah yeah and
[00:52:23] the day in the girl has a microaggression yeah the network can't make a difficult
[00:52:28] decision yeah we're like either you let him spicy food you either let him blow
[00:52:33] himself up at the Boston Marathon or we're not doing the show slowly there's
[00:52:38] like hygiene's happening at flight training school just to see if they
[00:52:44] would let you do that he's price comparing no probably not I'm gonna say
[00:52:49] yeah I'm gonna go ahead great ideas I'm saying I'm saying like if the Big Bang
[00:52:53] theory they went down a path to go where the Sheldon is turning into a racist
[00:52:58] you know Nazi yeah and then he goes to Charlottesville and drives a car through
[00:53:02] the crowd if fucking like they demanded that that's what happened on the show
[00:53:06] the audience is huge there's no way yeah there's no way they're gonna be like
[00:53:10] well we have to cancel Big Bang through they're like let's just deal with the
[00:53:14] backlash let him do it who is making this demand Sheldon himself the actor or
[00:53:24] who's authority is never to be chugloris like Nick you're my fucking
[00:53:30] heir apparent yeah and everyone's like I don't know about this but the kid from
[00:53:35] Roseanne is like no this is this good this is good I like this it's broad
[00:53:40] comedy oh yeah I was broad comedy I would love to just I would love to be like
[00:53:45] Chandler and just be addicted to pills is he addicted to pills no I mean
[00:53:50] Matthew's our coke a lot Matthew Perry was just gone he was a fat and yeah and
[00:53:55] coke and the entire time that show was on but just you know to be making
[00:54:00] millions of dollars an episode you hate yourself you thought you know you're
[00:54:03] gonna have all these projects and be a different kind of actor and then your
[00:54:07] big break is still your big break and you'll be remembered forever but you just
[00:54:10] want to take those fucking pills and go home just turn it all off but you know
[00:54:14] what's frustrating it's like it doesn't have to be that you could just be like
[00:54:18] you know what fuck this I'm gonna do it it's really easy now I'm
[00:54:23] phoning it in oh I'm saying I want it to be that oh you would you would
[00:54:27] wallow in that you would enjoy that I would okay yeah well yeah just take
[00:54:31] some pills man yeah you can do that without being on friends to be a pill
[00:54:35] addict yeah like you don't need this hitcom yeah yeah they're not that
[00:54:40] expense there's no I mean I like obviously you like take a look back at
[00:54:44] friends and and Matthew Perry is the most honorable he is the most honorable
[00:54:49] if any of you can still act and be on pills if any of them were close to being
[00:54:53] samurai it would be him you would say Chandler yeah he was a Ronan I would say
[00:54:58] I would say Joey yeah why just he never said anything bad about remember
[00:55:06] calling people gay why why you were the gay wide and then a gay wide gay wide
[00:55:12] yeah why you gay why I don't remember that why yeah it is a thing I remember gay
[00:55:18] wide is a mind that I've just like a bundled up piece of gay into it it's you
[00:55:23] what do you mean a what but what a what of what you make any sense to me you're
[00:55:28] a gay wad when a crumpled up piece of gay is that what it is I guess maybe come
[00:55:33] I know it's your song that's going into a man so you're like that's a
[00:55:37] you're a gay wad yeah you've just the actual nut it's the bus I mean I don't
[00:55:43] think so until you made me think about it but now if I had to put a definition
[00:55:46] on it I think it's more of a poetic yeah I think it's I like but pirate that was
[00:55:51] good of course that's it you seem like very swash buckling no but see that had a
[00:55:56] problem with that is that makes me think of piracy the Caribbean yeah it
[00:56:01] also had a very brook you know you know it makes me think of it as pirates
[00:56:06] yeah but pirate has a has a rape connotation to it though I feel like
[00:56:11] pirates just take what they want I thought it was more of like a just having fun
[00:56:15] yeah yeah they seem like fun chaps no pirate the pirate life was much less
[00:56:20] fun than you'd think that's not how it's been sold to us but yeah the idea of
[00:56:25] like frilly blouses and having sex with each other and getting diamonds and
[00:56:28] stuff yeah you keep birds I would love to be a space pirate that'll be tight I
[00:56:32] got a spaceship and I patch yeah yeah your spaceship's always like almost
[00:56:37] falling apart yeah you're working on it yeah I will you we need 80 more melon
[00:56:41] than crystals get the high-drive working oh slavery is returning one
[00:56:50] melon and crystals what you call a black person well you but you cook up down
[00:56:53] it oh I saw to fuel the hyperdrive we got a wig with 50 possex away from the next
[00:57:02] melanin repository sounds basically Star Wars it is Star okay I will admit
[00:57:08] forces there's a bit of plagiarism happening so Star Wars prices this is a
[00:57:16] new one for us the redo was pretty good it was very similar there was just a
[00:57:22] slight change no I like there was a melanin aspect yeah I did not see comic
[00:57:27] here's the thing although I don't agree with its politics in terms of making big
[00:57:31] money yeah what so most people like Star Wars now that it's very you know
[00:57:36] lot of there's women involved there's different ethnicity involved but you're
[00:57:40] now angry nerds you're right no women were previously involved in well you
[00:57:45] know what I mean everyone's mad about Ray being a big character it's woke
[00:57:48] Star Wars folk yeah Nick is suggesting something for the other side of the
[00:57:52] aisle and that's what Star Wars is about is about balance the force evil you're
[00:57:58] doing the Sith version yeah dark first the light now in a way Darth Vader
[00:58:01] becomes even more of a good guy than Luke because he overcame the darkness to
[00:58:05] return to the light oh so if you have a racist character that's unapologetically
[00:58:10] racist and then presumably in some future movie he's gonna be like oh I was
[00:58:14] wrong but we don't even have to make the dark side is yeah yeah no no let it be
[00:58:19] this we can just be assumed we could just you can assume that but then we get to
[00:58:23] see this guy just being racist is not not a care in the world this is the big
[00:58:31] bad racist guy in the galaxy and we all love him okay arguably
[00:58:37] Jar Jar Binks more racist than everything you just described that is true yeah because
[00:58:43] he was they lazy Jamaica yeah right they so like everything you describe our
[00:58:48] team compared to what they already did yeah which was make a make a black
[00:58:54] alien that was big ass like an idiot maybe you're the racist one because he's
[00:59:00] actually a member of the parliament or the what the Senate yeah so he overcame
[00:59:06] being a retarded Jamaican person who's incredibly lazy and always messing up
[00:59:12] to becoming a member of parlor spoke like yeah he's sort of the AOC of their
[00:59:17] what do they give to that what are that what is that blade runner get in prison
[00:59:26] you know does what kind of legs do they give him oh oh you mean I don't know what
[00:59:31] you think of him but yeah what is it what does he get in prison like a just a
[00:59:36] like a good way does he get prosthetics at all or maybe his legs
[00:59:42] legs yeah I guess because if you have a double I don't think you can really walk
[00:59:48] well with double prostate prosthetics I don't know he might just be in a wheelchair
[00:59:53] they took his scoops away from him yeah I think so I mean they should certainly
[00:59:58] didn't give him those like hundred thousand dollar blades back why if there
[01:00:02] is yeah there is yeah but you can you you forfeit a lot of stuff when you kill
[01:00:06] your wife yeah it would be funny to be the guy that's bullying him in prison
[01:00:10] and you're just walking around with those tape to the bottom of your regular
[01:00:13] feet like I got some new kicks I was like how like on the floor you know how
[01:00:22] like you're gonna fight with a girl physical fight halfway through you realize
[01:00:29] like oh oh I've lost control this is her piss was wrong yeah I gotta I gotta
[01:00:36] I gotta call my most trusted friend with a car I gotta find a way to pin this on
[01:00:42] Anthony no yeah you ever fight with a girl and like halfway through you realize
[01:00:48] like oh we're this fight is about something different yeah I would not fight
[01:00:53] and like I love that that's what happened to OJ like he he like was on trial for
[01:01:00] stealing his own sports memorabilia and then the judge was like that'll be 30
[01:01:05] years in jail he was like oh this this is about that other thing they're getting
[01:01:11] me on yeah this was not about a jersey this is a reverse on the phone yes I've
[01:01:16] always said he should use the defense that he accidentally killed her it was
[01:01:20] manslaughter not murder because he was just as clumsy as his character in the
[01:01:24] naked guns oh that's what I think is fascinating is so he golfs right he
[01:01:29] golfs I've read he golfs on public courses and you know if you go to a
[01:01:34] public golf course as a single they if it's busy they pair you they put you they
[01:01:40] group you because for some move the course long fast so if you're just like
[01:01:44] three bros going out to golf and they're like hold on a second we've got a
[01:01:48] fourth joining you like oh fuck that's OJ and then you have to just play the
[01:01:54] round of golf and the best round of golf ever do you think I mean I would love to
[01:01:58] be with the truth yeah would you broach the subject of killing his wife you
[01:02:03] would casually keep talking about the statue of limitation yeah yeah exactly
[01:02:08] friends you'd be like dude I robbed the bank in 1993
[01:02:11] I thought the brag about it all because it's too late it's are they already
[01:02:14] lost out by anyways do you have any stories like that since we're all telling
[01:02:19] stories here stories that are over 15 years old he's like I don't but if I did
[01:02:25] do it yeah but if I did here's the story I had I would also just want to hear his
[01:02:29] regular life story he's an interesting guy ran further over 2,000 yards yep
[01:02:33] and fell legend that's crazy we're no one's back you know what you know what you
[01:02:38] watched that documentary his dad was gay and everyone made fun of him that's
[01:02:41] true yeah so that's probably pretty interesting what was uh was uh did they
[01:02:46] go away gay people they killed yeah it's interesting I never thought about it
[01:02:52] anyway the the real criminal is Marcus Allen who fucked his friends wife that's
[01:02:57] you don't do that he's pretty the blood is on your hands Marcus although if you're
[01:03:01] listening which I'm sure you are yeah big yeah Mark sounds loves us dude yeah
[01:03:06] um that is pretty rude of him to fuck his friend's wife I gotta be honest yeah
[01:03:10] but do you think OJ was a good friend no he's probably sociopath right yeah yeah
[01:03:14] he was uh he thought of himself as the alpha dog like he can uh fuck with
[01:03:18] everyone else it probably was funny to fuck OJ's they probably weren't really
[01:03:22] friends well it probably was funny like and then I just have a laugh I didn't
[01:03:29] know you're gonna kill her I don't know you're gonna kill her and the guy that
[01:03:32] guy wasn't even a boyfriend you know really no that dude was just your friend
[01:03:36] he never got pussy no he was just a no no no no I can't believe he was gay
[01:03:42] with was he gay that's what I think yeah I think he was just like
[01:03:45] praying it up by saying like oh yeah yeah he was fucking that one was
[01:03:49] on killed and now they're really in heaven
[01:03:52] fucking that pussy our son's probably fucking her in heaven right now
[01:03:55] yeah so as our New York Times story just came out as but like the
[01:03:59] immigrants that have to like buy medallions oh like taxi medallions
[01:04:03] do you know the medallion system works yeah it's like 40 thousand
[01:04:07] dollars basically like stock trading you know the value goes up and down
[01:04:10] the worth they're worth incredible monomone this dumbass Egyptian guy that
[01:04:14] lives in like a shanty and I am presumably this neighborhood
[01:04:17] yeah I've spent eight eight hundred oh you know what where he lives at him
[01:04:21] in this article that just came out that you haven't even seen it looks like
[01:04:23] queens and it doesn't look like queens to me it seems like a picture that Adam
[01:04:27] has identified with as queens is literally just just the garage door
[01:04:33] is all you can see it's a lot of garages in Brooklyn
[01:04:38] it's a queens thing you know I got there is no identifying information that
[01:04:43] picture whatsoever say that up of the man's face
[01:04:46] stand outside their garage and say it's a queen oh that guy that's midwood
[01:04:49] that's midwood for sure he lives in a neighborhood but probably this one
[01:04:53] oh no it's queens I know for sure I'm taking the opposite position
[01:04:58] I'm gonna say queens not this neighborhood you smell like pee by the way
[01:05:01] let's find out that might be me I pissed I didn't shake my dick
[01:05:05] it's Adam Adam went to Queens to drink pee before he came to the show
[01:05:10] why would I do that it's so out of my way because you got
[01:05:13] they got because you love the way it looks yeah the
[01:05:16] you love going to Queens and remarking on the way it looks and how much you
[01:05:20] oh I know this neighborhood I come here to drink pee all the time
[01:05:23] are you upset that I said that garage was in Queens because it's not because it
[01:05:27] was called let's find out where it is this is interesting I'm
[01:05:29] screaming how do they make you feel this would be cool about it
[01:05:33] I don't I would be I'm have I'm fun I'm having fun either way where do you
[01:05:37] park your car I have a garage oh yeah under is under his
[01:05:40] garage I do wow this is a garage literally a block
[01:05:44] over that's nice garage it looks exactly like this yeah
[01:05:47] there's Rogers to what you know you're being said now and I'll be hilarious
[01:05:51] if this was next door to Adam's apart that would be awesome
[01:05:55] no I need to know where he is in touch with the the culture
[01:05:58] yeah yeah I'm sure you're very accepted in your neighborhood well the one thing
[01:06:02] going for Adam is that a lot of taxi drivers do live in Queens
[01:06:07] yeah I'm basing that on the night of the HBO everybody
[01:06:11] this sounds like I'm gonna say this and it seems like something that probably
[01:06:14] people already knew but the former chairman of the National Credit Union
[01:06:18] administration's name is Dennis dollar no
[01:06:22] that riddles and look at that bitch face yeah
[01:06:26] but what was Nick the original point no no no we have to call no we have to
[01:06:31] sign out things go here just laughing at this dumb immigrant for
[01:06:34] spending eight hundred ninety thousand dollars on it that's so sad
[01:06:37] oh no but but don't they isn't that what they're around what they're trading at
[01:06:41] I mean guys make money off those I thought they took a loan
[01:06:44] $40,000 no no no they're more than the point is that you're never going to
[01:06:48] make a million dollars driving a cab so it's like it's just no but but but it's
[01:06:54] it's like a house it's like yes you won't make a million
[01:06:57] dollars driving the cab but when you retire you can also sell that medallion
[01:07:01] right so you're so you make whatever money you're making sure
[01:07:04] you make payments on the medallion but then also you can sell whatever
[01:07:09] portion of that medallion you've made payments on so it's like a how it's
[01:07:12] like an investment interesting but it's like if the like you know I mean what
[01:07:17] are the terms of the loan is it a 200 year loan right
[01:07:20] taking out an $90,000 loan if it's a 30 year loan I mean your payments are
[01:07:25] going to be through the fucking roof right especially for a cab driver
[01:07:28] so like you would just I mean it's not like it's not
[01:07:31] especially in an industry that's failing yeah well that's the thing a lot of guys
[01:07:35] invested there were guys that owned like 10 medallions yeah as as an
[01:07:39] investment and and rented them out and then over came out and it fucking the
[01:07:44] bubble burst on those things and they went to from like 1.4 million to this
[01:07:49] 880 hundred ninety thousand damn probably yeah I mean they were they were
[01:07:53] expensive yeah they were a lot of money because they well because the city
[01:07:57] there's too many fucking caps so they have to make a system where you can't
[01:08:01] they have to limit that's why the traffic is so because they can't have
[01:08:05] enough fucking right they don't want cars in the city there's too many
[01:08:09] that's why the all the tunnels are $13 you know because they're like stay the
[01:08:13] fuck out of here damn dude that's I mean uber must be
[01:08:16] fucking up traffic then truly and people get raped and shit which is
[01:08:22] pretty fucked up in uber and it's a horrible job oh yeah they don't make
[01:08:26] shit yeah it's a fucked up something's gonna happen helps them lease the cars
[01:08:30] and then they're just basically indentured servants uh they have to like pay
[01:08:34] for their like sharecroppers like pay uber for the car have you ever given
[01:08:39] anyone anything other than a five star rating I I honestly never I don't
[01:08:45] think I've ever I gave a guy a one star rating one time but I had already yelled
[01:08:49] at him called him a faggot prior to getting out of the car so it's like oh I
[01:08:52] saw Nick was that when you put your foot on the thing I did not put my foot on
[01:08:56] the thing see these fucking assholes oh don't put your feet on my seat so I'm
[01:08:59] like I don't my legs are just crossed I'm not putting my feet on your fucking
[01:09:03] seats and I had one guy do it and then you know he's like he's like oh you put
[01:09:09] your feet on the seat and I'm like no no you weren't there for it this was a
[01:09:12] different time and he's like you put your feet on the seat I'm like no he's like
[01:09:15] yeah we'll see about that and I was like see about what you fucking faggot
[01:09:18] and I took my phone out and started recording and I was like look look at
[01:09:22] the fucking seat there's nothing on it it's like shoving the camera you just
[01:09:27] had gotten in no I was getting out oh yeah the way out and this bitch is sitting
[01:09:31] there like passively aggressive like like thinking I have my feet and I just
[01:09:36] don't yeah I mean it's you just fucking turn around and look yeah yeah you know
[01:09:40] and it's not like look like look before that guy's there okay so I got a I got a
[01:09:47] uber and little you got paid for that ride I got a uber he's also got a one
[01:09:51] star for being a fucking asshole I got a uber and literal little rock and the
[01:09:55] guy the whole trip just won't stop talking about
[01:09:59] it's trips like these that cost me money I need the uber X's that's what I need
[01:10:04] the or the uber blacks I need the uber blacks this kind of shit
[01:10:08] this cost me money I got well you didn't have to pick me up yeah
[01:10:12] what are you talking about I want to listen to this the whole time don't
[01:10:15] pick me up man yeah are there is there a a a glutt of uber uber blacks being
[01:10:22] called on a Tuesday and little rock Arkansas who was a mayor going out to
[01:10:28] lunch you fucking asshole he's got the whole time
[01:10:31] very every mile it's caught because with the car the payment I'm making on the
[01:10:36] car plus the gas I'm losing money taking you to your hotel well
[01:10:40] fuck you don't take me that yeah well it's because if they decline rides and
[01:10:44] like they're less likely to get right in the future but it's like you you
[01:10:48] complaining the wrong guy yeah yeah and I'm gonna tip you well I always like if
[01:10:53] they're if they're nice like cuz I understand it's the the whole gig
[01:10:58] economy thing sucks and it's like yes I get it they chose to do it but still I
[01:11:03] don't I don't tip on movers and lifts no because it's new yeah and like I tip
[01:11:08] and cabs but I mean I don't know I mean I guess it's you don't tip at this point
[01:11:11] it's good well it no because it's new and I feel like
[01:11:15] enough people don't I mean the way it should work is nobody fucking tips and
[01:11:18] then uber's forced to pay these people are like they compensate them fairly
[01:11:22] how do they not gonna compensate how do they claim to report losses to
[01:11:26] they say like oh our company loses like hundreds of millions of dollars a
[01:11:30] year who uber they do they do that's what they say yeah they do
[01:11:34] because they don't because it's not for what what do they do not we just
[01:11:38] have an app no no no they're driving the cars well
[01:11:41] I mean obviously there's people that work at the fucking company yeah they're
[01:11:44] like okay offices they're losing hundreds of millions of dollars off
[01:11:48] a primary advertisement yeah advertisement recruitment yeah
[01:11:53] trading over it fake and over it they're saying they're losing money so they
[01:11:57] don't have to pay fucking taxes well the way a lot of those companies get away
[01:12:00] with not paying taxes is they give away a lot of shares and then count those as
[01:12:03] like costs right so and I mean that's what like Amazon and Delta does right
[01:12:08] uh but did you see that Delta sign that was like buy a ps4 instead of joining
[01:12:12] the union that is smart or instead of having health insurance what was it
[01:12:17] union it was union yeah uber's IPO was one of the most
[01:12:23] it's fake unsuccessful it was one of the most unsuccessful first day
[01:12:28] offerings of all time really percentage wise public percentage wise yeah
[01:12:35] and a lot of people made a lot of money a lot of people made a lot of money
[01:12:39] shorting them because people kind of knew like hedge fund guys new like
[01:12:44] this is gonna tank immediately because the shitty it's a shitty company what's
[01:12:47] the bet the bet is that eventually they'll have robot cars and not have to pay
[01:12:51] the people at all that's what they think yeah that's what they think that's their
[01:12:54] bet but that's dude that's so far away the idea that that's close
[01:12:58] is is is far-fetched because they haven't even figured out
[01:13:02] because it's not just the technology is close
[01:13:06] but there's a whole fucking uh uh spider web of things to get through in
[01:13:12] terms of okay what happens if they still dies yeah
[01:13:15] who's liable if if there's a crash all this there's so much
[01:13:20] so many red flags to get through before that at least i would and i'm
[01:13:24] obviously a dumb comedian but i would say
[01:13:28] 20 years 20 years before self-driving cars are on the road
[01:13:32] as as a normal thing be so sick you get drunk as hell
[01:13:35] scohom well what's the difference between that with the driver
[01:13:40] no i'm saying like if you have your own self-driving oh yeah
[01:13:43] you get in your own damn car and go home why are you to get you jack off in the
[01:13:47] car you jack off you get your dick sucked get your dick sucked the bro the
[01:13:50] market suckers how is that different from now though
[01:13:53] well you have to drive and get your dick sucked and that could be distracting
[01:13:57] yeah but you could do all that if a robot not really you can drive you to the
[01:14:02] next how am i supposed to drive nice like a guy's dick at the same time there
[01:14:05] is dangerous yeah adam gives roadhead while driving
[01:14:10] i always take the wheel please i'll work the pedals
[01:14:14] well it's a very short man standing up on the seat oh that's cool i always get
[01:14:18] mad uh maybe he's on his knees i always get mad when people are like uh
[01:14:24] man i thought they'd be flying cars by now and it's like oh you mean like uh
[01:14:29] sort of a five-seat vehicle that can fly in the air
[01:14:34] yeah they're called helicopter right you just wanted easier yeah less expensive
[01:14:39] flying cars also if it fucks me up that just
[01:14:43] video chatting is just real like that's something that straight up was in
[01:14:47] movies that since it's like it's like we're bait we've got half the future
[01:14:52] i mean the other half sucks dick well and there's stuff we don't even know
[01:14:56] about yeah dude you know tarry's got the military has
[01:14:59] next level shit they're probably gonna maybe spend like all this fucking money
[01:15:03] on that railgun and then they got it they're like work and they're like yeah we're
[01:15:09] like um also don't we just not know what they act their actual budget
[01:15:13] they probably are just doing shit that's wild dude well you know it's really
[01:15:17] wild is like uh i was i was looking into this because i was
[01:15:23] it frustrated me that uh it frustrated me that billionaires were donating
[01:15:28] to rebuild no dr. Dom yeah because i know i understand the catholic church
[01:15:32] doesn't own no dr. Dom it's owned by the french government
[01:15:35] but the catholic church uses it and their their contract is that they're
[01:15:39] allowed to use it in perpetuity forever for free
[01:15:42] so essentially they own it you know and so the idea that these billionaires
[01:15:47] would donate to something that the catholic church
[01:15:51] essentially owns was crazy to me and i was like
[01:15:54] trying to get a handle on what is the actual wealth of the catholic church
[01:16:01] and it's so vast that literally they don't know
[01:16:06] they have no way of knowing because there's no way to value your
[01:16:09] procedural yeah exactly and so and so they they also
[01:16:13] spread out all the wealth they're not centralized so the so the individual
[01:16:18] diocese own their own real estate yeah and that way
[01:16:22] that way they kind of protect themselves at an
[01:16:24] international tax level and they also protect themselves
[01:16:27] from kids who got fucked suing them because like you know the the buffalo
[01:16:31] diocese could go bankrupt but the vatican could never go back sure
[01:16:35] and then on top of that well no child's asshole is worth the entire catholic
[01:16:39] church i mean it's wrong that they're molesting the kids but i
[01:16:42] don't think i don't think you should get a settlement of 800 trillion dollars
[01:16:46] but what's fast what if it's a really juicy little asshole
[01:16:50] i mean what's the most what's the best child and then that's the day
[01:16:54] jesus christ walks again on his earth but
[01:16:58] what it's like it's wild they don't even know because you can't value like
[01:17:03] the ceiling of the sistine chapter like you can't they have
[01:17:06] they just have vaults full of like Sumatran gold coins it's like how much is
[01:17:11] that worth no i don't fucking know like they're just
[01:17:14] said so they report their wealth is like 36 billion dollars
[01:17:18] but there's people who estimate it at like a trillion dollars we were talking
[01:17:22] about like uh should we steal those coins the military and their budget or
[01:17:26] whatever and i was thinking the other day about like
[01:17:28] you know op and heimer like quoted the baga vadita when they dropped the
[01:17:32] atomic bomb yeah yeah and he's like uh but i was just like
[01:17:35] i mean it's such a deliberate thing to say i am become death
[01:17:39] destroyer of worlds that you know leading up to the dropping of the atomic bomb
[01:17:44] op and heimers like in the shower like i'm gonna say that
[01:17:48] it's gonna be cool yes instead of trying to stop it he's like he's like
[01:17:52] oh that's gonna be such a six people gonna love this people gonna love this
[01:17:55] they're in the room and they watch the bomb drop and like people are reacting
[01:17:58] he's like i am become death destroyer uh then somebody else talks and he
[01:18:02] waits till they finish he goes i'm become death
[01:18:04] that's great oh what's that oh it's a thing it's from the baga vadita it's
[01:18:09] like a thing so much just thought it's a thing that this reminds me of
[01:18:12] you know just did anyone write it down because i think it's important that
[01:18:16] people know i just you know i mean i don't you know sometimes it's
[01:18:20] cool stuff like yeah it's not like you have to tell the press about it but
[01:18:24] i mean i would i would why it's so funny to me is because it's like
[01:18:28] this juxtaposition of like one of humanity at large is
[01:18:32] lowest moments yeah one of the worst things people have ever done to each
[01:18:35] other maybe the worst paired with a very like
[01:18:39] quotidian type of human like patheticness uh-huh that's something that everybody
[01:18:44] does cool well and something that everybody does
[01:18:48] every single day and they're paired in that moment yeah
[01:18:52] almost like splitting an atom if you think about it
[01:18:55] yeah and i think to myself i am become death
[01:18:59] destroyer yeah i like that Neil Armstrong
[01:19:03] fucked his moment up and you know yeah and no one and no one
[01:19:07] bothers to pay attention to it he said one small step for man one giant leap
[01:19:12] for mankind yeah man if you say man without saying a man yeah for me and
[01:19:18] mankind did say that they misheard him oh they
[01:19:20] misheard him he said that's what i remember because
[01:19:23] was that for a man it should that the quote should have been
[01:19:26] one small step for a man yeah one giant leap for mankind but if you say one
[01:19:30] small step for man that's the same as saying one small step for mankind man
[01:19:35] and mankind just falling out of the the lander and he's like i'm become death
[01:19:39] destroy do mine do mine damn where the pussy
[01:19:45] yeah yeah yeah where's all these where the moon pussy at
[01:19:50] that's what i'm saying if i'm the first time i remember when buzz Aldrin
[01:19:54] punched that uh for guy for saving the moon that old man
[01:19:57] yeah he punched that guy in the face that rock that was sick yeah
[01:20:01] respect the bus he had a punch on him for an old man
[01:20:03] yeah dude it was cool to see an old man he could probably still fuck you up
[01:20:07] he punched another old man right i think it was a younger guy younger guy
[01:20:12] yeah i don't remember a fake moon guy though that's not a guy that you could
[01:20:17] probably fuck those guys uh yeah those guys are nerds
[01:20:19] buzz Aldrin wasn't he don't you have to be like in the army and a scientist to be
[01:20:23] an astronaut especially in the early astronauts yeah but
[01:20:27] now they kind of combine both usually they have like
[01:20:31] a navy test pilot becomes the pilot and then there's
[01:20:35] highly trained scientists yeah you seen pro-methias yeah how it works i
[01:20:38] have it no the funny thing about space exploration
[01:20:42] is how quickly they realize like oh we can get to the moon
[01:20:46] but everything else is so fucking far away yeah like and there's nothing
[01:20:52] all that all that's on the moon is dust and rocks yeah so like
[01:20:56] we pretty much can pack it in yeah till someone figures out how to get to
[01:20:59] Mars which is also dust and rocks yeah we're pretty much fucked because like
[01:21:03] is there any cool shit no the moon the moon is so much closer to us
[01:21:09] than anything else by orders of magnitude like to get to Mars the
[01:21:14] moon you get to the moon in two days i'm excited for the chinese to continually
[01:21:18] try and land people on the sun and just just kill hundreds of their
[01:21:22] astronauts yeah okay try again okay next time aren't they
[01:21:28] talking about sending motherfums to Mars and you just die there
[01:21:30] yeah yeah that shit would suck that's why we need the russians
[01:21:34] russians love doing shit like this ah dude likea the dog
[01:21:39] that fucking dog first of all they picked that dog
[01:21:42] because of one of the researchers saw it on the street
[01:21:45] just sitting very still and he said well that seems like a good dog to send
[01:21:49] the space it doesn't move very much to be fair we send a chimp which is
[01:21:54] a much more intelligent animal and like it's a relative of us it's a
[01:21:58] relative of us in a much more cruel act than sending a dog in the space for
[01:22:01] sure dogs may be sweeter yeah but if you really dig deep into it sure
[01:22:06] Americans are worse uh and like uh yeah like i had no windows
[01:22:10] no windows just send them out into space do you know here's a thing the chimp
[01:22:15] didn't have any bananas yeah it's rough yeah this was i stumbled upon this
[01:22:19] information that i thought was interesting uh
[01:22:23] bubbles microjaxian yeah still alive really in an animal sanctuary in florida
[01:22:30] he's doing okay wow the rare case of being outlived by your own bait
[01:22:36] yeah yeah also what a step down the one chimp that like
[01:22:41] had to go to a shittier place well all the other chimps land ranch was
[01:22:46] probably yeah all the animals what and he traveled with him too so like
[01:22:50] and these other chimps definitely don't believe him
[01:22:53] and he's like bro i wore velour tracksuits like
[01:22:57] i had tea with the prime minister of japan what's the thing to do is like
[01:23:01] chimps uh well you know evan williams do that joke about the the the chimp
[01:23:05] quan or whatever quanza he's have some bit about like some
[01:23:08] like like that similar to that where it's like a chimp that was like
[01:23:12] that god like it was in movies and then had to go back to the zoo
[01:23:16] and then i mean i don't even know if evan does this anymore i know i think
[01:23:19] about it is kind of racist but yeah the you know the chimps are like
[01:23:22] because you know the chimps name is quanza yeah went to hollywood to be in
[01:23:26] movies or something and then it came back and they changed the chimps named
[01:23:28] the quan because like the quanza yeah and the other chimps are just like
[01:23:37] i got all famous now you quan there's this uh i don't know if he does that
[01:23:43] i probably not because yeah i think it's all doing an open mic like
[01:23:46] seven years ago so i went down i think with chimps is they turn like
[01:23:51] six and then they're well that's why michael jackson got rid of them
[01:23:55] because like people are like oh you got tired of them and it's like
[01:23:58] no they'll just let me turn six yeah it's like no he got rid the rip your
[01:24:05] fucking face off man but uh most of they rip your heart out
[01:24:09] they turn seven and they break your heart with their little little moustaches
[01:24:13] the voice started getting all deep it's you know that's disrespectful we had
[01:24:18] something special he talked going hair in places i don't like
[01:24:21] there to be hair i don't like to be hair down there like to get his nibbles
[01:24:25] played with i watched the first app uh yeah babies tweak his nibbles and
[01:24:30] suck his dick there's a whole pretty fucked up yeah he would make he would
[01:24:33] make the kids bend over and he would beat off to their assholes
[01:24:36] there's there's a great uh so i went down this i went down this bubble is like
[01:24:41] rabbit hole because i was fascinated that he was still alive because i
[01:24:44] had no idea how old chimps live yeah and on his wikipedia
[01:24:48] there's one stand-alone sentence it's not a paragraph just one sentence
[01:24:53] that just some guy put in there that just says
[01:24:57] bubbles did not attend jackson's memorial service
[01:25:02] like yeah man he's a fucking chimp he doesn't attend it
[01:25:08] yeah like nobody was like after everything michael did for that monkey
[01:25:12] and he's a no-show now how much does he remember that's the other thing
[01:25:17] nothing but chimps are smarter so yeah object permanence and yeah
[01:25:22] but that was true about the the tea with the prime minister of japan
[01:25:27] do you know how big of a pop star you have to be
[01:25:30] for the prime minister of japan to invite you to a
[01:25:34] ceremonial traditional japanese tea ceremony and you'd be like
[01:25:39] yes i'll be bringing my monkey and him not canceling that i mean of course he
[01:25:43] got the fuck in the monkey's monkey to the japanese
[01:25:46] tea ceremony pisses on the floor and make the monkey cut its pinky
[01:25:49] off yeah bubbles that is fun yeah does he
[01:25:55] remember does he wistfully think of michael he remembers
[01:25:58] yeah like uh co-co the gorilla had relationships yes you remember robin
[01:26:02] william but it's interesting she got sad when he died
[01:26:06] yeah i swear i don't remember that yeah video of them telling the gorilla that
[01:26:09] robin williams died yeah yeah i've never seen it like why
[01:26:13] she doesn't need to know that it's so funny to see that monkey upset
[01:26:16] co-co was so nice yeah it's a killing machine at him you can't trust
[01:26:21] that's not true it's built to kill she is like
[01:26:24] well you know you know the sign like co-co the gorilla like sexually assaulted
[01:26:28] people right what no that was that dolphin no
[01:26:31] co-co the gorilla when women would go visit it co-co would demand this
[01:26:35] oh so now you're me toing co-co she's a lesbian way for real
[01:26:39] yeah she would make them she would like sign with a show titch
[01:26:42] the fucking scientist would be like look it's an 800 pound gorilla you better
[01:26:45] do what it says you can't do it nah it look it up dude it's 100% true
[01:26:50] that's pretty wild honestly is every detail i've said is correct
[01:26:56] look it's on you do what i go look it up do what you want to do
[01:27:00] but i'm just saying he's pretty big yeah you make your own choice but
[01:27:06] she'll fuck you up she's hard enough to know sign language and she's deaf so
[01:27:10] no even if it does mean no it doesn't matter
[01:27:13] she's not deaf well no sign language yeah but just just like she can't talk she
[01:27:18] doesn't have vocal that's for a while i was trying to do a
[01:27:20] gay ass joke about how like uh why why are we only teaching the deaf girl
[01:27:24] is how to talk about that huh that's really good
[01:27:31] who's that's that was the we there yeah
[01:27:36] is a gorilla smarter than a chimp um i don't know that should be front page
[01:27:41] of reddit though what was on like a me if a gorilla is smarter than a chimp
[01:27:45] that would be on the front no no no why they only teach
[01:27:49] gorillas the deaf ones oh yeah you can put that on a stand up
[01:27:53] shots thing yeah that would be that would you know
[01:27:56] philosopher raptor who's that remember those old memes
[01:28:00] yeah where it's like the raptor and scumbag Steve and all that kind of
[01:28:05] sure i've no idea what you're talking about but yeah you remember that i just
[01:28:08] got into memes i'm making memes i just started i had a good one the other day
[01:28:13] it's late i'm late in the game yeah but there was cnn had an article of
[01:28:17] of uh prince William and he was pointing at his head you know yeah i said
[01:28:21] prince William opens up about the loss of his mother
[01:28:25] and i crossed out mother and wrote hair you know i said this is mean
[01:28:29] this is meme gold baby yeah this is meme gold sure i'm a meme guy now
[01:28:34] you know you should work for fuck jerry dude yeah i'm trying to i you called him
[01:28:38] i said every time it prints William his kid comes out
[01:28:41] black and he's like what the fuck whose kid is this
[01:28:47] and then he gets mad at his wife now you're thinking of prince here that's
[01:28:50] prince here i'm not going to learn them
[01:28:54] don't ask me the head that's meant to have black look we didn't fight the
[01:28:58] revolutionary war for me to learn which princes are the bald one and which
[01:29:01] i agree well and i'll be honest with you
[01:29:03] the miscegenating prince i don't have time to understand these distinctions
[01:29:07] i'll be honest with you that we're having negative connotation i think so
[01:29:11] yeah kind of yeah kind of i let me think about it
[01:29:15] yes kind of funnier if it were prince William
[01:29:21] yeah i mean that's kind of a crazier situation i was like
[01:29:26] how do you even get in here yeah there's all sorts of secret service
[01:29:30] if you're if you're if you're Megan Merkel you can
[01:29:33] go fuck a black guy and cheat on your husband and give birth to the black guy's
[01:29:37] kid and then when the white guy's like i don't know he looks a little dark you
[01:29:40] could just be like excuse me right it's the perfect crime really if you think
[01:29:45] about it and it yeah then and we get a black king of
[01:29:49] England yeah that should be i thought it was really
[01:29:52] nice the kings of England and it's dl hugley and
[01:29:57] saturday entertainer and steve harvey that's a
[01:29:59] saturday the entertainment yeah and just as a carryover uh
[01:30:05] king Ralph king Ralph who was king who's king john
[01:30:08] goodman john goodman just as a grand father then
[01:30:12] john candy no john goodman that's right i've seen that that's the
[01:30:16] movie i have seen miss casting should have been john candy
[01:30:19] surely he was dead how does john kennedy i don't think he was
[01:30:22] dead at that point from can from fat yeah that's a
[01:30:27] drug sensitive subject around these parts is it drugs as well i know it
[01:30:31] does forlary farley who's i'm kind of drug oh forlary did drugs for sure
[01:30:36] for lucy mom and did you know i'm sorry you know who else did
[01:30:43] did drugs hard with which a lot of people do not know about
[01:30:47] is uh the other big guy john john pignette oh really big fucking
[01:30:52] coke yeah which but a lot of people think you because it's a
[01:30:56] comedy was fully clean everything it's a myth yeah it's true
[01:31:03] that issue i agree with you that's why yeah you should keep doing it man
[01:31:08] mm-hmm i stopped actually you guys do cocaine
[01:31:11] yeah and the time so i'm scared of my heart i used to joke around about i
[01:31:15] really don't even know you don't have like a coke problem until you're like i
[01:31:18] don't have a coke problem and then then i became a guy that's like i don't
[01:31:22] have a coke i only do coke and then i think about it and it's like yeah i
[01:31:25] guess i mean i don't like i don't you don't you do it every two months
[01:31:28] every two months but as soon as you start to not it's not a cocaine problem
[01:31:31] it's not you're right but as soon as you say you don't then you're somebody that
[01:31:35] does mmm no one ever believes the guy that's like no i don't do
[01:31:40] i don't do too much cocaine my if you're in the position where you have to say
[01:31:44] that then it's people think you do and then you're fucked
[01:31:47] my coke problem was so sad because it was not even like i don't even have fun
[01:31:52] stories to tell because you get said well all what what my favorite thing to do
[01:31:57] was i would buy as much cocaine as i had money for i would buy like two
[01:32:03] thirty packs of beer and i would just lock myself in the in my room
[01:32:07] and play online scrabble for like six days in a row just just
[01:32:13] dripping huge line that kind of just fucking dudes up at scrabble and just
[01:32:18] being like yeah fuck you fuck you like it was just like a game you can easily
[01:32:23] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[01:32:28] just a pathetic like other guys and meetings are like talking about like
[01:32:31] i was out i was fucking for chicks and i said this is just too much and i was
[01:32:36] like i was my rating was up real high on scrabble but i was like is it worth
[01:32:41] for yeah yeah damn dude uh that's that's
[01:32:46] we should go to the show boys well you should come to our live shows in
[01:32:50] canada if you're listening yeah terano june 15th montreal june 19th
[01:32:56] autoa june 21st edminton the 25th thank coopers currently sold out we're
[01:33:01] trying to add another show to that um but yeah come out to all those
[01:33:06] freaking shows and uh listen to the fucking rad dude guest right brother
[01:33:11] yeah listen to the rad dude podcast plug when does this come out
[01:33:15] when is the oh this wednesday okay i'll be at a brand new comedy club
[01:33:19] uh it's supposed to be pretty fucking cool actually it's in cape
[01:33:23] jarardo mazuri i'll be there uh the 20 jorardo
[01:33:27] cape jarardo yeah yeah laughing gas the 24th through the 26th boom how are
[01:33:33] named that yeah yeah so come on to cape jarardo
[01:33:37] for a pretty cool place man my fucking cape jarardo
[01:33:41] air bud e y r e b u d on twitter and instagram listen the rad dude cast
[01:33:45] that's it subscribe to that shit thanks for having me guys thanks again as
[01:33:49] always very always happy to have you goodbye for