Cum Town | Regular | 06/06/2019
[00:00:00] Let's get down to penis and suck off five guys.
[00:00:10] Yeah, this is, I believe, Sunday, this is tomorrow, tomorrow's, or Sunday's, yeah,
[00:00:20] And maybe if you guys are lucky, or actually did you format it already?
[00:00:27] I'm gonna go to the bonus very bad episode for you guys.
[00:00:43] You're the gayest man I've ever sucked.
[00:00:53] That's how we really sell at the pleasures.
[00:01:05] We gotta get our marketing department on that.
[00:01:09] If we place you in a song about being gay, or being gay with your dad specifically.
[00:01:14] Plus, you know, we're putting ourselves at risk by doing, uh...
[00:01:38] I bought the cheapest headphones on Amazon.
[00:01:44] Well, I think I have a cord at home that I'll bring next time.
[00:01:57] Actually, I think that's literally what it is.
[00:02:15] Sometimes words have different meanings.
[00:02:24] Like, should it be a sound cord or something like that?
[00:02:32] So, auxiliary doesn't mean sound though.
[00:02:39] Auxiliary could mean a lot of different stuff, right?
[00:02:44] Yeah, one eighth inch or a 35 millimeter.
[00:02:48] They should call it the bigger than Adam's dick cord.
[00:03:00] Sometimes I feel like the entire world is in some sort of group chat talking about me.
[00:03:06] Just about your dick, how you're doing some more than that.
[00:03:13] What are some other definitions of auxiliary?
[00:03:21] I'm wearing lugs, but you're getting into the sucks.
[00:03:23] Auxiliary, I'm worried about lug zero-a-re.
[00:03:34] I pull up, you know, I pull up to the holes on the radio.
[00:03:49] I plugged my speakers in with beautiful shag carpeting.
[00:04:08] Rob's like, fuck, that would be awesome to have.
[00:04:14] I would love to have a house with one of those giant soccer balls.
[00:04:19] And I would write my friends over to play giant soccer.
[00:04:23] What about a secret door behind a bookcase?
[00:04:42] What I did want was a secret underground control room with a panic room.
[00:04:50] I wanted to live in a utopia where you didn't need any of that stuff.
[00:04:55] You pull one book and it opens the whole...
[00:05:00] In my childhood fantasies, I always imagined getting there through the ventilation system.
[00:05:09] Crawl through the vents and it leads to a controller.
[00:05:12] Where I could launch missiles at people.
[00:05:20] I don't know what I wanted to do through the vents.
[00:05:25] The story about a young Star Wars getting stuck in a vent.
[00:05:28] Oh, for sure, I would not be able to...
[00:05:45] I was basically his height in fifth grade.
[00:05:50] I was like, me and Elders were the same height and then I just stopped growing in seventh
[00:05:57] And then he got to be tall as shit and I'm just a fucking short little fat piece of shit.
[00:06:01] I don't get any of the privileges from, you know, that the world gives tall men.
[00:06:06] Elders is a beneficiary of so many privileges.
[00:06:12] Elders seems to be doing so much better than that.
[00:06:30] There's never been a tall, funny person ever.
[00:06:35] So, Drew, Gary Goldman, not funny at all.
[00:06:40] I want to see his fucking new special, but I'm going to be gone when he tapes it.
[00:06:58] I just don't want to hear about the process in such an earnest way.
[00:07:14] And then he tells us that's not what happens.
[00:07:16] He just repeats something he saw someone else do.
[00:07:21] He's learned to only steal from people not in comedy now.
[00:07:27] He asks people on the train, do you guys know any good jokes?
[00:07:31] Yeah, he asks black people if they know something funny.
[00:07:36] Second of all, have you heard any good jokes yet?
[00:07:43] But of course, obviously they're joking and that's not what my crafter processes.
[00:08:02] That's even worse than you saying me copying things that happened.
[00:08:06] I would never steal from a bitch who was currently stealing from me.
[00:08:13] And then maybe politely she says, I came out with that.
[00:08:26] I know what you're starting to talk about or what you could start talking about right
[00:08:32] I've got that fucking bookstore and we don't have to get into it.
[00:08:44] That's one good thing about us being such good pals for so many years.
[00:08:48] I literally wasn't even taking your English.
[00:08:50] There's no way he was thinking about it.
[00:09:02] Your decision to move on, like you're the stalemate?
[00:09:14] It matters too is the one that's emotionally abusive and is gaslighting him.
[00:09:21] That's the one who can't ever let it go.
[00:09:26] Gaslighting is making someone think they're crazy.
[00:09:29] You make the other person think they're crazy.
[00:09:34] Gaslighting is like, there's many things you can...
[00:09:37] You're just pretending that they don't remember something is a form of gaslighting.
[00:09:42] It'd be like you call your girlfriend a cunt and then a week later she was like, but you
[00:09:46] called me a cunt and you're like, I honestly don't even remember that.
[00:09:59] Everybody has to have cool flying words for everything.
[00:10:03] There could be lying that is essentially lying.
[00:10:09] Now we're having the chimps versus bonobos debate again.
[00:10:14] Now we're starting all our debates over again.
[00:10:23] Gaslighting implies a rewriting of the record.
[00:10:32] It's not like lying is involved, but it is like, yeah, it's more retconning than lying.
[00:10:39] The way a chimp or a bonobos specific kind of chimp.
[00:11:01] Listen, we all agree that I was at the bookstore.
[00:11:06] I'm swinging back to thinking you were now, honestly, that I was that you were.
[00:11:12] That's how the gaslighting process works.
[00:11:18] You're like, I guess Adam must be right.
[00:11:35] If you've seen a movie, you don't have to read the book.
[00:11:38] But I think I heard someone at some point and it might have been one of you.
[00:11:42] All that dumb girl bullshit is like not actual.
[00:11:46] It's like, you know, like the Bechtel test.
[00:11:50] It wasn't like she drew comics and she's like her name was Bechtel.
[00:11:59] Well, I mean, you know, it's like it's wrong.
[00:12:03] And I don't think women should be saying things.
[00:12:16] And then you see it's every fucking movie.
[00:12:19] What are the movies they make for themselves?
[00:12:24] Because I am a movie about a woman getting her shit together.
[00:12:27] It's always like because she got dumped.
[00:12:31] You know, it's never like, well, I guess gravity doesn't.
[00:12:39] That's the only movie that passes the Bechtel test.
[00:12:49] So if there's not another female character that fails the Bechtel test, it has to be
[00:12:53] too much George Clooney was trying to women not talking about a man.
[00:12:58] I'm just trying to think of movies where like the woman's motivations.
[00:13:05] Thanos was the man and Scarlett Johansson and somebody else.
[00:13:16] He's in a romantic context or is it just talking about a man?
[00:13:26] There's never been a movie that's passed the fact that's...
[00:13:32] No, they were always talking about a man.
[00:13:34] Yeah, it's literally a movie about a woman getting married.
[00:13:36] Yeah, but they probably talk about something.
[00:13:39] Like what do you want for dinner or time?
[00:13:40] Yeah, but the whole point, I mean, the movie is about women that...
[00:13:42] Oh, aren't married and their friend is.
[00:13:46] They all feel like whores because of it.
[00:13:49] And therein lies the comedy is that all women are whores, really.
[00:13:54] And it's just because she's getting married doesn't mean she's on a slut.
[00:14:00] Really, if you look at the movie, it's sort of a criticism of the men that allow women
[00:14:09] To my dagger, really should be getting different pussy than Maya Rudolph.
[00:14:16] John Hamm's the only good one because he just uses Kristen, Kristen Wigs pussy up.
[00:14:25] He fucks it like a microwave to him, which is the last name.
[00:14:38] Okay, let's figure out one movie that best.
[00:14:44] I never saw a little combat annihilation.
[00:14:47] No, no, they go into the Natalie Portman.
[00:14:52] Yeah, as a Thompson, they go into the forest and they shoot some shit.
[00:14:55] It looked cool, but then someone said it wasn't an action movie like I thought it might be.
[00:14:59] And then I was like, it was just snooze.
[00:15:02] Oh, what about that horror movie where an old bitch traps a young bitch?
[00:15:11] I don't know, it's called like Ernestine or some shit like that.
[00:15:19] No, it's Chloe, Grace Moritz and some old lady and the old lady.
[00:15:28] Was there ever an earnest ghost is real?
[00:15:30] No, I think you should have a bird's right.
[00:15:34] Earnest fires a rocket at Palestinian children.
[00:15:40] They got their own camps, dancing all these kids.
[00:15:56] There's a kind of American producers are like anti.
[00:15:59] No, I don't think we'll be making that one.
[00:16:01] We'll be passing on this as much as we enjoyed earnest ghost of the beach.
[00:16:09] I don't think we will be producing earnest.
[00:16:16] Well, how about it's Halloween or something?
[00:16:20] How about earnest goes trick or treating?
[00:16:26] And he goes to a Jews house and ran in that panties.
[00:16:34] I like the idea that that man had so much power in Hollywood.
[00:16:40] Look, we can't lose the earnest movies.
[00:16:45] He makes over $80,000 a year in video cassettes.
[00:16:53] Has anyone ever paid for an earnest movie or do they only watch them after getting them
[00:16:58] No, I rented earnest movies from a lot of history.
[00:17:02] I feel like I got them exclusively from the library.
[00:17:05] But that might have been a little v. Halkius poor life hack.
[00:17:10] I don't even know Blockbuster existed for years.
[00:17:15] And then we at one point, we went to this little independent one right by Santoni's
[00:17:27] And it was one of those that had pornography in the book.
[00:17:29] Oh, after behind the beaded, the beaded, like, doorway thing.
[00:17:42] And that's why this country is fucking little dick it as hell.
[00:17:44] The one that showed porn should have succeeded.
[00:17:47] Well, the internet would have killed that anyway.
[00:17:52] But the internet killed it with Netflix anyway.
[00:17:56] Now I remember the porn sections and like record stores and stuff.
[00:18:03] And record stores would also sell movies pretty much never.
[00:18:10] I never I only went to the one that fells point when I was trying to be cool when I was like,
[00:18:22] You're like, hey, you ever hear a bad company?
[00:18:33] That is that is a creation of this podcast.
[00:18:36] This guy in creepers and it's I was never as a guy.
[00:18:40] He's a guy who's in a checkered tank top.
[00:18:51] When you hit that 200, yeah, once I hit that once I hit those two bills.
[00:19:05] I just appreciated Elvis at a young age.
[00:19:12] I wanted to have greased up Paul made ass hair in a leather jacket.
[00:19:16] But like I used to have this fantasy that I had control of a street gang when I was
[00:19:22] And the mental image was like, yeah, just six year olds dressed like leather daddies,
[00:19:38] I wanted to be the lead the singer and get to do you ever did you ever.
[00:19:44] There's all from little little kid and movie.
[00:19:51] Everything was from a ship bands that are also good.
[00:20:02] I was like, who the fuck is this ugly motherfucker?
[00:20:04] I thought I was fucking handsomely shit.
[00:20:07] I thought I was hot as shit swooped over.
[00:20:10] That's how I saw myself every like in my self image, I had greased up hair home to the
[00:20:16] side of the leather jacket on at all times.
[00:20:20] I was like, who's this little faggot in the mirror?
[00:20:27] Do you think Uncle Jesse John Samos Greek hero?
[00:20:34] It was 100% that I remember being a little kid and thinking I could do impressions and
[00:20:38] then like recording them and then playing them back.
[00:20:45] Because in my head, I'm like, no, I sound exactly like Will Smith.
[00:20:49] I used to record my grandfather would send us tapes from Greece of like music he recorded
[00:21:04] And, and, but even though they were bullshit, like my dad still like cherished them.
[00:21:09] And I used to fucking just record over them with my own fake radio talk show.
[00:21:15] And my dad like would throw them on to fucking listen to them and it would be like, Oh, hello,
[00:21:31] No, not only that, he actively punished me for it.
[00:21:37] I was just shows that you were creative child.
[00:21:39] I wanted to have my own little radio show and it's like, hello, everyone.
[00:21:44] Mom made mac and cheese and hot dogs today.
[00:21:52] Cut cut up hot dogs and mac and cheese.
[00:22:00] It's like, you have to become funny if like your natural instincts as a child are be to
[00:22:04] be like the biggest faggot in the entire world.
[00:22:26] It's about grandmas and grease putting on pants and getting absolutely railed out by tourists.
[00:22:33] You submitted it and then they changed.
[00:22:38] The fucking Hollywood machine does it again.
[00:22:40] Same people that I just wanted to make a movie about 80 year old widows that only wear
[00:22:47] But when they put on, they've been born it for 60 years.
[00:22:49] They put on these magical pair of jeans, their pussies get wet for the first time since
[00:22:54] I watched traveling pants one time with my cousin.
[00:22:58] And like we've been watching it for 15 minutes.
[00:23:04] I just want to see the rest of the movie ends with the pants ending up in an evidence
[00:23:14] Thank you for saying, as if everyone didn't get.
[00:23:17] I guess the people home didn't see Nick smiling and the glint in his eyes.
[00:23:21] So they couldn't put the pieces together.
[00:23:27] Come across this fictional women getting rained on vacation.
[00:23:32] Yeah, that movie featured Greece heavily.
[00:23:47] That's another gay thing about my childhood.
[00:23:50] The music I listen to as a kid purely like boy bands, Spice Girls.
[00:24:11] That was my absolute music video for that song creeps me out.
[00:24:15] It's a cool song for banana Ram is a cruel summer.
[00:24:20] They're just walking around like the Lower East Side in Williamsburg and shit.
[00:24:24] But it's like, you know, most like they're probably disgusting now.
[00:24:32] Well, them aging is just something about it just feels like death.
[00:24:38] But just this like the idea of like, I don't know.
[00:24:42] Like I watch it and I see like these are like, you know, three like young pop stars or whatever.
[00:24:48] Like, like, oh, we're making a music video in fucking New York or whatever.
[00:24:59] But they, yeah, it's like, but then like that, like there's, there's nothing to feel good
[00:25:07] And it's like all these people have AIDS at the time.
[00:25:14] There's just a lot going on that just like makes me like uncomfortable.
[00:25:21] And it's I didn't, I never really, I think I was talking to Ryan Beck about it years
[00:25:31] I never like said it out loud, but he like he said it and I was like that I fucking get
[00:25:42] Yeah, it just, oh the drawings you're right.
[00:25:44] They were, they were something weird about them.
[00:25:47] And it's like this idea that like all of these people are having fun.
[00:25:55] You know, it's like, well, I don't know.
[00:26:01] I guess it's banana, ramethings, the same thing.
[00:26:04] Just like the idea of people like having fun and I'm going to be young forever.
[00:26:13] And then to think, oh, my youth is already gone and I didn't have fun.
[00:26:19] I spent my fucking youth doing open mics and seafood restaurants for fucking Dave chauffeur.
[00:26:30] One time when I was like first starting someone's like Uncle Dave's in the, in the audience.
[00:26:38] And I was like, even at that point when I didn't know what, what the fuck was going on, I was
[00:26:42] like, I, I highly doubt that big industry.
[00:26:47] He was the, he controlled the Red House tavern.
[00:26:51] They were the Uncle Dave's in the audience.
[00:26:58] It's just like, it sounds like we're making these guys up real.
[00:27:01] They're real big big big fucking nerdy white guy that like,
[00:27:08] He was also a magician and he was just fucking terrible.
[00:27:12] He would come to wise acres and then come to like, I guess we would go like, hang out
[00:27:31] Did he send his little dick pics to female open micers?
[00:27:40] You probably got a pink dick, Nick, huh?
[00:27:47] It's more, well, I guess it's multiple colors.
[00:28:09] I have like a little spout that I turn.
[00:28:11] I was watching videos the other day of like, people that get like, hematomas underneath
[00:28:18] Oh, you heat up a needle and then burn a hole through the nail.
[00:28:28] And apparently it's supposed to be really relieving, but that, yeah, you have to like,
[00:28:30] burn a hole through the fingernail with.
[00:28:36] But I saw it and I'm like, damn, I hope that you wish.
[00:28:37] Yeah, you want, you want a blood blister on your fucking finger.
[00:28:45] Although there is something nice about popping them bitches.
[00:28:50] Yeah, but then you have that baggy like, that little baggy shit.
[00:28:59] The fucking, I freaking hate condoms, man.
[00:29:15] Since we're going down memory lane, what do you think of the Mentos commercials?
[00:29:19] That was like one of the first things I learned how to do parodies.
[00:29:25] Even though they were weird and they were so different than American shit because they
[00:29:29] Well, you know my opinion on twins anyway.
[00:29:34] No one else would be able to suck each other's dicks.
[00:29:36] They do suck each other's dicks and they're all lying if they say they haven't.
[00:29:42] When I would watch those Mentos commercials, I would laugh so hard just imagining like
[00:29:46] a guy like hitting on a girl and she's like, no or whatever.
[00:29:50] And then he's like, you know, he's a Mentos.
[00:29:51] Then he goes into the car and is like, ba da ba da ba da.
[00:29:57] But yeah, that was like a big hit for me.
[00:30:06] I was like, mom, I need a fucking Mentos because I thought any problem I had.
[00:30:13] It's so funny how like susceptible to commercials.
[00:30:15] Like it would be like my friends would let me get a turn and playing the Power Rangers
[00:30:19] Nintendo games and I would eat a Mentos and ask again and they'd be like, no.
[00:30:25] I was like, what the fuck this candy something and it didn't taste that good.
[00:30:47] Damn, I would honestly gulp those bitches up whenever I got them.
[00:30:54] You know what's the most incredible candy in the world?
[00:31:04] That's a the greatest candy in the fucking world.
[00:31:10] Now listen, is there some kind of good quality to a high chew?
[00:31:14] In terms of the sensation of having it of chewing it and then being able to swallow it
[00:31:18] afterwards because it's like you can never swallow.
[00:31:27] You seem to know a lot about how to swallow and drink cum.
[00:31:34] I've never seen the cum like that comes out of your dick.
[00:31:45] I see the face of my cock when it comes because if it's in a girl's mouth, but I don't see
[00:31:52] I don't know if I've ever busted inside a girl's mouth.
[00:31:56] You don't know what the blast looks like.
[00:31:58] Well, you know, if she chews or not, after you've busted her mouth, I close my eyes.
[00:32:05] I'm a nervous spectrum white woman instead.
[00:32:19] And white women won't fuck me because I'm racist.
[00:32:21] So we have to close his eyes because I don't talk women.
[00:32:29] Yeah, but gaslighting only applies to white women.
[00:32:36] Black women in Puerto Rican women just fight with you.
[00:32:41] They're from the old school where you can just have disputes with people.
[00:32:47] They don't like experience their relationships through a series of group chats on Twitter
[00:32:51] and interesting and, you know, supplanting psychotherapy for a network of women they
[00:33:02] I get all my relationship advice from a group chats from, yes, someone with an anime avatar.
[00:33:07] It's like it sounds like you're being abused.
[00:33:14] I'm going to call the police right now.
[00:33:18] Oh, no, they, they watch things on my Netflix account and it fucked up my suggestions.
[00:33:27] Well, my algorithm, why don't you fucking speak to my friends in my, in my group chats
[00:33:36] You say it's a form of physical violence.
[00:33:40] Why don't you speak to what's a pun with a Japanese guy's name?
[00:34:18] Man, I'm a police officer named officer Honda element.
[00:34:22] I'm like the man to have this car for free.
[00:34:26] You're wearing hot sauce sweatpants bottoms.
[00:34:29] You're wearing hot sauce pajama bottoms.
[00:34:32] You're wearing the top ramen clothes from Target.
[00:34:37] There's a hole in your little part of your penis is sticking through it.
[00:34:43] Sir, you're opening your wallet and it's just filled with diarrhea.
[00:34:52] A police officer named Honda element 19.
[00:34:57] Sir, you've written Honda element in diarrhea, ma'am.
[00:35:01] Where's the, at least let me have free coffee from the coffee.
[00:35:09] Sir, what are you doing with that tent?
[00:35:15] We believe someone is trying to steal the Honda element from the showroom.
[00:35:24] The police department has asked me to jack off in this tent.
[00:35:28] I am to live in this tent and you were to bring me some of the animal crackers from next
[00:35:33] to the coffee machine to live off of until we get to the bottom of who's trying to steal.
[00:35:39] Yes, I said my name was Honda element earlier.
[00:35:43] Well, it is my name, but my name's a coincidence.
[00:35:52] Detective, detective Toyota Viper, by the way.
[00:36:00] And I know you close at seven, but we'll part of I am a police officer.
[00:36:27] Put the big bill on the outside and then you stroll right in, pretend to have down syndrome
[00:36:30] and you walk out with all the candy in the store.
[00:36:34] What's the point of putting the bill on the outside?
[00:36:38] The key is that they think you mentally retarded.
[00:36:46] Wouldn't they send me to a jail with gay people and other retires?
[00:36:52] Wouldn't I be charged with mental retardation?
[00:36:56] Damn, they really, really did not have a good go at things.
[00:37:06] And still not, you know, oh, no, they get to speak to Congress now.
[00:37:12] First of all, being a retarded person, being a retarded person sounds awesome.
[00:37:17] First of all, there's no greater accomplishment than like working a minimum wage job that's
[00:37:22] So it's like you don't even get paid really.
[00:37:30] They come with McDonald's does that whole thing about like we hire retarded people.
[00:37:38] But they, yeah, they like get like huge like tax breaks or whatever or like, you know,
[00:37:47] The the retarded guy gets a paycheck, but you know, they get paid like prison money.
[00:37:57] I think there's some like thing where it's like, yeah, they get.
[00:38:05] Let me look up whether retarded people get paid.
[00:38:21] What would your job be if you were mentally retarded?
[00:38:27] I would say grocery because I get to meet so many nice people going to see the movies.
[00:38:32] I get to tell them the wrong theater to go into.
[00:38:39] They're like, well, my ticket, it says I'm in theater 11.
[00:38:50] I'd do little tricks and then have a little mischievous smile.
[00:38:55] Now advocates of the disabled are trying to change a law that allows some employers
[00:38:58] to pay workers less than minimum wage because they have a disability.
[00:39:02] That's the joke we were doing is that you would be in prison in the 20s.
[00:39:11] Federal law allows about 30 employees and employers in Washington pay workers less than
[00:39:16] minimum wage because they're those workers have disabilities that impair their productivity
[00:39:23] But advocates say this practice exploits people who deserve a shot at being productive.
[00:39:27] Yeah, I don't know how it works exactly.
[00:39:29] Yeah, those companies hire retarded people because you can pay them less.
[00:39:40] It's like if your bag and groceries are sweeping or whatever the fuck, but imagine if like,
[00:39:44] imagine how shitty that feels if you're the other guy that works at McDonald's.
[00:39:48] If there's this guy does every detail of your job.
[00:39:57] The manager told me he's like, he's a better employee.
[00:40:06] He's like a nonverbal like zombie basically.
[00:40:17] It was just like we need to clean the bathroom.
[00:40:18] Michael, be like, oh, yeah, then he'd be in the bathroom for seven hours, but he would
[00:40:26] No, no, instead of eating pizza and leaving and being like that, not doing any of that.
[00:40:37] Every pizza restaurant I've ever worked at.
[00:40:40] You leave every day with the free pizza?
[00:40:41] No, I mean, I would be damn this bitch about to bite you.
[00:40:55] It makes her mad how weak your legs are.
[00:40:58] Yeah, no, any restaurant you've ever worked at should give you free food.
[00:41:12] My mom was a waitress and she was like, don't do that shit.
[00:41:13] Yeah, my sister has served weighted tables for years.
[00:41:21] She says, OJ now comes in twice a week.
[00:41:31] Do you think your sister's going to have sex with OJ so I'm sorry?
[00:41:36] Does your sister know that me and her had sex?
[00:41:43] I'll get back to you when I guess I'll be.
[00:41:45] I mean, she was pretty knocked out there.
[00:41:48] So you had sex with my sister when she was sleeping or?
[00:41:53] That's crazy because I had sex with her when she was.
[00:42:00] Yeah, me and Stav are on the way to my my chateau.
[00:42:11] No, we both had him sister while we were drunk off absent.
[00:42:16] Your sister was asleep on the way to my chateau.
[00:42:23] And I did it under Nick's orders because he was the marquee.
[00:42:26] And you never have a family killed if I said I was going to have his family killed.
[00:42:32] The marquee de Sartre St. Toyota Vyper.
[00:42:38] AKA this tent and I'm on the dealership.
[00:42:39] I don't know how to get him out of here.
[00:42:48] 20 minutes ago, he was a police officer.
[00:43:02] And he keeps telling me he's a police officer in the marquee.
[00:43:07] Is that a solid frame where someone just makes other people have sex with each other?
[00:43:22] I have no loyalty to any one of my real life.
[00:43:25] Oh, I forgot it was even about your sister.
[00:43:28] We're laughing about the guy at the Honda dealership.
[00:43:32] Because for a while, this was me as the marquee.
[00:43:37] This bit is like a dream where it's like just changes every time it's like, right?
[00:43:41] You know, sometimes if the show's bad, it's good to lean into sort of that sort of dream
[00:43:47] I don't think I learned from the Jerry Brockheimer, Don Simpson, I was interviewing.
[00:43:52] He said, you got to let things breathe to you.
[00:43:58] So anyways, we're in the Honda dealership.
[00:44:00] And then he's dressed in a fucking full and revolutionary.
[00:44:04] Recently, I know that the man for the to play Toyota Viper is Denzel and for a number of
[00:44:14] Not only I like that you're not only on your phone, but the microphone is just gone.
[00:44:22] We said, Adam, we're going to ask him to bring my we're in the group chat with the whole
[00:44:30] Just text him on that group chat with the whole world.
[00:44:32] Can you say, can you bring my jewel charger next to the couch on the left side?
[00:44:35] Make it smaller than the whatever the cord or whatever we're talking about.
[00:44:58] That's weird that you texted him that he's he texts me.
[00:45:14] You must have been asleep having one of your ambient gay fugues.
[00:45:27] Do you stay up and like have a do you fight it so they can do weird shit?
[00:45:33] Yeah, and then and then Dasha buys things on online.
[00:45:39] Things off of AliExpress and then like we get it in 45 to 60 business days.
[00:45:46] And then she's like complete us not remember buying any of it.
[00:46:06] It was just a fire hydrant in the middle of Adam's living room.
[00:46:14] Just a fire hydrant and then just like a fucking a lube dispenser with a pump.
[00:46:26] A lot of stuff on AliExpress is like $5 or less.
[00:46:38] You find you look for the poorest kid in the store and you follow him around with his
[00:46:43] mom and you wait until his eyes light up at some toy and then you walk over and you
[00:47:07] It's really rub it into working mother eight.
[00:47:09] Oh I'm sorry I'm purchasing all of these.
[00:47:35] The guy five I was like we got more in the back if you want.
[00:48:00] But what that means to you is that you just buy toys.
[00:48:04] The children buy toys and try and sell them to children for double.
[00:48:07] Yeah you just rip off or single mothers.
[00:48:11] Or try and make a different kind of arrangement with them.
[00:48:19] No man you have another option you can buy me the toys I want.
[00:48:23] And in exchange I'll give your son one of these.
[00:48:34] Well it looks like your son is going to die sad hating his mother.
[00:48:40] His slut mother that wouldn't buy a PlayStation for a bathtub had a gentleman.
[00:48:47] Or suck his dick in the middle of the dollar.
[00:48:55] Ma'am I already said I can just put my penis in one end of my top hat and you can put your
[00:48:59] face through the other and it will happen in private.
[00:49:02] This is that top hat with the whole no top of the top hat.
[00:49:10] Ma'am I brought this antique photography equipment so you can drape and I can place the camera
[00:49:22] I'll even let the young chap play with a toy while you suck my dick.
[00:49:57] One of the guys there obviously was told about libertarianism.
[00:50:04] So now he's trying to rape and tell me about the free market.
[00:50:09] Yeah he's been in that shopping center for about the last 15 years.
[00:50:15] Yeah we really don't know what to do with him.
[00:50:26] You know speaking of one of those things where you suck dick through a top hat.
[00:50:31] There was a Japanese game show where they tried to see if a straight guy.
[00:50:36] This is the level of game show that Japan is on which I respect so much.
[00:50:42] They had a straight porn star and they were like do you think a gay man can get you to
[00:50:50] And they had a gay porn star suck his dick on television but his head was in a little
[00:50:56] And they just like an auditorium full of people watch.
[00:51:04] And they're like cheering the gay guy on.
[00:51:08] It was the show called the mouth is a mouth.
[00:51:14] Hey you ever see that show the mouth is a mouth.
[00:51:24] What's up with Bam dude any news on the Bam front?
[00:51:27] Oh yeah I've been following him on Instagram.
[00:51:30] He lets people come over to his house for like three hours a day and use escape.
[00:51:35] He gave out his his gate code on Instagram.
[00:51:40] He's like if you're trying to come over and skate my gate code is like 1979.
[00:51:47] We should go to try and go skate with him.
[00:51:58] I was skater's physique people have told me.
[00:52:06] You have awkwardly large feet for your height.
[00:52:09] You have like size 14 feet or something.
[00:52:14] Anywhere between 11 and a half 13 depending on the shoe.
[00:52:19] My actual size foot is 11 and a half quadruple wide.
[00:52:34] I'm back on this shit about how retard is not going to pay as much.
[00:52:47] Some guys like some guys in like the fucking state legislature.
[00:52:50] He's like alright I'm going to put this to vote.
[00:52:55] This is some common sense stuff that we can all reach across the aisle for.
[00:53:01] I want I want to get bipartisan consensus.
[00:53:09] This is an article from 2001 and just listen to how it's on slate.
[00:53:13] Listen to how this language like would not be accessible.
[00:53:17] Just days ago explainer answered the question does the law treat the insane differently
[00:53:21] However the item did not explode the legal rights of the retarded and others.
[00:53:34] Did not explore the legal rights of the retarded and other areas such as marriage home ownership
[00:53:42] Why am I adding a little bit of flourish.
[00:53:49] How do you escalate the American Association of Mental Retardation Defines.
[00:53:56] I mean I'm sure they've changed their name.
[00:54:02] A lot of people know this Muhammad Hatha had Down syndrome.
[00:54:05] Well he just hated the usage of the Arcelor.
[00:54:12] Well it's the imperialism of the Arcelor.
[00:54:14] They're going to other countries making them use it.
[00:54:20] It's not the American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities.
[00:54:31] How about a guy with Down syndrome who goes into a coma in 1998 and he comes out of the
[00:54:35] They're like good news you're not retarded anymore.
[00:54:38] They're like no you're intellectually disabled.
[00:54:50] Drive me to the haunted dealership immediately.
[00:54:57] It's like saying you cured cancer by just changing the name.
[00:55:04] Just like that same guy that just comes in there like this is a woman with her kid with
[00:55:08] Down syndrome being like uh ma'am I'm a medical doctor.
[00:55:15] Dr. Price Cooper and your son has Down syndrome.
[00:55:24] I'll be collecting my $500 make the check payable to just give me cash.
[00:55:33] In fact whatever you have in your pocket doesn't have to be $500.
[00:55:36] You could also purchase a PlayStation 4.
[00:55:42] I'm wearing this fucking coat aren't I?
[00:55:46] It's like no that's a nightgown you tore in half.
[00:55:49] That's a nightgown you scissor down the middle.
[00:55:52] You're wearing women's clothes from the fat girl section and target.
[00:56:07] Dude I bet you maternity jeans are very comfortable.
[00:56:10] Yeah you should straight up start wearing maternity clothes.
[00:56:15] You know what I was I was in target the other day and I was looking at the fat mannequins
[00:56:26] If it's like fat ladies though I don't think they're too fat man.
[00:56:32] Well it's like like seven years ago if you saw that somebody would have been like that's
[00:56:54] As the representative I'll say that is not what we want.
[00:57:04] And every single identity should have its own country.
[00:57:09] So every discernible identity should have its own country.
[00:57:14] You're saying like a nation state or an F fat people.
[00:57:19] You have to choose what if you're probably going to be a nation state.
[00:57:24] So there's like a fat people nation state.
[00:57:33] It's every single one or is it like they're general but you get to choose which one you
[00:57:37] Right because couldn't you belong to multiple.
[00:57:41] But then you have to develop a hierarchy of identities where it trickles down and within
[00:57:44] each nation state there's different states that represent the sub categories.
[00:57:52] It's like you wait you wait your identity.
[00:57:57] That's an individual decision and then your choice of your own identity.
[00:58:03] But if you're like I'm a gay black man that's 400 pounds.
[00:58:06] You move to the gay country and the black state and then the town for fat so.
[00:58:17] You can't like what if you want to fuck you know different kind of people.
[00:58:20] Yeah what if you want to fuck straight Chinese.
[00:58:29] And I have come up with no it's not your man.
[00:58:43] It is not there is not urine in the super soaker.
[00:58:46] Sorry is your name Mason is your name Mason because these are not your jars unless that's
[00:58:53] I'm holding these jars for my friend Mason and it is not urine.
[00:58:58] He's not I pissed all of these out myself.
[00:59:11] I've got him down in my basement cooling off for 40 days and nights.
[00:59:25] What happens if you boil pissed out in salt?
[00:59:36] Phosphorus is luminescence so you can like it's for yet like it's photo luminescence.
[00:59:41] So if you're supposed to light and then turn the lights off it'll like.
[00:59:44] It's really used white phosphorus in Gaza which is like a terrible weapon.
[00:59:56] Was that what like the guy that you know like those militia kind of guys is that what
[01:00:02] They got it to Oklahoma City and stuff.
[01:00:05] Are they like making chemical weapons with their own piss?
[01:00:28] I think there are guys on the team that are older than him.
[01:00:52] She's nasty and they kissed on the lips after he wasn't so cool.
[01:00:57] You seem like the kind of person that would kiss your children on the lips at him.
[01:01:00] It's inappropriate if I do it to women.
[01:01:06] My dad kissed me on the lips for a lazy block.
[01:01:12] I think it was like, I'm, I'm, I'm 25 years old.
[01:01:32] Do you ever, um, suck a dick for money, Adam?
[01:01:50] So it was like here's $500,000 to suck a dick.
[01:02:04] He's a marquee a capitalist, a magician.
[01:02:07] I'm investing, getting my dick sucked by Adam.
[01:02:12] If you want to invest in that, you can have a discussion.
[01:02:18] I'm going to need 50% stake in your mouth from now on.
[01:02:21] I get to fuck your mouth whenever I want and I get to recapture my principle.
[01:02:39] I would love an episode of Shark Tank where it's like all of them pass and it's only the
[01:02:49] She's like, she's like cookies by Melissa.
[01:03:27] It's weird that his name is Kevin O'Brien.
[01:03:31] I think his name would be like David Shima-Wits or something.
[01:03:45] He seems like some of them would pay men to suck their dick.
[01:03:58] Damn, I wonder what that guy's up to now.
[01:04:01] Because he's probably close to death and he's like, fuck, I spent my whole life being in
[01:04:38] No, because my mom's 60 something and she was born in the 50s.
[01:04:46] And he's probably look up his net worth.
[01:04:49] I guess that band's been because yeah, the band's been around since what, 83?
[01:04:56] That long and they had one hit in the late 90s.
[01:04:59] Do you remember that movie with fucking Mr. Holland's Opus?
[01:05:16] Hello, I'm the star of Mr. Holland's drive.
[01:05:27] Mr. Young, Mr. Holland, I wish I could conduct the opera someday.
[01:05:54] He flipped a little conductor thing in his ass and conducted that way.
[01:06:06] Okay, this is going to sound like a stupid question.
[01:06:08] Oh, he's the announcer for Jimmy Kimmel.
[01:06:26] But I'm trying to keep my mouth on a dick.
[01:06:34] And I'm so confused about why these germs don't like me.
[01:06:53] This guy's driving an Uber seeing that himself.
[01:07:07] Spaying off his $9 million tax in bedow.
[01:07:27] I think a lot of Indian men are friends of Alicia Keys.
[01:07:36] The joke isn't that he would like Alicia Keys.
[01:07:38] It's that New York is just never going to be nice to that guy.
[01:07:57] You get paid just to be like, and now Jimmy Kimmel.
[01:08:00] Yeah, for Wheel of Fortune, they like say Jack films like seven episodes in a day.
[01:08:10] And then they just shoot the entire year in like a two month period.
[01:08:28] Well, if you could actually come up with a game show idea, you can come up with a card
[01:08:38] You come up, yeah, with a game or something.
[01:08:44] Yeah, but I'll be the one that pitches.
[01:08:54] He came up with like if I had to come up with the name of a movie and I said Titanic, I came
[01:09:20] It's a why you mad because I came up with a fucking card game and you said blackjack
[01:09:27] It must be weird being a Jewish family who lives in Las Vegas.
[01:09:31] There are plenty of Jewish like that's about like the possibility of losing money.
[01:09:40] Did your family wake up every morning just in a cold sweat like my dad for a while was
[01:09:51] You pay for a machine with a 20 and there's slot machines right after you check out.
[01:09:55] You're like, oh, just put my change in the slot machine and then like time just erases.
[01:10:03] They had slot machines in laundry mats.
[01:10:04] Do they have do they have stations in grocery stores?
[01:10:07] They don't have prostitutes in Las Vegas.
[01:10:10] Every other county in Nevada except for Clark County.
[01:10:13] I thought they come up to you when you're playing and they're like, hey, those are those
[01:10:17] Those are waitresses cocktail waitresses.
[01:10:21] No cocktail waitresses like dress like scantily clad and bring you drinks.
[01:10:25] You get free drinks if you're playing the game.
[01:10:28] Again, the way I wanted to be in a fucking band slash gang as a child.
[01:10:34] I was led to believe from movies that there's horrors that look nice.
[01:10:41] Well, yeah, there's I'm sure there's a lot of prostitutes in Vegas, but it's not legal.
[01:10:51] I was just Adam and like pumps and like a short red dress.
[01:11:08] You just having having sex with Nicholas Cage in a hotel room.
[01:11:14] Elizabeth something Elizabeth shoe Elizabeth shoe.
[01:11:21] Yeah, she was she didn't really work after that movie.
[01:11:26] I know the name and I don't really know anything about movie.
[01:11:31] There was another actress I thought about the other day.
[01:11:38] I would love to go in a time machine and smash.
[01:11:45] It'd be funny if they just replaced her boyhood.
[01:11:48] Because she kind of stopped acting, but she's in boyhood.
[01:11:55] Yeah, which I got horny while she was getting.
[01:11:58] You could see like, you know, it's fucked by the inmates.
[01:12:03] But you can see the part, you know the part that's like when your pants are pulled down
[01:12:09] and you're like side profile, you can see.
[01:12:21] The guy who doesn't know the movies are gay now.
[01:12:39] It's not a single hole in the goddamn thing.
[01:12:46] Yeah, she was in a skater more than she was in that other thing about that crazy girl
[01:12:53] or that mom who had kept pretending her daughter was sick.
[01:13:00] She's a guy from the 4chan killed the mom.
[01:13:18] I think I killed her mom and then like I think raped Gypsy rose.
[01:13:33] Murdering a woman and raping her daughter.
[01:13:35] Maybe that's the kind of mom I'll be one day.
[01:13:47] Let me give you some poison real quick and just go take a long sleepy.
[01:13:53] Now you're going to like make your kid do baseball but that not encourage him or really
[01:13:58] No, no, I'm not putting my kid in the baseball.
[01:14:01] So you're going to be like I really want to play baseball and you're like no you're
[01:14:06] So you're going to just form and you're going to negate your negate everything that
[01:14:10] your dad did by not letting your kid do anything he wants.
[01:14:17] You will be a performatively supportive soccer father.
[01:14:21] Yeah, not you'll spend most of the time talking to the other dad being like my dad was such
[01:14:24] an asshole to me during your kid scoring.
[01:14:33] And that inspires him to be a better soccer player.
[01:14:36] You know, and then one day he'll be at the World Cup and I'll be talking to some guys
[01:14:39] sitting next to me about my dad and he'll score the winning goal because he's convinced
[01:14:47] You guys are going to end up in a great garden situation.
[01:14:54] Yeah, little Adam's like, I've been doing some open mics and I was like, I was a much
[01:15:04] I used to go out to West Egg with Clarence and Toyota St. Clair.
[01:15:25] Well, folks, listen, come see us in Canada.
[01:15:27] We're going to be there in June, which it is now already.
[01:15:32] They added a second show for Vancouver.
[01:15:35] We were now have a show on the 17th of Monday.
[01:15:49] And then the other ones I forget, but come town dot events.
[01:15:52] And then also I will be in Los Angeles in a week at the Lyric Hyperion.
[01:16:05] And if you're in Canada, come see the boys.