Cum Town | Regular | 09/08/2016
[00:00:44] We were recording an hour of rape specific podcasts every day.
[00:01:08] We have one of my favorite DJs up there.
[00:01:18] I only know three DJs and two of them cuckolded me.
[00:01:30] Do a cuz his name always sounds like one of those like off brand Korean knock off television.
[00:01:39] I got suddenly it's like why you got a T.S.
[00:01:49] You would probably get cucked in a B.Z.
[00:01:58] That guy's his name looks like Roman numerals.
[00:02:12] Hey Nick, how do you feel about Skrillex?
[00:02:14] Skrillex, that sounds like a version of Scrabble if you're an even bigger nerd.
[00:02:31] That's how those books about the Holocaust should have ended.
[00:02:40] The joke is that they should have gotten the mouse rather than the mouse lives.
[00:02:46] And my alternate director's cut version of the mouse.
[00:02:54] The only comic books I've ever read, Mouse and Spawn.
[00:03:00] They're doing all the comic books into movies.
[00:03:01] Once about a guy that went to hell, and the other one's about a guy that should go to
[00:03:09] They're going to, I mean, they're going to run out of comic books and need to make
[00:03:15] They're going to make an all-girl Holocaust.
[00:03:51] During the harassment, I feel like she should have maybe changed the bio.
[00:03:56] She was asking for it by having a tight.
[00:04:02] What's wrong with her putting on the stand of comedian?
[00:04:07] Yeah, like she just has like, she's had a typo.
[00:04:12] Well, I guess she does deserve it then.
[00:04:17] By the way, Brandon, why were you saying the N word so much in the car over here?
[00:04:21] Brandon, why does your car have a vanity plate that's just the N word?
[00:04:27] So everybody knows that you're serious.
[00:04:36] Didn't we make a joke about rolling it last time?
[00:04:41] And you roll it on the roll it on the bus?
[00:04:56] So that's why we have you here to show me how to do it.
[00:05:00] The whole goal of this podcast is to get you to say the N word.
[00:05:07] It would come just to ruin your career.
[00:05:08] Well, that's the thing we do with guests is everyone has to say the N word when they
[00:05:14] To ruin his career or to take his career to the next level?
[00:05:17] What do you think it would do if you said the N word on this podcast?
[00:05:21] I don't think it would help after I accidentally got credit for the Matt Rife stuff.
[00:05:46] I just imagine him like delicately eating Doritos.
[00:06:00] Remember when he posted the Black Wapper thing?
[00:06:03] He posted the Nabs with the Black Wappers.
[00:06:07] Oh, so when that happened, literally all that happened is I posted a tweet where I was like,
[00:06:12] look at this dumb ass Instagram with Kyle Massey where he used a bunch of dumb hashtags.
[00:06:19] And then I like posted another tweet where I was like making fun of like more Instagram pictures.
[00:06:25] I told you like we were talking about it on the phone and I was like,
[00:06:29] he's like me if I never discovered Irony.
[00:06:50] Oh no, this podcast is pro not supporting Brandon and pro Matt Rife.
[00:07:04] It's no wrong, but it's like that's the kind of joke works.
[00:07:15] Oh, but yeah, so I was just like making fun of like a guy being corny on Instagram and
[00:07:21] then he tried to fight me in the valley.
[00:07:26] But then other people started like exposing him like just searching when he was like searching
[00:07:35] And so like all these people started posting that and then complex wrote an article that
[00:07:43] They were like Brandon Wardell exposed.
[00:07:48] And then and then a bunch of like a bunch of like literally retarded.
[00:08:02] So then like a bunch of a bunch of like popping feminists were like in my DMs being like great
[00:08:10] job exposing this man and I was like, ah, yes, thank you.
[00:08:19] I wasn't just making fun of a corny guy.
[00:08:22] The feminist DM you because like on the car right over here you were saying how you think
[00:08:28] Yeah, I said, we should actually increase it.
[00:08:39] We should pay women more money for sure.
[00:08:40] We should pay women more money, but we should also then pay men even more money.
[00:08:47] Just to reiterate though, that was not a joke from Brandon Wardell, everyone.
[00:08:50] He actually thinks we should increase the wage gap.
[00:08:58] So did you fight Matt Rife or oh, yeah, I wish you would have gotten.
[00:09:10] Listen to this motherfucker claiming transportation.
[00:09:19] I'm not sure it's like three dudes in the background, but like.
[00:09:23] Well, I know you just see the like just a sliver of an arm of like his black friend.
[00:09:29] This is my, this is my man Justin case.
[00:09:35] But if that guy comes to your house, you're not fighting him.
[00:09:40] Are you going to see him at the laugh factory?
[00:09:43] I've never been to the laugh factory in my fucking life.
[00:09:49] I love the straight to the, straight to the story.
[00:09:53] They're like, what do we name our club?
[00:09:55] They're like, how close can we get to laugh factory?
[00:10:09] They're in a fucking travel plaza at a Greyhound bus station.
[00:10:12] Oh, that's the funniest shit in the world.
[00:10:14] Because that's where that shit hole Chinatown bus dropped off.
[00:10:16] Like when I went to do Magoobies or someone night or it let me off at that hotel.
[00:10:21] There's a sign that's like, here's the comedy factory.
[00:10:27] I'm like, did they, did they open a second club in the lobby?
[00:10:29] They're like, no, this is the club now.
[00:10:33] It's like a fucking some very shitty hotel.
[00:10:37] It used to be shitty versions of like Greece.
[00:10:43] But yeah, it's fucking, it's a horrific spot.
[00:10:46] And Alabama is there and he's a hack and he like, he's like the house.
[00:10:58] And one of the best again, Tim Hekle shouts out the tip.
[00:11:02] He's like, oh, I'm going to call it some more stuff.
[00:11:07] I'm probably going to put that in my performance.
[00:11:14] This thing is like Tim can't come up with bits.
[00:11:18] So who'll go on stage and be like, all right, I'll be funny for a minute.
[00:11:21] And then I'll start doing material and I'll crush.
[00:11:24] And he's like, oh, they got macaroni and cheese.
[00:11:28] What if it was like, you know, I don't know, what if it was syrup instead of cheese?
[00:11:37] He had a good super ass bit and it ended with like fingering a being a six year old that's
[00:11:43] fingering another six year old, which I'm all for.
[00:11:45] Yeah, getting fingered in a cubby or something was pretty funny.
[00:11:49] But yeah, he just went on stage one time.
[00:12:01] Ocean City, where's the beer funnel at?
[00:12:07] Yeah, it's just like people are giving him just listing beaches and then getting height
[00:12:15] It sounds like mid Atlantic beach Brody Stevens.
[00:12:23] But yeah, for the fuck we talking about, Rojoba go get gay on the beach.
[00:12:36] If you guys don't know, Rojoba is a beach notoriously homosexual.
[00:12:45] Ocean Parkway in Ocean City, like that main, the main road is just drive up.
[00:12:49] And then once you cross like, I don't know, 110th Street or whatever it is.
[00:12:58] I think I told the story, we went there once when I was a little kid.
[00:13:00] And everyone thought the European, like our friends from Germany, these Greeks in Germany
[00:13:05] were wearing speedos and I was like, they're gay.
[00:13:15] So anyway, we went to Rojoba beach when I was young.
[00:13:19] And we went with some friends from Europe and they were wearing speedos.
[00:13:24] Well, it attaches, the speedos attached to your foreskin.
[00:13:30] It was just they wrapped, they tied a speedo around their dicks.
[00:13:36] I don't think I've ever been to Rojoba.
[00:13:46] Yeah, like a small, yeah, on the small side, they run 13.
[00:13:52] Oh, I forgot that you were on the other side.
[00:13:58] I'm going to start measuring my dick in pikas.
[00:14:06] Yeah, that's like six tenths of an inch or some shit.
[00:14:13] So I'll brand if I had an uncircumcised dick.
[00:14:15] Well, everyone knows you have a half circumcised dick.
[00:14:38] I like to be a little sloppy around the edges.
[00:14:44] I would love to get my body circumcised.
[00:14:49] I want to get that surgery that Asian people get to make their eyes look not Chinese.
[00:14:57] Yeah, but I want it so I look extra not Chinese.
[00:15:09] People are like, you look so not Chinese.
[00:15:16] If you get any plastic surgery, what would you get?
[00:15:31] I kind of like having a big nose though.
[00:15:42] But I've been like really a couple pumps.
[00:15:49] Ever since I heard butt licking is acceptable.
[00:16:04] She's not even going to have to just take a shower.
[00:16:06] One time I was listening to the Dan Savage podcast, like this is like five years ago,
[00:16:13] You could tell just like thin mustache old gay man with a curve up.
[00:16:16] You know, just one of those kind of old mustache over the phone.
[00:16:24] Every time I lick my boyfriend's asshole, I smell a little bit of shit.
[00:16:30] And I feel like it gets me a little bit hot.
[00:16:40] He feels like he gets like a little high from it.
[00:16:47] The Africa went to the Olympics for Jacob.
[00:16:52] I'm going to tell all the teens that follow me to do Jacob.
[00:16:58] They're doing that in Florida, I heard.
[00:17:00] Do you remember that like news story that will always pop up?
[00:17:05] Like every six months, there's one that comes up.
[00:17:08] I'm going to just tweet extremely off the Jacob.
[00:17:11] Brandon has to tweet every 15 minutes, by the way, where he has a fucking seizure.
[00:17:20] He says alarms every 15 minutes in his sleep.
[00:17:24] He wakes up and he's just like, Arthur...
[00:17:38] Should we just make a brand-wide algorithm and tweet?
[00:17:47] I'll just tweet from his account and he'll get like 150 likes.
[00:18:02] I remember like a couple of people have pointed it out, but like all this shit that you tweet
[00:18:06] now like regularly is like shit that you if you like had stolen somebody's account the
[00:18:16] Like you can't tell if somebody were to hack my account because like...
[00:18:20] I'll just like be like, yeah I want to give Hank Hill the suck.
[00:18:24] Well you could tell if I hacked his account folks.
[00:18:56] Please watch the show so it gets picked up for a third season and maybe they'll have me
[00:19:11] I can't even see where they are right now.
[00:19:29] I was looking to put a fan in that hole in the wall.
[00:19:34] Because you know like A there's no privacy and B the air conditioning doesn't really
[00:19:39] So I was looking at like industrial exhaust fans and what a racket.
[00:19:43] They're all like you know just to get something that fits in there.
[00:19:46] It's like one was like $700 Jesus and it was listed as explosion proof.
[00:19:53] Which I wasn't even worried about with a regular fan but now that I know that fans can
[00:19:59] Well then I guess I need to just get a regular aspect.
[00:20:01] I think it might be Korean people like Korean fan death.
[00:20:08] Because they think it sucks all the oxygen out of there.
[00:20:13] That's like a thing that everyone in Korean believes.
[00:20:17] And their language is also a bunch of circles and rectangles.
[00:20:29] Their written language looks like a drunk person.
[00:20:32] I mean that's what they, I mean all the...
[00:20:41] The rest of them look like Chinese is, you know, there's some swoops in there.
[00:20:46] Mostly straight lines and there's boxy and stuff.
[00:20:49] And then Japanese is like more fun, you know.
[00:20:52] They look like a bogey spooking language.
[00:20:57] The Korean one basically looks like machine code.
[00:21:02] Like if we discovered like, you know, like some piece of technology from the 50s like landed
[00:21:07] on the moon somehow and developed its own society, that's what the Korean language would
[00:21:16] That's actually where the term comes from.
[00:21:19] Also, what is it that deal with Korea where like when you're in bed with the guy that you're
[00:21:25] hooking up with, you're sending nudes to other guys?
[00:21:51] You were sending nudes to dudes laying next to me in bed.
[00:22:05] No, I'm just a cucklord now and I'm voting for Trump.
[00:22:14] Yeah, we should all vote for Tom Myers.
[00:22:16] That's the only thing that I'll feel happy about.
[00:22:21] We should for real get Tom Myers to do a regular segment on the podcast.
[00:22:28] I think Norman Wilkerson found Tom Myers acting real and sent it to me.
[00:22:41] About that one set so much, the like public access one.
[00:22:45] I'm like, he's talking about eating other equipment.
[00:23:01] There's that and then there's the high-end scare to you, motherfuckers.
[00:23:06] If the guy that makes T-shirts is listening, the guy that made the Brandon T-shirt, if
[00:23:14] But if you could make a shirt with Tom Myers' face and it says, bong hit transplant, please.
[00:23:26] Come time real small on the bottom, it doesn't matter.
[00:23:28] As long as it's just Tom Myers and it says bong hit transplant.
[00:23:37] Also, if anyone out there knows how to draw or you're an illustrator, if you can draw
[00:23:42] Tom Myers taking a bong hit out of Hillary Clinton's pussy.
[00:23:53] Tom Myers fan art is exactly what we want.
[00:23:56] If we even have any listeners, we probably lost everyone.
[00:24:04] Hopefully we never have to do this again.
[00:24:11] Oh yeah, so now that we take a week off, we took a week off after just a whole rape.
[00:24:21] Well, here's what sealed the deal for me.
[00:24:28] Well, so he got an attorney and like the lawyer is.
[00:24:36] The lawyer like the same girl that wrote that slide, the same girl that wrote that
[00:24:40] revelist article like asked for comment and the attorney was like, well, basically what
[00:24:46] we're doing now is because this is none of this is true is we're waiting to see what
[00:24:49] UCB has to say to us and then we're going to decide if there's going to be a lawsuit
[00:24:54] Oh, so you met with Aaron and he was probably like, well, I kind of raped those girls.
[00:24:58] And they're like, okay, well, we'll see if they say anything fucked up.
[00:25:02] And if they did, well, like they're like just trying to see what information you see because
[00:25:06] there's a thing if like UCB had said I raped somebody, I would immediately I wouldn't
[00:25:13] Well, yeah, if some fucking or well, if anybody did it to the extent like if it was just some
[00:25:16] fucking crazy, you know, nut job, it'd be like, yeah, that's not true.
[00:25:21] But it was like an organization with like some credibility.
[00:25:24] I would absolutely try to sue them no matter why.
[00:25:30] But if it's like, well, exactly, if you don't sue someone when they say, yeah, raped someone
[00:25:34] who raped someone is it true that he got a job writing for the next season, Amy Schumer
[00:25:50] But here's what I'm doing with that situation.
[00:25:52] Because like, you know, the same way you should encourage victims to go to the police, you
[00:25:56] should encourage victims of defamation to actually fucking sue the people accusing them of shit.
[00:26:00] And if they're not going to do it, well, then maybe they're lying.
[00:26:10] Yeah, you're not actually victim blaming your rapist blaming.
[00:26:11] No, I'm victim blaming Aaron for not fucking suing UCB for lying about him.
[00:26:19] I wish Brandon was saying this so I could be like, what is that Brandon?
[00:26:24] So anyway, Brandon, why are you nodding and being like, yes, everything makes it.
[00:26:30] Anyway, no more rape unless we all rape Brandon on the podcast right now.
[00:26:37] But the response to all that shit is still been bullshit.
[00:26:40] No, I mean, like fucking all these people angry or Kurt.
[00:26:43] Oh, I mean, he shouldn't or an angry Amy.
[00:26:48] I mean, Amy talking about it on Charlie Rose.
[00:26:56] I mean, Kurt shouldn't have fucking I mean, just like people should have more empathy when
[00:26:57] shit like this happens is the only thing he shouldn't have fucking.
[00:27:00] How do you know he doesn't have any empathy?
[00:27:01] You expressed an opinion about like not jumping to conclusions.
[00:27:04] Originally, well, the fucking saying like good whole and shit like like just the way
[00:27:08] the phrase the crazy, the phrasing he used the phrase.
[00:27:17] He types most of his Facebook posts with his penis.
[00:27:21] I was saying Kurt always sounds like like somebody repeating themselves to a deaf person.
[00:27:28] Oh, no, what I said was do you know what?
[00:27:35] But I do think it's fucked when people are like, yeah, fuck it.
[00:27:37] Now that he has been like, yeah, I fucked up and I whatever like now people like, oh,
[00:27:42] Oh, it's like now they're taking a victory.
[00:27:44] It's like what the fuck else do you want from the guy?
[00:27:48] Yeah, he shouldn't have said in the first place.
[00:27:50] They want to have like they want to scold people.
[00:27:54] He said that like he got in a fight with one of his girlfriends like like 15 years ago.
[00:28:01] He got in like a physical altercation with his girlfriend when she like destroyed all
[00:28:06] Yeah, he told the story on Marin, but like people still like bring that up, right?
[00:28:12] Well, some piece of shit and heavy wrote this article that was like five fast facts about
[00:28:21] And then there's a big picture of Karen and then underneath it says, this is the girlfriend
[00:28:30] Didn't they say something like she's Jewish?
[00:28:36] Well, then they framed it in a way where they're like her dad's a Zionist.
[00:28:48] And then the fact of her boyfriend, fact number four was that Kurt, you know, choked another
[00:29:04] Brandon's also committed like acts of violence against women.
[00:29:08] Most of most of Brandon's stand up acts could technically be classified as violence against
[00:29:15] Brandon raped an infant last year at Wonderland in front of all of us.
[00:29:21] And then he texted Andy Kimler laugh and don't say anything.
[00:29:26] And he's like, I don't know what's going on.
[00:29:31] Um, I saw, I saw a don't breathe last night.
[00:29:55] So it just looks like a fucking face would makes Eastwood makes good movies.
[00:29:59] Sully, like, is it like a Boston movie?
[00:30:03] The guy's guy named Sully from Southeast.
[00:30:12] He's always like, these gooks are horrific.
[00:30:15] You're goddamn, and he turns his co-pilot and he's like, that's just where Obama should
[00:30:22] He just jacks books like you, six feet high in Korea.
[00:30:26] Yo, Nick and I, we used to walk around Chinatown doing the Gran Turina voice.
[00:30:30] We were laughing in Amber and Phil was laughing the other night about like, about like the
[00:30:35] older, you know, like old back when before it was, I mean, not before it was trans, but
[00:30:39] when you could still say cross dresser because some people were just cross dressers.
[00:30:44] And like I used to work in a mall and early in the morning, there used to be like two
[00:30:47] separate old guys that were like cross dressers, but they're those types where they like,
[00:30:55] And then at 67, they're years old, they're like, fuck it.
[00:31:02] So we were laughing about Trans Turina.
[00:31:13] An Irish guy, a Jew and a black walk into the bathroom at Target.
[00:31:19] And then Caitlin says, get the fuck out.
[00:31:21] Then he and then the Rahim and the other guy laugh.
[00:31:23] And then they say each other's dick says, get the fuck out.
[00:31:30] No, I think that was a good good sketch.
[00:31:33] I was saying they should bring back mad TV on Facebook.
[00:31:39] I looked at a picture of the cast and they were smiling too much.
[00:31:43] And I was like, yeah, this isn't going to be fun.
[00:31:45] Wasn't the writing staff like the final season like all of old comedy?
[00:31:50] Like it was like, I think we switched back and forth for Mr. Show and Mattie.
[00:31:56] They had some, no, they had, they had good shit.
[00:32:01] We definitely talked about this already.
[00:32:11] You say that as a joke, but Golden Girls is actually.
[00:32:25] I wanted to, I mean, I beat off to her so much in the nanny.
[00:32:34] Like all those dumb like frickin cheetah print and like, oh my god.
[00:32:46] My biology teacher, Miss Warner from sixth grade, just huge titties and red hair.
[00:32:52] I think and like I, I, I want to fuck redheads now and I think it's all because I've spent
[00:32:58] a year of my life being off almost exclusively her.
[00:33:02] It's weird that you would want to fuck redheads.
[00:33:06] Because you just don't have options in general.
[00:33:10] I don't like this whole meme of me not being able to fuck.
[00:33:20] You can fuck, you can fuck when you're featuring for Bobby.
[00:33:38] No, I think it's because like when we first started hanging out you were like 400.
[00:33:45] I was like, that's actually the secret.
[00:33:47] If you're a big fat guy, don't lose all the weight, lose like half of it.
[00:33:50] And then people will still think like, oh yeah, he's still fat but they'll have the
[00:33:54] image in your, their head of the fattest version of you.
[00:33:58] So every time you see them they're like, you've lost like 100 pounds.
[00:34:00] Yeah, you're still fat but you look good.
[00:34:02] I think I've talked to you about how I jacked off like way late.
[00:34:09] Well, because of middle school, I went to a Catholic school where they taught you that
[00:34:17] Like I was afraid of just like jack off and like demons.
[00:34:22] I wish that would be my fucking sick off.
[00:34:29] The geo starts playing like ghost busters too.
[00:34:34] Yeah, you didn't just hear you sure Rob Alfred screaming from my room.
[00:34:44] That's what half their lyrics are about anyways.
[00:34:49] Yeah, I love how gay I thought it was like gay bondage sex.
[00:34:56] It was like, no, you still have an orgasm.
[00:34:59] It was actually probably the most powerful.
[00:35:01] I thought I broke my dick the first time.
[00:35:02] I thought like I was just like, yeah, I used to rub my dick against my hand.
[00:35:08] I would rub it flat and just like tickle my dick until I came like when I was like 11
[00:35:17] I had a fleet of red skids blanket that I would fuck.
[00:35:23] No, I would make a makeshift pocket pussy.
[00:35:27] Did you guys see that article about a proto pocket pussy?
[00:35:40] I know what you're talking about in that material.
[00:35:41] It's a lot of football shit is that material.
[00:35:46] It's some kind of synthetic throw shit.
[00:35:51] I remember I was in the mall one time with my friend Zach when we were like 13 or 14.
[00:35:56] We walked past Brookstone and we were like in Brookstone.
[00:35:58] You know, you're a kid, you walk through the mall and then you're just sitting those massage
[00:36:01] chairs, which they don't let you sit in if you're under 18.
[00:36:07] There was like 18 to sit in like massage chairs.
[00:36:11] It different like Brookstones in places.
[00:36:14] They were letting little kids, young kids.
[00:36:18] But I remember and it was because they make you come.
[00:36:21] Oh, and they said it was to stunt your growth, but it's because it make you come.
[00:36:27] But that's the story when we were in Brookstone and they had like this vibrating neck pillow
[00:36:32] that like turned on and like fucking something picked it up.
[00:36:39] Zach's looking at it and it's like vibrating.
[00:36:42] And he goes, does he have a hole in it?
[00:36:46] He's like, you're gonna fuck that thing.
[00:36:49] I want to not at Brookstone before the weekend's over.
[00:36:53] That's why that's why Sharper Image went out of business.
[00:36:55] Some dude nutted in that $9,000 grill that has radio.
[00:36:59] Why didn't Brookstone and Sharper Image just squat up, dude?
[00:37:02] They were doing the same thing and they both went under.
[00:37:06] Now every store in the mall is either like closed for black people owned by a Korean guy
[00:37:14] Or like a kiosk to get your like iPhone like a fixed.
[00:37:18] Yeah, it would be like a cool Indian guy that has like a bunch of iPhone cases.
[00:37:27] Hey, listen to me, my pussy getting friends.
[00:37:31] Do you want to be the most very, very pussy getting guy?
[00:37:47] Indian dudes are the happiest people in the entire world.
[00:37:55] Not when their sons go to jail for murdering a girl.
[00:38:01] The night off, man, that show has fallen off.
[00:38:12] And now like in the last episode when he like kisses the lawyer or whatever, I'm like,
[00:38:21] It was just so absolutely absurdly bad.
[00:38:26] He got sin on one hand and bad on the other hand.
[00:38:36] The one, the one that's like the real one.
[00:38:45] The show gets bad because when as soon as he goes to prison, he got the story transforms
[00:38:49] from having the appeal that cereal did where they present ad man is like, this is just
[00:38:57] And that's like a really interesting take on like a fucking homicide where it's like,
[00:39:01] he's not a bad guy, but there's nothing particularly special about this.
[00:39:06] Yeah, he's a good student, but it's not like he's valedictorian.
[00:39:17] And then as soon as he gets to prison, it's like.
[00:39:20] Well, it's not that it becomes a bad boy.
[00:39:21] It's that Michael K Williams is like, look, you're special.
[00:39:26] I think he's an okay actor, but the roles he always plays are like, I don't, I think
[00:39:30] Omar was the shittiest character on the wire.
[00:39:37] Well, he's like, he's like, especially that episode where he jumps like four stories and
[00:39:48] The guy that's based off of actually jumped four fucking stories.
[00:39:52] Well, that might change my opinion then because I always felt like Omar was this guy.
[00:39:59] And it's like, but then the way, I mean, this is definitely a huge spoiler, but the way
[00:40:01] it all ends for him is like, it kind of, you know, I used to do that when I did stand
[00:40:08] Every time I did stand up, I'd be like, you know, I don't want to spoil anything, but
[00:40:15] I'm not going to spoil anything, but there's a in season five, there's a child that kills
[00:40:19] one of the most beloved characters Omar.
[00:40:24] I'm so anti-spoiler that I don't want to be a part of this guys.
[00:40:26] I'm sorry if this is, if this ruined your game.
[00:40:29] We were talking about, we're back about speed two and
[00:40:37] I'm not, I don't remember is Cockfield or not, but yeah, you're probably just a
[00:40:43] I said this isn't Adam actually, but it was somebody I was talking about speed two.
[00:40:47] And I was like, and unironically they were like, whoa, I haven't seen it yet.
[00:41:00] It's like one thing if you're like, Hey, it's a classic, whatever, but speed to yeah,
[00:41:04] by my brands on his phone, he couldn't, he couldn't handle.
[00:41:12] He didn't have to call his parents for permission to watch PG 13.
[00:41:18] You could, I'm not a party to that at all.
[00:41:23] I mean, it's true, but still, that's, yeah.
[00:41:25] I mean, there's other shit that I don't know.
[00:41:27] The, uh, I don't know any of the character names.
[00:41:31] You should watch somebody, somebody quote unquote spoiled the end of the sopranos for
[00:41:36] And it's not like, well, I can't watch it now.
[00:41:39] I just, yeah, I knew what the ending was because it was like socially.
[00:41:45] I wasn't watching it when it was coming out.
[00:41:50] I still think it just had as much of an effect on me because it was.
[00:41:54] I don't like, I hate getting shit spoiled even.
[00:41:58] I like to go in as cold as possible into a movie, not knowing shit.
[00:42:04] I read one, one review that was like, this is a great horror movie.
[00:42:47] So yeah, Ricky Gervais is horrific on the thing.
[00:42:48] The fact that we have the late year of the interview.
[00:42:54] Ricky Gervais being like, yes, I'm also as good as me.
[00:43:01] Every time he talks, it's like screeching hope.
[00:43:06] You know how that's the thing you guys like me the most for?
[00:43:10] I went to a show and I don't want to say who show it was or but basically the format is
[00:43:15] like, well, it's sort of like a, it'll be easy to guess who show it was.
[00:43:20] So I'll just say it's like a panel format where like there's four comedians and you know,
[00:43:29] I want to give it as loose as possible.
[00:43:43] So it's yeah, it's a, but the host of the show was like, you know, not a bad comedian,
[00:43:49] but like just essentially a fucking bar show open mic.
[00:43:53] Then he would book like very good comedians.
[00:43:56] And anytime he said anything, it was just like, that happens a lot here, man, because it's
[00:44:02] like, because so many, just the best comedians around, so they'll do whatever show and it's
[00:44:09] So we'll take a break and then come back and then, yeah.
[00:45:10] When you look under the rocks and plants
[00:45:21] And you're gonna love the way they take a look
[00:45:26] The bare necessities of life will come to you
[00:45:39] Forget about your worries and your strife
[00:45:47] The days with just the bare necessities of life
[00:46:01] Don't pick the prickly pear for the paw
[00:46:04] When you pick a pear try to use the claw
[00:46:09] When you pick a pear of the big paw paw
[00:46:22] The bare necessities of life will come to you
[00:46:35] Okay, we're back and we're talking anxiety memes
[00:46:55] Assholes shifts forward and replace their dick
[00:47:10] Yeah, we really weren't mean enough to bring him
[00:47:29] And then he's actually now my name's Brenda
[00:47:39] That'd be like that's just for the brand
[00:47:55] Some Asian people have the last name, Tran
[00:48:07] They're like, Adam just has a fucking such a knowledge
[00:48:21] The girl that was on the podcast is doing that, guys
[00:48:39] What would female comics do if they're weren't
[00:48:49] Yeah, the guy she's trying to fuck for Christ's sake
[00:48:54] Well, Jake Wiseman had the funniest one
[00:48:57] He was like, wow, I can't believe how sexually forward
[00:49:08] That's so sad when it's just a guy reaching out
[00:49:12] Yeah, because sometimes it's not a guy being in creep
[00:49:16] I'm just looking for love in this lonely world
[00:49:29] There's a fuse hooked up to your vagina
[00:50:00] Literally just have to put your friend away, bitch
[00:50:07] What is it gonna take for me to get a fucking retweet?
[00:50:13] You've never retweeted me once in my life
[00:50:50] Do you guys think it was hard for Arthur Chu
[00:50:58] Arthur Chu again, he was on Jeopardy or something
[00:51:30] He looks like Mr. Saturn from Earthbound
[00:51:32] I think the best, the very best Arthur burn
[00:51:35] Is someone said he looked like a minion
[00:51:42] Do you think that, how many, do you think that guy fucks?
[00:52:05] You just don't know how to put a shoe on
[00:52:14] And then he's like got like four or five layers
[00:52:32] He's been that much of a hurry to sit in that chair
[00:52:36] I got a shit in that game of thrones chair
[00:52:53] He somehow got part of his ass pulled through the zipper
[00:53:00] This is half of a cheek pull through the roll
[00:53:07] So what else Brandon what do you got going on?
[00:53:27] Didn't you snapchat for them the first time?
[00:53:31] So don't say it like I'm not doing that
[00:54:17] I didn't even know she was flirting with me
[00:55:12] There's a lot of people that don't like you
[00:55:16] Isn't it gonna be awesome when Brandon's career
[00:55:22] She's gonna end up like one of those dudes
[00:56:00] are you going to play swiderman once they work through all the other races
[00:56:12] now hopefully some bad happens but i want to see is a thing i wasn't bad
[00:56:16] happen but i want you to rebound to see a did you read that article about
[00:56:20] about uh... do you want to happen donald lovers show the land show
[00:56:24] and i didn't see an article about it yet read it looks really good i don't
[00:56:28] see shit about it but i saw one article that made me laugh where it's like
[00:56:32] you know he's like it's a it's a fuck you to white people or something there
[00:56:36] it was on one of my life literally in darick comedy
[00:56:40] is that a fucking white people uh... well i don't know what's going on and i said
[00:56:43] but did in the article it was that you know he's only hiring black writers but
[00:56:47] then it the quote on the article was like i wanted to show white america they
[00:56:50] don't know any everything about black people or whatever
[00:56:53] and then that in that same paragraph it was like uh...
[00:56:56] like they got this character in the show and they're like our is a drug dealer
[00:56:59] and he lives in a trap house or whatever he's like
[00:57:01] no he's drug dealers got enough money for regular apartment like a okay
[00:57:08] you want to make a show the challenges stereo types are like
[00:57:11] well yeah he's he's black so he sells drugs obviously but you know i'm like a
[00:57:17] he drives like a Mercedes instead of a Cadillac yeah
[00:57:20] but no i was just drugs for sure i have very good things to say about the
[00:57:25] i'm sure the show is going to be always going to be good
[00:57:27] this fucking article there we like met i like met him at like his place like on
[00:57:32] memorial day and i had never met him before like where does he live
[00:57:36] it was in like the hollywood hills he was the exact address he like he came up
[00:57:44] really man i've seen you like make jokes about me but
[00:57:48] they're funny like whatever oh that means uh... you're on his shit list
[00:57:52] yeah you're on the dg shit list so you can kiss your career goodbye
[00:58:04] wait is that pinaire or not pinaire is that uh...
[00:58:08] what is it pinaire where there's an open mic like times square pinaire
[00:58:12] it's like on that's a lot of us are really it's a bringer to to donald
[00:58:19] popularized bro is a term oh yeah it's a little bit more for that people
[00:58:27] can you at the amount of like damn you know cultural power that has that
[00:58:32] no i mean those things are that fucking me
[00:58:35] dare come to get like establish what a bro exactly yeah you see mystery team is pretty good yeah
[00:58:42] i think it's really uh... for years i thought the fat guy in dare comedy was
[00:58:49] i was like what is that when i first like started really like darick comedy do that
[00:58:53] video with lee campers the dry blood yeah
[00:58:59] yeah she like it's that it's yeah she like it's like a fake pov porn she's having to make
[00:59:04] a drop i'm gonna use so much to you yeah but yeah like his music got like
[00:59:10] sad and i actually yeah drugs yeah i remember amazing dude i remember being in
[00:59:16] and going through his tumblr and being like
[00:59:19] seeing he's like promoting a rap album like look at this fucking idiot
[00:59:23] everyone famous wants to be a musician and two years later top 40 he's great i mean
[00:59:30] um but i do hope he doesn't like you secretly
[00:59:33] and that he has been dead against you yeah it's the first domino
[00:59:36] and then he was just saying he was just to set you up
[00:59:45] i like barely posed vines but he was like
[00:59:48] oh i like i've watched all of your vines it's so hard to be funny in six seconds
[00:59:52] nice very earnestly do you have any other uh compliments people have given
[00:59:56] you you want to say into a microphone i'm not i'm done
[01:00:00] i'm the donald glover came up so then i you know yeah so then you had to talk about
[01:00:04] the talk i'm not here to flex sure except that's your that's your
[01:00:10] default mode what just a quick flex before getting into something
[01:00:15] just a casual flex guys i wish you guys weren't on your
[01:00:18] phones for that you know that would have been i really could have well you know
[01:00:21] on my phone i'm just staring at me yeah what is going on out here all right i
[01:00:25] have like a faint headache from drinking too many coffees today but i'm
[01:00:28] gonna be in it with the podcast i love it i love you boys
[01:00:32] you started having i like that you have like
[01:00:33] Vietnam PTSD that was like but it's about the women
[01:00:37] yeah he just here's choppers and remembers being
[01:00:44] having to go by god i can't believe i still have to beat off to side god
[01:00:49] we're in with a shirt off hungover yeah man yeah we really took a dip let's
[01:00:55] keep a focus we got five minutes here boys i was i think we missed a great
[01:00:59] opportunity to roast branding i think it's going perfectly i think it's going
[01:01:03] good yeah i think it's this has been a good pod no it's been a great pod yeah
[01:01:06] there were things i wanted to talk i want to talk about that don't breathe
[01:01:09] movie i thought it was great but uh oh you know what somebody sent me last
[01:01:12] week this is great so remember how i said i was like i had that air raid siren
[01:01:16] autism yes if you don't know this i get like autistic about air raid sirens
[01:01:20] oh yeah yeah hilarious but now it's like every six months
[01:01:23] uh yes i mean play occasionally yeah i'll get
[01:01:27] get into air raid siren so but then it's also the woodworking
[01:01:31] shit and somebody sent me this guy who's got a wood some Canadian autistic
[01:01:36] guy that has his own woodshop and yet he's like okay so this week i decided to
[01:01:42] uh you know make my own air raid siren and he like
[01:01:45] makes his own air raid siren in his woodshop out of fucking wood
[01:01:49] and uh yeah i'm like this guy rules yeah i watched a bunch of his other videos
[01:01:54] he's like incredible oh it's not like poo yeah the cat
[01:01:57] shits a lot oh yeah that smells bad and your
[01:02:00] that cat though the white cat is like stare it was like staring me down
[01:02:05] but your white cat looks angry uh always it's not my cat
[01:02:10] uh you ever see that uh there's like uh not the blooper reel from gonzo but like
[01:02:16] that twee the teaser where they have all the interview takes with gary bussy
[01:02:20] oh this fucking cat's throwing up now they catch throwing up because the
[01:02:23] smell of its own shit oh no dude oh fuck
[01:02:29] it's broke right into oh that fucking sucks dude
[01:02:34] i need to leave it right now this is like this is like
[01:02:40] she's fucking disgusting oh she's so fucking disgusting
[01:02:46] oh it's doing it again it's fucking oh no
[01:02:50] fuck no it's so good fuck all right Brandon's uh leaving everybody
[01:02:58] oh it is fucking disgusting all right stop yelling you don't need to
[01:03:04] scream yeah oh this is absolutely disgusting that's gross all right well
[01:03:10] that's this week's episode everybody uh thanks for tuning in um we'll we'll try to
[01:03:15] get back on a weekly schedule uh and oh yeah we're doing another show
[01:03:20] live show on 9 11 9 11 same venue same venue come on everybody it's not a bit
[01:03:26] it's actually shown Sunday 11 all right thanks bye bye