Cum Town | Regular | 07/17/2019
[00:00:08] My buddies have been having sex with me recently.
[00:00:10] My real friends have been having sex with me.
[00:00:14] Unless my fake ass friends stop with me right now.
[00:00:36] Well, no, you said it and you were like, who did you say?
[00:00:41] Nick would probably do the best under police interrogation.
[00:00:52] Yeah, he'd be good like in a John McCain Hanoi hotel situation.
[00:00:56] Yeah, I mean, there's people that are like innately passable just by themselves without trying to be, you know?
[00:01:10] Young foul kilmer, I would suck his car both.
[00:01:24] You can write a letter to my girlfriend and ask for permission.
[00:01:30] It's the letter part that I'm objecting to.
[00:01:34] I'm glad you get in your holes filled though, bro.
[00:01:36] Yeah, I've been getting my holes filled last week and a half.
[00:01:43] Do you guys see the French as a green goblin?
[00:01:54] They had like a military parade and they had a fucking straight up green goblin flying
[00:02:01] and shit to say that that's like something the military is gonna start doing.
[00:02:08] First of all, I'll fucking- I'll get a Nerf football.
[00:02:12] The ones with the little tails in the back end that-
[00:02:16] And I'll knock that motherfucker clean off.
[00:02:19] And then I get the fucking green goblin.
[00:02:21] I didn't see France had a parade, but did everyone shit their pants about it and call it fascist?
[00:02:37] The holland of a fascist display and that France is now a fascist country.
[00:02:38] Oh, because Trump's parade, is that what you're saying?
[00:02:42] I think they were saying that it was gay.
[00:02:43] They were, but it was so gay that they made fun of it more than for how gay it was than the fascist.
[00:02:51] Yeah, they couldn't get past the France part.
[00:02:56] When that falls into the wrong hands, dude.
[00:02:59] No, I've never spoken out against Donald Trump's love of parades.
[00:03:04] I've been on the record about my love of John Philip Sousa and parade culture in general.
[00:03:10] I got mad at that everyone getting mad at the tank parade thing because it's like they're
[00:03:13] like, this is literally a Tiananmen square.
[00:03:23] I thought it got rained out or something.
[00:03:27] I thought it was raining in DC, of course it's so funny.
[00:03:30] People getting upset about military equipment on display, but it's autistic erasure.
[00:03:37] Those people that just sort of like equipment.
[00:03:43] Yeah, we should have met in the middle and just done a bunch of big jobs.
[00:03:48] It's like a special equipment and something.
[00:03:52] It's a big convention for like fucking cool trucks.
[00:04:00] Everyone who knows what it is wants to go.
[00:04:03] I don't know what Trump's parade or I know what Trump's parade is too.
[00:04:14] Yeah, let's let's turn those swords into plowshiers, right?
[00:04:19] Let's get that fresh grain and shit like that.
[00:04:27] So we had a fucking French ass green goblin.
[00:04:41] Why do you have to wash your beard now?
[00:04:58] Did you know that Aerosmith was also on the fucking Stephen Tyler?
[00:05:01] Well, first of all, just a follow up to our last episode.
[00:05:14] Which said that Jimmy Buffett was in the role of decks.
[00:05:19] The private role of decks is little black book.
[00:05:23] Which means that I think Nick actually has said this, but the problem is island guys.
[00:05:30] The problem is like if you're into islands or having your own island, that is where the
[00:05:36] So what about what do you think about Hawaii?
[00:05:41] Those guys, those big guys, those guys share their islands with other Epocho beh heads.
[00:05:47] You know, some of my beh heads in a boo who's Stephen Tyler's not an island guy.
[00:06:00] You made this observation like two years ago.
[00:06:02] I feel like the islands are the problem.
[00:06:04] Yeah, I kind of worked through all this stuff.
[00:06:09] Whatever I said two years ago about islands.
[00:06:15] Having a beer is nice because it looks cool.
[00:06:20] It's what had the problem is is that like once every like three or four weeks you'll have
[00:06:25] a day where you're like fuck, there's just shit all over my face.
[00:06:29] That's how I felt about having a mustache.
[00:06:33] I would call it a nice fat beard right now.
[00:06:36] I mean, it's it doesn't look as good as Nick's beard.
[00:06:41] Mayonnaise sandwich with mayonnaise and it got in there and it's just like sticky and respect.
[00:06:52] When you eat pussy, that must stay there.
[00:07:01] Has anyone ever gotten like crabs on their beard?
[00:07:07] You probably got pubes all over your shit.
[00:07:12] Remember that they would call it pubic lice as if there was any difference?
[00:07:18] That's how kids in school were getting lice because they their mom's pussy.
[00:07:25] Lice was a big thing back when we were in school and it was because everybody's mom's 70,
[00:07:33] It's like kids, as you know, your your mom's pussies are from the 1900s.
[00:07:43] This cat's really taking it in that bag, huh?
[00:08:02] Every punchline is like in the 70s and then it's just bullshit.
[00:08:06] I mean, like you can be like one of the greatest black comedians of all time.
[00:08:10] You just start with a jon like a thing.
[00:08:18] Things be different in the south and then it's just lies.
[00:08:24] In the south, man, up in the north, everybody talking about where my team's at, but in the
[00:08:28] south, man, everybody got a hot air balloon.
[00:08:38] Take the hot air balloon to the post office saying I got postage.
[00:08:43] We said, man, now you got postage because you grown now.
[00:08:56] It's a meek mill song where he's like, like, the money turned my noodles into pasta.
[00:09:00] He's really no difference between those two.
[00:09:08] I think he thinks it's I think he's going from ramen noodles to.
[00:09:20] And it's an insult to the Marichan corporation.
[00:09:22] It's also like you're picking things that like both can be acquired with food stamps
[00:09:26] which you should have had access to as a poor person.
[00:09:30] You're fucking pulling on your EBT card and you're like, uh, Japanese noodles only.
[00:09:39] No noodles made by white people for white people.
[00:09:46] Only the fuck you get tacos and you get ramen Italian guy watching that happen.
[00:09:50] He's buying fucking ravioli with his food stamp card.
[00:09:55] Oh, my, my, this is this is a fucking disgrace.
[00:10:01] My little cousin, Paulo, he made those noodles off the with the sweat off the back of his
[00:10:10] If Robert De Niro were here to see this to Italians, everything is sacrifice.
[00:10:15] Everything you do after you get out of bed is some kind of sacrifice.
[00:10:18] Put his pants on with the sweat of his brow.
[00:10:25] He went outside and he did it despite the fact that there was a door in the way.
[00:10:32] Nobody, nobody could go outside that day.
[00:10:42] Every single day that man would have breakfast.
[00:10:47] A less a man would stop at the show when I was your age, I did pushups.
[00:10:59] Oh, I told you guys I went to Tony's house.
[00:11:08] I went to Holston's diner where they did the final scene.
[00:11:19] Did a tour of somebody there in Northern New Jersey.
[00:11:21] Where are these guys you're hanging out with?
[00:11:30] I invited you over multiple times this weekend.
[00:11:40] You want to come over and you were like, no, I was going to invite you over here.
[00:11:47] Yeah, well, we're neighbors, but like neighbors in there.
[00:11:51] Just far enough that it's inconvenient to go to Europe.
[00:11:57] It is nothing, which is why we do hang out often enough.
[00:12:00] But it's not like if there's, it's not across the street.
[00:12:02] Yeah, I mean, you're talking, I'm like, not even ready to go to the fucking grocery store.
[00:12:13] I haven't been in the grocery store in like three months.
[00:12:16] Yeah, I need to put graham crackers in a protein shake because I didn't have any fucking blue
[00:12:23] They tell you that you can sub graham crackers for blueberries.
[00:12:27] I mean, you know, yeah, I know it's sure you shouldn't do that all the fucking time.
[00:12:33] This is the kind of meal prep I can get behind.
[00:12:36] It's the opposite graham cracker milkshakes.
[00:12:41] I was only listening to that cracker while you do it.
[00:12:48] All of my cheat meals are eggnog graham cracker milkshakes.
[00:12:56] I'm just going to say every meal I have has it fits my macros.
[00:13:10] Instead of these little fat titties, dude.
[00:13:16] They feel fine to the palm, but look, you know, look at them.
[00:13:19] I mean, they're not aesthetic, but if I was a woman, but through the shirt, they feel
[00:13:23] If I was a woman, it would be I would be a horror show.
[00:13:27] If you opened up a bra and you saw those, I mean, you also have chest hair.
[00:13:31] You don't know what I'm saying is my proportions are all wrong.
[00:13:35] Yeah, you don't have a nice like circular cup.
[00:13:41] They're kind of why they kind of go to the sides.
[00:13:45] I feel like you would have huge tits if you're a woman.
[00:13:50] For the most guys have bigger titties, especially if they're fat as me.
[00:13:55] But you have the right kind of fat though.
[00:14:00] You have all the fat guy things going on.
[00:14:11] Fat girl, big fat tits that she doesn't shut up about.
[00:14:14] That's my favorite is the big fat girl.
[00:14:18] It's like, listen, we're hanging out with you because you have a car.
[00:14:29] When you see a big, big old gal with some small estate.
[00:14:42] Yeah, they put pigtails and they look like Dr. Robotnik.
[00:14:46] I'm glad we've never had a shot with a single white guy.
[00:14:55] It is nice that that's kind of how the world worked out.
[00:14:58] And in fact, it's funny because it's like, you almost think because there is so much
[00:15:04] manipulation and contourance in the way that.
[00:15:07] Like the elites are making that happen.
[00:15:09] Yeah, they were like, they were like, well, what are we doing after slavery now that,
[00:15:12] you know, they're like, I've noticed that some of the white women are becoming disgusting.
[00:15:24] Is there going to be going to take about 200 years?
[00:15:27] But we're going to slowly invent the type of music called rap.
[00:15:31] See, I would say no ass, no titties is more the purview of the of a short Hispanic man.
[00:15:38] But I'm talking about just like a big fat disgusting, you know, a big old gal.
[00:15:47] Even honestly, I've busted the quickest.
[00:15:49] Look, if we don't do something about these ugly women, they're going to start wanting
[00:15:55] So we need to get, we need to get our colored friends in on these.
[00:16:01] They're, they're all started with them trying to dig down Elizabeth.
[00:16:06] Daddy's stand so good that she would forget about women's operates.
[00:16:16] This is really Nick, Nick, uncovering the conspiracy is left and right now.
[00:16:19] Little did Elizabeth, Katie, ECS seems like, I don't know if she was a fan of dick.
[00:16:25] She seems like an early leslie, an early lesbian guy coming back and beating bad news.
[00:16:30] Folks, they just fucking each other now.
[00:16:37] You would think that would satisfy them, but they won't even more.
[00:16:40] We're trying to take away the liquor and become president.
[00:17:02] So I wasn't sure what light the display.
[00:17:09] They'll tell me what the fuck to do, man.
[00:17:19] Who is the other bitch with the Elizabeth, Katie Stan?
[00:17:21] This doesn't even have batteries in it anymore.
[00:17:32] It was Elizabeth, Katie Stan and somebody else.
[00:17:36] This is like, I remember learning this.
[00:17:38] And I remember they were beefing with Frederick Douglass.
[00:17:41] Douglass was saying no, the bitches can't vote.
[00:17:43] No, because he was like, look, I get it, but let black eyes vote first, man.
[00:17:54] I want you to vote, but come on, bitch.
[00:17:57] Give me a fucking, let us get something.
[00:18:02] I like white feminists for trying to get it swoop in when they're trying to get black
[00:18:08] You know, a lot of Pelosi's Elizabeth, I saw a bunch of people retweeting this Indian
[00:18:13] girl today that was or yesterday that was like white women are equally responsible for
[00:18:19] the white supremacy is white men or whatever.
[00:18:22] And then all of these people retweeting it and it's like, they're going to come for
[00:18:36] Well, I'd say, and I've made this point before, I feel like Indian people are where white
[00:18:40] people were at in like 1993 in terms of their relationship with blacks.
[00:18:48] The Indian dudes are all like, I don't see color, you know, whatever.
[00:18:51] And then the women are like, you know, they're supposed to be our boyfriends.
[00:18:57] You know, they're like, they've got all Indian guys are just David Faustino.
[00:19:03] Who's David Faustino's bud from married with children?
[00:19:15] We are in the age of Indian people just being allowed to steal everything from black people
[00:19:34] That is literally what they say to him.
[00:19:36] It seems like they've called me bad stole that from an Indian guy.
[00:19:39] No, I think they heard they heard him saying it.
[00:19:44] I think it's just to know, dude, once again, the underlying structures.
[00:19:48] It's to support this entire system, make themselves a parent.
[00:19:56] It's all just different iterations of the same thing.
[00:20:00] The question is what happens to white people?
[00:20:03] A lot of people talk about white genocide.
[00:20:11] I think it would be cool if we evolved into, you know, maybe bad.
[00:20:20] That's a lot of regr- that's a lot of- Yeah.
[00:20:24] Imagine how jealous people would be if we just got to be like fucking-
[00:20:26] Just laying around on the sun and shit.
[00:20:36] You just get to fucking bust inside of-
[00:20:39] Guys don't lay eggs in the dinosaur community.
[00:20:42] Do you still have to fuck if they lay eggs?
[00:20:43] I think the bitch just still lay the egg.
[00:20:47] Just like birds fuck each other and then the woman lays an egg.
[00:20:54] I would say pterodactyl just majestically flying.
[00:21:02] Scientists decided they were like T-Rex.
[00:21:03] That's the bad-ass, the most badass one.
[00:21:05] We're giving it the coolest name and it's like-
[00:21:07] If you didn't name all the dinosaurs and I was just looking at them, I'd be like,
[00:21:20] Yeah, it's got a big head, but you know-
[00:21:32] There's an eight-person predator I guess in that.
[00:21:35] But they don't even fucking know when they're naming them.
[00:21:38] Some motherfucker in the 40s, or whatever, the 1840s probably found his ass.
[00:21:53] You can't just fucking dig up a bone and be like, this is the fucking coolest dinosaur
[00:22:01] If you fuck once, you can't declare yourself the guy that fucks the best.
[00:22:08] Well, they got a black lady who's James Bond now.
[00:22:17] They're just doing it to make people mad so that the James Bond fans will be like, we
[00:22:23] It was just like Lady Marvel or whatever it was called, how they encouraged Marvel fans
[00:22:29] to go on IMDB to defeat the trolls that hadn't even been trolling yet.
[00:22:33] You knew you tried that before everyone was George Lucas.
[00:22:43] And he's like, if you don't like this movie, you're racist.
[00:22:49] He just said it like, he made that movie?
[00:22:50] Yeah, he's like, you're a racist piece of shit.
[00:22:57] Otherwise, it probably would have taken off.
[00:23:40] Now I'm thinking of an Eastern Motors commercial.
[00:24:12] They definitely tend to be complete explaining the
[00:24:26] If Maisins were to make our scenes Free character it'sHere idea.
[00:24:36] Moon rigor's sick. It's about that guy. He wants to make a premises. He's a not once to make an airian race on the moon
[00:24:48] You know to frame a guy he's sort of like an anti-hero
[00:24:52] Anything and somebody with like a noble or sympathetic
[00:24:56] Bad what I don't know about this sort of like the villain from the rock
[00:25:07] Because because the government won't give VA benefits to is that what the plot of the rock is
[00:25:14] Yeah, you like kidnap they like the government's denying VA benefits to people that they to
[00:25:20] Troops that were like illegally deployed and so he's basically John Stewart with 9-11 guys
[00:25:25] Yeah, kind of yeah, and we celebrate John Stewart for that. Mm-hmm. And we demean Ed Harris
[00:25:31] Yeah, you see that hmm. What's the difference? You're the give me $25 a month or I'm gonna blow up San Francisco and all the
[00:25:37] Fagats in it. Oh, it should have been the rock. You're absolutely right
[00:25:41] That's kind of I was trying to do it Harris. Oh, I thought you were doing your the rock. I yeah, I guess it's very similar
[00:25:52] Plus it would be less confusing yeah if the rock started in the rock Dwayne the rock Johnson and they've it's about
[00:25:59] Ed Harris my good friend of mine very talented actor he takes over my ass
[00:26:05] He's holding San Francisco hostage with my dick
[00:26:13] They're Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery have to fly a boat into my ass
[00:26:22] Connery's the only person ever escaped my ass
[00:26:24] You guys saw that when Colin Powell went to the UN to say that their weapons of mass destruction in Iraq
[00:26:30] Like one of the schematics. I'm I'm pretty sure is when Colin Powell went one of the schematics were like those green balls
[00:26:37] From the weapon in the rock. Do you remember the snow like Nicholas Cage needs to like dive and like catch one of the balls
[00:26:43] Is that you know like a nerve agent in the yeah?
[00:26:46] Yeah, but like the it was just they just used screen caps from that movie
[00:26:49] No, I guess they just use the designs from a weapon that doesn't and if you see here, and it's just maybe it was cold
[00:26:56] He just also has like that Catherine Zeta Jones
[00:26:58] Going over all those red wires also you can see here the kinds of security were up against I
[00:27:04] Would just love it if it was nothing but fucking shit from movies Catherine Zeta Jones isn't in the rock
[00:27:11] No, I know I'm saying in different there's different watching iconic shit
[00:27:17] In fatuation film why wait, did you watch?
[00:27:21] Eyes wide shut because people say that there's a deleted bill Clinton scene
[00:27:27] Or Prince what I watch her cuz Abstein. Yeah, cuz the Epstein. Yeah
[00:27:32] Basically, it's about elites that have like a secret fucking society and Tom Cruise acts
[00:27:38] I only discovers it and then they're like threatening to kill him
[00:27:41] Yeah, we're like people have been linking that and also they say that
[00:27:44] Kubrick died because he was uncovering pedophile. Oh, hell yeah, and Nicole Kidman's dad was accused of molesting a girl
[00:27:54] Sydney upper crust fucking like psychiatrist or whatever damn that's all it takes to be in the elite in
[00:28:01] Australia was raping a child to have a college to have to fucking be a psychiatrist
[00:28:05] I think he's gonna be a millionaire around here. They can just be a dentist and rape children, but
[00:28:13] Yeah, no, he was accused and then fled the country and died of a heart attack. Well heart attack gun
[00:28:19] Yeah, but a lot of people say that the reason Cooper cast them is to destroy Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's marriages revenge
[00:28:27] For her father being part of one of these
[00:28:30] These cults yeah, did he ever molested what what was his what was his motivation there looks molested?
[00:28:39] I did he I did read or some see or whatever. I don't know where the fuck I saw it, but that
[00:28:46] He like would fuck with them during like he would let them see each other and he would like lie to one of the you know
[00:28:52] Yeah, you give a different information fuck with their marriage for sure. Yeah, he would fuck Nicole Kidman. Yeah
[00:28:58] Make it all just stress Tom Cruise out. I mean they hit the shoe that movie is so fucking shot for like 400 days straight
[00:29:04] What yeah, they shot it in London too. They like built New York City on a sound station. What the fuck really?
[00:29:10] Yeah, it didn't like all the ex-seers look like they're in New York, but it's London
[00:29:14] They did how long did you for for real like 400 days in a row?
[00:29:18] Shut what it's an amazing over a year. Yeah, that's insane
[00:29:23] Yeah, it fucked up Tom Cruise like you know, he was at the height of his career
[00:29:26] Yeah, you could have shot like three other movies exactly and and and made like probably like fucking fifteen million dollars
[00:29:33] Yeah, and then you know that was like the movie. He liked derailed his career. That's wild. Yeah
[00:29:38] I mean he bounced back nicely. Oh, of course. I mean he's still content
[00:29:41] I thought that the church of Scientology was trying to split them up. I
[00:29:45] Mean maybe I don't know. I thought that Miss Cabbage thought that Nicole Kidman was was keeping him away
[00:29:51] She's so hot. She's so hot her titties are so nice when she's getting changed at the beginning of that movie
[00:29:57] I always feel like I'm seeing old friends. Yeah, just a nice pair
[00:30:01] I haven't seen the movie, but I have jacked off to that. She I saw a perfect parrot hits
[00:30:10] Good back then now she's ruined. I kind of wanted I kind of like red head. She's she's holding on
[00:30:17] She's keeping it tight. Yeah, here's me. Here's Nicole Kidman on the desktop click and I'm dragging her to the trash
[00:30:28] Drive that book and then we're gonna go hit the Apple thing and the trash
[00:30:33] Sure, you're not even good. You're gonna completely get her off the hard drive
[00:30:37] Secure empty trash click done and then here's me. That's the sound and then he put my hands up
[00:30:42] You put your laptop. He puts his laptop in the microwave. Let's not be ridiculous
[00:30:47] That computer. Yeah, I'm gonna hurt my computer
[00:30:54] You pour soda now hold on you said something about
[00:30:57] Perfect titties. I saw a perfect pair of titties in a movie and rip towards dick is also in that movie hell
[00:31:02] Yeah, I said the the man who felt to earth the Nicholas rogue film
[00:31:07] starring David Bowie and whose titties that were named
[00:31:10] Riptorn plays a college professor and he fucks one of his students and she is perfect
[00:31:14] It's every can shock my dick you can fuck my
[00:31:17] Rest in pieces of God of course. We should we should say rest in peace. All right Peter the God, dude
[00:31:25] Larry's and a show that what the best he's so fucking good in that the best
[00:31:30] My favorite character in that show is Hank's agent like the 97 year old. Yes. He's falling asleep
[00:31:37] Hank fucking rules Hank is is my you know Hank
[00:31:41] He's such a fucking lose. You know Hank tried to get invited to the child rape parties and wasn't cool. Yeah, exactly
[00:31:47] That's the basis for his character. Hey now. Can I have sex with children, please?
[00:31:51] I'm thinking about that scene with Sean Rouse and men in black, too. So funny
[00:31:56] Makes no sense none whatsoever. Why was this agent being like this is gonna be good for you is one line that happens a
[00:32:03] Random amount with comedians. Yeah, like Damien Levin was inspired
[00:32:08] He was a taxi driver and one of the spider-man's he's also it just like a fucking guy in jail in the night up
[00:32:17] Who Damien lemon? You don't you don't have a Damien you don't have any options
[00:32:21] It's not looking good for you, you know, and then it's just cuz he's aiming lemon being like alright alright
[00:32:27] Yeah, yeah something it's like real short wasn't Martha Kelly also in the last spider-man
[00:32:32] She was in the news Zach Alphanac his show, but she was like a star. Yeah, but I think she was like a security guard
[00:32:39] Spider-man for some that's probably good check pretty cool. I want to be in that shit. Yeah, I would say whoa whoa whoa
[00:32:45] You know help me spider-man. I'm fucking I'm a bitch. I'm getting small. I think it's all spider-man
[00:32:53] Sir just be sit there looking fat, please you don't have to say
[00:33:01] That's great. Yeah, damn what actually speaking of cameo. They've all been they've been trying to get you to what?
[00:33:08] They've been hitting stop and I up about sure. We do came you know
[00:33:11] I think it's at forty two thousand dollars. Yeah, if I put it like an outrageous sum of money
[00:33:17] But then people would just say like say the N word
[00:33:19] Let's not pretend like we're not all just going to be on cameo in four years. Yeah for five dollars
[00:33:25] Yeah, people are gonna pay a clip. Yeah, people are gonna please put any clip but getting a job
[00:33:33] I've tasted that right actors too sweet. Yeah, right motherfuckers. I'm in Baltimore
[00:33:37] I'm working part-time at Sherwin Williams on a paid-off house. That's what I'm doing in four years
[00:33:42] New life dude settling with your brothers
[00:33:49] I'm smoking the remedy that strain of weed remedy. I love that shit as you named after the Jason Moraz song
[00:33:58] Makes you feel just as good as you feel listening to that point on my little fedora dude
[00:34:17] They had a rapper come visit us at camp. They said this guy is a Wu-Tang Clan affiliate
[00:34:23] Hell yeah, who wasn't which is like there's like a 400 of those yeah
[00:34:27] Yeah, and it's like most of them are lying anyway. Yeah, and it was a Jewish rapper named remedy
[00:34:34] Incredible song and he there's so many of those guys in New York
[00:34:37] Like you if you make the mistake of talking to your Lyft driver, and he's not from Africa. Yeah, or you know
[00:34:51] Affiliate yeah, but anyway his song is the feeling is like quick star
[00:34:55] Quick in what sense you know, it's like a pyramid scheme. Oh
[00:35:12] They got eldest new a guy who was like I think semi mentally retarded and he was a cousin of
[00:35:25] No, he worked at a record store with some guy who was like half retarded and so funny and claimed it claimed to be
[00:35:31] Oh, the record store to do manic pixie dream girl. No, I mean he was in high school. I'm I have such a high fidelity
[00:35:40] Maybe you should check out this this he was absolutely not meeting manic pixie dream girls
[00:35:46] I'll tell you that much right now partner that movie is they used to kick me in the balls when I was 12 like
[00:35:54] Never seen it. I used to get so sad Jack Black and John Q sec
[00:36:00] Yeah, yeah, there's a girl there day they date each one of the exes is a
[00:36:06] That's why you like put your dick through the record into my ass, and then it's not gay
[00:36:11] You said bonnet isn't that movie fucking the record man
[00:36:17] You love music don't you man? We're all just gonna fuck records anyways
[00:36:25] Jack Black is that the one where he puts the thing over at the boombox over his head
[00:36:29] He knows that's that's anything Jack Black. Well what the fuck there's two movies with John Q sec and music
[00:36:35] I've been a movie that's called a lot of movies have been using music
[00:36:46] While people are even though first of all how dare you try and make my
[00:36:55] One's a record for one's boombox sorry Nick. Go ahead. I'm called fuck anything
[00:36:59] Okay, yeah, John Q sec holding up the boombox, and then we cut to the bedroom window and then into the frame
[00:37:09] She's just like moving the dreams aside and looking at him from
[00:37:44] Hell yeah, dude. That's a good one. He's a kickboxer in that movie really. Yeah, I thought that was like
[00:37:50] I don't remember that movie way too cool. He doesn't look like a kickboxer
[00:37:54] I can fucking didn't you tweet that he wanted to meet Amber's? Yeah, he did that's pretty
[00:38:03] Love to plow that who's the big lip bitch from
[00:38:17] Yeah, that would be a cute couple honestly Mac Chris man of John Q said I would stand I would ship them
[00:38:24] I would give them a I'll give them a combined. Oh my ass. That's Matt getting fucked
[00:38:29] That's my Mac getting fucked in the ass
[00:38:42] They clear out an ISO from Matt to do a random back getting fucked in the
[00:38:55] You think you sex got strong big game or years of being doing drugs and shit in Hollywood and see me kind of crazy
[00:39:01] No, he's definitely folks. He's 78 years old damn. He's been I heard he's on rya. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why I'm trying to get on there
[00:39:08] I thought you're already on there. I'm trying to get on there. Why don't you just use Tinder? No, I'm gonna need to upper echelon of
[00:39:15] Bitch Instagram. I think yeah, that is the way to go. I've ever become single I would
[00:39:20] See got a new app that's just for trash. Mm-hmm. Yeah, just scum broken people. Yeah. Yeah twisted clown
[00:39:32] Forgotten toys only women with those little ribbons on the back of their thighs can be in it
[00:39:38] I mean, we're like stocking you have to scan or self-harm scars like a fucking barcode. Yeah, you're right
[00:39:48] You're not yeah, no scars. No neck tattoo. Nope. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, there's got to be a certain
[00:40:00] We need to see your on the the bottle of pills
[00:40:03] Your Zola that you haven't taken for four weeks in a row and be a bitch on whole loft
[00:40:10] In the south they got different medicines
[00:40:15] And nobody in the south taking no damn medicines
[00:40:19] Just fry up some chip. Oh, you need it some a time. That's the answer
[00:40:24] Shit everybody had a kiddie pool whole thing filled with cause like I
[00:40:28] I would love for you to just write this hire
[00:40:33] Someone and just just watch him do it. Yeah, book out Madison Square Garden
[00:40:38] Just look like a little you know 80 80 seat thing and yeah, just like Carolina's is like a an ironically racist Roman Emperor
[00:40:52] Like making some black I do I'm hive enslaved cat Williams and I'm making him do my material
[00:41:14] I think that that would be probably more demeaning having to do stand up then fighting to the death
[00:41:19] I would like you respected gladiators. It's a movie gladiator
[00:41:23] But instead of like Russell Crow being forced to be a gladiator. He's forced to be a part of the universal
[00:41:34] Jamel's got a good Russell Crow in blackface
[00:41:43] Killed my wife and then they've raped my son
[00:41:46] Yeah, they raped and killed my son and killed my wife
[00:41:58] That's embarrassing dude. I saw a fucking Spanish language improv poster. Yeah, and I was like, okay, maybe
[00:42:07] Who's that was the last movie of somebody?
[00:42:10] Who it's Lawrence Olivia. No was an improper
[00:42:20] Yeah, yeah, the the the slavoner who's a former former gladiator. What's that actors name?
[00:42:26] I forget that guy's name. It wasn't Lawrence Olivia. It wasn't it was Oliver
[00:42:33] It was something he was from pushing boots. I don't know why keep thinking or from a riskier or a tool because it's neither of them
[00:42:44] Peter O'Toole would be a good name for someone with a big ass dick who wouldn't you have to change an Irishman?
[00:42:49] He's just got he's got a big old tool. Mm-hmm
[00:42:55] Gladiator fucking rocked it used to rock. Yeah, it no longer rocks. I saw I'd re-watching it. No shut up
[00:43:02] It's bad shut up. It's bad. You're lying try
[00:43:05] Don't make me fuck if I watch it. I love it
[00:43:08] I'm gonna be so fucking pissed dude. It was the first time I saw it. It was so exalt exhilarating. I
[00:43:15] Was so happy when it won best picture. I was like
[00:43:21] Such a specific kind of gay child to be I mean like watching the
[00:43:25] With awards shows that's their favorite as young presumably straight
[00:43:41] I don't think honestly I don't think I've ever watched the Oscars I've caught bits and pieces
[00:43:46] But I've never been like an I've watched it. Yeah never I went to a Golden Globes party one time
[00:43:51] I was dating a girl that had a lot of gay friends. Yeah, gay guys love award shows
[00:43:55] Yeah, they're all sitting there and you know look they love their little trophies. It just being like oh
[00:44:06] This is fucking gay, you know, and then you say that and then people like what's that supposed to mean, you know, you know, like
[00:44:11] I don't know you could say it was gay in that because it is legitimately gay
[00:44:15] They gay guys like the Oscars because they think the statues hot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's why they're into it
[00:44:24] Yeah, we're sure the boring is fucking they're pretty boring
[00:44:27] I like when they people have like metal towns like Meryl Streep had a meltdown a couple years ago. Yeah at Trump
[00:44:32] That was pretty funny. Well now. No one should that everyone that wasn't Meryl Streep. That was fucking no Meryl Streep's like
[00:44:38] You know, there was no that Robert De Niro said fuck he's that was awesome first of all fuck
[00:44:44] Norman had the funniest for she's like she was drunk
[00:44:46] Quit any project that doesn't have a diversity rider that says that 50% of everyone who works on the movie is black
[00:44:55] You know and then like that night she called the police on a black ID went to jail. Oh, yeah, there's a there's a black
[00:45:08] That's real. Yeah, that's so funny Joel Joel Cohen seems like the chillest guy though like how could he handle that?
[00:45:17] Maybe she sucks dick like a bitch fuck up here now. Yeah
[00:45:31] Yaakov Smirnoff. Yeah, that whole Sinbad special
[00:45:38] At one point he's like, yeah, no, he is like there's one line in it where it's like and it's that means you get hip-hop car get right back up
[00:45:52] Much heavier and less safe. Yeah, the car's like a sadan was four thousand pounds
[00:45:57] Mmm. Yeah fucking Sinbad come see us motherfucker. Mm-hmm. We'll tune your ass up
[00:46:03] I'll beat your fucking high yellow ass Sinbad. He's a great comic though. Yeah, I do
[00:46:11] Was I just gonna say I had I had one day when I was like 20 where I like I got real high
[00:46:16] I'm like dude. I'm gonna watch Steve Harvey and Sinbad to make fun of it and then I'm like
[00:46:25] I got right there good. They're much better comedy than I was comedy is garbage
[00:46:29] Yeah, I watched family feud last night for the first time in a long time and he's great dude. You know what?
[00:46:34] I'll do can I be honest? That's my real career goal is to be a game show host
[00:46:41] I just do like a disgusted look at a old woman making a sexual
[00:46:45] In you know this you dirty girl. We're all gonna be on game the one in the 70s the family few guy in the 70s used to like just hook up
[00:46:52] But I'm gonna be on a show called deal or more deal
[00:47:01] Just a game show where he haggles with the contestants yeah
[00:47:06] How much I'm gonna owe his jeopardy and then somebody's gonna you know, I'll be like, you know
[00:47:11] But after exploding and fucking 1980 whatever fucking you know be like boot what's Mount saying the Helena or whatever and then
[00:47:20] I'll be like whoo that's a tough one. I get oh, I guess yeah, that's yeah, you got it. I guess you got it
[00:47:26] Yeah, I know I was thinking something different
[00:47:28] Because there was the other one like just read the next question
[00:47:37] Motherfuckers who the fuck are these judges anyways, you're never even on camera
[00:47:42] What is that the jeopardy judge like the jeopardy judges need to live in secrecy in case what somebody comes to their house
[00:47:48] Kills them you like change your fucking opinion that way. That's pronounced
[00:47:53] When do they go to the judges brothers? No judge. There's some fucking
[00:47:59] Camera at a producer or something yeah, cuz they'll say things and then you know oh if they're gonna accept it or not
[00:48:12] Name something you shove in your vagina and gets hard and releases sperm
[00:48:27] Something that's long and hard that you love sucking on
[00:48:33] They'll be like a penis and then Steve Harvey's like I can't believe this
[00:48:47] I love it dude. Yeah, they really said his ass my favorite fucking
[00:48:52] Mad TV jokes, and they would do Louis Anderson. There's a Frank Cali and those Louis Anderson. Oh, yeah
[00:48:58] The menu is will sasso. I can't it was will sasso. Yeah, I mean like all right. It's been viewed
[00:49:03] You know and then you like there's one time where his pants just fall down
[00:49:28] I remember reading as a kid and being like what the fuck is it?
[00:49:33] Where the fuck is Stuart? This shit fucking sucks
[00:49:40] The fuck is just satire bullshit Alfred you knew my motherfucker. He's not funny dude. Yeah, it's funny that Trump calls Mayor Pete
[00:49:50] That is a good ass roster. That's a good burn. That's better than most of his burns
[00:49:55] Yeah, I should just I should find the way if anybody knows anybody at the White House that during the debates
[00:50:01] You'll hire me to write roast jokes for Trump for Trump you want to be on the status
[00:50:05] The only writing credit I want is the guy who wrote roast jokes for Donald Trump for the debates and see if we can get him
[00:50:12] To only treat it as a con as a roast battle probably that would be great. Yeah, I'm sure Shane Gillis would be on board
[00:50:20] Oh, Shane's already got yeah, yeah, the only reason you're not gonna get the jobs because Shane's been fucking well
[00:50:25] It's a writing for him dude. They hire multiple. Okay. You're right. Yeah
[00:50:30] I think Shane wants it to be the only guy be me and Shane and then at per usual five Jewish men with the torso is
[00:50:47] They've been writing since fucking cheers
[00:50:50] Yeah, but I'm but I'm both those guys are joke machines. We do something that's
[00:50:55] We say Elizabeth Warren should get raped
[00:51:01] But you you make it clear that only because she's a Native American and that'll
[00:51:07] Okay, that's a funny joke, you know the only thing very funny. Yeah, so this is a direction I'm very funny
[00:51:15] You know, it's like Elizabeth Warren. Yeah, she wants you know
[00:51:19] Oh, she's a Native American. Why because she got raped by John Smith
[00:51:22] You know, maybe we can say something yeah, okay. We'll put that over in the maybe's Maurice
[00:51:35] Damn well, you know what I'm gonna join fucking Kamala Kamala Harris's writing staff. Oh you are it's gonna just be fucking zings and shit
[00:51:43] Mm-hmm. I love you. It's gonna be clap clap back. Oh, I'm gonna do clap backs Kamala Harris's
[00:51:53] Need her to do clap backs. Yeah. Did you see that tweet from the
[00:51:57] Party if Trump got like a little like manicured a hand on a wand and he used it to touch Kamala's hair during the debate
[00:52:08] Just gently like caress her hair. She's trying to speed it's beautiful 15 feet away
[00:52:13] I'm gonna do whatever I want a president
[00:52:26] Just yeah, just delicately comb it behind your I love it, but while you're his great. She's trying to speak
[00:52:33] I'm not touching you just using the wand to do that what I'm not touching it when I was having gay sex in the military
[00:52:45] I learned that racism the only cure for it is the rap lyrics
[00:52:51] Finger who move what I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you
[00:53:01] Like this because it's Trump is basically attending the Democratic debates
[00:53:10] Dropped in he got he just got to do a quick five again
[00:53:13] I'm on one on one. Yeah, they should give him a little like a little Trump corner
[00:53:17] Damn that does suck. He's only gonna I want to see him go against all these freaks, you know, that would be great
[00:53:22] Yeah, I feel like he should ride one eat a broad wreck onto the stage
[00:53:27] Well, didn't he bring her to the debate right as another woman? No, he brought maybe it was yeah
[00:53:31] I brought a bunch of pretty the debate. It was crazy. Damn. What a sport of fucking kids. How you become president, baby
[00:53:38] Yeah, it was he it was a good it was a chess move
[00:53:43] Yeah, it's gonna be so satisfying when he wins again
[00:53:49] It already sucks things suck the world sucks
[00:53:53] But it's like and it has you get there is a shout in Florida and seeing all these people who think they're making a difference on Twitter
[00:54:00] I thought all these people are like I just want to let you know that I am boycotting Amazon today in
[00:54:06] Solidarity with the it's like okay, so you postponed the fucking errand for a day. Yeah to buy toilet paper
[00:54:14] You're not gonna not use him. You're not good. Yeah, right undo your prime account
[00:54:18] Yeah, how much shit you fucking rely on?
[00:54:22] Amazon absolutely it's also like it's meaningless like that's such like a
[00:54:28] Like a fourth grade understanding of like all of the systems that your life are built upon or built upon like
[00:54:38] So I go turns out Amazon's bad. It's like you have course. They're bad, right?
[00:54:43] Mm-hmm everything is fucking what's going on. There's a strike people the workers are striking or some shit
[00:54:51] AWS contracts with fucking like INS I think that might be the issue
[00:54:56] Oh the web services also also their workers are going on strike because didn't they give $15
[00:55:04] What is a concession? Yeah, I thought a couple months ago like they're like barely letting people go to the bathroom
[00:55:16] What are you gonna you're gonna stop Amazon?
[00:55:21] The only other person ever to win a war with the post offices me
[00:55:26] Yeah, it's just you and Amazon's only me and Amazon. So I guess you're the only one who can fucking defeat Amazon
[00:55:32] The only two powerful forces and what are you gonna do? You know it the the post office started Paul Revere
[00:55:39] Mm-hmm it goes all the way back to the founding fathers and when you beat the post office
[00:55:44] It's like you're punching George Washington in the face
[00:55:47] Yeah, you don't want to do that to fucking the press. Yeah motherfucking here's what I'm doing
[00:55:53] Not only am I not buying from Amazon. I'm fucking returning shit
[00:55:57] Yeah, and that's how you stick it to this motherfucker. You're returning things to Amazon that you didn't you weren't gonna use anyway
[00:56:03] Yeah, yeah, I do need to return something. I'm super boy codding. I'm super boy codding
[00:56:08] Mm-hmm returning shit. I'm only using Ali Express. I went all my money going to the Chinese. Yeah
[00:56:14] That's how you're into you want those facts. That's an acceleration
[00:56:19] Dance right guys who really understand people's rights. They really you want to talk about bathroom breaks
[00:56:30] What that fucking factory looks like in the Ali Express just piss every hell. Yeah, it was just fire
[00:56:38] I'm jealous to be honest with you. That's where you want to live. Yeah
[00:56:42] And the Ali Ali Ali Bobby Express. I want to live in a discovery zone
[00:56:48] That would be cool. You know, I mean take a rope swing down to the pizza
[00:56:53] Play some fucking place some fucking ski ball and shit. Mm-hmm. Did you guys ever have that fantasy of having like an adult?
[00:57:01] Treehouse like when you're a grown-up like
[00:57:04] Okay, just me or I was scared of heights. Oh, so I didn't I wanted to have like a luxury bachelor pad in a tree
[00:57:12] No, there's as a child. There's nothing I wanted more than like a fucking entire treehouse village. Yeah
[00:57:18] I just wanted to live in my friends houses. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is a network of trees
[00:57:23] I oh yeah, I just wanted I wanted actually underground shit
[00:57:29] Tunnels and trees. Yes the bookcase that flips around that you know, I mean you pull the book
[00:57:38] Take a slide so cool. Take a slide down to the subterranean layer. Mm-hmm. Hell yeah, dude
[00:57:44] Big big-ass basement huge best friends with monkeys. Yeah or moles
[00:57:49] Oh, you know, I see we're saying you want a jungle situation
[00:57:52] That was that was my dream when I saw Swiss family Robinson. I thought that was the coolest shit
[00:58:00] In jungle book, I was like fuck I would give anything to be King Louie. Yeah, I would love to just be a baritone jazz
[00:58:09] Jack's up in front of women what yeah with a trans bear that's tricking me
[00:58:15] Transgendered bear that's tricking me to steal fire. Oh, is that what blue was that?
[00:58:20] No, I think blue goes because they have they have Mowgley and King Louie wants Mowgley because he wants Mowgley to teach him how fire works
[00:58:29] And then like blue has to go get Mowgley back from King Louie by sucking his cock
[00:58:35] But putting on lipstick I pretend to be a monkey so he puts on the coconut mouth
[00:58:40] To look like an ape but then also dresses like a woman for some
[00:58:46] Yeah, yeah, he serves that acid well. He wants to be a hot lady monkey. I want to walk like you
[00:58:54] I want to talk like you. I want to chop my cock off like you
[00:58:57] All right, man cub now show me how to make fire. I'll fuck you in your ass
[00:59:10] Damn it dude. I've been sick for like fucking five days
[00:59:13] I'm weak dude. Mm-hmm. I'm going to die
[00:59:22] I announced today that I will be at the lodge room in Highland Park, Los Angeles
[00:59:32] I'm 29th of August as I put posted links on Twitter
[00:59:37] And on Instagram and I'm gonna be in San Diego the night before but the link isn't live so
[00:59:44] I will let you know when that's out and I'm excited. I'm gonna I'll get some
[00:59:48] Some buddies to open some hot boy summer suck Adam off here out there. It'll be fun
[00:59:54] I'm some head. I'm looking forward to a nice trip out to smell a
[00:59:58] It'll be great man. Go get some tight ramen and little Tokyo. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[01:00:03] The thing that is nice about LA is the fucking best little Tokyo is tight in LA has such good food
[01:00:09] And it has every well Queens also has such good food. Yeah, we're not now that we have cars
[01:00:14] We can go anytime we want you go to flush. I've been going to Elmhurst
[01:00:19] Tie place in Elmer's that I had the other night that was banging. I would love to check that out. We should go
[01:00:24] We should all go. I love that shit dude. I love going to fucking Queens has like literally every type of ethnic group
[01:00:29] Awesome and like it's all middle-class too. I love dude. I love living in Queens. Honestly. It's the honestly
[01:00:35] I kind of I'm done with come through bro. I'm done with it
[01:00:39] King Louie was voiced by Louie Prima in the original
[01:00:42] 1967 film initially the filmmakers considered Louie Armstrong for the role but to avoid the likely controversy that would
[01:00:49] Hosting a black person to voice an ape they instead chose Prima a white singer
[01:00:54] Christopher Walken voice King Louie in the live action
[01:01:00] Wow, that's very funny. Yeah live the one they just did yeah, so it's a month. It's like it looks like an actual monkey and it's like
[01:01:07] Listen, no whatever you want. I'm just saying
[01:01:16] No, I'm an ape I'm a fucking monkey. No, I'm an ape of some kind
[01:01:21] I can't be precise, but I would say that I am some kind of ape
[01:01:28] If I had the guests looking at my own visage my physiognomy and my reflection
[01:01:34] It would appear that I have become some type of bastard ape
[01:01:40] Some type of big bastard ape so in the reboot he's fuck he's been transformed. I've been transformed
[01:01:50] Oh, it's a pleasure for being racist. It's now I have to be a Mulan young myself
[01:02:10] I will not be in cat. I'll be in a different part of Cali Oakland
[01:02:13] Smokland on the fucking 24th. Please buy tickets to that. I'm also gonna be in Rochester August 3rd coming up
[01:02:22] So please buy tickets to that motherfucker then I'm gonna be in Boston on the 16th and 17th
[01:02:27] Like I said Oakland on the 24th and then Seattle on the 29th and Portland on the 30th
[01:02:34] It's not gonna be a hot boy summer for me so send all the pussy over to Adam, please
[01:02:39] Yeah, it's a hot hot guy summer is that the mean hot girl summer hot girl
[01:02:44] What does that mean that you're just feeling yourself make the stallion? No, she's oh the rapper. Yeah
[01:02:50] She's so hot that I thought it was a porn star that became a rapper. Oh, then it's like no
[01:02:55] She's just a hot ass lady. She's good. She's great. Yeah big fan. Blapping. I
[01:03:00] Love Blapping was black man. I was making myself laugh too hard the other day though
[01:03:12] That's an auto sensor you know that shit's bad, bro
[01:03:21] I want to get head from you let me tell you it was getting me good
[01:03:33] comb.town of I will be restocking shirts this week right now I only have things in small mmm, but the
[01:03:42] I will be restocking. I got all those new shirts up. Mm-hmm and
[01:03:48] Yeah, they're they're not drop shipping anymore. I'm like getting the shirts printed
[01:03:53] I look at them. I make sure they're not shitty and next eyes touch them his hands. Yeah, dude
[01:03:58] This is a labor of fucking love you'll get a couple beard particles in that shit
[01:04:02] It's also I'm trying to make this my day job. Yep. You know next opening a t-shirt shop because I do need a day job
[01:04:09] But I want to main remain self-employed. I love it. You're basically gonna open up your new Abercrombie
[01:04:14] You're gonna open up your own Spencer's dude. Yeah, I kind of want to do
[01:04:20] I have been like making like weed shirts like hot topics
[01:04:23] Hot topic weed shirts, but like trying because I'm like what's the worst I would wear the weed pranos one
[01:04:31] What's the worst shirt I could think of and that's so much funnier to me than of course a good shirt good shirt like a pun
[01:04:38] Yeah, you draw. Yeah, we Donald's made me
[01:04:44] And then it's so funny because it's like I
[01:04:46] Yeah, I posted on Instagram and you get all these comments from people are like shouldn't that M be upside down?
[01:04:51] It's like don't it shut the fuck up. Yeah, don't shut the fuck up you idiot
[01:04:57] You don't yeah, please don't ever listen to the show
[01:05:05] You really don't get what we're doing here
[01:05:08] You should make a suck more dick his shirt. Yeah
[01:05:11] I should make a sophomore dick is sure I
[01:05:15] Would wear that I'll tell you that much. Yeah suck more dick. Yes. I'm more dick is yeah
[01:05:22] Come see us a funny moms funny months on the 22nd coming up right now and come see me every Tuesday at the stand fat Tuesdays