Cum Town | Regular | 09/15/2016
[00:00:29] Hello. Hi everyone. Hi. Welcome to come town. W C U M come town radio. C U M the home of
[00:00:42] I don't know. I don't know what that looks like. It's like, it's like, like how Cosby
[00:00:50] impressions sort of evolved over the years. So then when you get to like the family guy,
[00:00:55] Cosby impression, it's so far removed from actual Cosby. Right. It's an impression. Yeah.
[00:01:02] Yeah. Well, the kids, they go like, let's do the jazz music and it goes up, zoom in,
[00:01:08] by who are you stuff? There was a man that sold Kodak film. That was like a family guy
[00:01:16] bit. But we were talking about how Brandon didn't really talk much on the podcast last
[00:01:21] time. Yeah, fuck Brandon, which is good. He's fucking, but you can check him out on
[00:01:24] Chappo Trap House. He was their guest this week. Yeah. Political analysis from from Brandon.
[00:01:34] One of the most woke intellectuals, public intellectuals, like a Norman Mailer type.
[00:01:41] Mm hmm. No more like a Norman Walker. Gayler. Gayler. Thank you all. No more. Gayler.
[00:01:46] Hormone Gayler. Hormone Gayler. Oh, that's good. Yeah. If you guys follow Norman Wilkerson
[00:01:53] on Twitter, please call him Hormone Wilkerson from now on. Glad we tell him taxes are too
[00:01:59] low. Yeah. So we got to cover this. I already told Adam I'm doing this. Oh, I don't know
[00:02:04] about this. This is used to me. I didn't cancel. You don't have to fucking cancel. Let me know.
[00:02:09] So basically, uh, about rape again? No. So, uh, we're all, we're all aware of the character
[00:02:16] or not character, the guy who's come on the show who died tragically, slipping on a banana
[00:02:22] peel. Okay. Who stopped mentioning and like, out of reverence for the dead. Yeah, right.
[00:02:28] Because he passed away. So there's this other guy, uh, Seth Cockfield, who was offended
[00:02:34] by the character. Uh, and that's why, you know, I mean, it's not why, but it was sort
[00:02:39] of a coincidence that Seth had a meltdown about it. And then, uh, Seth Cockfield died
[00:02:44] and we stopped, um, allowing Seth Dickfield, the bully, Seth Cockfield via the magic of
[00:02:51] the theater. Right. Right. Right. Oh, I didn't get it. Seth. Oh, so it's Dickfield was bullying
[00:02:57] Cockfield. Yeah. It wasn't me. I see. Okay. It was the guy. It was the human, the real
[00:03:02] human being who is now field, you know, my favorite movie of all time is who framed Roger
[00:03:06] Rabbit and yeah, Roger Rabbit is chained to Eddie Valiant. They're handcuffed together
[00:03:13] for about an hour. Yeah. And then they're in that back room in the bar and, uh, Eddie finally,
[00:03:21] Eddie finds a hacksaw and he starts hacking through the handcuffs. And while he's doing
[00:03:25] that, Roger Rabbit just slips out of the handcuffs and he like starts watching him. Oh, yeah.
[00:03:30] Eddie says, you mean to tell me you could have taken those off at any time? And he goes, no,
[00:03:34] only when it was funny. And I sort of live by that code that anything can be justified.
[00:03:42] It's fine. And so, uh, I'm not responsible for hurting Seth's feelings and he's a bad
[00:03:47] guy, but what do you mean? I thought you said you had nothing against him. I don't have anything
[00:03:52] against. I mean, I'm just saying objectively, he's a bad guy. That's even better. Yeah.
[00:04:00] He's claiming it's objective. But there's like, there's like a scientific unit of measurement.
[00:04:06] Yeah. It's not that he's petty and anyone who annoys them a little bit, he goes way too
[00:04:11] hard at them. Who me? Yeah. Who else have I gone way too hard at? Anyone that annoys
[00:04:16] you on the internet. I feel like on the internet, you like to just know this people I like make
[00:04:21] fun of. I think Seth's like a great character and he just doesn't realize that. And he is.
[00:04:25] The point is I wouldn't bring him up, but Seth rejoined Facebook to complain about me. Oh,
[00:04:31] really clear the air. And I think, you know, it's no, hold on. This is like Adam shaking
[00:04:37] his head in protest. He, he posted this because he, and I agree with him. You know, I like,
[00:04:43] I have been mean to him. So I think it's like only fair. Okay. Okay. That I like let people
[00:04:49] who was only exposure to Seth hear what Seth has to say in character in his own defense.
[00:04:56] Okay. Yeah. So Seth posted this. Yeah. Don't do you. You're definitely not going to do
[00:05:00] the voice. What do you mean? Well, I it's incest words. Do the voice. Hi, I'm not back. I just
[00:05:14] wanted to share this and it bounced back into the ether sometime before Monday. This tweet
[00:05:21] is an old tweet of mine, which I tweeted in a rage one day in the spring of 2015, right
[00:05:27] around noon, most probably after reading about yet another atrocity portrayed by some white
[00:05:34] cop, a politician, a rapist. Adam, you look this please. I, if it's really going to bother
[00:05:42] you that much, I'll tell you, there's seven more paragraphs. We already started. There's
[00:05:48] no going back. Well, there's, yeah, if you don't want to be a part of this, I guess,
[00:05:54] if you're such good friends with Seth, you don't want me to just let Seth speak for himself
[00:06:02] here. This is a recording you're playing right. Yeah, play the recording. He went live on Facebook
[00:06:11] live. Finish the video. I don't know. Well, if you're going to have a problem, continue.
[00:06:17] No, you're already said. Yeah, I guess. I guess I'm just a big bully. I guess everybody
[00:06:24] just thinks I'm just a fucking asshole because I'm trying to let Seth defend himself to the
[00:06:32] content. You know what? Right. Let, let's finish. You're right. You're right. We're being the
[00:06:35] bullies. We're trying to stifle Seth's voice led him. Let's hear what he had to say. Anyhow,
[00:06:40] he says this is a, this is a tweet he tweeted in a rage after an atrocity portrayed by white
[00:06:48] cop or politician or rapist. The tweet got no likes or retweets at the time, which was
[00:06:54] fine. I didn't expect it to. I just wanted to get it off my chest. If that makes you
[00:06:59] feel uncomfortable, I get that and I'm happy to discuss it. And then he's included the
[00:07:04] tweet, which was terrible. Well, the tweet is here's Seth. And he says, white people will one
[00:07:11] day go extinct and I cannot wait. New power structure, please. He wants himself to go extinct.
[00:07:19] Well, anyhow, that's the tweet he included. You can't wait. You are lying. Well, hold on.
[00:07:27] He explains it further. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. He says earlier this summer, a
[00:07:33] certain comedian popular on Twitter whom I will refer to as X, which is cool. Nicholas X. Yeah.
[00:07:41] Yeah, it's cool. I love it. That's awesome. Thank you, Seth. Just like the standard
[00:07:55] I would have laughed. That was really good. That was a blown opportunity. He gave you
[00:08:04] instead a really cool punk rock name. Yeah, as X. Well, punk rock names are all like, like,
[00:08:11] your first name is literally one David murder, like Jonathan trash. Johnny rotten Mike's
[00:08:18] not fucking pussy. I'm gonna argue Johnny's not asked. I'm Johnny, I'm Johnny Puss taint.
[00:08:29] Yeah. So, okay. So earlier this summer, the first name is literally one letter away from Dick.
[00:08:36] Yeah, you know, like, you can call me Dick. Molly. They've been funny. Dick. Well, yeah,
[00:08:40] well, it would have been funnier if he called me like Nick Dickface or Dick Faggot. Yeah,
[00:08:45] like, yeah, yeah, just like, you know, it didn't put any effort into it. Like I didn't
[00:08:49] with the cockful. Nick mold dick would have been. Yeah, that would have been funny, but
[00:08:53] he went with X. So sorry. Now I'm a X man. I'm a fucking mutant professor. Ex my the
[00:09:01] only white guy that looks good bald and handicapped. That's a good combo. Okay. Earlier this summer,
[00:09:09] a certain comedian popular on Twitter who I'm referred to as X, someone whom I'm not.
[00:09:13] Yeah, I don't. Is that that's not whom is possessive, right? No, it's it's the objective. Yeah,
[00:09:20] not the subject. Someone. So, but this isn't correct usage. Someone whom I'm not amicable
[00:09:25] with in the least. I don't think it's right. Who? Yeah, no, someone who yeah, because you
[00:09:31] are the subject of the sense. I don't fucking know. Dude, I'm dumb also thought it'd be funny
[00:09:34] to create a character based on me for his podcast. This was completely unprovoked. The character
[00:09:40] is a weak, submissive social justice warrior type who overuses words like woke and is generally
[00:09:47] obsessed with political correctness. The character's name is Seth Dickfield, which side note again,
[00:09:55] Seth is a real Seth Dickfield is a real person. It's free and says that this guy who died.
[00:10:00] Yeah, we've all seen it. We've all looked at that. Actually, I don't know if I've been
[00:10:02] the real and honestly, Seth, for you to say that, it was. Is it real? Yeah, considering
[00:10:07] he died at Auschwitz in a way that kind of makes you a Holocaust tonight. So, Seth
[00:10:12] Cofield Holocaust tonight. All right, getting back to the note. Seriously, he's not even
[00:10:19] trying to hide the fact. He's not even trying to hide the fact that the character is based
[00:10:25] on me. It's fucking weird to say the least. I even talked to this dude in over a year.
[00:10:30] This is the best part of the whole thing. Last time I talked to him, he was at an open
[00:10:34] mic where he got upset with me because I wouldn't budge on my I don't like the N word and don't
[00:10:38] think white people should ever say it stand. He got mad because he thought his logic be
[00:10:43] sounded. I was in the fair. That is a hilarious. That didn't best. Right. That is fucking
[00:10:50] happy. I wouldn't argue with Seth about so that is the best. He's like, last time I
[00:10:54] saw. Sorry, I don't like the end where he's stomping his feet and demanding to use the
[00:11:00] end one. Let me share it. Let me share it. Let me say it. I'm anti rape and anti Edward
[00:11:09] and I'm never changing that. The idea of just wanting to say the end of a person that would
[00:11:15] argue in length that they should say it but wouldn't say it to be that stupid. Right.
[00:11:20] Also, like, I'm arguing with Seth and that that did not happen. That's not of course not.
[00:11:24] He did not. He made it. Absolutely. The last argument I got. You were saying the
[00:11:35] end word. Bravely. Oh my God. What a hero. What a hero. Well, X wanted to show the
[00:11:46] followers that this character was based on a real person. So he scoured my actual Twitter
[00:11:51] feed for anything that might resemble his Seth Dickfield character and he found one,
[00:11:56] the one I've uploaded here. He tweeted it and his followers went ape shit. I tweeted
[00:12:02] it without context. I just retweeted you saying a thing which you what you were doing. I knew
[00:12:09] what I was doing. I knew it was very funny. I knew it was fucking funny. I knew it was
[00:12:13] like people were going to laugh at him for being this much of a fucking idiot. I didn't
[00:12:17] need to be like, you know, hey bully this guy or hear this why this is dumb. It stays
[00:12:20] a face values. It really doesn't seem to write. So the tweet immediately started making the
[00:12:26] rounds with the most depressing parts of Twitter. Oh God. I guess the least depressing part of
[00:12:31] Twitter is tweeting it. Tally quality all day long. If I don't let them get you, Tally.
[00:12:39] That's the least surprising part. Tallyp very very for women's rights. Yeah. He really
[00:12:45] wants women have great control. The worst people in the world relish that X's character
[00:12:51] was based on someone so real and so liberal and so they made it their business to keep
[00:12:57] a stream of daily hatred popping up in my notifications. It has been shared more times
[00:13:02] than I can count. It's like, well, that's the thing about Twitter, Seth. It tells you
[00:13:06] exactly how many times you can count to 13. It's been shared more times than I'm capable
[00:13:13] of reading a number of. So basically, I'm semi famous in the bright broad world for believing
[00:13:21] that white supremacy is real should be dismantled and meaning it. That's not what you said.
[00:13:28] It's not enough. You said white people should go extinct. And then the response from the
[00:13:33] majority of the people who responded to it was like, doesn't this guy know he's white?
[00:13:37] Yeah, that's why it's that's the funniest thing. That's why it's funny. It's a white
[00:13:41] person saying white people. No, but he can't like understand the fact that like, yeah,
[00:13:46] people agree with you. There's racism. Yeah, there's plenty of racism. You're a fucking
[00:13:50] laughing stock. I don't want to die. That's my biggest problem. I would go extinct under
[00:13:56] that. This line's good. Because of my tweet, I must be a cuckold or gay or pro. You're
[00:14:03] a geek. I brought the accident. Someone's fucking your husband. No matter what I am, they really
[00:14:08] want me to kill myself. He's the thing is like they are telling him to kill himself,
[00:14:14] but it's in the context of him saying white people should go extinct. Yeah, speed it up.
[00:14:19] Yeah, people are like, can we start with you? Yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Although I'm sure
[00:14:23] horrific parts of the internet did get ahold of that. It's like Gavin, Gavin, Gavin
[00:14:28] has retweeted it. And that's like one of the worst. Yeah. So he's spread it. So he's
[00:14:31] like, now it's the only tweet of mine being passed around exclusively by angry white supremacist.
[00:14:36] So and like I love that through all of this, he's sort of kind of angry that he didn't
[00:14:40] go viral under his own terms. Yeah. Like what he really wanted to go viral for is like people
[00:14:46] being a big, wow, this white guy that wants to die. Good. What a fucking hero. That's
[00:14:52] how he thought it would be. You showed him exclusively by angry white supremacist. I refuse
[00:14:57] to refer to them as alt right as I see the entire right wing world is one big happy exclusive
[00:15:02] family with some uncles and cousins and a little more vocal and honest than the others.
[00:15:07] And also by the way, Seth is an admitted former white supremacist. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:15:12] Yeah, I read that post. Yeah, he had a post on Facebook like a year and a half ago that
[00:15:15] was like, listen up gang. I used to be a white supremacist. I read a bunch of racist literature
[00:15:21] in my life. Yeah, he was a Nazi. Seth was like an actual Nazi at one point. Shut shut the
[00:15:26] fuck up. The point of it was to say that like you can change. Yeah, you can get whoa. Yeah.
[00:15:31] Yeah. That was like the point of the post. Seth, you know, a lot of us didn't have to go
[00:15:34] through that process. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, that's crazy though. Is that really
[00:15:40] was he like doing it up? I mean, I think that is real. You don't think it's real. I know
[00:15:44] I think it's real because Seth was also in like 2007, like a libertarian and like, fuck,
[00:15:50] fuck you. If you don't, if you can't make what switched him is the idea that he should
[00:15:55] get healthcare for free. It was all about initially him getting shit for free, you know, about
[00:16:00] how he deserves things for free. And that's what brought him over into being a progressive.
[00:16:08] And then also he has to be cool. Like he can't like be interpreted as being cool. And Barack
[00:16:13] Obama was very cool to him. So he had the like Barack Obama.
[00:16:18] Yeah. I'm all for him. The worst part about this is that I can't even tweet anymore. I
[00:16:23] didn't really tweet that much beforehand. But now anytime I log in, it's 50 more notifications
[00:16:28] from the past week. Pure hatred. Not to mention X is still to this day using the character
[00:16:35] and retweeting shit with my actual face on it, which I wasn't. I haven't fucking mentioned
[00:16:41] like done anything with that dick field shit since he had that fucking meltdown because
[00:16:45] I felt bad. Like I have numerous times in the past 10 years that I've known Seth, like
[00:16:50] he felt bad when he says something moronic and shitty, like specifically to elevate himself
[00:16:55] over people who hold the opinions that he had six months ago. Yeah, that's why it's
[00:17:00] so subject to ridicule. Yeah. And doing it as an elite. Right. He sees a fucking elitist
[00:17:05] prick and I'll like make fun of him for, you know, framing something in the context of here's
[00:17:10] me being better than somebody. And suddenly as soon as like he gets called out on that
[00:17:14] behavior, he's like, I'm a victim. Everyone's hurting me. This guy is such an asshole. It's
[00:17:18] completely unprovoked. And it's like, Oh, was it provoked when you transcribed two
[00:17:23] paragraphs of that guy's personal conversation in that coffee shop, you know, to show everyone
[00:17:29] how much you love the family. But he didn't know that guy's actual thing. I mean, yeah,
[00:17:33] sure. I understand what I truly are bullying. Yeah, I am bullying. This is the way around
[00:17:38] that. It's absolutely bullying. Yeah. But it's also like, you know, I'm not wrong. Yeah.
[00:17:48] That is the thing. If you are right, it doesn't matter what the fuck yeah, like especially
[00:17:54] you do not give a shit whatsoever. And that's why we go back to the good words of Roger
[00:17:58] Rabbit. Only if it's funny. Only if it's funny. Yeah, which it is funny. And then he broke
[00:18:04] next brand. Yeah, he closes by saying in other news, I'm back in school. I'm a college freshman.
[00:18:09] I love it. Other than that, all that Twitter shit I can safely say in general life is
[00:18:13] good. So things are looking up for Seth. And I'm happy. I'm glad for him that he's in school.
[00:18:18] Because I mean, honestly, 15 years of stand up comedy and you're still bombing it open
[00:18:22] Mike's crazy. This is the Mullins special right here. After just shitting on him for something
[00:18:28] that you said my seasoning on that you said my had a point. Right. Still mean, but you
[00:18:34] had a good then you just took the gratuitous kick and molyse down fucking yeah, congrats
[00:18:40] on college. He's making his life better. I'm like happy for good man. I'm happy for him.
[00:18:50] See the expression on his face everyone. He's actually sucking Adam's dick right now. It's
[00:18:55] weird. He's been talking with Adam's dick in his mouth the whole time. Well, and that's
[00:18:58] the shitty part about all of it is like Seth is such a fucking great character. And he
[00:19:03] doesn't understand what makes him funny. You know, like people like thought the dickfield
[00:19:08] thing was funny because it's just Seth. Yeah. And if he could harness that he could do great.
[00:19:21] You know, no, he can't. Yeah, he can't because he has no choice saying it. That's why it's
[00:19:27] funny. Yeah, that's just who he is. You know, and didn't end it's not a bit, you know,
[00:19:35] the character is funny because it's a bit because you're explaining not and it's it's
[00:19:39] not only funny because of Seth. It's funny because there are especially with the election
[00:19:44] right now a ton of people popping up. Yeah. That are like, you know, well, self described
[00:19:50] woke, you know, I am woke. Um, psych, I'm Mark Ruffalo had some awful tweet. I saw it.
[00:19:55] Yeah. Was it getting woke to the trans experience?
[00:19:59] Yikes. We're like Mark Dick Dickfalo. Dickfalo? You want to start Mark Dickfalo? Yeah. So,
[00:20:06] uh, yeah. So Seth on that thread got into like an argument with some guy here. Uh, somebody
[00:20:13] said this thing I love about all this is people just immediately starts sending me screen
[00:20:17] caps of like, Oh, this shit. Um, and so somebody commented, infiltrated his Facebook. Yeah,
[00:20:24] I don't ask people to send me this shit. Like fucking immediately people start texting
[00:20:28] me. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, this is just so accidental. What do you mean it's so accidental? How
[00:20:36] would I know you blocked me on everything? There's no reason. I have like four different
[00:20:40] people that'll like, you know, text me when he's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes,
[00:20:47] uh, so this guy the commented on that and he's like, what he's saying is that he's not
[00:20:51] really back on Facebook to bellyache yet again. Can you tell? I'm not trying to be a jerk
[00:20:56] here, Seth. We only knew each other briefly in high school. Oh, man. I don't really know
[00:21:00] you that well. I just have to say you seem to get a joy out of complaining whenever you're
[00:21:04] on Facebook about anyone who doesn't lean 100% left in their thinking. You make me want
[00:21:09] to check out this Nick Mullen guy's spoof of you at this point. Again, not trying to
[00:21:15] be mean, but you're kind of pushy with your opinions after saying that. If you feel like
[00:21:18] unfriending me, then so be it. And so Seth screen capped that and then posted it as another
[00:21:23] status and, uh, guys, they're just commenting back. Well, on the status, he writes, uh,
[00:21:29] TFW, you know, that face when you not trying to be a jerk, but you're nailing it though.
[00:21:35] So it's like, yeah, you're using a V. So now you're going full ward. Yeah. He's me.
[00:21:41] You gotta be black when you own the guy. Yeah. And then that, uh, Seth eventually did, uh,
[00:21:49] block that guy. Jesus. And, uh, then that guy messaged me and he goes, uh, you don't
[00:21:55] know me, but I went to high school with Seth Cockfield and he just unfriended me because
[00:21:59] I called him out on some of his wine. He pushed. He left his bullshit. Where can I check out
[00:22:03] this character you created about him? I would love a good laugh over this. This is incredible.
[00:22:09] Seth is getting us listeners. Yeah. I've never said something. He's like, that's a hilarious
[00:22:16] guy. Getting owned by just a guy who barreling you. You look man, like you don't really
[00:22:20] know each other. I'm the closest to an objective observer here. And I got to say, and he was
[00:22:25] even kind of like, well, let's talk about it. Yeah. And what's funny is Seth was even like,
[00:22:29] I'm happy to talk about my, I'm happy to talk about my tweet with you, but not about your
[00:22:35] uh, fucking objections to how I'm behaving. I won't talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. No,
[00:22:39] Seth is just like constantly stepping on Rakes and having them smash in his face. It's
[00:22:43] pretty fun. That was really good. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just, it's too fucking funny.
[00:22:48] It's too perfect. And I know like, uh, you guys are probably uncomfortable with, you
[00:22:52] know, having to bring that up. But like, look, that this is it. I'm never going to fucking
[00:22:56] mention him again. Seth, like, I'm sure somebody will tell you about this. Like it's done.
[00:23:01] I wouldn't have said anything if you hadn't posted nine paragraphs about it. And, uh,
[00:23:05] yeah, it's like, I mean, Seth also has to know you. He knows you. He's known you for 10 years.
[00:23:12] He had to know that that's like definitely going to get your peak, your interest. I mean,
[00:23:18] the guy messaging him was so good. Yeah. Like even if no one was like keeping you, keeping
[00:23:24] tabs on this for you. Just one of his like friends blocking him messaging you is hilarious.
[00:23:30] Yeah. I mean, it's got to suck. Somebody fucking making fun of you and you can't control the,
[00:23:35] uh, you know, any of the narrative around it. I would be pissed off if somebody had like,
[00:23:39] you know, I also, I think it would have been funny if somebody like did a fucking character
[00:23:43] based on you and nailed it so well. And yeah, and they did it. I'd be like, all right, you
[00:23:47] know, I did a character based on you once. Wait, what was the name? Uh, Dick. I have a
[00:23:54] really good character. Yeah. It's called, uh, no, it's called.
[00:23:58] The thing we should on Ward L all the time. Word. Yeah. These are friends. And you know
[00:24:02] what? Honestly, he's actually I was friends with Seth. Me and him used to hang out, but
[00:24:05] he would, he would hang out with him. He would constantly talk shit on people. And then as
[00:24:09] soon as he found out, anyone was criticizing him in any way, shape or form me to have a
[00:24:13] fucking meltdown, like a literal meltout, storming out and shit. It was quite funny.
[00:24:18] Whatever. I don't care. Guys, you really step on my really good character. Oh, what's your
[00:24:21] character? It's called gay Christopher Walken. Do it. I'm gay. That's good. Thank you. Yeah.
[00:24:28] That's good. I'll be, you know, the Sicilians are the best liars. Two, one, two, three,
[00:24:35] two, two, two mice, two, two men. Can I offer you a vat of cream? Two men. And they fuck
[00:24:42] each other. I'm gonna become, but I've had this pleasurable gold watch shoved up my ass
[00:24:49] until I come. Your father forgot. Oh, now I'm just doing a Jewish guy. Yeah. You're
[00:24:56] father. I forgot it in my head. That is a hard character. That's like the next level
[00:25:00] with impressions. Like if you can do an impression, but then like, you know, so like, you know,
[00:25:05] everybody loves Robert De Niro. One of the me was deaf. Dude, that's wrong. Hey, just
[00:25:14] Stare at me. That's why I'm in the near. You talking to me? I really, I can't hear you.
[00:25:23] So you're gonna have to explain if you're talking to me or not. I can't tell. I'm even
[00:25:27] going to want that, Robert De Niro. Seriously. Are you talking to me? Jesus Christ. Seriously.
[00:25:35] Yeah. Or like, Oh, it's me. Robin Williams, but I'm still alive. I'm dead. I have so much
[00:25:49] hair on my knuckles. Have you seen that? These body hair Robert, Robert, Robert Williams?
[00:25:56] Yeah. Insane. That's why I called him. So yeah, that's true. The Nair bills were getting
[00:26:01] too high. Yeah. He's just wearing a sweater just all year long. So the West Indian Day
[00:26:08] parade is today, which shout out to any West Indian folks we got out there. Of course,
[00:26:14] our big West Indian listener from Big Bend. What's your favorite one? My favorite West
[00:26:18] Indies? Barbados. Barbados, me too. Yeah. Oh, Rihanna. Yeah. Guys, I don't know about
[00:26:25] you, but I would have sex with Rihanna. I thought about it the other day. I think I
[00:26:29] would. I think I'd have sex with it. Jake? Yeah, I wouldn't. Why? I mean, because you
[00:26:34] guys already fucked her. That's gross. Once you fucked a woman, she's ruined forever.
[00:26:39] Yeah, this one fuck. You know, it is good for one fuck. And I did that. She said no good.
[00:26:45] You got to kill him to go in the trash compactor. That's absolutely right. Oh, we should talk
[00:26:51] about this, this jazz age festival guy, because we were complaining about that. What's going
[00:26:55] on? There's other New York Times had some like article about this asshole that lives
[00:26:59] in Red Hook. Yeah, as in the style section, I believe. He runs this thing called the Jazz
[00:27:05] Age Festival on Governor's Island, which is fine. You can like jazz or whatever, and
[00:27:09] maybe for your performance, you dress up like a 20s guy. Yeah, yeah. But it has to extend
[00:27:14] to everything for him, which by the way, I feel like half the shit like everything in
[00:27:17] like the New York Times, like real estate blog, this all trolling. Oh, yeah. That's not
[00:27:21] serious. Because every one of those is like, my name, Kayla is like parents only have a
[00:27:26] budget for her of $80 million a month for her perfect department. So she's going to have
[00:27:31] to make some compromise. You know, fortunately, the toilet wasn't made out of pure crystal.
[00:27:37] And sometimes she could hear taxis honking in Fifth Avenue Palace that her parents bought
[00:27:42] for her. Well, she takes classes at NYU on pretending she has it hard. Oh, fuck. I have
[00:27:49] to shop. Oh my God. I have to shop. Maybe we're laughing about that one day. I need to
[00:27:55] read it. Which Fifth Avenue women that are like fucking exhausted from shopping all day.
[00:28:00] I've had the worst. I have been shopping all day. Oh, yeah, their names are we already
[00:28:05] did that joke. We talked about it. Mad Square Garden and Chelsea peers. Yeah, yeah,
[00:28:10] our Korean friend, uh, Kim Park's love. Fuck. What's he doing? So this jazz thing is just
[00:28:19] like, Oh, yeah, being in Sephable. And the article was about like, this guy lives in 2016,
[00:28:24] but he's 1920s. Yeah, I'm 1920s. Like basically, I love the, you know, just everything about
[00:28:31] that era. It's like the, you know, 1920s. So he pulls his pants up to fucking high into
[00:28:35] socks and no Velcro. Like a mustache or whatever. And he's like, yeah, I don't even own a TV.
[00:28:43] And then his girlfriend's like, yeah, we just watched movies on my laptop, which is like,
[00:28:47] even more new technology. So that's what yeah. But the only watch movies from the 20s, I'm
[00:28:54] sure, which that's got to be so fucking entertaining. You know, I tried watching, like I got a
[00:28:59] list of, I wanted to work through and watch every movie that's ever one best picture.
[00:29:03] Right. And then I'm like looking at basically every movie before 1945 was like, you know,
[00:29:09] like some guy. It's a German the tap dance. Yeah, exactly. We got to put on makeup and
[00:29:15] stay a dramatically at each other to stop Hitler. You could never even fuck. Yeah, get that
[00:29:21] cat. Here you can't piece of shit. Don't throw up either. Yeah. I guess we probably
[00:29:27] just what I feel like that's a not a worthwhile pursuit. What what every best picture. A lot
[00:29:33] of them are not some of them are so good. Until like, well, that's what you got to find.
[00:29:37] Even best pictures aren't crash crash was the worst thing I've ever fucking seen. That's
[00:29:41] so that made me so upset driving Miss Daisy. It's not like that. Get a movie. Oh shit sucks.
[00:29:47] Yeah, no, it's like gladiators. The only good one to my my job. Actually, I saw recently
[00:29:52] piece of shit. No, I'm kidding. Of course didn't deserve a best picture, but it was fun to watch
[00:29:56] gladiator wasn't bad. I remember it was my favorite movie at like 15. Oh, really?
[00:30:02] That's like my dad when I was like 13. My favorite movie was a man of honor. Oh, the
[00:30:09] one with a scuba diving scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba scuba
[00:30:16] I remember watching boondock Saints when I was like 12 and being like, that was the best
[00:30:21] fucking ever. I always say to boondocks. No, dude, I it caught me beautiful. Well, I hit
[00:30:27] a boondock Saints because I loved good fellows and then someone was like, if you love good
[00:30:31] fellows, you'll love boondocks Saints. And I watch it. I'm like, this is stupid as shit.
[00:30:35] Yeah. Dude, I fucking loved it. I was like, damn, they know every land. Have you ever seen
[00:30:39] overnight? No, the documentary about the guy that made boondocks. No, it's amazing. Really?
[00:30:45] He's this like ego maniac Boston fucking like bartender. He's like, yeah, I'm from Boston.
[00:30:51] You know, I made I wrote a movie and I wrote it because it's fucking real, you know, Boston
[00:30:56] style. You know, and he's like, that's when they like, they made a ton of those movies.
[00:31:00] Yeah. So his initial script was like, like it was got passed around Hollywood and people
[00:31:07] liked them. And I think it was like Miramax had like Harvey Weinstein had it. And he liked
[00:31:12] it personally. And then they tried to get like the Nero in on it. They tried to get all
[00:31:16] these big names. But the guy who wrote it was such a good difficult piece of shit.
[00:31:20] Oh, really? That he sabotaged like everything. Whoa. And like eventually got produced. And
[00:31:26] then he took some shitty deal where he just got like a payout and like didn't make anything
[00:31:29] off distribution. Oh, really? So he ended up making like no money off the fucking movie.
[00:31:34] Also, it was supposed to come out on 9 11. Oh, they like had to post. Yeah, I haven't seen
[00:31:39] overnight in a while. So I forget all the details. But yeah, that guy's you talking about overnight?
[00:31:43] No, you're talking about boondocks. Overnight is a documentary about the guy. If he had
[00:31:49] just gotten a post arriving you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking would have been rich as hell.
[00:31:54] Oh, yeah, dorm room. I think it just came with a dorm. He just had your baby in that
[00:31:58] dorm room post money. It was either that or the velvet underground. Like the Bob Marley.
[00:32:03] Yeah, Bob Marley. I had a rocky one. Yeah, I had rocky deed. I was cool as hell. There
[00:32:08] was this dude in college that was like, okay, I can tell the story. He's not listed the
[00:32:13] part. He like was like presented like has this alpha male like, you know, like, I have fucking
[00:32:19] get my dick sucked to like whatever. Yeah, he had like in his bedroom, a six foot poster
[00:32:25] of Leonidas from the movie 300 just with just wearing underpants and a cave. Yeah, yeah,
[00:32:32] rippling out and like just huge packs and like so Gerard Butler, whatever. Of course. Yeah,
[00:32:38] yeah, and it's just like in his bedroom. He had this massive like six like to scale to
[00:32:43] buff guy. Yeah, it's a scale. And then his my friend, his roommate one day went on his
[00:32:49] laptop to to jack off to porn, I guess. Damn. And all of his searches are like guy guy,
[00:33:00] but they're not gay. Two straight guys fucking each other guy fucks for the first time,
[00:33:09] but other guy. And I think he's I don't think he's out of the closet. I think he's really
[00:33:15] nice. Still living in bro. That's hilarious. There's so much somebody you had a bit in
[00:33:20] Baltimore about like all the not gay shit on Craigslist where it's just like half of the
[00:33:26] people are like, yeah, I'm a straight guy. Just look at, you know, watch football and
[00:33:30] suck off some dudes. And it's just like this fucking huge you're on the gay hookup like
[00:33:37] Ali of the internet. You're on the like, you're on the like, you're on the like,
[00:33:40] you're not gay though. I just, you know, and there's so many talk about being straight
[00:33:44] and just like, you know, right, Ravens and sucking each other off. That's probably part
[00:33:49] of it. You remember that like post that used to go around the internet about like that guy
[00:33:53] who wanted to have like a meetup or like he's like, basically, I just want to recreate the
[00:33:56] sleepovers I had when I was like 12. So he's like inviting other middle age men over to
[00:34:01] his house where they would like play super Nintendo and jack off with each other. And
[00:34:06] then if one person sucks off another person's like, no big deal. Yeah, yeah. You know that
[00:34:11] guys just hoping for it to become a big gay fuck. He just needs plausible deniability.
[00:34:17] The amount you could lie to yourself, dude, about what you like to beat off to. Oh, for
[00:34:22] sure. Years for years. Yeah, that's why you got to beat off to everything. Oh, every
[00:34:27] type of porn. Well, just to do just to like see how women feel. I watch gay porn every
[00:34:31] night. Yeah. The Arthur Jew classic. Yeah. I had a weird gay sex stream last night. Really?
[00:34:38] Yeah. Well, I was watching, you know, those like fat motorcycle twins? No. The I forget
[00:34:46] their name. They did they were professional wrestlers. You know that Sims episode where
[00:34:50] they have some trial and like Lionel Huts is like, I'm calling in surprise witness after
[00:34:55] surprise witness. And then they have those two fat twins on a motorcycle. Oh, yeah. I
[00:35:00] remember them from the Simpsons. Yeah. But I don't think some cultural reference. I got
[00:35:04] to forget. I always forget their name and their story. One of them died, I think, but
[00:35:07] like they weren't wrestlers. They were they were. They were involved in wrestling at a
[00:35:10] certain point. I think they had the record for being the fattest twins. But anyhow, it
[00:35:14] was it was them fucking each other. And I witnessed that. Wait, this is last night.
[00:35:22] Yeah. Last night. Fat motorcycle twins. Fuck each other in the one of them had a strap
[00:35:28] on and the other one had a vagina. So I think this is okay. I got a story after you. Well,
[00:35:34] I think it'd be because there was an article that was here about F to M's. Yeah, that
[00:35:38] was the FTM like man breastfeeding. There was like a man so that's happened a couple
[00:35:44] times. I mean, it was this giant hairy tit and there's a baby drinking off of it. And
[00:35:50] it like, I mean, yeah, that's where my transphobia kicks in right there. I'm like, Oh, this is
[00:35:55] I don't have any transphobia. It's just like, you know, and then I think it's incredible.
[00:35:59] It's a fucking like a like a very this is too much. And I'm like, come on. It's not too
[00:36:05] it's not too much. But my reaction to that is like, now can we laugh at it? Yeah. Like
[00:36:12] when it's amazing to a point where it's like just taking fucking I think it's beautiful.
[00:36:18] Just a fuck up. I just want to know I'm like, you're stance of am I supposed to give up
[00:36:25] my seat to that train? I need to get out of my seat on the train to let that person sit
[00:36:30] down. Like, yeah, if they are like a construction, interesting, you know, I don't like I don't
[00:36:35] understand how I'm supposed to. So I guess it was seeing that picture and then that's
[00:36:38] what made me how many times has an F to M asked you to get up from your seat every time
[00:36:45] I sit on the train. It's always these trainees are like, you're gonna move, sir. They have
[00:36:52] a pussy. Yeah, I actually I don't think I've given up my seat on the train, maybe once
[00:36:56] ever. I did quite often. Sometimes when it's a mother with like a bunch of kids, yeah,
[00:37:01] I was fantasized about like people I feel worse for like mothers with like three. Absolutely.
[00:37:06] I have this fantasy in my head. I'll do we're like, you know, like someone will ask me to
[00:37:10] get out of the seat and then where I'm just like, you know, I'll like be like, well, yeah,
[00:37:17] that's fine. But just let you know I'm like a veteran. I was like, I'm a veteran and
[00:37:24] then people find out somehow and then everyone in the train beats the shit out of me. It's
[00:37:28] like having like a fantasy. I have a trolling gone long. You just want your life. You just
[00:37:34] want your life, your way of life to end. You want to be free of this prison you made for
[00:37:40] yourself. Yeah. Some guy, some guy pretending to be a veteran on the train. So he doesn't
[00:37:45] have to give up to seek to a pregnant woman and then people find out and beat him to death.
[00:37:49] That's how I like I think in my head would be honestly. Yeah. If I heard that's the way
[00:37:53] you died, I would feel so happy for you. Yeah. That's the way you would have wanted. The
[00:37:57] mall way, dude. Yeah. I don't know why I create those scenarios in my head. That's beautiful,
[00:38:02] dude. Yeah. Like, you know, you think about you're on the platform and they'll be like,
[00:38:07] you know, like a disabled person and you're like, what if I just push them on the tracks
[00:38:10] and you wouldn't do it, but it's like, it's like Tourette's or whatever. You think about
[00:38:14] what's your thing about with it disabled person? I mean, either I think it's like, I think
[00:38:18] it was like Wall Street got like suit kind of just killing myself. I think about it.
[00:38:22] I'm telling myself. Yeah. Like sometimes I'll fantasize about people pushing me on the
[00:38:25] tracks. And like, it's now a nervous tick of mine that I say under my breath. I say,
[00:38:29] I'm going to find people are fawning over like a baby. I just think about like how
[00:38:33] funny it would be if they're like, I just like wailed that baby in the face. How people
[00:38:38] would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
[00:38:42] why they literally make a baby's head explode. Hit it hard. Yeah. And it's like, I don't even
[00:38:47] want to punch the baby. I just want everyone to be mad at me. This is the most lightning
[00:38:54] fucking this is the psychological profile of Nick.
[00:38:57] I think last three minutes. Yeah. Listen, there's a com town. They're mad. They're
[00:39:05] lipping it to they care. Listeners have come down. This is a public service announcement.
[00:39:10] Irony can ruin a brain. Hopefully it will break your brain. Yeah. Another part of that
[00:39:16] dream I had like a weird weird thing. I had a dream. I was at some like, like a vent.
[00:39:21] Like there was like a, I was like a show or something. But then like the Joker showed
[00:39:25] up and he was like ruining everything. Yeah. The joke was, it was like, which, yeah, it
[00:39:30] was nebulous. Yeah. Switch. But you just felt like it was the Joker. Probably the one from
[00:39:34] the cartoon. Yeah. But then people responding to the Joker being like, Oh, you're like a
[00:39:40] scary clown that's so edgy or whatever. And he was like, shut up. Yeah. And he was like,
[00:39:45] get the Joker was getting like defensive about it. Right. So then people reacting to
[00:39:49] the Joker as if it was someone that thought they were the Joker. Interesting. And that
[00:39:54] was what was happening. That was after the twins fucked each other. Yeah. Yeah. One time
[00:39:59] I had a very weird. I was fucking just like in my head a beautiful woman. Like this was
[00:40:07] this was years ago. This one I was like 16 or 17. And just like a beautiful like hairless
[00:40:13] woman. I was fucking her in the ass. And then like I just turned around. And then at some
[00:40:19] point she just turned around and she had my friend Tommy's face. Yeah. Yeah. Like Tommy
[00:40:27] is the ugliest friend I've ever had. Like Tommy is like hilariously bad. Look, you're in love
[00:40:33] with Tommy. You know, he's got this. Yeah. You want to have sex with your friend?
[00:40:37] Skin tag on his ear that you do. You want to sock on? And he just got like coddle with
[00:40:41] them and sock on his skin tag. He's got like this weird like clown hair. Like his hair
[00:40:47] looks like a shitty clown wig. And it's not feel it was just one of the weirdest. He just
[00:40:51] went to Greek Orthodox. Yeah. That's why you have to leave Greek town. And that's yeah.
[00:40:56] After that wet dream people found out about that. What Greek church like break that shit
[00:41:00] down for Greek church? Yeah. That should last a nice long amount of time. The costumes
[00:41:05] are mostly or dirty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all it's all fucking grape leaves. They're
[00:41:09] how this for you to dip their crap. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. The costumes they go off the priest
[00:41:14] that was gold. They look like I was an altar boy. I was an altar boy. You were. Is that
[00:41:19] why you had that dream? Is there? It wasn't dream of the priest was it? They sell this
[00:41:23] whispering it to me. Are they sell this? No. Here's the thing Greek priest you. It's like
[00:41:28] if you want to go far, if you want to be like a bishop or some you can't fuck. But if you
[00:41:33] just want to be like a community priest, you have to fuck. You have to get a wife. So they
[00:41:37] fuck. So Greek priest fuck. So guess what's not an issue in the Greek church is what?
[00:41:42] I would if you want to keep going. Like stop fucking and be like a guy that's like, you
[00:41:46] know, I'm trying to get my life back together and not fuck. Once you get married, you're
[00:41:50] done. So you can't you can't become a bishop. Right. Right. Is it a bishop? Deacon cardinal.
[00:41:56] I think Deacon's much lower. Deacon's not even a priest. Deacon, you're trying to become
[00:42:00] a priest. Then then there's like fucking bishops and then there's arch bishops. That's so complicated.
[00:42:07] I have all of the military ones memorized. Yeah, I don't fucking know. There's one guy.
[00:42:11] There's one guy named Bartholomew that came through. Lieutenant private private first
[00:42:15] class corporal. Cockbar. Sergeant. And then there's like first sergeant like gonnerry
[00:42:23] master sergeant gonnerry sergeant. I think gunnery with guns. No, this like that's a marine core
[00:42:29] thing. Yeah, I think so. I just remember that from when I was when I went to I went to
[00:42:34] do a marine tour and I learned shit about them that I wasn't expecting to do. It was
[00:42:39] weird as shit to go on that tour and like meet people who enlisted literally right after
[00:42:44] 9 11 like that's what that's who that's who the like and I was like, oh man. And they're
[00:42:49] just like, there's just these hardened fucking bets who've seen everything. They're fucking
[00:42:54] tell they're fucked up and then they don't respect them. And then the younger ones are
[00:43:01] just like fucking kids who were too dumb to go to college. You know, like not like like
[00:43:07] half or and they haven't seen shit. They're like poor poor 17 18. Oh yeah, poor kids from
[00:43:11] like middle of nowhere middle of nowhere just like learning fucking learning life. My friend
[00:43:15] joined the Marines when we were like teenagers and like he grew up in a military family.
[00:43:21] And I don't know, I feel kind of bad putting a shit out there. But so like I knew in my
[00:43:25] whole life and his mom was like a naval officer and then his mom's roommate quote unquote
[00:43:34] was also a naval officer. Which yeah, so he had those don't ask those halter. Yeah. So
[00:43:42] he had like him like just like dyke moms. Yeah. And the naval officer. Yeah. Those are real
[00:43:50] lesbians. Yeah. That's as lesbian as it gets. It is funny because I remember like bullying
[00:43:54] him about it when I was like six. Yeah. Like being like your mom's a dyke. You know, and
[00:43:59] I'm like, well, how did I know that? You know, I fucking haircut. You heard it enough. Your
[00:44:05] dad said it. That was honestly probably from just watching Jerry Springer and shit. You
[00:44:10] know, it's like the first time I heard it. Because your dad's a bad dad. You didn't indirectly
[00:44:15] bad dad. How's your bad dad? Let me watch television. Let your father spring. Yeah, that's
[00:44:20] what being sick. Jerry Springfield. Home from school. For me was Jerry Springer. Yeah.
[00:44:26] You catch prices right then Springer. My mom. I don't know if she did it. She just I didn't
[00:44:32] watch anything cool for a very long time. Really? My dad will let me watch whatever the fuck
[00:44:35] I wanted. My parents used to take me to like rated our way before I was old enough to.
[00:44:42] I saw a con air when I was like six with my 10. They made you beat off in the theater
[00:44:46] to new teams. I remember there's a there's a prison bitch. I'm just asking. I mean, there's
[00:44:51] a prison bitch character in con air like the second the plane crashes. He's just like opening
[00:44:56] luggage. Yeah, he's putting on dresses and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. My dad just looks to be I
[00:44:59] was like, I don't know, maybe like nine or 10. And he just looks to be goes. It's a that's
[00:45:10] Not the part about like the rapist or no, no, he's no, no, the worst guy was the guy
[00:45:18] that liked to wear dresses. I guess. Yeah. Well, he is not the dude that had the Hannibal
[00:45:24] Lecter face. Yeah. What's the bad guy? Who's like the ultra bad guy? Bouschemi John Malkovich,
[00:45:31] John Malkovich, Cyrus the virus Cyrus. That's such a good movie. What is star studied cast?
[00:45:37] They destroyed Vegas in it. So, yeah, con air is actually like a lot. And then there's other
[00:45:42] ones like John Lithgows in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't he? Isn't he like the FBI guy?
[00:45:48] Maybe. Yeah. I think he is. Yeah. It's Nick Cage, Danny Trejo who Brandon just learned
[00:45:53] about. Yeah. Bouschemi is Ving Rames in it. Dude, it was so funny. Just this shit on brand
[00:46:00] real quick. He we were we went to go get a sandwich. Yeah. And some guys like, are you
[00:46:04] the Dix out for Harambe guy? And there was like, yeah, yeah. And then another guy outside
[00:46:10] of an event that Brandon was like hosting was like, are you the Dix out for Harambe guy?
[00:46:15] And then Brandon was like, well, he tweeted a million people have come up to me New York
[00:46:20] asking me about Dix out Harambe guy. And I was like, literally, it has been two people.
[00:46:26] You fucking idiot. Yeah. He's like, people keep stopping me. It's like no motherfucker.
[00:46:32] Even if it was even if it was a million people, what the fuck are you bragging about? Yeah.
[00:46:37] A joke I stole from a bunch of other people that I said, I think he made that one up,
[00:46:43] but he was Brandon's never made anything up. Yeah. Copy pays for it. I had a friend of
[00:46:51] college copy. It's a iPhone iPhone charger. His logo should just be control C control
[00:46:56] C on the on the world star comments. I had a nice time with Brandon. We went to it was
[00:47:05] nice to see him. We had we went to some stupid shit, some VMA pre party thing. Oh, yeah, dude.
[00:47:11] I ate a weed edible that was 25 milligrams THC. And then we like stepped outside and
[00:47:17] I was in Manhattan like as high as maybe I was in like set like like ninth grade, you
[00:47:23] know, that kind of high. And I was just like looking at the building. I was like, this
[00:47:26] is fucking more doormand. We're in more doormand. I gotta get out of here. I did not like any
[00:47:33] of that MTV because it's like I was like an MTV party with him after the thing. And it
[00:47:38] was just like, this is just an office party, but everyone works at MTV. Oh, yeah. So she's
[00:47:43] like, just as boring as being an always part where you don't know anyone, but it's like
[00:47:45] everyone also thinks they're cool. If you know what I mean? The thing I went to had like
[00:47:49] an MC that was like, he's like a MTV personality Brandon told me. And he's just like on stage.
[00:47:57] He's like, it was so embarrassing. It was like the one camp counselor that was trying
[00:48:01] to be the cool counselor. He's like making announcements. He's like, yo, I see y'all
[00:48:06] is like this, you know, this white like pretty boy rapper, dude. He's like, I see y'all taking
[00:48:11] pictures. I see y'all in that snapchat. Make sure you use the VMA Taco Bell Live Moss
[00:48:19] geo filter. Anytime you take a picture of that, people are just like clapping. Oh my god.
[00:48:25] This guy, this guy's life. He probably wants to kill himself. No, he loves it, dude. I worked
[00:48:29] in Jimmy John's for four hours one time. Yeah. And the manager I had to report to was like
[00:48:34] two years younger than me. And just like a fucking loser or whatever. And I like stopped
[00:48:42] going there because he interrupted me while I was rolling up a sandwich or whatever. And
[00:48:46] I've worked at a billion fucking sandwich and shorter grilled jobs or whatever. So rolling
[00:48:51] up a sandwich and I started rolling it in the deli paper from the corner. And then you
[00:48:56] fold like a burrito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I get about halfway through any like puts
[00:49:00] his hand on the sandwiches and rolling it. And he's like, you did what I like to call
[00:49:05] a subway wrap. And we actually do a different here. And I was like, piece see you later.
[00:49:11] You got to work with you, you micromanage. Like who's what customer is going to fucking
[00:49:17] like open their bag and be like, Oh, I can't wait to eat the what the fuck? What the fuck
[00:49:23] is this? Why is it rolled like this? I didn't go to Subway. I went to Jimmy John's where
[00:49:30] they had fun shit on the wall. It's so funny how people think. I mean, that is an example.
[00:49:36] No one matters. But that guy couldn't matter. Oh, yeah. So he does use my friend's roommate.
[00:49:42] I went to like hang out at their house one time. And then I saw after you left Jimmy
[00:49:48] John. Yeah. And I saw him in the manager and I saw him come out of the room. And like,
[00:49:53] but he like hit the work hard. I play hard like him off the clock. And he's got like
[00:49:59] this shitty stupid silk shirt on and like shitty sunglasses. And he's like smoking a
[00:50:05] bowl thinking he's like so cool. And it's like you're the least cool dude in this fucking
[00:50:09] house. Yeah, for everyone hates you. Everyone hates Jimmy John's. Jimmy John's sex. Don't
[00:50:14] they make their workers sign non compete clauses? But they can't do sandwiches every I swear
[00:50:19] to God. Yeah, that's that's like a big thing. They pay like shit. Yeah, of course. The guy
[00:50:24] kills exotic animals. Jimmy John. Yeah. He's one of those guys. He's one of those goes
[00:50:28] and kills giraffes. I was trying to do a bit about firehouse subs for a while, which is
[00:50:34] like a real regional thing. I think yeah, they're only in the DC area. I think Virginia and
[00:50:38] DC I think it's right in Virginia. But like they're commercial. That's why the I well,
[00:50:43] it's also not particularly funny bit, but I love the ads for firehouse subs are like
[00:50:48] we're firefighters and we got tired of eating subs we didn't like so we started our own
[00:50:52] place and it's like, yeah, that doesn't give you any credibility when it comes to making
[00:50:56] sandwiches. Yeah, firefighters aren't known for their sandwiches. Yeah, you're just trying
[00:51:02] to cash in on the fact that you're generally sympathetic. Yeah, yeah. We just so funny.
[00:51:05] Well, it's like, why are you so busy the bit? Why is so busy making? Is that why we lost
[00:51:09] both of the towers? Yeah, because you're busy fucking around with meatballs. Get in those
[00:51:16] towers. Put the fucking sandwich knife down. That's a good bit. Yeah, I do love and it's
[00:51:23] great when it would tank and then I was like, Oh, it's because it's an island joke and
[00:51:27] then people are like, what the fuck is firehouse subs? Yeah, it's hilarious. You were just being
[00:51:31] mean. Yeah. I love fire. Fighter is a great like if you're a racist, yeah, just be a
[00:51:38] firefighter. Yeah, instead of a cop or just be racist and do whatever you want. No, I don't
[00:51:44] be like that's what I mean. If you were a race, though, what do you mean, though? Like in
[00:51:47] terms of feeder occupations for racist like blue color racist, you could be a racist computer
[00:51:52] programmer, but but I mean, it's coming like Jeremy, you know, great work, but why are
[00:51:58] all of your variable names? Just slurs. I don't know anything about programming. I just
[00:52:06] context clues left at that joke. Yeah. Thanks guys. No worries. Well, Adam didn't Adam's
[00:52:10] had a bowling microphone to his face. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, I know, man, it's
[00:52:14] been 50 minutes. Sorry, I didn't laugh at the racist computer.
[00:52:17] Fucking better, dude. Dude, are you a sleepy boy? You've been very woke this podcast. I'm
[00:52:21] going to be honest with you. Listen, and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I'm
[00:52:25] saying something offensive right now. Say it right now, bitch. Say rape is good. Say
[00:52:29] something. So that rape stuff you were saying tell the story. No, I'm not going to tell
[00:52:35] that. All right, don't tell it. Damn. In the context of what we were just talking about.
[00:52:40] You have to say some offensive though, for real right now. I don't I don't like identical
[00:52:49] twins. I don't trust them. Okay. That's right. That's just more of a I think fraternal twins
[00:52:56] are worse because there's one of them that like clearly God fucked up the fucked up
[00:53:00] gene. Really? Yeah, there's always one that's got like red hair and like hand dance or sing.
[00:53:05] I feel like if I had an identical twin. No, fraternal twins are just like they're not
[00:53:13] like they're like if I had an identical twin, I would 69 from the age of 13 to 17 pretty
[00:53:19] much every Donald Trump sons look like fraternal twins. They do but they're different. Yeah.
[00:53:24] Yeah. I mean, they're they're separate births. One of his sons just has the softest fucking
[00:53:29] chin on earth. Who Eric? I think so. Yeah. I can't remember. No, no, the other one. I
[00:53:35] can't remember his Eric or Brando. No, he had done. Brando and and Eric and goose step.
[00:53:43] Those are his sons. Now, one of them looks exactly like Odo from Deep Space Nine. I don't
[00:53:49] remember what Odo looks like. He just doesn't have eyebrows in it. He's like a he can like
[00:53:54] change shape. He's like a shape shifter, but he would like didn't grow up with like a family
[00:53:58] or whatever. So his natural, you know, it's funny. He just sleeps in a bucket on the show.
[00:54:05] He just turns back into a puddle of calm and like, you know, like at the end of the day,
[00:54:09] goes back in his room and just like splash. Yes. Nine was the black dick stock in nine.
[00:54:15] Yeah. Deep Space Nine, black captain Cisco Cisco, Ben Cisco. Yeah. And then I saw the
[00:54:21] other day Voyager and that's the Hillary Clinton. That's Hillary Clinton. Oh, that woman is
[00:54:25] so I do we've talked about woman. Yeah. We've talked about these big s titties. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:54:30] And I want what Jane way doesn't want to them have big S the rope, the board seven of nine.
[00:54:36] Yeah, she's so hot. Fuck. Yeah, which is funny because they didn't have a sexy lady character
[00:54:42] from the get go on Voyager. They had like a female captain. And then I don't know the internal
[00:54:47] politics or what happened, but they added seven of nine and like season six or seven because
[00:54:51] they're like, all right, we got to have a character that's a hot wall ever know to be
[00:54:55] off to you. And that's when she got to add to the show. Oh, nice. Because they were like,
[00:54:59] you know, let's not do the fucking like on like Deanna Troy on a right enterprise. Like
[00:55:05] she's just which is the dumbest fucking character. I love her job, but she was an empath so
[00:55:12] she could understand people's feelings. Which is an alien by the way, it's not even a fucking
[00:55:18] human to explain it to the autistic fucking retards that watch Star Trek, how empathy
[00:55:23] works. And he'd be like, well, there's certain aliens that understand how other people are
[00:55:28] feeling. I feel like that's, oh, that's interesting. I never use one of these. Yeah, pretty much.
[00:55:34] Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. Everything's very interesting. Everything's just autistic.
[00:55:40] Yeah. This is not logical. Not very logical. Yeah. Oh, me sex shows are great. This is
[00:55:50] an episode of Star Trek that we watched when I was taking French in middle school. Oh,
[00:55:57] Picard French, obviously. Well, yeah, not using me. Watch it. It was a regular look,
[00:56:03] pick out. No, there's an episode where they meet this alien race and like that. So they
[00:56:09] have these the original series? No, next generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the way the
[00:56:14] reason they can understand all the aliens, it's like they just have some computer that
[00:56:18] translate like can pick up it understands like, yeah, and immediately translate. So they meet
[00:56:24] this like race that it doesn't translate for and only partially translates because the way
[00:56:29] they communicate is by like, like telling somebody a story or like reminding them of
[00:56:34] a story and then whatever happened in that story fits the situation. So this guy's trying
[00:56:39] to communicate with with well, that's really confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like,
[00:56:44] you know, Shaka when the walls fell, and this might be the name of the episode or whatever.
[00:56:48] And he's like, you know, Dalmock at Tanagra. And he just says shit like that. And like Picard
[00:56:54] the whole time is like, yes, but what does it mean? And I was like laughing with people
[00:56:58] on Twitter a couple months ago, like instead of like the stories, the aliens are just being
[00:57:03] like the pussy, the asshole in the vagina, then Picard being like, yes, but what does
[00:57:11] Yeah, so the woman, the woman's asshole and pussy. What is that? Some kind of warning?
[00:57:18] Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. So you just need a guy saying pussy asshole. What do we
[00:57:40] got to close on? What's happened recently? I haven't left my house about a TV. Yeah,
[00:57:45] Nick's Nick's rich. Shut in for three weeks. I've been working on that show. So I don't
[00:57:49] really had time to go out. What did you miss? Nothing, dude. Nothing really. Oh, we have
[00:57:56] a show. Yes. Next Sunday. Do we have a show? Yeah, we're done. Curvy. Yeah, I got curd.
[00:58:02] Hell yeah, dude. That's a great show. Yeah. Kurt Masters is going to be on the show.
[00:58:06] Dan Soder, Kurt Mescher, Anna Fabrega, you know, three all all super all for Braga. Yeah.
[00:58:12] And it's not like for Brigia for broge for Brigiani. I think it's enough. They'll do.
[00:58:20] We can make let them do a little bit more time. Let them do 12. Are we planning the show on
[00:58:25] the podcast right now? Anyway, guys, on 9 11 September 11th, 11 9 if you're from Europe.
[00:58:34] We're having a show back and come on everybody. Thank you so much for everyone that came out
[00:58:38] of the call. They call it 11 9 elsewhere. Do they call it 11 9? They call it 9 11. Do
[00:58:44] we get the name because it's our thing? You know, like when there's a war somewhere else,
[00:58:47] we get to name it because we're America. I think they call it the 11th of September.
[00:58:51] Yeah, that's what they call it in Greece. Yeah. Well, we're gonna put a fucking stop to that.
[00:58:57] Yeah, it's it's offensive. Yeah, it's absolutely offensive. They don't get to decide what our
[00:59:02] shit's called. Dude, I agree. Fuck them. Does Trump know about this? I don't think he does.
[00:59:09] He's so much. We're gonna stop. I do love you're gonna call it 9 11 like normal people. I love
[00:59:15] how the fuck he's trying to get black people to just vote for him. Yeah, so awesome. That's
[00:59:19] right. What do you got to lose? I think it was like mad about the writers room. They're like,
[00:59:24] can you believe he said that? And it's like one. Yes, two like for Trump, that's not a bad argument.
[00:59:30] I'm like, try it out. You know, see if you like it. Yeah, that's kind of reasonable. I mean,
[00:59:36] he's not gonna like be like, yeah, I'm racist, but maybe you could be racist too against yourself.
[00:59:43] What's he gonna say? Like, of course, you know, what do you have to lose? It's just so funny.
[00:59:49] He's just going to black churches. Yeah, like just completely and just I always love when they get
[00:59:54] just an insane person to be like, I'm a conservative black guy. I love those guys. Yeah, it's the best.
[01:00:02] Yeah, well, he is that one pastor guy with the who's throat hurts. He always has a sore throat. Yeah.
[01:00:08] Oh, he just shouts at we should get a conservative black guy for the podcast. So we have on all the
[01:00:13] you want to we could get the ghost of Patreus. Yeah. And then we get a conservative black guy
[01:00:19] that agrees with everything I say about Seth. And really put Seth in a bind.
[01:00:27] Well, I can't disagree with the black demanding to use the N word. I told him to stop.
[01:00:34] That's my favorite thing in the world. We were saying this yesterday.
[01:00:37] Demand white people asking black people not to use the and words. Oh my god, it is the best.
[01:00:43] Yeah. And then could you also just not use the water fountain either? I'm so it depends on
[01:00:50] you. Well, they used to drown people like you. So a little bit worried about using the water
[01:00:58] fountain and then also the bathroom just in case. Oh fuck. Well, yeah. So come out to our 11th of
[01:01:05] September show 11th of September at 9 p.m. Come on everybody on Franklin off the G train class and
[01:01:12] stop in Brooklyn. It was really great last time. It was really good guys. I'm not saying that
[01:01:19] just to brag like we and we really appreciate all the come boys that came through and come
[01:01:25] people really. No, come boy is not a gendered term. Yeah, come boy. You could be a girl come
[01:01:30] boy. Everyone can be a come boy. So they give us money please. And yeah, give us some fucking
[01:01:36] give us. Well, we got to set up. We're going to start doing premium content. We're going to do
[01:01:41] like an extra episode or something. Yes. Yeah. And if you want to do that shit, you got to pay
[01:01:45] extra bitch. We'll figure it out. We'll start doing two episodes. We'll get done. We'll put one
[01:01:50] episode behind the paywall. We're gonna go to Sunset Park right now and get the most fired.
[01:01:55] Yeah. So if you're listening live, barbecue, come hang out. I want to get some barbecue. What do you
[01:02:00] appreciate? I hate so much. Yeah, that's good. Whoa, whoa, where's the barbecue? What the fine
[01:02:12] with that? You can't wait. Is it? No, do down syndrome. Down syndrome. But you know, you're on the
[01:02:18] on the whole damn thing. Who ride doesn't change? Yeah. Who are? Oh, we were singing on the way over
[01:02:31] here. Down East Sir Alexa by Springsteen is by no Billy Joel, Billy Joel, Jewish over. Well, I'm on
[01:02:40] the down syndrome Alexa. And then my hands are up on a test, whatever you change. But then you put
[01:02:47] in the the hotel. And they say she's slow, but then too, these ain't retarded. What a great joke.
[01:02:55] And I changing all those. I had everyone at the office. I got them with the, well, I'm the kind
[01:03:02] of guy that fucks his mom and dad. That's perfect. I was making around. That might be the best one
[01:03:07] you've done. My favorite one is dead, dead, fuck my dad. Fuck my dad. Fuck my dad. Fuck my dad. Fuck my
[01:03:22] dad. Fuck my dad. Fuck my dad. Yeah, that was a good one. That's great. I think that's a good way to
[01:03:27] close boys. Yeah. Oh, no, the other down East Sir Alexa one was, uh, well, I'm busting inside the
[01:03:36] giant, uh, which doesn't really fit, but that was been stuck in my head for a week. So I was kind
[01:03:44] of hoping the cat would throw up her shit again because there was such a great way to end the
[01:03:47] podcast. Yeah, I don't want to see that ever get out of life. I guess not. When that cat threw up,
[01:03:52] I was like, I'm screaming fam. Yeah. Wait, wait. Wait. Wait. That's Brandon famous comedian Brandon
[01:04:05] Wardell. Whoa, Twitter personality. Yeah. All right. Uh, we got to go. Bye. Bye guys.
[01:05:05] Oh, oh, oh, oh. What do you think? Can we put the kids on the phone?