Cum Town | Regular | 09/11/2019
[00:00:09] Stav is in Greece. Yeah, the fat man is gone big boy big boy Billy Sam a fat man
[00:00:17] Big boy Billy Sunday's gone. So now we're gonna try and do this classic style classic classic style
[00:00:23] I guess this is this is in classical. This is the
[00:00:26] The with the dark alliance. This is the dark alliance. This is
[00:00:31] We're gonna bring it back to us being completely broke walking around Chinatown
[00:00:37] Yeah, and we couldn't settle on a restaurant for about an hour and a half of walking around
[00:00:42] Yeah, and then Nick finally says let's just go to this fucking place and it happens to be just the absolute worst place
[00:00:48] We could have lunch. That's right. That is the the Nick system for finding a place to eat. Hey, you know what it works
[00:01:00] So what's up, man? It's like yeah, you've got a
[00:01:05] The base of your spine. I was gonna kill you and like hey look if it ain't broke don't
[00:01:10] Like no, we should operate and take that out before it grows like doc
[00:01:14] I've been on this earth a long time. I think you're 21 years old. You've been having
[00:01:24] Recently what do you mean been fixating on death a lot? Oh no, I'm just fucking tired and bored life's gay
[00:01:34] It is boring when you haven't had a job for four years. Yeah, it is really boring. Yeah
[00:01:40] Yeah, I guess I'll sit down and learn the NATO alphabet
[00:01:44] And then what is that what's the NATO alphabet? Alpha Bravo Charlie Delta. Oh, is it called the NATO
[00:01:52] Golf homo, I thought it's old leaner. I thought it's old Greek. It's faggot Greek letter
[00:01:59] Yeah, it's not the Greek alphabet. It's the NATO. Okay. Oh, yeah, right?
[00:02:04] They don't have the same. All right, I know I'm stupid of course out alpha beta
[00:02:08] Gamma Delta. Mm-hmm. So you're already fucked up
[00:02:19] Okay, alpha beta Charlie Delta Echo Fox trot
[00:02:26] Hij we're doing a clip show right now of the audience's favorite bits. We've ever done that alphabet the alphabet bit
[00:02:34] Oh, yeah, people have been clamoring for that one to come back. I didn't realize that was a thing already said
[00:02:38] We've done that we did that I think for about 30 minutes on an episode
[00:02:46] We got a poor one out for your for your boy, dude from Fox News red eye John Bolton out of a job
[00:02:51] I think that was the last time I did that show because I don't tell you who's gonna be there until it's like
[00:02:56] You're on the way there. Mm-hmm. They're like cuz that show would get progressively worse
[00:03:01] I mean, I can't I can't recall how many times did you do it? Probably like three or four
[00:03:06] Oh, I can't recall exactly who was the first I just tweeted at them
[00:03:09] I was like put me on the show and so I didn't have any I remember that and then they were like, okay
[00:03:18] Turn up to news Corp. No, I had no I had no TV credits at the time nothing it I had no followers
[00:03:24] How many times how many times you do this? What'd you say like three or four? Yeah, something like that
[00:03:29] And then the first time I was on I forget who I was on with but it was like
[00:03:33] Joanne no such chinsky and then like cut felt
[00:03:39] You know, it's like the usual mix of like we've got Gavin McInnes and like the guy the rights are movie reviews for
[00:03:50] The Nate the the button dubbed gentleman
[00:03:57] You know like those fucking guys. Yeah, like libertarians and then like I've more criminals
[00:04:02] Yeah, Ivy League libertarian. Well, no John
[00:04:04] It was there were no war criminals the first couple of times and the last time I went there like ambassador John Bolton is gonna be here
[00:04:11] Who if you remember correctly he couldn't be confirmed by Congress. Yeah, so he was just a temporary ambassador
[00:04:18] Yeah, and they but they kept calling him ambassador while he was there. He was you an ambassador, right? Yeah, and it was like
[00:04:29] Is this a comment? Is this funny you lived in a in a windowless box?
[00:04:34] With no mattress. Yeah, and then it's like, you know, and then he just sits there. He's not even saying anything bad
[00:04:40] It's all just like I'm just Josh and you it's like the nice just as befuddled moron
[00:04:45] Did they write bits for him? No, they don't write bits for anybody
[00:04:49] There's like writers for the show, but they writers that come up with the prompts
[00:04:52] Mm-hmm and and I had no idea because like I fucking I was going back to the green room one time
[00:04:59] And this guy comes up to me and he was like, hey, what's up, dude?
[00:05:02] I'm one of the writers for the show. I was like, what? Mm-hmm. What do you mean?
[00:05:07] What do you write? Yeah, I don't what do you they don't get their monologue at the beginning? I
[00:05:11] Think so. They need to bring back Fox News right on
[00:05:14] Shulu has those also before I really had too many I think I'd only written for one show at the time and I didn't realize that every show has
[00:05:21] 15 people that sit in a room. They're like, what if
[00:05:24] What if in this episode did we do the title? Mm-hmm, and then you know, John walks out and he's like, hey everybody
[00:05:31] How's it going? Oh, good. Let's put that in the script
[00:05:33] Like everything had they have a staff. It's just a snacks room. Yeah. No, there is always a snacks room damn. I've gotten fat
[00:05:45] Was talking to Jamil about writing for Ridiculousness. Yeah, which is so funny because that's like it's like Tosh. Point. Oh for like yeah
[00:05:53] I know I've never seen the show but that that as a job being a ridiculousness writer
[00:05:58] Yeah, sort of being put into this like career purgatory. Yeah. Yeah where you're like, oh, thank God. I made it, you know
[00:06:04] It's literally out my balls from idiocracy the show. Yeah, well, it's like I don't know what they pay
[00:06:10] But as you know, you're not rolling in it obviously. Yeah, I think Hampton was head writer for a while in ridiculousness
[00:06:16] Anyway, but I don't want to I mean I do know it's like some specifics of like
[00:06:21] What the compensation is or whatever, but it's like very much a thing where it'll like it'll keep your head above water financially
[00:06:28] And then I don't think they fire anyone you have a place to go every day
[00:06:32] You can just you can you can stay there for a decade. Oh, yeah, it is and it's like whoops
[00:06:38] It's a purgatory. Yeah, it's like whoops. I was supposed to like I guess I did have a career. I'm 45 now. Yeah
[00:06:45] Yeah, and I've been writing jokes for Rob Deere deck
[00:06:49] To respond to someone injuring their penis exactly
[00:06:53] Yeah, I know and it's like oh whoops I ruined my ability to
[00:06:59] If I'm irrelevant because I've been doing like I was asking Jamel about it and he said I'm assembly line comedy for
[00:07:09] Take some responsibility. He wrote most of the jokes for the machine gun kelly episode
[00:07:15] Yeah of ridiculousness and I told him I put that in his twitter bio. I think he added it
[00:07:20] I'm sorry guys. I'm a little sick right now. We're having a little seasonal
[00:07:29] Cold epidemic here in New York Nick and I are both on our phones and we don't have stops to tell us to stop
[00:07:34] I have I'm not I have something specific. Oh, you're I know what you're doing. Um, I got I'm settled now
[00:07:43] So anyway, we got this Joker movie coming out. What are we gonna get a
[00:07:48] Is it unplugged? No, it's fine. What are we gonna get a female identifying or non-binary Joker? That's my question. Harley Quinn
[00:07:56] No, no, no, I think the Joker's role a joke ass a joke ass
[00:08:00] I was thinking the other day. They never came up with a name for female barbers
[00:08:08] Either gender and it's who gay men and women go see to get their hair cut. I go to a hairdresser
[00:08:13] Yeah, so a man goes to a barber no matter what
[00:08:17] And then the hairdresser is like if you're like, I'm gonna get to see my hairdresser. It's the same thing is going to be a barber
[00:08:34] A barber legally speaking a barber. Yeah, that's why people say the woman that cuts my hair
[00:08:40] Yeah, which is it seems so impersonal and rude. You're like referring to your wife is the woman that sucks my
[00:08:47] Oh, yeah, the woman that sucks my dick was telling me earlier that
[00:08:53] They're thinking about doing a reunion to who's that?
[00:08:55] Oh, the yeah, oh that's I just the other day. I was having conversation with the woman that sucks my dick
[00:09:03] Had an interesting story about the new Joe's crab shack. Uh-huh down on route five
[00:09:10] Apparently they sing happy birthday to you even if it's not your birthday. Oh my god. It's a fun trick
[00:09:16] Yeah, I got actually I got my roommate. I gotta make an appointment with the that bitch
[00:09:21] Do you take the bitch who cuts my hair do you nick maul and take veronica?
[00:09:33] Just a hot bitch for marci. Oh, I was thinking veronica von from billy madison. We're my first crushes. Yeah
[00:09:41] Pete sampers his wife Veronica's you're hot. It's a hot name is a hot name
[00:09:46] I will never name my fucking daughter veronica. Why I don't want no slut living in my house
[00:09:50] Oh a slut. I'm gonna give her an ugly name. Yeah, like mill trade or something
[00:09:55] Except that would that would just that would turn them into a slot
[00:09:58] She would just be like a fucking bushwick
[00:10:02] Cigarettes and pussy out on the fire. She go by millie. Yeah, and she starts sucking
[00:10:09] Full mention could not wait to put her name mill dread in a tender profile
[00:10:16] Top girls a joy division tattoo on her pussy with the
[00:10:25] So middle of the pussies that whatever that shit is
[00:10:37] Uh, they kind of had some like nazi image. Well, the joy division was a was a nazi brigade or something
[00:10:46] What do you mean is it the the joy division of was like a german military in world war two?
[00:10:52] Yeah, I don't know and then you encourage this was kind of like I think the only that's not
[00:11:04] And when I went to go see the the man who
[00:11:07] Uh new too much and do you veronica take nick to be the man who beats your ass
[00:11:18] The man who blows your back out. I would love to be that married to a veronica
[00:11:22] I just wear a wife beater outside in the street in brooklyn walking around like a chicken you peaked at 16 opening up the fire hydrants for
[00:11:33] And there you go. That's it for you. Okay
[00:11:35] I Veronica is so much hotter than you, but you still managed to cheat on her right?
[00:11:39] Yeah, my entire body is made out of just forearm hair
[00:11:49] We can be those guys right now. Uh, we don't need our veronica to do that. Yeah, I don't know the right posture for it
[00:12:05] See pictures of myself and I'm shocked by how bad my posture is. Yeah disgusting. It's not that bad
[00:12:12] Oh, I'm my neck just cranes downwards. Maybe seated. Yeah. Yeah, I look terrible
[00:12:18] Oh, what do you think the fat man's doing on on that beach in Santorini right now cheating on his wife
[00:12:35] Cheating on it. Oh god. Yeah, it's been a funny shift. That's what you guys see
[00:12:40] That's what you go to Greece to do is the cheese
[00:12:42] To see you know, he was injured last summer and you're he heard his foot. You heard your brain. Yeah
[00:12:47] And I think we've seen a shift the last couple months for to us being the two dark princes the show and stop being the uh
[00:12:56] Yeah, that's definitely well adjusted nothing's changed for me. No, I mean, that's a different. I think it's more like stop it
[00:13:04] Yeah last year you felt like shit and now this year you still feel
[00:13:09] You feel like less shit. I'll say that that's true
[00:13:12] We'll say you went from like I want to die to like I want to die. Yeah, I want to say I want to say it plainly
[00:13:19] You know what I was screaming because it's mixed with feelings of this is the benefit of being 30 now
[00:13:23] I was like damn I'm trying to smoke pot which I won't do I have like four Oreos and that's enough
[00:13:29] You'll get me my blood sugar hitting like I'm like I've done something
[00:13:33] You'll feel like you did like a couple rails all the veins around my eyes will start throb
[00:13:38] Your heart will start just exploding. I watch five minutes are wrongfully accused
[00:13:43] You know what? I'm just gonna eat myself to sleep at eight p.m. Oh god. I hate this shit, man
[00:13:50] Just how weak we've become oh no, I'm not weak. I'm still pretty strong physically. No, you're weak in four cookies could make you feel that way
[00:14:05] You just get injured easier, but the shirt itself
[00:14:09] Doesn't really disappear. Oh no if anything it gets you get stronger. Yeah kind of like an old
[00:14:15] You know old man's strength old man's strength
[00:14:21] Women would love to have that kind of didn't you set us that screech on it like from chatterbait of like an old man with like a
[00:14:30] Mm-hmm. That has zero viewers. No one he's just masturbating. It's in nobody watching
[00:14:38] But he's jack. Yeah, no, he wasn't jacked. He had like a pot belly. Oh, no, I thought he was jacked. No, but he's just still beating off
[00:14:50] He finally got high speed internet so you can do that. That's what I can imagine having to help that guy geeks squat
[00:14:55] They go I need my computer is not working. What do I use it for?
[00:15:03] To go to racist website. I think it's a beat off for no one on chatter. Yeah
[00:15:11] I'm looking at trains on racist websites
[00:15:21] I found something so occupy myself with but I need I need more hobbies. I think what are you trying to get into?
[00:15:28] You should smoke a pipe man. I like it. I'm not with that shit, dude. Why?
[00:15:33] I don't know. It just doesn't fit my aesthetic. It doesn't doesn't fit anyone's aesthetic
[00:15:38] No, I think for you like with the beard you look like a sea captain. Yeah, but I'm not a sea captain
[00:15:43] Yeah, but it fits with the general of the game. I'm a gamer. I'm a video gameist
[00:15:47] Mm-hmm. I'm a guy that plays video games professionally
[00:15:53] Well, you're not professionally but professional video game player. Yeah sports
[00:15:58] Can you play online on we I'm the number one e-sports athlete. Do they call themselves athletes?
[00:16:03] It is on like ESPN who's already a push to call them sports and now they're calling themselves athletes also are they yeah?
[00:16:12] I don't know about that, but I know that it is covered on
[00:16:21] Whatever the world's strongest man composition. They still have those
[00:16:25] Do you remember they also used to have like there's a guy there's a guy that would come to my gym that like
[00:16:32] And so you come in and then you'd like just pick up this giant ridiculous dumbbell
[00:16:38] That only he had like that was his workout
[00:16:40] You just pick it up and walk 10 paces pick it up and like do like one arm snatches with like a fucking 150 pound dumbbell or whatever
[00:16:49] Dude, I used to watch that all the time
[00:16:54] Grip on it was like fucking the diameter was like three and a half inches. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that you said like Irish?
[00:17:04] Like Celtic sports like there was like one where they they they'd like wear the skirts
[00:17:08] And then they would like they'd have like that huge tree trunk. They'd have to like flip it or something
[00:17:14] Um, no, that sounds dumb. It was pretty dumb. Yeah
[00:17:19] And then that axe competitions soon they would play the original scottish version of darts where there's no board
[00:17:25] It's just you face off against your opponent you threw darts at each other
[00:17:29] Yeah, you get a bullseye if you got the dart directly into the penis hole
[00:17:33] Of the other as you as the darts pierce your skin. Oh, no your dick becomes hard
[00:17:41] That's horrible. And then you get a bullseye by getting the dart directly into
[00:17:49] Oh, man, that's Scotland. That's what they do in Scotland
[00:17:54] I hear it's pretty cool over there. Yeah, who told you that?
[00:18:00] I think maybe fucking Scottish maybe amber told me it was cool over there. Yeah after they went on tour there
[00:18:07] Yeah, she was just an Ireland. Is she back now? She's back. We should have gotten her back in the mix
[00:18:12] Uh, my old school I asked her what she was doing and she's in the east village
[00:18:24] Going to lunch with a friend. Yeah, it seems pretty dumb to me pathetic
[00:18:30] And yeah, what's next fucking holding hands in the bathroom amber
[00:18:36] Were you and your you and your friend gonna go into the bathroom and just list genders at each other while holding hands
[00:18:45] Pathetic. Yeah, when is Bernie Sanders gonna drop out of the race and endorse Elizabeth Warren
[00:18:50] Liz. I don't think he's going to queen Liz
[00:18:55] That's what that's what everyone's waiting for. I think the only way to stop Donald Trump is with another boring woman
[00:19:03] Elizabeth borrens a woman who's who is definitely more progressive than Hillary Clinton, but in a way that's
[00:19:10] So marginal that it doesn't matter to the vast majority of people
[00:19:13] Well, it's just such a cupped way. It's like I believe in reforming the broken system instead of like changing a broken system
[00:19:21] It's like oh, well, it'll just make new rules that will definitely not be overturned by a right wing supreme horde
[00:19:27] You know what I'd vote for is the black guy from twisted metal whose arms are tires
[00:19:32] Oh, yeah, yeah, that was kind of a rip off of jacks. I think yeah
[00:19:37] I kind of what about it jacks. I tried to work on a bit about it. Have video games black eyes aren't they never even get to have their arms
[00:19:47] Okay, they're like what's up brother. My name is boom box and my brain is a stereo
[00:19:56] You can't just be a black guy has to be some sort of cyborg where they replaced his legs with fucking basketball
[00:20:01] Yeah, it has to be like a black eye from some sort of failed government experiment. Yeah
[00:20:04] Right. They're like what if we tried to
[00:20:08] The mistake with slaves was not turning part of them into a vcr
[00:20:16] Yeah, it'd be like your honor. Of course. It's not yes. He's maybe part human, but he's mostly
[00:20:26] He can still talk in jive. He's got a bunch of wires. Yeah
[00:20:31] That's the other thing too is like both jacks and the guy whose arms are giant wheels
[00:20:37] They both have like high top fades. Right. It's like
[00:20:41] They're still at the barbers jacks makes sense, but how the fuck are you getting those wheels through the door of the barber?
[00:20:45] Right. You need like some sort of garage door
[00:20:47] There's no way sedrix coming all the way out to the fucking nuclear wasteland
[00:20:52] That was a great character to clean up that guy's thing talking about how donald trump's a good president. Yeah, I love that
[00:20:59] Yeah, the contrarian old black man. Yeah, that's one of the characters in the new twisted metal
[00:21:09] And he's a black man that he drives his car. He drives his lincoln
[00:21:16] And he's like a matter of fact for the simple fact the simple fact was when you hit the horn button he goes matt matter
[00:21:22] Fact simple fact was the fact that he is a simple fact of the fact that matter is
[00:21:26] The fact the fact the fact the fact of the matter is oh
[00:21:39] Oh, your brand and Brandon is failing at letting the fucking dog walker into my house
[00:21:44] I didn't even ask him to fucking walk the dog. He just can't do it
[00:21:49] He just doesn't have the ability to let somebody in the house
[00:21:52] Well, I'll tell you what pay attention here for a second
[00:21:54] Because I got a also I'll say this I bought new jeans and then Brandon went to the same store and bought the same pair of jeans
[00:22:01] I'll tell you what what are the letters p and v mean do you put the end of a giant penis in the giant also penis
[00:22:11] It's penis vagina in the beginning of a website's name. Yeah, well the first two letters
[00:22:16] It actually stands for pit viper worldwide. Oh, I don't know that you know what that is. No no idea. Well
[00:22:22] It's something to do with snakes. Uh, yes, it's a sunglasses
[00:22:33] Next time you think about penis and vagina
[00:22:36] World wide web. Uh-huh. I think a pit viper worldwide, which is a new sunglasses company
[00:22:43] Uh out of probably california. I think that's you they got a lot of sun there. Yeah, uh, no
[00:22:48] It's a new sunglasses company and they just uh they they want you to
[00:22:55] They're disrupting the sunglasses. There is it's a disruptive sunglasses oakley is like literally shooting their pants right now
[00:23:03] They oakley's kind of had a downturn for years in in 2009
[00:23:07] There was a youtube video where a mammoth down syndrome showed off his oakley sunglasses collection
[00:23:12] And that was sort of the beginning of the end for them. Yeah when they realized oh shit
[00:23:16] That this isn't these are just first responder glasses. Yeah, these aren't tech. They're actually last responder
[00:23:35] Not responding in any way shape or form
[00:23:38] And that's that's really who oakleys are for so yeah
[00:23:40] You want to get on the penis and vagina pit viper worldwide sunglasses
[00:23:44] Mm-hmm at pit viper sunglasses.com pit viper was found on a simple principle sunglasses that can take a beating
[00:23:51] You know, that's one of my biggest complaints about the woman that sucks my dick
[00:23:55] Her sunglasses keep breaking sunglasses keep breaking which is ironic because the only reason she has them on is because she's got those big black eyes
[00:24:03] Yeah, yeah, because you ready told her twice. Yeah in the spring of 2012 founder Chuck mumford of mumford and son
[00:24:10] No way. Yeah, it was it's from the same family from the same family. Is it one of the sons or is it actually mumford?
[00:24:24] Oh, yeah, he thinks it's the big heart attack, right?
[00:24:28] I'm coming to Elizabeth. Oh, it's that mumford. I didn't realize it was that it's the same guy
[00:24:34] Yeah, Mumford and son. I thought it was just some gay Irish guy. No, you know that Mumford song that
[00:24:44] They were traveling the the Teten mountains Teton
[00:24:48] Oh like the grand Teton see tont Teton mountains for a ski touring adventure
[00:24:53] Sunglasses being a very important part of touring trips Chuck had his current high-end sport sunglasses in tow
[00:24:58] Which quickly broke and left him looking for more so as you broke his this motherfucker is on top of a mountain
[00:25:10] I got my glasses up here and then they broke eat it. I'm coming and they broke
[00:25:15] So he started developing pit vipers in the spring of 2012 once the
[00:25:21] You know the snow thawed as a rugged product that could be shot
[00:25:24] Sat on shoved in pockets run over and mostly maintain their son and wind-blocking ability
[00:25:30] So these are actually bulletproof glasses and you can put them on and have your friend fire or gun
[00:25:37] That's no, that's a guarantee. That's guaranteed. You're gonna. It's a guarantee
[00:25:41] Yeah from a distance as close as six inches. Yeah, not by us of course by the brand and yeah
[00:25:47] Leaking I've never guaranteed anything in my life. I would never guarantee anything
[00:25:51] It's not the way I live my life. Yeah, so don't take my word for it
[00:25:56] Take your selves word for shooting yourself in the face while wearing
[00:26:01] Pit viper not less than six inches. You could injure your eye and you know as you know
[00:26:05] It's like not this isn't just for people in the military a lot of people listen to show or at risk of killing themselves
[00:26:11] You know you may want to kill yourself as long as you got your pit viper sunglasses on
[00:26:19] Mm-hmm. You put the gun to your head you hear it go off and you say I'm ready to you commit to doing it
[00:26:24] And then the bullet ricochets off goes in the other room and destroys your PlayStation 4
[00:26:30] Said you say I've been given a new lease on life
[00:26:33] I can't like thank you pit viper sunglasses
[00:26:36] I can finally appreciate living and then you walk out in the living room and the ps4 is destroyed and you're like okay now
[00:26:42] Now I gotta die and then you kill yourself for real and that's the pit viper promise. Mm-hmm. So Chuck
[00:26:48] Chuck had his high-end sport glass. Oh, they yeah those broke
[00:26:52] So through the spring the tests were successful and it was time to give them some attitude being an accomplished artist
[00:26:58] Just Chuck began painting the pv's always an artist. He's an art. He's an accomplished artist
[00:27:05] You know not just like anyone not like your daughter
[00:27:08] Madeline or whatever that sits on a fire escape in Williamsburg
[00:27:12] And just has fucking dicks raised up through the slats on a cherry picker
[00:27:16] That's not art Madeline. That's not art. You dumb bitch get a real job. Yeah, I go to Pratt for fucking HPV
[00:27:28] I'm getting my masters in being raped at the new school. I'm getting my yeah, I'm getting cum
[00:27:34] I'm getting my mf mf a hp v. I'm doing a new project where I fill my entire apartment with cum
[00:27:41] That's not bad where it's kind of subversive. Yeah, so I have I've been crawling in through the vents because the cum is already up past the windows
[00:27:53] Mission impossible stuff. I like that. Yeah, it's sort of like the movie blank check but instead of money
[00:27:58] It's what if a woman just had unlimited cum just fucking opened the doors to her pussy like a blank check
[00:28:06] And said let's see let's see how much trouble we can get into here
[00:28:09] Anyway, so Chuck began painting the pvs to match his extreme lifestyle and they looked damn good
[00:28:16] Wait painting the actual sunglasses. Yeah, he was painting them the vibe. Where are they? Python Viper. Yeah, Python something no pit viper sunglasses.com
[00:28:29] Bottom line is that pit vipers may look like the most incredible thing in decades
[00:28:35] Indict dictatives, but they are also highly functional sunglasses. Oh, okay
[00:28:43] Please which are low functioning sunglasses. Yeah, they're for people that are 80 IQ and below 80 IQ and below
[00:28:50] Let me ask you this if you're having peanut butter in every single one of your meals for the day
[00:28:55] You might need some Oakley's get get Oakley
[00:28:57] Yeah, if you're if you're if you're a menu for the entire day is looking like 8 a.m
[00:29:05] Uh, maybe a peanut butter cookie dinner time a butter scotch candy
[00:29:11] With with a side of peanut butter. Yeah, it may be time for you to get some Oakley's
[00:29:22] Uh, Chuck mover looks pretty cool, dude. Is it one of them buns and for some guys?
[00:29:29] Anyways, it's the father bottom line is that pit vipers may look like the most incredible thing in decades
[00:29:34] They're also highly functional sunglasses. There are the optimal blend of style and performance
[00:29:44] It's important to keep the fun alive and a pit vibe where we are striving to our part if you haven't figured out yet
[00:29:48] We're very serious about not taking ourselves a seriously lower product going to stands for
[00:29:53] But they got a military design three adjustment points for the perfect fit solar protection optimal peripheral vision
[00:30:00] Um, they have a product guarantee where they will replace the pit vipers
[00:30:06] But uh, you have to send the video of you breaking them
[00:30:15] You can get that they have a guarantee that if they break they'll fix them as long as you have access to final cut pro
[00:30:22] And the $3,000 iMac to shoot a video and edit it. Okay. Yeah
[00:30:27] Oh, i'm looking at their website right now. They have uh, not only do they have sunglasses. They have party apparel
[00:30:33] Party apparel just closed for like oh, they got a belt
[00:30:37] With uh, you can fit a six pack of beer in the belt. Yeah, that looks pretty good
[00:30:43] Um, yeah, and it's on sale from uh $438
[00:30:58] And check them out get you some sunglasses yet yourself some apparel and uh, you can use promo code
[00:31:06] Uh, hold on. I don't know. I think they didn't even send a promo code
[00:31:15] It's kind of like a whole kogan aesthetic
[00:31:17] Or like a riffraff the rapper he was like
[00:31:24] Come six nine is the promo code for a 20% off. Oh, so cum six nine 20% off
[00:31:31] That's uh hefty chunk of change that's fucking good. That's probably the best deal we've ever
[00:31:36] That is the best deal. I think it is the best deal we've ever offered and you know, I love deals. Oh, yeah, adam loves deals
[00:31:45] Yeah, so yeah, come six nine cum lowercase cum six nine
[00:31:52] At pitviper sunglasses.com. Go check them out and then yeah, there's apparel stuff. Mm-hmm. I'm forgetting something. I don't think so
[00:32:02] They have scrunchies scrunchies. You get for your for your bitch member girls that suck dick. Oh, yeah, they love scrunchies
[00:32:10] I remember them. Yeah, they gotta get the hair out of their face. They gotta get the hair out of their face
[00:32:19] Any day now buddy any day look at this. I don't even clean up scrabble
[00:32:25] Well, it looks like your scrabble game has been cleaned. Yeah
[00:32:29] Clean your clock. Don't forget to clean your clock. What does that mean?
[00:32:34] To punch them in the face. No you clean their clock. I think so
[00:32:37] That seems weird. It sounds like suck their dick
[00:32:41] Yeah, yeah like to polish their yeah knob. No, there was a guy who was like
[00:32:47] Who's like damn? I'd love to clean that guy's clock or whatever and then his like you want to go bro
[00:32:52] His friends who don't know that he's gay came over there like what you want to do what and he's like, oh, you know, I mean
[00:32:58] Fuck mess this guy up for how gay he looks. Yeah, you know, I'd like to clean this clock
[00:33:03] You ever heard that so then he just spent his life beating up gay guys beat up gay guys and not living his truth
[00:33:08] And he's like thank god that that clock thing thank god I was able to
[00:33:16] The fact that boy. I love to lick that guy's cock
[00:33:19] Mark, would you say I say clean his clock clean? You know give me
[00:33:30] Oh, yeah, sweet chin music. Uh, what's the same Sean Michaels? You never
[00:33:36] You never watched wrestling that I mean a little bit. I mean no, I didn't you're right
[00:33:41] I never watched wrestling. I mean, I would watch Smackdown occasionally
[00:33:46] I used to watch it, but I would watch upn for a while was my favorite network
[00:33:52] We've gone into this the black era of upn the Star Trek era. Uh, yeah
[00:33:58] And well, I mean they always had fucking voyage or whatever
[00:34:02] These lightning none of my lightning cables work anymore
[00:34:07] That's the you may have a pocket lint in your no, I tried cleaning it out
[00:34:14] Maybe some electronics cleaner or something and give it a give it a spray
[00:34:20] I'll be nice two-hour project to try get that new iPhone
[00:34:24] With the three cameras while I was seeing today online people are complaining that they have a there's some sort of phobia of three things
[00:34:31] Triptophobia or something why does it looks like a spider's eyes?
[00:34:34] And they said that it was triggering for them to look at that iPhone
[00:34:38] Uh, if you have that you should kill yourself. You should absolutely kill yourself
[00:34:42] It's not we're not going to hear from those people. That's not a legitimate there are multiple people a lot of them are hot girls saying it and
[00:34:49] Normally, I thought this was I thought it was lame that I heard a couple
[00:34:53] I can't I can't have first of all, they're all going to buy the phone
[00:34:56] They will all have that because they want they love taking pictures of themselves not gonna fucking you know, uh
[00:35:03] Double back. Oh, yeah, we're gonna cancel production of the new iphone because we're scaring because it's scary
[00:35:10] It's scary for some people with this thing to hide women. Yeah, right? Trigga limp phone something
[00:35:18] Now, let me tell you something. All right
[00:35:20] Uh-huh and you better you better listen up. I'm listening
[00:35:23] This is bill mars fucking shut up corner go off
[00:35:27] If you got if you're one of these fucking people that you know, maybe you shouldn't fucking kill yourself
[00:35:35] New rule. Maybe if you guys maybe you should yeah, not you should but maybe yeah, it's a suggestion
[00:35:41] If you're down from maybe you should kill yourself
[00:35:47] Yeah, I wonder who's you know, you know, who's also afraid of the
[00:35:55] With trip to what the fuck is now. I gotta look this up. It's trip to phobia or something
[00:36:01] Trip to phobia something like that. It was trending
[00:36:10] Trip oh, what is it look at this you click on it says the following may contain sensitive material
[00:36:17] I saw that. Yeah, and it's the fuck it's a picture of the new iPhone
[00:36:32] This is not real. There's no way this is real
[00:36:37] Multiple people said it maybe five people said it
[00:36:41] Trip, but you're you're afraid of things that come in threes
[00:36:46] You know, it's so funny. It's because it's like it's like oh these people just hate comedy or whatever
[00:36:50] Becoming is you know the rule of threes of course
[00:36:53] So it's like how you build a joke now these people are like you've found you've now found the retarded identity
[00:37:00] Subsetters literally antithetical to the concept of jokes
[00:37:03] How do they look at a traffic light? I don't know. How do they do anything?
[00:37:10] Uh three camera hot pumpkin princess eva
[00:37:14] Is that the hot girl that's three cameras on the new phone?
[00:37:16] iPhone actually triggers my trip of phobia. I can't have people walking around with those cameras every day
[00:37:22] I thought it was pretty lame for them to say that but then I saw that hot that one hot girl said yeah, let me ask you this
[00:37:36] Yeah, but the three inches is of one dick. I think you had three dicks
[00:37:40] I have three dicks. You got three testicles, maybe it looks like that my dick my three dicks
[00:37:44] It looks like the like the bottom of a microscope
[00:37:47] Like the lens exactly how do they use the fucking uh, uh not electron the other one
[00:38:00] phobia I I mean, it's like am I just old I'm old now
[00:38:06] Yeah, if you're if you're 20 years old are you hearing this you're like, yeah, of course
[00:38:10] Of course they're afraid of the off course get over
[00:38:13] Of course you're afraid of the eye the kids are afraid of the iphone. They're listening billy
[00:38:18] Uh billy Ein Lish. Yeah, who's spooky? She's just a spooky girl
[00:38:23] Those are the dumbass take I saw in social media people are like I could share some video where she has wings or she's in hell or something
[00:38:29] Spooky people are like I'm like legit afraid of this new generation
[00:38:33] It's like why for what for what for billy Eilish
[00:38:37] What remember we had scary things. Yeah, we had death m&m had a song about killing his wife
[00:38:47] The band would eat each other's brains. Yeah, that actually happened. Yeah
[00:38:50] Yeah, billy Eilish is just some boring fucking she's just some girl from LA that wears like fox racing shirts. Yeah
[00:39:02] That's really taken over. Yeah, you know what i'm saying?
[00:39:05] I don't know. The only thing that feels nice is that sooner rather than later those people will be old
[00:39:13] Dude, I used to go to a pub and then they get stuck in that weird weird middle area where you're old
[00:39:17] So you don't get to be cool anymore, but you're not old enough to be racist yet
[00:39:22] Right where at that point I will I'll be like what 80
[00:39:25] And boy, wait, do you hear the things that I whisper my fucking waitresses?
[00:39:32] Until you until you get a load of the things on my mind
[00:39:37] And what I have to say about the guy that cut me off because you're gonna have some thoughts. Yeah
[00:39:41] You know at circuit city they didn't used to let these guys in here
[00:39:44] I'm sorry. That's not sure. I'm also 80 and that's not true. Yeah, I remember sick city. Sir. Sir
[00:39:50] It was just a regular big box store. We're both 80 years old. I I remember the the 2010s
[00:39:56] It was not the way you're just not at all. Yep
[00:40:00] Had there was a a dame for every fellow back then and if that dame did too many fellas they killed her
[00:40:08] They fucking chopped her up and fed her to chinese pigs
[00:40:14] Sir that's not how it was now all the dames are fellas and all the fellas
[00:40:23] Well, whatever. Yeah, however that goes
[00:40:27] Yeah, you remember the 2010s the good old days, you know when men could be men
[00:40:39] Anyway, what are you doing reading all these tweets and getting mad?
[00:40:44] Yeah, I've deleted that previous tweet many people are upset by tropopropophobia
[00:40:49] My sincere apology they say the ocean is calming according to Andy Dufresne the pacific has no memories. What?
[00:40:59] Shosh a needs a trip ophobia trigger warning
[00:41:03] Tripa how do all these fucking bad where did this come from?
[00:41:09] Want to I want to post on twitter that chick from uh total recall and say this is triggering my tripa phobia. Yeah
[00:41:18] I'm gonna post that right now with the bitch with three tits. Yeah. Yeah
[00:41:31] Or the fear of irregular clusters of small holes
[00:41:36] It's not three things. What is it? It's a fear of an irregular cluster of small holes
[00:41:42] Wait, does this bitch actually have three two that's what I'm saying because it looks like spider eyes
[00:41:55] Tripophobia is not recognized by the american psychiatric association. Yes made up of course
[00:42:00] However, I subreddit on the phenomenon a mass 60k subscribers over the past seven years of course
[00:42:05] Okay, well, there's fucking subreddits that are like
[00:42:19] They're like guys bad news the subreddit's coming to a close because someone threatened to rape serena will
[00:42:25] And it's I've been with this community since the beginning
[00:42:28] And this isn't what we're about this is not these people are my life force
[00:42:34] This is a beautiful supportive community is posting on here about the thought of coming on a mailbox
[00:42:40] And that's where it all began, but I think about everything this community has produced
[00:42:44] All of the memes that we shared together
[00:42:51] Three things. Yeah. Well, it's a regularly crut clustered small holes
[00:42:56] So it's you know, we're gonna you know what it's from is there was like a manga called holes
[00:43:02] Like fucking 20 years ago and it was like an image that would go around like the inner
[00:43:07] No, it was like a woman that would develop these weird small holes
[00:43:10] Like it was a disease where you get these small like holes on your body
[00:43:13] They kind of look like the the holes that a bot fly leaves
[00:43:16] And then there's bot fly video. That is popular bot fly videos are gross
[00:43:20] It's a fucking parasite that like burrows into your skin and it looks like a one centimeter hole when they extract it
[00:43:25] What's it like legs or something the egg? Yeah, the larval
[00:43:36] I mean, it's fucking disgusting and it's like because that become like a
[00:43:52] It's partially out. Oh, it's removing it
[00:44:27] This is bugged bugs that collect shit into your skin
[00:44:31] And then you have this giant pimple with this fucking like yeah, look at the size of these things. Oh my god
[00:44:40] That's definitely a community people that like watching massive pimples being popped
[00:44:44] That's you know, that's a show now dr. Pimple popper. What the fuck is it? Yeah, it's just a show about this like Asian lady
[00:44:52] Dermatologist that just pops the world's biggest like pimples and like, you know like
[00:45:14] Oh, that's fucking gross, bro. Yeah, honestly fuck Africa
[00:45:20] Is that from Africa? I don't know. I didn't even look into it. I just
[00:45:27] Sorry africa that one's not on you. I apologize that one could be the Amazon. Yeah, we don't have to blame
[00:45:33] And if it's the Amazon, I'm glad it's being burned down
[00:45:38] Because then people get mad. They're like that's racist and it's like I didn't say africans
[00:45:43] Oh, it's just it's a biodiverse continent. Yeah, they have a lot of different animals and insects
[00:45:49] You should know like when trump has said that Nigeria is a shithole or whatever. Uh-huh
[00:45:53] It's like you can't say that that's racist. He could just be talking about the place
[00:45:57] He's saying like the bugs and stuff the bugs. He's talking
[00:46:12] Dude, he said that today about the Bahamas that just right after they got wiped out by the the hurricane
[00:46:18] He was like they got really bad drug dealers really bad criminals gangsters
[00:46:22] You got criminal gangsters, I would just somebody described grand theft auto three to him
[00:46:30] And he's like oh that that must be what's going on down there. Oh my god
[00:46:36] I saw um, where do these motherfuckers live? It's not telling me
[00:46:46] It's also known as the tor salo or american warble fly
[00:46:49] Oh, it's american his parents. Well, hold on now. It might just be called that no chance that it's not nik
[00:46:56] There you go the species is native to the americas from southeastern, mexico, so it's not
[00:47:05] Oh, you got build out right at the end of that sentence right at the end of that sentence
[00:47:13] That africa exactly exactly and that's not racist to say because you're talking about the bug
[00:47:21] Which is the relationship that africa which I assumed the bot fly was from
[00:47:27] Remedies you put petroleum jelly over the hole
[00:47:34] Okay, and then it just stays in there dead
[00:47:43] Yeah, um, so I guess that's what people are thinking of when they see the uh, uh,
[00:47:48] The new iphone, you know, and I tell you what you can bet on that
[00:47:53] What do you mean you can bet on that you can take a bet on that you can take that one all the way to bet like what your friend or
[00:48:01] You bet that i'll take that one all the way to the
[00:48:04] The sports book to the book to the book now when I hear the term sports book I hear the word book
[00:48:10] And that's triggering for me. Yeah, cuz I don't know how to read
[00:48:15] I don't think gamble baby. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think books are
[00:48:21] An offensive now that we got the new football season coming up. It's time to know it's football time dude
[00:48:27] It's time to start gambling and it's time to start gambling at my bookie dot. We had see we had week one bookie
[00:48:33] My bookie my bookie. Mm-hmm whose bookie is it my bookie? No, it's my book. It's your bookie
[00:48:39] It's your it was my book. It's my bookie dot com and where are we betting my book?
[00:48:44] You know, where are we betting though on the sports book? But who's bookie is it?
[00:48:49] Nick's bookie my bookie. It's my bookie
[00:48:52] But I'm telling you where do we be gamble at my bookie dot com and whose book is it?
[00:48:57] My bookie. No, it's your bookie. It's my bookie
[00:49:02] This is a classic who's on first. What's that?
[00:49:06] It's a comedy bit written by racists where two guys try to decide which Chinese player to draft on their fantasy team
[00:49:13] At my bookie dot com they offer a Chinese only fantasy Chinese people don't even play baseball
[00:49:19] That's the thing that bothered me about the new Japanese Japanese. Yeah, they should have chosen some Japanese
[00:49:24] Yeah, this sketch should be called a saku is on first. That would have made more sense
[00:49:29] And then yeah, and then Costello is like okay, and then happens like no
[00:49:33] I'm telling you a saku is on first. Mm-hmm then Abigause I heard you the first time
[00:49:38] He's like aren't you gonna ask me who a saku is and you're like you's already said
[00:49:42] I'm I guessing it's the first name is a saku. They're like no, he's the the runner that's on first. Okay. You could have confused
[00:49:49] Yeah, yeah, I guess that's the confusion. That's the other person that I could have been
[00:49:52] Yeah, they're like I'm telling you I'm maybe the coach the first base coach. Yeah. No saku is on first
[00:49:58] Okay, so it's the runner. Yeah, he doesn't want to get tagged. He's like my name is mori mori sashu
[00:50:05] And you say I can't tell you all you fucking idiots look the same to me
[00:50:09] Oh, okay, then he goes in that direction. Yeah, okay
[00:50:12] So he's confused because they all look the same fucking baseball player is not because the names sound like you're saying the word
[00:50:21] It's all these jap all these okay, okay
[00:50:24] I can't tell the difference between baseball players
[00:50:25] It would be confusing. Yeah, if you couldn't tell the difference
[00:50:29] Yeah, and you're like who's on first and you're like no his name's ossaki
[00:50:32] Who's a chinese name you fucking racist?
[00:50:35] Right. Yeah, so it's not racist, but this person is legitimately being honest about their inability to differentiate between japanese baseball players
[00:50:46] It's a new season and tony o brown is on the radar. No, he's not he left. He's on the patreon
[00:50:53] Delbecom is on is on the cleveland. He's still on the cleveland. That is true
[00:50:58] And they lost and the one thing that hasn't changed where i'm putting my money down on all the games
[00:51:04] That's never changed. We've always i've always i've used my bookie. I love losing money
[00:51:09] Gambling making never make money, but then again, i'm not the kind of guy that researches things
[00:51:15] I'm not in it to win actually the loss is something that has some sort of psychosexual effect
[00:51:20] I gamble and I imagine myself as philip c more hoffman in hard eight
[00:51:25] As that guy okay, and I think what a performance
[00:51:29] What a just what a powerful the first pc aniston future what a powerful performance and then I lose all my money
[00:51:35] And I said wow what would a performance, but it reminds you of that great reminds me of that movie and an artist
[00:51:41] It's worth it an artist who gave everything to his craft
[00:51:44] Yep, including his own life and his own life
[00:51:46] I just like all philip c more hoffman do was act
[00:51:49] And then ride his bike around the west village so you could see how fat his legs are
[00:51:54] Those pictures were pretty fun. It's so funny
[00:51:58] He's got from the knee down. He's the craft mac and cheese dinosaur
[00:52:02] That's why they always put him in pants in the movies. Yeah. No, he's got some tree trunks
[00:52:07] He had some he had some fat boys. Yeah as star would call him powerful
[00:52:11] Conscious. Yeah, I could now I really want to look at his legs who stoves or philip c more often philip c more
[00:52:16] Well, you can look at his legs at my bookie.com
[00:52:19] It's a deep place to vet on football every weekend and to see pictures of philip c more hoffman's
[00:52:24] Bloated like imagine how much worse they were when they found him
[00:52:32] Yeah, it's probably shooting into his legs. You think so? Yeah, maybe I don't know because he didn't want to track marks
[00:52:38] Yeah, let's look at he did the kind of cool riding a bike
[00:52:42] Philip, you look cool smoking a city. Yeah, you know, he doesn't look good to himself
[00:52:46] And that's why he has that expression in the picture. Oh, he doesn't look happy. Yeah, he doesn't look happy at all
[00:52:58] Don't want I don't want my fucking picture. Look at this one. He's smoking a city and riding a bike. It's cool
[00:53:06] I can't do him. He's weird. He's got like three different voices. Yeah, they change you're good at the boogie nights one
[00:53:15] That one. Yeah, I like the one where he's almost about to cry because he just tried to kiss mark wall. Oh, this one's great
[00:53:21] What's that picture? Oh god. Yeah, oh, it's poor children orphaned. Yeah, he ate them before he died
[00:53:29] Like a spider he did what does heroin do to your appetite?
[00:53:33] I don't know for him. It looks like it made him much fatter
[00:53:39] I think junkies get bloated right heroin junkies the friends that I had that did heroin that didn't die
[00:53:46] Eventually all had that kind of look with his legs
[00:53:48] But there was is in their arms. They had these like sort of muppet arms
[00:53:52] Like they had like huge. Yeah, like cookie monsters fat fat hands
[00:53:57] Yeah, like a fat like flipper almost that's kind of cool. Yeah, where you just you know
[00:54:09] Um, I would only recommend the service to to my listeners. It's been good to me
[00:54:13] Mm-hmm. You know and they've been great to you. That's true. They've been so good to me
[00:54:18] They they were there for you when you needed them. They've been really good to me. Okay. I can say that 100%
[00:54:25] They've been some of the best. It's a beautiful company. I go there every weekend. They go into the office and they say oh look
[00:54:34] You know, you're beautiful to me and we have a great time
[00:54:36] My bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend. They have better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period
[00:54:42] That's a that's a guarantee this year the man that is a great sense
[00:54:46] My bookie is better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period. That's cool. It sounds Italian. Yeah, I love that
[00:54:53] It sounds Italian to me. Yeah, it's an Italian style sentence and Italian style sentence
[00:54:57] My bookie is better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period if someone said that to me
[00:55:02] I would believe them. I would believe them
[00:55:06] This year they're hosting the first online handy capping super contest first place guaranteed to win at least a hundred thousand
[00:55:11] Dollars and only cost a hundred dollars and or all you guys do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week to climb the leader
[00:55:17] Orton score your share of the huge cash prize pool
[00:55:20] That's why my bookie is always the right play you bet you win they pay you bet
[00:55:26] Not to be confused not to be confused with any other sports book website. This is a unique slogan
[00:55:33] They they have put so much time into thinking of how to differentiate themselves with a slogan that sounds nothing like listen
[00:55:39] You said it maybe five seconds ago. I cannot remember what you just know it has any idea. It is it is it is so
[00:55:46] Who gives a shit who cares who cares? It's a sports book website. They're great
[00:55:50] My bookie is live in game betting on any every NFL game
[00:55:53] They've got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for you fantasy guys out there
[00:55:58] You can even bet the overunder on how many fantasy points a player will score each game
[00:56:02] So that's getting into derivatives training. Mm-hmm, which as many people know is great for the economy
[00:56:08] Oh, yeah, every time you go to my bookie.com. You're buying a school teacher a home
[00:56:14] Mm-hmm paying off their mortgage by manipulating the economy in a way that benefits them
[00:56:19] I heard that I heard the benevolent service. I went to Cox funeral and I overheard this
[00:56:28] The Koch brothers. Oh and Koch the dual funeral was it Edder? Was it David? It was David Kogner
[00:56:37] Ed was the former mayor of New York the hobo the closeted homosexual man over a homo vote for kuomo
[00:56:46] What a fucking an unofficial campaign slogan. I don't think it was ever on any t-shirts is an official campaign slogan
[00:56:54] And it's like the to use your own name to insult someone else right because
[00:57:00] Because because probably he'd been called kuomo the homo his entire life and he really got ahead of that by calling his opponent the real homo
[00:57:09] Yeah, it'd be like if you're you're running your name is fagiot
[00:57:19] You know two tees. Yeah, but you're a different word. It's a different. Nah. It's it is a different word. Yeah, it's a different one over here
[00:57:26] But kuomo means homo in Italian. I learned that from was it CNN?
[00:57:34] Really? I don't know. I don't know anymore. Anyways up to a thousand dollars first deposit bonus. You can double your first deposit
[00:57:42] If you use promo code come to activate the offer
[00:57:49] Yeah, nothing else just come just man to activate the offer
[00:58:01] So get on that website put the word come into it
[00:58:05] Put come in there into the website just just write come and then visit my bookie online today. That's m y b
[00:58:12] O k i e and don't forget to use promo code come when creating your account to claim the bonus bet win get paid my bo
[00:58:18] Yeah, let's look at see more Hoffman again
[00:58:27] Yeah, his wife was cute. She was cute, dude. Yeah
[00:58:32] I mean, he was massively fat and a junkie, but he was he wasn't a bad looking guy
[00:58:41] I remember watching maybe it was before the devil knows you're dead. I don't know. It's a great movie
[00:58:44] Somebody that opens with a Sydney limit that opens with like a sex scene with him
[00:58:51] Yeah, one of them holes. Yeah, just some girl
[00:58:54] And uh, I'm just like looking at him. I'm like fuck that must suck
[00:58:59] Like I'm like I hope I never like just become that size
[00:59:03] Right, you know, just have to be a fat piece of shit fucking and then she was like, I don't know I'd fuck him
[00:59:08] I'm like why I didn't ask you that girls would fuck anyone
[00:59:11] I know and then she was like I think it's a big secret of the world. She was like I think he's hot or whatever
[00:59:17] Now he's like really. I'm like that looks like painful to live that like it just he's struggling to breathe. It's always for your nose
[00:59:24] Yeah, you know, you got a loud nose. He can't he can't properly wipe his ass can't wipe his ass
[00:59:32] You know, dude. I was in an uber with like a 600 pound driver in LA
[00:59:36] Yeah, and he was so fat. He couldn't wipe his ass properly
[00:59:39] Did he does just like the whole thing? No, just the car. How are you doing?
[00:59:42] It's going on. Yeah, no my name is Carlos and I yeah, I can't wait my ass. It's crazy
[00:59:47] No, he was like a like a clearly like a community theater guy and like, you know, somewhere in rural massachusetts
[00:59:53] And he went to go follow his dreams. Oh, it just got massively fat. You get a car and he's like gentle, man
[01:00:01] He was definitely yeah. I mean he had that eagerness of like a guy that's in like
[01:00:05] You know regional theater. No, I don't know where you're talking about it. Just the guy that's really excited about cast bonding
[01:00:12] And like oh, we go real wild at the cast party after the uber's in LA or wild they are because here it's like, you know, koko koko nuguale
[01:00:23] There's silence. It's not a word and maybe they have a phone call that's like
[01:00:28] We're going back on but oh no, we do we got yeah, it's like another guy speaking r2d2
[01:00:36] And then but you go to LA and they just like fucking they're like well. I was born in 1970
[01:00:44] Tax of juicy and then I came over here and
[01:00:47] Worked in the industry for a little bit and then I was a waiter and then I got married
[01:00:52] My wife was murdered by some Asian people that I money to down in a little real estate problem. I had in little Tokyo
[01:00:59] And then I've been driving for a while now and last year I was sodomized by a passenger and contracted the HIV virus so
[01:01:07] That's but luckily there's a cure now a lot of people don't know that and that's you're like, can I get a different guy?
[01:01:14] United's good. Can I ride with a non-kapulay again?
[01:01:17] And whatever same is some you know, I don't want I don't want to have to hear all this
[01:01:24] Yeah, it's too you get too much narrative out there. Yeah, stop and I had a lady. It's always so much like
[01:01:31] Exposition that you feel required to respond to you know, it's like they're not just saying they're not like nice weather today
[01:01:43] It's that that sounds awful. That sounds terrible. Yeah, I'm trying to get to Culver City. Yeah
[01:01:50] Anyways, the weather, huh? Yeah, it's real nice out here in california. Yeah, no, I'm from uh
[01:02:05] Yeah, I just got in from the jail in Russia
[01:02:07] So I'm sorry you're having problems. Yeah, when sob and I had a lady who's like this like Hispanic lady in LA
[01:02:17] And she was like, yeah, I mean like as a woman it is difficult because like men are like very aggressive with me and I had this guy
[01:02:25] I was dropping him off at a hotel. He was cute. I would say he was cute and we got there. He was drunk
[01:02:30] And we got there and she said well, we you know, you want to come up to my room and I had to say no and I
[01:02:37] And you know because I do have a boyfriend and then stuff is like how'd you meet your boyfriend?
[01:02:42] She was like, oh, I was driving him in my car
[01:02:45] So it's like not she doesn't not fuck the
[01:02:49] You know, right. Yeah, she's she just already fucked one. You know, yeah, which kind of rules honestly. Yeah
[01:02:55] Um, she was she was an attractive 40 something I will say
[01:03:00] I got picked up by a lady in LA that was like a lift driver and like she was one of those like
[01:03:06] Flower child like was a slight. Oh god, you know 40 years ago. Yeah, like prayer crystal ladies
[01:03:12] Yeah, and uh, she's like just you know, whatever you gotta do to stay positive
[01:03:19] I'm keeping you in my thoughts and I'm like bringing you good vibes
[01:03:21] So like thanks for writing in my car in my car. We have a positive outlook and all this shit or whatever
[01:03:28] And it's like I just want to go home and kill myself. Please don't
[01:03:37] She's way more depressed than you probably. Yeah, you know, she's just trying to fuck passengers
[01:03:43] She's trying to get she's trying to catch some dick at her job. Yeah, she's just trying to get fucked by a passenger
[01:03:48] And I'm not having it. Yeah, max rosin blom who's connected the phillips emir hoffman's accused drug dealer is going back to jail
[01:04:03] I mean, I'm sure there's somebody with that name. Yeah, the guy exact was like
[01:04:13] Um, yeah, I guess similar to my ass some hipster that
[01:04:18] Vilbs Emer why he sold on the dope. Mm-hmm Mac Miller's drug dealer just went to jail
[01:04:29] Well, if you sell like a hot bag. I don't know it was a hot bag. I think it was fentanyl with the often day
[01:04:37] With heroin addicts as they stop for a while and they try to do it again
[01:04:40] And they don't realize they're like they fuck up their dosages because tolerances have changed
[01:04:44] Mac Miller had it was like fentanyl and coke. Yeah. Yeah
[01:04:51] Yeah, why do people why are they doing that that fuck you kill your customers? Yeah?
[01:04:57] um, I think they do it because it's cheap. Yeah, and uh
[01:05:02] But fentanyl and get people really high like in the coke. It's like isn't it obvious that you're not because it's a downer mixed with an upper
[01:05:09] Yeah, yeah, it's scary shit man. Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean they should I they're probably testing kits
[01:05:18] You know you could buy and then that shit that you have to happen is the global elites are taking drugs back
[01:05:24] What do you mean? Well, they knew with Epstein's arrest in 2009. They're like fine. You won't let us fuck kids anymore
[01:05:29] Guess what we're gonna poison all of the we're taking heroin back
[01:05:34] We're gonna poison all of it so that only rich people have access to heroin and blow
[01:05:37] Oh, so it's kind of a luxury. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so now they get all the good shit
[01:05:43] And then I guess fentanyl is like, you know, basically crack for white people
[01:05:49] Well opioids are cracked for white people now. Yeah, but fentanyl is like they're there
[01:05:54] I mean, I think you can properly dose fentanyl. They're just gonna import it all from fucking China
[01:06:03] They're they've been blaming it on mexico, but in reality most of it comes from china. Yeah, it's like the africa mexico
[01:06:23] Yeah, I mean it really was unfair how they how they railroaded the president over those comments that were clearly just about the bugs
[01:06:35] Folks he's talking about the stinky heat they've got bad bugs. Yeah, everything smells
[01:06:40] It's a stinky country filled with bugs. He's not talking about the people or the culture. They're fine people
[01:06:49] Right, but the bugs bad bugs. Mm-hmm. So if he said dc is a shittle particularly southeast dc
[01:06:56] Mm-hmm. You would that's not a racist. I don't know. I don't know about that. It's just the anacostia is dirty
[01:07:02] Right, you know, I hear it's cleaned up a little bit dirty river and southeast is down right, you know, I mean naturally it's going to carry all the bugs
[01:07:12] And disease from the river over into the land and there's not racist reasons as to why that river is dirty
[01:07:21] It's yeah, you can't blame him. I really hope Joe Biden becomes president
[01:07:27] I think that's probably worse than if Trump gets president. Oh, yeah, Joe Biden is gone when he was gone 10 years ago
[01:07:36] Yeah, I mean, yeah, exactly. I mean he was caught plagiarizing like 30 years ago. Yeah
[01:07:42] Well, that doesn't matter to the Chinese
[01:07:46] That's you think the Chinese are behind the Biden campaign. It's all of these they're behind Jeb Bush
[01:07:51] All these pollsters talking about, you know, how you win this group or that group you never hear about the Chinese
[01:07:58] The 80 million Chinese people to live in the United States
[01:08:01] You know, there's so many how do you get their vote? There's a lot dude. Yeah, it's something
[01:08:05] I think the last count is something like 450 million Chinese people in the United States. Yeah, wow
[01:08:11] I don't even know that the the u.s. Population of Asians total is something like 6.5 billion
[01:08:22] And no one talks about that. No one talks about it
[01:08:25] That's the world need to talk world population is about 8 million 6 5.5 billion of those people are in the u.s
[01:08:32] And then the total I think it's something like 97 percent of the population is Asian
[01:08:41] And more where they know there are a lot more Chinese than you think there's like Mexican Chinese. Yeah, there's black Chinese
[01:08:46] It's a state of mind. It's yeah, exactly. It's like gender. It's nobody, you know, it's fluid. It's an identity thing
[01:08:52] Yeah, Chinese exists on a spectrum, right, you know, it goes all the way from monkey to rat
[01:08:59] With dragon being the apex which one are you I think I'm a really gay one. I think I'm bunny. Yeah
[01:09:05] It's rabbit rabbit was that 87 87. Yeah, I'm dragging your 88. Yeah, dragon. That's the best one rules Bruce Lee
[01:09:14] Yeah, that's why that's why I was always falling to the Chinese because I had a good year
[01:09:19] Yeah, I got a rabbit. I guess that's a horny one, right? They fuck a lot. Uh, not in Chinese culture. No, they just
[01:09:27] They're known for being killed and there's stoic for being turned inside out in the windows at restaurant. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah
[01:09:46] I missed the fat man actually. Yeah, I miss him too. It's also
[01:09:51] I gotta be a good goin here. I gotta get to
[01:09:55] Gotta get to the stand where I'm guest hosting stops fat Tuesday show
[01:10:00] She renamed this week jewish Tuesday. It should have been fat
[01:10:07] Well that this was yesterday. So I'm giving you a recap on last about last night
[01:10:13] Um, but it's certain to be a fun evening. I gotta get to the post office before they fucking close
[01:10:19] Oh, I hate going to the post office. It's the worst
[01:10:22] All right, we got funny moms this week coming up on monday. Uh, let me check the day real quick neck
[01:10:29] Yeah, monday the 16th is the first funny moms of the month and then we'll be back to 23rd and the 30th
[01:10:36] Hope to see you there. I will not be there on the 30th because I will be celebrating russia shana with my
[01:10:42] mother and father keep a lookout on cum dot town for new shirts. I
[01:10:47] I'm having to restock things yet, but I got the shirts in I just got to
[01:10:52] Inventory them and then those will be up for sale sooner rather than later
[01:10:56] All right, i'm sure stavas and tour dates. You could check that out on bill burr.com. All right, bye