[00:00:00] Well, we're back folks. Hello. And we're doing an extra Chinese episode.

[00:00:12] Welcome to

[00:00:16] Contown. Nick, what do you think about the recent controversy? Which recent controversy?

[00:00:24] In Hong Kong. I'm talking about the mass protests. Oh, I'm actually like pro PRC on

[00:00:29] that. Are you? Yeah. Why the extradition rules? It's colonialist to support those Hong Kong

[00:00:35] protests. I mean, seriously. Well, wasn't it? Okay. I mean, I didn't really mean to go

[00:00:42] into that, but yeah. No, yeah, fuck those first and the media is not going to cover

[00:00:47] there's plenty of people in Hong Kong that are on the side of the Chinese government.

[00:00:51] Who like the what that lady? You can't tell them apart. Yeah. I'm supposed to know which

[00:00:57] ones are which. That's why there's fighting happening. Right. If everyone there thought

[00:01:03] it was good or bad, there wouldn't be any fucking protests to have. Exactly. It's like

[00:01:08] that scene with Agent Smith, multiplying into more Agent Smith's. And then you can't tell

[00:01:14] who the original Agent Smith is, right? Yeah. That's what it ended, but they're all doing

[00:01:18] karate and there's no Neo. They're just all Agent Smith's. Yeah.

[00:01:23] Um, Gajant Smith. How about Gajant Smith? I don't know. People send me tweets and I'm

[00:01:30] back on Twitter now and almost every tweet somebody sends to me, I click on it and it

[00:01:34] says you can't view this because you're blocked about this person. Like, yeah, I have no,

[00:01:39] I'm blocked by a ton of people. I don't even know who they are. I'm blocked by the I was

[00:01:42] like, sometimes it hurts. Yeah. There was a guy. No interaction. There was there was

[00:01:47] a guy that for like six months was like my guy on Jeopardy. I was like, fuck. I'm like

[00:01:52] I'm like, I'm blocked by him. And I'm like, but I rooted for you. The Arthur, Arthur

[00:02:00] says some shit about you, bro. Yeah. He talked, he talks shit on the Jeopardy winners for

[00:02:06] us. Yeah. Fuck an Alex from Jeopardy blocked me. Not Trebek. No, of course not. He's, he's

[00:02:11] based. He's, he rocks. I'm gonna kill. I'm pretty sure it's actually him. Um, it's,

[00:02:18] he, he, the username is, uh, N word, Griper, but it's a picture of Alex Trebek. Yeah, it's

[00:02:23] probably him. I think it's him. Yeah. Cause why, you know, would the real Alex Trebek

[00:02:28] use his real picture, real name and then be dropping and bombs and group DMS? Of course

[00:02:33] not. Right. He would use N word, Griper said people are like, there's no way to, to, yeah,

[00:02:38] the scent, you know, to throw off the scent. Absolutely. And he thought he was going to

[00:02:42] get like, cause you know, people doxed him. Never like, no, this is Alex Trebek. And he

[00:02:47] immediately fucking went to the meeting and he's like, I have cancer. Brilliant. I have

[00:02:52] stage four pancreatic. Brilliant. So we all felt bad for him. Yeah. And everyone was like,

[00:02:56] Oh my God. And then, you know, once that guy, the guy who was going to dox him died of

[00:03:01] a heroin overdose, luckily, uh, excuse me. He died of a heroin overdose, like, like

[00:03:07] most white men. Oh my God. That's our death row. That's, that's our Omaha beach is, is

[00:03:15] the opioid crisis. Yeah. I think so. I would love to start my own mini opioid crisis. Yeah.

[00:03:26] Sounds nice. Anyway. So then that guy, that guy died and then Alex was like, guess who

[00:03:31] doesn't have cancer anymore? Did he go into remission? Yeah, he doesn't have cancer anymore.

[00:03:36] He's you can't survive stage four. He did. He's survived. Wait, did he say that? Yeah.

[00:03:42] I think I don't know. Sure. Beck, you got it. I've been like too busy learning everything

[00:03:46] about these Chinese protests. I've gotten, I've been filling my brain with every detail

[00:03:52] and I have so much information. They've been obsessed with the Chinese protests. The Chinese

[00:03:56] government wants to put Hong Kong and these people in prison. Right. For breaking Chinese

[00:04:01] style rules. That's unacceptable for basically when you cross the border from Hong Kong into

[00:04:08] mainland China, you're supposed to take your shoes off and for no one is wearing shoes

[00:04:14] in the whole country for years. People were just leaving their shoes on. That's rude.

[00:04:18] As a matter of courtesy. It's like when I got that double parking ticket on alternate

[00:04:22] size street parking. That's bullshit too. Most of the time you don't get those, but

[00:04:26] they got me. How they get you? And it's bet you're better off just getting the fucking

[00:04:30] street sweeping ticket because that's $45 and the double parking ticket is one 15. And

[00:04:37] that's kind of what's going on in China right now. Yeah. A little bit. You know, people

[00:04:41] were going back into China, but they were leaving their shoes on. That's right. I mean, I think

[00:04:47] that that's, I mean, that could totally be related to the SNL scandal. Right. Is that

[00:04:55] Shane was pro PRC and Lauren Michaels and the powers that be at NBC were pro Hong Kong.

[00:05:04] The reporting on it's been fucked up because it's like they keep saying that Shane's talking

[00:05:08] about Chinatown. He's not. He's talking about Hong Kong. Yeah. He's talking about Taiwan,

[00:05:12] actually, not to be more specific, which is a disputed territory as we know. Yeah. It

[00:05:17] when he said, let all the the CHN words, the CH version of the N word, the Chinese N word,

[00:05:26] the Chinese N word is what I'm not going to say. We're not going to say it because apparently

[00:05:30] it's it's as bad as the N word. And Nick and I are also both up for. Yeah. Roles at SNL.

[00:05:37] Right. It's it's I had no idea that if you said it's apparently it's about as the N word.

[00:05:45] Apparently if you say that's the H word, black people might be you up. They get mad about

[00:05:50] it too. Well, that's isn't that what makes something as bad as the N word. If you take

[00:05:56] away the part where black people might be the M words, not that bad anymore. Then it's

[00:06:01] just a thing that hurts people's feelings. Right. If I'm not really concerned about that.

[00:06:04] If there's no threat of direct violence. Yeah. Oh, no, what makes the N word bad is that

[00:06:07] I might get beaten up by. Oh, yeah. No, no point was I concerned with hurting people's

[00:06:14] feelings. Oh, not the historical legacy of slavery. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah. That word has

[00:06:18] been used. I'm not. Look, my history goes back to when did the Simpsons come out? 1989.

[00:06:25] Yeah. Yeah. Well, what was I going to say? Yeah. I don't know. Well, solidarity with our

[00:06:35] brother Shane. We actually wrote that bit for the Matt and Shane. Yeah. We've been ghosts

[00:06:42] writing. And you know what? And here's the thing for everybody criticizing Matt and Shane,

[00:06:46] we I scripted that entire episode personally in Chinese and they said they weren't sure

[00:06:52] about it. And they in the China in traditional Chinese and Matt and Shane sat down and learned

[00:06:57] Chinese. And then translated back into English. So think about that before you criticize these

[00:07:05] guys that they spent the time to learn your dumb language. Most people, I mean, it sounds

[00:07:16] funny. Can you just I mean, like our language sounds funny to Chinese people. Yeah. I mean,

[00:07:22] if you that's why people do the accent because it sounds funny. And that's I can't make this

[00:07:26] point on social media or whatever. And like, because it's not even worth it fucking waiting

[00:07:31] into this. But like what he says on the fucking show, because like it used to be for a while,

[00:07:37] it was like, you know, when the first when all this started, it started with that Lindy

[00:07:41] West article about the comedy has a dude, bro problem. Yeah, sure. And the the point of

[00:07:47] that article was that rape jokes are bad because they punched down. But there's a right way

[00:07:52] to do a rape joke. And she says like Louis C K's joke, which doesn't even even buy her

[00:07:56] own dumb fucking it doesn't apply. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. But then there wasn't understanding

[00:08:02] for a while with all this up until now that like you can't there is a time and a place

[00:08:08] to say those things. And then like the Bill Maher thing was where it's like, you know,

[00:08:15] that one was kind of a gray area, but he got off for that. But even if you if you apply

[00:08:20] the like punching up and down rubric, if you can there is a defense for what Shane said,

[00:08:25] because those people saying that's indefensible. It's just pure hatred. It's like no, what

[00:08:30] Matt says initially is is talking about China times like they all yeah, they just said some

[00:08:35] like fucked up building.

[00:08:37] And then Shane Shane says I call them Chang because to me he's trying to kill because

[00:08:45] that yeah, Chang here is Shane. Yeah, Shane says. Yeah. And then somebody's like, yeah,

[00:08:50] why don't we just let all the boop in there? Let them live in there? Yeah, which if you

[00:08:56] like deconstruct the joke, he's speaking from the voice of like whatever social elements

[00:09:02] that are at or a play that relegate Chinese immigrants to shitty tenement housing. Right.

[00:09:08] So it's like put all the, you know, whatever in it put all the C8. Yeah, fuck. I hate this.

[00:09:15] I don't even know how like I don't want to say because it feels like I don't want to

[00:09:20] make a point of saying it because that's stupid and I don't care about that.

[00:09:23] And infant tile. Yeah. But let's just let's call them Japs. Okay, because it's not a good

[00:09:29] Japs great because that's not like is it racist? I think it was I think it's now seen as racist.

[00:09:35] Damn. But it's misapplied because it refers to Japanese. How about you're here. We'll call

[00:09:39] them Jews. Let's call them Jews. I'm going to give you the past on that one. Right. So

[00:09:44] it's Shane says, put all the kikes in there. Uh huh. And then, you know, or should I say

[00:09:50] Jews? You could say either. Honestly, it doesn't offend me. All right. Well, I don't

[00:09:54] know the way to go here because I feel like Jews doesn't hit hard enough. Yeah, you can

[00:10:02] say kike. The point is is that it's not Shane calling the Chinese people kikes. It's the

[00:10:08] system. It's the system speaking as institutionalized. Exactly. Right. The the the the local. What

[00:10:20] is the actual line? What does he say? Because it's the institutions that society. God, one

[00:10:31] of the funniest lines of all time. So funny. So that the the the I was happy to see he he

[00:10:39] started doing shirts too. The Epstein shirt looks like it's so he's all the time. He

[00:10:44] fucking yeah, I'm sure he kicked up off that good for him. And he and he handled the logistics

[00:10:49] too. I know he's a brother of the of the shirt game. Yeah. Um, anyways, anyway, yeah, I mean,

[00:10:57] like, what did what did the point is is that like even if you want to use the punching up

[00:11:03] and down fucking metric to to weigh whether what he said is okay or not specific instance

[00:11:09] of him saying Jews, giant Jews. Yeah, whatever, what ever you want to put it. Yeah, I'll start

[00:11:17] it and then you say it. Okay. So he goes, yeah, let the kikes live there. Yeah. So that when

[00:11:23] he says that, but for Chinese people, right, you understand he's speaking, he's talking

[00:11:29] about whatever, like, you know, it's local government literally no difference from when

[00:11:37] Mark Twain says the N word. Right. Because it has literally, yes, it's not Mark Twain

[00:11:43] calling that guy the N word. That's the name speaking in the voice of the system. Uh huh.

[00:11:49] You know, now the Andrew Yang,

[00:12:12] in front of the soda, you know, 100% look at the back cover and is written in 2003. Yeah.

[00:12:17] Yeah. And they give in one of Pulitzer whatever they give books and then they started doing

[00:12:22] books where it's like a Hispanic guy that's like, you know, how to beat your girlfriend.

[00:12:27] Then what that book, the blood poured out of her nose like a beautiful rainbow that turned

[00:12:32] into butterflies. Very descriptive. Yeah. The magical realism of domestic. Um, yeah, most

[00:12:41] books do have that word. Yeah. And Shane, I think as an artist, he should be a protected

[00:12:46] class. And yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know. They were wrong about MSG. I don't know.

[00:12:52] That's that's they were dead wrong about MSG. MSG is delicious. That's the thing where

[00:12:55] it's like you have to get to know Matt better. And what makes Matt fun is that like he's just

[00:13:00] a guy. I do the same thing where it's just you like waste all this time learning bullshit.

[00:13:06] Mm hmm. Half of it's wrong. Matt's like a Reddit guy, right? I think he like, yeah, he

[00:13:10] like reads a lot of shit. He reads shit that's just a fucking like waste. Yeah. You know,

[00:13:17] like just there's no reason to have any of that information. Uh huh. But yeah, no, that's

[00:13:24] that's what's going to happen to their showed, you know, I guess they're probably just going

[00:13:28] to go back to. But they deleted the whole thing. Didn't they? No, I think they just deleted

[00:13:33] some video episodes. I thought they deleted the whole back archive. I don't know. And

[00:13:38] then the other thing Shane says is that it's like annoying to hear someone learn English

[00:13:42] or whatever. I'm going to hear someone was learning English. Uh huh. You know, which

[00:13:48] I doesn't I don't think I've ever overheard Chinese people learning English. No, they're

[00:13:52] just speaking English with a heavy Chinese accent. You know, it's so funny, dude. I lived

[00:13:56] with that Chinese family. I told this story before, but like the parents, the parents

[00:14:03] didn't speak English. The dad maybe a little bit. The grandma not at all. And then the

[00:14:08] son and the daughter would have to like translate. And the son was like just this like, you know,

[00:14:13] he was younger. He was probably like 13. And he would just sit on his laptop playing like

[00:14:18] Korean fucking MMOs all day long. And but while he was sitting there, like he'd be like,

[00:14:23] you know, he was like very like nice and polite or whatever. He's like, Oh, Nick, my mom wants

[00:14:28] to know if you can pay the rent a couple days early this month. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure,

[00:14:33] no problem. And then he'd go, okay, thank you. And then he would like go play MMOs. And

[00:14:37] then he would be on like Mike. And he would be like, no way. And then he was just dropping

[00:14:43] end bombs constantly. Oh, yeah. Just constantly. But like not like that was the only part of

[00:14:49] AAB. That was the only part of AAB. He adopted was just saying the N word. And it was like,

[00:14:56] this is insane. I was like, this is fucking insane to listen to. Yeah. And it's like, but

[00:15:03] really, it's like why like the first generation Chinese immigrants living in like 10, man housing

[00:15:11] in New York, like that kid is the face of how like cultural sharing is supposed to fucking

[00:15:17] work. Right. You know, it's like that he's probably so far away from any idea of like

[00:15:22] being canceled. It's like, yeah, that's how the other kids at school talk. Well, I think

[00:15:26] even New York City, like teenagers of any ethnicity, just say it all the time. Yeah, I saw a hit

[00:15:32] joby girl outside of the bagel shop by where I used to live. And she was like, you know,

[00:15:38] she looked like a sweet like Pakistani girl, like wearing a hijab and she was like talking

[00:15:41] to some other little kid and she was like, yeah, anyway, I was saying my my M word, like,

[00:15:45] you know, like she was just dropping it constantly. Yeah. Like Arab kids, drop it Korean kids

[00:15:50] love saying it. Yeah. Everybody loves saying it. It's just like, you know, let black people

[00:15:57] have something. Right. Everything's been taken away from right. But I feel like some people

[00:16:02] get the past like that guy, X or not the rainbow hair, dude. What's his name? Yeah, you don't

[00:16:12] know. It's kind of like how, you know, it's unfair because you know, the real problem

[00:16:16] with pedophiles is the wealth disparity in terms of access to being a pedophile. What do

[00:16:22] you mean? Well, with money, it's bad as it is. But like with pedophiles, it's like, I guess

[00:16:27] Bernie would put he's like 1% of 1% of the pedophiles get the fuck 99% of the kids and

[00:16:34] get away with it because of their power. Yeah. And it's like, where's the solidarity among

[00:16:39] that? They should have more class.

[00:16:41] Why the fuck is in Jeffrey Epstein? You know, and why aren't Jeffrey Epstein and Chris Tucker

[00:16:46] fucking helping out the guys on to catch a predator? Because they want to keep. Oh, because they

[00:16:52] forgot the old neighborhood. Right. You know, right? They forgot where they came from.

[00:16:55] Yeah, they should ever got coming up at the very least be buying all those mics hard

[00:16:59] lemonade and the fucking lube and condoms or whatever. They use lube on the kids? I don't

[00:17:06] know. That's the thing that there's like the decoys. That's how that's the day. How dumb

[00:17:10] are you as a pedophile? You think you're talking to an 11 year old and they're like,

[00:17:14] bring lube. Yeah. Like an 11 year old old. Right. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't want

[00:17:20] my shit to have any like rug burns or anything. Yeah. Make sure you bring lube to rape me.

[00:17:27] Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. Um, what was I gonna say? I forgot. Oh, yeah, they

[00:17:38] got Takashi 69, who I guess is in jail right now, ranting out everyone he's ever met was

[00:17:44] like a Mexican kid that like grew up in Bushwick. And he just says the N word all the time.

[00:17:49] No one has a problem with that. Yeah. I mean, everybody has shit. The problem now too is

[00:17:55] like, now this has reached the tipping point where like, um, they're just like all of these

[00:18:01] people that tried to drag, you know, like fucking the, the Legion of Scans guys never

[00:18:06] figuring out that you can search old tweets and they were like finding shit because like

[00:18:09] everybody has something. Of course, you know, um, there was some like New York Times opinion

[00:18:15] writer who fucking dragged Shane and then immediately like conservatives just went through her

[00:18:20] history and she's like, you know, be like, if like if you were faggot, don't touch

[00:18:25] it. You know, it's just like a bull shit ton of them. I remember there was a ton of

[00:18:31] like anti Asian racist jokes and stand up when I started there. That's until people

[00:18:37] forget that cancel Colbert happened in 2004. Oh, yeah. And we were all like, okay, that

[00:18:42] was five years ago. Yeah. They're like settled down. You know, yeah, we laughed at that.

[00:18:47] I know. Yeah. We thought it was funny. Yeah. That's some like Taiwanese slam poets got

[00:18:51] mad at Colbert. Yeah. Literally for saying Ching Chong too. It's not like he was fucking.

[00:18:56] Yeah. It's not like it's not like, you know, he was like China sucks. You know, it's like

[00:19:01] he was doing racism to the same fucking degree. It's, it's kind of wild. Yeah. I'm not saying

[00:19:09] that it's like it's bad necessarily. Like because it probably wasn't good for him to say that

[00:19:16] in 2004 or 14. But like it's wild how people just suddenly act like the rules have always

[00:19:23] been the same. I don't know. But whatever. Yeah. I mean, they just outlawed beating women

[00:19:31] like three years ago. Yeah. And like, what do they do? They put out a press release or

[00:19:36] something? Ray Wright, that should have been Ray Rice's defense. He should have said I'm

[00:19:41] the first guy to go to jail for beating a woman. He should have. What are you looking

[00:19:47] at? I just made fun of Jake on Twitter. No, he's mad. Is he going off to? I don't know.

[00:19:56] You can't like, yeah. Did I show you this? What did he say? I know. All right. Whatever

[00:20:13] you say, man, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Oh, that's going to drive people nuts. Oh, that you showed

[00:20:19] me a text on your phone. Yeah. And they know we like they want to know what he says. They

[00:20:23] don't know what he says. But you'll never know. They'll never know. Yeah. And that's

[00:20:26] what and they're going to hate you for it. It's my fault, folks. You can jump into my

[00:20:31] men. I don't get to see the text and I don't. And fuck him. I can't believe I don't get

[00:20:41] to see it. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing too. It's because it's like, you

[00:20:50] know, I mean, Shane, everybody should be able to do these kinds of jokes or whatever. But

[00:20:54] then it's like, yeah, but you're appealing to an audience that's, you know, it's like,

[00:20:59] well, they're not dangerous per se, but they are annoying. Well, you're kind of which people,

[00:21:05] you know, people that like comedy. Oh, yeah. Comedy fans are the words. They suck. Yeah,

[00:21:09] but but here's the thing is like, well, comedy doesn't have any actual fans. There's people

[00:21:14] that don't like the people that consume that don't like comedy. They just feel like these

[00:21:18] are things that they should be participating in. People that are actually fans of like

[00:21:22] comedy, like, you know, no, I mean, my parents like like Bill Maher and SNL stuff. Yeah,

[00:21:28] like shit that feels like no, they're stupid. They're like Matt, they are stupid. I mean,

[00:21:32] but they feel like if they're like, Alec Baldwin is like doing a Trump impression, they feel

[00:21:36] like that's that's, that's, you know, I did talk to my dad, my dad's like, I think Colbert

[00:21:41] is great. We like Colbert came up and I was like trying to be like, yeah, can't believe

[00:21:45] what happened to that guy. Yeah, he was the king. My dad's like, I watch a show every

[00:21:50] night. And I was like, it sucks. Does he laugh? Do you think they laugh? My dad's like, yeah,

[00:21:55] I think it's funny. And it's like, I'm like, how, because he's the thing. It's like, I

[00:22:00] look at like, you know, all this woke bullshit. And I'm like, these people are completely out

[00:22:03] of touch. Yeah, Trump won. But it's like, I'm also out of touch 100%. And it's like, no,

[00:22:09] like the what is reality is a bunch of people just being like, you know, everything's fine.

[00:22:15] You know, things are fine. I guess. Because I think about it. And it's like, yeah, the

[00:22:19] world's fucked up or whatever. But I think about like my dad and like, you know, he would

[00:22:24] situation is just in the living room. I mean, what his situation is economically or whatever.

[00:22:29] And it's like, you're never going to be able to retire. You're going to your job is in like

[00:22:33] a fucking precarious position. It's like your the health insurance situation with them. It's

[00:22:38] like fucked up. And but it's like, well, I guess it was like that when I was a teenager.

[00:22:45] And he didn't really seem to give a shit then. It's like, why would why would he care just

[00:22:50] because I moved to Brooklyn and I'm surrounded by these conversations all the time. Right.

[00:22:54] You know, it doesn't it doesn't affect him whatsoever. Nobody nobody. No, but yeah. If

[00:22:59] you live in Delaware, you're like, you know, Oh, there's a new Batman. Oh, it's a Joker.

[00:23:08] I guess that's that's a type of Batman, right? No, okay. I guess we'll try that pop eyes

[00:23:13] saying much. And honestly, that sounds great. It sounds a lot better than whatever this

[00:23:18] we're going to let go to war with Iran. It'll be something that's like wildly unjustified.

[00:23:25] And like there are just people that are just going to sign up and go to that war and come

[00:23:28] back and then like have just have to be lifted into their truck. Are we eligible for the

[00:23:33] war? What do you mean? The draft? We're too old, baby. What is it? 28 is the cut off?

[00:23:38] Something like that. Yeah. So sick. Yeah, you're still military age. I think you can listen

[00:23:42] until you're like 40 now. Imagine a 39 year old enlisting. Yeah, just like, I always wanted

[00:23:49] to squeeze it right under the deadline. That happens to it does. Yeah. God damn. Yeah. That's

[00:23:55] sad. Maybe I should do it. Yeah, I remember I remember selling a car to this guy that

[00:23:59] was like fucking 38 this dopey 38 year old guy that was like a fucking E one. Yeah. And

[00:24:05] like his finances were shit and he was trying to get like a car. But it's like, I mean,

[00:24:10] you don't know how long he's been in the military, but he's just like never once ever been promoted

[00:24:15] or increased in like pay grade. And he's just been in the army forever or like he just recently

[00:24:20] enlisted at like, you know, 36 37. And it's like, man, just stay a game stop. He just needed

[00:24:27] a change, dude. He wanted to get away from his ex wife probably. No, she was there to

[00:24:32] she was there to yeah, they bought a rap for sick. Yeah, sick. Yeah. Yeah. I felt real

[00:24:38] bad for that. God. Because I had sold a car or at least like I remember talking to someone

[00:24:44] prior either that day or the day before that was like a sergeant or something. And he was

[00:24:50] fucking like, I don't know, 22 or whatever and just real arrogant and you know, happy

[00:24:56] about his like military career and he came back and I guess probably probably had some

[00:24:59] signing bonus or something. He had like money to throw around. I remember. And just the like

[00:25:03] seeing the comparison between those two guys is like one that's like the kinds of person

[00:25:07] the military wants. And he was rewarded for it and he came back and sick talking about

[00:25:12] like, you know, I was like, yeah, it's hot out today. And he was like, Iraq, 110 degrees,

[00:25:18] 100 pounds of my backpack every single I'm like, okay, well, I didn't actually want

[00:25:22] to talk about the weather with you. So you should have taken that as a cue. The other

[00:25:28] thing I could have said is shut up fucking 185 degrees every day. Tell you what, if you're

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[00:26:36] I start to read and then I don't remember what's on the copy and I have to frantically search

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[00:26:53] like blue chew. You'll like blue chew dot com. You'll be a fan of our website. Yeah, they're

[00:26:57] like UX. Yeah, they're like, you know, minimal design. Yeah, easy. Yeah, easy.

[00:27:04] Shopping. They do have a thing that where it's like they have a chat box on the website

[00:27:10] and it's like we'll connect you with one of our specialists. Yeah, the specialist names

[00:27:14] are always like Brad. It's like, yeah, I don't know if I want to talk to this guy.

[00:27:19] Can you get it? Yeah, my dick doesn't work. Right. This is this is one instance where

[00:27:23] I want the name to be like Vikram. Yeah. Am I gonna run this mouth? Right. I want like

[00:27:29] Omar Malawabad, like direct from give me the most Indian call center guy you got. I don't

[00:27:36] want to do to potentially lives in like fucking sicakas. Yeah, you're like, bro, your dick

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[00:29:09] you and your partner will love it. Chew and do it. What do they mean? Awkward conversation

[00:29:14] with the pharmacist? Yeah, I don't you don't really have to talk to the pharmacy about

[00:29:18] anything. Yeah, you just pick up your script. They don't say like, Oh, yeah, sorry, I gotta

[00:29:23] look. I think I fucked the calendar up here. I know blue chew is definitely one of them.

[00:29:30] But the other one is I love that these like I just get worse and worse at doing this job.

[00:29:41] Yeah. Yeah. Same. Wait. So last week we did my bookie, right? We did my bookie in sunglasses.

[00:29:53] Yeah, we can cut this part out. No, I'm not cutting a shit out. What do you mean you're

[00:29:57] not going to cut? I mean, people are going to get mad at this. People don't have to get

[00:30:00] mad. People can button their britches. Oh, you know, I know you're you're dying for.

[00:30:08] Okay, we're good. We're good on it. Yeah. So blue chew for sure. Definitely you want

[00:30:16] to check out blue chew because they definitely are the sponsor this week for sure. And it only

[00:30:26] takes a few minutes to connect. You know, the thing about blue chew is it's also kind of like a

[00:30:31] new tropic. So it's like it makes you smarter. It makes you smarter. Yeah. Yeah. Makes you more zoned in.

[00:30:38] Your blood flow is better because it goes to your dick. So it definitely probably goes to your brain

[00:30:42] as well. It does. I think it lowers your blood pressure too. So if you don't have health insurance

[00:30:46] or a way to go to a doctor and you have high blood pressure, just just prescribe yourself this stuff.

[00:30:51] Eat that shit. Yeah. It's it's really good for people who have other medical conditions

[00:30:55] that want to self diagnose and self medicate. Yeah, you know, yeah, most most conditions can be

[00:31:03] helped with a sort of a massive erection or you won't think about them for you know,

[00:31:10] four and a half, five minutes. Yeah. About boo chew. And it's they scare you into getting hot.

[00:31:17] It's good just in time for Halloween. And now just in time for Halloween,

[00:31:24] blue chew is offering boo chew candies to hand out in the neighborhood. So when, you know, if

[00:31:31] you want to slip a couple of them in some Snickers and we got we got kids right coming around.

[00:31:41] That's a you know what I was reading about that. That's like a real thing that I guess is,

[00:31:45] well, this is going to sound awful, but I saw somebody posted a thread that like,

[00:31:50] I guess it's like people that do like pink pilling or whatever where they slip like hormones into

[00:31:55] like, how do we eat candy into like not Halloween candy. There was somebody that was mixing them

[00:32:01] into Xanax and then selling them to high schoolers like an insane to make them ladies. Yeah,

[00:32:07] pink pilling is like a type of black pilling where they're like, just be trans.

[00:32:11] But those don't last. I mean, like you just what your nipples get sensitive for a couple days or

[00:32:17] something. I guess I don't know how it works. Yeah, but that's crazy. That sounds like some like

[00:32:24] six o'clock news like, yeah, your kids are doing this bullshit. This would be a good thing to ask

[00:32:30] Matt McCusker about. He probably would know. Yeah, pink pilled urban dictionary, the active

[00:32:37] ternning, seemingly straight males, a feminine transvestite, e-girls are transgenders,

[00:32:43] commonly used among edgy Twitter, right leaning transgenders. Wait, what's what's a e-girls?

[00:32:51] E-girls are trans women? I thought they're just girls. They use the internet. I don't know what

[00:32:56] anything means anymore. I don't fucking know either. I'm too old to know anything.

[00:33:01] I think pink pilling is apparently when women get convinced feminism is about women. I don't

[00:33:09] know. I just heard the term once. And I didn't really look into it. Well, that sounds right.

[00:33:18] Yeah. They should do that with Halloween candy. Yeah, make all the kids girls.

[00:33:26] Well, that was the thing when I was a kid. It was always weird that there might be razor blades in

[00:33:32] the candy. Wouldn't you know? Yeah, you would know and it never happened once. Yeah, there was never

[00:33:38] a case of that happening. There was a story. How'd that go around? There was a story in Texas where

[00:33:43] some guy said like, Oh, somebody poisoned my kid with the Halloween candy. But he was doing it.

[00:33:47] He did it. He killed his kids. Something, the Joker, might even be. Yeah, that is twisted.

[00:33:54] I love how mad people are at this movie. I might go see it just because people are mad.

[00:33:58] I'm definitely seeing it, man. Let's go see it. Is it out right now?

[00:34:01] I tell you that I was in Toronto at the film festival and some guy.

[00:34:05] Somebody sent me a picture at the film festival. There was a guy just in the full costume,

[00:34:11] like looked exactly like Joaquin, wearing in line in the standby ticket line. He didn't have

[00:34:15] tickets to see it. He got dressed up to see it. Just in the event. And the off-chants.

[00:34:21] That rocks. That's something even the Joker might do. That is truly.

[00:34:29] That rocks, dude. He's in the parking lot of scalping tickets. He's trying to get the

[00:34:33] jet. Jesus Christ. That's awesome. I hope he got in. You just have to take the train home

[00:34:42] all sad because he didn't see his movie, dressed like that. Yeah. He used to do the makeup all

[00:34:47] over again tomorrow, try again. I'm going to dress up like the Joker and go to Pekko and try and

[00:34:51] teach them the call at the N word. That's yeah. I think that would be chaotic. Yeah.

[00:34:58] People are like, man, what are you doing? It's like just trying to introduce a little chaos.

[00:35:05] Like, please just stop. Please just go home. I don't want to turn this into a thing. Just

[00:35:11] please leave. Oh, God. So how's Toronto? You liked it? No, man. Toronto sucks. It's boring.

[00:35:20] Yeah, it's a shitty town. Yeah. Do you remember that like window we saw that was like that coffee

[00:35:27] shop and it was like, we're Canadian is fuck and we don't give a fuck what you think.

[00:35:34] Canada's like, yeah, when was that other coffee shop we went to that's like,

[00:35:39] worn women about shitty dudes and it's like the anti rape coalition, like all over the place.

[00:35:45] And it's like, can I just have a coffee? Yeah. What are you accomplishing?

[00:35:49] It was insane. I mean, because you got a lot of places like that here where it's like,

[00:35:53] refugee's welcome. Yeah. It's like one or two things. It's fine. But that entire coffee shop,

[00:35:58] like the cash register was like, my pussy, my choice. And it was like, I just, you know,

[00:36:05] I wanted a croissant. Welcome to rape coffee. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man. Well, I got in trouble for

[00:36:12] that tweet that I did about the coffee, one of the coffee shops in my neighborhood. Yeah, playground.

[00:36:17] Yeah. Don't say it. Beep that they got really mad at me. They got mad. And I do go there every

[00:36:23] day. Fuck them. They're allowed to be there. You're allowed to criticize them. I wasn't

[00:36:27] crit. Well, I said that their cold brew was $6, which is not. It's, I think, just under $5.

[00:36:35] Just under $5. But I do tip, but when you yeah, it does work out to six dollars. You add the tip,

[00:36:39] you factor in the time it takes you to get to the coffee shop. That's at least six times you could

[00:36:43] be wall. You could be making money. You know, this is time. Excuse me. But I have, I make fuzzy dice.

[00:36:52] I'm at home knitting fuzzy dice and I need my precious $6 cold brew. Sir, it's $4.92. Yes, but the

[00:37:00] time I remember they told me they were like, you said that our cold brew is $6. And we didn't. Yeah,

[00:37:08] like it's, it isn't $6. And I just like, for some reason, I tried to like reason with them. I'm like,

[00:37:13] yeah, I'm a comedian. I like make jokes on the internet where I, you know, exaggerate things.

[00:37:19] And they were like, they were like, this is a family owned business. Like, what are you doing?

[00:37:26] Well, they did take down. What do they think is going to happen? That they're going to,

[00:37:29] that family's going to get divorced. Because what does that mean? Oh, I'm here with child

[00:37:35] protective services. We heard that your cold brew is $6. And you have a refugees are welcome here.

[00:37:40] Yeah, we're going to have to take your son to foster care to be molested. Because comedian

[00:37:45] Adam Friedland told, titled on I titled on Twitter for charging an unreasonable $6 for this cold brew.

[00:37:53] The joke was that the refugees couldn't even use the bathroom. Yeah, which is probably true,

[00:37:58] which is probably true. But they had the sign up anyway. Yeah, so they had the, they had the

[00:38:04] cling to the $6 fucking. So they're like, it's not $6. I was like, well, which is kind of an

[00:38:09] admission that they wouldn't let the fact that they didn't even try to fight you on.

[00:38:15] Yeah, they're like, of course, they can't use the fucking bathroom. Where's a refugee going to get

[00:38:20] six, I mean, $4.92 for a to use the bathroom here at their job that they stole from, you know,

[00:38:31] me from another family. Exactly. Yeah, they took our jobs. These damn Syrian refugees took our jobs.

[00:38:44] I used to walk around with a baby in my jacket. That was my job. I was going around and I'd

[00:38:50] sell babies out of my jacket and this fucking David Tell look at a piece of shit comes back.

[00:38:55] And he stole the post. He stole my god. I was the baby guy. Everybody knew me.

[00:39:00] Oh, there goes Mitch. There goes baby selling Mitch. Right. The

[00:39:06] season. I was a hero of all these barren women. I'd go up and down this town. I'd say, listen,

[00:39:12] I got this baby. I got this baby. Usually $15, but for a pretty thing like you,

[00:39:19] you can have it for as long as you suck my dick. And I got my dick sucked every day.

[00:39:24] And now what now fucking Pumar from from who gives a stand who gives a shit who gives a

[00:39:35] Kurt karate karate karate that's Pakistan from

[00:39:41] Kumar Rachi. Like the racist guy trying to come up with fake names for place.

[00:39:46] 20 minutes, but but he accidentally names all the like real places.

[00:39:50] Joe. Yeah. No, but where the hell is this guy from? Fucking Haderabad.

[00:39:56] Fucking, you know, well, bomb bay. Well, you know,

[00:40:02] some made up place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that guy. I was the bay. I sold all them

[00:40:11] damn babies. Well, that's what they come in here and doing. They're selling babies.

[00:40:14] I don't know. I just know that's that. What do you think? The picture of the guy with the

[00:40:16] baby in his jacket looks like he's selling a baby. Looks like he's trying to sell a baby.

[00:40:19] It does look like David tell it also looks a little bit like a hot Medina job a little bit.

[00:40:23] Yeah. What's he up to? I think he's on Twitter, but I'm not sure it's really him.

[00:40:28] Yeah. And then people are like, this is an epic tweet from a hot Medina job. Yeah, he was so cool.

[00:40:35] It was funny when he like kind of did middle finger the Israel like that every day. Yeah.

[00:40:40] Just constantly. It was his response to that Danish like the international response to the

[00:40:46] Danish bombing of the cartoonist. Uh huh. What do you say? He was like, he was like,

[00:40:52] you're absolutely right. Muslims are out of control and it's unreasonable to be this angry

[00:40:56] about a cartoon. Anyways, we're going to have the national cartoon in Iran to come up with the

[00:41:01] funniest cartoon for your precious Holocaust. They look like a contest for kids to see you could

[00:41:10] make fun of the Holocaust the best. That rocks. Yeah. Honestly, that does rock. Yeah, he rules.

[00:41:18] He fucking absolutely rules in another life. He would be on serious. He would be on OP radio

[00:41:25] on serious. Oh yeah. He's just saying it like it is, dude. So be radio still exists. I don't know.

[00:41:32] Doesn't I don't know. It's funny how the landscape has changed so much in my relatively brief time

[00:41:39] in New York of like media in general or comedy comedy. I mean, the fact that like you think about

[00:41:45] OP and Anthony, right, and what it would mean for a young comic to go on the OP and Anthony. Oh yeah,

[00:41:51] to walk into that studio and know that you're like, these are, this is like, these are killers.

[00:41:58] You know, to fucking sit there and like be on record with Patrice and have to hold your own.

[00:42:04] And now it's like Anthony Coome is doing a show with like, you know, a guy that hands out race

[00:42:12] realism flyers outside of fucking McDonald's. Yeah, like a porn star who uses the N word. Yeah,

[00:42:18] it doesn't apologize. Yeah. Yeah. Take enough of that dick. I could say the word. I can say the word.

[00:42:26] Yeah, it is pretty crazy. And then I guess they all hate OP like all their fans. But maybe they

[00:42:36] like him. I think he has a decent amount of his own fans. I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, here's what he

[00:42:43] certainly has is like just boatloads of money. Both those guys. All of them. Yeah. Yeah. Jim too.

[00:42:49] I know. Yeah. You guys went over to his crib. Yeah, it's insane. That's crazy. I mean, it's like

[00:42:57] excessive. It didn't like it's like, you know, just one guy living there too. I know. It's like little

[00:43:02] guy too. Yeah, he didn't. He doesn't need all of that space. I mean, it's nice, but it's like that.

[00:43:09] Yeah. Yeah, it's selfish. Yeah. I mean, oh, it's literally a penthouse.

[00:43:13] From from Jim and Sam show. Yeah, just fucking like so long on the radio. I mean, it's like, I

[00:43:20] don't know what those guys got paid, but it's got to be at least like a million a year. You know,

[00:43:25] that's wrong. Probably like, and then he does stand up to probably like three million years.

[00:43:28] I'm like that. Holy shit. Dude, there used to be so much money in radio. I know. Like every like

[00:43:35] local market fucking shitty like, it's the dick and fuck show, you know, like man, like all those guys.

[00:43:42] It's been that we basically do this. You know, it's so funny. And people are like, oh, you get like

[00:43:48] annoyed with how much money we make in comedy. And it's like, yeah, the radio guys who you despised

[00:43:55] never did stand up. Got paid like so much more for doing, yeah, get like a half a million dollars

[00:44:02] to just be like, you're not going to believe this. Mother in Arkansas, founder baby,

[00:44:08] uh, with his penis in a vacuum. I wonder that I guess what, John, that really

[00:44:15] sucks. That's that sucks. It sucks. Oh, the vacuum sucks. It sucks. Oh my God.

[00:44:23] It's the vacuum cleaner. And I wonder if it's one of those ones that also blows

[00:44:29] like that president. We got Obama. That's pretty good. He both sucks. Honestly, put us on the radio.

[00:44:35] Yeah. Fuck this. I actually did. They have there's a radio show in like Louisiana or something.

[00:44:41] I think it's like it's on a shit ton of southern markets. It might have be out of Houston.

[00:44:46] It's like the Walton and Johnson show or something like that. And it's just like, I was driving through

[00:44:52] the South one time and I was like, this is insane. I mean, like, you know, they were doing care. I

[00:45:00] wish I could remember because at the time you I was listening to it. I'm like, this is just like

[00:45:04] off like off the deep end, like, you know, fucking like like right wing boomer Facebook level. Yeah.

[00:45:11] You know, and they actually like had me call in because they thought one of those articles I

[00:45:15] did was real. Oh, that's right. Yeah. We did. You got a girl to call in. No, I call it. That's

[00:45:21] Nicole. I had a girl talk to a British journalist that wanted to. Oh, that's so important. I wanted

[00:45:26] to do a story about the breastfeeding thing. But that Walton show, they were like, you know, I just,

[00:45:31] I was like, yeah, this is the call or whatever. And the producers like, all right. So, you know,

[00:45:35] no matter what, just like stick with the story, you know, when we're on the air and it's like,

[00:45:40] so you know, it's fake and you want me to help your shitty radio show. Right, right. You know,

[00:45:46] are those articles still getting people? I don't know. But they had me on to talk about

[00:45:50] breastfeeding my 12 year old and immediately brought up Sharia law.

[00:45:53] So like, it's like that gives you an idea of what that show is. Right. Yeah. I guess it was on

[00:46:01] Alex Jones recently. Yeah. That's pretty cool, man. Well, I'll tell you what,

[00:46:08] if I'll tell you what Alex Jones can't do. What's that? Where underwear. What do you mean he can't

[00:46:15] wear? Oh, he can't because he's too slippery. Every underwear there is. He can't. He doesn't know how

[00:46:25] to. He's tricky and slippery. I'm going to need you with me on this. I got you. I got you. I got

[00:46:29] you. Yeah. So he, God damn. I can't. I can't. Mac Walden is a name of a thing in my email somewhere.

[00:46:41] Yeah. Well, okay. So I'll just look, I'll let you guys in. Oh, we'll see. We're about to talk

[00:46:47] about Mac Walden underwear. Yeah. And we're going to talk. We're going to talk about Mac

[00:46:51] Walden underwear for about 15 seconds. Okay. Now here's what we do. We just stay silent for 15

[00:46:59] seconds. They skip ahead directly to the read. Right. Okay. And we're done talking about Mac

[00:47:07] Walden underwear. I'm glad to talk about that. Or are we actually? Are we? Because no. And I just

[00:47:12] remembered Mac Walden underwear is the best underwear that I've ever wear. Wear. Wear. Wear.

[00:47:19] Yeah. Because at Mac Walden, I, they, I believe in smart design, simple designs and simple minds.

[00:47:39] Yeah. Just like, we're never going to get out of the hood. Why do you think so? This dumb white

[00:47:54] bitch going to come in here and tell us we got a future. I shit myself every day. She said,

[00:48:01] yes. But have you heard about Mac Walden underwear? Because if you're wearing Mac Walden underwear,

[00:48:07] you can shit in it every single day in the antimicrobial. This shit disappeared. This shit

[00:48:13] disappears, baby. It's diapers for the 21st century. Yeah. Space age diaper technology. Look,

[00:48:20] Mac Walden is an underwear company on a mission. And the mission is simple. Right. Just like you

[00:48:24] to make sure all of your basics and beyond are smartly designed and shopping for them is easy

[00:48:31] and convenient. Okay. They actually, this is, they do have a nice website. Yeah. Yeah. I will say

[00:48:37] great UX. They do have a good UX. Mm hmm. Because I'm so used to any time I have to go buy shit on

[00:48:43] another website because you're spoiled by Amazon. So easy. You could buy with one click while you

[00:48:48] go to another website and it's like, what the fuck is this? You got to zoom into like the little

[00:48:53] dialogue boxes. So much extra bullshit going on. Really annoying. You know, not Mac Walden easy.

[00:49:00] I love, I just love clicking on stuff. And they got a mobile website. So it's, you could buy

[00:49:06] underwear on your cell phone. They got an award winning app award. They have an app for the

[00:49:12] underpants. Every company has an award winning app now. They founded Mac Walden because they

[00:49:18] wanted more out of their basics. And always questioned how something so essential could be

[00:49:23] such a pain in the ass to buy. Mm hmm. And that is true. You know, I got to buy my underwear at the

[00:49:31] store. I used to do the same myself. Yeah. And when I went there, there's the Adidas store.

[00:49:39] Mm hmm. And, you know, I mean, I was, I brought the underwear up to the counter and I was like,

[00:49:45] you know, this is a place I can try this on. And they were like, no, it's underwear. We don't

[00:49:49] have fitting rooms for underwear. And it was like, just the other clothes. Yeah, they're like,

[00:49:53] we don't have fitting rooms for underwear. And I was like, really, you don't have a fitting room

[00:49:57] for that? And they're like, no, I was like, all right. And so I took all my clothes off in the

[00:50:01] middle of the aisle. Mm hmm. And I pulled what else are you going to do? I pulled my penis out and

[00:50:05] everyone's laughing at me. And they came over and they're like, what are you doing? I'm like,

[00:50:10] you said you didn't have a fitting room for underwear. And they're like, yeah, you can't try

[00:50:14] on the underwear. I'm like, so not only do you not have a fitting room, I'm supposed to not

[00:50:18] expose my my penis and balls to try on the underwear. I'm not supposed to wipe my penis on the other

[00:50:24] side. You're telling me I'm not supposed to wipe my penis. Dude, she sounds like she was being a

[00:50:34] bitch. She was me a bitch. And you know what? So that bitch said you couldn't, you couldn't put

[00:50:40] your bear, your raw dick and balls. Yeah. And the guy came up to me in the top hat and he was like,

[00:50:45] sir, my name is Sir Marcus Weldon. I go by Mac for sure. Oh, it's a nickname.

[00:50:51] Mark is Sir Marcus Weldon. My my father's were earls that were cousins. And he's a knight. I

[00:50:58] am a Duke in English. Duke. Oh, you could be a sir. And my family is so inbred that two men are

[00:51:05] able to produce offspring. I don't know that. That's how inbred we are. And we are constantly

[00:51:10] wiping our penis on underwear. And we're going to create a new type of underwear called me, called

[00:51:20] Mac Weldon. His nickname. His, well, his real name. I thought he was Marcus. Well, Mark Mac is short

[00:51:27] for Marcus. Is this? Yeah. Oh, I thought it was just like a general. Yeah. I remember people call

[00:51:33] call Mac Garvey. So Mac is Garvey. No, no. People call him that? I think so. Is that song Return of

[00:51:41] the Mac about a guy named Marcus? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. No, but who who who

[00:51:48] it has got to be at least one. I'm pretty sure Marcus is long for Mac. Anyways, the frustration

[00:51:55] was real. And our Eureka moment happened in a department store aisle full of brands that dominated

[00:51:59] our top drawer. I get frustrated. So this is this is actually this is on their website. They leave

[00:52:03] out the part where the Duke saw me wiping my penis on the but they're talking about the

[00:52:07] aisle. They're talking about that story surrounded by a mind numbing assortment of underwear and socks.

[00:52:13] We realized consistent fit and quality became a game of roulette. So we decided to take matters

[00:52:17] into our own hands. Okay. And you ever like hold your your dick and balls like a cheeseburger?

[00:52:27] Oh, like with your balls on either side with both hands you hold the whole set of a cheeseburger.

[00:52:33] Yeah, I mean, I'm kind of a one handed cheeseburger man myself. But yeah, I know what you're talking

[00:52:37] No, I mean, would you hold it side like this? Oh, like this? Yeah, yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:52:42] Yeah, not you don't hold it like a well, it's kind of like a dick taco. Actually, there's

[00:52:47] actually there's nothing you hold this to maybe a golf club. Baseball baseball bat. Yeah, there's

[00:52:54] nothing you hold with two hands. What are you talking about? There's nothing I can think of

[00:52:58] that you hold with two hands other than like a baseball bat or a golf club. I guess you might

[00:53:02] I guess you might be right. What about a steering wheel? Yeah, but that's not that's an arch. It's

[00:53:13] getting to drive with two hands. Yeah. I actually I don't drive with two hands. What do you mean?

[00:53:20] I always I'm always doing some other shit with this thing. Yeah, me to finger. I'm on my phone

[00:53:24] fingering. I'm always I'm yeah smoking six. I love doing the like whoa, you know, oh, yeah,

[00:53:31] whoa, reaching in the backseat to finger. Oh, you finger someone in the backseat. Yeah,

[00:53:35] I was assuming it was the front pass. I always have my car bitched up. Mm hmm. You know, I got

[00:53:39] bitches in every seat. You know, you know, I like to go MDWD when I tell you something when you're

[00:53:44] riding my car, you're always riding bitch because my fingers are finding their way to those pussies.

[00:53:53] Backwell, then started from scratch and engineered their own fabric. Mm hmm. We made that seems

[00:53:57] excessive. Their own fabric. It does. Yeah. I mean, you got scientists to do that. Yeah.

[00:54:05] They could have been doing more creative things. Make sure the design process was meticulous

[00:54:11] so you can fit on count on the fit being the exact same each time, no matter how fucking fat you get.

[00:54:18] We built a world class customer service experience. The difference is in the details. So we've

[00:54:24] assessed over every stitch and seam until we reached our definition of perfect and by stitch and seam,

[00:54:30] they mean obviously the stitches on the underwear and the seam on your penis and balls. Mm hmm.

[00:54:35] Because stitch and seam does sound like those could be synonymous. Sononomists. Also. Yeah. That's

[00:54:40] what Shane said. Yeah. Yeah. So look at all these stitches. That's what they call trans people.

[00:54:45] Stitches. Yeah. Going to bathroom. It's full with a bunch of stitches and seams in there. Yeah. They

[00:54:51] built this fucked up bathroom downtown. A stitch is a male to female. A female to male is a seam.

[00:54:56] Is a seam. Yeah. Yeah. Stitches and seams. The stitches and seams comedy show coming in Netflix.

[00:55:03] I love how everybody's like, oh great. Now he's going to get a Netflix special called

[00:55:08] Triggered. And it's like you're already upset about like something that has not happened. It's

[00:55:13] not happened. It won't happen. Also like every single one of his shows is going to get protested.

[00:55:18] And like he's going to get shit no matter what opportunities his life is over here. His life

[00:55:24] is an over here. He's going to have to kill himself. He should. I mean like he probably should kill

[00:55:27] him. When I do like this, find two shit on Shane. I like that his like apology in both of his

[00:55:31] statements are like just totally just fucking like football coach bullshit. Yeah. Just like

[00:55:39] I did the best I could. I gave it 100%. Yeah. I came with 100%. We got a lot of good guys.

[00:55:44] We went out there. Yeah. Things like talking about it like we got a great group of guys. There

[00:55:48] was a great hustle. There was good effort. I understand this is fucking year zero of a 35 year

[00:55:54] refill. But we have the desire and determination and persistent, persistent,

[00:56:01] tenacity to overcome and achieve. Yeah. Dude, that guy is so funny. At the end of the day, just putting

[00:56:12] putting things like at the end of the day, in an apology. Yeah. It's good enough for what do you

[00:56:17] say? Yeah. Good enough for us. No 100%. At the end of the day, you can't take that away because

[00:56:26] hustle is something, you know, and it's all. All of that is solely caused by people quoting

[00:56:32] Vince Lombardi. They should have never done that. He should have just been a guy that was good at

[00:56:36] foot or like good at coaching. And then nobody should have ever listened to him. I don't know.

[00:56:41] I think it comes from that culture in general, but it probably stems from Vince Lombardi.

[00:56:45] I think it's like the ex that fucking the dog in the fight bullshit. Yeah.

[00:56:49] Which doesn't make any sense. Yeah. What are you talking about a dog? You take the dog out of the

[00:56:54] fight, but you can't take the fight out of the dog. So you can retire a murder. Hold on. It's like,

[00:56:59] they do that all the time. Yeah. The whole premise of fucking rescue pit bulls is that you can

[00:57:05] specifically take the fight out of the dog. Yeah. So also, what are you doing going to dog

[00:57:10] fights? You're at the Super Bowl. That's kind of like, that wasn't enough for you to be at that

[00:57:16] you had to create the Super Bowl. And you're like, yeah, but what if we got like a,

[00:57:19] if we got like a warehouse somewhere and we made dogs kill each other, that's kind of a thing

[00:57:25] of this like, you can take the dog out of the fight, but not the fight out of the dog. That's

[00:57:29] kind of like saying, Oh yeah, like a criminal mind will never be able to be rehabilitated. Yeah.

[00:57:35] That's kind of could be like a racist thing to say like, Oh, they should all be locked away. Yeah.

[00:57:40] Yeah. Anyways, Mack Weldon actually, part of their process is putting the underwear on dogs

[00:57:44] and then having them fight. They don't test on any animals besides pit bulls and the dogs that

[00:57:50] that they do test on have committed murders. They have committed murders. Mack Weldon is better

[00:57:54] than whatever you're wearing right now. You got underwear, take it off. Fuck and eat it.

[00:57:59] Eat your shorts. Oh, literally. Literally. Mack Weldon is a premium men's essentials

[00:58:04] brand that believes in smart design and premium fabrics.

[00:58:06] Um, required the host producer cannot use the war. Oh, okay. What word? Um, it's the,

[00:58:16] the one we said before. The one Shane used? Yeah. Is it Mack Weldon got him fired?

[00:58:21] Asin though Mack Weldon got him fired. Asin though. Oh damn, I didn't, I didn't know that.

[00:58:25] I thought they were just making underwear to wipe your penis on. Listen, it's the best

[00:58:29] damn underwear I've ever used. But now it's pretty messed up. I found that Mack Weldon was on board

[00:58:34] with that. Yeah, I'm kind of just, I'm not on Shane's side anymore. Oh, no, you're pro Mack Weldon.

[00:58:39] But I kind of am. Mack Weldon believes in smart design premium fabric. You know, it's so funny,

[00:58:44] because they do have a thing that like a word you can't say. And I'm not going to say it, but

[00:58:47] it's just so like fucking banal. It's just part of their like branding strategy that completely

[00:58:51] goes out the window as soon as you're like looking at any other aspect of this ad roof. Of course.

[00:58:57] They're like, but don't say this. Yeah. Anyways, Mack Weldon believes smart design premium fabric.

[00:59:03] But this is all I got like a new email with new copy in it. But it seems like it's more of the

[00:59:08] same. I'm always terrified that I'm going to fucking do specifically that. Say the last copy.

[00:59:14] Whatever they've done. But they haven't changed, you know, the quality of their products. Yeah,

[00:59:19] actually, they're, I think they're nicer, dude. Because we have gotten nicer. We got some more.

[00:59:26] It's more underpants and more underpants. Yeah. Yeah, I like them. I love them too. But and

[00:59:31] it's also like truth be told, I don't wear underwear in the summer. Oh, just because it's like uncomfortable

[00:59:37] and I just a lot. But now it's winter. Yeah. I'm excited. They keep your shit hot.

[00:59:43] Yeah, it's just my shit fucking like it's just gets stuck to my leg and it's fucking uncomfortable.

[00:59:49] Yeah, having balls is terribly uncomfortable. Yeah. Why talk my balls into my ass?

[00:59:55] I mean, I'd try to but I forget all the time. I boo you. And then you can't like if you try to

[00:59:59] boo you yourself, you're like, Oh, I forgot to boo you on myself before I left the house.

[01:00:03] I'm sorry, everybody. I forgot to boo you on myself before I left for the trade stuff

[01:00:08] for your balls in your ass. If everybody I'd like to make an announcement, if you're concerned

[01:00:13] about the smell, I just like to say boo you on myself before leaving the apartment. My name is

[01:00:20] Mortimer Shekel. I work at 325 Broadway. If you have any complaints, go in. Go to the front desk,

[01:00:27] talk to Sharon, let her know that Mortimer did not buoy himself. And then his penis and balls

[01:00:34] smelled bad on the train. Thank you. Mac Weldon's line of silver underwear and shirts are

[01:00:42] naturally antimicrobial, which means they eliminate odor. And they wouldn't be comfortable. So if

[01:00:46] you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they will still still refund you. No questions

[01:00:50] asked. Now is Mac while underwear socks shirts and shirts and socks look good. They perform well,

[01:00:56] too. It's good for working out going to work going out dates going to work going on every day life.

[01:01:01] That's all I do baby fucking I don't do shit. How long is my apartment look like this? It's been

[01:01:06] pretty messy for a while. Yeah. Yeah. My life is just in shambles. Yeah. My my two dude. We'll get

[01:01:13] stopped back. You know, all of skinned. It'll be great. It's stops gonna be back on the next

[01:01:17] episode because I got mad at us. I got that luck of the Irish or whatever. So I have all these

[01:01:22] things that I don't deserve. Is that a sarcastic thing? No, Irish people aren't lucky. Yeah, I don't

[01:01:28] know. I mean, I genuinely feel like I've been like extraordinarily lucky in my life.

[01:01:35] The problem is the problems I have are all like internally sourced. It's like,

[01:01:41] and that's not really luck. It's just bad, bad outlook. Anyways,

[01:01:44] I guess I got to say that I bought the green underwear. I don't know. I don't know the name

[01:01:51] of the underwear. I bought the green one. It's nice. It was very easy to buy. It was so easy to buy

[01:01:56] that I picked out the underwear that I wanted. I got it. Green colored or green like a carbon

[01:02:00] footprint. The green colored one, but they look nice. My dick looks nice in them. In them. Yeah.

[01:02:05] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your dick will look bigger in them. They do. The the bulge area is well

[01:02:12] designed. It's nice. I will say. It is nice. Yeah. I do have other like compression style underwear.

[01:02:18] Yeah. It was like too much pressure. Right. And it's terrible. Yeah. Just like it jams your

[01:02:24] shit up or whatever. That's my whole shit. Sometimes it pulls it too far forward and then

[01:02:28] like then your dick looks too big and it's like, well, I don't want that either. I do want that.

[01:02:33] No. Yeah. You look like a clown. I mean, if you're walking around with like,

[01:02:37] like the wrong type of underwear that pulls your dick forward and you just have like a big boy.

[01:02:43] It looks stupid. Dude, someone reached someone reached me to this video. This guy. I might.

[01:02:47] Anyways, what kind of. I'll show you after this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I wore them around

[01:02:53] and I wore it. I liked the underwear is fucking good. I don't know what the fucking tell you.

[01:03:01] Now I'm getting mad at this copy. Anyways. So for 20% off your first order,

[01:03:04] visit Macwolden.com and enter promo code come town 20 to check out.

[01:03:10] And yeah, 20% off Macwolden.com. If you don't like the underwear, they'll refund you. No questions.

[01:03:17] And you keep the underwear and you keep the underwear. Right. Check them out. I mean,

[01:03:20] with that, it's like, you know, what do you have to lose? Literally nothing.

[01:03:25] Literally fucking nothing at all. And we're back.

[01:03:28] And we're back. Yeah. Shane's actually like, you just started calling me. What's up?

[01:03:37] Shane just started calling me. Does he want to call into the show?

[01:03:45] I don't know if there's a way to do that, but I mean, we don't have too much left here.

[01:03:53] Should I get into Hot Wheels?

[01:03:54] I'm thinking about getting like a pass if I like a teething ring.

[01:04:00] Baby shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about getting into like,

[01:04:06] just sucking on a teething ring all day long, maybe like a little play cash register that I

[01:04:11] bang on. Yeah. Like a like a car with a feet, like a Fred Flintstone. So yeah, yeah. Go around my

[01:04:19] apartment and be like these SJW. SJW's are trying to ruin my fucking life. Fucking cancel culture.

[01:04:27] Fucking cancel this. Yeah. I mean, I think we should go to one of those adult daycare places.

[01:04:39] Yeah. It'd be funny. It's like a first generation, like Chinese person trying to tell their immigrant

[01:04:44] parents about Shane and cancel culture or whatever. And they're like, you know, they're like, yo,

[01:04:50] mom and dad. It's like this, this cracker Shane B. You know, like, like, Michael Rappaport-Shane.

[01:05:03] That's her son's name is. They wanted him to have an American vote. Yeah. He both is Michael

[01:05:07] Rappaporton's sounds like him, but it's there be cop like the like, yo, this cracker Shane be

[01:05:13] talking man shit online about about us, you know, and now they're trying to say that it's

[01:05:19] cancel culture. And they're like, Oh, but canceled is real bad. They're like, no, mom,

[01:05:24] it's cancel culture. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, your brother had cancer. The one, you know,

[01:05:28] we had before we came here and we couldn't get health insurance for him. And the joke there is.

[01:05:33] I get it. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. My first girlfriend used to do this impression of she took

[01:05:39] some like English class, like a some Chinese just like Chinese like, but like Chinese barbie,

[01:05:45] basically, you know, like a very like, let's see Chinese girl and they had to write like a,

[01:05:50] like a like a persuasive essay and read it in class. And she used to she was the first person I

[01:05:56] knew they could do like a just fucking rock solid Asian impression. Yeah. And she used to crack me

[01:06:01] up because she was like, yeah, she was growing this class gets up. And she's like, uh, shopping

[01:06:08] is my essay is on why shopping is good. And shopping is beneficial because you get

[01:06:21] exercise from carrying the bags.

[01:06:27] And that's what you see crack was that in like a what context was it was like an

[01:06:31] college class, English class. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. Shopping is beneficial because you get

[01:06:37] exercise from carrying the bags. Yeah. Yeah. And she was telling me about they had to write

[01:06:44] it now because they were always like writing essays and having to read them. And there was

[01:06:48] another one they did. And she was talking about the about like the effects of war on people or

[01:06:53] whatever. And she's like, a lot of people don't consider the psychological effects of war as a

[01:07:01] physical effects of war, such as like a breast cancer and brain cancer.

[01:07:09] Oh, fuck. And before you get mad and say that that's anti Asian. Remember, that was my first

[01:07:17] girlfriend. It's not me doing the voice. Okay, reporting. If the voice, okay, the voice is bad.

[01:07:23] Okay, the voice isn't fucking and we just admit that it sounds funny. The voice is funny. It's

[01:07:29] not bad. It's doesn't it's not like a sign of like disrespect. It's like the same as literally

[01:07:34] doing any other fucking Russian accent or a French accent. There is no difference if like anyone

[01:07:39] that tells you that it's there's a difference is lying. It's like any argument that I've seen

[01:07:44] has been bullshit. That's like, Oh, you're mocking the struggle that agent. No, I'm laughing at a

[01:07:49] silly voice. That's it. I'm not fucking like it's not like fuck these people trying to learn English,

[01:07:55] at least with me personally, Shane might feel that way. I know. I just like it's just genuinely,

[01:08:01] I think it's like, like it's a funny voice. Also, making myself laugh the other day, imagining like

[01:08:08] fucking Chinese Tony soprano. That would be good. It would be good. Just going to Dr. Melvi be like,

[01:08:16] I feel bad. And then Melvi's like, don't feel bad. Oh, she's Chinese. Oh, okay, bye. And that's it.

[01:08:22] Yeah, there's a whole show. Yeah. Walk up this.

[01:08:29] Ding ding ding ding ding. He's just crashing his car all over the New Jersey

[01:08:39] bike. Smashing the guard rails in the Jersey wall. Smoking that cigar.

[01:08:59] Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, that won't stop being funny to me. I'm sorry.

[01:09:06] I can't. You're not going to convince me that's not fine. You can't do it. And I don't like,

[01:09:14] you know, I don't know. I'd rather live my life and laugh at things because it brings me fucking,

[01:09:20] it makes me feel better. Because life is garbage. Yeah, it feels nice to laugh at something funny.

[01:09:25] Yeah, it's like, and they laugh at our shit too. Right. They think we're ridiculous. I'm not

[01:09:30] fucking Mark Wahlberg. I'm not going out and like ripping people's eyes out with fucking meat. No,

[01:09:35] it's not a you. I mean, in a lot of ways, you truly respect the Chinese. You lived with them.

[01:09:41] Sure. But I don't know. Yeah, disappointing time to be in comedy, I guess, unless you're somebody

[01:09:49] that does, you know, well, it's like sort of like what we were saying before the show. Lip sync stuff.

[01:09:54] I'm sure that's great. Sure. It's a great time to be in comedy. If what you do is just

[01:10:01] reenact to TikTok videos. Uh huh. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about the

[01:10:07] the other guy that got us. No. Oh, I completely forgot that that's what he does. Yeah, he does

[01:10:12] lip sync videos. Yeah. Which you know what? And that's the other. Those are pretty. Some of them

[01:10:17] are pretty good. Then there are people that were like, you know, not a lot of them luckily, but

[01:10:21] there was people that are like going after that guy and it's like, bro, yeah, it's like, you know,

[01:10:25] he did he's not trying to fire Shane. Right. Yeah. And also he was he really worked at this.

[01:10:32] No, he was like a writer there. Yeah. Just just added him to the cover. The initial coverage was

[01:10:37] so funny. The coverage like it was like, it was like, they plucked him out of nowhere. Right. But

[01:10:41] like this means that we can all this is the most powerful moment. The the falling of the Berlin Wall.

[01:10:48] Uh, fucking Neil Armstrong on the moon and Bowen Yang pretending to be Kim Jong-un on a show.

[01:10:56] Right. Fucking people with like, you know, all's timers watch anymore. Do Fred Armisen play

[01:11:02] Obama like four years ago? Yeah. And somebody's been linking all old SNL shit that I've never seen

[01:11:07] because I was never really even a huge SNL head. Yeah. And there's this there's a sketch with Dana

[01:11:12] Carvey with it's just like the entire thing is like he's Chinese. I mean, it's like it's literally

[01:11:21] there's nothing else there. Sorry. I keep getting my shit blown up. My shit my shit blown up.

[01:11:30] Um, yeah, I mean, it's it's obviously ridiculous. The problem is as it's like what we were saying

[01:11:35] before is like if you just divide the community into like the good and the bad and like the good

[01:11:43] the good boys are the ones that are getting TV shows and stuff and that that shit sucks.

[01:11:48] Where do like kids that think it's gay like go like go to? Yeah, you know, and they'll just start

[01:11:54] like watching Jordan Peterson videos and stuff. Like if there's no like alternative to,

[01:11:59] uh, you know, whatever, whatever garbage they're putting out nowadays. I'm I'm doctor. I'm Dr.

[01:12:08] Jordan Peterson. I was trying to do him the other day and I got him for like a half second.

[01:12:14] I'm Dr. Jordan with the frog. I'm not. I'll tell you what.

[01:12:19] Here we if you want to get your dick sucked, you better bring it around me, buckle.

[01:12:24] So I'll give you a goddamn dick, suck. If you want to come in my classroom, you better

[01:12:30] unbuckle my goddamn pants and fuck me in my ass.

[01:12:36] Yeah.

[01:12:39] Um, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, if you like.

[01:12:44] You deplatform people to the point where it's like, no one's a fucking MSG.

[01:12:48] I was just me too. I was gonna go out to flushing.

[01:12:51] Well, I got my car here. I mean, I came in to LaGuardia and fucking Abby came and picked me up and I was

[01:12:55] like, let's get great. Let's get good Chinese food in flushing. So I looked up anything that was close

[01:13:02] and it like one like there was an article and one of them was like grand Sichuan house.

[01:13:06] So I typed in grand Sichuan house or something like that and then we went to one and I didn't

[01:13:10] realize after there's like a million of those. So then I ended up with just some just regular

[01:13:14] fucking some champ. Yeah. I mean, it was like a run of the mill. It was fine, but it's like,

[01:13:18] I want like just some like good like shit, you know, dude, let's go after that after the

[01:13:26] Paul Simon Paul. That was good. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah. We got with Max. Yeah, I had,

[01:13:30] I had really good. Um, actually, I didn't. I don't know where the fuck I went, but it was like on

[01:13:35] par with like, uh, I don't know what I want is, and I don't want to like, I want Korean barbecue,

[01:13:42] but I don't like I have to limit myself to like once a month. If I ruin Korean barbecue for myself,

[01:13:48] I'll kill myself. What do you mean? Like have it too often that I get burned out on it. Yeah,

[01:13:54] I see. I've done that with every other cuisine. There's a, there's a like a strip of Chinese places

[01:14:02] in Forest Hills that I really want to go to. I haven't been to in the mall. It's like close to

[01:14:08] that mall. Yeah, the mall. There's a mall in Flushing that has like all those Chinese places.

[01:14:12] Yeah, I could do that. I just started a month. There's this other place in Elmhurst. I went to

[01:14:17] recently a Chinese place that was insanely good. Yeah, I'm like minding my diet again. So I can't

[01:14:22] really fuck him to Chinese food. They have this, I have this dish called oil spilled noodles the

[01:14:27] other day. That was just one of the fucking most delicious things ever. Yeah, some Louisiana

[01:14:32] Creole style. Yeah, Chinese food. Some, yeah. I was telling somebody like when I was a kid,

[01:14:39] I used to go to Popeyes and I didn't know what New Orleans was. So I thought that was just like

[01:14:44] Popeyes brand was just that like that word. Well, no, just that music and like, oh, that like,

[01:14:51] come on, pop. You know, like I just thought that was just like Popeyes commercial. And then I found

[01:14:56] out about Louisiana or New Orleans. And it was like, Oh, it's just like a Popeyes city. You thought

[01:15:06] Yeah, it would happen the other way for me. Oh, God. At least in terms of my exposure to like New

[01:15:10] Orleans and Marty, I got no idea what fucking Marty Graw was. I knew about it from girls gone wild

[01:15:16] and the Popeyes biscuits. You're gonna go to Popeyes right now? I would love to. But I'm so hungry.

[01:15:22] There's no good Popeyes. No good fucking fast food restaurants in like, at least near Brooklyn or

[01:15:28] Manhattan Manhattan. No means has good fast food because Queens is like legitimately like middle class.

[01:15:34] I had a Boston marketing Queens once that was incredible. Yeah. And they have Boston

[01:15:41] market there. Yeah. I feel like you don't really have as many chains. Welcome to Boston market.

[01:15:45] We don't do any of that fucking faggot cancel. Yeah, just stuff. Yeah. Want a chicken pot pie?

[01:15:50] Why open open society open free. Let me see your fucking Twitter. I bet we're gonna search for it.

[01:15:55] And if there's not a slur in there, you're not getting the fucking chicken pot pie. How about that?

[01:15:58] When's the last time you went to one of those Boston market? Yeah. I used to go maybe once a

[01:16:03] month when I was a kid that chicken pop that chicken pop pie. I never I've never you know what,

[01:16:09] I'll tell you what I've never actually been in a Boston market. Yeah, we still get it and then

[01:16:13] eat it at home. Yeah. Yeah. My mom would get Boston. And then and then Kenny Rogers came to town.

[01:16:19] Yeah. And then it was the the great chicken wars of the 1990s. I'll tell you, I love that fucking

[01:16:24] Kenny Rogers guy. Uh huh. You know, because I used to I thought he was a faggot, but it turns out

[01:16:29] he's he's from Quincy. Oh really? Yeah. No, that guy's from Dorchester. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't know

[01:16:37] he was from the Boston area. Yeah. No, because you think you're here his name Rogers. You're like,

[01:16:42] where's this guy from? Fuck in California? Where's this guy? Someone's the California.

[01:16:46] Yeah. He's got like a whole call. He's got long hair like a fucking girl. Uh huh. You know,

[01:16:50] he's playing music. Uh huh. Yeah. This guy's probably a girl. Uh huh. This guy is probably a woman,

[01:16:56] a female woman about Boston native's, uh, heiress myth. Those guys have a long hair. Yeah. I mean,

[01:17:02] you know, I always saw it. Arrowsmith. I thought that guy was a faggot. Then I found out he's,

[01:17:07] you know, he's from Charles from Charles, Charles town. Oh, he's from the town. Yeah, he's from Roxbury.

[01:17:13] The movie. I found out Arrowsmith is from Roxbury. I guess turns out it's actually like four different

[01:17:19] guys. It's you thought it was one guy. I thought it was one guy named Arrowsmith. You think he's

[01:17:23] like a multi instrumentalist kind of like, yeah, he plays the drums with his feet. I was like,

[01:17:27] who's his Arrowsmith guy? He sounds like a faggot. Yeah. But then, you know, my buddy, Tommy, he was

[01:17:33] like, it's four guys. Yeah, my buddy Tommy was like, yeah, no, it's that's actually like, it's a

[01:17:38] whole band. Yeah. And his first name is an arrow and last name Smith. No, it's not a lot of people.

[01:17:43] That's easy to make. He's like, no, it's Smith is last. The band, they wrote that song about Kenny

[01:17:47] Rogers. Dude, looks like a lady. Oh, yeah. I didn't know those. I can't even write. I remember hearing

[01:17:52] that song and I'm like, you're right. That guy is a faggot. That's what that song is about. But

[01:17:56] they tell you in the song, you know, songs that got like hit and even stuff. The hidden meaning is

[01:18:01] like he just looks like a lady, but actually he's from Quincy. Oh, okay. I didn't realize that.

[01:18:09] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I'm going to kill myself this week. Yeah, me too. Yeah. All right,

[01:18:16] we done. Let's get some dinner, dude. Yeah. Yeah, we done. Oh, damn. How much we do? Okay.

[01:18:22] All right. Well, they're going to have to sift through that one. All right. Bye. Bye.