Cum Town | Regular | 09/22/2016
[00:00:50] I was thinking about doing it in seasons.
[00:00:56] After we hit like 30, maybe take a couple weeks off.
[00:01:06] What are we going to do with our time off?
[00:01:07] I have to go to Los Angeles at the end of the month.
[00:01:10] So when I said that I meant I'm going to Los Angeles at the end of the month so we need
[00:01:17] Maybe we'll just record a bunch who knows.
[00:01:21] Uh, I haven't done stand up comedy in like a party on show.
[00:01:27] Thanks for everybody who came by the way.
[00:01:37] Fam I'm crying because I'm so touched by all the fans.
[00:01:51] Next one is October 24th which is the Monday night.
[00:01:56] And then we're going to be regular Monday night I think the fourth or third Monday of
[00:02:04] I guess the third, third Monday of the month.
[00:02:07] I'm also I'm in a roast master's bracket.
[00:02:17] Yeah, it's like, uh, I guess, uh, yeah, like a.
[00:02:27] And then like I think the winner gets like they're feeding talent to Comedy Central for
[00:02:36] And then I just want to write for a roast.
[00:02:45] Yeah, you're like you're a guy who should have been a carpenter but who is stricken with
[00:02:59] If you spend your whole life queuing carpentry.
[00:03:05] I mean, it's hard at the very highest levels of carpentry.
[00:03:09] When you got your Norm Abrams, your Bob Villas.
[00:03:13] Guys that you know, obviously you're out.
[00:03:15] They don't actually do anything particularly difficult those guys.
[00:03:21] Every single episode is like, okay, we're installing a doorframe.
[00:03:24] We've been doing the show for 35 years.
[00:03:26] So this is the 7 millionth time we've done this.
[00:03:35] Well, Al is supposed to be, home improvement was supposed to be a parody of this old house.
[00:03:43] And then it, I guess it evolved to match Tim, Tim, Al, Al, or persona.
[00:03:50] His act is like the final episode of home improvement.
[00:04:09] Which was the one, the show where it turned out at the end it was all an autistic kid's
[00:04:20] And I'm going to get like 50 people DMing me being like, it was hard to heart asshole.
[00:04:33] Mark Curry wakes up and he's a white man.
[00:04:35] And he's like, that's why the show was so good.
[00:04:45] There's a bunch of panties stopping on.
[00:04:49] That's why it was such a well written show.
[00:04:54] It is funny that like Norman Lear was like writing Sanford and son.
[00:05:02] Oh, though the better version of home improvement.
[00:05:05] And so the final episode should have been Tim Allen like coming to any jugs is dreaming
[00:05:10] all that while he's being violently raped in prison for his for his.
[00:05:15] In 1974 federal charges for cocaine possession.
[00:05:21] He got caught with like 30 pounds of cocaine.
[00:05:28] He squeals when you all when you like it's all right.
[00:05:38] And he's got all that buzz buzz light here money, dude.
[00:05:44] And then he's like, I'm going to do comedy.
[00:05:48] That was the sound he made while he was in prison until he was like 29.
[00:05:52] So like, you know, you think like, Oh, well, I've blown it.
[00:05:57] You know, you get older and you worry about how much I honestly just think it was easier
[00:06:07] I mean, less people were like, I'm going to do this.
[00:06:09] You watched some of that shit and it's like no jokes.
[00:06:14] It was really old Richard Bells er sets.
[00:06:18] Richard Bells er, you know, I he's been playing the same character for 45 years.
[00:06:25] He somehow gets cast on new shows and they're like, okay, well, the role is for this guy
[00:06:30] His name is Jonathan, you know, Miles or whatever.
[00:06:37] That can't be the name of the character.
[00:06:40] It's going to be Munch on every fucking show.
[00:06:47] Homicide was the first show and then he makes it law and order and then law and order
[00:06:52] And then the detective Munch mysteries.
[00:06:58] Wait, but he was the real detective Munch is on the wire.
[00:07:05] He's like Colbin's like, uh, like, yeah, like captain or something.
[00:07:16] It's like, I guess this is a pretty good idea.
[00:07:17] Yeah, with the most horrific Baltimore accent.
[00:07:21] There's the people in the show that are from the town like stick out like a sore thumb.
[00:07:26] Like the woman that's interviewing Prez Boluski when he's like becoming a teacher.
[00:07:32] I mean, that was obviously like a local.
[00:07:50] Went to high school with what's his name?
[00:08:05] Hey, Mike Diesel is in the gay club that walls goes to in the background, like chatting with
[00:08:14] He's an extra on the wire in the gay club.
[00:08:16] Wait, the woman you find out Rawls is gay.
[00:08:21] Every HBO show needs a scene where one of the characters you find out they're gay, like
[00:08:26] It's pretty tight that they never reference it really again.
[00:08:30] Although they haven't been like the office looking at porn, you know, they have like
[00:08:33] subtle references, but they never really never comes up.
[00:08:39] Well, the fat guy lands, mens looking at porn and he goes in the lands office to yell at
[00:08:43] him and then he like picks up the porn and looks at it and you're like, no, it's like
[00:08:46] pretty good porn and then he puts it back.
[00:08:49] The guy is trying so hard not to be, you know, seen as gay.
[00:08:52] Barry Levinson sets all his movies in Baltimore also and like a regular guy in there.
[00:09:04] There's so many people in the Y that you could not.
[00:09:10] Well, that was like, because you know, they have like I watched injustice for all.
[00:09:15] And then all the characters they just, you know, the actors, it's like, yeah, it's like
[00:09:20] So just sound like you're from Brooklyn and nobody's going to give a shit or whatever.
[00:09:25] But then there's one scene where they're like in the courtroom and then they he's like,
[00:09:29] me and Mike, I need to go brief my client back in the jail cell.
[00:09:34] You know, so he walks out and then they have some other guy come up and he's like, Mark
[00:09:37] client has never gone anything wrong before this.
[00:09:42] So you should probably just let him go.
[00:09:47] But did you, did you guys ever run into what's his name?
[00:10:00] And so I met fucking with the other one, the crown.
[00:10:06] It was like, you could always tell who like was not.
[00:10:08] You go to every one of Chris Hudson shows.
[00:10:10] Yeah, he's trying to fuck Chris Hudson.
[00:10:13] Chris, is that a really getting fucked by John Waters?
[00:10:15] And he's like, huh, he's going over me.
[00:10:22] See if I'll see if this goes better than my other sets.
[00:10:36] And there was just some dude hitchhiking.
[00:10:37] They stopped and it was John Waters like middle of nowhere.
[00:10:42] He's like legendary for like showing up.
[00:10:46] He's apparently all the bar owners in East Austin fucking hate Bill Murray.
[00:10:50] I heard this from Jake who, you know, Jake and Blake are working service industry in
[00:10:57] Like, you know, Bill Murray will just go show up in Austin and then walk behind the bar
[00:11:03] And no matter what people order, he gives them like a tequila with lime or some shit.
[00:11:13] So he'll just give away thousands of dollars worth of drinks or whatever.
[00:11:17] He really is just like hipster Chuck Norris.
[00:11:28] He's become like he got elevated beyond what he ever was.
[00:11:33] I mean, he was never really that funny.
[00:11:36] Well, I don't think he was that funny, but I think he was so cool, dude.
[00:11:43] Yeah, I mean, he just had that like, he didn't just have to revolve on Jack Nicholson.
[00:11:53] I like the fact that he can't grow a good beard.
[00:11:55] That's, I mean, he's one of us, one of me.
[00:12:00] Yeah, it's depressing that I probably can grow the best beard in this room.
[00:12:11] I have thick hair and thick of beard too.
[00:12:14] Well, you have like a weird like, some kind of weird, I have like medically rosy cheeks.
[00:12:20] It's like I cannot, like I was meant to just be a little fat cute man.
[00:12:29] I'm like a fucking, I'm like a, like a minor character in a Disney movie.
[00:12:34] Like a cobbler that helps to move the plot along.
[00:12:37] You're like one of the seven in the cobbler.
[00:12:39] I was like, oh yeah, they were like, I was like, Adam Sandler moving.
[00:12:44] No, it was like a piece of animation that took like 45 years to finish.
[00:12:52] The ear max distributed it and they had to like cut all this shit out.
[00:12:56] But I'm trying to remember the name of the guy that was like, stop motion or something.
[00:12:59] Yeah, it was like, you know, conventional animation.
[00:13:03] It wasn't Ralph Bakshi, but it was like a guy that was like, yeah, it was a just of
[00:13:15] But it took like 45 years to make to get the movie made.
[00:13:18] So it's got like Vincent Price in it and he recorded all the audio and like the 70s.
[00:13:22] And then the movie came out in like 1998.
[00:13:29] You know, animation like in in terms of animation, it's like renowned.
[00:13:34] Is Vincent Price like the basis for the Chappelle white guy voice?
[00:13:38] I feel like a lot of like act outs and stand up or just based on Vincent Price's voice.
[00:13:56] That guy is just I can has cheeseburger.
[00:14:09] Dude, how does that guy just become rich just by stealing me?
[00:14:15] Everyone's mad at the fat Jew, but no one cares.
[00:14:22] He's just a mad gay and rich guy fucking despise him, dude.
[00:14:26] When I was working at the BSO doing fundraising, which was the funniest job.
[00:14:31] You just you had a bunch of old women and then like one like really fucking ugly guy named
[00:14:36] He was like, he was probably like 28 or 29, maybe in his early 30s.
[00:14:47] Like he had like his eyes were sunken way into his fucking head.
[00:14:55] Then he had these like shitty I think you call the middle school glasses, but those like
[00:14:59] rectangular glasses everyone had in like 2001, but still wearing them.
[00:15:04] And I guess the BSO had George to Kai there and it was like on the schedule and they handed
[00:15:10] out the new schedule or whatever to everybody.
[00:15:13] And he's just in his chair like reading a quietly to himself and he's like, Oh, George
[00:15:20] You know, and like had to loudly explain, you know how happy it was.
[00:15:26] It's he's for people to fucking suck, dude.
[00:15:30] Is that it's just like if you love bacon, you know what I mean?
[00:15:34] You also do worse than the bacon people.
[00:15:46] But we I think we talk about this off my little bit.
[00:15:52] I think it's just the waitresses from the stand.
[00:16:01] Yeah, I just adopted a dog for the selfies purely.
[00:16:07] Although I think if babies ever become it, I fucking love watching like fat babies day
[00:16:11] like we talk about the Chinese baby videos.
[00:16:17] I think fat Asian kids are just the best part about that is like he's just in some bullshit
[00:16:23] fucking I want to say village in China, but they have like cities that the population
[00:16:33] Yeah, population eight point seven million.
[00:16:38] That's all the city does is fucking create pollution.
[00:16:41] They build cities out of nowhere like they build like high rises that are like completely
[00:16:46] They just move millions of people into the fucking house.
[00:16:49] Which would be perfect if they had Judge Dreds, you know, that was like mega cities.
[00:16:55] Can you go over there as a white man and just become a judge?
[00:17:00] I bet if you pay the government enough money, they would let you be a white judge dread
[00:17:07] Oh, I think you just being what do you think?
[00:17:23] I get an entire fucking boss going off a cliff.
[00:17:27] I think it's just like other Asians, lesser Asians getting beaten black people.
[00:17:40] They kill fucking nuts for NBA and D-Wave.
[00:17:47] There was like a vice documentary about it.
[00:17:51] And then there's like a translator that's like, she's how much I have more Barry.
[00:18:00] That Chinese guy that does the Obama impression.
[00:18:05] He doesn't know the impression he's famous in China for doing Obama impression.
[00:18:08] So he's just like, okay, barbecue sauce baseball.
[00:18:20] You know, he's just like speaking nonsense.
[00:18:26] No, he sort of looks like Obama, but he like has the cadence and but it do the only on
[00:18:47] Mom is pot funny to do fake languages, but like to have somebody from another language.
[00:18:46] You know, another country do fake English.
[00:18:51] Yeah, that's the best version possible.
[00:19:15] You are just like a chandelier from the chavirim show, the friends.
[00:19:39] Why does Israeli sound like a French accent also?
[00:19:43] They do the R in the back of your throat.
[00:19:57] They have the reputation of fucking good.
[00:20:00] When there's such obnoxious fucking people to be around, they have the reputation of being perverted.
[00:20:09] Because just because of the Marquis du Sade.
[00:20:17] I mean, that was like, you know, French people already had that reputation.
[00:20:23] Because it wasn't like nobody thought Mexicans were sleepy until sleepy Gonzalez.
[00:20:40] I think sleepy is always napping or running.
[00:20:43] I think the French got the fucking thing when Benjamin Franklin took a boat there for a seven
[00:20:50] He just went over there and ran through the court.
[00:20:53] He's like some fat guy with a bald ponytail.
[00:21:00] He probably had like a leather brassy put on when he fucked.
[00:21:02] He invented a bunch of shit to people who don't know about like the Hawaiian shirt and frozen
[00:21:14] Arguing with the cashier game stuff, Benjamin Franklin invented that.
[00:21:26] Yeah, people think it was a key that he had.
[00:21:29] It was actually a blockbuster gold card.
[00:21:30] Benjamin Franklin was the first mystery poo-uh.
[00:21:35] Yo, if we un- that's fucking hilarious.
[00:21:38] Uncover the Benjamin Franklin Pooh-up manual.
[00:21:43] I did write a sketch about Benjamin Franklin who was just eating pussy.
[00:21:47] I remember a sketch about him like doing science or whatever.
[00:21:51] This sketch called Benjamin Franklin scientists because back then like to do an experiment
[00:21:57] was like, yeah, let's set this person's head on fire.
[00:22:05] Yeah, half of Benjamin Franklin's inventions were fucking stupid shit.
[00:22:11] The most inconvenient musical instrument of all time.
[00:22:14] Just shut, just cut your whole mouth open.
[00:22:19] It's like a table that has all these wine glasses on it.
[00:22:30] How do you even go about starting to make that?
[00:22:33] I don't know if he's running alcoholic in the world.
[00:22:44] So even when he was in Philadelphia, it was negative temperatures.
[00:22:47] He'd have the window open because he thought that would make him healthier.
[00:22:51] Well, that's why they had a solid understanding of how disease worked.
[00:22:54] They thought bad air was what caused it.
[00:22:59] So during the plague, if you had the plague, you would be seen by a plague doctor, who
[00:23:06] And so children would get the plague and be like, the doctor's here to see you.
[00:23:09] And they wore this terrifying bird mask.
[00:23:14] Yeah, they would stuff like, you know, a bunch of like incense and shit in the bird mask.
[00:23:20] So it would like make the air smell nicer as they inhaled it.
[00:23:24] And then they would just sort of poke at you with a stick.
[00:23:28] Yeah, and that's how you would fucking die if you had the plague.
[00:23:31] Those guys must have all died, the plague doctors.
[00:23:34] There's no way those bird masks protect you from the plague.
[00:23:36] Yeah, it was like it was for new doctors or shitty doctors or whatever.
[00:23:40] You know, it was like the bottom barrel of being a doctor in like the 1800s was having
[00:23:50] Where your doctors were like glorified like barbers at that point.
[00:23:56] Some of it, I think people got that idea from the Nick.
[00:24:01] It's like, I don't remember the Nick presents the idea, but it used to be that you could
[00:24:11] He used to do like bloodletting when you would go get like a shave or whatever.
[00:24:24] They shoot that in bedside in your neighborhood, not far from where you live.
[00:24:28] Don't tell fucking people where I lived.
[00:24:34] They're going to find the hospital from the Nick and then track me down.
[00:24:38] The idea that they find out where the Nick is and then they're like, all right, now that
[00:24:42] we have this landmark where actual famous people are, we're going to use it to find Nick
[00:24:49] Well, he gets he gets he fucks the Chinese bitch.
[00:25:11] I thought you pulled a feather out of your shorts.
[00:25:23] You know what I I take all bitches till they come with my feather dick.
[00:25:27] You know what being a male feminist is?
[00:25:29] Buying a flashlight but not fucking it only eating it like pussy.
[00:25:39] Yeah, I have one but I only do it to practice eating pussy.
[00:25:46] So that thief in the Cobbler movie, it started production in 1964 and it wasn't finished
[00:25:56] Yeah, it beat the 20 year Guinness World Record held by T-Flend.
[00:26:05] Let's talk about eating pussy more though.
[00:26:08] How much money do you think it would take?
[00:26:11] You would have to pay Yo-Yo Ma to play music while you eat pussy in the same room as him.
[00:26:36] I mean Lou Begga you get to play music while you eat pussy for a dollar.
[00:26:41] Two of the brothers from OMC died separate from each other.
[00:26:57] Stop Zoring a Bucket Hat for the listener.
[00:27:09] But like the brothers sister are like kissing each other and stuff like that.
[00:27:15] They don't fuck but it's like really weird.
[00:27:23] Yeah there needs to be more brother sister fucking in music world.
[00:27:28] Meghan Jack White aren't brother and sister.
[00:27:36] The guys in Crazy Town used to fuck each other.
[00:27:38] The Shifty Shell shock and the other guy.
[00:28:02] Yo did I tell you that he like texted me after that.
[00:28:06] I was like yeah I've had to explain to everyone how I was molested.
[00:28:11] He was like yo I think Bucket was serious about this.
[00:28:34] Well hopefully he really was and this sets off another round of him being upset about it.
[00:28:41] Is it molestation out of here if I can groan man?
[00:28:49] That's fucking, I watched this awful Keanu Reeves movie.
[00:28:52] I watched this awful Keanu Reeves movie yesterday.
[00:28:55] He's directed by Eli Roth I forget the name but basically the movie starts off.
[00:29:04] Him and his wife are like happy together.
[00:29:06] They establish early on that his shoulders fucked up from some kind of surgery that he
[00:29:12] But then the wife and the kids they go like to a vacation house and he needs to stay home
[00:29:17] for like one extra day or maybe two extra days to get some work done.
[00:29:21] Well he's there at night getting drunk by himself, working on stuff, looking at pictures
[00:29:25] of his wife and kids and like FaceTiming with them.
[00:29:28] There's a knock on the door and this is these two young girls and it's like pouring rain.
[00:29:32] They're like yeah we're looking for the party and he's like what party?
[00:29:36] You know and they're like is this and then they pretend like they have the wrong address
[00:29:41] and they stay there all night and like you know he's like yeah I'll call you an Uber
[00:29:45] They're like do you mind if we put our clothes in the dryer we don't want to go to this
[00:29:51] And then they stay there and eventually like you know they're going to rob him or whatever.
[00:29:55] And they eventually they force him to like you know they corner like they go in the bathroom
[00:30:00] or something and he's like I love your clothes.
[00:30:05] And so he like goes into the bathroom and they're completely naked and he's like what are you
[00:30:14] And then they're like come on Baka and he's like I can't you know and then they've like
[00:30:26] forced him to fuck them you know they rape him essentially.
[00:30:29] They you know they pull his dick out and start sucking it and they pin him against the wall.
[00:30:34] And then they don't leave in the morning and then you know the rest of the movie is like
[00:30:39] They never ever ever won anything they don't establish why they targeted him.
[00:30:43] They just sort of destroys house and like mean continue to rape and you know and then the
[00:30:47] movie is them posting a video of them raping him like on Facebook or whatever.
[00:30:53] It's a new movie that is uber in face garbage.
[00:30:56] It's a fucking really bad movie and it I did you watch it.
[00:30:59] I don't know I was just looking for something to watch.
[00:31:05] But it's like imagine if you made the like gender swapped version of that movie.
[00:31:10] Some woman like her husband goes out of town and two men show up and rape her for two days
[00:31:24] And then they post the video of them raping her on Facebook and like everyone's like unfriended
[00:32:02] We're both in big budget Hollywood movies where they rape Keanu Reeves.
[00:32:20] Knock knock which is about two women wreaking havoc on a married man aspires to be titillating
[00:32:24] but more than anything both persistently persuasively angle angle to make you angry.
[00:32:41] hilarious how Buzzfeed tries to have a news arm.
[00:32:48] Didn't they like have some good black lives matters coverage or something.
[00:32:52] Maybe but dude you got to name it something different.
[00:32:54] No one's ever going to take Buzzfeed News seriously.
[00:33:01] Suck my dicks Timonk and Holtz who works for Buzzfeed.
[00:33:11] Actually if you get his jobs and Buzzfeed we'll take him.
[00:33:14] Well you got fire from that whatever website he was working for.
[00:33:23] Yeah so anybody else see any other movies with rape in it?
[00:33:29] Yeah there are plenty movies with rape in it.
[00:33:33] Yeah well I watched a bunch of Steven Seagal movies.
[00:33:36] Yeah technically every time there's a Steven Seagal sex scene it's technically.
[00:33:45] I don't want to hurt you but I have to.
[00:33:48] How did that guy even he was just like some guys karate teacher?
[00:33:53] He was he was a stunt coordinator and then he like fucking went to Japan as a teenager
[00:34:00] It just wore pajamas the rest of his life.
[00:34:03] And he was working in LA as like a stunt coordinator and like an agent or whatever.
[00:34:10] Some coked up 80s agent was like I can turn literally anyone into a star.
[00:34:20] Yeah that was his first movie and then it was all you know sort of briefly uphill then
[00:34:31] That awesome video of him in Russia doing a demonstration where like beats up a hundred
[00:34:37] Yeah he's just doing you know his fucking wrist.
[00:34:39] He's just moving his wrist and they all flip.
[00:34:42] You know it's funny you look at him now.
[00:34:44] He's doing the most just like well he's really let himself go but you don't have to go that
[00:34:48] far back to see when he got I mean I mean he's he got fat pretty fucking yeah he was
[00:34:54] never I don't even remember see it in above the law he's in like in good shape.
[00:35:03] He was always like a very thin guy and but he's also very visibly balding in his very
[00:35:13] Dog I can't wait to get plugs when the when the fucking technology is good.
[00:35:23] We're about to have a weave president man.
[00:35:26] Wouldn't that be a very huge for the rug community.
[00:35:30] Is Hillary are you talking about Trump?
[00:35:33] Oh we got to talk about Hillary's fainting.
[00:35:36] Well I just love that it's like I thought that it was like the conspiracy theory like
[00:35:43] Yeah everyone saying that you're dying right and then like oh I was so funny like Sam
[00:35:50] Yeah post a bunch of shit about it and then she actually kind of is dying.
[00:35:56] I guess they're right about yeah if they're right about everything about it's going to
[00:36:01] Oh of course she was a fucking body double and then they find out she has a body double.
[00:36:06] It's like wow so one woman is brave enough to have someone else be them but she can't
[00:36:12] brave her way to a brave proud powerful female influencing victory of strength and integrity
[00:36:23] Great avoiding rape by being strong the strongest way a woman can.
[00:36:33] You just turned into all superlatives and halfway through that argument.
[00:36:56] It's a very very very Clinton by who that that.
[00:37:08] What if I mean if you fucking suck so much if she's if she's just you die like the conspiracy
[00:37:14] theorist will never stop hearing the end of it.
[00:37:20] I was saying I was saying finding out that she is dying.
[00:37:23] I was like the most ridiculous conspiracy.
[00:37:30] It would be like if if they could if he just found out that like Obama actually does sometimes
[00:37:40] No he was the Koran in the last in a while.
[00:37:42] And he just had to admit like I apologize for keeping it secret but I do occasionally
[00:37:53] Yeah what is the thing about why doesn't she drink water also like that's fucking is that
[00:38:00] There's things she doesn't feel like they're lying about a ton of shit right.
[00:38:20] Pepe the meme from said drinking piss is delicious.
[00:38:25] Yo leave Pepe alone dude he's like what is she said he was racist.
[00:38:32] I hope the boys club guy who like sees that and he's like what the fuck.
[00:38:36] Yeah I feel better that guy because the pep he actually makes a funny cartoon.
[00:38:43] Yeah and then people stole it like they memed it is like isn't this ridiculous.
[00:38:47] It's like no that's funny in context of his work and then that took its own.
[00:38:53] Now people are putting him on like SS uniforms.
[00:38:59] Well I'll stem from that one comic where Pepe is like peeing with his pants all the
[00:39:08] It's funny and I remember specifically the retarded kids in my elementary school doing
[00:39:14] They'll walk in and be like what the fuck.
[00:39:18] And they like turn fully around and their dicks are just out.
[00:39:25] Every single year it's like universal and their dicks are huge.
[00:39:30] I was saying on the side like you know the breast rooms on the Jersey turnpike next
[00:39:33] on the one on the road where there's like a million people in the bathroom.
[00:39:37] Just go up to the urinal and like very casually pull my pants all the way down to my ankles
[00:39:52] Like it's harder to pull your pants all the way down.
[00:39:56] It has to be in some instruction manual for like so you've decided to teach retards.
[00:40:01] You know from like the fucking 60s when it stopped you know just jailing them.
[00:40:13] It's in the 1950s to put them in the man home for the criminally retarded.
[00:40:15] I remember one time in Elmejusco we were playing kickball and some girl like got tricked by
[00:40:23] a retarded kid like he like stole a base somehow or like she got out waited by a retarded guy
[00:40:32] and then she was like you're a few retarded like she's just made and he was like yo a
[00:40:45] This girl got best at twice by a retarded kid.
[00:40:59] She just got so fucking and she was racist too and the kid was black it was awesome.
[00:41:03] Have you ever seen the documentary Jeff Town?
[00:41:08] It's about a guy with Down syndrome who's like in his 40s and he lives with his like
[00:41:12] 97 year old grandmother who is this like awful edema in her legs.
[00:41:17] And so she's just like wheelchair bound.
[00:41:22] He works at the movie theater but then he's like aware enough to exploit people by like
[00:41:29] taking advantage of the fact they feel bad for him because he's retarded.
[00:41:32] And he's also like racist and he like he just gets drunk all the time.
[00:41:38] You know like there's one scene where there's a girl he likes at the movie theater and her
[00:41:42] friend shows up and he like hasn't met the friend and the girl that he likes she hugs
[00:41:47] the her friend and he gets furious at her.
[00:42:08] They just found like the biggest piece of shit down to the guy in the world.
[00:42:11] This is one scene where the girl's like talking to him and she's like Jeff are you still buying
[00:42:15] prostitutes or whatever you hang out with that prostitute?
[00:42:22] And he's like how did you make you feel bad?
[00:42:23] And he's like she put the drugs in my arm.
[00:42:28] And he's like doing heroin prostitutes.
[00:42:34] He's just like that's a cool ass fucking down syndrome.
[00:42:43] He's got scenes to him and he just goes to the bar after work and he orders like yards
[00:42:57] That's what you'd do without any of the like.
[00:43:01] Netflix used to have a bunch of fucked up shit on her.
[00:43:04] Early on when Netflix instant first premiered there was no genres.
[00:43:07] It was just like a list of everything that you could stream because I remember like first
[00:43:14] And then when there was around like 50 some of them were just soft core pornography.
[00:43:21] And a lot of people don't remember that but used to be able to beat off the Netflix.
[00:43:25] I guess you'll find yourself a nice little you know somewhere.
[00:43:37] What did I beat off to recently that wasn't porn?
[00:43:46] A picture of where you always beat off the 100% hardcore porno.
[00:43:55] I'm trying not to beat off the porn but it's tough man.
[00:43:59] You're trying not to beat off the porn?
[00:44:01] I just feel like you're a better person when you don't beat off the porn.
[00:44:06] I think you're guided by your dick in a more pure way.
[00:44:15] Are you fuck better when you don't watch porn?
[00:44:25] And also you can only beat off to weird specific shit.
[00:44:31] What was the last thing you beat off to?
[00:44:35] I usually just go to X videos or Xamps or pick something on the first page or two.
[00:44:39] Yeah, that's what I've been doing recently.
[00:44:49] I've never been into whoever's super popular.
[00:44:53] I don't care about the popularity obviously.
[00:45:02] It's like, if there's a supporter of Rican girl, it's like her and I'm like just a bad girl.
[00:45:06] She's Lebanese but I mean it's like her other girl.
[00:45:09] Two Muslim girls, you know, and they're just sucking guys dick and hijobs.
[00:45:15] If you're, you know, if you're fucking Islamaphobe.
[00:45:25] I fucking Charlie Hebdo been around so long.
[00:45:30] But yeah, and every one of the like jokes, every single week, it's like, look at our new cartoon.
[00:45:36] It's a Muslim guy and he's sucking a Jew's dick.
[00:45:41] You know, it's like, all right, what do we have for next week?
[00:45:45] It's a Jew and he's sucking a Muslim guy's dick.
[00:45:51] Well, what do we have for the week after that?
[00:45:55] And two Jews sucking each other's dicks.
[00:46:00] But their noses are even bigger this time.
[00:46:03] And they're not just sucking their cat, rich this dick.
[00:46:07] It's a Jew sticking his nose into the ass of a heatlar.
[00:46:24] Like, do you get free speech automatically that just sucks?
[00:46:28] Like, well, they don't have free speech in France.
[00:46:31] The United States is the only, the United States is really the only place where you have
[00:46:34] like a guaranteed, you know, it's written into the law that we, you know, have a protection
[00:46:42] Other other places, they just have like a, an idea of freedom of speech.
[00:46:47] And then they can still pass laws that you can not do that.
[00:46:49] Well, they, in France, they won't let you wear a fucking hijab on the beach.
[00:46:55] They're just like straight up Islamophobic.
[00:46:57] You'll need to be like a sexy air if you come to the beach.
[00:47:04] It's illegal to not have pussy hair in France.
[00:47:10] I think France should get a little bit of break with like people are like, wow, can
[00:47:14] That they question that woman in a hijab?
[00:47:16] They didn't like tell her she couldn't wear it.
[00:47:22] Are you talking about that picture that was trending on Twitter, right?
[00:47:26] But like, no, it's not even on the beach.
[00:47:27] I think like you can't go to public schools wearing them.
[00:47:41] I'm glad that we're pretty anti France on the pod.
[00:47:48] I just decided because you guys are anti.
[00:47:53] My friend Eric went, studied abroad in Paris for a semester in college.
[00:48:14] He legitimately thought when he came back that his opinions on things were partially from
[00:48:19] the French perspective, it was the funniest thing in the world.
[00:48:23] Just like having that sort of an ego about yourself.
[00:48:30] Yeah, I actually lived in Delaware for six months.
[00:48:32] So I have more of a Delawarian perspective.
[00:48:36] It's a Delaware-ness to you got Delaware is yeah
[00:48:41] So if you want to talk about race issues just keep in mind I lived in Delaware
[00:48:46] Did you actually no? I don't think anyone's ever lived in the E in Fiddance really you're from there Delaware
[00:48:53] Is like a place for like grandparents that don't have a lot of money to retire
[00:48:58] Check this out waterfront property. I got a house. It cost me $22,000
[00:49:04] I got a boat that I'll never fix half of Delaware. I feel like is Philly in half of it is Maryland, right?
[00:49:12] Basically, yeah, I mean half is Philly half is the beach. I think yeah
[00:49:16] It's not even really Mary. Yeah, I mean all in all the Mid-Atlantic shit
[00:49:20] There's that like South Jersey kind of spill over yeah, but like a lot of Philly suburbs are in North. Yes. Yes
[00:49:34] Yeah, yeah, that's why all the credit card companies. Yeah a lot of companies incorporate there a Delaware corporation
[00:49:41] Time to take them down. Yeah, no income tax in Florida and Texas. That's tight
[00:49:45] Yeah, imagine if you could combine the two of them to create the greatest state of all time greatest tax haven of all time new Hampshire
[00:49:53] Live free or die. I love that shit. They're like you can't tell me where a fucking helmet
[00:49:59] Yeah, you fucking why just love to live for your dies or state motto, which is like you can't go with the cartoon
[00:50:05] It's not like New York is like New York forget about it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not on the license plate. No, I think that was like a revolutionary war guy
[00:50:13] Yeah, it was what's yeah, yeah, it is all tear actually was it no
[00:50:19] thing now the vault a vault air I think is the one that's uh I
[00:50:25] agree with what you're saying, but you know the one I would I would defend your event to the death here
[00:50:31] I'd say yeah, that was Voltaire, right? He said a mr. Potal. That was mr. Mussolini
[00:50:38] It's Benicio Mussolini. Yeah, no, he kept the train was Anton Shigor from
[00:50:43] No country for old man. Don't put it in your pocket where it will become just a coin
[00:50:48] Yeah, that was a fucked up character. Yeah, that guy was messed up. Look. He had a bad haircut
[00:50:55] He ain't got any still off at the whole damn world because of it
[00:50:58] You know, it's like just go back to supercuts and get them to fix it
[00:51:05] Just get a better haircut prom solved. Yes me that movie could have been five minutes long if you let me direct it
[00:51:13] Hey, you're listening to John's movie review
[00:51:20] Okay Star Wars problem number one. It's his dad. Just call him up
[00:51:27] We make the movie is two and a half minutes long
[00:51:34] It's being as problem movies is the length I
[00:51:37] I got Tom watch all these fucking movies. I gotta do the lawn
[00:51:47] What are you doing you're having a dream you seeing it's a talking line. Why do you think you're awake still?
[00:51:55] You know, you know when I'm having I'm taking a nap at work. I'll start dreaming something ridiculous. Okay, I'm dreaming. I know
[00:52:03] Why why was so why did so many be fucking movies just end with like think people waking up?
[00:52:10] It was just such an easy device. I don't think a lot of things. Well dick Van Dyke famously
[00:52:20] Yeah, with him coming to after be walking
[00:52:30] That's for the noise. Yeah, exactly. That was the noise you made while he was being
[00:52:37] But different kind of I hope I don't ever go to jail. I would I would suck so many dicks
[00:52:43] I would give you a five minute if you got a jail after age 30. I don't think that you're gonna get fucking raped
[00:52:48] I don't know. I couldn't get children. It's cute
[00:52:51] It's young people to get raped in prison. Really? Yeah, nice
[00:52:55] Well, if you're in after 30 maybe after 40 if you're like an older guy, they don't fuck with you. They might rape you
[00:53:01] I don't think so. Let's open up the phones. Yeah guys call in right now
[00:53:08] All right, uh, okay, so this is just a little advice from some of those men and child before you got to go the first day of jail
[00:53:16] You got to go up to the biggest toughest guy and you need to kiss it. You need to fuck his boyfriend
[00:53:22] You steal his boyfriend. I do love that your boyfriend
[00:53:26] And then he's gonna leave you alone. He'll be like, all right. I don't even find a boyfriend
[00:53:31] I love that I that advice find the biggest toughest guy beat the fuck out of him. Yeah, that he's the toughest guy
[00:53:38] Yeah, I'm a pussy. I would never be able to do that. Yeah, there's no way
[00:53:42] I'm also why would you have to do that if you have the capability of beating the fuck out of the toughest guy in prison?
[00:53:48] Right until the less tough guy fox with you and beat the fuck out
[00:53:52] Right, right, right. Yeah, you have the ability to here's here's the bet you want to not get raped in prison
[00:53:58] Here's what happens if they come to you and they try to rape you just don't let them do it
[00:54:06] Don't they say you shake your pants and just like be like just have poopy pants the rest of the time
[00:54:17] Sorry, I won. Sorry, dude. I'd have sex with you, but I have all this poop in my pants
[00:54:23] And all up in my ass. I wonder who the oldest man to get raped in jail is
[00:54:31] Did he did fuck kids right there? He's a better file. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love telling people that who loved his poetry like his whimsical
[00:54:39] Last you know, that's a pet of that's a pet of poetry that you're reading. Yeah, all that leaf
[00:54:43] That leaf is a little kid's dick. He sucked that leaf in the wind was it Lincoln also a pet of file
[00:54:49] And people say no they said there's some of these gay
[00:54:52] Uh the entire British military was gay. Oh, of course like all the field marsh British
[00:54:58] It's true. We're all gay pretty much dude. Basically. We we have a beautiful boy on our best
[00:55:04] Yeah, there is a beautiful child. You know the bed we keep him here the uncle sam
[00:55:10] I want you for the us army that was adapted from a picture of
[00:55:14] Field marshal Kitchener or like I don't know general field. Yeah, whatever. Yeah the guy in India
[00:55:20] Yeah, well he went all over. I mean it's a fucking famous like a British army guy in this huge mustache
[00:55:26] But it's him pointing and it says I want you for the British army
[00:55:36] Bugery I love it. It's called bugger. I agree
[00:55:46] Delicate the bridge on the river. Why what do you think they're doing under that bridge?
[00:55:50] They're sucking each other off guys. They're fucking sucking. I just watched that movie a couple months ago
[00:55:55] The the British army the US Navy the YMCA
[00:56:08] Microsoft corporation apple stores. What do you think they're doing behind that genius bar?
[00:56:15] You wonder why they don't let you see behind it
[00:56:19] Actually, it's pretty accessible. Shut the fuck up
[00:56:24] You know, sir, you can come right behind it. It's 100% true when you try apply for a job at the apple store
[00:56:30] They take you in the back a guy on zips his paints pulls out his
[00:56:37] And it makes you suck on it tell you the phone did that happen you sir? Uh, I'm sorry
[00:56:45] No, you see your phone use computers because they're filled with pictures and naked men
[00:56:48] Every computer I've received filled with pictures and naked men never used one in my life
[00:57:02] I love fucking being in gay in the army
[00:57:11] What is the navy is the gay one yeah the navy's gay. What does that even mean?
[00:57:16] Did they really fuck each other yeah because they're on the boat that that's like that's more of a you know
[00:57:20] Because that that used to be how you would be gay
[00:57:28] You know, you know, so you're saying it's self-selects where you would do these things gay guys would yeah
[00:57:33] They'd be like, you know, they'd be like well. I can't be just gay
[00:57:39] Try and fix myself and run away from my problems and then you're on a boat with like a bunch of other men with the same kind of yeah
[00:57:44] You know hidden desires. Oh, I love it. Where they go to the cloth
[00:57:53] Which is the same as me or I mean there's Gore videll. That's those no there's like a big
[00:57:58] non pedophile just gay yeah, part of the clergy cool gay dudes that apparently there's a rumor that's why
[00:58:06] Rat singer had to step down as pope because there was this big gay prostitute scandal in Rome
[00:58:12] Oh shit that like involved like a ton of the pope was gay. That'd be awesome dude. You think you can
[00:58:18] Get it work. That's basically what the pope is. It's like a mean like lord
[00:58:23] He isn't like he's like judging people all over. Yeah guys. Just like just a big
[00:58:32] That is the gayest fucking thing you could pause me. Yeah, give those little slippers
[00:58:35] You have like an assistant a strapping young lad who helps you out and everything like that younger priests
[00:58:42] The pope's gay you're missing this great the pope's gay riff nick am I sorry? I was fucking with the levels
[00:58:52] Uh, I don't know if the pope's gay not the one right now, but I've never been plenty. I'm sure what if he is
[00:58:57] And that's why he's cool. They're really nice guy. Yeah, I think maybe that'd be cool
[00:59:02] That guy probably it's crazy that guy has never fucked
[00:59:05] Wasn't the thing that JP two everyone's like, you know he fucked before before he like started JP two. That's a cool
[00:59:13] JP two is like a Polish resistance fighter. Oh really apparently he fucked. Yeah, he was not chill with gay people
[00:59:21] My mom used to watch will and grace or you know just beyond yeah on the tv and she used to go like off about
[00:59:27] You know what's so interesting is that uh will the guy who plays will is actually game real life
[00:59:33] But the guy who plays jack isn't and it's like
[00:59:38] At the time it was like yeah, I guess that's interesting or whatever
[00:59:41] But that's would a funny thing for an adult to think it's like wow isn't that weird that the guy who just sort of acts normally is like
[00:59:48] Actually the one that's gay, but the one that acts like a crude stereotype of a homosexual is just pretending for the sake of comedy
[00:59:54] Isn't that weird also that guy's probably gay the guy plays jack. Yeah, I don't think so no no
[01:00:01] I thought I thought he was like gay later
[01:00:03] No, because on the show will would be like huh I have to have a date with mark tonight
[01:00:07] And we haven't talked about things and then jack would come into the show and he'd be like hello
[01:00:14] Who's got a dick for me to suck you know and it's like he's just making fun
[01:00:25] Yeah, it's like you know, I'll be like if you're watching I am Sam
[01:00:29] Be like wow did you know he's not actually retarded
[01:00:34] I love my donna the guy that played radio though was actually retarded. Yeah
[01:00:40] Great. Um, I beat off a lot to will and grace making malalais big fat jugs
[01:00:45] Oh, yeah, you have to look great. I think I'm a little bit of a messings like
[01:00:54] Critically small tits where I feel like her life was in danger
[01:00:58] Because of how fucking small her she got in the mix too sometimes I beat off to her
[01:01:02] She was it was like physically upsetting. I would watch that show and I would get ill
[01:01:09] Because of how was it like will kind of mean to her he like used to sort of bully
[01:01:13] She wanted to have a baby with him in one of the later seasons. Yeah, they tried to fuck
[01:01:17] Yeah, and he's like yeah, I couldn't fuck her because she's disgusting
[01:01:21] And he's like this is why he became he probably became gay because he had to fucking deal with graces fucking noted ass
[01:01:31] It should be a guy waking up and he's next to some girl with huge tips. He's like thank god. I'm not gay anymore
[01:01:47] First of all you get rid of diaper messing you get a lady with big old kings
[01:01:52] Okay, you know curysies follow me listen here listen here. Okay, she's got bigger tits
[01:01:58] and then instill it said a will and grace it's will and like
[01:02:04] And they fuck they fuck each other and you know will feels a lot better about himself
[01:02:12] He ain't got no inequality to deal with just big fat juicy jogs
[01:02:18] Yeah, let me did they ever get around to improving the home
[01:02:21] We never find that out do we he's always we're gonna hot rods who to sit in the garage working on a card. That's not part of the home
[01:02:34] Let's see an edition bill to set remain the same for the nine year run of that show
[01:02:43] I'll see an entertainment center go up, you know
[01:02:47] What happened to the kids from that show
[01:02:53] Blonde one he was the only one that really had a career
[01:02:56] Mark was the shittiest character the little one
[01:02:59] Yeah, dude. He married like some woman that was 30 years older than him good. Yeah, but it was weird
[01:03:05] I remember seeing like like when he was still young as hell. Yeah
[01:03:10] It's pretty fun. You should look at them. They look weird together
[01:03:13] I saw a couple like that on the train the other day
[01:03:17] I know that young hipster kind of dude and like a
[01:03:23] You know 65 year old woman really was she hot
[01:03:28] My mom was trying to keep that's better if it was his mom, but they were kissing each other
[01:03:34] I just like to think there's some sort of coddled hipster
[01:03:38] William's wearing that just like well. Yeah, I still live with my mom. Yeah, we kiss each other
[01:03:42] Yeah, she's me kiss her, but it's because I have my own phone line in the house. So
[01:03:50] Yeah, my curfew is like pretty chill. I went out with a girl
[01:03:55] Who like lived with her mom in bed sty. Oh wow. She had like a hipster mom
[01:03:59] They got an apartment in bedside. She's like well. I kind of like live with my mom
[01:04:03] She had a hipster mom so her mom was like cool with her like doing drugs and shit and like fucking
[01:04:08] Uh, well, I don't know about the first one, but the second one she had no problem with yeah
[01:04:13] But were they like roommates or was it the thing where like no, yeah, I lived upstairs in her and she know they were like roommates
[01:04:18] It was like it would be like if your mom lived in the apartment with his son, but in bed sty that's so crazy
[01:04:24] Yeah, my parents told me the other day on the phone that it's cool if I have sex really yeah
[01:04:30] That's awesome. They're pretty cool. Yeah
[01:04:33] My mom will never let me have sex. That's why I'm celibate
[01:04:40] So I'm only I want to be cool to my friends. You have to be gay
[01:04:45] She really did want to be best friends. Yeah
[01:04:48] I think everyone I was like when I was like 13
[01:04:51] My mom was like if you want to smoke weed you have to wait until you're in college
[01:04:55] And then I'm going to come and we're going to smoke weed together. Oh god
[01:04:59] I was like, yeah, I'm never gonna smoke weed. I was like the best way to give me the never
[01:05:02] Yeah, that's the thing I don't really see you smoke here. You don't really smoke that much
[01:05:06] Yeah, I'm not used to when I was like a teenager
[01:05:09] I smoked a lot of weed and then I had like kind of a pot renaissance when I was like 21
[01:05:14] Right. Um, I was like working from home. You don't really hit the gong though that much these days
[01:05:19] You know what it's funny because in Austin nobody really smoked weed
[01:05:22] I was hanging out with Jake and shit Jake doesn't really smoke. Well, you were all drunks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so after that went out the window
[01:05:30] Dude you can start a backup dude. I believe in you because being a drug talk
[01:05:34] I got some feedback on our opening bit from the show from who from uh our friend Phil
[01:05:44] Me to try and lay off the cocaine talk on stuff. Fuck up Phil because uh, you know, it's not exactly the most
[01:05:52] Uh popular drug to talk about it public
[01:05:55] Uh, I was looking around at the audience and everyone looked pretty uncomfortable
[01:06:01] Which is because anyone you made eye contact with and saw your haircut
[01:06:09] Was his hair wet why did he look like that? Yeah, he just had a shower. Oh, yeah
[01:06:14] That's why I was like that, but he did look like a to Jerry curl. No one no like just the top
[01:06:20] And he had a fucking tie-dye shirt as soon as he came in we roasted his ass
[01:06:26] Way that you've been following around fish. Yeah, that oh, it was also wearing a tie-dye
[01:06:31] Did we talk about cocaine on stage? I think we mentioned it. Yeah, and you were talking about we did a bonus
[01:06:36] I guess so bonus which will release tonight at the same time this one. Okay. Nice. Yeah
[01:06:41] I haven't had any time to sit down and I guess now I can't go to fucking gym because I gotta spend the night editing this shit
[01:06:46] Oh, sorry. Yeah, it sucks. I fucking roll it. We should get someone to produce this
[01:06:51] No, I'm not doing it. Why it's because it's fun. It's fun
[01:06:56] About it. Well, I have to work a lot this week after this week and next week
[01:07:00] You know have enough money aside that I can fucking chill for a couple
[01:07:03] It's we can talk about this off the mic we don't have to talk about it now, but let's just go around the room say how much we have in our saves
[01:07:10] Not dude. I have a good amount, but it's all taxes. Yeah, I'm all fucking freelance
[01:07:15] Have you been making estimated quarterly payments? No, but I have it all in my well in my savings
[01:07:20] Matter you're penalized. I'll get peanut. It's not that much. Yeah, it's really not it's like 75 bucks
[01:07:24] It's not a big deal, but I mean it would be nice to have but whatever
[01:07:31] I want you to suck my dick. Yeah, dude. I'm I'm gonna roll a fat blunt
[01:07:37] Go to the voting booth. I'm barking up vote Gary Johnson. I'm right in pain another fucking tax the rest of my life
[01:07:44] Oh, yeah, dude. I hate taxes. Hey feel the Johnson. Yeah, I love this
[01:07:54] Because if he said it confidently that's the most badass shit. It was pretty confident. Yeah, what why he's just looking for a quote
[01:08:01] You know the amount of confidence imagine a filary said that no
[01:08:04] I thought they didn't have brave you'd have to have you see any thought Aleppo is the capital of the IS but no
[01:08:10] No, no, he was that was because the like I think the Washington Post reported on him not
[01:08:14] I don't know if it was Washington Post maybe it was like the New York Post some but they reported on
[01:08:19] Him not knowing what Aleppo was and they're like somehow Gary Johnson didn't know that Aleppo is the capital of ISIS
[01:08:27] But it's not it's not wrong. They retracted it without a right because like they posted this snarky bullshit right about you know
[01:08:33] Oh, he doesn't know what Aleppo is and then they proved what what happened with the Washington Post is garb
[01:08:39] Yeah, it's BuzzFeed now. It's weird. We left to see Jeff
[01:08:46] I would go into the Washington Post every day. I'd be like deep throw a bitch
[01:08:51] Woodward and read about retard and burns and fuck and but stain
[01:08:56] So I'd say the retard but stain get in my office and I'd use one of the empty offices
[01:09:01] I show my cock and I was like guys measure it
[01:09:04] And then write the number down and they would write the number down and slide it to me across the desk on a piece of paper
[01:09:09] And I'd say nine and a half and I think that's goddamn right
[01:09:20] I used to make that joke on stage when it's hard it breaks the ruler
[01:09:24] I can't even stand to get a touch of a ruler to it. It's shattered. It's harder than diamonds
[01:09:43] Fuck I have a glockoma because I looked at your dick straight through hell. Yeah with a sun visor
[01:09:49] Yeah, what's the shit you have to look at
[01:09:53] All those old sunglasses old people need to drive. Yeah, that's where you are. Yeah. I
[01:09:58] Used to do a joke on stage about like when I first started saying about how I'm a
[01:10:03] Shower nada grower. So I'm like a seven and a half
[01:10:12] That's a fun joke. That's an oldie by goodie. Oh
[01:10:16] Fuck I didn't say this I went I was doing a terrible show like a terrible bar show
[01:10:22] Don't and it kicked out. It was a terrible bar show and it was like, you know, there's like a date going on
[01:10:28] It's one room in a bar. No one knows a comedy shows happening and three Germans walk in and they were just like staying there
[01:10:35] Cuz they're polite and I'm just doing crowd work with them. I was like, hey, what's your name fucking Hans?
[01:10:39] And the guy's name was Hans was the fucking most beautiful moment of my life, dude
[01:10:46] Is fucking dude German friends are laughing at him, please I'm so chocolate
[01:10:56] Incredible dude. Yeah. Oh, that's like the best way to do crowd work with Europeans is just not no shit about their country
[01:11:02] Absolutely people die laughing. Yeah, there was two Swedish girls at a show one time. I'm like, yeah
[01:11:12] I'm like I don't even say anything. Yeah, I know just being everyone likes that you are also fucking ignorant as they as they are
[01:11:19] Hey, don't you have a cuckoo clock to get back into?
[01:11:23] I was just like you know Lego house. I was just like give me give us some money German pricks Greece
[01:11:29] They loved it. They love talking about. Oh, yeah
[01:11:32] The the euros. Yeah, I'm good at comedy. What can I fucking say? I'm a good ass comedian. So I
[01:11:39] Love yeah, stand up sucks anymore. Yeah, it's really not fucking worth anything. I know dude sucks
[01:11:48] Podcast have a successful podcast empire. Yeah, no you pocket pop get podcast popular, you know the podcast keeps getting better and better
[01:11:56] better and then you just keep podcasting and then
[01:11:59] Keep going and going and whoops didn't know the podcast and here we are now and it's okay now. I'm 37
[01:12:09] You get the model trains the podcast money you will just end up making fucking those sirens that you love
[01:12:18] I ever like sold a show and enough money to buy like a fucking house or the garage
[01:12:22] I would do that and then you know, I don't know whatever I need to do to sustain it. Yeah, and then yeah
[01:12:29] What would shopper air inside and shop? No, I go. Yeah, I have like a wood shop
[01:12:34] But the dream is to just have a warehouse you turn it into a fucking wood shop. It's also a gym. Oh
[01:12:39] Yeah, that's the tree that has the car left in it as well
[01:12:47] Yeah, let me get one of those Jerry's sign
[01:12:51] Sit not a car elevator car left so you can work on a car. Oh you go underneath
[01:12:55] I like I just want to do blue-collar shit. Well, I want a gym and then the wood shop
[01:13:00] That's all pretty blue-collar. Okay. I guess I just like working on stuff. Yeah, I
[01:13:07] Don't like working ever dude. I don't even know what would make me happy. I think I'm just fucked
[01:13:11] How you should get into some kind of craft man. I'm telling you it's I mean, I like cooking
[01:13:15] Yeah, I think I hate about cooking is cleaning up. Yeah, me too. We are breaking such new ground here
[01:13:24] How long have you ever realized that I don't know like an hour 10 probably okay? Yeah, well, this is all bonus
[01:13:29] This last tennis bonus put this behind the paywall. Yeah, actually we're this thing's gonna run out of
[01:13:35] Battery so we gotta go. Yeah, we gotta go. All right. I'm going to Yankee Stadium tonight guys for what?
[01:13:42] Dodgers Yankees. Oh, sweet who got you tickets. Guess what guess what guys?
[01:13:47] You take it when they I'm gonna fucking not stand when they play the take me out to the ball
[01:13:52] Paul game because of out of the please stand for rap song written by police officer about killing black teenagers
[01:14:03] I am good blue lives matter. I see a kid. I don't know if he's dangerous. So I'm gonna fucking blast him
[01:14:12] I'm gonna stand for that. All right. Yeah, we're gonna go. Well, thank God you take it
[01:14:18] Phil Phil's dad. Fuck. I'm just I just roasted on the pot
[01:14:27] Hey, I die in hair. No, I'm gonna sit in between the two just out of shower. You guys are just making funny
[01:14:36] Cuz you were just you were just as ruthless as we are. I was just yeah, you brought Phil up
[01:14:42] Like I feel since I'm fucking retarded show just dumbass piece of shit. Yeah
[01:14:50] I just like best friend who does stuff for me, and that's why I just very got me baseball tickets. Yeah
[01:14:58] Yo, what's up with those play stations Phil said he yeah, he owes us three places three place
[01:15:04] I'll pay money for that shit, dude. Oh, yo, any listeners point of having Phil give you a little bit any listeners
[01:15:10] If you need a free place you want a free place to hit up you got Phil Cohen at gmail.com
[01:15:15] Just some you it's just definitely not his gmail, right?
[01:15:21] He doesn't have Phil Cohen. I think it might be is it?
[01:15:25] I think it might be Costco official on Instagram
[01:15:29] DM sliding is the end yeah, they get out go to Costco official on Instagram you say give the come boys the PlayStation
[01:15:38] Fine Phil razz until he gets a spiky place I want you to give him the Leslie Jones special
[01:15:53] Band it's a band yeah, yeah do just at tree river until you get was find out venues that
[01:15:59] They're bands playing call up to venue. They gotta get coming up
[01:16:03] I don't I don't want to scare you but that guy Phil raped a girl and
[01:16:10] I don't know if that's the kind of thing you support if you're a
[01:16:16] But I just know that I won't be attending that show and my name is John I work for BuzzFeed