Cum Town | Regular | 11/28/2019
[00:00:00] fuck yeah she get a lot of the cord like that yeah dude cuz I need to I need to
[00:00:06] recline dude so I guess we got we got two big things that neither of us can
[00:00:10] talk about yeah my thinking my balls yeah huge thing
[00:00:17] there's something we can't talk about what do you guys think about this this
[00:00:23] oh there's something I can talk about what I was disrespected this week oh
[00:00:28] yeah absolutely disrespected this weekend outside of a club outside of a
[00:00:32] nightclub you were in a club I went to a club why it's like players and twinks
[00:00:39] I want to twinks and play it was my idea for businesses basically it's for like
[00:00:47] you know the low tier players but we invite little skin-pass white dudes also
[00:00:52] so then they can they can make him fuck they can mawg on the the the twinks and
[00:00:57] feel better about themselves instead of losing all the pussy to you know debo
[00:01:01] oh that's good yeah yeah so is the idea that they would fuck the twinks or
[00:01:05] they would be oh no no it's not a gay club it's not gay guys like Adam go
[00:01:08] there to strike out I see you get the other guys feel better but in exchange
[00:01:13] you have drinks free are there any women you drink free if you if you win the
[00:01:18] smallest it competition that's good you get half of your $70 cover back also
[00:01:22] awesome yeah that's cool I like that idea yeah I got Death Stranding and I
[00:01:27] like the menu so much I don't think I'm gonna play it is really pretty yeah I
[00:01:31] wonder if there's some music that goes along with this let's get some some
[00:01:34] slob beyonds going I love slob beyond slob non beyond slob non beyond
[00:01:39] anyway I was outside of a night club what literally what were you doing there I
[00:01:45] went to I went out to a club with friends like for fun to be a single person
[00:01:50] going to a dance club to a dance club I wish I had fun you know I took ketamine
[00:01:56] because I hear that's what they're doing who is the crew like what are these
[00:01:59] just I went out with I'm not gonna name the names you're gonna make fun of me
[00:02:03] oh oh slow mo and I went with Ari and Ezra
[00:02:16] from and I'm a knock-off anyway you guys get a nice the two of them are leaving I
[00:02:27] said there were these two girls were dancing with us and I'm gonna stay and
[00:02:31] keep dancing with these ladies right okay I walk you out you're gonna say and
[00:02:35] there's three of you and there's two women yeah yeah two girls we know kind of
[00:02:39] whatever okay so but I said I want to keep I want to keep dancing I want to
[00:02:43] keep partying but I walk here like I'll walk you guys out and I'll smoke a
[00:02:47] sick outside and I'll say goodbye double sucked I'll say goodbye then I'll go
[00:02:52] back into this into this hell hole club that I've been that I'm pretending it's
[00:02:56] fun where is this and what it's in like East Williamsburg okay so I have a
[00:03:03] cigarette an abandoned warehouse basically kind of a warehouse situation I
[00:03:06] have a I've a unlit cigarette no lighter I see a gentleman a mayo ass cracker ass
[00:03:12] soy boy ass gentlemen you see you and his and his East Asian girlfriend on the
[00:03:22] go on listen listen okay listen so I got I have my own little secret I approached
[00:03:32] gong yeah babe let's get out of here I approach them I said yeah this place
[00:03:38] sucks yeah this place sucks he's just talking about yeah no so I approached
[00:03:46] them I said hey sorry interrupt could I get a light I had you know I showed
[00:03:50] them I had a cigarette I was a problem you're not looking for a sick you just
[00:03:52] need just a light and he turns to me he's like I'm sorry I don't have a lighter
[00:03:56] buddy and I was like okay well could I could I just like my
[00:04:00] cigar off of your cigarette and he looks at me goes that won't be happening oh
[00:04:05] my god so I so I stood there and I was like I was just frozen I was just shocked
[00:04:11] yeah I was just like what I was like what what I'm sorry dude I'm not even mad
[00:04:17] but I just I just would love to know bitch I would love to know the ration now
[00:04:22] behind you saying no yeah you cannot light a cigarette off of my cigarette
[00:04:27] mm-hmm and he turns me says this conversation is over oh my god you got
[00:04:32] fuck that guy up dude I'm sorry then so then me and me and so Ari and I mean
[00:04:39] he's friends with you know who yeah yeah a certain
[00:04:43] birdie stuss yeah yeah well no wait okay so anyway so how do you see so I'm like
[00:04:53] I'm like alright fuck this guy you know there's some other people smoke a cigarette
[00:04:56] yeah but we're laughing we're like dying laughing because it's not even mad
[00:05:00] I'm laughing I'm like this is so weird why why did he do what in the cool move
[00:05:05] like when go back to your car and then come back with a gun no that taser thing
[00:05:11] the Garth has you should kick the cigarette out of his mouth so I said so I
[00:05:17] said okay so we're laughing and then like we're standing in a circle I'm like
[00:05:20] what could it have been yeah maybe who's getting in an argument with this girl
[00:05:24] right maybe he's like yo he's like I'm not a can I can't do this right now you
[00:05:28] know maybe you know maybe he thinks I'm someone else maybe it's a classic state
[00:05:35] he case of mistaken identity before Adam Friedland from the racist
[00:05:39] problem maybe then I said that and then my friend was like your delusional no
[00:05:44] fucking cares about that yeah and then and then his girlfriend walks up to us
[00:05:49] we were about like twenty five we're all kind of laughing somebody nailed a
[00:05:52] here yes in like within three blocks yes of what people do care where we are
[00:05:58] basically I guess maybe we weren't far from here yeah and she walks up and
[00:06:03] she said she's like do you guys really want to know what it was and I was like
[00:06:07] yeah Asian girlfriend yeah she was okay say it again she said do you really want
[00:06:12] to know what it was I said yes yes please we're all like we're all trying to
[00:06:21] figure out what it was yeah I would love to know and she said it was your
[00:06:25] conduct and I was like what are we in the military right now she said your
[00:06:30] conduct on the dance floor and I said what what do you mean she said you guys
[00:06:41] walked in the club you're pushing everyone around you're ruining everyone's
[00:06:46] night and I was like I'm like I think you're thinking of different people because
[00:06:49] I was standing in the back because I do not like to be touched by people on drugs
[00:06:54] yeah I like to have a little bit of a buffer zone of space around me I don't
[00:06:58] like being in the middle of the dance boy makes me uncomfortable and I suffer
[00:07:01] from claustrophobia you three out she said she said I don't know she's like I
[00:07:06] don't know you white men anything while her white boyfriend
[00:07:10] unbelievable and so I sure was there to do the song yeah I would have lit her up
[00:07:16] with I mean to me to say I don't know you white men anything she said I don't owe
[00:07:20] you white man fucking annoying boyfriend wouldn't light your cigarette
[00:07:24] because you were pushing people on a fucking dance floor so I said to her I
[00:07:29] said do you think there is a possibility that you're thinking of someone else it
[00:07:35] was dark in there you could have been a lot of someone else like me you clearly
[00:07:39] can't tell the difference between white men yeah and she and then she turned to
[00:07:43] us and she said the only way I keep answering your questions is if you pay
[00:07:50] me oh my and then she walks away and then her boyfriend takes out another
[00:07:54] cigarette and lights and he says have a good night boys and then they get an
[00:07:59] uber Jesus Christ and hilariously you were kind of owned by them no well you
[00:08:05] got really owned by two of the worst fucking biggest how do we get owned I
[00:08:09] mean I was just trying to ask them you didn't get fire mm-hmm and then you
[00:08:12] you're like and then after they owned you you went back for a second helping I
[00:08:16] they came back to us we walked away well here's the thing man that is now I
[00:08:20] don't condone violence but this is a time where you do have to fight that
[00:08:23] that's that that would be I don't be the event where there's finally a video
[00:08:26] that gets me canceled yeah like you got a swear I don't know man or at least you
[00:08:34] don't let him talk to you that way yeah well she was talking at the end I mean
[00:08:38] he he was the only thing he said was like no that won't be happening I mean
[00:08:42] this conversation is over two things and then you just say person you just say
[00:08:46] yeah you should just say you don't have to be a cunt about it yeah never mind
[00:08:50] yeah and then you walk away I start laughing the balls in his court and if he
[00:08:54] wants to say anything you say no you're being a dick shut up bitch no no no
[00:08:59] we would when they walk back to us we were like you guys are at like like like
[00:09:04] Ezra was just like you guys are assholes like we were like fucking like we're
[00:09:07] like what's your fucking problem right now oh so robbing Ezra of his the
[00:09:11] answer was being he was a certain shot at the Ezra shout out to Ezra a young
[00:09:15] king a young king and a combo is just 12 years old yeah he is he is almost 12 years
[00:09:20] old he's 24 years old I'm saying I'm a jancy and a fucking dance club I was
[00:09:28] hanging out with my gender listen you want to really try to be your bad I'm
[00:09:32] trying to reinvent but she's like you know what it really was I don't like that
[00:09:35] you're out here molesting these children on this dance I can't wait to
[00:09:39] reinvent myself I'm ready for my next big fall oh yeah it is oh I don't know
[00:09:43] something bad will happen and then and then I'm coming back we should honestly
[00:09:47] detached we should your problem right now is being too attached we should
[00:09:54] reinvent ourselves as ketamine guys that's the new drug that I'm a fan you can be
[00:09:58] a ketamine guy how about you better me I'm on board oh Nick we should do it
[00:10:02] sometime I've been feeling better lately I found it made me stop feeling depressed
[00:10:06] I finally got all my all the shirts are gone sold yeah so we got an haircut you
[00:10:12] look good I got my haircut your beers kind of trimmed up yeah I cleaned it up a
[00:10:16] bit mm-hmm got the print shop I sent this they had like 40 shirts left I
[00:10:21] meld them off to the print shop and they're just gonna handle fulfillment from
[00:10:24] now beautiful you know just do shit from now on if you're trying to get a
[00:10:28] shirt they're the same quality they just come directly from the print shop no
[00:10:32] Nick won't be touching them anymore I might do a thing where it's probably I
[00:10:35] wanted to figure out where I could hold inventory so in case people like
[00:10:39] because sometimes you were like can you sign it or whatever and I'll do that if they
[00:10:42] wanted to but now I don't have a way to do that so like I but I couldn't figure
[00:10:46] out a way to hold inventory that's too many steps brother yeah I don't know I
[00:10:50] mean it is nice to have if I can set it up so that I only had to fulfill like
[00:10:53] 20 orders a day then I would do it but like this fucking like 450 orders yeah
[00:10:58] it's too much speaking of ordering things the Stavi baby 2020 calendars
[00:11:04] coming out hopefully by the time you have listened to this pre-orders will be up
[00:11:10] hopefully by Thanksgiving although I may be I may be out of business a
[00:11:14] Shopify payments put all my money on hold they're like we have to do a
[00:11:17] pretty standard review wait really oh yeah do you have any slurs in your
[00:11:23] shirts I don't think so but it's like you know I don't know I mean you're always
[00:11:28] like waiting for like one company or another to be like we're not gonna do
[00:11:32] business with you San Francisco can't be associated with the Richard gear
[00:11:37] museum that's why we need to you need to move or you're shipping operations to
[00:11:43] fucking Dubai yeah we got to hit a Peter Thiel and do some like libertarians I'll
[00:11:48] offshore shit that's true yeah have an island for sex with children and printing
[00:11:57] just buy jet bright little St. James I know like what kind of she making on
[00:12:04] there on that island just call it new little 15 years you little St. James we
[00:12:11] need to buy property name it new little St. James it's a totally different
[00:12:16] thing it's still called little St. James but it's auto tuned like T pain we need
[00:12:22] to buy like one of the the aceti islands we buy one of them ascent hits islands
[00:12:28] ascent it's I'll tell you that's what I would call it if I was going there with
[00:12:31] me well no me some of my friends from the the you know contracting company I
[00:12:37] work for oh yeah the construction manager I have been for 15 years and we're
[00:12:41] going on our cruise to ask over to ash and tits island ass and tits I'm gonna
[00:12:46] get head on one of those wild ponies yeah I saw I saw four versus Ferrari oh
[00:12:51] let's get a review I took my dad nice it's so dumb perfect dad movie though oh
[00:12:57] yeah he loved it yeah I mean it looks stupid Christian Bell's performance how
[00:13:01] was it it's a story of like Ferrari beats Ford it's something I have four four
[00:13:06] beach Ferrari it's something Italian Ford Ford guy and America each more
[00:13:10] linguiney than the guy in for a four rapes every four goes over to Europe to
[00:13:16] rape the he out rapes the Italians like Italian momma Mia we're no shit about
[00:13:21] it right by the faster anymore something like that yeah but it's it's it's very
[00:13:28] like one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen I mean they got a good cast it is
[00:13:33] well it's it's definitely fun my dad loved it I had a good time but it's like
[00:13:36] yeah there's there's so many like the final scene in the movie because it's
[00:13:42] about this Carol Shelby was like a race car driver and like designed race cars
[00:13:47] in this English dude did fucking was a race that raced the cars for Carol
[00:13:52] Shelby they get hired by Ford to make a car Shelby Mustang or something there
[00:13:57] is yeah it's the same guy nice so they get hired by Ford to beat the Italian to
[00:14:03] beat Ferrari at Lamont mm or whatever but there's like so there's one scene
[00:14:08] where the English Chris I don't like a hundred hour race it's 24 hours 24 hours
[00:14:13] yeah oh you had me at mom yeah it's like the mom's glasses yeah the moms
[00:14:21] yeah what is that where they teach you how to give birth you're yeah they let you
[00:14:25] stretch your pussy open yeah they teach you how to kiss your wife and
[00:14:29] how to bless you wide open mind of DJ around and if my wife has a kid I'm not
[00:14:33] gonna be there tell that bitch dude no I'm gonna be in a home gaming my last
[00:14:36] chance to just time the most precious moment of my life I'm gonna waste it
[00:14:44] the hospital in many ways the moment your child is born is the worst moment of
[00:14:48] your life yeah because it ends your gaming life well I was thought I was
[00:14:50] like wow really changed my life man and it's like I mean you have to tell
[00:14:55] yourself that yeah right yeah no one's gonna be honest be like it honestly it's
[00:15:00] kind of whatever I didn't really feel that different but now I have a lot more
[00:15:02] responsibilities yeah the movie the wrestler should have been called the guy
[00:15:08] who is chill about it the guy who is pretty chill about having a cat I love
[00:15:13] when he's just like he finally gets his crack and reconnecting like yeah I'm gonna
[00:15:17] get my dick sucked okay my man salute I saw I saw I know that's the absolute
[00:15:29] wrong message to take away but that's how I'm gonna be dude yeah if I get the
[00:15:36] Mercy God Mertitson ass island may one of the hot one I call her if I was in
[00:15:43] working in my my contracting yeah you know I saw I saw a sneak preview of the
[00:15:51] wrestler when I lived in DC because I you guys are gonna laugh at this I used
[00:15:56] to belong to a Facebook group called I love free movies nice and we used to get
[00:16:00] like wait pass you're sitting on you had a you sitting on a roof as they'll do I
[00:16:05] love free meals and so free that's a that's kind of like in intra-racial crime
[00:16:12] what's that stealing movie stealing movies but you know it's just it's you
[00:16:16] keep it within the community what do you mean intra-racial like you should be
[00:16:20] able to pay he's yeah he's robbed that it'd be made by the Jews anyway I went and
[00:16:26] saw right intro is within the same and I got there kind of late and I sat in
[00:16:30] the front row and then Darren Aronosky did a Q&A afterwards and then he walked
[00:16:34] up to me he said do I do I know you and then I was like like Samoring because I
[00:16:39] was like like you know 19 years old and like nervous and then he just goes oh
[00:16:44] you're just a fucking Jew and then he walked away
[00:16:48] yeah that's so funny like do I know you were you ever those parties that what's
[00:16:54] the focus I got he's like you're just you a chef for you Epstein no Brian was the
[00:16:57] gay guy Brian Singer yeah do I know you from those pool parties my good boy
[00:17:02] bryberized pool parties that picture of like Kevin Spacey fingering some teens
[00:17:07] ass so funny just like having it like right biting his ass like a morbid Leo
[00:17:12] B's person at the drive-through at checkers oh yeah just rifling through the
[00:17:16] bag you can see it in his eyes just start eating before he pulls away hello
[00:17:21] I can't would you have sex with Kevin Spacey Adam for a career for yeah you
[00:17:28] would get to they would reboot house of cards and you got to be his rule I I
[00:17:32] would be Frank on the wall you would be Frank on the I would turn to the camera
[00:17:36] and say the plot is set every every what they don't know every movie now has
[00:17:41] been recast with the victims of the perpetrators who originally had the
[00:17:45] roles that would be hilarious that would be great yep I'm trying to think what so
[00:17:52] we have ghost dad with the bitch from oh yeah just shoot me yeah yeah yeah that's
[00:17:59] plenty of them honestly all the Cosby projects president Eugene Carroll right
[00:18:06] a lot of people think of regime change and they think it's Shaq she I think a
[00:18:16] a lot of people think about a char al-shad and I think they think about how
[00:18:20] she actually the sexual fan okay we'll be back after a brief we are we are going
[00:18:28] to cut to a 45 minute commercial while we load Eugene Carroll back into her cage
[00:18:36] and drop her off at the mental institution I am I had an uber driver
[00:18:43] coming back from the airport and he was like where you from man there's like
[00:18:47] this African guy and I was like oh Baltimore originally he's like man last
[00:18:52] time I was in Baltimore I ended up having a kid I was like what he's like yeah man
[00:18:59] the first time I ever fought this woman I got pregnant and he was like and then
[00:19:03] guess what two weeks before that I did the same thing on long island so this
[00:19:08] motherfucker within a two week straight he had two children by two women he's
[00:19:13] only one and they live one lives in long on one lives now the Baltimore
[00:19:17] move to Jersey and he lives in the Bronx and he did not tell you they don't know
[00:19:22] about each other who's got the best lot yeah dude he was so carefree about I
[00:19:28] was like I get first I was like I'm not hearing him cuz this Dominican
[00:19:32] community I mean you know my friends of them or whatever but people were talking
[00:19:35] about like relationships or whatever he's like no I don't cheat he's like I can't
[00:19:37] do that I can't cheat on somebody's like why would you like commit to be with
[00:19:40] somebody if you're gonna cheat and then within the same breath he admits that he
[00:19:44] has multiple girlfriend but he does not do okay cheat outside of his six
[00:19:49] relationships he's like because where I come from my community that's a culture
[00:19:55] he's like you're gay if you're not because you're gay he's like that's
[00:20:01] gay they call you gay if you're not you remember you remember in DC my
[00:20:06] neighbor upstairs Jerome no that guy that lived upstairs he was like this like
[00:20:11] older guy he was in Vietnam he like was living off his pension and like I'd
[00:20:16] known him for years and like what like I kept finding out new things about him
[00:20:20] just like wild things like hugging and kissing no no so like one day like one
[00:20:24] day he's like he's like I fall asleep yeah he's like what he's like I have to
[00:20:29] tell you I was a clown I was like you're a clown Jerome he's like yeah he's like
[00:20:35] well get out of Vietnam got a bitch pregnant circus was in town
[00:20:42] he's been joined the circus to be a fucking dead be dead he like joined the
[00:20:47] circus to be a clown so he wouldn't have to take care of it
[00:20:51] Jesus Christ you came up with the most racist joke about the universal circus
[00:20:56] and so he's like well he's black dudes are trying to dodge child support they put
[00:21:00] on a bunch of clown makeup perfect the sky yeah yeah someone found a fucking
[00:21:05] found that in the market dude it's cheap clown labor they're just trying to run
[00:21:08] from their life Jerome the best when he paid normal clowns that guy was the best
[00:21:14] he used to just literally hang out with like just a crew of 17 to 19 year old
[00:21:19] smoking weed all day long wait how old was he he was probably like 68 okay
[00:21:24] well yeah he's not cool dude what you're describing is a man who's having sex
[00:21:28] with children I don't think he was having sex with them I think he just really
[00:21:31] like Steve you think you don't you think he was just chilling with 17 year old
[00:21:36] I'm pretty sure he was just chilling with that's a that's a funny thing I'm
[00:21:39] pretty sure he had a child's heart I have seen Epstein probably until like four
[00:21:43] years ago thought he was just a baller yeah yeah and then the me too stuff
[00:21:47] happened he's like oh I'm a pedophile I thought I was cool I thought I was
[00:21:52] balling because that's why like fucking people talk about Harvey Weinstein with
[00:21:55] that Ben Affleck quote about like yeah Harvey loves the ladies well that's
[00:21:59] what Trump said in that interview about about Epstein they're like he loves the
[00:22:04] girls maybe sometimes I'm a little on the younger I'm pretty pretty young girls
[00:22:08] too yeah like Donald Trump is saying he likes him on the younger side Trump
[00:22:12] would probably fuck 16 year old still well I'll tell you what the only way to
[00:22:16] be cool now is to have lots of money and have a cool wallet oh I agree with
[00:22:21] that to put the money in or yeah it's not having sex with children to be clear
[00:22:25] it's not having sex with children in fact I would say that that's over the
[00:22:29] ridge the ridge of cool it's over the ridge of being cool
[00:22:38] you know that's saying everyone knows something being over the ridge you don't
[00:22:45] ever want to go over the ridges the ridge of being cool uh-huh you know what's
[00:22:51] on I guess under the ridge is having a ridge wallet having a ridge wallet which
[00:22:57] is a rich company they make ridges ridged for her pleasure
[00:23:03] ridged for her pleasure that's already in his pleasure in his pleasure and his
[00:23:07] pleasure yeah you can fuck a man's ass you're a zipper is done I know I don't
[00:23:15] know if you're just adjusting my zipper won't keep falling down all the time
[00:23:19] so a woman stopped me in the grocery search she's like sir your pants are
[00:23:22] down I was like I'm trying bitch shut up yeah I'm trying to get hard I don't know
[00:23:29] if I want ham or beef it is beef beef yeah I mean the thing about the ridge
[00:23:36] wallet that's fucking awesome is that you know you don't have bullshit there's
[00:23:41] no a lot of guys a lot of fellas out there they got too much bullshit in
[00:23:45] their fucking wall you know Macy's Macy's day parade tickets trucking you know
[00:23:51] couple of receipts from the bathroom mmm-hmm men's those African guys they give
[00:23:57] you the mints and stuff there's no two receipts now toothpaste samples that's
[00:24:01] good I have I used to keep a lot of that in my wallet yeah but the ridge wallet
[00:24:05] what I like about it no way to put a condom in there so the thing is you have
[00:24:11] to raw dog you have to raw dog and she can't be mad at you and she's like do you
[00:24:15] have do you have do you have a condom and you're like I think that's over the
[00:24:19] ridge of me yeah you're not over you're not under the ridge bitch yeah over the
[00:24:29] talk to the blade if you're over the ridge
[00:24:34] anyways yeah we the ridge makes everyday goods to a standard you don't see every
[00:24:43] day that's so fucking true and they help you streamline your life by turning
[00:24:47] the things you carry like backpacks chargers and wallets into tools for
[00:24:51] better living well they make backpacks I should oh I guess so I had no idea that's
[00:24:57] pretty cool our flagship product the ridge wallet was launched on Kickstarter
[00:25:01] in 2013 now sits in the front pockets of over half a million men and women and
[00:25:06] gender fluid folks yes and then to all three of our gender fluid listeners now
[00:25:12] we got a few who got into fights with the rest of the community yep and so
[00:25:16] they're rebelling by listening to cool by listening to you want to be the
[00:25:20] equivalent of a black Republican but for gender fluid you're listening to this
[00:25:25] show yeah if you want to be that what's that guy's name David Smith I don't
[00:25:31] know fucking that that sheriff David Clark David Clark yeah yeah if you want to
[00:25:35] be that guy the gay version of that guy sheriff David Clark Sheriff David Clark
[00:25:41] the one you let people die in his prison no wasn't it the other guy was at
[00:25:45] our payo no is David every prison has people dying that's true I'm looking at
[00:25:51] their way that should be like this guy runs the worst jails in
[00:25:55] America and it's like like what makes him the worst he's like there's even more
[00:26:00] rape yeah the condition he's thrown he's thrown by anger in the water and the
[00:26:05] ridge backpacks look pretty sick let me see pretty minimal oh fuck can I see
[00:26:11] them they would zip all the way down can I see the back I want one of them my
[00:26:15] big I need to do backpack what else do you got here you go oh that is cool they
[00:26:20] got wall some what else they got wallets back back knives oh no we've been
[00:26:26] here so I can do a they have mobile power you know so you could charge on the go
[00:26:31] I fuck with that big I always need that phone cases with two metal plates bound
[00:26:36] together by a durable elastic band the ruffle bags looks nothing like a
[00:26:40] traditional wallet titanium carbon fiber and aluminum options ensure that
[00:26:46] there is an option that you dick stays on hard your dick stays on capital H
[00:26:52] R D H R D it's like any R D but for it's like Pharrell with a hard dick and
[00:26:59] that he the chime yeah the guy cuz I'm hard everybody suck my dick into my
[00:27:07] dick isn't hard this isn't an aptitude song but what about I want to make love in
[00:27:16] this ass us your bussure in this I want to bus come in your ass
[00:27:24] you're ridges a minimal front pocket wallet that's designed to streamline what
[00:27:28] you carry every day it has 30,000 five star reviews and it's better to carry
[00:27:33] your cash and cards I actually do use it all the time they literally use it I
[00:27:36] started using it because I got I wanted to get a new wallet I mean I told this
[00:27:41] story last time yeah I don't look fuck you just by the fucking one just by the
[00:27:45] wallet you thought you'll never what's the you'll never has as many cool credit
[00:27:50] products is either so you it's a it's a fool's dream you'll never be next how
[00:27:56] many credit how many credit how much debt I've incurred blowing all the money
[00:28:00] from the show opening lines of credit just hope just waiting buying just like
[00:28:07] fucking yeah buying games that I don't even play mm-hmm blades he has a hundred
[00:28:12] copies of Luigi's Mansion I have a I've bought every copy of Luigi's Mansion
[00:28:16] expecting it to go up and down I'm shorting Luigi's Mansion there's a
[00:28:22] lifetime warranty if you love it and free returns if you don't comes in
[00:28:25] titanium carbon fiber aluminum and over a dozen different styles and colors
[00:28:30] Wow get 10% off today with free worldwide shipping and returns by going to ridge
[00:28:36] dot com slash com town that's ridge dot com slash com town and use com town for
[00:28:41] the 10% off your order is you heard you heard that folks you heard me right and
[00:28:47] if the the rich people are listening maybe send over one of them backpacks so
[00:28:51] we can see okay I know I'm sorry I could ask them to be honest with you they sent
[00:28:55] way too many fucking wallets yeah give us a duffel give me a duffel bag I
[00:28:59] have a sample these days but I did a good backpack yeah they sent me fucking
[00:29:05] eight wallets and phone cases yeah phone cases are nice yeah they are nice I
[00:29:11] want to have sex with you know me though I'm brand I will I will destroy my
[00:29:16] phone using an Apple phone case oh really that is true you do buy every Apple
[00:29:20] accessory not every Apple accessory but like if I have the my because I ran
[00:29:26] like an Apple printer and shit like that no I don't yeah I have a brother a
[00:29:30] printer you're a Sony man I do well the Sony shit the why did that specifically
[00:29:35] with an entertainment center stuff it's like the customer service for all these
[00:29:39] companies is dog shit and it's all these components that connect to each other
[00:29:42] so you call up Sony support if your receivers broken they're like oh yeah
[00:29:46] it's actually the DVD player and you'd be like oh well you make that too so I
[00:29:48] guess here's the serial number for that they're like and then they have to do
[00:29:53] their job because you can't it's fucking impossible to warranty anything if it's
[00:29:57] like any other yeah dude that's why I just know the one thing that wasn't Sony in
[00:30:02] the setup was that fucking cable box room optimum that did not work when they
[00:30:08] installed it and the guy left without it working and they called them up and
[00:30:12] they're like yes it sounds like your receivers broken there's the box is
[00:30:15] perfectly fine the woman had the audacity say it's perfectly fine to me but it's
[00:30:18] broken yeah yours you know your your stuff that worked fine is fine is
[00:30:23] broken and it's the cable box that we just installed that never worked at all
[00:30:28] ever so we're gonna need you to be available between the hours of 12 p.m. to
[00:30:34] 12 a.m. no chance I have to you have to bring the fucking box back to them I had
[00:30:38] the drug like really hurts to drop off like the fucking the cable box and then
[00:30:43] when I get there because like they you know they told me they canceled him
[00:30:46] like I just dropped his box off and everything like yep and I get there
[00:30:49] like okay well they didn't cancel it so I got to pay for this I looked at my
[00:30:53] bill and it was like 350 dollars for it's like never mind the fact that like
[00:30:58] I've had internet with them for years no problem never complain never missed
[00:31:03] a payment or whatever and I was like maybe I'll get like cable news you know
[00:31:06] like yeah just so I don't have to look at my phone right because then you get
[00:31:10] sucked into like group chats or whatever the fuck you're doing online you can't
[00:31:13] like I'm not in a single damn group chat bro I'm envious man I'm not in
[00:31:17] really it really fucking like it's I like I don't trust the internet that much I
[00:31:21] think it's like lame to say you have a social media addiction when it's just
[00:31:25] like that's a that's a thing that's just bit like pretty basic self-control yeah
[00:31:29] you know it's not like heroin you know what I mean it doesn't feels good yeah
[00:31:32] it's like yeah if I stop using Twitter I'll choke to death in my own vomit my
[00:31:36] sleep yeah I'll go like a group text threads no just the just like
[00:31:42] good friends yeah I'm just us and then the Jews and then another one hundred
[00:31:49] Jews well you know you got different kind of Jews you got money Jews book
[00:31:53] Jews twinked you Ethiopian Jews the opium Jews you're like can we can we hang out
[00:31:58] and you're like no no no no get out of here no come on my brother the
[00:32:02] chicks you know what we meant by Jews we taught no Israel you know what we
[00:32:08] meant by you just that's the new you motto Ethiopian Jewish women are some of
[00:32:14] the hottest oh yeah yeah they're super hot I already fucked all them I wish I
[00:32:19] did I wish I thought no I did what are you talking about you all right well
[00:32:23] congrats thank you thank you yeah dude I have a weird fucking injury Mike right
[00:32:30] quad what happened I don't know dude I was just I was just fucking I've been
[00:32:34] out of the gym for like two months I was getting it in at the hotel gym the
[00:32:37] Hilton Hyatt or the Hilton downtown I want to go back to the road just to just
[00:32:42] to go to hotel gym was his name that you're getting in with at the hotel gym
[00:32:46] who was the guy I was getting in a workout oh you oh you said my name's Carl
[00:32:52] snakes hang out here at the Hilton me try to have sex me guys I actually me just
[00:33:00] trying to meet some cool fellows down here in the thousands of dollars in the
[00:33:03] radison gym I ran the hotel every night just for the gym the run the month
[00:33:09] basically I'm spending ten thousand dollars a month on hotel rooms but I'm
[00:33:15] in this gym and I'm having said I've had sex with three guys over the last five
[00:33:17] years it's pretty good it was a pretty good numbers paying for itself
[00:33:26] that's how I'm gonna fuck dude yeah I've been out of the gym for like two months
[00:33:30] and like already my back hurts all the time I fucking these hurt it's like I
[00:33:34] can either go to the gym and be in one kind of pain or not go and be in a
[00:33:40] different kind yeah there's no any that life buddy you know that's life that
[00:33:47] should sucks like they said in the Joker movie which is true is different
[00:33:51] rewatch that's like you know no one knew that this guy's actually his name's
[00:33:55] Frank Sinatra said brand new art before the Joker before the joke no one had
[00:34:02] ever heard of Joaquin Phoenix I'm just saying that one song the popular as
[00:34:08] this brand I know yeah yeah we know exactly yeah mm-hmm that's life you get
[00:34:16] your penis yeah I'm feeling better but it's good I'm I thought you know what
[00:34:21] because everyone's I go to therapy and I was like no you still should you still
[00:34:24] should go maybe yeah but the answer is you got a bootstrap yourself no it is
[00:34:28] not you got it you got it look this woman named Jordan Morterson yeah you got a
[00:34:36] cleaner room yeah green room watch the little mermaid I green Nick I thought I
[00:34:40] used to think the answer was booze and sniz and now I know the answer is ketamine
[00:34:44] you've never had you've never you I've never once seen your you're like my
[00:34:47] apartment's a mess and there's like a copy of National Geographic on the
[00:34:51] chair well I need something to check like I need I my you aren't messy that is
[00:34:55] true yeah you're not messy and you're even when you don't have a bitch living
[00:34:59] with you still have a bitches apartment no my apartment's cleaner when a woman
[00:35:02] doesn't live there I know but I mean you also like no how to you're even
[00:35:06] cleaner than a woman right like my I'm an idiot and I like that I like
[00:35:10] decorating I've done ever is get a paint a picture of Mark Wahlberg it's not
[00:35:15] just smashed they said glass broken I thought it was a good decoration yeah I
[00:35:20] have another thing I'm I got these this eucalyptus I got a nice decoration I
[00:35:25] have a nice decoration that Nick found on the street after my mom got six to
[00:35:29] cheer me up oh yeah which is that poster of like a mansion with like
[00:35:34] three people a helicopter and it says like what does it say on it it says
[00:35:40] like it's like the all the money in the world or everybody's got to have goals
[00:35:44] yeah I love that that is good yeah you're you're not yeah you're not you never
[00:35:51] fucking messed you you've been gaming more is that the answer Nick no actually I
[00:35:57] have stopped as I stop gaming well maybe that could be the answer to no man I
[00:36:01] got just I got a book I'm gonna book stuff on the road if we're whatever
[00:36:06] lucky city gets to see the first weekend of me bombing my way through an hour
[00:36:09] with jokes I don't remember well should I subject to that Philly
[00:36:16] good a ball more dine fuck it yeah I guess I just where I could do I could do
[00:36:22] that it's a night you get a door do yeah Umar listen I'm trying to bomb in your
[00:36:25] show I'm gonna see you more this weekend for Thanksgiving I'm doing shows
[00:36:28] actually come by tickets to my shows in Baltimore this weekend Thanksgiving
[00:36:32] weekend you fucking animals you don't want to be with your family come see me
[00:36:36] and if you're in Las Vegas please come to the Friedland family for a thanksgiving
[00:36:41] meal you're opening Thursday the family door the doors of the family home you
[00:36:46] might not be doing turkey this year we might be sous vide in steaks that's
[00:36:49] talking about that so you know what we're not American I got I got a
[00:36:55] sous vide and fucking shake I got a nothing what you can make the same goddamn
[00:36:59] I got my dad is sous vide for his birthday last year my dad used to make
[00:37:03] shake and bake for dinner like we thought that was like calling a fucking
[00:37:08] making pork shop yeah molecular got stronger did I remember being like so
[00:37:13] mad when I had shake and make I was like this disgusting on the bottom it's
[00:37:17] like a wet yeah I mean the the juicy crispy fucking fatty parts though have
[00:37:23] you ever used it that's pretty good I have it I bought one and I've never
[00:37:26] shaken bake would be fun should be shaken fry if you shake that if you
[00:37:30] bred that and throw in the deep fryer for a second that's probably pretty good yeah
[00:37:33] I don't know if it all fall off or whatever but when you bake the shit it
[00:37:36] gets slimy on the bottom you're broil it with like Bell Vita mac and cheese
[00:37:42] and then drinking water out of like plastic cups we're having dinner I
[00:37:53] you're the best other your other class that cooking out of an easy bake of
[00:37:57] this other class it was just that was just like chick boiled chicken with like
[00:38:02] Casey master oh master bees barbecue so I'll do yeah
[00:38:06] awful this Christ really bad stuff God divorce should be illegal no he was
[00:38:13] married a company was married yeah no he that was the everyone because nobody
[00:38:16] knew how else knew how to cook oh that's hilarious damn did you had no
[00:38:21] nutritional value grown up oh no none yeah a lot of a Hebrew national hot
[00:38:25] oh dude me too yeah he brought a hot dogs and that's quick they're good hot
[00:38:30] dogs big hot dogs dude the fucking I remember they are the best covered them
[00:38:33] me too as if there's not four hot dog options me too I could all my friends
[00:38:38] would eat shitty like SK's with a little one's a garbage yeah actually I
[00:38:42] Hebrew National yeah I am your career as a fat child yeah that's no we were a
[00:38:50] Costco family so that's what they sold at Costco's Hebrew nationals we had it
[00:38:53] called price club Costco at the time was price club yeah this price club and
[00:38:58] Sam's Club was fuck what was it fuck what was the Sam's Club Sam is owned by
[00:39:05] Walmart yeah it's Sam Walton I remember Sam's Club being a thing I remember I
[00:39:10] remember when it dropped no price club became Costco yeah or they merged my
[00:39:16] grandfather when he retired to San Diego after a saw after helping the
[00:39:24] South African government no he was a lawyer he was a lawyer but after and he
[00:39:30] died he his entire his his all of the money that he made his entire life his
[00:39:35] his two other sons thought that they were day traders and was completely
[00:39:41] whatever is respectable yeah a lot of people do J trading
[00:39:49] literally like I don't teaches you a lot about about life humility I don't know
[00:39:53] if my dad even got it in here it is but whatever here's the point point is
[00:39:58] he just been on fucking rollerblades yeah he's a he didn't he invested in a
[00:40:04] skate center and over 40 men one day my my dad put on a rollerblades went
[00:40:11] go get cigarettes I'm just going to get sugar
[00:40:16] anyway there's this old there's this old Jew in San Diego named Saul Price love
[00:40:24] it who went around to to a lot of the other old retired Jews and he says I have
[00:40:28] an idea for a business and he says like you get like five gallons of olive oil
[00:40:33] and you get and and all the floors are concrete and my grandpa was like why
[00:40:39] would you need that much stuff and didn't do it shut up and if you made the
[00:40:43] initial investment I think it was like ten thousand dollars he would have made
[00:40:46] like it would have been millions are you sure yeah that's really what the guy's
[00:40:49] name was because name was Price yeah yeah Sam Price Saul Price Club was a guy's
[00:40:54] name not and then Kirkland was a was a company in in Washington state and then
[00:41:01] Price Club and Costco hold on why do you know so much about this because I was
[00:41:07] thinking about your dad rollerblading yeah because because it's like it's a
[00:41:12] story a very nice move Jerome him and his gay friend very nice your twirl is
[00:41:18] coming along just like they have all got their dicks in each other's passes and
[00:41:22] then one of them's we're riding a big wheel in the front
[00:41:26] it's goodbye Adam no it's a young man of the house like a trans person telling
[00:41:36] there's oh you're the man of the house that's so funny no no the reason I know
[00:41:41] someone is it because it's a story about how my family my family missed out on
[00:41:47] being billion yeah being like having tens of millions your family invented
[00:41:51] Price Club no the guy that that wanted seed money to start it like approached
[00:41:57] my grandpa and his old his old South African Jewish friends in San Diego and
[00:42:02] they all laughed at him and then he became incredibly successful yeah it's
[00:42:08] funny because like the Costco business model is like incredibly
[00:42:11] sustainable it's so sustainable and they treat their employees isn't it just make
[00:42:16] your money off the membership and yeah and they just pass off the fucking you
[00:42:20] know wholesale savings yeah and the return policy folks you can't beat it I had a
[00:42:26] roommate that would fucking like every six months take his Brita water filter
[00:42:31] go to Walmart buy a new one save the package put the old one in the package
[00:42:35] and then go back to Walmart and it's like it's just not worth the effort yeah I
[00:42:40] know and he's like they got to know questions asked return policy it's like
[00:42:43] they probably know what you're doing they don't give a point you said $12
[00:42:47] right how much is a Brita cost 30 bucks I don't even know they're cheap I drink
[00:42:53] hours that took you to do well you drink tap water in New York I mean other
[00:42:57] places the water just taste yeah the talican some cities I think like you
[00:43:02] Baltimore water well that's why you have all these in general birth defects
[00:43:06] that's why you're bald and your penis doesn't work
[00:43:10] the water is fine the water is fine yeah you know I'll be drinking this shit
[00:43:18] every day when I'm not drinking man do's yeah which is my mom trying to wish you
[00:43:23] make it for people for drinking nothing but Sarah miss and they're actually
[00:43:26] making a better decision yeah totally it's like like the water and Flint's
[00:43:31] probably been bad since like the 70s and no one realized because we're all
[00:43:35] drinking fago I saw did you see that cock who's much wheat from a couple years
[00:43:39] ago this NBA player that plays out yeah he said that you know Flint still doesn't
[00:43:47] have clean water but we give Israel for Billy
[00:43:52] and then rules they found he's a big Bernie guy he's a Bernie bro he's my
[00:43:57] favorite he's got the best drip in the game he dressed so good cute he's so
[00:44:01] cute and he he also retweeted a tweet very briefly that had pictures of him
[00:44:07] and Jeannie bust the the hot owner of the lake who I think he piped down and they
[00:44:11] were like and she's like all over him and it's like and the tweet is like L.O.L. I
[00:44:15] think we know the real reason Kyle Kuzma was untouchable in those trade talks
[00:44:19] and he retweeted that and then someone's like dude what the fuck are you doing
[00:44:23] immediately unreach I think he had to delete that Israel tweet really quickly
[00:44:28] I think the Jews in the Lakers front office were like Kyle you can't be putting
[00:44:33] this other time Kyle you're wrong about this I think it was maybe from like
[00:44:38] 2015 or something when he was in college when he was a you when he was a you'd
[00:44:42] but shout out to Kyle Kuzma shout out to Kyle Kuzma dude respect to him some I
[00:44:49] saw so I saw just see that John F O Donnell wants to be on the guest list
[00:44:53] tonight tonight yeah of course okay yeah any any comic can come through to the
[00:44:59] show for full pump yeah let's not don't say that on the fucking I'm just on one
[00:45:03] open mic and I have a gun all right you know us personally Adam if you show us
[00:45:09] any friend of ours this and friend is we have had to talk you've had to talk to
[00:45:14] us and us have heard you and responded not just you've listened to us talk yeah
[00:45:18] you can't like be like what counts you can't be running your math around town
[00:45:21] saying like oh yes I was and I real tight one time he bumped me and it was
[00:45:27] because we're best friends just sit home with the cleaning the gun ha ha ha
[00:45:31] listening to the pod I can't wait to see my friends as a comedian
[00:45:42] you know the funny thing about mental illness is that it's gay you know the
[00:45:52] funny thing about being gay is everyone expects you to act like you don't
[00:46:00] that actually is pretty good yeah maybe should maybe should open with that
[00:46:05] tonight yeah and your return to the funny thing about being gay is everybody
[00:46:09] expects you to act like you don't what do you get when you cross a gay guy with
[00:46:18] I don't know what the answer is listen I got your dicks you get your dick
[00:46:26] suck the gun point a guy holding the gun and sucking his dick yeah the dicks
[00:46:32] suck Joker I just love that I love the visual a guy not all not all people are
[00:46:48] that's why he's holding the gun that's a better visual yeah better visual
[00:46:52] yeah I holding a gun off which you could joke on all about this you could
[00:46:56] easily disarm a man whose mouth is is has a penis in it because he's not
[00:47:01] looking up at you know he's looking up and I guess so I think it would be
[00:47:06] easier to disarm him but you never been a little kid that's what makes it so
[00:47:10] crazy thing about how easy would be to disarm someone absolutely all the time
[00:47:15] I'm like well what I would do it pop pop pop pop I was like five karate moves
[00:47:19] real quick in my mind I'm like well I've seen someone else do it and therefore I
[00:47:22] can do it and even the way I see it it would always involve a roundhouse kit
[00:47:26] not understanding that doesn't apply to even the most basic shit like riding a
[00:47:30] skateboard yeah oh yeah all right anytime that's been tested it's like been a
[00:47:34] failure and I'm like yeah I would just do I would do a flip over the car like
[00:47:39] can you do a flip regular without the car no no but the car is essential what's
[00:47:46] the adrenaline thing is the problem is I have sleeves on my shirt right now if I
[00:47:49] had that if I had that vest that said tough guy with a snake wrapped around
[00:47:54] the globe on the back a denim vest that says tough guys of the world unite
[00:48:03] and a cobra smoking a cigarette oh hell yeah then in that case I'm ready got I
[00:48:09] love the movie cobra she just so awesome yeah it's one of the funniest movies
[00:48:15] it's the most alt-right movie that in death the best scene in the movie I
[00:48:21] mean he just like smashes into that guy's car while parallel parking outside
[00:48:25] the house guys I come on man what the fuck yeah just rips the dude shirt and I
[00:48:33] love that his name is Cabretti that's an Italian that's why the movie is called
[00:48:39] called the Italian Cobra yeah why the musical yeah there's a there's a
[00:48:44] grocery store robbery and all of like just the regular cops are there but a
[00:48:49] detective shows up for some reason to kill everyone
[00:48:52] and just weird as I own shit he's like you're welcome you were you you fuck
[00:49:01] welcome yeah that was evil still on dude yeah we got to watch more of that
[00:49:06] Steven Seagal TV show absolutely yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I gotta get back in
[00:49:12] the weed back on the road back in the weed now we're back in the watch I just
[00:49:16] bought a ball talking yeah I just bought a bong at 32 years old what you buy it's
[00:49:20] a higher standard I love it honestly I was like I was in the ethical bond I
[00:49:25] was in the you know that let's do the show tonight I'll do your show tomorrow
[00:49:28] get the week of bombing out of the way get it out of the way smoke the wall after
[00:49:32] Thanksgiving or whatever yeah we'll do boys night here I love it bomb it bomb
[00:49:37] yeah yeah the sounds all the students to go all TV show yep hell yeah dude I'm
[00:49:44] down and we will not be recording we're streaming it absolutely not we'll
[00:49:48] just be having fun actually be enjoying ourselves yeah yeah I think about you
[00:49:53] pieces of shit instead of doing this real friendship it doesn't make any
[00:49:59] money I'm sick of pens and oils I want to return to flowers and glass dude I
[00:50:04] want to return to my roots I'm I love an oil man I gotta be honest I got I
[00:50:09] could go back to flower dude I'm a hippie about this the the you reboot
[00:50:14] Hanukkah but it's weed oil the last I like that I like that I got high with
[00:50:19] your parents it's called a high high knickah high knickah did yes happy
[00:50:30] no it's case the cue I get it no I see what you're doing it's okay to say it
[00:50:40] was not okay to say the place under review the plays under review
[00:50:48] New York says it's okay we're overruled on this one
[00:50:53] and over rule damn high knickah is really it though that's a good we got to make
[00:51:00] that number 1488 dropping dropping dropping the niku Qa number personal
[00:51:12] number a different number number number 1488 no no no not that number for those
[00:51:22] of you listening that love that number Nick didn't mean it I didn't you're
[00:51:27] right I didn't mean it he meant it in a joke in a joking these are jokes guys
[00:51:31] and if you can't handle jokes you can turn this off right yeah if you could
[00:51:36] go into your safe space you can turn this on and I'm pointing to my cock mmm
[00:51:40] I was in line behind like a birthday party at the movie theater whatever and
[00:51:45] some like a 10 year old girl was like I was born on September 9th 2009 so when
[00:51:51] I turned 9 it was like oh my god or whatever and I was like why are you
[00:51:55] allowed to like speak I mean this is like more annoying than a baby that's
[00:52:00] just screaming oh yeah a little kid when they first want to like learn facts and
[00:52:04] text they say things and they have mannerisms they're like at you know well
[00:52:09] and I guess it's like you know when I was a kid because they you forget that
[00:52:12] like you were a kid and you had whatever fucking mannerisms are being a
[00:52:16] gay ass little kid you're being a gay ass little kid but in the in the
[00:52:19] parlance of the time I was such a gay ass yeah I mean it's like this I love
[00:52:25] your old saying dead ass or whatever yeah exactly you love disco at them yeah
[00:52:30] I was into disc disco's great I was not and they tried to reboot it in the 90s
[00:52:35] so don't it was sharing the disc yeah I was during the 90s that 70 show and
[00:52:39] then there was like there was definitely an effort to reboot like the 70s I mean
[00:52:43] and Austin Powers awesome powers yeah kind of like hippie dome like hippie stuff yeah
[00:52:49] yeah I used to do little shows little reviews for my family when they the end
[00:52:54] of that ended I was pretty gay little kid that came to a hard end when they
[00:52:58] rebooted mod squad in 1999 and it and it failed yeah Gia Vani
[00:53:04] were BC and I don't remember who else the original mod squad was that the
[00:53:09] actress got married to Quincy Jones and it was Rashida Jones mom and she is by
[00:53:15] far one of the hottest women of all time about Rashida my pants yeah I think
[00:53:19] you've actually you said that every time we said Rashida Jones
[00:53:23] Rashida my pants I do have a bathroom my Rashida my pants
[00:53:30] what was the guy you were doing that was like the guy who got caught watching
[00:53:35] chalp pornography I touch my be a lot of Ronnie and guy to be like Ronnie got
[00:53:40] being interrogated by detectives because he got called by chalp for my music
[00:53:44] yes look at picture but very brief I look at picture of that a brief I touch
[00:53:50] my penis like that just one second maybe one two times maybe just that just
[00:53:57] like that nothing to touch my penis like okay very brief I touch my very
[00:54:09] brief I touch my look I look one to say look I look picture one to second maybe
[00:54:16] come on cop let me off let me off I barely looked at the chalp when I
[00:54:24] read yeah I got another double barking ticket and like the ticket was already
[00:54:29] on the car I saw the guy now is like can you never mind I mean it's like it's
[00:54:34] just so not worth it to even yeah I was because they love to be like there's
[00:54:39] nothing I can do oh yeah mm-hmm like well then write everyone else a ticket
[00:54:44] on yeah now I'm not like that I did fantasize about like following him up
[00:54:49] the block and then walking out in front of his car and then suing the city for
[00:54:52] a million dollars I'm like oh yeah well whoops yeah we'll show you if you want
[00:54:58] to be mr. Rules I'll show you the rules what happens when you break my legs and
[00:55:03] I'm permanently in a wheelchair yeah imagine getting police brutality by a
[00:55:07] meter man yeah when I when I willingly get run over by your car so I can
[00:55:12] collect mm-hmm for the people that's right and I probably people who did
[00:55:18] legitimately double park as I didn't want to drive around the block looking
[00:55:21] for parking space I actually had a had a like a pretty small penis penis penis
[00:55:27] I got Indian Indian parking cop that hooked me up that hook me up yeah because
[00:55:34] there's an app you can get for for metered parking mm-hmm so my friend and I
[00:55:39] were going to lunch and he's like oh I got this app I'll just pay for the for
[00:55:42] the parking on my app and he actually paid for his car and not my car so I got
[00:55:47] a ticket and we saw the guy riding the ticket and he was like he's like all
[00:55:51] right he's like he's like you see that guy walking to the car behind you he's
[00:55:57] like I'm gonna ask him for his ticket that he had on his dashboard for parking
[00:56:02] and then you just send the ticket in with that ticket and say that the guy
[00:56:06] didn't see my like parking that you didn't see that I paid for parking and
[00:56:09] you'll get off the ticket Wow and so I got that much of a hook up it's a very
[00:56:14] nice thing that he did I wasn't a fire that was just fraud it wasn't fraud and
[00:56:19] when he told me how to fraud that's a hook up and then that guy got fired now I
[00:56:23] can't feed his family no he didn't get a feel bad about that I didn't say I didn't
[00:56:27] say his badge number I didn't say his badge number but it was six three we're
[00:56:31] like I want your fucking five number I want your fucking gun in your badge give
[00:56:36] me your gun I you go we could probably take them fuck I there's some meter made
[00:56:40] us in a story that I bet I could fuck up oh you fuck all them up that's where
[00:56:44] they put the the scrawniest weakest ones yeah I was looking to see like what
[00:56:47] you could do to beat a parallel parking ticket and I saw some post online we're
[00:56:51] like some guys like yeah I was I just what like my wife was taking our kids
[00:56:56] out of the fucking car and bringing them upstairs and the cop pulled up and wrote
[00:57:00] a ticket and I was like come on my wife's is taking our kids like upstairs or
[00:57:04] whatever this is like NYPD and he's like in the cop she said she wanted to teach
[00:57:08] me a lesson but then I look at it and she forgot to fill out the time so can I
[00:57:13] dispute this and people like yeah absolutely they'll throw that out right
[00:57:15] away so I guess that cop learned a lot you fucking bitch I love him when cops
[00:57:21] learn I honestly do they almost never do and then sometimes when they do they
[00:57:28] always goes the opposite way like if one cop gets got now all of a sudden we got
[00:57:35] a fucking you know all we're like a stripe or whatever the fuck did you see
[00:57:40] that picture someone post online of a decal in a car which was Mickey Mouse
[00:57:46] Disney years with the blue lives matter yeah credible honestly I hate blue lives
[00:57:53] matters shit but I would buy that and put that on my car you got to you know it's
[00:57:57] such a good mash-up because you want yeah you want the cops to know you're you
[00:58:01] want to trick the cops I want them to know that I have Disney plus and I
[00:58:04] respect their authority respect the cops I think it's good the Disney is
[00:58:08] removing baby Yoda gifts I love authority the fuck is baby Yoda from I
[00:58:13] thought they were done with the man dingo the man dingo lorian what is that it's a
[00:58:18] show on Disney plus it's like a Star Wars TV show I got I got an email
[00:58:23] like even charged for Apple TV plus it's like I there's no chance that I would
[00:58:29] signed up for that comes with Apple TV I think you if you don't you have to opt
[00:58:33] out of it if you click on it automatically fuck you serious yeah I did it I
[00:58:37] looked on it and I was I checked to see it's not doesn't come with Apple TV it's
[00:58:41] like five bucks a month dude the fucking Steve Carell show it looks so fucking
[00:58:45] horrible what is it all of the show tomorrow everything everything on Apple
[00:58:49] TV looks like fucking hot shit I know it's so funny he's he's playing Matt
[00:58:54] Lauer I guess it's called morning show and there's just like a clip we just
[00:58:58] like I didn't rape anyone where he's a button under his desk the lock his door
[00:59:02] it's just a newsroom but about rape basically the mat Lauer allegation was I
[00:59:08] mean obviously terribly raped someone but the James Bond aspect of locking a door
[00:59:12] with a button under your desk kind of cool yeah yeah actually I think it's not
[00:59:18] incorrect someone wasn't that not like oh that didn't happen yeah I think that
[00:59:22] was just from like whatever insane and Zach executive had that office prior to
[00:59:26] him like back in like the 30s I don't know if I looked into it because I'm like
[00:59:30] that's crazy yeah the button yeah right you really hung on to the buddy I mean
[00:59:34] if it worked did he use it you know yeah and I think it like prevented people
[00:59:40] from coming in not going out yeah me still well that would still yeah that
[00:59:45] still helps rape and still help a rape and did he rape someone in like Russia
[00:59:50] or something Matt Lauer yeah that's not cheap I'm sure he raped people I just
[00:59:54] don't want to the door in the button Nick does like the tech being criticized
[01:00:00] yeah I mean well he's gonna play this way I would love a button under my desk
[01:00:05] that does anything it would be cool it would be cool it would be I worked at a
[01:00:09] this this place called the lower Colorado River Authority
[01:00:13] and temp there and I replaced the the like a fucking receptionist some big
[01:00:21] department they have like five million employees I damn place a receptionist
[01:00:25] in this one building and they're like there's you know people come in you
[01:00:29] greet him whatever there's a button under the desk don't press it it calls
[01:00:32] security and the amount of times I press that probably I was there a week and a
[01:00:36] half I probably press it five times well you quitter got fired no you temp
[01:00:42] the temp thing ran out to understand how impressive it is that Trump hasn't
[01:00:46] lifted the red phone it's been in his office the entire what does that one
[01:00:49] call the clowns no it calls the nuclear nuclear the nuclear missiles but it
[01:00:57] doesn't automatically launch them I think he spent the whole morning on the phone
[01:01:00] with the missiles they're doing great I just think it shows restraint good for
[01:01:06] the team you have a big button that he can launch nukes or he has to like
[01:01:09] help I think he needs to know the codes or something how do how do how do like
[01:01:13] how do you launch nukes just on a computer you pick up the phone yeah I
[01:01:18] think it works on a computer you send it nuke to six eight six two I don't know
[01:01:24] according to all the submarine movies you have there's like two guys there's
[01:01:30] the captain right and then some other guy the master of the boat yeah there's
[01:01:36] the master is weird the Navy has weird ranks yeah in the army's like lieutenant
[01:01:41] private or whatever and the Navy's like special yeah chief master of pleasure
[01:01:49] top of top of the bottoms is that what you want to be at him petty you well yeah I
[01:01:59] would want to be a bottom from the top so you're a bottom but you're fucking
[01:02:05] somebody in the ass what is bottom from the top mean well it's when you're you're
[01:02:11] you're the bottom but you're you have the you're actually can you have the power
[01:02:15] that make more sense to call it top from the bottom yeah no no topping for the
[01:02:19] bottom that's what yeah you're bottoming from the top is how you have sex with
[01:02:22] women yes that is how having sex with them you are being fucked somehow that
[01:02:27] is true it's mostly not considered I think you've ever been have you ever
[01:02:33] been raped at him um in the under the letter of the law
[01:02:41] have you for real I mean one time I remember a girl I was dating like I
[01:02:46] didn't want to fuck it or time I was incredibly intoxicated yeah damn and
[01:02:51] but I I'm not like traumatized by it yeah I know I was like kind of annoyed
[01:02:55] for like a day but I was like damn that's whatever yeah and they were like it's
[01:02:58] kind of a no I woke up and I woke up the next morning and their eyes were wide
[01:03:03] open staring at me and they were stroking my hair and they were saying thank you
[01:03:07] so much for last night and I said what do you mean last night yeah it's like I
[01:03:11] checked your ass remember and then I checked my ass it was full to the brim
[01:03:16] with cum with lady with girl girl squirted into your ass she she squirted
[01:03:22] all up in my ass and the yeah that sounds hot well listen everyone come see me on
[01:03:28] the road I mean huge listen this weekend thanks even weekend at Joe squared Friday
[01:03:33] and Saturday and then Houston December 13th also please come to fat Tuesdays
[01:03:40] every freaking Monday or every Tuesday with the fuck every Tuesday December we
[01:03:46] got great lineups they've been very fun shows come to funny moms on the 9th
[01:03:50] and the 16th right Adam yeah I think we're gonna do two funny moms this month
[01:03:55] and then we're off for Christmas New Year's and then we'll be back in 2020
[01:03:59] 2020 baby the year of the election of Bernie Sanders that's right dude and then
[01:04:06] I will be I will be hopefully these fucking count come out and go to what is
[01:04:12] it come downtown for T-shirts yes the 9th and the 16th for funny moms next
[01:04:18] month hope you can make it we'll try to make some big boy big boy lineups just
[01:04:23] to send the year off with a bang maybe maybe some surprises maybe the return of
[01:04:29] Mr. Louie CK to the stage I think so all right thanks a lot guys bye