[00:00:00] Check check my penises

[00:00:02] Small all right. It should be recording now and if it isn't who boy that's gonna be painting the acid an hour

[00:00:10] when we go to

[00:00:13] How do I sound it sound better now or sound good yeah, can you make my voice a little manlier?

[00:00:19] No, there's no way to do that. There should be the technology. Wait hold on next trying it, but the machine is smoking

[00:00:24] Yeah, that's smoking cigarettes and telling you to shut up. How do I sound? Do I sound good?

[00:00:33] normal you sound normal

[00:00:37] But people people were complaining when you were doing it that I was too quiet

[00:00:41] Well, that's I think that's because you would move your mouth. No silence. You're trying to silence me

[00:00:47] Yeah, right just try to take his his voice away from him. I would never you're trying to

[00:00:51] Silence his story would absolutely never 20 weeks. We got new gear so we can do this

[00:01:00] I'm used to that noise

[00:01:05] Yeah, we spent $6,000

[00:01:08] $1,000 we need a wrong we need a wrong and a buzz your dick

[00:01:25] Oh, I like that the money

[00:01:28] What do you like it Adam cuz it reminds me my favorite thing money

[00:01:33] money

[00:01:34] What about what we need is the the

[00:01:36] But beep beep beep yeah the money

[00:01:42] Like that we need that we need the scarf hairstyle

[00:01:47] So this is what the podcast is

[00:01:51] a lot of a lot of

[00:01:54] Sound soundpad style comedy. I love it. Why we got to get the Arnold the fucking Arnold

[00:02:00] I'm a copy with you from e-ball from the classic

[00:02:08] Just prank who is your daddy and what does he do just prank calling your teacher? Yeah, yeah

[00:02:14] I guess it's so good. I don't know now. I'm too loud

[00:02:18] I'm sorry if am I quiet. I feel quiet. I feel quiet, but my because I'm wearing headphones

[00:02:24] Yeah, I mean I feel quite everybody feels quiet

[00:02:26] Mmm, but we can do this. How's that is that better sure turn the headphones up?

[00:02:32] Oh, yeah, turn my headphones up. I still feels oh wait, maybe yeah, there you go turn my headphones up

[00:02:38] Do you feel better now turn my you still sound louder than us me. Yeah, it's fine. It doesn't matter

[00:02:44] No, I'm just trying to figure out no you're the star everyone wrote in and they said please buy more gear

[00:02:51] Figure out how to use it on the podcast. It is it is amazing figure it out on your own

[00:02:56] It's so funny because like everyone's I mean it is like

[00:03:00] like people like the show I like the criticism like

[00:03:04] Nick makes fun of the people that he hates because they remind them of them themselves and it's like yes

[00:03:09] But also you and you're doing that right now. Yeah, and we're all the same guy

[00:03:13] That's right and you because like I didn't like this only has four headphone outputs, but you can put six microphones in it

[00:03:20] Oh, so I wanted it they make a thing a splitter. It's not a splitter because it's got to be powered

[00:03:26] Otherwise the signal like oh volume will drop off and everyone's like I'm too quiet

[00:03:30] But like a thing with different but you know, it's so people can adjust their own volume or whatever if they want

[00:03:35] And if they want to be going for four, but if you want one with six

[00:03:39] outputs for a headphones you need to get something that's like rack sized

[00:03:43] Which is like it adds way too much fucking equipment of course without you know cuz already you're losing

[00:03:48] So much sense, so I just wanted something that's got like a four

[00:03:52] Output so I posted on Twitter

[00:03:53] I was like anybody that knows audio stuff helped me out not a single part not a single person that replied really

[00:03:59] Yeah, I talked to like 15 different people and then like half of them are like oh, here's what you need and it's like

[00:04:04] This is so far beyond

[00:04:06] Even what I had there's not even close to being the right thing. I'm all my school's podcast to you dude that oh my god

[00:04:12] The r slash pot that's how I got there is because I was looking for like a solution to this problem

[00:04:20] You were on the board I was on the I was on the the

[00:04:24] websites freaking message boards. Yeah, and I went on there to

[00:04:29] That's how does that sound better? Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:04:33] Turn everybody everybody's headphones up turn us the fuck up turn me the fuck up you motherfucker

[00:04:39] Yeah, maybe that's the answer is just louder headphones. Yeah, have you guys at home think of thought of getting louder headphones?

[00:04:44] Yeah, you fucking any broke ass bitches

[00:04:48] People talk like I have to turn the volume up whenever I go to listen to the podcast. It's like okay. We know sorry

[00:04:54] You have to press a button on your cue. Suck our fucking hogs. Yeah, that's why the phone has volume

[00:05:01] Kitty it you some things are quieter than other bitch and yeah, or she's quiet cuz it's subtle. It's subtle, man. It's like

[00:05:07] It's like you know what kind of jazz they listen to Princeton. That's right. You know that habit and bad habit and bad habit

[00:05:15] math jazz

[00:05:16] I can't I can't wait for it to be the 20s dude. I'm gonna finally get in the jazz

[00:05:22] I made this joke when we've done first of all I was talking about getting sucked off by flappers

[00:05:27] Yeah, we I made the joke probably actually a decade ago before it was even close to the joke 10 years ago

[00:05:34] And then I brought it up again. We've made the joke on the show. I remember saying I never had from a flapper

[00:05:40] Yeah, I remember that the joke never I just said I want to get in the jazz finally joke never had a home in

[00:05:46] Stand up cuz it's fucking dumb. Yeah

[00:05:53] Really does

[00:05:55] Oh

[00:06:02] What do you want me to say

[00:06:10] Silence

[00:06:13] Sorry lunch we could do one for you, too

[00:06:16] There's no way to do it while we're already doing the podcast. Okay, we'll do it later

[00:06:19] Actually, I could because this thing is so versatile. I could pause the recording

[00:06:23] No, no, no quick come back. No, I could throw you on the sound. I appreciate that

[00:06:29] Next time my dad just called me and I texted him I said I'm recording

[00:06:36] Say hi to you said say hi to Rasputin for me. Oh, wow because he thinks Nick looks like Rasputin

[00:06:42] Oh shit, he's trying to do a burn. He's trying to burn the boy. Yeah, whatever Rasputin's dick is in a museum

[00:06:51] That's true. He doesn't have a big ass dick. So I mean it wasn't a burn. Maybe it was a compliment

[00:06:56] I'm gonna have my regular dick put in a museum

[00:07:03] Wise this guy's dick in a museum. They're like, I don't know that's what he wanted

[00:07:06] For it every rich

[00:07:11] Owning a band she just

[00:07:13] He said he would find the entire museum, but we had to put his dick next to a bunch of Picasso

[00:07:20] Yeah, that's gonna be the house collection

[00:07:27] Sounds like only women laughing

[00:07:29] Oh man, I don't like that he is that's like a nightmare of

[00:07:35] Naked and then a room full of women laughing at me or something

[00:07:40] That sound when Adam's penis

[00:07:42] It's normal it's normal it's normal no isn't it's not normal you take your small

[00:08:00] So we're just gonna have robots we're gonna automate the entire wait dude. I can't wait

[00:08:04] We're gonna record all different kinds of setups. That's fun. We have an algorithm control the show and it's just like

[00:08:13] I'm pissed off. You mean to tell me that Iranian guy child porn museum

[00:08:22] And then have like 12 different kinds of my laughs yeah, then Adam being like I thought it would be funny if

[00:08:28] Iranian guy child porn museum I

[00:08:30] Just said that

[00:08:39] That would be an awesome show that I would listen to yeah, and it's called where in the world is Carmen San Diego

[00:08:45] Mm-hmm because you gotta always go with the copyright violations

[00:08:49] Do they ever show?

[00:08:51] Detectives her pussy. Well, yeah, not exactly her pussy

[00:08:54] But her shape her physique because I bet she was hot she had a red

[00:08:58] She was already with the whole but she was already

[00:09:01] I bet she had good pussy under that right so you Carmen San Diego is one of those girls

[00:09:05] It was like I'm dating a 65 year old when she was 19. Yeah

[00:09:11] Yeah, he restores studs bare cats in his barn my 65 year old boyfriend

[00:09:17] He's a professor at the community college

[00:09:20] And he's taking me on a date to niece

[00:09:23] Damn I'm trying to look at her right now. She's fired dude. She was hot on the computer game

[00:09:29] She was hot in the TV show. They had a TV show. It was like a game show for kids Carmen San Diego

[00:09:36] Yeah, yeah the computer game. Oh

[00:09:40] Yeah

[00:09:42] Yeah, they got her all in cartoon

[00:09:44] Let me look up Carmen San Diego porn. Oh

[00:09:47] Mmm. Oh, okay. It's still mostly computers that they've rendered to be sucking dick and shit. I

[00:09:54] Was kind of hoping okay fuck

[00:09:57] Yeah, this is good stuff. I was hoping for a real person for example one time. I saw a

[00:10:04] It Gilligan's Island pornography with Yana Gianna Michaels as ginger and

[00:10:10] I'd let's just say I beat off to that

[00:10:18] Let's just say I've masturbated

[00:10:21] My little freak if you catch my drift

[00:10:25] She was always like one of the hardest working absolute

[00:10:28] Who Carmen San Diego Carmen San Diego Gianna Michaels. Yeah, G. Armin San D. Yeah, Michaels

[00:10:34] Mm-hmm. Yeah, as your jacket off you're getting her name wrong to own her

[00:10:48] Yeah, that is her name got you

[00:10:51] That is a she just had gusto, you know, absolutely dude. Yeah, and some big ass bouncy ass titties and a big old big old

[00:10:59] Dumper absolutely big old pooper. Yeah

[00:11:02] Mm-hmm that I'd love her to just take a crap all

[00:11:07] You saw that

[00:11:10] I wish you honor Michaels to take a shit. I saw that on a porn hump comment

[00:11:16] I'm I can assure you that was definitely on a porn hump gonna stole that one. Yeah, just

[00:11:24] Fuck

[00:11:26] Yeah, boys, so how do we how was Thanksgiving for everybody man? It was good. I think no no drama

[00:11:33] It's perfect time for some sexual human with the family

[00:11:39] I fucked my parents Marcus and I love Thanksgiving and incest

[00:11:47] It's cutting up that bird and cutting up my sister

[00:11:50] You guys are gonna make fun of me for saying this but incest is definitely up next

[00:11:55] incest is on next sure it isn't pedophilia. No, I think incest is next

[00:12:01] In what sense you think people are gonna start fucking yeah

[00:12:04] I think people are gonna start coming out as as

[00:12:06] ancestral the advocates just top 10 just based on like how

[00:12:10] like 10 things to watch step brother and and stepfather is like the top that's not incest bro

[00:12:17] You're not blood related no, but why are people watching that because they're not blood related because of the technicality

[00:12:22] No, I feel like I can only think

[00:12:25] ethically jack off to that because these people are definitely step simply the only things left are

[00:12:31] Be still a

[00:12:33] incest and pedophilia. I just watch think incest is up next I watched who took Johnny last night

[00:12:38] Yeah, one about about some kid in fucking Iowa

[00:12:42] Yeah, which you know honestly the Midwest kind of deserves to have that happen to them now that I think about rape all the yeah

[00:12:49] Although I've seen stuff. It's like as long as they're like abducting children from the Midwest

[00:12:58] You know, it's still elite Nick. Yeah, you know, yeah

[00:13:00] He has his pinky raised as he's holding his microphone

[00:13:04] You know, it's like you saying oh well Bill Clinton. He's got a private island

[00:13:07] He's raping children on it's like yeah, but it's some fucking some boy from Iowa come on

[00:13:12] So what the heck in corn farmer right who the hell cares about him? Yeah, what the hell was he gonna do get into craft the beer?

[00:13:18] Yeah, that would be his entire life. That's best case. That'd be a best case in there

[00:13:23] He's a guy that's like yeah, I actually know

[00:13:25] What hops are seven more types of beer than Budweiser

[00:13:30] I'm actually a beer guy. I'm in the Game of Thrones in beer

[00:13:34] And my entire state is a giant lens crafters

[00:13:38] It's like well, yeah, maybe maybe yeah, we should we should be feeding

[00:13:43] Because you know, they feed the rest of the country and part of the food that's needed is children children

[00:13:47] Child yeah in a way. They're they're really America's real farmers

[00:13:53] You know I mean the babies that get fucked the

[00:13:56] Special Ed the bread basket of America. I eat nothing but Chinese food

[00:13:59] So none of my food. I don't need I don't need the Midwest for that true. I need it to satisfy my elites cravings for boys

[00:14:08] So that they give me the health care that I need a very slow incremental way

[00:14:13] I'm not it's not my first choice

[00:14:17] but if we have to let Bill Clinton and his

[00:14:21] Recently backed the life friend Jeffrey Epstein molest

[00:14:24] Boys from Iowa so that we can just get the legislation on the table. Yeah, you know

[00:14:29] You don't even want to pass you just want on the table. I just want it on the table because that's how it's a process

[00:14:34] Yeah thousands of you crack some eggs to make omelette. Yeah thousands of boys from Des Moines need to be a duck down the paper

[00:14:43] Just so maybe in 25 years we can talk about you know me getting like

[00:14:49] Some kind of deal on aspirin

[00:14:54] You get elective sex changes every six months. Yeah

[00:14:57] But

[00:15:03] Wait, what do you mean elective sex changes as opposed to

[00:15:07] Mandatory sex change. No, he's just emphasizing the fact that they're elective. I guess in Iran. No, right? Yeah as a flex

[00:15:16] Well, I would get I would get wheels like the black dude from Twisted Metal that would be so say

[00:15:21] Axel that'd be awesome. Okay, look at the wall just like scary cars and one guy's like I'm black

[00:15:36] I would change my balls for wheels. Yeah, and that way I could just roll into pussy

[00:15:43] Yeah, like think imagine me on my belly hands free with my balls

[00:15:47] The wheel my dick is coming out. Yeah, and it could do the thrusting for you. Yeah, yeah, like I would have it

[00:15:54] So I would just go back and forth instead of having a thrust

[00:16:03] What is it fucking gears stuck in her pussy here what's that I said what it is. So what's up? That's right

[00:16:10] The army that would be awesome. Yeah, I would love to have big wheels instead of balls Johnny Janidals

[00:16:19] Johnny genitalia. We took Johnny's janitor

[00:16:23] But yeah, one of the guys from the the Franklin conspiracy

[00:16:27] One of the child victims like fucking contacted

[00:16:32] The family's like oh, yeah, I I helped I helped the duck that boy damn. Yeah, and he's like yeah, we brought him to this house in Colorado

[00:16:38] He's like I can show you they go out to the house in Colorado

[00:16:41] He's like yeah, here's the dungeon and there's like children's names carved into the wall

[00:16:45] Christ and the FBI's like it wasn't credible evidence, you know this

[00:16:51] Then they never spoke to the guy Paul that said they the guy who said I helped kidnap this kid

[00:16:56] They never interviewed him. They were like what we did is we went to Omaha

[00:17:01] And we spoke to his sister who said that he was probably there at the time so

[00:17:04] That's nothing more we could do nothing. We already looked into it

[00:17:12] And with all due respect, let us do our jobs. Yeah, let us do police work catching muslims

[00:17:18] So the story is there was his kid and I was abducted on his paper route

[00:17:21] And then there was no this was 1982

[00:17:23] Yeah, and like they say it in the documentary

[00:17:26] But like you know like this the mother of the kid

[00:17:28] She's like this guy contacted me who's like a professor and fucking

[00:17:32] And on some sociologist. He's like I study like pedophiles or whatever and she's like what's a pedophile

[00:17:38] And then like no one knew like the police chief was like, I don't know what a pedophile is what? Yeah, they just didn't know

[00:17:44] It was that's how fucking like people didn't know dude. It was like a thing where like even child pornography was like

[00:17:49] You know, it was like somebody that had a collection of like esoteric art would be like it's pornography

[00:17:55] But there's children in it. Isn't that weird

[00:17:57] You know, I'd be like look at this clock I found that goes backwards

[00:18:01] What do you mean they didn't know what pedophiles were they just didn't know?

[00:18:04] It's because the elites were so good at keeping it secret in back in those days from from the dawn of man

[00:18:11] But they thought it was a thing that was just like sort of eradicated

[00:18:14] You know, but like yeah, nobody knew or whatever

[00:18:17] And uh, and then that was you know, john wall shiz son was

[00:18:21] Beheaded and abducted or whatever and then he started the national center for missing and exploited children

[00:18:26] Got that tv show out of that right but uh, yeah big career come up for him, dude

[00:18:31] Yeah, so the craziest things to happen for his career

[00:18:34] The craziest

[00:18:35] The craziest part about the documentary is like somebody sent the woman pictures of his her son tied up in like bound and gagged is like a

[00:18:43] Thirteen or with other pictures of other boys that she found like it was traced to some child pornography website

[00:18:50] So she handed that information over to the FBI and they're like, yeah, we looked into it

[00:18:53] It's from a different case in florida and then so like case closed that's not her son

[00:18:58] And then they went and interviewed the detective that like

[00:19:01] You know supplied them with that information. He's like, oh, yeah

[00:19:04] No, what I told him is these three boys are from the case this other one I never identified the picture

[00:19:08] And it's like the picture that she said is her son

[00:19:10] So like they're just like the FBI's unbelievable

[00:19:12] We listen listen. We got some calls the boss is all in our asses. Yeah his friends that fuck kids are kind of yeah

[00:19:19] It's great too. There's a scene where they're like after requesting an interview with the FBI for months

[00:19:24] They finally granted us an interview

[00:19:26] But we're said we'd like

[00:19:29] With the caveat you're not allowed to you know if you ask about johnny gosh, we're not talking about it or whatever

[00:19:35] And so the first question the guy asks is like what can you tell me about johnny gosh?

[00:19:39] And they're like we're not answering that question

[00:19:41] But the guy the FBI sends is like you've never seen somebody looks like more of a pedophile

[00:19:46] Like

[00:19:48] One of those guys that can grow like a really thick mustache, but has it buzzed all the way?

[00:19:52] Yeah, but full coverage not like not doing a cool slick pencil look no, but just a full coverage Ned flanders

[00:19:59] You know high and tight and then wearing like shirt collars that are too tight

[00:20:04] Just all like bumpy and red. Yep

[00:20:06] Around yeah, I'm not answering that question. Sorry not answering that

[00:20:15] The breathing heavily through his nose thinking about boys holes

[00:20:20] Yeah, I like what can I say like a tight fit

[00:20:24] Like a tight mustache tight collar tight fit tight fit on my cock

[00:20:29] Tight boy fit. I'm not answering anymore. I'm not answering any questions. Sorry. You actually I didn't mean to say that last part of our

[00:20:34] I was quoting one of the suspects. I'm looking into

[00:20:39] But it's you look you got to get into the criminals mind in this job

[00:20:44] You know

[00:20:45] That's how you seen the movie have you seen the movie black hat

[00:20:50] That's basically my role here, except instead of hacking it's molesting boards

[00:20:57] Have you seen cruising?

[00:20:59] Yeah, I haven't seen cruising stuff hasn't seen it

[00:21:01] Someone actually DM me and said we should do an episode where we show stop cruising and we don't tell him what it's about

[00:21:07] I think I know what it's about. Isn't it Al Pacino being gay for right? It's literally no, it's called cruising guess what it's about

[00:21:14] No, he's a cop so he has to be gay

[00:21:17] To solve him to find a serious have gay sex

[00:21:20] There's a serial killer. There's a scene where he's in a gay club and like they give him a rag

[00:21:24] I guess it's like how people used to do poppers or whatever

[00:21:26] And he sniffs it and then he starts dancing super hard to the music and it's incredible. Yeah. Yeah

[00:21:32] Yeah, it's it's funny because like the the premise of the movie

[00:21:35] It's like it's kind of like a horror movie

[00:21:36] I guess or drama there's a guy going around killing gay guys

[00:21:39] So he has to become he has to go undercover as a gay guy

[00:21:43] But it's like New York and like the 19 early 1980s or whatever

[00:21:47] So like the reality is like scarier than that movie, which is like somebody's like chief

[00:21:52] Somebody's going around killing gay guys and then they go. Oh

[00:21:58] Case closed

[00:22:00] That's the end of the movie right right and then they just don't they just let all this guy like good. Yeah, good

[00:22:06] It's fucking hilarious. It's what's his it's freaking who did the yeah the exorcist freaking

[00:22:13] Did the exorcist he was very baby. He did no rosary silence of the lambs

[00:22:18] No, no rosary as baby was tiny teams adventures adventures. He did is it free from frame roger rabbit

[00:22:25] Now you're confusing me. That's all yeah. He did all those

[00:22:28] Gladiator gladiator

[00:22:31] Silas of the wolves but for the gay classes with wolves for the gay club

[00:22:35] They got silence of the wolves would be a cool movie where there's a guy going around murdering trans people

[00:22:40] Like he's going around killing buffalo bills

[00:22:42] Oh, and then they have to consult a brilliant but insane doctor who shoves people up his ass

[00:22:51] And it's the opposite of silence of the lambs. I see doctor a Hannibal rectum

[00:22:56] The opposite of being a cannibal is putting people down your ass. Yeah, dr. Lecter. What can you tell me about?

[00:23:03] You know, he's like well Clarice. I had a nice glass board a glass of kianthi up my ass

[00:23:08] I

[00:23:11] And then I shoved our good friend off her up my ass

[00:23:16] With papa beep yeah

[00:23:21] But they got just just him like walking out of that that with that middle of where he escapes in the middle of the movie

[00:23:27] He's just a police officer with someone's legs coming out of the rest

[00:23:32] And he just walks out

[00:23:34] To be just walking out with the rest of the police officers

[00:23:39] Dr. Hannibal rectum

[00:23:42] They call him the opposite of Hannibal Lecter dr. Opposite

[00:23:50] That is yep, they're like wow, that's pretty

[00:23:53] Silence of the wolves a pretty literal opposite to

[00:23:57] To eating people I guess technically is putting them in your ass. Yeah

[00:24:01] Yeah, yeah, basically my idea for the movie is uh

[00:24:05] You've all heard of silence to the lambs

[00:24:07] Well, we've done plenty of spinoffs and they've all been failures

[00:24:10] And I think the problem is is that you need to hit the notes that were popular with the original movie

[00:24:15] But you gotta you gotta

[00:24:18] Invert it. Mm. So it's called the silence of the wolves

[00:24:22] Yes, and now it's insane SJW part of my language. Const

[00:24:27] Going around getting guys like buffalo bill fired

[00:24:30] And this is this is before he was a murderer

[00:24:34] So we're seeing it gives him humanity

[00:24:37] Because we're seeing okay. Well, this guy wants to kill bitches or I'm in a hole where to close is where the skin is closed

[00:24:43] Why are they doing that?

[00:24:45] Well, it's because some fucking busybody chatty cat

[00:24:50] Start talking about he you know tried to grab my tits

[00:24:54] On social media and then boom guess who's not working at the discovery channel anymore

[00:24:59] I guess he's no longer a janitor at the discovery. Yeah, and also we're gonna have amphithep people in his ass also

[00:25:06] Anthony Hopkins is coming back

[00:25:09] Gotta get it. Yeah, it doesn't make sense that he's Hannibal Lecter yet because it's you know the past it's before the movie

[00:25:16] He's gonna be older

[00:25:17] So he's young Anthony Hopkins has played the younger version of himself and he's being inspired to be

[00:25:22] Hannibal the canable but because there's a guy named Hannibal rectum

[00:25:25] That's shoving people in his ass

[00:25:30] Anthony Hopkins plays him

[00:25:34] He also plays a very young version of himself from the first movie

[00:25:38] He got the de-aging technology for that right and I was give him a big lollipop

[00:25:43] Clarice the boy version of agent starland could be played by my friend Mike

[00:25:49] Yeah, he'd be doing some sketches on youtube for like six and my friend Mike

[00:25:52] Real funny. He's got a twitch channel, but he got kicked off for saying it. He would split door the explorer like a banana

[00:26:00] He would peel that bitch

[00:26:04] Which you know obvious I'm sure it sounds insane to you. You know, I mean a

[00:26:10] You don't even know her age b. She's a fucking cartoon

[00:26:13] So yeah silence of the wall anyway, so I'm sorry wolves

[00:26:22] No, I don't I was waiting for you to give me the money before I wrote the screenplay

[00:26:26] Oh, you want me to work for free? Okay, fuck you. I'm getting out of here. Fuck you

[00:26:32] I'm on the phone. Fuck you bitch. Try my fucking phone

[00:26:36] Oh me money for you you hearing that idea. Yeah, you if you steal my idea

[00:26:43] I swear to god if I found out that you're doing any kind of sequel or anything

[00:26:52] Fuckin sequel you came anywhere close to the idea of doing anything silent if a movie called silence comes out

[00:26:59] If a movie about lambs

[00:27:01] There's something with of and the title comes out if Anthony Hopkins ever in another movie. Yeah, we are going to have capital p problem

[00:27:14] Oh, yeah

[00:27:18] Nice nice. Nice. That's the wall. That's a nice cap on it puts a nice bow on it

[00:27:24] Oh, fuck

[00:27:26] Maybe that is why people are mad about having to turn up the volume. Yeah, I guess we never listened to the show before

[00:27:34] We should get a brown sound

[00:27:37] On the soundboard

[00:27:39] So we can make people shit their pants. Yeah, is that real? Yeah, well, I can put I can put it

[00:27:44] We can go wild dude. Okay. I can get a whole bunch of stuff

[00:27:48] Is there a brown so there's a sound that if I listen to I will shit my pants

[00:27:52] Uh, I think it's like a frequency. It was something the US Navy was trying back pretty cool. The brown sound. Yeah, dude

[00:27:59] That's that's how rock and roll started. They basically had that was the 50s was the last decade of dumb people being allowed to invent things

[00:28:07] And somehow use LSD. Yeah, once the information age and the technological techno bomb

[00:28:13] Yeah, that's the revolution. You got it. You couldn't get away

[00:28:16] You can't get away with being like oh, I'm gonna invent this thing because now you have to know how a computer works or programming and stuff

[00:28:22] Yes, but a hundred years ago. You could be like wow

[00:28:26] How about a gun that fires condoms

[00:28:30] Sick, but what it

[00:28:32] The condoms have AIDS in it

[00:28:35] And it uh, you know, it gives people AIDS and their dick. So I need 80 million dollars

[00:28:41] And which is like 90 million dollars in today's money. Oh, yeah, that's how inflation works. Mm-hmm. Just add 10

[00:28:49] Yeah, well 10 percent. Yeah, Ted goes up 10 percent every hundred years

[00:28:55] So

[00:29:01] Yeah

[00:29:03] That's what it was like before technological um the the Navy probably is that when nobody could say that word

[00:29:09] The Navy probably did try and tech about tech techno technological

[00:29:14] No technological it feels like this should be another syllable in there

[00:29:19] Technical collage technical

[00:29:24] Now that's too many I want to see in there. I want the technologic tech technology

[00:29:29] Technology technology

[00:29:39] Yeah, now you're cooking the gas for

[00:29:44] Now you're dialing my numbers now you're calling me on the phone

[00:29:50] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're playing with my balls. Oh, yeah, now you're putting my balls in your ass and mouth that order

[00:29:56] Now

[00:29:58] Just just fucking just

[00:30:00] Ordering the sandwich. It wouldn't let you're chopped me like yeah, let me get some of the

[00:30:05] Yeah, let me. Oh, yeah, the arugula and the red onions now you're sucking my balls

[00:30:10] You got my balls in your mouth

[00:30:12] Yeah, you're sucking on my balls. What is it? Manuela?

[00:30:20] Yeah, now we're fucking you pussy

[00:30:22] Oh, yeah

[00:30:25] That big it was baking crumbly. Yeah, put a little bacon crumbles on there. We're in the business now. You're sucking the nut out of my balls

[00:30:32] Sucking my cock

[00:30:36] Oh, the business of getting my dick sucked it chopped

[00:30:45] Yes, yes

[00:30:47] I'll tell you what that is correct. I'll tell you what brother if you get if you tell me what if you're going to chow

[00:30:54] You're gonna need a wallet. Oh, yeah

[00:30:57] They don't give you shit for free over there. You're gonna need to have a wallet to wear

[00:31:02] And if you don't get a wallet

[00:31:05] Then you're gonna you're gonna have big problems. Okay

[00:31:11] I like it. Hey, listen if you're deaf

[00:31:14] You're trying to get a wallet

[00:31:18] You're trying to get a wallet and you're deaf

[00:31:21] Oh, you just you just deaf out there. Oh, that's good. You got it. You just

[00:31:34] Go to Ridge wallet, but it's not for that asses for that front pocket. It's for your ass

[00:31:39] It's for deaf

[00:31:46] I think it can be for people that aren't deaf also

[00:31:56] Get your hands off the motherfucker wallet

[00:32:01] No, please buy it even if you are a regular Ridge wallet offers well, I think deaf people are regular too

[00:32:06] Okay, well Ridge wallet they offer you don't have to be political about this Adam

[00:32:10] Well, I'm just trying to make the deaf people that are listening to the podcast below. Okay, Ridge wallet.com offers wallets shirts hoodies guns

[00:32:19] pussy pockets pussy

[00:32:23] Yeah, yeah, everybody's talking about pocket pussy. Have a pussy pockets

[00:32:28] They just they go into your regular pockets in your coat. Yeah

[00:32:32] I like you got a little pussy in there. You gotta put your in your pocket. You just go to a nice restaurant excuse yourself and go into the

[00:32:39] coat room

[00:32:41] And you're just the lining. Yeah, just like the whole closet shaking people like what's going on in there?

[00:32:46] It's like that guys he went to Ridge wallet.com

[00:32:49] You pull a pussy pocket you pull your phone out of your pussy pocket is dripping wet. Oh, yeah, because they're always wet

[00:32:55] Oh, yeah, they love them because I keep them. I keeps them wet. I can't wait to have six

[00:32:59] Yeah, the first time so yeah, they got wallets. They got pussy. They got they got backpacks backpacks

[00:33:08] Yeah, the backpacks are slick. They're pretty slick. I saw them. Let me tell you they want to send one of them over

[00:33:14] Guys if you guys listen to this show, you know, the story already. I had a long new backpack

[00:33:19] All right, you know, my wallet got overstuffed with my cabela's card. That's right my Ricky's ammunition

[00:33:24] Mm-hmm. My Johnny's guns for veterans my first responder card

[00:33:30] Oh, yeah, my 9-11 museum honorary my coasters from the 9-11

[00:33:35] That's right friends of the 9-11 higher set of 9-11 coasters. Yeah, my piece of my body armor from Iraq

[00:33:43] Which is also just another condom

[00:33:46] That's what I call my bot my tactical body. I love tactical gear when you're doing a deep insertion into some fallouge

[00:33:51] For lose pooge you need tactical body or anyways my old wallet got fucked up

[00:33:58] And it was one of those big, you know big time big time stuff. What kind of wallet you got?

[00:34:03] I have a ridge wallet phone case. Oh, there you go. You could also do that. You put your cards in you put your cords in

[00:34:10] I'm gonna be I like I like my saddle leather phone case. So I'm gonna stick with that. I'm gonna keep that but the ridge wallet mines you're riding

[00:34:16] you

[00:34:21] Silence

[00:34:26] Here really my ridge of all

[00:34:29] Keep going. Just continue.

[00:34:33] You don't have to laugh that hard song.

[00:34:35] It's not that.

[00:34:36] This is so good.

[00:34:38] This is really fun.

[00:34:39] This is so good.

[00:34:40] I admit it.

[00:34:41] God damn dude, that's all.

[00:34:43] That's gonna be it.

[00:34:44] Anyway, so my old wallet got fucked up.

[00:34:53] Yep.

[00:34:54] And I needed a new one and Ridge just happened to come by.

[00:34:57] That's right.

[00:34:58] I want you to tell people about wallets.

[00:35:02] And so they sent us the wallets.

[00:35:03] And they gave us fucking wallets.

[00:35:06] And they gave us wallets.

[00:35:07] And you were there.

[00:35:08] You guys were there.

[00:35:09] I opened it.

[00:35:10] And what did I say?

[00:35:11] This sucks.

[00:35:12] This sucks.

[00:35:13] Yeah.

[00:35:14] There's no way this is...

[00:35:15] They're hard and metal.

[00:35:16] Yeah.

[00:35:17] And then you use them for...

[00:35:18] Slim.

[00:35:19] .5 seconds.

[00:35:20] I used it for half a day and I was hooked.

[00:35:21] It's fucking...

[00:35:22] It's the size of a credit card.

[00:35:23] So it like frees up.

[00:35:24] So much space in your pockets.

[00:35:26] Well, yeah.

[00:35:27] And it's like I used to have to use...

[00:35:28] I had a wallet pocket.

[00:35:29] That was it.

[00:35:30] Now I got my fucking wallet.

[00:35:32] Now it makes sometimes put some in his under his nuts.

[00:35:35] I put them in a pussy pocket.

[00:35:36] I hide like a chipmunk wood.

[00:35:38] I hide my wallet in between my dick and my nuts.

[00:35:41] And then what you do is you take your money, you roll it up.

[00:35:45] That's right.

[00:35:46] And then you pull your dick between your balls, the hold it tight and you jam it around.

[00:35:50] I love that.

[00:35:51] I love that.

[00:35:52] A little fucking cockamick.

[00:35:54] That's the...

[00:35:55] That's the Ridge V2.

[00:35:57] Yes.

[00:35:58] They're selling that.

[00:35:59] They're selling, pulling your cock into your ass.

[00:36:02] It's a TDF.

[00:36:03] It's a TDF that tells you how to do that.

[00:36:06] I think it's...

[00:36:07] It's still...

[00:36:08] It's still in beta.

[00:36:09] I heard you're still in beta.

[00:36:12] Oh shit.

[00:36:13] No, I'm in alpha, bro.

[00:36:14] Wrong.

[00:36:15] Wrong.

[00:36:16] Wrong bitch.

[00:36:17] That's the one I want.

[00:36:18] I want wrong bitch.

[00:36:19] Wrong.

[00:36:20] The Ridgemaid at Everyday Goods to a standard you don't see every day.

[00:36:25] We hope you streamline your life by turning the things you carry like backpacks, charges,

[00:36:29] and wallets and the tools for better living.

[00:36:32] Our flagship product, the Ridge Wallet, launched on Kickstarter in 2013 and now sits in the

[00:36:36] front pockets of over half a million men and women.

[00:36:40] Even women.

[00:36:41] And women.

[00:36:42] That's the population of Africa.

[00:36:43] Half a million?

[00:36:44] Yeah.

[00:36:45] I think it's...

[00:36:46] It's like maybe a thousand or two thousand more than men.

[00:36:50] I'm sorry.

[00:36:51] The panced population.

[00:36:54] The bepanced.

[00:36:55] The one is it...

[00:36:56] You have panced.

[00:36:57] No, I'm not.

[00:36:58] I would say the vast majority of panced.

[00:37:01] You're being pretty, playing fast and loose the definition of pants.

[00:37:04] As far as what I've seen.

[00:37:07] Well, you have...

[00:37:08] How much reason have you done all this?

[00:37:10] Your cock and balls shoved into a gourd doesn't really count as pants, I don't think.

[00:37:15] Hey folks, that's their president of Africa.

[00:37:19] To be poor.

[00:37:20] To be poor.

[00:37:21] I'm with the real time song.

[00:37:24] This is cut to the real time.

[00:37:31] Yeah, folks, that's their president in Africa.

[00:37:35] Let's see here.

[00:37:39] Yeah, it's nice.

[00:37:41] They got titanium carbon fiber aluminum.

[00:37:45] I use the carbon fiber one.

[00:37:47] I like it.

[00:37:48] I like it.

[00:37:49] I'm sure the other ones are fine.

[00:37:50] I'm just not.

[00:37:51] Some people have a metal allergy.

[00:37:53] You know, Blake has that?

[00:37:54] Really?

[00:37:55] Blake?

[00:37:56] It's allergic to metal.

[00:37:57] He found out because he got so fat that his gut hung over his belt.

[00:38:01] And where his belt was sitting on the belt, it rotted away into the flesh.

[00:38:08] And he had an acrotic wound.

[00:38:10] Oh!

[00:38:11] He was just doing too much crack to realize.

[00:38:14] Ridge is approved by the FDA to prevent that from happening by being carbon fiber.

[00:38:20] That's true.

[00:38:21] It's a good Blake.

[00:38:22] If you're Blake, you got Blake, I know.

[00:38:25] Gun virus.

[00:38:26] The fat ass.

[00:38:27] The stomach.

[00:38:29] It's medically approved by the federal government, licensed.

[00:38:32] They promised that.

[00:38:33] Oh, yeah.

[00:38:34] It took cure.

[00:38:35] It took cure to be fat.

[00:38:36] Can't say it, whatever we were talking about.

[00:38:38] Yeah, it's fine.

[00:38:39] That's the one thing I think you can't get.

[00:38:40] That's not like a copyright thing.

[00:38:42] If you say that on a show, it's lights out for you.

[00:38:45] They're the product and cure cancer.

[00:38:47] Because the government doesn't.

[00:38:50] They're not like, yeah, we don't know what jokes are.

[00:38:53] Right.

[00:38:54] We'll teach them, dude.

[00:38:55] We'll teach them.

[00:38:56] We'll fucking represent ourselves.

[00:38:58] They got a secretary of defense.

[00:39:00] Why not a secretary of jokes?

[00:39:02] Adam likes the backpack.

[00:39:04] He imagines him going to a school and being fitting in with the students.

[00:39:08] No, no.

[00:39:09] It's not for that.

[00:39:10] It's for going on international trips.

[00:39:13] I'm here for, I'm trying to find this, but like a business trying to find girls who are

[00:39:17] emotionally mature.

[00:39:18] I'm looking for an emotionally mature 20 year old girl.

[00:39:22] I'm looking for girls with the same, the same.

[00:39:24] A lot of correct size pussy for my dick.

[00:39:27] I'm at this kindergarten.

[00:39:29] The ridges are minimal.

[00:39:30] A lot of 20 year olds are just as mature as Adam.

[00:39:32] Original front pocket wallet.

[00:39:34] This is on kindergarten.

[00:39:36] Streamline what you carry over here.

[00:39:37] The pussy's are the right size.

[00:39:39] I would only hook up with someone that's over 18 and kindergarten.

[00:39:41] There's a lifetime warranty.

[00:39:44] If you love it and free returns if you don't.

[00:39:46] Yep.

[00:39:47] And guetanium carbon fiber.

[00:39:49] Brilliant.

[00:39:50] It does it doesn't different styles and colors.

[00:39:54] So below you go to ridges.com slash com town.

[00:39:59] That's ridges.com slash com town.

[00:40:00] Or use promo code com town and you get 10% off with free worldwide shipping and returns.

[00:40:06] Wow.

[00:40:07] So check them out.

[00:40:08] Worldwide motherfuckers.

[00:40:10] World turds.

[00:40:12] Worldwide you fucking pieces of shit.

[00:40:14] Eric turd.

[00:40:15] Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

[00:40:28] New rules.

[00:40:29] Stavas gate.

[00:40:30] What?

[00:40:31] Yeah.

[00:40:32] Fuck silence.

[00:40:33] Is that one of Bill Mars new rules that I'm getting?

[00:40:37] He said it last week on the show.

[00:40:40] People weren't sending that to you.

[00:40:42] No.

[00:40:43] A bunch of people sent it to me.

[00:40:44] I got a real good laugh out of that.

[00:40:45] It might have been the first time I ever laughed a bill.

[00:40:48] What the hell?

[00:40:50] Because he made me gay now.

[00:40:52] New rules.

[00:40:53] Stop his game.

[00:40:54] Fuck.

[00:40:55] What if he had that power?

[00:40:56] He could just say your game.

[00:40:57] Yeah.

[00:40:58] His rules.

[00:40:59] His rules are legally binding.

[00:41:00] Fuck you.

[00:41:01] I'm sleepy as a bitch.

[00:41:03] Yeah.

[00:41:04] Me too.

[00:41:05] We're in the process of being snowed in here.

[00:41:07] I know it just started snowing hard.

[00:41:09] I got to go see Bob tonight.

[00:41:10] I'm going to I got to go trudge through this.

[00:41:13] Yeah, I got to spots tonight.

[00:41:14] It's going to suck my dick.

[00:41:15] You got me feeling like Edward.

[00:41:18] Scissor hands.

[00:41:19] Whoa, misdirection.

[00:41:21] Yeah.

[00:41:22] Is Edward snowing getting pussy?

[00:41:24] Where is he?

[00:41:25] In the embassy.

[00:41:26] Yeah, he's he had a girlfriend that like didn't break up with him.

[00:41:30] Equidorian.

[00:41:31] That's right.

[00:41:32] All of that shit dude.

[00:41:33] Can you imagine?

[00:41:34] There's never been a more ride or die bitch in the history of imagine you have like you're

[00:41:38] dating some nerd for stability.

[00:41:40] Yeah.

[00:41:41] And then he's like, honey, I've got bad news.

[00:41:42] And they're like, oh, you didn't get accepted to jeopardy?

[00:41:45] He's like, no, I'm being called the traitor by the president.

[00:41:50] And we have to flee and find political asylum.

[00:41:53] Oh, she went with it?

[00:41:54] No, he didn't even tell her he was leaving.

[00:41:57] Yeah, I think he just dipped.

[00:41:59] Adam read all this on girlfriend news.com.

[00:42:01] No, I saw the Adam.

[00:42:04] Adam raised.

[00:42:05] We're guys.

[00:42:06] I saw that.

[00:42:07] I saw Glenn.

[00:42:08] I want a girlfriend like that.

[00:42:09] How do I?

[00:42:10] I got a real girlfriend.

[00:42:13] Well, how else am I going to learn about girlfriends?

[00:42:16] I fuck learning.

[00:42:17] Dude, you're 30.

[00:42:18] You don't learn shit anymore.

[00:42:19] You're getting over.

[00:42:20] I've learned about being stuck in your ways.

[00:42:22] I've learned plenty of shit.

[00:42:25] I'm not only am I stuck in my ways.

[00:42:27] I'm getting worse.

[00:42:29] I've learned plenty of shit.

[00:42:30] I promise you.

[00:42:31] It's me.

[00:42:32] This is me except even more reactionary.

[00:42:36] And now a shoplift.

[00:42:40] You have enough money for anything.

[00:42:42] No, now a shoplift.

[00:42:44] And I'm curmudgeonly.

[00:42:45] Sometimes I shield the airport out of principle.

[00:42:49] Oh, they used to do it all the time.

[00:42:51] I love doing it.

[00:42:52] There's a certain place.

[00:42:53] There's a certain part of like LaGuardia that I steal from constantly.

[00:42:58] Almost every time I'm there.

[00:42:59] And every time I do the whole like, whoa, where's your cash?

[00:43:02] Where's your cash rush?

[00:43:03] Always.

[00:43:04] I pretend like I'm looking around.

[00:43:05] Looking around.

[00:43:06] I put on a play.

[00:43:07] I guess I'm good.

[00:43:08] Yeah.

[00:43:09] I'm ready in case anybody stops him.

[00:43:11] I'm like, oh, I didn't even.

[00:43:13] Then you're just in the security office and there's another guy that's like, fucking

[00:43:17] like, but like gesturing.

[00:43:19] Where's the cash register?

[00:43:22] I don't know where.

[00:43:23] And then he's in there too.

[00:43:24] That is really like a perfect crime.

[00:43:26] Like you get on a plane.

[00:43:28] You fly away.

[00:43:29] You know, come find me and fucking find me.

[00:43:32] And it's New York.

[00:43:33] So it's nothing but like professional actors getting caught.

[00:43:35] And they're in the security office like knowing that not only do they get caught

[00:43:39] stealing, but they're bad at acting.

[00:43:41] Yeah.

[00:43:42] That is the ultimate fucking failure for them.

[00:43:47] That's what we've never been caught because we're beautiful actors.

[00:43:50] Yeah.

[00:43:51] Yeah.

[00:43:52] Well, acting just comes naturally.

[00:43:53] My thing is I pretend I'm looking for the cash register.

[00:43:55] And they're like, sir, you're going to pay for that.

[00:43:57] I'm like, I don't know where my mom is.

[00:43:59] I don't know what kind of accident is.

[00:44:01] I don't know where my mom is.

[00:44:03] And you just commit for hours.

[00:44:06] You're like, you're here alone.

[00:44:10] You haven't been destroyed.

[00:44:12] You're headed to Geneva alone.

[00:44:17] I'm pretty sure you're not returning.

[00:44:19] You lose the $70 and stop pretending for this boss water.

[00:44:23] You're stealing foreign affairs magazines.

[00:44:28] I was, I look at him for the puzzle in there.

[00:44:32] I thought he said, cookies magazine.

[00:44:37] You're on my client was looking for cookies magazine.

[00:44:45] Seven months.

[00:44:46] I've just been in jail the whole time.

[00:44:49] Listen, if they let me in a jail, they're going to file me.

[00:44:52] They're going to know I'm not retarded.

[00:44:54] So I'm going to stay here and continue to get brutally raped.

[00:45:00] I'm going to be a little bit

[00:45:03] frustrated.

[00:45:04] I'm like, yeah, hey, scooter, you want some ice cream?

[00:45:11] I got an ice cream compo.

[00:45:13] Oh boy, I guess I had to lick the ice cream again.

[00:45:18] Yeah, we keep rippin' this man who can't

[00:45:21] it to be retarded.

[00:45:22] We don't know.

[00:45:23] He's wicked.

[00:45:24] He was just trying to steal a fair and affairs man.

[00:45:29] Yeah.

[00:45:30] And it's like, I actually didn't, it's like my redemption story is like, I teach the other

[00:45:34] inmates how to pretend to be retarded so that they can get off, but then they're all immediately

[00:45:38] executed by the same.

[00:45:39] Show a bunch of blacks.

[00:45:41] It's like, I didn't know I was raped by a normal man.

[00:45:46] And they're like, son, we've got a place for you.

[00:45:49] We got a big fancy chair for you.

[00:45:53] Yeah, no, no, it's, we flip this switch and it makes you smarter.

[00:46:00] It's with a sand computer's into your brain.

[00:46:04] Don't there's no reason to be scared?

[00:46:06] Sit there in that big chair and we're going to hook your brain up to the computers.

[00:46:11] Okay.

[00:46:12] Oh, it's so sad.

[00:46:14] Yeah, well, that's how they do it.

[00:46:16] That is Texas, dude.

[00:46:17] Texas style.

[00:46:18] That's why Nick, they got arrested in Texas in that story.

[00:46:21] And he was stealing from the Austin International Airport.

[00:46:24] Yeah, the Austin International.

[00:46:27] Direct flights from Austin to London.

[00:46:33] The gentleman's cumin, the cowboy gentleman's offering non-stop service 17 times a day.

[00:46:42] I'm asking the law to keep throwing directly.

[00:46:45] Austin, Texas to London, London, Britain 17 times a day.

[00:46:52] I got a flight out of Austin.

[00:46:53] It was expensive as shit for the James Bond show.

[00:46:56] They always have to connect in Dallas.

[00:46:58] Sucks.

[00:46:59] Damn, it's snowing.

[00:47:01] It's snowing pretty heavy.

[00:47:03] Goddamn it.

[00:47:04] I got to go fucking therapy.

[00:47:05] I got to go see a 78 year old man mumble his songs.

[00:47:10] I'm a think it's wrong.

[00:47:12] He's not even sitting here.

[00:47:14] Apparently, I'm fucking gay.

[00:47:16] I text my friend.

[00:47:17] I think it's mom.

[00:47:18] This one goes out to Adam.

[00:47:22] Somebody said you're a fucking loser.

[00:47:24] No, that's not true.

[00:47:27] Oh my God, if he said that, it would hurt my head.

[00:47:30] Adam Greenland said, but he told me his story and that I have to say, you sound like a fucking loser to me.

[00:47:38] This is the story of the faggot meme.

[00:47:43] I'm a gay man.

[00:47:45] I've ever seen two, two, three, two, three.

[00:47:51] What a beautiful you are in the podcast.

[00:47:54] I text my friend because he saw an earlier show on this run and he said, he's like, dude, Bob is back.

[00:48:00] He's trying to sing again because he's been mumbling like the last 10 years at concerts.

[00:48:05] He's just been mumbling all the songs.

[00:48:07] He's like, dude, he's singing again and he plays guitar on two songs.

[00:48:11] And I got so hyped.

[00:48:13] How old is his mother from?

[00:48:14] 78.

[00:48:15] Wow.

[00:48:16] Bernie age?

[00:48:17] I guess Bernie age.

[00:48:18] Yeah, exactly.

[00:48:19] If I'm going to, if, come on, you can't make fun of me.

[00:48:23] Fuck.

[00:48:24] You got me, dude.

[00:48:25] I got you, dude.

[00:48:26] You got me on the technicality.

[00:48:27] It's just like voting for Bernie.

[00:48:28] It's just as brave and bold because Bernie wasn't doing drugs.

[00:48:32] He was shooting hoops.

[00:48:34] While Bob Dylan was saying the N word, by the way, in his songs, cancel him.

[00:48:38] In the hurricane, cancel him.

[00:48:47] There's literally no difference between Jeffrey Epstein and fucking Louis C.K.

[00:48:52] Yeah.

[00:48:53] Yeah.

[00:48:54] Yeah.

[00:48:55] I had this like really shitty idea.

[00:49:00] Wow.

[00:49:01] That's a good character.

[00:49:03] Yeah.

[00:49:04] Thanks.

[00:49:05] I suck the penis on the hurricane.

[00:49:09] Whoa.

[00:49:10] I love that.

[00:49:12] That's pretty loud.

[00:49:15] It is loud, but welcome to the zone.

[00:49:18] Getting the zone.

[00:49:20] The Gasek Zone.

[00:49:22] The Gay Hawk Show.

[00:49:24] You're supposed to listen to this podcast that fucking 11, bitch.

[00:49:27] At 11?

[00:49:28] Yeah.

[00:49:29] 11 a.m.

[00:49:30] Turn it up to 11, dude.

[00:49:31] Oh, I see, I see.

[00:49:32] Like, um, that movie.

[00:49:34] The Spinal Tap.

[00:49:35] About spinal crap.

[00:49:38] Yup.

[00:49:39] Everything about that.

[00:49:41] I like that.

[00:49:42] There's shit in stuff.

[00:49:44] Yeah.

[00:49:45] Same movie but they shit.

[00:49:46] It's off go to the bathroom.

[00:49:49] This one goes in my ISO.

[00:49:51] I was telling somebody that the day that I've only seen the British Sopranos.

[00:49:55] It was way better.

[00:49:57] We go to need gobble goo.

[00:49:59] In the arse of love.

[00:50:02] Well, I've been watching this show called Bob Hoskins, Tony Soprano.

[00:50:06] That'd be a great show.

[00:50:08] I love that.

[00:50:09] I'd love that.

[00:50:10] I've been watching this show called Top Boy.

[00:50:12] They have an Italian.

[00:50:13] My family's been in Jersey.

[00:50:14] They do have Italian.

[00:50:15] My family's been in Jersey for 400 years.

[00:50:18] Oh, yeah.

[00:50:19] Running the garbage lorries.

[00:50:24] Yeah, that guy Armando Yinucci.

[00:50:26] That's an Italian ass name.

[00:50:28] He's Scottish Italian.

[00:50:30] I've been watching this show Top Boy, which is the wire but London.

[00:50:36] Okay.

[00:50:37] So I can steal British black people slang and not get caught.

[00:50:43] Like what?

[00:50:44] I feel like if I say American black people slang, they just add them with a little moleskin.

[00:50:48] There's no jokes written in.

[00:50:49] It's just things he's heard black people say.

[00:50:52] Well, if they're British.

[00:50:53] Yeah, categorized in terms of black nationalities.

[00:50:56] They always, they called.

[00:50:57] My friend Bobby told me he had this roommate that was like a kind of an Adam type of guy.

[00:51:02] Yeah.

[00:51:03] What do you mean, Adam?

[00:51:04] They were moving and he found the guy's notebook and he opened it up and it was just like,

[00:51:07] there was an actual page in there and it said, cool things Bobby has said to repeat.

[00:51:12] Broom.

[00:51:13] And it was a list of just like things that Bobby had said.

[00:51:16] I would not do more.

[00:51:17] Adam would so.

[00:51:18] I would not do more.

[00:51:19] He would never put it in writing.

[00:51:20] He would never put it in writing.

[00:51:21] He would never put it in writing.

[00:51:22] I would not have a paper trail.

[00:51:23] He would just say.

[00:51:24] He would repeat them to his therapist and be like,

[00:51:26] should I say these things?

[00:51:27] And his therapist would be like, I think you should do whatever makes you feel like you.

[00:51:32] And Adam would be like, so I should have said the coolest thing to me.

[00:51:36] My therapist said I should have gay sex.

[00:51:38] He said the realest thing to me.

[00:51:39] He said that everything I feel is correct.

[00:51:41] No, every impulsive ever had is the correct impulse to have.

[00:51:46] He's had plays given me plenty of criticisms.

[00:51:49] Yeah.

[00:51:50] Has he told you to be to kiss guys?

[00:51:53] Yeah.

[00:51:54] No, he hasn't told me to kiss guys.

[00:51:56] Yeah.

[00:51:57] Let me get your therapist phone number because I have a button he might be interested in.

[00:52:00] Oh, once again, Nick.

[00:52:02] Silence.

[00:52:03] Shit, he's on there.

[00:52:04] How are you going to give him the button?

[00:52:06] I don't know.

[00:52:07] I'll bomb the equipment.

[00:52:08] Listen, I know you help people with words.

[00:52:11] I help them with money and gifts.

[00:52:14] That's right.

[00:52:15] Showering them with gifts.

[00:52:17] Oh, oh.

[00:52:18] Silence at your parents.

[00:52:20] Silence.

[00:52:21] Silence.

[00:52:22] Silence.

[00:52:24] Silence.

[00:52:25] Speaking of therapy, my roommate started watching that show in treatment.

[00:52:29] It's a show about therapy.

[00:52:31] And it kind of sucked.

[00:52:32] I got to be honest.

[00:52:33] Yeah, it's not that's not that good.

[00:52:35] I thought it was good.

[00:52:36] It's actually based on an Israeli show.

[00:52:38] Well, there you go.

[00:52:39] And in the Israeli version, a fighter pilot accidentally bombs like a school.

[00:52:44] Wow.

[00:52:45] And he has to go to therapy to do it.

[00:52:47] Oh, so the Israeli show is just propaganda.

[00:52:49] It's propaganda.

[00:52:50] Yeah, deliberate operation.

[00:52:52] The policy.

[00:52:53] Yeah.

[00:52:54] It's propaganda to say that it was an accident.

[00:52:57] That's so funny.

[00:52:58] I'm going to tell them that.

[00:53:00] I can't wait.

[00:53:01] Yeah.

[00:53:02] Yeah, that shit was kind of fun.

[00:53:04] Top boy is pretty sick though.

[00:53:05] Top boy.

[00:53:06] Yeah.

[00:53:07] What are some, what's some good slang you've stolen?

[00:53:09] They say, uh, they call drugs food.

[00:53:11] Food is cool.

[00:53:12] They're like, we need food for the streets.

[00:53:14] He's like, we got dark.

[00:53:16] We got light.

[00:53:17] That's what they call, I guess, Coke and heroin.

[00:53:19] It's nice.

[00:53:20] Food for the streets.

[00:53:22] Is Skepta in it?

[00:53:23] No, but there's like a lot of grime music that plays as pretty sick that I should,

[00:53:27] Shazam, while I watch it.

[00:53:29] And then tell people I found it on my own.

[00:53:32] Man, it's suck.

[00:53:34] I'm joking, dude.

[00:53:35] I only did that one.

[00:53:37] It was.

[00:53:38] Big father one.

[00:53:40] Yeah, there's a gang.

[00:53:42] This is a goddamn man.

[00:53:43] And he watches a British show.

[00:53:45] No, I joke.

[00:53:46] Shazam is lyrics.

[00:53:48] Drake produces it.

[00:53:49] Shazam this, you fucking asshole.

[00:53:52] And I'm just, Shazam, he's like, what's the only song is this?

[00:53:56] Everyone singing along.

[00:53:58] They all go to the lyrics.

[00:53:59] They handed out the lyrics everywhere.

[00:54:01] It's under every seat except for mine.

[00:54:03] There's no page.

[00:54:04] Everyone's like, Adams and asshole with their lighters out.

[00:54:08] He's a fucking loser.

[00:54:11] And we all remember the way the good singer.

[00:54:15] This is a, in the summer, we're literally bullsh** songs.

[00:54:20] Yeah, that's not what's my best bullsh** song.

[00:54:23] What's the best one?

[00:54:25] Yeah, like what's a good one?

[00:54:27] I don't know.

[00:54:28] I mean, there's so many to choose.

[00:54:29] You're only allowed to be in the Bob Dylan from the age of like 14.

[00:54:32] No, that's not true, dude.

[00:54:34] There's so much different Bob Dylan.

[00:54:36] I think at that age, you're into the folk stuff.

[00:54:39] And I think as you get more mature, you get more into the rock stuff.

[00:54:43] And then you get into the Christian stuff.

[00:54:45] And that's being a man.

[00:54:46] Yes, Christian stuff.

[00:54:47] Being a man is getting into Christian stuff.

[00:54:49] Yeah, dude.

[00:54:50] The three Christian albums I think.

[00:54:51] Being a man is all about doing the same exact thing as you did at 14 years old.

[00:54:55] Playing Luigi's Mansion.

[00:54:57] Yeah.

[00:54:58] So getting a penis with from a gun ain't been.

[00:55:02] Luigi's Mansion is a disappointment.

[00:55:04] I'll be honest with you.

[00:55:05] It's not as fun as Odyssey.

[00:55:08] Honestly, everything's kind of a disappointment.

[00:55:10] I thought that new Donk City show was kind of cool.

[00:55:13] That's like a very small part of the game.

[00:55:15] Well, that's the only part I saw.

[00:55:16] All the pictures moments, dude.

[00:55:18] You just got to remember certain moments to make you happy.

[00:55:21] That's true.

[00:55:22] Doesn't have to be the whole game.

[00:55:23] That's all that memories are, man.

[00:55:25] It's just moments, brother.

[00:55:27] And we're feeling in narrative to make them in a story.

[00:55:30] Don't you dare talk like Bob Dylan about my actual thoughts.

[00:55:33] Listen, brother.

[00:55:34] Listen, brother.

[00:55:35] I'm trying to make my profound thoughts sound gay.

[00:55:39] That's why I'm just like Bob Dylan.

[00:55:40] It's like a lot of memories are just lies, brother.

[00:55:42] That's not, I don't know.

[00:55:43] What's your point then that Bob Dylan is his dumbest dog, but not as funny?

[00:55:47] No.

[00:55:48] Wow, great job.

[00:55:50] The guy you're paying to go see.

[00:55:52] That's right.

[00:55:53] And a less funny version of your song.

[00:55:54] We saw you and I went to go see Paul Simon together.

[00:55:57] It's cool to see old men play music.

[00:55:59] I like Paul Simon.

[00:56:00] I like Paul Simon.

[00:56:01] Paul Simon is better than Bob Dylan.

[00:56:03] I like them both.

[00:56:04] Sorry.

[00:56:05] So fucking soon.

[00:56:06] Fuck you.

[00:56:07] Yeah, I went to see tool last week.

[00:56:13] See, that's a ban from, you know, the 90s.

[00:56:17] Are they the ones that age appropriate or am I thinking of no, that's tool.

[00:56:21] You should be 10 years older.

[00:56:22] Come on.

[00:56:23] You're out of your fucking your Gen X Nick.

[00:56:24] No, there's plenty of things.

[00:56:26] I'm okay.

[00:56:27] There are plenty of fucking 30 year olds that listen to.

[00:56:30] I'm okay.

[00:56:31] Boomer.

[00:56:32] Your Gen X and stop is.

[00:56:33] I'm a Zumer dude.

[00:56:34] Yeah.

[00:56:35] I'm going to go.

[00:56:36] I'm just doing TikTok.

[00:56:37] I'm doing TikToks of Doja Cat out of songs.

[00:56:41] Stop doing those kind of TikToks that are like seriously if you're bullying, you're a fucking

[00:56:46] fag.

[00:56:47] Yeah.

[00:56:48] And I'm only fagging.

[00:56:49] I'm pointing and pointing to the different words.

[00:56:51] Who's that?

[00:56:52] Who's that?

[00:56:53] I'm sorry that bullying has been took in place at your school.

[00:56:56] Oh, yeah.

[00:56:57] I'm a tight end.

[00:56:58] Yeah.

[00:56:59] Delaney Walker.

[00:57:00] Yeah.

[00:57:01] I'm sorry that bullying has been took in place at your school.

[00:57:04] That was.

[00:57:05] I love that news story so much when they found out that that kid was crazy.

[00:57:09] Why would you make fun of me?

[00:57:11] We're having a fucked up face.

[00:57:14] And we made fun of him because he called us the end.

[00:57:19] We come from a slightly racist family for the most part.

[00:57:25] I mean, you take it all.

[00:57:26] The South is a whole and contextualized with that.

[00:57:29] It's different.

[00:57:30] It's kind of a wash from Boyville Clinton.

[00:57:34] How much money they made?

[00:57:35] They made like $200,000 before they found out he was racist.

[00:57:38] You shouldn't bully somebody just for having a friend who has a private eye on him.

[00:57:42] Or has a private eye.

[00:57:43] Sorry.

[00:57:44] You're just hanging out.

[00:57:45] Sorry.

[00:57:46] We're such good friends that we have to go right away to an island together.

[00:57:49] I'm seeing God's cyberbullied, bro.

[00:57:51] My friend killed himself because somebody stole the spokemon cards in person.

[00:57:57] That would be awesome.

[00:58:00] Dude, it would be awesome.

[00:58:01] If they got that shit, I mean, they're already like, oh, he killed himself.

[00:58:06] It's so ridiculous.

[00:58:07] Why not just be like, yeah, somebody stole his spokemon cards.

[00:58:10] I made him really sad.

[00:58:12] The cops and the press conference.

[00:58:16] Actually, we concluded our report.

[00:58:19] We were told that Jeffrey Epstein left a note saying somebody stole his Clefairy.

[00:58:24] He had a foil.

[00:58:25] He had a foil shot.

[00:58:27] He had a shiny Charizard.

[00:58:28] The very first edition, very rare.

[00:58:30] Such a worth $20, $25 easily at the CD game exchange.

[00:58:35] Dude, I remember arguing with my dad that it was a good investment.

[00:58:40] I was like, I need these cards because they're going to be worth so much.

[00:58:44] Of course.

[00:58:45] That was not wrong.

[00:58:46] Some of them are you can sell for like $20,000.

[00:58:48] No.

[00:58:49] No.

[00:58:50] But like Japanese like holographic.

[00:58:53] No, just like a, just like a Pikachu.

[00:58:57] Like a misprint.

[00:58:58] No, just the regular cards.

[00:59:00] Just the regular, everybody, everybody tore them up in a fit of rage.

[00:59:03] Oh, that's right.

[00:59:04] These things are worthless.

[00:59:06] And then one guy was like, my plan worked perfectly.

[00:59:10] Now I own all the Pokemon cards.

[00:59:13] And then you get all the Pokemon cards.

[00:59:18] You make a fucking a Pokemon card.

[00:59:21] And then you kill your fucking soul.

[00:59:24] You get it.

[00:59:25] So buy the stole your Pokemon.

[00:59:27] But then you have gay say.

[00:59:29] Adam just crying like, yes.

[00:59:32] The best music.

[00:59:34] My favorite music.

[00:59:36] Dude, we're weeping.

[00:59:38] I just, I like Bob Dylan.

[00:59:40] Dead ass.

[00:59:41] Dead ass.

[00:59:42] I like Bob Dylan.

[00:59:43] I just like Bob Dylan.

[00:59:44] I'm sorry.

[00:59:45] Dude, when we were in Canada, I didn't.

[00:59:46] I didn't.

[00:59:47] I mean, bully you into not watching the Bob Dylan.

[00:59:48] No, I had to go to my room.

[00:59:49] And then I just went, I was just storming off to your bedroom and then close to the room.

[00:59:56] And then you're just, I was storming off to your bedroom and then closing the door and

[00:59:59] then hearing like the.

[01:00:01] You guys didn't.

[01:00:04] I'll use the effects pad for that.

[01:00:08] You didn't understand.

[01:00:11] I didn't cry.

[01:00:13] I didn't cry for.

[01:00:16] Dad, it's me Adam.

[01:00:19] The make a formula is really boring.

[01:00:25] I didn't cry from, I didn't cry from the bullying.

[01:00:28] I cried from the sounds.

[01:00:30] Music songs.

[01:00:32] How long have we been going?

[01:00:37] I gotta go to therapy.

[01:00:38] They said I'm gay.

[01:00:39] Oh wow.

[01:00:40] Looks like two of us are in therapy.

[01:00:42] That's right.

[01:00:43] Looks like you're outnumbered.

[01:00:44] Oh yeah.

[01:00:45] Nick should go to therapy.

[01:00:47] No.

[01:00:48] Yes, you should.

[01:00:49] Incorrect.

[01:00:50] That is the incorrect answer.

[01:00:52] Can you just promise us once Luigi's mansion's done, you'll start there?

[01:00:56] I'm already done with Luigi's.

[01:00:57] You'll never go to therapy.

[01:00:58] I'm just never going to do it.

[01:01:00] No, I'm going to go back to the gym first and then.

[01:01:02] Honestly, you know, it's like, yeah, sure.

[01:01:05] I don't have a problem with therapy really.

[01:01:06] I mean, it's just funny to make fun of you things, but.

[01:01:08] Uh, no cleaning my apartment, getting my shit together.

[01:01:11] I feel great going to stand up again.

[01:01:14] It's like just, yeah, I'm, I've never knocked therapy, but there's like basic shit first.

[01:01:19] If you went to a therapist and you're like, well, my apartment's trashed.

[01:01:22] I'm not taking care of myself.

[01:01:23] I keep my shit tidy.

[01:01:24] I'm eating, I'm eating bad.

[01:01:25] I'm not doing the only thing.

[01:01:27] Nah, nah, nah.

[01:01:28] You don't have to get everything perfect.

[01:01:29] You don't have to get everything perfect, but what I was, you saw it was a fucking mess.

[01:01:33] Yeah.

[01:01:34] It was like, I was doing nothing.

[01:01:35] Yeah.

[01:01:36] Not in the gym.

[01:01:37] You don't have to get everything perfect, but you should at least make like a minimal effort

[01:01:38] of like going to the gym once a week.

[01:01:40] Yeah, yeah.

[01:01:41] If you're like even doing that or like having some kind of schedule, like, you know, not

[01:01:44] eating fucking, not eating pizza all day long.

[01:01:47] It's been like, you know, just sitting out for days on end.

[01:01:50] You know, I mean, it's like, you know, one foot in front of the other.

[01:01:53] I mean, obviously there's a chemical reasons for depression or whatever, but it's like,

[01:01:58] you can make minor adjustments to your circumstances to make life more manageable that you don't

[01:02:03] need to go pay somebody fucking $300 a week.

[01:02:06] It's not that much for me.

[01:02:08] Yeah.

[01:02:09] We all know about your deals.

[01:02:11] Yeah.

[01:02:12] I told him.

[01:02:13] Well, listen, everyone, come see me at the fucking Houston on the 13th and come to

[01:02:20] Fat Tuesdays every Tuesday at the stand and come to Funny Moms next Monday, the 9th and

[01:02:26] then the 16th and then we're taking the rest of the month off.

[01:02:28] We're going to be there the 9th and the 16th.

[01:02:30] I think Andy Haines is on the 6th.

[01:02:33] Keep your eyes peeled.

[01:02:34] Keep your eyes peeled.

[01:02:35] Also, space, I'm selling calendars.

[01:02:39] Go to Stavi.biz and we've got calendars.

[01:02:42] The 2020 Stavros, how is calendars?

[01:02:44] You're going to love them, folks.

[01:02:47] And soon I will be coming to Chicago at the end of January, Milwaukee, Appleton, then

[01:02:54] Rhode Island.

[01:02:55] What are you doing in Appleton?

[01:02:56] Skyline?

[01:02:57] Yeah.

[01:02:58] Nice.

[01:02:59] Yeah.

[01:03:00] Skyline Thursday, Thursday before Chicago.

[01:03:01] And then it's a good club, right?

[01:03:02] And then Haines in Dallas on Valentine's Day weekend, DC draft house on the 20th, 21st,

[01:03:10] 22nd.

[01:03:11] A lot of shit coming up, folks.

[01:03:12] And I think I'm coming to London also.

[01:03:14] So get your fucking titties out in all those places.

[01:03:19] And I will have links, hopefully, up by the time this episode is out.

[01:03:22] Keep your eyes peeled on Com.Town.

[01:03:23] We got I got new.

[01:03:25] The store should be back up sooner rather than later at this point.

[01:03:29] So we're going to have some more of the kinks.

[01:03:32] Some of the sexual things.

[01:03:34] When they think about stores, they're thinking about sexual fantasies.

[01:03:39] You know, I'll tell you Anderson, I want to rape you right now.

[01:03:44] You're a sexual person.

[01:03:45] Okay.

[01:03:46] We're going to take a break.

[01:03:48] Well thanks for.

[01:03:49] I'm raped actor Michael Douglas.

[01:03:54] I'm raped actor Michael Douglas.

[01:03:56] The Make a Wish Foundation is doing magnificent work with boys and girls who have been raped.

[01:04:02] Michael?

[01:04:03] No.

[01:04:04] Nope.

[01:04:05] It's they have that out, Mike.

[01:04:06] They have cancer.

[01:04:08] Oh, well, okay.

[01:04:11] All right, that's the show.

[01:04:15] Goodbye, Roy.

[01:04:17] Thank you.