Cum Town | Regular | 12/26/2019
[00:00:00] Because I'm getting I want to suck you up every day
[00:00:10] Christmas time is it wait. Yeah, why do you have the whole paper towel roll because I have a cold you have a cold
[00:00:20] I feel like just use tissues rather than do you have tissues? Yeah, it's a lot less rough on your nose. That's true
[00:00:34] Always his eye on the fucking bottom line man. Mm-hmm. You know I'm saying yeah
[00:00:38] He does not worry about my nose. That's classic. Just worried about the wasting the ridges
[00:00:44] The ridges that would pick up. Let's not soak up liquor
[00:00:48] I'm not worried about the money. It's I
[00:00:52] Don't want you know if you have a cold you're blowing your nose all over my paper towels and picking the paper towels back up
[00:00:57] And I use them to clean the kitchen not dude
[00:00:59] You can't yeah, you're right because I honestly I'm a you can keep that box of tissues you can have I don't want it
[00:01:04] Adam was the one that said it was less expensive. I said I use those I never brought up price
[00:01:13] Do you can literally do that now really yeah, that's awesome
[00:01:21] Okay, here we go. All right. I think this one. I'm actually here. Yeah
[00:01:29] You said it was you said oh, it's less expensive. I just played it
[00:01:38] That was me it's December. Can you turn my headphones up a little so now you know with you actually everybody's talking about
[00:01:46] Playing the Resident Evil remake on PlayStation 4
[00:01:50] From they came out six years ago instead of I hear it's very scary. He said of seeing your family is it scary. Yeah
[00:01:57] I'll never play even know you don't even know what I'm talking about the last Resident Evil that came up. No
[00:02:09] The news when you didn't want to hire an abuela to throw shoes at you. That would be awesome
[00:02:15] An abuelita. Yeah a tiny a tiny woman. Do you think I?
[00:02:21] Think you're gonna suck you dick. I didn't pretend like that's like a harsh punishment with someone throwing a shoe at you
[00:02:28] Yeah, most of the time when I was when I was threatened with a shoe and I was threatened with a spoon a lot and
[00:02:34] You wouldn't you always chose the spoon. I was just fuck them. Yeah, and then that's how you got big
[00:02:41] Yeah, I'll show you spoon. I'm gonna wear you out
[00:02:44] Fucking repeated pudding use all each so much pudding that the spoon will wear through. Oh, yeah
[00:02:51] And I ultimately had the last laugh, but no it was mostly honestly it was mostly
[00:02:58] Getting a shoe thrown at you. It was a it was a threat. It never actually what do you mean ceremony like George Bush?
[00:03:04] You did it at Christmas time? No, I guess not quite ceremonial. What's the word I'm looking for?
[00:03:11] Symbolic symbol symbolic. Yeah, but you actually got it from them. Yeah, how we get a shoe thrown at me
[00:03:17] Thrown. Yeah, what his family would do is you know, they couldn't afford a TV
[00:03:21] So we had plenty of TVs they would project a film on the stops. No, I
[00:03:26] Was not that big child I was a fat child a silly regular size child and often there would be an evil character
[00:03:35] His mom doesn't know the difference. My mom knows that movies in reality. No, she doesn't
[00:03:40] She's like that's the bad guy and she would start throwing her shoes at stars at if anything my grandma might not know the difference
[00:03:47] But my mom does if you're grandma saw that movie of the train like, you know, she'd be like, oh
[00:03:52] It's gonna run me over. I saw it. I saw it if your dad saw it
[00:03:57] He would bend over and pulls ass cheeks apart to get the train into his ass my father. Yeah, no
[00:04:02] He understands movies, but if he didn't that's how he would respond
[00:04:07] If he was in that fucking locomotive if he was in that theater instead of running and screaming
[00:04:13] He would pull his pants down and open his ass wide and hope the whole train would go in his hands. It's a funny image for sexual pleasure
[00:04:19] Both know that's not I know I don't know that
[00:04:25] Anyway, you're everyone running out of the theater and your dad just with his ass pulled open don't run everyone. I'll save us
[00:04:46] Self-sucking like, you know, they were afraid because they thought the train was real and it was like no the Holocaust just happened
[00:05:02] That came out before the Holocaust people knew
[00:05:07] No, the only movie that ever came out before the Holocaust was um was the train
[00:05:11] This is the birth of a nation ball toe and ball toe ball toe came before the woman the dog
[00:05:16] Dude, it's so funny that this so the scat's movie sucks and no one's going to see it
[00:05:22] It's the one movie where they can't point that they can't be like oh, it's anti-catatides. Yeah, you know
[00:05:27] It just sucks and it's like what it's so refreshing to have something that just sucks dick and not have to everyone can be like this
[00:05:33] Oh, it's because women, you know, it's because people aren't ready for
[00:05:37] Cat. Oh, yeah, like Charlie's Angels failed cuz yeah, there's too many women balls
[00:05:41] Are gonna wrap but people doing the same thing with little women
[00:05:44] They're like oh men aren't going to see it cuz it they can't handle stories that don't center their experiences
[00:05:53] There's only been one movie that's ever like kind of centered my experiences and it's that my call me by your name Mike
[00:06:00] Barbiglia movie about fucking improv and I would broke back now
[00:06:03] I would never go see that fucking movie. Are you sure it's not the two I said? Yeah, I'm pretty sure Adam
[00:06:09] What do you think I think stop might be on something? I think actually call me by your name really centers next experience
[00:06:14] Yeah, well you haven't seen any movie because you get hung up at the concession stand
[00:06:21] I'm just saying the prices are outrageous
[00:06:25] And it's like look I'm willing to pay a small fee to bring my own popcorn in can we barter that I
[00:06:29] I used to do that when I was in high school. Did you I bring it in a backpack?
[00:06:37] Break it. Yeah, no that I know you mean that improv movie looks so fucking horrible
[00:06:42] Yeah, where it's like one of them makes it and it's like whatever does one of them
[00:06:46] I would never I would never go see a stand up comment
[00:06:49] I didn't even I didn't finish funny people the first hour does rock though the part that's about standing up funny
[00:06:57] But that's the thing I see one of those movies. I'd be like alright. That was good. I wouldn't see it every time
[00:07:03] here's the thing in little women if one of the women if the
[00:07:07] She gets a fucking puppy and the Russian mafia kills it
[00:07:10] And then one of the women kills a hundred guys to take to be like fuck you now now
[00:07:16] I'm gonna sassen again, then I'll go see little women
[00:07:19] But if it's a movie about going being on the fucking prairie yeah, how little is women and fucking oh, yeah
[00:07:25] How tiny are there pussy I want to see how small they are okay?
[00:07:30] Little pleasure adult women because then my dig might feel really big
[00:07:34] I'm like a tinker bot Tinker Bell sized bitch. You know I'm not gonna go see you small 1917 either
[00:07:40] That looks kind of good. Well that you're anti-war. Yeah, yeah makes a pass. It's movies
[00:07:45] It's 19 comma 17. It's about the age of women that Adam dates
[00:07:49] That's not true. Got his ass. Yeah, Adam's like we need a goddess ass drop
[00:07:54] Yeah, Adam's like he wants to go see little women. He's like, but I'm gonna make sure they look like guys
[00:08:00] We're gonna make sure they're on Adam's mad because he thinks about Asian women. Yeah, he's like what the hell
[00:08:06] That's race is no women live in Bushwick. Are they 22?
[00:08:15] Did one of their boyfriends who listen to my podcast recently dumped them and they're looking for revenge
[00:08:19] They're looking for revenge that has never literally ever happened to me. Yeah, but what times it's happening
[00:08:26] Wait, I want us. What was I gonna say? I heard that that Pete Holmes show speaking of things
[00:08:32] Oh my god, that looks like I never saw it
[00:08:34] But I heard that he writes into the show him fucking women
[00:08:38] Oh, yeah, it's kind of a promo. I got I respect that
[00:08:44] Had to be home originally the show is called smashing
[00:08:47] And he was like what if it's a show where I?
[00:08:54] And it's me and I'm fucking and I'm fucking and you're watching it
[00:09:02] We're all watching me fuck and it's like what is this
[00:09:10] Comedic genius Pete Holmes. I love that he plays like himself at like 20 and he's like a 37 year old man. Yeah
[00:09:18] But I just told me he makes John Mulaney older than him on the show is he not in real life uses Irishman technology
[00:09:25] Oh, I know I think they're the aging. Okay. Yeah, but John Mulaney looks very yeah if one of them had very boy
[00:09:32] John Mulaney might be able to do that with that backwards cap. He's a boy. He's a sprightly fellow. Yeah. Yeah
[00:09:40] Yeah, honestly little women, I guess I'll see if people say it's really good
[00:09:44] But I saw knives out and that sucked absolute calm. Why didn't you look at Jim's dude?
[00:09:48] You love basketball because I'm gonna see with a friend on Christmas day. Oh you later on later on which was a crazy mistake
[00:09:57] Yeah, you should have just seen it. I know and lied about it
[00:10:01] But I did see a good time the safftie brothers first movie that shit rocked my cock the last the last one
[00:10:07] They were the last one they just made yeah, that should look all that was awesome
[00:10:10] And it's Robert Pattinson was so good at being a guy from Queens
[00:10:14] And here's really I know guys like like those Greek guys those second or third generation Greek guys that become total fucking like
[00:10:22] Greek in the movie. Yeah, I know a hundred of those guys need nailed it dude
[00:10:25] He crowed guys is just like you know take advantage of their grandmothers and like the dumb bitches that they date and shoot
[00:10:32] I'm a Robert Pattinson fan me too, dude. I'm excited for him to be Batman me too
[00:10:36] I honestly that Batman I can't believe they got me again. I'm excited to see a Batman
[00:10:40] Yeah, it's fucking sick that he's playing Batman, but also the villains big dick fucking that big dick Irish guy
[00:10:53] Colin Farrell Colin Farrell's of I'm a little right Colin Farrell and then it was gonna be fucking Joe Hill
[00:10:59] That would have been fucking cool, but they got someone else the second season of church active
[00:11:03] I didn't think was very good, but I thought that Colin Farrell was so I didn't see that shit
[00:11:09] There's a scene where he relapses on coke and he just throws down like a mountain of coke on a table
[00:11:13] He just does it and he's just going full Colin Farrell's amazing. I didn't think knives that looked good
[00:11:19] But everyone it got 97% on Ron tomatoes. Usually that's pretty good
[00:11:23] Yeah, you don't listen. I don't listen to critics and it had a good cast
[00:11:28] But they have the key stand field in there and that my only does the whole movies go is like look surprised
[00:11:33] And then fucking James Bond talks so he talks like fog horn fucking leg horn. It sucks
[00:11:37] Daniel Craig. Yeah, he's in it. Yeah, he's like the main guy. Oh sure
[00:11:42] What was your weekend Nick? What'd you pin up to?
[00:11:51] I know I just sat on the couch and watch the sopranos. Oh my little brothers rewatching it
[00:12:01] Watching the sopranos and it's a good the good thing to spend your the older you get the more important it becomes
[00:12:10] Without even thinking about it. I clapped and went alright Tony
[00:12:17] Beno Brian pointed this out, but my favorite part of that shows when Tony treats himself to a murder
[00:12:21] It's just like yeah, he's spoiling. I'm gonna do this one. Yeah
[00:12:26] Yeah, yeah, or even when he knows not supposed to uh-huh. It's awesome, dude
[00:12:31] Mm-hmm. I watched the one yesterday where you know Adrian and Tony in a car getting coke. Oh, that's all right
[00:12:39] Chris's you know everybody's talking shit about Chris and so he goes yeah not kill Tony
[00:12:43] But he goes in points of gun on him. Mm-hmm
[00:12:45] And then you know that yeah, I have to take him the they take him out into the field
[00:12:49] They're gonna kill Chris and then yeah, and then they get the doctor because you know Tony be like intervenes and
[00:12:54] The doctors like yeah, no, there's no way she was sucking Tony's dick because she had like
[00:12:59] Elasirations from the seat belt and then you know
[00:13:03] You know Chris is like I guess I believe you yeah
[00:13:07] And he's like you guess you know he's like yeah, it doesn't mean he's like everybody thinks it now
[00:13:11] So now I'm now it does only matters what other people perception I got to live in this world
[00:13:15] No smart idea now. I'm Joey jerk off and then it's just like a shot of like
[00:13:20] Tony's face and you think he's kind of processing it which should be a very easy thing for
[00:13:24] Anyone to understand but you feel like it finally got through to Tony. Yeah, I guess
[00:13:30] Like I'm just like I'm reckless and my fucking actions like yeah even hanging out like I'm not fucking Adriana
[00:13:36] But like the result of my actions are even like flirting with that
[00:13:38] But you also feel like he's gonna fuck her if they don't get in that car
[00:13:45] But the Melphy already praised him for coming in and like talking about the you know
[00:13:49] We're discussing it rather than like just acting on the impulse so like he's like just fucking
[00:13:55] He's like you know, we finally like maybe it finally clicks with Tony. Yeah, but he's like looking at Chris
[00:14:00] And he's like yeah, I'm like I'm just being fucking reckless
[00:14:02] And I'm like hurting my nephew by doing it and then it just immediately cuts to him and Melphy's office
[00:14:13] Yeah, I respect it Tony. I love him. I wish I was Tony Soprano. It all ended so good for him
[00:14:23] And if I was Tony I would have fucked her and pretty much everyone
[00:14:27] Yeah, if I was Tony I would have been I would have been the boss of the whole region
[00:14:32] I'm gonna take it over the New York. Yeah, the New York the South Jersey
[00:14:36] Maybe the South Jersey Philly I would have consulted everything. I wonder the man or me. Yeah
[00:14:41] I would have yeah, I would have coupled to to the couple to the couple the couple demand I caught
[00:14:47] I remember liking that Tony B storyline. I think it's dumb this time around. Yeah, that's one that the first time around
[00:14:54] It's crushing and then you care because you're so happy to see fucking
[00:14:58] Bishamie, you know, it doesn't make any sense because he's like everything is going right for him
[00:15:02] He literally finds $12,000 and he has like one bad night and then his girlfriend bitches at him
[00:15:06] He's like well time to throw it all away, but don't you get the sense he wants to no because prior to that
[00:15:12] He didn't have any of that good fortune
[00:15:13] He was gonna just continue working at the fucking laundromat. Yeah, and like why didn't that break him?
[00:15:19] What in the reality of working in that fucking laundry facility like slowly trying
[00:15:23] This was like a five-year plan and it was accomplished overnight
[00:15:26] And then he has like one bad day and he like beats the fuck prior to that he had already had the truck stolen
[00:15:31] You know what I mean? Yeah, I get I'd have to resolve these things that like seriously tested his fucking patience
[00:15:37] And he seemed like he's the guy that intervenes and like stops Tony from killing Chris
[00:15:42] It's just like one like this one thing with his fuck. He has like one fight with perhaps it was the straw that broke the camel's back
[00:15:47] I don't know. I haven't seen it and I don't remember it, but I will argue that perhaps it was well really what I want to do is open a
[00:15:54] Pena sucker. I want to have yeah, I just want to go charge guys to suck their car
[00:15:58] We want to be a massage. So we're gonna bring guys in and then you know, I was thinking maybe I sucked a cock at the end
[00:16:07] Really differentiate myself from the other businesses around here. Well, a lot of these places. They just have Chinese women do it
[00:16:18] Fuck damn, this is the literal Christmas this comes out on Christmas. Mm-hmm. Wow, we got to do some Christmas surprises for the episode
[00:16:28] Okay, whoa Adam. I thought just for a nice little Christmas surprise. I could you do what did I just
[00:16:35] Well, you could just suck a guy's cock. Mm-hmm. You don't have to bleep that out Adam. What race do you hate the most?
[00:16:44] I'd never he's not done. That's the longest one I've heard and all women. Yes. Yes
[00:17:01] Hmm, what are we doing for what do you guys do for Christmas? I thought I was gonna do something
[00:17:05] But I think I might actually stay here and do nothing
[00:17:12] Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to Christmas where my friend's parents house. Are you going to Rockland County Christmas Eve?
[00:17:20] Wow Ecuadorian Christmas interesting. Yeah, a little police now be that actually a little police
[00:17:27] Sucking on my day police suck my day. I hope I get a press police suck my day
[00:17:33] I hope you won't get a crack press police suck my dick bros barrow on your blue sock my day
[00:17:38] Well, I got his mom and I suppress him today. So this bitch
[00:18:00] Yeah, no, he wouldn't say that he wouldn't
[00:18:06] Could you just say suck me suck me very dick is
[00:18:11] That would be disrespect suck me very dig me I forgot about that that had a real run dude
[00:18:22] So moving that Hollywood man that holly holly hood
[00:18:28] Dude speaking of Hollywood, you know, it's a good movie dude barbershop to and barbershop
[00:18:34] Yeah, I like how Cedric the entertainers race
[00:18:38] And he's got some great the in barbershop to Cedric's going like, you know, Osama Saddam
[00:18:43] They all up in a they in a mansion together. They just hanging out. He's just like giving these awesome conspiracy theories, huh?
[00:18:50] You know, right dude. I want to see what Cedric's character has to say about Epstein
[00:18:57] That's got to make his way into the barbershop for
[00:19:00] You can't be a player anymore. I also love that the big let me ask you some how come Epstein Weinstein Dersherwood
[00:19:11] Let him go Adam, he's what is I don't know what he's trying to say. Oh, we all know what Cedric's trying to say
[00:19:19] I also love that the antagonist in barbershop too is like a gentrifying
[00:19:24] barbershop called nappy cuts that just has incredible amenity they have like fish tanks
[00:19:35] They don't know it makes no as a business. It makes no sense
[00:19:37] I told you about that barbershop that Dominican barbershop
[00:19:40] I went to in Bushwick once when I first moved here and they had straight-up pornography
[00:19:44] Oh, yeah, the one by me has cock fights
[00:19:56] Puerto Rico my ex girlfriend they had a place advertising cock fights
[00:19:59] Yeah, and then I was like you see this and she's like she laughed or whatever and she's like no
[00:20:06] I was like, yeah, no, that's literally what's going on in there. Yeah, she thought it was like the name of the place cock fights
[00:20:12] I'm like no, we're in like a different culture. Yeah, of course they abuse animals
[00:20:16] Mm-hmm. They don't have electricity and after 6 p.m. They don't yeah, they're gonna abuse animals right what else trust me
[00:20:23] Don't worry in a couple of months God will take care of this place
[00:20:36] For those chickens the lives of those good we prayed for those Christian thank God chickens
[00:20:50] And clean that of its sins and now they can rebuild as a godly nation. It's seen sin titas
[00:21:01] I want to fuck you very pain. I want to suck you
[00:21:05] I'm thinking if I'm with the Latins for Christmas
[00:21:11] I should like because they all believe in ghosts, you know, so I should maybe do like a prank where they think like the ghost of Christmas
[00:21:18] The gross of Christmas pass. They should do like a
[00:21:23] Carol, okay, it's called and Scrooge is like I don't like Christmas
[00:21:28] And then the ghost shows up and he's like I'm the ghost who he's like oh no
[00:21:32] He's like no I'm just you from the future
[00:21:36] No, you have to go away. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm you dude
[00:21:41] The media Chris is gonna show you it's like I'm more of a spirit than a good
[00:21:48] Guys he's lost his accent now future is sure yeah
[00:21:53] And then he's like he has to go he has to go higher
[00:21:56] He's like I guess I gotta hire somebody to go talk to this guy on my behalf
[00:21:59] Mmm. So he goes into the Home Depot part of the line. I'm looking for where you guys going
[00:22:13] That would be good man, let's get that into production ASAP
[00:22:16] Yeah, it's so funny that like you know how much more effective the KKK would have been
[00:22:22] Had it been his Mexican guys. Yeah, they would have been so scared like why don't we lock you know
[00:22:27] We don't want to be racist because we can't say these things out right
[00:22:30] Maybe if we just scare black people into moving to New York you that's what you think that's what the KKK was thinking
[00:22:36] Okay, they were like I'm gonna dispute that fact but that's fine with ice cream. Yes with rocky road
[00:22:45] There's a Ben and Jerry says like cuz everybody catches shit for everything with Ben and Jerry's just has like a black
[00:22:50] Lives matter ice cream flavor. Yeah, and it's like
[00:22:53] You know if I feel like anyone else had done that they wouldn't have gotten away with it
[00:22:57] Yeah, but they walk the walk, baby. Yeah, they're Bernie. They're Bernie. They're Bernie
[00:23:01] It doesn't matter even if you're like what does it taste like that's the real question. It's very fucking good
[00:23:05] That's why we're Bernie bro. So we can make jokes about black lives matters ice cream shit
[00:23:10] You know what comedy show you're a company. You know, it's a thing. You know, it's race. We're a business
[00:23:15] We are a business. We're a person. We're three in the corporate business. We're a corporate
[00:23:20] Yeah, dude, personally beautiful as we together are not a business if you're say for example
[00:23:26] Some sort of lawyer looking to sue. Yeah, it's a new Nick
[00:23:30] I'm not a business man. I'm a business man
[00:23:34] You can't I can't I'm not responsible for the things that either of you do or say okay
[00:23:39] That that really comes in handy, but you suggest most of the things that I do and say not true. Yeah, you do you did suggest
[00:23:46] To suck to for him to suck your penis and and look how it turned out that was a suggestion
[00:23:52] And he did take it. He's now the president of
[00:23:59] Dick's sucking LLC. Yeah, we got this this guy Adam is gonna be working on
[00:24:06] Yeah, Tony doesn't like him, but I don't know he does good work. Oh, you know, you're working. I think you lazy American and criminal
[00:24:25] I'm going to give you a front with the money for your business your dick sucking business
[00:24:34] Before anyone gets mad at me that was the care
[00:24:44] Dude, you know what's fucked up and race these Adam you can take a day off
[00:24:48] No, you don't know that I love it man who loves his work has no work at all. I never work a day
[00:24:55] I tell you what Tony. I'll be doing the Adam character this bit. Yeah, don't worry
[00:25:02] I don't know if you're trying to take off or Hanukkah or perfect keep doing that
[00:25:07] Mmm yummy what you were saying something Tony. I don't sound like
[00:25:12] No, I don't you know, I don't sound like that. I don't sound like that. I don't sound like that
[00:25:19] I sound different. I sound cooler than that. No, I sound cool
[00:25:27] I live in Brooklyn. I'm cool. No dude. I hate
[00:25:34] Yeah, we're moving to fucking low the fucking dime square bitch. No, dude. I'm square
[00:25:40] I do pebbles the dime dime. I want to move to like sunny side or wood side
[00:25:44] Pebbles let dime dime wood side stay the fuck out of Queens bitch. I want to move to Queens dude. I love it. Copy your
[00:25:51] Honestly, it's the best bro. It is copier. I'm not copying you. You're copying moving to
[00:25:57] I like how much of Queens is a cemetery. It's goth vibes. It is goth and you don't deserve it
[00:26:02] You deserve to be here. I like how many different language 160 language
[00:26:07] I like walking around in a place where no one wants to talk to me. Yep. Mm-hmm. No one can get mad at me
[00:26:14] That's here. No, that's not true. People don't want to talk to you here people want to talk to me here
[00:26:26] Feel like I'm criticized a lot less that is an important distinction. I was in Queens for lunch today. Fuck dude. Where were you in?
[00:26:40] With an E with an E Elmerist where'd you go to this place this Thai place is banging interesting la moon
[00:26:48] Let me check my phone. Let me check my messages. Hmm didn't see anything from Adam. I was with a girl
[00:26:54] For lunch dude. Yeah, who was it? I don't know but she might be the one
[00:27:00] You don't know who you did. I don't know her name, but she might be the one. Oh, yeah
[00:27:13] I pretty much it was so good that it lasted like 35 seconds. That's awesome, bro. That's how good it was
[00:27:23] I'd love to blast inside of a woman at some point soon
[00:27:27] Inside of her. Yeah, I don't have a kid
[00:27:30] I gotta get him. I gotta get a bitch pregnant in the first three months of 2020. That means why so I could have a kid by the end of the year
[00:27:38] Hmm why do you want to do that so I want to be a single father
[00:27:44] Everyone loves single fathers every did it Disney Channel movie. That would be so funny
[00:27:48] The single father is such a good guy just cut to whatever kind of Elliot Roger shooting is fucking half Asian half Jewish son
[00:28:09] I would love it if you had a kid honestly, I would love it. Eey or you Nick
[00:28:12] I just want a baby in my life that I can love that's not mine
[00:28:14] My friends got a little cousin the family will be in a secret. Yeah, like John
[00:28:21] Duke some quiet place shit, but we're only speaking inside
[00:28:31] Away from the outside world no way dude. I'm doing it to midi-con style. I'm gonna have multiple my daughters like 14
[00:28:37] She's like dad what are takes and I'm like who told you about that?
[00:28:45] Don't worry about it. There's no such thing as takes she goes into the attic and just
[00:28:53] Yeah, just like a fucking old Dell from
[00:29:00] Takes you to what was the one message board that everybody from weird Twitter was on
[00:29:04] Something awful takes you to just find some of those I
[00:29:13] Dude fortune always scared me. I hated fortune shut out to fortune
[00:29:19] It was gay, but it also scared me because they would have like you know child pornography and like people dying and you're
[00:29:26] For that women should you refer you'd be into it. I was not afraid I'd be in the child
[00:29:30] I was more into rotten calm just of like at home
[00:29:35] Because face covered in chocolate and getting chocolate all over the keys looking scared trying to back
[00:29:40] You get the back button out of the force and yeah with the button. I didn't understand message board
[00:29:46] I don't know what the anon fucking meant at the time. I put it together. You know the word anonymous. I didn't why did everybody had the same
[00:29:53] Name it was weird, but you just didn't know the word anonymous. I did it's a Greek word
[00:29:58] I knew the word, but it was like why is everyone's name? You probably knew a guy named anonymous
[00:30:02] That's not a guy's name. You probably thought it was a Greek guy named anon I was like why is it not?
[00:30:06] It was all this child pornography. I'm on this forum or Greek guys
[00:30:19] But it's scaring me guys, I'll tell you what if you're trying to get your penis
[00:30:24] Smart hardest fuck take it away fellas if you're trying to get your little fucking prickadel
[00:30:31] Then what you need is not diet and exercise and you know living a better lifestyle doing less drugs
[00:30:39] What you need is to keep doing all that cool stuff, but take another drug an extra
[00:30:44] You need to go to the doctor who will tell you yep everything you're doing is great
[00:30:49] You have oh you have anxiety wink wink here you go here are some dick pills and that's what you and listen
[00:30:55] And you'll get the stiffer in fact does anybody have a blue chu I can borrow no you're out
[00:31:01] Yeah, I'm waiting for my new shipment. Are you serious? Yeah, I should resubscribe. I need to resubscribe. It's cool
[00:31:09] Fuck well, yeah, if anyone I was so dependent on him. I wanted to see what I could do own natural
[00:31:15] Yeah, I tried to go clean, but then I had a little relive you know what I did is
[00:31:21] Just start you have to like get back into like beating off to your imagination
[00:31:25] Uh-huh, and then that sucks for a while. Absolutely, but then it works. Yeah, but don't do what we're saying
[00:31:31] Go to bluetooth.com slash comtown or put in the promo code
[00:31:34] Yeah, you have to know not no no stimulants for
[00:31:38] You can't like you got a beat off your mind
[00:31:40] And then after you get used to that you can go back to playing battlefield one and pretending like you're in the trenches
[00:31:46] And you and your the Tommy's need to beat off to stay warm
[00:31:50] Absolutely you're doing it for warmth. It's like to stave off trench
[00:31:54] But I turn the volume all the way up on my noise canceling PlayStation for headphones and listen to just the sounds of
[00:32:04] And I pretend the Japanese are coming to take objective dog
[00:32:07] Yep, yeah, and I then the only then can I get hard?
[00:32:10] But if if you have that problem if you can't get hard in any other circumstance you can take a little shortcut
[00:32:15] Called blue chew blue chew and listen they got the good shit. You think you lose gas station
[00:32:20] You know what you don't know what's in there. No, you're getting generic versions of
[00:32:26] You think you don't know what this shit is
[00:32:28] Add to fill in this stuff down in the film. It's real shit motherfuckers
[00:32:35] It's real and it gets your cock stiffer than fucking you'd ever believe you know
[00:32:41] Dallas buyers club. Yeah, yeah, yeah another movie that you was a kind of in your existence. Yeah, actually it is
[00:32:48] Yeah, actually I am based I'm in based on that guy the text which is a man who is straight
[00:32:53] No, it's still punished by God in real life. He was actually
[00:32:56] Okay, well we're talking about the movie
[00:33:03] A tough guy from a gay guy they pretend you're not from Texas you live there for I am a tough guy from Texas
[00:33:14] He's been he's not straight. He's a straight guy and he's got a mustache
[00:33:19] And he can get in shape for a movie when he needs to
[00:33:22] Anyway, how is that related dick pills that we're selling? I don't know you interrupted me
[00:33:28] I had a point and then you tried to well the point here's the big point is it's like the only reason
[00:33:33] You know that guys gay in real life is because you kissed him on a website. So what it was a mistake
[00:33:38] Everyone's allowed to make a mistake. Yeah, and guess what? I don't care actually right because you're morbidly obese
[00:33:43] Which cancels out the AIDS no it doesn't yeah, and I'm regular obese
[00:33:48] I know you would be morbidly and here's the thing if you didn't have AIDS no
[00:33:52] I did you got from that guy to real life
[00:33:53] Hold on so I'm not morbidly obese. I'm you said I would be in a scenario
[00:33:58] So you're admitting I'm regular obese. Thank you all take it and what's and even if you are obese and your cock
[00:34:04] Can't get hard because of that go to bluetooth.com to stiffen up your prick in ways you can barely imagine
[00:34:11] I'm mad you said that could be movies about me
[00:34:15] No, but you're he wasn't saying that you're the fucking
[00:34:18] I was Matthew McConan you sing you're the Jared. Oh, yeah, you're Jared leto
[00:34:27] Matthew McConan hey, because he's gay no Jared let it Jared let us trans
[00:34:31] Yeah, that's not being gay. He's just a woman. She's a woman. No, I'm just saying that we should not
[00:34:39] Make us get a little I'm gonna go back and add to be for that entire part
[00:34:43] I'm gonna be about all your shit. So yeah, the only way only thing we hear is me saying that movie is about me
[00:34:58] Haven't seen the movie, but I'm sure there's actually gay or guys to Matthew McConan. Hey, and actually that's who you are
[00:35:04] Get your cock hard man. No matter what movie you're watching your gay you're straight. You're by your pan
[00:35:10] Fuck it dude. You get your dick hard and fuck a couple fuck a stick of butter with this kind of shit
[00:35:15] Yeah, I'm saying what's the thing if you only some fuck smart people a sexual yeah
[00:35:21] I'm that so but it was so Adam takes one of those it's hard because I'll edge
[00:35:25] Yeah, there's a bunch of like fuck the professors. Yeah a bunch of simple tins
[00:35:29] I can't have sex with simple tins because I'm a sapio. You know, I'm sure I take this pill
[00:35:33] So I'm gonna have sex with anyone I want
[00:35:39] Rob you obesity could rob you if I looked up what's the difference between morbid obesity and regular obesity
[00:35:44] It says obesity could rob you of 20 years of health obesity knocks 20 years of good health off your life and can accelerate your death by eight years
[00:35:52] Okay, so but I how about we instead of calling it robbing you of 20 years of your life
[00:35:57] We refer to it as skipping to dessert. I would love that. That's what I'm doing. That's fuck vegetables
[00:36:03] Fuck right. I'm getting right to the ice cream party. Why baby? Yes, sir
[00:36:08] I'm right now. I'm enjoying a fat steak and I'm gonna in in in about five years time
[00:36:18] So you know, I like to put in any disease in the Google it has it's like fucking like the facts about it
[00:36:24] Mm-hmm. That's just very common more than three million cases per year usually self-diagnosable
[00:36:36] Maybe you're having a heart attack. No, it smells like fucking like burning
[00:36:40] You smell that the only thing burning is the pussies that you're gonna make no it literally smells like fucking or assholes or mouths
[00:36:47] With blue chew.com. What the fuck is that? I really don't smell shit
[00:36:51] Really? Yeah, dude. Do you are you honestly? I'm not fucking kidding. It's it smells like like you're having a heart attack
[00:36:57] No, it would be a stroke first of all stroke
[00:37:01] Yeah, not burning hair per se but like toast no not toast. Thank God. It's like some kind of burning chemical
[00:37:09] Maybe it's a trash it could be the trash, but I don't know
[00:37:13] Whatever all right so blue chew calm and promo code come down or come one twang or something
[00:37:25] Get your fucking penis stiff how quickly does it take for you shipment Adam?
[00:37:31] Yeah, look first of all no walk process really no awkward in person doctor
[00:37:36] Information you go online and there's no waiting in line at the pharmacy or any kind of interaction with anybody
[00:37:42] You go on there you say what you have you know
[00:37:45] They do a quick screen takes five minutes you sign up and if you go online there you can you put the information in
[00:37:52] And you're talking about just a couple of minutes. We're just you just taught you give them a chat and
[00:37:58] It works better than the other brands because it's chewable. So it can be so work up to twice as fast
[00:38:04] That's how that's how it gets and you can take them on an empty stomach or a full stomach and
[00:38:11] Prescribed online easily and it ships your door and discrete packaging
[00:38:16] Wow, these are all things that are put them in the plus column and blue chewed gives you they're made in the USA in case you're
[00:38:24] Anti-free trade guy. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna trade protectionist. Here's your deal. Oh cool. Yeah. Oh, wow cool. Thanks Wow
[00:38:36] Wow you want to continue sorry, oh no, I'm just I'm sort of just thinking about how cool that is that is really cool
[00:38:42] It's really cool dude. You're a cool guy. You're so cool. I appreciate no hold on. I'm mean it dude. You're cool. I
[00:38:49] Appreciate you saying that what I mean what?
[00:38:57] In front of the fans I got in front of the listeners
[00:39:01] Here's a great deal for you guys visit blue chew calm get your first door to free when you use promo code come town
[00:39:05] Just pay five. Oh shipping that's blue chew calm promo code come town. See you empty. Oh, yeah
[00:39:10] Nice. I'm literally signing re signing up right now to get more dick pills
[00:39:16] For my soft can you get 30 a month? It costs like yeah, how much does that cost like $90? All right?
[00:39:25] I mean like we said this is like a lifestyle brand
[00:39:28] So it's like you wake up you have it with your vitamins in the morning. Oh, yeah
[00:39:32] That shit take it every day the Seattleist won last 36 hours. They say I think it's the weekender, baby
[00:39:39] So yeah, you could you could take that on a friday afternoon
[00:39:43] Are you still smelling shit? Yeah, I'm not smelling shit, dude. It might just be the trash
[00:39:48] I think it's probably the trash. Oh and by the way come see me on tour
[00:39:51] Stavi dot bid slash tour. It smells like burning like wax or like some kind of like burning
[00:40:07] DC to son Phoenix the Dallas penis club
[00:40:13] The you kid I'm starting a club. I'm starting a club Hillary
[00:40:19] Dallas man this club. I'm good news. I got my man guy named jepy and he's taking me on his airplane to meet the president
[00:40:27] Jeppy Hillary. I'm trying something new. Oh
[00:40:30] No, Hillary. I got a new water. We see how their penises taste maybe maybe I'm just I'm gay, but I'm gay for re-taught
[00:40:42] You know we extend our lives by raping children. Maybe we can make ourselves happier by raping the mentally disabled
[00:40:52] Honestly, they probably have tried it if you're a pedophile. Why not like that point. Yeah, you've crossed the Rubicon. Mm-hmm
[00:41:02] They're starting a club here in Dallas where I can't I wish I could do
[00:41:09] We're starting all right all right. Yes, of course everyone goes all right. I'll write all right. I'll write all right
[00:41:15] I love when I say I wish I could do a guy and then you immediately take a stab at it
[00:41:22] Just breaking it in the off-chance airballing in the off chance. He could do it though. Why not? Yeah, I'm gonna get one. Yeah
[00:41:33] Wayne Gretzky Wayne Gretzky said that if you take if you never said that's actually
[00:41:38] Yeah, if you take enough shots your pussy gets stuff
[00:41:42] Missed you're gonna miss a true to fuck to Wayne Gretzky. You're gonna fuck once
[00:41:47] It's actually Wayne Brady that said that really and he said
[00:41:51] Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch? Yeah
[00:41:59] He's got a new fucking he's got a show brand new penis. He's got a brand new penis
[00:42:04] You're gonna know what's the most penis club you went to the Dallas penis club. He's got a show. Let's make guys just need pain
[00:42:13] I love I gotta give them call. Let me ask you something
[00:42:17] What is how do these out? Let me ask you say the problem anybody that's from Texas you can just do a Texas accent
[00:42:22] But yeah, it's like almost fucking impossible to do the actual guy. So just do the accent man
[00:42:28] Why to take for the for right now? No, no, no, okay?
[00:42:32] I can't I can't do some impressions. No you can't do one. Oh and Wilson. Oh my god. What do you say? You can
[00:42:39] Anybody that look if you're just doing the impression that everybody else fucking does it doesn't count
[00:42:45] So you have to come up you have to do a different
[00:42:47] There was a guy and I don't want to shit on him because I was like I like the guy
[00:42:50] He's a nice guy, but there was a guy that would do a Chris walkin impression. Yeah, yeah
[00:42:54] And then eventually he would just do his entire act as Christopher Frank Kelly and he was throwing Denzel too
[00:43:01] Uh who no different guy. No, we're thinking about the guy that only does Denzel
[00:43:07] There's a guy in Baltimore and again. I don't want to see either. Do you see I fuck with him? No, no, no, no
[00:43:12] That's a different guy. Oh, yeah, there's so many comics that just
[00:43:21] Yeah, if you can only do Christmas for walking you can't do voices
[00:43:24] Yeah, and you're not doing this for walking you're doing jaymore doing christopher walking. Yeah, that's fine
[00:43:30] Know like bill Cosby it's almost for the further away from bill Cosby are the funnier. Yeah, I don't remember what the real bill Cosby
[00:43:39] Especially now that he's been out in jail for a little restaurant
[00:43:44] They took about a white public eye before to have a grapes
[00:43:53] Poor little little spanish fly. Go ahead and beat her up put the slipper on the face
[00:44:00] You were prepared so far. So if you're cocking to her
[00:44:05] Well, there is often time when a bitch doesn't want to get fucked in the pussy
[00:44:11] Which got doers got a set record straight you see
[00:44:19] Can I tell you the darndest thing yeah, yeah, shut up
[00:44:23] Well, we're doing a show called women say the darndest thing
[00:44:29] Gonna be in the dressing room. Oh, Paul can't believe what she said
[00:44:37] And you all saw a tear on tv. She's crazy
[00:44:41] Every episode is that it was like whoo it turns out she's mentally
[00:44:53] Cosby issued a statement after Eddie Murphy made fun of him on s&l
[00:44:57] And he called him a slave to hollywood. You're you know what you are
[00:45:04] I stood up for myself and I took what I wanted
[00:45:08] But it's like where who is asking a fucking rapist in jail what he thinks of something he gets s&l in jail
[00:45:16] I guess yeah, that's pretty sick. That is pretty he's also allowed to rape in there. Really?
[00:45:22] Did you see have you seen anything with like what Epstein's setup was when he actually did that 13 months in palm beach?
[00:45:28] No, well he got to go to work everything
[00:45:30] Well, he set up a company that it did not exist until he was sentenced
[00:45:34] And then he had if there was no work. It's a fake company that was created just while he was in prison
[00:45:40] It's just an office for it was an office for him to go to and then they had to like bring prison guards
[00:45:45] And he just paid he's like paid fucking half a million dollars basically to like and then he could have people over whenever he wanted
[00:45:51] He would like schedule business meetings. Yeah in jail in jail
[00:45:56] Damn, dude. It's so sick. How come I don't get a setup like that. I'll tell you why it's because
[00:46:07] And this is ever I if I was just maybe one of those types of fellows I would have gotten away with it
[00:46:20] Oh, man, we should we haven't dropped that yet
[00:46:23] Well, the 87 minutes into the episode. Let's do your review money. How far are the episode it is
[00:46:31] Started exactly at five. I think so I was gonna say because you you almost nailed it
[00:46:36] I was gonna say this where we are impressive. I thought we started whenever the time version of dead reckoning is
[00:46:42] What's dead? I have an internal clock. It's perfect. Reckoning is where you kind of like no which direction you're heading. Oh, yeah
[00:46:47] I I do not have that at all. Yeah, well, it's a masculine trade actually
[00:46:52] So what bitch, what are you trying to say? I know which direction I'm faced right now, bitch
[00:46:55] I'll just by the way. I just slapped at him and he did nothing because I'm a masculine and he's feminine. I didn't flip
[00:47:12] Fuck there's really there's really no application for that one. No, it doesn't come up. It'll never come up
[00:47:19] Now there's no place for it. It's just like let's listen to that again. Yep. Mm-hmm
[00:47:22] So Ecuadorian Christmas, huh? Yeah, I can't wait bro. What do they got fucking?
[00:47:29] Kind of food flan probably I don't know what I don't know they fuck with flan actually I have relatives from Ecuador. No, you don't
[00:47:38] They're Jews. They're Jews from key to silence. I do I seriously Ecuador. Yeah, I wonder what they were doing over in Ecuador
[00:47:45] They owned I think like a zipper factor. Yeah, and I'm sure they treated their workers really nicely some sort of textile situation
[00:47:54] Yeah, yeah, I'm sure they treated their workers great. It's a country
[00:47:58] We were it's all Hispanic people and you can treat them. However, they're great workers great workers
[00:48:04] They don't know how much things cause they work very hard
[00:48:07] Yeah, it was the trash it was the trash now that I moved the trash. It's gone away. Oh good damn. I was glad you're not having a stroke
[00:48:15] Yeah, that'd be so funny if you die during the show heart attack would rule
[00:48:20] Well, no one would hear it because neither of you know how to upload the episode
[00:48:24] Yeah, we yeah, but if you get the SD card out figured out I have a kill switch
[00:48:36] What we would do is take the SD card and auction her off to the biggest fucking loser
[00:48:40] Oh my god, we make probably last episode of come town ever
[00:48:44] 250k probably a minimum of hundred dollars from because everyone's poor
[00:48:47] Yeah, everyone's poor, but they can all pool their money. That's true for the episode where Nick dies
[00:48:54] Yeah, yeah, if Nick died, I guess we just keep the patreon going and hope no one would notice that we weren't that their cards keep getting charged
[00:49:00] And we probably get a good like 20% of them wouldn't notice a couple nice months out of that
[00:49:06] Yeah, it's the it's the planet fitness business
[00:49:10] Exactly people just forget that you know damn well you would just continue doing the show without me
[00:49:15] No 100% there may be a maybe a three-week break
[00:49:23] Yeah, four degrees and Hershey Park. Yeah
[00:49:25] I would in that order. Yeah. Yeah, I'd talk to some publishers about my book my friend Nick
[00:49:33] Which Adam has ready to publish it's already written
[00:49:37] It's about how I was the best I was the best friend to
[00:49:42] And you had a secret you had a secret relationship that he didn't like to tell people
[00:49:47] Yeah, I would my okay about all of our activities. I'd be dead at that point. Yeah when you're dead who care you're dead
[00:49:51] Yeah, I would lie a ton about you. I'd be going around scaring Hispanic people
[00:50:01] Not like him and they love ghost because it's their dead relatives some guys is another ghost is like him
[00:50:05] And if you keep doing that you you're not gonna get into heaven. I'm like pal. Where do you think I am?
[00:50:15] I'm surrounded by the things I love scaring the people I hate
[00:50:21] Now if you'll excuse me, there's a kince in euro four blocks away. There's a kince that I got a mosey on over to
[00:50:34] Coco wrecked me emotionally, bro. I watched on a plane and strange. I audibly cried. Oh, I like
[00:50:48] Please don't call me. Please don't call me. Don't get a gun
[00:50:53] Please don't call me. I don't want to know about the gods
[00:51:23] Ghostbuster. Okay. No way to ghost boost
[00:51:29] Damn what i'm doing for christmas adam you're watching hoop i'm what well, yes, but christmas eve me my brother my my good buddy
[00:51:37] George. Mm-hmm. We're going to see star wars on the mushrooms. I'm see i'm the only good good godfearing christian on this show
[00:51:44] I asked star wars and I probably won't see this. It doesn't even need to fuck there's no reason
[00:51:49] I mean just seeing people fucking have meltdowns about you see that bitch saying she was on the ground wailing in pain
[00:51:55] Why crying at the massage of yours bad wars. Oh, that makes me want to see it though. Yeah, it's probably funny
[00:52:02] I saw the first dice clay. I saw the first one as luke
[00:52:05] I saw the first ones of these ones and it's like and like, you know, it was the same movie. It seems like it
[00:52:11] Yeah, that's the thing it's like it was fun movie it hit all the notes. It was like a better
[00:52:16] Sequel than the prequels were yeah, but the prequels I like the third one
[00:52:20] But for the prequels for as gay and shitty as they were they were at least like trying to do something different
[00:52:25] Yeah, it's like okay. We're gonna go we're gonna just go do something weird
[00:52:29] Yeah, and hope that we can create a different kind of like fun than the originalist war and it missed the mark entirely
[00:52:36] Yeah, they're talking about midichlorians. Yeah, George Lucas wanted to make the this this one before Disney bought it
[00:52:42] He wanted to like explain the science of the force. It's like no one gives a fuck
[00:52:47] I was thinking about like the other day about how like if you had never heard of Scientology
[00:52:52] It would just sound like something like some black guy was saying at the bus stop welcoming advice
[00:52:56] He's like, you know, man, you because you got to think about the Scientology
[00:53:04] He's got to stop thinking like an og start thinking like an OT
[00:53:10] You know, look it's no player. I'm talking about computers
[00:53:15] There's a alien scene. Yeah, we're gonna hook your ass up to computers man
[00:53:20] This ain't about some old school religious shit. We got new you put your hands on these
[00:53:25] These tubes can what do they call? Yeah, and then I got a car battery. Look it then go your levels
[00:53:33] Like you're just it's a guy holding two extension cords plugged into a t. R. 808
[00:53:54] Sucking on the balls. I'm a dick second guy
[00:53:58] And I'm drunk on alcohol. I don't know. I don't know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who fucking cares
[00:54:06] Jesus don't give a shit. Jesus gets sucked my little penis first of all
[00:54:10] How by the only good godfearing principle
[00:54:12] I don't mean to break nothing to you, but
[00:54:17] Christmas happens to be during a fucking pagan holiday. Okay. Jesus was actually born at a different time of the
[00:54:23] Year, so I'm the only godfearing christmas. It was like a Roman gay sex festival that they turned into christmas
[00:54:29] What's wrong with that dude? That's cool. If it was a gay sex festival. I'd be like, okay
[00:54:34] That sounds kind of nice. So you're not into christmas because it's pagan
[00:54:38] They stole the pagans the hf festival. It's the gay sex festival. It's Jimmy's chicken shack is it both. Yeah
[00:54:50] Hootie in the blowfish billy idol r.m. I'm smashing pumpkins. I saw billy idol at hf festival
[00:54:58] Robles dude. No, I can smell that shit again
[00:55:01] The fuck I don't smell it dude. Okay. I understand you guys don't smell it
[00:55:05] But there's something that smells bad with a hot ass dick
[00:55:21] Which you admit you have got your bitch sometimes if I don't shower for a couple days
[00:55:25] I mean, but it's like you know my bowls smell your balls are ripe
[00:55:29] Adam's tiny balls. They're not ball. You do have little don't say that on the show dude. That's reality, man
[00:55:36] It's not you don't have to hide from I just have a long scrotum. You have tiny little dense balls
[00:55:44] Regular size test. They're not regular ball. All right. Take your nut out right now. I literally will do all right
[00:55:53] How is it how are you doing that without even moving your body? Yeah
[00:55:57] What is that one test to go on nuts? It's pretty big. That is pretty big
[00:56:01] Thank you. That's that's smaller than I thought you know
[00:56:03] No, you thought it's not so smaller. I thought you're not super bigger than that. It's pretty big
[00:56:07] We're on that boat together. I mean, that's not a small nut, but yeah, thank you Adam. Pull your nut out. All right one sec
[00:56:14] All right, I guess we're all pulling our nuts
[00:56:17] This is normal size. No, you're squeezing it. I'm not squeezing it. This is my left testicle. That's one little ball. It's not little
[00:56:29] Wider than I thought it was and one ball is bigger, right? I think one hangs lower
[00:56:36] That's a nice nut. We have the same. We all have the same now. We all have the same nicks is pinker
[00:56:41] Nicks is the pink is dick. You have my little my one kind of yellow
[00:56:45] Yeah, yours you mine is good. You're not needs to work. Dude. I'm not with the color of your nuts indicates health
[00:56:55] You're red your eyeballs were red your iris. You're not a red. It's just I've gotten older and they've gotten red
[00:57:05] It's a sign of dominance. It really is very funny
[00:57:09] I mean every time I go into like a YMCA to see an old man naked
[00:57:13] Yeah, just to see what their genitals. Honestly, Adam. I'm not convinced that wasn't both you're not squeezed together
[00:57:17] Dude, that was my left nut. That was both you're not squeezed together dude
[00:57:25] Yeah, boom both out man. You want to see both my love me see them both. All right. I got to twist my dick underneath my
[00:57:31] Yeah, everybody had that's the way that's the way you pull your balls out. It's just acrobatic
[00:57:36] Duns it these are both these are both tiny nuts. They're not small
[00:57:41] Intended those are smaller shit. No, they're not you finessed it to make it look bigger together. Those are little nuts
[00:57:47] How did I didn't finesse anything? I just showed you how you did it. I don't know what kind of tricks
[00:57:51] How is it possible that the left one is is a big squeezing hard?
[00:57:55] How do you squeeze it's when you can't squeeze it to be bigger?
[00:57:59] It's okay that you have little nuts. I don't have small nuts. It's okay. I do ropes
[00:58:04] You know I do ropes. I that's not what I hear. You know, I blast rope. That's honestly not what I hear
[00:58:08] No, come on. I'm Peter Peter and North vibes
[00:58:14] That actually has nothing to do with your nose
[00:58:16] That's where your prostate in your yeah, it's your ass. Yeah, it's what's going on in your ass
[00:58:20] It comes from my ass. So Adam's getting his prostate just straight up massage
[00:58:25] You know what you're right. Yeah, I put out loads
[00:58:32] There just being squeezed out of me somehow. I don't know what it is
[00:58:39] It's as if I'm being milked a little drip
[00:58:44] I don't know how that works. Well, listen everyone if you're listening right now and you have a group of friends
[00:58:50] Pull out your nuts. That's the that's the come-down Christmas tradition
[00:58:55] Make sure you know who's got the biggest nuts in your crew who's got red nuts
[00:58:59] It's good. It's a community thing. Yeah, it's no it go get that checked out. Nick go get your red
[00:59:05] Not just in the winter. I guess I don't know you know what no, but I definitely remember not having red nuts
[00:59:09] Yeah, they were definitely they shrunk and they turned red
[00:59:16] My shit stay plump and they stay nice and tamed. Honestly, I do I do think it is from like uh, I started wearing like compression
[00:59:23] Like I'm wearing briefs right all the time
[00:59:25] Well, I used to just wear reefs. Yeah, I wear I wear boxer briefs and then I got into like and I was also when I found that fucking
[00:59:36] Yeah, I think it fucked my shit up to have compressed nuts all the way you gotta let those boys breathe
[00:59:42] Well, I don't know who gives a shit, right?
[00:59:44] Who really honestly read is a power move is if you pull those nuts out in their bright beat red
[00:59:50] It'll scare a bitch. Yeah, and that they'll get her to sucking quick
[00:59:56] You see what you gotta do is you gotta get your
[01:00:06] It's fight or flight at that point, dude
[01:00:09] You know either she runs or she starts suck fighting, which is sucking
[01:00:16] Tell me a text message from who from my neighbor. Do you want to have sex with them? No
[01:00:27] Mama mama penis when it comes to cock. I want more
[01:00:38] You know, I miss having a Christmas tree. I haven't done anything like that in a while. Maybe next I love Christmas trees to make your house
[01:00:47] No, but I've been in a house with a Christmas tree. It smells nice
[01:00:49] I kind of might might do it next year. Maybe I'll just start selling me in Christmas. They smell nice
[01:00:54] Christmas is so nice. I've been jealous of it my whole life
[01:00:58] Everyone seemed so happy like in my neighborhood. I see like kids riding their new bike
[01:01:03] Just the thought of going to bed and in the morning you wake up. You have presents. It's incredible. It must be the most exciting
[01:01:10] It really is feeling in the world. I can't it was such a part of my childhood. I cannot believe you never experienced
[01:01:15] It's so sad. I was so fucking sad and depressed. Yeah, my entire like upbringing
[01:01:20] I want I wanted Santa to be real. I like I like did you have said you break it to the to the christians that he wasn't
[01:01:31] I was like, you know your parents are lying to you fucking faggots
[01:01:40] Hell yeah, you live in an apartment. How would he even get in what's the best president you ever got for hahaha nukkah?
[01:01:45] I've never I never got any good presence. I'm pretty sure my parents stole all my
[01:01:51] They like write me a check and then they'd be like all right. We'll put in your bank account
[01:01:58] That went right up your dad's ass. I don't know where my bar mitt. I didn't I mean I didn't get very much money, but
[01:02:07] My friend David had his bar mitts at the four seasons and he got his mom to rent him a white tuxedo with tails and a white
[01:02:19] Fuck dude, I wonder what my best president ever was
[01:02:25] I remember getting super Nintendo and my dad said I need you help me get something out of the trunk
[01:02:30] And I opened the trunk and I saw the super Nintendo and I flipped whoa. Yeah, how did you see it?
[01:02:37] You're dad forgot that was in there and he's like oh yeah, it's for you
[01:02:41] Like 13 hours later him quietly deleting a craigslist post about like looking for a couple of fellas to come over
[01:02:54] Just like a couple of boys having a sleepover
[01:02:59] Jacking or maybe later we discover pornography together and have a group
[01:03:04] Wank he did actually legitimately get addicted to my super NES really. What was he playing Mario?
[01:03:12] No, what was the girls game for Mario? Yeah girl Mario girls princess
[01:03:18] Well, I also used to have Mario paint. I used to make beats on there. You can make songs
[01:03:22] Sure, you did you made beats you weren't just drawing pictures of yourself as a girl
[01:03:27] No, I wasn't trying to figure out how to play have on a gila on mario paint doesn't count as making no
[01:03:33] I love I did. He's just like playing some gay game where he makes little gay ass music. I mean, so yeah, I made beats
[01:03:41] I was black. I was a black kid making rap music
[01:03:48] You know about how I feel about hip-hop culture, dude. You don't like it. It's part. Don't like it
[01:03:52] No, it's the course it run it out of bedside
[01:04:04] Have you ever seen fiddler on the roof? Of course. Is it good?
[01:04:08] It's kind of kind of tight actually. I kind of like musicals, though
[01:04:12] Yeah, yeah, how about didler on the tooth and he's like maybe try not biting my penis so much
[01:04:19] I guess we'll have somebody else be an iCarly then if I was a rich man
[01:04:25] I would have my own island where I could do whatever I want
[01:04:38] If I want to reach my little penton would come to my house on the island. We would be friends
[01:04:44] I would be friends with Bill Gates at Bocleton
[01:04:47] If I was Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein, I would do some words
[01:05:01] And it's true because it's Jewish. It's a Jewish. No, it worked well. It's it's it's funny. And it's true
[01:05:08] That's what's beautiful. That's the best kind of comedy. You're speaking truth to power
[01:05:12] Let me just find the sound clip by one. No worries, man. Yeah, keep looking nicks gonna dig in the crate for such flips. Damn
[01:05:20] Have you ever experienced a christmas? Did you ever do christmas? Yeah, I went I dated a girl who lives like in northern
[01:05:29] Mm, and had my first christmas there in shi town. Yeah, and like but like john hues vibes like uh
[01:05:36] I can't find it, but it's the episode where they go to
[01:05:39] uh lake forest or they go to fucking thomas edison's
[01:05:43] MUSE the thomas edison museum and the tour guide is like here's a question for you folks
[01:05:49] How many geniuses does it take to invent a light bulb?
[01:05:53] Just one thomas edison and then the crowd's like oh
[01:05:58] And then you're like with the banter or whatever some lady goes it's funny and it's true too. It's funny intro
[01:06:08] I used to love that ship with the when they would do like crowd reactions the crowd reactions were great slide like some dumb lines
[01:06:13] Yeah, all the games doing the finger thing
[01:06:27] My dick I watched a clip from cats the other day. Mm-hmm. So it's trying to like jeffrey
[01:06:32] I've seen kind of looks like one of the cats cats. Mm-hmm. So I made some dumb joke about it
[01:06:37] But I've never seen cats. I just remember
[01:06:41] Marshall's they had or like the average the commercials they had for the cats the film version of the cats musical that used to be on tv
[01:06:47] I do not he's to play him all the time. It was like, you know call now and you can get you know, whatever
[01:06:56] And they would just play an excerpt from the magical mr. Mistophiles songs
[01:06:59] That's the only thing I ever knew about cats was there was a character named the magical mr
[01:07:03] I actually knew that so maybe in my subconscious. I know about this commercial
[01:07:12] Just fucking of all the theaters that have been shot up. Yeah, then none of them have been cats
[01:07:18] Dude, I wanted to see cats live. I kept trying to get you guys to go to Broadway with me
[01:07:21] It's awful. That's why I wanted to go. It's fucking I love things that are
[01:07:25] We gonna take molly and i think mushrooms. It's fucking it is awful
[01:07:29] But all the people that love me really just pissed me off watching it
[01:07:33] I would go see a Broadway musical. Yeah, just the boys. Yeah, it's funny. It's weird
[01:07:38] I've never been to it's weird because if I if like you like I really think about it does bother me on a visceral level
[01:07:44] And it's weird because i'm sure and this is just gonna sound
[01:07:48] Gay in a different way. Yeah, it's literally probably like just some kind of like homophobia
[01:07:53] Yeah, instead it's so fucking gay it bothers me
[01:07:56] But it's like if I just uh two gay guys like fucking each other holding hands. I would be like, okay
[01:08:02] You get hard. That's honest gayness. Well, there's just something hard working
[01:08:07] There's something about cats that just fucking pisses me. But it's not even made by a gay guy
[01:08:11] I don't even it's it's we it's Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's not gay guys definitely gay, dude
[01:08:16] He wrote too many musicals to be straight. I'm gonna. I'm gonna play this clip
[01:08:20] Yeah, and let's see if you don't I don't know what it is because it's insane to me because I don't think that I'm like
[01:08:25] Homophobic in the sense that I make gay jokes all right
[01:08:28] But I'm not homophobic in the sense that like I have a problem with gay people or that anything they do bothers me
[01:08:34] Except when they do the musical cats. Yep, and I don't know
[01:08:38] Dude, you're telling me this guy's face is not this is not the face of a home. No, he was married to that lady. Those in this place. Sarah. Okay, something
[01:08:48] Are you fucking joking? Yeah, well, just don't judge a body, dude. Don't judge a book by its cover soft
[01:08:53] No, that's a man that likes getting fucked in the end. No, that's a man who's wrong with that
[01:08:57] There's that's the man. He's I mean, he's in the theater. Maybe he does it all, you know, yeah, that's you. Maybe he's by
[01:09:04] Well, it starts off and there's a gay cat like fucking like oh who's ready for some magic
[01:09:10] And it's already terrible and then they bring out the magical mystery stop is who somehow even gayer than the first guy
[01:09:20] Look there's cats and they're like kissing each other doing they're having simulated cat sex
[01:09:28] Are they singing that song midnight from cats is a good song
[01:09:34] I don't know man. There's something about his face
[01:09:40] Magical mr. Mustafoles the original conjuring cat
[01:09:45] There can be no doubt about that. Please
[01:09:58] There's no such cat in the metropolis. He holds all the beaten monopolies for performing surprise
[01:10:07] What's the game about this? This is not mr. Mustafoles. This is this is pretty good using mr
[01:10:13] Fashapul. This is pretty straight to me so far
[01:10:15] Greatest magicians have something to learn from this
[01:10:32] I'm biving this song is good. We should have seen cats on Broadway
[01:10:50] Doesn't unless you blow it up, but damn I'm gonna go watch that you know and he's a magician
[01:10:55] It's not enough that he's a fucking cat
[01:10:58] He's gonna be a magician with this place about it's about cats with jobs and stuff right they do it
[01:11:05] I thought he had like a I thought it was the head of the cat. He had like it's wrong. It's wrong for cats
[01:11:11] I'll be watching. It's against god. I'll be watching rent. Well you guys
[01:11:21] Rent is not it. The cast is a lot cooler
[01:11:25] You're getting a fish that sucks. Yeah, there's something to I was vibing with that dude. That song rocked
[01:11:30] I want to go see that shit. Now. That's the thing that would bother me is the kid. It's embarrassing
[01:11:38] It is why is it embarrassing for her? First of all, we know what it is. I'm not
[01:11:43] I've seen Nick get like this only once before and it was about Billy Eelish about how you're like she fucking sucks
[01:11:49] No, he didn't get like this. No this you got mad. I don't think Billy Eilish sucks
[01:11:54] I didn't even mad at it. That's not her name. Not that she sucks. It's like
[01:11:57] And you there's nothing in this like the distinguished Billy Eilish's music. I don't understand why it's like super popular super popular, right?
[01:12:08] But yeah, I don't know this sucks. It's like one of those things where if I saw it as a kid, I would be like just like I'm embarrassed
[01:12:14] You know what I mean? Yeah, you still like watch you watch tv and you would see somebody do something like fucking like I'm gonna
[01:12:20] I'm gonna like like prove I'm gonna like ask like Mary Ann out in front of the whole school
[01:12:25] And you're like just stop just don't don't yeah. Oh, yeah
[01:12:29] Yeah, I know what you're saying. You don't mean that whatever that feeling was you get like second
[01:12:32] It's all it's literal. I mean this word has been ruined by the internet, but it's cringing. It is it's fucking cringe. We're yeah
[01:12:39] Oh, yeah, I get that a lot. I'm like I'm the nervous for someone
[01:12:43] But that not I didn't get that at all from the mr. Moustophiles clip what I got was wonder and merriment
[01:12:48] And honestly, I was interested to see mr. Moustophiles
[01:12:56] I kind of want to see him. Can we see him? Can you finish playing that song? Yeah, we'll watch
[01:13:01] Let's watch the rest of this and then we'll say merry christmas. Okay. No, this is gonna end with us watching the entire musical
[01:13:07] I kind of want to see what happens gay, right? Let's watch it again. I know
[01:13:10] I know one song from cats. That's very good. Yeah
[01:13:25] Dude, we soon as that was so cool. You get to know that he's introing mr
[01:13:30] That's what I mean. That's how someone that's that's cool. He that's rumb tongue tugger. That's wrong
[01:13:34] Tugger is pretty cool. And that's how cool this is. I'm about to go home and watch
[01:13:40] How much is ball? I want to see him cats do that and lick their genitals. He really is
[01:13:48] Let's see him. Here he is. That's it. Oh, yes, dude. Oh, yes, dude. You should do it
[01:13:56] Yeah, this motherfucker's got a lighter. Oh, shoot
[01:14:06] Wow, he does light it bro. Okay. I should be this is incredibly homosexual right now. Yes, I'm in a good way
[01:14:17] This is what being gay is gonna sign me up bro. Dude, I'll probably live in the strapples
[01:14:26] So he doesn't even sing his own song. No, this other guy sings his song while he dances around like that
[01:14:46] Damn, we really should see this on this. I told you dude. I want to see cats
[01:14:56] That's a power move you don't speak you just have a fucking guy that sings for you
[01:15:03] He probably gets head for one pump total
[01:15:22] No, it's a ribbon dance. Yeah, a rainbow ribbon. I love him, dude. It's cool. That's like you can't grit any of these cats
[01:15:29] So not real cats. I was hoping mr. Moustache. Please was bad. Oh, what if I what if I started doing that?
[01:15:38] I was hoping it was a fat cat. I'm my st. Oh uf l. Oh, you asked giddy. Oh, it's mr. Follies
[01:15:45] Um, didn't we do that riff on a live show actually? That was good. Yeah, we stuff in this
[01:15:51] We should have we should have kept recording those men. Yeah, anyway anyway folks. That's christmas. That's the christmas episode
[01:15:59] We watched maybe we should maybe we should on principle go see cats. Yes the movie
[01:16:08] I have to I told you I'm making lockers. I invited both of you shut up
[01:16:13] Shut up about your lockers. I thought it would be fun
[01:16:15] Go see cats and then we'll go to veselca and get potato pancakes
[01:16:18] I'm trying to do all the holidays. I'm doing christmas hanaka and kawansa
[01:16:24] I didn't think about until afterwards, but the jersey shitty shooting to be like wow
[01:16:28] I guess some people do celebrate kawansa
[01:16:33] Why didn't know people actually celebrate a quanta? I'm actually
[01:16:37] We can see cats on thursday. I'm actually on thursday. I'm down we record. Yeah, that sounds great
[01:16:42] All right, we can do a full cats episode for the patreon. Yeah
[01:16:47] I I just want to say that I'm going to be
[01:16:50] Trying to squash this beef between the black israelites and the orthodox jews nice
[01:16:56] Yeah, we're gonna have a hip. We're gonna have a hip-hop
[01:17:01] No, we're gonna be having a hip-hop summit the orthodox jews the black israelites. I'm gonna be put
[01:17:06] I'm gonna play you're gonna play them there your beats and it's just like it's like
[01:17:12] No, I have like a I've a prepared motivational speech that I do at like community colleges elementary schools
[01:17:18] About how I grew up in a rough circumstances did every drug sucked every dick
[01:17:23] And now now I got my life together. It was wild when they brought those guys
[01:17:29] They just paraded those guys in front of you and like don't end up like these
[01:17:34] No, but now he's okay. So listen. You don't want to be like him
[01:17:40] Well, come see very christmas. Merry christmas. The next funny mom's is what the
[01:17:44] The next month. Yeah, oh no, I'm sorry the 13th the next fat Tuesday's is on the seventh
[01:17:52] And like I said, I'm all over the place Milwaukee appleton chicago providence
[01:18:01] Tucson and then london and fucking doubleton all those tickets are on sale stavey.bass
[01:18:06] Yes, dude take us out mr. Miffle stoffelies. Yo. Yeah, let's go behind the scenes
[01:18:15] I want to hear what these people sound no, I want to hear mr. Stoffelies thing
[01:18:22] Damn do you love cats. Let's go see you on thursday is is it anywhere? I want to see it on broadway
[01:18:28] Yeah, the movie probably like movie probably regular sucks. Yeah, that's true. It's probably way better. It's even all right folks