Cum Town | Regular | 01/02/2020
[00:00:06] It's a new action movie where I transformed into my own penis.
[00:00:27] We're looking ahead to brighter and bigger things.
[00:00:38] No, I'm getting the foreskin reattachment.
[00:00:43] That's a big year for your chin implant.
[00:00:45] You're going to look like hot Squidward.
[00:00:54] That would have your arms and legs removed and your spine elongated.
[00:00:58] Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about changing my appearance.
[00:01:05] And then your chin nose can suck up all the coins underneath.
[00:01:11] Now, if you're a snake, what happens to your penis?
[00:01:16] My idea for a trans surgery because you can do whatever you want with them.
[00:01:23] It's kind of like some doctors are figuring it out.
[00:01:26] Why none of them thought this is the best one is you take the arms and legs and you just reverse them.
[00:01:31] So the legs and arms face the other direction.
[00:01:35] And then you shave the back of the person's head and tattoo a woman's face.
[00:01:39] On the back of their head and their ass is a pussy.
[00:01:43] And then they can get fucked in their ass is a pussy, but they still...
[00:01:49] Do they have some kind of glasses that lets them see behind them?
[00:01:55] They just bump it into things, but they got that pussy.
[00:01:59] Like, you know, I mean, this people are...
[00:02:04] But they're not blind people that have to walk backwards everywhere.
[00:02:07] Yeah, that's why you reverse their arms and legs.
[00:02:11] They would be walking normally, but yeah, I guess.
[00:02:13] Yeah, which is moving in the other direction.
[00:02:14] Well, why not just cut their head off and swivel it?
[00:02:18] They did a head reattachment, didn't they?
[00:02:20] Wouldn't that be easier, theoretically?
[00:02:23] Your own body to reattach to your own body backwards?
[00:02:25] I think they did a new face on someone.
[00:02:29] Give them eyes on the back of their head.
[00:02:33] Why don't you give them long ass eyes, my balls?
[00:02:44] Like when you're riding a bike, sometimes they have helmets that kind of look like rear
[00:02:47] view mirrors where they have something like that.
[00:02:50] So you give them glasses so they can see behind them.
[00:03:09] You give them a wig to cover their face part.
[00:03:14] Why, you know how they call wigs and it's for your hair?
[00:03:23] Okay, well it's a mask that makes your skin...
[00:03:26] I don't know and I don't want to think about it any further.
[00:03:31] As of right now, I don't know and I don't want to give it any more thought.
[00:03:42] It would be funny to have an ass in front.
[00:03:46] Everyone wants to know about the Jake and Lewis thing.
[00:03:53] And I actually beat off to that possibility.
[00:03:59] Jake showed up on his bike with his milkshake.
[00:04:05] He was going to throw it at Lewis and Lewis was like,
[00:04:26] He's like, Of course everyone from Mexico is gay.
[00:04:36] I don't know what it's about but neither of those guys are white.
[00:04:40] We'll let the authorities figure it out.
[00:04:42] We'll let our boys in blue get to the bottom of that one.
[00:04:47] Two Latinos having a shove and match dude sounds like 25 to life to me.
[00:04:53] Around white people that were just trying to eat their pizza.
[00:04:57] Which has great, by the way, the Stan Comico restaurant, Great Food.
[00:05:01] So there's a guy trying to eat his fucking stand burger by himself and all of a sudden...
[00:05:09] And all of a sudden he's got fucking Puerto Rican spit on his fucking pickles.
[00:05:15] It was funny Diego Lopez was there and he teaches all the comedians karate.
[00:05:21] So they're sweating off or whatever and it's like, you know this is your fault.
[00:05:25] You made all these people think they're karate.
[00:05:38] I'm going to go to build a mother fucking wall, baby.
[00:05:43] I'm teaching all the comedians how to use guns.
[00:05:46] I'm teaching a bunch of insecure people how to fucking do violence.
[00:05:53] When you're putting loose resources from the things they think they heard somebody say about.
[00:06:01] The only thing stopping that from happening is that they all still have like, you know,
[00:06:09] Every comedian is weird because it's like, at certain point, like, you know, Lewis was
[00:06:15] like still screaming and I was like, all right, man, come on.
[00:06:18] And I went up to him and I touched his midsection, which I've done a couple of times.
[00:06:26] I mean, we shared a hotel room one time and he came because his head doesn't get fat.
[00:06:36] And it's like from the neck down is Fupa.
[00:06:51] But no, you're a horse who I have no one.
[00:07:02] And now you're going too far in the pot.
[00:07:05] Why you get to move through life so gracefully?
[00:07:13] Your fat body is as fat and round as your head.
[00:07:16] I would say on your pants, that's a fat man's little penis right there.
[00:07:19] And I'll say this, it's fat, but everything's gorgeous.
[00:07:22] So it's like, I'm fat, but I'm the roundest, smoothest type of fat.
[00:07:25] It sounds like you're selling a little dick, but it's huge.
[00:07:32] In the transmission, it'll fuck up on you.
[00:07:59] We got to talk about some shit we're going to talk about or the way we want.
[00:08:34] You know, I'll never read it, but I don't read books in English when people get them.
[00:08:40] In a show if you think about it, it's like I did read it.
[00:08:44] I read it as much as I would read a book in English.
[00:08:56] For the same reason that I don't read English.
[00:09:35] We'll just go right to the Q and A section.
[00:09:40] I've convinced Barnes and Noble that I am the translator of this book.
[00:10:07] I would say the brown, the oil gentleman who's bald.
[00:10:14] No, the other fat man with the missing tooth.
[00:10:18] I think everyone knows you're talking about me.
[00:10:25] With the bald man, who's also fat, and his penis is small.
[00:10:30] You only know that in Barnes and Noble customers, you don't know that.
[00:10:40] I'm covering because I'm wearing pants.
[00:10:43] Even smaller because his balls are too big.
[00:10:49] Could the customer with the black Toyota Corolla covered in chocolate?
[00:10:56] The handle might have a little chocolate.
[00:10:58] Toyota Corolla, but all four reels blown out.
[00:11:08] Anyway, my question was to do the characters in Chinese blood meridian have smaller penises
[00:11:19] Does everyone eat low mane in this version instead of whatever heart attack or whatever
[00:11:30] Yeah, it's got to be crazy for Chinese people to read this.
[00:11:33] You know, because they're like going around cutting people's scalps off and like, yep.
[00:11:40] They're keeping the productivity fall off at the factory.
[00:11:46] I wonder what they make of that retard in the cage.
[00:11:59] Is there any pussy getting in blood meridian?
[00:12:01] I was started to read it and I got bored because it was fucking long.
[00:12:03] Just an Indian guy learning about China and the one child policy is like, oh my God.
[00:12:08] They killed the baby Jeri's instead of making them sweet momma.
[00:12:22] We play the Indians against the Chinese by telling them they're killing all the baby Jeri's.
[00:12:27] Yeah, you play them off each other motherfucker.
[00:12:34] That was just one of those vocab words from high school where I was like, no.
[00:12:39] Nixon went over there playing ping pong.
[00:12:43] I ain't trying to be learning anything.
[00:12:49] I got an AA and AAV even though I'm not participating.
[00:12:58] They're an alternative high school where they offer AAV.
[00:13:00] They're for sure going to do that in like Park Slope at like a Montessori.
[00:13:36] Just talk the way you do outside of the class.
[00:13:41] I was thinking they would rig it like they used to do the S.E.T.
[00:13:48] Just stand and talk the way you normally do.
[00:13:51] We aren't going to learn anything teacher.
[00:13:55] Do you think you can bring your ass, which is made of crackers, into this office, thusly?
[00:14:05] Dude, it's so funny in high school that the Mexican kids used to pretend that they couldn't
[00:14:17] No, I swear I don't know how to speak Spanish.
[00:14:20] Why would they pretend not to know how to speak?
[00:14:23] Because then they would make the same another language.
[00:14:26] Yeah, then they'd have to take French or something.
[00:14:28] So wait, do you're not allowed to take Spanish if you already knew something?
[00:14:36] That's like, oh, this kid already knows math, so he's not allowed to take...
[00:14:41] I get your point, but I see what you're saying too.
[00:14:51] You already have the fucking skill set.
[00:14:53] You can't take the class based on what?
[00:14:57] It's cheating when fucking Mexican kids do it, but literally any other skill you could
[00:15:03] They have Jewish kids in there busting their asses every single day trying to learn that
[00:15:09] I'm just saying somebody should shoot up that school.
[00:15:22] No, I mean, because the school wouldn't be like, no, you know how to speak Spanish.
[00:15:27] They would just be like, all right, you could take the class.
[00:15:30] They would be like, no, I don't know how to speak it.
[00:15:33] And then just like take naps and stuff.
[00:15:40] I remember he was in Esau, like English and Second Language, but he didn't really know
[00:15:50] If they're not allowed to take Spanish, they also shouldn't have to speak English in the
[00:15:54] Everybody else is coming in with one fucking language.
[00:16:17] Well, I hear people say that the gay, white people are even more racist somehow.
[00:16:26] I think that there are some of the worst people in the world.
[00:16:32] Or at least if they're very racist within the LGBTQ LGP G County.
[00:16:41] Somebody used to start calling PG County that.
[00:16:48] Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
[00:16:52] nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
[00:16:53] I think it would be a little hard to figure out what you're getting at.
[00:16:56] If I just heard LGP G, I wouldn't necessarily know.
[00:17:05] When you say like LGBT, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah,
[00:17:14] Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
[00:17:18] I was laughing about going to rock climbing, but not wanting to wear the dumb rock climbing
[00:17:21] You go in like Tims, and you're like sagging, and you're like fucking, you're already
[00:17:25] dying, but then your pants come down, everyone can see in your up your ass, and you're halfway
[00:17:29] up, and you're like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
[00:17:36] So you're just someone's looking into your ass?
[00:17:38] Like that's your teacher actually spread your halfway stock up.
[00:17:41] Oh yeah, I guess because you're probably spreading your legs to climb.
[00:17:49] I just watched that movie over Thanksgiving free solo with my dad.
[00:17:53] Was that about the new Star Wars movie?
[00:17:56] No, no, no, no, that's, uh, if we keep, I've been keeping count.
[00:18:02] You saw the new one, but you were on mushrooms.
[00:18:04] I was on mushrooms, and I really only know what happened in like the last one.
[00:18:07] Yeah, you went viral for doing mushrooms.
[00:18:15] So maybe you should think about who you're, what kind of people you're talking about.
[00:18:20] Well, they said that because Shane let them down, you're going to be the new hope of conservative
[00:18:27] If I can get on Mike Huckabee show, get, I'm in.
[00:18:30] Dude, I want to do, I want to do, I want to make my late night debut on Mike Huckabee
[00:18:35] Dude, have you ever seen his like, his like, doing stand up at the beginning of the show?
[00:18:51] He's like, if you want to have gay, say it.
[00:19:04] Why don't you massage my penis with your tongue?
[00:19:13] My friend like works in restaurants and he said that there's a really good place where
[00:19:27] No, he said it's not a suck off, but fuck.
[00:19:41] I've been thinking about because my I got I was getting a massage.
[00:19:49] She started getting close to my cock and I guess just rubbing my thigh and I was like,
[00:19:55] I wasn't thinking about this when I came in.
[00:19:59] I only like going if I already have a problem.
[00:20:02] I don't know what kind of like, you know, knots or adhesions you get in like underneath
[00:20:07] your shoulder blade, but I just always get those.
[00:20:10] And when I would go and just get that like fucked up.
[00:20:15] Yeah, these bitches had fucking rough ass hands.
[00:20:18] I got a massage right before going to Greece and I felt bad.
[00:20:21] I went to like a fancy day spa once in Manhattan.
[00:20:27] And got your was it was it was a it was a it was a home.
[00:20:34] It was a it was a it was a it was a it was a it got it got it.
[00:20:53] What if he had a huge I paid like I paid like a hundred fifty dollars.
[00:20:58] We're being a huge penis and he got it hard and he used it kind of like a foam roller.
[00:21:03] But he would have to roll exactly he had the kind of core strength where he could use
[00:21:08] his cock like a thing and he was tiny also but a huge penis.
[00:21:13] What if that was the best besides the ball time.
[00:21:23] He would wear he would not wear a condom.
[00:21:24] You wouldn't wear you know I don't want to be using massage.
[00:21:30] Well, it's the bet but hold on you didn't need more.
[00:21:35] Maybe somebody with the pointy is thick.
[00:21:37] That's the general concept but it happens to be the best massage of all time.
[00:21:43] Maybe if it was somebody but it will be very.
[00:21:59] Like you know one of those one of those Eagles.
[00:22:06] You bring the elementary school and you're like guess you're Lauren magic over the weekend.
[00:22:16] Now I actually get your fucking gay and I'm not.
[00:22:24] This is the gayest toys that like would be popular.
[00:22:29] I remember this Korean kid had like an eyeball that was like so it was like a ball but then
[00:22:34] inside the ball it like suspended in like oil or something was like a plastic eyeball.
[00:22:38] So you would roll it and the eyeball would always stay.
[00:22:44] It was like from a quarter of Michigan.
[00:22:45] You let me borrow it for the summer in between first and second grade and I was like this
[00:22:54] No, I think that was just part of their culture as you give white man an eyeball.
[00:22:58] This is grandma was like you this will be a curse.
[00:23:07] It's there's yeah, it's their fucking ancestors eyeball dude from the tomb.
[00:23:16] The grand says this would say about this.
[00:23:26] I tried the yo yo once and couldn't do it.
[00:23:28] No, it's like this is fake fancy ass yo yo's came back for a while.
[00:23:33] Yeah, I remember who fuck I'm going down memory lane sleeping.
[00:23:36] You remember I sleep a yo yo but it would just turn sideways hated that.
[00:23:41] I friend got nailed real hard in the Nards once with someone who going good and it was
[00:23:48] Dude, when I fucking left the cradle successfully, is there a better feeling than doing that
[00:23:58] I think probably getting your dick sucked.
[00:24:03] No, if I had to pick one, I would pick Nick meeting the one maybe.
[00:24:07] They're doing heroin while they sucked your dick.
[00:24:19] The number two getting fucked up my ass.
[00:24:25] Yeah, just a Mormon guy that's like, I think you're the seven.
[00:24:29] I've never met anybody like you that made me feel like you're the seventh person for
[00:24:44] It's like you can get as much pussy as you want, but you got to dress gay and you got
[00:24:49] You got to be incredibly nice, not cause.
[00:24:55] I can't fucking celebrate how much pussy I'm getting by yelling at people.
[00:25:00] I wear sweatpants and cutting people off and traffic.
[00:25:20] And fucking and then living off my girlfriend.
[00:25:22] I'm getting another GameCube controller bitch.
[00:25:25] It sucks because it's like you can't really be that guy in your 30s.
[00:25:29] You can be that guy at 21 and you're the coolest guy of all time.
[00:25:35] Yeah, I'm driving my girlfriend's car to GameStop.
[00:25:43] And everyone kind of laughs it off like I used to.
[00:25:55] So what are your guys New Year's resolutions?
[00:25:58] Double the bread double the head every year, dude.
[00:26:00] I'm going to make fresh pasta this year.
[00:26:04] It tastes so much better than coming out of being not completely fluent.
[00:26:08] Well, then I'm not going to make you any.
[00:26:11] Yeah, I was going to invite you over for fresh pasta.
[00:26:13] Yeah, they're going to have a made pasta maker.
[00:26:25] No KitchenAid is like that big thing with the bowl.
[00:26:39] Yeah, but it's also a mixer is also called a KitchenAid.
[00:26:44] But like, what you need it for is like making dough and stuff.
[00:26:58] I made pierogies, whether that was the first thing I did.
[00:27:05] And then what I did was I blended some liverwurst and then put that with caramelized onions.
[00:27:19] I fuck with a fry whenever once in a while.
[00:27:21] So, every time I tell you you're a fry, I'm a bull pierogies.
[00:27:27] Yeah, it's too rich and also you're gay.
[00:27:31] Don't care if you didn't ask, how close are you gay?
[00:27:36] Don't care if you didn't ask, plus you're Jewish.
[00:27:48] And then the boys found it and made it more fun.
[00:28:01] But did you guys read that cool article in The New York Times?
[00:28:04] Is that, you know that in Union Square, that number?
[00:28:11] We got to get that going the other way, if you know what I'm saying.
[00:28:17] No, but really what it is, because the numbers don't make sense.
[00:28:20] Alright, I'll just have a phone just real quick.
[00:28:32] If you want to keep secrets in this triad that we have.
[00:29:09] You're listening to the Arnold Schwarzenegger impression video game wrestling podcast.
[00:29:13] You're listening to the- Get to my penis.
[00:29:17] We're going to talk about really cool stuff and we're going to talk about some really creepy
[00:29:22] stories, some ghost bookie ghost stories.
[00:29:30] We actually did research by reading a book about the ghost of New Jersey.
[00:29:36] And basically what we're going to do is kind of summarize that in a really shitty way.
[00:30:08] I'm a fucking bitch and embarrassment to my father.
[00:30:15] Even, even, even though everyone who listens to NPR listens to my show.
[00:30:31] You've seen all the new anti-Semitic hate crimes.
[00:30:33] We've got a new style of anti-Semitism.
[00:30:37] This time the brothers are getting a little taste.
[00:30:44] And then people are like, oh, it's a black guy, but you look at him and I'm pretty sure
[00:30:51] He looks like one of those guys from the last wave.
[00:30:59] It's about what if there's only one wave left?
[00:31:04] You'd garner the ad back and kill a bunch of aboriginals.
[00:31:12] I'll tell you what, there's a blue wave you can ride.
[00:31:15] All the Democrats are trying to get their dicks hard, but they can't.
[00:31:18] Because Trump is in office stealing all the pussy.
[00:31:22] Yeah, that's why it's called Blue Chew.com.
[00:31:30] I got to tell you guys, I lose this product all the time.
[00:31:37] And it feels good because you jack your cock off and it feels heavier than normal too.
[00:31:53] You feel like your dick is a little club.
[00:31:55] A hot little club that you're going to use to beat up some of those.
[00:32:08] Behold, my limp penis dangling in the wind.
[00:32:26] Also, I have a cold and I've taken too many blue chews.
[00:32:35] No side effects except a hard-ass penis.
[00:32:40] The only side effect is maybe you won't die alone.
[00:32:43] Maybe you'll find the love of your life.
[00:32:47] And I'll say this, the second and third day you...
[00:32:50] It'll make hot women love you for a while.
[00:33:04] I found my cock really hits and strikes the first...
[00:33:11] Well, let's start saying the fucking thing up for top.
[00:33:18] I was talking about how to make sure that cock can be here.
[00:33:35] I can't wait to get my pussy fucked by somebody taking bluchu.
[00:33:47] And I can't wait to get my pussy fucked.
[00:33:58] I'm trying to put a hot dug in my pussy.
[00:34:03] Dude, it's actually in my ass and you have to get it out with me.
[00:34:12] No, I just trying to remember the promo.
[00:34:21] Both of your cheeks have so much mass it's really hard to pull them apart.
[00:34:27] No, that's me spreading my ass but it's wet because I'm horny.
[00:34:34] Your ass doesn't get wet when you're horny?
[00:34:37] My ass doesn't get wet when you're horny.
[00:34:44] So if you're gay in a bottom, it makes your dick hard and your ass soaking wet.
[00:34:49] So just ready to get a penis slit on up there.
[00:34:53] It also works for your woman and you wear your ass wet.
[00:34:55] The promo code is cometown and you get your first order free.
[00:35:00] So there's a couple of times your dick will be hard, free, and you'll think of us.
[00:35:06] All I ask is when you use bluchu to make your prickadill stiff around.
[00:35:16] A good use for it is you take a couple of bluchies and then you sit in the garage with
[00:35:22] Because everybody's dick is hard when they die but you want it to be as hard as possible.
[00:35:30] You want the fucking paramedic to find you to be so horny by how hard your dick is that
[00:35:37] they pull out their pussy and or ass and just slide on top of your dick.
[00:35:42] The ex-fals was imagine that you were a dead body and it's scullied and we have to suck
[00:35:51] Honestly, if I was on the ex-fals, what I would do is I would put a little, get a
[00:36:02] And then, I don't know, kill myself but like in an alien mask.
[00:36:07] And then fucking, Sally would be like, you know, taking her notes.
[00:36:24] And it appears there is something in the penile shaft.
[00:36:31] There's a, as it possibly an alien technology with this nation.
[00:36:38] Tucked out of the, with through the use of suction technique technology.
[00:36:42] Taking my breasts out of my shirt to his face.
[00:36:47] And then put it, and I will now be uploading the autopsy video to the time machine and
[00:36:54] the FBI's office that goes back to three weeks ago that Guess Who's hacked into is me.
[00:37:01] And it's me masturbating three weeks earlier to the video of Scully sucking my dead body.
[00:37:07] So you know you're gonna die in three weeks.
[00:37:12] Scully, he's called the, they call him the New Jersey ghost.
[00:37:18] He's about going to get into the exactly.
[00:37:20] They did a spooky stories podcast about him.
[00:37:26] I listened to Wait Wait Don't Tell Me and then the spooky guys.
[00:37:34] You're gonna get your dick sucked by bluetooth.com.
[00:37:41] You go bluetooth.com promo code comtown.
[00:37:54] They're better than Viagra and Chialis as they put out in Italy where it's from.
[00:38:06] So many factory made it for his bunga bunga party.
[00:38:10] Every, you're supporting Bernie Sanders.
[00:38:16] Like imagine the guys from the deer hunter.
[00:38:25] Getting my dick hard on a Saturday night.
[00:38:27] I just wanna fuck some pussy but I'm usually can't get on.
[00:38:35] Now with bluetooth and my penis is hard.
[00:38:38] I'm getting sucked off and I'm not getting anymore.
[00:38:51] That's the beginning part of that song.
[00:38:59] And my wife doesn't think I'm getting anymore.
[00:39:07] It's very funny for me to work on that song.
[00:39:09] And I use promo code comtown at the store.
[00:39:16] And his wife's constantly had to come home to him and his friend.
[00:39:22] We were just talking about the microwave.
[00:39:51] You know that fucking that guy pulled a gun out in Texas?
[00:40:06] Another dude fucking caps him from like 50 feet away.
[00:40:11] I mean, like, I think the reason people aren't talking about it is because like, I mean, it depends on it.
[00:40:15] They pass a law recently in Texas saying that you can carry a gun in a church.
[00:40:19] And then so some people are like, this is a direct result of that law.
[00:40:22] But then you watch the video and it's like, oh, if all of these, there would be so many people dead if like, that church wasn't filled with people packing.
[00:40:30] So it is like, because you know, nobody's right 100% of the time, especially with like hypotheticals like that.
[00:40:34] It's like, this is one case where it definitely was the result of.
[00:40:39] You know, I mean, if there wasn't a guy with a gun there, it would have been a much bigger problem.
[00:40:47] It's a pretty grainy video, but the guy, you can see the guy that fucking gets him.
[00:40:53] He shoots that guy and the other guy just like fucking like gets him.
[00:41:01] That's the one guy in history that has done that.
[00:41:14] You got to rent the gun and then you got to go out to Jersey or something.
[00:41:20] What if we get an AK off the black market?
[00:41:31] I mean, actually, rifles aren't fun to shoot really.
[00:41:34] In my experience, I've only gone a couple of times.
[00:41:37] But yeah, like something like a 38 revolver.
[00:41:49] Because it'll be like, oh, it's your first time.
[00:41:58] I want a Saturday night special, but I want to get it out of my ankle every time.
[00:42:04] It's also the be an instinct to go and like learn how to shoot accurately.
[00:42:09] And it's like, this is a fucking waste.
[00:42:11] It's like imagine if you went bowling and every time you threw the ball, it cost $5.
[00:42:16] You know, so it's like, are you going to try and be good at bowling?
[00:42:19] Or are you going to pick the heaviest ball and try and hook that shit to something that looks cool?
[00:42:23] You're going to have the most fun possible.
[00:42:25] You can try and throw the ball into someone else's lane or break the floorboards.
[00:42:34] You're going to fucking risk a business slide all the way down the end of the.
[00:42:37] I would love to like, somehow make it to the top level of competition in bowling and then
[00:42:45] Or you'd be the only black guy that's a professional bowler and you're doing stuff like that and
[00:42:49] then say that like they're not embracing black bowling culture.
[00:42:56] They don't have the leader coming at that.
[00:43:05] You're allowed to slide all the way down.
[00:43:08] You're allowed to go over the line as long as you're continued sliding.
[00:43:10] And so it's like a dude doing a cool pose sliding all the way down.
[00:43:16] And then just slamming the fucking bowling ball into the.
[00:43:18] You can also, but you could do that, but people can play defense and hit you in the nuts with
[00:43:26] And the police are there and they have guns.
[00:43:27] And they have guns and if you better not.
[00:43:38] There's a new guy that's revolutionized the sport.
[00:43:48] Is that the old bowler and he's revolutionized the sport.
[00:44:00] Stop is very abreast of the bowling ball community.
[00:44:06] Anything can be abreast of I am because it reminds me of breasts.
[00:44:24] And people are saying is it an evolution of the sport or an unfair advantage?
[00:45:13] If you watch those PBA videos, people have bowl of the competitive level.
[00:45:17] It's like you win because the other guy fucks up barely once.
[00:45:24] Oh, here the score is 300 to 298, 299 to 298.
[00:45:33] It's not like fucking, you know, football is like you can only get nine touchdowns a
[00:45:38] game and every game the final score is in.
[00:45:43] Yeah, but isn't there something beautiful about that?
[00:46:03] Yo, if anybody knows Jason Belmont, tell them I said it's on site.
[00:46:10] Just show their cool things that they say.
[00:46:16] And there goes the ball and it's fucked the pins in the ass.
[00:46:26] Beers and wings and the birds may sing.
[00:46:28] Tonight we're here in the lane, just greased up, lubed up, ready to get fucked.
[00:46:34] Jason Belmont returns the two-handed faggot.
[00:46:39] The Australian devil, the ghost of New Jersey.
[00:46:42] Eddie, cheese dick, fuck face, junior returns from jail where he was for not paying child
[00:46:52] The reigning champ, he only knows how to bowl.
[00:47:04] Easily the smartest person in the world of bowling locked in a cage until his 17th
[00:47:10] He was released directly into a bowl America and over Delaware.
[00:47:15] He was allowed to eat the crumb off the bottom of the shoes.
[00:47:19] And that's where he learned that life is about hard work and getting your dick sucked.
[00:47:27] Who'd I just want to see if Belmont's a dick.
[00:47:31] Check and see what Belmont is pushing you out.
[00:47:36] Be honest, do you think I could fuck him up?
[00:47:53] He's about to change the diaper because I'm about to fuck him in the ass so hard his ass
[00:47:59] He'll be fucking all constantly be leaking shit.
[00:48:13] His net worth is, I'm looking him now, $32,000.
[00:48:16] So in the bowling world, he is a millionaire.
[00:48:24] So he's like the greatest bowler they have.
[00:48:26] And he missed out on the competition last year because he couldn't afford the plane
[00:48:38] I'm sure he's got some great endorsement deals.
[00:48:54] I'm going to take a fat fucking shit in them.
[00:49:15] You're best not dude because they're inboxed and never worn.
[00:49:22] It's all those like a little fucking gay tap dancer shoes.
[00:49:29] There should be fucking awesome bowling shoes, dude.
[00:49:35] If you could pick one shoe to get pussy in, what would it be?
[00:49:43] While you're fucking or getting your dick sucked.
[00:49:46] Something sensible with a lot of traction.
[00:49:55] You don't want to be sliding all round.
[00:49:57] You don't want to be wearing like vans or something like that.
[00:50:02] I thought they meant they're like flat.
[00:50:15] Oh, because you're more into the razzle dazzle aspect.
[00:50:18] I'm all about being flashy when I'm getting pussy.
[00:50:21] So I would like put my leg up on stuff and fuck.
[00:50:26] And I'd be looking at the fucking light ups.
[00:50:29] And I would get even harder because I'm looking at my shoes.
[00:50:35] And they can what kind of shoes would you have sex in?
[00:50:43] I'm getting sympathetic pains from bowing out your back.
[00:50:51] How much fucking standing up do you do?
[00:50:53] Man, that's pretty much the only type of fuck we had.
[00:50:54] You'll be like, what's the standing up?
[00:50:55] Most girls I hook up with are six, two, or so.
[00:50:58] Adam has a web in the top of his bedroom with a simulation rope that he descends from.
[00:51:20] You can hang on to his friends and you can take a sleep in my bed while I'm going to
[00:51:26] And there's a secret trap door on the ceiling.
[00:51:31] And then the girl's like, oh my god, Spider-Man?
[00:51:34] He scurries out along on the ceiling in the middle of the night.
[00:51:46] It's like my little penis and the spat is...
[00:51:49] Honestly, tell me a more romantic kiss than the Mary Jane Spider-Man upside up.
[00:51:55] That Spider-Man, you are an actual Spider.
[00:52:04] I think what Nick is saying is that you are raping women as a Spider.
[00:52:13] We're just laying out this hypothetical.
[00:52:15] The Spider also has Morgan Freeman's voice for some reason.
[00:52:23] I think women would be into that because you got a deep voice.
[00:52:26] I'm the Spider who's ready to have sex.
[00:52:31] But I think what you're saying, Adam, is that you use that as a tool of seduction.
[00:52:34] The first time I saw Pussy, I knew I was going to fuck it.
[00:52:41] Pussy came into Shawshank and I knew I was going to have sex with it.
[00:53:00] The first time I saw and cut gems, I thought they were all Jewish.
[00:53:04] The first time I saw the brother in the...
[00:53:11] Yeah, because they're at Passover and everyone's like, what's this fucking guy doing here?
[00:53:14] A lot of people are mad at me because I raped Ashley Judd.
[00:53:18] I don't know, but it would be nice in one of those late 90s thrillers and it's like
[00:53:24] a blue faded image of him and then a red one of her and there's like a police car and
[00:53:29] a house and it's raining and it's called The Raping of Ashley Judd.
[00:53:34] Oh, the actual actor is not a character in the movie?
[00:53:45] The movie I play Ashley Judd and it's confusing for a lot of people because Ashley Judd is
[00:53:52] already in the movie and they say, they're wise and at the other way around and I say,
[00:54:03] Why would Ashley Judd be raped in the movie?
[00:54:11] Morgan Freeman is getting raped on camera by Ashley Judd.
[00:54:18] And to be clear, she's playing the role of Morgan Freeman.
[00:54:23] Who is the man who rapes Ashley Judd who's played by me?
[00:54:28] And so Andy DeFranco is part of the Shawshank universe?
[00:54:38] Not the actor who played Andy DeFranco.
[00:54:44] Morgan Freeman is one of those celebrities that like once every 18 months, like just somebody
[00:54:48] will be like, when you think about trans people and he's like, I think they should all be
[00:54:54] And people are like, how dare he say this?
[00:55:06] But he's like one of those guys they asked for a niece or something?
[00:55:10] The first time I had sex with my niece, I knew I wasn't going to bus.
[00:55:21] If someone's too charming, Morgan Freeman can't bus.
[00:55:24] I can't remember any of the lines from Shawshank.
[00:55:28] I remember the line when the sisters raped him.
[00:55:35] Oh, yeah, that's a good one right there.
[00:55:42] That's definitely why they call him that.
[00:55:49] So, that's... is there any other reason?
[00:55:56] The first time I told them to do frame that I was gay, I was gay.
[00:56:08] What did Noggin just get a look at lines?
[00:56:17] Yeah, for like years, that was like Bro's favorite movie.
[00:56:22] Yeah, it's like the one movie of Broken Crya.
[00:56:27] I don't know, because one Bro said it was all right.
[00:56:41] I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged.
[00:56:52] I'll tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gay place that has to dream.
[00:57:02] I think you're not going to top why they call you right because I'm gay.
[00:57:05] I know, I'm just literally reading quotes from the movie.
[00:57:09] And a half-assed Morgan Freeman in town.
[00:57:30] He's the Susan Sarandon's common law husband.
[00:57:34] Do you guys ever jack off to Ashley Robbins?
[00:57:38] She's like a redhead Russian who used that as a fake name.
[00:57:50] Holy grails is seeing her do a full hardcore.
[00:57:54] I would love to get my penis sucked by Ashley Robbins.
[00:58:01] Okay, I don't usually make appeals to the fan base.
[00:58:06] But if anybody has a hardcore video of Ashley Robbins being fucked.
[00:58:15] It's doing pressings of people and they have to go like,
[00:58:30] Marcus, so good to see you again brother.
[00:58:51] And I've written my hot air balloon all the way here.
[00:58:55] This is a preview of the live show in Australia.
[00:59:00] Yeah, we saw a guy Eric at Fringe last year.
[00:59:09] Like really he does sort of like an absurd gay.
[00:59:18] Yeah, it's a lot like emo phillips but with none of the jokes.
[00:59:29] Yeah, we tried doing jokes and what happened was the movie
[00:59:31] Crocodile Dundee and then the rest of the world stopped listening to us
[00:59:36] until we had a mass shooting and got rid of guns.
[00:59:39] And then that gave us a little bit of credibility for a while.
[00:59:46] And we're going fully, full mental retard.
[00:59:53] It's kind of like what would happen in a mental institution if they did a talent show.
[00:59:58] If somebody was trying to fit in at a mental institution.
[01:00:01] And somehow an entire society was inverted.
[01:00:05] So then our celebrities were people that ate their own shit and threw it at each other.
[01:00:19] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[01:00:39] I just came back from the field where I was picking flowers.
[01:00:47] I picked flowers to put them in my ass.
[01:01:08] I mean, you had to be there, but I did this joke about how he's gay.
[01:01:14] I really am not going to do it justice.
[01:01:18] I'm really not going to do it justice, but what happened was that he was watching Barney and
[01:01:25] And he was talking about how much he loves baby food and watching Barney.
[01:01:29] And then he asked, he asked an audience member, he goes, do you know why?
[01:01:34] And then off the top of his head without missing a beat, he says, because I'm gay.
[01:01:43] You have to have to come up with something like that.
[01:01:52] He's art, he's Australia's contribution.
[01:01:56] Yeah, two intellectual discourses, gay, Eric.
[01:01:59] The Prime Minister who got elected after calling a kangaroo the inward.
[01:02:05] You have to keep in mind Australians have invented absolutely nothing ever once ever.
[01:02:09] There's not a single fucking idea that they've ever come up with.
[01:02:26] Welcome back to firing line if you're just joining us.
[01:02:35] Tell me, do you think black people should be allowed to learn how to read?
[01:03:10] I can't believe he won Fringe the year after Nanette.
[01:03:22] She's going to run out of grievances and she's going to have an hour long special in three years.
[01:03:26] It was like, and I waited in line and I got to the front.
[01:03:30] And by the time I got there, they turned off the Krispy Kreme light and they had no fresh doughnuts left.
[01:03:37] There's no freshies left at the Krispy Kreme.
[01:03:49] Her pain is something we can all relate to.
[01:03:52] It's a nice contrast with the original Nanette.
[01:03:56] She'll net centers on a violent assault that really pins the whole thing together.
[01:04:02] But now the last special, Mikey, it's the gas station without a check mix.
[01:04:10] And I opened it up and there was zero bagel crisps in the bag of check mix.
[01:04:17] And I can't eat checkies without the bagel crisps because they're the best piece in check mix.
[01:04:23] She's got a new special called Douglas.
[01:04:29] Okay, I'll have a thought of that, dude.
[01:04:33] How funny would be if Nanette, this Douglas comes out and it's the biggest Netflix special.
[01:04:36] She comes out and she's like, boy, I'm guy acting Michael Douglas.
[01:04:42] Nanette's brilliant new bit, gay actor Michael Douglas, which no one has ever done before.
[01:04:48] I'm just like, in my apartment, having been a giant, like a hair, I already have a giant
[01:04:59] No, that's pretty much what we're looking at.
[01:05:01] Looking at the screen, screaming at Nanette, but that's, I'm already there.
[01:05:06] But in this time, it would have been for a personal grievance.
[01:05:12] Not just me being mad at her for that bit's from Sydney, Australia.
[01:05:20] That's the birthplace of gay actor Michael Douglas.
[01:05:22] You're going to say you came up with it?
[01:05:23] No, you came up with it, but we were in Sydney.
[01:05:31] Dude, that was the sickest place I've ever been in.
[01:05:34] Yeah, although the hotel in Brisbane, that one was also pretty cool.
[01:05:44] I want to see a roast battle between that guy from the truck and Nanette.
[01:05:54] You're going to die of pussy pubes and fucking tribal tattoos, you fucking bitch.
[01:06:00] Yeah, look at your shitty lesbian tattoos.
[01:06:04] No, but this is just what he says in the video.
[01:06:11] Everything after you go on a die your fat bitch.
[01:06:17] He's like, you're fat pig of a girlfriend won't shut her mouth.
[01:06:28] Why isn't he being championed more like the bagel boss?
[01:06:36] He's working on a tour with bagel boss.
[01:06:39] Yeah, he's lost the use of his legs and half his face.
[01:06:46] It's so funny that that guy got management that was like taking him on tour and stuff.
[01:06:50] And it's like, do you not understand what memes are?
[01:06:56] Well, it's some guys from Long Island or Vinny.
[01:06:59] It's like, yeah, well, I'm lucky enough to have damn Daniel on my roster and fucking
[01:07:06] the I am a motherfucker guy from that the Ambleamps video.
[01:07:12] In fact, the joke doesn't work if you did remember.
[01:07:18] Yeah, coming through in the white vans.
[01:07:23] I'm going to set the world record for saying the N word faster than anyone.
[01:07:31] That's what you call micro-aggressions.
[01:07:33] I'm like, hey, man, do you want to go to the movie cider?
[01:07:49] I don't know what you're talking about, man.
[01:08:17] I'm going on a big ass, hard dick ass tour.
[01:08:28] I'm be Tampa January 26th, Milwaukee the 29th, Appleton the 30th, Chicago the 31st and the
[01:08:35] 1st, Rhode Island the 6th to the 8th at the comedy connection.
[01:08:39] Hyenas, Texas 13th to the 15th, Dallas somewhere.
[01:08:45] The DC draft house, the 20th to the 22nd.
[01:08:59] I will also be in at stand up live in air in Phoenix on March 5th to son on the 6th.
[01:09:09] And then Dublin the 29th and then London the 31st through the 4th March 29th and then March
[01:09:20] Some suck my heart ass little prickadell overseas and then we'll be in fucking Australia right
[01:09:34] Those Australia dates are going to be posted.
[01:09:35] And coming to Fed Tuesday every Tuesday at the stand.
[01:09:39] The next funny moms is the fucking January.
[01:09:49] I don't remember I'm in Chicago at some point and fucking Columbus and I don't know some
[01:10:04] There's some good fucking grubba down over there.
[01:10:06] It's cool that the stickers they put in their helmets look kind of like nugs.