Cum Town | Regular | 01/23/2020
[00:00:02] New Orleans is that for real something like that it was like Louisiana or something my dad cuz you know
[00:00:08] Like they don't really talk about shit. My dad was like
[00:00:11] He was like yeah, he had you know, I don't know and he would like bring him around
[00:00:16] Sometimes he's trying to get us all be like be friends
[00:00:19] He's like yeah, respect. He's like these are just some friends of mine who look like a town yet
[00:00:25] He's like half like me and half like a Creole woman
[00:00:28] Yeah, right, but he's like and they're much younger than him and it's like yeah my friends
[00:00:41] Because here's the thing I want to live this lifestyle. Yeah, but then I want to go somewhere
[00:00:46] See my kids for like two weeks. Yeah catch me if you can't do catch me if you can't would be honest
[00:00:53] I don't know. Yeah, but they can catch me. I literally just watched the movie two days
[00:00:57] I know we were watching on one of the episodes and I don't remember what he did. Yeah, I think he wrote checks
[00:01:02] Yeah, he did write jigs. He got pussy for sure. I saw him cut gems last night. Hell yeah. Yeah, did you see it?
[00:01:08] I love it. I thought it was good. Yeah, but definitely not as good as Adam is pretending it is
[00:01:14] Maybe yeah, Adam's probably trying to become friends with the sappy brothers if I had if I had a guess is it you think
[00:01:19] That's his move probably of course. I don't know. Does this sound weird?
[00:01:26] Yeah, he does that now man still the same fucking cables. We got to get higher quality cables, bro
[00:01:32] I got I got these we got to get whatever Aerosmith uses I got these specifically because the guy was like
[00:01:41] Like these are they got like quad shielding you've been bamboozled brother. You've been led astray by this motherfucker get that B&H
[00:01:51] Still fucked up. I think you said a little better
[00:01:55] It's yeah, it's like that that weird like tin like yeah, you sound like you're in a fucking phone booth. Yeah
[00:02:03] But I don't know man. This is yeah, it's really fucking annoying. It's a cool effect
[00:02:07] That's me. I'm now I'm coming in loud. Yeah
[00:02:13] This is the voice of a man with a hard penis
[00:02:19] Yeah, does that sound is that there yet?
[00:02:23] Is what they're yet the noise so I believe it's still there
[00:02:29] This is another chord you can use yeah, probably all right. Well listen fuck it. Just do you get the chord?
[00:02:35] I'll say what's up to the people hello everyone you're listening to come town classic the way you've always wished it could be
[00:02:45] Sitting around in his fucking apartment. I have to shit
[00:02:49] I have a little a mild case of the stomach flu thanks to Ryan shut who I believe caught it from eating ass
[00:02:56] I'm going to accuse him of that he caught it from eating ass. I think so. Yeah, this is just fucked. You still sound a little weird
[00:03:02] Yeah, I don't know how to fix it. Whatever man fuck these motherfuckers. This is what you get you fucking pigs you get slop today
[00:03:09] You get some fucking podcasting slop with the boys just us Adams and fucking Japan
[00:03:14] And I'm just more amico muchimoto town. What are these called?
[00:03:22] Five thousand K u P e L. Yeah, I was just gonna get a more like sure
[00:03:28] XLR cables and this fucking guy was like no you don't sound bad anymore. I sound fine. Yeah
[00:03:35] Good brother. Yeah, but it shouldn't that this never happened with the old ones. Yeah
[00:03:43] K O P L if you work for K O P L fuck you suck our hogs
[00:03:50] Yeah, I mean they have like fucking high ratings
[00:03:57] Alright, I guess I got it just fucking ignore sorry man power through anyways
[00:04:01] Yeah, it wasn't as good as Adam. I really liked it
[00:04:03] I mean I thought it was it was like a fucking they're so good
[00:04:06] This after you are really good at fucking like making you nervous
[00:04:10] That's the thing I thought going into it. I wasn't gonna like it because it was gonna give me too much anxiety
[00:04:14] Yeah, but there's like four or five different panic attacks in that movie and they kept getting bigger
[00:04:20] It didn't do it for me and it doesn't do it because there's like too much
[00:04:28] Explain spell it out, but yeah the the moments in which the anxiety abates are
[00:04:34] Kind of detached from reality that it's like well this guy's never really in danger, you know
[00:04:40] Where he like places that fucking bet. Yeah, but that's what he thinks
[00:04:43] He hits the first bet and then that's oh that moment when he when it doesn't go well
[00:04:48] No, it does go there originally doesn't go they stopped the bet they stopped the bet
[00:04:56] Nobody didn't though. He didn't even cooler
[00:04:59] He didn't because they stopped the bet but it abates the anxiety because there is a moment prior to him leading up
[00:05:05] So you're thinking like you know, I don't know
[00:05:08] It's like maybe he did win the money, but then he's immediately just gonna gamble it again because he's a gambling addict
[00:05:12] Yeah, but you know that's he's a win dude for the moment
[00:05:15] It's it's like a win, but it again what my point is is then it's like the end of the movie
[00:05:19] It's like okay, well he places his bed and he's gonna win
[00:05:22] You know we don't know that but it doesn't like spoiler alerts. We don't know that yeah
[00:05:27] I don't it's like it's literally like okay. Well, what's the point then that he's good at gambling?
[00:05:32] Because it's like it's still chance. You know what I mean? It's like it did no dude the rock is magic
[00:05:38] It's too. Nah, see that's what I mean Kevin Garnett and the rock dude is from Africa
[00:05:42] Well if you introduce that kind of like magical element to the whole fucking thing
[00:05:46] It's like well, how can the the anxiety ever exists because it's not based in reality
[00:05:50] We don't know you have he's got a feeling that he's a gambler that luck gets gets his fingers on a fucking magical rock
[00:05:57] And that's a pretty cool story if you ask me and he's got a mistress with big ass titties in a fat-ass
[00:06:02] Yeah, and she grabs a weekend's cock in a in a UV bathroom
[00:06:09] Even the Dean of Manziel could get he was looking good as hell honestly. So that's kind of my take off the move
[00:06:16] And it was definitely like good and fun, but it like it you know, yeah
[00:06:21] I actually like good time better the whole the whole movie petals in anxiety for sure and and that
[00:06:27] Where it detaches from that anxiety is kind of in this supernatural place that nullifies the whole thing for me
[00:06:32] So watching it going in I was like training day is probably the most like anxiety
[00:06:37] Oh, yeah, you've ever seen yes and training day
[00:06:40] Just sort of drives the entire time and it you just feel like I would like I still you know rewatching training
[00:06:46] They feel kind of like sick absolutely for sure and maybe like initially like the pacing this is Jewish training day
[00:06:52] Yeah, but then again, it's it's not violence. It's it's placing bets. Yeah, but he's like saved by magical intervention in Jewish
[00:06:59] I guess I'm chosen people. Yeah. Well, I don't know man. He well
[00:07:03] I mean the thing is he wasn't let's say he's saved ultimately, right? He's still like you said
[00:07:08] He's ultimately gambling out of he is going to fucking
[00:07:11] He's gonna lose at some point. He's gonna lose big at some point
[00:07:14] But I just want to see the Sandman out there dude getting pussy for my hot girl. Mm-hmm. That's enough for me
[00:07:19] Yeah, and you know he really there's some great scenes
[00:07:23] I mean the scene where him and his wife and he's trying to get her back and he's like
[00:07:27] Just pathetically trying to hold on to what he has even though it doesn't want to yeah
[00:07:31] But I also just love I love when he's like fucking I'm making the big bet and I love these guys a downbitch
[00:07:36] I need a girl like that dude. That's my alt dream woman. Yeah woman who is a fictional character
[00:07:42] It does not exist with huge cities in a big ass that holds it down for her man
[00:07:47] You know because he lets her live in his father-in-law's apartment
[00:07:51] I think and then he goes there to get pussy and he tells her it's over
[00:07:55] But she doesn't want to hear that mm-hmm. She wants to go play some big ass bet for him. Yeah, and you know
[00:08:01] I'm the guy at the end with the hotel that guy rolls off that guy's made
[00:08:06] Listen, I gotta take a shower right? I'm gonna go take a shower
[00:08:10] And I got you the door rings. I got friends coming over. I also got food coming
[00:08:14] So no matter what it is just open it and answer the door
[00:08:18] Okay, baby that guy yeah, dude. That's all worth it for that guy cuz just lying to his friends about fucking her
[00:08:23] Yeah, she's gonna he doesn't need to fuck her right?
[00:08:26] He's dick. He's dick is so it's like you know when there's like a
[00:08:29] Strange a man. We know when there's a strain of like a
[00:08:33] Antibiotics are resistant. Yeah, or a strain of virus there resistant antibiotics. That's his dick with dick pills
[00:08:38] It's over. Yeah, he's completely mashed his penis with every kind of
[00:08:43] Treatment to get you hard. That's not happening anymore. Mm-hmm. All he has left is his friends thinking he's fucked
[00:08:48] I'm gonna do the the rebock pump on one of my nuts. I'm doing like some crouching tiger hidden
[00:08:57] You're gonna be playing the flu while you're getting sucked off. Yeah, my dick flying through his temple
[00:09:11] Respect that yeah, no, I want the rebark pump. I want to go
[00:09:15] On my left nuts and I'll get my dick so hard. That'd be pretty tight
[00:09:20] There's an old there's an old German guy in Greece who had one of those. Yeah, he would go around town
[00:09:25] He wouldn't inflate his cock, but he would talk about how nice it was
[00:09:29] How much you would enjoy it how much you would enjoy does that sound better? Oh, yeah, it actually does maybe it's the wind guard
[00:09:35] I don't think so maybe it like creates like an echo inside the wind guard shit
[00:09:41] Do you have the finest top quality ass wind guards? Maybe that was it the whole time does that sound better?
[00:09:46] I can't fucking tell anyone. No, whatever man. He gives a fuck. I do because I'm like I have a fucking fixation
[00:09:56] That sounds better that does actually sound better. That sounds better. I think so. You just can't breathe into it
[00:10:07] Yeah, he didn't get the job because he breathes weird
[00:10:10] Just working a call center and just being like thanks for calling AT&T. Can I get your customer subscriber number?
[00:10:16] Okay, mr. Edward. So let me give me one second. I'm gonna pull up your account here
[00:10:30] So the thing is you're locked out of your email. You gotta just pull it back a little bit, you know
[00:10:34] I said okay, we got your account up here and it looks like you did call in about this earlier
[00:10:38] Something about your service dropping out
[00:10:41] In the afternoons and let me just do a quick test on your line to make sure that there's
[00:10:48] No physical problems that we just need to send a tack out for so that'll take two seconds here
[00:10:59] Yeah, I got you. Yeah, okay, so and the problem is on the 536 number the 536 okay and
[00:11:06] So we're just gonna pull up in the email address. That's the Yahoo. Yes
[00:11:51] And like a Japanese like a hint high guy coming
[00:11:57] I'm what was is everything okay, sorry, I'm just calling in about my number. I'm breathing okay. No, oh you're breathing
[00:12:05] Sorry about that. I'm breathing. That's how I breathe. I understand this is how I breathe
[00:12:12] Dude although training day as fucking you know panic inducing as it is
[00:12:16] I know that you're saying like uncut is like is like you know
[00:12:21] Alone fuck me up for uncut gems when I first saw it was like I can't see
[00:12:25] I thought it was gonna be a lot more this was more it was more peaks and valleys and it was like one straight
[00:12:30] Mm-hmm peak, you know just one giant fucking build up the way kind of you know
[00:12:35] I really like good time though. They're the Robin Paton's in one where they have Greek dirt bags playing it
[00:12:40] But it was more like peaks and valleys of like oh you can relax for a second here
[00:12:44] Which is probably what a gambler's life is like a funny emotion
[00:12:47] I had after seeing it when I woke up this morning was like I want to go to Midtown to see the Jews
[00:12:57] They went to mine. They went to my favorite jewelry spot popular jewelry
[00:13:00] It's like I got my chain and it's like when you go like I saw four versus Ferrari and you're like man
[00:13:05] I want to go to like a car museum. Yeah, exactly
[00:13:08] Totally after uncut gems. I'm like I want to see those those J bags
[00:13:11] Yeah, I want to see I want to see some Jews talk down a man trying to pawn his wedding ring
[00:13:16] Yeah, especially the fucking the the the shop with where he's he like pawns the
[00:13:21] Celtics with something. Yeah, I want to see those guys. Yeah. What's the matter, Bob?
[00:13:26] Are you okay? Is everything okay? Dude? Yeah, that guy had that was some good acting on his part
[00:13:31] He seemed it seems like those are just guys that work in the I know but that's what I mean
[00:13:36] And he actually had had to have a real mama with Sandler wearing it's clearly going downhill
[00:13:41] He's like everything okay. He's literally worried his boys about to get got yeah
[00:13:45] Worried to be extent that he's just gonna be like are you okay? Anyways, I'm gonna sell this ring
[00:13:50] No, that's the game dude. It's the game. Yeah, you know how the fuck it's the same thing
[00:13:57] It's that it's that it's that it's the Jewish mafia
[00:14:00] Being into you know pawning it is funny that Italian that thing up there's a time guys
[00:14:05] You know like just the danny's like fuck it. Why don't I be the boss? Yeah?
[00:14:16] So we're out here man holding it down Adams over and fucking what's that other actors name?
[00:14:21] Look he's look he's look he's Stanfield look he's Stanfield. Yeah, he looks like an upset toddler
[00:14:27] You know what I mean? Yeah, that guy's whole vibe is like
[00:14:37] Look at him. He quit crying cuz he can't have his juice. I'm not crying
[00:14:41] Like you know like a baby. Yeah, he does when he crumbles his face up
[00:14:45] It is like a baby like a baby that's upset that his can't have his juice
[00:14:49] But he's trying to be a man and not cry. That's true. That's true
[00:14:52] I respect that because I have a lot of the same. I am definitely an upset toddler, but I'm not being a man about it
[00:14:57] Yeah, I'm sad. I want my fucking juice. Yeah, nobody's gonna fucking find out about it. Do you?
[00:15:02] Yeah, yeah, I fuck with look he Stanfield though. Yeah, he's good. Yeah
[00:15:06] Those there was weird shit with that character. I didn't ever understand what was going on with him or that was a little weird
[00:15:12] I will admit, you know, we're like I got the I got the rock right now
[00:15:15] And it's like it's also I don't know they drive down to Philadelphia
[00:15:17] And then he just disappears into the locker room. It's like what the fuck is going on
[00:15:21] Yeah, you know and it's like a lot of it is just kind of in the service of trying to build that anxiety
[00:15:26] But not done in a way where it's like it's not driven by any kind of like coherent plot
[00:15:31] I started to see what you mean their masses of building anxiety, but you feel like yeah
[00:15:35] It's not necessarily earned with the reality of the plot. Yeah, and you could you I mean there is an argument that it's like that
[00:15:42] That obfuscation of like the motivation is like intentional to add to the anxiety or whatever
[00:15:48] But it doesn't like it just feels like it kind of lazy writing almost to be honest. I know I should I mean
[00:15:57] Yeah, I mean if anything, it's like why would yeah, or like when he goes
[00:16:01] That's why it's got to be KG though because otherwise that character would never allow the rock
[00:16:06] But it's like I mean fuck KG's giving me his championship ring, you know what I mean?
[00:16:10] I don't know I do it's just it's just possible enough and that's why Adam Sam's character is weird at first
[00:16:16] You don't understand what he's doing, but it's like no this guy's like
[00:16:19] He can't admit that he's a fucking loser ever he has to pretend
[00:16:23] He's the fucking man and that's his fatal flaw
[00:16:25] But he's lying about not having the money to pay people back
[00:16:28] You know what I mean cuz it's about cuz it's about to be the man do you make the big a big big bet
[00:16:33] But the thing that happened at the beginning is like it's like he always knew he was having that rock coming
[00:16:39] Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like the rock that that was the other thing
[00:16:42] That's probably why he wasn't worried though through line the entire time is that he always has the money to fucking pay off this
[00:16:49] Even it's like they should reveal at one point that he can just go to his fucking stepdad who will just give him a quarter million dollars
[00:16:56] And then he's like he's like oh, I know you're gonna take my quarter million dollars
[00:17:01] And he's like I have to pay the four of the 40% on it
[00:17:07] Well, I think the thing is he it seems like he's gonna be fine
[00:17:11] But that's how he it's he never allows that to happen because he's always gonna ask for a little more
[00:17:17] He's always gonna try and actually go over on everybody and that's like his fucking problem
[00:17:22] He would have been fine the movie should have just ended in the beginning where he's no point where he ever doesn't actually have the
[00:17:28] Month, you know what I mean? There's no point where he's like he can't pay these things off
[00:17:31] You know there is a point where he doesn't have a rock. He doesn't have yeah, he's placed the bets
[00:17:35] He doesn't have the rock. It's like maybe he won't get the ring back
[00:17:38] But that's never even like you know, it's not like he goes there and they're like we already got right of the ring
[00:17:42] You said it was you said you'd come in on Friday
[00:17:44] It's like he just still has it and then he swaps it out and there's no fucking problem
[00:17:47] And then they blow the auction and KG is immediately like yeah, I'll still buy it for the same price that it was
[00:17:52] No, 10,000 less 10,000 less for the percentage that goes to whoever right, you know
[00:17:57] But it's like there's no like any of the the moments for like where there could be like real anxiety
[00:18:06] He seems in trouble when they fucking shake him down into fucking
[00:18:12] Because it's his boy Arno or whatever the fuck but all you know you have the mobster element
[00:18:17] It's like there's just enough going on where you're like you see all right is he not it's also who those two other guys
[00:18:21] It looked like fucking Michael Sarah that was like just those guys rock
[00:18:27] comedic effect, but it's like I don't know who he owes money to that those guys are like the fucking goons
[00:18:32] They're not goons that he ripped them off or something and they also owe money
[00:18:36] The guy comes back with like he they need whatever the fuck he owes them because they owe it to somebody else
[00:18:41] It's clear that that I thought was clear to me because they come back with a fucked up arm and shit
[00:18:45] It gives you a little bit of an ecosystem of this world. Yeah, you wanted to go. Yeah, I guess I
[00:18:51] Missed all that with those guys those guys were so funny. Look indeed. Mm-hmm. God damn. I'm happy
[00:18:56] I'm not them. That's the other thing too. He's like he's giving away all those black guys is that black guys Rolex
[00:19:01] Yeah, and that guy's like you just gave away my Rolex all right later
[00:19:07] You know it's like okay. I guess that well. He's everything's coming up do I think that's what's happening. He isn't okay
[00:19:13] He's fucking he's just borrowing to to barely keep it going. Yeah, but I'm like I think like I said
[00:19:20] It's like now. I'm just like fucking point pick like picking holes where I can you know
[00:19:24] I mean it's like ultimately it was fun to watch but I want to watch it again for sure
[00:19:29] I I feel like I want to see what the same ends up to now that I know kind of the arc of the whole damn thing
[00:19:33] There were there would have been ways to really dial all of that in and make it like really fuck with you
[00:19:38] Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Yeah, and I don't know I want to watch again because I was I was in a theater
[00:19:44] And I selected my seats and I had a seat I had no one sitting to my left
[00:19:50] Did I ever tell you I took an orman to go see like a moment of like some even like big dick draft house where they had like leather recliners
[00:19:58] Yeah, and I had to sit right next to a fucking
[00:20:01] Autistic boy brutal with his sister and his mom
[00:20:05] Mm-hmm, and you know the whole movie is like that's the bad guy
[00:20:09] He's gonna go in there and you're like shut the fuck up. I get to say that. Yeah. I'm the one on the theater
[00:20:18] You guys are just in perfect unison I was gonna say that
[00:20:22] You know at one point is my favorite one point like somebody like five rows in front of us sneeze and he was like bless you
[00:20:34] Halfway through the movie the mom like leans over the sister and says to him like David we're leaving
[00:20:40] You know lettuce just taxes when you're done watching the movie and then they just leave the autistic boy there
[00:20:45] The mom and the sister leave halfway through incredible. What movie was it? I think it was kickass maybe
[00:20:51] That's a good one. I don't I don't fucking remember young Nick Cage looking fucking gorgeous in that one. Yeah
[00:20:56] I'm trying to have sex with my daughter trying to see my daughter's pussy trying to become a superhero
[00:21:01] So I can have sex with my own ass my old ass. That will be my power
[00:21:06] Is a dick that stretches like a banana under my balls and into my own ass? It's a movie called Lord of gay sex
[00:21:20] Trapping okay nice third world. I see Lord of War not yes Lord of gay
[00:21:28] I was born a little Odessa. It's one of the only people have a gay sex in a neighborhood
[00:21:38] To prove Naboo's knee up who could shoot you
[00:21:41] And speaking Russian in that movie so phony. Yeah, I've never seen Lord of War actually
[00:21:45] Yeah, I don't speak a word of Russian, but you hear him speaking it. You're like there's no way that's right
[00:22:03] Kick ass good that kid the guy who plays kick ass or whatever
[00:22:07] I don't remember who kick ass is but the main character he was fucking some old like producer type bitch
[00:22:13] Well, he was young you know type of bitch
[00:22:17] Shove it, you know working that little fucking prick to get him to get him into Hollywood the penis on the penis on day
[00:22:24] That's the name of my car. I'll drive a mile my Ferrari penis on
[00:22:28] Oh, I thought the penis on day was like an ancient guild of gay assassins. That'll be cool to the penis on day. Yeah
[00:22:49] Yes, dude. Those are the bad guys in the Prince of Persia if I'm not mistaken
[00:22:53] It's the penis on day the penis on and the town an ancient Italian guild of homosexual rapists. Yeah and assassins
[00:23:09] We got some hold on let's let's work that around now that we're in our 30s. We got it takes a while
[00:23:15] Yeah, absolutely damn. Can you imagine how bad this podcast is gonna be when we're 42 years old brutal?
[00:23:20] We're making fucking nine hundred dollars between the three of us on
[00:23:24] Patreon. Yeah, there's three people still subscribing. They're the only fans that haven't died of colon cancer
[00:23:31] They're like I've been listening to show since the beginning. I live with my mom shut the fuck up
[00:23:36] Shut the fuck up. Don't look me. Yeah, we're definitely in a group home with come down who we don't pay rent to because they treat us like Kenny
[00:23:53] That sounds like a great episode out there shut up shut the fuck up. I'm not gonna tell you again. We're not listening to you right now
[00:24:01] Anyways, so what I what I was saying was I've been paying child support for seven years. It's not even my kid
[00:24:08] I did put the math together. I didn't never even fuck this bitch
[00:24:13] Somehow I'm first. Yeah, I signed the papers. I thought it was cool to have sex. I thought yeah
[00:24:18] I haven't fucking 10 years. I thought I was just trying to the pussy from the show is dried up. It dried up almost instantly
[00:24:26] So yeah, I basically signed whatever because she said she was gonna
[00:24:28] Let me see your pussy. Yeah, and I signed it and then similar side that situation
[00:24:32] We're Adam tricked us into signing those papers and then we have to do this forever. Yeah
[00:24:39] That he licensed the show and now there's a show called come town that's just
[00:24:44] Rebranded episodes of Disney's recess in Spanish
[00:24:48] Most popular show in America, but the snitch character is the good guy. Yeah, that is favorite show Randall with a Yankees fitted
[00:24:54] A Yankees yarmulke hey guys. I just gripped a Yankee
[00:25:01] That's so cool Randall yeah, the coolest kid in third grade
[00:25:11] Now does anybody want to do drugs I do get him officer
[00:25:19] Damn, I wonder what's PCOLY's up to these days. Mm-hmm. She's the hot one, right? Yeah, yeah
[00:25:23] Damn just just copping dumb from no, it's a coldy. It's a coldy from a
[00:25:35] It really doesn't matter. Yeah, they'll just say people know we're talking. Yeah. Yes, but I'm gonna try to fuck
[00:25:39] Spicole, dude. Yeah, well radical penis brother
[00:25:48] Just fuck four girls that talk like the Ninja Turtles
[00:25:51] Make them wear headbands. They're wearing headbands radical penis
[00:25:58] Damn, I want to you want to lick my fucking ass. I love that one of them is from California and the other ones from like, you know
[00:26:07] Come over here and show me those beautiful fucking bulls. Yeah, it was a Raphael was the one that was a Brooklyn guy
[00:26:13] Yeah, and then he had the daggers Michael Angelo is like a California surf. Mm-hmm the orange guy
[00:26:19] Leonardo's a fucking nerd with a little ass dick because he's made with purple and he's got a staff
[00:26:24] Yeah, number one or not like in the movie like fucking
[00:26:28] Raphael goes out to walk the streets and I cuz he's fucking pissed. Yeah, and he loses one of his daggers
[00:26:39] Like it's a children's movie my fucking father fucking why I gotta get a fucking dang it like that I left my fucking house
[00:26:58] I'm sorry, why don't you go make a fucking egg roll you
[00:27:13] That's what you are when I get pissed off sometimes what I think about my fucking daddy leaving me here with some red
[00:27:20] Well, dude don't say the C word shut up you fucking
[00:27:30] Well, why don't you go back to the fucking shore and shove your surfboard up your
[00:27:38] We got in that shell a bunch of dill those and gay
[00:27:42] Shut up, dude. Yeah, I might have a couple dill does is there even a fucking house in there?
[00:27:47] Is it just a ladies fucking bathroom bunch of holes in the walls so you can suck cock
[00:27:55] Dude you're being really messed up right now, bro. Yeah, you know what the real secret of the use is the Donatello sucks dick
[00:28:06] It's the fucking who Jesus who's it out of his fucking age
[00:28:15] Got the foot clan is like just a bunch of guys I want to see April. Yeah
[00:28:21] Selfie pics we will see a pro low near speed one way or another
[00:28:31] Like I wish with the other two sound like Donatello and just regular guy Donatello Rafael Michelangelo and Leonardo Leonardo
[00:28:44] I think I'm allergic to the pizza wait. This is non this is vegan cheese
[00:28:50] I guess cuz I have IBS one of them should have been a Puerto Rican guy. I think that would have been very cool
[00:28:55] You Puerto Rican yeah, sir for guy if Don yeah, Brooklyn guy fucking Leonardo was just like what you say, Mommy and mommy
[00:29:05] April's like don't leave me alone with him. I would love to cheat on April
[00:29:12] Why don't you please give me some of that I would treat you so good, baby. I
[00:29:20] Until I see some other just a little on the side
[00:29:26] Just a little ash my fucking culture. That's what is that's just some uptown stuff, man
[00:29:32] Okay, you know, I just got an uptown mentality
[00:29:38] Fuck did one of the turtles fuck April in their cartoons
[00:29:42] That's awesome what I was trying to and then the human fucked it right with a hockey mask Casey Jones
[00:29:54] Greek I Greek I which is such a he's such a phony actor because he was like this handsome guy with long hair
[00:29:59] And then he went just severely bald damn then it's like well now you can play detectives
[00:30:05] And nothing else give that man a wig dude. Yeah, well, that's what fucking Billy's exactly that. I'm gonna zane really
[00:30:11] Zane is the only smart bald person in the entire world dude. It's coming from you
[00:30:15] I'm but they go wait, you should go and wigs immediately that would have been
[00:30:18] When I'm fucking 23 you should have gone with back when I met you
[00:30:22] It was so funny dude. It was like the first month you're hanging out and you're all upset one day and you're like
[00:30:27] My girlfriend's been looking at fucking bro game. Yes
[00:30:32] Dude that poor girl thought she had like I was just gonna have a real job and start using Rogaine it's like
[00:30:37] Yeah, that is that is hilarious to think you were in like a long-term relationship with a girl
[00:30:43] That thought you were gonna be like just a regular
[00:30:47] He's working it being a bear on either. Nah. Yeah, I started a wedding and it was clear. I was on acid
[00:30:59] She was like a fun little convo, but she was like engaged to a different fat guy
[00:31:03] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was exactly what you wanted. Yeah, just some fat like nice guy
[00:31:07] That was like not you know, no one not paying anyone's paying any attention to him
[00:31:12] Yeah, he's not at the fucking he's not doing acid
[00:31:15] She thought she was gonna be gay thought she had a don and tell her but she had a rapper
[00:31:18] She had a fucking ref on throwing daggers around get his little fucking turtle dick sucked. Yeah. Yeah, dude
[00:31:24] I wish we could be friends because it's like yeah, we're just at this point. It was like fucking
[00:31:27] Oh, we dated like 10 11 fucking years ago. Yeah, like it was college and shit. Yeah, I would like to have regular ass friends
[00:31:36] But you know she probably looks at me toothless fatter than I was she thinks damn the one that got away
[00:31:42] I can't get hard anymore. Oh, I mean hey dude. You're famous. That's what I tell myself. Yeah
[00:31:48] I've only I could have been with the racist podcast everyone everyone I've dated
[00:31:51] They knew that they really let something special go away
[00:31:54] Especially the women that are now engaged in marriage and yeah the ones that have families and
[00:31:59] Literally just pictures of them enjoying their lives. Oh, yeah. Yeah
[00:32:03] They are those dumb fucking hoars and they could have had it all
[00:32:08] They could have sat next to the racing wheel. Oh, yeah, and gotten seamless twice a week. Yep instead of
[00:32:16] Their husband that probably knows how to cook and how to cook build. Yeah, me. Oh, you know how to build things
[00:32:21] But yeah, but I wouldn't that's right. That's the thing. That's true
[00:32:24] That's the mistake that women make is they think just because you can do something that you will I can do a lot of things
[00:32:30] That's true. I refuse to that's the thing about me. I actually cannot do many things
[00:32:35] But the things I do do I will probably do them for you. Yeah, which is basically
[00:32:40] Yeah, just cook just buy food. Yeah, not me in the garage for like nine days
[00:32:44] I just walk in completely nude with an owl perched on top of my head and I go in the fridge and I eat some poloni
[00:32:50] I'm like, oh, yeah, hey, then I go back up. What's up family?
[00:32:59] Daughter seven year old daughter. Yeah, hey Nick. Could you drive me to school today? They're all taller than me
[00:33:05] All of my children are like six three six four
[00:33:09] I'm just my penis is hanging out. Just that fucking giant bar now like digging its claws into my head
[00:33:17] I'm like you guys having a good time at school. They're like, it's July. I'm like cool cool cool nice nice
[00:33:22] All right, I'm gonna be out in the garage. You guys are Christmas. I guess yeah, don't ever fucking don't come out there
[00:33:28] Fucking dare just remind there don't ever come out there
[00:33:35] Do not come in and the house is the house is like this big in the garage is
[00:33:43] Giant oversized with like a big door that defies physics that it works in the house is very tiny a huge crank opening
[00:33:57] That'll be us a life dude. That's the life you fucking dumb bitches could have
[00:34:03] But not now somebody else gets right they come in there and I've just made like a full-sized
[00:34:08] Ex-wing out of Legos. I'm sitting in the cockpit and I'm like, what did I say about coming into my study?
[00:34:15] I'm reading I'm pretty I'm doing you fucking assholes
[00:34:20] I'm trying to learn for the family. I hate my children. I
[00:34:25] Hate them so much. You're fucking wife's boyfriend. Just lives in the home with them
[00:34:38] Say no, I told you listen. I told you any any questions about going to school or getting food you ask Eric you ask Ricky
[00:34:46] You ask I'm sorry Ricky. Yeah, his name's Eric. Yes, but Ricky is short for Eric
[00:34:51] And that's the term of endearment. I have them. Yes, cuz he's looking out for you guys while I do the hard work
[00:34:56] Well, mm-hmm. Well, I provide for this family
[00:34:59] And then right Ricky you think you can just sit here at my kitchen table and drink my juice
[00:35:05] I do all the shopping I brought I brought all this with me
[00:35:08] That's it was the only reason you're still here is because it's technically your land literally says John
[00:35:12] But you saw it. It's a cop that I clearly came in with there's no way it's yours
[00:35:17] There's no you don't have your own job. All right, Ricky. We'll sell this when the kids aren't watching well. Yeah, we're gonna handle this like man
[00:35:25] All right, and then your watch beep she's like all right
[00:35:31] That's the time the court says I legally have to spend with you per week and I'll see you guys later a big infection on my
[00:35:38] Chest right tried to give myself my own tattoo
[00:35:43] Never wrestled never box never been in a ring in your life
[00:35:57] As the king of the ring back no, I never do
[00:36:03] It's just bleying it filled with puss and it's backwards. Yeah, you just did it looking down
[00:36:12] They're like do you need to go to the hospital like do you need to go to the hospital?
[00:36:22] Think I'm gonna get my own ham fridge in the garage actually going forward
[00:36:27] Don't you have a garage fridge? No, I turned it on its side and I started using it as a canoe
[00:36:34] Any more fucking stupid question anymore dumbass from the peanut gallery
[00:36:45] Your son just never looked up for his fucking iPad the whole time
[00:36:50] Just sighing and be like what you playing on there Mickey Mouse, okay, I'll see you guys later
[00:37:08] Do not come in do not come in garage. Yeah, that's a good life, dude. Yeah, I can see that for you man. That would rock
[00:37:19] Eventually they come out there and I've been dead for a week and a half and one of my legs is like jammed in the springs of a trampoline
[00:37:29] I tried to teach myself Olympic gymnastics. Just snap my back
[00:37:41] You've left very very clear directions you want to be shot into space. Yeah, you don't want a few you want a space for you
[00:37:47] Oh, dude. Yeah, I want my body fed to a family of hungry Africans
[00:37:53] They're like yeah, it's like in his will is very clear. He wants this very racist wish
[00:37:59] But we're not I want to feel good about myself
[00:38:02] So I want I want to be eaten by Africa starving Africans
[00:38:06] Because I'm doing something to change the world. I'm like you like you unlike my dumbass kids
[00:38:12] It's my daughter's like a neurosurgeon. Oh
[00:38:20] Yeah, that's real nice of you to cut people's brains and that's fucked up some of us fill their brains with slurs with knowledge
[00:38:29] Yeah, welcome to my book class some of us make them imagine a turtle saying anti Asian slurs
[00:38:36] That's what paid for your way through medical school. I got a scholarship
[00:38:43] Well, it would have if you if you didn't listen the $25,000 I walked into this marriage with went a long way
[00:38:55] The money that didn't dry up the lawsuit yeah, it's not about it from your career
[00:39:01] It's like the lawsuit you won for the tattoo. Oh, yeah, when you were baby who bought your diaper? You know
[00:39:07] Who bought your diaper who got the put the milk in the bottle at one time?
[00:39:12] We were breastfed yeah, but who put the milk in who squeeze your mother's tits against her will who nutted in your mom to make the hormones to
[00:39:24] You think breast milk gets made without common a woman's pussy gotta keep nothing
[00:39:31] That's it's fucking physics matter can be nor created and they're fucking destroyed. Yeah, you idiot by the way
[00:39:39] I put a chimes on all the doors to a place of the Sanford and Sun theme song when I walk in
[00:39:44] I from now on outside I want that vibe and you should treat me as if I'm one of the characters on the show
[00:39:55] But hey Ricky no not him no Ricky does not get a hello in that manner
[00:40:02] Everybody if it's anyone but me well, I couldn't figure out a way to make the chime person specific
[00:40:07] So if Ricky walks his dumbass in here and the song plays it's earmuffs for you. You're not listening to it
[00:40:16] And he doesn't get the in fact this motherfucker Ricky you're climbing in from the window for now on just to be safe
[00:40:23] I'm not doing that. All right suit yourself. All right
[00:40:28] Suit yourself suit yourself. I could see you making that noise in your mouth. Yeah, it doesn't matter
[00:40:33] I have I have guns. Do you know you know what it denotes though? Yeah, I could get a gun right now
[00:40:38] I could go to cabela's if you get a gun in the heartbeat
[00:40:42] I could have a rifle in here pointed at your fucking face
[00:40:55] To battle you with pistols rifles shotguns
[00:41:02] Tactical gear I might buy some peanut brittle that they also have a cabela's and I'll have that some of that
[00:41:08] Yeah, hey, have you guys seen my ziplock bag with some glue in it? I?
[00:41:15] Have there was a bag out there was some super glue in it that I was using
[00:41:19] No, I needed it for there was that bag I had it was simply was like a gallon size bag filled with open markers and
[00:41:34] Well, you know it is put the markers down there in my very in my there was my arts and crafts bag that I need
[00:41:42] To make a birthday card for my friend from online
[00:41:46] From my roommate, what was the guy's name that were roommates with now one of our roommates
[00:41:57] All your children love the garage is just that house we share with our list our patreon listeners
[00:42:04] The four guys left it's just the fucking landlord from the big o'rowski
[00:42:11] Hey Ricky yeah, hey Ricky. What's up, dude? Oh, hey Todd Ricky. Don't talk to our fans. Oh
[00:42:22] Actually, Nick we were here to ask Ricky for money again for your rent because you haven't paid for six years
[00:42:28] Well, well, well, I guess I'm just an asshole
[00:42:32] I guess that's the story of the day folks breaking news Nick is an asshole
[00:42:38] Let's all get mad at him now. Let's all take a break from what we're doing to get mad at him
[00:42:50] To get mad at the one guy that's doing anything around here to make things better
[00:42:59] But the homemade basketball hoop I put up in the living room
[00:43:07] You know who tried to fix the the the furthest who tried to do that I tried for at least a half hour
[00:43:13] I tried to figure it out and now we have a barbecue down there
[00:43:19] Pretty cool, but I guess we don't like fucking ribs
[00:43:21] I guess you guys didn't like my idea of turning the entire house into Texas. I
[00:43:39] I'm just gonna put little blue ribbons on that fucking would you say that about your daughter because she's not here dumbass
[00:43:59] What we'll be talking about well, it's time to podcast
[00:44:04] I'll see you guys soon at that point. There's like a 45 minute intro song
[00:44:11] Let's just clip some things we've said in the past from 20 years ago. You're a bug dude
[00:44:29] 2014 and that was now that was a good time. That was a fucking year, dude. That was a good air brother
[00:44:38] Chinese president that's so true which will have at the time. Yeah, it was funny like
[00:44:44] When they were like, you know, they would do TV shows and we were like, let's go because I think
[00:44:48] 24 to that data black president. Yeah, they were like how crazy for a while black president was the thing
[00:44:54] Yeah, and then and then after black president they went Chinese woman president. I was like damn y'all stepping on the gas
[00:45:00] Yeah, but none of them it would be funny if there was a movie in like
[00:45:03] 1996 where they're like there's a comet coming to destroy the earth and it's like some pink-haired like trans president
[00:45:17] So I can just delude myself into thinking we're not gonna die, but the rest of you are fucked
[00:45:26] I would like to see that why not dude get a trans president in there
[00:45:37] Big maybe with big presidential titties if you became president you were trans would you get to have even better?
[00:45:45] Would you get more bigger titties or better surgery or something like that?
[00:45:49] Would they give you an upgraded and you put presidential pussy?
[00:45:51] Well the reality is to be a trans person that becomes president you'd already have to be the kind of person that has so much money
[00:45:58] That you'd have the truth it would have to be jazz. It has to be jazz or Caitlyn Jenner
[00:46:03] Caitlyn's not looking that good. I know but it's a rich person with true connection said that it would be funny if it was jazz's
[00:46:10] Mexican friend. Oh, yeah, that character is so goddamn funny
[00:46:14] when all those girls are sitting around the table and then one of them is just like you know, it looks like the
[00:46:24] With fucking Miss Criboppel's haircut like a wand earring. Yeah, yeah, that is tough to be the poor
[00:46:32] Class issues when you're trans this is a whole nother the whole nother ball game. Yeah, they get worse
[00:46:37] Yeah, for sure depending on what you're fucking oh remember I forgot about this
[00:46:40] Oh missing you booty, but it's missing you pussy. That's right. I found you missing you pussy
[00:46:49] Get it together and let me suck your new pussy suck your pussy. I found your miss nobody
[00:46:57] Get it together and bring it back to me
[00:47:01] Oh, man, these are saying lion. Yeah, put it. What is it? What's the line put it some on it? What it though?
[00:47:10] Something doesn't what's up? Yeah, I don't know what that fucking song is hooked on Miss you booty
[00:47:15] Yeah, I'm back forget the lyrics. I also feel like it wasn't in an era where the ass
[00:47:21] Technology was there. No, it wasn't the last 10 years have been huge for fake ass. Yeah. Yeah fake ass. It looked pretty good now
[00:47:33] Remix fuck dude, I'm scared. I'm getting sick. I got that a red money that that was the best
[00:47:48] Even then I'm like damn. Yeah, is this two races four?
[00:47:52] Seven no, I couldn't have been that late. You don't think so
[00:47:56] I don't know man. It feels like it was earlier than that. Yeah, maybe I got that a rap money a
[00:48:01] Rap money. Maybe what's 2007? I was to rhymes, baby. Yeah, he rocks. Oh, yeah, very homophobic to this day
[00:48:09] That's not why he rocks to be clear. I don't know this thought you think he's Lee-in-Rimes brother. Yeah, I think he is
[00:48:16] Damn, it's basically he's kind of getting kind of chubbed up dude. Yeah me too. Nah. Do you look good? Yeah?
[00:48:25] I think I might become way fish. I was I your new thing. Yeah, but but have a shoe Wow release
[00:48:37] Fuck maybe you're thinking of Punjab EMC. No because I had the boog games about again
[00:48:42] I was living in Texas at the time and I don't like I remember I feel like I remember that coming out way earlier
[00:48:49] But I don't know what to tell you bro. Yeah
[00:49:01] You see the some some Saudi hacked Jeff Bezos or shit good
[00:49:05] I think that's how we got the cock pics shots after the Saudis do I didn't see any of that
[00:49:10] Yeah, I think they they they're in a we chat or some shit or
[00:49:15] Fucking whatever sending his penis to the Washington Post. I
[00:49:20] Don't know they put some malware on his shit and they could take out
[00:49:24] Pictures that are meant to embarrass him. Yeah, how about I was smart. What if I was a wood hard in Bernstein?
[00:49:29] You know, that's good. I mean, it's like oh, yeah, there's definitely here's my penis my penis
[00:49:34] Yeah, you know, I mean the the committee to re-lock the president's never seen pictures of my penis
[00:49:40] We should get through Robert Redford impression. Yeah, I was gonna say heads Robert Redford. What's even a fake one?
[00:49:46] Have you ever never seen his penis? I don't cuz he's from that era in Hollywood where everyone had that weird accent
[00:49:52] But talking kind of like this. Yeah, you know how people used to talk
[00:49:58] But they were still they talked gay, but they were still homophoned. That's not really that's kind of like that's more of like a new
[00:50:03] Z kind of yeah, there's more that weird old-time Hollywood like the one word that that really like sticks in my head is the way
[00:50:15] Children. Yeah, when are the children coming in children children? Yeah, I like to watch pornography starring children
[00:50:23] Have you ever watched any of children pornography?
[00:50:27] Mr. Marcus I ask you have you ever watched any children pornography?
[00:50:35] You will think it yeah pray tell me have you ever watched any children pornography
[00:50:39] Have you seen any videos of children having sex with each other Marcus the grown man Marcus tell the children to come in here
[00:50:47] I've got the photo photographic equipment out and we're going to make some pornography
[00:50:52] Yeah, like a transit land. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't yeah, I guess I never consider Bobby Redford
[00:50:58] Bobby Redcock. Yeah, he's got look is this he just sounds normal. Yeah. Yeah
[00:51:04] That's that's a man that probably got some good pussy, but his era dude very much so oh, yeah
[00:51:10] I'm child pornography Michael Douglas. Hi
[00:51:15] Do you think people were busting inside and poly they just had you just gotta you had to get risky abortions?
[00:51:23] They would Bob be read for to young man. You think they're pulling out. They're also having gay sex with each other. Yeah
[00:51:29] But they were also fucking women that was crazy. It was just like James Dean was like we should all fuck each other
[00:51:33] And then everyone was like, okay, all right if you mean you weren't a leather jacket. You're the cool guy
[00:51:38] So that's that's smart James. He was probably gay, but he had to become cool. He's just sucking like Marlon Brando's cock
[00:51:45] And Marlon Brando's like why are you doing this? What's what are you doing this for? What is this fall? He's like I'm just rebel without cause
[00:51:54] Damn dude nihilistically homosexual James Dean
[00:51:57] He rode off on a motorcycle, but that had put on the seat it had a dildo that he was sitting on yeah, you ever think of that
[00:52:08] Kind of like the bike from South Park that stands dad had yeah he puts in his ass. I'm trying to think of other things to say ever
[00:52:18] Something to say I wanted to be with you
[00:52:26] Psychons to a penis yes, but traditions I can trace against the child in your face
[00:52:34] My penis is small and makes my dick real
[00:52:38] Oh, do we have any ads this week no nice you keep my penis hard with your system of touch
[00:52:51] You persuaded me to look at your penis now. I'm hard
[00:52:56] You fuck me in my ass and now my penis is hard
[00:53:00] Oh, what song is that originally head over heels by tears for fears tears for fears. Yeah
[00:53:16] That part rocks yeah, that part goes off
[00:53:22] Their other song is the sad song that everybody that's from Donnie Darko right yeah
[00:53:26] well, but I think both of those are in there head over heels is in that movie and then
[00:53:34] Mad world mad world all around me are much bigger penises
[00:53:42] Tiny penis everybody tells me that I have a tiny penis
[00:53:57] All I wanted was a it was more cock was more cock
[00:54:03] But the doctor said that they can't do it more than what the fuck is this
[00:54:33] The lead singer of tears for fears forcing a surgeon at gunpoint to cut off a transverse its guy yeah
[00:54:44] Doesn't really seem like a matter of my six
[00:54:48] Seems like more like a regional police officer should be handling this and not a British intelligence service
[00:54:57] Perfect crime mr. Bond you see all it takes is a gun a gun and a hung trans person in the world's greatest surgeon
[00:55:08] Now I will not give the antidote to the poison inserted into the wrasse
[00:55:14] The poison inserted in the wrasse the antidote is injected into the tip of the penis of the trans person
[00:55:21] I have kidnapped and they have to put the penis on me and then I'll get hard and fuck them in the
[00:55:28] As a test to make sure the penis works so the only way they could live
[00:55:38] That's actually that's brilliant if I'm being quite honest of all the villains I've met that is
[00:55:54] But again, this has nothing to do with me and I don't care
[00:55:58] You get a new painter. Yeah, go ahead. Hey go fucking nuts
[00:56:04] Just don't sell state secrets to the Russians. That's all I care about
[00:56:10] I've I murdered seven people on the way. I just wanted to tell you the plan. I don't care about some fucking doctor
[00:56:18] Was just trying to brag because I just thought it'd be cool if you knew I had a big penis. Yeah, well, that's great
[00:56:24] But I'm James Bond. I've fucked to nine million people
[00:56:31] I could have no dick at this point and it wouldn't matter. It doesn't matter to me
[00:56:36] I'm over getting pussy. I've gotten way too much pussy
[00:56:42] If I had zero effect in fact, maybe I'll fuck the whole left when you cut the thrones persons
[00:56:48] The only thing for me left to do is fucking help the English government destroy the world
[00:57:03] The funny he was wearing a wig during being bombed. Oh, yeah, I'm going wig, dude
[00:57:09] Yeah, it's crazy because it's like it used to be like fucking in the in the middle of the last century guys
[00:57:14] I'd have made because there was like the shit that sucks and it's like first of all we're not even touching the dick side
[00:57:20] I think women aren't allowed to talk about it. No, they don't know how to come. Yeah, not allowed to come
[00:57:25] You don't get to know that there's a difference
[00:57:28] And then it's like if you were bald they're like, yeah, you put a fucking wig on and that's normal if anybody makes fun of you
[00:57:34] We get you can kill them and then fucking in the 80s. It started to be the same
[00:57:37] We're like he's wearing a piece and it's like yeah, he's fucking bald
[00:57:40] Mm-hmm. Would you make fun of somebody in a wheelchair and then there was a weird window where there were people where you could
[00:57:55] Get it out of your system, but then we're bringing the wings bring back if you get wheelchairs we get weeks
[00:58:01] It's as simple as that. Yeah, I love that all the things they ding Donald Trump for there's all these like pathetic liberal dudes
[00:58:07] That have to be like yeah, get them girls and like all of those same things are true about them
[00:58:13] They're like a nice shitty hair and your hair is small dick and you're fat. You're not gonna fucking you're not good at fucking
[00:58:25] Can I just smell the big the piece of it
[00:58:29] May I have just I agree. Can I just look at a pussy can you?
[00:58:35] Put a stamp on your pussy and then seal a letter and then just mail it really far away
[00:58:39] And I'll go there and get the letter and then smell the stamp
[00:58:45] Is that okay is that okay? I want to I would just need your confirmative consent
[00:58:49] Just please sign all of this paperwork that I had printed out by paid a girl lawyer
[00:58:53] $80 million to draft these consent contracts so that I could smell your pussy stamps
[00:59:02] If I can please because if you notice I have liked and retweeted all of your dishes every dish you've ever made all of your good
[00:59:09] You're gonna put a gift of a black woman nodding under it also. I put a yeah of lizzo being fat
[00:59:16] Because she's so beautiful and can I can I please just blow a kiss at your titty
[00:59:26] Please just blow a single kiss and one of your your beautiful boobs
[00:59:34] Get lost worm pig you fucking loser. I don't owe you anything
[00:59:40] No madam. I wasn't saying you owe me anything
[00:59:47] I just I feel like I respect you so much
[00:59:49] I would just love it if maybe you could describe one of your pubes to make
[00:59:56] Or maybe have a guy that you fuck describe it
[01:00:00] You can jot down a note on a post a note and then I could read the description and masterbaits
[01:00:06] And I can quietly masturbate to the description of one of your pubic hair
[01:00:22] Yeah, it is nice to know there's even bigger fucking losers out there
[01:00:26] Which is insane because I feel like such a fucking pathetic piece of shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, like you don't like who feels good
[01:00:38] Just like if you're hot and stupid. Yeah
[01:00:41] You know yeah, that's why I'm gonna take my beautiful brain right?
[01:00:45] I'm like processing a breakup by sitting in the bathroom watching fucking
[01:00:52] Yeah, I'm trying to shit because I haven't been able to eat anything but chips
[01:01:00] The plain tortilla with no sauce is a depressed move. Yeah, I do that all the time
[01:01:05] No, so sad like no dipping salt you know, they're not Doritos also
[01:01:09] Yeah, it's also cheese any kind of any kind of accoutrement to be eating a naked
[01:01:15] Yeah tortilla that's a depressed person right there. Yeah, I did a lot a lot a lot that I
[01:01:22] See my makeup my own fried pickles. Okay. Oh fuck
[01:01:26] Stomach's killing me dude. Damn. I'm sorry that motherfucker shut got me sick before tour. I'm about to fuck his ass
[01:01:32] I'm gay and I get people sick. I'm Barack Obama. I have the stomach food speaking Barack Obama
[01:01:39] You watch any of American factory on Netflix. What is that? It's great. What is it? It's wild. I don't know
[01:01:44] I think that's one of the things Obama produced. Oh, really? Yeah, it's about this factory in Ohio that got bought by a Chinese company
[01:01:51] And so they brought in all the supervisors from China and its Chinese people running the factory and then it's just like poor people
[01:01:57] From Ohio working there damn and then like, you know, they took out their break
[01:02:01] They got rid of their break room and turned it into another production office
[01:02:04] To make to play ping pong for the no, they turned it into more production area and then put up all these TVs
[01:02:09] It just have like Chinese propaganda blank
[01:02:13] And then fucking yeah, there's like clips of like the Chinese like managers like training their their supervisors and they're like
[01:02:21] Americans are like and it's all in Chinese. They're like Americans there, you know, they're they have in their culture
[01:02:26] They're like rewarded for just participating a lot as children. So they're very overconfident, but they're very stupid and weak
[01:02:32] And they're like and they don't they don't work well unless, you know, you compliment them even for doing like basic stuff
[01:02:39] You know, they're like and then because the donkey likes to be touched in the direction of its hair
[01:02:46] You do you always pet a donkey in the direction of its hairs?
[01:02:49] We have to coax them and work with them because we're better than them incredible. Yeah, the Chinese really are starting dude
[01:02:56] The take over is happening. Well, but it's like, you know, it's like I don't know
[01:03:01] It's it's funny because it's an intersection of all this shit. That's like I
[01:03:06] Don't know I mean I have to I don't want to get into like point-making. Yeah territory, but yeah
[01:03:11] I mean, it's like it is yeah, it's just wild. It's it's crazy to watch. Why don't you make it
[01:03:17] Why are you point making my dick hard, okay, why don't you make the point of my dick hard?
[01:03:27] Yeah, I would love fucking just knowing facts ass bitch about the Chinese talking dirty
[01:03:38] Fucking needle tip point. Damn. It's like my dick knows there's a dead doc a hundred yards ahead
[01:03:43] It's in your pussy. Yeah, there's a dead duck in your pussy. Mm-hmm. I wish my dick had ears
[01:03:50] Like big bassin out ears on the head perk up when you're hard. No like big floppy bassin out ears on the head
[01:03:56] That'd be cool. No, here's what I want. Yeah, your dick gets hard
[01:03:59] But your balls perk up like big floppy ears. Yeah, like a dog's hurts
[01:04:04] I wish my balls were at the tip of my dick. Yes, like a big chin
[01:04:09] And you stuff those in the pussy or what?
[01:04:11] Yeah, sure. Okay. Well, Pussy's got it. You once you get to the back a ball
[01:04:18] There's a ball I love that and then it seizes up and then it rips your balls off and that's how you only fuck once
[01:04:26] And then the balls are eggs and those get turned into people and then you just you're two sons
[01:04:30] You just sort of bleed out while playing PlayStation and some bitches living room
[01:04:36] And then people come over and they're like ooh somebody got lucky and there's just a dead body
[01:04:40] Yeah, so giant pool of blood coming from the crotch. Mm-hmm. They're pregnant. They're pregnant with twins. Yeah
[01:04:47] One for each nut. Uh-huh and just women are going around doing that all day long. Damn. Yeah
[01:04:53] Yeah, I'm gonna get the egg. I got the balls scooped out so I could fuck again. Yeah, and now I've killed a thousand people
[01:05:01] Yeah, you're right, dude. That would be tight. That would be awesome. We can just die. Yeah
[01:05:06] We so you wouldn't even there'd be no way to jack off
[01:05:12] You wouldn't rip your own balls off would you come from the front of your ball? Yeah, it's the same thing. Oh, okay. Same thing. Yeah
[01:05:21] Yeah, so girls could suck your dick like kind of like they eat corn con and Africa
[01:05:25] They would surgically remove your balls at birth so that you can fuck as much as you want and you never die
[01:05:31] I love that, you know, but you can never have
[01:05:34] Children children. I would make that trade-off and meet so immediately. Yeah, well, they would do it to babies
[01:05:40] And then I don't know where they would get new African people
[01:05:50] Think if you cut this the ball in this scenario if you cut someone's balls off baby balls
[01:05:54] Yeah, or no, you'd have to cut them off when they mature
[01:05:57] So that way you cut them off of puberty
[01:05:59] And then you feed those 13 year old nuts into a pussy. Yeah, it's sort of like in vitro fertilization
[01:06:06] Yeah in that sense. Yeah, or how about this if you didn't want to die and you want to have kids
[01:06:11] You could beat off into synthetic nuts acts. Yeah and fill them with cum and put those in the pussy
[01:06:17] I just want to be able to fly. I think that would be tight and with the balls help with that with the
[01:06:22] No, no, just thinking about different ways to modify. Okay, my my body fly would be cool
[01:06:27] But you never think about you'd have to wear like a suit because you never think about the wind fucking factor
[01:06:33] I'll cold it is if you're flying. It's cold as shit and you're going at high speeds. Maybe it rips your skin off
[01:06:40] You know, you never know one thinks about that when it comes to flying or rips your skin off
[01:06:44] I was thinking more like a neo thing where I just sort of bend space around me. I
[01:06:49] Was thinking yeah, I see you know you can press and move around wherever you like yeah
[01:06:54] They got a they got matrix for coming out dude. Do they yeah, that's kind of suck
[01:07:00] But the agent Smith isn't coming back dude. Yeah, me me
[01:07:05] You know why I don't like it here Morpheus that's the line from the classic
[01:07:14] Mm-hmm because you people smell bad. Yeah, that's a weird some more if he's like what yeah
[01:07:24] Hate it here. It's most like the lotion. Do you really think that's the air you're breathing right now?
[01:07:30] What I said, do you think no, I heard you I'm confused
[01:07:37] Did they say that is it not air yeah, that's when that dojo scene where he's like stop trying to hit me and hit me
[01:07:43] You know, oh he's like you really think that's air your breathing. You know you remember that not really yeah
[01:07:49] It's not air. It's my vaporized come you have to free your mind
[01:07:53] But becoming severely mentally oh, that's a bad message for anybody to struggle true anybody out there in there
[01:08:00] If you're out there, you're struggling you're struggling
[01:08:04] Please call the national suicide prevention hotline and pretend to be an Indian person
[01:08:10] Don't do that as an experiment to see oh, okay, see if they get fair treatment see if they get fair treatment
[01:08:16] So it's nice you know what I might actually do that. I'm gonna call the national suicide prevention hotline be like I have
[01:08:24] I think they immediately put me on the phone with somebody to speak Spanish and I'm like, um, I just have these I
[01:08:31] Know speaking a spang I forgot how to speak
[01:08:35] I saw the brand because I'm too sad. You know the branch image memory loss also
[01:08:44] The other guys just like how cute or a car order, but a yukata. Oh speaking of the Chinese. We got a new fucking virus
[01:08:57] That's more of a Japanese that was Japanese for sure. How cool the car to your book. I don't
[01:09:06] The car would have come for the a car. That's right. What yeah, it's a type of food. Isn't all right. Yeah, sure. I want to Gary
[01:09:15] Adams over there in Japanese breakfast. It is over there in Japanese breakfast feeling pretty good about himself
[01:09:21] Oh, yeah, you know, I could definitely see Adam becoming guy that goes Japan a lot. Yeah
[01:09:28] Yeah, we're sorry mr. Afridland. We could not find the pussy small enough for you
[01:09:34] We do not even hear in the Japan we do not have a baby that pussy
[01:09:38] The baby the pussy is a bit of a sold out
[01:09:41] Hey, one of our Japan's oldest traditions is a letting a Jewish man fucker that honest baby
[01:09:52] His friends a little laugh about it back home
[01:09:56] And there was one year when we didn't let America do this and that year was
[01:10:16] Every year we let a Jewish man come because he has to be Jewish because it balances out
[01:10:27] The end of World War II is that bring a piece of America agrees to take all of Germany's Jews and put them in New York
[01:10:40] But in exchange once a year once a year one of the Jews comes to rape a Japanese baby
[01:10:58] Titis maybe very big but also very fat very fat and we're the most on their big fatty
[01:11:10] And Italians older turn out the big gay and I want to fuck the mother and the Italians are gay
[01:11:15] Wow Emperor here, you know, why are you telling us all this? Why are you just spilling the beads?
[01:11:25] And I'm talking to a Japanese baby like wow, this is pretty cool. Yeah, good cool fit. Oh, you're from Kyoto. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[01:11:39] That's really fun you should be an actress
[01:11:45] Could do it I seriously think you could do it
[01:12:22] Okay, thanks. See you all right. See a family. What was that? Well attitude from you Ricky
[01:12:27] You put a little stink on it. God damn it
[01:12:32] Has anyone seen my peanut butter puffins? I'm trying to have a man's breakfast
[01:12:39] Has anybody seen my peanut butter muffins in my you who's yes?
[01:12:43] I'm going to pour you who's individual you who's into a bowl and eat cereal with that. I need problem
[01:12:48] I need my salad mixing bowl two gallons of milk and then some some brownie mix and brownie mix
[01:12:55] I'm making a new time coming up with cereal out there. Don't tell anyone about it
[01:13:01] I don't want people to know. I don't people stealing my idea to come up with a new cereal
[01:13:11] Yeah, my plan is a good idea. It's a good idea. I've made a better version of of captain crunch
[01:13:20] But it's captain crunch. Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna bring it to them and they're gonna
[01:13:26] They'll buy it. They'll be forced to yeah, they'll be forced to because I spent three years working on this
[01:13:33] That's how the world that's how basic that's how things work is that if you put the effort forward
[01:13:38] You're bound to be rewarded for it and you're definitely you shouldn't just be spending what little money you have on therapy
[01:13:52] Ingredients for your new cereal we get this is captain crunch, but it's sweeter. It's sweeter
[01:13:59] Is yeah, right now the prototype is I had a couple tables. Who's a sugar probably captain crunch is that oh no
[01:14:05] I haven't even looked to see if it's profitable
[01:14:07] The problem with captain crunch is it stands is that the uniform that captain crunch is wearing is inaccurate
[01:14:13] Is not what an actual captain would wear so I've hired I see an artist and I'm
[01:14:20] Atene ten thousand dollars a week. Yeah, but they're they are finding an actual
[01:14:26] Naval yeah, what it is is I've now the box of cereal comes with an actual naval uniform
[01:14:32] It's a caracut-out character on the front of the box is an actual naval uniform that you can touch and it's made out of dangerous chemicals
[01:14:37] It's made out of chemicals you can only buy in sweet you can only buy them in sweet
[01:14:43] And if you're here, you need a large warning that says that they cause carcinogens on the outside of the box
[01:14:48] But the the good news is in the Bolivian market. Yeah, you're totally fine to do that and it tastes just like real cereal
[01:14:56] But it's three times more expensive, but it's three times more but it's sweeter and there it does have a nice uniform and I need 12,000
[01:15:03] Okay, another check 12,000 Nick if you'll go away. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you
[01:15:14] And I'll be out of your head. I'm gonna get out of here your wife boyfriend Ricky
[01:15:26] Damn we should all be so lucky man. Yeah, all right. Well, I'm gonna think we should put a bow on it there
[01:15:30] Well, let me plug my dates guys. If you're coming out, please come see me
[01:15:38] Appleton Chicago 31st and then the week after that
[01:15:42] Rhode Island the comedy connection 6th 7th and 8th
[01:15:46] And then we got hyenas in texas valentine's day. We can DC we can do the 20th and 21st
[01:15:53] And then i'm in fucking phoenix and tuson in london, but yeah come see us
[01:15:56] Uh, let us know. Let me know how bad your life's going. All right. Bye guys