Cum Town | Regular | 01/30/2020
[00:00:00] Mr Busi or la mia, m well mister Cerposi
[00:00:29] Excuse me, mrs. Guacamole pussy. I have to look up if we have ads this week
[00:00:39] Good get the mr. Bullish look at a Google challenge
[00:00:43] You know what it's good. It's cool about this is we can just do this kind of bullshit retard comedy for like 15 years
[00:00:51] Make millions of dollars and then be like now. I'm a serious actor. Oh, I can't wait
[00:00:55] And I can be an uncut gems dude. That's what I'm trying to do. Yeah, that's I'm trying to do the sandman technique
[00:01:03] 35 movies which like my penis is on fire
[00:01:17] Goddamn it Johnny if you wonder inheritance you got to put that fire out, but I like my penis
[00:01:46] But not that you're not showing any ideological lean much respected to the good dr. Martin Luther King
[00:02:02] Again all this is because of the calendar
[00:02:06] Shouts out to MLK truly a side pussy legend. I have a dream
[00:02:11] Boom boom boom boom, but if there was a guy with an air horn that would be good in the speech. Yeah
[00:02:23] All right, so today's the 24th. Yes, so Wednesday the 29th is the next episode. That's correct
[00:02:29] That's what this one is. Okay, that's all I need to know it's Wednesday the 29th
[00:02:33] And in fact just real quick right now up top if you're in Milwaukee today
[00:02:37] Go buy tickets and see me at Turner Hall and then an Appleton tomorrow Chicago this weekend
[00:02:43] Providence Rhode Island six through the eighth
[00:02:46] Texas 13 through the 15th and DC 20 through the 22nd
[00:02:52] So that's what today is I'm in Milwaukee right now as we speak. Yeah, this is moving according to past
[00:02:58] But right now I'm out there getting cheese curds getting cheese curds in my fucking ass
[00:03:08] It's on a Tuesday. I also have dates. I'm also in the Midwest. Oh, yeah with guys. Yes with guys actually
[00:03:15] Oh, that's cool with Kyle Scanlan and dandries
[00:03:20] Chicago boys. Oh, yeah, there's a good boys right there. Yeah, shout out to the Lincoln Lodge
[00:03:24] We're both playing there. We love that fucking place Lincoln Lodge is an okay place
[00:03:28] Yeah, no, we're doing Nashville ooh Milwaukee dude, indie. Yes fucking Chicago. Yep. Some shit in Michigan. I don't know
[00:03:38] Lansing probably I have no idea, but they set it all up. I'm not even you know good a penis. I'd work
[00:03:47] I'm trying to be on the road. I'll be quite honest with you come to the Nashville show. That's the first stop
[00:03:54] Most of it's gonna be jokes from five years ago salute, but we will be doing crowd work
[00:04:00] We will yes different style of crowd work than stop. Yes. It's I do more of a psychological. That's right. It's more of like a
[00:04:13] Interrogator right you have you take people's you take fucking battery
[00:04:18] Car batteries you put it in people's just me asking something and somebody not knowing how to respond because they have a weird affect
[00:04:24] Yes, they don't say anything. I'm like no. I really want to know where you got that fucking show me
[00:04:28] I'm not doing a joke. It's not a joke. Tell me where the show times. It doesn't go anywhere. Yep. Okay moving on
[00:04:38] Whereas I will be asking you the last time you had sex when did you have said? Yeah, are you guys fucking tell me you guys
[00:04:43] Who's got how big is your penis? It's crazy that that has been the go-to crowd work for comedians for 40 years
[00:04:51] Probably since ancient Greece and it's still works. It still works and honestly every time
[00:04:55] I like to ask I want you guys been fucking and then they look at each other like oh that I hate that when they're like
[00:05:01] How long been together and they'll say something like six years would be like married and then they'll be like oh
[00:05:07] Oh someone's in trouble, you know what I mean? That's a classic easy way to get a big one
[00:05:12] Yeah, but it's kind of the same thing. No, dude
[00:05:14] All crowd works the same thing. No, that's not as not being a master of the craft
[00:05:19] I understand why you think that dude first of all let's I'm don't be ridiculous
[00:05:24] If we dial back the clock a bit. Yeah back to my drinking days. Yeah, sure I could do 30 minutes
[00:05:29] Yeah, not touch the material. That's the thing you gotta be back on the sauce
[00:05:33] All right, you know what I'm gonna fucking fall off the wagon go back on the road
[00:05:37] And I'm give me give me fucking a year and I know yes
[00:05:41] Yeah, I will be I will be back back in that's right drink. Don't work on material
[00:05:46] Get good crowd who gives a shit comedy sucks. I'm just trying to have a good time. Hey, amen brother
[00:05:54] My life's mom look you want somebody that works on bits go see fucking harry kind of boo-lu complain about you know
[00:06:00] No, I wouldn't say him what I'm a he works. Do you think he does on stuff?
[00:06:05] I can't use his kiddies come to come up with points. It's great
[00:06:08] Yeah, fuck you see here's the point the point is come see us
[00:06:17] We'll be doing this beautiful stuff for you
[00:06:21] I'm excited dude sounds like we're hitting some similar spots
[00:06:25] You gonna get cheese curds. I don't know if I'm gonna get cheese curds
[00:06:29] I'm gonna I really haven't been eating that much. Yeah, which is nice. I feel like pro Anna
[00:06:37] No, no, but it's easier to fucking think when I'm not like eating that much
[00:06:43] Interesting. I guess I get depressed and I get into like eating a shit ton. Yeah, and when I do that it's harder for me to
[00:06:51] So you're transcending dude, you're on a fucking fast. Yeah, it's hard for me to
[00:06:57] Let's see what how do I has it that sound better. I think it sounds fine
[00:07:05] When you're full you can't think yeah, you know, I mean I guess the blood does go to your stomach and blood is like the juice
[00:07:11] That your brain the juice of the brain. Yes, absolutely. Yeah
[00:07:18] No, it's just yeah, I can't I can't fucking I can't think do a lot of philosophy
[00:07:23] Philosophizing no, it's just you know thinking about like stuff. I need to do it. I mean literal thinking
[00:07:29] Abstract thoughts. Yeah, I mean like what the fuck you know do I am I gonna put the laundry away?
[00:07:35] What is that I'm having to come up with what is today? Yeah, am I gonna go with you errands?
[00:07:41] Dude, I had to go to the fucking DMV. Yeah, the fucking smallest dick experiences of my life. Yeah
[00:07:47] I was gonna be the one in Atlantic terminal. No one to the one in Queens. I was thinking well Queens
[00:07:51] Yeah, fucking there'll be less people there
[00:07:54] But it's like no everyone drives there. So I should have gone into the fucking into the city. Yeah, but I did see I
[00:08:00] Saw I had to be there for four hours by the way to get a fucking license and during it
[00:08:06] I saw a fucking like a Bosnian man who had the life. I want to do why just this beautiful wife with a big nose
[00:08:13] It was the biggest in nose could be and her to just be straight up gorgeous
[00:08:17] And they had a baby that looked exactly like half and half of them
[00:08:21] Yeah, and I was just sitting there due to my stained fucking red tracksuit thinking damn dude
[00:08:26] My favorite is I was at the DMV the black dudes that wear suits to the DMV
[00:08:35] You know the were on I would like a new license. Yeah, my name's Eric
[00:08:44] Yeah, dude the last I went I had to get my license renewed because it was about to expire yeah
[00:08:49] You don't want that shit to happen because then you're gonna fucking to paint in the ass. Yeah, you know, that's what I did and
[00:08:56] Was there for I didn't go with an appointment
[00:08:58] I went to the Atlantic terminal one. Yeah, and I waited like two and a half hours nice
[00:09:05] And then all the the numbers went blank no and a fucking like an announcement comes on
[00:09:11] They're like this it a whole system down
[00:09:13] The statewide there is a statewide the system is down. We don't know when it's gonna work again. Goodbye
[00:09:22] Then you just they just start playing music they're dancing in the back well I like fucking everybody who was there was like well
[00:09:30] I'm gonna kill myself if I leave a 100% because there's no way there's no way you can wait at the DMV
[00:09:37] Yeah, and then you get closer getting your number called and then they tell you there's a statewide statewide
[00:09:42] The computers are down from the state. Yeah, and then it took another hour before they came back online
[00:09:49] Respect and they did and then it was another like 40 minutes of weight. I mean is there all day. Yeah, you know
[00:09:56] Brutal and they don't let you go back in
[00:09:59] No, you can go back in because I left and I like went to the bathroom
[00:10:02] I also I got to the fucking I got up front and I had like I had my birth certificate
[00:10:09] My social security card my passport my passport card my old ID like fucking like
[00:10:19] And they were like getting sucked off university. Yeah, and they were like no
[00:10:28] I was like what the fuck else do you need? Yeah, what could have possibly it have been like a blood sample
[00:10:34] I really don't fucking we need some of your mother's pussy juice and your father's balls hairs. Yeah, no
[00:10:40] I had to go into the I had to go to like the insurance place next door and print out like a fucking a bill from optimum
[00:10:47] hilarious because that's that that's more proof. Yeah
[00:10:51] Yeah, my boy mark with two C's was very gay and very mad to be working
[00:10:56] I got everyone I dealt with was cool because I got to the I finally got up to the thing and I handed the woman everything
[00:11:02] She's like, okay. This is all good. There's only one thing you're missing and I was like what what am I missing?
[00:11:08] And she's like the form for the renewal and it's like the one thing that you need which is and I was like
[00:11:13] Okay, well don't they hand you the stuff when you go out and she's like yeah, they're supposed to I'm like well
[00:11:20] You know she calls the supervisor over and the supervisor's like can't you just give him here it is? Yeah
[00:11:26] They put your ass in the back of that line right because they know like if
[00:11:34] The DMV has to know now with how fucking shitty that process is if they were like I'm sorry
[00:11:42] Like there would have been a mass shoot 100
[00:11:46] Yeah, it's shocking to me that there hasn't been I know well a lot of that stuff kind of it's weird because mass shootings now
[00:11:52] Are all like political you know, it's like I'm in other kin and people made fun of me
[00:12:00] So that I'm going to do this shooting so everyone knows about my community. Yes, right?
[00:12:05] What's other kin like people who think they're dragons hell yeah, yeah
[00:12:09] Do they think do they want to be in the dragons body? Yeah, they they see themselves as dragons like the same way that you're like
[00:12:17] I'm not a man. I'm a woman. I'm a dragon
[00:12:21] Some would say that it's very offensive to say that
[00:12:27] Some would say that that is a dragon is never existed that is other phobic
[00:12:32] Do they have do now these dragons do they are they man male dragons or woman dragons?
[00:12:36] I think they dragons have two genders only only two. Oh, so okay kind of a blind spot
[00:12:42] So I'm being offensive, but there can't be trans
[00:12:46] There are like they do have like trans identities and that and it's like wouldn't you just be the correct drag?
[00:12:52] Why would you be a dragon that's born with a wrong gender and then
[00:12:58] Yeah, no what I have swapped to dragon and then you got a different dragon
[00:13:03] But I'm doing making the wrong choice first on purpose. Yeah, so that the dragon is can have a cool name
[00:13:09] Mm-hmm cool dragon girl's name. Yeah, as morale does it's so great to that a person like that could like say all these things to like
[00:13:16] Their college advisor and if the college advisor didn't listen to it. They would go to jail
[00:13:24] Sorry, sorry mark. I don't know what a college advisor is either. I'm not sure. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it's called
[00:13:31] Yeah, that's cool. Like that's got like Moscow
[00:13:33] 1970 Olympic spibes that tracks. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's my it's a Adidas bars with an olympia cos football club top
[00:13:42] Yeah, my favorite my favorite Greek soccer team
[00:13:47] What was I talking about something about dragons having pussies? Yeah, so
[00:13:53] Yeah, so but are the shootings when we were growing up it used to be like cool your boss
[00:13:59] It was yeah, it was the original ones where your office. Oh, there's this cruntle employees
[00:14:04] Yeah, those used to happen all the time with some white collar guy that's like oh, I'm not kidding my bonus
[00:14:09] Oh a black woman. It's gonna be my boss now
[00:14:15] Yeah, and the original original one was a postal order right the going post was what it's called
[00:14:21] Yeah, it used to be yeah, there was some mailman who shot up a bunch of people right. It'd be cool
[00:14:26] There's a surfer who's like I'm going coastal. Yes, I'm gonna go fucking shoot up an elementary school bra
[00:14:33] Go and coastal are there any schools right by the beach so a guy could surf and shoot a gun inside
[00:14:39] Yeah, no his atom went to a surfing elementary school. Yeah, he did. Yeah
[00:14:44] It was a surfing elementary school for child actors
[00:14:49] It's so funny that he says that he's like I was actually a child actor in a model and it's like did you book anything?
[00:14:54] He's like no, you know, they say that doesn't say that his parents made made him go to auditions or something
[00:14:59] Yeah, they did but you know, it's like first of all you want there's no way he didn't want to do that
[00:15:03] Yeah, for sure. Yeah, but you know, he said he says it like ironically, you know, like all right a child actor
[00:15:11] Whatever, but it's like what you weren't sure even saying it to dismissively and ironically you weren't that that's right
[00:15:17] Yeah, you would have gotten molested if you were yeah, I wish she had
[00:15:20] What do you think would happen if you got molested? I don't know like fucking pink finger nail paint
[00:15:30] You'd be one of those and then smoking like clothes. Oh, no
[00:15:38] He's always he's always flipping his hair out of his face. No, I see if anything
[00:15:43] I think he that he is pretty gay already so he would have gone like no that
[00:15:47] That would have been all Jewish and he would be like he would be part of like that Brooklyn like art comic scene
[00:15:54] Hmm, you know you think I see I think if he got molested he would have loved Hillary Clinton hilarious
[00:16:00] Yep, probably because my dad loves her and I love my daddy
[00:16:08] No, I would think you would go into business and molest children
[00:16:13] He's rebelling now if he'd gotten molested maybe would have sent him straight made him a lawyer. Yeah works in Hollywood
[00:16:21] Yeah, you know I'm saying you've reached Adam Friedland entertainment attorney
[00:16:31] This is how you talk if you get molested isn't you it's a molestation
[00:16:44] Who knows maybe he did he said he saw his friends penis or whatever. Yeah
[00:16:56] No, my body is fucking breaking down dude. Yeah, I've had a stomach ache for three days
[00:17:01] And I don't know from what from doing yoga, maybe you think that's what it is. Yeah, it's from being healthy
[00:17:08] It's definitely for making the right choices. You think it's from one and a half weeks of living healthy my body
[00:17:14] My body's rebelling. Yeah, then I should do pills any any fucking ice cream somebody said that the mic might be a phase problem
[00:17:23] Hmm phase. What does that mean? I don't know phase issue in
[00:17:32] Phase phase this dick out and into an ass cheek
[00:17:38] Phase issue my penis. I'm going through a phase where I like to see my own penis
[00:17:48] My penis is in my jeans I wanted to do that
[00:17:51] I started rewatching the master last night
[00:17:53] Mm-hmm, which I haven't seen since I saw it in theaters and it's so fucking good damn. Yeah, I haven't seen it one
[00:17:59] I mean, I like didn't theaters, but I don't know like the second time around it's just fucking that's when Joaquin is being all
[00:18:06] Like a weirdo. Yeah Joaquin, but then also Philip Seymour Hoffman and he's amazing in it. Yep, and then yeah
[00:18:14] Haven't been able to enjoy any art recently. Yeah, I rewatch the master if you haven't seen it
[00:18:20] I mean, it's just like fucking and like the photography is beautiful. Maybe I didn't see it in theaters
[00:18:24] Maybe I saw it on like a laptop or something. Yeah, like watching it on this motherfucker. It's like
[00:18:29] Just at like every shot every scene. It's just yeah
[00:18:33] Or maybe I'm you know alone. You're alone and you're just craving any kind of connection to anything. Yes
[00:18:42] Watching the master being like wow, this is just looking over
[00:18:52] See, I just love the movie just whistling for the cat. That's right the cats going to
[00:19:03] Whoopsie Daisy, that's why you gotta get I guess I'll just turn the volume all
[00:19:08] Let's just get it going real out in here
[00:19:10] What a good movie this movie rocks. I love this movie
[00:19:20] Never being alone my own thoughts never big a little
[00:19:22] Watch another one right after this one over. Let's see it two movies going at the same time
[00:19:30] Pornography isolate Adams audio tracks from the last podcast
[00:19:35] I didn't pay attention when he was talking
[00:19:37] I'm hanging out with a friend you put on come down
[00:19:46] Mike into the board and I sit here with the headphones on with Adam on playback and me going no stupid
[00:19:55] Yeah, you would think fucking yeah, yeah, you've edited together a hundred times Adam's been wrong
[00:20:12] Fuck yeah, dude, that's why you got to get roommates
[00:20:17] Because you're never alone, dude you go out you see what your boys are up to I used to have roommates. Yeah, yeah nice
[00:20:26] The best thing did well not the best thing but I miss having like roommates that I just didn't know at all. Mm-hmm
[00:20:35] Because women are fucking retarded women will find four three other women on Craigslist and they'll live together in two weeks
[00:20:45] They're going on vacation to go on a vacation to go on a vacation to leave a note some refrigerator
[00:20:52] Like fucking sleep over and it's like you're 28 years old
[00:20:59] What are you fucking doing that's right whereas like you can live two men can live together and you'll be like yeah
[00:21:07] I think yeah, he works it like fuck yeah
[00:21:10] I think he's fucking dad just died his dad died or something and he's like really I his room is a mattress
[00:21:17] a fucking like the kind of boom box they sell the Mexican people at Best Buy and
[00:21:26] And I've only had one conversation with him and he explained to me what the dark carnival was in relation to insane clown
[00:21:34] And that's it that's all I know about Ron. Yeah, it's probably my best roommate. I've ever had yeah
[00:21:39] He's a pretty cool guy. It's pretty good about making sure that toilet paper
[00:21:43] We've reached an equilibrium with who buys toilet paper when that's nice and that's what I dig about
[00:21:50] See I've always had my boy. I've never lived with a stranger really it's always been I live with George and my boy
[00:21:56] Doug after college in a little house. We called Muff Manor. Yeah, where no one was getting
[00:22:03] Where we enjoyed that girlfriend's yeah, and Doug was getting absolutely no pussy whatsoever wait that was uh
[00:22:14] Right when I started before I moved back home. That's where I live. Yeah, Danesville
[00:22:18] Give me go to Katie's will house. No you came to Charles village house
[00:22:24] I'm trying to remember what the day was because it's my timelines are all fucked up
[00:22:28] It's like I confused that day we went to that awful Indian buffet with the day we went to the Amish market two different days
[00:22:35] I know there were two different days, but I don't remember when the end the buffet was way before yeah, I believe yeah because I think
[00:22:43] Did I already live in New York when we went to the Amish market I
[00:22:47] Lived in New York before you did I know that yeah
[00:22:51] Well, I think you anyway, whatever it doesn't matter
[00:22:53] I do is but I do remember sitting in that that Charles village house was
[00:22:58] Watch those village house. I love watching that Sam. Hi video. Yes, he goes. Oh, I'm allowed. I'm a loud type of sister
[00:23:06] And that that was that was when we when you showed me the fucking uh the guy who's the Lambrusco wine
[00:23:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was I was like showing you same
[00:23:20] Yes, yes, yes, yeah, and then we got some Indian food that house. I loved I got pushing that dude
[00:23:24] That Indian buffet was so funny cuz like the buffet open I paid for the buffet and then the guy was like the buffets not close
[00:23:32] It's like motherfucker I paid for it. You can't close I get one plate and you're like oh no more buffet. Oh, yeah
[00:23:43] Got half of mine to go back down there and beat that man to death you wanted in front of his family
[00:23:49] I remember I think I remember what your buffet was yeah, it was by Johns Hopkins
[00:23:54] Yeah, it was in it was in Mount Vernon. Yeah
[00:23:57] Was the one all the way in city motherfuckers would go to all the time
[00:24:00] What were we talking about before this so this teammates oh roommates? Yeah, yeah
[00:24:05] Yeah, it was like you ever have like a friend like one of your boys
[00:24:09] So I have a party and then it's like everyone you know and then just like the weird roommate. Yes your friend. Yes
[00:24:14] Like standing around drinking absolutely. Yes, and he just like you know, maybe he'll be in charge of the music for a minute
[00:24:23] Absolutely just blowing it yeah, right. It's like yeah, I don't think people want to be listening to primus at the party
[00:24:31] Maybe there's something else you could put on we're not really in the mood for for primus right now
[00:24:43] Yeah, or they start playing like prank calls
[00:24:46] I'm playing like the jerky boys. Yeah, like way too early. It's like yeah
[00:24:50] Maybe at 3 a.m. When all the women have gone. Yeah, we're just eating pizzas and smoking weed those roommates always have just the
[00:24:58] Just the chin goatee to oh, yeah only the chin. Mm-hmm. You know absolutely bad look absolutely. Yeah
[00:25:07] I love the nice random that would happen in college because everyone would have like all these weird off-campus houses
[00:25:12] Yeah, and there'd be like there were these guys who just stayed in catensville. Yeah, and they were like 30 years old third parties
[00:25:20] Yeah, no my friend my friend lived in he went to tousin, but he went to tousin after like
[00:25:27] Like a decade in community. Yeah, I think he's one of those guys
[00:25:30] There's a lot of guys that are like in Maryland that will go to like frostburg or something or solesberry
[00:25:36] Yeah, fail out their first semester. Yes, sir get it. But get it. So fucked up get it
[00:25:40] Just really fucked up like just blow it end up in community college for seven years
[00:25:46] Yes, and then transfer to like tousin thousand or UMBC. Yeah to finally get the
[00:26:02] Trying to be not somehow getting rejected for a job in baltimore city for as a teacher
[00:26:09] Respect my friend was doing that move for a while and he had the roommates were all cool
[00:26:14] But it was just like, you know, all right you're like bucking up against the limit for how long you can pretend to be 20 years old
[00:26:20] Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's brutal. No more like gnome felt posters
[00:26:26] You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Everyone you're graduating class has children. Yeah
[00:26:31] Yeah, you really are out here like damn dude. You gotta stop wearing tie-dye, man. Oh fuck
[00:26:36] Yeah, we're in tie-dye when you're balding
[00:26:40] You gotta cut it out man. I know you're enjoying life
[00:26:43] Yeah, but you're supposed to get older and not just tie that tie-dye you made yeah, you're like I'm getting really good at making tie-dye
[00:26:51] You got a puka shell necklace on man. It's 2015. You can't happen brother. You got it. You got it
[00:26:56] You got to make moves. Yeah, I wonder what those motherfuckers are doing these days enjoying themselves
[00:27:01] They're still doing that and they're happy. Yeah, there was a guy when I started comedy who was one of the like all everyone
[00:27:06] I knew when I started comedy was like much older. Yeah, they're late 20s early 30s
[00:27:11] But there was a guy that would come around that was clearly one of those like
[00:27:14] Yeah, it was like, you know just a guy that would like hung out hung out and fuck girls and got drunk
[00:27:23] But then you just like kept getting older and it's like is this ever gonna stop for you?
[00:27:27] You ever have a job or anything? No, no, I did. No, absolutely not. Yeah, we're gonna get a couple of girls over
[00:27:35] The clear ping pong table lock. It's played beer pong
[00:27:39] Dude a 30-year-old man who's like house rules, bro
[00:27:43] Yeah, who's got like a list of rules for beer pong who plays it is bad enough, but it's like elbows. Yeah
[00:27:57] Maybe that's the secret, dude. Move back to Baltimore have a party house
[00:28:07] I'm done getting fucked up. I'm gonna maybe maybe I should get a wife
[00:28:13] Maybe I should get married if you're listening and you want to be my wife
[00:28:19] Maybe a little farmhouse we can settle down into
[00:28:25] You can get some dick on the side. I can get some pussy on the side
[00:28:29] But more important that's only for special occasions more importantly. We're gonna have beautiful fat children
[00:28:37] A traditional greek diet mediterranean diet. Yeah
[00:28:44] Life is fucking gay. Yeah, I'm excited to go on the road, but
[00:28:48] My body's abandoned me. I thought I was gonna be strong by now. Yeah, I did two weeks of yoga and
[00:28:55] It's no good. I'm done. I'm trying to I'm trying. I just went on my body removed. Yes
[00:29:01] You know, of course replaced with uh, be a supercomputer
[00:29:05] Why is it it's still sound I can't get rid of it. Don't worry about the sound. I am worried about it
[00:29:10] That's worse. I know it's worse. Now. It's buzzing like a bitch. I want to be bust. Now you sound horrible. No, I sound cool
[00:29:17] The next you sound kind of tight. I sound tight
[00:29:21] You know, I'm saying man. We doing we doing tight ass sounds
[00:29:28] Then can I get some of that? Uh, I don't know. I don't know
[00:29:34] Do I say I'm cool now too? Yeah, be there. I sound like meatloaf meatwad. I sound like meatwad. I'm I'm meatwad. I'm so now you listening to me
[00:29:43] You listening to two meatwads having sex you listening to two meatwads trying to bust so nice
[00:29:51] Take it. I try to get you know what I take real for that
[00:29:55] Most of that meatwad. I'm also fried like but I'm meatwad. You know what?
[00:30:02] Aspar my equipment just stand true for like and to me right also
[00:30:07] If I say the n word is meatwad, is that still racist? No, because you're fried like and he's black
[00:30:15] Oh, that's true. You know he's black because he working my dinos
[00:30:20] Because I don't know if that's necessarily true
[00:30:29] Either fall like he's black or he's jewish
[00:30:40] You know you're round and you're with something that's kind of an ironic territory
[00:30:45] I got that evil Brooks vibe about him, but he also working knock down us
[00:30:53] I told you can't be saying amortous master shake because he's a white supremacist
[00:31:03] Damn, that's fucking true. It's true. That's fucking true as fuck. It's true, dude
[00:31:09] Damn, okay. I got some dulce tones going. Okay
[00:31:14] Does anyone want to does anybody want to see my penis
[00:31:20] Hello and welcome to the giving me your pussy show me you push the show. I would like a piece of it
[00:31:26] It's the gimme your pussy show sibbo give me a motherfucking pussy
[00:31:32] Bring him off. I can push you over here and I'm gonna suck on it
[00:31:37] Damn. Yeah, time's your morning show going out of business. All right P. Yeah
[00:31:41] Yeah, how about that should we have our morning radio show man? Uh doing what I would love to
[00:31:48] Honestly, dude if this was if we had a daily schedule where we were in in the studio. Yeah fucking 7 a.m. To 10 a.m
[00:31:56] And then that's it. You know, we just check out. That'd be great
[00:32:06] I think you realize how long I know I know I respect that that's so much fucking work
[00:32:13] Yeah, that's like Jim and Sam. I mean they make a shit ton of money, but it's like they're just on air all on time
[00:32:20] Yeah, you know we do two hours of show a week
[00:32:24] And I'm like barely bringing across my life on tired
[00:32:29] I'm fucking tired dude. No dude, but what if we had producers? What if we had blue?
[00:32:34] We had porn stores where we had blue shoot. I'm gonna be a blue shoot calm. What we do what we do also you do too
[00:32:44] I got that can't wait to take a blue shoot. I have to fuck my wife so she doesn't call the police on me for doing gay
[00:32:52] I've got it in the Constitution of Iran. It's a new website that is not blocked by the government of Iran
[00:33:02] As you know, uh if your penis does not become hard it is because you have been cursed by Satan
[00:33:16] Because I have the blue because I have blue chew which lets me fuck my wife and maybe my penis is still hard after
[00:33:28] And dio so i'm psyching out. I have to sound because I didn't want to be rude because I am a good
[00:33:35] Because we are good friends and we hold hands and I suck his penis
[00:33:43] That's right if you're a gay or a closet at homosexual Iranian man if you like to have gas sex
[00:33:49] You'll like blue chew that can well or straight sex for that matter rich
[00:33:53] You if you like to have secret if you like to have straight sex with your wife
[00:33:59] But also sometimes mersham comes over while she is gone and you have to fix the kitchen
[00:34:06] And so you have to take your shirt off to not get sweaty
[00:34:10] In your shirt and then you you you hold each other to make sure the pipes
[00:34:14] The pipes are the pipes are working correctly in the kitchen
[00:34:19] So you have to be steady and you need to be head he has to make sure that your stress straight
[00:34:31] Blue chew offers many performance enhancement for the bedroom wouldn't you like to last longer and go extra rounds
[00:34:43] I don't understand that what's the premise here that like you want to keep fucking after you
[00:34:48] I know your dick doesn't work. Yeah, no
[00:34:51] Once I bust the bitch sighing or a sister exactly listen. Maybe I get a good night's rest
[00:35:01] Or how about this sometimes because my foreskin is fucked up and blue chew makes my dick so hard and sometimes if the pussy is very tight
[00:35:07] It'll hurt so I do tightly go rounds because I don't bust because I fuck till my foreskin hurts
[00:35:13] And then i'm like can I get a little breather? Yeah, so in that sense, yes, I have gone rounds. Yeah, but if I bust
[00:35:28] Blue chew com you get the first chewables with the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis
[00:35:33] Chewables can work faster than pills up to twice as fast and chewables from blue chew can be so if you have a day
[00:35:40] I'm sorry to interrupt, but if you for example if you're like, you know what? I don't need pills. I'm a healthy guy
[00:35:44] I'm only 30 years old and then you start hooking up with a girl and you realize oh no
[00:35:50] Secretly chew them in the bathroom very quickly pretend you're shitting by yourself 20 minutes
[00:35:56] Because they're chewables they'll work fast and get your dick hard
[00:36:00] And you don't have and you can make up an excuse for why it's taking a while like you the the meal hurt your stomach a little bit
[00:36:09] Chewables can work faster than pills up to twice as fast the troubles from blue chew calm can be taken on a full or empty stomach
[00:36:23] From having lunch. It's very sharp. I loved my favorite meal that my friend max for me. It's
[00:36:31] Rice he makes such such good coming rice
[00:36:40] My wife I come home when I burp come in her face and she said to me
[00:36:49] And I said did not say such a thing the police material please be quiet
[00:36:55] If the police I told you last time write it down and then ask me and then say it
[00:36:59] I did not say it and burn the paper because if the police hear this they will rep you to fix me
[00:37:07] The punishment for me being gay is you get wrapped in
[00:37:14] Is their wife is wrapped in dirt and jail
[00:37:17] Because the thinking is something is wrong with you. Yeah, I'm supposed to use bad. Let me get
[00:37:29] And so they have to rep her to check the double check a link
[00:37:34] But then if they happen they say it's a good pussy then they have to have they have sex with me
[00:37:40] They have then the cop the police and I will all have gas sex with each other
[00:37:44] To so that I can get it out of my system
[00:37:51] And then they take me to the the royal palace and I have sex with the entire government
[00:38:01] Everyone in the Iranian government has to have gas
[00:38:08] Every single member of the Iranian parliament
[00:38:12] And then just violently fox each other for three days so we can just clear the air
[00:38:21] Fresh start no one of these yeah, no more to gay sex. We're just good. This is it. We're gonna just get it out
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[00:39:01] When that custom medicine custom medicine it says custom medicine. I love that dude
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[00:39:28] Ain't nothing like a fucking hard-ass medical dick brother girl my pussy feels like
[00:39:48] You slipped I slipped and this went out of my and into my pussy
[00:39:57] So we're not believing pussy, huh? No, that was okay, but according to standards and you can yeah
[00:40:21] Right yeah, yeah, I think that's right sister sister one of them smart together ones got your pussy
[00:40:31] Siesta never knew how she was in a pussy never knew how much
[00:40:49] One of them has a gay father the other one's mother is jake. Yeah, she's just dumb as shit
[00:40:56] I would I would fuck jake. Yeah, but the premise you had a horny ass the smart one's got a dumbass mom
[00:41:01] And the dumb one's got a rich spot. Hey dad. Yes rich smart dad. That's sure. Yeah, who's that on that show fucking Barack Obama?
[00:41:10] Is that who he plays? Yeah, is that who they're supposed to be? That's Obama
[00:41:15] Is that who that's gonna be is gonna be Bay Rock Obama? That's true. Have you seen this fucking uh this Steve Carell movie coming out dude
[00:41:23] That looks like the biggest piece of dog shit. Yeah
[00:41:26] First of all, what's who's the audience for that? I really don't know
[00:41:31] Some like people that don't exist anymore. Yeah
[00:41:35] Little like I guess Warren support Buttigieg supporters. Yeah, is that who?
[00:41:41] People that yeah people that are like I'm a leftist and Warren is the good candidate. That's who is
[00:41:46] The fucking that's who's watching them. That's who's watching the fucking Steve Carell
[00:41:50] It's gonna be great when Bernie Sanders wins and becomes president. It will be great
[00:41:54] And then he gets the nomination and then he's like I was kidding. We're giving everything to Israel
[00:42:01] Or is that like I just want to make it clear that a woman could never have done this
[00:42:17] This was only possible because of the men and hot bitches that volunteered on this campaign
[00:42:34] Shut up, bitch shut the fuck up shut up bitch
[00:42:43] Guys I meant to do the guitar riff, but I don't know the buttons as well. Yeah, shut up bitch
[00:42:52] Dude I would love it. I would honestly the best the best thing that could happen
[00:42:57] Honestly the best outcome Bernie wins, you know, whatever
[00:43:00] however long you need Bernie to get fucking health care. Yes, and then
[00:43:04] Immediately after that black woman republican president. I would like that and it's like whatever. Hopefully she doesn't fuck up
[00:43:12] You know that stuff, but you got a black woman president
[00:43:15] Mm-hmm, which is a huge milestone. It makes it now. There's no longer any necessity for there to be a white woman president
[00:43:22] Yes, never and we never get one never have one that would be just never happen
[00:43:28] You can't ever make an argument that there needs to be a white woman president
[00:43:31] If you already skipped that and you go black woman president you can never because then you're just saying there needs to be a white president
[00:43:36] Yes, dude genius. Yeah, dude the chess master doesn't even really have to be republican. It's just it would be funny
[00:43:43] It would be funny. It would be really the democrats never managed to do it
[00:43:47] And there was just a black woman the republicans like that's like, you know, yeah, I just don't think I love oil. Yeah
[00:44:04] I call it systo oil, you know, not big not big energy. Yes
[00:44:08] Yeah, and Ron is my sister people or ex EP is yeah sister exon. Yes
[00:44:33] Back to the fellas back to the white boys. Uh, uh
[00:44:38] We switch off every four years never having it be a white woman. Yeah, no, that would be that's the dream
[00:44:45] Is that you have every type of and white women continue to run on there like it's time
[00:44:54] What is the time for yeah? What is it white lady? What's the time for I don't get it a woman
[00:45:02] All kinds of women's all every type of woman should get a chance
[00:45:12] I'm sorry. I got a little worked up. Mm-hmm and would drive them insane because they wouldn't be able to say anything
[00:45:16] I know but they would be thinking they'd be thinking in every day
[00:45:21] Of their fucking lives. We're happy for yeah, it makes me so happy to see
[00:45:39] When girl because little girls will be able to yeah
[00:45:43] I will gladly support any black woman. It runs on the fuck white women
[00:45:49] Any fight she would be yeah, you want to rally support
[00:45:55] WOC running on the fuck white women ticket. Yeah. Yeah, you I'm behind you 1 million percent. Yes queen
[00:46:06] You get a bunch of fucking rednecks who you're like, yeah, fuck my wife
[00:46:27] Damn dude. Damn everyone's mad at Bernie for being like Rogan
[00:46:31] Being excited Rogan fucking setting my vote for him. Mm-hmm
[00:46:38] I will officially now. I will also officially endorse Bernie Sanders. Yeah
[00:46:44] Because of all the there's all this dumb shit that like people make up as to be issues on twitter
[00:46:49] Yeah, do not exist outside of their website. No, not at all, but the Joe Rogan Bernie Sanders endorsement might be the one that's like takes the cake
[00:46:56] It's unbelievable. How what the kind of anyway you look at it. It's good. Well, not only do you look at it. It's good
[00:47:03] It's like there's no way anyone outside of twitter could possibly fucking care
[00:47:08] It's not like they're gonna be on CNN saying like is it bad the Joe Rogan endorsed Bernie saying but they have a body language expert
[00:47:15] But nobody's gonna fucking give a shit about Joe Rogan endorsing Bernie saying it doesn't well because if they do if traditional media
[00:47:22] It makes it a story then they basically are admitting this guy right is bigger than us
[00:47:27] Yeah, and it is very nice too that like all of these people that were you know like I guess that's we'll call them anti-fist style comedians
[00:47:35] Bitching about Joe Rogan or whatever, but how he gives a platform to Nazis would buy endorsing Bernie Sanders
[00:47:41] He's effectively done more good for progressivism than you ever will in your entire fucking career
[00:47:49] As a fucking speak him up shithead right ever of absolute ever
[00:47:57] More of a fucking net positive than you ever will be for sure shots out the fear and very much similar to the fucking you know
[00:48:04] No white lady president thing. It's like I love it. I love it. It just drives them insane
[00:48:09] Yeah, and they have to know that shots out to rogano. Yeah, Joey rogues
[00:48:15] Joe Rogiano John it. Yeah, that's what you guys don't know. She's Italian. He's yeah
[00:48:20] He's a pie's on isn't he though? No, he said that his cousin is the guy from my chemical romance
[00:48:25] With the farad way. What does that mean though? That guy's not Italian. Yeah, but it means his cousin. Well
[00:48:32] You couldn't have a cousin and not like you know
[00:48:34] You share some DNA with him you share some DNA, but let's say you're fucking black, right?
[00:48:40] Yeah, so you got your mom is black and your mom's got a brother
[00:48:44] That's black and that guy marries a fucking Italian bitch
[00:48:48] And then that kid is like fucking yeah Italian point exactly no there are talent exactly my point
[00:48:54] No, no that you're black and the kids Italian half. He's black and Italian well Italians are already half black
[00:49:01] That's true. So when it that is true. So he's just three quarters black. That just makes him a more Italian
[00:49:06] Oh interesting. Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't make it more black. You think you would think it would but it doesn't yeah
[00:49:11] It just makes it brings out the Italian is in the Italian ality
[00:49:20] Do Italians think they're not white they don't right
[00:49:23] A couple people I don't don't have some people been like well look
[00:49:32] Nancy didn't they say that? Nancy pillow cheeks. Nancy butt cheeks
[00:49:41] I fucking hope Trump starts calling him very big butt cheeks
[00:49:46] Butchy cheeks you got little little pitty butt cheeks over here
[00:49:51] And I'm not what you doing with his butt cheeks. I'm not gonna say we're not gonna say it but little pitty butt cheeks
[00:49:56] You know he got that name right and the army they called him that because that's where he hit all the WMDs
[00:50:02] I'm telling this is what I heard. This is just what I heard it go around the rack and he would shove canis as a sarin gas up his ass
[00:50:09] And he sucked them all up in there when the inspectors came by they say where the WMD
[00:50:14] We're all they we haven't seen any of them all these beautiful weapons we keep hearing about
[00:50:19] And they were all shoved up pitty butt cheeks his ass
[00:50:26] Fuck fuck Pete butt cheeks man Pete butt cheeks, dude. I love that he had a police clap moment. He did dude
[00:50:41] Fuck off you little fucking nerd. Yeah, I'm about to fight Pete butt cheeks dude Pete butt cheeks
[00:50:49] I don't care you're in the army dude. It's crazy. It's like he's you know a lot of politicians are just sort of like seething
[00:50:55] But nobody liked that guy. Oh, yeah, how angry he is
[00:50:59] It was weird because everybody said like Amy was the angry one and I guess she did physically abused staff members. Yeah, but she doesn't just blowing off some steam
[00:51:10] I don't really just reminds me of an intense old bitch
[00:51:14] Yeah, she's not when you there's when you when I worked a day job
[00:51:17] You would get those type of women constantly. Yeah middle manager ass type motherfuckers
[00:51:25] And I do think she probably abused people. Yeah, I'm sure but it wasn't but you know it it's all
[00:51:30] I think that's out in the open with Pete. It's like pretending you're your chill
[00:51:34] Chill bloke dude. How angry he is in that New York times editorial board vid. Yes is not I know
[00:51:41] He's like the idea that yeah, he's like that's bullshit. Yeah
[00:51:46] He's the guy where it's like because you know Hillary's is angry as he is for sure and it's entitled
[00:51:51] Yeah, and it's like you know mare Pete could have people killed
[00:51:55] You think if he was in that you know you make that guy president. Oh, yeah
[00:51:59] I think like a post presidency Pete Buttigieg. Oh, he's definitely having how many people how many people he's having killed concept for sure
[00:52:08] That would it would be feel cool to be able to have people killed
[00:52:10] No, it wouldn't you feel bad dude. You'd feel bad afterwards. I would feel like Michael Corleone at the baptism
[00:52:17] Because it's like you you're not in a position like mob guys can kill other mob guys because they're all in the thing
[00:52:23] Right, you know, they think of ours. They understand what the rules are beautiful rules of the mob if you're just having people that have wronged
[00:52:32] Maybe how bad have they wronged me? I don't know. I mean a lot of people wronged you
[00:52:37] Not that many the guys at the Hershey's
[00:52:39] Yeah, for not honoring my all you can eat all you can drink liquid chocolate coupon that I made myself. Yeah, sir
[00:52:48] We don't sell liquid chocolate. It was also hot. Where are you? I don't understand where this is taking place at the factory
[00:53:00] Colombia. Yeah, well, I took a little I come with to go back to Colombia. I took a little trip down under to Colombia
[00:53:06] Mm-hmm. We are going back to fucking uh, should we ever plug the australia days? No
[00:53:12] Yeah, that's true. Fuck it. Let's just go eat some fucking kangaroo. Dude. I cannot wait to go back to selectites
[00:53:18] I can't wait either. Let's go on a little Greek tour. Yeah, I want to go to Jimmy's diner
[00:53:23] People say that place is good as fuck to where's that also in Melbourne?
[00:53:32] What else is on the docket from Melbourne is that is that you're gonna be burnt?
[00:53:36] Fucked up is Australia. Where are we going right now?
[00:53:39] Nick do you know how bad it's gonna be?
[00:53:42] I'm trying to I was you reading about the audio some more. No, I was reading about Colombia
[00:53:45] I was thinking about me go go to Colombia on vacation. I should go to South America. Dude. I haven't I've never been I've never been either
[00:53:52] Yeah, I'm not that interested. I want to go to Mexico City. It seems cool. Why weren't you interested? I don't know there's a lot of history
[00:53:58] I guess that's true. Yeah, I guess I would like to go see some temples and shit. Yeah, I might do that
[00:54:05] And some fat-assed women. I wanted to here's I want to do Istanbul. I'm gonna do Rome. Okay
[00:54:17] Maybe there's somebody someplace cooler in that region of the world Istanbul and Rome
[00:54:27] Somewhere with a lot of history maybe with the kind of history throat doctor
[00:54:33] You know if you go to Istanbul and Roman you don't go to Greece. I'm gonna be pissed. Yeah
[00:54:43] It seems more important to go to Istanbul. It's why Istanbul man the two empires dude
[00:54:49] Yeah, the two the two the two capitals. We were the first empire
[00:54:53] No, Alexander. Don't forget that motherfucker. No, no, no one cares about that
[00:54:57] He he was fucking gay and he fucked yeah, he fucked guys and girls and shit
[00:55:02] Elephants he went to India for christmas. You can take a hike. I want to go to India too
[00:55:06] India seems kind of cool. Yeah, India would be fucking awesome. Yeah doing the boys
[00:55:11] No one's getting mad looking at a piece of paper and i've written stuff down in English
[00:55:15] And i'm like do you know where the bathroom is
[00:55:43] Yep, just in a fucking button down short sleeve button down. Yeah tucked into some khakis. Yeah a camera around my neck
[00:55:53] Sorry one second. Let me just look at some sorry one. Just me. Oh, do you know where that is restaurant?
[00:56:02] Did I say was that okay? Was that right? Did I say right? Yeah, you turn to your indian friend? Did I do? Was that my pronunciation? Okay? Did I say correctly?
[00:56:13] Dude fuck it so they pulled a poo from the simpsons
[00:56:16] And there's like a whole there's a bunch of twitter threads and some girl was like
[00:56:20] I bought instead of getting rid of poo. They can now have a poo voiced by a south asian actor that doesn't speak with accent and you know english
[00:56:30] He explains the homer that he was just talking that way because it's what white people wanted
[00:56:34] But he's not doing it anymore and homer is shocked at all of the unintentional harm
[00:56:42] What I know it's like wow that sounds like such a good that sounds a very funny
[00:56:47] Number one sounds very funny. That sounds like a whole plot for an entire episode. You definitely understand story structure
[00:56:59] Completely disregarding the whole point of homer as a character. Yeah, Homer. Oh, Homer shocked and understands it
[00:57:05] Yeah, that's the point of unintentional harm. Yeah, it's caused a poo. It's also. I love this
[00:57:10] What kind of sociopath is that poo? Yeah, I'm talking fake for
[00:57:14] For 40 years. I love that idea that that's what's happening in every seven white men and every seven 11 I've ever been
[00:57:23] That benglodesh you guys like it days at nine on day two plays that and then he goes home. He's like these fucking crackers
[00:57:34] And try to make an honest living and they won't they won't they refuse to buy it unless I talk like that
[00:57:42] Yeah, then her follow tweet is like i'm available if you want to hire me. I am a writer
[00:57:47] Oh, i'm sure you're a very good ass writer. That sounds
[00:57:50] But how funny would be to hire that and you know, it's like that that does work now. Yeah, no
[00:57:55] She probably has the job already. It's a fucking moron showrunner. That's like they're right. We do need more
[00:58:03] We need some more spicy voices up in here
[00:58:09] Fuck dude is poor hank is there are you gonna be okay? What are you doing? You unscrewing your microphone?
[00:58:19] I don't think that's gonna be it. I don't think if you outscrew the microphone has that sound
[00:58:23] Oh shit, that fix it. It doesn't fix it, but it you look cool. I do I look like Bob barker
[00:58:28] But it also it's coming in harsh ladies and gentlemen have fuck your cats and dogs ladies and gentlemen if your cat shows
[00:58:35] You it's pussy remember remember to fuck your cats and dogs folks
[00:58:40] Why was barker so fucking why did he give it for that much of a fuck about dogs and shit?
[00:58:45] Because you got to give a shit about something
[00:58:48] Barker probably got pussy probably fucked the models of course
[00:58:51] That's awesome. I like to think that pat puts his name pat say jack has been trying to fuck being a white for 70 years
[00:58:58] And she's just like not giving up pussy. He's like dude. She said if I put her on the show dude any day now
[00:59:04] She's gonna go my way. They got mad tv sketch for wil sasso makes a bermaid. Yeah, you may it's a bobby lee
[00:59:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah over years. They just they're an old married cop. Come on man stick to the plane
[00:59:18] Just like a little captain. Yeah. Ah, I am exhausted
[00:59:30] Great sketch dude that fucking that show was so good
[00:59:34] I know I wish I could remember what the fucking sketch was somebody
[00:59:37] Somebody I know a lot of people listen to this show
[00:59:40] If there's anybody that fucking works at like shout factory or can demand that they fucking release the entire
[00:59:46] The entire show on blue ray blue ray. Yes, you're not gonna get mad tv on blue ray. Why?
[00:59:55] People would just want dbds. Wouldn't it? What do you mean or just a download? I'm the guy telling you what I want. Okay?
[01:00:01] You're the only guy I know you don't even know what shout factory was I did I don't I still don't there we go 4k uhd
[01:00:11] You think they're gonna release a box set of all the mad tv's on blue ray if they released I would literally pay
[01:00:17] $500 you're the one guy who would I'm the one guy who would yeah, yeah
[01:00:26] But what is shout factory? They're uh, it's like a distributor
[01:00:31] They they're let's like, you know how like criteria and they they get like the best princess stuff shout factory. Yeah, they get like
[01:00:43] I would love yeah, I would love to rewatch
[01:00:46] Some of those old skates that show used to fucking like skill me. I know every week dude
[01:00:52] You know I could not wait to watch that show. Yes
[01:00:55] It's crazy how like important comedy used to be oh, yeah
[01:00:59] How like how fucking good it made you feel to why something funny you should get watch the first part of fucking mad tv
[01:01:05] Yeah, and then I would flip over to snl
[01:01:07] I know it was going to watch the end of snl
[01:01:09] Yeah, but you would like did you do first part of mad tv then switch that's I would go back and forth for the second half
[01:01:15] Yeah, I guess I would do a little bit of back and forth
[01:01:17] But I usually was like I'm not missing any of mad tv see I was not that much of a mad tv loyalist
[01:01:23] Wow really go back and forth if anything in the beginning I was more an snl guy because of Farley
[01:01:28] Because when I was a little ass kid my mom
[01:01:30] Worked at the fucking Greek restaurant and she would bring back tens of calamari
[01:01:35] If I stayed up late enough on saturday nights. Yeah, that was a reward for staying up late. Yes, it was food
[01:01:41] Was calamole so just watch Chris. It was the Farley Sandler era. Just this little like fucking overweight monster
[01:01:54] It's a bald like when build it when we find out on king of the hill to build oh tree as a son
[01:02:10] Bill your son tried to suck my penis. Well your son tried to suck my penis
[01:02:18] Oh, well, I did god damn sorry Hank. Oh damn my bills bad. That's a terrible bill. Oh dang hank
[01:02:24] I can't I can't even like picture the voice in my head. Oh, hi
[01:02:55] I live in foxy do that shit where it's like get ready for it. Hank Hill meets Homer since
[01:03:01] Yeah, and then you know me as a kid. I'll be like I gotta see this is fucking crazy
[01:03:07] In no the critic remember the critic in the Simpsons crossover. That was a good episode. That was a great app. Yeah
[01:03:16] That one made sense because they were sort of drawn the same was the same animation. Yeah, I think yeah
[01:03:22] Whereas other ones didn't really make sense. Yeah, although the Flintstones in the in the Jetsons. You remember that one
[01:03:27] Uh you watched that one. No, I never really watched the Flintstones or the Jetsons
[01:03:32] Land across over because those were all those like back in the 1960s had some banging cartoons
[01:03:37] They did and they were like on prime time. Yeah, like Flintstones were like a fucking well
[01:03:41] They didn't like Saturday morning cartoons were kind of an invention. There was no like, you know, they would put children's
[01:03:48] Yeah, I mean like animation was like for general audience. Yeah, but they the idea of like
[01:03:53] The children's programming didn't come around until much later. It's weird. There's all these things you kind of like take for granted
[01:04:00] It's yeah, I remember when I was a little kid. I thought t. R. L. Was like an institution. Yeah, it had been around since like the 30s
[01:04:06] Yeah, I thought that like I was like wow. I wonder what the and I was like shocked to find out that it was like
[01:04:11] Yeah, two years old. Yeah, the Carson. Yeah, he was always the host. Yeah, I felt like Dick Clark used to host t. R. L
[01:04:18] Yeah, like Saturday morning cartoons that the last one went off the air like 10 years ago
[01:04:22] Damn and it's weird to think that doesn't exist anymore. That is weird
[01:04:26] Yeah, which is probably good because it would be it would be
[01:04:29] Cruel and a disservice to all of the man-babies in the world if they continued playing Saturday morning cartoons
[01:04:36] Imagine all of like the 35 year old man. They're like, you know what? I'm gonna get back into watching cartoons on Saturday
[01:04:42] And it's like no you need to go have a family. Yeah, dude
[01:04:45] You should be taking your child to little league right now
[01:04:47] Right, you don't need to because you know what your kid doesn't know what Saturday cartoons anymore or the even the concept of waiting around for programming
[01:04:55] No, instead of looking at it immediately the second they ever wanted. Yeah. Yeah, and which is the way it should be
[01:05:01] Time goes on. I mean nobody did this before nobody in like fucking 1950 was like I want to get into like
[01:05:08] Walking the school, you know, or like whatever a pet rock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see what you mean the guy that's like fucking 37 years old
[01:05:14] In the third in the 60s. No, it was like I'm gonna play stick ball. Yeah, a bear handed with my friends
[01:05:21] Yeah, whatever dumb shit they did they used to do back, you know, now everyone's just an infant forever. Not me though
[01:05:30] Little babies. I'm a rich baby. Yeah, I get as much seamless as I want while I watch John Wick movies
[01:05:38] I'm a baby who gets to get his dick sucked and that's really the key by by the mailman
[01:05:43] If it's hot if he's harder. Yeah, sir. What are you doing in the nursery? Oh, I was just dropping your mail off in your son's grip
[01:06:02] I'm a gruff take a bite out of a baby's penis scruff McGruff Chicago, Illinois. I like two fuck boys. Yeah
[01:06:14] What I check what is that? Yeah, we'd have the PO box. You could write in my grub
[01:06:19] Chicago Illinois. Yeah, I think I'm a gruff Chicago Illinois. Yes. Thanks. Oh, cheers. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's coming back to me. Yep. Yep
[01:06:26] It's weird. It's just shit tucked in and I remember I would always I was like mom if we write this gruff McGruff the motherfucker will give me shit
[01:06:35] And she just never did it. Yeah, so my friends would mom's like no who cares?
[01:06:40] This bitch. He's win the award for being molested. That's what you had to write into him for, right?
[01:06:46] If you're being molested right on buddy shy sustain your penis you can win
[01:07:02] Toys R Us is gone rip. I drove by one that was just empty toys R Us is out of business. Oh, yeah
[01:07:09] No more toy stores, baby. Amazon then killed it toys R Us is gone
[01:07:16] Toys R Us. Let's lift this up. Toys R Us is fucked up open in Parramas, New Jersey Parramas
[01:07:24] Parramas Parramas, New Jersey. They are not out of business. Well, maybe you know, they're I don't know you are incorrect
[01:07:32] I think they are. Well, the one in Queens is anyway
[01:07:36] Damn I drove by one that was closed down. You know what I want to go to you know
[01:07:39] This was it called like sweet factory one of those places just as candy. Yes in the mall. Yeah, the candy store in the mall
[01:07:45] Yeah, the turners. Yeah, you just turn shit. Yes, dude. If you want your head
[01:07:50] Yeah, I'm trying to fuck with that. I want peanut brittle right now
[01:07:53] I want to go buy an auntie hands and get a sample of the caramel and fucking you know that that kind of the pretzel bites
[01:07:59] Caramel pretzel bites. Yes, sir with a dipping sauce. They get like a cinnamon
[01:08:03] Oh, yeah, cinnamon crunch dipdad and shit in the sample and be like no. Thank you. I was just trying it
[01:08:08] I'm an elegant shopper. That's right sampling the products. I'd like to I want to be I'm an informed consumer
[01:08:15] And I wanted to own my option. I feel excuse me. I have to go walk by a kiosk with sarcu Japan
[01:08:21] Walk by a kiosk or someone's like did you know you could be a model and I'm like
[01:08:25] Yes, yes, I did. Yes, but I'm afraid I don't have any time now. Yeah, I have to go after sarcu Japan
[01:08:31] What the fuck? Chinese place with orange chicken? What the fuck was that business? They were just like trying to get like to sell portraach
[01:08:37] Like packages or something. Yeah, probably but then you're trying to sell portraach like vain little kids
[01:08:43] Little girls. Yeah, they're hot, but they would say to everybody
[01:08:46] They would tell everybody that yeah, they would
[01:08:51] I remember I hate it how much they would tell me
[01:08:59] Yeah, no, I remember that for sure those guys telling me I was not
[01:09:02] No, they never were like if you think you'll be you could be a pig I could just take it. Yes
[01:09:19] And I remember the Israeli guys trying to like, you know, give you a manicure. Yeah, those role massage agents. Yeah, oh, yeah
[01:09:25] Don't live together with the Dead Sea scroll guys. Yep. They're like excuse me. Have you ever heard of the Dead Sea scrolls?
[01:09:35] God, it's just beautiful come here. The Dead Sea is filled with salt and syrup and you can tell it in develop beautiful la
[01:09:46] Yeah, I sold I was sold phones at a kiosk across
[01:09:49] from those Israeli guys in lake forest and the uh
[01:09:53] The fuck my boss would be like, why can't you be more like those guys?
[01:09:57] It's like because I'm not a gay Israeli. Yeah, I'm not gonna fucking like clap at women and make kissy faces
[01:10:06] That's not what's gonna move units either. Yeah, right. Yeah, be like come here beautiful, baby
[01:10:11] Why don't you hold this I 930? It's only 250. It makes you look so beautiful so beautiful for 450 dollars
[01:10:19] Yeah, how much does phones cost the 930? Do you remember?
[01:10:22] Yeah, phones were cheap back then and it was also like if you signed a contract
[01:10:26] It like took a day off of yeah the way it used to work
[01:10:29] So you had to sign a two-year contract that had like some giant cancellation fee
[01:10:33] Right and then they would like pro rate the cost of the phone into the bill
[01:10:36] Similar to how it works now, but they you know, they don't have con nobody has a contract anymore, right
[01:10:45] 300 bucks on like that. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't start getting up until like because those this was before smartphones
[01:10:54] The chirp chirp ass phones. Yeah, the next though
[01:10:57] I think it was the 830 was like that was like the hottest one and then the 930 came out
[01:11:01] And then that was sort of the end of next-tell
[01:11:04] But that next-tell 8 sir. I think that's the one I remember everyone had that I wanted it so bad
[01:11:09] 830 yeah, or just a chirp and just a chirp in general dude
[01:11:14] All the fucking grease that whose whose family's own diners had that yeah, and all the poor greeks had no keys. Yeah
[01:11:24] That was the shit. Oh, yeah, that's the one baby. Yeah, and you said the 930
[01:11:32] I don't remember the I'm looking at the 860
[01:11:38] No, I believe the 830 was the good shit. Yeah
[01:11:42] There's also an 870. I don't remember that one
[01:11:47] Fuck if only I could be one of those greeks
[01:11:51] Running their fucking dad shitty diner. Yeah being racist having a oh a hot
[01:11:58] 16 year old girlfriend while you're also 16
[01:12:05] Hey, I'm gay son. I'm good. I'll be doing gay shit son
[01:12:09] What's your penis what you mean you'll be doing gay shit, man? Come on stop doing that
[01:12:18] Nah, nah, nah, man. I'll be I'll be fitting to do some gay shit. You know this week, man
[01:12:27] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come on, yo, you being fucking weird, yo, no, no
[01:12:38] I'm feeling the cut look I'm on the I'm on the 56 right now. I can swing by there and suck on your motherfucking dick
[01:12:47] Yeah, I'm actually having sex on the bus myself right now. I'll be right over there. You know what I'm on. I'm on a cube
[01:12:52] And I'm getting my dick sucked on the q27. So we both on the bus yelling into our phones
[01:13:06] Yeah, those guys loved just fucking screaming. Oh, yeah, he's on the bus. Oh, yeah about just incriminating
[01:13:14] Just like I got it. No, I got I got the fucking we right now
[01:13:21] Chill though chill chill chill you making it hot
[01:13:28] You could go back. No, I'm not doing it. Actually the buses here are nice. They are nice
[01:13:32] They're much better than fucking Baltimore
[01:13:34] Yeah, the train the trains suck in New York, but the buses are fucking like buses are beautiful where it's at dude
[01:13:39] You write a Manhattan bus in the middle of when I would do that like a cross town buses in Manhattan beautiful
[01:13:44] Yeah, going going north and south on the avenues and the buses and like a snowstorm
[01:13:50] Yeah, it's the best cute as fuck. It's very cute. The buses are very warm. They blast that fucking heat
[01:13:55] There's a bus that goes right from my story to the upper east side right to a little fucking movie theater
[01:13:59] I love that dude. I'm a little little stop christmas. Mm-hmm. Well christmas. Oh, yeah christmas with the crooks christmas with christmas sandals
[01:14:08] Mm-hmm christmas with the cross well my brain is shutting down. So it was mine. Dude. I'm dying. Yeah, my body's fighting me
[01:14:14] What do you want to do you want to get a little light lunch? I could get like a soup. Yeah, you want to get ramen?
[01:14:24] They probably have something with like a nice bra. I need like a light broth
[01:14:27] Yeah, I want a french onion soup. You know what we should go to fucking cafe palette and get a french onion soup
[01:14:32] That's that's heavy brother. You know, but it's little yeah, they got like it's where's cafe palette for green. Okay. Yeah, you would do that
[01:14:41] Let me take a look at the menu. I'm down for lunch. All right. Yeah, you whip over there. I'll take a lift back. Okay perfect
[01:14:47] All right. Goodbye everyone. You can't you can't call the fuckers. It's already too late. We already went so
[01:14:53] If you're planning on trying to brush just some guy fucking
[01:15:08] Just my pants still in his ankles coming in. Can I have the french onion soup?
[01:15:15] Yeah, yeah, I was gonna I was meeting with my friend's share
[01:15:21] Well, I guess I'm late. Yeah, I'm I'm way more fun to hang out with in that fucking idiot Ian
[01:15:29] You guys ever hear Ian finance just looking around the restaurant
[01:15:33] You guys ever hear of you want something sir. Yes, sir
[01:15:36] Sir, do you want something? Are you okay? Your pants are down and everyone can see your penis
[01:15:42] Is he in here? Can I see you can I see you?
[01:16:00] I could probably do whatever we'll figure out. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, I got some ramen
[01:16:08] Boys girls not allowed to listen. No, yeah, come to this rose dates. We'll see you later. Oh, yeah
[01:16:13] Yeah girls can definitely come to the road dates girls can come no girls at the shows boys at home listening
[01:16:18] Yeah, that's what we like that is boys at home listening getting the secret messages send your girlfriends out to the show
[01:16:27] So they can they can come home and tell you how badly they didn't want to fuck us
[01:16:32] And that they didn't yeah and they care they came back to the hotel to laugh at us to tell you later
[01:16:36] Such a funny story about how they came back