Cum Town | Regular | 03/25/2020
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to come town remote try number one.
[00:00:07] The vibes were good and then we had some technical difficulties.
[00:00:09] Yeah. And now I'm just I'm I'm apprehensive because it feels like this is going to.
[00:00:15] It's just going to it's just going to fuck up.
[00:00:17] Luckily that was that was four minutes in.
[00:00:19] What happens when it's fucking it's like the 23 minute mark.
[00:00:24] Oh 23 minute mark 23 minute mark we use that we pause.
[00:00:27] You pause but then it's like who's going to go and clean up all that video and fucking on.
[00:00:33] There are a lot of nerds out of work right now.
[00:00:45] I'm trying to get pussy through a hazmat suit, dude.
[00:00:49] Isn't that kind of already with a foreskin?
[00:01:06] So anyway, we're here guys and you can there's also video probably on Patreon.
[00:01:11] You're not getting the you're not getting to see my fucking shoulders for free.
[00:01:18] Nick is in beautiful his bunker with the owls and Adam is.
[00:01:29] We should just we should save the we should put the free about my DNA that's been
[00:01:37] You put the free up put the free episode video just on YouTube and then the
[00:01:41] pre because there's no reason to double up and then just have video from the
[00:01:47] Adrian, why don't why should they get us?
[00:01:50] Yeah, I mean, it's it costs money to look at us, man.
[00:01:53] Either you don't either you don't put the video at all up or you've just put
[00:01:59] the regular one on YouTube and then the premium one because we had to do video
[00:02:06] I mean, we're going to have to just think and only fan the only fans lifestyle.
[00:02:10] I'm just the way I'm going to use my books the way I'm going to look at finances
[00:02:15] through the cam girls that though I don't subscribe to I will look at when they
[00:02:19] post an occasional picture of their titties on to Twitter.
[00:02:22] I will, you know, jack off to well, not fully jack off, but I'll use it as an
[00:02:31] We all have love and love lenses in our asses right now.
[00:02:34] So every time you tip, it's going to buzz for the ring.
[00:02:48] Where do you go? Thank you fucking Lando shot first.
[00:02:59] You have to go in the back of a lead scrap.
[00:03:01] There's a bunch of things you put in your ass.
[00:03:04] I'm going to love ends crafters to get a prescription dildo for my ass.
[00:03:12] I have to get prescription dildos for my ass because and I have to go to love
[00:03:16] ends crafters because I'm poor and I've got a special ass.
[00:03:22] And they're the ones that take Medicaid.
[00:03:26] Can you imagine the government paying for that?
[00:03:35] You get a you get a fucking mold of your ass and the dildo doesn't even hurt at all.
[00:03:41] It doesn't feel like anyone's fucking in the ass, but it tickles your prostate.
[00:03:48] Would you the question is, would you put a dildo in your ass?
[00:03:56] That's genetically, genetically fucking, you know, designed to not even feel like you're
[00:04:03] It just feels awesome when you only feel it on your prostate and you just bust hard.
[00:04:09] But it's would you and then there has to be some sort of
[00:04:12] like compensation or yeah, I'm saying, would you put a dildo?
[00:04:19] But it's a really special crafted for you, dildo that doesn't.
[00:04:25] I feel like we're getting dumber in this quarantine.
[00:04:27] No, I feel like I'm dumb as I feel like that was a great question.
[00:04:31] I should really fucking bat around a little bit.
[00:04:36] I'm just like just so on edge that this shit's going to stop working.
[00:04:42] I'm trying to relax and not worry about it, but it's fucking it's I'm livid.
[00:04:48] We were having a great before all the tests.
[00:04:56] I guess there's probably some DRM thing that prevents it from from working.
[00:05:05] You know, maybe they heard maybe they heard the fucking what were you playing?
[00:05:25] They just told I watched war the roses the other night.
[00:05:29] That's Michael Douglas and another different Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.
[00:05:37] We're Danny DeVito explains to Homer Simpson of all people.
[00:05:56] I used to watch it as a kid and I always thought it was like, I mean, you know,
[00:06:01] And I didn't really you you watch it as an adult.
[00:06:04] It's really sort of just about how Michael Douglas is like a shitty,
[00:06:12] He's like, I can't wait to make partner, which I didn't put it together
[00:06:16] until the end of the movie that he was talking about a law firm.
[00:06:18] I thought he meant partner in like a relationship with a man.
[00:06:23] How come lawyers are always trying to become partners?
[00:06:26] They're like, I don't want to be a husband anymore.
[00:06:29] If my options are partner or husband, I'm choosing partner.
[00:06:41] I can have sex with a man once I can make love to to Levine.
[00:06:48] And what is the next thing in Stern Berkowitz, honey?
[00:06:55] I'm trying to make love to Levine in the living room, please.
[00:07:05] Yes, we were in Paris and, you know, Michael, of course, wanted to have gay sex.
[00:07:14] The theater is the theater I went into.
[00:07:22] She knows you never understand the pleasure of having a dildo, especially
[00:07:28] No, that's not what this character would like because these dildos are for
[00:07:33] That's the exact whole point of these dildos.
[00:07:40] Because it's especially made to not be gay.
[00:07:46] First of all, it's not even gay to put a dildo in your ass.
[00:07:48] A store that in the post apocalyptic world, I'm opening a store that
[00:07:52] specifically sells knives used to threaten women.
[00:08:09] I just got like my Vietnam veteran vest on.
[00:08:17] So, Adam, you're just going to stay in Vegas while it turns into a
[00:08:26] No, I mean, like, I mean, I mean, like permanently.
[00:08:30] I mean, no, because I have a dog and a responsible somebody's going to eat that
[00:08:37] That dog is going to be slurped up by the Chinese before you.
[00:08:41] Even got a chance out of New York, dude.
[00:08:44] The dog save for the me and that dog is that dog is living life right now.
[00:08:51] All these like rich people are already going upstate and like infecting all
[00:08:55] like the, the upstate New Yorkers who are just like impoverished rednecks.
[00:09:02] Although like Westchester before the city.
[00:09:08] Got a bad people are going up to like fucking Albany and shit.
[00:09:12] Dude, I never got to see the state house in Albany.
[00:09:17] You said that you've said that a couple of times.
[00:09:22] We'll go someday one day when this is all over South.
[00:09:36] It sucks because because I feel like I've been living like this already for years.
[00:09:45] And then this happens now is the time, dude.
[00:09:50] I've been taking walks outside, but just fucking dodging whoever I see.
[00:09:59] And, uh, but other than that, I think it's like I've been getting mad at Ian
[00:10:04] because Ian's like posting all these videos of him riding his bike around,
[00:10:09] There's no one going around touching everything.
[00:10:12] You know, it's like what you mean like you.
[00:10:17] And then, and then while he's like, don't you think it's important to document this stuff?
[00:10:25] Documentary and he invited who's posting them literally as disappearing Instagram
[00:10:37] He's chosen the one way where it's not.
[00:10:40] You cannot document the right definition.
[00:10:42] He's like, someone's got to go around on their bike listening to the Ramones,
[00:10:54] No, he's like posting of he's like, he's taking a picture of like some couples
[00:10:58] making out next to the Williamsburg Bridge last night.
[00:11:02] I was like, tell them to go home and he was like, you know, he let you be like
[00:11:07] Kind of jokingly, but I texted him the other day because he's posting these
[00:11:11] videos. There's no reason for him to be out of the apartment.
[00:11:14] Stay indoors unless like take a walk around your fucking block.
[00:11:18] If there's nobody out, but don't take fucking cardio that spans the city.
[00:11:24] It shouldn't be fucking going across the bridge.
[00:11:31] I mean, I like, I don't do whatever the fuck you want, but the more you do that
[00:11:35] shit and the more everybody does that shit, eventually this isn't going to be a
[00:11:41] We're about to have the Trump will play their fucking oozies fucking keeping
[00:11:47] I mean, it's like, you know, in like Italy and like some of those places, it's
[00:11:51] like a fucking automatic $200 fine if you're anywhere outside of like 200 meters
[00:11:57] In South Korea, where they've like kept it down, I mean, they're doing like, they
[00:12:02] have, you know, like this, this spy apparatus on the fucking civilian population
[00:12:07] anyways, where so they track like anybody that tests positive, they'll like just go
[00:12:13] through their cell phone, like geo data and their fucking bank statements to figure
[00:12:19] And then all of those people are automatically quarantine, like anybody
[00:12:24] And then if you violate quarantine and they'll check your, they look at your
[00:12:28] phone, they like, you know, track your phone to see if you've left home.
[00:12:32] And if you do, then it's a fucking like $8,000 fine.
[00:12:41] You got to leave your phone at home if you're trying to go get, have fun.
[00:12:46] It's like, you know, because the flip side is it's like, you know, let's say
[00:12:49] you're a Korean police officer and you're like, is that that guy that's
[00:12:55] And you're like, no, that could just be me.
[00:13:00] I guess that's that might just be my reflection.
[00:13:06] If I was a Korean guy, now it's trying to break quarantine, I would walk right up
[00:13:10] to a police officer and just you just mimic his, whatever he's doing.
[00:13:25] The police officers, you know, if you want to break quarantine, you have to have a
[00:13:31] No, not even because he's like, he'll just think he's like, I thought I was
[00:13:34] wearing a cop's uniform, but I mean, that's me.
[00:13:39] I'm looking at my reflection right now.
[00:13:49] Do you see in in China, the cops have in China, the cops have like a robo cop visor
[00:13:55] that reads people if they have temperatures, four or five meters.
[00:14:05] Well, they already used that technology to do, you know, they already had that.
[00:14:09] I mean, that's how they came up with that to tell each other apart years ago.
[00:14:19] They got tired of playing the is that me game.
[00:14:26] I mean, it's like, who knows which direction any this is going, but it's like,
[00:14:32] And it's like, what do they do to beat it?
[00:14:34] It just stops suddenly once they expelled all the Western journalists.
[00:14:38] Somehow the virus there had been no new cases since the day they kicked all
[00:14:44] of the Western journalists out of the country.
[00:14:47] Didn't they fucking don't they have everyone on fucking lockdown for real over there?
[00:14:51] They, well, yeah, they started doing that.
[00:14:54] I mean, like fucking like chaining people into their apartments and stuff,
[00:14:58] which, you know, it's going to be great when that happens to Ian.
[00:15:03] I would love to see a cop just smash Ian's bicycle.
[00:15:14] You know, just take a baseball bat to the spokes.
[00:15:35] But I mean, there, possibly there won't be the cops anymore.
[00:15:38] And they'll have to bring in the fucking National Guard or something.
[00:15:40] New York's going to be a fucking war zone.
[00:15:42] Good thing you're there in your, your cute little library.
[00:15:47] I used to do my homework in high school.
[00:15:51] Because I'm the, because I'm in control of the chat, I can zoom in.
[00:15:59] So, so your baby has the smallest dick.
[00:16:12] Don't even don't even don't even act like you're like, Oh, why had to move back in with my
[00:16:26] You're one of the only people with the jobs.
[00:16:29] It's we weren't even supposed to have jobs like before this happened.
[00:16:38] We're going to be the richest people in America.
[00:16:43] I mean, this might be this might be the final wake up call for people to stop funding this.
[00:16:50] I mean, it's unless we had a good run, dude.
[00:16:54] The government collapses and this takes us over as public radio.
[00:17:15] You're just hearing it from the headphones.
[00:17:54] Yeah, because the beef is loud as shit.
[00:18:11] And with now, it's like I don't have to worry about it.
[00:18:15] I'm like, well, what is everybody doing outside?
[00:18:17] No, I know that that's not, they're not doing anything.
[00:18:21] There's no, ain't no fucking FOMO, brother.
[00:18:49] I'm not, I'm not getting in on your game.
[00:18:53] If it was your idea, you would have done it or stops.
[00:18:55] No, it seems, honestly, it seems kind of like a Brandon Wardell idea.
[00:19:00] No, because we did it with Brandon Wardell six years ago on Google Hangouts.
[00:19:03] It seems like, and it was, I don't think it was his idea.
[00:19:07] Wait, did you see that lady, did you see that lady on Twitter that did a thread about Brandon
[00:19:15] Like, this is what he was in 2017, millennial pink theme.
[00:19:19] This is what he was in 2018, a cow giving birth.
[00:19:24] Like, he's spreading disinformation about the president or about the Democratic candidate
[00:19:28] for president in the middle of a pandemic.
[00:19:32] Yeah, and it should, uh, branches try to smash.
[00:19:39] Damn, we can talk so much shit now that we're quarantined.
[00:19:42] Yeah, what is anybody going to do, dude?
[00:19:52] No, man, don't, don't put her on the camera.
[00:20:06] What do you mean, they see her for one second?
[00:20:15] Yeah, that's literally they're going to jack off.
[00:20:18] You know how horny, I mean, I'm literally I'm beating off.
[00:20:29] If you guys got married, I've said this to solve before and we became real brothers.
[00:20:45] Maybe the beat is doing that because it's it's it's that still there it is.
[00:20:52] It's probably it's probably clipping and that's why it was silent.
[00:21:14] Even though it kind of interrupted for a second.
[00:21:23] No, they ask me questions and I tell them I'm gay.
[00:21:33] He says, what do you what do you symptoms?
[00:21:35] I say, I don't know why you ask me this.
[00:21:37] Yeah, I was like, he's like, more you're here.
[00:21:41] More you're here every 35 minutes for the last 15 years.
[00:21:52] I've really received 93% of the tests that are available.
[00:22:08] He drank some he drank fish tank cleaner, which was something completely different.
[00:22:13] And the lib media is like, look what he's done.
[00:22:19] What has happened though is there's a run on that fucking medicine, which like people
[00:22:24] And now with people with lupus are like, great.
[00:22:29] Yeah, I guess we'll just die from lupus now because we're immunocompromised to begin
[00:22:35] What the hell is I'm probably going to die.
[00:22:41] It's they got a medicine just for Obama's fucking bitch daughter.
[00:22:46] They're giving fucking malaria her own fucking medicine.
[00:22:52] Malaria, Obama, it has her own medicine that we the government has to make special for
[00:22:58] her while regular folks and you're going to tell me about Wall Street.
[00:23:04] You're going to tell me about Obama Street Wall Street.
[00:23:07] Once again, the Democrats have proven themselves to be the party of moral fuckitude.
[00:23:14] Moral go fuck the dude, your selfishness.
[00:23:24] Uh yeah, that would be from day processes.
[00:23:28] Yeah, if Obama died of AIDS during the break because he couldn't get.
[00:23:36] Obama straight up had coronavirus last week.
[00:23:39] Obama can't get his AIDS medicine because of the crisis or whatever.
[00:23:43] He just, he's very visibly dying of AIDS.
[00:23:48] Just a gaunt Obama speaking at the fucking Democratic teleconference national convention
[00:24:08] Fucking Prince Charles got Corona, bro.
[00:24:13] I guess Camilla Parker Bulls must had Corona in her pussy.
[00:24:20] I don't know anything about the royal family.
[00:24:22] Well, this is kind of my parents are royalists.
[00:24:28] They're all gossiping like they're friends of theirs.
[00:24:32] How do your parents, how do your parents feel that you have to go into your little bedroom
[00:24:38] Well, right now I'm the only person with a job.
[00:24:52] God, it would, it would suck to have to be around family right now.
[00:25:01] They're like, are you going to go be with family?
[00:25:03] Are you like, are you out of your fucking mind?
[00:25:07] They're like, yeah, what if it turns into escape from New York and somebody cuts your
[00:25:11] organs out with a machete and fucks them in front of you?
[00:25:18] Then having that, having to hear even more about how Ford versus Ferrari is even better
[00:25:36] My mom's been calling me every 35 minutes.
[00:25:40] She'd be like, how is everything good today?
[00:25:43] My mom, my mom, my mom, my mom, the fourth form call.
[00:25:48] My mom will check in like once a week and a half, which is, yeah, which is a good amount.
[00:25:53] And then even, but even with that frequency, I'm still like, I'm fine.
[00:26:00] If something bad happens, you will receive a wire, a telegram.
[00:26:05] I've already arranged for the bad news to come.
[00:26:08] So don't go, don't come around here looking for bad news.
[00:26:14] You'll get a singing telegram if I can affect it.
[00:26:18] It's like, you know how when somebody dies in the military.
[00:26:22] Like a car, like a fucking like 1994 Ford Taurus pulls up with like a call of duty bumper sticker
[00:26:32] And some guy gets out and then he's like just like tucking his like just his fucking like
[00:26:37] his promotional like sonic the hedgehog t-shirt from Game Style, like a midnight release promotional
[00:26:44] t-shirt into his sweatpants and like walking up to the door with just the recording equipment.
[00:27:02] Oh, oh, oh, oh, you're you meant don't say it like like the expression or whatever.
[00:27:15] What happens to me, my family's going to get some guys show up and just give them a full
[00:27:24] In a triangle, they're going to fold the puma.
[00:27:30] Yeah, it's a cow zone just folded a pizza.
[00:27:43] When you when you die in this, you can't be you have to live stream your funeral.
[00:27:52] Stop and I see you taking the ventilator out to put it on his dick and make his dick
[00:27:59] But look how cool my dick is when I do that.
[00:28:08] Just putting the tip of my foreskin on it like it's a man.
[00:28:35] I'm so glad that everyone said I look like a retard for growing out a retard beard.
[00:28:41] Although won't you get the virus easier?
[00:28:44] But then they say that you should shave.
[00:28:50] I literally get to die of a chronic lung infection like Arthur.
[00:28:57] Everything revolves around my childish fantasies.
[00:29:03] You're just fucking trolling the streets of New York trying to find a silver beaver.
[00:29:16] These people are like, we're doing an Instagram live show.
[00:29:31] I wish stand-up existed too, but it doesn't.
[00:29:40] It's like people are like, oh, is it hard to be in quarantine alone?
[00:29:43] It's like probably if I wasn't a comedian, if you felt compelled to make comedy couple
[00:29:48] content, the second worst fate only after having to spend time with your family.
[00:29:57] Because you don't get to get sucked off by your family.
[00:30:00] I'm telling you, I am the biggest victim in this crisis.
[00:30:14] I'm going to make a loan in his apartment.
[00:30:20] I can hit handstand push-ups again, the freestanding ones.
[00:30:27] I've been teaching myself how to read again.
[00:30:42] So we've got to talk about another medicine that Trump forgot to mention that is secure
[00:30:51] It's a little medicine called Blue Chew.
[00:30:53] And a lot of people don't know about this, but Blue Chew is 100% FDA guaranteed to stop
[00:31:06] You want to face this thing with a limp dick?
[00:31:12] I know this is a comedy show, but the Blue Chew, which is generic Viagra and Cialis, and
[00:31:26] There's something special in the packaging.
[00:31:38] The infected corona blood is all over your system.
[00:31:42] You take a Blue Chew, it all comes to your cock, and then you put leeches on your cock.
[00:31:59] Blue Chew, if you don't know, is a, okay, here we go.
[00:32:03] The last couple of reads have gotten mad at me because I said something wrong.
[00:32:09] Well, they probably won't this time where we say it's going to cure the disease that's
[00:32:14] Yeah, it is a pharmaceutical and we're making accurate claims about what it does.
[00:32:18] Just as we have in pretty much every, pretty much done for them.
[00:32:27] Why I was getting in trouble is because I said something about it working faster or
[00:32:33] Which, well, no, I remember it's, it may work faster if you chew it.
[00:32:37] Well, they're chewables can work faster.
[00:32:44] I mean, I was getting, I got into like a back and forth to his them, which was kind of
[00:32:46] like a Mr. Burns fucking shavier sideburns.
[00:32:50] Who's he telling the fucking shave his sideburns that whole?
[00:32:54] Remember the, the, where they have the softball team.
[00:33:09] No, it's, it's, it's he used to play for the Orioles.
[00:33:14] It's wait, no, no, no, the first base on it is on by in that episode is Ken Griffey, Jr.
[00:33:20] Darryl Strawberry, Jose, Canseco, I think.
[00:33:39] And they, they, I get into a thing with them where they're like, you got to stop saying
[00:33:41] that it works, you know, twice as fast as Viagra and Seattle.
[00:33:53] Anyways, if you like sex, you'll love bluechoo.com.
[00:33:58] That's what, now, because you know what, they want to be sticklers about me saying exactly
[00:34:05] If you like sex, you'll love bluechoo.com.
[00:34:10] Because they show people fucking on the website.
[00:34:13] I've literally never loved the website in my life.
[00:34:16] What kind of fucking if you, if you love a website, you're not fucking about that.
[00:34:22] This is literally fucking impossible statement that applies to no one.
[00:34:25] If you like sex, you'll love bluechoo.com.
[00:34:28] Like some psycho that just like, I just love design.
[00:34:33] Some fucking French pedophiles literally loves sex.
[00:34:41] Anyways, bluechoo.com offers men and performance enhancement for the bedroom, which means it
[00:34:48] They give you the first chewables with the same active ingredients as virus.
[00:35:00] So, so, then a Phil is for Italians and the Tada la Phil is for gay guys.
[00:35:09] Bluechoo affiliated physicians can work with you to find the dosage and active ingredient
[00:35:20] You had like a, you froze on a very chef boy R.D. kind of look on my screen.
[00:35:28] So it's cheaper than going to the doctor.
[00:35:33] I didn't have to do any kind of fucking thing.
[00:35:42] We've talked about that because you're dick.
[00:35:43] They were afraid your dick was too small to get hard.
[00:35:46] She made me turn around and then spread my ass.
[00:35:52] So they asked me to take a look at your chart.
[00:36:00] A lot of the, a lot of the doctors have been called into service here in the New York
[00:36:06] So you, just now it's, they just give you the pills.
[00:36:11] Might as well, might as well just prescribe them.
[00:36:17] No in person doctor visit no awkward conversation, no waiting in line of pharmacy.
[00:36:21] They ship directly to your door and discrete packaging.
[00:36:24] The chewables from bluetooth.com are made in the USA and it gives you confidence in
[00:36:29] bed every time you and your partner will love it.
[00:36:33] Visit bluetooth.com and get your first order free when you use promo code COMTOWN.
[00:36:38] That's bluetooth.com promo code COMTOWN.
[00:36:41] Obviously there's probably some kind of exception with shipping or something now because of,
[00:36:48] but I'm sure that information's on the website.
[00:36:52] If you love sex, you'll love looking at their website.
[00:36:56] But if you don't like sex, you're going to be like, fuck this website.
[00:37:00] If you love sex, you'll love the options on the phone calling you love a drop down menu.
[00:37:09] If you love sex, you'll love scrolling through beautiful all of the endless scroll because
[00:37:18] Our cast games, the serifs that they have.
[00:37:28] That's the kind of writing that had medieval times when they have the sweet.
[00:37:31] It's when letters have like, like, we'll flag the arm and shit.
[00:37:36] You know, at times new Roman, that's a serif font.
[00:37:49] They came up with that and they came up with math.
[00:37:58] Algebra is Muslim and then calculus is the English.
[00:38:05] That's the only thing that they can take right.
[00:38:07] Because we had to figure out which shapes would fit in our ass.
[00:38:14] Well, Greek math is all about making your dick seem bigger through measurements through
[00:38:19] So they're like, uh, no, you have the cosign.
[00:38:23] You should see the cosign of my dick, bitch.
[00:38:28] It's not that big, but you should see the book.
[00:38:36] My, the expert, my dick is exponentially beautiful.
[00:38:42] Um, it's actually Greek independent state of day, boys.
[00:38:50] This is the day where we fucked the Turks in the ass.
[00:38:52] March 25th, 1821, suck my fucking dick the Ottoman Empire.
[00:38:58] Has a feel salting pull up, pull up out of Turk.
[00:39:02] At, at any Turkish motherfucker that's listening right now, if you want to fucking go again,
[00:39:07] you want to fucking feel what it felt like when we came through with our little fucking,
[00:39:11] we had little dresses on me, had little pointy shoes with little fucking, uh, little fucking
[00:39:17] And we still fucked you in the ass, dude.
[00:39:19] We took our country back after a mere, you know, like 400 years of, uh, Ottoman rule.
[00:39:28] So and they, I don't know, they probably fucked us.
[00:39:30] They probably did not treat us too nicely if I had to guess.
[00:39:33] I have to do a little more reading on the whole situation, but I still, I still, I still
[00:39:38] will say today is the day we got them back and that we fucked them.
[00:39:42] And if that's right, we talking about degree Holocaust and the 20th.
[00:39:46] There's, there's, there's some journeys.
[00:39:57] The, uh, there was some journalist on fucking, uh, Twitter that was like talking about the
[00:40:04] And they're like, this is the potential to affect blah, blah, blah, blah.
[00:40:12] Using the Holocaust, but specifically the number six million.
[00:40:18] I measure a lot of things in six million.
[00:40:21] It is, it is fucking impossible for them to not make everything about themselves.
[00:40:38] And you're just going a little, you're next time you got to go, you got to get into fucking
[00:40:45] land Adam, cause you're getting a little choppy brother.
[00:40:48] I'm going to do that next time is, is you guys are frozen for me, but I can see myself.
[00:40:52] I think your internet is dragging the whole, although Nick, what are you doing?
[00:40:59] I'm hardwired and I've got like, uh, I mean, my internet connection is pretty fast and my
[00:41:04] either look a commercial router, but it's not like, you know, I have no idea.
[00:41:10] I mean, optimum shit could be fucked up.
[00:41:13] But I get like an airport or something for upstairs.
[00:41:15] They don't need to just be wired in, bro.
[00:41:19] They don't, they don't make the airport anymore.
[00:41:24] They stop making Apple does not make routers.
[00:41:27] They haven't been routers since like 2018, maybe.
[00:41:31] I'm sorry for paying genius bar over here.
[00:41:52] They call me, they call me the, they call me the penis because I call me, they call me
[00:41:58] the penis because the way I fuck this intelligence.
[00:42:17] I just saw that shit you posted on Instagram stuff.
[00:42:29] You're your boyfriend's just like a genie.
[00:42:31] How mad are you that you can't wear clothes like that anymore?
[00:42:45] You don't even fucking understand how bad I want that dude.
[00:42:50] We're not seeing each other for another fucking nine months.
[00:42:57] I'm going to get a fucking really expensive toupee after this shit and it just tell people
[00:43:05] Yeah, you should get a black ladies wig.
[00:43:13] I ain't fit in a Duno-moan damn quarantine.
[00:43:22] It's like, you know, like that Sims is episode with Owen Hunger.
[00:43:34] I would rather be an old black lady than a criminal.
[00:43:39] I would be very, I would be more caring, more loving.
[00:43:42] It's going to be, it's going to be funny if we are, if it does, if this gets like worst
[00:43:46] case scenario and we're living in like some fucking like just absolute hellhole, if there's
[00:43:51] people still trying to complain about like pronouns or whatever after this.
[00:43:57] They'll try and find and then you're just, you'll cut their head off.
[00:44:00] Those are the people you know you can rob.
[00:44:03] That's how you can figure out, you cut their head off and use their bones as fuel.
[00:44:07] I can't wait for Mad Max shit to start.
[00:44:12] Yeah, you ask someone what their pronouns are and if they have a risk, if they are about
[00:44:14] to say a response, they're really thinking about it.
[00:44:25] I hope I'm going to be pissed if the world ends.
[00:44:34] Trump guessed with the Madison and then he's right.
[00:44:40] He's like, look, I'm fucking Facebook rumor.
[00:44:45] You just, you just, you just try it out.
[00:44:47] You know, I mean, it can't be worse than the virus itself.
[00:44:49] Yeah, the cure can't be worse than the fucking disease.
[00:44:53] That's some good as some good ass logic right there.
[00:44:57] I love that America's going to be open for business in two weeks.
[00:45:01] He's still just, he's still, he's still riffing.
[00:45:04] Was that, he's still just riffing left and right?
[00:45:16] Dude, every fucking, every red state governor is like, don't, listen, we're not gay.
[00:45:31] Well, it's probably like, you know, it's like they didn't fucking, if they never detected
[00:45:35] the virus at all, it's like, would it be any worse than just the fucking bad flu season?
[00:45:39] Like, if they had no way to discover the virus.
[00:45:44] I think that's what everybody's saying.
[00:45:45] I think that the death rate would be higher than just being.
[00:45:48] Well, I mean, it hasn't surpassed the flu.
[00:45:50] Well, not yet, but in a couple of weeks, we're about to find out right now.
[00:45:55] And globally, the number is like relatively pretty small in terms of that.
[00:46:01] But there's like a, you could take a flu shot.
[00:46:04] I'm saying, if they never fucking like, if there was no, if they never, there's no who,
[00:46:08] there's no fucking like doctors studying any of this shit.
[00:46:19] If no one found out everyone at Skankfest would have died.
[00:46:23] Skankfest would have, yeah, Skankfest would have.
[00:46:27] Everybody at, everybody at Skankfest would have died, but it would have been like, is
[00:46:31] this a disease or is it from one of the companies that's sponsoring the festival?
[00:46:40] It would be another instance of like, you know, Lewis making his own lube in a basement
[00:46:46] You know, he's like, yeah, you know, I mean, sometimes you mess up.
[00:46:54] That's just part of being a businessman.
[00:46:56] Everyone gets black lung from his fucking, his fucking vape.
[00:47:01] When I leave from amico vapes, when I leave amico vapes to James, when I leave my company
[00:47:07] amico lube to James, it's made from blubber suctioned out of Zach amico's love handles.
[00:47:19] We have THC infused fucking ass cheek fat from Zach amico.
[00:47:28] Who do you, what comments do you think are dead for sure?
[00:47:41] I think I probably would die if I get it.
[00:47:48] You're careful with that takeout though.
[00:47:52] You probably already, you probably already had it.
[00:47:55] I mean, it's looking like everybody has either already had this fucking thing or they're
[00:47:59] like, I mean, it's like, I got sick in February and it was like weird.
[00:48:04] I thought it was like, I would have to go to a job.
[00:48:06] But you're throwing up and isn't throwing up not?
[00:48:10] There's like a loss of like taste and smell.
[00:48:16] And I was like, I guess it was the flu.
[00:48:18] What was the sickest I've ever seen a person in this apartment for like a week and a half?
[00:48:24] And he had all the say, all the flu shit like, and I was scared to get it because I was
[00:48:28] about to go, I thought I was going to go on the road.
[00:48:30] I mean, I was about to go on the road for a month.
[00:48:34] And it literally was, I think he just had Corona, bro.
[00:48:39] I mean, probably it's already like, because like when they discovered the shit in Wuhan
[00:48:43] in like December, in between December and January is like fucking like 40,000 people
[00:48:50] I mean, it was like an insane amount of like Jesus Christ really.
[00:48:54] No, I mean, people were just fucking leaving Wuhan and this shit's fucking highly contagious.
[00:49:00] And it's like, yeah, I mean, that's what I mean.
[00:49:02] And then if you consider that everyone fucking has it, it's like the mortality rate is really
[00:49:07] not that fucking high at all, even the hospitalization rate.
[00:49:10] So I mean, but isn't that, isn't that, aren't they saying that it's about to happen though?
[00:49:16] Aren't they saying that shit's about to hit the fence?
[00:49:21] I mean, it's, I guess it's like hospitals being overwhelmed, but you have to consider
[00:49:25] to that there's like a public health crisis.
[00:49:27] You have probably a lot more people are like, I have to go to the doctor.
[00:49:32] You know, and it's also like quarantining everybody and treating it like it's this huge
[00:49:39] Yeah, I have no fucking idea, but it's like it's probably sitting somewhere in between
[00:49:47] And then also there's an overreaction to it that's making it much worse and like almost
[00:49:51] no, but nobody's worried until I heard this.
[00:49:54] And they say 12 Holocaust and then I was like, God forbid.
[00:50:00] The upper east upper West side are going to be wiped out.
[00:50:13] I was forget when you multiply by zero, whether that makes it infinity or.
[00:50:22] No, no, no, it's not 12 times zero because they did kill some gypsies and gay people.
[00:50:26] Oh, well, no, no, no, no, it's 11 million with the gypsies.
[00:50:29] Honestly, it's like, because I don't, I truly don't believe there's such a thing as a Holocaust
[00:50:38] I don't think there's a single person in the world that actually believes that the Holocaust
[00:50:47] I just, I fucking refuse to accept that there's anybody that could possibly actually think
[00:50:55] How fucking funny would it be if the Jews did make that up?
[00:51:08] It's going to be the hardest thing that we ever did, but we got to convince everybody
[00:51:16] Remember when World War II, everybody was busy during the war.
[00:51:24] So those of us that couldn't disguise themselves as ladies to play in that softball league,
[00:51:37] We decided to do a little trick, Arunni.
[00:51:40] Because we wanted a little piece of the Middle East.
[00:51:45] We had, we got our own country and we picked, we picked, we picked, we picked, and look,
[00:51:52] They're supposed to be good at real estate and they picked the worst location in the
[00:51:58] The worst one, oh sure, they were given it.
[00:52:24] basis to tell Jewish people to go back to Africa.
[00:52:32] Yeah, we're, we're, you know, we're back in Babylon right now.
[00:52:47] Northern Ireland should be turned into Israel.
[00:52:53] I mean it, I'm really, I think that's the answer.
[00:53:01] Now that it's not kids with kites, let's see how you guys do with fucking makes with
[00:53:10] Who do you think comes down on top of that one, Adam?
[00:53:12] Well, it's a classic me versus Nick situation.
[00:53:15] And as you know, Nick's won a lot of battles, but no, I'm playing the long game for the
[00:53:25] There's like all these like offshoot IRAs that are still like shooting police officers
[00:53:32] We're people saying that because Boris Johnson won the troubles we're going to start up
[00:53:37] I don't know what I don't really pay attention to that shit, but it is.
[00:53:40] That's so British to call like the wave of bombings and terrorism, the troubles.
[00:53:51] I mean, there was like there was violence on both sides from like paramilitary groups.
[00:53:55] There was also like loyalist like guy there were like who were aligned with the military.
[00:54:04] They're like, they're like, we're going to blow up shit too.
[00:54:08] Also, we don't, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:54:16] I mean, who can you sucking your own dick?
[00:54:34] I just got, I got tip a couple of times.
[00:54:36] No, you didn't in a self-suck situation.
[00:54:42] It felt well, it tasted it was a, you didn't feel it as much in the, as in the mouth and
[00:54:49] It felt more like there was a dick in my mouth than there was a mouth on my dick.
[00:54:56] I think I hadn't shot it, but I was so excited.
[00:55:03] Did you ever come in your own mouth, Adam?
[00:55:12] Adam, did you ever, did you ever come in your own mouth?
[00:55:29] Have you ever had, another question, Adam, have you ever had sex with a woman?
[00:55:41] How are you guys going to disrespect me in my library?
[00:55:45] What are, what are, what are all those books doing in there anyways?
[00:55:50] They're like books from when I was a kid.
[00:55:52] Oh, that's your, this is your childhood room.
[00:55:58] That's your, that bedroom, that bedroom behind me was my bedroom.
[00:56:03] Look at my sister's fucking daddy warbucks over here.
[00:56:23] I think I had a very similar one to that.
[00:56:31] You have a big mirror to look at yourself in.
[00:56:34] Well, before we bought this house, there was a lesbian in the Air Force that used to do.
[00:56:38] This was, she did a martial arts sword fighting.
[00:56:54] How many times do we're fucking that house?
[00:56:55] As a kid zero, as an adult, you know, a few times.
[00:57:00] My parents waited until I was 18 to molest.
[00:57:06] No way the child can decide for themselves when they do it.
[00:57:10] It's kind of like a rite of passage of story.
[00:57:17] Well, thanks for getting your molestiboy after his bar mitzvah in the Jewish faith.
[00:57:20] In the Jewish faith, you just have to wait a little bit.
[00:57:25] Then you have a bar mitzvah and then you have a bar mitzvah and then you have a bar mitzvah.
[00:57:36] They pick the ones and then the rabbis have a draft for who they get to fuck.
[00:57:43] And with the first pick in the molestation, David Goldstein.
[00:57:51] A kid who looked toilets as part of the coronavirus challenge says he's now in the hospital with
[00:58:39] I am the head physician here at the Lombardi hospital.
[00:58:44] And the problem they have is a lot of people are very sick with the...
[00:59:11] They're like, thank you very much for being here, Dr. Bocixio.
[00:59:14] Can you tell us why Donald Trump is bad?
[00:59:17] Can you give us any insight into what will stop Donald Trump?
[00:59:28] I don't have a problem with Donald Trump.
[00:59:30] They're like, well, you heard it here from the doctor first.
[00:59:34] The owner of a local clown school had to go out of business
[00:59:48] You know, I don't think he could even be...
[00:59:57] He would not be a member of my clown school.
[01:00:03] And if you're just joining us now, we're live with our coronavirus coverage.
[01:00:06] And we have another person on here who's saying the president is bad.
[01:00:11] This is the line outside of Elmhurst Hospital in Queens.
[01:00:16] And we're going person by person asking them on a scale of nine to ten
[01:00:20] how much they blame the president for this.
[01:00:23] His approval ratings are like 65% right now.
[01:00:29] They want it to be his Katrina and it's going to be his 9-11.
[01:00:32] I mean, if he reopens everything in three weeks, I don't know.
[01:00:39] I mean, it depends how many people die.
[01:00:41] Like, even like Joe, because like, there was a lot of like,
[01:00:43] shooting on Biden that was happening by Bernie people leading up to this.
[01:00:47] That some of it is like, you know, I mean, it's mostly memes, I guess.
[01:00:51] But this has shown him to be beyond fucking incompetent.
[01:00:58] He hasn't strung together a single coherent sentence in the last fucking week and a half.
[01:01:06] There hasn't been a single functional predicate that has come out of that fucking idiot's mouth in like a week and a half.
[01:01:16] There should be like opposition to the fucking dumb bullshit Republicans are trying to do.
[01:01:20] Well, I think Bernie's going to just keep running.
[01:01:24] He's just going to fight it to the end.
[01:02:11] I guess whenever that happens, I just need to leave and come back.
[01:02:24] Yeah, on my end that I'm assuming you kept up.
[01:02:29] But yeah, no, I mean, and now there's just this public fantasy going on with Cuomo where they're like,
[01:02:38] You heard the guy talk once and now like these fucking liberals on Twitter are talking about like,
[01:02:42] wow, every morning I tune in and it's like I'm a baby being tucked into bed and he's reading
[01:02:47] me baby stories and I'm a baby and he's, what the fuck is going on with this?
[01:02:51] They all want fucking Elizabeth Warren to breastfeed them.
[01:02:54] They all want fucking Andrew Cuomo to be their dad.
[01:02:56] Because there's literally not a fucking woman they can cling to.
[01:02:59] So it's like this is, he's just become the girl now.
[01:03:05] They see an Italian snippet in the brown fucking New York.
[01:03:09] There is like, there is like a subtle like a feminine thing that New York guys have, you
[01:03:14] know, it's either either you crank it to 10 or whatever.
[01:03:19] If you either you crank it to 10 or you, you just like turn up like that kind of like,
[01:03:23] yeah, that sort of low T New York kind of guy.
[01:03:29] Trump, Trump is like that, but Trump slick.
[01:03:34] Like Italian guys that can wear like fucking valor or whatever and go get manicures.
[01:03:38] But if they're also killing people, you know, it's like, oh, I guess that works.
[01:03:43] If you're just like, if you were like a mafia guy that didn't do crime, you would be a
[01:03:47] fucking like, I mean, you're somebody's grandma, basically.
[01:03:52] They're like, oh, I just want to wear something soft.
[01:03:55] They can't wait to wear something soft on my, my breasts.
[01:03:59] And I just want to put my, my necklace on and I'm my breasts and my necklace and my soft
[01:04:12] I got to put fucking hand cream in my head.
[01:04:15] I got to have my curls and I'm going to, I'm going to put my, I'm going to show everyone
[01:04:22] And then people are like, that's the president I want.
[01:04:28] That's the, that's the guy to stop Donald Trump.
[01:04:31] Bernie Sanders, you fucking cock suckers.
[01:04:38] I mean, at this point, because it's like, you know, what the fuck is Bernie saying or
[01:04:42] I mean, like good on them for redirecting like campaign funding to the coronavirus stuff.
[01:04:47] But it's like, he's at least saying people should get two grand a fucking month.
[01:04:52] I mean, they literally, they literally had rents.
[01:04:55] They had three primaries that will kill people last week in the middle of a pandemic because
[01:04:59] they won't rise up as quickly as possible.
[01:05:01] That's what I mean, it's not that it's like Bernie, like somebody, some major Democratic
[01:05:06] voice needs to be saying like, no, we can't stop, shut this down and fucking take care
[01:05:11] No one is providing any real opposition.
[01:05:19] It's like you can only really at this point hope for the funniest outcome, which is the
[01:05:23] Trump guest and got it right with this fucking medicine and then he's president forever.
[01:05:31] We deserve Trump and we also deserve the fucking Corona virus.
[01:05:35] I mean, it's like there are two, there are two sides of like the same, you know, token
[01:05:42] that's been tossed in the face of the Western world.
[01:05:46] Just truly not believing in science at all.
[01:05:48] I mean, it is there these, it's in two weeks.
[01:05:51] I wonder what's the fuck's gonna happen.
[01:05:55] I mean, it would be very funny if this just disease vanished.
[01:06:00] Now there's some evidence, there's some evidence that the fuck like, you know, we find out
[01:06:04] that Trump's like not only was his medicine correct, but then also the virus just stops.
[01:06:12] You cure maybe like a handful of people that need the medicine and then everything stops.
[01:06:16] And then just unlike the market, like immediately fucking rebounds and it's like there will
[01:06:23] be no way for the Democrats to ever know.
[01:06:28] No chance, you know, I mean, if they stop the whole fucking the whole world over, you
[01:06:39] Fuck, but probably it probably won't happen.
[01:06:42] We're probably just gonna all be to die.
[01:06:52] No, not forever, but a nice amount of time.
[01:06:54] I want to taste a couple more titties, you know, tasting titties.
[01:06:57] Well, I want to put a couple more titties on the tasting menu.
[01:07:01] Jonathan, you've been feeling your own just to remember it.
[01:07:07] A woman's titty has some real, some real just they're they're nice, dude.
[01:07:12] Maybe you could do like a local as anesthesia.
[01:07:14] So you can't feel your hand like you can't feel from the titty.
[01:07:20] The stranger, but for grabbing my own breasts.
[01:07:24] I'll sit on my own titties for 20 minutes.
[01:07:26] And then and then and then feel them and jack off.
[01:07:30] I love doing the stranger where I numb my own hand and then jack off another guy.
[01:07:42] And then especially if you put my specially fucking design dildo, two ways to not fear
[01:07:51] Custom custom for every man to not be gay.
[01:08:07] We should figure out a way or I should figure out a way to do this in the living room and
[01:08:12] So I don't have to hold a mic and then and then maybe because I feel like we could definitely
[01:08:16] we could definitely start doing like maybe like a longer like two hour kind of hang thing.
[01:08:29] Because it and then figure out how stream though.
[01:08:30] It's also if a game is good, then you're just going to be playing the fucking game, you
[01:08:33] It really is a talent to be able to talk and game at the same time.
[01:08:39] You got to have respect for guys like PewDiePie or Richard Spencer.
[01:08:59] I don't think he's actually everybody's race.
[01:09:02] It's going to be great to see how everyone turns into like a four-chan guy.
[01:09:08] It's in like in like fucking four months.
[01:09:10] Lindy West is going to be posting frog memes.
[01:09:20] This is all a cover to put Tom Hanks in jail.
[01:09:23] This is Tom Hanks was molesting kids with his wife in Australia.
[01:09:25] Dude, he was over there trying to get fucking kangaroo.
[01:09:35] I made a pouch having I mean a kangaroo's pouch having sex with a child.
[01:09:38] I'm a lost in this video announcing that his parents have coronavirus.
[01:09:45] My parents that they got coronavirus is crazy.
[01:09:55] I'm trying to figure out a way to do a cool background.
[01:10:10] Dude, I would literally I miss human contact so much I would fucking suck your dick right
[01:10:15] I would fucking I would play with the balls.
[01:10:17] Don't fucking don't fucking lie to me, bro.
[01:10:20] Me and my boys in the group chat were literally sending each other pictures of our penis last
[01:10:28] But we were doing it with this this cartoon filter.
[01:10:38] Well they were doing it first, but I wanted to feel like I was part of the crew.
[01:10:41] How much smaller was your dick than everybody?
[01:10:43] This filter, like where it makes it look like you're in a comic book.
[01:11:00] And child talking about childish almost some might even say a baby's penis.
[01:11:20] And you were saying before you came on that the president is bad.
[01:11:28] My dick will be bigger if we had a different president.
[01:11:32] I think maybe the main problem is that the president is bad.
[01:11:38] Coming up next we'll be speaking with a drawing I did of Peter Griffin from Family Guy.
[01:11:45] I'll be holding up and he'll be saying that, you know, here we go.
[01:11:51] He doesn't want to those guys that does the news.
[01:11:53] Doesn't he also do stupid fucking drugs.
[01:12:13] Yeah, well, you know, there's a good drawing.
[01:12:17] Well, it's like, how are you going to stay racist and quarantine if you're not going.
[01:12:29] And then if I'm not going out and seeing people, so how do I keep the stereotypes in
[01:12:34] I do drawings and I try and quiz myself.
[01:12:41] You've got to go through and you list off.
[01:12:51] Well, you got to you got to stay fresh.
[01:13:05] Damn, I got to connect to ethernet next time.
[01:13:09] I got to piss and then and then eat something.
[01:13:25] I can't believe the last time we fuck it.
[01:13:27] We're just with the last pod we did was a last in person went for a while.
[01:13:36] Listen, gang, everyone listening at home, we're going to figure out the fucking technological
[01:13:41] I'm going to say this and then I'll send you all the files will coordinate our files
[01:13:46] And then I'm going to yeah, I'm going to save this and send it over.
[01:13:49] Okay, but I'm telling you, this sounds okay, except for that part where I was missing.
[01:13:55] If you want to just upload this one like this, no, because I, yeah, I don't want that like
[01:13:59] two minutes of silence in there or whatever.
[01:14:02] I'll send it over and then you can figure it out with your guy.