Cum Town | Regular | 04/02/2020
[00:00:00] Alright, I'm recording now and we're off and we're having sex.
[00:00:07] Nothing is stopping us technically from just having gay sex over the internet with each other.
[00:00:11] Except that we're on like now nine different services that have different like, you know,
[00:00:20] Yeah, because somebody's gonna do something dumb and then...
[00:00:26] To be honest, I mean, come on, who do you think I'd say this shit but Adam would be the one
[00:00:31] that'd do something that like gets us kicked off YouTube and then in turn Patreon?
[00:00:41] I like, but I got all these fun backgrounds.
[00:00:44] Yeah, I know, but that's why I've been careful about...
[00:00:48] About YouTube, because it's like, it'll be...
[00:00:50] I fear for like a cascade effective deep platforming.
[00:00:54] I used to not care because it was always like, oh, I'll just go back to being a piece of shit,
[00:00:58] but now they don't have a piece of shit jobs anymore.
[00:01:02] It could be a piece of the only job left in America.
[00:01:13] Is that you two guys that you've had sex with before in your background?
[00:01:16] This is, I was on vacation a couple of times.
[00:01:24] Imagine how much of a piece of shit you have to be.
[00:01:31] It'd be trying to get people far from now.
[00:01:36] I couldn't hear what Nick was talking about.
[00:01:40] Adam, this is actually, this is a problem with this technology.
[00:01:43] For some reason, your mic overrides Nick's for some full twist of fate.
[00:01:52] I'm sure it'll make the show better too.
[00:01:55] The basic formula of the show, Adam, which is Nick says something and I laugh and occasionally
[00:01:59] you say something is really thrown off.
[00:02:02] I need you to just, when you see Nick talking, just kind of take an extra pause.
[00:02:07] I just got off the phone with Zoom headquarters in Tel Aviv and they said that they're working on it.
[00:02:16] I wonder if it's because your shit goes through like the machine or whatever.
[00:02:22] No, if you look, if you watch the Zoom or the screen,
[00:02:26] it's like, you see how mine's green or there's a green frame or a window?
[00:02:31] Yeah, whenever you interrupt somebody, it'll take the thing back.
[00:02:41] That's interesting because I've done a lot of podcasting over this internet with
[00:02:45] various people and you are the most interrupting guy I've ever experienced.
[00:02:49] I thought it was a unique problem that we were having because of technology,
[00:02:52] but it seems like it's just kind of your problem as a communicator, Adam.
[00:02:58] Yeah, I wouldn't be so hard on Nick about interrupting all the time.
[00:03:07] Yeah, somebody about Richard Spencer, something like that.
[00:03:10] I feel like Alex Jones got a D-platform.
[00:03:16] Yeah, I'll just look good on this beach with my friends.
[00:03:27] Dan, are you getting like Pokemon snap vibes from your stop?
[00:03:31] I want to take some snapshots with a limited amount of time.
[00:03:39] Dude, I'm going full fucking anime, brother.
[00:03:46] I could never get into anime, but hearing that you're into it now, nothing makes me happy.
[00:03:54] I watch this one called Neon Genesis or whatever the fuck.
[00:04:02] It's about little kids and it's basically Pacific Rim with cartoons.
[00:04:09] Like they got big old bitches that are trying to fuck like children and shit.
[00:04:19] However, I don't want to spoil anything, but the ending is a fucking dog shit.
[00:04:26] I'll tell you right now, you can go ahead and spoil it.
[00:04:29] Yeah, I promise you I'm not going to be watching Neon Genesis.
[00:04:37] I liked some of it, but I will say I haven't jacked off to Hentai in a while.
[00:04:42] And it might get the gears turning on that again.
[00:04:45] Oh, I forgot your take about it being worldly.
[00:04:49] First of all, I'd like to go into the Mongolian Grill.
[00:05:00] I know, but the one in Colombia is fuck was RIP.
[00:05:04] I tried to go back when I was visiting home.
[00:05:08] We went to one, me and Ari Shafir went to one and...
[00:05:11] Did you ever do that casino in Oklahoma?
[00:05:18] Yeah, it's an Arkansas, the Cherokee Nation casino.
[00:05:30] You forget they're the first night and you're like,
[00:05:38] I went there with Bobby and we had just gone to the one in Connecticut,
[00:05:48] I'm about to have fucking lamb and shit like that.
[00:05:51] I'm about to have fucking salads and shit.
[00:05:58] And then they do like a Bush Gardens thing where it's like Asia, Europe.
[00:06:03] Like Europe is like pizza and macaroni and cheese.
[00:06:07] And then Asia, the low main was literally spaghetti and terry.
[00:06:10] Dude, it was just, I mean, honestly disgusting.
[00:06:14] And then it's like people from Arkansas that are like having a like a
[00:06:17] fucker, like I told my wife, I was with the guys, you know,
[00:06:22] And so there's like, I went to, I got like the buffet meals,
[00:06:25] probably three times I was there just because it was free.
[00:06:28] And every time somebody wanted to talk to me about how good the food was.
[00:06:34] And every employee was like, oh, you're going to love a buffet.
[00:06:38] But anyways, so the opener for the show, and I like, you know, I mean,
[00:06:44] I didn't even have a say in it, but he was like, like my pay was higher than it should have been.
[00:06:49] And he was like, oh yeah, they just add my pay to yours.
[00:06:53] You know, and he was like, uh, because I'm an immigrant, so I can't get paid.
[00:07:04] He just has, you know, I mean, he came from India and then he works at like,
[00:07:07] fucking Otis Spunkmire or some bullshit.
[00:07:16] And that's the only thing he knows of like America is just like, bullshit town and working the casino.
[00:07:21] So he's like, you know, he's like taking us out to eat.
[00:07:24] He's like, man, there's a lot of really good restaurants around here.
[00:07:27] And he's like, it's like Panda Express, Donald's.
[00:07:33] They were like, these are the best burgers.
[00:07:38] So we went to, we went to the Mongolian barbecue there.
[00:07:43] And that's probably not bad because it's mostly just fucking sausage.
[00:07:52] The fucking me and Bobby went and the fucking burger.
[00:07:56] And I was so excited to get off the fucking reservation to get off the fucking,
[00:08:00] because I literally could not eat any more of that food.
[00:08:03] I was, I was like, I'm going to die here.
[00:08:09] These fucking burgers were like, cafeteria and fucking, and like, I'm not,
[00:08:14] Like every random people that didn't know when they would find out we're going,
[00:08:21] You get to go to fucking, you know, whatever, the Stevies burgers or what.
[00:08:26] They didn't ask you how do you want it cooked.
[00:08:29] Someone says the burgers are great and they're just like, great, a burger.
[00:08:36] It was just like gray all the fucking way through.
[00:08:39] Well, it's, it's fucks you up because like, you know, in Texas,
[00:08:42] you can just go to the middle of nowhere in Texas and there's like plenty of places in
[00:08:45] East Texas where there's just amazing barbecue, you know.
[00:08:48] And it's like a guy that probably found out that slavery ended like 20 years ago.
[00:08:53] That just has like a truck, half the truck is a barbecue.
[00:09:00] And he's also he's living in the cab with his nephews and they got his,
[00:09:05] it's called like like, like, Dorps barbecue.
[00:09:09] He's always got like some on him on a P and name.
[00:09:14] doesn't remember a life without barbecue.
[00:09:15] I'm my name, but in this, this day, I go my barbecue.
[00:09:20] It's a barbecue, but it's also my house and I drive, I drive it around sometimes.
[00:09:25] Just to fucking a truck with a screen door.
[00:09:32] All he's got is an apron on and he's completely naked.
[00:09:38] He's hanging around boots, but his shoes, his feet are just completely hard.
[00:09:48] Now my name's Buck and this is like, there's just like flies giving birth on his hands.
[00:09:54] And then he hands you a piece of fatty brisket and it's the best thing you've ever tasted.
[00:10:01] But then you go to other parts of the South and they're like, you got to try this.
[00:10:06] And it's like a fucking Pizza Hut that clearly used to be a blockbuster.
[00:10:15] It's the shittiest food you've ever had.
[00:10:17] They were like, dude, these people were like, I can't wait till we get a Starbucks.
[00:10:24] And then, yeah, and then the Starbucks is nice.
[00:10:26] And then the Starbucks is just a place to make YouTube videos with your gun.
[00:10:30] The Ramblaze like, just like, your participation in the culture war takes place in Starbucks
[00:10:38] with your nine millimeter because they won't write Happy Birthday Jesus on the cup.
[00:10:44] They see all- I can't wait to brandish my weapon to Black man in a Starbucks.
[00:10:48] I can't wait to throw John Legend CD on the ground and say, be gone Satan.
[00:10:55] In those towns, the people that work at the Starbucks's are always like the lesbian,
[00:11:02] The Starbucks flies them in from Seattle.
[00:11:09] You need a lesbian and a fucking polo just to run that fucking, run that thing like a tight-ass ship.
[00:11:15] People think that that's like the first station to getting out of that town, right?
[00:11:19] It's like getting the star, getting a cosmopolitan worldview at Starbucks.
[00:11:23] You will meet, if there is a Jew in your town, they're going to go to Starbucks if there's nothing else.
[00:11:29] They're like trapped, they're the way the fucking, they'll lead you out.
[00:11:33] That's the station out of this damn town.
[00:11:37] Damn, I'm already tired with my food choices here because I stocked up.
[00:11:42] I've just been eating a bunch of pickles, famous Dave's.
[00:11:44] Stop, do you know about famous Dave's pickles of Costco?
[00:11:53] You're in front of me, but there's Bubbies.
[00:12:04] I went to the Norman Wilkerson's house and he had famous Dave's pickles in the fridge.
[00:12:15] I don't even think you're like, so you didn't realize what he had on his hand.
[00:12:21] Like just take just put, yeah, take like vegetables and stuff.
[00:12:26] Because here's the thing, I love those pickled red onions.
[00:12:28] You can do it in the microwave in like 30 minutes.
[00:12:33] If you put vegetables in brine and put it in the microwave for 30 minutes,
[00:12:36] you can pickle them in like in 30 minutes.
[00:12:42] Because my friend used to make his own,
[00:12:46] because you need the cucumbers in there to make the brine taste like pickle juice.
[00:12:50] Finish pickle juice so he would make the brine,
[00:12:53] put the cucumbers in there, microwave it,
[00:12:55] you put it in the fridge for like a day.
[00:13:00] And then that lets you drink an entire fifth of whiskey in 10 minutes.
[00:13:08] The thing is, I just don't like a fucking cucumber in general.
[00:13:14] I like, I cannot stand cucumber water that infused shit.
[00:13:20] See, that's interesting because I, if I had to pick one byproduct of cucumber,
[00:13:29] That's something they serve up the herbs.
[00:13:32] Out of there comes out of the windshield washing fluid reservoir.
[00:13:36] Yeah, we do herb special, special tonic.
[00:13:43] On his chest, just tattooed health grade Z.
[00:13:52] You can just see the way it's bubbling up.
[00:13:58] Then you're like, let me get one of the shoulder clods and it's delicious.
[00:14:03] You don't even care that his fucking, his fucking, uh, amputate,
[00:14:07] gangrenous fingers served it to you with no fucking glove.
[00:14:10] Me and Bobby, me and Bobby had a nice day going down to Lockhart with, uh, Mike Suarez.
[00:14:17] Mike fucking threw away too much barbie.
[00:14:18] Mike threw out probably not even joking.
[00:14:28] We should, especially now that food is so scarce.
[00:14:35] Go to your neighbors, kill them, take their fucking dujournos.
[00:14:41] I saw videos of people just stealing from CVS and there's like nothing.
[00:14:45] Apparently the security won't arrest you or something.
[00:14:50] That's how they're like videos of people like going into CVS and just swiping.
[00:14:55] They just said so there was probably a good burn.
[00:14:58] So Adam's excited about not paying for gum 35 centigrade.
[00:15:04] We could have stayed a little off the virus.
[00:15:08] Even the prospect of free things are going to keep me outside or get me outside.
[00:15:14] Actually, I had, yeah, I'm, I'm been yogging actually.
[00:15:22] Where, where are they looting CVS's already?
[00:15:35] Rich people that have gone to, uh, like upstate to the Hudson Valley,
[00:15:41] Let's go, let's go down Madison Avenue, dude.
[00:15:46] You come back at the end of all this and there's just,
[00:15:48] somebody's just taking a dump right in your foyer.
[00:15:51] There's just a bunch of homeless guys having an orgy in your apartment.
[00:15:57] Uh, no, I don't think it was Anchorman.
[00:16:02] Wolf of Wall Street, but it's not homeless guys.
[00:16:04] No, no, no, there's a movie where somebody's car is stolen
[00:16:07] and homeless Mike and the boys are having like an orgy.
[00:16:10] That's, that's, uh, which, uh, will, uh, Will Ferrell.
[00:16:18] Yeah, homeless Mike is a very sad thing.
[00:16:19] I suppose my jokes from Will Ferrell movies.
[00:16:22] It's on Diado. It's a Wales, uh, pussy.
[00:16:26] That's where the jokes are coming from.
[00:16:29] So we'd like to thank Will Ferrell for this episode of, uh, of content.
[00:16:34] Honestly, for real, shout out to Will Ferrell, dude.
[00:16:38] Adam, as a request, can you start stealing jokes from Tommy Boy in Black Sheep?
[00:16:45] So if you can just start, if you can get all your material from those two films.
[00:16:49] Yeah, I'll just do a, I'll do a Chris Farley, uh,
[00:16:55] If there's anyone, if there's anyone I could ask to have back for the pandemic,
[00:17:01] Imagine how much better he would be on like Vine or TikTok or whatever it is in all these people.
[00:17:07] Just how would you be getting his heroin?
[00:17:09] I think that I feel bad for junkies right now.
[00:17:12] Had to remind us that the man was a fucking addict.
[00:17:15] No, I'm saying like, we're over here having a nice time.
[00:17:21] How do people that like need to go to a meeting like, wow, he was a drug.
[00:17:27] I'm talking over him, but he was saying some.
[00:17:29] You're, how are, what are people doing that need to go to like NAA?
[00:17:43] That's the whole point is that what do you think they're all wearing fucking Guy Fox masks?
[00:17:49] No, that's the whole joke of alcoholics anonymous is the first thing you do is you stand up and
[00:17:57] Well, you don't need to use your last name on zoom.
[00:18:02] Nick, I guess it does say my last name.
[00:18:06] Nick is the only one who just, who knows how to evade the fish.
[00:18:16] Now you got to do gallery view, brother.
[00:18:22] Well, yeah, Nick, you're doing the one big guy.
[00:18:25] No, I'm doing a little, I'm doing a little, a little, I have the window minimized as small
[00:18:31] as possible so I can look at, look at manga.
[00:18:40] Are you in the, are you in the reading jazz?
[00:18:45] It would be funny to see you just on like the train after this with a little bento box reading,
[00:18:59] It might be an anime, but yeah, just reading like Japanese teen girl romance novels.
[00:19:07] didn't somebody, somebody purchased child pornography, basically?
[00:19:12] I found a child pornography manga in my effects.
[00:19:16] I was cleaning out my, I mean, I don't know, I'm not gonna say that.
[00:19:21] Don't you dare fucking pin this on me, dude.
[00:19:24] I didn't say that out loud, just now, you said.
[00:19:27] It's not child porn, but it's a manga from Japan.
[00:19:30] I sent it to the, to the, to the, this is what Stav's reading.
[00:19:41] Anyway, I didn't purchase child pornography.
[00:19:45] It was, and I'm not even saying this is,
[00:19:47] I think this is Japan getting around it.
[00:19:52] No, yeah, well, we went to, what was that place?
[00:19:57] The anime district, like half of Hentai is just child pornography.
[00:20:05] I actually don't remember going to the child pornography district.
[00:20:12] I think I was, it was me and Stav and, uh, two chicks.
[00:20:21] I think I wandered around aimlessly that day.
[00:20:24] Oh, yes, there was a day where you just started walking.
[00:20:28] And I remember looking, I looked at a map and I'm like,
[00:20:30] damn, I must have walked like 30 miles today.
[00:20:32] And it was like probably a two mile walk.
[00:20:36] It was just not even, it's just the streets are so small.
[00:20:43] And then, cause I remember it was like,
[00:20:48] And I had just sort of like done a big like C shape around.
[00:20:52] So then it was like a fucking 15 minute walk back to the apartment.
[00:21:12] So when you go on like Pornhub in a different country,
[00:21:15] you're like, you don't, if you don't have a VPN or whatever,
[00:21:21] he jacks off to like whatever comes on the first place of X videos.
[00:21:25] And that's how he experiences the culture.
[00:21:28] So he said he was jacking off to like the blurred pussies and penises.
[00:21:32] Why doesn't he go to a fucking museum or something?
[00:21:40] That's how he that's how he experiences the world is.
[00:21:44] I mean, I don't think he was being serious that he spends his entire time.
[00:21:47] First of all, it might be a joke, but I think this is a good idea.
[00:21:52] It's completing because listen, you're going to a museum,
[00:21:56] but then you're jacking off to what they're jacking.
[00:21:58] Then you don't want maybe I'll get into this, Adam.
[00:22:02] I'm going to take a little trip to Poland,
[00:22:05] and I'm going to find some interesting places to jack off.
[00:22:12] and I'll see if there's maybe a house with an attic in it
[00:22:15] that's conducive to masturbating and see if anybody thinks that that's degenerate there.
[00:22:22] I'm sure people in the age of Anne Frank were jacking off in that apartment.
[00:22:29] No, I want to go there and beat off and be like,
[00:22:34] It's, I read the book and this is in the book.
[00:22:38] You can't, I am trying to do a part of the book while I'm here.
[00:22:48] I have to act out every, you just made an address.
[00:22:57] I did this at Gettysburg three years ago.
[00:22:59] No one had a problem with it there and it don't call them an ask.
[00:23:05] I'm telling you and you can take my word for it.
[00:23:11] Who's gonna plug like a guy who's also in there?
[00:23:21] She's playing with her titties at one point.
[00:23:34] I'm reading showboat, the biography of Kobe Bryant.
[00:23:39] Come on, you didn't appreciate him in less.
[00:23:41] It would be funny if the diary Anne Frank,
[00:23:43] she's just constantly talking about how much money
[00:24:01] And the week after that, she will owe me four pencils.
[00:24:04] I'm making so much money at school and it's great.
[00:24:07] Melissa's family, her dad got laid off from the factory
[00:24:16] I'm going to say interest, the whole chapter on interest.
[00:24:28] Yeah, just the economics textbook in the margins.
[00:24:33] Why don't we just go with the stuff about Jack?
[00:24:35] Yeah, we'll put the horny stuff in there.
[00:24:37] Yeah, well, we'll leave the horny shit.
[00:24:40] Leave out that stuff where she calls herself Anne Bank.
[00:24:42] Anne Bank of Amsterdam Elementary School.
[00:25:03] Did she have any nude scenes in any movies?
[00:25:10] It's happening in Anne Bank to Mr. Skin.
[00:25:15] Yeah, let's see if she's got any action going on.
[00:25:35] I watched that movie in 1917 with my dad last night.
[00:25:47] Oh, you're too fucked up to appreciate it.
[00:25:49] That's a problem in the way I watch movies.
[00:25:52] and I don't remember what happened in most of it.
[00:25:57] Honestly, I thought for like three days,
[00:26:01] I was on Edibles, and I was like, I got it.
[00:26:11] You just were shitting, and you had biol.
[00:26:13] Yeah, I don't think shitting and throwing up...
[00:26:16] I didn't shit at all for like four days,
[00:26:19] and I kept throwing up biol my liver hurt.
[00:26:25] I'm going to go ahead and call that coronavirus.
[00:26:27] You should be able to doctor otherwise when this is over.
[00:26:35] because I had coronavirus for about five or six
[00:26:44] No, I mean, I don't have to do the test,
[00:26:46] because my uncle, he's a house painter.
[00:26:54] and it turns out I don't even got to do the test.
[00:26:56] My uncle knows a lot of stuff about this kind of shit.
[00:27:00] He's always looking at pictures and stuff, so...
[00:27:02] He's always shifting through the trash of nurses.
[00:27:05] Yeah, my uncle's fucking some black bitch
[00:27:08] that worked on an ambulance for a while.
[00:27:16] he was fucking from an ambulance told him.
[00:27:22] and you have to continue a lot of more stuff
[00:27:25] than you think a black girl on an ambulance would know.
[00:27:31] Sometimes, but no, she was in the back,
[00:27:34] Fucking working the hoses and touching the stuff,
[00:27:39] you know, they got all that Frankenstein machinery,
[00:27:42] or whatever, to bring people back to life.
[00:27:44] Which doesn't seem very Christian to me.
[00:27:48] If you're a dad, you've got to stay the fuck dad.
[00:27:50] Otherwise, it's Satanism, it's witchcraft.
[00:27:57] And honestly, that's why we got it though,
[00:27:58] because the Chinese, they've been doing...
[00:28:00] They had fucking unlocked Confucius of spells.
[00:28:03] And into the world, it sent out this shit from the devil.
[00:28:07] do you think maybe China's like the cookie,
[00:28:09] and you break it open in the fortune of coronavirus?
[00:28:17] Yeah, and they tend to open up a cookie
[00:28:23] That's somehow more racist than the eating the bat thing.
[00:28:27] Yeah, I heard it was inside a dumpling.
[00:28:33] No, you can only get it from chopsticks, I heard.
[00:28:38] where'd they find that shit on the fucking ground?
[00:28:41] You tell me, I'm supposed to not go play cards with my friends.
[00:28:44] None of us ain't, and you never had no sushi in our life.
[00:28:50] Yeah, if you're playing Chinese chuckers,
[00:28:52] if you put your shit in a fucking finger trap,
[00:28:56] But not with good old American fucking poker, yeah?
[00:29:00] Anyway, can I bet my baby mother's snap card in here?
[00:29:07] I tried to buy a bunch of masks and sell them later,
[00:29:10] but it turns out it was the wrong type of magic.
[00:29:12] Did you see that Jewish guy doing that?
[00:29:24] They were like, you can't come in, I have coronavirus.
[00:29:30] The most Jewish way to try to evade the police.
[00:29:33] Legend, first ballot hall of fame, Jew, right?
[00:29:36] That's what I'm saying about fucking Anne Frank's diary.
[00:29:38] It's like, you have this post-World War I situation going on
[00:29:42] in Europe, and it's like, we got the pandemic going on.
[00:29:46] First of all, at least take the costume off
[00:29:58] You're like, no, my name is finding deal.
[00:30:09] Please get out of my time now, now please get out of my house.
[00:30:13] It's time for me to pray to a rain cloud.
[00:30:24] He's got to put on a fucking striped fucking turtleneck
[00:30:31] That's like, that's probably, what's his name?
[00:30:56] Twirting Lysol while wearing a yarmul gun.
[00:31:01] Did you see there was a social experiment where it's like,
[00:31:02] it was like beating a woman with a hijab,
[00:31:07] That was like one of those, what would you do videos, right?
[00:31:09] That was like that keen one-house guy, right?
[00:31:13] That was like, watch how everyone stops the domestic violence
[00:31:19] But if she is, and then he's just beating a woman.
[00:31:27] I mean, because it's like, yeah, it's wrong,
[00:31:30] but it's like, I'm not going to be the guy that gets
[00:31:32] fucking viral video accidentally doing racism.
[00:31:38] Wow, dude, cancel culture has stopped you.
[00:31:41] You're trying. It's like changing the emoji color from yellow.
[00:31:48] I told you, there was a black lady beating up her retarded son on the train.
[00:31:54] And she was like slamming his head against the window.
[00:31:56] And I got to a breaking point where I'm like, I got to,
[00:31:59] and there's all these other black people on the train not sobbing it.
[00:32:02] And it's like, don't make me get like, don't, you know, I can.
[00:32:05] Guys, some bitches that voted for Elizabeth Warren are going to fucking
[00:32:13] And of course, it immediately backfires.
[00:32:21] No, you're saying it's the rest of the black people.
[00:32:24] Because if she, if she didn't have to pay rent to you,
[00:32:40] Think about how much money you make and how little work you do.
[00:32:55] In fact, most of he spent his money on things that have
[00:32:59] Dude, I love it that if you have, if you have like a retirement account or a
[00:33:05] But probably you're going to lose all your money.
[00:33:07] Yeah, that's dinner with my friend, like the, even before it really popped off.
[00:33:11] And he's like, yeah, me and my wife lost $30,000.
[00:33:14] Yeah, they're going to lose all their money.
[00:33:16] And of all these people, they're like, you're so stupid for not investing your
[00:33:20] And it's like, well, like literally everybody's saying a recession is coming.
[00:33:24] I mean, before even this fucking COVID thing.
[00:33:28] And then we're going to be the only ones with money at the end of this, dude.
[00:33:35] Because I'm going to spend, I'm getting a golden penis.
[00:33:39] You want to be a fucking warlord known as gold.
[00:33:43] Just like some weird like tight fingernails, just long.
[00:33:48] And then that like stack of turds, golden hat that they have, you know, a bunch of exotic apes and
[00:33:57] You want to have a cult of personality and you want to be a little warlord.
[00:34:04] There's a lot of pussy in that and fucking meals.
[00:34:06] And little, and little, little boy, busy too.
[00:34:16] I said I'm trying to be king Louie from the jungle book.
[00:34:20] And blue has to sneak into my house by being trans.
[00:34:26] I'm so glad I haven't invested in shit.
[00:34:28] Dude, the only thing I invested in was fucking property in Greek town,
[00:34:33] Now it's probably the time to buy property.
[00:34:38] Where you should not all move to the same place.
[00:34:54] I don't think they got the run of that bad.
[00:34:55] Just going around, just going into like,
[00:34:58] you know, the local like cantina or whatever.
[00:35:07] And then I got a sombrero on them all in Mexican doubt.
[00:35:10] And I was just like, it's like, mehoma.
[00:35:27] You ever see Mexican people that are so Mexican, they're just Chinese.
[00:35:45] Where the Native Americans walked from Russia.
[00:35:53] If you actually, Adam, if you walked around it,
[00:36:03] But if me or Nick walked, it would still have.
[00:36:25] She said, that's the Bering Gay right there.
[00:36:44] Let me hold on to your pocket while I sat shade across the ocean.
[00:36:54] I think I wonder if I'm getting headaches from here.
[00:37:04] I've been sleeping, but I've been like,
[00:37:12] Yeah, I've been like every night just like,
[00:37:16] And then just not being able to go back to sleep
[00:37:21] But on the ever since I've been sober three days,
[00:37:27] Yeah, you got to try to ride your chip.
[00:37:32] No, I tell you what, do like do 100 burpees right before bed
[00:37:37] Doesn't that get your shit racing though?
[00:37:42] I do, I actually, to be honest with you,
[00:37:44] I do the burpees first thing in the morning.
[00:37:47] You got to fucking front load your shit.
[00:37:51] and then you push up and then up again.
[00:37:54] Just go ahead and look it up on YouTube.
[00:37:57] Unless you want to, unless you want to pay me.
[00:38:04] Unless you want to pay me for my emotional labor.
[00:38:15] Now, I'll check out some guys doing it on YouTube.
[00:38:17] No, in fact, you owe me money for even suggesting
[00:38:22] Well, you're just interacting with my twins.
[00:38:32] You're that white boy and that's just the way
[00:38:50] Dude, I don't even want to jack off anymore.
[00:38:54] I was like super horny the first couple of days of quarantine
[00:38:58] and now my dick has not been hard at all.
[00:39:01] The only silver lining of this thing is my body is free
[00:39:07] It's like you have to get to that hard part
[00:39:21] and then the other side of it is bloodlust.
[00:39:24] You know, now you're too far gone to be horny anymore.
[00:39:27] You need to kill people who have bad ideas.
[00:39:36] Wait, Nick, do you think maybe if all the Orthodox
[00:39:39] are still commuting, maybe they'll all die?
[00:40:02] While they'll live is because they're not going to get the
[00:40:04] Corona vaccine, which is going to be the real doozy.
[00:40:08] That's what the government wants you to do.
[00:40:10] You don't want you to get that fucking vaccine.
[00:40:12] And you have to unironically will not be taking that vaccine.
[00:40:21] You're your Eddie Griffin shit right now.
[00:40:23] I mean, I'm not even a fucking anti vaccine guy, but this time.
[00:40:30] Well, do you see that if you got a flu vaccine,
[00:40:38] Yeah, I've never gotten a flu vaccine either.
[00:40:41] The only vaccines I've ever gotten are the ones that you have
[00:40:43] to get for like, I mean, I got a hepatitis one, obviously, you know.
[00:40:49] If they had an AIDS vaccine, I'd probably take that,
[00:40:51] but I'm not taking a fucking seasonal flu vaccine.
[00:40:55] Well, my immune system is really good because I was breastfed until 17 years.
[00:40:59] Here's why, because they come out every year, right?
[00:41:02] And so the way they want to control your mind.
[00:41:09] You got a one-star-druster thing that shit.
[00:41:12] I mean, there's no way that they're programming 10 years.
[00:41:15] They don't even know, you know, who the king of sciames is going to be in 10 years.
[00:41:26] So of course the, what is what Adam, what's going on there?
[00:41:29] You got doorbells, you got office phones.
[00:41:37] it sounds like a business phone call going on.
[00:41:40] Yeah, we have, we're a business family where I'm the only.
[00:41:44] Adam's dad has a fake phone that he calls to pretend that he's working.
[00:41:50] Whenever he does, whenever he wants to end a conversation with Adam or his sister,
[00:41:54] he's just like, oh no, it's time to, for work.
[00:41:58] It's kind of the other way around, but yeah.
[00:42:02] It's actually, I'm too cool to talk about.
[00:42:05] I'm actually, I'm actually the one who doesn't want to see his family.
[00:42:15] I do love the idea of you just sitting in that room being like,
[00:42:17] oh yeah, we've got a podcast all day down.
[00:42:21] Look, it doesn't matter how long you lived in New York,
[00:42:23] because everybody who moves to New York,
[00:42:24] they're waiting for an opportunity to claim New York and you can't.
[00:42:31] You got fucking 911 or you survived the pandemic.
[00:42:34] If you left, if you left the city, you're never,
[00:42:37] you're going to have to wait for the next New York thing to happen.
[00:42:46] I'm wiping my ass with your Yankees fitted as you don't you dare touch my.
[00:42:55] You will never be in New York or now to the midikens and bomber jackets are going to
[00:43:00] You're fucking fitted rich, like the American.
[00:43:02] Stop doesn't want to claim it, but if he wanted to, he could.
[00:43:19] I'm one of those guys who likes New York, but also,
[00:43:24] So I, for example, I will always want the Yankees to lose to the Orioles.
[00:43:29] I will always want the Ravens to beat the Giants.
[00:43:31] Yeah, so my only point is that, you know, you do have the ability now.
[00:43:37] If you want to do citizenship, that's what I want.
[00:43:44] It's already, you already feel the guy left.
[00:43:46] And now you would be doing more harm than good.
[00:43:48] Yeah, you were like, I'm afraid of this virus.
[00:43:54] Do not, that is, that is not on the record.
[00:43:56] You like, I have to leave because of the virus.
[00:43:59] Can we please figure out a way to keep.
[00:44:00] Uh, I've been accusing me of being similar to another comedian female that I'm not going to name, but uh,
[00:44:11] I was trying to remember what's Danny DeVito's wife's name.
[00:44:16] Yeah, yeah, if I had exactly that moment, it would have been funny.
[00:44:22] People are comparing Rita Pearlman again.
[00:44:28] Um, I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:44:31] Rita Pearlman's really funny though, Adam.
[00:44:33] I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't flatter yourself.
[00:44:36] You've never had the last Rita Pearlman's gotten, do you?
[00:44:44] The second it came, the second estate home order, uh, came out.
[00:44:50] You were like, you got, you got plain tickets.
[00:44:51] You were like, I heard allergies are going to be bad this year in New York.
[00:44:57] It's just rush, rush me through the house.
[00:45:03] He's clutching his, his fucking tiny statue of Liberty Figurine and his yank.
[00:45:16] I have to get back to my home in Las Vegas where I tell everyone I'm a New Yorker.
[00:45:34] When you're here, you're not from a house.
[00:45:36] Forget about being, it's about being New York strong.
[00:45:40] We got, we're going to go out and do this.
[00:45:42] We're getting on nipples pierced like Cuomo.
[00:45:44] We're going to get big fat Italian nipples hit.
[00:45:51] It's none of your fucking businesses are non-New Yorkers.
[00:45:58] Oh, nobody asked fucking Mr. Las Vegas over here.
[00:46:11] Yeah, they call him, they call him Mr. Full House.
[00:46:13] Get the house is filled with, it's filled with cum.
[00:46:18] Yeah, he's got a pair of queens in his pocket.
[00:46:23] When this man's playing fucking blackjack,
[00:46:25] he's always getting the pair of queens.
[00:46:26] He's always got a pair of queens up his pocket.
[00:46:31] That couldn't hack it here in the big city.
[00:46:47] By go, you get up on your rooftop and you go,
[00:47:22] You might need to just get a USB, Mike, brother.
[00:47:32] Yeah, but the USB, Mike, is the same thing.
[00:47:55] that's worse than either one of us when we're talking over.
[00:48:00] My hunch is because you run it through the soundboard,
[00:48:12] The important thing is that Adam left New York.
[00:48:16] Yes, it'll sound good because we have the local audio.
[00:48:27] Like, I can't perceive any kind of delay or anything.
[00:48:32] Yeah, I think it's you for some reason.
[00:48:41] It's throwing me off because I'm really tuned.
[00:48:44] You know how tuned in the boy is, dude.
[00:48:47] I'm trying to fucking add little things.
[00:48:50] and then I'll say three immediately after.
[00:48:58] You have to be talking while Adam's talking,
[00:49:16] Yeah, and your audio isn't cutting off.
[00:49:20] Nick, if me and you talk at the same time,
[00:49:36] Nick's game, Nick's game, Nick's game, Nick's game, Nick's game.
[00:49:38] Okay, I hear every other word you're saying, Nick.
[00:49:47] I don't want to hear anything about you securing anything.
[00:49:50] Love Hina is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by-
[00:49:56] It's cool how we both have full beard now.
[00:50:03] And thank you for commenting on my full beard.
[00:50:08] That's got to just be a setting in Zoom.
[00:50:13] I can do it by zooming and it's only you that I've been experiencing.
[00:50:19] I don't think the answer would be because I'm using a mixer.
[00:50:30] I've done it with people that are on their phones,
[00:50:32] It's the only time I've ever experienced this.
[00:50:34] Yeah, that's why it's got to be a fucking set.
[00:50:36] Like, there's no way that having like an audio interface,
[00:50:59] I'm just saying it would be next level.
[00:51:07] How the Zoom headquarters in Tel Aviv changed-
[00:51:14] There's no way that it's not a thing where it's just a setting.
[00:51:19] I haven't had to repeat myself the entire time.
[00:51:22] Just because Adam doesn't listen to you ever and I'm very-
[00:51:44] I'm big Robin Williams chain over here, man.
[00:51:46] There's a really good video after he killed himself
[00:51:49] with just footage of flubbers that life goes on by too.
[00:51:54] Dude, have you guys seen that movie where he's like in-
[00:51:57] He's in hell because he's got to save his wife or whatever?
[00:52:03] No, there's a movie where he's like him and Cuba Good and Junior are in heaven.
[00:52:11] but I remember seeing it as a little kid and being like, damn, this is-
[00:52:17] He's like, what dreams may come or something?
[00:52:23] But then he saves her by going into hell and it's like a fucked up house.
[00:52:28] His wife's in hell because she fucking offs herself.
[00:52:37] That movie is saying Robin Williams is in hell, but I don't believe-
[00:52:47] Doing Free Association riffing with God.
[00:52:50] Doing something on Marilyn Monroe's team.
[00:52:52] Oh my god, the blow in heaven, can you imagine?
[00:52:56] I imagine him is like the more conversion where he's still young and fucking from
[00:53:04] It's like if you meet your wife in heaven again,
[00:53:06] she can be an old bitch or she can be a big fighter.
[00:53:08] No, she better have the titties going right, dude.
[00:53:16] Everybody gets a big fake ass in heaven, dude.
[00:53:20] When I do talk, it does take a minute for Zoom to switch
[00:53:34] No, it's just specific to Zoom because there's not like-
[00:53:40] I guess we could try Google, whatever the fuck.
[00:53:46] All I'm doing is pointing out something that I have noticed as an observant man.
[00:53:51] Yeah, I'm sure like that time it didn't do it.
[00:53:53] That time it immediately like went right back to where it should be.
[00:53:58] All I'm saying is any time both two people are talking and you're one of them,
[00:54:07] Yeah, that's got to be a setting in Zoom.
[00:54:14] and the problem is only happening when you have two inputs coming your way,
[00:54:18] then it can't be something that has to do with my shit.
[00:54:25] It's not like I'm the only one experiencing it, right Adam?
[00:54:32] If it's only when both of us are speaking,
[00:54:34] it's a variable that doesn't affect the fucking mixer.
[00:54:42] If both of us were going through the mixer and then back to the Zoom feed,
[00:54:46] then yes, that would make sense that that was the bottleneck.
[00:54:50] Listen brother, I don't know about technology.
[00:54:57] Maybe you have Adam set as a co-host and my shit is set as an
[00:55:00] I'm telling you bro, I've done a bunch of these.
[00:55:05] I can say you understand that something is wrong
[00:55:09] and that you haven't experienced it before.
[00:55:11] But you were diagnosed as that it's specifically the fact that I'm using a mixer is retarded.
[00:55:20] First of all, it's called the scientific method motherfucker.
[00:55:27] And the only fucking variable that I see is your shit.
[00:55:30] Control Adam is half the fucking USB mic as well.
[00:55:41] This is literally also a USB microphone.
[00:55:45] It also goes through like a universal serial bus.
[00:55:52] it converts an analog signal to a digital one and sends it through USB.
[00:55:57] Mine is doing the same exact fucking thing.
[00:56:01] You have to at least give me that it's a possibility.
[00:56:08] If it was constantly, there's a fucking delay.
[00:56:16] We proved that there's not a latency issue.
[00:56:18] What the issue is is that when I'm talking and Adam's talking,
[00:56:25] And I bet you if we had a guest, they would-
[00:56:30] unless they had the same setup, I suppose.
[00:56:35] So we're going to talk at the same time-
[00:56:53] Listen, you want to escape your family.
[00:57:21] You're going to bitch about us leaving in-
[00:57:27] You did contribute by going to Las Vegas
[00:57:41] It's good to pressure me laughing at you.
[00:57:44] That's what it sounds like when I fucking-
[00:57:59] The only man you can trust is a gay man.
[00:58:14] Because then it's still going through the mixer
[00:58:21] I bet you there's a way to do some kind of sound effect through Zoom.
[00:58:26] If I'm using the board then they're going-
[00:58:28] You just love the board and I get that.
[00:58:32] If we're going to get back there brother.
[00:58:37] It doesn't make any sense why the issue would be the board.
[00:58:39] Dude, all I'm telling you is that it's a possibility and you-
[00:58:50] Finally the quarantine has hit you somewhere-
[00:59:00] It's a matter of understanding the workflow
[00:59:09] If you fucking went to the doctor and you're like,
[00:59:12] Well, I'm wearing a hat today and my stomach hurts.
[00:59:20] none of them had a stomach ache and they didn't have hats on.
[00:59:33] Also, how do you know these guys on this beach are gay?
[00:59:40] Look, it's me and my boyfriend at the beginning.
[00:59:42] So I came to my group being his boyfriend.
[00:59:51] You're impression of me doing an impression of you.
[01:00:04] you know, a guy eats a hat and the other guy's ate food.
[01:00:14] But universally accepted that you are not supposed to eat hats.
[01:00:25] And they're doing something deliberately fucked up,
[01:00:30] It's not that I'm soaking my computer in water.
[01:00:45] I saw two guys that just had regular omelets
[01:01:11] and the sauce fucked you or your stomach up.
[01:01:17] You would have to demonstrate some reason
[01:01:19] as to why the sauce would fuck my stomach up.
[01:01:24] I don't get it because it's a digestive thing,
[01:01:26] and it's not a fucking one-to-one comparison.
[01:01:28] But it's like, I don't understand why me.
[01:01:35] You have to admit that's an extra step.
[01:01:37] Your shit is also run through something.
[01:01:39] It's just inside the fucking microphone.
[01:01:47] Sometimes it's the brilliance of a simple mind
[01:01:50] that gets to the solution of things, man.
[01:02:10] And then you're like, your shit's cutting out
[01:02:12] because you live in the middle of Mexico.
[01:02:18] Dude, honestly, as long as I could come visit
[01:02:25] We got unlimited friend pass to come hang out.
[01:02:54] Just like it hurt my feelings yesterday.
[01:02:55] When I sent you a picture of my painting,
[01:03:02] You had to run away because you were afraid of allergies.
[01:03:09] to distract myself from certain circumstances.
[01:03:14] Anytime I see that big ship that's coming here,
[01:03:23] That big ship, like it stops going to be married to it,
[01:03:26] I'm not going to be married to a big ship, dude.
[01:03:32] you're just coming into the living room and bringing you dinner.
[01:03:48] with the big cross painted on there, it's all white.
[01:03:53] Something is evocative to you of what my wife can be.
[01:03:57] Yeah, that big ship barely fitting under the Verrazano bridge.
[01:04:01] Your wife should be enormous, but still managed to float.
[01:04:05] Mm-hmm, this a buoyant woman, a buoyant helpful woman.
[01:04:14] oh, how can I put this kindly, a stately and buoyant?
[01:04:21] Yeah, that's a very graciously wide woman.
[01:04:41] Yeah, her pussy is trash, but she be floats.
[01:04:46] My wife, my, her, my wife, her pussy is trash.
[01:04:49] Oh, you don't even want to go near my wife's pussy.
[01:04:59] But listen, you're in the middle of the ocean.
[01:05:02] You want to grab onto one of those titties and
[01:05:04] fucking hold on for dear life because the bitch floats.
[01:05:13] No, I love her, but her pussy be trash.
[01:05:21] Yeah, I'm going to make some fucking...
[01:05:23] I'm about to make some pork fried rice, dude.
[01:05:36] Damn, I think my beard is turning gray now.
[01:05:42] I started playing Red Dead Redemption, Nick.
[01:05:49] no matter what, do not ever cut Arthur's beard.
[01:05:53] Adam was like, I want to do little gay outfits and stuff
[01:05:57] The entire time I was just at the store
[01:05:59] getting them different types of clothes.
[01:06:03] Yeah, I didn't get any haircuts and I didn't buy.
[01:06:08] No, you have to get a haircut before you go to the casino.
[01:06:14] I thought you have to go to the barber before you go to the casino.
[01:06:17] You literally don't have to do anything.
[01:06:18] You just sit in the chair and then you look at the options
[01:06:20] and then you get the fuck back up and you go to the casino.
[01:06:27] That's why you can't do this in real life.
[01:06:35] Yeah, I was going to shave because I'm almost,
[01:06:48] I'm going to have, I can't wait till my ponytail comes in.
[01:06:51] I'm in quarantine, so I'm not fucking shaving my face now.
[01:06:55] I'm going to grow this shit all the way.
[01:07:04] That's the other thing about the glasses.
[01:07:05] They're going to get Corona from Beard's.
[01:07:12] Yeah, but they don't touch their wives.
[01:07:22] Yes, my wife's pussy is a little bit trash.
[01:07:25] I think the blue thing feels that it's trash to me.
[01:07:32] I can't get over that guy coughing on that.
[01:07:40] Like when you're laughing, I can't hear you ever.
[01:07:46] I just like, I know it sounds okay on the recording.
[01:07:51] I'm just saying this is this is, this is,
[01:07:54] which honestly has been nice because I can't hear you laugh at all.
[01:07:57] So it makes me work harder for the riffs.
[01:07:59] Let's me dive into them a little bit more.
[01:08:04] So I have to like stop laughing so I can hear the follow up riffs.
[01:08:09] Maybe what we're doing is podcasting with fucking like weight vests on right now, dude.
[01:08:13] Dude, think how sharp we're going to be when we get into the same room again.
[01:08:18] Think of like we had never podcasted before.
[01:08:22] We're like those guys who built the Empire State Building.
[01:08:25] They're up there throwing hot rivets at each other blind.
[01:08:28] That's just because we trust each other.
[01:08:30] Those pictures of them having our eyes closed.
[01:08:33] Two real New Yorkers doing a job and then a girl at the bottom bringing lunch.
[01:08:44] Dude, you know what sucks about this is because I'm doing the screen recording.
[01:08:56] You got to rearrange, drag my shit up to the top.
[01:09:01] No, no, I think it's when you join the room.
[01:09:09] I was trying to figure out the Patreon thing.
[01:09:21] The best part is he's going to come up in the podcast
[01:09:27] that we can't hear whatever dumb shit Adam's saying right now.
[01:10:29] This is fun that I know I can do this now.
[01:10:31] Yeah, I only have two reaction options.
[01:10:39] Well, I'm glad to hear you're playing Red Dead.
[01:10:41] But I just played Warzone for the first time.
[01:10:46] Although I barely just got out of the...
[01:10:54] I just want to go be bad at the game now.
[01:11:01] I wish you could just power through a book.
[01:11:06] And then I'm going to fucking be hunting and shouldn't.
[01:11:09] Tying up Chinese guys and to feed them to alligators.
[01:11:12] Oh, I thought you meant the Warzone tutorials.
[01:11:17] It makes you do a fucking some stupid tutorial.
[01:11:21] No, I'm going to do that soon too, though.
[01:11:26] because it's fun to be bad at the game.
[01:11:30] I wish it sucks because there's not much replay value to Red Dead too.
[01:11:34] But if I could play that for the first time now...
[01:11:51] Dude, I did nothing for literally for two months.
[01:11:58] I remember we would come over and you weren't even doing the game.
[01:12:01] You were just looking for legendary animals.
[01:12:04] You were trying to ride as far away as possible.
[01:12:13] They were like, the entirety of the first game's map will be in this game.
[01:12:16] But it's not accessible until the end of the story.
[01:12:21] And it's kind of like an afterthought or whatever.
[01:12:26] I remember playing the first one way back in the day,
[01:12:29] I just played it the way you play Grand Theft Auto.
[01:12:38] Two might be the best game I've ever played.
[01:12:45] I can't wait to really dig my little fat nuts into it.
[01:12:51] Well, I'm gonna go fucking make fried rice and eat fucking...
[01:12:55] Or I'm gonna eat fried rice and play red dead.
[01:12:57] Yeah, I'm gonna make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
[01:13:02] What kind of jelly, if you don't mind me asking?
[01:13:10] I like that cherry and blueberry this time.
[01:13:24] That's the kind of thing a guy from Vegas would say.
[01:13:33] I can't wait to go to five guys and get some raspberry cheeseburger.
[01:13:41] Yeah, I can't wait to go to In-N-Out and get some raspberry cheeseburger.
[01:13:50] Am I gonna vegan, impossibly gay, raspberry?