Cum Town | Regular | 04/23/2020
[00:00:00] Okay, sorry about that folks Adam was just letting us know that he uh...
[00:00:09] I peed my pants. I have like a sensory return to my youth when I'm here.
[00:00:15] Yeah, that sucks dude. What do you think it was?
[00:00:20] I remember this time that my dad watching me get beat up by girls.
[00:00:28] It did happen once. Yeah, we were at our...
[00:00:31] We used to live in an apartment complex.
[00:00:35] We lived in an apartment complex and they had a pool there and a bunch of uh...
[00:00:40] I mean I don't want to make a class judgment but white trash girls were throwing me in the pool.
[00:00:45] And he was just sitting there watching it.
[00:00:48] This was two weeks ago and a bunch of six year old.
[00:00:51] The whole family went to the pool pool.
[00:00:53] They were like seniors in high school and I was like in sixth grade.
[00:00:59] Actually, what happened is this happened last week and they were four years old.
[00:01:02] No, this didn't happen last week. There's a shutdown order we wouldn't be at the pool.
[00:01:11] I'm wearing a shirt. I only literally...
[00:01:14] I brought like three shirts because I thought I was going to be here for a week.
[00:01:16] Why would he be asking you that question?
[00:01:19] Why would he be asking you that question?
[00:01:21] I thought Nick meant I'm wearing a collared shirt.
[00:01:24] I've been shirtless every time we've done this for the last...
[00:01:28] You just said on edge because we've exposed the fact that you were recently beat up by children
[00:01:34] I was a recent. It was when I was a kid.
[00:01:37] I think at that point we were probably also in that socioeconomic bracket.
[00:01:43] I keep forgetting to refill my pipe before we start this shit.
[00:01:57] This is why I started smoking a pipe again because I saw this pipe and I was like,
[00:02:05] Anybody that's never been to a tobaccanist go there because it's like a style of customer
[00:02:11] service that hasn't existed for like a hundred years.
[00:02:18] It just can't wait to make you a gentleman.
[00:02:21] What Stanley Tucci does is a gay man for women.
[00:02:27] These guys are like, you know, they're all Andres but not a hint of like, you know, trying
[00:02:38] They're trying to make you a gentleman.
[00:02:43] They're kind of Jidenta style, but there's no flourish to it.
[00:02:48] Yeah, they're like, they're like Albert, I guess, like fucking, you know, Albert who can we
[00:03:03] And they're so excited that somebody wants to get into pipes, you know, because it's like,
[00:03:07] Oh, if you're under 60 years old and you go in there, dude, they're fucking thrilled.
[00:03:12] I went in there one time and there was a guy or what was this time to get this thing.
[00:03:17] There was a guy just staring at the window complaining about immigrants smoking a cigar.
[00:03:24] Those are places that's this this is the kind of place you're getting there.
[00:03:29] Have you been a I watched there's like a bunch of cigar lounges in bedside and I didn't
[00:03:42] I went there once to watch a Sunday night football game because I didn't have TV and it was pretty
[00:03:51] I'm sure they appreciate you being there too.
[00:03:56] I didn't take pictures of the flash kept going off.
[00:04:01] Nick literally looks like Joshua and Benji.
[00:04:08] You have to see these I saw the other day trying to enjoy their life.
[00:04:25] One of them was actually black, but actually now you're counting.
[00:04:32] No, I was I was, you know, it's not my space.
[00:04:40] It's still tastes nice even though there's no, you know, I can't get any.
[00:04:44] Maybe I should start smoking cigars, dude.
[00:04:53] I might do because I'm having smoked weed and I'm getting fucking bored.
[00:05:09] I had an edible at night and then I was just alone in bed being like everyone in your
[00:05:30] How come no one ever says that with the bad drifts?
[00:05:34] They're like, yeah, I had a great trip.
[00:05:36] It's like, yeah, I had a really bad one.
[00:05:37] I met God and he confirmed that I'm just a fucking narcissist doing drugs.
[00:05:45] Having early teenage experiences with drugs up until age 40.
[00:05:54] I really, back in my day, I used to be great at it.
[00:06:03] If I start smoking weed, it's really game over because I'm barely doing anything right
[00:06:07] If I smoke weed, it's just going to be like just watching for me today.
[00:06:12] A couple months ago, I tried to get back into it and I bought a bong at Chelsea market.
[00:06:21] I bought a bong, but it's just I can't.
[00:06:27] I was I was I thought it was funny that they had a bong school.
[00:06:30] Chelsea markets where you go to get like a fuck Trump bamboo steamer.
[00:06:40] And then the Nancy Pelosi oven mitt for a baby.
[00:06:48] My friend was some of my in DC foodie with Sunday a couple months ago when he had a kid.
[00:06:53] They have a baby store in DC that's just like she persisted onesies.
[00:06:57] I mean, DC's the absolute fucking worst for that.
[00:07:07] I mean, that city was already like pushing it.
[00:07:10] And now it's like fucking completely over the edge.
[00:07:14] When I saw the DTLR became a soul cycle, that was.
[00:07:18] You should you should took a big hit that day, brother.
[00:07:22] Dude, I mean, I remember there was like there was some store like one of those like apothecary
[00:07:27] fucking mason jar light bulb stores in pet.
[00:07:32] And this was already, I don't know what eight years ago.
[00:07:37] They got in early and they they had stuff with their Edison bulb.
[00:07:40] Yeah, they had stuff that like, you know, shirts like for babies that say I am pet worth.
[00:07:47] Like literally that you are older than the gentrification in this fucking neighborhood.
[00:07:57] My grandfather did buy my dad a house in a neighborhood that black people used to live
[00:08:03] You can still smell the exhaust fumes from the U-hole from the black family that had
[00:08:09] It could not be any less you stupid fucking baby.
[00:08:30] He's like, I'm not this is not between this between me and the baby sir.
[00:08:35] You put the shirt on him because you wanted him to experience this.
[00:08:39] Fuck that baby's not even going to live to see pet like it's like a remember pet worth
[00:08:48] That baby's parents are moving out and renting that to fucking fucking losers and then going
[00:08:54] I don't know back to fucking Alexandria Chevy Chase.
[00:08:59] Yeah, I was I was in DC somewhat recently.
[00:09:02] I'm trying to there was a handful of like really obnoxious things that I heard and saw
[00:09:10] Yeah, like I I can't cast a group of people and they were saying something about there
[00:09:14] was like it's the opening was there was a yoga instructor and they were like doing something
[00:09:19] about not assuming people's pronouns and how it was really cool actually.
[00:09:23] Like I just like there was all of these things that they were just going to do PR for fucking
[00:09:32] They're they're they're loud Twitter account for fucking.
[00:09:35] To post like how like fucking their gender.
[00:09:40] Yeah, they're like except all different.
[00:09:42] This is actually I work for a non-profit that accuses victims of sexual assault of being
[00:09:58] Now I wish there's I mean there's like fuck Trump stickers everywhere and fucking like
[00:10:03] just imagine like you're like you're doing micro Banksy graffiti in 2020.
[00:10:12] They do they just found out about Banksy.
[00:10:18] I saw a really good t-shirt last time I was there which it was a like a you know like
[00:10:24] Rosie the Riveter looking at bitch awareness any responsible adult 2020 shirt just like
[00:10:37] They are definitely the broad if Hillary won we'd be a brunch ass mother fuck that's
[00:10:41] the most if Hillary won we'd be a brunch right now ask that's a in the crying at the Javits
[00:10:47] The whole city right now is on one group zoom meeting having brunch and looking out their
[00:10:52] window looking for neighbors to call the police on for not.
[00:10:59] They're all they all cannot wait to send somebody to jail for not social distancing.
[00:11:05] It's a golden age for snitching these days.
[00:11:11] No, I haven't snitched once I've been doing my part.
[00:11:13] I looked at it all the time was a virus to get like anybody even remotely to the left
[00:11:18] of center to be against the idea of like freedom in its entirety.
[00:11:23] Like anything revolving like people are like we want liberty and people are like why are
[00:11:28] It's just the entire concept is just gone and that you should be calling the police on
[00:11:35] Nobody's even like I mean this people that like understand instinctually that it's wrong
[00:11:44] You should call the police on people violating if children are social distancing or not social
[00:11:48] distancing you should call the police on them.
[00:11:51] And our reasonable people are in a position where they have to be like well he's wrong
[00:11:55] but you know you should call the police on those children.
[00:12:01] Yeah, you can't be fucking snitching man.
[00:12:19] Have you never have you ever had a conversation with a police officer?
[00:12:22] Well when I got punched in the face that one time I you spit in his face you're like fuck
[00:12:29] I just told them I was like no no punching people in the face around.
[00:12:33] No no that's what you said to the cop who tried to help you.
[00:12:38] I'll never tell on a fellow brother of Brooklyn or a fellow brother of Bedstuy.
[00:12:44] Spread love it's the Brooklyn Way officer.
[00:12:47] Have you ever heard of the notorious B.I.G. officer?
[00:12:52] Live from Bedford Stuyvesant the liveest one.
[00:12:55] Dude I really wanted to get Nick and I those alternate nets jerseys this year that said
[00:13:04] That'd be so funny just walking to the bodega way.
[00:13:17] Black history month and a tattooed on my face.
[00:13:25] Just do you have any wishing everyone a happy black.
[00:13:28] Let me get a let me get this 40 ounce of Saint-Aids and do you have any Kente cloth
[00:13:35] Yeah, I know it's March but I'm trying to keep the party going.
[00:13:45] March is the after party to black history month.
[00:13:47] Yeah, let me get a chopped cheese in a Kente cloth dew rag baby.
[00:13:54] Yeah, no I stayed here throughout the coronavirus.
[00:14:07] I moved in right before and I stayed throughout.
[00:14:14] Do you think there's people that are going to be buying up fucking parts of Brooklyn or
[00:14:22] I wonder if there's going to be like a I don't I think probably the real estate dip was a
[00:14:32] But there's always like foreign money coming in.
[00:14:34] What about all the like fucking mom and pop stores that are going to close?
[00:14:39] I mean half the half the bodegas are now that like natural grosser bullshit.
[00:14:46] You know what this means that I didn't think about?
[00:14:49] Suites for the sweeties is fucking closed boys.
[00:14:51] You know it's a cool thing that's we never got to go to the streets or the three days.
[00:14:56] And we never had got to have a malt to share a malt that sweets for sweeties.
[00:14:59] So cool thing that they do in New York is like you know all those Kennedy fried chicken
[00:15:05] So I mean it's like a it's like pretty close to being like a trademark violation of Kentucky
[00:15:13] But the intellectual property of Kentucky Kennedy fried chicken isn't enforced internally.
[00:15:19] So it's like this any black person can just open a business called Kennedy fried chicken.
[00:15:25] That's awesome because there was a Kennedy fried chicken in East Baltimore that I thought
[00:15:28] was a chain but the menu is completely different from anything.
[00:15:32] There's just a name any of them can use and there was one that changes into Obama fried
[00:15:37] I think it's still Obama fried chicken.
[00:15:42] I can't wait for Adam to a guy in that in like a bedside Jersey to be like um oh why
[00:15:49] don't you just call it war criminal fried chicken.
[00:15:54] Do you know how many people were killed at weddings?
[00:16:04] I love their I love their I love that it's like no standardized menu and also what they
[00:16:13] Fucking fried chicken, subs, ice cream for some Chinese food.
[00:16:19] Some some of the egg rolls and low mane and rocks.
[00:16:23] Apparently it's a good one that's like whole all that's very good.
[00:16:33] I was going to go on that guy fucking bullshit.
[00:16:40] I went ground turkey because again I need nothing but like lean protein.
[00:16:52] I made a whole like I was hacking peanuts.
[00:16:56] I made a bolognese a couple of days ago with ground turkey.
[00:17:00] Yeah, but you probably use like the regular ground turkey that has like that's what like
[00:17:07] Even that even that little bit of fat like makes a world of difference plus all the sauce
[00:17:12] Yeah, you put a bunch of shit in there.
[00:17:14] In fact, the best the best shit for like making breakfast sausages is is like a fatty ground
[00:17:21] When I used to make like breakfast patties, I preferred that a report.
[00:17:26] It's a little like rosemary fucking black pepper, maybe a little bit of sage.
[00:17:33] Is any ground turkey fatty though or are you talking like the 90 10?
[00:17:35] I got the shit that's fucking yeah like 90 10.
[00:17:37] I'm talking like the like I have 99% fat free ground.
[00:17:41] Where the fuck do you even buy that at the grocery at the grocery store is just opened
[00:17:47] I need to get some fucking psyllium husks because I'm shooting like once a week now and it
[00:17:57] What are we talking just a big fat lump of shit?
[00:17:59] Well, it's just like dancing and the toilet won't flush.
[00:18:03] Bro, let me tell you the shits are flowing in this apartment.
[00:18:09] Yeah, I mean, it's a flowing like a faucet.
[00:18:11] I had I was like, I ate nothing but fucking peppers as like a meal, you know, to like
[00:18:18] I'm like, I'm going to get all my fiber in and force for something through here, nothing.
[00:18:24] That's why I'm drinking these smoothies.
[00:18:29] The problem with smoothies is like, you know, you have them like then you just blew a whole
[00:18:35] Now, dude, you like this shit is literally you're not bag of spinach.
[00:18:40] I know, but you're not on like a like a calorie deficit.
[00:18:43] So like the motherfucker, I'm saying this much spinach is like 70 calories.
[00:18:47] So you got nothing in there, but fucking spinach.
[00:18:49] I have I have like a couple of some frozen berries and literally water.
[00:18:56] I mean, I would say you put an apple in there, some apple juice or something to fucking sweeten
[00:19:00] it up, but just trying to go like green smoothie.
[00:19:06] The only healthy thing I eat of, you know, my whole life.
[00:19:12] I mean, that's the only thing keeping my system flowing during this pandemic is I have one
[00:19:15] of these disgusting green smoothies every day and I shit out the I also made some fucking
[00:19:21] Yeah, as requested by my roommates and I got in the kitchen and I shafted up.
[00:19:25] I got to figure out a way to get through the rest of these fucking Kirkland burger patties
[00:19:28] because I those those are real fatty and I have those in my house.
[00:19:33] I plug them in and it's like they're two I can't use them.
[00:19:36] That's like you do half you could fucking break them up with turkey.
[00:19:39] Now what I'm doing is I eat the whole thing because they're frozen.
[00:19:43] Yeah, and then I just subtract that fat from the next meal, you know, just to get through
[00:19:57] I could maybe I could just be drinking more water too, but I mean, I'm like not shitting
[00:20:06] You're going to come out of this like a little butterfly, dude.
[00:20:13] Well, this will probably go on for another 18 months.
[00:20:36] I thought you were saying that as a joke.
[00:20:39] It's come up like five times in the last three months.
[00:20:43] Bro, I don't remember anything we talk about ever on this fucking show.
[00:20:48] It feels like we just have a conversation.
[00:20:50] I don't log our conversations in my head.
[00:20:58] Well, yeah, I haven't even I can't even play doom eternal anymore.
[00:21:02] I'm just like I just stare at the fucking energy.
[00:21:17] You do two pushups and you're like I look good or whatever.
[00:21:23] Once a year you'll pretend like you're going to the gym and then just lie about what you
[00:21:28] No, I've been I've been doing every day since I've been.
[00:21:30] It's always like, yeah, I'm benching like 145.
[00:21:38] What a 12 year old girl should be able to.
[00:21:41] There's a picture that Nick has on his phone that he uses.
[00:21:46] That is one of your most unflattering pictures I've ever seen in my life.
[00:21:50] I was honestly I gasped when I saw how much of a bitch you look for.
[00:21:55] Anytime I was bad, I didn't want to look like that.
[00:21:57] Anytime we're arguing things get too hot, Nick can just reply with the picture.
[00:22:01] It's about the gym like I've only dropped that on you when you specifically try to like
[00:22:17] It'd be like if I was like, oh, I'm going to take I'm going to go.
[00:22:20] I'm going to go, you know, I don't know the racetrack or something.
[00:22:23] You with your car and then I post pictures of you crying at like a go-kart course.
[00:22:34] You remember when you said I'm getting really into racing and then you cried because four
[00:22:43] I'm one of the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
[00:22:47] I just have never seen someone struggle with that little weight and it makes you look
[00:22:55] Normally it makes you look truly like an emaciated woman.
[00:23:02] I was doing just the bar for form before I put the waist on, but it does look like I'm
[00:23:20] It looks like you're doing a Joaquin Phoenix make your body look shitty and fucked up in
[00:23:39] His posture's all fucked up in the master too.
[00:23:41] I know he's supposed to be playing a crazy guy, but it's like I don't think.
[00:23:44] Well, he's supposed to in the master, I think he's a guy who got like shell shocked from
[00:23:49] So I think it's supposed to look like he was injured or something.
[00:23:57] Have you seen the movie where he maybe gladiated?
[00:23:59] Everybody's got to have like, you know, you were the little outfit.
[00:24:04] He's semi in Rome or not Rome in 300 where everyone had to be jacked.
[00:24:08] Like even the character that's like the mailman.
[00:24:12] The guy that's just the guy that's back in Sparta who like is just, you know, he hangs
[00:24:17] He's like, well, we had like a war or something.
[00:24:20] He's like, Oh, yeah, I don't know about that.
[00:24:23] I work in even the fucked up like retarded guy that snitches on them as like abs underneath
[00:24:29] Like, yeah, he's like a strong, but like it's weird.
[00:24:33] If the altis, they named the name for a nightmare is named after that guy's name.
[00:24:39] I'm going to come out of this looking like Leo Nitis though.
[00:25:12] It seems like he's enjoying the Leo Negro Decaprio.
[00:25:20] It's a, it's a, Nick, we need some kind of famous lines from his movies in some way.
[00:25:27] I mean, naturally, that's where that would go.
[00:25:29] Okay, so no, let's, I want to hear that.
[00:25:33] Naturally, you would say the thing and then walk the bit out to its natural conclusion.
[00:25:41] Hey, we got no, now it's like, we got another 35 minutes here.
[00:25:47] It's a black guy singing in the dead of night.
[00:25:59] Well, that's even better than what you.
[00:26:01] Yeah, that's much better than black birds sucking on my dick.
[00:26:06] Well, I just thought it's funny if the people saying that about a black, a black guy.
[00:26:11] Why couldn't it be black guy sucking on my dick?
[00:26:15] Think about adding a new twist to an old familiar.
[00:26:20] So I guess we can change it to black guys sucking on my dick.
[00:26:29] You think it'll be ethically wrong for me to go ride the, the East River ferry right
[00:26:45] No one's on there though, because it's like, you know, I love taking that ferry.
[00:26:49] That's literally what I ripped Ian for.
[00:26:51] But this time it's about something I enjoy and not riding a bicycle around.
[00:26:55] Taking that, taking that ferry is, is, it's like a nice mini cruise in the middle of your
[00:27:09] Did you pick it up at Brooklyn Heights?
[00:27:25] You walk, you walk around Brooklyn Bridge Park, then you take the ferry.
[00:27:28] It's a classic, classic New York City date.
[00:27:49] For a nice little boat ride for the two of us.
[00:27:55] If I was cheap, I'd take the Staten Island ferry.
[00:28:14] And honestly, that's a beautiful portrayal of interracial, of modern love.
[00:28:21] I feel like embarrassed of what it looks like.
[00:28:25] I think it probably looks kind of lame.
[00:28:28] But, you know, I'm trying to protect my image.
[00:28:31] It's at this point, my image is completely lame.
[00:28:46] What's the deal with the never seeing each other?
[00:28:54] They were saying he's brain dead, I thought.
[00:28:59] Now they've got something in common with our, our, our frickin leader.
[00:29:05] You're seeing, you're seeing like Tom does that kind of like this.
[00:29:10] You know what he's got a real good one.
[00:29:13] What he's got a real good when he wants to punctuate.
[00:29:25] I don't know when he gets like, he goes like a little bit too far.
[00:29:33] It's always about how we want someone to die.
[00:29:44] I made a joke about how he shouldn't be harassing him this day and day.
[00:29:48] A reporter, you started a mass report campaign against you.
[00:29:51] Yeah, I said we need, I had sent it to some of the women from the meat.
[00:30:03] Well, I'll tell you though, Tom can stay.
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[00:33:24] And look, they said, you know, we're, we're not just fucking, we're not just admin.
[00:33:36] Who has been 100% correct on this thing the whole time has said that it is okay to get
[00:33:46] I second and third hand, I think I heard him say that.
[00:33:53] They were like, no, that was the New York thing.
[00:33:54] But they said, like, look, I know people, you know, it's got to suck to be somebody
[00:33:59] And then quarantine started and it was like three days and people are like, Oh my God,
[00:34:04] And to be the guy that's like, yeah, that's a long time.
[00:34:15] I guess I'll just play video games for a decade.
[00:34:22] Anyway, I'm just going to stay here with my parents.
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[00:34:37] And then when the quarantine ends, guess who you can take two, three pills at a time.
[00:34:45] Yeah, just rock star rock star car washer way through the fucking unemployment line.
[00:34:56] You just take a dick pill in front of a woman.
[00:35:00] Hey, listen, bitch, you only this for later, bitch.
[00:35:13] You mean two's old news, Joey Biden's a Democratic nominee.
[00:35:16] Everybody's getting pussy anyway they want it.
[00:35:23] Did that tweet from the New York Times?
[00:35:27] Like, no history evidence that he did anything other than fucking what people said he did.
[00:35:32] He's sniffing other than the well-sourced.
[00:35:37] The whole accounts of people of him touching.
[00:35:40] You know, next time you have one of these, I didn't see it.
[00:35:46] Because what would happen if you didn't see it?
[00:35:49] You would have said something cool about it?
[00:35:55] Yeah, I would have come in with a cool day.
[00:35:59] bluetooth.com promo code comtown promo code Joe Biden.
[00:36:08] I'd like to slip him a couple of blue juice.
[00:36:13] He seems like even if he's senile, he seems virile still.
[00:36:22] What kind of fucking hijinks he would get up to?
[00:36:24] What kind of 80 style Senator type behavior he would get up to?
[00:36:32] Porky's drilling holes in the locker room wall.
[00:36:35] Would it be worth it to rewatch Porky's this afternoon?
[00:36:37] There's all this shit that I want to do.
[00:36:40] I remember that I think like, oh, that would be fun.
[00:36:43] And what I'm just remembering is when I enjoyed weed as a teenager.
[00:36:48] You do get to see what's her name Kim Cottrell's hooters.
[00:36:51] If I were to smoke weed now, I would stare at the fucking wall and do nothing.
[00:36:57] What I've been doing, you know what I would do is I would justify having one serving of
[00:37:02] seaweed snacks and then end up eating like 15 packages of them.
[00:37:12] I would completely blow my diet, but then on bullshit.
[00:37:18] I would eat fucking like nine bags of rice cakes.
[00:37:25] Just not really just sort of slightly wincing every time you're like, dude, I do this.
[00:37:31] When you like when you have like compulsive behavior and like you start going off the
[00:37:35] rails with something, you're like, fuck it.
[00:37:41] Just like no matter what, you just can't stop.
[00:37:42] Oh, I had a nice little run last night.
[00:37:46] Just know you're like, let me have some, a little sweet on the way out, but we didn't
[00:37:51] I literally, I was just fucking eating cereals.
[00:37:52] I was just like, yeah, peanut butter in the cereal and mixing it up and entire bag.
[00:37:58] Like I think at one time, I ate an entire barrel of those honey braided like twist pretzels
[00:38:04] because I was like, I'm going to let myself have one.
[00:38:08] And I was like, well, guess I learned my guess I learned my lesson so much for trying.
[00:38:15] Time to sit here and over the course of two and a half hours, eat 15,000 calories worth.
[00:38:35] They're not, they're not barrel eat worthy brother.
[00:38:43] That's the thing is like if you were an alcoholic, you would be one of these like fucking like,
[00:38:48] you know, like whiskey or scotch tasting kind of guys.
[00:38:52] You're not like a fucking 30 cores light sort of dudes.
[00:39:02] I had to pull them up to make sure I had the right one.
[00:39:04] Hey, Jamie, let's get that on the screen.
[00:39:08] Take a look at, let me remember what these look like.
[00:39:14] Just not enough flavoring for me though.
[00:39:17] First of all, too great a snack brands, Sniders and us.
[00:39:25] I don't know that I can follow you all the way on Snyder.
[00:39:26] The Snyder's rectangular box, hard sourdough pretzels.
[00:39:35] You're not going to hear a fucking peep out of me about that.
[00:39:37] And also the- I just don't see the versatility of the Snyder's brand, but go ahead.
[00:39:40] Yeah, they have like pretzel bites that are covered in like-
[00:39:49] And they have a buffalo situation now too.
[00:39:51] They're going, they had like a weird like onion one also.
[00:39:56] I remember I had a bag of those in my dumb bitch stepmom when I was like 15 was trying
[00:40:00] to tell me that I couldn't eat them in the apartment because she was allergic to onions
[00:40:04] And I was like, you're just trying to find any way to-
[00:40:10] This is the one thing I'm enjoying, bitch.
[00:40:13] The smallest thing away from me, a bag of pretzels I bought at the gas station.
[00:40:18] Dusted with something that's probably going to give me-
[00:40:22] It's going to make it so I can't have a family of my own.
[00:40:26] So I will also be relegated to the world of step parenting like you.
[00:40:34] If only you had had that to tell her right then that would have really shut her bitch ass
[00:40:44] This would be a bad time to get tested to their cancer.
[00:40:49] I feel like we don't, I don't know anyone that's had ball cancer.
[00:41:04] But I think it's early twenties you get it.
[00:41:11] I think I hear your, your tiny balls filling with tears.
[00:41:16] Oh, that's the only thing that might save you is how small your balls are.
[00:41:21] It's not enough surface area for the cancer.
[00:41:24] And when they grow it's too micro-sparkety grow.
[00:41:36] Didn't your nut keep getting twisted or something?
[00:41:40] No, I got, I had like a cyst on one of my nuts that I thought was a tumor.
[00:41:44] And I went to the doctor and they were like, yeah, it's just a cyst.
[00:41:49] No, it was a Chinese doctor who just like his equipment was like, there was like, like
[00:41:54] doctors all of his machines just jammed into the room.
[00:41:58] And then it was like a bucket of Magnum condoms.
[00:42:01] And he was like, okay, yeah, I'll pull your pants down and let me take a look.
[00:42:06] You know, he's like one of those like New York Chinese guys.
[00:42:10] And he's like, he's like, okay, yeah, I can definitely feel it.
[00:42:16] You know, if it fucking gives you problems in the future, maybe you come back, we'll
[00:42:19] do ultrasound, but for this, it's a cyst.
[00:42:23] He's like, okay, let me check your prostate real quick.
[00:42:29] Dude, the Chinese rock, if I was going to, that's why it must be okay to like, you know,
[00:42:33] because I figure over there, you work in a factory for 10 years and you're 27.
[00:42:36] They're like, yeah, you have every type of cancer.
[00:42:38] But the doctors probably like, hey, sorry, slick, but hey, don't worry.
[00:42:45] And then you're like, yeah, I guess that is life.
[00:42:48] Yeah, you just fucking be 12 hours a day, six days a week.
[00:42:59] They have like their country music is that big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,
[00:43:03] That I do know that we've talked about.
[00:43:10] This is going to be the clinic as a scandal.
[00:43:16] I'm saying, yeah, no, it definitely sounds like that.
[00:43:23] He's a Chinese Chinese country music musician.
[00:43:46] Rushing him out of his store or something like that.
[00:43:48] I mean, you know, instead of pickup trucks, I got rich trucks.
[00:44:01] That'd be funny if you were a Chinese in cell trying to do like run people over, but you
[00:44:08] Yes, that's trying to do like a truck attack with a rich shot.
[00:44:31] That one's kind of a connect the dots, Brian.
[00:45:12] Yeah, I'd like the approach of Johnny Cash only more than just kind of.
[00:45:23] The chats got to be going wild right now.
[00:45:35] I don't care if you came over there first.
[00:45:37] We'll arrive on it five minutes later and do it wrong.
[00:46:01] You'd think it'd be a voice, but no, he sounds just like Johnny Cash,
[00:46:26] So you can't remember her name and then you also don't have a thing to pair it with.
[00:46:41] Oh, give me one of the names so I cannot have an idea for it.
[00:46:46] It wasn't like, let me see if this fit.
[00:46:51] I'm trying to remember country people's names and then you got to build off the name.
[00:47:10] I feel like Chinese people call shrimps prawns more than the average person.
[00:47:18] I never knew him at all and then he died.
[00:47:25] He's got a weird fucked up cheeky face.
[00:48:31] I think it's people from what I can tell on the screen.
[00:48:34] But I haven't played because I'm sure that women have ruined it.
[00:48:39] It's the girl video game of quarantine.
[00:49:04] It would suck to date one of those female streamers.
[00:49:15] They're trying to unseat you with every fucking, every donation.
[00:49:18] Yeah, we're giving her coins or something.
[00:49:22] It would suck to date a woman that publicly sexualizes herself.
[00:49:30] Yeah, I can see how that would be humiliating.
[00:49:38] Yeah, it would suck to date a dumb bitch.
[00:49:46] Dennis, listen, we got some competition.
[00:49:57] It would be better if it was Randy Quaid had a podcast.
[00:50:06] I'm going to be here with the Chinese country singers.
[00:50:19] If it was like Waylin and then Chinese Jennings.
[00:50:27] When you have a good way, you've got a Blavian Jennings.
[00:50:38] It's worse than if it was Chinese Waylin Jennings.
[00:50:43] But if Chinese in the middle makes it even worse.
[00:50:53] And also, listen to this, Michael and Pierioli and Steve Sharipa have a fucking
[00:51:00] From the Sopranos have a Sopranos podcast.
[00:51:06] I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm going to.
[00:51:09] I haven't listened to a podcast since the quarantine, but...
[00:51:13] Damn, I wish I had your projects though.
[00:51:15] I should probably check that Chinese country singer thing because now I'm just
[00:51:21] I just bounced around in my head all day.
[00:51:58] I wonder how much it costs to have a crazy taxi machine delivered to my apartment.
[00:52:10] Ain't nothing wrong with getting a slice of pussy.
[00:52:24] Ain't nothing wrong with chopping a bitch's pubic hair off and putting it in their pussy
[00:52:27] dipping it and then saving it for later.
[00:52:40] That's more of what's going on in my head.
[00:53:16] Beijing Jennings works a little bit better.
[00:53:57] I don't know that many country guys, man.
[00:54:15] You could do better with Brooks and done.
[00:54:19] I got to look up most famous country music.
[00:54:22] Cause that's the, that's the real problem.
[00:55:33] Oh, instead of Alan Jackson, you could do Alan bat, bat soup.
[00:56:26] There are also be awesome black ladies named.
[00:57:19] No, we just we take it back to the classics and you don't really.
[00:57:22] Maybe I put a little bit too much chili oil on this one and over the.
[00:57:30] The Dixie chinks is probably the that's where that beaks for me.
[00:57:35] That's probably the best one word play wise.
[00:57:52] It's Glen people and he's forgotten how to play guitar and the only thing he can remember.
[00:58:38] Yeah, I thought about that one early, but doesn't fit.
[00:58:50] They don't really use bell peppers in their.
[00:58:54] In a Kung Pao chicken, there's bell pepper and peanut.
[00:59:07] There are so many shitty country musicians.
[00:59:27] That it's about going to men's restrooms.
[00:59:36] The Florida Georgia line is a very bad name for a music artist.
[00:59:52] I'm assuming a slip border between those two states.
[00:59:56] Now, is the Panhandle Alabama and Florida?
[01:00:01] It's boys piss boys pissed off or something.
[01:00:26] I bet just like one of those wrap rock country groups called Panda Express.
[01:00:41] I bet instead of Dwight Yocum, it's drink Yocum.
[01:00:48] That's isn't that the guy from Slingblade?
[01:00:55] Oh, I thought that was the character's name.
[01:01:05] You thought you thought the name of the character in the movie is Dwight Yocum.
[01:01:12] Cause we've talked about it before and I thought you guys were saying what?
[01:01:15] No, Nick talks about how he likes Dwight Yocum's character in Slingblade because he's always getting the band back together.
[01:01:22] Just to make this clear, you thought the character Sling blades.
[01:01:27] No one calls him Slingblade in the movie.
[01:01:32] So it was just I just assumed the guy's name was Dwight Yocum and that like Slingblade was his nickname.
[01:01:39] No, I don't think they believe Bob Thorne is Slingblade.
[01:01:41] Slingblade is not the character's nickname at all.
[01:01:44] There's not a character named Slingblade in the movie.
[01:01:58] I thought that was a cool nickname for like a murder.
[01:02:00] Yeah, Carl Childers is the name of the character, but they repeatedly refer to him as Carl.
[01:02:10] I assumed his nickname was Slingblade and the guy's name was Dwight Yocum.
[01:02:14] You have to admit Dwight Yocum is a retarded guy's and it's sounding name.
[01:02:17] I think it's a cool sounding name personally.
[01:02:19] Dan, I wonder where we watch Slingblade.
[01:02:21] If you've never seen Slingblade, you should watch it.
[01:02:36] I came out maybe 97, but it was like something like that.
[01:03:03] I remember that just that that era of movies just makes me think about like, do you remember when Hollywood's fucking big
[01:03:13] That was the thing that's that was like that was like as me as a little kid, I thought celebrities like, you know, because they always talked about things.
[01:03:20] So I thought that they could do stuff, you know, right?
[01:03:23] I didn't know the difference between somebody who was rich and somebody who was famous and somebody who was the president.
[01:03:31] And they're all the presidents and and the biggest issues at the time when I was a kid where the death penalty.
[01:03:46] Two things that based on like award shows celebrity seemed to care about.
[01:03:51] And then nothing happened with the death penalty.
[01:03:56] I guess the Oklahoma bombing happened and then they were like, oh, never mind.
[01:04:00] Maybe terrorism and mass shootings, like ticked up and they were like, oh, I guess we do want to kill some people.
[01:04:09] But that was then we had Rwanda was a bit for a while.
[01:04:15] Yeah, the celebrities don't give a shit about things like that.
[01:04:22] Every every award show something comes up and I feel like Rwanda or just like genocide or what?
[01:04:28] Darfur Darfur is like where that kind of started, but that was like a one off.
[01:04:33] I mean, I mean, I mean, Bosnia was like a fucking big deal.
[01:04:37] And like celebrity again, literally James Cameron's whole fucking speech was about like,
[01:04:43] can we have a moment of silence for the victims of the Titanic as like bombs were dropping.
[01:04:50] Dude, that that that speech is hilarious because he's full blown autistic.
[01:04:57] And at the end of the speech, he's like, and to close things off and he's like,
[01:05:02] I'm the king of the world and then bombs bombs in the right.
[01:05:09] And that's where you would say we was Kang's of the world with yeah, we really can't leave
[01:05:14] me grow to cap if that had been beautiful given given the light of day.
[01:05:22] Yeah, well, no, but we had black guys singing in the dead of now.
[01:05:44] It's probably better if his black girl singing.
[01:05:55] Yeah, I was trying to rework perfection.
[01:06:18] An extra sweet onion chicken turkey sauce.
[01:06:23] I put more of the sweet onion sauce on there.
[01:06:45] After this clears up and we're all working in the gig economy, if you can bring your talent,
[01:06:51] Let's just say in a lot of these, like, you know, some-
[01:06:55] I don't want to say younger comics because most of them are my major older, but you know,
[01:06:59] people that are relatively new to the business, 10, 15 years in, and things aren't really
[01:07:08] If you just try bringing your talent to the people directly, just show up.
[01:07:15] Go into predomange and say, you know, you're like, hmm, so I like fuck like six guys this
[01:07:26] They're like, oh, it's $8.75 and you're like, no, I'm trading my art.
[01:07:34] I'm about to observe how guys don't have more than one set of bed sheets.
[01:07:43] Yeah, please just letting me eat out of the garbage.
[01:07:47] I want to see some of those- I'm not homeless.
[01:07:52] And I got declined for an only fans account.
[01:07:58] If there's an old, a sigh bowl, I might be able to lick.
[01:08:03] And a sigh keying wobble that I could perhaps eat out of the garbage.
[01:08:11] I mean, maybe we should become farmers.
[01:08:23] That's part of the whole compound dream, man, is you get a big plot of land and you get-
[01:08:30] You bring people that have skills, shared resources, nobody owns anything.
[01:08:35] Manda Tori fucking gun ownership for everybody lives on the fucking thing.
[01:08:41] For starters, you will have a firearm and you will know how to use it.
[01:08:50] Damn, I'm pissed they don't call the guy, Sling Blade in the movie.
[01:09:01] Everybody gets a big, big fucking thing.
[01:09:10] Because every system fails because people are terrible.
[01:09:18] You see, I didn't think of it as more like a lot of people being there.
[01:09:21] I thought of it as like, you know, you and your family.
[01:09:35] You know who is kind of a piece of ass?
[01:09:45] I always thought he was ugly and then I watched that documentary and I was like, he's kind
[01:09:57] There's some picture where he looks good.
[01:10:00] He looked ten years younger with the hair grown-up.
[01:10:08] Yeah, well, we're going to let it run and I'm going to get this bald ponytail, boys.
[01:10:13] Stop is kind of right about how he has hair, but he keeps it short.
[01:10:19] I gotta shave my head or do something or cut my hair.
[01:10:23] You shave your head, you look like a straight up white national.
[01:10:28] Well, I can't- I mean, I guess I could- I cut my own hair for years, so I probably still
[01:10:33] Maybe I'll take a stab at it and see if I can do it.
[01:10:36] You should give yourself dumb little haircuts.
[01:10:49] Should look like that bitch- old British bitch Twiggy.
[01:11:01] Like a, you know, kind of like a 70s sort of- No, it's seen, dude.
[01:11:38] You look like Velma from fucking Scooby-Doo right now.
[01:11:47] You look like a lady that works at the bank, dude.
[01:11:51] You look like a lady that works at the bank, dude.
[01:11:56] You look like shit trying to- Stop playing on that.
[01:12:10] It looks like your doo-op group just got fucking taken by.
[01:12:37] You look like you from someone's office.
[01:12:42] If I have to come back there, it's like, yeah.
[01:13:08] I'll do a- I'm doing an advice show on Twitch if you want to tune in on Fridays at 6.
[01:13:19] There's a number you can call and I will solve all your problems.
[01:13:27] Maybe I should get some kind of project going.
[01:13:32] I'm just the way I stop the way that the only thing that's caught me from not wanting to kill myself 24-7 is I just plan some activity every day and I just do it and then I go to bed.
[01:13:41] Maybe I'll start a YouTube account called J. Leno's Garage and I'll just go and start touching people's cars and making videos of them on the street and pretend like they're my car.
[01:13:51] Getting yelled at at the end of every single one of them.
[01:13:55] You're on my new hidden camera show J. Leno's Garage.