Cum Town | Regular | 10/13/2016
[00:00:29] a come town unspecified what number this is or if it's a bonus episode but
[00:00:36] we're in the spinroom right now yeah we're in Caroline's comedy club Rudy
[00:00:45] Julian I just walked by Rudy Rudy he walked by with us as always Adam
[00:00:54] Friedland the Puerto Rican rattlesnake how's it going also who's here is the
[00:00:57] fire chief that died in the Bronx tomorrow oh yes that'll be a breaking
[00:01:03] new story tomorrow he's here with us right before that explosion happened
[00:01:07] because we're doing this immediately after the debate we want to get our
[00:01:11] fresh hot takes on the debate this probably should be the one we use for
[00:01:14] this week then huh I'm fucking up I'm not gonna say anything that fucking people
[00:01:21] I and back by popular demand noted Marxist feminist thinker and really frost hi
[00:01:29] certain aim wrong yes no he said Lee you said a Lee no did you Lee you said
[00:01:36] oh my god that's such a microaggression really unsafe right now how did I get it
[00:01:42] wrong again I didn't say it wrong no you know I think about when you say
[00:01:45] microaggression is like you know Bruce Lee's one inch punch yeah that's that's
[00:01:51] the OG microaggression I don't even know what microaggression means it's like
[00:01:56] when someone does something by accident and it's very minor but you still get to
[00:02:00] get mad about it because yourself okay okay I personally died wasn't some
[00:02:04] retarded shit I know Brandon Lee died in a fuck that way but didn't the
[00:02:08] Bruce Lee like slip on a banana peel yes after being like the most badass
[00:02:12] dude in the history of no didn't somebody like break into his house and like
[00:02:15] shoot him or something no Brandon Lee you just go into these conversations
[00:02:20] speculative it's like you have phones in front of you no no no that's my phone
[00:02:27] in front of me it's my pants that I took off I'll remember this hold on he I know
[00:02:32] he had you know what it might have been he might have taken aspirin and then
[00:02:35] thrown up by that there that might have been hand ricks because I know Bruce Lee
[00:02:38] like fucked up his back doing good mornings and then his back never recovered
[00:02:42] really yeah damn doing what I was doing good that's why I don't do good mornings
[00:02:47] what is good morning they're like they're like squats but you don't really
[00:02:50] bend your knee there for your lower back oh so you put a barbell on your back
[00:02:55] in squat position and then sort of like bow towards the squad rack and then come
[00:02:59] back yeah that literally sounds like a terrible well they're not bad if you use
[00:03:04] proper form you know Bruce Lee was a notorious shithead when it came to
[00:03:08] exercising I'm like I'm not even kidding okay yeah Lee was a shitheaded
[00:03:13] exercise you can do a four finger push-up yeah you can do yeah but that's bad for
[00:03:17] your fingers fucking really bad it used to do this shit where you would take
[00:03:20] like a hundred and thirty did you take like a barbell with like two plates on
[00:03:23] it and fucking lift it up parallel to his body or like curl it parallel to his
[00:03:30] body which puts all this pressure on your like rotator cuff mm-hmm I don't
[00:03:34] think it's just a shitty thing to do yeah but he can do that though yeah yeah
[00:03:37] you know if you ever have a fucking cerebral edema oh shit was that mean
[00:03:43] from too much aspirin right from his back injury no he'd always had um it
[00:03:48] means he's a waterhead he died from being retarded
[00:03:54] here he had seizures and headaches thank you for looking at yeah I don't know I
[00:03:59] don't think it was from oh wait um so he tranquilizers and aspirin probably
[00:04:07] should I get into it my man was taking tranks my man was on ketamine baby that's
[00:04:12] how you lift all that shit he's just on PCP like he was so strong yeah he's like
[00:04:18] hold up let me smoke this boat real quick PCP getting wet is a great part of
[00:04:22] any pre-workout the idea that it's the getting wet is the funny getting wet is
[00:04:28] the best term for using drugs my opinion I love to get wet yeah fuck did you guys
[00:04:35] if you guys know one here is done PCP right now no do you know anyone
[00:04:40] personally who's done PCP yeah it's the most it's the most piece of shit
[00:04:45] person I know it's similar to a ketamine I know Tony Woods really yeah he tells
[00:04:50] that story about smoking PCP and then running up Georgia Avenue thinking the
[00:04:55] devil's chase game and then going to his grandma's house she's wearing her house
[00:04:59] coat that like has been washed so many times that's just see through and then
[00:05:04] just being on PCP and staring at his grandma's enormous bush
[00:05:10] that's so funny that is so good he's like he's like listen man if you a black
[00:05:17] man over the age of 40 from Washington DC you smoke PCP
[00:05:26] that's awesome yeah this is just didn't we have you ever had like anything
[00:05:30] laced weed laced with anything horrific you know I used to say that in high
[00:05:35] school oh it's laced yeah definitely laced I have had something out that was
[00:05:41] laced before I assumed it what we would call a mo huh what we would call a mo a
[00:05:47] mo yeah where there would be like a little like a teensy sprinkling of crack
[00:05:52] because I remember being like running up the sprinkles being hungry
[00:06:00] oh interesting wow the teensy bit of crack really overrode any effects of the
[00:06:06] weed I did it was like yeah this was like when I was on high school to nice I'm
[00:06:11] in the Ns fuck yeah I was pretty hosier my uh we had his friend from college it
[00:06:18] wasn't even my friend I was like a you know your dumb friends pick up dumb
[00:06:21] friends in college you just have to hang out with them this kid Ned was just
[00:06:24] like some rich I don't know I think he's from Connecticut he was like some rich
[00:06:28] libertarian it's like his freshman year of college he's like one of those young
[00:06:32] Republicans wearing a bow tie and shit like that and literally by his sophomore
[00:06:36] year junior year he was in fucking Baltimore just smoking crack in crack
[00:06:42] houses he came to visit us like he's like oh you're just gonna we're just gonna
[00:06:46] visit we're just gonna come over hang out at Tommy's house and I was like okay
[00:06:49] we would like all hang out on the porch in the summers and this kid just like
[00:06:53] parks his car and disappears into a crack house yeah and he was just came out
[00:06:58] and he's like Tommy I just smoked Craig and we just wouldn't let him hang out
[00:07:05] like no dude get the first he asked permission to smoke more crack on the
[00:07:11] porch and then we're like no dude get the plug out and then he became a gay
[00:07:15] prostitute he just likes to you know that's like the career path that's the
[00:07:20] art they've ever seen I don't know if it's dope sick law that's one of those
[00:07:23] fucking heroin documentaries it was on HBO the 90s really we just
[00:07:28] do heroin documentary was it the HBO undercover series maybe yeah and it was
[00:07:33] like the kids there's some great little dinner in Seattle or whatever it is
[00:07:37] yeah I heard that was like brutal yeah they're all fucking yeah yeah they would
[00:07:44] usually have like happy endings yeah there's just one kid who's like doing
[00:07:48] fine he's doing heroin and he seems like a normal kid but he's doing heroin
[00:07:52] they just follow him and then like eventually he's like getting his dick
[00:07:55] sucked in a bathroom by this guy for like $20 or whatever so I get I don't
[00:08:00] really like doing it but you know it's whatever and then and then he gets AIDS
[00:08:04] at the end of the thing you know whatever I mean I have it now so what did I guess
[00:08:10] I'm just gonna dive age my favorite 90s HBO like undercover documentary was
[00:08:18] this one called small town ecstasy oh yeah I reckon I should it's you right
[00:08:22] now I've seen it yeah I recommended it to everyone it's on YouTube if you want
[00:08:26] to watch it but there's just like this Christian middle-class dad and like
[00:08:31] somewhere like it like inland Empire California and his son gets him into
[00:08:35] ecstasy yeah he's like go through the forest with the Sun yeah he's going to
[00:08:39] divorce in the Sun it's like 15 yeah the Sun is like 15 gets the dad into
[00:08:44] ecstasy and then the dad's wearing like upside-down visors yeah and he's got
[00:08:49] like fucking a doctor yeah he turns into the like dudes yeah he turns into the
[00:08:55] fucking dude you're getting a dull guy oh yeah but it's a dad yeah he's wearing
[00:08:59] like those ball those metal bald neck like choker necklesses which is his
[00:09:03] hair and then at one point in the documentary he's having a party because
[00:09:08] like all of his friends become his like 17 year old son's friends and so he's
[00:09:13] at like one of his son's friends apartments and they're having like an
[00:09:16] ecstasy party and then his daughter he's like 14 and his son is 12 or also at
[00:09:21] the party because he had custody that night and they're like we would have
[00:09:24] rolled out and he's like no you're too yoked roll so he's so he's like I'm not
[00:09:29] gonna buy it for you but I'm gonna put this $20 bill on the counter and so
[00:09:34] then they like the kid you see like children rolling and then obviously
[00:09:37] this fucking idiot like there's cameras everywhere
[00:09:42] I guess he gets in trouble at the end of the documentary like he's just watching
[00:09:48] someone lose custody of his custody and then he gets out of jail he gets bailed
[00:09:52] out he's like yeah I'm still gonna go the rave tonight
[00:09:56] I was definitely fucking teenagers yeah yeah well I mean because they were all
[00:10:01] an accident and also he's dressed like what you wore the ball I remember
[00:10:05] those ball things they're not exactly those metal ball yeah and I remember
[00:10:10] getting one for like my high school boyfriend when I was like 15 yeah the
[00:10:14] whole packs on outfit and the ones I got them were like brushed steel like blue
[00:10:20] and I was like yeah I got you blue balls and he's like yeah I know thanks and I
[00:10:24] was like no it's funny it's like it's not funny you know I remember those
[00:10:29] hookups shirts yeah I love I want to get one of those is like a sexy anime
[00:10:34] anime girl I don't remember I found one on my ass yeah it was like a fucking a
[00:10:39] late 90s brand was like hookups okay yeah yeah I'm sure like a skateboard
[00:10:45] company was a skate brand yeah I'm sure like trash which Twitter is all over
[00:10:49] those some shit those are back oh yeah everyone is a real big drasher hoodies
[00:10:54] now oh my god that's like the thing remember girl the skateboard company
[00:10:57] girl yeah of course that was like real big as far as branding goes I used to
[00:11:02] wear that was like what I wore in high school skate skateboard I could only
[00:11:07] yeah you know I could maybe kickflip twice in my life yeah pretty bad but that
[00:11:13] was the aesthetic my shit was all it was all like echo and food and like
[00:11:17] yeah like no one skate what about you were about South Pole and South Pole
[00:11:23] hell yeah NYC NYC and it's a you know I love the idea of like a young baby
[00:11:32] fast Afro centric stop oh yeah I had I had fucking I had lugs my good shoes
[00:11:38] were my legs awesome I would wear those to church with a South Pole like
[00:11:42] turtleneck yeah the turtleneck yeah but I was in a weird it was either that
[00:11:47] shit but I also was like into like Tommy Hilfiger
[00:11:51] that's also a whole figure is more early to mid 90s but yeah but I think this was
[00:11:55] like there was like a mix of styles was just like trying to be cool think black
[00:11:59] people cool and then also try and think like rich Greek people so like the
[00:12:03] Tommy Hilfiger was like preppy shit I had a very weird and polo really love
[00:12:08] Tommy Tommy Hilfiger was on like guest jeans I was like early 90s yeah but it
[00:12:13] was structure jeans still took a diesel like they did try and rebrand as an
[00:12:17] urban brand yeah it was like a big scandal because like all these racist
[00:12:21] like boat owners were like I can't believe he's doing this to the brand
[00:12:25] right because you became friends mob deep it was mob deep to did it Tommy Hilfiger
[00:12:32] was personal friend I prodigy like said Tommy Hilfiger is yeah and word or
[00:12:37] something yeah yeah yeah it is big white tea yeah it's so embarrassing but when
[00:12:44] I moved to New York City for like the first four five months I listened to
[00:12:48] the infamous on my phone like every time I was on the train yeah I still
[00:12:52] listen to that album it's a fucking great album I mean it's the best but it's
[00:12:56] like really really good yeah it's such a nerd movie everyone does it when you
[00:13:01] put music on in New York you feel like you're in a movie yeah it's really I
[00:13:06] wish they could see how good a smile you have right now the G trade in this
[00:13:11] song and I'm more than she's listening to the dune yeah no sorry not to do in the
[00:13:16] audiobook for no no the Tron soundtrack the daft punk track walking around and
[00:13:22] you just pretend you're like a super villain
[00:13:27] I don't fucking what do I listen to just said shit listen Kanye recently oh I don't
[00:13:33] really I just fucking keep listening to whatever four songs are on my Spotify I
[00:13:37] just got into the Rolling Stones Wow yeah I had never really got into them
[00:13:42] before they're pretty good the fun thing about listening the Rolling Stones is
[00:13:47] that you're pretty good you're ready know all the songs yeah even if you
[00:13:52] weren't a fan I can't listen that you've been in like the radioactive background
[00:13:56] of the culture right the JK added tweet there was about I've seen of course
[00:14:00] AZ original title brown sugar was black pussy that's not a joke that's not a joke
[00:14:10] I mean that's what is actually true what the name of the song was like that like
[00:14:15] that black pussy was like the what originally make J.I.R. was singing and
[00:14:20] they were like Joe Glaffing about it and then like yeah well let's make it
[00:14:23] something no way oh wow that's a much better song yeah I mean I feel like if
[00:14:29] everyone knows what you're talking about what's the point of euphemism no it's
[00:14:33] because they're artists it's it's cute it's like flirty if you're being you
[00:14:37] well the way it lives are bigger than mine oh wow
[00:14:52] just goes into like eugenics you you put the calipers on ahead you said like
[00:15:00] Cosby right yeah I can really do him I can only do Cosby just do Cosby for every
[00:15:06] impression every impression you see Donald Trump last night I don't know who I
[00:15:11] was his brother or you better boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy
[00:15:17] you got his´lenoo ba ba ba doo ba ba ba boys that users your wife
[00:15:25] yeah … mit Mekrot to the debate so first off yes queen
[00:15:32] uchin sadly with the devil purr shot off that gift of Hillary Tracking a fires
[00:15:37] have dragons kali see coma didnk is better a hands claims see yes kali is
[00:15:45] In McDonald's, you're what I like to call a Trump-tup faggot.
[00:15:52] My friend, Anna, had the best tweet from the thing.
[00:15:58] Because Hillary was trying to make fetch happen
[00:16:05] And my friend, Anna, said Trump-tup trickle-down
[00:16:13] That was the one thing where she did beat whatever.
[00:16:20] But just imagine Obama going at tr- that
[00:16:25] I just want, I mean, sorry to bro-tup boys,
[00:16:34] That would have been all very com-truy.
[00:16:39] Oh, Marty, you, my friend, are a buffoon.
[00:16:41] I cannot say- you seriously standing on the stage.
[00:16:57] I'm sure you're going to blame me for everything that happened.
[00:17:16] He didn't pay any money in federal taxes.
[00:17:24] That's why it's his business meant to do.
[00:17:29] You- like, for Christ's sake, you're smart.
[00:17:45] I was talking about this earlier this morning at breakfast.
[00:17:47] How do you think his whole thing with the fabulous
[00:17:51] and the big and the gold and even the hair?
[00:17:59] But he has- is it only because he has that wife?
[00:18:25] Why do they think he's like, macho and cool?
[00:18:28] Because you know, he's not a concrete concept.
[00:18:33] Because machismo is not a concrete concept.
[00:18:40] I mean, yeah, there's probably some, you know, Eastern European influence on the decor
[00:18:46] But like- No, he's always been like that.
[00:18:49] I mean, I think that that's the- they give him a pass for sort of-
[00:18:53] Oh, you think that's why I think it's not a lot.
[00:19:00] Have you seen what Israelis think about it?
[00:19:09] Like fucking mobsters go around and like, a war track suits and everything else we saw.
[00:19:16] You know, I think it's like, you skin products and shit and then they murder people at night,
[00:19:23] I know a very like vain, I'll just say a Latino sports journalist, blind item, who gets
[00:19:40] Yeah, and he's just, he's like a very Butch.
[00:19:49] Is it the guy from the Bill Simmons thing?
[00:19:56] It's just like you can kind of make up like what Butch is contextual.
[00:20:04] She's like my favorite Butch lesbians are the ones that are like the sad teenage boys.
[00:20:12] Well, the shaved head and then the wife Peter, but then they're always like, you know, cigarettes
[00:20:24] Come on, Sharon, let's get out of this town.
[00:20:27] Have you seen the girl that lives in the like kind of flop house he plays next to the block
[00:20:38] She'll just be there in like wife beaters and like basketball shorts and she'll just
[00:20:47] smoke blunts next to the police station.
[00:20:51] And she's the only woman that's ever cat called me.
[00:20:59] I was like running live because I was late for something and she's just like, what's
[00:21:12] But this one in particular is like, she's like an alpha lesbian.
[00:21:16] Well, plenty of lesbians I'm very scared of.
[00:21:19] There was these like, it was a lesbian.
[00:21:22] They weren't like, but they're very masculine like Latina or like black Latina.
[00:21:29] And they were like, they were just violent criminals.
[00:21:33] There was a ton of those girls like Black Lipstick.
[00:21:36] Like long ass hair, Dickey's like open flannel shirt, wife beater.
[00:21:44] There was a ton of those in my high school.
[00:21:46] And a lot of those like are like the aesthetics are very gang oriented.
[00:21:50] A few of them have to be in actual gangs.
[00:21:52] I almost got my ass beat when I was a freshman by one of those girls.
[00:21:57] And I was like, I'm not looking anywhere.
[00:21:59] I'm not looking at it in a real world thing.
[00:22:06] That's such a day one prison kind of thing.
[00:22:09] But I don't know where my eyes are going.
[00:22:14] My favorite kind of lesbian is like the Charlie Sheen from two and a half men lesbians.
[00:22:27] I know this from like my lesbian friends.
[00:22:32] There apparently no butches in New York and a lot of them are like transitioning.
[00:22:36] So like there's running out of butches and mine.
[00:22:39] You know, you can get anything in New York City except the bull dyke.
[00:22:49] It's like some pizza through a am sure.
[00:22:56] So my step sister who like I knew was lesbian at like 16.
[00:23:05] And I remember like my mom being very concerned and being like, you know, she doesn't like
[00:23:13] And she's like, oh, my mom's not help before.
[00:23:21] But she just stole all of her possessions except the power tools.
[00:23:27] And she bought a motorcycle and she's like riding cross country.
[00:23:30] And I'm like, you need to come to New York where you will clean up.
[00:23:36] I'm going to start saying I'm a lesbian.
[00:23:40] You think you could be one of those trans people that doesn't really change their appearance,
[00:23:43] but then demands that feminists have sex with them.
[00:23:47] Yeah, let's better way to prove that you're not a man than to say you owe me sex.
[00:23:58] I was walking the dog like two days ago and there were these two.
[00:24:02] Like there's a couple and they were pretty butch and they were walking their raw wiler
[00:24:08] and you know, I, their right dog sort of squared up to their dog.
[00:24:13] Because I know nothing about dogs, you know?
[00:24:18] I was like, all right, well, we should get out of here.
[00:24:22] They're like, they're just trying to see you with the dominant bitches.
[00:24:34] With other dogs, she can sort of be a dominant bit.
[00:24:40] She always, you're like, I'm fucking like flipped on the leash.
[00:24:45] So those two women, that's probably their life every day.
[00:24:48] Trying to figure out who the dominant bitches is.
[00:24:50] Come on, I, let's go home and eat the dog's pussy.
[00:24:54] Do they just wake up in fist fight every morning and whoever wins gets to get started off
[00:24:59] to the bare enough, a Kimbo slice style bare knuckle brawl?
[00:25:07] Where it's like, can we talk about this?
[00:25:09] No, we didn't, we talked about it off Mike.
[00:25:12] We've talked to my friend Judah went to that at the kink.com.
[00:25:18] Do you know, do you know ultimate surrender?
[00:25:22] It's a type of porn where it's from kink.com.
[00:25:30] Well, they, this ultimate surrender is like lesbians fight each other and arrest women.
[00:25:38] And the one that everyone wins apparently.
[00:25:45] The one I've spent more time with is ultimate surrender with women and the loser gets fucked
[00:26:01] I have a sawzall so I could make a fuck machine.
[00:26:06] They use the sawzall with the dildo on the front.
[00:26:14] Yeah, can we get sponsored by sex toys?
[00:26:18] I'll reach out to them and see what they say.
[00:26:21] Dude, let's get sponsored by flashlight.
[00:26:22] Yeah, get the show where they get sponsored by sex toys and they brought in a bunch of
[00:26:26] Yeah, flesh, flesh like sponsors like a bunch of comedy shit.
[00:26:32] Apparently at the end of it, like guys were just walking up grabbing things from the
[00:26:35] goody bag just like she's like apparently that's destigmatized now.
[00:26:43] There was like a vibrator there too and she's like well everyone else is fucking grabbing
[00:26:51] I would, would it be funny to just have like a chest of sex like you'd be funny as if
[00:26:57] you got a flashlight and then a dildo and then you lubed up the flashlight and like
[00:27:01] fucked the flashlight with the dildo and then beat off to that.
[00:27:15] You beat off to the idea of jacking off the board.
[00:27:18] King Jack Cobb actually has like a lot of like as a really high profile with Marxist
[00:27:22] because apparently when they do their orgy scenes, they like don't pay the people that
[00:27:28] And so like the argument is that they're extras and they should receive an extra pay.
[00:27:33] So all these Marxists have like these long debates about what constitutes labor in an
[00:27:40] But you can argue that they're seeing a show for free.
[00:27:43] Yeah, so that's what that's King Jack Cobb's argument.
[00:27:47] But if they're being recorded and they're a part of they take up a large position at
[00:27:52] the screen time because like a lot of what people are beating off to are the spectators.
[00:28:01] My friend went to the gay orchards surrender thing like live and he said the first five minutes
[00:28:08] Like him and all his friends were like that popcorn.
[00:28:12] They're like getting really into it and cheering.
[00:28:14] And he's like after five minutes, it just turned so sad.
[00:28:18] He's like these guys were actually getting the shit beaten out of them.
[00:28:23] And he was like, there was this tiny they had to stop it multiple times because one dude
[00:28:31] And he said they're really fighting like they're trying to win.
[00:28:33] I don't think the lesbians are really fighting.
[00:28:38] And he said that there was a small Vietnamese man who is the director and he was just shouting
[00:28:45] because after the fight, the two guys were like completely exhausted and then they still
[00:28:50] They should call it Kumite but it's spelled with a C.
[00:28:57] How about we make a movie called come sport and get that Vietnamese.
[00:29:01] The only thing I want in the movie, my only request is you get the big face Chinese guy
[00:29:16] I just have how the most racist made so great.
[00:29:19] They're like next up, Scotland versus Africa.
[00:29:22] And he's got one guy's like throwing lucky charms on the ring.
[00:29:26] Yeah, he's just jumping around like a monkey.
[00:29:34] And it's so easy to kill someone in that movie.
[00:29:40] And then they're like slow mo falling and they're dead.
[00:29:44] How do you get that bandana back from from from Bolo?
[00:29:49] Bolo, you hang I forget the name of the bad guys name that movie after.
[00:29:54] Who became famous because he was like the only bodybuilder in China.
[00:30:01] Now they're dominating the waylifting in Olympics.
[00:30:18] All the Greek heroes were just Albanians that got out on the border.
[00:30:28] And he could lift like 500 pounds over his head.
[00:30:31] Yeah, yeah, we had but they were all literally everyone but him was just a fucking Albanian
[00:30:36] that they were like, all right, or like a Kazakh or some border and they just pumped
[00:30:42] The Reza or whatever that fucking Reza's a day to you know, some stupid Iranian name.
[00:31:01] Well, powerlifting is looking even worse.
[00:31:03] The Olympic lifters are usually pretty trim because they have like, well, if there are
[00:31:07] anything less than like, you know, heavyweight or whatever, right, right, right, right, right.
[00:31:12] Because we were all just looking so fucking it's crazy how, but those guys will just could
[00:31:25] They're good at two specific movements.
[00:31:27] That's all Olympic weight lifters do is two things.
[00:31:32] Yeah, it's, uh, they snatch and then they do the clean and jerk and that's the two lifts
[00:31:46] Dude, I want to be a strong fat guy so bad.
[00:31:58] Just have big ass biceps for no reason.
[00:32:02] I mean, that's like people are like, you know, they make fun of like guys who are like,
[00:32:05] Oh, these are all, that's what I love on like fitness forms.
[00:32:07] There'll be a guy that just started doing starting strength two weeks ago.
[00:32:10] And he's like, yeah, I'm not one of these dudes.
[00:32:14] I'm a guy that found out about exercising two weeks.
[00:32:18] I know I love when people are like, Oh, it's all, it's all cosmetic lifting.
[00:32:26] And imagine like working out for any other reason than wanting to look hot.
[00:32:34] I want to be, I want to fucking look like a bounce.
[00:32:35] If there was a drug I could take that took like maybe only two years off my life, it would
[00:32:39] give me like my ideal physique immediately.
[00:32:43] Like starting strength, like changed a lot of shit.
[00:32:46] It got like made it very easy for regular people to get in the gym and you do see progress,
[00:32:50] but it doesn't make you look any better.
[00:32:54] So you're getting really into weightlifting now, particularly because.
[00:32:59] Post, well, no, no, not just crossfit, but like post birth.
[00:33:04] Apparently the best thing to do to get your pussy back is, is, uh, squats.
[00:33:11] Uh, Kiggles are okay, but like the better thing to do is to do body weight squats and
[00:33:19] Um, and that's all the, um, pelvic floor muscles, like back to top.
[00:33:27] In other countries, uh, well, like in France, they, they like actually have like, yeah,
[00:33:38] He's just like, I'm going to get your pussy back.
[00:33:44] That old Chinese monk that's Chinese monk that fucking like just hangs weights from
[00:33:49] And he's got like, uh, he's got like a class he teaches real like tie like 500 pounds to
[00:33:59] That's not there's videos that cause I remember on that show, like, you remember max TV or
[00:34:03] maximum exposure that became real TV or maybe I don't know.
[00:34:07] But yeah, they had like one, I think where it was that old Chinese guy and he's like,
[00:34:11] just walking backwards, pulling a fucking semi with his dick.
[00:34:15] Time to the front of a truck and everyone in China is like, good.
[00:34:24] Dude, there was, there's also a lady who puts like a fucking, an egg, like a jade egg in
[00:34:33] No, no, just some like weird Russian bitch in like California or something.
[00:34:39] And she'll just like be on the beach with like weights hanging out and just walking
[00:34:44] And she'll just take a look at her pussy.
[00:34:45] It's pretty God damn I want to fuck her so bad.
[00:34:49] She's got a very exactly like with like carbs.
[00:34:52] Like, yeah, and apparently she just has like a real strong pussy that's like she could
[00:35:03] That's why we were sitting in a jade egg in your pussy.
[00:35:06] How the muscles do the same thing with lifting and squat.
[00:35:15] The here's our her's our WOD everybody grab a jade egg and shove it in their ass
[00:35:24] I'd like to I my dream is that there's a woman somewhere who's like real strong who like works out a lot and
[00:35:31] Be and she hates fat people so much that her sexual compulsion is just fucking a fat man and like calling
[00:35:37] She's this I know like two of those girls. Could you cook me up with him?
[00:35:44] Like there's a girl that hates the men she fucks boy
[00:35:48] Where could I ever find that but she's got to hate fat people specifically. I've literally never had sex with someone that likes me
[00:35:56] That's my problem so far. I want to get real
[00:36:00] Terrible charisma. Yeah, just everyone wants to like pinch my cheeks
[00:36:04] They only fuck me because they think I'm like cute like a teddy bear. It's like part of the deal
[00:36:08] Like I guess I'll fuck him. Yeah, and then we go back to hugging after that
[00:36:13] I told you I was looking up that autistic girl, right?
[00:36:17] Fucking like a year and a half. I only hook up with autism. Yeah, yeah, this girl was so fucking mean
[00:36:22] She was like so rude. She's like that's weird that you're a comedian because you're not very funny at all
[00:36:32] And then like you know I was like show her things and she's like I don't enjoy this
[00:36:37] This made me laugh a lot and she showed me a thing that made her laugh one time and it was just a pine soul commercial
[00:36:43] It's like I have to show you this this made me laugh. She's like isn't this funny
[00:36:47] And it wasn't funny and then I remember one time like I was trying to appreciate that honesty
[00:36:52] Yeah, I was trying to watch no country for old men and she's like this movie sucks and it was like five minutes in
[00:36:57] I'm like you're fucking absolutely wrong. It's like yeah
[00:37:03] Boring and she had like Oreos or whatever and
[00:37:09] Above the fridge. I'm like I'm gonna take some of these Oreos and then she's like
[00:37:14] Or no, I think I said something like do you know if I have one of these Oreos, you know like just of course
[00:37:19] Yeah, you're fucking you know seeing somebody they're gonna live you eat the Oreos. I was like can I have one of these Oreos?
[00:37:31] So yeah, so I had I like I had one and she was like did you have one you're allowed to have one more
[00:37:38] So she went in the bathroom and I passively aggressively shoved like seven Oreos
[00:37:51] No, but I remember like I went on I was like arguing with her
[00:37:54] I was like you realize you're fucking autistic
[00:37:57] Person you're just an attractive woman and that's why I like no one's ever told you that
[00:38:02] And she's like no, I'm not she's like my mom's a psychologist
[00:38:05] I think I would know if I was autistic or whatever. I'm like whatever. I mean you're rude as shit
[00:38:10] You don't pick up on social cues. I say you walk around on the balls of your feet one time
[00:38:13] I'm like she's like that's because I used to dance. I'm like yeah, but you're not dancing
[00:38:24] Really? Yeah, yeah, why I don't walk like that. They like the sensory
[00:38:33] I've never seen like autistic kids is sort of like
[00:38:40] There's something about like the novelty of like a altered mobility or yeah
[00:38:44] Really? Yeah, so we didn't talk for like two weeks after that and then I get a text from her like randomly the type
[00:38:50] Apparently I was diagnosed high functioning autistic when I was four
[00:38:53] That's hilarious. Yeah, no, she's soft. Do you I've said this to you before it, but do you think that?
[00:39:07] You think the propensity of like the higher maybe okay, maybe it's over diagnosed now
[00:39:12] They took Asperger's out of the DSM, but I think like a lot of the dick sucking
[00:39:17] Maybe this is yeah, maybe this is Adam reach that book ever single morning. I read it every morning
[00:39:22] They got a new dick sucking manual dick sucking manual six. How else do you know?
[00:39:31] I think that there is some sort of correlation between
[00:39:36] Being on the spectrum and transness polyamorous. No, I'm like kink and shit like that
[00:39:44] Sex is and sexuality are a function of the way you process information
[00:39:49] They're not entirely like your primitive like yeah, right?
[00:39:53] There's no reason to think that there's no way that any of that could not influence the way you have sex
[00:39:59] Right, I think it's a good point whatever
[00:40:01] But I think it's also funny one time Adam was talking about this theory about like I think if you're autistic
[00:40:07] You're into poly and your king. I think you can't
[00:40:13] Brandon's thing saying this to some guy whose brother was autistic and his his girlfriend was
[00:40:23] Adam picked the guy who's the most offended by this theory
[00:40:29] You're more likely to be trans if you're really or you're more likely to be
[00:40:38] But part of that might be a representation issue because there's so many trans people in tech right now
[00:40:45] Like trans women specifically. Oh, yeah, I was saying I just thought trans men a woman that knew out of program
[00:40:58] I was laughing I was laughing about like a trans person. It's also like, you know old New York money
[00:41:03] You're like a boss in Brahmins, you know, they're like um
[00:41:11] Have that accent it's pretty good trons. I was saying that for like four hours one day
[00:41:15] Oh, those people still around we just never interact with Boston. Well, I would Herman died and that was the last one
[00:41:21] What's the he was the dad on Gilmore girls
[00:41:24] Boston's like dodge the Rango was this like rich
[00:41:30] for Nat like yeah, it was the old Boston accent before
[00:41:33] It's a nice accent. Yeah, but it's like there's a different word. It's not for dialect dialect. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Amber
[00:41:42] Wait, that's what Boston people used to sound like before it was like white trash. Yeah before I was like I'm from
[00:41:48] It's like mr. Feeny on mr. Feeny exactly really boy meets world is a mess the math. Hell's get the fuck out of it
[00:41:55] Will you know that's how I'm like Sam Adams and shit talked?
[00:41:58] Uh, yeah, either that or the closest accent to like a
[00:42:03] Colonial Virginian accent is the Virginia tide water accent or specifically like that's fucked up sound
[00:42:09] specifically a Tangier's accent and the
[00:42:12] Boston Brommons and the Tangier's accent or the two oldest accents in North America really and a Tangier's accent sounds like
[00:42:18] Ridiculous. It's like an old school like Cornish hillbilly accent. Damn. I want to know like, you know George Washington probably
[00:42:37] Virginia and North Carolina fishing islands off off the coast Virginia Island accents they sounded saying yeah
[00:42:44] Well, yeah, yeah in the Carolina's they have those like goa goa goa goa goa
[00:42:53] Brendan used to laugh all the time at this somebody translated the New Testament into gala
[00:42:57] And it's like offered online if you like Google the gala New Testament and they have excerpts from it
[00:43:03] And it's like Jesus one come down and break the bread with the other dudes and they're gonna have a dinner now
[00:43:10] But what are they boo-zeg gonna do new good the jizzas on he's gone by in law. Yes, yeah
[00:43:21] Sent that to me and he's Jamaican and for like weeks afterwards. He would just go to us
[00:43:27] My either remit in college from Jamaica is a white guy from Jamaica and his his actually his grandfather was the owner of
[00:43:40] Imagine being a British guy that finds out about sandals
[00:43:48] Let me book that trip I'm a need all a clue, but just taking pictures of other tourists feet
[00:43:56] Stop taking pictures of my wife's feet. He's like sir. It was in the name
[00:44:00] But he sounded like I guess his he got sent to like
[00:44:08] Northeastern like prep schools like deer field or some shit
[00:44:12] So when you were talking to him, he just sounded like you know just talk normal, but he'd get a call on his phone and he'd be like
[00:44:21] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he'd speak like a pot-twat to his to his parents. He's like rich ass family
[00:44:27] Yeah, I think West Indians code switch more than like more
[00:44:33] fluidly than any other sure yeah like they were like literally turned to you and be like oh excuse me and then like turn to their mother and just like
[00:44:40] It's in unintelligible. Did you know about this breast Indians?
[00:44:47] Did you know that there's a ton of Chinese people in Jamaica? Yeah?
[00:44:50] Yeah, it's just like mostly like a friend of his also
[00:44:57] Chinese people dude like having restaurants
[00:45:24] Campbell is like have Chinese Jamaican huh?
[00:45:31] Gotta be you've got to be a mix to be really sexy as hell. Yeah, how cruel is it that they made to make railroads?
[00:45:38] Say it yeah, I can't even appreciate their work by saying what they did
[00:45:42] I would say hi. We're joking around like a couple months ago about how there was like had to
[00:45:50] Asp dudes like working on the transcontinental railroad that were like this rules
[00:46:01] Like asperger's cousin. We're just like I don't know what everyone's complaining about this is awesome
[00:46:06] Well, I was always laughing at that with like the guys in the Holocaust, you know
[00:46:25] IDF had some tweet that was like all the ways the autistic people contribute to the military or whatever
[00:46:31] Oh, yeah, I was like yeah all the way I was autistic soldiers contributed military and I like quoted it
[00:46:37] And I was like yeah, who do you think drove the trains Auschwitz or whatever?
[00:46:55] But no, that's hilarious the train crossover. Yeah, so many historical disasters
[00:47:00] That makes you think that probably Hitler was autistic
[00:47:04] I love when autistic people just on tons of speed all the time autistic people trying to explain
[00:47:12] Which is like very distracting olympics movie because they keep panning the hitler. Oh, yeah
[00:47:18] about the here's the javelin and here's Hitler and he's just like
[00:47:22] He's just like shittery a shit with like Jesse Owens and shit that
[00:47:25] It's totally worth it to watch by the way the Jesse Owens things because he's a superior athlete to every other athlete there
[00:47:31] It's insane incredible everyone there is like malnourished
[00:47:35] He's the only athlete. Yeah, just fucking a specimen. Who do you think are the are the most famous historically retarded people?
[00:47:48] Charles Darwin son. Uh, yeah his son was retarded
[00:47:52] Oh, that's right because people always pointed out to like why social Darwinism is not real. Yeah, yeah, uh, the Russians
[00:48:05] That's true. Um, it is funny how fucking do they ever is there any historical one that they claim specifically
[00:48:13] I do love when just everyone's like, oh no, that guy was one of us. Well, no, they would just kill
[00:48:17] They would just you know, stop them out. Yeah, if you had a kid that was like Down syndrome and you were famous
[00:48:22] The kids gone. Yeah, right literally in like the fucking Spartan
[00:48:27] Like the 300s bar just let him start the death. No, they would they had a place you took
[00:48:32] They had like a ditch you threw retarded children. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you just like if they were born and they were like had a fucked up hand or were retarded
[00:48:48] Found like um like maybe like a 14 year old child that was like clearly severely like physically and monthly
[00:48:55] Disabled that had been cared for the entire life and it was like this
[00:48:58] Just like this very nice things like oh well
[00:49:00] We do have an impulse not to just crush everything and destroy it if it's if it's fucked up
[00:49:09] Bringing a lot of you know industrial capitalism that goes right at the fucking window
[00:49:14] Of course historically you could just be like a samurai that specializes in killing retarded children
[00:49:22] All right, you saw your child dirty started well this is there are the women
[00:49:31] It looks like the kid is there, but then you just blow on it and it goes in eight pieces
[00:49:35] It's like yeah, it's like when I go through that laser hallway
[00:49:38] And he's like oh, oh and then he just falls apart
[00:49:41] And then you have to give that guy rice or something
[00:49:44] There are those women that that they used to go like oh that that would take a fee
[00:49:48] For like we're gonna rehome your child and find find them a good home and then they would just throw it in the river
[00:49:56] Yeah, Irish catholic nuns and they may they may well killing off of it like they they would charge a lot of
[00:50:04] And then this is like a career that has existed for terrible women in like every country
[00:50:10] Like it's recently 200 or like even a hundred years ago. Jesus. Yeah
[00:50:14] Nice no, they'll put like ash in a baby's mouth and suffocate it if it's unwanted
[00:50:19] Ash yeah, that'll suffocate a baby. Yeah, put a bunch of ashes in its mouth. It would probably suffocate you too. Really not me
[00:50:27] Strong I'm strong as hell. I'm gonna die. No fucking baby. Huh? I'm not gonna die like no
[00:50:33] Gas baby who's gonna take a lot more than a little ash kill my ass you yeah, I read some book about uh
[00:50:40] There's like a bush people that are like the most preserved
[00:50:45] Right. They're like the like the cook cook cosa. No, it's a
[00:50:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know how to pronounce it, but it's like me does was that yeah, it's K apart a K exclamation point
[00:50:59] XH OS no no, then it's a different one. This one's like K there like bush people that probably isn't a consistent spelling for this
[00:51:07] They're probably not big on the alphabet. Yeah. Well, I mean this
[00:51:11] Yeah, so they're african and they're like the best preserved example of like what human beings were like 10,000 years ago
[00:51:18] Oh, well, they like you know, they just don't invent anything and they have no
[00:51:22] You know, they don't have agriculture or anything. Yeah, they go like content gather or whatever, but they have abortions
[00:51:30] Hell yeah, everyone likes to raw dog it. Yeah, they also have no concept of negative reciprocity
[00:51:35] So like if you like if somebody's eating something and you just take food away from them and eat it
[00:51:41] They won't like get angry at you because it's like there's no ownership of anything interesting
[00:51:46] Yeah, they have like no idea of like I worked for this so it's mine. Mm-hmm
[00:51:53] Well, there's a concept of like general reciprocity. So it's like, you know, if I there's no trans
[00:51:59] I'll be like a glutton or something. Yeah, there's no transaction
[00:52:02] So like if I take shit from you on monday, it's not because you can take shit from me on tuesday
[00:52:07] And where there's any sort of like implicit
[00:52:10] uh or like explicit parody, but it is that you know like
[00:52:16] Because i'm not going to get mad that you took shit from me
[00:52:19] I also expect that you're not going to get mad when I take shit from you, but it's not like they
[00:52:22] Is this ethic system still preserved now?
[00:52:27] You know, there's you know, no economy to anything
[00:52:30] There's nothing that has any kind of real value. So it's so they do the like cum dump
[00:52:37] Women will have sex with multiple men like in in successions and then when the kid is born
[00:52:43] It's like the community's child. It's not like a certain
[00:52:49] Whatever that's my kid. That's what there's a type of tree frog that's that does that the female sits in the middle of the branch in like
[00:52:57] Jizz so much they form a cloud. It's just like big fucking cloud of nut
[00:53:03] That takes them all around. Yeah, it's because she just hangs out in it. Yeah, and they're just
[00:53:14] That's the official animal of come down
[00:53:20] Somebody make that it's a senior frog logo, but he's got a huge dick and there's a cloud coming out of it
[00:53:25] That it's the cloud from like Mario Kart with the
[00:53:31] And the buddy's drunk he's drunk on cum of course so the cloud is also holding a beer bottle that says cum on it
[00:53:38] That's a new frog logo and it also says senior frogs on it and then right come down somewhere also
[00:53:44] I wonder if a pepe and senior frog have beef now that pepe is a racist
[00:53:48] You guys follow like Brandon freaking out about the pepe thing
[00:54:01] That he spoke up because it was like this is just like the worst example of like parents going through their records and being like
[00:54:08] This is satanic. I call it trumped up pepe
[00:54:11] Yeah, that guy the guy who wrote pepe right yeah boys the boys
[00:54:21] I don't know yeah, but like he knew it like it's such but like memes most memes are like oh
[00:54:27] We're taking this thing out of context and making it a new funny context
[00:54:30] Well, it's some guy's intellectual property
[00:54:32] You know like if she was like the uh Garfield the cat actually is racist and the Jim Davis is like what the fuck
[00:54:39] Yeah, there's a Facebook or a communist swastika and they're like we will not let the Nazis have pepe
[00:54:46] Which I think was a good response, but it was just dad boy dad boy doing misogynist though
[00:54:53] Well dad boy's actually racist boy because they're like this is this is a av e
[00:54:58] Yeah, you were mocking a av e like nothing can ever just be enjoyable
[00:55:06] uh how uh how uh appropriating dad boy steals black twitter's excellence
[00:55:13] Yeah, so you're fucking exes. I remember it's a proud of everything
[00:55:16] I remember the emoji thing frog riding a unicycle. Oh, they stole our excellence
[00:55:25] Uh where people were like oh, this is an av use of emoji like this is some fucking Japanese person
[00:55:32] Right, right? It's like it's on everyone's phone. Yeah, it's from like a korean dance simulator
[00:55:48] Some guy that doesn't speak english at all
[00:55:59] I've got a box cutter right now and i'm jamming it into things
[00:56:03] Dude, I'm with the emojis. I just go default yellow dude. I don't make it lighter
[00:56:08] I'm making it darker black darker the the yellow or white white because there are two white choices
[00:56:17] Yeah, and I was like well. I I wear the number three shade of bare minerals powder
[00:56:23] So i'm you know taking some liberties the first one is chinese
[00:56:28] The very white one that's like a japanese emoji because there was a black hair
[00:56:32] Right, right, right then the next one is white people like nordic
[00:56:35] Right, and then it's you know, it's yellow psc psc and then yellow is neutral
[00:56:41] I got a neutral. Yeah, mediterranean americans. I'm bringing back aim buddies remember badass buddy.com. No
[00:56:47] Bad ass buddies are you full like aim, you know, it'd be like the aim because you have your icon your buddy icon
[00:56:53] Yeah, that is buddy. It'd be like the buddy our company's like smoking weed. Yeah
[00:56:59] That's cool. Dude aim was so fucking good. Yeah, remember away messages. That's where you could really express yourself
[00:57:05] Yeah, absolutely dude if any girls want a chat press two
[00:57:12] Oh, man. I used to have I used to take so many pathetic shots
[00:57:15] It used to be so easy to docs people through away messages
[00:57:18] Fucking idiots would leave their phone number in there when that became a thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, uh afk
[00:57:24] Hit me up on the selly and then they would have their cell phone number
[00:57:27] So you just get somebody's aol in some messenger just sit there and wait until it said they're away
[00:57:32] You get their phone number look up the phone number you get their home address
[00:57:35] You go visit have a little face-to-face chat about disagreeing with me on the xbox
[00:57:49] Fuck dude where we have time on this one. Uh, we're done. We could finish now. Okay. Yeah, that's 57 minutes. So
[00:57:59] Fuck you if you're that guy that said we were creeps
[00:58:01] Did you have a show? Oh, also we should fat guy. You don't think I saw you you fucking shorts wearing piece of shit
[00:58:08] Yeah, fuck you. You fucking cut your literally made out of cargo
[00:58:14] I bet that's your fucking name dude. Jonathan jorts. Jonathan piece of shit
[00:58:19] So yeah, keep listening to podcast. Thanks for recognizing our t-shirts
[00:58:22] Should we plug the fucking show that we haven't even
[00:58:25] Oh next live show next live show. I don't know when we're gonna release this don't don't plug anything of october
[00:58:30] We should plug shit on these yeah, adam's friends who will be at the show no matter what because they always are
[00:58:40] Honestly, that's not true dude. Yeah, it was like half come town half come town. Have boys
[00:58:45] I said it's more come town than people I knew as a second when it was well
[00:58:49] There were women there and I don't think they were like regular. Yeah, those are my fans
[00:58:54] Those are all fans of me. Those are all stobby baby fans. There's one woman donated to that patreon and it was like that's bizarre
[00:59:03] It was like a woman's name. I don't know cuz they're all
[00:59:05] Probably wants to jump on a jonathan dickhead retard. Yeah, yeah, they're all funny names
[00:59:11] Yeah, it's so funny and there's like jennifer
[00:59:13] Yeah on the road people fucking be like I love come town
[00:59:17] And then this happened so many times where it's like a couple and the guy is like and like I love come down
[00:59:23] I'm trying to get her to listen to it. She's like the woman is just horrified
[00:59:27] I'm sorry. I just apologize. I'm like you're right. You're correct. This no one should listen to this
[00:59:32] It's a men's rights alt right. Yeah, so red pill. All right alt nazi is all not so you think it
[00:59:38] Oh, we gotta make it. We use a different facing swastika. It's like if you're not see
[00:59:46] You're really into pearl jam. Yeah, you're alternative
[00:59:54] Yeah, that's the pearl jam. No, I know it's the wise a joke bitch
[00:59:57] Allison James is it. No, I know which one it is. I know the band black holes on Allison chain
[01:00:04] It's um the other one man. It's there like a
[01:00:08] Sound garden sound garden sound garden. It was sound it was sound garden. I saw my sound guard. Yes, wasn't it um
[01:00:12] You're wrong. It was sound garden bitch ass mother
[01:00:15] SDP no, it was a SDP it was sound garden for Scott wylin dude
[01:00:20] Scott wylin listen to the podcast. Yeah, he does dude. He is. Yo shots out Scott
[01:00:25] David Lynch listens to the podcast David Lynch and Scott wylin are listening to me
[01:00:29] Yeah, and he was like this is better than anything. I've ever done. He was like better than twin peak season one
[01:00:33] Yeah, he's like this is better than anything sound garden is ever