Cum Town | Regular | 06/11/2020
[00:00:00] We had everything figured the fuck out.
[00:00:03] And then somebody had to make a coffee.
[00:00:14] Yeah, you might have to go buy a new one.
[00:00:16] Don't you dare say you got to go buy a new mic, new computer.
[00:00:24] You guys convinced me to buy a new computer.
[00:00:35] We had to pretend you were dealing with an emergency
[00:00:38] while you spent three weeks upset that you had this buying
[00:00:48] I had to go stay with my parents at Morgan.
[00:00:51] The entire month to cry about having to buy new computer.
[00:01:01] I'm pissed my sound board's not working.
[00:01:03] I had a new sound that was going to be like,
[00:01:07] So whenever one of you, I was going to be like,
[00:01:08] what do people think about Nick's penis?
[00:01:11] And then I would hit it and they would go,
[00:01:13] And I'd be like, what about style's penis?
[00:01:20] That's basically all I had ready for today.
[00:01:22] You should have had a nice fart loaded.
[00:01:28] But the thing is, I can't go back to not having like a digital fart.
[00:01:35] But I can't go back to not having a sound board.
[00:01:37] I'll have to bring in my own sound board.
[00:01:45] I kind of consider myself to be like a Michael Winslow style human.
[00:02:19] I was contacted by the Black Lives Matter movement.
[00:02:31] They need, we need someone to do a pop Dylan cover.
[00:02:38] We need somebody to do a hurricane remix,
[00:02:49] I got to say, I'm not going to name names.
[00:02:53] I know one guy whose New Year's resolution was to stop saying
[00:02:57] the word who has been very active in the protest.
[00:03:04] I think it's good that people are growing.
[00:03:06] That's a hilarious New Year's resolution,
[00:03:08] because you just can't tell anyone about it.
[00:03:16] I mean, the black guy that's like my New Year's resolution
[00:03:20] And it's like, oh, look who doesn't look who suddenly now
[00:03:30] Because you want to use it more if you're angry.
[00:03:42] You see the point that I'm making here.
[00:03:49] I've got like heat stroke or something.
[00:03:51] You got you don't have an AC in your shirt?
[00:03:57] So it's on the other side of the apartment.
[00:04:06] I have a crew that comes in and mists me.
[00:04:09] And scrubs me down with ice cold water.
[00:04:17] Those are my my titties are my main flaps.
[00:04:23] It's got to stay cool one way or the other.
[00:04:25] I put on a one piece bathing suit with the straps
[00:04:37] something health something or others said that
[00:04:40] they don't suggest you have casual sex.
[00:04:42] But if you do maybe consider a wall or sexual
[00:04:45] positions where you're not face to face.
[00:04:48] They said a wall like a glory holes, baby.
[00:05:09] Kissing eating ass with your pants completely.
[00:05:11] And with your cock completely in your pants.
[00:05:23] No, talk about eating ass and glory holes.
[00:05:29] You know these old folks with the technology.
[00:05:36] I always find I find the email before we start the show.
[00:05:38] Then something else fucking happens and I click out of it.
[00:05:41] And then it's like fucking like where the fuck did this fucking thing go?
[00:05:53] I need to stop fucking trying to be a businessman and having.
[00:05:57] You definitely don't need to be a businessman,
[00:06:00] I need to just yeah get a job at McDonald's boss.
[00:06:05] Can you imagine if I had to go back to working minimum wage.
[00:06:09] Can you say you wanted to work you have a cell vault?
[00:06:12] I've had days in my life where I've made fucking like 80,000 dollars in a day.
[00:06:22] I was like you know what maybe I should just get a job at a grocery store.
[00:06:27] Do something be a part of the community.
[00:06:29] And then I just did some quick ass math about how little everyone gets paid.
[00:06:36] Do you remember getting paid a hundred dollars for stand up?
[00:06:43] I remember like getting a hundred dollars for the first time.
[00:06:46] And I was like if I make this every single night,
[00:06:58] Is every night he gets paid 40 million dollars to stand up.
[00:07:02] So at the end of the year he makes 18 billion dollars.
[00:07:12] There's got what about like what about like.
[00:07:17] It's like fucking it's like as soon as you hit 30, it's like I will do literally.
[00:07:31] I like how you're spinning this as a as a age thing.
[00:07:46] In my twenties there was shit that I would fucking turn down.
[00:07:49] If I got like offered like at this point now I know I wouldn't get it.
[00:07:52] But if I like still had management and they were like do you want to do
[00:07:57] If I somehow got it, they would at least have to pay me for the day
[00:08:10] Like literally it was like yeah I'm not I don't want to do that.
[00:08:19] If it means if it means I can get a house with a fucking garage
[00:08:23] and not have to worry about the bank taking away from me in five years.
[00:08:31] If anything these protests have told me.
[00:08:35] So if the three of us we show up, we get a fucking house.
[00:08:40] We should get a place in West Virginia, dude.
[00:08:46] Just something you could cruise out on 70 from your place.
[00:08:49] But we'll start off your place barbecue.
[00:09:10] And then it's out to I'm thinking at bare minimum 40 acres somewhere
[00:09:17] Well, we stop at Hagerstown, of course.
[00:09:18] We stop at Hagerstown taking the sites.
[00:09:24] Anytime I've been in Hagerstown, it's like this is.
[00:09:29] You know, there's already enough Maryland that looks like this.
[00:09:35] There was always funny because it sounds like a drunk person
[00:09:44] You're like, I just call it something like Hagerstown or something.
[00:10:02] The economy out in Western Maryland is all propped up by one prison, I think.
[00:10:09] Everyone has everyone takes their turn going in and beating prisoners.
[00:10:13] They're a shift is hitting prisoners in the kneecaps.
[00:10:16] They're all both their own correctional officers and the prisoners themselves.
[00:10:21] They just they at the end of the Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
[00:10:24] you're the prisoner Tuesday, Thursday, you get to be the cop.
[00:10:27] They like they during the day, they you know, they do the musical and then at the end of the night,
[00:10:32] they swap and then the you know, they're they they switch.
[00:10:39] But anyways, West Virginia, you get fucking 40 acres.
[00:10:49] That would be a fun move as a white man is to buy myself 40 acres in a mule.
[00:10:55] It's just there's something it's something that I wanted.
[00:10:58] It's something that I wanted for myself.
[00:11:01] I worked real hard and I got myself 40 acres in a mule.
[00:11:07] Just posting pictures on Instagram of my 40 acres and my mule.
[00:11:19] You should have been able to choose between 40 acres and a mule or just like 60 acres,
[00:11:26] Well, the mule was because you need 40 acres.
[00:11:32] Like if you want to make broccoli or collard granules.
[00:11:38] If you want to make awesome roasts to pork sandwiches,
[00:11:52] I think that's the you're going even further back then.
[00:12:00] That was like, we got little fat ass horses.
[00:12:03] That was the Tesla of everybody who's making fun of 1800 Z-lon musk for just
[00:12:10] Just spitting donkey, spitting horse come into a donkey's pussy.
[00:12:26] You know, and then yeah, they had a mule and people were like,
[00:12:29] oh, this thing's like, it's like a freaking Zamboni machine.
[00:12:33] It's good as a fucking Zamboni over here.
[00:12:52] You guys, you guys have been seeing what Ice Cube is posting?
[00:12:58] He's just doing full on like anti-Semitism.
[00:13:05] Then like, he was on, he was there with Epstein.
[00:13:07] And then he was like, he first, he starts just saying anti-Trump stuff,
[00:13:12] Everyone's like, yeah, hell yeah, Ice Cube.
[00:13:13] Then he like posts a picture of Trump with Epstein.
[00:13:17] And then he's like, and then he's like, and Bill Gates was on that island too.
[00:13:25] I guess Bill Gates was on the island, even though he's like kind of talking about
[00:13:28] vaccine, he's sneaking vaccine stuff in.
[00:13:31] And then he's talking about the Black Cube of Satan or some shit.
[00:13:33] And then, and then like, oh, damn, we're full on conspiracy theories.
[00:13:37] And then today he posts a picture with a Black Cube of Satan
[00:13:47] The beautiful full on old school Black anti-Semitism.
[00:13:51] Dude, I was like off the internet for a week.
[00:13:55] And then I went back online on the plane back to New York.
[00:13:59] And then I just saw Nancy Pelosi and a Kenta cloth.
[00:14:01] And I was like, this is a, this salute, salute to her.
[00:14:11] And then to get back into it, I'm like, oh, this is, this is great.
[00:14:19] It literally took seven days for this to happen.
[00:14:23] And now they're saying they don't want shit.
[00:14:24] They don't want to defund cops, of course not.
[00:14:27] They're not even going to do it in Minneapolis.
[00:14:36] They just, yeah, no guns, no belts, no pants.
[00:14:39] They got to know they get a belt, but that's it.
[00:14:48] And that's why if you, if you're smart and you put the ticket book on,
[00:14:52] you do it in a certain way over your belt,
[00:14:54] it can cover your cock if your cock is small.
[00:14:57] But maybe not your balls if they say, if they sag low.
[00:15:02] So the small cocked community will be small.
[00:15:06] which is the majority from what I understand.
[00:15:11] I went on X videos a couple of days ago,
[00:15:16] and the top post was, say his name, George Floyd.
[00:15:20] And it was a video fucking, wait, is it really a George Floyd porno?
[00:15:26] And I was saying, but the video was called, say his name, George Floyd.
[00:15:32] I mean, respect to him for getting it in.
[00:15:45] Like I had to watch it, but not masturbate it to.
[00:15:49] You watch it out of respect, but you don't, you don't be your meat.
[00:15:54] Well, I mean, you can't be your meat to George Floyd.
[00:15:56] Why women didn't catch on to the fact that he's also a sex worker?
[00:16:03] How bad it is that they're already personalized again.
[00:16:21] Oh, well, you're going to slut shame George now.
[00:16:31] First and foremost about sex workers, right?
[00:16:34] And you will figure out the racial implications later.
[00:16:37] I'm, I'm, I'm going to solicit recommendations from people.
[00:16:41] What, what just bum fuck middle of nowhere place in the country should I move to
[00:16:47] as my, my, my mental faculties fall to pieces.
[00:16:53] I actually do think West Virginia is not bad.
[00:16:57] You're close to, you're close to Maryland.
[00:16:59] Well, I prefer to be close to the East Coast.
[00:17:01] I prefer to be closer to like the beach, you know?
[00:17:05] I mean, I guess there is, there is hiking in West Virginia, but it's like,
[00:17:10] you know, I use the Appalachian Trail and shit, but yeah, no, I'm not with that.
[00:17:22] Even like the dog shit part like Y Comico, Cali and shit like that.
[00:17:29] I mean, it's like, it's certainly not as cheap as like you, like if you lived in fucking like,
[00:17:33] I don't know if like the Gulf States or.
[00:17:36] Do you get the floor of Bama shore, dude?
[00:17:39] Yeah, but I'm only driven through those places.
[00:17:43] I can't imagine like, because it's like, you know, people like, there's, people go too far,
[00:17:48] because they make assumptions about the South where they're like, oh, it's just all like,
[00:18:01] I mean, it's not like it's not that, you know, there's 10 cool guys.
[00:18:10] You can get avocado toast there, but also there is plenty of racist fuckers.
[00:18:16] Not even like, I wouldn't mind it if they were like, because it's, it's the problem is that people
[00:18:22] always pair racism with like local pride, where it's like, you shouldn't be
[00:18:27] That's the same problem with the police.
[00:18:29] It's like, you can be racist, but then you're also like on TV, crying and demanding respect.
[00:18:36] That guy was like, they're calling us animals.
[00:18:39] They're saying, they're telling us to leave our neighborhoods.
[00:18:43] Like, but you know, before we're off our shift and we drive two and a half hours at the Long Island.
[00:18:52] Yeah. It's also like communities that we fixed.
[00:18:59] It's like, I mean, the protests are happening because they're not fixed.
[00:19:08] I, and he, that, the part where he was like, mothers are saying they're scared,
[00:19:12] they're black child might get killed by the police.
[00:19:17] It's like, well, yeah, it's like, I don't know what you mean.
[00:19:21] It was weird watching, watching all of those cops talk.
[00:19:24] I mean, admittedly, I only saw two of them at that thing, but like, all of them,
[00:19:31] Yeah. They were pretty, they were pretty great.
[00:19:34] They do. And, but they know they're just saying lies.
[00:19:36] I mean, they know, they know it's bullshit.
[00:19:39] Cops lie. Everybody knows cops lie constantly.
[00:19:47] But, I mean, I would watch those guys in a Scorsese movie.
[00:19:51] Every single one of them, the bank of all the sky.
[00:19:56] I think they need to be, they need to feel the electricity of a crowd.
[00:20:01] Back when they made boys dress up like women so that, yeah,
[00:20:06] All the cops have to start playing little girls and women.
[00:20:15] I don't know why they teach you that shit.
[00:20:17] Bit twigs and without, with ons, that kind of shit.
[00:20:27] How did she get him to do all that shit?
[00:20:31] Lady Macbeth must have sucked good ass dick.
[00:20:39] because otherwise, how could she get him to do all that stuff?
[00:20:41] Why don't we get a scene where she sucked in his cock?
[00:20:50] Because otherwise, Macbeth doesn't make sense
[00:20:53] if we don't know that Lady Macbeth is good at sucking dick.
[00:20:56] Then his just bitch wife gets him to do whatever she wants.
[00:21:09] and I chose it because it was the shortest Shakespeare.
[00:21:16] What are some other of his Romeo and Juliet?
[00:21:33] But Macbeth, like I said, there's a huge plot hole in it.
[00:21:46] I played a, I played Puck, the, the sprightly mischievous fairy.
[00:21:51] Oh, you said you were probably so excited to play Puck.
[00:21:57] The chit, which I was really embarrassed about.
[00:22:03] He breaks the, he breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience.
[00:22:19] That's, everyone sucks and fucks on that one, right?
[00:22:22] And they're like making people fuck each other.
[00:22:25] You know, tricking people into fucking.
[00:22:36] Yeah, it's about a black man can't catch a break.
[00:22:48] My problem with the Thelos that they stole the character of Yago from Aladdin.
[00:22:55] Do you ever see that, we used like a BBC production of Othello with Bob Hoskins as Yago?
[00:23:07] I feel like I just ate a bunch of Indian food.
[00:23:10] Well, I'm going to like, I'm going to start going to the doctor and saying things like that.
[00:23:16] I just feel like there's just a bunch of like, I'm like, my head feels like there's like
[00:23:20] Indian music, you know, like just some having to like hear Indian.
[00:23:36] Yeah, you're like, maybe you're just racist against Indian people.
[00:23:41] I'm going to prescribe you, uh, not being around minorities.
[00:23:48] That's what that's when the, that's when the house of West Virginia comes in.
[00:23:51] Do you remember the, the, the first time you went into a second Indian person's house?
[00:23:58] You don't remember, you know what I mean?
[00:24:01] Like you go to one, but you go to one person in the house.
[00:24:04] Like as a kid and you're like, oh, okay.
[00:24:10] You know, and then you go to a second Indian person's house and you're like, what's going on here?
[00:24:15] What do you got to get to the bottom of this?
[00:24:26] My, my, uh, the one that fucked me up the most, it was not my Indian friends.
[00:24:31] It was my friend Tommy, his house smelled like the way, when he farted, that's how his house
[00:24:39] Like you go into his house and it smelled like exactly the way Tommy's fart smelled.
[00:24:45] But when a family has a particular smell, yeah, I don't think my family does, but then again,
[00:24:49] maybe I'm, I think it would all the B.O. covered it up.
[00:24:58] some people like that there was any family that had like dogs that they loved.
[00:25:02] Their houses smelled fucking terrible because they would never wash the dog.
[00:25:12] Like it's the dog smell like fucking, it's always a limping.
[00:25:16] It's supposed to be youth and all right.
[00:25:17] It has open wounds and just eating everybody's cookies and shit.
[00:25:22] And it's like, get the fuck away from me.
[00:25:24] Get this fucking, they're like, she's a love bug.
[00:25:32] Dogs got, yeah, they're in their cooking liver for it.
[00:25:39] The dog, the half, it's everything is just linoleum floors in this dog in, in wet socks.
[00:25:51] You can't have a big fat ass dog that you love too much.
[00:25:56] My dog absolutely does not respect me anymore after three months.
[00:26:00] I started crying and she did not care at all.
[00:26:05] Does your dog think you're in Afghanistan?
[00:26:09] Yeah, you should have come back in full fatigues.
[00:26:12] But you should have come back in fatigues.
[00:26:15] The conceit of those videos, not explicitly, but like kind of,
[00:26:20] you're supposed to feel like the dog's approve of the war in Iraq.
[00:26:27] The animals, the animals know it was just war.
[00:26:35] Those are, those are, those are better than the ones with, with like a family.
[00:26:41] But you're like, damn, the army took this guy away from this family.
[00:26:45] But the dog, you don't fucking care about the dogs.
[00:26:49] That dog, that dog's glad Saddam isn't fucking hell.
[00:26:53] After this immediately, Adam, let's take a look at like tables and soundproofing shit and like,
[00:27:03] I might get some to eat first and then, but yeah, tables and like.
[00:27:11] And then like, we need, we already have mics.
[00:27:17] We have like, we have a couch and then a chair right there.
[00:27:22] I'm going to need a fucking hammock podcast in.
[00:27:31] We're going to get a biplane, which I like that again.
[00:27:35] Look, you said no instinctually because you're selfish and you forget that there's two iterations
[00:27:41] Well, it's not because I'm so because I'm against you.
[00:27:46] I am. I will be tailspin blue and you can be the cross dressing blue from the king.
[00:27:51] Louis scene and no, I'm not the trans blue.
[00:27:55] I'm guessing that's what you accused me of.
[00:28:01] I'm blue without the coconut bra but the same guy.
[00:28:04] I'm wearing the jungle book blue because he was a cool.
[00:28:10] I'm getting pussy in the fucking jungle.
[00:28:14] Essential worker with a young boy that's wearing underpants.
[00:28:30] Remember the like Rebecca was like divorced or something.
[00:28:37] And there was an episode of tailspin where she goes on like a date with.
[00:28:46] Greg is not giving up the pussy to shear con.
[00:28:48] It's some like fucking like French French.
[00:28:56] But there's this like there's this like jungle cat trying to get pussy from Rebecca and fucking.
[00:29:03] The kid hates the kids like man he's like fuck that lion or whatever it is.
[00:29:10] I'm searching does beluga pussy and I'm not seeing anything.
[00:29:14] I'm going to tell you something right now.
[00:29:32] I used because I you know I have I have my razor sitting around from my face that I haven't used in a year.
[00:29:37] And I shaved half my chest and stomach in like just out of boredom to see what you know they do a character in the bathroom.
[00:29:47] Doing a lot of bathroom characters to do the character of man having sex with other man.
[00:29:53] And you really immersed yourself in that by the way.
[00:29:56] Anyways, well, the way the story goes is this company.
[00:30:03] Clippers and they actually sent it to stop because they were like,
[00:30:08] And I said, well, I don't after your fucking transformation.
[00:30:12] I said, I said, well, I'm the one that changed my chest.
[00:30:14] They're like, don't we already ran the algorithm and it said stops the gay guy.
[00:30:18] So yeah, this is so fucked up with you to do without my soundboard.
[00:30:21] No, so I could run my own program, but I can't do it.
[00:30:24] Well, too bad you broke your soundboard having gay sex.
[00:30:31] How would you even break a soundboard having gay sex when I'm having sex with a man.
[00:30:34] And I'm pressing the buttons and we're both wearing headphones.
[00:30:40] Manscaped is the best in below the belt grooming.
[00:30:44] They removed, the stop has maybe 15 acres of pubic area.
[00:30:54] If you imagine, if you imagine the scene in the matrix twice,
[00:30:58] is where Morpheus says, welcome to the desert of the real and that it zooms way out.
[00:31:03] And that scene Morpheus is stops penis.
[00:31:10] It's his pubic area, which requires a lot of shaving.
[00:31:15] And so the manscape clippers, which they sent to stop, to try out, which he did.
[00:31:25] I don't what Nick is saying is wrong about how much pubes versus penis.
[00:31:37] It's what you're actually kind of putting our whole contract in jeopardy.
[00:31:42] It's absolutely the truth is the truth.
[00:31:57] Having said that, I have a nice, luscious ball sack, right?
[00:32:00] As a man with a luxurious fat, fat extra stuff sack.
[00:32:04] If my balls are Santa's sack, I'm a real.
[00:32:08] It's really, he's about to go to a kid that's been very good.
[00:32:13] And I in the past have tried to scissor cut my own ball hair to make it look nice.
[00:32:19] And brother, let me tell you, sometimes you snip that.
[00:32:26] I've gotten a cut on my balls and balls bleed, by the way.
[00:32:32] What do you mean you'd think they wouldn't?
[00:32:38] You'd think they wouldn't be that much?
[00:32:41] You wouldn't think there's not like a direct artery on your nuts.
[00:32:45] You think after like this, this is what,
[00:32:48] eight, nine years we've been friends, I'd like finally,
[00:32:52] like not be surprised when you say some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard of my life.
[00:32:56] You wouldn't think balls bleed as much as they do.
[00:33:01] Your arm cuts as much as you think it bleeds as much as you think it would.
[00:33:06] It's fucking overflowing is what I'm saying.
[00:33:10] And the point is that's the thing in the past, Nick.
[00:33:12] Whether your balls, and maybe it's maybe my balls are heavier.
[00:33:16] Maybe your balls don't bleed that much.
[00:33:18] I've actually never cut my ballsack ever.
[00:33:22] And that's why the manscaped is such a,
[00:33:27] That's why it's such a goddamn godsend.
[00:33:33] I mean, these things are fucking hairless, brother.
[00:33:36] I'm not sure looking like a Siamese candle.
[00:33:38] They have advanced skin safe technology.
[00:33:41] but their engineering team spent 18 months perfecting the greatest ball hair.
[00:33:48] It's like that scene in Apollo 13 where they're stuck on the moon.
[00:33:54] He's like, all right, boys, here's what we got.
[00:33:56] And he empties out like a cardboard box of shit.
[00:33:59] And he's like, no, who wants to shave my balls?
[00:34:09] That's where I, that's where I should move is fucking Cape Canaveral.
[00:34:23] You know, if you use fucking man-scape lawnmower 3.0,
[00:34:27] your balls will be a smooth that I just got centered.
[00:34:30] Roll through Norway with my fucking balls out.
[00:34:37] And the thing is you could, you could shave your nuts if you wanted to
[00:34:43] because the fucking the quiet stroke technology is so gorgeous on these things.
[00:34:49] And not only that, but you could do it on the fjord in Norway,
[00:34:56] You're in there and maybe you have a wild amount of hairy nuts.
[00:35:00] You could fucking, it lasts for up to 90 minutes.
[00:35:08] because they were told in middle school that if you have hair on your penis,
[00:35:16] We all remember being laughed at by everybody in gym class, they say,
[00:35:21] because somebody said that means you're mentally retarded.
[00:35:27] And so you don't want to shave your balls outside of the shower.
[00:35:31] You got to hide your clippers and bring them with you-
[00:35:34] To the gym membership you pay for just to do weird things in the bathroom.
[00:35:40] So you could have a nice solid bathroom.
[00:35:42] And the waterproofing is where that really comes into play.
[00:35:46] New York sports club shaving your penis in the sink.
[00:36:00] You're laying perpendicular with your nuts and cock down into the sink.
[00:36:05] And then you got the fucking lawnmower 3.0.
[00:36:10] It's got a 7,000 RPM motor with that quiet stroke.
[00:36:15] And you come out your balls are looking cleaner than shit, brother.
[00:36:19] Nick, you have one of these at the house.
[00:36:23] They sent one to me and stopped to try out.
[00:36:34] That's the beauty, Adam, is like whether you have nice fat, luxurious nuts like me
[00:36:38] or little tiny baby marble nuts like you.
[00:36:53] whether you got little baby Adam nuts or big fat stop nuts.
[00:37:23] Whether you have the smallest little baby nuts of all time like Adam
[00:37:30] that are wrinkled and gnarly like Nick.
[00:37:35] It's not a matter of whether they're drained or not.
[00:37:37] It's not a matter of even when they're full, they're small.
[00:37:51] com-town all caps at manscape.motherfuckingcom.
[00:38:02] I mean, you were it was like the jewelers thing.
[00:38:06] You know, you're like you're like Vin Diesel in that in perfect
[00:38:17] You're fucking shaving your balls on the top of a bank.
[00:38:24] so I don't leave any hair on the ground.
[00:38:27] If I leave if I leave fucking hair on the ground,
[00:38:29] they're going to be able to do a DNA test and figure out figure out I was a guide
[00:38:37] And yeah, right before you go in there,
[00:38:39] he forced you to shave your nuts in front of him to make sure you got no ball here.
[00:38:48] So I fucking I'm a I'm a smooth ball the fucking bank robber from fucking Chicago.
[00:38:55] And that's the movie that we've all seen.
[00:39:05] I fucking shaved my balls for you right here in the middle of the fucking in a fucking place.
[00:39:14] I bet nobody's got shave balls out there.
[00:39:17] I bet you got hairy fucking suburban nuts.
[00:39:25] You go in the as you go to prison and Willie Nelson's like,
[00:39:29] uh, just do me do me a favor real quick.
[00:39:33] I love that scene because it's like, well,
[00:39:35] Willie Nelson clearly has no idea what to do with his eyeballs.
[00:39:40] He's like, let me tell you something, man.
[00:39:42] I just being in here has made me think, you know, I don't remember.
[00:39:49] I remember just being like, damn, that's Willie Nelson and not even really thinking about it.
[00:40:02] I really don't remember, but that was a good movie.
[00:40:04] So, anyway, if you want smooth balls like James Kahn or me,
[00:40:08] go to manscape.com use the promo code COMTOWN.
[00:40:19] Let's give me like, what is, do you have it on you?
[00:40:33] I'm interested in what the Nick proof technology looks like.
[00:40:39] You just use a regular razor, straight razor.
[00:40:42] I just haven't been taking care of my shit.
[00:40:48] I until, and then, you know, like I said, I shave my chest, but that's it.
[00:40:54] I'm never going to shave my fucking beard.
[00:41:09] Do you, I think now is the time for you to go horseshoe.
[00:41:15] Let's take a little bit off the top so we can see.
[00:41:18] Imagine Stav's head is a giant testicle.
[00:41:23] And it's a good demo, but I will not, my unscathed come, listen,
[00:41:26] you drop a fatter bag on me, my unscathed,
[00:41:28] and we can talk about shaving my head like a big fat.
[00:41:35] Just fucking right here where it's already like, there's nothing.
[00:41:43] If you're just joining us now for 15 easy payments of, of 35 cents.
[00:41:55] If you're watching is 72 payments of 35 cents a month.
[00:42:00] And boy, and boy is my titty smooth right now.
[00:42:04] I mean, I got, I got my shit all like trimmed up.
[00:42:13] I mean, like I've never literally have never done it.
[00:42:16] One time I think I shaved my stomach when I was drunk.
[00:42:25] Now, I've been like hairy since I was like fucking like 14 or 15,
[00:42:33] Yeah, never, never happened for me, folks.
[00:42:44] Stop has like, you should have more hair.
[00:42:48] Like he just looks like he fell on the floor while he was sweating.
[00:42:51] It's a nice layer, a nice base layer, a cute amount of hair.
[00:42:56] He looks like he shaved his pubes sitting down and then farted.
[00:43:00] And it got, they blew up and got stuck all over his body.
[00:43:05] Where would my pubes get, what, below my ass?
[00:43:07] You're sitting there, you're sitting like this,
[00:43:10] and then down here and they fart and they blow up all over your chest.
[00:43:13] Well, stop, you typically shave your pubes in those stirrups that women
[00:43:20] put their legs into other guy, apologies.
[00:43:22] I get in those and I call one of my roommates,
[00:43:25] play rock, paper, scissors for see whose turn it is to shave my,
[00:43:33] OBGYN, that's got too many letters in it.
[00:43:36] I don't think it could be to trust women with all these fucking letters.
[00:43:39] There's no way with it going on down there is important enough to justify
[00:43:48] You know, I fucking get out of the way, bitch.
[00:43:52] Look, I, look, I fucking rob banks fucking 25 years.
[00:43:59] I go in there, I fucking take a look at it and I say,
[00:44:14] Just James Connor is a gynecologist from Chicago, Southside.
[00:44:21] Guino James Khan just chewing on a toothpick.
[00:44:24] Yeah, I guess I'll take a look at your fucking pussy, your couch.
[00:44:30] He's got his ear on it and he's like tweaking the clip.
[00:44:32] Like it's a fucking Jim Belushi is safe.
[00:44:34] Jim Belushi is just next to him fucking like
[00:44:37] watching his breath in a shiny track jacket.
[00:44:45] That's Belushi's finest acting moment if you ask me.
[00:44:51] I love watching people pretend to be cold on film.
[00:45:09] Because remember we had Fourth of July and we took pictures of your penis.
[00:45:24] But I'll go, listen, I'll get a beach house somewhere.
[00:45:30] I should, why don't we do that for a week?
[00:45:37] We would have to suck each other's cocks.
[00:45:43] Because there's got to be no chicks allowed.
[00:45:52] I don't want to see a single chick in the house.
[00:45:53] It is crazy how much quarantine has separated the genders.
[00:46:06] to stop being inside playing video games and not getting pussy.
[00:46:09] And then, and then God put me back to right where I was when I was 12.
[00:46:17] I mean, I remember being 12 and being like,
[00:46:20] damn, I wish I could be a guy that like,
[00:46:23] I liked it for the first month, but I'm, I can't do it anymore.
[00:46:26] I miss, I miss, you know, a woman's soft touch.
[00:46:31] I got to think you're trying to put, you're trying to put your dick in the ass.
[00:46:35] You're trying to put your dick in the ass of life, but you realize it's actually time
[00:46:42] You know, like, I wish I could go, I wish I could go back.
[00:46:44] Even though I'm doing the fucking now, I wish I could just go back and unfuck myself by time.
[00:46:51] Time, I got to get time to dick out of my ass instead of thinking about my dick
[00:46:55] It probably says that in Pruss somewhere.
[00:47:01] Just some French, French piece of shit that fucking.
[00:47:07] The wrote that set out to write the longest book ever and people were like, wow, can you believe it?
[00:47:12] And it's like, this is like, it's like, it's like, it's meaningless as a Guinness World Record.
[00:47:17] Wait, was that really what we were just going to do?
[00:47:20] But it's like, Cookie and Tony says, this sounds pretty gay.
[00:47:31] Yeah. I mean, I guess the other thing, get a sprulled records.
[00:47:33] It's like, that's why I heard that name.
[00:47:35] I just watched that episode like, a couple of days ago.
[00:47:43] Is that the book that Melphita was doing?
[00:47:45] I don't think you should get into it, dude, because it's a cookie book.
[00:47:49] Eating a book, a whole book, a long-ass book,
[00:47:51] talk because you ate a bite of a cookie.
[00:47:54] That sounds pretty good to me actually.
[00:47:57] I could probably write a pretty long amount of stuff.
[00:48:02] And you should write a book called Zen in the art of trying every one of the
[00:48:09] Instead of going, I decided to see the world.
[00:48:17] The best ones are the main one though, the fucking chewy soft bake.
[00:48:24] No, I like the Milano or whatever the fuck.
[00:48:29] Milano's are the best of the dipping cookies.
[00:48:31] I mean, the ones with the chocolate in the middle.
[00:48:35] This is the whole trick of capitalism is thinking that you need to pick one favorite.
[00:48:42] And once we defund the police and we can buy Milano or every type of cookie for everybody,
[00:48:47] it's like, we'll just have all of the cookies.
[00:48:49] And you can eat as many as you want and you don't get fat.
[00:48:53] You that would be worth so much more to me than like
[00:48:58] Tesla building a moon colony or the cure for cancer.
[00:49:01] If you could come up for the way where I can just eat Milano cookies all day long and I still
[00:49:07] That would be what we need is a cure for being fat and ugly.
[00:49:13] I've thought many times to myself that I wish if one of the wishes I would have is to like
[00:49:18] trick my brain into processing broccoli like chicken wings.
[00:49:24] But it feels like I'm eating a chicken.
[00:49:29] They got there like, oh, we made a hamburger out of fucking vegetables.
[00:49:35] Can you make a Milano cookie out of fucking bugs?
[00:49:45] Just go all chemicals. I would have no problem dying at 40 years old from like just horrific
[00:49:50] cancer. If it meant that like I'm just eating just all day long Milano cookies, Halloween candy
[00:50:12] Oh, here's a here's a question for you guys that I post to my roommate, Peter.
[00:50:17] What what would if your penis was the most delicious meal you've ever had in your life?
[00:50:28] No, it's leaps and bounds the most delicious meal you've ever had.
[00:50:43] What about what if you're when you're 85?
[00:50:48] And it's the most delicious meal of your life.
[00:50:59] It's the most delicious thing by a factor of 10.
[00:51:03] I'm thinking an old lady pussy might be actually very good.
[00:51:06] They're trying to live life like they're young again.
[00:51:09] You can still eat pussy, but then you'd get to eat your own penis as a meal.
[00:51:15] And it's the best thing you've ever had.
[00:51:17] You talk to guys that have had it and they're like, I can't believe it.
[00:51:21] They're like, you could eat great meal.
[00:51:26] They're like, I've never tasted anything close.
[00:51:29] It's not even it's not even when you ask them, what's the best day of your life?
[00:51:33] They're like the day I ate my own penis and then when my children were born.
[00:51:45] The most joy you could possibly feel is you're eating your own penis.
[00:51:51] I have too many years left trying to have sex, but if I'm like 80
[00:51:55] and I'm not trying to fuck anyway, why not?
[00:52:01] I think I would do it at least on your death bed.
[00:52:04] Yeah, but it would still be annoying to be ticklish, you know, at least on your death bed.
[00:52:11] Well, you don't want to eat on your death bed.
[00:52:14] Well, I'm saying, I'm saying, let's say you're just like, huh?
[00:52:22] You're like, your, it's natural causes.
[00:52:27] You're like, you can feel the reaper coming.
[00:52:29] And you're like, it's my lat and there's a way to slice it off.
[00:52:34] If I 10 minutes left and my dick is going to be incredible.
[00:52:45] Thank you for saying you would eat your own penis.
[00:52:59] Is it the most delicious meal you ever had?
[00:53:02] Would you eat it at least at the end of your life?
[00:53:06] I was laughing, imagining Hannibal Lecter in his jail cell
[00:53:08] and he's got a bunch of like anime pillows and like fucking like,
[00:53:12] you know, the little like figurines and Funko pops all over the wall.
[00:53:17] Like he's just got like an autistic girl's bedroom in his cell.
[00:53:27] Don't mind my Dwight Schrute Funko pops, Clarisse.
[00:53:44] I think I'm going to grill some calamari.
[00:53:47] And then I told you know, I would do his he's doing a show on Sirius, I guess.
[00:53:59] But I think you have to beat the fuck out of octopus for a while
[00:54:02] or like hang it off a, hang it off a fucking clothing line.
[00:54:15] No, Greek people, I, in Greece, I just see nothing but octopus hanging out.
[00:54:26] Some of that octopus fucking rubs me the wrong way, honestly.
[00:54:32] I could have sworn we had this conversation before.
[00:54:42] But I'm saying as an animal, they freak me the fuck out.
[00:54:48] But then yet we still have the minion over them.
[00:54:51] And it scared part of me is like, is there about to be like some even smarter version
[00:54:56] It's going to come back and get revenge.
[00:54:59] Um, like plan of the apes I'm not scared of because it's like we are basically evolved apes.
[00:55:07] Some kind of fucked up big ass squid that's smart as fuck.
[00:55:12] Why you come up here on this damn land and.
[00:55:15] But what if they figure out how to do something about land?
[00:55:19] And they figure out how to make missiles or some shit or some kind of, you know what I'm saying?
[00:55:49] I think a Montreal bagel needs to actually.
[00:56:02] Honestly, I'm not eating that kind of food for a long time.
[00:56:17] You bring it to your house of your house of mourning.
[00:56:23] You must have at least gotten some of that good.
[00:56:32] It's like pasta like a pie made out of noodles.
[00:56:37] Maybe I'm thinking of something else, not kugel.
[00:56:46] I love to eat fucking smoke to everything.
[00:56:55] Yeah, I couldn't do it for like I literally
[00:57:00] You got to rush in daughters once a year.
[00:57:05] I'd love you know what I'd love right now?
[00:57:15] But I want Rugola now that I thought about it.
[00:57:29] Talking about that's your fucking biggest
[00:57:35] I'm in a private moment between the two of us.
[00:57:37] I admitted that my biggest thing in life
[00:57:40] And I would appreciate it if you didn't share that.
[00:57:46] I can't believe I'm putting you two lives on that.
[00:57:47] You know Nick is a very private person.
[00:58:01] I mean, I can't I am so excited to not do this over zoom anymore.
[00:58:14] Yeah, but it's it's so hard for me to like think that I'm actually
[00:58:17] talking to people and not just staring at a fucking
[00:58:22] Why is that do you think it's also to what's that?
[00:58:26] Where's something to be said for being in the same room?
[00:58:32] Yeah, but I think when you can see each other, it's fine.
[00:58:35] I don't have a problem with doing most like I think it's for the
[00:58:38] most part, it's been pretty easy to do most of these shows.
[00:58:42] I mean, not stand up, obviously, but like podcast and shit like that.
[00:58:45] It's also to having the benefit of being able to like bail on one if
[00:58:54] Well, if we do live streaming, we basically can't do that.
[00:58:56] I don't think anybody watches a fucking live anyways who
[00:59:07] Because it was, you know, how like is where, you know, it's like we
[00:59:12] And sometimes like an episode would just be like fucking garbage.
[00:59:16] I missed the ones we did when we were in Australia.
[00:59:18] Those were we remember that night we watched the World Series.
[00:59:25] I keep thinking about that fucking robe in Brisbane,
[00:59:29] I think you understand you were on pills that day.
[00:59:39] I think if we really fucking figured it out, that is the answer.
[00:59:47] Everybody, I keep saying there's an opioid crisis.
[00:59:49] And it's like, I don't, I mean, it's pretty fucking easy to get pills.
[00:59:56] How does it say it's an opioid oasis if you ask me.
[01:00:16] Now I'm just now I got all my, on my last see, the other thing is,
[01:00:19] I like being able to pull up pictures of Rubula or a woman's titties.
[01:00:23] Well, that's what here's, so here's what the setup's going to be.
[01:00:25] If we do it at Adam's place, I'll bring this, this, the board can go live over there.
[01:00:34] I'll get an iPad, get an iPad and then Adam, if you want to get an iPad or you can just use your phone.
[01:00:42] And then longer XLR to like fucking whatever the headphone thing is.
[01:00:47] We have individual sound boards that we can set up on the thing.
[01:00:50] Because that's the next thing is individual sound boards and then,
[01:00:54] and then whatever that fucking camera setup Lewis has,
[01:00:58] we'll just do like a round table thing and then we can split the camera setup up.
[01:01:01] Like this and then, or we just go back to the front, the front video.
[01:01:10] Yeah, it definitely adds, if you want to do like a visual element,
[01:01:14] maybe we could even have, you know what?
[01:01:16] And then I get fucking, you're gonna have like a laptop setup for a share screen.
[01:01:21] And then you can add stuff to the, to the feed, you know, yeah, maybe.
[01:01:25] I listen, I think maybe we should go back to no
[01:01:33] Maybe we're taking turns talking into a fucking a tape recorder.
[01:01:38] We just go, we go all the way to the back.
[01:01:40] Maybe I should just all share an Instagram account or share a Facebook account.
[01:01:50] And we can be like boomer parents that have a joint Instagram account so that the
[01:02:02] Every time you see that, it's like, oh, that.
[01:02:08] She's got a secret one with no profile picture.
[01:02:11] He's gonna get caught because he doesn't understand technology.
[01:02:13] He's gonna make his penis picture his status.
[01:02:17] He got caught because he accidentally printed out a screenshot of his, his
[01:02:27] That's next to the oven for some reason.
[01:02:31] Next to the refrigerator is the family printer.
[01:02:38] He's got himself saying that I can't wait to give a sweet kiss to your
[01:02:54] That would be hilarious to say Cooner while sexting.
[01:03:00] Oh, I'm trying to have a slice of Poon.
[01:03:03] I want to put that whole Poon Tang Pie in my mouth.
[01:03:19] I know they're sexy saying like Grillie and stuff.
[01:03:31] I'm texted with British girls and they even
[01:03:33] like and they like understand that their language is fucking stupid.
[01:03:36] Like, they're not saying Feigny and that kind of
[01:03:41] Dude, I watched an ad where the guy said suck my ball
[01:03:43] Yeah, she was getting after it too. She was a she was a nice bird
[01:03:46] I'm a friend some big fat. I was a student
[01:03:49] He was a teenager my friend Brian found some porn video with a Italian chef and
[01:03:55] the whole time he keeps going please oh
[01:04:08] Command to the English language. Yeah, yeah
[01:04:13] Don't eat don't you even say that about Rocco damn
[01:04:16] No, I'm just the whole destroyer himself. I'm so passionate about what he's I'm pissed that I can't be tailspin blue
[01:04:23] That's what I want you can be tailspin blue. I'm regular blue. I'm just gonna play hat get a Hawaiian shirt
[01:04:29] I gotta so yeah, so let's finish I get the hammock
[01:04:32] You guys get two little little stools do you remember when you guys were kids?
[01:04:37] Did you ever want to sleep in a hammock full-time when you're an adult?
[01:04:41] Of course every every fucking kid I think I did and then I sat in one and I was like, oh, I mean this is fine
[01:04:47] But I'm on my mom on boat trader calm looking at houseboats
[01:04:53] Maybe you be a houseboat guy. Do you have do you have any idea how fucking expensive houseboats are really?
[01:04:59] This is get the divorce go straight to the house. This is insane
[01:05:02] How much how much is a houseboat 10 million dollars three? Yeah
[01:05:08] 2020 so 350 thousand for a 1994 houseboat
[01:05:14] That would dock fees and everything no, it's just for the fucking boat. Yeah, you don't get a slip with that
[01:05:20] Wow, and they're all in Kentucky. It's like what what the fuck how do you have a houseboat in Kentucky?
[01:05:33] Yeah, oh yeah, these are fucking expensive
[01:05:36] Yeah, this is I don't see myself being a boat guy
[01:05:41] Yeah, I mean it like for what a houseboat is I mean just relegating yourself to that level of trash
[01:05:48] You know they should cost twenty dollars
[01:05:52] Yes, if you if like the thing is it's like it should be a houseboat is something you should buy from like an elderly
[01:05:58] Chinese guy in a gift shop, you know, and he's like you can have a houseboat for twenty dollar
[01:06:07] You're like yeah, it is the part where it should be cheap that sounds like a great deal
[01:06:12] Yeah, and then a month later. You're like nobody's nobody will fuck me in my houseboat
[01:06:18] I think people will fuck you once in your houseboat, but never more than that. Yeah
[01:06:22] You get any repeat yeah, you could probably fuck a lot in a houseboat, but never anyone over the age of 23
[01:06:30] Just a lot of like you know, no, I think I think I don't think ages the issue
[01:06:35] I think it's respecting yourself and being how drunk you are. Yeah, I
[01:06:39] Think you get plenty of drunk like the you know what?
[01:06:42] It's like high young and then it dips, but then it comes back up and you have a lot of like divorcee trashy bitches
[01:06:49] Like this one is last slanky look at this is the night 46 year old. Look at this one
[01:06:56] Teased out hair absolutely those bitches are fucking on house boats
[01:07:01] This place is fucking swanky. Okay, so it's not bad dude 200 grand 200k and Rogers, Arkansas
[01:07:09] And how does this work you get a mortgage?
[01:07:12] Do you have like a water mortgage or what? I'm not trying to live on a boat. This shit looks fucking stupid
[01:07:18] It does look stupid, but imagine me just like an anchor forearm tattoo. That's good. You know a big cigar
[01:07:26] Well, what's up boys ready to do the podcast?
[01:07:32] My houseboat I'm like shit the internet's not working again
[01:07:36] I'm just like pulling some wine some wire in from the water
[01:07:41] Just very it hooks up. Yeah, it hooks up to the ocean or whatever
[01:07:45] You're gonna be good an anchor that goes down. Oh, it's an 86 though. No 2000. Yeah, what's 86 mean? I get one of those little whistles
[01:08:07] How do you make that no I guess they have a whistle it's not just their hand I can't I can't whistle at all
[01:08:25] You know what I can't whistle, but I can't right now for some reason. I mean I can do this I can just go
[01:08:30] I can't I can't never know though. This one's hard
[01:08:37] I can't or that yeah, that's not hard you just uh, you know, you keep your fingers on your tongue
[01:09:35] Very fucking nice mate. Yeah, it's cool. The beard helps. We get the beard helps. Come on boy
[01:09:48] Well, that's the whistle show for the best that's gonna do for us
[01:09:51] We're just gonna how about this every show from now on is us trying to learn how to whistle or a different skill
[01:09:57] We should all different skill we should all do a Rubik's cube together on the first next year
[01:10:00] I like it because I thought I can't get worse than whistling, but at least whistling is an audio
[01:10:06] I would love to get to the fans to people are like wow finally there's video and they're just ruins the show because we're like today
[01:10:14] And then you just get fucking an hour of me being like mine doesn't look like a frog
[01:10:21] Why does mine look like a frog? Yeah, hell yeah, yeah
[01:10:28] Rip everybody check out the shirts if you want we got a new one up and then uh, I guess I'll just slowly release shirts until I kill myself
[01:10:37] Yes, sir, and uh, please check out style yourselves your problems. We had tim dillon on this week
[01:10:41] Shout outs everybody on twitch. We raised 15k as a channel that went to a bunch of good causes and uh, it's every friday
[01:10:48] Six o'clock or you can go to my youtube channel
[01:10:52] And we got all of them we had Ian we had him dillon in this friday with bony mcfarlin
[01:10:57] Where did you give the money? Where did it go? It's a bunch of different fucking it's a bunch of different we did
[01:11:03] He went to boston mars man. He went to uh, it's not boston market. Yeah, no
[01:11:09] No, not a not that panera bro at first it was mini apple is this week
[01:11:14] I did a bunch of luval because of brian a taylor
[01:11:19] I don't know who you say his name, but the guy that got killed by cops in during the protest
[01:11:23] They're disbanding the police in minneapolis. Yeah, that's pretty tight and so what's and then what happens
[01:11:29] They just replace him with like private military contractors that are even
[01:11:39] Perhaps or perhaps it could work out and be nice. You know, you gotta be so negative nik
[01:11:44] Yeah, we can hope maybe it'll be a bunch of you should always be negative
[01:11:49] I think it'll be a lot of cute people. Maybe they you know, maybe they don't kill homeless guys
[01:11:53] Listen, when is anything in your life ever gotten better?
[01:11:57] No, and my life is better. What are you talking about? It's better right now that it was
[01:12:01] You know, but everything in general always good. Yes. No, it's not your balls are bleeding
[01:12:05] Your soundboard does not anymore. Not that I got the fucking lawnmower 3.0
[01:12:09] I know but it's still gonna take a while for noise how like put in the
[01:12:15] It reminds me it reminds me of these guys. How come you don't see those guys anymore?
[01:12:25] It was just my problem and now it's everybody's problem
[01:12:30] Now I gotta make everybody uncomfortable
[01:12:37] And that's gonna do it folks. Let's stop. Let's stop the show