Cum Town | Regular | 06/18/2020
[00:00:00] that's a great point. And that's why I'm glad I finally got to come. I came to come
[00:00:07] town for the geopolitics. Y'all y'all really paid attention in social studies class. Oh
[00:00:13] yeah, that was my best subject for sure. Social studies was my shit. So I was I was
[00:00:20] a fucking I was a little I was a little AP history slut. Yeah, that's nasty. That's
[00:00:25] me. I was I used to sell candy for model UN. I wasn't in model UN. Respect you just want
[00:00:35] you had a couple points on the package. Yeah, yeah. Nice. Then one time I did get robbed
[00:00:40] niggas took all my candy. That's fucking hilarious. Big respect for that. You know,
[00:00:50] so what you did were you faking were you setting up like a fake? Were you trying to
[00:00:54] get people that wanted to support the model UN you wanted to divert funds? I mean, I
[00:00:58] think I was more trying to divert funds. I was trying to get some slash money for myself.
[00:01:02] I see. Yeah, you know, but then I ended up getting robbed before I even I had to I had
[00:01:08] to hit him off. I had to pay him back for the pack I lost. Oh, that was always I used
[00:01:14] to love when the what was I should call the wolf something wolf sins or oh, the fuck was
[00:01:19] that? Oh, y'all y'all had some different shit up there. But I know what you're talking
[00:01:22] about just school. Yeah, school school chocolate the Easter seals packet chocolate bro when
[00:01:29] I realized that there was no like there was no like cosmic justice that meant you had
[00:01:36] to get a dollar every time you took one out when I realized I could just eat as many chocolates
[00:01:41] as I wanted and the pressure would be on my father and my mother to pay the difference.
[00:01:46] Dude, I'm I fucking cranked like yeah, we might as well be I fucking crank like 11 fucking
[00:01:53] crank like $11 with the chocolates. They had a toffee flavor.
[00:01:56] Jesus, do you ever ever embezzle from the school the school chocolate fund Adam? No, my mom
[00:02:03] would just take it to work and then sell all my shit for me. Just jigging my free chocolate
[00:02:10] stuff. Wow, Virginia diner peanuts. Any y'all have Virginia diner peanuts? No, yeah, that's
[00:02:17] that South Street. Yeah, I would never made I was Mason Dix. They had a selling Confederate
[00:02:22] peanuts guys suck it on a bank suck it on a ban field trip. Wow, cancel those motherfuckers.
[00:02:34] You know what I'm saying there? What were they called Confederate what? It was Virginia
[00:02:38] diner peanuts book. Just have in Virginia in the name. That ain't of course you know,
[00:02:43] it was a rebel school of the burning cross. What was it? This is a Confederate. I went
[00:02:52] to a vangel. Where you go? You went to what? I went to a vangel Christian polytechnical.
[00:02:59] Very nice. They had they changed the name of one of the elementary schools I went to
[00:03:08] when I was a little kid. He was like a Confederate. Yeah, Confederate. I love I love that they
[00:03:15] even they continued to name it. It wasn't even the guys it was like the most minor Confederates
[00:03:21] of all time got middle schools and shit. Just like the guy who would like the guy who like
[00:03:26] prepared the whiskey for yeah. Yeah, he's the one we're going Jefferson. We're going to
[00:03:32] stamp him when we are the molding the youth of America. Yeah, full of me. That's right.
[00:03:38] Bo regard pussy thin the 42nd. We're going to have we're going to have Bo regard Polytechnic
[00:03:43] Institute. Anyway, folks, listen, we might as well why don't we just introduce introduce
[00:03:48] everyone. See what's going on. Look, you've been asking for it. We heard you. An episode
[00:03:55] without Nick. Every we can't we can't we can't get enough DMS where you're like, I'm tired
[00:04:01] of hearing about them time for Adam to shine. I want to stop do something other than laugh.
[00:04:07] And here's the game time episode and he's about time time. We've seen me and Adam Union
[00:04:13] out. We actually seize the means of production and the word the labor the working class has
[00:04:19] stolen it from fucking Mr. I know we make fun of a lot of guys on the Reddit that were
[00:04:25] like if if in real life, Adam knew me, he wouldn't even be friends with Nick or soft,
[00:04:31] you know, there are a lot of those kind of guys. And it's true. I probably would be friends
[00:04:35] of you. You know, it's true. Well, okay, that's a little joke. The reality is Nick called
[00:04:43] us and he was he had shortness of breath. He was having trouble. Yeah, he seems like he's
[00:04:48] been talking way too much shit. And he got the damn COVID-19 show. I want to be with
[00:04:56] that motherfucker had Corona. It would be like when he lost all that money in Bitcoin,
[00:05:01] honestly, it would feel just as good. When I seen him with the Tarantula beard, I did
[00:05:07] begin to wonder. Oh, no, that's a brain thing. That's not a good okay. I was like that.
[00:05:16] I thought that was COVID. He got into Bitcoin. When we were in Japan, we were like on vacation.
[00:05:23] That's oh, yeah, I forgot it was you stayed in the Airbnb the first two days to day trade.
[00:05:29] And I was like, do you want to go see some temples or something? He's like, he's like,
[00:05:33] you guys don't understand money. He's like, honestly, you got it. And then like three
[00:05:38] days later, he's like, I just lost a hundred thousand.
[00:05:40] I don't think it was that much. But yeah, listen, he did this look, you got to spend
[00:05:49] money to make money. Michael Douglas. That's also true. He was walking around Japan in a
[00:05:54] fucking double pleated suit. Looking like boiler room. That's right. Yeah. So anyway,
[00:06:04] yeah, we prayers up for Nick. We hope for a quick recovery. And anyway, in the meantime,
[00:06:11] here's it's it's it's the boy. It's the fucking what's it's not a classical. We got we need
[00:06:16] it. We need it. You and Nick are the dark alliance. It's a minor classical. You feel
[00:06:20] me? It's like when the classical is in the little like the copa del Rey. You've it's
[00:06:27] like this is twist. This is like this is like when Sprite, Sprite cranberries. Oh, a
[00:06:32] Rupert J. And that's a Rupert Jam. Yeah. Absolutely. This is like the most of the people
[00:06:39] hated but there's a weird minority that it's they fucking can't get it. This is I thought
[00:06:44] we were going to go on a tour of the three of us that the triple XL boys of comedy. The
[00:06:50] king is still on the board. And we were going to have a little tiny Bernie Mac in the corner.
[00:06:55] Yeah, I would just be a suit with my eyes poking out of the car. That's right. That is true.
[00:07:04] We are going to be the triple XL boys. We meet me and Jamel. We've talked about opening
[00:07:10] up a fat only consignment store. I'm still building. It's happening. And it's about you
[00:07:14] know what it's about time because Nick has this is what's happened about he's talking
[00:07:19] about starving yourself. It's time we made a plus size a plus size episode. This is one
[00:07:24] for the fatties. Yeah. Yeah. Got some things. Slobs about 50% of where the were the chunky
[00:07:34] percent of our audience are larger women that do enjoy having sex a lot.
[00:07:42] You got the numbers on that. You got the big bitches makes up. Yeah. Big booty hose. That's
[00:07:56] what the Libson printout says. It has been. Damn. I wish that were true. I would love
[00:08:05] some top of dooch Leo right now. Oh, I'm not. I'm in court. Is there penis broken quarantine?
[00:08:12] Look, man, as a member of the cab. Like, I don't have to answer that question. That's
[00:08:19] what I'm a US Senator dog. You can't ask me that on a on a private podcast. You want
[00:08:27] to touch it to me? I want to read it. I think we all look, he played the fifth. We all know
[00:08:33] it. Yeah, you don't. Yeah. Come on, man. My little press the man lawyer right here. My
[00:08:37] lawyer told me not to even do the show because that this the last white thing I'm doing.
[00:08:42] First, I'm not doing over a white shit after this period. Yeah. Well, I got. Yeah. That
[00:08:48] makes sense. We actually the last thing I I've actually been investing my money and
[00:08:52] thank God I bought a lot of bottles of out your mind. My pancake mix. I bought a lot.
[00:08:58] I'm stockpiling that. I'm going to go hit up. I'm going to go hit up the fucking red states
[00:09:03] and just make a fucking fortune selling the last remaining racist. Can't make sure it
[00:09:08] goes nuts, man. Get that get that Wyoming get them Wyoming dollars. I've been going
[00:09:12] to another I got vineyards. I got the vineyards. I'm trying to flip on these. I'm thinking
[00:09:17] vineyards. I love that the next the next the next wave actually. You think so next
[00:09:23] wave I knew this kid I think that came to the live show that met that male model. The
[00:09:29] first night I met him. That kid's first night I met him. He was like, check out the fucking
[00:09:33] drip dog. I got the fucking vineyards hat vineyards. Paula. Oh, yeah. I remember that
[00:09:39] shit. Oh, yeah. You were there to a I wasn't there. We was in that way. But you went to
[00:09:45] a right. What was it? It was like a Saudi Prince theme party. I left your Mel's birthday
[00:09:50] party to have an evil night. Yeah. I ended up being like the worst kind of evil. We were
[00:09:58] doing. Yeah, I'm saying that's just what happened when you try to do cocaine off. We got a text
[00:10:04] that there was an Arabs and models party in the Hollywood Hills. That's ridiculous. I
[00:10:10] was having a phone. You left it though be with Arabs and models. I was at Jamel's birthday
[00:10:17] and then I was like talking to LA comics. I was like, yes, I agree intersectionality
[00:10:21] is hilarious. But I gotta go to this. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I got a couple
[00:10:27] of medals and Arabs party and all of you shouldn't have had to deal with that. My bad. You know,
[00:10:31] I'm just kidding. I'll be trying. No, it's true. Son, I'll be on my ill political man.
[00:10:35] I've been I watched a lot of madam secretary. So I'll be trying to like bridge the gaps.
[00:10:40] But it was been binging the Michelle Obama documentary in quarantine. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:46] He has a notorious art. I'm not being a poster in his bedroom. I'm a Hillary guy. I'm an
[00:10:52] RBG guy. Personally, you know, like when they say that bad bitches are like, it's like a
[00:10:57] like a battle and all great thing. I'm a madeline. All bright guy.
[00:11:03] Oh, yeah. She always looked at Crepid. Was there ever a point in Madeline? All bright's
[00:11:09] life where she was like, not even just hot, but just young looking. No, she probably looked
[00:11:15] like it. But she but she was probably slinging the pussy. Oh, yeah. That's why she was
[00:11:18] sacred secretary of state. She was just fucking and sucking it all over the globe. That's what
[00:11:23] it's. She's something to know. That's what it's about. You know, she had a very wrinkly
[00:11:27] pussy, by the way. If I had to bet my money on anything, it would be an abnormal amount
[00:11:32] of flaps on Madeline. All bright. Oh, extra flat. Everybody got a taste. That's nasty.
[00:11:39] Everybody got Al Gore's. I got one cheek, one pussy cheek. Yo, Bill Clinton's got the
[00:11:44] other. If Al Gore was striking Madeline, all bright. Oh, man. Like a VW, this cock via
[00:11:51] my cock. That feels good, Madeline. Take it to the balls you flappy whore. This is solid.
[00:12:03] You rounded it. That got it got good. Thanks. Thank you, bro. Shouts out. I just want to
[00:12:09] say the end of that models and Arab parties, we get to the Hollywood Hills. It's like one
[00:12:15] 45 am. The place is surrounded in Los Angeles police department. Surrounded. And then we
[00:12:22] just waited. We took Uber's so they dropped us off. And then we're just waiting outside
[00:12:27] like a high school party, like waiting for the cops to leave. And then like we saw there
[00:12:32] were like girls inside. And there. And then we're like, can we just go in? I like, I like
[00:12:38] went up to the door. It was like this rich dude. This is you paid for security. I was
[00:12:43] like, I was like, I left. Yeah, I was the Chris Chris. Don't lie. Don't lie. It was
[00:12:51] Chris. It was. He does have something in common with Arab lords. You know what I'm saying?
[00:13:00] They're tasting boots. How they wear their boots. He dresses a lot like a fucking yeah,
[00:13:07] like a like a Iranian man, like an Iranian oil is obsessed with
[00:13:10] our money exchange. Yeah. It was a lot of the cuck and our money exchange kind of. Yeah.
[00:13:21] Any dude who wears the see through tops, you know, how the shirts be like kind of like,
[00:13:25] yes, she was my that was my, that was my summer vision board actually. I was going to go net
[00:13:34] open shirt wife beater underneath, but COVID had a foot that up for me. If you started
[00:13:41] doing like Jamaican, like gang, like net single mesh top. Yeah. I want to go slashes in the
[00:13:54] Yeah. You're all your nets. Everyone your net hair. Like a tuna dress like a car. I love
[00:14:06] that. Let me get some pussy. Let me get some pussy. Like a Shonda Paul kind of aesthetic
[00:14:13] yeah, pond a replay. Hey, we study. We wait. We wait. Another uber comes 20 minutes later.
[00:14:22] We're waiting. We're not being let in. I told the security at the at the house, the Arab
[00:14:28] security guys, I was like, I left my inhaler inside and they were like, excuse me. I was
[00:14:42] I was already inside of my inhalers and there I could die. And then that's bold of you. I
[00:14:48] was like, I just want to say I respect the Emiratis. I respect the Saudi royals. Please
[00:15:00] let me in because my inhaler isn't there. I left it in a girl's pussy. And wait, so we
[00:15:08] leave the uber comes takes forever to get up to the to the Hollywood Hills. We get back
[00:15:13] down like to sunset. It's 2 a.m. LA fucking sucks. Every bar closes at 1 30 a.m. It's
[00:15:20] like not like New York. That is weird. I do find that we go to bed. I don't get why.
[00:15:25] But so what so some of the people are with were like, we go to their apartment and they're
[00:15:29] like, oh, we might have a bottle of wine at the apartment. We get there zero alcohol.
[00:15:36] All anyone has this cocaine. So soberly soberly doing cocaine with 19 year old. He was he
[00:15:47] was the he was the he was the 19 year old, but everyone else was was around our our age.
[00:15:51] But but anyway, 19 year old male model gets a text, right? We're soberly doing coke just
[00:15:59] everyone's hitting Jules so hard. Just like pacing around this like one bedroom apartment
[00:16:07] is awful. Yeah, it's like 4 a.m. I was like, I would kill someone just for a beer. I want
[00:16:13] to be here so bad. And the male model like gets the text. He's like, yeah, my fucking
[00:16:17] boy is downtown. There's a warehouse party. He's like, after hours, they got drinks there.
[00:16:25] And so I was like, let's fucking go. I got it. We got a fucking go. You're you're you're
[00:16:30] gassed up. I was like, like getting a lot of those go. I get there. So the air air is
[00:16:36] never listening. Yeah, first off, we're surrounded outside the whole time. We've never got it.
[00:16:42] We've never got it. So we get we get to the warehouse party. It was me and Brandon Wardell
[00:16:48] walk in. They're like, I had a $100 bill. They're like covers $20. I was like, I don't give
[00:16:56] a fuck a brand. I'm like, can I then and I was like, God, okay, fine, right? Okay, for
[00:17:04] Brandon and I, the rest of the crew were with her like, we don't have cash. I was like,
[00:17:08] I just have to get a drink. I get into this fucking rave. It is the scariest place I've
[00:17:16] been in my entire life. It's like the, it's like the Zion rave, but like from hell. There
[00:17:22] was, I remember I walked in. The first person I see was a fucking amputee. There was like,
[00:17:29] I'm missing. It's the, I don't know if I was like fucked up. It seemed like everyone was
[00:17:33] injured. It's like it was terrifying. The invalid ball. The music was horrific. And I was like,
[00:17:41] Brandon, let's go to the bar. I just need one drink and then we go home. And brands
[00:17:45] like, I don't like it. I'm scary. I'm scared. So, so we go to the bar. You niggas is at
[00:17:57] The same city as me. Oh, by the way, like I met. So just putting fucking strobe lights
[00:18:11] on and stealing all the fucking oxy that the recent war veterans were getting.
[00:18:16] Those kind of parties. Also, I was in the Uber with the male model and Brandon and one
[00:18:23] of the person, my friend. And I was like, so you're but a boy. And he's like, fuck no,
[00:18:28] dude. I'm not a but boy. And I was like, no, no, you're just a boy. And he's like, he's
[00:18:34] like, yeah, dude, like me and my mom moved here when I was 16 from fucking Phoenix. So
[00:18:41] I be a fucking mom. You're gonna be a model son. You know that has just nothing.
[00:18:50] That's what's your beautiful boy. You're so gorgeous. I'm glad I tricked that NBA G
[00:18:58] League player into nodding inside me so we could have you. Man, she wearing leopard. It's
[00:19:03] like a lot of leopard. She definitely dresses like she's like 16. So I love this. This kid
[00:19:13] is my bathing with him. It's a miracle. He's not gay. He came to funny moms and stuff absolutely
[00:19:20] destroyed him from the stage. Oh, yeah. I did roast him. He will again, he will get molested.
[00:19:26] Like I don't want it to happen. But there's a not there is a I would say 95% chance that
[00:19:34] some powerful gay man will make him will make the gay the the producer will suck his dick
[00:19:39] for money. That's what's gonna have politician gay. You know, saying that you know, I'm saying
[00:19:43] that you know, I really I really fuck with that kid. He's a kid. He's a kid. No, he's
[00:19:50] he's fuck. I mean, so that I was like, so why do you live in LA and not in New York? Like
[00:19:53] is it? Aren't there isn't New York better for modeling? He's like, yeah, dude, like I
[00:19:57] got dropped by my New York agent because I took a picture wearing a make America great
[00:20:03] again hat because I thought it was funny. Anyway, we get this fucking rave. It's terrifying.
[00:20:14] And we go to the bar. Yeah. Everyone there is like, it's like, like, like fishnet, like
[00:20:19] arm sleeve kind of like that kind of raver like early 2000s, raver culture was like so
[00:20:26] weird. Yeah. Yep. Guys with Chris Krapatrick 100%
[00:20:30] care 100% Yeah. Yeah. It was like, yeah. That guy rocked. Why don't we canceling him for
[00:20:36] having those weird pastures on the line? Yeah. Time is coming, Chris.
[00:20:41] I'm just gonna walk around with that fucking pineapple triple X to Tassion. You don't think
[00:20:50] we'll notice. Oh, dig it. Y'all all this. You remember when Jeremy Lynn? Hold up. He looked
[00:20:55] so good. It was out the he was out of the league though. And remember, he was like crying
[00:21:00] and he was like, yo, they kicked me out because I'm Asian. And then the next week he had corn
[00:21:05] rose. Like I was like, what the hell did you want to man his way back in? He was trying
[00:21:14] to be like, Hello fellow African Americans. Anyway, we get to the bar. It's these two like
[00:21:22] yeah, maybe in their 50s, like flannel, butch lesbians. And I'm like, can I have you're
[00:21:30] in good company? Can I get a tequila soda? And then the woman just looks at me. She's
[00:21:34] like, how about like Charles, like speaking in tongues, like on PCP kind of like. And I
[00:21:42] was like, and I was like tequila soda. And she's like, we don't have that. We don't have
[00:21:47] that. I was like, what do you have? What do you have? And she's like, she points to this
[00:21:51] like bottle of brown alcohol. I was like two shots of that. And then she's like, and then
[00:21:57] she looks at me. She goes 60 dollars. For two. What are you gonna do about it? B pursue
[00:22:05] Carlo Rossi's two Carlo Rossi's mind you to Carlo Rossi's gonna fuck it. I had a hundred
[00:22:13] dollar bill. I paid for band and I both get in. Brandon clearly does not have money for
[00:22:17] the bar. So I pay $60. I've I've spent $100 in about 30 seconds. And then we take a shot
[00:22:25] and then we leave it in the home. Yeah, but it was a whole experience called $100 to go
[00:22:30] to hell. I really thought I really thought that night was gonna be the best night ever.
[00:22:40] Keep telling you, man, turn your life over to Christ, man. I know dude, you know, you
[00:22:46] could do that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you fucked, you know, where you fucked up Adam is you
[00:22:51] were looking for alcohol when really you should have been looking for some smoke products.
[00:22:58] I think I think that's what we can all drink. Kaboom. Yeah. Hold on a second. Uh oh. Look
[00:23:08] at that. Check the board. Adam, you what you need to do is relax right now with some of
[00:23:13] cushy dreams. Smokeable CBD. Smoke your CBD because you can. Look, man, I know, I know,
[00:23:21] I know there's a lot of people in the world that love the way we taste, but hate getting
[00:23:27] high. I think we can all agree. That's, you know, we know you like to smoke big, right?
[00:23:33] Look, dude, I don't blow big no more. I don't do that. No, no more. No, dude. I'm running
[00:23:39] for public office. I'm a Christian comedian. I don't blow big no more, but I would love
[00:23:43] an alternative. I would love to hit the fruit without my mental getting all scrambled.
[00:23:50] Well, how would you like some something that looks like high quality marijuana feels like
[00:23:55] high quality marijuana and tastes like high quality marijuana? Mr. Johnson. I mean, the
[00:24:01] attention to detail is noticeable in every beautiful flavor. Oh, y'all better be sending
[00:24:04] me a half pound of this shit for free for even doing this. You're getting internet radio
[00:24:09] show. Yeah, I better fold it up. Send it on down. You're getting a quop, brother.
[00:24:15] That's low. We thought the exposure for being on such a big platform would be enough. Yeah,
[00:24:22] thanks for the drink tickets, guys. Of course, dude. I got to be honest, I have this. I know
[00:24:28] joke have I literally I've been smoking so much weed. I've been getting I've been getting
[00:24:32] so fucked up off edibles that I can't even remember whole slew a slew of days. And I
[00:24:39] literally went to my bodega and bought some like very shitty dried out CBD litter. I brought
[00:24:45] it. I bought a pre roll and just gave myself a fucking headache. But we're talking that's
[00:24:49] not cushy. And that was before we had this fucking beautiful new sponsor, cushy night
[00:24:54] mayor's homes. I was having cushy nightmares over it over at the bodega, but I got cushy
[00:24:59] dreams now. They got smokeable CBD motherfucking flower. Okay, they got the private reserve.
[00:25:05] They got the ultra premium. They got the premium. You think there's just premium? No, bitch,
[00:25:11] there's also ultra premium. That's right. You know what I'm saying? It's like they got
[00:25:15] it's nitro nitrogen sealed. Oh, nitro. Oh my God. They got noss. All right. Yeah, they
[00:25:23] put a nice if yeah, if Paul Walker was smoking cushy dreams, he'd still be alive today.
[00:25:29] Bro, I'll tell you that was that. They got pre rolls. H pre rolls of fucking Graham, bro.
[00:25:36] Okay. Okay, whatever the fuck you want. They got sativa's they got into because it does
[00:25:41] not get you high, but it gives you that body effect, brother. They got relaxed piece create
[00:25:46] hustle. If you're trying to flip a pack, I need to flip a pack some work done. Yeah,
[00:25:52] if you're trying to sell other people drugs while smoking something legal, fucking fire
[00:25:57] up a pre roll of hustle. Okay, they got dream. That's my shit. The night love hybrid puts
[00:26:03] me right up the hustle. Do a little waken bake, rise and grind. And you see like TAC opens
[00:26:10] up your third eye, but CBD is a body thing. So it opens up actually your third heart.
[00:26:18] So so actually you get a third hole in between your dick and your asshole. Exactly a whole
[00:26:26] that if you get fucked there, you're not gay. It's a it's a loophole. It's not gay. That's
[00:26:32] a loophole. You got to smoke enough CBD to have a mythical pussy, a straight pussy. Wow.
[00:26:40] And that that's how you're getting fucked. What a strange angle to get fucked at, but
[00:26:43] I get it makes sense to me. And it hits you right in the back of the ball. It feels great.
[00:26:49] It hits the back. The back ball penetrate your back balls. Did this come from your back
[00:26:57] balls? We're trying to make money right? Can you all of this in the coffee? And if you're
[00:27:05] a woman, there's another's a even smaller pussy inside your pussy that you get. So that's
[00:27:12] great. If you have a guy, I was working a summer camp once. You'll be good. And one of the
[00:27:16] other counselors looked in the campers confidential medical records. Apparently one of the campers
[00:27:22] apparently one of the campers had three pussies, not lying father, son in the Holy Spirit.
[00:27:32] Exactly. That's how I flick style. We up one for your husband, one for yeah, you said
[00:27:42] that's got to be a common hand. You save one person. That's the husband. You got one
[00:27:48] pussy for the weekends. You know, wait, there's an episode of Ira Banks, which she had a talk
[00:27:57] show. You remember that she had so she had a woman on who had multiple pussies and then
[00:28:05] a bunch of people wrote in. And then the next episode, I'm butchering what the opening
[00:28:10] line was. But it was before you 10 women on stage and 30 vaginas. I want to dream.
[00:28:21] Let me lose. I thought she put on a third. I thought you were about to say she put on
[00:28:27] a three pussy suit. Like remember she had the fat suit. She went around town with a camera
[00:28:33] camera. So she experiment. See how people treat me when they find out three pussies.
[00:28:40] She just said she just said a subway ordering a sandwich. I have three pussies by the way.
[00:28:47] Anyway listen, well, you're if you're ever in that position and you find yourself in
[00:28:51] a room with 10 women but 30 pussies, what you're going to want to do is smoke a whole fucking
[00:28:56] eighth, a whole 3.5 grams of cushy dreams. Create the sativa dominant date. You can have
[00:29:04] a hot seat or the energy. Yeah, that's right. They got a couch. CBD. You can have a couch
[00:29:14] CBD. So smoke that hustle fuck with your one penis fuck all 30 of those pussies and open
[00:29:21] up your own little little ball pussy. Open up your little ball pussy. When are they going
[00:29:29] to do a CBD for PCP? I want to smoke dust but it only makes me feel like I'm strong.
[00:29:36] That's right. You don't think that the devil is trying to kill you but you just feel yeah.
[00:29:41] I'm just I just you live car. I love that. And from what I understand our friends over
[00:29:47] at cushy dreams are working on that right now. But for the time being what you're going to
[00:29:51] want to do is go to cushy dreams.com that's K U S H Y dreams with the K cushy dreams and
[00:29:59] a check out you're going to use promo code come town for 20% off your first order. Can't
[00:30:03] believe you need that promo codes. We are most known to smoke your CBD. Smoke your CBD
[00:30:10] because you can. Okay. So I'm with you though, Jamil. I think you're in a really good. I
[00:30:17] think you're you're making a really good point about we need CBD for fucking for all kinds
[00:30:22] of drugs. Yeah. You know CBD for PC CBD for sure. I want
[00:30:27] some I want some some spice CBD. Oh man. Some spice. Yeah. I love that. That's that's
[00:30:39] a great idea. Adam. Damn three pushes. Yeah. One of the camera. I feel I mean that's fucked
[00:30:46] up to know that's all that you're on your delia shit knowing that I did not hack into
[00:30:52] the medical records. I was just told and it wasn't a hack. I think there was some fine
[00:30:57] there. Damn. He's so funny. I'm offline. He's just but he's a bunch of like. Oh yeah. He
[00:31:07] was sneaking. He was sneaking some fucking little teen bitches in the club or something. Yeah.
[00:31:13] He was snap chatting. 17 year olds and being like, can I see your pussy? Like that. What
[00:31:21] the fuck man. That's my delia impression. It's not my one bed. Thank you. Yeah. He there's
[00:31:30] also he also it's really funny because there's like a clip people fucking circulated. We
[00:31:35] was like, yeah, dude, Hollywood. There's a big secret pedophile ring where every all
[00:31:40] the producers are passing around kids. Yeah. For sure, dude. Oh wait. He was a denier.
[00:31:46] You come on, bro. Just don't speak on it. Why would you say that if you fuck kids? No.
[00:31:57] Yeah. Yeah. But so since you moved outside, like you you've encountered any pedophile
[00:32:06] rings. You know, fuck no, you know, I don't go outside. Man. No, nothing. You go to
[00:32:13] Ralph's. Have you ever been proposition for sex in the entertainment industry? Once,
[00:32:20] but you know, you ever get cast in couch? No, I had two couches in my apartment though.
[00:32:30] That was close. I got to that one. Why try and fuck me man. I think I think me and Adam
[00:32:35] crashed. I slept on that couch. Yeah. Yeah. Made a little sleepover. That was fun. Yeah.
[00:32:43] There's got to be people that are out there fucking sucking and fucking the plus eyes
[00:32:46] boys. I mean, you're trying to get cast in couch for sure. But I was, you know, look,
[00:32:50] dude, I don't even want to be successful. I'm trying to like I'm trying to stay below the
[00:32:57] poverty line. Yeah. You know, me and just fucking get these little comedy dynamics credits,
[00:33:04] pay my life. Of course, brother. Yeah. That would be great if there was like Brian Singer
[00:33:13] pool party, but it was only for big boys. Just like, yeah, that'd be awesome. Just wearing
[00:33:21] speedos. That would be funny. Oh, gold speedos. Yeah. I'm a James. Come on. James. Come on.
[00:33:31] James. Yeah. You have to change into his girls when you get there.
[00:33:41] Yeah. That would be great. Today we're going to be doing glory. Yeah. Were you putting
[00:33:49] your day James Corey is just waiting outside high schools, like getting boys to carpool
[00:33:53] karaoke in his car with him. He's checking out the JV football teams. See it. See which
[00:34:01] D linemen get cut from JV when they're both vulnerable. Fantastic nose tackle. Would
[00:34:06] you like to come in and have a ice cream cone in my escalate? You know, the Migos was sitting
[00:34:15] here just the other day. Oh, dude, I'm pretty sure James Gordon is smooth down south. If
[00:34:26] he had if he had any version of genitalia, he would have he would have caught the case
[00:34:30] by now. Yeah, I got my man. Corden fucked up. Well, you're a cord and apologies. So political
[00:34:39] JML. You can't talk shit on James. We're fucked up. We on the same intramural basketball
[00:34:46] to hoop with the cord. I'll hoop with cord and so back off. I'm trying to I'm trying to do
[00:34:54] stand. Well, when standups over now. So who cares? Yeah, I know what we'll be back 20,
[00:35:00] 22. It's not happening, bro. No, I'm a performer. Nothing. The podcast. I'm a buy an oxygen
[00:35:06] tent. They're going to let me in. You're going to do it from like a hyperbaric Michael Jackson
[00:35:13] chamber. That'd be so sick. And lyric hype. We all become bubble boys. That's not a bad
[00:35:22] idea. Easily. This is crazy. Holy shit, guys. Nick is calling into the show. Yeah. Yeah,
[00:35:30] he is. Nick, what's going on, man? Do you have anything you want to tell the people? I'm a
[00:35:34] gay man. Oh, really? Yeah, I do. You're a gay man. Yeah, I do. Well, I think that's really
[00:35:42] nice of you to finally admit that which is fun. Like I agree with that. I know it's good that
[00:35:47] you agree. That's what I'm saying. Hey, real quick, how many inches is your penis? Zero.
[00:35:52] Really? But can you repeat that? Your penis is how many inches? Zero. But that doesn't
[00:35:57] account for millimeters though. He got he has a dick though. Oh, um, can you answer? Does
[00:36:03] that account for millimeters, Nick? No. Oh, you do have a dick. It's all I do. But it's but
[00:36:09] it is zero inches zero. Okay, cool. That's what I have. What real quick, what's, what's
[00:36:20] your favorite thing to download off of the job? Really? Man, where's Blitz? Yo, get
[00:36:29] split cider on the phone. So my hold up. Are you I'm calling them? Yeah, we got to get,
[00:36:36] we got to get some guy that did three open mics to write a profile in Nick's child pornography.
[00:36:40] Yeah. Dude, I think it's wrong. I think it's wrong for a man to have sex with children.
[00:36:48] Actually, wow, that's dude. You're honestly, this is pretty fucked up. Your pins are pretty
[00:36:55] fucked up right now. Is this do you have anything else you want to admit to the people? I murdered
[00:36:59] 37 infants to make fried calamari out of their cocks. You need it all of them. Why
[00:37:06] the odd number? What a weird diet. That's what the wild. Do you have any other favorite
[00:37:14] foods baked beans with little pieces of child pornography? You get it. He's chopping up
[00:37:18] DHS tapes and putting it in his beans. That's, you know what? Wow, I'm glad that he's, you
[00:37:26] know, feeling better at least. I don't know. Yeah. Are you feeling better, Nick? Yeah,
[00:37:33] yeah. Okay. I'm happy for you. Have you read Sex for the Woman? No. Oh, okay. Just had
[00:37:40] to check. Never. You've never read Sex for the Woman? No. Okay. Just for the record.
[00:37:45] But a guy? Yeah, dude. Hmm. Okay. Nice. Well, thanks for calling in, dude. Are there any
[00:37:51] final things you'd like to confess to? Even the things I love like being gay. He loves
[00:37:57] being gay. He's gay and a pedophile. So I guess that's true. So you're gay and a pedophile.
[00:38:07] Yeah, dude. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. Again, any last confessions? You know what?
[00:38:13] And I've said this before and everyone thinks I'm joking, but I'm a gay man. Okay. Triple
[00:38:19] down. And it's pride month, right? So hey, right on time. So I do.
[00:38:25] I'm BAC is right around the corner. That is so true. But you. So coronavirus is real,
[00:38:36] which is fun. Like I agree with that. Okay. I guess you're changing this too. Anyway, always
[00:38:43] good to hear from you, Nick. And I guess you're going to go back to what are you going to
[00:38:48] be watching at home? Child pornography. Okay. We're good to hear from Nick. I hope he's
[00:38:56] doing okay. He sounded all right. Fuck man. I've been watching a lot of sopranos. It's
[00:39:01] so so awesome. That shows honesty as a fat. It's it's the best for a lot of people. But
[00:39:07] as a fat watching a fat man get pussy and and actor radically and eat eat delicious Italian
[00:39:15] meat. There's not a better show made for me. I don't know. It's definitely what it's all
[00:39:19] about. And it's what it's all about, brother. What I don't understand is I feel like black
[00:39:25] guys and Italian guys. And in fact, I feel like we all have the same goals in life, but
[00:39:31] there's this like divide. I don't get it. All we want to do is you know, I'm saying touch
[00:39:37] your ass. And that's what racism, the cold crisis, a separates those people from one
[00:39:45] another. It's so true. And we have to stop it. You got to be kidding. And and on your mom
[00:39:49] is the first step. We got to get it. We got who's going to be the new maple syrup lady.
[00:39:53] It should be a Canadian lady with big fat. I mean, just they should just make Miss Butterworth
[00:39:58] that they should just give her a shot. I think that's a good that's a good option.
[00:40:06] So stay with Miss Butter, but updated a little. Yeah. Yeah. Give her the ass shots, bring
[00:40:10] the tip. You know, I'm saying put her in some fashion Nova and let's get it. Let's get to
[00:40:14] it. Yes. Absolutely. Get made. Yes. Start paying people for the work. It cardi B to be
[00:40:20] to be miss fucking. Yeah, you got to make Miss Butterworth half Latina at a minimum. What
[00:40:29] about the cream of week? He's out too. Right? That guy. Oh, he should have been out. I don't
[00:40:35] even fuck with rice because of that nigga. Dude, I don't I haven't had rice in months.
[00:40:42] Uncle Ben was definitely like a Sam Jackson and what do you call it? Django Django. He's
[00:40:49] definitely incredibly loyal to his master. Yeah. He's got to go. What about Cal chocolate?
[00:40:58] Is he is he technically is he black? Don't don't don't insult me. You don't claim couch
[00:41:08] all hell no. You don't fuck with me. You don't fucking second. No, dog. Hey, man, Frank and
[00:41:16] Barry little little bitch ass fuck. No. Yeah. Frank and Barry's a good though. What are
[00:41:22] you? What are you good to cereals, bro? Come on, you know, it's very very big. Talk about
[00:41:26] this very, very quick and then I'm a I'm a CTC. You know, I'm a I'm a simple man. Mm hmm.
[00:41:36] Yeah. I'm feeling I'm feeling I've been on a real fucking I've just been eating chips.
[00:41:42] Dude, I've been in a chip zone. I'm about to get back into Syria. I'm I'm fat boy relapsing.
[00:41:46] I was big on them to the Himalayan the pink salt. Chateau joints. Yeah, those are those
[00:41:53] are a problem. Yeah, once I when I found out salt was pink, I thought, and I got it. I
[00:41:59] was like, I'm so fancy right now. This is incredibly fancy. They did it's got pussy juice
[00:42:06] in it. That's why the color. That's why it looked like that. That's the only that's
[00:42:11] the only kind of salt I eat now. Cause it's pussy. I love the salty sauce. Yeah. Essence
[00:42:16] is the same way they flavor La Croix is pussy essence. Dude, I took I took a fucking blue
[00:42:24] chew the other day just at it. Just a few something. Just on some on some on some field
[00:42:30] of dreams. Yeah. On some if you play catch with your ghost dad. This is a good eight of
[00:42:41] blue chew and then started a adult friend finder account. Today's the day. Oh, baby.
[00:42:53] I can't wait. You were you ever an adult friend finder? No, but I did one time. I you know
[00:42:59] how the pop up ads would come up. There was a girl I saw on the adult friend finder and
[00:43:06] that had sucked me off before. Wow. Are you serious? That's huge. And that's how do they
[00:43:15] get them? I had no idea. That was the day I found out that the internet was not on our
[00:43:20] side. They get their trip. That's when I knew they was all that fucking that fucking when
[00:43:26] what was that? They go ran to Russia. That fucking when they snooded. Yeah, that's I was
[00:43:31] on my Snowden from that moment on. I was like, Nah, how is this? My house on my computer
[00:43:36] and I'm like, Oh, my god. Wow, how did not like it? Dude, Facebook I popped on to Facebook
[00:43:44] for the first time in a while and it recommended me like there's some comics obviously but then
[00:43:50] like could because I have a ton of friends in common but then it recommended me a bunch
[00:43:54] of girls that I fucked and I have no contact info for how the fuck do they tell you, dog.
[00:44:00] But it's not good, man. We got a fucking we got to start farming man. We got to get off,
[00:44:07] man. We got to go agrarian. Yeah, man. Have you ever looked at like your your parents'
[00:44:13] Facebook feed? I was like looking I think my dad left is on the computer. I was like scrolling
[00:44:20] through seeing what old people say on Facebook insane because like they're using it way wrong.
[00:44:27] They're like still using like 2010 internet where like people are starting beef like personal
[00:44:34] beefs in public. There's like it's not like at this point internet for us is like we got
[00:44:40] to take down systematic oppression. You know, it's like big concepts. There's like calling
[00:44:45] out fake people in their lives. These are like adults. You know, yeah. These are grown
[00:44:51] up. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, like how they have like they instead of typing out a status,
[00:44:57] they have it like on a background with like confetti on the back. And like this one chick.
[00:45:03] I was like just Deborah, I know you showed my Jeffrey, you're pussy in the save a lot
[00:45:08] parking lot. You're just like since my surgery, since my surgery, the pain has been intolerable.
[00:45:16] And it's just like with a birthday cake in the back. Yeah. Facebook is like it is what
[00:45:26] I kind of want to go back on Facebook. I don't have it on my phone. I've like haven't checked
[00:45:30] it in years. I think the best genre of that is like the divorcee of an AAU basketball
[00:45:38] coach. Just mad at women. I don't know. Yeah, just like talking about like, how can I describe
[00:45:49] it to you? I think tell me what what are the beefs? What are the beefs with the divorcee?
[00:45:53] Well, you know, just like putting rumors to rest that they didn't fuck any of the kids
[00:45:57] on the team. Stuff like that. And if they did, he's a vage now and it's none of y'all business
[00:46:07] damn. Were there any groomers in your community? I had to be had to be but I never I was never
[00:46:17] I like I wasn't close enough to see them signs. Actually, you know what I take that back.
[00:46:22] There was this there was this a track coach. There was a track coach. I knew the same
[00:46:27] shit. There's a track. The fucker had like an alert on his phone every time a girl turned
[00:46:31] 18. That's nuts. Yeah, one of the it was fun. The gym teacher at the white high school.
[00:46:36] I went to because I went to a black when I went to a white one and the white the gym
[00:46:38] teacher to white one. He was always happening at the white extra on the bitches. Yo, white
[00:46:44] things are bad. Y'all don't live right. Y'all are pure. You fair to be fair. My high school
[00:46:50] was mostly black and you know, the people involved involved in this grooming room were
[00:46:55] black people. It happens. Hey, look, I saw I saw our I know how our climate sweatpants,
[00:47:03] you know, there's there's bad in all types of places. We had we had a gym coach who got
[00:47:08] who had a teacher's aid who was insanely hot and then like one day I got to school in
[00:47:15] the news was out front and then and then yeah, he was fired and then we all loved him because
[00:47:22] we thought he was a legend and that you know, we're like, damn, that girl's so hot. He's
[00:47:27] so cool and court cases are technically legends. Oh, yeah, court documents. Everyone was like
[00:47:35] bringing back Iraq and then we had this other gym coach who like took over the rest of the
[00:47:39] year who for some reason, I don't know if it was a rumor that a kid started, but that he had
[00:47:44] people said that he had testicular cancer. He only had one testicle. So like, we just completely
[00:47:50] roast him. I didn't know if it was true. Yeah, I was gonna say the I like I like the idea of
[00:48:00] everybody be like, bring back Mr. Johnson. He got wrong. I got wrong. Bring him back.
[00:48:06] Mr Johnson. That goes fine. That's what I want to have. I lost my helmet. Oh, yeah, that was
[00:48:20] too much. This is the police. You're gay. You're a big small. This is the police. You're gay.
[00:48:28] Come on, dude. That's not cool. Nowadays, did you police? Dude, come on. It's I ran away from
[00:48:35] the computer. I just got scared. It's sad. No, what about what about what about the police
[00:48:41] be mad about get their egg McMuffin? We didn't come out of time. But also I have diarrhea.
[00:48:55] This shit coming out of my pussy somehow. This is the police. This shit my pussy. That's satire.
[00:49:02] That is mad TV level. I had fun in that time. That was fun.
[00:49:09] Yes, the best interaction with the police. Here's a question. You guys think that with the rise of
[00:49:15] the protest movement that we're going to have a return of mid 90s conscious hip hop? Yes, I
[00:49:24] certainly hope so. Yes, we're we're weeks away from little pump and
[00:49:28] a dirt and trippy red doing their version of self destruction. I want I want some completely
[00:49:40] leaned out rapper. Yeah, that's it is gonna be funny to hear rappers be like, Hey, the cops
[00:49:44] is treating us like bullshit. And I am also on liquid heroin. Like Nick, you can't help but
[00:49:51] mention that they're high in their social justice wraps. I can't wait. I can't wait. 69 needs to
[00:49:58] speak out a little bit more on what's happening. So sad. Yeah, so you're a Mexican. You're a
[00:50:05] Mexican American that is uses the N word no one no one seems to bad night. No, he's
[00:50:14] truly he's got the range. Yeah, I'm sure the first time he pulled that off and like high school,
[00:50:18] he's 69 was my my friend Brian's bodega boy when he was like 13. He used to work. Yeah, he used to
[00:50:25] work night shift at my friends bodega. And apparently he just like made his own clothes and they were
[00:50:29] like he wear like shirts that said AIDS gang on it. And so he was always always wild. He was an irony
[00:50:36] guy. Yeah, he's he got it is big something awful. Yeah, he's he's he's an eight channel.
[00:50:45] Um, his on on Twitter, his his name is the N word sayer. That's one of those guys.
[00:50:54] Um, you know, I think you're right mid 90s conscious hip hop is coming back, but also
[00:51:00] shaving your penis. That is definitely on the way back because as much as as a as a demand for
[00:51:07] an end to police brutality, people are also demanding a shaving solution that doesn't nick
[00:51:13] the testicles. You're going to put those together, huh? Jamil, you know, I believe you said this to
[00:51:20] us. You said this to us before we started recording. I'm quoting you.
[00:51:27] Conventional. I yeah, I remember you saying conventional razors brutalized my balls with
[00:51:32] the police brutalized the I was speaking to my friends. Now it's on the record. Now it's on the
[00:51:38] record. I asked you if the song was recording you saying no, it's on now we're alive. The good news
[00:51:45] is the good news is manscaped, which I got right here, which I shave my balls with. This is the
[00:51:52] abolish the police of shaving your nuts. Okay, this isn't reforming. This is not reform the
[00:51:57] police. This is defund them. All right, it leaves your nuts smooth. All right, shave your nuts and
[00:52:04] abolish 3.0 abolish cubes and the police with the one or three point. This is the last white
[00:52:13] bell you said we could say all this. I cannot. I will repeat it again.
[00:52:23] Manscaping accidents are finally a thing of the past. Folks, okay, when I'm telling you premium
[00:52:30] this motherfucker, we mean premium. We got the quiet stroke technology. Okay, which is how I
[00:52:37] fuck. I kind of like that. Stealth bomber. You know, you hear that? It's barely you can barely
[00:52:43] hear that. That's like a Tesla. That's the exact it's the Tesla of fucking nut shavers. All right,
[00:52:50] trim your fucking cock like it ain't nothing. All right, I've nicked my balls in the past big time.
[00:52:55] Okay, it's hard for me to even hear that word right now. You have Nick balls.
[00:53:02] Yeah, six to even think about it. Nick, have you ever trimmed your balls? Yeah,
[00:53:09] yeah. Have you ever sucked a man's balls? Yeah, I do. Really. Do you like when a man's balls are
[00:53:14] hairy? No. So you would love it if they so you think every man should use the lawnmower 3.0,
[00:53:20] which is fine. Like I agree with that. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. And and
[00:53:25] just again, how many inches your penis zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero.
[00:53:34] Inch penis, which Nick has he just admitted that. So what you're going to want to do guys to trim
[00:53:40] up your balls is get this fuck go to manscape.com. Okay, get 20% off plus free shipping with the promo
[00:53:47] code come town. All right, it's water resistant. It's got a little light. You can trim your balls
[00:53:52] in the dark. That happens to me a lot at you know, I got to a lot of basement sex parties where
[00:53:58] it's completely black and it's just hands and penises touching each other. But sometimes
[00:54:05] a quick shave on the go. Of course, because you're that's the thing you have no you you have a
[00:54:11] hard time growing facial hair. That's because you're not to grow at an alarming rate. You're
[00:54:15] not hairs or you have five o'clock. My testosterone is kind of manifested in a very strange. Well,
[00:54:21] that's not what I'm I'm incredibly high in certain areas my bought you have low tea, but you do have
[00:54:29] it's actually because you have a lot of pussy cells around your balls and put you have a man.
[00:54:34] Right. Yeah, yeah, it's like like ions the ions don't match. So it's a
[00:54:40] huge amount. You're a natural scientist. I've always said that. That's right. That's what got
[00:54:47] this heart. So and look man, you're just you're gonna love this shit. All right, it's gonna you're
[00:54:54] nuts are gonna be smooth as hell. You're gonna get 20% off plus free shipping. I'm I'm talking go to
[00:55:00] go to manscape.com promo code come town 20% off plus free shipping and get the smoothest nuts you've
[00:55:06] ever fucking you've ever experienced in your fucking life. I love I love a nice smooth sack. My dick
[00:55:13] is gonna be clean as fuck when I fuck after this. You be really shabby nuts for real.
[00:55:19] With the manscape. I had 100% about it. I did not used to I never cleanly shaved my nuts in the
[00:55:27] past. But I'm scared. I don't want like I'm not trying to have razor bumps. Well, now with the
[00:55:32] manscape. That's why you gotta get now. Or 3.0. The first lawnmower 3.0. That's a 3.0.
[00:55:39] Meaning there were two lawnmowers before that. The first being an actual lawnmower. What was the
[00:55:45] mother is doing in the 50s? Like because like dudes is probably shaving. They were straight
[00:55:50] razoring. They go to the barber with straight. They go to the barber that the barber. Yep. Yep.
[00:55:55] Get a harper. Put a hot towel around their nuts. Yeah. The barbers.
[00:55:59] Yeah. One of those little fucking brushes. You have to go to the barber. They'd have four
[00:56:06] part harmonies. You know. Show us your. That's why they did the songs because they were shaving
[00:56:16] people's nuts. Exactly. Exactly. To keep their mind off of the demeaning work they were doing.
[00:56:21] Yeah. They picked up. They picked up singing. The season game. We're paying the bills. The bills.
[00:56:32] Yeah. Yeah, dude. I don't think I don't know when people were shaving their nuts. I bet you artists
[00:56:40] were shaving their nuts. I think yeah. Egypt did everything. Bush used to run wild.
[00:56:44] Not in not in France. Not France. France part one. That France had the wild. I mean they was off
[00:56:54] the bushes now. I'm talking about back in the day. They was probably the original back in the
[00:57:00] fucking you know I'm saying like the in the 20s maybe. Yeah. Nah. I like the 1400s. I think they
[00:57:06] was. Oh really. I think you're right. They had powdered. They had powdered. Yeah. Yeah. That's
[00:57:14] that Rouge. Yeah. That betauve on their nuts. That betauve and air of shit. And then they came back.
[00:57:19] Bum bum bum bum. Yeah. Suck on my balls because they're clean. They don't have hair. Suck on my nuts.
[00:57:25] I'm fucking gay. Please suck my dick. I'm fucking gay. My dick is well. I want to have.
[00:57:31] Yeah. That kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. You fully understand.
[00:57:39] Yeah. We're on the same fucking we're on the same motherfucking wavelength. I like that
[00:57:43] background. Whose house is that? This is my this Tony Sopranos house. Okay. Straight to it.
[00:57:48] I'm trying to manifest this shit. It was on the market for 3.5 milli. And I don't have it right
[00:57:53] now. I'll be honest. Yeah. I do not have what I can't put it down. You got to put up 350 racks
[00:57:59] to put a downy on that for a 3.5 million. I would guess 700 or something. Yeah. I always
[00:58:04] thought it was the same as bail money. I bought a house in Greek town. It was very easy. They
[00:58:12] almost they give you they they just tell you like yeah. You showed up with Cole's cash and they
[00:58:17] gave you that house. I had a couple fucking I had a couple of Chick-fil-A coupons. Hey.
[00:58:24] And they're like we will take this. Thank you for the. Remember those coupon books you have to
[00:58:28] sell from like for your school also? Yeah, of course. We know it would be like 20,000
[00:58:36] dollars worth of savings inside. And it would all be for TCBY even though there wasn't a fucking
[00:58:42] TCBY in the fucking town. Three mile three malls not a not nary a TCBY. Ten pages of this book
[00:58:51] is frozen yogurt coupons. I don't think I've been to a TCBY my my entire life. Exactly because
[00:58:57] that shit is trashy. Yeah, I don't think I I've ever been to one either. Do you miss the mall?
[00:59:03] Jamel you love the mall. I'm a mall guy. You haven't been able to go to the Glendale
[00:59:08] Gallery in a while. I'm sure. Yeah, that's I'm anti-American. I'm anti-american pro-galeria.
[00:59:16] Yeah. Wow. A controversial stance. I'm not as up on this but it certainly seems like there's a
[00:59:22] a burgeoning online movement. The problem I heard that there's a man there's one retail
[00:59:28] clothing retail store. Apparently in New York that's open right now that opened early.
[00:59:33] Apparently Jimmy jazz on Fulton is open. I want to say this publicly. If anyone needs
[00:59:39] anyone needs Jordan socks or what? You know. Yeah, dude. Don't fuck with Jimmy jazz.
[00:59:45] They have a great selection. That's can I get them like a LeBron Steinway? Can I get them
[00:59:49] Laker Lebron's over there? Yeah. You certainly can. Sure. The the fucking the fucking uh
[00:59:56] the fucking sweatsuits are looking good over there. I'm just trying to go to Jimmy jazz just
[01:00:00] because I want to go to a store. It sounds fun. I need a new fucking wardrobe because I'm fat as
[01:00:06] shit. You know what I'm saying? I saw a line for shoe palace out here. Maybe I'll see what's up.
[01:00:10] I'm about to go to Target. Oh dude. I'm pulling the trigger on Friday by the way.
[01:00:21] Wow. Oh Neil. I have the fuck up. I am. You're just a surfboard. You're a surfer.
[01:00:26] Dude. This is a joke I used to tell but I really would love to see if you did this. You should
[01:00:31] walk around all summer in the black wetsuit with Tim's on, bro. That's New York style.
[01:00:36] That's New York style. You. You need being in the rockaways. A double a double appropriator.
[01:00:43] King of the Rockways. No. You know I'm going to be out.
[01:00:47] Mahalo mindset on those waves with the Yankee fitted. I'm going to be looking great.
[01:00:51] At rock at far Rockaway. You're going to surf at Rockaway.
[01:00:57] And then I'm I'm planning on getting good. You're not going to the rockways. Get good there.
[01:01:03] And then I go like maybe deeper along island Montauk and then by next by the winter,
[01:01:10] North Shore, Hawaii pipeline masters. Kelly Slater. I'm going to be in competition.
[01:01:19] Absolutely. Go surfing Staten Island. Go.
[01:01:32] Maga man. Maga. Mecha. America. Great. Again.
[01:01:41] Stop. Remember when I did your fucking call and show in this nigga called in and was like,
[01:01:46] uh, my friend shot an old black man. What? But I love him.
[01:01:52] But I love him. And I don't know what to do. Yeah. His man is the dude who shot the
[01:01:58] guy committed a hate crime. That's a joke. That was like, I don't know what to do.
[01:02:03] No, it was the story was real. I don't think so. Because I hung up on him. And then our producer
[01:02:09] was like, Hey, this guy keeps DMing us and calling back. He says it's real. And it was. And I just.
[01:02:16] Yeah, I should have known. She was. I had this guy. I had this guy that was like writing like
[01:02:20] insane comments on like all my Instagrams like you fucking kikes suck, you know, whatever.
[01:02:26] And then I like, I was like, yeah, so I checked DMS. I was like, I'm sure he's DM me in the past.
[01:02:32] And you know, you see a bunch of like those kind of messages and then you scroll back to the
[01:02:36] beginning and his first message was like, Hey man, you mentioned that you had bad dandruff and you
[01:02:41] were doing something about it. And I was wondering if you could like help me out. Jesus.
[01:02:50] You created a monster, dude. You pushed him into the arms of right wing.
[01:02:54] And I said, I'm not helping a gentle soul with his dandruff by being greedy. Yep.
[01:03:01] By being greedy. I guess I guess I suppose he's a characteristic. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna
[01:03:07] I'm gonna rip this binger one more time. Do the CBD dudes, but fucking yeah. Yeah.
[01:03:13] I'm jealous, dude. I wish I was I wish I had some delicious cushy dreams right now.
[01:03:19] I threw away all my weed yesterday, guys. You gave it away or you smoked it.
[01:03:23] No, I mean, I threw it away because it's I just was tired of smoking.
[01:03:27] I'm weird. Like just for a couple weeks, man, just a pay period.
[01:03:32] Yeah, of course. I just got to I just have to approve. I can be alive without it.
[01:03:36] What that's that's you need that reset.
[01:03:40] Just you smoke the big you smoke the biggest out of anyone I know.
[01:03:44] Yeah, and things are going pretty good, but I got so high. I forgot that the cops was trying to kill me.
[01:03:49] That's true. That's true. Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan wants you to be getting high.
[01:03:55] Yeah. Yeah. That's why that's why he's waiting to come.
[01:04:01] I smoke so much weed. I smoke so much weed. I thought affirmative action was a terrible idea.
[01:04:13] You smoke you were so high you're retweeting those videos where the cops are doing the name.
[01:04:16] Yeah, you're you're retweeting the electric car.
[01:04:21] Hey, before the did you see Saint the wrapping cop? There was a cop in Baltimore who was
[01:04:27] wrapping. Oh my God. Before it before all this jumped off and somebody shot Saint the wrapping cop.
[01:04:34] That's right, baby. Be more. Don't try that shit. Don't try that.
[01:04:43] So good. Oh man. God damn. Saint to the wrapping. I'm pretty sure it's Saint Saint the wrapping cop
[01:04:50] and he got he got hit with one. I think it's a lot of the cool cop industry has completely that.
[01:04:56] Yeah, I hope you didn't have stock in that. Fuck no cops playing basketball. Fuck off. Yep.
[01:05:05] Nope. None of that. Sorry. Sorry to the pal sorry the police athletic league. I do want it on
[01:05:11] the record that I was I was the first I do have ridiculousness segments making fun of the police.
[01:05:19] There you go. I was the first one doing that. We're all doing our part. Yeah. I mean,
[01:05:24] this is how I would mean. This is how I would. Yeah. We never said it.
[01:05:28] Jamel is Jamel's room. Some of the best segments on Rob Deere Dick's ridiculousness.
[01:05:33] Oh yeah. Every every one of Chanel West coastlines. That's me.
[01:05:37] Chanel West goes going. That's great. I I write those in calligraphy on a scroll on a papyrus scroll.
[01:05:46] What that's got to hurt. Yeah. I've been down season 13 a second called turning your badge.
[01:05:58] Bitch, that's me. Well done. It's so good. That show is literally like
[01:06:03] bureaucracy out of my balls. It's like literally it is a thing. It's attached my balls. But you
[01:06:08] know what's hilarious? Like since I've been employed there, there are people who think the show has
[01:06:14] become more liberal. Like we had people who write in and was like, I don't like I'm not watching
[01:06:22] this for the fucking politics. Yeah. I don't like the direction the show is going. I'm like,
[01:06:27] yo, I saw somebody puke on a niggas nuts. Two seconds of them. What are you talking about?
[01:06:34] I'm watching to see people hurt their fucking penises. What about black on black
[01:06:40] that is so fucking awesome. That is so fucking good, man. That's great. Oh, fuck. If only
[01:06:49] yeah, I'd like a writing job like that, you know, where I could really steer the
[01:06:52] deer deck chill. Is he a cool guy? It's fine enough. Why don't you try to be his new bib black?
[01:07:01] That sounds terrible. It seemed like they were best friends. I don't even like the way you said
[01:07:06] that. Take that riff back. Take that riff back. Return that riff. Why don't you try to the
[01:07:11] riff star right now? Obviously. I don't want you getting any new friends. You still got the tags
[01:07:19] on that riff, right? You better take that. Of course I have the receipt. Good. He gave the receipt.
[01:07:25] Even if he was going to he was even if he didn't in three years, he was going to try and return it
[01:07:29] after for a year's Costco. They take anything that Adam does. I've returned things from
[01:07:35] 1997 to Costco. Fuck dude. I'm sweating my fucking little titties off over here.
[01:07:46] Yeah, I got the air pumping in here. Good for you. This helmet hottest. Are you still in this
[01:07:50] apartment? No, no, I'm a little broke. I'm around the Hollywood like legit like East Hollywoodish
[01:08:00] little Taimina. Oh, you're in the tight ties on? Yeah, yeah, I'm in the tie. My bicycle seat has
[01:08:08] been delivered boys. I'm about to be I'm about to be a little bicycle. Oh my god. I'm down the
[01:08:14] weeds. I got some fancy shit because I'm so fat that riding on a kid ride my bike three days in a
[01:08:20] rattle. Huh? You have to break it in a little bit. It has like molds your ass cheeks. I know.
[01:08:26] In a couple weeks it's gonna be perfect. Oh, little mold pal. Those are the best.
[01:08:33] Um, I can't I can't ride a bike more than three days because my the pressure of my ass.
[01:08:38] It hurts my ass. So I literally bruised my cheeks if I ride three days in a row.
[01:08:44] So I'm excited for this new saddle. I'm gonna be fucking tearing up Queens.
[01:08:48] Trying to get a little basket. I'm gonna ride on into the next town.
[01:08:53] I take my bag around my horse. Stop his riding his bike to get fat. You don't leave the
[01:09:01] you ride a bike get better. Oh, that's true. That is true. I love I just walk my shit up hills and
[01:09:10] they're gonna lie down. I like the wind in my hair. You know what I'm saying? I might start
[01:09:18] riding the bike to Brooklyn and literally walking up any challenging parts of just crews and all
[01:09:23] the other ones. You should hit the cemetery, man. They got some crazy hills. I've been chilling
[01:09:29] at the Greenwood Cemetery. He's not golf. I just got going. Yeah, I chilled with the cemetery.
[01:09:37] Yes, right? So sick. I will only go to the cemetery if I'm going to get top. It's a good.
[01:09:43] It's a good date spot. I'm serious. Bring a picnic to the cemetery.
[01:09:46] I'm serious. Inside a crypt. Stylvhere. Getting back. I'm trying to get hit in the hospital.
[01:09:54] When I was in the cemetery yesterday, I was wondering what I want because there's like
[01:09:58] different options. Obviously, you have the simple, you know, modest headstone. That's on me.
[01:10:04] Then you have some guy had a fucking pyramid, which apparently Nick Cage has for when he dies.
[01:10:09] Respect. There are a ton of obelisks. There are a ton of dudes that put up obelisks.
[01:10:17] But I think I'm going to go. I think I'm going to go. I think I'm going to go.
[01:10:21] It's the way to go. It gives you a lot more. You can fuck around with it. I'm going to actually
[01:10:26] be buried in a fucking replica of the sopranos house. That's tough. Or maybe the body of being.
[01:10:32] Like Lego size? Maybe I have maybe I have a fucking one quarter of the size by the being
[01:10:38] that I die in. And where it says about it being a high level up for you.
[01:10:42] Who? Yeah. Yeah. Because that's too. Oh, yeah. That's clean. I'm thinking with but
[01:10:48] they're still the bitch with the titties. I'm a little I'm a go. I'm a go cremated and then
[01:10:54] just pour my shit. Center Court capital one arena.
[01:10:58] Mm hmm. Washington. After a 12 and yeah. Yes. After our eighth straight WNBA championship.
[01:11:18] Now listen, whoever dies first, I probably if it's me. If it's if it's you, I'll smoke your ashes
[01:11:24] in a big blunt in the hopes that you will come back. Take the test. I like that.
[01:11:29] The high grades high scores. Yeah. Yep. Except it'll be. Yeah. Except it'll be.
[01:11:36] It'll be great segments for ridiculousness. Yeah. Yeah. You'll come back from the grave to tell me
[01:11:41] to tell me how to write. Yeah. Yeah. You're pushing. Find funny internet clips about the
[01:11:46] imbalance of power in America. Jamel Jamel wrote most of the machine gun Kelly episode. I know he's
[01:11:52] being I know he's being modest right now. It is true. All that feet stuff. Also me.
[01:11:58] You're right. Most of the feet material. Yeah. Yeah. Are you? Jamel, you feel. I love that.
[01:12:06] Nah. I tried. I tried it out for a little while. I've been leaning that wasn't thinking about
[01:12:11] because I just been thinking about like comic view like every black comic in the 90s had a bit
[01:12:17] about true. Sure. And I was like, I like comedy. Yeah. There's I think it is something that happens
[01:12:27] when you get older. But I don't know, man. Call me old fashioned. I'm a breast sky. You just like
[01:12:31] you like tits. I still I still like titties. I got nothing. I asked asked us have grown on me the
[01:12:38] more I'm a mature man. I'm a horror man. Before I've actually fucked instead of theoretically. I'm a
[01:12:42] armpit guy. Having said that, I still a night. There's nothing like a nice titty. Yeah. Give one of
[01:12:48] these little smooch. I'm giving us the tittiest smooch. I love I only blow I blow kisses at titties.
[01:12:56] I don't touch them. And I put my dick in our I'm an armpit guy. I'm putting my dick in an armpit.
[01:13:03] That's why I think Jones is the best because you got the space the space
[01:13:06] in between the arm and the armpit. It's like it's it's concealing. But yeah, it's like that. It's like
[01:13:14] it's like it's like Madeleine Albrecht to bring it off the circle conforms and conforms. I saw a video
[01:13:20] on on porn hub once, which was like a bodybuilder chick. And I think in in muscle girl videos,
[01:13:30] they fuck in between the the biceps the biceps and the forearm. Yeah, so they felt like the
[01:13:39] inside of the elbow. That's good. Have you all seen this? You know what I've seen on porn hub
[01:13:44] the other day? They're doing these like it's like porno wrestling matches. Yes, I saw this and
[01:13:54] it was like it was perplexing to me. Yes, I had a short period in my youth where I would jack off
[01:14:01] to those. That is cool. I believe it was called it's it's one of the king but it was called two
[01:14:08] girls. It's it's it's it's in the king.com family for sure. They're like legit,
[01:14:13] reco roaming wrestling and then we'll just take a break and like some of them suck the guy off and
[01:14:19] then go back to like really trying to see see the mix the mixed sex never did it for me and I
[01:14:26] like to watch. Wait, do they have a guy fighting? Yes, that's what I saw. But to me, it takes
[01:14:34] it takes me out of the body. Each other. The it takes me out of the moment because let's be
[01:14:40] honest, the guy is going to win in reality. But when it's two women, then I can at least
[01:14:45] you're forgetting that he's walking around with a hard dick, man. That's hard to fight in a wrestling
[01:14:49] singlet. Yeah, I never understood how they awarded porn. Sometimes they would like sneak a finger
[01:15:01] pop or like such Jack and moffrey. I don't understand what the point that's what I'm saying. I couldn't
[01:15:06] not put my dick away. I didn't get it. Yeah, I just like to know that's to see again to me,
[01:15:16] if it's girl on girl, I understand even if I don't understand the points, I see how the match is
[01:15:21] going. You know what I mean? I can tell the direction of the match and I like to see and then they
[01:15:28] strap on and it's like, yeah, you lost and now you're getting fucked and you deserve this. Okay,
[01:15:33] but you know, I like that it could be either one of them. Whereas what happens if the girl wins?
[01:15:39] They peg the guy. I don't think that happens. I think they're always going to fuck. Yeah,
[01:15:42] there's nothing at stake in the heterosexual one. I'll put it that way. And also I feel like
[01:15:47] I'm jacking off to the stage. And it also seems like if you win, you should be the one
[01:15:53] getting fucked. I like you don't do the work. Yeah, absolutely. Yo, he's strappled. This is
[01:15:58] y'all ain't fucking nobody for real. Y'all don't know shit about fucking pulling up short,
[01:16:05] pulling that hammy. That's right. Absolutely 100%. You're so you're so correct, dude. If I
[01:16:11] want a wrestling match against a woman, I would like to lay back eating a bowl of popcorn.
[01:16:21] I like to do no work whatsoever and just lay back and just get my little prick my little prickadoro
[01:16:27] serviced. Just text. Are you going to send me the file tonight?
[01:16:36] Always working. Yeah, yeah, bitch. Yeah. Yes, of course we'll send you with the fuck you think
[01:16:42] we're going to do just record for you want to wive. I'll send y'all a wav file. Yes, send us.
[01:16:47] Yes, send us some wav. Damn. Sorry, man. We got you. Got you. I ain't even peep.
[01:16:58] Yeah, I ain't even peep my background. No, I love the bad. No, but look, that's good.
[01:17:02] Boy meets world jock my guys. They did the same. Oh, it's true. Terrible. They don't have the
[01:17:09] jeweler. Terrible, dude. It's fucked up what they did. All right. Well, I guess we should probably
[01:17:15] wrap it up anyway. Nick, we will have it. We'll have it soon. Is there anything you want to tell
[01:17:21] the people? You know what? And I've said this before and everyone thinks I'm joking, but I'm a
[01:17:24] gay man. Okay. Well, you did say that. That's cool. That's fine. We'll have the we'll have that over
[01:17:30] to you. No problem. But for here, this the episode has come to an end everyone. Thank you for listening
[01:17:39] Jamelle. What do you want the people to find you, bro? Jamelle johnson.com. I got some stand-up
[01:17:43] on there. Yes, call friend or foe. And I might have done the same riff from this stand-up in this
[01:17:51] episode of come town. And I forgot about it. That's fine. Dude, that's fine. Just act like
[01:17:55] it came up naturally. We're professional comedians. We tell you fuck them, dude. That's true. And then
[01:18:02] you know, nonprofit comic on the Twitter and airbuds pod everywhere on all the stuff. That's right.
[01:18:10] Um, yep, just fucking come see keep listening to the podcast, I guess. I don't have any dates
[01:18:16] to plug because the world has ended. But check out Stobby solves your problems. And also my
[01:18:21] YouTube channel. I'm posting a lot of shit over there now. YouTube.com slash Stobby, baby. So you
[01:18:28] get all the fucking pods and shit like that that I do, etc. All right. Nothing. I will we'll see
[01:18:37] we'll see you again soon, folks. This has been a fun experiment without the old mold dog, but
[01:18:43] he'll be back in it. He'll be back at some point. I guess. And just as as this is officially the
[01:18:50] last white thing I do aside from this meeting I got with Bill Maher tomorrow. I just want to say
[01:18:58] I love y'all. Adam, I love you, bro. It was great, man. I miss it was nice being friends for so long.
[01:19:04] Yeah, but we understand that you can't do anymore. We can be friends. I'm just not doing our way.
[01:19:10] Yeah, none of your white programs. No, I'm not coming to the show to have eight niggas call me
[01:19:15] Jamal no more because I'm up because I'm gonna hurt because I'm gonna hurt one of the niggas and
[01:19:20] it's over. That's fine. And you know, we'll have your back. If you that's love. You're welcome at any
[01:19:26] black things I do. Y'all can still come to my love. I'm gonna be at Christmas. I promise. I'm
[01:19:32] I'm not a bet. Yo, my mom been asked. When you don't come to church with my mom and family Christmas
[01:19:40] every couple times when I say I'm made out we leave a play out for you. I want to listen,
[01:19:47] dude. I've been learning all the black Christmas songs. I know you guys have slightly different
[01:19:50] ones. I'm gonna have all the drums on ours. We got eight away. So yeah, I've been putting claps
[01:20:00] on my Christmas songs. Oh my God. All right. Are you ready to cover item? Yes.
[01:20:06] Yes. Bye. All right, folks. That's gonna do it. We'll talk to you soon. Bye.