Cum Town | Regular | 07/09/2020
[00:00:00] Do you not take the COVID test you they are testing marijuana?
[00:00:10] Yeah, dude, they're sending, they're putting you on a list of chill people.
[00:00:17] I don't want them to know that I did a chill.
[00:00:20] You're gonna be a fun move is you just get like white pages and find
[00:00:24] find like, like heavily conservative areas and then call people up.
[00:00:28] Like just any, you know, the shock and effort.
[00:00:32] You record all the phone calls because it would be pretty funny.
[00:00:37] You call the people in a conservative area and then you start saying like,
[00:00:41] yes, I'm calling you guys the name of the local hospital calling your your COVID test has come back and you are positive for antibodies.
[00:00:47] So you just wanted to let you know that we are adding that to the total count of cases.
[00:00:53] And we want to thank you because the president is saying a lot of really dangerous stuff about this disease.
[00:00:58] Because you're going to get a bunch that did not get the test.
[00:01:08] Sure, we got your, well, your name is a Myers, isn't it?
[00:01:20] And now that it's proven not to be a hoax.
[00:01:28] Now we're giving some of your money to trans.
[00:01:43] And it's a, this is a three way phone call from the hospital.
[00:01:46] So let you know that you have tested positive for the coronavirus and we will be using that
[00:02:03] Have we seen trouble the mask yet, dude?
[00:02:05] No, you were trying to see him with the Bane.
[00:02:10] Bolsonaro today said, did master for fags.
[00:02:22] And he like, his whole thing is that he's a strong man.
[00:02:27] He looks like he sounds like the, he makes that sound all the time.
[00:02:37] How about, how about, how about, how about, Nair, bossa, carol.
[00:02:42] And you have to get rid of your ball here.
[00:02:48] You know that man's got a fucked up bush.
[00:02:50] It's a, it's a, it's a problem too probably.
[00:02:56] And you can buy, you can buy a whole town.
[00:02:58] This place is in the south where the entire town is for sale.
[00:03:10] Post office, a fucking, yeah, you're alone.
[00:03:14] Yeah, towns with like, they got a population of 500 towns bankrupt.
[00:03:17] And they're like, well, I guess we'll let one man own the entire town.
[00:03:25] Yeah, I'm going to get a little town in Georgia, rename it slavery rocks.
[00:03:29] And then just drive around in my rusted out, crude toville with the top sawed off.
[00:03:35] Sawed off in a white, in a white seer sucker.
[00:03:54] That faggot ass white boy on the whole damn town.
[00:04:06] That little faggot ass white boy on every building in this goddamn town.
[00:04:11] When podcasts came to this town, stay cool out there, fellas.
[00:04:17] You just have people, yeah, you just have shirtless people in, in fields, but on computers,
[00:04:27] Just that the trunk is ripped off and you're riding back there in a jumper seat facing the
[00:04:37] So I dropped that cooped a bill around the slavery rocks, Georgia.
[00:04:43] You provide everyone with, everyone has job, everyone has health insurance.
[00:04:47] You're good, but you just, the aesthetic will be slavery.
[00:04:53] It's a great place to work, but there is a catch.
[00:05:00] I was thinking about, they do like jigsaw or saw seven or whatever.
[00:05:05] And he's like, in front of you was a fucking knife.
[00:05:14] Unless in front of you is a camera live streaming directly on to Twitter.
[00:05:19] If you don't put on this blackface maker.
[00:05:23] You've spent your life canceling people.
[00:05:33] You have to put on blackface and tags, D.C. Abrams.
[00:05:36] You have to call, you have to call Thomas Sore.
[00:05:49] Deborah Messing told, I don't remember, she told a black woman that she'll have, um, Stacey
[00:06:08] It used to work where it'd be like, Oh, uh, Posh Supreme and Vera is trending.
[00:06:15] It's like, it's the ninth annual Posh Supreme and Vera thing.
[00:06:19] Oh, you click on Posh Supreme and Vera and it's like, fuck John Anderson.
[00:06:24] And fuck his Posh Supreme and Vera and everyone in that town is racist.
[00:06:32] There's no way to get there underlying information.
[00:06:36] It's the first Posh that they ever came up with.
[00:06:44] It's got, I think it has like cherry tomatoes in it.
[00:06:55] Maybe if the trending topics are tailored for me or my geographic location.
[00:07:02] I feel like guys kissing with their shirts off and their dick's heart.
[00:07:05] For some reason they're not out, but their heart, you can tell their heart through their
[00:07:12] Why is that every trending topic in your phone?
[00:07:24] My tactically getting back into Legos as an adult.
[00:07:31] I gotta be honest, I'm looking at pasta prima vera.
[00:07:33] There's a lot of vegetables making your own Reese's pieces at home without that aren't
[00:07:40] tainted that the government hasn't put fluoride in.
[00:07:52] For the best and brightest of spring vegetables.
[00:07:56] If I'm eating spaghetti, it's with fucking, oh, fuck ton of tomato sauce.
[00:08:06] I challenged Netflix to explain why they didn't play the tape recording that confirms
[00:08:11] my wife and daughter were gangbanged by Jeffrey Epstein and the Los Angeles Rams right in
[00:08:18] front of me while I was wearing my underwear.
[00:08:34] You think you would be seriously using the term gang bang?
[00:08:37] But if I'm not this guy using gang bang signals to me that he's attempting to.
[00:08:42] He's got to be bad, but I don't understand what because it's fucking Dershowitz did tweet
[00:08:49] Yeah, to present like a video of me fucking a child.
[00:08:53] Yeah, which has never happened that it's never been on video.
[00:08:56] He was like, I hope there's video because it would show because if I was not being
[00:09:05] If you watch the OJ Simpson trial, not once was I fucking a child when I was on his trip.
[00:09:13] I've done video television appearances.
[00:09:17] Have I ever once been caught having sex with a child?
[00:09:29] Dershowitz is like kind of the like the could potentially have just gotten curved by a kid.
[00:09:38] If somebody's not going to get pussy from a child, I'd have been like not a child pro
[00:09:46] That's the kind of energy you have that I can I feel confident to turn you down.
[00:09:51] They people were saying they found G. Lane Maxwell's Reddit account today.
[00:09:55] And I haven't really looked into it too much.
[00:09:57] But if it is her account, it would be very a very funny.
[00:10:02] And the one because it's like one of the most successful Reddit accounts of all time.
[00:10:10] She's the first to count to ever reach a million karma.
[00:10:18] But then they're also like the accounts are going to resistance live.
[00:10:24] I think people are saying and Andrew's going to be going down.
[00:10:30] There's yeah, he's top of the list to go down.
[00:10:33] Now we'll see what the fuck it means to be a fucking Prince, dude.
[00:10:37] If you can skate on this, then my respect to the crown.
[00:10:40] But otherwise you guys have lost your juice.
[00:10:42] Some bitch that was on suits stole your son.
[00:10:45] And now you now you can't even be a pedophile while you're Prince.
[00:10:50] What's even the fucking point of real time for that shit to end anyways.
[00:10:54] I mean, I already have to like salute these fucking Wallace and Gromit bag.
[00:11:00] It's the it's fucking embarrassing to have a queen.
[00:11:07] Have you have any self respect as a British person?
[00:11:10] You have to pay taxes and support billions.
[00:11:19] They tried to label the Kennedys as royalty and we said that no, no, we'll take out that
[00:11:27] Don't even try and get a pilot's license, bitch.
[00:11:32] You're brother, your son and your black friend.
[00:11:36] We're going to let your fat brother kill a woman and get away with it.
[00:11:45] Brain cancer hit him with the brain cancer.
[00:11:50] The second we're about to have Medicare for all.
[00:11:55] They killed John McCain with the being 90 years old guy.
[00:12:05] They got him with the fuck in the 87 year old man gun.
[00:12:11] The 87 year old multiple forms of cancer gun.
[00:12:15] Yeah, tortured by Vietnamese and survived.
[00:12:25] They should they honestly you could you could be a queen and shit, but they take all your
[00:12:29] money and you get to live in like a nice apartment.
[00:12:32] I guess with the made don't really matter after all, huh?
[00:12:38] I'm just going to start saying that after every story or anything that happens, I'm going
[00:12:43] to say, well, looks like black lives don't really matter after all.
[00:12:47] They're giving you shit at the post office.
[00:12:51] I don't think that all of the takes have been had the good and the bad.
[00:12:57] Whatever the fuck you want doesn't need to make any sense at all.
[00:13:01] I saw that was like could classifying racism as a mental illness help solve the problem.
[00:13:08] It's like that is that honestly doesn't even make that basic sense that checks out and
[00:13:12] it not only would work, it would never be abused.
[00:13:22] It's good for people with mental illness.
[00:13:26] Not even have, but also to say to think and to type up to to think once.
[00:13:31] To say out loud, to tell it a bunch of other people after you said it once and then be
[00:13:36] like, I'm actually going to publish this as a piece.
[00:13:38] I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to put it right.
[00:13:43] It's not the type of thing you should think once say damn, I'm a dumb asshole and then
[00:13:47] go back to playing fucking Crash Bandicoot or whatever the fuck you were doing.
[00:13:51] You guys ever play the Crash Bandicoot, the new ones that they put on PlayStation?
[00:13:56] No, you mean the read though, just where they dressed up the graphics?
[00:14:01] Well, with Amber, I got it and Amber and my ex-girl from the play.
[00:14:06] Pretty fun, but I'm not that good at it.
[00:14:14] Crash Bandicoot and Spyro were for girls.
[00:14:21] I think we tell that story about me and my friend Adam, like when we were little kids,
[00:14:25] growing up, like we watched TV and they'd be like, we'd be like, you know, cartoons or
[00:14:31] And if it was ever Barbie or whatever, we would be like, you would be like a race to not look
[00:14:38] You'd be like, you're watching it because you're gay.
[00:14:40] You'd imagine like we have a kid and they're like five and you just hear like, no, you're
[00:14:48] I don't think I'm understanding these concepts.
[00:15:01] You're saying you're, it's about my little pony.
[00:15:17] No, I get, I want my own unopened fucking gummy snacks.
[00:15:22] I bet you put, you kept those in your fucking ass.
[00:15:25] I bet you kept the fruit by the foot out of your ass.
[00:15:29] And then I got to you guys, I was like, what's going on here?
[00:15:35] And then on the, like the front porch of their house, there's a cup that's clearly just been
[00:15:40] They're like, we left that out here to keep it warm.
[00:15:44] I'm like, you know, the temperature of milk should be warm.
[00:15:52] We made a kid drink piss that just moved from Israel.
[00:15:56] Now, in retrospect, now that was a political thing that I was doing.
[00:16:03] But no, I was just like, why is it to warm?
[00:16:17] We're like, yo, do you want some drink?
[00:16:19] I don't know what, well, we told him he got pissed.
[00:16:21] He pushed, he pushed me in the pool, my friend's pool.
[00:16:28] Years later, he was fucking my friend's older sister and then got cheated on by another
[00:16:39] And then that girl had a really sad life.
[00:16:43] She had a really, she dated a guy who made her and her sister have three cents.
[00:16:51] And she was the first, she gave me my first suck actually.
[00:16:59] You always do this for stories like, yeah, that girl, she was so badly abused.
[00:17:08] It's like the same thing with the Kistrip Club girl.
[00:17:12] Well, you're like, it was really sad actually, but everyone would go see her.
[00:17:29] I love it when it's almost about the rain.
[00:17:32] Oh, dude, that little pre-rain breeze licking up your nutsack.
[00:17:38] I'd love to be like going for a hike right now.
[00:17:41] You know, you take a break, maybe sit down, eat a cliff bar, some blueberries.
[00:17:46] I probably burned about 35,000 calories for 10 minutes.
[00:17:53] Yeah, it's time to have trail endurance athlete.
[00:17:59] Time to bust out my entire Coleman stove set.
[00:18:08] My trip to Catoctin State Park walked 35 feet from my vehicle and now make an entire
[00:18:28] They got full like ravens there that just hang out.
[00:18:35] I've been there once while I was at UMBC.
[00:18:45] Yeah, I've never, I don't know if I've ever been to a national park.
[00:18:48] We should hit up a national park this summer.
[00:18:59] This is Nationalist Park, Yellowstone Nationalist Park.
[00:19:07] I'll kill him if he was a Jewish person.
[00:19:18] I just say, oh yeah, I asked you yesterday.
[00:19:20] The nature of the Yomica, you can cut it down.
[00:19:24] Sorry, I thought that condor was a black man.
[00:19:35] Matter of fact, I'm barred from the premises.
[00:19:43] I've been out of work since COVID started.
[00:20:07] Yes, sir, I did accidentally teach myself Japanese.
[00:20:16] Yom is the whole dubs, not subs, movement kind of meamed itself into popularity.
[00:20:25] Now, but nobody wants dubbed anime anymore.
[00:20:31] I've lost my job because of the internet.
[00:21:03] I found out that this happened after...
[00:21:24] It's kind of a Mario and Luigi situation.
[00:21:27] And what's the idea of being mentally ill in a way where you can still function so you
[00:21:37] People who are profoundly autistic can teach themselves how to speak by memorizing Disney
[00:21:44] I don't know if that's even remotely true.
[00:21:59] And if you're lucky, that fat guy with a deep voice will be on your voice measure.
[00:22:02] Or it'll put him voicemail in your fucking machine.
[00:22:19] Are you supposed to be a Philadelphia cab driver?
[00:22:35] That's the equivalent of smelling burnt hair.
[00:22:38] You're in a cab in Philadelphia and the cab driver is listening to NPR.
[00:22:43] Well, it would be like if you were in San Francisco and you called a Lyft and a Prius showed up
[00:22:46] and there was healing crystals hanging off the fucking like rearview mirror and then it
[00:23:05] No, I'm listening to it to make sure that, you know, they don't do anything too gay.
[00:23:12] If they do gay shit, I'm going to fuck them up.
[00:23:15] Got to make sure they're not doing anything gay.
[00:23:17] Let me take a little day trip down the Philly.
[00:23:45] I got back from good good to when I borrowed your car and I covered the car.
[00:23:55] There's a comic who, like, I'd only met like a couple of times from Jersey who had moved
[00:24:10] And then we just didn't speak the entire...
[00:24:17] Like, yeah, you can just let me off here.
[00:24:28] You can spend a nice amount of time in pure silence.
[00:24:38] Jesus, what a fucking kill you to say something?
[00:24:42] Okay, two of us can play that game, pal.
[00:24:49] All right, P. In that end in the Sopranos.
[00:24:55] You just thought that he was dead because you watched him die in a TV show.
[00:25:00] And you had to correct yourself before that blew up.
[00:25:08] You for a second, you thought that Buchami was dead.
[00:25:44] At the same time that he was already the actor Steve Buchami, he was...
[00:25:58] Yeah, I'll be back in maybe about an hour.
[00:26:11] No, I'm thinking of 9-11 and they were shooting the Dana Carvey movie where he's a turtle.
[00:26:25] They take a day to stop production because 9-11.
[00:26:34] They're making one of the worst movies of all time.
[00:26:41] He's like an Italian guy named like Marcus D'S-Guysie or something.
[00:26:48] It's funny because the guys that came out of the best era of SNL went on to, they gave
[00:27:01] So remember, I used to watch Wayne's world all the time as a kid.
[00:27:03] And I don't know if it necessarily holds up or if the jokes were repeated so many times
[00:27:07] that they don't even register as jokes anymore.
[00:27:09] Could be, there's a little column, a little column B.
[00:27:11] Because like even, it's funny, the line where they see the cop and like, you know, the cop
[00:27:15] says something to Wayne and he's like, no way.
[00:27:20] Which like, people have said like that's been a way to respond to things for so long
[00:27:29] Because of that scene where way would be like an absurd response to the statement, no way
[00:27:41] Classic Mario and the last kind of like, also like a baby Bowser Bowser situation.
[00:28:11] I know it's for babies, but I needed to be stepped up just a little bit.
[00:28:14] We should put, we can play Mario party too.
[00:28:45] I guess we're all having fun at Mario party's expense right now.
[00:28:48] Yeah, I guess we're just going to laugh at Mario Party.
[00:28:59] You get a really pissed playing Mario Party
[00:29:05] A lot of times on the rules I like that you're yeah complaining that it's not hard enough when you would just have temper tantrums
[00:29:14] First of all it's called having a good time. Yeah, okay, what's the point of gambling if you're not up and down
[00:29:20] You know what I mean? Yeah, you know you need a drill of competition. There's nothing there's no good without evil
[00:29:26] But I have to say memories of playing the switch Mario Party as I do that time we went to that
[00:29:32] You know we were in fucking Brisbane or wherever it was and
[00:29:35] But I'm actually remembering having a good time doing a sneaking into my bedroom to take another tram at all every 30 minutes
[00:29:43] There was one ever playing Mario Party. I swear to God. I think I had like eight or nine
[00:29:51] Well trampinos don't they're not that they don't hate you that hard, but that's too much. Yeah, that's definitely too much
[00:29:58] Yeah, yeah, I knew you were high again because you were like you came up to me in that bar in
[00:30:12] I can't make it myself laugh thinking about the guy like everybody talking about they got an iPhone
[00:30:21] I get some computers you get some more fucking pussy I get some pussy. That's what I get
[00:30:57] I ain't downloading shit, but no pictures and titties. I download me some pussy. That's what I download
[00:31:23] How much it costs I got easy pass so I can go to the beach man
[00:31:30] Why don't you pass the pussy over here?
[00:31:37] They got this called easy pass now single what if they had a thing called like easy pussy
[00:31:43] On your car and the bitches panties just fall off
[00:31:52] Great bit. I love that I get right you three hours of those open Mike
[00:32:09] You ain't got to touch the horn my man go touch the horn and say hold up pull the sand away watch this
[00:32:14] You just tap on it and it's right up there on the window. You don't even see it
[00:32:39] I can pass no prawny some pussy though man Hampton you do that
[00:32:44] He's just like drag like open mics or whatever and he had me go one time with like man
[00:33:02] They talk about internet what about in a pussy
[00:33:14] Man you can't go go on on the on a pussy. How the fuck you gonna change all
[00:33:27] Miss it those the simplest years of my life just do open mics
[00:33:32] Go work as a paralegal during the day not do anything. I'm just doing up mics as a teenager
[00:33:40] In Virginia Virginia and DC really yeah my freshman year of college you could still smoke into yeah
[00:33:46] I used to do DC mics and just chain smoke at bars all night. Yeah, it's 16
[00:33:51] There's no questions. I didn't look old either. I mean no look like a child
[00:33:57] My freshman year college I like became friends with all these like Cuban kids from Miami whose parents were like no
[00:34:03] You didn't they had their parents black cards
[00:34:16] My man came over here on the raft to pretend he had friends
[00:34:20] No, no, they're from Miami got Jan and Reno on the TV
[00:34:25] Looking like I'm all fucking guess who character
[00:34:30] There was a club called his bitch platinum
[00:34:37] Playa no they used to get bottles at the end in the white room at platinum that rocks
[00:34:42] Just fucking 18 year old boys smoking cigarettes
[00:34:46] While like adults were at a club just like sitting like not looking at women that's awesome
[00:34:51] Drinking stoli. Yeah, but you had to mix it yourself because that's bottle service
[00:34:56] Yeah, you get a fucking yeah, you get a carafe of orange juice and cranberry juice and celcer
[00:35:03] Yeah, which is almost like you should be at your house. No when New York comes back. We should go to one
[00:35:09] No, we should go to the meat packing district. I can't I can't anymore
[00:35:14] They they kicked me out for fucking everybody every girl there my my friends ex girlfriend went to high school with this NBA player Terry
[00:35:21] Rhodes here. Oh, yeah, I used to Terry. I used to beg her when he was like playing the Knicks
[00:35:30] Terry Terry cash the fuck out the Hornets fucking paid him big to be just okay. Yeah, but salute to him
[00:35:38] He's from Cleveland salute to Cleveland zone scary Terry. He had some big moments. He busted Eric Bledsoz asked in the playoffs
[00:35:48] Yeah, but he go chase that bag Terry. Oh, it's Terry short for anything
[00:35:53] Terrence Terrence maybe I think it's short for a lot of things. What else Richard Richard
[00:36:03] My name's Richard Richard Mullen it's a nichard
[00:36:22] You're like what it's nice his name family name
[00:36:27] My name is Nick and my one of my favorite names is always Richard
[00:36:37] Elbows his name is his mom's name mixed with his grandmother's name
[00:36:48] Salute to that name doesn't even exist in Albania. I
[00:36:52] Know there's like there's like your friendship is beautiful. It's like Hispanic ones
[00:36:56] Swiss panic L. Deces the two countries are sworn enemies
[00:37:00] You guys with a fox in the hound you guys are the you know, yeah, you're Israeli Palestinian
[00:37:07] That's right. That's a beautiful friendship. Oh, yeah, I miss L. D. Yeah, I know how the fuck is he gonna get a girlfriend?
[00:37:17] Should have asked should ask for permission to ask the squad
[00:37:23] All my boys have to ask me for permission to get girl. I was I've been checked in on the open mic scene
[00:37:28] But like I mean, what do you mean hasn't happened? I know but I mean in years I haven't yeah, and if wokeness took away
[00:37:36] Like no, completely politically incorrect black comedy
[00:37:40] Then that is the gravest injustice that we need to do an open letter about that
[00:37:45] That would be that would be like if they just got rid of all of jazz. Yeah, one of one of the only like uniquely American
[00:37:53] Are what was the what was the room on you Street karma was it to bach to bach? Yeah?
[00:37:58] I used to go there if I just wanted to be alone. Shout out to Rallo. Yeah, yeah, I
[00:38:03] Loved it there Rallo. You should that Mike was so fun. Rallo would just do like 40 minutes up top
[00:38:09] You know, so I just crush crushing. Yeah, I remember there's some fat Hispanic guy
[00:38:14] He's like my man looks like a teddy bear. That's right
[00:38:19] One of the funniest things I've ever heard about it. Oh, my man said he got his jacket on in all
[00:38:47] Was I there too in a hipster? I think you were there. I think I was the back of the room was dying
[00:38:52] He was just like crushing with like oh she looked like she got pink air
[00:38:57] My skin girls man, they got them green palm things
[00:39:00] Just suddenly like record scratch. Yeah, how you gonna have gay sex?
[00:39:16] You're just trying to get rate to death in a bathroom
[00:39:19] And it's like I can only sort of barely see what he's saying. I don't know what he's talking about at all
[00:39:27] To overgeneralize gay sex is being like intentionally high risk on top of just the physical act of gay sex
[00:39:34] Mmm, where it's not just two guys fucking each other, but it has to be like bareback in a stranger
[00:39:41] Right, right. But she sheds out to Pachina
[00:40:05] Use all the money to get plastic surgery. So we look like different people and we start over at open mics
[00:40:18] Just curb something I watched a youtube compilation of marlo standfield scenes awesome the other day sounds awesome a lot of good stuff
[00:40:26] Yeah, he rocks. He had no like redeeming qualities though. He was just seemed pure evil. Yeah, which was pretty fucking tight
[00:40:33] But like stringer and avon had like they were like
[00:40:37] There's a good end. That's the whole they're just the characters introduced in the first season
[00:40:40] Maybe you'd like them better. Yeah, so you have like an emotional attachment to them. I guess so
[00:40:45] I mean at the end it's like clear every everything is the same. Yeah, yeah
[00:40:51] Um, yeah, just because he's at ccbc doesn't mean he's not a fucking sociopath
[00:40:57] Dude we should go to community college for what? Well, I'm gonna go for painting
[00:41:04] Try to cruise in on some art school pussy
[00:41:08] Community college pussy just like just like fucking kids that like to draw cars
[00:41:17] Yeah community college for art just painting Tom Myers
[00:41:28] I remember when I worked at a community college the vibes of the cafeteria were awesome
[00:41:32] There was like a fucking there's like a like the nerds
[00:41:36] The like that's set up literally would set up like they would play magic the gathering and sometimes bring computers in
[00:41:44] And like have land parties in this community college cafeteria
[00:41:48] Just exactly you're thinking fat fat guy ponytail just acne. Yeah, awesome. Awesome guys. Yeah, those guys absolutely wrong
[00:41:56] What happened to those guys? I mean I guess you know because they were stupid like they're their geeks not nerd nerds are smart
[00:42:02] They were nerds, but the dumbest people you ever met in your life. Yeah
[00:42:07] Yeah, I made friends with like those people and you would think they're very smart and then you find out that no
[00:42:11] They're often not. Yeah, no, they're not nice. They're not it's more. There's an assumption. There's like that like 80s
[00:42:18] Telivare movies drilled it into your head
[00:42:21] Popular people are inherently sadistic and evil right and that the nerds are like good. No popular people are cool
[00:42:27] Uh, I mean it's it's a mix. I mean it's nothing to do
[00:42:31] That's all determined by how much money your family has and whether or not you're attractive
[00:42:39] Your underlying morale and right right right or what your vibes are like
[00:42:42] Right and oftentimes if you're rich you're probably more pleasant because your life has been easy as fuck
[00:42:48] You're either like kind of nice or a complete piece of shit. Yeah, that's true
[00:42:52] Um, I was I remember like the nerd we probably talked about
[00:42:56] Whereas those kids are probably like white trash, but like
[00:43:01] Like dragons wolf t-shirt dad calls them gay. Yeah, if he's even in the house anymore
[00:43:06] You know what I mean? They're all winking some people are just Chinese
[00:43:14] You think it's like you think it's like a caterpillar type thing a metamorphosis, but no
[00:43:20] It would be funny if Chinese people formed cocoons
[00:43:23] And in like middle school they would be like now
[00:43:27] In health class they explain like now some of the students the Chinese students will be in cocoons
[00:43:34] They're gonna they're you may go into the locker room and they will be very damp
[00:43:39] And they're gonna start there filled with silk
[00:43:44] Students haven't in tomb themselves in cocoons and it's racist to disturb those
[00:43:51] And when they come out they'll be able to bleed acid and chew your skin off
[00:43:55] Oh them and it's racist to not let them do that
[00:43:57] So they would go from Chinese to some kind of super soldier. I'm kind of monster monster. So got you I see
[00:44:05] They're in there. That would be funny. Fuck you bitch. Wait till I go cocoon
[00:44:11] Just you wait bitch. I get out cocoon. Then we'll see
[00:44:13] It's like yeah, you gotta not fuck with the Asian kids because right around 1213 they
[00:44:22] Set up shop down in the locker room and they all go into their cocoons and when they come out
[00:44:28] You know they can kill you they can kill you can they speak English though? Like do they still sound exactly?
[00:44:37] But they're just giant slug monsters with fangs well they look like that dragon that they make on the straw
[00:44:48] So they all look like little those dragons. Yeah with that that you know looking that face with the kind of pulled back
[00:44:55] Eyes are all bulging very scary. Yeah, who left now? They got little whiskers. Yeah, I love how they give dragons whiskers
[00:45:05] Yeah, because you got a Chinese type of you got a Chinese type of dragon and then you have like the British type of dragons
[00:45:11] Yeah, how did they both get dragons, you know
[00:45:13] Because they had completely different fucking names and they weren't worth called dragons but but they breathe
[00:45:19] Translated they're like I guess we'll call this thing a really well. They called I mean they had a name
[00:45:24] Presumably some Chinese word what about the British people they were called dragons
[00:45:29] But the concept of a winged beast that breathes fire the Chinese ones don't have wings
[00:45:36] Do they don't do they fly though? Yeah, no they don't fly they fly through the air. No, they just sort of snake around the though. That's
[00:45:43] They fly yeah, they got like 12 guys inside of it. I know I've seen the version they do for parades
[00:45:49] I think they fly. I appreciate it. But in myth they definitely fly
[00:45:52] Mm-hmm. He got to I'm gonna start culturally appropriating the pantomime dragon. Okay. I like that and see who gets mad
[00:46:07] I don't I know I do just for your youtube channel you gonna start doing
[00:46:11] Cultural appropriation and see who gets mad and we're gonna you were on what would you do?
[00:46:16] I'm john kinyon. Yes, and we brought a Chinese new year dragon into this restaurant
[00:46:20] Well patrons knocking shit over is it full-size one?
[00:46:27] And then like people are like what the fuck is going on
[00:46:30] And then the head guy takes that top and he's like wiping his brow and it's a white man
[00:46:34] And then he puts it back on and they're zooming in on people just reacting
[00:46:38] And nobody says anything when he's like you leave please ma'am. I'm john kinyon. Yes with uh, with what would you do?
[00:46:45] How did you feel when you saw that the Chinese dragon was actually a bunch of white guys?
[00:46:49] She's like what I don't I'm just trying to eat my mashed potatoes
[00:46:53] I was just trying to have mashed potatoes here. He's like, okay, ma'am
[00:46:56] Please leave that you get the fuck get out your racist get out now
[00:47:00] So you don't condemn this kind of behavior get the fuck out piece of shit
[00:47:04] Ma'am. How did you feel when I had sex with a child in front of you?
[00:47:09] Why did you stop? I'm just trying to keep your nose
[00:47:12] And this is what would you do? They're upping the ante. He's doing hate crimes. He's a raping children
[00:47:20] Yeah, I would love to see a final season of what would you do that just every single scenario involves the Chinese new year dragon
[00:47:34] Trying to order spaghetti at a restaurant while our plant yells at them for not being able to read
[00:47:43] Bischetti. Oh, come on. You're wasting everybody's time your retard dragon
[00:47:50] Somebody's like sir. You leave that dragon alone
[00:47:55] What made you speak out against this man berating the dragon?
[00:48:01] I just like they do that but every single time it's like can you please leave there's too many people here
[00:48:15] Nothing. No, this isn't it sunday today?
[00:48:18] No, today is the week Wednesday. Today's Wednesday? Yeah
[00:48:23] Every fucking day just kind of blends. I know that dude
[00:48:26] I had a steak for lunch. What did you have Adam? I had leftover seafood pasta that I made last night. It was very tasty
[00:48:36] I got it for fucking you. Yeah, I had some squid had some shrimp in it
[00:48:41] Goddamn had a red sauce ever since nix said he had to piss. I have to piss bought some fresh past
[00:48:47] Where'd you get it from from this Italian place and red hook
[00:48:51] Wow. Yeah, taking the whip out very authentic. Oh, yeah, it took the whip out. You know, no, um, some of the picture
[00:49:02] Um two girls. Well, nice. You check see it
[00:49:05] That's awesome. Hey, then they sucked off the whole team
[00:49:09] Off the whole squad. Wait, who's the whole squad? Why wasn't I here?
[00:49:15] Dude, are you fucking you know how pissed that would be if you're you're describing a night where
[00:49:21] Two girls brought pasta and fucking seafood and then sucked the whole team off
[00:49:26] Oh my god. Can you think of a guy who would enjoy that more than me?
[00:49:31] I don't know you get sucked off and then everyone else be getting sucked off and be kind of boring after a while
[00:49:37] I feel like yeah, that's tough for the first guy who busts how many how many people are on the team
[00:49:42] That's the problem with running a train. I I imagine I'm not interested in running a train
[00:49:47] I've never been part of it, but it's like you go too early that it's boring
[00:49:51] You go too late. You're just jacking on the push off. Yeah, and the pussy's been blown out
[00:49:55] The pussy's been blown out. You're waiting. It's gotta go. You know how everyone's like
[00:50:00] I don't like waiting in lines to begin. Well, you know how everyone's like they should board the plane
[00:50:07] Starting at the back of the plane. It makes so much sense. Right in gangbangs
[00:50:11] They should fuck in order of whose dick is the biggest small is right the small
[00:50:16] Smallest guy gets to go for that is the most democratic system. It's the only way
[00:50:20] It's the only way the smallest guy should go for and that's a nice little nod to the small dick community because most of life
[00:50:26] It's a detriment potentially small dick guys have always steered clear of gangbangs and perhaps it's a it's a beautiful experience
[00:50:35] That they're missing out on totally. I don't know as a small dick guy
[00:50:42] How many times have you gotten a fucking
[00:50:46] To a gangbang and then you just look down egg or pathetic little fucked up mangled cock
[00:50:52] You know and you're like I wish you're like what I'm gonna have to get there early waiting line to get to go first
[00:50:58] Because it's really a bonding experience between men and he's not even
[00:51:10] We were talking about being afraid to do gay stuff as a kid. I remember it um when the trailer for the bird cage came
[00:51:17] And there's a scene that they played in the trailer where Nathan Lane's trying to drink out of a glass
[00:51:27] And I didn't know that that was a gay thing to do
[00:51:30] And then I drank out of a cup and my pinky went up. Uh oh and then I just became terrified the rest of my life
[00:51:36] You were gay. Yeah, I became terrified that you thought you were Nathan Lane. I I want uh
[00:51:44] What's the difference between Italian cheesecake and regular cheesecake? It's a little bit more savory
[00:51:49] I could laugh that sounds good. Yeah, it's got kind of a good uh regatta is it. I've only ever had a cafe
[00:51:57] Isn't it cafe regio isn't that that's where atom buys his weed? Yeah at regio fucking smoking reggie
[00:52:05] I only smoke heads dude. Yeah, I go to cafe exotic. I could cafe headies drug talk to a minimum
[00:52:12] Yeah, I agree this feds listen to the show. Oh, really? Dude. I love that like what sucked my dick federalis
[00:52:18] I love that like like fucking anarchist move on the internet where they think they're all personally under like
[00:52:27] That's stage three is you think that the government's trying to kill you. Yeah, they're like, yeah, this is definitely a sigh up
[00:52:33] No, maybe they just let you fucking embarrass yourself in front of the national media by trying to set up your own society
[00:52:44] You think they still had any fucking candy in there
[00:52:47] Blockbuster. I'll give them credit. They had a lot of candies
[00:52:50] You missed the candies. They had a good candy selection. I worked a blockbuster
[00:52:55] I don't remember because they had to make there was it was kind of the concession model as well
[00:52:59] They're trying to make money on concessions. Yeah, I mean
[00:53:01] My like the pits of being fat was like going to blockbuster running a movie and then getting that candy that was just a spray
[00:53:13] Spray brother. Yeah, honestly, it's like as close as you could get to it just being a fucking IV
[00:53:20] Filled with insulin that you put into your arm
[00:53:23] So you could get the response of your feel that way. Have your pancreas shutting down
[00:53:27] Yeah, they make those for weed now. Oh, yeah, like thc
[00:53:31] Banacas it's crazy how little self-control I have I had like a birthday cake sitting around for my birthday
[00:53:37] Never got made and I saw made cupcakes yesterday. I made 24 cup. Oh birthday cake mix. Yeah
[00:53:43] I made 24 cupcakes and out of the 24 guess how many I ate in one sitting
[00:53:48] Uh 11 14 actually. Yes, exactly 11. Wow. That's why we're such good friends and then uh
[00:53:54] I guess how long I took to eat the rest of them
[00:53:58] About 12 hours. So they're already gone three hours. Yeah, I
[00:54:03] Under 20 and 24 cupcakes shit. I'm about to go buy cake mix and make cake now. Yeah jealous. That sounds awesome
[00:54:10] No, that was not the moral of the story
[00:54:21] I reached a loud and clear chief. That's what I had a conversation with my therapist and he was like
[00:54:27] Are you even enjoying when you go on like a bender shut up and no no no no no be quiet? No, no no no
[00:54:40] This is this a while ago. I I do zoom now, but this is a while ago
[00:54:44] And uh, and I was like, you know what? I'm not and he was like and then what I took from that is
[00:54:48] You know what? I'm gonna enjoy these fucking benders. Yeah, I'm gonna have a nice time
[00:54:53] I'm gonna stop the one you're just trying to tell
[00:54:55] That is the first step is like you should figure out like because if you can re-associate it with like
[00:55:02] I shouldn't deprive myself of things that I actually enjoy doing yeah, then you can I feel personally based on nothing and not being an
[00:55:10] That like you do want to just like re-associate because it's with like drinking
[00:55:16] The healthiest thing would probably be to be able to establish some degree of moderation and be able to reason moderation doesn't work
[00:55:23] Because if you're like an alcoholic and you like like well, I'm gonna just have two beers
[00:55:27] Yeah, it's like you're forcing yourself to only have those two beers and you're like you hate your either
[00:55:33] You're not enjoying the two beers at all. You're not enjoying it. It's like yeah
[00:55:39] If there's a way we're like okay have as many beers
[00:55:41] You should be able to get to a place where you're like you can have as many beers as you want and eventually naturally you only want two beers
[00:55:47] You know with the same thing with like binge eating is like the healthiest thing
[00:55:51] Would be if you're like yeah, but one cupcakes that can have cupcakes, but then you only have two cupcakes
[00:55:56] Right, you know, but I'll be having which may be impossible exactly you're gonna eat the entire bottle
[00:56:01] Because once it's done it's out of the way. It's gone. It's not I don't I don't need to have it hanging over my head
[00:56:06] Mm-hmm. This I don't have this kind of thought process with anything else in my life. Nope. It's not work
[00:56:12] Where I'm like well if I get it done now, I don't have to worry about it. I'm not that guy
[00:56:16] But when it comes to consuming something I shouldn't have access to all I think about it's like if I have 24 cupcakes today
[00:56:23] Then tomorrow I'm going to have zero cupcakes right exactly. That's the it's like oh, I have a lot of ice cream in my house
[00:56:29] I better eat all of it now so that tomorrow. I don't need any ice cream
[00:56:32] Yeah, that's cocaine logic. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I gotta do this whole thing. So tomorrow. I can't do
[00:56:41] It's insane that did your brain will do that and you listen to your brain and I'm like, that's a lot that makes sense
[00:56:47] It makes it makes zero that smart and still I'm like you're right. I should finish Luigi's mansion
[00:56:54] I should finish it the deals you made. I don't even enjoy no. Yeah, you don't enjoy anything. No joylessly
[00:57:02] In fact what some of my darkest moments were in that same cafeteria that I was telling you where their
[00:57:07] Those nerds were where I'm just like getting in line to get a cheesesteak for lunch and I'm like, I don't want this
[00:57:12] Yeah, it's not even it's not even after I've eaten it. I've regretted it on the way to order it
[00:57:18] I'm like, I'm not this isn't what I want. Yeah, but there's no I don't know what I do want
[00:57:27] Having said that I could go I could go for a fucking mortadella sandwich
[00:57:31] That'd be nice a nice deli sandwich Italian deli sandwich
[00:57:40] There's a really good uh butch Italian butchery in carol gardens. You should go carol gardens. Yeah
[00:57:46] I'm like called paison. I go all the way out there paison butcher. He shit. I got butcher shops in the store. Yeah
[00:57:53] But if you need a nice guanciale to make you know a good carbanara motherfucker, there's plenty of Italian shit
[00:58:03] Italian piece of a special place that's that Jonah told him
[00:58:07] Jonah did not know about that. Jonah did tell me about flavor garden with Joshua
[00:58:12] Disrespected when I took you. Oh, flavor garden was that was that's jakes. That's Jonah's favorite place
[00:58:18] It's Jonah listen when I told him that you guys did not appreciate flavor garden. He got really upset
[00:58:23] Well, he was like set he should be upset in his own fucking taste buds then
[00:58:27] Dude the the cold noodles at flavor garden are I'm willing to give it another shot
[00:58:32] But you have to admit what an absolute L unequivocal that well
[00:58:36] I've redeemed myself with the tacos. I would hope
[00:58:39] The tacos were very good, but they weren't as good as the other thing was disappointing
[00:58:45] But the memory of all of you the three of you and the two of you and Felix being so disappointed
[00:58:51] That's a memory. We'll have for the rest of our lives. We will
[00:58:54] We absolutely like we will never let you forget that
[00:58:57] You make us cry. I don't know why we've ever let you pick the restaurant after that
[00:59:00] Because I know what it was. What's the next thing that Adam was adamant about?
[00:59:04] I know good places. If I remember correctly
[00:59:15] The next place we went through that you suggested
[00:59:24] No, I chose that first because it was next to your convenience. Just salads were wet
[00:59:30] I didn't choose it. I was hungry. You insisted on eating there. They
[00:59:33] I would say you insisted on it to give Adam some credit here
[00:59:37] I was very hungry and it was around the find a place always. Yeah, it's hard to get a consensus
[00:59:44] My batting average is incredibly strong. Well now you're crazy. I try this would happen you give him moose them often
[00:59:49] Yeah, all right. It's not incredibly strong. Well, what I'm saying is it's shit
[00:59:54] But you've been put in tough positions. Thank you. You've set me up to fail plenty of times
[00:59:59] You've been set up to fail. I know that I know the deal. I know how my bread is buttered
[01:00:06] I watched oh, Nick. I texted about this. I watched
[01:00:09] Talk radio the Oliver Stone film last night. It's it's uh
[01:00:14] It's it's pretty good by all of her stone. It hits. I'm in his bliss
[01:00:21] Are you a fan? Do you like his movie? I like jafk and natural born killer platoon
[01:00:26] And yeah, his movies are always hit or miss for me nixon. I think is really just a shitty movie
[01:00:33] Yeah, and platoon rocks. I don't it's a terrible performance
[01:00:37] And I don't understand why people like it. Uh-huh especially when you compare it to
[01:00:42] um secret honor, which is a much fucking bad old man, right? Yeah, yeah
[01:00:48] Uh, but this one talk radio it hit very close to home
[01:00:51] But it was about this this shock jock in dallas who's like about to get syndicated around the country
[01:00:57] But don i'm estide. It's kind of yeah kind of like a don i'm just put like a jewish
[01:01:02] version played by eric bagojian who is uh
[01:01:06] Armenian yeah from uh, which don i'm is still alive. I miss him
[01:01:10] I wonder what he's saying about all these black lives. Uh, these nappy
[01:01:14] How did down i was getting he's just a radio guy? We got a couple of the j
[01:01:39] Like years later. There's like a flashback and she's like you suck, you know
[01:01:42] And then it becomes kind of a meme to like hate on him and then the the audience actually they're
[01:01:50] Hates starts to hate him and then yeah, and then uh neo nazi start targeting his show
[01:01:59] Um, and it kind of you know, it's about how it's about how a fan base could turn toxic
[01:02:05] You know and how as a meme they could pretend to hate you right it can become real
[01:02:10] Become real hatred and then you know they'll listen to your talk radio show every night and well
[01:02:20] But it is very good. Um, and i think it's up there for me
[01:02:25] With uh, maybe maybe my favorite all of a sudden at this point, but i just want to do it. It's so good though. Platoon is pretty tight
[01:02:35] Because you know what i find out case tight it makes no sense and it's really long, but i've enjoyed it
[01:02:40] That's my dick you described that it just doesn't make no sense. It's really long and you enjoy it
[01:02:46] All three of those yeah our key for understanding my penis
[01:02:51] Uh, but yeah, that's the adam's movies picks
[01:02:59] Damn i need a soundboard just to play that yeah the stop version too with you sing
[01:03:12] Yeah, folks i don't want to tease anything, but i might be welcome to my
[01:03:18] There might be can i see your penis shirts coming soon i'm tired of nick making all this t-shirt money
[01:03:23] I love these guys that are wearing these shirts. Yeah
[01:03:26] If you can wear an extra retard shirt you can wear my can i see your penis shirt
[01:03:36] I almost bought a t-shirt from come down the other day, but then it hurt my feelings. Yeah, but i couldn't get one for free
[01:04:01] I thought i was one because i'm gay. Hey, um, oh, it's please give me
[01:04:18] Yeah, yeah, that's good. What's that song about it? It's about zombies zombies zombies in Ireland Irish zombie
[01:04:26] Dude, that's a fucked up type of zombie dude. Yeah Irish people are gay
[01:04:35] I'm trying to look at some Irish cities with some like
[01:04:39] I like I like me some Irish cities some translucent nipples. I'm in i'm gonna like blends into
[01:04:46] The well, I don't know but I'll take that a very fair fair, but I want like a bright nipple a quiet place part two is coming out
[01:04:54] No, wow, I didn't see the first one wait dude. I mean we've all been waiting for the sequel to acquire
[01:05:02] Thought you had like a bit like loaded. No, that's a real movie. They're remaking. I saw it on a on a cereal box the other day
[01:05:09] I'm an exclusive quiet place part two. Oh, isn't the whole was that movie the noise is what makes yeah
[01:05:17] The monsters kill you if you make noise. Yeah, but also noise kills the monsters
[01:05:22] I don't I didn't see the movie. I think that's the whole the big trick
[01:05:27] Oh, like it's like the twist at the end of signs and i'm sorry
[01:05:30] I'm usually a guy who hates spoilers, but that movie looks stupid. So
[01:05:33] My apologies funny when that movie comes out and I go see it and I genuinely enjoy it
[01:05:40] When I just have a good time and i'm like yeah
[01:05:45] It's weird that Jim from the office had a career after that show. Yeah, I wouldn't have expected that
[01:05:50] Well, he seems like a guy that's like has that one character and then you kind of just Dwight you're thinking
[01:06:01] Everything he says about Dennis whalen is so ci is just so funny. Yeah, he's like these people deserve
[01:06:08] He's an action to come in our mouths. We they deserve us to get on our knees and suck them off
[01:06:13] At the CIA rocks. Yeah, I went out to lengly looking loser
[01:06:18] I went out to lengly walked around the being a fan of the CIA
[01:06:23] So one of the worst gayest things of all time
[01:06:33] Every time I see them I take my index fingers like i'm about to whistle insert them into my ass
[01:06:42] And they're like the man that they shoved the flag in there
[01:06:45] Do they have like a federal booty inspector version of the ci a t-shirt?
[01:06:50] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Caulkin ass. That's too simple. That's too simple
[01:07:12] I'm gonna make it a content-spending association
[01:07:22] Where that where three excel cunt inspecting association shirt shirt with very short net bathing suit and then flip flops to the air and space museum
[01:07:35] I think a giant pretzel pretending to be from midwest
[01:07:38] I think we're done here. Yeah, we're done. Yeah, check out style soldier problems everyone