Cum Town | Regular | 07/15/2020
[00:00:14] well walked down there and get the sign up fronted
[00:00:21] lemiz like the all-broadway shut down and i just
[00:00:26] on faffia i don't know i didn't look at my my watch or anything but i didn't
[00:00:37] away as long as i could and then i just pissed myself
[00:00:44] yeah if i go now the line spot they'll be a line i mean i'm first in line but
[00:00:49] it's true at the back to but i know how i know this stuff works i leave
[00:00:55] and jineese fifteen people in in that line
[00:01:04] that was new into about twelve fifteen today
[00:01:09] the waiting in line or the whole episode in time
[00:01:16] yeah was i showed up at i got out of my car on broadway twelve
[00:01:21] and park it in times and i was soaking wet by about twelve eleven twelve
[00:01:28] the four minutes at the end i was still pissed you still pissed for straight
[00:01:33] and i thought you know what this is the probably isn't gonna stop
[00:01:38] that i get to the corner guess who's finished pissing
[00:01:42] and there's a huge line are you serious i think i don't i look i may have i may
[00:01:46] have been confusing it with the one of those following gong protest but
[00:01:49] that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that
[00:01:54] that that that that that much guys this is the okay so that's unfortunate i'm
[00:02:00] we actually have a big opportunity if Broadway shut down we can break into
[00:02:05] put on all the costumes mmm put on our own fucking broadway that would be true
[00:02:09] yeah we could know when stopping us no one that's not that we feel it like
[00:02:13] and now we're the fucking big big guy we put that on the land and welcome
[00:02:23] my own slaves and my dick was small well we could do another person from history
[00:02:27] like maybe marlin luther king rap yes we should do marlin luther king
[00:02:33] yeah they did minorities as white people yeah now we're gonna do white people
[00:02:38] as minorities yeah we have jay me kennedy as marlin luther king
[00:02:43] yeah marlin kennedy and marlin luther kennedy Montgomery alabama is most wanted
[00:02:48] that's jay me kennedy that's awesome yeah that's true we have screech from
[00:02:55] saved by the belby malcom x how about we do joseph mangalese experiments but it's
[00:03:02] and he's in ouch witz pranking twins yeah that's good he was uh... you know we i
[00:03:06] just drilled a hole in your hand and poured
[00:03:09] pool cleaner and you're a minutia of the jay me kennedy experiment he's
[00:03:15] coming out of the he did the stand like once every three years
[00:03:18] yeah there was a period he was at the old stand for like two weeks
[00:03:22] straight yeah it was weird and he looked awful
[00:03:25] horrible i think he could still sell out
[00:03:31] oh yeah i never think of it they're like a pair of chock tailors just fucking
[00:03:36] mmm yeah and then there's no support either yeah no support and then you
[00:03:42] you could be if you could be an irish person never touches a drop of booze
[00:03:50] never in the sun always got some block on under an umbrella zazan blog on
[00:03:54] umbrella moisturizing constantly and you hit fifty and you look like the the
[00:04:02] just plastic surgery nothing you've never done anything but you're swollen
[00:04:06] you look like the last blueberry in the container yeah a hundred percent one
[00:04:10] that what about odd balls and that's got stung by a bee yeah
[00:04:16] that sounds terrible mmm you look like a lot of them really
[00:04:22] that is just yeah cuz that right because he was sexy
[00:04:25] like all of those hot and then he he he the democratic party took away being
[00:04:34] now he's just life force you feel the slurs
[00:04:40] you break out ball with the pin the n-word will come out somehow we should
[00:04:44] just let him call donald trump the n-word
[00:04:52] just let him call the president the n-word cock sucker yeah
[00:04:56] yes sir and then we can get old you know miami blues alex ball
[00:05:07] yeah he used to work at a you see the pictures of him working at studio fifty
[00:05:12] no is he like a he was like a little fucking drink boy
[00:05:16] he was like a bar back there's like picture him i want to say in a speedo
[00:05:19] even he was a bear back at studio you know some like producer paid him money
[00:05:44] yes there's a lot of the other is physical the hunchback of hamilton dom
[00:05:54] that's the ambassador is a hunchback in the tridom is that another french
[00:06:01] it's a story about a fucking guy with a hunchback not getting pussies and guards
[00:06:06] does he not get pussy from the never get as marell does pussy
[00:06:09] no he's not the best deal he's from Notre Dame cathedral pulls the bill
[00:06:14] is the white supremacist at the top the burned the death
[00:06:17] yeah it's true good good that this mayo asked retard burned the death
[00:06:28] and then don't do the bells are on fire help me
[00:06:37] why do you think about all the pyramids you people burned in
[00:06:46] slice after half took half took most of
[00:06:51] whatever percentage of a cube you'd have to remove i'm gonna say fifty
[00:06:55] is it exactly fifty because yeah because it's over the corners i would say fifty
[00:06:59] i was never good a geometry i was not even i have that's kind of where i checked
[00:07:02] out in school cuz algebra made sense to me
[00:07:05] and i remember getting the geometry and like oh i have no idea i don't get this
[00:07:09] do fuck shape i thought we need to know about going in the geometry and like
[00:07:16] and then that's where they get you i thought the same thing and then i mean
[00:07:20] in school is such bullshit because it's like i think back cuz especially
[00:07:24] you to take it in the context of itself your fucking thirteen years old twelve
[00:07:30] and you have to spend a year of your life at that point ten percent of your life
[00:07:33] mmm you know which again i didn't go past that's about right so that's the
[00:07:38] equivalent now the thirty-year-old man mmm having to spend eighteen years yeah
[00:07:43] yeah something like that say that's a man who had to spend three years learning
[00:07:48] how to figure out how much spaces inside of a triangle no thing it's like what
[00:07:52] can i just measure it like no get to take the protractor off there
[00:07:55] you gotta do it in a way where you only have the protractor for part of measuring
[00:08:00] as he had when will this ever happen yep
[00:08:03] like well let's say you want to start a baseball game
[00:08:06] and you don't you're trying to figure out the dot the diamond what it should
[00:08:10] and it's like you know no we never do that shit we're not doing that
[00:08:14] and guess what we have calculated anybody who would is no longer allowed to play
[00:08:18] in the picture not playing we're going to pull his pants down
[00:08:21] yeah and piss in his face yes sir and then when his mom
[00:08:25] complains very will say she's being an uptight bitch
[00:08:28] and she's getting some piss in her mouth too we're gonna piss in her mouth
[00:08:32] we're gonna take a little trip down the broadway
[00:08:35] getting lying we need a hey mrs. Thompson
[00:08:38] we need a port-a-party because we're trying to go see lay miz
[00:08:43] and we heard we heard from your your bitch son
[00:08:46] that your mouth was open for lay business
[00:08:50] lay biz around oh i don't think i think it's been three episodes too late but i
[00:08:55] just wanted to say uh rip to mary calot's her
[00:08:59] no oh yeah true one of my original woman crush
[00:09:03] when totally getting pussy from a child yep
[00:09:06] she made me feel like when i was a boy there was a chance
[00:09:09] that you could i can tell you i cannot stop reading this will and jayda
[00:09:15] pinkett smith why why what's going on with it i'm kidding
[00:09:19] i mean i have i literally i still don't i don't know explain it to me but i
[00:09:24] i understand somebody i named august fine but why are they at a table
[00:09:28] talking about well they have a show called the red table talk
[00:09:32] what is that jayda has a show it's a tv show or it's like a pie i want to say
[00:09:37] it's a facebook show what the fuck is a facebook show
[00:09:40] but i what they do is whatever there's t to be so these things that don't make
[00:09:45] sense to me now because i don't understand what they are in principle
[00:09:47] do you see today they had a pro police protest
[00:09:52] they're protest i don't understand what that is i don't wear
[00:09:57] what are they protest it's somewhere it was in like fucking like
[00:10:00] diker heights or awesome yeah yeah somebody listed it i saw a tweet the other
[00:10:04] day they're like diker heights benson herst bay ridge
[00:10:08] oh yeah you know uh graves end all of these neighborhoods are
[00:10:12] filled with white supremacists and it's like well
[00:10:16] i don't know if we meet a talent yeah that's what you mean
[00:10:19] something those neighborhoods have in common yeah and i don't know if it's
[00:10:24] white supremacists yeah to talents well for me i don't even consider them to
[00:10:29] be white so yeah well that's what i'm saying yeah
[00:10:32] yeah there was there was one video i saw from
[00:10:37] diker heights where it's some girl what are you doing
[00:10:41] i think we switched mics i'm on channel two right now
[00:10:45] so what so what so i was a little low if you want to change it it's these
[00:10:49] no so you didn't actually do anything i didn't do anything
[00:10:53] do you know if you were saying anything it could be that you think you're
[00:10:56] loved maybe i wasn't saying it you know i sound i sound more high
[00:11:00] you weren't contributing anything no no i think that's probably it
[00:11:04] just silent for 15 minutes i was not silent just in your head being like
[00:11:08] yeah i'm crushing yeah i'm saying yeah i'm saying all the
[00:11:13] things that i'm hearing it doesn't sound like me that i'm
[00:11:16] Martin Luther King uh white people rap music keeping
[00:11:21] keeping track yeah i was seven minutes into the podcast
[00:11:24] i'm getting myself one jokes on you i don't even know where i am i've been
[00:11:27] pissing myself for 15 minutes i'm soaked in urine
[00:11:32] i'm thinking dude the best part is if you keep joking about pissing yourself
[00:11:35] some guys will start pissing themselves yeah it's gonna be a me
[00:11:38] the moly yeah we're doing the moly the moly and challenge
[00:11:41] stand outside stand in line somewhere and piss your
[00:11:44] pants or from before from last episode go to a drive through and piss your pants
[00:11:50] yeah those are the two moly and challenges
[00:11:53] for napkins and then you just do the hashtag moly and challenge and send us
[00:11:57] the video you just say it's protesting yep because that's the only way you're
[00:12:01] allowed outside right now yeah hashtag it be a limb
[00:12:03] hashtag moly and challenge i'm gonna piss myself at mcdonald's and
[00:12:06] demand they bring back monopoly mm-hmm yeah protest but black people get to
[00:12:12] win yeah rig it yeah we should rig it every
[00:12:16] monopoly game so black people get the one and that's and we'll call it even
[00:12:19] steven after that mm-hmm that ought to do it call it m apostrophe and
[00:12:24] apostrophe p apostrophe l y oh monopoly yes yeah
[00:12:32] okay i don't know if that would be so clear that that would be the black
[00:12:36] version but maybe change the names what would you call it
[00:12:41] yeah what would you call it an anopoly maybe black monopoly black monopoly has a
[00:12:46] nice ring to it mm-hmm monopoly black monopoly black
[00:12:53] black draw monopoly and jail is replaced with africa
[00:12:58] go on a two week vacation to the motherland that sounds kind of cool so
[00:13:02] functionally in the game it serves the same purpose but then the little
[00:13:06] thimble has kente cloth on it i like that and uh and maybe with snow globe the
[00:13:10] thimble is is a comfy have a little snug up
[00:13:14] from africa yep um it's got a snow like egypt sometimes
[00:13:21] right uh more than africa well so the south part
[00:13:26] africa is right there by an arcticus so it's frigid yeah it's really cool
[00:13:29] where my family comes from yes south africa that's true for
[00:13:33] yeah you see a lot of those africaners in um
[00:13:37] yes in this there's skier than goose yeah
[00:13:41] uh i think it's known as maybe on uh kill him in jaro
[00:13:45] maybe that's where you get a little snow where you just wear when you when you're
[00:13:47] in like la or whatever and they got those mountains that look like there may be
[00:13:52] ten minutes away yeah and therefore and there's snow on top yeah
[00:13:55] and it's really cool what the fuck is how does this work?
[00:13:58] fuck this i'm fucking pissed off of weather this goes back to not liking
[00:14:02] geometry yeah because that's not understanding space
[00:14:05] and i'm with you it pisses me off yeah because you should be able to walk to
[00:14:08] those mountains you should it shouldn't be four and a half hours
[00:14:11] yeah fucking bullshit um what was i gonna say yeah that
[00:14:16] we used to that it used to be like that in vegas it'd be like a desert and then
[00:14:20] in the mountains around it was like snowy damn and when i was a kid when you
[00:14:24] see old westerns you'd see them like riding in the desert and then they'd
[00:14:28] ride into the snow they'd ride up and then they'd know
[00:14:30] it made no sense yeah at the time that's we read that redemption
[00:14:33] there's there's some uh jimmy steward movie where he has to go to washington
[00:14:38] dc and they shot the whole thing in fucking la obviously
[00:14:42] and he's like getting off the bus and it's like washington and there's just the
[00:14:45] fucking like you know whatever the seerad
[00:14:49] the vaud whatever mountains the seer and this is the san franciano san franciano
[00:14:53] sanharmonic a mountain something yeah i think that's not it yeah whatever
[00:14:57] you said it's not that it's not it's big bear dude it's big bear
[00:15:01] no it's big bird big bird mountain how big do you think big bird's dick is
[00:15:06] and where do they hide it birds don't have dicks they have co-op cloaca
[00:15:10] no girl birds have cloaca's boy birds have cocks yeah they have
[00:15:14] they have coiled penises that's ducks that's an argentine that's an argentine
[00:15:19] duck that's a bird you dump it ducks are amphibians
[00:15:24] that's fair so a coaca is an ass and a pussy
[00:15:36] ass and a pussy yeah you piss shit and fucking it
[00:15:40] that's nice that's effective i'll tell you that without a
[00:15:43] streamline waiting in line to see ley miz yes it's having a setup like that
[00:15:48] so you could shit as well as piss just imagine you know you have a nice
[00:15:52] night out with a girl and then you go back to her place it's kind of
[00:15:55] spontaneous yeah and you're fucking and then
[00:15:58] you you know classically anything you do in life you immediately have to piss
[00:16:02] yeah you're like ah i'm having such a good
[00:16:05] spontaneous night with you but i have to piss and she's like
[00:16:08] my pussy's also a diaper i'm i'm i have a cloaca
[00:16:12] you're like wow isn't the idea she pisses out of this so this is such a nice
[00:16:15] piece into it this is such a fun already sort of piss out of it i don't
[00:16:20] rooting by romantic comedy this is such a fun me cute and it's called the
[00:16:27] woman whose pussy was also a diaper and it's it's fucking billy crystal and
[00:16:32] megg ryan and fern lay miz on broadway i'll have what she
[00:16:37] is in their laughing in the front of his pants were covered in piss
[00:16:40] okay so he bit himself anyway he's always pissing himself
[00:16:45] it opens up and rob ryan is like maybe you'd have more successful dates if you
[00:16:49] weren't pissing yourself all the time but i like it
[00:16:54] i can't stop pissing myself okay i like it so far i guess
[00:16:59] i'm wondering where the shitting out of her pussy element comes in because he
[00:17:02] meets megg ryan and he goes home with her she's so
[00:17:05] awkward because my point is you could piss into a current push she just got
[00:17:08] broken up she's over email that's right i like that
[00:17:12] i like that wrinkle it was tom hanks she broke up with it like
[00:17:17] uh your dumped bitch this is the computer i have to go to do a FedEx
[00:17:23] the computer says your dumped bitch you just got dumped bitch okay
[00:17:32] that's a mean email she's just staring at the computer
[00:17:36] and it's saying that this is the right is like well i've never had a
[00:17:43] computer before i just my friend told me about it but i figured that's the
[00:17:46] way they work we figured it didn't matter that way
[00:17:49] into the shooting script is you know they can't beat their brains
[00:17:54] i'm like that dumb whore yes you're getting broken up with it she's
[00:17:57] dating we couldn't get tom hanks or we just had that character die on a
[00:18:01] on an island and then they love that idea so much that they eventually
[00:18:04] cannibalized that for castaway hoping that nobody would remember
[00:18:08] that classic you got dumped a bitch scene from uh uh the bitches pussy was also
[00:18:19] okay so i get but again does she ever shit out of her pussy
[00:18:24] sure yeah because i what i'm saying is you could she's like a current pussy
[00:18:28] she's one of those like classic like romantic comedy girls she's very
[00:18:32] awkward about the fact that she only has one hole that she pisses and shits
[00:18:36] out of and and she's like i'm not sure it he's like don't worry about it
[00:18:41] you're beautiful and then she pulls down her pants she's got this
[00:18:47] straight you just had a chipotle burrito come out of that thing
[00:18:56] this one and then the idea i had for death wish but his family never dies in the
[00:19:00] beginning he's just a guy that gets a gun
[00:19:03] he's just a guy he's a guy that finds a gun
[00:19:08] on the way home from his architect job and he's like what have i took the
[00:19:12] lawn i started kidding put her vegan teenagers what if i just started
[00:19:20] that's a couple awesome ones right there wow we're like this is a movie factory
[00:19:26] over here yeah and they're they're making out on the
[00:19:30] train and billy crystals pissing himself and her pussy
[00:19:33] comes out of her dress to suck up suck up all the pants that's awesome and then
[00:19:38] bronzes on the train is like isn't that beautiful
[00:19:43] and then two woman next to him you just shot my son
[00:19:48] shot at bitch y'all got it all on camera
[00:19:52] whatever yeah then there's death wish six is him hiding out well there's
[00:19:57] bunch of black lives matter protest pictures of their like a rest ball
[00:20:02] courtesy and he's like i think i've gone too far maybe i'm fucked this time i
[00:20:08] think i blew it got a little too greedy i
[00:20:13] oopsie daisy my bad hopefully i can go on tucker calls in this week and clear
[00:20:27] that's also that they're the same universe too yeah it's sure it's all part like
[00:20:31] your ventures yeah yeah it's in the same cinematic universe
[00:20:35] same cinematic universe i always did get a kick before the
[00:20:40] Avengers i always got a kick out of when like a guy from one thing would walk
[00:20:43] through the other thing yeah the same i mean i think we probably talked about
[00:20:48] if i had to guess but when the critic was on the simpsons
[00:20:51] come on nothing better than that is a fucking kid you
[00:20:54] stuff to wait to the end of the credits for that shit
[00:20:57] and i i remember the point where i got to where we
[00:21:00] say no because they used to put bloopers remember that
[00:21:03] no in comedy move i used to say yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:21:06] i'll stay through the credits because i'm like oh i can't wait to see how they
[00:21:10] fuck this right right right i can't i want to see the same scene but they say
[00:21:14] fuck yeah but they messed up they messed up and everyone
[00:21:17] laughs yeah you know what because it is awesome to watch
[00:21:20] those it was so funny when like culture was at the ends of being this like
[00:21:26] top-down thing that's just distributed to you and you don't get to decide
[00:21:30] what's good or bad right right and you can't things can suck
[00:21:34] and you just have no choice yes just to be like i guess i had a good time at
[00:21:38] bio dome yeah yeah it was definitely better
[00:21:44] it was way better no i disagree what do you mean
[00:21:49] i think it was worse no because things could just be
[00:21:52] bad and then they that's just what they were
[00:21:56] or like having options no they're also good things too
[00:22:00] see that's true people are still talking about Hamilton
[00:22:03] there's still a debate this is something from five years ago yeah at this point
[00:22:07] it's kind of like current affairs i think just
[00:22:09] published another like well it's because it just came out on disney plus who
[00:22:13] cares it's the same thing yeah but it's like being there's nothing to talk about
[00:22:18] so anytime there's an operation there's nothing to talk about
[00:22:21] no there's not much going on okay all right i mean we just did 15 minutes
[00:22:26] and the woman who's pussy is also a diaper yeah there's tons i guess i'm
[00:22:29] thinking purely on in sports because that's the only news that i keep up with
[00:22:33] sure you're right the world is literally ending
[00:22:39] the government is fucking up a pandemic
[00:22:43] florida just had the highest the single day in any fucking city in america
[00:22:48] or state yeah yeah i guess there's stuff to talk about i just guess my point was
[00:22:52] the NBA hasn't started yet but they're there until we get our land though
[00:22:57] until we get bubble ball i can't wait dude i'm gonna take a vow of silence
[00:23:00] if we got shoot maybe i should go to disney world
[00:23:04] but there's still there are motherfuckers in disney world there's still ads on tv
[00:23:08] about disney world just open today no i'm like yesterday well i mean it's
[00:23:13] open yeah yeah yeah yeah universal studios like florida there's an ad where
[00:23:17] they have like the gun taking people's temperature is they're like we're here
[00:23:21] for you yeah it's a stare we're waiting for you they're all in masks it looks
[00:23:24] fucked up it's like why are these people they're all
[00:23:27] smiling but you their eyes are smiling but you can't tell
[00:23:29] it sucks and what's crazy is they're doing that
[00:23:34] and in the same complex the mba is just like behind like a wall
[00:23:37] mmm-hmm it's fucked up bush gardens is the one i'd like to
[00:23:42] yeah you've never been there yeah is it good it's very good they have good
[00:23:49] they have what if you could rent one for the day just with the fellows would you
[00:23:53] go to bush gardens yeah um yeah but i would want like
[00:23:57] um hologram people like hologram black family reunions
[00:24:01] yeah oh we're in the same team come on y'all yeah just and then i'm waiting in
[00:24:06] line behind them yep a hologram child being abused by his
[00:24:10] parents getting getting spanked getting yanked by the wrist
[00:24:14] yeah a hologram dehydrated a hologram indian kid on a leash
[00:24:18] yeah the spanic and hispanic family taking turns or the wheelchair
[00:24:29] yeah but yeah motherfucker i cannot but people are going to fucking Disney
[00:24:31] world it's crazy yeah patriots dude they are
[00:24:36] landing the free home of the brave for better for worse i saw on twitter
[00:24:39] sex sexual jumanji was keeping tabs on some people that were live streaming
[00:24:44] and apparently some bitches like literally had it was coughing
[00:24:48] like a fever and disney asked her to go home and she was like no
[00:24:52] there was a guy she's like no i won't go to Disney
[00:24:55] there is there is a guy uh let's not forget the people that built
[00:24:59] disney world yeah the gi's yeah fought for our freedom so
[00:25:03] that we could have back from hell and then they built
[00:25:06] coasters i wish hell i wish we could have a war with hell that would be
[00:25:10] pretty cool that would be silly oh dude we lose just a
[00:25:12] fucking hole opened up in the ground against demons
[00:25:15] demons are fucking in the ash no but they wouldn't have guns like we have
[00:25:19] you know they'd be on fire they'd have they are you gonna find a guy that's
[00:25:23] on fire they'd have talons he's already dead yeah i don't know
[00:25:27] we would figure it out he's been like look we're just trying to get to his room
[00:25:37] then president biden's like you got to die to protect them i'm sorry
[00:25:41] you got america everyone in american needs to fight the demons
[00:25:45] 300 million i guess there's nothing i can do about it they got me elected
[00:25:49] so i owe it to them i made a bad deal folks
[00:25:58] uh yeah i guess biden's gonna win because he's basically just a republican at this
[00:26:03] point well he's in hiding he's in hiding i think it's cool if a guy that's in
[00:26:07] hiding wins i think that's a cool like narrative in terms of
[00:26:11] narrative i think it works that would piss trump off yeah that's the way you
[00:26:14] beat him you can't you're not going to beat him face to face no i think he's
[00:26:17] gonna wreck you if but if a guy that's like
[00:26:21] like comes out if buns like i don't feel like debating
[00:26:24] it would piss trump off oh it'll piss me off too i'll be too
[00:26:35] oh yeah i can't wait for the fucking Alzheimer's off
[00:26:39] fuck dude i really just want to fast forward till the mba basketball is back
[00:26:43] well it's end of the month right yeah i think it's like 18 days 19 days
[00:26:47] so cool i've been real depressed the last couple weeks and there's not i
[00:26:51] just been watching movies but i want to watch basket dude i watched
[00:26:55] straight up i watched the video five mill long video of shake you'll just
[00:26:58] Alexander playing his finger rolls playing uh playing corn hole against
[00:27:02] chris paul i just want to see the boys hanging out
[00:27:07] there were some kids playing like broke into the school no no the school
[00:27:11] buying me they were playing like half court
[00:27:14] yeah and i was just i was like i sat and like watched
[00:27:17] like teens play for a basketball for like you know i paused for like a
[00:27:21] minute it was like nice that's that's always i really always
[00:27:25] love like when you're at a public court seeing the one old black guy
[00:27:29] no matter how trash the game is sitting there and being like what they need to
[00:27:33] do is play zone just take it seriously absolutely
[00:27:38] oh it's great absolutely yeah they're not switching
[00:27:49] um but anyway damn now that piss character i'm jealous of him i'd like to
[00:27:54] piss myself yeah why not yeah should i get a diaper
[00:28:00] um what do you think nick i'm trying to think of something i had something i
[00:28:05] was thinking about and then i was like nah it's not
[00:28:08] really you know my friend just sent me a picture he's in
[00:28:12] the the the drive through it windies and there's just a guy
[00:28:17] who's just standing ordering from the drive through in front of
[00:28:21] oh yeah it's just overspacked i mean i i did that i've done that numerous
[00:28:25] times during this pandemic it's pretty really yeah i went to i just walked
[00:28:29] through the mcdonald's drive through like four times
[00:28:32] this the guy that's like sagging that rocks dude
[00:28:36] that was built for the pandemic you know what you do you go
[00:28:38] hi i'm steven crowded and i identify as a car
[00:28:41] we're here at mcdonald's yeah i identify as a car no i was wondering if i could
[00:28:45] order he's just smiling to the camera they're like all right what do you want
[00:28:51] ba dah dah dah dah dah dah they're like wait so you're the car so the car needs
[00:28:56] food. Yeah, whatever you want. Just go. Okay. Yeah. So you want, you want gas,
[00:29:01] just say the trans people should be in jail. Just say it as an employee at McDonald's. You have to.
[00:29:08] And I wonder what guys like that, they can't really go out and prank people like they used to
[00:29:13] be able to do high profile college, college campuses are all closed now. You can't really own
[00:29:19] a like a shaking a lid, a shaking scared freshman purple hair girl. Yeah. I would I'm gonna once
[00:29:26] we're open, I'm gonna go and want to be one of those guys that antagonize his college students.
[00:29:30] Yeah. Get a little film crew girl on the microphone and just a sign that says I've gotten way more
[00:29:34] pussy than you. I'm 35. And I've gotten so much more pussy. So much more pussy than any of you.
[00:29:42] Debate me. Debate me about what's your body count? Oh, 23. Faggot. Nice try. Good try. Yeah.
[00:29:52] Ball them up, throw them in the trash. Yeah, I've been alive twice as long as you. Yeah.
[00:30:05] the beauty of our social experiment is you always just add a number to their number.
[00:30:09] Yeah. No one kids like actually I was lying. I my number was actually 27. I just said my
[00:30:15] delete the video. Let's get out of here. I was just cut the tape, cut the tape now abandoned.
[00:30:22] I was like, I was like, I was also lying. I've never lost his debate to a college kid.
[00:30:31] I'll be on I'll be on I'll be on my podcast later to discuss the fallout from this event.
[00:30:37] It's a three and a half hour long podcast where I logically break down how I won that debate.
[00:30:47] It's funny. I remember doing a podcast one time in and I and I know like if it existed,
[00:30:53] it would be online. But me and Norman went to a guy we were friends with. He's like,
[00:30:58] yeah, come to our podcast. I didn't even know what the fuck a podcast was. And we get there
[00:31:02] and there's like six other guys and it's Austin and these are like old school Austin heads where
[00:31:08] they've just been high since 1993. Yeah. And like just like Gen X or like totally,
[00:31:14] you know, drink beer, maybe go play disc golf occasionally. Yeah. Hell yeah. And we sat there
[00:31:20] we just like taught me. I'm gonna hung out. We talked to the microphone and I was just drinking.
[00:31:25] And it went on for like six hours. I was like, I was like, dude, what do you guys do? You just
[00:31:33] like somebody left and then another guy came. I was like, do people listen to this? And he was like,
[00:31:40] no, man. I was like, all right. They're like, yeah, we actually cut down the best 30 minutes
[00:31:49] from the six hours that we do. That was fun. Those are simple times. Good times.
[00:31:54] Simple times. Simple minds. Oh, dude. I love to be around simple minds. What's the deal with that?
[00:31:59] This a band, right? Simple minds. Yeah. And that just means retarded. Yeah.
[00:32:05] Retarded basically. Yeah. Who's in simple minds? Anybody I know? You got the hunchback and
[00:32:13] know it's your day. You know, all types of different types of movie dangerous minds about
[00:32:20] retarded people. Yeah. It's true. Because when you think outside the box society, it doesn't like
[00:32:26] it. They should do a stand and deliver thing with like just a retarded, retarded kid.
[00:32:32] It's not even a poor school. What's standing deliver? It's the same thing as dangerous minds.
[00:32:36] Dangerous minds. It's one of those. Yeah. It's like teacher wants to like
[00:32:42] inspire kids. Whatever. Gotcha. Gotcha. I started dangerous minds recently because I remember. I was
[00:32:47] like, Oh, it is so bad. She teaches them poetry by teaching them Bob Dylan. They're like,
[00:32:53] damn, this is kind of cool. I mean, I love Bob. Just Charles S.
[00:32:58] Never work in front of a classroom of retarded kids being like, Oh, you think the alphabet is
[00:33:03] stupid? You're stupid motherfucker. Oh, you weren't ready for that. Well, the world isn't funny.
[00:33:11] Just kids crying and rocking back. Holding their hands over their ears.
[00:33:18] Yeah. Screaming. Being berated by Charles. Stop screaming.
[00:33:26] He's teaching them. Yeah. He's teaching retarded kids with tough love. How to be retarded.
[00:33:30] That's the only way. He actually loses his patience and a janitor gets a video of him through the
[00:33:36] window in the door, just slamming his head on the desk screaming directly into his ear.
[00:33:43] And then the video makes it on the local news and he suspended for a week. And then he has to
[00:33:48] figure out a lesson plan for when he gets back to inspire them. Yeah. To make up for almost killing
[00:33:57] a kid, giving him brain damage probably. He's like, Why don't we try this? Yeah. Why don't we
[00:34:02] switch what's gonna make it work like an old TV? You ever seen happy days? You know how
[00:34:11] Fonzie gets the jukebox to work? Pop pop pop right to the temple. But I think about a boom.
[00:34:18] You're not retarded anymore. I should have one night a week where I get high and watch a bad
[00:34:24] movie. Yeah, why not? Well, let me get too high. I might have to chill. Yeah, you know what you
[00:34:29] should do? Shape my balls? Yes. Instead of getting high instead of getting high, you should get
[00:34:35] high and shave your balls. And you want to be careful doing that. Because if you do it the old
[00:34:39] fashion way with a knife, the steak that which one I used to do support for XXX is brought to you by
[00:34:46] Manscaped. I wonder if they don't like that. If we say it is Manscaped. Let's scaved.
[00:34:52] Manscaped. Manscaped. Manscaped. Manscaped. Manscaped offers precision engineered tools for
[00:35:00] your family jewels, which reminds me of dead ringer. Does he ever see that movie? No. It's
[00:35:06] pretty cool. Is it like the ringer where Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded to get to the
[00:35:10] Olympics? That is cool. Between gynecologists that pretend to be retarded to get into women's
[00:35:17] pussy. Have you seen it? Johnny Knoxville is the dead ringer. That movie is about I'm Johnny Knoxville
[00:35:28] and this is pretend to be retarded to have sex with a little. Can I have some pussy? Johnny Knoxville?
[00:35:37] Just in a cafe. No, God. I have some of your pussy. Johnny, is that you? I'm a big, I'm a big jackass.
[00:35:48] I mean, I guess if you weren't doing the voice. Yeah. He's just a red lobster.
[00:35:54] Manscaped obsesses over their technology developments to provide you with the best tools for your
[00:35:59] grooming experience. Yeah, this is actually true. I do. Just think about Johnny Knoxville.
[00:36:05] It's a little bit over here. You know you have to put it in there. You know you have some pussy from here.
[00:36:14] He tries to exactly like he always tries to do. I'm jackass and this is
[00:36:20] this is get some retarded pussy. This is retard trying to get pussy.
[00:36:24] Manscaped has completely redesigned the electric trimmer. The engineering team spent 18 months
[00:36:37] perfecting the greatest ball hair trimmer ever caught. That's true. And they just released the
[00:36:42] new and improved log bar 3.0. Their third generation trimmer features a cutting edge ceramic blade
[00:36:48] to reduce manscaping accidents. Yes, sir. Millions of balls are about to be Nick Free thanks to
[00:36:54] Manscaped events. I don't like them using my name. Yeah. It's calling wounds. No, no, no, no,
[00:37:01] I need something annoying in the battlefield. They're called wounds. A ball called Nick. No,
[00:37:08] they're called next. No. The whole point is to get rid of them. I'm going to edit it so it sounds
[00:37:13] like you guys are saying the end. You're not you would never you would never do work. I would.
[00:37:21] I would and I will. I'm editing that part out. Let me just get this. Let me get a clean recording
[00:37:27] of this guys. Stop saying the end work. All right, let's do a clap. No, sink.
[00:37:36] Manscaping accidents are finally a thing in the past. When I tell you this is premium, I mean premium.
[00:37:41] Wow. For real? Yeah. The battery will last up to 90 minutes so you can take a longer shave.
[00:37:47] I mean, that's. Yeah, I want to throw on rush hour two and shave your nuts the whole time.
[00:38:07] Longer. We're so you guys going to lunch? Yeah, I mean, now vacuum up after. It's got 90 minute
[00:38:13] battery. I want to I just wanted to do my usual Tuesday rush hour to ball shave combo. Yeah,
[00:38:20] I always just pause in the middle to charge it. But yeah, now with the fucking long lower 3.0.
[00:38:26] Yeah, after I got cerebral palsy and lost use of my limbs, when I got muscular dystrophy and it
[00:38:32] started taking hours to shave my penis and balls. You know, you know, you look, you're pretending to
[00:38:41] have MS so that you can get pussy. But the girl comes over and she's like, aren't you going to
[00:38:48] shave your balls and penis before we have sex? And you're thinking, Oh, it'll take 10 minutes. But
[00:38:53] then you remember you have to be I've already bought the motorize wheelchair. Yeah, there's no
[00:38:58] way I can just zip this down. Yeah. So she has to sit there and watch you watch Zoolander while she
[00:39:06] while you slowly shave and you're like any second now. And she's rubbing herself off. She's
[00:39:14] fucking jack and Johnny Knoxville. And this is take 90 minutes to shave your balls to prove
[00:39:19] you're retarded to get some pussy. Thank you for giving me pussy. Thanks for being so patient
[00:39:25] while I shave my balls. Thanks for giving me your patient pussy while I shave my balls.
[00:39:34] Yeah, that's fine. I mean, I know who you are, man. So you can drop this at any moment. I'm trying
[00:39:39] to fuck you because I'm addicted to heroin and I want to fuck a guy from jackass. Yeah. Yeah,
[00:39:45] I was actually married to Bam Marchaire. Their third generation trimmer features a cutting edge
[00:39:53] ceramic blade to reduce manscaping accidents. Manscaped by accents are finally thing of the past.
[00:39:59] What I like to do is I have a little traffic cone that I put over my penis when I shave my balls.
[00:40:06] And that cool. Nice. That is a novelty traffic cone.
[00:40:09] A penis size traffic cone. Yeah, that's crazy. I want to get one of those and use that instead
[00:40:15] of you get the guys that saw as a hole at the end. I'm like, yeah, it's more.
[00:40:25] It's I think it's more neat. It hurts. Yeah. This is a wrong game. More neat. It's kind of slick.
[00:40:33] Yeah. That's a touch of pussy, but you bust and it just dribbles out.
[00:40:37] Like a funnel. I mean, like it's a traffic cone. I'm John Knoxville and this is have autism
[00:40:47] traffic cone penis get a woman practice. They also upgraded to a 7000 RPM motor with quiet
[00:40:57] stroke technology. That's that's powerful. And let's not forget about the charging stand.
[00:41:03] How could we show your mower off out? Show your mower off loud and proud because this intelligently
[00:41:08] designed stand is a convenient charging dock powered by USB. If you're listening to me speak
[00:41:15] right now, I want you to experience it firsthand for yourself. Oh, yeah. Trim that junk of yours.
[00:41:21] 20% off plus free shipping with the code COMTOWN. Yes, manscape.com. Your balls will thank you. It's
[00:41:29] 20% off free shipping with the code COMTOWN at manscape.com. I'm almost positive that is the code.
[00:41:36] It's probably the code. It's probably yeah. Come down slash giant. Knoxvilleretorted.
[00:41:43] dot com dot manscape dot com. And that should be that should do it.
[00:41:51] Yeah, that'd be nice. Put traffic on around your car. Shaking some flowers for my apartment.
[00:41:57] I was trying to today. I couldn't find any. Yeah. Yeah. Did you go to the flower district?
[00:42:02] No, no, I was in Brooklyn, but they didn't have you can go all the way down to the fucking dish
[00:42:06] flower dish to get flowers. Yeah. That's an air. I don't know. If you're in the flower district,
[00:42:12] folks, go see Chris King, the king of plants. Yeah. No one can beat his deals in the city.
[00:42:17] Yeah, you guys got to start sending me flowers. Yeah. Yeah, let's get one flowers. Everyone flowers
[00:42:23] being the fill is the other syndics from flowers. I'm trying to have the apartment of like a
[00:42:28] Palm Beach widow or widow. I keep messing those up. No, it was right. No, but I. Yeah, he wants to
[00:42:36] be the girl I wanted the widow wouldn't have the. Yeah, I'm thinking of one person specifically.
[00:42:43] I went to the house of a woman whose husband died was a girl I was dating. And she told me this
[00:42:50] woman is like my spiritual guide or whatever, which there's a inverse relationship between
[00:42:58] believing in that shit. And your life being good. And no, and how good the pussy. Well, it's yeah,
[00:43:05] it's almost the more the more they believe the better it is. The better the pussy is. Yes.
[00:43:10] The worse the brain 100%. Yeah. The worse the brain, the better the better the gas.
[00:43:17] Right. The squish. So we go to this lady's house. The trim. And it's just it's like it's
[00:43:22] sickening. You know, it's like there's like there's like throw pillows up to the edge of the couch.
[00:43:27] You don't know what you could sit on. Yeah. It's set up like a like a like a like a
[00:43:32] it's like a staged home from 1991. You know, like very much like furniture store vibes. Yeah,
[00:43:39] clearance sale furniture store vibes. There's no room for anything is always filled with bullshit.
[00:43:44] Yeah. But it was filled with flowers. And just giving all his advice the whole time and like
[00:43:48] spraying fucking essential oils. Talking about the mood. And then, and then she's just sort of
[00:43:55] like casually looks out the window and explains that her husband killed himself.
[00:44:02] Hanged himself in the backyard. Like six months prior.
[00:44:08] And I'm just sort of like staring through this sliding glass door with like vertical blinds.
[00:44:13] Trying to figure out like, you know, them just dragging the body through this apartment with
[00:44:19] like being a whole, be mindful not to knock over any of the fake fabric eggs from Jennifer fabric
[00:44:27] or whatever. Where Jennifer's convertible is wherever all this shit is from. God damn.
[00:44:36] Jesus. Yeah. My cause my and she yeah, she looked like Ursula. Oh, nice. Yeah. Hot. So meaning. Yeah.
[00:44:43] Just like probably like a $600 haircut to look like just shit.
[00:44:49] Just one of those ladies that has a good get her hair done. Oh, yeah.
[00:44:53] As a 50 year old. I can't wait to go to the barbershop myself now.
[00:45:00] I worked for a lady once. You should get the Ursula haircut.
[00:45:03] Dude, well, first of all, I'm getting a ponytail. Yeah.
[00:45:05] So, honestly, you look more Greek with the hair grown out. That makes sense. Yeah.
[00:45:10] This is a real ball. I have a real Mediterranean balding pattern. You look more Mediterranean.
[00:45:14] For sure. You really should see if you could comb it over. I'm good. I wanted to.
[00:45:19] I mean, it would take you need to grow it out for another like year and a half.
[00:45:22] See, that's why it's going to be shorter than that. You'd have to mousse it up a little.
[00:45:26] No, I mean, that's you see this. You see the act as if I'm disparaging you and not just like
[00:45:32] making a comment on how long hair takes your hair. Mine will be shorter than that. It'll be
[00:45:37] faster. It's like if you're like, I'm going to make a pork shoulder tonight and it's like,
[00:45:41] oh, that'll take like an hour and you're like, it'll take five minutes.
[00:45:44] Well, no, these things just take off. This is what a pork shoulder takes for eight hours,
[00:45:48] minimum three. If your crank can get high. Not when I'm not me. You're a hater.
[00:45:54] This is how you're acting. This would you sound like? Well, I think my hair will grow faster than
[00:45:59] that. Look at the excuse. Look at the progress I've made in three short months. I'm like,
[00:46:02] like a little bit in the front right now. You like that? Yeah, you got a little bit of
[00:46:06] something. You got a little bit of height on it. A little bit of height. Well, okay, let's say it
[00:46:12] takes nine months. Yeah, I think I could come it over. I can't wait to have the dumbest hair of
[00:46:21] all time. Yeah, maybe I'll maybe I'll die it. It'll be interesting to see how long my beard is
[00:46:28] when you finally have the come over. It's a way we can like pass time. You know,
[00:46:34] I just because people were bitching at me, they were like, you need when are you going to just
[00:46:38] shave your face? You have to shave your face. That's not a way to make you shave. I was like,
[00:46:42] well, I want to get through a year and we I surpassed that last month. So now it's going to be now
[00:46:47] five years. You have no idea what Nick can do with defiance on his side. Absolutely.
[00:46:56] Do not tell my man what to do. The kind of effort it will take to just not do something.
[00:47:01] Yeah. The sheer determination I have to abandon a part of personal hygiene.
[00:47:08] I just sort of not think about something. It is funny. Yeah, I can't believe it's been a year.
[00:47:14] Yeah. Wild. I mean, it's not it doesn't really require like I like moisturize my face, I guess,
[00:47:22] because it started like try out and burn or whatever. But yeah, it probably does take a little
[00:47:29] effort at this point. You have to oil it, right? Yeah, well, I stopped and then it just burns and
[00:47:34] itches all the time and I'll scratch it and then there'll be like blood on my fingers.
[00:47:39] So I don't know what's going on under here. Yeah, it's definitely not good. A colony of
[00:47:43] fucking little. Yeah, I think that's bad. Yeah, probably a bunch of mites and shit.
[00:47:49] I don't care who who cares. I'm with you. I'm with the fuck who cares. I'm done caring, dude.
[00:47:54] I don't have health insurance. I hit another level of the pressure. I'm like, I can't wait.
[00:47:58] Let's do it. It's like every time in my life, I keep learning the lesson of like, maybe I should
[00:48:04] care and then you do and then you just feel awful. The whole world is like, what are you doing? Stop.
[00:48:11] How dare you care about things. You're like, you're good. You're right. I'm going back to
[00:48:15] getting fucked up. Yeah. And then you stop caring and it's like, Hey, yeah, no, it's good.
[00:48:21] Yeah, it's just going to die. Can't do drugs. Should I get some pussy? Just kill yourself.
[00:48:26] Yeah. Just give up. Yeah. There's really no good way to do it. Good way to
[00:48:33] white kill yourself? No, to just be alive, I guess. Because you know, you can become overwhelmed by
[00:48:39] everything and then that makes you miserable. Yeah. And then you can ignore it all and then you
[00:48:44] eventually just get more miserable at the end of that. There's no like right. Well, you could
[00:48:49] continue to ignore everything forever. Yeah, but you can't really forever. It's just my, what,
[00:48:53] my new tactic. You're going to smack into a wall eventually. Yeah, of probability.
[00:49:00] Probably. Or I could just find a wife who she does. Honestly, that's the really the only
[00:49:06] find the wife have some children. At this point, it's the only solution.
[00:49:10] Yeah, I really am trying to be one of those dads that just sits in the living room and fucking says
[00:49:15] nothing. You know, like there's kids coming over. I have no idea they are. No
[00:49:23] interest in learning who they are. Don't look, don't even look up. Yeah.
[00:49:29] Just fucking sit there. Shoot him a glance with the
[00:49:32] face facing out the window. Pay attention. Just not even don't look at all. Your dad's weird.
[00:49:39] They're stealing all the booze. I don't care. Just don't care in the slightest.
[00:49:48] Dude, I'm just trying to grill all day. I have my have a family around me. I'm going to be a stage
[00:49:52] father. Yeah, for me to make my son try out for every broad,
[00:49:56] major musical. Yes, boy. Mr. Little Mr. Nevada boy.
[00:50:04] For sure. Try and make your son gay. You know, straight. I want to have the gay
[00:50:15] Make that your goal. You're going to make your son do drag against his will.
[00:50:19] He's a child. Listen, it's a new fad. It's coming up. You've got to go fire.
[00:50:25] You got to go fire. I saw that was a show on Hulu. Really?
[00:50:28] I was like looking for something on Hulu. Drag kids. This is not a show.
[00:50:33] Well, some kids are gay as hell from the jump. I guess.
[00:50:50] Do you ever see the video? Somebody took this?
[00:51:06] This girl was on Good Morning American. Somebody slowed it down to half speed and uploaded his
[00:51:11] drunk dwarf. The way it slowed down is so fucking funny.
[00:51:17] Because the response is you're watching the, I don't know, whoever the hosts are watching.
[00:51:23] But they're slowed down too. So they're like
[00:51:28] blinking all slow, drunk, and dwarf. You see this?
[00:51:35] Yeah. That'll be cool to have a gay son.
[00:52:13] Pretty hair, pretty eyes, you can just grab that.
[00:52:17] Boop, soft, cute, you're the drug, keep it real.
[00:52:31] I just, I don't believe that was a decade ago.
[00:52:35] That came out a decade ago that somebody did that shit.
[00:52:40] That used to, man, I'm, fuck, I missed those.
[00:52:44] That's why the internet, there was that brief period
[00:52:47] where the internet got good, but then there was also a lot of,
[00:52:50] there was still not a complete relinquishing of control
[00:52:53] in terms of what we're supposed to consume.
[00:52:56] Where, which, I guess, still exists to a certain extent,
[00:52:59] but you have the option to just not fucking,
[00:53:01] you can just spend all of your time on social media
[00:53:04] and not consuming anything and get the fucking Cliffs notes
[00:53:06] from people who are already mad on your behalf.
[00:53:09] And like, you used to at least have to watch this shit.
[00:53:14] And yeah, just smoking weed, watching TV carnage,
[00:53:27] There was that other one, the, somebody slowed down the,
[00:53:30] some video from like a Olsen twins thing.
[00:53:37] The making, what are they, what are pizza?
[00:53:45] It just seems like they're fucking high.
[00:53:53] It was nice to see like, oh, look at how these black people
[00:54:00] are reacting to a leprechaun being in the community.
[00:54:07] Falling off an elevated grape stomping platform.
[00:54:15] So to think about like, 4chan is just spending all their time
[00:54:18] trying to figure out which elites are pedophiles.
[00:54:21] But you go back 10 years ago and it's just them posting
[00:54:23] constantly about how they want to like fucking 11 year old
[00:54:32] It went from all just a horny posting about Stephanie
[00:54:39] it's fucking, is the guy from the motel six commercials
[00:54:45] It's the light, the light he's leaving on.
[00:54:50] It's a signal wherever the light is left on.
[00:55:09] No, that's not, that's not what you were saying.
[00:55:21] You pull out with your prehensile dick.
[00:55:38] I just want to go kiss my boyfriend, Dan.
[00:55:41] My dad did have stage father tendencies.
[00:55:45] His old timey megaphones is just the cone.
[00:55:57] He was like, the sheriff was going around
[00:55:59] asking the kids what they wanted to be.
[00:56:01] And I said, I wanted to be a baseball player.
[00:56:04] He's like, that's a ridiculous thing to say.
[00:56:12] Dan, hats off to the cool kid and every one of those
[00:56:23] I remember Dan probably did become a drug dealer.
[00:56:26] And died and is memorialized in everyone's mind.
[00:56:30] I had the funniest friend in high school.
[00:56:36] And then you think about it and it's like,
[00:56:41] It was really funny when he was just absolutely
[00:56:47] I was just, because I remember this in my life,
[00:56:48] I have like, I have like tree of life memory flashbacks
[00:56:55] I remember there was, I don't even know his name.
[00:56:56] I remember there was a kid that was like,
[00:56:58] could do such a good impression of somebody with Down syndrome.
[00:57:08] I remember like he did it one time with like a candy bar.
[00:57:12] He would do this thing where he would like
[00:57:21] He'd be there to see, he'd be sitting there by himself
[00:57:23] and just go into pretending to be retarded.
[00:57:28] and he would be like looking over his glasses.
[00:57:33] they could sort of cross-eyed right now candy bar.
[00:57:40] And then he would just like look up and be like,
[00:57:47] Yeah, he did nailed it, but then it would just be like
[00:57:49] just subtle things like that, Rocky road.
[00:58:00] He used to force erections during school,
[00:58:09] and like we'd start laughing because like he'd tell us,
[00:58:15] The T-shirt like wouldn't realize what was going on.
[00:58:21] Yeah, it was like a fucking sixth grade boner.
[00:58:31] He got caught making fun of the retardic kid in gym class.
[00:58:37] What a great name for your retarded son.
[00:59:10] Yeah, basically he lives in the driveway.
[00:59:16] Instead of school, we got him a little tuxedo.
[00:59:22] And this is out there threatening the mailman.
[00:59:31] You know, just throwing them distributor caps around,
[00:59:41] He finds it very agreeable in his internal world
[00:59:51] This guy's on a little house out there.
[00:59:53] But it's no, it's nice to have a dog out.
[01:00:00] A little AC in there for the summertime.
[01:00:17] No, he would just tell the coach that Albert was high
[01:00:20] sticking when we play floor hockey and some of the Albert.
[01:00:25] So not bullying the return to get telling on it.
[01:00:29] Albert's just snitching on the hearted beat.
[01:00:49] A lot of kids got pill problems in Greektown.
[01:00:58] Fell into place right where they belong.
[01:01:09] Joe List posted a picture of girl Norman and girl Joe List
[01:01:22] Recently found out, but I'd look like a bitch.
[01:01:26] Somebody posted a picture of me as a bitch on the internet.
[01:01:31] Yeah, I was sort of a bit more attractive,
[01:01:44] Yeah, it does look exactly like Joe, but with lipstick on.
[01:01:47] Mark looks a little too much like Mark, although I guess
[01:01:52] No, I know how about all that rape everybody was complaining about.
[01:01:59] Yeah, I was a woman for a day and I got raped.
[01:02:11] I think it's only happened to the ugly ones.
[01:02:21] I never could, but I remember we were really
[01:02:29] Going up, having one of the worst sets of my life,
[01:02:37] There's no way this is going to be good.
[01:02:39] The fucking host is like, I think I opened up with like,
[01:02:42] would people be mad if I raped Harvey Weinstein?
[01:02:47] I was like, I don't, but I want to know.
[01:02:51] And then fucking like 10 minutes of getting nothing.
[01:02:53] And then just wandering around sexually harassing
[01:03:01] Yeah, I remember that I took a bunch of edibles.
[01:03:03] Yeah, I went to that ice cream bar in my fucking hands
[01:03:17] I was wondering if I want to come hang out in the bathroom.
[01:03:24] You know, I saw earlier is that Jim Tues guys.
[01:03:29] Jimmy, Joey, you don't have a girlfriend, do you?
[01:04:31] Either way, that's what I meant when I said I was HIV negative really.
[01:05:07] Jim, Jim, Jim can't just be walking through here looking all sexy.
[01:05:11] Yeah, you can't just come in here looking sexy.
[01:05:25] I'm going to pull down my pants and I'm going to put my penis in his ass.
[01:05:32] It's a problem as I can't do an impression for more than five sentences before it turns
[01:05:50] I'd fuck Jim twos the first second I got.
[01:05:58] I'm out here in beautiful Vancouver looking for Jim twos.
[01:06:13] I came too fast and I'm furious about it because I'm looking at Jim twos.
[01:06:17] I'm thinking about fucking him eight times.
[01:06:42] He's got the sexiest guys on this side.
[01:07:10] If I stop beating off the Jim twos I die.
[01:07:26] They figured out they gave me a robot of heart.
[01:07:34] So they didn't say it was specifically the Jim twos.
[01:07:47] He's going on like Twitter and looking up Jim twos.
[01:07:51] He's just jacking off the Jim twos and shots.
[01:07:57] Just give me back my picture of Jim twos.
[01:08:02] That's some good stuff right there folks.
[01:08:27] I wish I could do it as Jim twos impression.
[01:08:34] He was just there when we came out when you came up with a prison Joe.
[01:08:41] He happened to be the only person there.
[01:08:47] And you're like yeah I want to go have gay sex with the bathroom.
[01:08:53] He's like I don't know what you're talking about.
[01:08:56] Yeah he couldn't perceive the impression.
[01:09:02] I was trying to figure out whether it was because it's like the list in Norman you don't really
[01:09:06] like I don't have to change my voice too much to do.
[01:09:09] So it's hard to tell whether it's accurate or not.
[01:09:16] Like it's just a slightly different register.
[01:09:19] And then maybe a bit of a cadence thing.
[01:09:21] So it's like hard for me to tell if it even sounds like him.
[01:09:28] I poured into that plan that I realized that it's going all over the ground now.
[01:09:42] Well anyway folks I guess thanks for listening to the podcast.
[01:09:53] Time flies when you're talking about having sex with Jim Tuts.
[01:09:57] I guess if I had like maybe 15 more impressions in my repertoire it'd be great if I could just
[01:10:04] be an impressionist and then have a podcast where I just cycle through celebrities wanting
[01:10:10] I could be one of those YouTube guys that could just cause those YouTube guys that can do
[01:10:21] It's funny because it's like you know like you would think that the guys who were best
[01:10:25] at impressions were like the ones that were famous.
[01:10:28] But really it's like you also have to be a good comedian.
[01:10:32] Doing impressions like there's a lot of people that can just nail impressions but then they
[01:10:42] So YouTube it was like oh this and I did ever show you that Indian guy I found that does
[01:10:47] It's so funny because he's still just an Indian guy.
[01:10:52] The video is starting like smiling and he's got a whole home recording set up and it's
[01:11:03] How can you be Kreme if I'm Kreme if we cannot be Kreme or the cannot be too Kreme as they're
[01:11:07] fighting each other because I just want to have myself.
[01:11:11] I want to have my son back and if I can get my son he thinks impressions are just talking
[01:11:32] You will not allow to laugh at my penis.
[01:11:39] My name is computer printer and this is Gene Penis from the movie Enemy of My Penis.
[01:11:58] Well I'm a sexiest goddamn ass I've ever seen.
[01:12:20] If Jim Toos are here right now I'd fuck him.
[01:12:30] How does he say he's so fucking hard to do?
[01:12:33] Gene Hackman is the hardest impression in the fucking world.
[01:12:35] He's kind of gruff because it seems like it would be accessible.
[01:12:38] He has such a distinct voice and I don't know what it is about it that makes him so hard
[01:12:44] I have no ear or ability to do impressions.
[01:12:54] Watch Stivy solves your problems on YouTube and stuff.