Cum Town | Regular | 09/16/2020
[00:00:00] All right, let's get right into it. This is uh
[00:00:05] Jesus Christ, can you close the door to the bathroom?
[00:00:11] The cad definitely smells worse than that, but that is not the cat
[00:00:31] If you want to send letters, please stop sending weapons to me people have been sending me in the mail
[00:00:37] Yeah, somebody sent me a sword with throwing knives, and then I got brass knuckles
[00:00:42] That's pretty cool the chain mail. I appreciate it, but I really don't I don't need a much more of an armor than a weapon
[00:00:48] I know yeah, it's different. Yeah, if you wanted to send me an entire full authentic samurai suit that belongs in a museum
[00:00:56] Yeah, go for it, and it has to be stolen from a museum of course. Yes. Yeah
[00:01:02] Do you see the med is back open we can go now for stealing for stealing yeah?
[00:01:07] Yeah, it'd be funny if the would the museums were looted during the black lives matter protest
[00:01:12] That they left all the shop. Yeah, they left all the Jewish owned businesses alone, but they were like the protesters like I don't know
[00:01:19] It didn't say black lives matter in the window, so we had to destroy
[00:01:29] Yeah, we had to steal those suits of armor with the cod pieces that look like
[00:01:34] Erection I like to imagine the giant spiders in the natural history museum are in jail, and they know that they're in jail
[00:01:39] Yeah more so than a zoo and specifically those spiders are like that got too big. No fucked up. I
[00:01:47] Knew it now. I told them all I said we command was spiders
[00:01:51] Now I got the museum man. We can't be fucking around getting I'm the size of a dog
[00:01:58] How you get a chihuahua about as big as me?
[00:02:02] People gonna find out they're gonna throw my they're gonna throw my tarantula ass and J. That's right
[00:02:07] That's what happens when you fuck around and find out I you know, I mean it's nice being the Cadillac of spiders, but
[00:02:14] You're gonna end up on the up-west side you're gonna end up on the upper west side in prison for being too large of a spider
[00:02:23] That character is an African American spider a white man. That's just a code switching
[00:02:30] Spider accent. Yes. It's a traditional spider accent. That's just what spiders sound like
[00:02:39] Mmm, that's why I don't like them. Is it a problem that I've got a rack nephobia really do you I do actually yeah
[00:02:46] Yeah, I don't fuck with them. Yeah, not really that I'm not that afraid now people are gonna mail me spiders. They should actually
[00:02:54] Yeah, I have to I have to give up my address now because I'm I'm almost completely offline
[00:02:59] So you need people to DM you through the mail. Yeah, if you want to maintain a correspondence
[00:03:05] So I've gotten letters from people where it's clear. They expect a reply somebody sent me like this incredibly
[00:03:12] Overwritten letter one time. What do you say? It's like it's just juncture in life when my you know like do you're a small?
[00:03:19] I mean well using like it's it's very purple very, you know overwritten flowery. Yes. Oh god
[00:03:26] Yeah to your favorite podcast. I know yeah, which that could have been a joke in which case
[00:03:38] Maybe maybe not someone that deserves a ridicule. Stop is gone. Stop is gone
[00:03:43] He quit the show he quit the show which you know props to him. I was wondering who's gonna do it first
[00:03:49] Honestly smart money was on me. Yeah. No no chance. No chance. You'll be doing the show by yourself as long as there is a dime going
[00:03:58] Coming out of that page round. Well, that's it. That's us currency. Mm-hmm. That's that's that's good money right there. Yeah
[00:04:06] I can't wait for those days when it's just you when it's just me. Hey, it's coming up sooner rather than later
[00:04:12] Yeah, I think so we said numerous times. This was the last year of the show and
[00:04:17] It's uh, oh now this year is almost over. Yeah, it's been three years of us say that yeah
[00:04:23] I mean so this is for real the last year of the show just to for war and everyone mm-hmm to last year of anything
[00:04:30] Yeah, that's right 2020. What the hell yeah, it's gonna be cool when there's a civil war
[00:04:36] And there's like a bunch of people fighting in the streets
[00:04:39] And then there's like 30% of people are fighting the other 30% of people and then the remainder
[00:04:46] They're just in home and they're like who cares
[00:04:48] Yeah, I don't even want to fuck. I don't even care. I feel like solidly in that in that yeah
[00:04:54] I don't know you guys handle it. I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna sit in here and I'll swear allegiance to whatever
[00:05:06] I'm doing a painting of a guy from a YouTube video. Yeah, I'm doing origami
[00:05:12] I got a book. I got a scholastic book on dollar
[00:05:16] Dollar bill origami and I'm gonna be in here with all of my dead currency
[00:05:22] Making bow ties making little George Washington bow ties. Yeah, and if you have a problem with that
[00:05:28] You can suck mine. I'm not answering the door. Yeah, I don't care if you're injured
[00:05:34] Mm-hmm. I'm taking another crack at the part of this I'll throw my my sword out of the window and you can
[00:05:44] So this is it this is a new show no more stuff
[00:05:48] Yeah, people have been writing into the show
[00:05:52] Corresponding with us through the USPS saying that they don't want stop anymore a lot of the letters
[00:05:56] It seemed like they were different cut out of letters to maintain that like a court
[00:06:03] Like like keep up with like write letters back to people and it comes out that I have like a mongoloid hand writing
[00:06:11] You'll find out that I have like you know, you know when kids would have handwriting so bad that it qualified them as being disabled
[00:06:17] Yeah, even if they were really smart. Yeah, and then they just like you know
[00:06:21] They had like a special corner of the room. They had to sit in
[00:06:27] Just to peek behind the curtain everyone what I don't know if you you've imagined next handwriting
[00:06:32] But he does have gay girl handwriting. I don't have gay guy
[00:06:37] He puts hearts over his eyes. No, it's very it's mostly in blood and the Z's are backwards
[00:06:45] The S's are Z's. Yeah, and it's it's a very psycho style of writing
[00:06:49] But I do put hearts over the eyes. I do a backwards R and do it to a horn. I do a heart a gram over every eye
[00:06:57] So people understand kind of a more jerestile. Yeah, my my ck y-rillic writing. It's like Cyrillic, but ck
[00:07:06] Why really yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool
[00:07:11] That is that is Western tradition if it's anything. It's cool
[00:07:15] It's very cool if you had to describe it. You would probably say that's one of the coolest things I've ever heard in my life
[00:07:26] So yeah, seven minutes and twenty seven seconds into the episode
[00:07:29] Well, no, I need to we got ads. I know you got an account down to that. I'm gonna count down folks
[00:07:36] We're counting down at the ad. We got a really special one coming up, but we don't want to spoil yet
[00:07:40] Yeah, so yeah, you have an enemy and you wanted to bring this well
[00:07:45] I don't want to bring up what I was telling you before but I did make another enemy on the street classic
[00:07:51] Classic life of Adam. Why don't you want you are you pulling back entirely?
[00:07:55] You just want to do more research before I need to do a little bit more research. I listened to a couple of
[00:08:00] Do you want to do some of it on the show? Well? No, I just I it's been high time for me to find a new enemy
[00:08:06] Well, it sounds like you have an enemy if you want to do the research on the show you can explain it to me
[00:08:10] I'll learn what's going on. Okay. I mean all I know basically is that I got a Google
[00:08:15] Alert hey, you know narcissist, right? I got a Google alert
[00:08:20] I don't even know what Google alerts are you just put your name and then anytime it's on the internet it
[00:08:26] Like on a website or whatever I got booked or emails. I was booked for a South by the Booker of South by was like
[00:08:33] Yeah, you must be getting a lot of Google alerts popping up. I'm like are you out of your fuck?
[00:08:40] I think you know when you have a comedy career you put your name there
[00:08:46] I did set one up for funny moms as well, and I just get a listicles of hilarious moms
[00:08:52] You should follow on Twitter interesting. Yeah
[00:08:56] Yeah, so there's some some guy made a podcast that said Adam Frito is bad at comedy
[00:09:02] And I didn't listen to it. I did look at a picture of him and it made me feel a lot better
[00:09:07] We're gonna listen to it on the show. He is podcast. Yeah sure well apparently he's got a you got it
[00:09:13] There's a couple topics at the top from the
[00:09:16] Adrian I don't think so let's steal some of their patreon episodes on our free show
[00:09:22] From what I can tell from Twitter it seems to be come town is now a show where we pay people in exposure
[00:09:29] By replaying their podcasts on our podcast and then inserting advertisements exactly for giving them absolutely
[00:09:36] Zero doll women's underwear, but for guys. That's a good idea for a company. Yeah startup
[00:09:42] Yeah guys guys bra bra guys. Yeah, like a song, but it just says like yeah
[00:09:58] Why don't you come say that to my ass cheeks? Yeah bra for a fat guy and it says
[00:10:04] Said no one ever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but for male breasts exactly
[00:10:09] Like tampons that you shove in your ass, but they look like a Darth Vader peds to spend that's cool dude tampons for men
[00:10:16] Yeah, but tampons for fat men. Yeah, who can't stop taking and what is that for?
[00:10:20] He's like I have chronic diarrhea from my consumption of wow chips
[00:10:27] I thought they were world of Warcraft chips. I
[00:10:31] Thought the world of Warcraft themed chips
[00:10:33] I someone also told me recently that we are in world of Warcraft. That's as far as I know about that
[00:10:41] Nick and soviet Adam apparently we are the main characters of world of Warcraft now
[00:10:46] I said it before and I say it again. It's it's you can't maybe it is just the pandemic and all this
[00:10:52] You destroyed the internet, but I can't imagine that it has I feel like if you're
[00:10:56] 19 20 years old and you're online right now. You're still enjoying it
[00:10:59] I don't know dude. I think well, maybe not enjoying it in the sense of like wow
[00:11:04] I'm having a great time but getting people's address and sending them swords or threatening them
[00:11:11] That's like that's probably fun still I some kind of in some way. That's probably if you're a young man
[00:11:22] Causing a ruckus on the internet is probably fun and I don't think it really can last I think I've aged
[00:11:29] Out finally. I'm here no longer a gesture of I I was the zeros and ones. I can't do it
[00:11:35] You can't do it anymore. I'm too old. I think that's good for you dude. I like that look for you
[00:11:39] It's like when a punk musician in middle-aged goes like
[00:11:43] Like folk Americana or just stops making music or stops making music and just leave us and just walks away
[00:11:49] Just some way instead of being a punk musician
[00:11:54] Uh-huh you're just a guy that goes places doesn't even bother to
[00:12:00] Wear the punk clothes. Oh, no, it's just a guy that goes to the mall and he goes all this shit sucks and people are like
[00:12:08] Thanks for letting us know and he's like I'm too old for this
[00:12:13] I'm old for one. He's like saying stuff sucks. Yeah, I'm like still trying to be like, sorry
[00:12:21] We that was a thing that you were doing and not just yeah, not just a general philosophy of
[00:12:31] You know everything sucks everything shit everybody sucks and you want to know why I'm gonna justify ripping some
[00:12:38] Just had a yep, you know human contact and if you interact your life is on contract
[00:12:44] Your best bet is a stay away motherfucker. It's just one of those days. It's all about that. He said she said bullshit. Mm-hmm
[00:12:55] It's like Fred Durris goes into it's like the fictional version of Fred Durris goes into his job journeys that day and
[00:13:05] Somebody's like somebody said that you're again, and he's like yeah more the fucking he said she said bullshit
[00:13:11] It's now I guess it's just one of those days all of these fucking gossip said what is it zoomies or journeys?
[00:13:19] Yeah, it's just one of those days dude that song ends with this the the main character are getting beaten up
[00:13:26] By an Indian family man outside of a dip and dots really yeah, is he a franchise owner of that dip and does like back up motherfucker
[00:13:35] And then the Indian guys like you can't talk to me that way. This is my place
[00:13:39] Get the fuck get out get out mother fuck out of me comes around the counter
[00:13:45] The guy's like what do something the Indian guy just beat just be like brutally beats his head
[00:13:51] I do remember that from the end of that song. Yeah, just one of those days getting your shit pushed in by an Indian guy
[00:14:02] Then never really panned out the ice cream of the future. I thought it was pretty good when I worked it when I worked at various malls
[00:14:09] I would I would get dip and dots sometimes
[00:14:11] Uh-huh and it's disgusting. I had an idea for an ice cream
[00:14:16] Mm-hmm, and I went to an ice cream place this weekend and they had it. I thought it'd be cool to do you do like a movie like uncut gems
[00:14:23] Okay, it's about an Indian guy that's been embezzling money out of his dip and dots franchises
[00:14:28] Okay, let's go and it's called double dip and dots
[00:14:30] And what's he using the money for gambling or to buy more dots of his wife?
[00:14:37] That's right, you know, she's like she's like she's like in front of her van in her and she's got a whole selection of red dots
[00:14:43] Right that she can put on her head, but she needs more dots, you know and bitch
[00:14:50] Then you know, but she's sitting there and she's like like a giant full sorry on right completely clothed and
[00:14:56] He's like I have made all of this for you
[00:15:00] I've done suck. I've done so much for you. She's like this is made me aroused and he's like
[00:15:08] And then she takes the dot off and he's like oh my god. Yeah, but she's he starts running his cock over the pants
[00:15:17] He just you know what we see is his pants flutter like one of those guys outside of it
[00:15:23] Those inflatable guys outside of it. Yeah car dealers. Yes
[00:15:26] It's as he just violently nuts in his pants so much so that air is coming out of his dick
[00:15:35] He loves his wife so much that she still makes him busts. Well, that's yeah. That's why he's in bezeling. Yeah
[00:15:42] but really she's the true villain of the film because
[00:15:46] You know he can never give her enough dots. Yeah, she needs more and more dots. No matter how hard he works
[00:15:54] Have to have this year's dots if I'm wearing fall dots in spring
[00:16:01] But but pran pranji jeep. How will they know the difference? It's all just red dots. That's true. It's all just red dots
[00:16:11] Yes, maybe I will go fuck the neighbor then I guess it's all just dicks
[00:16:21] How much more does this man have to do for his wife and family?
[00:16:25] She still makes him bust his pants when we came to America. It was supposed to be the ice cream of the future
[00:16:35] Yeah, never panned up. I like that the whole premise was that one day they were just gonna be like no more ice cream
[00:16:46] It's a market disruptor with every type of cuisine. You know, cronuts came out there like no more down all the doughnuts
[00:16:53] Yeah, big doughnuts going down. We were only like yeah
[00:16:56] We have a in our Soviet planned economy of desserts. There's only room for one. Yep type of pastry and
[00:17:05] We'll manufacture 800 million of them and everyone will will
[00:17:10] Become malnourished off of a cronut only and dip and dots only diet. That's not bad. Yeah
[00:17:16] Yeah, this town certainly isn't big enough for more than one food this town isn't big enough
[00:17:26] For just the two of us the Will Smith song. Yeah, that's yeah, how about that? What would that look like as a joke?
[00:17:33] This town this town ain't big enough for just the two of us the Will Smith song if you're just joining us now
[00:17:44] Starting the parody the parody song contest and we like to announce our winner Billy Seagram
[00:17:49] Veg water, New Jersey for his his hilarious song this town ain't big enough for just the two of us the Wilson
[00:17:57] That's where he actually got Will Smith and Jaden Smith to dress up in fat suits. Yes, and redo
[00:18:04] Just the two like a clumps style actually was Will Smith's first son
[00:18:09] Which is a one that he doesn't love. Yeah a technical inaccuracy
[00:18:13] Which actually disqualifies? Mm-hmm Billy Seagram, you know
[00:18:20] It's funny about that song is that it's a love song to your son. Yeah, you don't get a lot of those
[00:18:26] Well, it's very funny that they just the premise was violated almost as soon as you see magic to pick it Smith
[00:18:31] Yes, it's like not only am I gonna have other children. I'm not only
[00:18:36] Did like do is there a woman in my life? Yes, it's no longer just the two of us now
[00:18:40] It's three there's a woman and then me and her are gonna have kids and the kids are gonna be named after us
[00:18:45] Yeah, so that we we function as a complete unit and there's really no room for a core
[00:18:50] Mm-hmm your name is just Carl or Earl or something like that. It's like Cole
[00:19:08] Whenever you cross my mind. I will think of you as a mistake
[00:19:12] Yeah, I will think of you as before I was truly happy. Give me a second. I'm gonna grab my coffee
[00:19:18] Go for it. Can you actually get me one too? I don't have any. Oh, you don't have no all right
[00:19:26] So if you're just joining us guys, we are 19 minutes and 28 seconds into the episode
[00:19:39] So a little bit about what's been going on in my life and start day trading got Robin Hood app a fun way to
[00:19:52] Like if they televised like slot car races and we just did every week like doing like you know
[00:19:59] Just calling slot car races and describing the competitor. Yeah, just completely blind with no video images
[00:20:08] Well, we'd watch that but the audience would have to hear us describing the slot cars
[00:20:12] Exactly what are some cars? They're like the long ones right now. There's little cars you go on a track
[00:20:17] That's like it plugs into the wall. Oh, okay. I was thinking those long cars that they drag race on ESPN too
[00:20:24] No, there's zero there's funny cars funny cars. Yeah, what's so funny about that?
[00:20:29] That well, if you actually watch the races they're hilarious. They're dragging minorities
[00:20:36] That's where the term drag race come from
[00:20:40] You would dress up as a woman and then drag it behind the car. It was all one thing
[00:20:46] Oh, it was it was transgender moonshiners that would drag
[00:20:52] Black men who moved into the town. Oh, so it was more than one type of drag like let's see how fast we can get this
[00:20:57] There's this bootleg moonshine to the other side of the road while also committing a hate crime and being trans
[00:21:03] Uh-huh and that's that's where the name comes from. Well, I didn't know that
[00:21:08] Yeah, but I mean, I guess it's at this point
[00:21:11] Tradition it's a proud American tradition. Yeah of hate crime people with the funny
[00:21:17] That's what makes it so funny if you're just joining us
[00:21:21] Um, and you're probably wearing underwear Adam stopped wearing underwear because he's so prone to
[00:21:28] Shooting himself summer. Yeah, so I prefer just shooting on the jeans. Yeah
[00:21:34] We got a new sponsor here shit gene shit James with the jeans you can shit. Uh-huh is that a diaper? No, it's shit
[00:21:47] That guy wearing a diaper no friend hand on a hip looking over the shoulder
[00:21:54] Jeeing's by Mac Weldon. Yes Mac Weldon is a premium men's essentials brand that breed believes in smart designs and high quality fabrics
[00:22:03] Uh-huh they changed it used to be premium now. It's high quality. Okay. It's high quality higher than premium
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[00:22:35] Let your ass suck the underwear. Oh, yeah, I forgot about this. Yeah
[00:22:42] The propulsive force of Jeff's ass. Yeah, I have my dick. It's hard so quickly that it often sucks
[00:22:57] What I propose we do is we get the alien this horny and then we have sex with them
[00:23:07] God damn it David. We don't have any more time for your own. He bullshit president bill
[00:23:16] What's the what's the backstory there is he's to fuck the president's wife?
[00:23:20] No, he's a scientist for the yeah, but he used to fuck the chief of staff now. That's that's oh, yeah
[00:23:26] It's he's the ex-boyfriend of the chief of staff. That's right
[00:23:33] There's aliens coming. I'm not gonna fuck you again, Jeff
[00:23:38] No, this time I've discovered a code at the TV station I work at
[00:23:45] Was wondering if I could barge into the Oval Office. Yeah, he really gets past security protocol very easily
[00:23:53] In the same way that maybe in Israeli would I
[00:23:57] Do believe that he was my son and that he's in the sod agent
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[00:24:16] They sent me yeah, they put it all in a table for me to read and did it all up at Excel
[00:24:21] Which is like this is this is somebody's column. This is somebody's work-from-home
[00:24:26] COVID job to put together to write copy for you for a racist podcast
[00:24:34] They're like I just hope the economy can survive this
[00:24:38] Still got a job shouldn't exist. Yeah, none of this should exist. No underwear should not exist
[00:24:44] I mean, it's not even like how is this somebody's job? How is what I'm doing profitable?
[00:24:49] No, I mean this is even more ridiculous doesn't make any sense spreadsheets for ads it makes underpants
[00:24:59] But I tell you what the the underwear itself is worth it that does make sense
[00:25:03] Yes, it does something like a little code to get more like host underwear
[00:25:06] But the kind of like is sold out what kind is that premium? No the airnet kind
[00:25:16] Well my problem is that I always like I
[00:25:18] Always put my dick back in my pants a little too early and so I always mean too early. I always have a little bit of urine
[00:25:28] Well, it's not that I don't do a second shake and said I hang my dick over the top of my pants
[00:25:33] Uh-huh and so that does that like straw action?
[00:25:36] You don't unbutton your pants. No, I pull my dick and hang it over the top of my pants. Okay, you flew flop down
[00:25:42] I've flop down and then I piss but what that does is it puts pressure on my urethra
[00:25:52] the entire length of my dick is filled with piss held in from
[00:25:58] The waistband which is like you know when you put your finger on the top of a straw in a drink
[00:26:04] And then you pull the straw up it has the water in it
[00:26:07] So the length of your penis is still filled with urine with with piss
[00:26:11] And then when I put my cock back in my pants I
[00:26:14] Piss myself. Yeah, and so I go like a lighter kind of underwear because I I'm not gonna learn how to piss correctly
[00:26:21] I'm gonna continue pissing myself. No and
[00:26:24] Or should you be expecting I want it to like kind of dry off quick because they don't like having a damp feeling where I've pissed myself
[00:26:31] You need a wicking technology. Yeah, and this is why Mac Weldon they heard my complaints and they created shitty jeans
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[00:26:45] Which is a totally free loyalty program. Mm-hmm unlike all those other loyalty programs that cost money
[00:26:52] Yeah, exactly. I go to Panera Brad. I'm like, you know, I get a coffee and like is it you do anything where it's like, you know
[00:26:58] I get a couple coffees for free a cup coffees. I get a one for free
[00:27:02] Yeah, and Panera they said sure just why don't you just come with us in the back for a second
[00:27:06] And then there's like five Latino guys and they take turns beating the shit out of me
[00:27:10] Yeah, but that's the price of the loyalty their life. They're like but you family now essay. Yeah, you got you part of the Panera bread loyalty program
[00:27:18] You were jumped in I'm like, oh, I actually don't really want coffee anymore. They're like the only way out is in a box
[00:27:25] Which is free box of coffee that we're giving you is it the token of our esteem. That's true is a token of our esteem
[00:27:32] Yeah, I've paid six thousand dollars this year just signing up for the CVS rewards program. Yeah
[00:27:40] Totally free loyalty program level one gets you free shipping for life, you know for life essay
[00:27:46] Imagine that you're on your deathbed and your family's like, please they're begging the doctor
[00:27:51] Please let us see him one last time doctors like no, he insisted. He just wants his laptop so you can order
[00:27:58] Mac Weldon underwear until the minute he dies because he gets free shipping so he can reach level two by spending two hundred dollars
[00:28:06] Mac Wilden gives you 20% off every order for the next year Wow imagine how how how often you're gonna piss holes in your pants because of your acidic
[00:28:16] For the entire year. I actually I stopped drinking water because I read that cats don't actually need water
[00:28:22] What yeah, they extract enough liquid from their killed from like the blood of their kills from mice that they don't need water
[00:28:31] And I've been trying to sit more thing. Yeah, I'm just trying to live off the moisture and lucky charms. Okay, and
[00:28:37] I now piss acid like a cat does which I think is ketosis
[00:28:44] So that just it eats through underwear. Oh
[00:28:49] An acidic like a cats with toxic blood. Yeah, okay
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[00:29:03] Required points they want you to talk about you
[00:29:07] They want to they want me to talk about my experience
[00:29:11] Talked about that you talk over the yeah, I pull my dick out and it rests on top of the underwear and
[00:29:18] And jeans yeah, they are nice underwear
[00:29:22] They look like shit on me now because I've like with quarantine. I now have the legs of a seven-year-old
[00:29:28] Girl from 1942 Poland, but that's what that's what chicks like dude. Do they they like the natural V shape in a man
[00:29:36] It's not a V shape. They like a man with like a like legs from someone that's been in a wheelchair for 10 years
[00:29:43] And like very strong shoulders. I mean as the natural
[00:29:46] I used to just have like sort of a chimps proportions
[00:29:49] But my legs have gotten so atrophy now that it really looks like I mean it looks like like if you lifted
[00:29:56] Like robo cop in half and he just had like just it looks like intestines dangling from my torso. Yeah, I spend it
[00:30:04] Like like maybe like that skeleton boss from Contra III. I
[00:30:10] Never play like that was super anti-ass I might be misremembering what he looks like. Uh-huh that game's awesome. It was really hard
[00:30:16] I remember yeah, it's a shooting game. It's hard, but only because like
[00:30:21] There's a lot going on but the enemies come at you the same exact way every single time
[00:30:26] So it's more of a process of like refining
[00:30:29] Like the same sort of like a kind of like a speed. It's like built for speed running
[00:30:34] I don't even know if you can speed run it because it's like you you have to just figure out like
[00:30:39] The pattern of the game and the same pattern every time just slightly harder. No, it's not slightly harder
[00:30:45] It's just like as you get further through the game. It's it's more like memorizing like a list of
[00:30:51] Yeah, that's what makes a game cool is because I've put I've put Contra III on in front of girls
[00:30:56] You know I'm like check this out the video
[00:30:58] And then I just crush it and it looks very difficult and you look like you have like insane reactions
[00:31:03] Sometimes and they get wet from then you're like pretty cool
[00:31:07] But hello gone she's gone. She's fucking
[00:31:11] Don't they all leave the who's she fucking she's fucking the guy
[00:31:19] Who's the funny answer to that question
[00:31:23] So Mac Whelton calm has gotten good slash promo code come town 20. Well, that's what I'm saying
[00:31:29] I got quick reaction times. Yeah, you look that's the power of a contra brain sniper style. Yeah, dude speaking of video games Mac Whelton
[00:31:36] Dot com I gotta get this out. Oh, yes Mac Whelton dot com slash com town 20 for 20% off your first order in a promo code promo code
[00:31:48] Mac Whelton dot com slash com town 20. I've almost forgotten to say the promo code if I do that no money for us
[00:32:02] I'm a new normal uniform. What is this? Oh, they even more there's more Mac Whelton. Yeah
[00:32:08] Say their shit. We'll take time off the show
[00:32:13] The new normal uniform is a lot of us searching
[00:32:18] format well, it's because you don't leave your house and you wear like pajamas. Yeah, oh, that's so
[00:32:23] Fucking with that. All right. So you read it. Here's a request from Mac Whelton
[00:32:27] How about some kind of tube I can insert my penis into uh-huh that has a pulley system
[00:32:33] And so when I go to piss I just I use like a truck horn thing
[00:32:38] My pants down and lifts my penis up and then I just pissed directly all over the back of the toilet seat and all over the wall
[00:32:45] So sort of like you're like a puppeteer for your own penis. Yes. Yeah, it would be cool to pull strings and then make a penis do
[00:32:54] Think that same girls house. I'm like yeah, did you piss all over my bathroom? I'm like yeah, but check this out
[00:32:59] I've got a whole yeah puppet show since Jepetha. Yeah, very cool
[00:33:07] What was I gonna say oh I just downloaded the
[00:33:11] remaster of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater one and two on what
[00:33:15] Oh, it's a yes for yeah, and I got very excited and then I played for about 20 minutes
[00:33:22] And then I got really depressed. Yeah being like I've done really nothing with my life
[00:33:27] Mm-hmm, and now I'm just searching for nostalgia like those people that are like
[00:33:32] Looking at 90s kid memes. Yeah, it doesn't work. I think the answer honestly as you just have to start reading nonfiction
[00:33:38] I'm taking another crack at the power broker right now. Are you yeah? Oh, yeah?
[00:33:43] I'm a Chet this like 40 pages in and I'd 40 pages in but I skipped the introduction which was 25 pages
[00:33:52] So I've read approximately 15 page. Yeah, but you know
[00:34:01] Fellas I'll give you a full book report next episode
[00:34:08] 1888 his mother never bothered to give him a middle name. That's pretty much all I got so far
[00:34:21] What's new with you? Oh, I had I had this drug dealer
[00:34:28] Every time I'd go like see him he'd be like a different race
[00:34:32] He would like go away to jail for a long time like an X-man. Yeah, he'd be like Dominican one week
[00:34:38] he'd be like, you know Filipino another week and
[00:34:44] Over text when you would text him. It's one of the magneto X-men's yeah bad guys. This is a fendra
[00:34:50] She just turns into different races and different stereotypes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was like that
[00:34:55] But whenever you would text him to see if he was home, he would say cool beans
[00:35:03] That was his catchphrase. Yeah. Yeah, and then you go. Is it a catchphrase? I mean people say it. I don't know it was his
[00:35:11] His signature I think how the fuck did that catch on cool beans
[00:35:16] It must have been like the biggest dick guy in the world that was saying that it's it's such a it was some guy named like
[00:35:31] And he was just like he was just so cool
[00:35:34] He was so confident with it and fuck it
[00:35:38] I'll pick you and your sister up at six and then we'll have sex before prom before I go get my actual date
[00:35:44] And then the girls like okay, and he's like cool beans
[00:35:53] We all have to say cool beans so he could be like chads
[00:35:57] Yeah, who has sex with you had sex with every girl in the school. Yeah
[00:36:02] Even the retarded ones, but that's just how cool he is. Yeah, yeah
[00:36:06] I mean of course I don't want to have sex with retarded girls. They're just ran out of girls to fuck
[00:36:11] But I have to get pussy. It's God's plan
[00:36:14] That's true. All right students welcome to Muslim High School
[00:36:19] God's plan today is smith from 8 to 9 and recently we heard the Chas Chas cool beans
[00:36:28] The guster gusterman guster's yeah gundered gundered gundered gundered store
[00:36:35] He's Norwegian. Yeah, he's in kind of Scandinavia. Yeah
[00:36:39] Gus cool beans master race Thunder Guard. Yeah has had sex with every girl in the school
[00:36:46] It's all to give a moment of silence for all the pussy that's been slayed in these halls
[00:36:52] He's just absolutely massive and maybe in his Lamborghini
[00:36:59] The glazed vanity plate cunt touch on his Lamborghini
[00:37:03] Lamborghini outside in the school parking lot he drives Lamborghini to school and he's had sex very cool
[00:37:08] And he is now had sex with the retarded girl. Yep. He yeah
[00:37:15] We have to make a sacrifice at our school stop saying all that on the announcement on the principal. I will do what I want
[00:37:23] The principal here at Muslim High School
[00:37:33] Coincidentally at 712 in the morning. They just happen to name moments before it used to be Robert Moses High School
[00:37:42] But for the legislation passed yep, it's 712 in the morning on
[00:37:49] 911 2001 and you know how local politics is it takes 35 years to take so long a local
[00:37:56] This is a bureaucracy back in the back in the old the old three wheel in the anti-Semitic 50s
[00:38:02] They found out Robert Moses was Jewish. There was a rush. Yeah get expedited legislation passed change the name
[00:38:08] Robert Moses High School to Muslim Muslim High School
[00:38:12] They wanted to move as far away from Jewish as possible. Yeah
[00:38:15] to the other to the other the medic the other side of paradise
[00:38:31] It's all right. I got nothing today. I'm tired. I don't know. I'm in a pretty good mood. I just did not feel in particularly
[00:38:43] Just the people at home. I'm just you know, I'm just a little I'm just a little you know I'm fine, you know
[00:38:49] I'm fine. Okay. Yeah, you're cool, dude. Yeah. I'm all right. Yeah. Hey, my name is fine. My name is my name is
[00:39:03] Yeah, I do my name is Mikey leukemia and I'm okay. I'm good. No, I shake a coffee shop. I'm okay. I'm fine
[00:39:11] Dude, I got scared of COVID for the first time
[00:39:19] Because someone told me that if you have it like six months later, you can go bald
[00:39:26] Interesting. Yeah, and that's based on what? They said that men and women there have been reports that you go bald
[00:39:35] But reports from who cuz they were saying I remember they were like the tigers at the zoo habit
[00:39:40] Yeah, I remember they said that and it turns you Chinese it does. Yeah, no, I heard that
[00:39:45] I mean, I'm fine with everything inemia. I already have that but I don't want to go bald, dude
[00:39:51] I mean, I'll have nothing we this is a well done
[00:39:53] I'll probably go bald anyways at some point so I would love it if COVID makes you go bald cuz then I'm you know
[00:39:58] You just like oh, yeah, well, you know, I was a first responder. Mm-hmm
[00:40:02] I went into the tower. Yeah, you're a survivor
[00:40:04] Well, it's there was also towers during COVID. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that but the first place that was hit was a freedom tower
[00:40:11] Yeah, that's true. Mm-hmm. Dude, it's you know
[00:40:14] I don't think you can get pussy off of COVID. I don't think you can like impress the male nurses probably thought that was gonna happen
[00:40:23] That's why they're all pissed on the train. They're like, yeah, I thought you know this my entire life
[00:40:28] I've been getting stunned by people for being a man nurse
[00:40:33] Now my hero my chance this is my chance to get pussy off of nurse. Yeah, but doctors still exist
[00:40:40] Yeah, they completely forgot about doctors existing man. These fucking doctors get all the pussy
[00:40:45] Yeah, I'm gonna see a kid you're you know, you're like nurses or girls and doctors or boys are like no
[00:40:51] Doctors can also be women nurses are girls are men they get cucked by
[00:40:58] Yeah, male nurses like stray male nurses love to get like really jacked
[00:41:04] Mm-hmm to be like I'm not a that's true. They're all ripped. Yeah, I'm getting they love getting huge and getting like bad fucking like tattoos
[00:41:12] Yeah, a lot of like young male dentists also. Yeah, if whenever if you have to wear scrubs
[00:41:20] Exactly. I have huge buys for whatever reason. Yeah to be like I'm not I'm not some fucking faggot. They're worth pajamas for work
[00:41:30] Yes, right bananas and pajamas and pajamas. That's a good read. Mm-hmm. That's weird. We're a weird concept for a show
[00:41:38] Well, it was a it was Christian, right?
[00:41:41] No, that was veggie tell us veggie tells bananas and bananas was British. It was British
[00:41:47] They're like I've got no idea for a series. It's bananas and pajamas. Well, my my my God God sisters
[00:42:03] Invalid and he was he just he started screaming and throwing feces everywhere and yelling
[00:42:10] Bananas and pajamas. Yeah, and that would be a great kid. So thought to myself
[00:42:14] What if we just let him say a show and then I go to the south of France for the entire year?
[00:42:21] Uh-huh, and then I don't have to do my job and you pay me anyways. That sounds pretty good
[00:42:26] That sounds good. Let's let's give him a high risk now. I prefer to record the retards words
[00:42:32] And then that will be children's entertainment. Yes, because it's no longer located just laugh at retards
[00:42:38] No, we need to take their ideas and laugh at those
[00:42:43] Yeah, most TV shows are read what is the history of that show? I guess I never saw it
[00:42:50] You know, I bet we can we can I bet we can bet on it. Oh, okay my bookie that AG that yeah, you can bet on the history my bookie
[00:42:58] You guys know them you love them because they're honest winning season returns in my bookie winning season means doubling your first deposit
[00:43:07] Go go sign up my bookie that AG put a thousand dollars down get an additional thousand
[00:43:14] I don't even know if it's that many I think it's
[00:43:16] You know good money up to a thousand dollars in free play
[00:43:21] Designed to add more excitement to the sports you love in the games you bet now that you can't go see sports
[00:43:26] You need to bet on them. That's the only way to to really have the experience of
[00:43:33] Being out there in the stands getting drunk
[00:43:36] Remembering all the racist things your dad said before he died of pancreatic cancer, right?
[00:43:42] You haven't you tearing up thinking about just posting a picture of your beer on Instagram
[00:43:48] Yeah, writing a thing that you think is well written about your dead father and then it gets what maybe four or five likes
[00:43:59] You can be one of those guys at my bookie
[00:44:01] Age winning season means survivor super contest and squares don't be a square don't be a survivor be a super contest
[00:44:09] To sign up at my bookie that AG my bookie winning season means hitting all of your parlays and props with your feet up watching your team
[00:44:16] Troughts their rivals. It's the only website. You can use at home
[00:44:21] Rejoice. It's time to celebrate the NFL season
[00:44:25] Invest in your intuition. That is I've never heard a better euphemism for gambling. Yes, that is truly wild
[00:44:32] You do not have a problem. This is the copy. They sent me invest in your intuition
[00:44:36] That's something that is you're actually a genius. I love that dude
[00:44:42] That's him like Don Draper shit. That's great copy. It's not gambling
[00:45:01] Who does that women no women stay home waiting to have sex with the milkman
[00:45:09] From live betting their championship future. It's every play you want to make is waiting at my bookie
[00:45:15] Agee it's simple make your picks win big collect your cash use promo code come town 20 and
[00:45:24] Double your first deposit. Mm-hmm your winning season begins today only at my bookie. Agee Adam
[00:45:29] So you're using what's it called Robin Hood? Are you also?
[00:45:36] I'm betting on it all and what are you betting on?
[00:45:40] my bookie dot a G I'm betting why don't you talk to them about your picks for the week while I throw out my coffee cup
[00:45:48] Yeah, so we got a big week of football ahead the NFL is back
[00:45:52] These are my picks for the week. I'm gonna pull it up
[00:46:03] Bengals are playing the Browns. That's that's a that's a rivalry of the state of Ohio and
[00:46:10] I'm gonna say the the Bengals are gonna win that that's easy money go on my bookie dot AG and choose the bangles in
[00:46:26] That's that's that's that's all I got. It's better odds in Vegas folks. I don't know what that means, but yeah
[00:46:33] Yeah, you'd be an idiot not to use my bookie. You you would have to be some kind of bananas in pajamas fucking
[00:46:41] Mongoloid right to not to not check out that website
[00:46:45] It's 12 23 p.m. On Wednesday. You're listening to New York's gayest radio station
[00:46:54] Are we done with the read we are done with the cool
[00:46:57] AG check it out. What's the code code is come town 20 come town 20
[00:47:10] Hey ain't bad you're kind of in my mouth. All right, um
[00:47:15] What else is in the news folks? I don't know man
[00:47:18] I'm making a point of not paying attention to the news. I saw yesterday the Joe Biden played Daspasito off his phone and then
[00:47:28] I know I can't get enough of this paul these politics gafars. Isn't that funny? Yes, and wow Joe Biden did he did a
[00:47:41] But then John Wonder he's gonna Pokemon go to the polls that I love being entertained by these political
[00:47:47] Gafars this is yeah, this is just one bushism after another yeah
[00:47:53] Oh, these politicians are making boo-boos and we're laughing it up
[00:48:03] Of Biden playing that was the worst part of the police by the N words with attitude
[00:48:09] That was the worst part about all that shit where is you know people talking about like
[00:48:13] What like oh Trump's gonna be good for politics or for comedy?
[00:48:16] Remember how remember how much how good comedy was directed at Bush and it's like no it was all shit
[00:48:22] Yeah, almost all of it was fucking shit the only thing that was remotely
[00:48:27] Okay was will Ferrell's George Bush impression mm-hmm, which is easily one of the worst things will Ferrell was ever done
[00:48:32] I thought it was pretty funny. It's funny, but only because it's will Ferrell. Yeah, you know, it's better than that old school
[00:48:39] Old school very funny way better Frank the tank very hilarious elf elf. Yeah, that was funny, too
[00:48:46] That movie rocks that movies. It's it's a holiday class Christmas. He's an elf. It's time to put a lot of that's ever
[00:48:53] That's the formula mm-hmm. Can you think anything else you need that movie needs?
[00:48:57] No, I can't think of one maybe an up close shot of a woman's pussy. Yeah, he just that would have been a little bit better
[00:49:05] If we could have gotten one scene just seeing a
[00:49:11] In and out of a woman's pussy other than that perfect movie
[00:49:15] I just a couple of seconds of a big pair of tits bouncing up and down and then just a sloppy
[00:49:21] Just cock going in and out of a woman's pussy for maybe two and a half minutes. No just a long long enough to get a nut off
[00:49:29] Before we get back to seeing the midget just a pair of testicles slapping against a woman's ass glued to a woman's asshole
[00:49:38] Just absolutely stapled mm that would make elf funny
[00:49:44] It would be the perfect movie. Yeah, I would I would enjoy that. Yeah, just a quick shot
[00:49:50] Maybe fucking maybe throw James Bond in there. I rewatch bowfinger this week
[00:49:56] What a good movie a good movie so funny. It really holds up
[00:50:01] The scene where Eddie Murphy runs across the highway is just it's one of the funniest scenes in any movie
[00:50:07] It's a classic. It is a classic. It is a love letter to the cinema. Yeah, that's our favorite kind of movie Nick and I
[00:50:14] Love letters to Hollywood. Yeah Hugo masterpiece masterpiece La La Land
[00:50:23] Love letter it'd be funny if if the score says you made
[00:50:27] The Irishman first and then Hugo and Hugo was his last movie. Yeah
[00:50:34] It's just I got one more idea that I'm gonna make and
[00:50:38] And it's gonna be my best picture. It's a boy who loves the movie. It's a boy
[00:50:43] Little boy loves the movies and he's like a robot or something. He's a robot that lives on at the train. Yeah, I told you
[00:50:54] I was living in LA at the time and I had nothing to do on I guess it was Christmas
[00:50:58] I really mm-hmm and they were like yeah, we're gonna go do a double feature with the movies
[00:51:03] I was like, okay cool. I got went with and I had no say in picking the movies and the movies were tinted and then Hugo
[00:51:09] Oh my gosh, and I spent like they're both $50 on movie ticket is either that or I didn't even like hop to the next movie and not pay
[00:51:20] No, yeah, it was like not yeah, it was for both of the movies very ethical. Yeah, well
[00:51:26] I think I was there was like the kiosks or something
[00:51:29] I can't remember the exact mechanics of it, but I don't even remember hopping to the other movie being a
[00:51:34] An option or I was just so annoyed that I was going to see two movies that I had
[00:51:40] Zero interest in and they're both like CGI motion capture movies to
[00:51:47] Whatever what is what is wet-ass pussy? What is that?
[00:51:52] It's the concept isn't it dry isn't vagina always drive. I've never actually seen a wet-ass pussy myself. Oh, yeah
[00:52:00] I've no idea, but apparently it's something that
[00:52:04] I like a nice squeaky pussy. Oh, I love that. You know I mean. Oh my gosh like just
[00:52:11] I like you throw in beef jerky at your grandma's face when you fuck it. Yes, that's the sound I yeah
[00:52:29] Yes, that's what that's what that's the sound of pussy to me. I like a pussy that sounds like when you have
[00:52:37] a more your shoes are making black streaks on a
[00:52:42] On a dry a plain some more plain some indoor be ball playing some hoops. Yeah with your
[00:52:49] With your all white baskets. Yeah when you fuck it sounds like a birthday clown making animals
[00:52:59] Mm-hmm that kind of sound yeah that that's what I like I think um I
[00:53:10] Really loud is it a song. It's a song. Yeah, it's a song by Cardi B and Megan by who Deja Yarnage
[00:53:21] Yeah, who's writing a song like that Matt King Cole yes, that's right
[00:53:25] No, it's by Megan the stallion and Cardi B George Jones
[00:53:34] George Jones was a gentleman of country. I see the one that wrote the song wet-ass pussy
[00:53:41] Wet-ass pussy everybody's talking about that. I said what is that a song by George Jones?
[00:53:56] Well, let's see what is this song everybody's talking about it wap
[00:54:01] My nephew he says we're all listening to this song wap and I said what does that stand for?
[00:54:07] It stands for one to the witness and he said
[00:54:12] He said why don't you when we leave you can look it up on the computer. We gave you
[00:54:18] 17 years ago, and you're still using to get viruses. I'm gonna load up Netscape navigator
[00:54:27] I hated my family for it because it's just my identity was stolen 15 times in the first seven minutes
[00:54:33] But it's now it's nice because the computer is so fucking old they don't even make viruses for it anymore
[00:54:39] It's too old for but I'm still you turn it on and the entire screen the entire frame is the windows 98 start button
[00:54:46] You know cuz I had that I have the magnification settings
[00:54:54] So I can use the laptop my face. I say you should see me I say hold on
[00:54:59] We're gonna we're gonna look up the phone number to the restaurant
[00:55:02] I say to my nephews like I can look it up on my phone
[00:55:04] I said no you'll watch I've got it and I turned the computer on and then it starts it sounds like a Chinese one of those
[00:55:14] It's just that it sounds like a pachinko machine this thing. Oh it takes
[00:55:18] It takes 17 and a half minutes to boot before I can start typing my password in it makes the room temperature go up to
[00:55:27] 103 degrees I might nephew he's trying to put a gun in his mouth waiting for me as I just I
[00:55:32] Stare it that I get three inches from the screen and look over my reading glasses. We're going to your restaurant
[00:55:39] I just need to look at a look up on the computer
[00:55:41] We're gonna look up the number to the outback steakhouse that we go to every single fucking time
[00:55:47] I should know that I like calling first that I like calling first because I don't like a weight because I even when I go to the world
[00:55:54] Shittiest restaurant. I like the idea of having a reservation. Yes
[00:55:59] Table for two say that it's me and a young man so cardib is who wrote the song?
[00:56:05] Part of I said certified freak seven days a week wet ass pussy make that pull out game week woo
[00:56:20] Bring a bucket in a mop for this wet ass pussy give me everything you got for this wet ass pussy
[00:56:31] Yeah, I had to pull my nephew aside. I said I didn't listen
[00:56:35] I didn't realize you were listening to racist songs. Mm-hmm and this disappoints me the rest of it
[00:56:42] Yeah, some some of the guys in my work. I know they're African-American
[00:56:46] Wait, hold on. They use that word. This is this line really is beat it up and word catch a charge
[00:56:53] Yeah, so like fuck me so hard to go to jail. Yeah, yeah
[00:56:58] Okay, you serve hard time if that's what women want that is if that's what every woman wants
[00:57:04] Yeah, that's that's just pussy right in your face swipe your nose like a credit card hop on top
[00:57:10] I want to ride do a kegel wallets inside. Why were people going nuts about this song?
[00:57:18] Like this is not anything new. Yeah, a little Kim used to yeah, of course do songs about being
[00:57:28] Crack yeah, I mean it's like this is not yeah
[00:57:32] It's it's not a it's not a breakthrough
[00:57:35] I think there was a back there was a conservative backlash and then people found that to be funny
[00:57:41] Ben Shapiro was offended by the song. Mm-hmm. I want to read the lyrics of this song right now
[00:57:48] Extra large and extra hard everyone knows that everyone has the same exact size penis five and a half inches
[00:57:54] You can look it up right now in fact. I'll do it on the show average penis size five and a half inches
[00:57:59] There is no such thing as a penis larger than mm-hmm
[00:58:04] Yeah, I think he was reading it and he kept saying wet ass P word and people were like this guy is a nerd
[00:58:12] This guy is a total loser out in public make a scene. I don't cook. I don't clean
[00:58:19] That's what they want. Yes. They want women that don't know how to cook
[00:58:22] They don't know how to clean. They just know how to have sex with guys with bigger dicks than you and that's where they want
[00:58:29] And that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I want
[00:58:33] And think about that and think about what they want and that's what they're gonna do to you
[00:58:39] Gobble me swallow me drip down inside of me fuck me in my ass fuck bend me over call me a bitch
[00:58:45] Call me a little bitch call me a little slave bitch
[00:58:48] Call me a little Jewish bitch slave and fuck me in my ass in my mouth
[00:58:51] I'm sorry. That was I'll get back to reading the lyrics
[00:59:03] That's not just thinking about you know, it's like to cotton fugue
[00:59:06] What's that to cotton through the bach to cotton fugue and e minor or whatever? It's a piece of music
[00:59:14] Oh, yeah, well fugues are like there's a music fugue or whatever and it's just funny to imagine like I don't know
[00:59:19] Was that Bach Brahms one of those guys just beta just like like yeah
[00:59:24] I'm gonna compose stuff and then somebody's like hey, didn't that guy look like the guy that molester you he's like
[00:59:32] That's what that song yeah, I blacked out and I remembered when I was getting molested
[00:59:38] Oh totally and that's this why it's called to cotton fugue. Yeah, I run down on him before I have a boop running me
[00:59:48] That's for a car while you write that dick while you write that dick folks. This is what they want
[00:59:57] Is it what I want to do you really never gonna fuck him for a thing
[01:00:03] Yeah, he actually did that I'm sure he did yeah, I mean you did it perfect
[01:00:08] But that's like everyone was literally sharing that video of him
[01:00:12] And he I think he might have even said this is what they want
[01:00:15] I'm like like what else is he gonna? Yeah, it's that's that's I mean it's pretty it's also
[01:00:21] It's like but the criticism is said like this isn't provocative because this is like fucking old news
[01:00:26] No, that's not his criticism. It's that this isn't empowering of course not yeah
[01:00:31] But it's like the whole thing is like sort of a stale show. Yeah, this has been something that's been happening for a while
[01:00:39] If you listen to the music of Trina the baddest bitch
[01:00:43] Mm-hmm from slip-and-slide records a lot of songs like this
[01:00:49] Just like scroll down and realize that how many lyrics are already this it's a long song. This is fucking insane. Yeah
[01:00:56] Okay, well, maybe that gives it like this is like I mean, I don't know what you call these stanzas
[01:01:01] Yeah, it's poetry in my opinion street poetry, but I mean for a song that's just about getting fucked
[01:01:08] This is probably 2000 words. Yeah, well, they're women they can't shut up. Mm-hmm. I
[01:01:16] Can't shut up fuck me to make me shut up
[01:01:22] Yeah, put C a one just like his credit. Is that a credit rating?
[01:01:27] Folks, that's not even a credit rating. I know because I'm Jewish
[01:01:30] Every Jewish person knows the credit ratings or triple a triple B and F. Yeah, that's true
[01:01:36] There's no such thing as anyone credit rating. That's right if Ben took exception with that. I would be on this side
[01:01:43] He got a beard. Well, I'm trying to wet it
[01:01:46] Wait, that's a lyric. So now men have to be able to grow beards
[01:01:50] Now that your penis has to be big and you may have to grow a beard
[01:01:53] But a woman can weigh 500 pounds if she wants you that's the world. That's how they want the world
[01:01:57] I've now been starting to make a little sense to me women are allowed to be fat and get your face wet with their
[01:02:02] Pussies, but you have to be able to grow a beard. Yeah, and you have to have more than the government allotted 5.5 inches
[01:02:08] Which is exactly normal and fair and everyone had no one's dick is bigger than that. That's right
[01:02:13] It's not fair to have a bigger penis than that. Mm-hmm
[01:02:16] But it is socialism to make sure everyone has 5.5. So I think Ben's gonna defeat himself with logic there. Mm-hmm
[01:02:29] The swang in the back of my throat. Thanks for just proving my point. Thank you Cardi B for proving my point
[01:02:41] Dasani isn't even a water company anymore. No, they still sold it at McDonald's
[01:02:45] You can't you can't even get good Dasani. You can't get that's how that's how not only use the song
[01:02:50] This tasteful degenerate and disgusting, but it's also lazy. Yeah, you can't get this on anymore an aquafina equally rhymes with
[01:02:57] Punani yes, it's true in Jewish culture aquafina rhymes the Punani and Judeo Christian culture
[01:03:05] Judeo Christian rhyming school which has been stolen from Shakespeare and
[01:03:10] Basterized by this woman to just be distorted to be distorted and degenerized
[01:03:17] Size so that she can talk about her vagina, but if I were to write a song about my penis everyone would laugh at me
[01:03:27] Would not get a Grammy I would be laughed at everyone would say nobody wants to hear a song called five everyone five inches is normal
[01:03:34] And there's no such thing as a bigger penis
[01:03:44] Your honor, I'm a freak bitch hand cuffs handcuffs leashes
[01:03:48] Switch my wig make him feel like he's cheating
[01:03:50] So now black people want to be arrested, but this time for having
[01:03:54] Particularly enticing genitalia. That's pretty logical. Yeah, that's good logic Ben
[01:03:59] So we can put black people in jail, but as long as it's for being sexy
[01:04:08] To be honest with you. This is what I want. This is what I want. This is the world. I want this is a world
[01:04:13] I want to live in but black people in jail, but it's because they're too sexy
[01:04:19] That's true that's why they got George Floyd because he was out on these streets being too sexy
[01:04:27] In 1987 George Floyd forgot to rewind a movie before returning it to blockbuster case closed case closed
[01:04:35] Those are just the facts. I'm not the one that arrested him. I'm not the one that made him return the VHS tape fucked up
[01:04:42] When I ride the dick I'm a spell my name
[01:04:45] Is that Ben Shapiro? First of all, I'd be surprised if you could even spell your name. That's good
[01:04:51] I'd be surprised if she could even spell her name
[01:04:54] As you know, I was the spelling bee champion in fourth fifth and sixth grade
[01:04:59] Until my final word was pussy and I spelled it P. Oh you SSI
[01:05:04] Which is the correct spelling and everyone called me gay
[01:05:07] That is the case they said they said you're so gay you can't even get pussy in a spelling bee
[01:05:17] That's a good burn and I was so humiliated
[01:05:22] That I'd delve deep into the fugue of your dayo Christians
[01:05:29] That's that's a that's a fucking crucial burn right there and that's that's where it happened folks
[01:05:34] This is the this is the band they wanted. This is the band they created. I used to be a wig
[01:05:44] There was definitely a week in bench appearance childhood where he tried out being a wigger and he just bricked it so hard
[01:05:57] Who I have a question for you who let the dogs out just walking onto a group of black people
[01:06:02] Where you saw what's going on wearing a suit with sneakers on a briefcase
[01:06:10] Fellows hi my fellow bus stop any gross. I was wondering who let the dogs out
[01:06:22] I was wondering if any of you could inform me as to who the dogs out
[01:06:28] And this is the world basis the band they created this is the band they wanted now
[01:06:32] I have a YouTube with 80 million subscribers. That's right and I see the George Floyd deserved to go to jail for not answering my question
[01:06:38] They thought that they were killing him. They only made him more powerful. Yeah
[01:06:42] Well, I'll tell you where the dogs went or where they went out to is heaven
[01:06:47] That's where all dogs go. Maybe George Floyd is up there with him where he deserved to be for not answering my question
[01:06:52] Yes, that's a great take is that he deserved to go to heaven
[01:06:59] I know he said George Floyd seemed like a very good guy
[01:07:02] So it would it make sense as a Judeo Christian that I believe he is in heaven and he deserved to go to heaven
[01:07:07] Yes, if racism is so bad shouldn't we kill all the black people so they can go to heaven?
[01:07:14] The atheists can't come to this conclusion because they don't believe it have that's right. That's right, but this
[01:07:19] Thank you for proving my point. Thank you for proving my point, atheist
[01:07:23] Who let the dogs out all right bye guys calm that town for shirts?