Cum Town | Regular | 10/14/2020
[00:00:00] Alright. I can't wait to be fucked in my ass. Please fuck my ass on.
[00:00:12] I hope you're all ready for a nice sleepy.
[00:00:25] I'm not gonna eat sushi without a naked fucking model.
[00:00:28] Why is that like a symbol of Wall Street bro power?
[00:00:40] What do you mean, why is that a symbol of Wall Street bro?
[00:00:47] It's like, yeah, it's so explicit and obvious.
[00:00:51] I don't even know why you would ask that question.
[00:00:55] Why is it like a Wall Street bro thing to do cocaine
[00:01:02] Honestly, that makes so far from what I would do to a woman.
[00:01:07] I would imagine I would have lunch and yeah,
[00:01:13] I'm gonna be like, oh, that's interesting.
[00:01:15] And then I have a Wikipedia in my own under the table.
[00:01:24] Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.
[00:01:31] I especially enjoy the part about how it's about
[00:01:43] This is a completely naked Japanese woman.
[00:01:52] I have spent the last 20 years in America as lunchbox.
[00:01:59] I have been charcuterie board for the last 20 years.
[00:02:03] And now because you respect me and finally stood up
[00:02:10] And with their behavior that's so beyond the comprehension.
[00:02:20] I think doing cocaine and banging horse.
[00:02:29] Yeah, but a woman is just lying there in a strip club.
[00:02:43] They have turned a fucking plane in my mind
[00:02:49] Because you would absolutely have that woman at your party.
[00:02:53] Yeah, you would frame it as it being ironic,
[00:02:57] so you would still be engaging in the behavior.
[00:03:00] Anything I would appropriate is the Yakuza tradition
[00:03:04] of making people cut off parts of their fingers.
[00:03:19] But, yeah, no, my 50th birthday is coming up.
[00:03:31] If I had a select group of friends come over
[00:03:34] and a couple of them were to cut their fingers off
[00:03:38] And a little plush box with like, you know,
[00:03:41] we're in a big hall and there's like a dragon
[00:03:43] with like a red carpet that comes out of its mouth
[00:03:50] We rent out a Loubies, obviously, to do this.
[00:04:01] Bob, we're bringing the fucking dragon in with us.
[00:04:15] People are going to be cutting their fingers off.
[00:04:21] And we'll make sure that they don't get mixed up
[00:04:23] with the chef stuff, but I will say we might require
[00:04:26] one of your chefs to cut one of their fingers.
[00:04:32] We want to make this work because it's got to be Perkins.
[00:04:41] Obviously, I don't have to point out the parallel there, man.
[00:04:49] Well, I know a breast isn't a limb, but you clearly
[00:04:52] have had a mastectomy due to some kind of malignancy, I presume.
[00:04:58] Just imagine that I, in this situation, I am the doctor,
[00:05:02] but also the cancer that you respected enough to cut your breast off.
[00:05:25] I was just imagining a baby being like, where's the meal?
[00:05:32] You know, if it were to be your son or someone along those lines.
[00:05:36] But anyways, you see what I'm getting at is that it needs to be Perkins.
[00:05:39] It needs to be Perkins because it has to be Perkins.
[00:05:44] And if the answer is no, I'll sneak in.
[00:05:50] Try to kick me out wearing a full burqa and see what kind of press that gets you.
[00:05:53] Oh, that's going to be a shitstorm sister that you're not ready for.
[00:05:56] Before you know it, this place is going to be covered in fingers.
[00:05:59] I got a lot of friends that are willing to do a lot of things for me.
[00:06:02] That is honestly, that would be a way for like the people that DM me.
[00:06:08] The guys at DM you trying to riff, you should require a finger for it.
[00:06:13] Do not suggest that people cut off their fingers and send them to me.
[00:06:19] If I receive a single finger in the mail.
[00:06:25] Well, no, you're getting Adam's fingers mailed back to you.
[00:06:29] Because in my mind, it was you that suggested it.
[00:06:39] You knew exactly where I was going to go by bringing up that thing.
[00:06:45] You thought here's an opportunity to let the girls who listen to the show know that I'm a woman respecter.
[00:06:52] And also entrapnik into getting fingers mailed to.
[00:06:59] I'm just saying if you're trying to riff the protocols, I'm going to need to see a couple of numbers.
[00:07:06] We're going to say we respect women and boy, that's good.
[00:07:09] I was just going to say, I have to say, protocols of the elders of Zion sounds awesome.
[00:07:16] Can anyone put an audio book on Apple books or whatever?
[00:07:19] Because I would love to record the protocols of elders of Zion and that voice.
[00:07:23] You're listening to the protocols of the elders of Zion by Woody Allen, Allen Dershowitz,
[00:07:39] He spent a while trying to make up for his mistakes with his first publication with the rest of his career.
[00:07:50] I want it to be like the protocols of the elders of Zion.
[00:07:55] Like a Zach Wild, like a Getty Lee, Massey.
[00:08:03] Take the Gentile babies, put them in a stool.
[00:08:14] The protocols of the others of Zion by electric wizard.
[00:08:24] They go to the mountain top and kill all the Muslims.
[00:08:30] If you have a kite, we'll shoot you with a rocket.
[00:08:38] I forgot about Israel saying that they were under attack by kite.
[00:08:52] And from the mountains they send the cards.
[00:09:02] And we will spread the banks of Sundar, controlling everyone.
[00:09:08] And they think we don't control all the banks because they have names like Bank of America.
[00:09:16] But you know where the banks are rooted.
[00:09:21] It goes back to a family named the Something Birds.
[00:10:05] Oh little Israel had no choice but to use missiles on them.
[00:10:12] B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b.
[00:10:17] Damn, it looks like Israel's got coronavirus pretty bad.
[00:10:22] You know, I'm not going to say it but ha ha ha.
[00:10:36] Wait, you try to play a little funny classic Jewish joke on the Chinese.
[00:10:46] No, I haven't actually been paying attention to the news because I've been down in Burrow Park protesting.
[00:10:56] The Chinese, we can almost switch everything over to them.
[00:10:59] They've got small dicks that are annoying.
[00:11:01] Or the only thing that's missing is the allergies.
[00:11:04] They're trying to take over the world if we could just come up with a way to give them allergies.
[00:11:14] And then what we're going to do is we're going to put it in bats.
[00:11:18] Just the fucking juicy, it's the most delicious bat you ever seen.
[00:11:22] When more naturally, obviously, we all turn into bats at midnight.
[00:11:33] He's going to fuck all their bats and infect them with it.
[00:11:46] They're regular, delicious Chinese bats.
[00:11:49] And then they're going to be sneezing, blowing their nose all over the place.
[00:11:56] So people are going to say, what the hell is this?
[00:12:01] They're like, why don't we just do anti-Semitism today?
[00:12:05] They could probably do 16 Holocaust and still have 80 million Chinese left over.
[00:12:16] You could get, for the same price to kill 6 million Jews, you could kill probably 6 billion Chinese.
[00:12:29] That's why they're taking over the world.
[00:12:32] They did the inverse move of the deals.
[00:12:34] That was the problem with the Holocaust.
[00:12:43] They have only the ironic because you could have helped them cut cars.
[00:12:48] It would have been like the end of Schindler's list.
[00:12:51] We'll see how good you guys are at this.
[00:12:59] Schindler's list where it's like, you know, the end where he's like, this could have been
[00:13:03] a person and they scoped up in a person.
[00:13:06] This is one of the Jewish guys who has been like, maybe I could have been two buttons.
[00:13:15] If you give me four of those buttons, I'll let you guess.
[00:13:32] I just wanted to go kill a black bastard.
[00:13:46] I think they're going to want me to go on the news and talk about black lies better.
[00:13:53] I don't think they want you to do that.
[00:14:01] That's how I know it's time for me to go on the news.
[00:14:05] You know, a lot of people in America are protesting it.
[00:14:09] It reminds me of a time my friend was raped by a boo.
[00:14:13] Ireland TV has gone off the air permanently because of Liam Neeson's recent racist fit.
[00:14:28] I used to say the end when I had quite a bit.
[00:14:30] I had to get a black bastard to play the villain in Batman.
[00:14:36] The only role I've ever played was Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars.
[00:14:40] A lot of people think I've been in other movies and it's not true.
[00:14:48] I've only played Qui-Gon Jinn and the guy in Batman.
[00:14:53] Russell Gould sounds kind of like Qui-Gon Jinn.
[00:14:57] Which I told my agent when I got involved in this business.
[00:15:01] I only want to play Chinese people or Muslims.
[00:15:05] He said the best we can do is the bad guy in Batman.
[00:15:09] I probably wish what was supposed to be a Chinese person when they wrote the movie and then the producers got their hands on it and said,
[00:15:18] we're trying to sell tickets to this piece of shit.
[00:15:30] We're not having one of the main characters go around babbling like it's a fucking laundromat.
[00:15:38] You can call him Qui-Gon Jinn but by god damn he's going to be a fucking white guy.
[00:15:47] They said, Rosal Ghoul, what about this handsome Afghani actor and I said this isn't a fucking magazine.
[00:15:57] We want people to sit there for two hours.
[00:16:02] We're talking about putting a Muslim in the movie as the friendly bad guy that's supposed to be.
[00:16:07] How is the audience not going to see that coming?
[00:16:20] Why not just name him United Flight Night 8-3?
[00:16:27] And then see if people don't see it coming.
[00:16:37] I had to imagine the Batman was the same boo.
[00:16:45] Batman television has gone off the air permanently. Ireland's only two channels.
[00:16:50] Ireland TV and Batman television are now gone.
[00:16:55] And we regret to inform you that we have to bring back 24 hours of Riverdance.
[00:17:02] That's the only thing that Ireland actually exports and then re-imports all of its television content
[00:17:07] as should we sold at the Discovery Channel in the 1990s.
[00:17:21] That guy, what's the name, Michael Flatley?
[00:17:28] Is that why? Because there's a Greek, there's like a British guy, Greek British guy called Stavros Flatley.
[00:17:36] He's just a fat Greek guy that does Riverdance.
[00:17:43] Well, I'll tell you, maybe something about that, about Manscaped.
[00:17:48] You think Stavros Flatley shaves his car?
[00:17:52] Maybe he goes to a website called Manscaped.com and scapes his manhood.
[00:17:59] Manscaped is the only way to do transsurgery at home.
[00:18:03] They'll lop whatever you want off and they'll fucking glue whatever else you want off.
[00:18:08] Manscaped is a system of clippers and a bunch of other shit and a little toiletry kit.
[00:18:22] Bitch's need to know, my pubes are like a fucking lawn.
[00:18:34] You look at my shit and it looks like a giant, it looks like a farm.
[00:18:42] A little tiny fire hydrant filled with grain.
[00:18:46] And that's why I use the Manscaped system to shave down my pubes.
[00:18:50] I shave down my pubes and I fill my foreskin up with oats.
[00:18:56] And it comes with an LED light so you can manscape in the shower or in the dark.
[00:19:02] A lot of people, they go to shave their dick in the shower and they get electrocuted.
[00:19:12] It's actually, if you're a regular listener to show you know that I've been building an
[00:19:17] And one of the most important aspects of the electric chair is you've got to be completely
[00:19:26] And so I've been shaving myself in preparation for killing myself in my homemade electric
[00:19:34] And you know, I mean with any project to keep putting it off and putting it off.
[00:19:37] And now I've become addicted to shaving myself.
[00:19:51] Yeah I like my dick to look like the dog from Little Arassels.
[00:20:00] He was skinny, fog hat, buck face, Dickhead.
[00:20:26] And all those kids, those were all grown men who shaved their face, armpits and penis
[00:20:42] Good thing we have the man scape clip is to shave our penis in balls so we can go in
[00:20:47] to Mr. Feldman's candy store and steal all of his candy as revenge for his authoring of
[00:20:58] Boy, ain't we just a group of stinkers?
[00:21:01] Ain't we just a group of anti-Semitic stinkers?
[00:21:07] Little Rascals was an entertaining show about a group of anti-Semitic children that would
[00:21:13] go around bullying Jewish business owners which in a modern context seems kind of absurd
[00:21:23] But back then you have to understand this was before the Holocaust and a lot of people
[00:21:32] And seeing children realize they're sort of affirmed those values for people in a way
[00:21:37] that was more touching and endearing and palatable to American audiences in a way a
[00:21:46] He'd never do what Jimmy the we know who.
[00:21:49] And boy did they try and then we cut to a reel of Hitler being like, I'm just a baby.
[00:22:08] And so ironically it was actually Jewish producers in Los Angeles that came up with the idea
[00:22:17] They said, what if we do a show we could get people to watch it and it's about this holocaust
[00:22:25] But we're kind of losing sight of what we want here which is to sell clippers.
[00:22:39] Pluck your eyebrows and trim your nails in style.
[00:22:41] The nicest thing about manscaped is when you're done shaving you can...
[00:22:47] You can mail your pubes back to the company and they have a tooth fairy promise.
[00:22:52] Where they'll send you, they weigh your pubes and it's $20 to the pound.
[00:22:57] So when you get your manscaped kit just with the return address is right on there.
[00:23:08] They just mail your pubes to manscaped.
[00:23:15] And then, yeah, and then make sure to tag them on Instagram saying this is...
[00:23:18] Look at what a great job you did removing...
[00:23:32] Shave it with a great job you did shaving your dick.
[00:23:35] But make sure when you do it you're using the lawn mower 3.0.
[00:23:38] And make sure you hit them with the promo code.
[00:23:44] Is it either come down or come down to it?
[00:23:47] Back listeners of the show got 20% off free shipping with the code code here at manscaped.com.
[00:23:56] I don't have my phone so I can't check my name.
[00:23:58] That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code XXXX.
[00:24:07] It's either come down or come down to it.
[00:24:12] The important thing is you mail them your phone.
[00:24:17] But for some reason that does not work try come down.
[00:24:21] It's time to grab 2020 by the horns by shaving that front trunk.
[00:24:30] Go ahead and shave your penis and balls and tweet a picture to the president Donald
[00:24:38] With hashtag He Will Notch Suck My Penis.
[00:24:47] Manscaped.com promo code COMTOWN20 and then a picture of your penis being sent to the
[00:25:01] If you can find out the exact average size dick down to it needs to be nine decimal places.
[00:25:06] And if you can hit that, you're going to need digital callipers here.
[00:25:10] So you're going to have to calip your dick.
[00:25:25] Why don't you guys say some other things about the thing that I might have forgotten that
[00:25:41] They did a bunch of shit where they did like, I guess they made it so that it can't cut
[00:25:49] They can't suck your shit into the blades.
[00:25:50] I have never nicked my cock with it and I've shaved it.
[00:25:59] You're going to love clipping your fucking nails with whatever bullshit they also have.
[00:26:02] The shears 2.0 and make this whatever the subscription thing is.
[00:26:07] Just go to the website manscape.com, look at all the products, sign up for whatever the
[00:26:12] fuck they want you to, and use promo code COMTOWN and or COMTOWN20.
[00:26:24] Nick, Nick, you were talking about the electric chair.
[00:26:26] Have you seen that documentary, Mr. Death?
[00:26:32] While we were peeing a couple of times.
[00:26:39] No, it's not The Thin Blue Line and the character's name is just one.
[00:26:41] So basically my friend recommended I watch this.
[00:26:42] The Thin Blue Line is documentary about Adam's penis.
[00:27:09] I think it hasn't been used so much that it's starting to go blue like a corpse is did.
[00:27:15] It's actually your entire genitalia area looks like the brain bug from Starship Troopers.
[00:27:21] And your weird blue dick extends out of the mouth and stabs.
[00:27:32] And you go to manscape.com and use promo code COMTOWN20 to get that pink penis sent directly
[00:27:39] To get the pink penis shaver sent directly to your door.
[00:27:42] We've got to make sure we hit all those.
[00:27:46] Yeah, we hit all the stuff that I went through.
[00:27:55] The shears you get stainless steel tools, tip tweezers, round point.
[00:28:01] And plug your eyebrows and trim your nails to style.
[00:28:10] This is kind of shit they make watches out of folks.
[00:28:15] And on their website you'll find the crop preserver, an anti-chafing bald deodorant, and moisturized.
[00:28:21] This will help you tame that summer swamp ass with natural hydrators and antioxidants.
[00:28:26] You'll also find the crop reviver, a testy toner.
[00:28:30] It's like having cologne that's designed for your balls.
[00:28:36] Because if you're in some stank push, you sniffing yourself.
[00:28:39] If you're in some stank push and then you have a business meeting, you don't have time to shower.
[00:28:44] And the secretary's going to smell your nuts.
[00:28:46] You don't want the Japanese because you got a big meeting with the Japanese.
[00:28:50] You don't want them smelling that nasty pussy.
[00:28:52] We've all been there when you pull your pants down to a woman.
[00:28:54] It's like, oh my God, what the fuck is that?
[00:28:57] I had to put my penis in my ass because I was on the train.
[00:29:01] And I didn't want to get too hard while looking at her.
[00:29:05] And that's why you use the crop reviver.
[00:29:07] You need the crop, you need the dick reviver, the crop reviver because your penis has been shoved into your asshole.
[00:29:13] And your own ass and some of the shit has run from the tip of your penis all the way to your balls.
[00:29:25] My life was changed because I was actually shaving my penis while driving.
[00:29:31] And then now I'm on the sex offender right now.
[00:29:36] Which is usually a pretty bad thing, but I don't have any friends.
[00:29:40] So it actually became a really great way to meet people.
[00:29:43] Now every week I have to go check in with my probation officer and I talk to people.
[00:29:50] And most of the men are mentally disabled.
[00:29:54] You would think it would be other kind of slick, smooth operator criminals.
[00:29:59] But for the most part the entire sex offender registry is mentally and feeble.
[00:30:05] You know, people with no support network that, you know, mentally are 11 years old.
[00:30:14] And I tell you what, when you're done shaving your penis in balls, you can go on over to
[00:30:23] You're going to want to put some why the luxury underwear.
[00:30:27] You might as long as Cruz right on over to MacWaldon.com.
[00:30:39] Because when if you're at home and you figured out what's going on now, wait until we're
[00:30:47] Wait until the whole thing looks like a fucking stock car.
[00:30:57] So I don't know about if you guys know this, but MacWaldon is a freemium men's essential
[00:31:08] Dude, I tell you, I've been, I've been, I've been, I've been wearing them recently because
[00:31:16] When we had the recent batch of these come through.
[00:31:19] I threw out most of my other underwear.
[00:31:22] I might go get myself a grip on the whole thing.
[00:31:27] And you're in luck because for whatever reason, last time the non fat sizes were sold out.
[00:31:34] If you're a big fat guy, now's the time to go to MacWaldon.
[00:31:48] If you're a big fat piece of shit, go to MacWaldon.
[00:31:52] It is very funny that like, because with other stuff, it's like, I understand this is like
[00:31:56] the difference in fabric between like a medium shirt and a 3 XL, but it pales in comparison
[00:32:01] to the difference in size of underwear.
[00:32:09] Underwear for fat people is more than the ratio.
[00:32:13] And that's why I'm jealous of stuff for being fat because he gets a better deal on himself.
[00:32:21] If you go, hi, my name's Mikey and I'm on the sex offender.
[00:32:24] I just saw a lot of people are wondering how I wound up there.
[00:32:27] Well, I got so excited in the ball pit of McDonald's that I ate all of my clothes.
[00:32:34] I was eating chicken McNuggets, so I thought it was a 20 piece.
[00:32:38] Kind of got carried away and just sucked up all my clothes into my mouth, ate them, and
[00:32:43] Now I'm nude in a ball pit and here come the cops.
[00:32:47] And one of my friends I met at the parole offices, a waiting room, introduced me to
[00:32:53] McWhalton underwear, which is great for me because it's somebody only underwear that
[00:33:08] And stated earlier, I have no safety net, no support net work.
[00:33:15] So I go from my parole offices all the way back to my house where I have to spend hours
[00:33:23] And luckily, McWhalton.com makes that easy for me.
[00:33:27] A mentally disabled man on the sex offender registry.
[00:33:34] And what they like is that it's a one stop shop of men's essentials.
[00:33:38] We're talking socks, shirts, hoodies, underwear, polos, and active shorts.
[00:33:44] Whatever the fuck you need, McWhalton promises comfort against this fit.
[00:33:48] You're not just going to look great in McWhalton.
[00:33:50] They're underwear socks and shirts perform well too.
[00:33:53] When I went out to find that black bastard, the first thing I did was put on a comfortable
[00:34:00] From working out, going out, going to work.
[00:34:08] And then I did one of my classic pissing my pants in public moves.
[00:34:14] And there's so many pictures of him like that.
[00:34:31] That's why he should use Matt Guelvman because they offer a wide range of customized fabric
[00:34:35] that can keep up with you no matter what your day looks like or how much you piss yourself.
[00:34:46] You play two of the most memorable characters of all time.
[00:34:55] And now you just, your jet set pissing yourself, going on TV, blowing it, fucking getting drunk,
[00:35:03] Doing some movie where they're like, they're like, well, the premise is that you're
[00:35:06] The premise is that there's wolves in there after you.
[00:35:20] You know, I saw a bunch of Chinese people wearing them and I thought those have got to
[00:35:23] be cheap, but it turns out it's fucking $900.
[00:35:29] I said, where the hell do these Chinese people get that?
[00:35:33] Well, if, if, you know what else is very cheap and you could save money, is the Weldon
[00:35:42] Level one gets you free shipping for life once you reach level two by spending $200.
[00:35:48] Mac Weldon gives you 20% off every order for the next year.
[00:35:51] So level one, the amount of inches, Adams penises or level two, the amount of inches
[00:36:00] I won the award at the agricultural fair for best penis.
[00:36:04] I actually mine is one inch best in show number.
[00:36:09] I went home with the best small penis one and also best in show.
[00:36:56] Well, then once you did win the award, I ran up to best in show.
[00:37:08] That wouldn't happen if I weren't wearing back well in underwear.
[00:37:13] Which I got as an award for winning best in show.
[00:37:27] We're up here at an elevation of 680,000 feet above sea level.
[00:37:35] Where you're only allowed one thought a minute and you have to sip at the air.
[00:37:43] The reason they do it up here is because it is extremely hard to maintain an erect penis
[00:37:48] or even one that's kind of chubby at this altitude.
[00:37:53] So it really evens out the playing field because there's a lot of people that are just what
[00:38:08] That's the thing I forgot is an announcer here at the penis.
[00:38:18] I'm fucked up and my cock is shrinking by the minute.
[00:38:21] That's why we have to do the cock awards on top of a mountain.
[00:38:27] We'd like to thank our sponsor Red Bull for putting on the 17th annual cock awards.
[00:38:34] Now to get the show started, we're going to everyone's favorite category, the botched
[00:38:45] A couple of disgusting examples right up front.
[00:38:49] What I do like the way a lot of things people don't consider is the way a leash pairs with
[00:38:55] the scars, you want something that sort of continues those lines all the way back to
[00:39:08] You have to have, you could put a leash on your dick and you can walk your dick out.
[00:39:13] You walk your dick out under the sashay holding your dick on a leash.
[00:39:20] And at the end of the moto, your dick fucking on a leash.
[00:39:29] You would have done what the masterful would.
[00:39:33] And at the end is ESPN three or like, I think so.
[00:39:40] And Mac Weldon wants your penis back in your Mac welding.
[00:39:44] Once again, the award show this year sponsored by Mac Weldon Mac Weldon.com premium design
[00:39:49] smart fabrics for people with all kinds of dicks.
[00:39:53] We'll get on to our next category here.
[00:39:56] We're going into the heart of darkness is the Africa category.
[00:40:00] Hypo spasitus or whatever that thing is called where your dick hole is on the top of your
[00:40:08] Interesting is all of these men piss into their own faces.
[00:40:11] We're going to we have a synchronized show of the hypo spasitus players.
[00:40:16] They're all piss over their own faces while lasers change their urine streams different
[00:40:22] And they perform Fantasia for us here on top of cock mountain in Geneva.
[00:40:33] And if you want to watch that while having your cock your cock with a regular dick hole
[00:40:37] in nice ass underwear, go to Mac Weldon.com slash come town 20 and enter promo code come
[00:40:45] And that's Mac Weldon.com slash come town 20 promo code come town 20 for 20% off Mac
[00:40:52] Weldon moving on to the Belgian tuck category of these men with their penises tucked into
[00:40:56] their asses, which was originally invented on the French public transit system during
[00:41:01] World War II when Vichy French soldiers were trying to hide their erections from the German
[00:41:06] soldiers who would kill them for being gay.
[00:41:09] But the French soldiers were so aroused by being dominated by the Nazis that they had
[00:41:14] to figure out a way to hide their erections.
[00:41:18] That's where the Belgian tuck came from.
[00:41:22] Which is it's interesting they changed the name because Jean Claude Van Dam loved doing
[00:41:27] It was renamed one man rewrote all history.
[00:41:32] It was renamed for him after his appearance in three ninjas strike back.
[00:41:40] Which he wasn't he was in a deleted scene where he demonstrates the Belgian tuck to
[00:41:45] the ninja children, which was later removed due to Jean Claude Van Dam's anti-Semitic
[00:41:51] comments that he made during the film, which they thought to be clear showing child actors
[00:42:04] Jim that part was probably the best part of the movie, which as you recall, we premiered
[00:42:11] Geneva all the way back in 1987, third year of the show.
[00:42:24] And get all the basics or whatever the fuck you want.
[00:42:31] I bought a bunch of nice socks and I'm about to go get a nice underwear.
[00:42:36] I got nice socks on right now, but I stole them from my cousin.
[00:42:44] Yeah, they're not as good as the Macwolden.
[00:42:51] And now we move on to the cock in a baby sock category.
[00:43:06] Well, what would you like to do instead?
[00:43:15] Levon Bell is with the Jets and Odell Beckham is in Cleveland.
[00:43:23] It's we're cutting the commercial exactly a minute and 35 seconds too early.
[00:43:30] And this is the kind of shit that would get your ass pushed in if you were working in
[00:43:35] Like if you were a field producer like myself, Jeremy, Jeremy fuck well, I've been raped
[00:43:42] I have sucked so many dicks to get into this position as a guy on the camera.
[00:43:50] As the guy was the PA getting raped by Bob Costa.
[00:43:54] Do you know how bad it is to be the PA at the cock show?
[00:43:59] Do you have any idea the kind of fluffing you have to do?
[00:44:04] Who do you think tucks all those Belgians?
[00:45:47] One thing that hasn't changed is where I'm putting my money down on all games.
[00:45:51] My bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend.
[00:45:57] Going now to the weather guy, who's a different character.
[00:46:03] Just come up with a name and do a character that's a weather guy.
[00:46:08] Hey y'all, my name is Steven and I'm here with the weather.
[00:46:21] The only weather man, Gayer than the anchor that started.
[00:46:42] MyBookie.com, which has better bonuses, profits than...
[00:46:46] The more profits than any other sports book period.
[00:46:51] They're hosting the first online handicapping super contest.
[00:47:11] Let's see if we can get through it without saying the N-words.
[00:47:18] Deshawn can do three minutes without saying the N-word that we have to delete.
[00:47:23] Deshawn Simpson here and I want to let you know...
[00:47:33] We all know what you meant by Deshawn Simpson.
[00:47:40] First place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000.
[00:48:16] Because you didn't want to say fried chicken but you couldn't stop thinking about it.
[00:48:24] It's not just one type of person that likes chicken.
[00:48:28] Would you say that my bookie is always the right play Deshawn?
[00:48:33] Follow-up question, what race of women are you most attracted to?
[00:48:38] And what body part needs to be the fattest?
[00:48:41] Well, that's a trick question because we're on the gay news right now.
[00:48:51] So I'm attracted to all races of women as justice friends.
[00:48:55] Mybookie.com has live in-game betting on NFL games.
[00:48:59] They've got the most rewarding player perks in the business.
[00:49:02] And for your fantasy guys out there, you can even bet on the overunder of how many fantasy points a player will score you.
[00:49:10] Let's go back to the Adam Friedland in the studio.
[00:49:20] That's why my bookie is always the right thing.
[00:49:22] Breaking news, the real Adam has returned.
[00:49:26] And the imposter Adam has returned to UCB for more comedy lessons.
[00:49:30] My bookie has live in-game betting on every NFL game.
[00:49:34] So use promo code COMTOWN to activate the offer.
[00:49:48] And don't forget to use the promo code COMTOWN.
[00:49:56] This Justin, the president, is the play we got right now to the president.
[00:50:03] Let my fellow Americans, the president, me, has been fucked in his ass.
[00:50:31] We have all been fucked in the ass by the Mujahadim.
[00:50:37] Is waking up in the root of a fine that they have all been fucked.
[00:50:41] It's Christmas morning here in Washington.
[00:50:43] And I've been fucked in my ass by the Mujahadim.
[00:50:50] If you want to see a president not fucked again, in his ass, you will send $50 million to Bank of Count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.
[00:51:03] Both Mujahadim and fuck him again and again and again.
[00:51:09] The president's up there right now getting fucked in his ass.
[00:51:30] I mean, I thought we finished the read.
[00:51:32] We did, but you were about to say something.
[00:51:37] You doing jokes in the context of doing the podcast.
[00:51:50] This is as close as it gets to being supported.
[00:52:22] My fellow Americans, I'm Barack Obama and I'm gay.
[00:53:23] Kathy Giffords has just been shot in her pussy.
[00:53:40] What do people want when they watch the news?
[00:53:55] I'm thinking of a room filled with news.
[00:54:00] Every kind of news that you could possibly run on.
[00:54:23] It's not doing any, so they feel worse and buy even more products.
[00:54:27] What are you saying down that we make fat people feel even worse?
[00:54:38] We're putting caramel in the cigarettes.
[00:54:46] We can make them smoke and buy bullshit watches.
[00:54:50] That's out to the gay Lucky Strikes guy trying to suck off.
[00:54:57] I've actually never watched more than like six episodes of that show.
[00:55:13] I don't think you see bare breasts in the show.
[00:55:21] Did I just wreck in my imagination red-compton?
[00:55:27] Yeah, there's a lot of clothes that happen.
[00:55:29] There's a lot of clothes that feel good.
[00:55:31] Yeah, there's a lot of clothes that feel good.
[00:55:35] I don't have a problem with clothes fingering.
[00:55:37] How does it feel when I put my fingers inside of your ass?
[00:55:47] Well, Mr. Dre, but I'd like it if you took your fingers out of my ass.
[00:55:52] Maybe you should just let me finish my pitch.
[00:56:03] I'm the greatest advertiser of this company's ever seen.
[00:56:09] Yeah, he probably does have a nice one.
[00:56:13] The real guy got in trouble for having two nights of a one.
[00:56:22] I remember the smaller, the nicer season producers came to me and they demanded I do the Belgian
[00:56:31] And then I looked into the history of it and I got really involved in the cock show.
[00:56:37] And I've been here every year since competing in the cock through dress pants category.
[00:56:54] And I told Liam Neeson about it and we were at a bar and he got so mad that he pissed himself
[00:57:01] And he just beat the shit out of the first black I saw.
[00:57:06] And he was just screaming, this is what you get for having a better cock than my dear friend
[00:57:24] And we just bonded over our ability to act.
[00:57:29] And respected how much he was into the character.
[00:57:32] He would commit a violent hate crime to make Batman more real.
[00:57:42] He was helping movie be good by being serious.
[00:57:55] Because you know fucking Sean Penn was going around acting like a retard in between.
[00:58:00] You know, that's got to be like, that's probably a bigger kept secret.
[00:58:03] Then all the fucking the planes and secret islands.
[00:58:08] It's fucking the footage of him when they said cut.
[00:58:12] He was behaving in his trailer playing with Legos and shitting himself.
[00:58:16] The collective sigh of the cast and crew after they helped said cut.
[00:58:27] Pulling his dick out making people look at it.
[00:58:45] This time I'm going to start with a letter and you immediately say what first pops in
[00:59:05] No, tonight's episode of trying to get Adam to say the end would again.
[00:59:33] I'm going to keep flipping pages and it's up to you to stop me.
[00:59:47] And that's how London fog is going to sell umbrellas.
[00:59:59] You trick people into thinking you're going to be racist and then you don't.
[01:00:05] Everybody's doing woke advertising now.
[01:00:11] I think I already did the bit on the show about Don pitching the he's like it's young
[01:00:18] He's running a Dodge Challenger and he's headed to the program.
[01:00:28] And then Kylie Jenner hands a Pepsi of the cop.
[01:00:32] And the cop pulls out it pulls down his pants and you expect to see a penis, but he's had
[01:00:40] And then Kylie Jenner gets down on her knees and he she starts sucking off.
[01:00:45] She says this is this is a real vagina and I'm a lesbian.
[01:00:51] She washes the taste out of her mouth of the Pepsi.
[01:00:56] And then there's a guy there who turns into a drag.
[01:00:58] He's like this is good and everyone cheers for him.
[01:01:00] And then he turns into a dragon and flies away.
[01:01:04] That's right. The moon to drink Pepsi drink Pepsi.
[01:01:13] I know what's the end he pitches Coke or something?
[01:01:17] Yeah, I'd like to buy the world a Coke.
[01:01:22] But what the end of the one with the Charlottesville thing?
[01:01:36] It's weird that it lines up almost perfectly with my idea.
[01:01:40] It's like they stole it for me even though I've never watched.
[01:01:57] I figured out how to take a gay car and use it to rape girls in the past.
[01:02:02] They don't know what DNA is in the 20s, Marty.
[01:02:12] That's why we have to rape our own grandmothers.
[01:02:15] Even if they do preserve the DNA, it won't make any sense.
[01:02:30] I shoved a Rubik's cube off my ass and solved it.
[01:03:08] Today on Bill and I, we're going to talk about mass.
[01:03:25] Listen, it's a China to accuse the Chinese of being vampires.
[01:03:40] Folks, listen, I'd love for you to come see me do comedy live in person while that's still going on.
[01:03:45] I'm in Royersford, Pennsylvania this Friday.
[01:03:52] Friday, October 16th, where's the- I don't know exactly where the fucking came from.
[01:04:01] He's not black, I thought sold Joel's going to be an awesome black guy with a fucking-
[01:04:08] So come out to that October 16th and I'm at Good Old Magoobies joke house Halloween weekend,
[01:04:15] So come out to that and hopefully we'll get some other dates going if the virus, if it's
[01:04:22] proven that it's fake and we'll keep pumping.
[01:04:28] Come see me then, you little fucking whores.
[01:04:33] I have probably a couple new products hidden in the store this week waiting on them to
[01:04:41] When you order them, they ship faster because usually the way we do it is I'll just roll
[01:04:45] something out and then they wait until X amount of orders come in before-
[01:04:52] For printing them and I want to put the kibosh on that so I'm pre-ordering them myself.
[01:04:55] So when you hit the store, you order them and they should ship relatively-
[01:05:10] Theoretically, yes, it's supposed to be right away.
[01:05:21] We'll keep the post office but I'm changing the name to USP-ness.
[01:05:24] And that's when you have to call them up and say USP-ness if you want your mail every day.