[00:00:00] It's Wednesday, October

[00:00:29] and this is the news

[00:00:31] The fucking idiot threw his clock out of the window the other day

[00:00:36] Time flies

[00:00:39] I thought that's where there was going

[00:00:43] Hell yeah

[00:00:45] You know when I was a kid I didn't know

[00:00:48] Adam's gay

[00:00:50] Yeah he just got dumped on

[00:00:54] Dude, it was a little bit

[00:00:57] Don't die

[00:00:59] Dude, that was a tomahawk

[00:01:01] Which is you funny because usually people dunk their balls in his mouth

[00:01:05] I did Lewis's podcast earlier today

[00:01:08] I'm podcasting

[00:01:09] Did you bring up the fact that he stole the Puerto Rican rattlesnap?

[00:01:13] I heard that he can see it, he can see it, he just let it go

[00:01:16] He let it go, man, it's good

[00:01:18] Well he should do something for us now

[00:01:20] He owes us back royalties

[00:01:22] Because we're all the Puerto Rican

[00:01:23] He was like what was your plan with that home improvement team?

[00:01:28] He's like you know you're just gonna get sued

[00:01:31] Did you make your money now?

[00:01:33] You're gonna be definitely gonna get sued by that guy

[00:01:37] By which guy, Tim Allen or the guy who wrote the thing

[00:01:40] Well my plan is to go to court and be like no I wrote the song first

[00:01:44] God damn it dude

[00:01:48] Nah, that was me, I didn't first

[00:01:52] Could we change it like

[00:01:54] There's plenty of evidence that he didn't have like

[00:01:56] They're lying, they're wrong

[00:01:58] Could we change it like 1% and would that be okay?

[00:02:01] Nah, I don't know, I'm not a fucking lawyer

[00:02:03] I can justify it in my head but that doesn't mean anything

[00:02:05] Could we chop and screw it?

[00:02:06] Yeah, probably

[00:02:07] Yeah

[00:02:08] The thing is it's basically fair use

[00:02:11] I mean nobody's listening to that

[00:02:13] Nobody's listening to the podcast to hear that song

[00:02:16] That's the easiest way to get your hands on

[00:02:20] The home improvement theme song

[00:02:22] Subscribe to our podcast

[00:02:24] Okay, $5 a month

[00:02:26] So I hear a goddamn home improvement theme song

[00:02:29] I stopped listening after a minute 30

[00:02:32] I think what you mean is listening to the

[00:02:35] Come Town theme song that Nick wrote first

[00:02:37] Yeah, that's true

[00:02:39] Adam

[00:02:40] Yeah, that's true

[00:02:41] You should know better

[00:02:42] I think it was actually Philip Glass that did the home improvement theme song

[00:02:45] Lewis's podcast

[00:02:47] And Lewis apparently, I guess he's like just never watched a football game in his entire mind

[00:02:51] What?

[00:02:52] What do you mean?

[00:02:53] Yeah, he's like, well, I didn't realize that

[00:02:55] The only thing he's into is MMA

[00:02:57] Yeah, he doesn't like any other sport

[00:02:59] No, no, no, really

[00:03:00] Yeah, but I mean he has like a level of ignorance about the sport that's like

[00:03:03] Really?

[00:03:04] Yeah, he's like, you know, like he doesn't know

[00:03:06] Him and Mazzolin, but he's not playing

[00:03:07] He doesn't understand the basic rules of football

[00:03:09] What has he been doing with his life?

[00:03:11] I don't know

[00:03:12] He was like an emo kid, wasn't he?

[00:03:14] Well, he was like, well, my dad was murdered

[00:03:16] So I never really, I couldn't watch football with my dad

[00:03:19] It's like, yeah, but it's still on

[00:03:22] Yeah, my dad's just Greek

[00:03:23] He doesn't, he's never watched football in his life

[00:03:25] There's still like the biggest television event of the year once you're the superman

[00:03:28] Exactly

[00:03:29] People are having super bowl parties

[00:03:31] What do you think he goes there?

[00:03:32] He's like, well, you're like forced to play football as a kid

[00:03:35] Yeah, I understand

[00:03:36] Yeah, I understand

[00:03:37] You can't understand like at least the basic rules of the game

[00:03:39] Yeah

[00:03:40] My mom used to come to my fucking football games

[00:03:42] And she didn't understand football at all

[00:03:44] She would just cheer during kick-offs

[00:03:46] Because I did the kick-offs

[00:03:47] And she'd be like, yay!

[00:03:49] I did

[00:03:50] Were you on special teams or you were the kicker?

[00:03:52] I was the kicker

[00:03:53] I was the kicker and defensive

[00:03:55] And the nose guard, baby

[00:03:57] I was getting all up in them cheeks

[00:03:59] No, that's like the center of the defensive wall

[00:04:02] That's right, my friend

[00:04:03] And you better believe I fucked some shit up until a giant

[00:04:07] Fuckin' 6'5' 380 pound kid just fucked my shoulder up big time

[00:04:12] Yeah

[00:04:13] Is that why you're fat now?

[00:04:14] Yeah, ever since then, I got fat

[00:04:17] Well first of all, I'm an athlete, thank you

[00:04:19] I can run faster than everyone in here

[00:04:21] I doubt that

[00:04:22] I'm almost positive I could be doing a football race

[00:04:24] And I can also jump higher

[00:04:26] And I fuck longer and stronger and better

[00:04:29] That's not true

[00:04:30] It is true

[00:04:31] I don't understand why we have to like pretend that

[00:04:33] I don't...

[00:04:34] People aren't, you know, just dying

[00:04:37] We're all dying, baby

[00:04:39] But I mean, you know, faster

[00:04:41] I have extra energy to fuck

[00:04:44] Yeah, you've been reading too much Lindy West now

[00:04:47] I get all my health advice from Lindy West's health blog

[00:04:51] I love how fat she's gotten

[00:04:53] I love how that...

[00:04:54] She's even bigger?

[00:04:55] Oh yeah

[00:04:56] She's like rockabilly fat?

[00:04:58] She's one of those rockabilly fat girls

[00:05:01] Right

[00:05:02] That just looks like a cherry red hair curl

[00:05:05] Her dream is to be like that

[00:05:07] It says pin up fat girls, but if you put their picture on the wall

[00:05:09] The whole fucking house will collapse

[00:05:11] He can't pin up fat

[00:05:14] Ugh, so me

[00:05:16] Just pulled down

[00:05:17] It's a load-bearing picture

[00:05:19] Don't hang up that picture

[00:05:23] Lindy West's not a load-bearing wall

[00:05:25] Whatever you do

[00:05:26] That wall is structural

[00:05:28] Yeah, fuck

[00:05:32] You're fucking up the structural integrity of the building

[00:05:35] Yeah, she's a huge bitch

[00:05:36] Be a T-shirt

[00:05:38] That would be a good way to

[00:05:40] 9-11 some buildings there

[00:05:42] Just hang up

[00:05:43] Yeah

[00:05:44] Just hide treats in them

[00:05:46] Yeah

[00:05:47] And well, while Lindy's around

[00:05:49] Do I smell treats that I deserve?

[00:05:51] I smell something I deserve

[00:05:54] She's just blast through walls

[00:05:56] Like a...

[00:05:57] Oh, I earned this!

[00:05:58] Like the IDF in Gaza

[00:06:00] It just...

[00:06:01] Explode into people's living rooms

[00:06:04] Kool-Aid matter way

[00:06:06] Through America

[00:06:08] Oh, God

[00:06:09] Oh, that's good

[00:06:10] I do love when fat people

[00:06:12] Shame someone with legitimately bad opinions

[00:06:14] For their appearance and not her

[00:06:16] Yeah, but her opinions are

[00:06:18] It's normal and healthy to be

[00:06:20] Extremely fucking fat and unhealthy

[00:06:22] Right, that's the thing, it's like

[00:06:23] I love the way people claim they're being healthy

[00:06:25] Right, yeah, I'm not picking any fat person

[00:06:27] And shitting on them for being fat

[00:06:29] This is a shame, no, this is my friend

[00:06:31] It's a joke

[00:06:32] It's not a joke

[00:06:33] What?

[00:06:34] You're a fucking joke, dude

[00:06:35] What?

[00:06:36] You guys are a joke

[00:06:37] Your whole life is a joke

[00:06:38] I am shame, I'm a shame to be

[00:06:40] A fat man

[00:06:42] I'm not a shame, but like

[00:06:44] You have to realize you're dying

[00:06:46] Like you really are like the fucking

[00:06:48] You're unhealthy

[00:06:49] I feel bad

[00:06:50] Like when I lose weight

[00:06:51] Everything feels bad

[00:06:52] Like my joints hurt

[00:06:53] I'm fucking 27 years old

[00:06:55] Like there's no reason for me to play

[00:06:57] Yeah, but my joints hurt too

[00:06:58] And I'm not overweight

[00:06:59] Yeah, but you were a fucking

[00:07:00] You were getting

[00:07:01] The shit kicked out of you

[00:07:02] By fucking

[00:07:03] Motorcycle

[00:07:04] Brother's in you had a rough you had a couple

[00:07:06] Of years I was in a kumite

[00:07:08] I forgot

[00:07:10] The sugar ray kumite

[00:07:12] He lost to that

[00:07:14] He's got the Chinese guy

[00:07:16] Fucking took my bandana and stomped on my head

[00:07:18] Did everyone die in kumite?

[00:07:20] Wasn't that part of it?

[00:07:21] Yeah, only one guy lives the winner

[00:07:23] Yeah, nobody nobody died

[00:07:25] He made he made he killed

[00:07:26] I mean, I know John Claude Van Damne

[00:07:28] knew the touch of death

[00:07:29] Oh wait, I thought in that movie

[00:07:31] Everyone dies

[00:07:32] When they lose

[00:07:34] No, did you just get the shit kicked out of you?

[00:07:36] Really?

[00:07:37] Yeah, I mean, but John Claude Van Damne's

[00:07:38] Secret move was dimmock

[00:07:40] The touch of death

[00:07:41] When you were fucking making a flat

[00:07:42] Do a palm strike to the chest

[00:07:44] Yeah, and he could hit you so hard

[00:07:46] That you're like hard

[00:07:47] Like pushed out of your back

[00:07:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:07:49] But yeah, and he did that to

[00:07:50] Bulloy, you hang

[00:07:51] Right

[00:07:52] He was a bully

[00:07:53] Yeah

[00:07:54] I think you were just below sand

[00:07:55] In people's eyes

[00:07:56] Yeah

[00:07:57] I would be

[00:07:58] I love that

[00:07:59] Move-in wrestling too

[00:08:00] It was always like a fucking

[00:08:02] Dastardly Asian who would fucking spit something in your eye

[00:08:05] That would be my move if I was in wrestling

[00:08:08] Okay, USA

[00:08:10] That's the best kind of movie

[00:08:11] Yeah, I like that guy

[00:08:12] Yeah

[00:08:13] Okay, USA

[00:08:14] I also, who are the

[00:08:16] Are the guys the FBI agents

[00:08:18] that try to get bringing back to the state

[00:08:20] So those famous guys?

[00:08:21] Yeah, they were in a

[00:08:22] Who is it?

[00:08:23] No, it's fucking not

[00:08:24] It's not Danny Glover

[00:08:25] No, it's Forest Whitaker

[00:08:27] It's Forest Whitaker

[00:08:28] And that's right

[00:08:29] And was it one of the guys from fucking

[00:08:31] Beverly Hills Cop?

[00:08:33] Maybe, I can't remember the other guy

[00:08:35] It was, but

[00:08:35] Deathly was Forest Whitaker

[00:08:37] Yeah, yeah, that's right

[00:08:38] Before the eye went crazy

[00:08:39] Yeah, yeah

[00:08:40] I love the other

[00:08:41] The other woman too

[00:08:42] That's like

[00:08:43] I'm a journalist with Vanity Fair

[00:08:45] Yeah

[00:08:46] Yeah

[00:08:47] Yeah

[00:08:48] Yeah

[00:08:49] Yeah

[00:08:50] Name's Liz Reporter

[00:08:52] Liz Reporterstein

[00:08:54] And I'm here to have sex with you

[00:08:57] Yeah

[00:08:58] Like cover the coup matae

[00:09:00] That's, we were actually

[00:09:02] Just talking about blood sport

[00:09:03] On Lewis's podcast

[00:09:04] That's crazy, it's almost like

[00:09:06] It was in your mind

[00:09:07] Yeah

[00:09:07] And it came up

[00:09:08] It's like

[00:09:09] Yeah, all roads lead

[00:09:10] The blood sport

[00:09:11] Um, I love that shit, dude

[00:09:13] But I thought everyone fucking

[00:09:14] Died

[00:09:15] I thought everyone died

[00:09:16] Dude

[00:09:17] The

[00:09:18] Uh,

[00:09:19] Uh,

[00:09:20] Ogre doesn't even die

[00:09:21] He just gets his fucking head stomped on

[00:09:22] And then he's in like a hospital bed

[00:09:23] That's right

[00:09:24] That's right

[00:09:25] Yeah

[00:09:26] That's right

[00:09:27] Got to

[00:09:28] Wait, that's the guy from Revenge of the Nerds

[00:09:29] Right?

[00:09:30] Yeah

[00:09:31] Yeah

[00:09:32] Yeah

[00:09:33] Oh yeah

[00:09:34] Ogre's in it

[00:09:35] Oh, it plays the biker who does

[00:09:36] American style fighting

[00:09:37] Doesn't matter

[00:09:38] Which is where you wear bandana

[00:09:40] And then fucking

[00:09:41] You punch three or four times

[00:09:43] Very hard and then you die a fucking hard failure

[00:09:46] While painting fantasy art on the side of the panel fan

[00:09:50] Yeah

[00:09:51] Yeah

[00:09:52] Fuck, I loved every kind of stuff

[00:09:54] You have an illegal meth

[00:09:55] Operation

[00:09:56] Coming out of that man

[00:09:58] I love the fucking

[00:09:59] The fucking

[00:10:00] Did we talk about this?

[00:10:01] I feel like we did

[00:10:02] What?

[00:10:03] Haven't we talked about Kool-Aid?

[00:10:04] I'm sure, yeah we've talked about what's more

[00:10:06] Cause I watched it recently and I

[00:10:08] I just love all the fucking

[00:10:10] The Arab fighters

[00:10:11] Well

[00:10:12] There's no actual style

[00:10:13] It's the best way to do the all time

[00:10:15] Yeah, each race is like

[00:10:17] There's a black guy that's literally just a monkey

[00:10:19] Yeah

[00:10:20] We definitely talk about that

[00:10:22] The Scottish guy is just the fucking

[00:10:24] You know

[00:10:25] The Notre Dame

[00:10:26] Yeah

[00:10:27] The fight guy or the sky

[00:10:28] They fight with their fists upside down

[00:10:30] Cause they're drunk

[00:10:31] Yeah, I don't fucking

[00:10:33] I was just in the Staten Island Ferry

[00:10:35] Do you know they have like a

[00:10:37] British themed fast food restaurant

[00:10:39] I could say a fish

[00:10:40] Really?

[00:10:41] On the ferry

[00:10:42] Nah, in the little

[00:10:43] You know that terminal

[00:10:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, the terminal

[00:10:45] On which side?

[00:10:46] The Staten Island side?

[00:10:48] No, the New York side

[00:10:49] The New York side

[00:10:50] It's so funny

[00:10:51] They have that

[00:10:52] I got my bag sniff

[00:10:53] By those bombs sniffing dogs

[00:10:54] Oh really?

[00:10:55] That's like I get it

[00:10:56] It's in New York but like

[00:10:57] Who's gonna bomb the Staten Island Ferry?

[00:11:00] I don't want the fucking Guido's not to get to work

[00:11:05] Yeah

[00:11:06] What?

[00:11:07] There's no other

[00:11:09] Like that's it, right?

[00:11:11] People just commute on the Staten Island Ferry

[00:11:12] Just use it to fucking

[00:11:14] Just cheaply look at the Statue of Liberty

[00:11:16] I don't know, that's what I do

[00:11:17] I mean I ride it in the

[00:11:19] You know, the fall

[00:11:20] You ride it a lot

[00:11:21] No, not a lot

[00:11:22] Maybe two or three times a year

[00:11:23] It's a good way to kill like

[00:11:25] An hour and a half

[00:11:26] It's nice, I tell you

[00:11:27] It's nice when it starts to get cold out

[00:11:29] You just go out on the deck and shit

[00:11:31] Look at the city

[00:11:32] Kiss your boyfriend

[00:11:33] And set each other's jokes

[00:11:34] Yeah, being off to the Statue of Liberty

[00:11:36] Yep

[00:11:37] There it is boys

[00:11:39] The statue

[00:11:41] A Liberty on his own

[00:11:43] It was a gift from Italy

[00:11:45] The Italians gave it to America

[00:11:48] For being second best

[00:11:50] The second best country

[00:11:52] At Italy

[00:11:54] Where the women are 200 feet tall

[00:11:56] And they got the biggest fucking dude

[00:11:58] You gonna see

[00:12:00] But they got small pussies

[00:12:02] They got small pussies in Uco

[00:12:04] Fuck em

[00:12:05] I like this pachino by the end

[00:12:09] Yeah, well I mean he's Italian

[00:12:11] Yeah, he counts

[00:12:12] Yeah

[00:12:13] Pachino

[00:12:14] Apollonie

[00:12:15] Apollonie

[00:12:16] Apollonie

[00:12:17] Gentlemen

[00:12:18] Oh, I beat off the Apollonie

[00:12:20] At that statue

[00:12:22] Wait, did Apollonie from the godfather have weird nipples?

[00:12:24] She did

[00:12:25] I distinctly remember very nipples being weird

[00:12:27] They were awesome though, they were cool

[00:12:29] They were like soft

[00:12:30] They were like kind of conical

[00:12:32] She had big nipples for her titty

[00:12:35] Like there was titty meat on her nipples

[00:12:37] Right, I feel like her nipples

[00:12:39] They were all at a puffy nipple

[00:12:41] It was a very puffy nipple

[00:12:43] Those were some of my first puffy nips

[00:12:45] I think those were my first puffy nipples

[00:12:47] Formative puffy nipples

[00:12:48] I think I saw, cause I watched the godfather

[00:12:50] I was like 11?

[00:12:51] Yeah

[00:12:52] So I think that was the first part too

[00:12:53] I wonder if that was the first titty I saw

[00:12:55] Probably not

[00:12:56] No, I think airplane was the first movie titties I saw

[00:12:59] Airplane, who's titties were in airplane?

[00:13:01] Just some bitch

[00:13:02] She runs by the screen, shakes her titties at the screen

[00:13:05] Apollonie

[00:13:06] But yeah, Apollonie was a bad bitch

[00:13:08] Yeah, she looked good, dude

[00:13:10] And then he had to go back to fucking

[00:13:13] Candace Bergen, Murphy Brown

[00:13:15] That's stupid cunt

[00:13:17] She's a good bitch

[00:13:19] Yeah, she was good back then

[00:13:20] She looked good, she looked good

[00:13:21] I didn't beat off to her though

[00:13:22] Oh, okay, take that off the spreadsheet

[00:13:24] Her impressive show

[00:13:26] Murphy Brown

[00:13:27] Trouble in 1994 when she had an abortion on the show

[00:13:31] She had a live abortion on Murphy Brown

[00:13:34] She's on the

[00:13:36] Candace Bergen actually got

[00:13:38] She got it

[00:13:39] She did an old school style with the hanger

[00:13:41] In a back alley

[00:13:43] She changed on the guy from the neck

[00:13:45] Well, the first step is you throw her down

[00:13:48] A flight of stairs

[00:13:50] Yeah, the ambulance driver

[00:13:52] I'll do your abortion for you

[00:13:54] Where's my Billy Club?

[00:13:56] Oh, clocked her over the head like she's one of them

[00:13:59] Shine's here, his body's down in a basement

[00:14:02] Don't let sister and McQueen find out

[00:14:08] So he's got shit going on with that nurse

[00:14:10] Yeah, he's mad

[00:14:12] He's on the show

[00:14:13] He's on the show

[00:14:15] It's the old nun

[00:14:16] They just become best friends

[00:14:18] Do they?

[00:14:19] Yeah, because she starts making Jimmy hats

[00:14:21] Out of pigs' bladders

[00:14:23] Really?

[00:14:24] The nun?

[00:14:25] Maybe it's season two

[00:14:26] The Catholic nun makes Jimmy hats?

[00:14:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:14:29] And then she gets excommunicated

[00:14:30] Wait, you only saw someone?

[00:14:31] I didn't see that

[00:14:32] Oh, for making Jimmy hats?

[00:14:33] For making Jimmy hats

[00:14:35] They had Jimmy hats

[00:14:36] For the boys' pricks

[00:14:38] The boys need some to come in sister

[00:14:41] Oh, man, imagine

[00:14:43] I mean, I don't want to use condoms now

[00:14:45] Imagine if you had to fucking put your dick in a fucking pig

[00:14:49] And test it in a mug

[00:14:50] And then test it in

[00:14:51] Let's hook it up to an x-ray machine for some reason

[00:14:54] I've given them all to Chang's girls

[00:14:56] Don't in Chinatown

[00:14:58] I've never seen a Chang's girls horse

[00:15:01] Yeah, nice

[00:15:02] Everyone on that show is a prostitute

[00:15:05] There's a funny scene

[00:15:08] There's a scene where there's like

[00:15:10] There's a race riot

[00:15:11] There's an episode where there's a race riot

[00:15:13] And they're like

[00:15:14] What's the head of it?

[00:15:15] Like the head of administration at a hospital called

[00:15:18] That nerdy guy with the

[00:15:19] Yeah, the like

[00:15:20] Blonde nerdy guy

[00:15:21] Head administrator

[00:15:22] He's like in love with this prostitute

[00:15:24] And he owes all his money to the hospital

[00:15:25] Oh, yeah, the 14 year old

[00:15:26] And he's like

[00:15:27] He's secretly in love with this 14 year old prostitute

[00:15:29] And he owes all this money to the mob

[00:15:30] And there's like a race riot episode

[00:15:32] And they're all locked up in the hospital

[00:15:33] They're like

[00:15:34] I got it up town

[00:15:36] They're throwing all the girls out in the street

[00:15:38] And they're like

[00:15:40] It's a game for everybody

[00:15:41] And like the nerd guy

[00:15:42] Is just

[00:15:43] Stairs blag liver second

[00:15:44] And then just brush it

[00:15:45] He's like knocking shit on

[00:15:47] It's like nobody leaves

[00:15:48] Until I get back

[00:15:50] It's very funny

[00:15:53] I mean, it's supposed to be

[00:15:55] It's a comedically timed

[00:15:56] That guy is my favorite character

[00:15:58] Yeah, that's the show

[00:15:59] The pathetic

[00:16:00] Weasel

[00:16:01] Weasel

[00:16:02] Yeah, yeah

[00:16:03] And I would

[00:16:04] Yeah, I would

[00:16:05] I would have

[00:16:07] Diver all my soul and funds

[00:16:08] From my own family

[00:16:09] To a 17 year old prostitute

[00:16:11] That I was in love with

[00:16:12] My hero on the show is the rich white woman

[00:16:14] That fucks the black guy in the basement

[00:16:16] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:16:17] Cause she's progressive?

[00:16:18] Yeah

[00:16:19] Nice man

[00:16:20] She's the

[00:16:21] Rich daughter

[00:16:23] Algae

[00:16:24] Algernon

[00:16:25] Is that his name?

[00:16:26] Algernon Edwards

[00:16:28] Is the doctor?

[00:16:29] This is a black doctor

[00:16:30] His name Algernon

[00:16:31] I didn't know that

[00:16:32] I didn't know his name

[00:16:33] And short for Algernon

[00:16:35] I hope there's an episode

[00:16:37] Where they give him

[00:16:38] They make him white

[00:16:39] And then suddenly he's much better

[00:16:41] And they're like, he's a genius

[00:16:43] And then he's like, slowly there's like spots

[00:16:45] If you're in reverse

[00:16:47] And they're like, oh no

[00:16:48] He's turning back into a rat

[00:16:50] Wait, there's a black doctor?

[00:16:52] Yeah

[00:16:53] What?

[00:16:54] There's a black doctor

[00:16:55] Cause he's like the

[00:16:56] The guy who owns the hospital

[00:16:57] Like the benefactor

[00:16:58] That, you know, like

[00:16:59] It's his carriage driver's son

[00:17:01] Yeah

[00:17:02] He sends him to the finest of institutions

[00:17:04] It's supposed to be

[00:17:06] 1900

[00:17:07] Yeah, 1899, like 1901

[00:17:10] Hi, hi

[00:17:11] And she, and so Algae gets his dick sucked by some rich white woman

[00:17:14] Yeah, you know what's crazy to do?

[00:17:15] He lays blood outside

[00:17:16] They film it all right here

[00:17:17] They film it in this neighborhood

[00:17:19] Yeah, the hospital's like right around the corner

[00:17:21] Nice, so you can just lay

[00:17:22] By Eric's house

[00:17:23] So we're close to where those lay

[00:17:25] Eric should be on the show, I feel

[00:17:27] Personally

[00:17:28] You talked to him the other day?

[00:17:29] Yeah

[00:17:30] He came to the show

[00:17:31] Did you drop any knowledge?

[00:17:33] He just went off again

[00:17:34] About how the David Cross episode was bad

[00:17:36] Yeah

[00:17:37] Fuckin' retail

[00:17:38] Dude, you guys fucking

[00:17:39] Socked on that shit

[00:17:40] Let's get him on

[00:17:42] Dude, I was the er David Cross episode

[00:17:44] That shit fucking sucked

[00:17:46] Oh nice see you dude

[00:17:50] Yeah

[00:17:51] I would like having our friends on

[00:17:54] And bullying them

[00:17:55] We get eldest on

[00:17:56] We should get Mottie on

[00:17:57] And confront him

[00:17:58] Fuck Mottie, dude

[00:18:00] Fuck it

[00:18:01] Did you squash that beef with him yet?

[00:18:03] I mean I fucking yelled at him

[00:18:04] I'm thinking

[00:18:05] You guys Socked?

[00:18:06] I thought I told you this

[00:18:07] No

[00:18:08] Yeah

[00:18:09] For listeners not aware

[00:18:10] Mottie fucked

[00:18:11] Sovereign's mom

[00:18:12] And he didn't do a good

[00:18:14] He came too quick and I'm mad

[00:18:16] That he didn't fuck her good enough

[00:18:18] Yeah fuck Mottie, dude

[00:18:19] I don't give a fuck about that

[00:18:20] Do you want to do a Mottie character

[00:18:21] On the show?

[00:18:22] Every guy named

[00:18:23] No dude, I would never do that

[00:18:24] And Tottie

[00:18:26] Tottie's shithead

[00:18:28] Marine talk

[00:18:30] Marine

[00:18:31] Yeah you could

[00:18:32] I would never

[00:18:33] I would never do that

[00:18:34] You get a hand

[00:18:35] It's gotta be more different

[00:18:36] Than your regular voice

[00:18:37] Yeah I do a Mottie

[00:18:38] Oh here comes the character

[00:18:40] You can't do this if it's real

[00:18:42] Shit

[00:18:43] It's me

[00:18:44] Why not?

[00:18:45] I mean I don't give a fuck about Mottie

[00:18:46] But

[00:18:47] Yeah why the fuck?

[00:18:48] Yeah I don't care

[00:18:49] We could do a character

[00:18:50] I mean but no

[00:18:51] I can do a character

[00:18:52] No really can't

[00:18:53] Guys we can't do it

[00:18:55] Do em

[00:18:56] So

[00:18:58] It just sounds like Eric

[00:19:00] So there's one banana

[00:19:02] You just talk about shrooms and bananas

[00:19:04] For 40 minutes

[00:19:05] So I was eating mushrooms

[00:19:06] The other day and I realized

[00:19:07] That bananas are the most important fruit

[00:19:09] Yeah

[00:19:11] And then Kyle Martin shows up

[00:19:14] Yeah and he's like

[00:19:16] Why didn't you move to Leesburg

[00:19:18] That's such a good friend

[00:19:20] My friend's incredible

[00:19:21] No one knows

[00:19:22] That's incredible

[00:19:24] Kyle Martin who lives in LA now

[00:19:26] Yeah I think he's doing one of his bitties

[00:19:28] From three years ago

[00:19:30] The longer than that

[00:19:32] Like five years ago

[00:19:34] Why would you move there?

[00:19:36] Can anybody do foodie?

[00:19:38] Who else has distinctive voices?

[00:19:40] Everybody can approximate foodie

[00:19:42] He's tough to do exactly

[00:19:44] Yeah

[00:19:45] People can do his cadence

[00:19:46] But they can't

[00:19:47] Alright

[00:19:48] This is bad content

[00:19:49] Yeah this is really bad

[00:19:51] We need to go back to

[00:19:52] The Nick

[00:19:53] Yeah let's go into recap shows

[00:19:55] Yeah have you guys been watching Westworld?

[00:19:57] No

[00:19:58] This shit sucks a dick

[00:20:00] That was a bad fucking show

[00:20:02] I saw the first three episodes

[00:20:04] And I'm probably going to watch all of it

[00:20:06] It's one of those bad shows

[00:20:07] Where I'm going to watch all of them

[00:20:09] Yeah I'm going to feel it

[00:20:10] I feel like I should

[00:20:11] I feel like I should fucking watch it

[00:20:12] It's fucking to have an opinion

[00:20:13] It's retarded

[00:20:14] I fell asleep during the last one

[00:20:15] I woke up and then like

[00:20:17] The Satan there

[00:20:19] They're Satan though?

[00:20:20] Yeah

[00:20:21] I don't see them

[00:20:22] I put Satan in the game

[00:20:23] Oooooo

[00:20:24] They're scary

[00:20:26] Yo there's a lot of

[00:20:28] Should we do a spooky Halloween episode?

[00:20:30] Yeah I guess

[00:20:31] I mean this one's going up tonight

[00:20:33] Oh okay

[00:20:34] We see the bonus one should be

[00:20:35] A spooky Halloween episode

[00:20:36] Yeah

[00:20:37] Let's talk ghost stories

[00:20:38] We tell the scary story

[00:20:40] Adam what's your favorite ghost story?

[00:20:42] My favorite ghost story

[00:20:44] Ummm

[00:20:46] How about

[00:20:49] Okay so

[00:20:50] There was a guy, a man

[00:20:52] Yeah yeah yeah

[00:20:53] And this man

[00:20:54] You know

[00:20:55] I'd been living in this town

[00:20:56] His whole life

[00:20:57] And it was a pretty quiet town

[00:20:58] You know

[00:20:59] Not a lot of trouble

[00:21:00] You know

[00:21:01] Not that there wasn't crime

[00:21:02] Just like any other town

[00:21:03] I guess

[00:21:04] Mmmhmm

[00:21:05] Small things here or there

[00:21:06] Again he good

[00:21:07] Uh

[00:21:08] Any good citizen

[00:21:10] He decided to join

[00:21:11] His local neighborhood watch

[00:21:13] Jesus fucking Christ

[00:21:16] Come on man

[00:21:19] And they said no George

[00:21:22] Come on dude

[00:21:24] Trayvon's been dead for 40 years

[00:21:26] Oh shit

[00:21:29] I know another one

[00:21:31] I know another one

[00:21:33] Fuck

[00:21:34] So there's this um

[00:21:37] There's this woman

[00:21:39] She's a

[00:21:40] She's a day trader in Manhattan

[00:21:42] It's 1980s

[00:21:44] She's making a lot of money

[00:21:45] A lot of cocaine those days

[00:21:47] Wall Street

[00:21:48] Money never sleeps

[00:21:50] Actually that was the sequel

[00:21:52] Just regular Wall Street

[00:21:53] Okay

[00:21:54] She's a successful woman

[00:21:56] She knows what she wants

[00:21:57] She thinks she could have it all

[00:21:59] She doesn't have a lot of time in the day

[00:22:01] One of her greatest joys is jogging

[00:22:03] But she has to do at the middle of the night

[00:22:05] Through Central Park

[00:22:07] Through Central Park

[00:22:08] A couple of

[00:22:10] Spooky characters

[00:22:12] They had five spooky

[00:22:14] Dark

[00:22:16] And spooky

[00:22:18] Boy

[00:22:20] Boys

[00:22:22] They were

[00:22:24] They raped her in the park

[00:22:26] I'm not doing this game

[00:22:30] I got another scare

[00:22:33] One time I was walking out of the street

[00:22:37] This fucking dude came out of nowhere

[00:22:40] So I had to call the police

[00:22:43] And dropped how he's dead

[00:22:46] Boy there was

[00:22:47] There was one

[00:22:48] So old neighborhood

[00:22:50] And a long time ago

[00:22:52] It actually used to be pretty nice

[00:22:54] But time goes on

[00:22:56] Things change

[00:22:57] And there was a

[00:23:00] Specter, they say a spirit

[00:23:02] That had discount cigarettes

[00:23:04] Ooh

[00:23:06] Scared me

[00:23:07] I'm scared

[00:23:09] Ooh

[00:23:13] Scared everyone by selling those tax-free cigarettes

[00:23:16] Out of his backpack

[00:23:18] Until one day

[00:23:19] Some heroes were alerted

[00:23:21] And they found his weakness

[00:23:23] As if I

[00:23:24] Geez

[00:23:25] Fuck

[00:23:26] Alright, here's a scary story

[00:23:29] Okay

[00:23:30] I don't know about this game anymore guys

[00:23:34] There's a

[00:23:35] Freeze pretty good

[00:23:36] There's a boy

[00:23:37] Who wanted more than anything

[00:23:41] The toy to be

[00:23:43] In Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight

[00:23:45] But no

[00:23:46] Not as the Dark Knight

[00:23:48] But as

[00:23:51] He fledges Joker

[00:23:54] They say if you go into that theater late at night

[00:24:00] You can still hear him saying

[00:24:03] You want to know how to play

[00:24:06] The song is saying

[00:24:07] You want to know how I got these scars

[00:24:09] You want to know how I got these scars

[00:24:13] My dad's dick was this big

[00:24:21] I just love the idea of the dad

[00:24:29] Popping that kid's face open

[00:24:31] That's a huge dick

[00:24:33] That's what happened to the Joker's face

[00:24:35] His dad stretched the kid's dick out

[00:24:39] Do you know what the Chelsea smile is?

[00:24:41] Yeah

[00:24:42] It's like the

[00:24:42] Son's an anarchy guy

[00:24:44] Football hooligans in England

[00:24:46] Like Chelsea supporters

[00:24:47] I'll split your fucking face open

[00:24:49] They put a credit card in your mouth

[00:24:52] And then they

[00:24:53] Bang either side of your mouth

[00:24:55] What the fuck?

[00:24:56] And then it splits your cheeks up

[00:24:58] And it's called the Chelsea smile

[00:25:00] What the fuck man?

[00:25:02] It's not true

[00:25:06] What the fuck man?

[00:25:08] It's not true

[00:25:09] We do it for football teams

[00:25:12] What kind invented it?

[00:25:14] That's what we do to get into acting

[00:25:16] And Jason stay from doing it too

[00:25:18] We just beat up other men

[00:25:20] To impress the football boys

[00:25:22] To impress the young Italians

[00:25:24] We think that the football boys

[00:25:26] Will be proud of us

[00:25:28] That's why I'll compete the best

[00:25:29] At wearing a scarf

[00:25:30] They have a lot of Jewish fans

[00:25:32] And so people at games

[00:25:35] They'll like

[00:25:36] Hyle Hitler

[00:25:37] They'd be like

[00:25:38] Oi!

[00:25:39] Go to the fucking oven

[00:25:40] G-Pace edition

[00:25:41] And I think the supporters wear cartoonish

[00:25:44] The fucking hat and the fucking payo

[00:25:47] The

[00:25:46] The

[00:25:49] Like I think they use Jews as fucking mascots

[00:25:51] It's hilarious

[00:25:52] Like we do with the Native Americans

[00:25:54] Pretty good man

[00:25:56] Pretty conscience

[00:25:57] Well that was the ghost stories

[00:25:59] I really saved it

[00:26:01] Those were really spook stories

[00:26:03] I feel like people love the impressions

[00:26:05] Those were really poorly done impressions

[00:26:07] It's the impressions of

[00:26:09] It is fucking

[00:26:09] ZC local comedians

[00:26:11] Yeah, that were friends with

[00:26:13] Actors from 50 years ago

[00:26:15] Those are good

[00:26:16] I mean those are more

[00:26:18] I can't do

[00:26:19] Those are widely below me

[00:26:21] You can't do any

[00:26:22] Stotch suck in my dick

[00:26:24] That's my Sinatra

[00:26:26] Pretty good

[00:26:27] That's just like a generic attack

[00:26:29] Stot eating my ass

[00:26:31] Ooh

[00:26:32] Ooh

[00:26:33] Ha ha ha ha

[00:26:35] Ooh

[00:26:37] Ooh

[00:26:38] Ooh

[00:26:39] Can you hear them boys?

[00:26:40] Look at them, what are they saying?

[00:26:42] Ooh, they're saying

[00:26:43] Carpe diem

[00:26:44] Make your suicide

[00:26:46] Extraordinarily

[00:26:47] That's what they're saying boy

[00:26:49] What if

[00:26:51] When they did the

[00:26:53] O Captain my Captain scene

[00:26:55] Me and the former were just talking about that

[00:26:56] They would have shit moving

[00:26:58] I'm fucking awful

[00:26:59] But I didn't say

[00:27:00] Rich boys

[00:27:01] Because you know it came out the year after

[00:27:03] Stand and deliver

[00:27:04] And they're like

[00:27:05] Yeah, that's pretty a good idea

[00:27:06] But who cares about

[00:27:07] Like Latino kids

[00:27:08] What if it's like

[00:27:09] Extremely affluent white boys

[00:27:11] You don't know how they're going to spend

[00:27:12] Their dad's money

[00:27:13] And they're just kind of like

[00:27:15] Lost and then the tragedy is

[00:27:16] One of them doesn't get to be in the play

[00:27:18] So he has to kill himself

[00:27:19] That's the movie I've never had

[00:27:21] Yeah, it's a ballet in New York

[00:27:23] At prep school

[00:27:24] It's New England prep school in the 50s

[00:27:25] Yeah, they're all like

[00:27:26] A bunch of fucking rich kids

[00:27:27] And they're like

[00:27:28] After rich my school

[00:27:31] Father says I get to have my own boat

[00:27:33] I don't know where to go

[00:27:35] On my merry adventures

[00:27:37] In Father's boat

[00:27:39] I'm only allowed to stop wearing shorts

[00:27:41] At age 27

[00:27:43] When then I'm able to kiss a debut

[00:27:45] Taunt on the cheek

[00:27:46] Eventually losing my virginity

[00:27:48] At 47 years old

[00:27:50] To a woman of the age of 12

[00:27:52] Also it's

[00:27:54] To a fully grown woman

[00:27:56] At the age of 8 years old

[00:27:58] Did you like Rishi?

[00:27:59] She's got half a titty

[00:28:00] And one pew

[00:28:01] At age of a grown woman

[00:28:02] I've been no New England

[00:28:04] Did you guys read the

[00:28:07] Like the sort of

[00:28:09] Homoeyrotic subtext of that movie

[00:28:11] Right?

[00:28:12] Wasn't there like

[00:28:13] Kind of a little first of all

[00:28:14] There's a homoerotic subtext

[00:28:16] To wasps in general

[00:28:17] Yeah, that's true

[00:28:18] Yeah, those guys definitely

[00:28:19] Kiss and fuck

[00:28:20] Yeah, no, there's an essay

[00:28:21] By

[00:28:22] Fucking

[00:28:24] Teddy Roosevelt

[00:28:25] This is how I'm gonna read the essays

[00:28:27] This is essay by Teddy Roosevelt

[00:28:29] About what makes a good boy

[00:28:30] A goody good boy

[00:28:32] Oh god

[00:28:33] And it's just ridiculous

[00:28:34] It's a grown menu back then

[00:28:35] Used to be obsessed with boyhood

[00:28:37] Like that's what the boy scouts

[00:28:38] Came out of

[00:28:39] They have to be good

[00:28:41] Goody boys

[00:28:42] Learn how to beat good and just

[00:28:44] And they wear shorts

[00:28:45] And we can see their legs

[00:28:47] When they bend over

[00:28:48] We know they're good

[00:28:50] And it's like

[00:28:52] This is a ridiculous essay by him

[00:28:53] That I read a copy

[00:28:54] I can find it

[00:28:55] Yeah, I mean

[00:28:56] Even the Hitler youth

[00:28:58] You know

[00:28:59] Yeah, same thing

[00:29:00] Same thing

[00:29:01] The show was looked over

[00:29:02] When you said Hitler youth

[00:29:03] She was looking out the window

[00:29:04] And then looked

[00:29:05] Looked back

[00:29:06] When you mentioned Hitler

[00:29:07] If you'd say it one more time

[00:29:08] My dog programming would have kicked in

[00:29:09] My dog's a

[00:29:11] Adam got the dog for a little

[00:29:13] Rascals

[00:29:14] She looked exactly like Buckweed

[00:29:16] You know that had

[00:29:17] Said that actor died

[00:29:18] The people on the show

[00:29:19] Yeah, tore his larynx off

[00:29:21] Shut the fuck up

[00:29:22] Shut up

[00:29:23] I mean I wish

[00:29:24] Yeah

[00:29:25] That would have been so funny

[00:29:27] Yeah, well

[00:29:28] You know the original Buckweed

[00:29:30] I mean they would have

[00:29:31] Back then they would have been

[00:29:32] Just as mad to have to replace

[00:29:33] The pit bull as a black child

[00:29:35] Yeah

[00:29:36] Well they replaced the fat boy

[00:29:38] Who was credited as the fat boy

[00:29:40] By the way

[00:29:42] I remember we looked at Kid up

[00:29:44] He was Joe Cobb

[00:29:45] He was hilarious

[00:29:46] He's one of the funniest

[00:29:47] Looking human beings

[00:29:49] Of all time

[00:29:50] And then you know he's a fat boy

[00:29:51] In the 1920s

[00:29:52] So they would have to like put him

[00:29:53] In like a

[00:29:54] Sailors outfit

[00:29:55] With pigtails and a giant lollipop

[00:29:57] Oh you can see it

[00:29:59] That was the pedophile with a sense of humor

[00:30:00] Who's doing that?

[00:30:02] Who's doing that?

[00:30:03] They're a makeup guy that was like

[00:30:06] I got this

[00:30:07] This isn't related

[00:30:09] But I just remembered

[00:30:11] When we were

[00:30:12] We were joking around about

[00:30:14] How Clint Eastwood used a

[00:30:15] Doll in an American sniper

[00:30:17] Yeah

[00:30:18] And we were joking around

[00:30:19] That like the reason he used a doll

[00:30:21] Is because

[00:30:22] The goddamn agents

[00:30:24] He sent me some goo kids

[00:30:25] I can't have these goo kids on my side

[00:30:29] There's fucking Parkinson's

[00:30:31] Shipped a baby to him

[00:30:33] He killed nine babies

[00:30:35] Killed by a baby

[00:30:36] A bunch of crib deaths

[00:30:37] That shit is still like

[00:30:38] Don't you know who I am?

[00:30:40] I pretended I was in World War II

[00:30:42] Wait

[00:30:43] Wait is he a stolen valor guy?

[00:30:46] I mean

[00:30:47] If you look at his career

[00:30:48] I mean

[00:30:49] Yeah

[00:30:50] All actors are stolen valor guys

[00:30:51] It's true

[00:30:52] Because you know they have to believe it

[00:30:54] Partially because of the method acting thing

[00:30:56] But also because they want to believe it

[00:30:57] Like Mark Wahlberg absolutely

[00:30:58] He thinks he's so cool

[00:31:00] I mean he thinks he would have stopped 9-11

[00:31:03] He thinks he would have stopped deep water

[00:31:05] Horizon

[00:31:06] He already made that movie

[00:31:08] By kicking the pipe

[00:31:10] Yeah

[00:31:11] They're like we need somebody to bench press

[00:31:13] The entire oil rig

[00:31:14] And he's like

[00:31:15] You fucking goo

[00:31:16] Wait you know that

[00:31:17] You know that him and Peter Berg

[00:31:19] Made a fucking

[00:31:21] Boston bombing movie

[00:31:23] That

[00:31:24] That came out

[00:31:25] That came out like

[00:31:26] Two months after the Deepwater Horizon movie

[00:31:28] I think it's about to come out

[00:31:29] Deepwater Horizon movie

[00:31:30] Just came out

[00:31:31] It just came out

[00:31:32] And like literally the Boston bombing movie

[00:31:34] Is just about to come out

[00:31:35] No I haven't seen shit for that

[00:31:36] And it's Peter Berg

[00:31:37] It's the same director

[00:31:39] And Mark Mark

[00:31:40] And what he's stopping the Boston bomb

[00:31:42] Is it an alternate?

[00:31:43] It's about how useless the police were at

[00:31:45] Or the only feature

[00:31:46] It's like him going on Reddit

[00:31:48] And trying to figure out

[00:31:49] He's one of the guys

[00:31:50] Oh yeah that was such a fucking success

[00:31:52] How Reddit found him

[00:31:55] And all those fucking Reddit retards

[00:31:57] They're like I really just love the power of this

[00:31:59] Website in social media

[00:32:00] So you're fucking harassing some dead kids family

[00:32:03] You fucking Indian God

[00:32:05] They're like please stop going

[00:32:08] I'm sorry it's not going to all

[00:32:10] It's three weeks

[00:32:11] They're like oh sorry

[00:32:13] Fuck we're making a joke

[00:32:16] Listeners about how Reddit got the

[00:32:19] Boston bombers wrong

[00:32:21] They fucking know dude

[00:32:22] I don't know

[00:32:23] I think they understand

[00:32:24] Hey what's up with that dude

[00:32:25] That's just going to fight

[00:32:26] The Twitter guy that's like

[00:32:28] In some kind of fucking army or some shit

[00:32:30] Do you see that shit?

[00:32:31] Oh yeah

[00:32:32] He just picked Grandpa

[00:32:33] What the fuck is up with that

[00:32:34] Hey join the YPG

[00:32:35] To fight for the Kurds

[00:32:36] That's sick dude

[00:32:37] That's fucking crazy

[00:32:38] Well yo

[00:32:39] Honestly he's shit split right?

[00:32:40] He's fucked

[00:32:41] I mean maybe maybe not

[00:32:42] Honestly I heard he has some kind of

[00:32:44] Military training

[00:32:45] And that picture he posted

[00:32:47] He's got like a fucking pappy

[00:32:48] Yeah he's hooked up

[00:32:50] It's like a heavy duty sniper rifle

[00:32:52] Dude those fucking

[00:32:54] I'm scared of Kurds though dude

[00:32:56] Why?

[00:32:57] They're fucking scary dude

[00:32:58] You're out in the fucking desert

[00:32:59] No dude the YPG are sick

[00:33:00] They have like hot girls

[00:33:01] That are in the house

[00:33:02] I have seen some of those

[00:33:03] They're like

[00:33:04] They're communist

[00:33:05] They're communist

[00:33:07] Vice Kurdish communist

[00:33:08] Malisha

[00:33:09] No no they're cool

[00:33:10] But who the fuck are they fighting

[00:33:11] ISIS

[00:33:12] Damn dude ISIS

[00:33:13] Fuck that

[00:33:13] Yeah they're mean to ISIS

[00:33:14] That's cool

[00:33:15] Well that's why

[00:33:16] The government's not gonna give a shit

[00:33:17] There was a kid that

[00:33:18] What are you fucking doing?

[00:33:19] I'm taking a video of ISIS on the podcast

[00:33:22] Sorry

[00:33:23] You're fucking piece of shit dude

[00:33:25] Who made?

[00:33:26] No him

[00:33:27] What are you fucking fucking

[00:33:28] What are you fucking fucking

[00:33:29] You didn't think that was

[00:33:30] Gonna be distracting

[00:33:31] I'm sorry

[00:33:32] Nick was saying

[00:33:33] There was a video

[00:33:34] And so you were taking a different video

[00:33:37] Because he said the word video

[00:33:40] You decided to take a video

[00:33:42] No because ISIS looks cute right now

[00:33:45] At sidebar

[00:33:47] Can you make us Rice Krispies treats after this?

[00:33:49] We could

[00:33:50] Yeah if you want to

[00:33:51] Yeah I want to

[00:33:52] We could do Rice Krispies

[00:33:53] I want to use your roommates

[00:33:54] Vitamix

[00:33:55] Make Rice Krispies treat

[00:33:56] Thank you

[00:33:57] Just can't clean it out

[00:33:58] No

[00:33:59] Just go dump it there

[00:34:01] Oh my bad dude

[00:34:02] I'll get it

[00:34:03] Oh my bad dude

[00:34:04] I'll get you a new one

[00:34:05] You bite of me

[00:34:07] Dude

[00:34:08] Oh shit man

[00:34:09] This causes as much as a hard die

[00:34:10] Michael Fudy was straight up depressed

[00:34:12] Because he like

[00:34:13] Research Blender is for weeks

[00:34:15] And then got a Blendtec

[00:34:16] And then he decided after he bought a Blendtec

[00:34:18] That the Blendtec was the second best blender in the market

[00:34:20] Behind the Vitamix

[00:34:22] The Vitamix is obviously the best blender

[00:34:24] Yeah he's like

[00:34:25] I feel like the most pathetic on the world

[00:34:27] I have the second best blender

[00:34:29] I think it's maybe

[00:34:30] A 50 dollar difference

[00:34:32] I don't think it's that money

[00:34:34] No man

[00:34:35] A fully loaded Vitamix is $750

[00:34:39] Jesus fucking Christ

[00:34:41] We don't have the fully loaded one

[00:34:43] We have like

[00:34:44] You don't have the next step down

[00:34:46] The 700?

[00:34:47] I don't know

[00:34:48] It might be like 600 bucks

[00:34:50] The 690?

[00:34:51] Yeah

[00:34:52] I have the 700 club edition

[00:34:53] It's got Pat Robinson on there

[00:34:54] It's pretty good

[00:34:57] Yeah

[00:34:58] It tells you that

[00:35:00] The terrorist attacks were caused by women taking birth controls

[00:35:03] Yeah that's what

[00:35:04] Dude I want to join the Kurt army

[00:35:06] First of all my parents would be so mad at me

[00:35:08] Why?

[00:35:09] Because I was fighting with Arabs

[00:35:10] Being in a Kurt army

[00:35:11] And the second of all they're hot girl soldiers

[00:35:13] You should just go to these really army dude

[00:35:15] I don't want to be in that one

[00:35:16] That's the bad one

[00:35:18] Yeah but they got hot

[00:35:19] I mean but that's

[00:35:20] You know

[00:35:21] You got to be part of the

[00:35:22] You want to go against the Jews?

[00:35:23] No

[00:35:24] If I'm in like the brave like

[00:35:26] Communist one against Isis

[00:35:28] That's the idea of cooler

[00:35:29] The idea of fight's children

[00:35:31] Yeah I don't want to be like

[00:35:33] Pointing a gun at a kid throwing a rock

[00:35:35] I don't want to be that bad

[00:35:38] You know

[00:35:39] That's why they have the best snipers in the world

[00:35:41] I think I made that joke

[00:35:42] I'm going to have to drink for children

[00:35:44] Because they have to

[00:35:45] The smaller target is to pick off the six year old

[00:35:47] Two year old

[00:35:48] Good

[00:35:49] Great job

[00:35:50] Thanks

[00:35:51] The Greek army is fucking hilarious dude

[00:35:53] It's just like

[00:35:54] You just make it

[00:35:55] You're still naked

[00:35:56] You're still naked

[00:35:57] Dude

[00:35:58] There's one gun

[00:36:00] He's gross

[00:36:01] He's getting good

[00:36:02] They would probably actually win a ground war

[00:36:04] If like you know the fucking

[00:36:06] Let's say there was a war with Greece

[00:36:08] Yeah

[00:36:09] And like the Marines showed up

[00:36:11] And they were like

[00:36:12] Oh we got to take this compound

[00:36:13] And then a bunch of Greek dudes just ran out

[00:36:15] And make it at the

[00:36:16] They were like

[00:36:17] Whoa what the fuck dude

[00:36:18] Don't be gay at me

[00:36:20] They just started shooting themselves

[00:36:22] Like you see

[00:36:23] We were committing suicide

[00:36:25] We've trained each other to fucking

[00:36:27] Suck each other's dicks while doing cart wheel

[00:36:29] Of course the enemy can

[00:36:30] Just

[00:36:31] The Marines just call their wives in San Diego

[00:36:33] Just like

[00:36:34] I don't know

[00:36:35] I don't know

[00:36:35] I don't know

[00:36:36] I don't know

[00:36:37] The Upping to make it out of his rear

[00:36:38] Most definitely fucking like a guy that works

[00:36:39] For UPL

[00:36:40] Of course

[00:36:41] While they're in a rack

[00:36:42] He just don't talk to me

[00:36:44] I don't know if I'm going to make it out of this

[00:36:46] What there's so many

[00:36:48] There's so many

[00:36:49] Greek uncircumcised dicks getting sucked by men

[00:36:51] That's the marine special

[00:36:52] You go to war

[00:36:53] You come home

[00:36:54] You marry a woman

[00:36:55] Looks like dog

[00:36:56] You're a funny hunter

[00:36:58] When they all get married quick

[00:37:00] A shit for like benefits or some shit

[00:37:02] If you have a wife you get more

[00:37:04] Or some shit

[00:37:05] I think it's PTSD

[00:37:06] I think they're like

[00:37:07] Well it's time to have a family

[00:37:08] Yeah

[00:37:09] Absolutely

[00:37:10] Absolutely

[00:37:11] You're best pussy getting yours

[00:37:13] You know

[00:37:14] You're just wasting

[00:37:15] You got plenty of pussy getting yours

[00:37:16] You just came home

[00:37:17] You get a fucking

[00:37:18] That's true

[00:37:19] It does get easier

[00:37:20] The older you get

[00:37:21] Yeah and you fucking

[00:37:22] You got cool stories and shit

[00:37:23] Yeah

[00:37:24] It's true

[00:37:25] For some

[00:37:26] Guys like us

[00:37:27] We get more attractive

[00:37:28] The three of us

[00:37:29] Shut the fuck up

[00:37:30] You fuck

[00:37:31] You

[00:37:32] I'm not considerably more attractive

[00:37:35] With each year

[00:37:36] I don't know about

[00:37:37] Dude you have also

[00:37:38] Nick has to

[00:37:39] I mean

[00:37:40] I

[00:37:41] The only thing

[00:37:42] You're a cute technically

[00:37:43] Yes because the older

[00:37:44] The more like it's acceptable to look like shit the older you are

[00:37:47] So people stop expecting you to be fucking

[00:37:50] But you you fuck

[00:37:51] You don't need to fucking

[00:37:52] How much more attractive

[00:37:53] Not

[00:37:54] Dude I was fucking like 20 and I look like I was 14

[00:37:58] Yeah yeah me too

[00:37:59] Yeah exactly

[00:38:00] Yeah I suppose

[00:38:01] I look bad at like 23

[00:38:03] You know

[00:38:04] I just looked like a fucking

[00:38:06] I don't think I look okay now

[00:38:08] But it's just only getting better

[00:38:09] For some reason

[00:38:10] You just want to fucking

[00:38:11] Because all those Annie Hall

[00:38:13] You know

[00:38:14] It's like I wish they had the fuck it is

[00:38:15] Just Annie Hall angle

[00:38:16] Yeah

[00:38:17] All these girls that are like

[00:38:19] Oh my God you can you can fuck those

[00:38:21] You can fuck them

[00:38:23] Dude I have to make a movie about

[00:38:25] Fat guys fucking

[00:38:26] Dickfield

[00:38:27] Cash is in on that too

[00:38:28] That's infuriating

[00:38:29] That's infuriating

[00:38:31] At least I'm not even Jewish

[00:38:32] I'm mad only out of jealousy

[00:38:34] But I am happy that you fuck

[00:38:36] Yeah I mean

[00:38:37] Dickfield fucking off that

[00:38:38] I appreciate it

[00:38:39] Yeah I mean that's

[00:38:41] That's why Woody Allen made movies

[00:38:43] So creeps could fuck

[00:38:45] Ah fuck

[00:38:46] I love the In-Man Hat

[00:38:47] Woody Allen

[00:38:48] His girlfriend's literally 17 years old

[00:38:50] He plays an adult

[00:38:51] Like he's such a flint

[00:38:53] In Annie Hall

[00:38:54] When his friend is trying to convince him

[00:38:55] To move to LA

[00:38:56] One of his big selling points

[00:38:57] Like I slept with twins

[00:38:59] They were 16

[00:39:01] It's like you're bragging about a 3-something

[00:39:03] With high school sophomores

[00:39:05] The times were different

[00:39:07] The times were different

[00:39:09] They were swinging

[00:39:10] They were swinging

[00:39:11] The 70s

[00:39:13] That is you know

[00:39:15] Whatever

[00:39:16] It's gross

[00:39:17] You know

[00:39:18] You said he's bad

[00:39:19] That's your take now

[00:39:20] Woody Allen

[00:39:21] That it's bad

[00:39:22] I think that's a cool take to have

[00:39:23] No

[00:39:24] I don't

[00:39:24] Woody Bad in terms of what?

[00:39:25] You're saying that his movies aren't very good

[00:39:27] No I'm not saying he's bad

[00:39:29] I'm saying that he never really did anything for me

[00:39:31] I've never really enjoyed Woody Allen

[00:39:33] You know who really hated it

[00:39:34] My friend Eric

[00:39:35] Really?

[00:39:36] One time we put on

[00:39:37] We put on

[00:39:38] He fucking sucks

[00:39:39] Dude we put on

[00:39:40] Yeah

[00:39:41] We put on like Manhattan or something

[00:39:42] Why is this

[00:39:43] Why is this tall bitch

[00:39:44] Trying to fuck this nerd

[00:39:45] Yeah he's like

[00:39:46] He's like

[00:39:47] They're just

[00:39:48] It's just like too much talking

[00:39:50] I don't know why these people are fucking talking

[00:39:52] Why does he never talk

[00:39:53] He's like

[00:39:54] You should

[00:39:55] Have a gun

[00:39:56] Dude there's this bitch

[00:39:58] Yeah

[00:39:59] I mean it's like funny to me

[00:40:01] In a way that

[00:40:02] You know

[00:40:03] It's just not funny to me

[00:40:05] I mean I get it but it doesn't make me laugh

[00:40:07] I know what you mean

[00:40:09] I mean I liked it but I remember

[00:40:11] I had my Woody Allen

[00:40:12] When I was 16 or 17

[00:40:14] So I don't know if it's

[00:40:15] I haven't read this

[00:40:16] You want to watch something soon

[00:40:17] The dramas are actually

[00:40:19] I think

[00:40:20] I like Hannah and her sisters

[00:40:21] Hannah and her sisters

[00:40:22] And crimes and misdemeanors

[00:40:23] I think are pretty good

[00:40:24] Crimes and misdemeanors

[00:40:25] is hilarious

[00:40:26] Cause it's a movie about a guy

[00:40:27] Doing a horrible thing

[00:40:28] Yeah yeah

[00:40:29] Getting away with it

[00:40:30] And then just going about his life

[00:40:31] It's like

[00:40:32] Gee I wonder what this is about

[00:40:34] Woody

[00:40:35] You know it's a better version of that

[00:40:36] Bad Lieutenant Porter Call

[00:40:38] Yeah I was about to say

[00:40:39] That movie fucking rules

[00:40:41] I haven't seen it

[00:40:42] It's so good

[00:40:43] It's so fucking good

[00:40:45] I haven't seen the Harvey Kitella

[00:40:46] It's okay

[00:40:47] But you can see Harvey Kitella's

[00:40:48] Dick in the original

[00:40:49] Harvey Kitella's the worst actor

[00:40:50] In the world

[00:40:51] He's good

[00:40:52] He's really?

[00:40:53] Why?

[00:40:54] The most overrated actor

[00:40:55] I'll give you overrated

[00:40:56] But he's not terrible

[00:40:57] You're not gonna die

[00:40:59] Say it with me

[00:41:01] Hey

[00:41:02] Actually you know what I think

[00:41:03] Whoa

[00:41:04] Where I am

[00:41:05] I just saw mean streets

[00:41:07] And I love mean streets

[00:41:09] I thought it was a lot worse

[00:41:11] Than I did

[00:41:12] I was expecting

[00:41:13] Well again

[00:41:14] I saw when I was 16

[00:41:15] Yeah

[00:41:16] I saw that when I was 16 too

[00:41:17] When I was at Block but

[00:41:18] Or maybe it was 18

[00:41:19] I was a block but

[00:41:20] But De Niro's great

[00:41:21] Because De Niro's playing like a

[00:41:22] Character

[00:41:23] He's like actually like acting

[00:41:25] But Taxi Driver's so much fucking

[00:41:26] Better than Main Street

[00:41:27] Sure for sure

[00:41:28] So if you have the choice between

[00:41:29] The two

[00:41:30] I mean King of Comedy too

[00:41:31] He's really fucking playing a

[00:41:32] Character

[00:41:33] That's in a different

[00:41:34] Category of course

[00:41:35] Yeah

[00:41:36] At this point he just frowns

[00:41:37] Yeah you know

[00:41:38] It's all he does

[00:41:39] He gets met

[00:41:40] He's apparent that gets met

[00:41:41] Yeah he gets met

[00:41:42] Yeah

[00:41:43] He gets met

[00:41:45] Hey fuck

[00:41:46] Hey hold on

[00:41:47] He's also a dirty grandpa

[00:41:48] Maybe they made analyze this

[00:41:49] And then they were like

[00:41:50] Boom

[00:41:51] They analyze that

[00:41:52] We're analyzing over

[00:41:53] Here's the third one

[00:41:54] Hey

[00:41:55] I'm analyzing over

[00:41:56] I got some fucking analyzing

[00:41:57] For you about

[00:42:05] Talking about my dick

[00:42:06] That's the fourth one where it's

[00:42:07] Fucking who's a fuck

[00:42:09] Ray Leona's just his character

[00:42:13] They just recast

[00:42:15] I love when they go straight to DVD

[00:42:17] And it's just like

[00:42:18] Instead of Stiffler

[00:42:20] It's just another guy

[00:42:21] Yeah

[00:42:22] Ray Leona just shows up

[00:42:24] And weird shit now

[00:42:25] Ray Leona's got the weird

[00:42:27] His laugh is the worst laugh of all

[00:42:29] Time

[00:42:30] Like that almost ruined

[00:42:32] Good fellas for me

[00:42:34] The first time I saw it

[00:42:36] Because I saw Good fellas

[00:42:37] For whatever reason really late

[00:42:39] And I was like

[00:42:40] Obviously it's a fucking great movie

[00:42:41] But I'm fucking

[00:42:41] But he's just

[00:42:43] He's just like

[00:42:44] He's laugh

[00:42:46] He just can't laugh

[00:42:48] All the acting ability has

[00:42:50] The laugh is completely lost

[00:42:52] My friend who's grandfather

[00:42:54] Was Cleveland, Jewish Mafia

[00:42:56] New Henry Hill

[00:42:58] That was his name

[00:42:59] Cleveland, Jewish Mafia

[00:43:00] That was his first middle last

[00:43:01] Was he at a group

[00:43:02] An offshoot of 3-6 Mafia?

[00:43:04] Yes

[00:43:05] There's a Jew Mafia

[00:43:07] There's a Jew Mafia

[00:43:08] What are you talking about?

[00:43:09] Cleveland though?

[00:43:10] Cleveland, yes

[00:43:11] I would always want to be

[00:43:12] A Kansas City businessman

[00:43:14] You know his Cleveland?

[00:43:16] Chef Borodie

[00:43:18] What do you mean?

[00:43:19] Chef Borodie's from Cleveland

[00:43:21] There are a lot of Italians

[00:43:23] At Cleveland

[00:43:24] Chef Borodie actually used to be

[00:43:25] A real guy

[00:43:26] He doesn't know that

[00:43:27] In the 50s he was like a TV guy

[00:43:29] Really?

[00:43:30] Yeah

[00:43:31] Cleveland

[00:43:32] His name was Chef Borodie

[00:43:33] It's such a fucking dumbass name

[00:43:35] I'm Tom Boyardee

[00:43:37] What's better Guy Fieri?

[00:43:39] Boyardee is pretty garbage

[00:43:41] Boyardee's fucking hilarious dude

[00:43:43] That sounds like a cartoon's name

[00:43:45] Yeah, it's probably some French bullshit

[00:43:47] Shout out Tangle size

[00:43:49] The city of Cleveland, Northeast Ohio

[00:43:51] Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks

[00:43:53] Drew Carey must be so stoked

[00:43:55] With these Cleveland Indians

[00:43:57] In the series

[00:43:58] The city of Cleveland

[00:44:00] We're so stoked with these Cleveland Indians

[00:44:03] In the series

[00:44:04] And LeBron getting his ring last night

[00:44:06] Wow, what a time

[00:44:07] I had him use corner

[00:44:08] This is Adam's news corner

[00:44:10] Meanwhile, Northeast Ohio

[00:44:13] In sports

[00:44:14] Adam's gay again

[00:44:15] Cleveland Rocks

[00:44:18] Cleveland Rocks

[00:44:19] I want the Cubs to win though

[00:44:20] Don't you want the fucking

[00:44:21] Who cares about Cleveland?

[00:44:22] Cleveland sucks

[00:44:23] Well, yeah, now I'm rooting for the Cubs

[00:44:25] Because body

[00:44:26] Oh yeah

[00:44:27] Might as well

[00:44:28] Might as well

[00:44:29] Sports dude

[00:44:30] That's what his money in any of his fan

[00:44:32] Yeah, he's a Cleveland sports fan

[00:44:34] Is he from Cleveland?

[00:44:35] I think so, I think he

[00:44:37] Spent some time there

[00:44:39] His favorite show is just the Drew Carey show

[00:44:41] Of course

[00:44:42] They analyzed every episode

[00:44:43] And if you do the math

[00:44:44] It is technically the best sitcom

[00:44:46] We already joke about how Mimi is the first tumbler girl

[00:44:50] Yeah, I said that for sure

[00:44:54] Fuckin' bitch Mimi

[00:44:57] Yeah, no, the tumbler already was real

[00:45:00] And there was apparently Jews in Cleveland

[00:45:02] That were in the mafia

[00:45:03] There was a Cleveland Jewish mafia

[00:45:05] What I was gonna say is

[00:45:06] Have you ever seen the original launch of Mima?

[00:45:08] No

[00:45:09] Rayland good sis

[00:45:13] On the bottle?

[00:45:15] No, it was an actual woman

[00:45:18] She was in black

[00:45:19] This is like a 500 pound black

[00:45:21] Oh my God

[00:45:23] I mean, every

[00:45:25] Every black woman

[00:45:27] And so is Uncle Ben, right?

[00:45:29] Yeah, Uncle Ben was supposed to be a slave

[00:45:31] And then people petitioned the company to change it

[00:45:33] And the company was like, what?

[00:45:35] And they finally changed it in like 2012

[00:45:39] Doesn't Kentucky gentleman

[00:45:41] Doesn't that still have a slave?

[00:45:43] It's like the fucking

[00:45:45] On the bottle?

[00:45:46] The great whiskey there is

[00:45:47] Yeah, and I think it just has like

[00:45:49] A slave giving the master a bottle of whiskey

[00:45:53] And I think that's still the fucking shit

[00:45:55] It's a whiskey

[00:45:56] It was definitely that way in college

[00:45:57] Because my dumb racist friend showed it to me

[00:45:59] Like, is this fucking hilarious?

[00:46:01] Like, finally we still get some

[00:46:03] Fun stuff and it's like no, this is

[00:46:05] You can't fucking do this

[00:46:07] He just thought it was the best shit ever

[00:46:09] That's how you used to get your whiskey

[00:46:11] You'd have

[00:46:12] You'd have all indoor Jimmy Brings

[00:46:14] Do we talk about this already?

[00:46:16] I was talking about this with my friend Max the other day

[00:46:19] But about how, um

[00:46:21] Trump said that

[00:46:22] Clinton is the

[00:46:24] Is the most violent to women

[00:46:26] Out of any president

[00:46:28] Of all time

[00:46:30] And we were just joking about how like

[00:46:32] Thomas Jefferson like

[00:46:34] Raped literally raped his property

[00:46:36] Multiple times that he created a last name

[00:46:40] It's like the most popular

[00:46:42] Black last name

[00:46:44] Yeah

[00:46:46] He repeatedly raved

[00:46:48] His human property

[00:46:50] Brought her to France

[00:46:51] So he could keep raping her

[00:46:53] Jeez

[00:46:54] Yeah, it's just like thinking about how many

[00:46:56] Black people have the same last name as the founding fathers

[00:46:59] And it's like

[00:47:00] Woah

[00:47:02] Oh, the Jefferson

[00:47:03] Jefferson and like

[00:47:05] I'm a petition Washington

[00:47:07] Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious

[00:47:09] My name's uh

[00:47:10] Tenisha John Quincy Adams

[00:47:12] Tenisha

[00:47:14] John Quincy Adams

[00:47:16] Tenisha Quincy Adams

[00:47:18] Yeah

[00:47:19] Uh, Le John

[00:47:21] Uh

[00:47:22] Quenchita

[00:47:24] Yeah, Jackson was literally

[00:47:26] Just an absolute monster

[00:47:29] Yeah, he was like

[00:47:30] And it was like one of the most popular

[00:47:31] Jackson if it weren't from

[00:47:33] No, he wasn't

[00:47:34] Had he not uh

[00:47:35] We talk about how my favorite president is

[00:47:37] Uh

[00:47:38] Zachary Taylor

[00:47:39] Why did he die?

[00:47:40] He died

[00:47:41] I'm the Vice-Star president

[00:47:42] I'm President Zach

[00:47:44] Yeah, Zach Taylor

[00:47:46] Y'all been middle school

[00:47:48] Yeah, I'm learning how to skateboard

[00:47:50] My mom says I can get my ear pierced next year

[00:47:52] You can also do that with the Canada guy uh

[00:47:55] Trudeau

[00:47:56] Yeah

[00:47:57] What's up, I'm Prime Minister Justin

[00:47:58] Yeah, Justin

[00:47:59] He is like that though

[00:48:00] There's a dude named Justin that's the head of a country

[00:48:03] Yeah

[00:48:04] Yeah

[00:48:05] And he's still somehow the second most important

[00:48:07] Justin in Canada

[00:48:09] Behind

[00:48:10] Justin Bieber

[00:48:12] Nice

[00:48:13] Nice

[00:48:14] Cool

[00:48:15] That's Adam's news corner

[00:48:16] Thank you for the week

[00:48:18] Guess what guys, the Nixon's middle name was Milhouse

[00:48:21] Milhouse, yes

[00:48:22] Which I know, the Simpson's

[00:48:23] Fucking Simpson's

[00:48:24] But yeah

[00:48:25] That's such a

[00:48:26] Stupid towny name

[00:48:27] Dick Milhouse

[00:48:29] Wait, Harry S Truman's

[00:48:31] Mil name was just S

[00:48:32] Yeah, I know

[00:48:33] It was actually

[00:48:34] It didn't

[00:48:35] No, it didn't say for anything

[00:48:36] Harry Schlong

[00:48:37] It was just a letter

[00:48:38] Who's like Homer J Simpson

[00:48:39] It literally was just a letter

[00:48:40] It was just a letter

[00:48:41] What?

[00:48:42] Yeah

[00:48:43] Why would you do that?

[00:48:44] Why would you give you fucking

[00:48:45] Sounds better than Harry Truman

[00:48:47] Remember those terrible

[00:48:48] You were presidential

[00:48:49] And like seasons like

[00:48:51] 13, 14, 15

[00:48:52] Of Simpsons?

[00:48:53] Where like every episode was like

[00:48:55] And we're going to reveal a new piece of trivia

[00:48:58] For the show

[00:48:59] Right, right

[00:49:00] The whole plot

[00:49:01] Where like smithers comes out of the closet and shit

[00:49:03] Yeah, that kind of when they killed Maud

[00:49:05] Yeah, I mean a lot of people say the turning point for that show

[00:49:08] Was the principal in the pauper

[00:49:10] Where you find out that principal Skinner is actually

[00:49:12] Armand Tansarian

[00:49:13] Oh right, right, right

[00:49:14] But that does have that great line

[00:49:16] And it up

[00:49:17] Up yours children

[00:49:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:49:20] That was a good episode

[00:49:22] But I don't remember

[00:49:23] That was the beginning of the end

[00:49:25] Yeah, I don't fucking remember

[00:49:27] And this is the beginning of the end of the podcast

[00:49:29] Is it?

[00:49:30] How long have we done?

[00:49:31] Ah, 14

[00:49:33] Nine minutes

[00:49:34] Nice, alright, that's good

[00:49:36] Put your fucking phone away

[00:49:37] Before I suck your dick

[00:49:38] What the fuck do you need to look at your phone for Adam?

[00:49:40] Oh, you got a text

[00:49:41] From who?

[00:49:42] No, I'm not

[00:49:43] No one

[00:49:44] I'm just gonna hear that

[00:49:45] She's gonna hear that you said that later

[00:49:47] Whoever there's no one bitches

[00:49:49] Is it from fucking Phil?

[00:49:52] Where the fuck are our play stations?

[00:49:54] Dude, I tried out that play station VR today

[00:49:57] Ohhh

[00:49:59] And I tell ya, it's exactly like wearing a TV on your head

[00:50:02] Get the fuck out of here, Isis

[00:50:04] Fucking gas dog

[00:50:06] Dude, yeah, we talked about this off Mike

[00:50:09] But boy, I tried the other one

[00:50:11] The Samsung shit

[00:50:13] And someone put porn on it

[00:50:15] That shit was so off

[00:50:16] Dude, just some fat titties in your face

[00:50:18] I legit was gonna cream my jeans, dude

[00:50:21] Straight up, no touching needed

[00:50:23] And I think that's the future of prostitution

[00:50:25] Is that possible, hands-free ejaculation?

[00:50:28] Dude, I don't know

[00:50:30] I think so

[00:50:31] I think with this shit it in

[00:50:33] I've never been that

[00:50:34] That horny

[00:50:35] I think you have your neck fat or your neck

[00:50:37] No, if anything, it's harder

[00:50:39] Because we have more testosterone

[00:50:41] One time my friend

[00:50:42] Your thighs are basically like a big pussy

[00:50:44] When I can't

[00:50:45] I know why it's just a big fat pussy

[00:50:47] Yo, I wish I could fuck my thighs

[00:50:49] But just like when you're trying to do a hula

[00:50:53] One time I went on a camping trip with my friends

[00:50:57] And my friend borrowed my other friend

[00:51:00] Who didn't come with us as a sleeping bag

[00:51:02] And he slept naked in a sleeping bag

[00:51:04] And had a win tree

[00:51:06] And he's like, dude, don't say anything

[00:51:09] I'm just gonna get it back to him

[00:51:11] Yeah, it's disgusting

[00:51:12] Why did he sleep naked?

[00:51:14] I thought I thought it was already fucked up

[00:51:16] He's just sleeping naked in a sleeping bag

[00:51:18] Hey, that's fucked up

[00:51:19] Yeah, and then he jizzed

[00:51:21] He's like, he's like, what are you doing?

[00:51:22] My man said I got a bust

[00:51:24] I got a dude

[00:51:25] Also, what the fuck?

[00:51:26] I'm taking one and I have a sleepy time bus

[00:51:27] It was just a sleepover?

[00:51:29] I saw it, I liked it, it was a camping trip

[00:51:31] I liked to imagine the Matrix

[00:51:32] When like Nio's waking up in that tube

[00:51:34] That's just all calm

[00:51:35] Because I think I have many times

[00:51:37] He beat off the Matrix

[00:51:39] And he's like waking up

[00:51:41] He's like, oh, because you've noticed

[00:51:42] There's no tube in his dick

[00:51:44] So he's just coming in there

[00:51:45] He's like, oh, no, I'm fucking 35 years in love

[00:51:49] Every time you ever ejaculate it

[00:51:52] It stays in that body

[00:51:54] The machines are like, yeah, that's fucking gross

[00:51:56] You don't touch that shit

[00:51:58] These stupid humans

[00:52:00] He's like waking up

[00:52:02] If you die in the Matrix

[00:52:04] Do you bust here?

[00:52:06] Morpheus is wiping calm off his mouth

[00:52:08] He's like, oh, yeah

[00:52:10] You really think that's calm, you're drinking

[00:52:16] Damn, Joey Pants was such a fucking feeling in that movement

[00:52:20] I love Joey Pants, dude, Ralphies, prannas

[00:52:25] He was a great character

[00:52:27] Alright, well, that's the episode

[00:52:29] Was it?

[00:52:30] Yeah, 52 minutes

[00:52:32] I guess we get talking

[00:52:34] I guess we get talking to another fucking couple

[00:52:36] It really doesn't fucking matter, dude

[00:52:38] Nobody actually listens to the podcast

[00:52:40] Yeah, you guys don't understand how podcasts work

[00:52:42] People subscribe to them, they listen to one or two episodes

[00:52:44] And they go, great job on your podcast or whatever

[00:52:47] Oh, really?

[00:52:48] So that you'll book them on your show

[00:52:50] You want a successful podcast?

[00:52:52] You're on a show that runs once every six months

[00:52:54] Hey, once every month, thank everybody who came out by the way

[00:52:57] Oh, yeah, yeah, it was a fun one

[00:52:59] Yeah, it was fun

[00:53:01] Yeah, it was mostly comtown fans

[00:53:04] Yeah, that was fun

[00:53:06] That was great

[00:53:07] We got another one coming up, well, fucking, when is it?

[00:53:09] I think it's the fourth Monday of this month

[00:53:11] We'll announce it on the podcast

[00:53:13] Okay, which might actually be Thanksgiving weekend

[00:53:15] I don't know if we get it earlier

[00:53:17] I'll email the guy

[00:53:19] Thank you for having Thanksgiving

[00:53:23] Yeah, and if the regular basis at the end

[00:53:25] Yeah, yeah, that's good

[00:53:27] Thank you, you guys, if you guys could

[00:53:29] And if you guys couldn't make it to our

[00:53:31] That's one of the like on Indian guys

[00:53:33] If you guys could have made it to our live show

[00:53:35] Nick uploaded it as a preview episode

[00:53:37] So you can subscribe and listen to it there

[00:53:39] That's a plug for the pre-me as well

[00:53:41] You may not be doing that in the future

[00:53:43] But I'm telling you, you'd sign up for those premium accounts

[00:53:45] We got all sorts of bonus stuff

[00:53:47] And it's not just gonna be that bullshit thing

[00:53:49] Where we videotape ourselves podcasting

[00:53:51] For some reason

[00:53:53] You wanna see four guys with bad posture and baseball hats

[00:53:57] Punch around microphones

[00:53:59] Because that's all podcasts are guys

[00:54:01] I don't know why you're watching video subscription stuff

[00:54:05] Norm does that

[00:54:07] Every single podcast does that

[00:54:09] A video podcast for premium

[00:54:11] Yeah, I think some people just do it

[00:54:13] To do it

[00:54:15] How much is Artie's podcast in London?

[00:54:17] It's a lot

[00:54:19] How much? I think it's at least like

[00:54:21] Ten bucks

[00:54:23] For Artie's podcast

[00:54:25] And how many does it come out with?

[00:54:27] I don't know

[00:54:29] I think just once a week

[00:54:31] But I have no fucking idea

[00:54:33] I mean I remember

[00:54:33] Whatever the number was

[00:54:35] I remember being like God damn

[00:54:37] But whatever man

[00:54:39] He's good

[00:54:39] Remember when he went on that rant

[00:54:41] About the black

[00:54:43] Of course, woman from

[00:54:45] Samantha Sage Steel

[00:54:47] We've talked about it

[00:54:49] In an early rap

[00:54:51] You know what I'm excited for

[00:54:53] I see Sté Perade

[00:54:55] We've got all those gay floats

[00:54:57] All floats are gay now

[00:54:59] What?

[00:55:00] Yeah, even Pikachu?

[00:55:02] Why?

[00:55:03] De Blasio's generation relationship

[00:55:05] Dude, that's what I was saying

[00:55:07] You said one no Irish allowed two

[00:55:09] Everything's good

[00:55:10] Next step, they're gonna cancel St. Patty's Day Parade

[00:55:12] Or as I like to call it the white pride march

[00:55:15] Yeah, nice

[00:55:17] That's it

[00:55:19] Sorry about that

[00:55:21] Let's end this podcast

[00:55:23] We apologize for a bad

[00:55:25] Am I gonna have to save this one with a riff?

[00:55:28] No, no

[00:55:30] No, no, no

[00:55:32] Come on, Nick, don't hit it

[00:55:34] Don't hit us with it

[00:55:35] No, Nick, don't do it to him

[00:55:37] Don't do it to him

[00:55:38] No

[00:55:39] I'm trying to think of a story

[00:55:41] I'm told

[00:55:42] Tell us a scary story

[00:55:43] There's a kid that used to do tap dancing

[00:55:45] That everyone beat up all the time

[00:55:47] When I was a kid

[00:55:49] That's pretty funny

[00:55:51] That's pretty funny

[00:55:52] Yeah, he was really in the tap dancing

[00:55:53] And he thought it was cool

[00:55:54] And then he got the shit beat out of him like every Friday

[00:55:57] Like what?

[00:55:59] He just waited for him to come out of school

[00:56:01] And they just kicked him

[00:56:02] I never did it

[00:56:03] Yeah, but yeah, no, he got beat up pretty often

[00:56:05] Because of tap dancing

[00:56:07] Like, I love how that was just like

[00:56:09] Better not doing it than gay

[00:56:11] You'll get beat up

[00:56:12] People just choose to beat you up

[00:56:15] Remember when they tried to make tap dancing cool again for a minute

[00:56:18] Where they're like black eyes with dreads do it

[00:56:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:56:21] Bring in the noise, bring in the funk

[00:56:23] They do that with electric violins every once in a while

[00:56:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:56:27] Someone like doing like a fucking music

[00:56:29] They're like, oh, you could do it over rat music

[00:56:30] Yeah, exactly

[00:56:31] It's cool

[00:56:32] It's like they'll do like a young thunk song

[00:56:33] Tap dancing is literally bullshit

[00:56:34] It's so bullshit

[00:56:35] It's so bullshit

[00:56:36] Of performance art

[00:56:37] Yeah, I mean it really should have died

[00:56:41] And it's, I guess

[00:56:43] Although just do it now

[00:56:45] Although just do it

[00:56:46] What's the fucking

[00:56:48] What's the James Cagney movie where he plays the president?

[00:56:51] Scarface

[00:56:53] Yeah, Scarface

[00:56:54] Where he's tap dances down the stairs

[00:56:57] As the president?

[00:56:59] Wait, James Cagney could dance?

[00:57:01] Yeah, everybody back then

[00:57:03] Yeah, you had to dance, you need to be sure

[00:57:04] Everybody needs to be

[00:57:05] Dancing is the fucking...

[00:57:06] How much more talented people were there?

[00:57:08] It's insane, I can't say it all

[00:57:10] This is what Gene Kelly could do, he could like tap dance and roller skates

[00:57:13] while singing and then it'd be like a fucking 19 minute long continuous shot

[00:57:17] Of him in every note

[00:57:19] And like spinning around a white post

[00:57:21] Yeah, and he's like

[00:57:22] Have you seen singing the rain?

[00:57:23] I'm gay around it's cloudy

[00:57:25] You know

[00:57:26] Like that scene in Singing in the Rain

[00:57:28] Where he's dancing

[00:57:29] He's wearing a wool suit

[00:57:31] And they have like fake rain

[00:57:33] And they say by the end of that scene his suit like weighed like 200 pounds

[00:57:37] Yeah, he was like just dancing incredibly

[00:57:39] Yeah, yeah

[00:57:40] No, it's crazy how talented people used to be

[00:57:43] And now

[00:57:44] The fucking shitheads all over Brooklyn

[00:57:46] Going to open mics and they're like

[00:57:48] So

[00:57:48] Yeah, maybe like don't be dissers back for women

[00:57:51] They're like I'm an artist

[00:57:53] So the things are gonna happen for me in comedy

[00:57:56] Yeah, my body sucks, dude

[00:57:58] I've been eating so much food

[00:58:00] And my body sucks and sometimes I'm just like pizza

[00:58:03] And then like tacos and like

[00:58:05] Oh god, man

[00:58:06] Yeah, so I'm on Tinder

[00:58:08] I know everybody has a fucking Tinder bit

[00:58:10] But

[00:58:11] Shit, man

[00:58:12] Fucking sucks

[00:58:14] So

[00:58:16] Oh, this light?

[00:58:17] Alright

[00:58:18] Oh, yeah, I saw this guy on the subway the other day

[00:58:21] And he was like fucking

[00:58:22] He was like beating off and I got closer

[00:58:24] And he was just

[00:58:25] He was trying to eat a sandwich

[00:58:26] Cause he was homeless

[00:58:27] I thought that was funny

[00:58:28] Alright, thanks guys

[00:58:29] Oh, that's the best

[00:58:31] That needs an end

[00:58:32] But it's good

[00:58:33] Yeah

[00:58:34] You know I'm good at

[00:58:35] Yes, all these fucking shitheads

[00:58:37] There's still an end

[00:58:38] And sight

[00:58:39] When it comes to stand up

[00:58:40] And there isn't

[00:58:41] You got a podcast

[00:58:42] You got to be a motherfucking podcast, boy, dude

[00:58:44] And it's a

[00:58:45] Start a podcast

[00:58:46] You befriend Lewis

[00:58:47] You go do Lewis's podcast

[00:58:49] Try out PlayStation VR

[00:58:51] You drink a bunch of free coffees of that guy's apartment

[00:58:54] You come and do your podcast

[00:58:56] You spread internet rumors about Lewis

[00:58:59] You spread internet rumors about Lewis

[00:59:01] Take down his podcast

[00:59:03] You claim it for yours

[00:59:05] Right

[00:59:06] That take his

[00:59:08] You start your personal wars with your mail carrier

[00:59:11] Nick is mad at the USPS

[00:59:14] I'm not mad at the postal service

[00:59:16] I'm fucking

[00:59:19] That filed like nine complaints

[00:59:21] You're the guy that files official complaints

[00:59:24] Oh yeah

[00:59:25] Oh my god

[00:59:26] It doesn't do anything

[00:59:27] It does nothing

[00:59:28] Obviously

[00:59:29] No, it's the same thing as those like

[00:59:31] crosswalk buttons

[00:59:32] That are like pressed walk

[00:59:33] Yeah, yeah

[00:59:34] It does nothing

[00:59:35] It does is like

[00:59:36] Instead of just pressed walk

[00:59:37] It should just say

[00:59:38] That's what I should have said

[00:59:39] And if you fucking hit that

[00:59:41] Then you're going to imagine an argument

[00:59:42] Where you weren't a fucking idiot

[00:59:43] From like two years ago

[00:59:45] This is for powerless people

[00:59:47] To feel like they have some kind of control over their life

[00:59:50] If you had any real power

[00:59:52] You wouldn't be walking

[00:59:53] You fucking schmuck

[00:59:54] That's true

[00:59:55] Oh my god

[00:59:56] Can I, one thing?

[00:59:57] You know that my friends girlfriend

[00:59:59] That was like

[01:00:00] I love Game of Thrones so much

[01:00:02] Because it's like

[01:00:03] Being part of a movement

[01:00:04] And so she had another really good one

[01:00:07] Last week

[01:00:08] She's like

[01:00:09] She loves Hamilton

[01:00:10] Like she like tried to put it on

[01:00:12] Like when we were just chilling

[01:00:13] Like in a social circumstance

[01:00:15] She was like

[01:00:16] She has mind if I put on the

[01:00:17] Hamilton soundtrack

[01:00:18] And I'm like no

[01:00:19] Please don't

[01:00:20] And so she was like

[01:00:21] She was like

[01:00:22] Guys, I'm really upset

[01:00:24] Because

[01:00:25] Lin Manuel

[01:00:26] From Hamilton

[01:00:27] His joy in life

[01:00:31] Used to be riding

[01:00:33] The New York City subway system

[01:00:35] And he can't do it anymore

[01:00:37] Because he's too rich and fails

[01:00:40] What kind of sub-humans

[01:00:43] Of New York bullshit is that?

[01:00:45] Isn't that the most infuriating thing you've ever heard?

[01:00:47] What are you talking about?

[01:00:48] Oh my god

[01:00:49] This rich guy

[01:00:50] Doesn't have to read the trade

[01:00:52] He doesn't have to sit next to

[01:00:53] So famous people ride the fucking train

[01:00:55] All the time

[01:00:56] I saw Helen Mirren on the train the other day

[01:00:58] I stayed next to Nick Offerman

[01:00:59] For like fucking 9s

[01:01:00] Hamilton guy

[01:01:01] I think he's too big for the MTA

[01:01:03] That's funny

[01:01:04] Be the fact that she is sad about it

[01:01:06] Well a bunch of fucking assholes

[01:01:08] A bunch of people like her would

[01:01:10] A cost him

[01:01:11] If he was ever on the subway

[01:01:12] That's the truth

[01:01:13] She's the reason he can't ride the subway

[01:01:15] Listen, he took

[01:01:16] The experience of

[01:01:18] Seeing next to

[01:01:19] I would love to be drunk on the train

[01:01:21] With Lin Manuel

[01:01:22] From the end

[01:01:23] Hey, Jefferson

[01:01:24] What the fuck up?

[01:01:26] Whoo

[01:01:28] Thomas Jefferson

[01:01:29] And this is my dance

[01:01:31] I pulled my hand

[01:01:32] Down my pants

[01:01:33] That's you right?

[01:01:34] Hey, where you going?

[01:01:36] Hey, come here asshole

[01:01:38] Ah boy, well what a fun riff to end

[01:01:44] Fucking out in

[01:01:45] 76 bitch

[01:01:47] Alright, for listening to

[01:01:48] Come Town everyone

[01:01:49] Goodbye

[01:02:03] Mm-hmm

[01:02:19] Mm-hmm