Cum Town | Regular | 11/10/2016
[00:00:12] the fucking show we're still reeling from nine eleven yeah it was a month
[00:00:17] and a half ago and i can't stop thinking about it
[00:00:22] it was ten years and and one and a half months you know what fake date is
[00:00:27] yeah i'm stupid as shit mccuser i was stupid to his phone to a close to my
[00:00:35] yet when we walked in here to show up on the table
[00:00:45] maybe and we're all animals that live here
[00:00:48] i mean i guess it is the antony kumi studios yeah
[00:00:51] so it's a we should take it up with and
[00:00:57] now this is a little bit of a child shut the fuck up did i don't know if this is
[00:01:00] i want to start the podcast just restart and if we want to do it now
[00:01:04] we'll do we'll start here so it's been a big week guys is a lot of it here with
[00:01:11] will stop our through stops and he's getting sushi halfway through this one
[00:01:19] uh... will clean up that right uh... orders to see if we could switch here when
[00:01:25] well we can trade the cat to the japanese people
[00:01:29] we want to see what the like all thank you for
[00:01:36] you're about the chinese guy got a new cat get guess what's the name is is my
[00:01:40] popsicle six-year-old what uh... ingredient
[00:01:43] nice and greedy and greedy there you have a little punch up
[00:01:48] it works until level i'm gonna submit at the weekend update that's good man
[00:01:52] that's good man that's not a chinese guy that guy got a pet cat
[00:02:03] yeah that's that's a winner yeah some uh... some fucking uh...
[00:02:07] so is uh... is right in the other day and some guy use he goes uh...
[00:02:11] as rain and cats and dogs out here in this chinese guy ran into his house to
[00:02:37] we have three that i would be i would be killing with my grandfather
[00:02:43] how much for the buffet is it shitting now
[00:02:45] yeah it's gonna shit over there okay stop
[00:02:48] yeah now it knows to go to shit in the fucking corner
[00:02:51] there's a funny amber was like uh... guys we really gotta like you know keep
[00:02:55] the apartment a little bit more clean and tired of all the clutter and say okay
[00:03:07] yeah it's really bad thing to have cat vomit all over your apartment yeah
[00:03:12] maybe there would be so much just dust on the floor if it didn't have something
[00:03:26] paul thirty one good at a point of the microphone for dramatic effect i was
[00:03:30] it was a pretty good it was a natural physical reaction
[00:03:34] alright please shut the fuck up we have to get this episode started we gotta go
[00:03:41] that we need to react to first and foremost
[00:03:46] you know i think there's a good new macbook or something yeah
[00:04:00] my man i don't know what kind of commentary we could offer on that that
[00:04:03] would be a bit hilarious yeah it's pretty good
[00:04:05] it's so fucking funny it's not you know what's fucked up is he didn't get the
[00:04:09] fuck that fifty's never fucked any of these people didn't get this
[00:04:13] fucking crazy shit on earth but he's never fucked them i don't think that's
[00:04:19] how is that not crazy dude i don't know careers over for sexting well okay
[00:04:24] beating off the women chat box almost like that you know the country could be
[00:04:28] you know i could fucking influence the election now yeah he's alright slont
[00:04:31] i don't i think okay obviously that's crazy i don't think it's crazy even if
[00:04:35] even if even if trump doesn't win even if trump doesn't win
[00:04:39] he's damaged the the election to the point now where hillary has to frame
[00:04:43] russia she's been forced to the framing russia she's a conspiracy this is
[00:04:47] fucking like extremely dangerous enemy of the united states
[00:04:50] come at like now it's it's the groundwork for the eventual ground war we have with
[00:04:55] russia we're all of our dog uh draft our daughters uh have to go
[00:04:59] have to go fight against russia it's going to be because anthony weener
[00:05:04] tried to get a nut off and some some of that fresh fifteen-year-old stuff more
[00:05:08] going into junior year of high school pussy how did they catch him was that
[00:05:12] like an fbi agent that's like i'm fifteen years old
[00:05:15] like the jack bower of i don't know catching pedophiles those people always
[00:05:18] weird me out the people that pretend to be children on the internet oh yeah
[00:05:22] you think they beat off well they're also a pedophiles they're like the
[00:05:25] anti-matter to pedophiles it's like a pedophiles do you think they want to get
[00:05:28] fucked by old men it's you're fucked up like that's when when that
[00:05:32] to catch a predator show came out the weirdest part about any of it is like
[00:05:36] uh... all of these sting operations are performed by perverted justice which
[00:05:40] is a organization that pretends to be children on the internet to try and
[00:05:45] and it's like wait so is that it yeah they weren't cops these weren't
[00:05:49] this wasn't law enforcement people who in their free time
[00:05:52] they're like we're doing something the cops won't do and it's like a the
[00:05:55] cops already do that right you know they already have these fucking sting
[00:06:01] what the fuck are you probably yeah you're likely they were people that were
[00:06:05] molested as kids that are doing this you think they're beating off to it
[00:06:09] that i don't think they're probably because you know when you molested
[00:06:13] they become molested now they become a pedophile that's what happens that's
[00:06:16] how people become they become that i love that i love that i was like
[00:06:19] it's like vampires actually i wear wolves well that that happens a lot too
[00:06:23] yeah i'm actually like really into i'm into like vampires and zombies and
[00:06:30] that's how we yeah i'm really that show walking dead something unique about
[00:06:34] me is i'm like really into the christopher nolan batman movies and
[00:06:38] the television show walking dead which is i know kind of like a sort of uh
[00:06:41] it's niche a fringe yeah it's sort of like an esoteric thing to be into is the
[00:06:45] most popular movies of 2009 yeah and uh
[00:06:49] and the show about zombies which is something i've always loved and not
[00:06:52] not just a thing i've started paying attention to zombies dude
[00:06:56] zombies became mass marketed so i was like dumb as fucking yeah
[00:07:00] it's retarded vampires were the thing and then they went to zomb
[00:07:04] at least the first the dawn of the dead remake was good
[00:07:07] that movie was yes it was i saw that and i was like yeah this is a lot of fun
[00:07:11] but i was like in no way i'm a zombie guy i'm like that was a great like that
[00:07:14] was a lot of fun to watch that movie yeah and then all these fucking retards
[00:07:18] were like yo i'm really like zombies you know i know that's
[00:07:23] i'm kind of fucking uh revealing myself well yeah there was all those like memes
[00:07:27] about zombie apocalypse that was like the big thing it's like
[00:07:31] yeah yeah so lame yeah well one of the one of the fucking uh
[00:07:34] the break segments i did was from this like people have been asking about him
[00:07:38] in particular i've used this guy like three times
[00:07:40] there's a guy uh on uh on youtube named uh Kage
[00:07:44] Kage noaku uh and his display name is that sodding gamer
[00:07:50] which my favorite type of nerd is the guy from america that uses british
[00:07:54] like uh would would a bloody would a would a bloody way to oh bloody hell
[00:08:02] oh i can't be arsed to go to work today saying oh what a deft would a deft
[00:08:10] fellow he is you know yeah right yeah just taking the piss yeah right
[00:08:17] that kind of shit well so yeah this guy that sodding gamer who's
[00:08:21] who got went viral a couple of years ago because one of his videos is him
[00:08:24] sitting in his backyard and his mom's taping him first of all this guy is like
[00:08:27] 32 years hell yes uh balding horribly looks
[00:08:32] awful looks like absolute shit he looks like a fucking fat autistic
[00:08:36] Klaus Nomi and uh and he's like he's sitting there with his
[00:08:42] younger brother who's got like an even more of like a basement rat sort of
[00:08:45] thing going on and he's like okay this is my
[00:08:49] katana unboxing as like a weird accent he made up it's not a regional accent he
[00:08:55] just sort of ducked like this and he's like this is actually my first
[00:09:01] katana so uh you know there are ones that are
[00:09:06] some some some bitter quality maybe but this one is uh
[00:09:10] sort of a uh mid-range katana uh you know i i do have one in life for a while
[00:09:16] yeah and he's like you know they have some at free markets but those are just
[00:09:23] when is the quality of your katana ever going to matter
[00:09:27] it's a real heterogeneous fucking kills himself yeah
[00:09:31] yeah i was ever fucking 45 years of never having sex he's just gonna use that
[00:09:35] katana to open the packaging on more katana
[00:09:39] it's the only thing you do with katana the blister pack grading
[00:09:43] it's not katana shit that's the number one thing yeah
[00:09:46] how quickly can this cut through a sex doll's packaging
[00:09:48] i'm clearly gonna cut through a real doll yeah
[00:09:51] there's that if my real doll displeases me
[00:09:54] you know that guy kills his fucking real dolls there's that and then there's the
[00:09:57] game of thrones swords guys that are like this is like
[00:10:02] yeah with the clay mores and shit the swords you can't even pick up
[00:10:05] yeah um but yeah no i've used that guy a couple of times but one of his videos
[00:10:09] is like uh okay these two how to survive a zombie
[00:10:15] the back of the piece using only suit yeah using only British expressions
[00:10:21] he's like yeah you want to conserve resources and
[00:10:26] you know you want to get a group together that's one of the like the
[00:10:30] pieces of advice is get a group which is like i like to to him
[00:10:34] the idea of forming any kind of social connection with other human beings is
[00:10:38] only exists in an apocalypse right right right the idea of having friends is
[00:10:42] something that could only be why necessitated by the world
[00:10:47] ending otherwise you know you just want to
[00:10:50] leave with your mom and make uh unboxing videos
[00:10:54] oh my god that's why those people want fucking apocalypse is to happen because
[00:10:58] oh yeah dude i used to hang out with them i used to do a bit about when i was
[00:11:01] like younger uh about like how nerds are just obsessed with
[00:11:06] like basically any nerdy obsession the the prerequisite for them to be
[00:11:10] obsessed with is that it exists in a time that's just not now
[00:11:14] right so like they're like they love the renaissance because in their mind they
[00:11:17] would have been a knight and it's like no you've been of the guy that the
[00:11:20] knights make fun of right right yeah like our their modern day equivalence do
[00:11:24] now or a star trek like oh things would be so much better if we
[00:11:27] lived in space it's like first of all uh star fleet is like a military
[00:11:31] organization yeah you they have to make it through basic
[00:11:35] yeah you can make it through basic you they wouldn't let you in space
[00:11:38] yeah no one on that ship is fat you know how
[00:11:40] fucking bad you would look in that uniform
[00:11:43] the fucking like underarmored skin tone everything will flow
[00:11:47] you would look like absolute shit just like that fucking you have a
[00:11:51] radi and a wetsuit yeah to be in space and appreciate diplomacy
[00:11:56] like gonna have some fucking asthmatic retard stinking up the sealed oxygen
[00:12:01] you know getting his dick sucked in the holodec constantly
[00:12:05] which by the way they never address that on the shell is like oh my god
[00:12:09] how much cum must be on the floor of the holodec
[00:12:12] and who has to clean that up that would be their job yeah
[00:12:16] their job would be to clean up the cum on the whole that's where they have
[00:12:18] robots i'm sure data has to do that shit i feel like that's when it got kind of
[00:12:22] lazy i was like i was always laughing about there's an episode where they
[00:12:26] give data like or maybe it's one of the movies where they give data and like an
[00:12:29] emotion chip yeah yeah any like the said yeah you can't stop laughing uncontrollably
[00:12:34] or like so annoying yeah and yeah it becomes like you know obnoxious i
[00:12:38] thought it'd be so funny if they gave him the emotion ship and then he's like oh
[00:12:41] oh my god oh my god and they're like data what's wrong he's like i just
[00:12:46] realized what warff has been doing to my mouth
[00:12:54] fucking shoot to the head get this motherfucker tell this old gay ass robot
[00:13:01] yeah well that's just supposed to be private
[00:13:04] they're like warff you can't keep fucking data
[00:13:08] number one make sure a warff doesn't mouth fuck data
[00:13:12] this ridge dick yeah this horny dick is horny dick yeah that's probably a good
[00:13:17] dick for fucking that would have been better if warff had a more like uh
[00:13:21] urban perspective oh yeah well i would like i love the idea i actually i wrote
[00:13:25] a sketch when i was like 19 there was like warff and
[00:13:35] they're like fuck it you know they ain't gonna they ain't gonna let me wear my
[00:13:38] tims on the bridge just like it's racist they're like
[00:13:44] was that crush a bitch try to smash on that crush a bitch there's a video
[00:13:49] wearing that blue ass coat there's a video my friend
[00:13:52] ari stern showed me of the guy who plays warff
[00:13:55] uh doing stand up yeah yeah at the improv in l.a. well every single
[00:13:59] every cast member was actually a comedian no yeah
[00:14:03] yeah dude that's how they all got on the show
[00:14:06] p stew was on uh premium's land patrick steward was yeah he was uh he was uh
[00:14:09] he was uh he has two appearances on the bad boys the comedy wash they
[00:14:14] asked yeah why don't these pictures look at him he's laughing
[00:14:20] cuz he know my man no when you be eating the pussy
[00:14:34] the dick gotta be grown it's gotta be a grown ass dick
[00:14:45] but seriously black folks beat yo kids black folks
[00:14:54] shit uh going back to the asshole the final frontier
[00:15:00] these are the fourages i'm trying to get my dick wet
[00:15:05] oh man i would love for peace dude just i would
[00:15:12] i got a captain's log for you right here
[00:15:14] i would love to watch patrick steward fuck dude
[00:15:20] he's probably so efficient yeah well there was a young hot girl
[00:15:24] yeah he does he has a girlfriend that's like 22 and he's like
[00:15:27] 96 years old yeah he's old as hell and all these
[00:15:30] best friend is like i like all these women got mad at the article they were
[00:15:33] like check out patrick steward and his girlfriend all these women are like
[00:15:36] he's supposed to take a fat bitch that's his age
[00:15:39] you know like they all get fucking mad whenever one of their heroes doesn't want
[00:15:42] to fuck that yeah i believe in art at a caprio shit
[00:15:45] but it's like fuck man yeah good for him yeah they're like oh he's
[00:15:49] basically a pedophile a pedophile is a man who uh you know i have to find a way
[00:15:56] to criticize yeah he's rich because he's enjoying his life
[00:15:59] that's the problem you really have is it yes
[00:16:01] we already patrios enjoying his life this is fucking completely transparent
[00:16:07] he said no it's wrong because uh because fuck him
[00:16:14] oh man it is how i mean that is a little weird
[00:16:17] though to be like fucking 60 years older than the person you're
[00:16:21] fucking no it's not no it's awesome yeah it's really
[00:16:25] awesome no it's you know what it sucks being old being
[00:16:29] fucking old let him fuck if he wants the guy the guy who
[00:16:32] owns the vibe with that woman though the guy who owns the vibe
[00:16:37] comes uh fortune some near redstone is like on death
[00:16:41] store right now oh and all these like young women that he's been fucking
[00:16:45] are coming forward for the money and then the kids are like coming in the
[00:16:48] kids are all like 75 years old you can't have father's
[00:16:54] mother there's like this huge but you gotta look up pictures of this dude
[00:16:57] some near redstone he looks literally like he died
[00:17:00] 15 years ago yeah he's he looks so fucking funny
[00:17:05] how could you fuck like they came he's got so much so much paper
[00:17:08] could you fuck like ten billion a real ugly old lady
[00:17:12] ten billion is not that much more than Jim Davis has
[00:17:15] no you were wrong it's yeah yeah jim Davis is the CEO of new balance
[00:17:21] yeah sir we were talking about no we're talking about Garfield that guy has
[00:17:24] 800 million guy Jim Davis they started drawing cat
[00:17:30] cartoons like Lawsy steam yeah he said he business at University of
[00:17:34] Indian and he used the Garfield money he used the Garfield money to buy a new
[00:17:37] balance then he grew it yeah if you look closely
[00:17:41] Jim is always wearing new balances in the
[00:17:44] yeah in the cartoon that's why he gay that's why the buzz is why my man gay
[00:17:50] you know I'm gonna tell you he be wearing he be wearing new balances right now
[00:17:54] but he got my fucking sandals on inside the new balances
[00:17:58] it's like well no I don't I'm not I'm wearing Jordan's yeah yeah right
[00:18:10] we're in this Puerto Rican motherfucker I'm a white man
[00:18:15] I have blonde hair it's like none of the crowd can sell they're the best
[00:18:18] community I love it they're fucking so good go into the fucking
[00:18:23] go that's what Joe Liz was telling me a story
[00:18:27] it's like a second-hand thing of he was working with a guy
[00:18:30] and they were like in minutes they're somewhere cold and the MC every time
[00:18:33] was like you're looking yeah look at this guy's wearing shorts I can see your
[00:18:37] balls and no one was wearing shorts it was just
[00:18:41] it was just like hey man I didn't see any asked about it like I didn't see
[00:18:46] anybody wearing shorts like oh yeah he wasn't
[00:18:48] like so what did you say it's like it kills insane
[00:18:57] oh fuck fuck man I love bad comedy it's not bad comedy though it makes you laugh
[00:19:04] it's good comedy it's good comedy and also I don't know man
[00:19:07] come on I was watching Lawrence on times one time doing an act out of him
[00:19:10] like stepping into a magnum condom that's just dramatic act out look I've been
[00:19:15] putting that shit all like this he's like putting it on like a pair of pants
[00:19:20] and it was the funniest shit I've ever seen that guys are performing they're
[00:19:23] actually performing a lot like guys like me like white guy like I just hold the
[00:19:28] mic stand with one hand hold the microphone with the other I'm like
[00:19:31] afraid to move my body on stage they're like actually going for it I'm jealous
[00:19:36] of it yeah that's fine yeah you're bad too
[00:19:41] you're shitty no yeah we agree you're getting bad and dumb no we're all like
[00:19:45] that you move around do you do I do act out I know you don't know you don't I do
[00:19:50] so many act that's what your voice is I do for the listeners at home I'm known
[00:19:54] as energy hocus on stage I'm kind of like a young dane cook
[00:19:59] I do I got a big speaking spell bit does dane cook have a speaking spell bit
[00:20:04] yeah that was like his first big bit you remember that one
[00:20:07] um but the thing is the white guys that actually perform always sort of pop off
[00:20:13] even if they're bad I mean like fucking dane cook like Robin I think dane cooks
[00:20:19] kind of good actually like I think yeah I hear these are good the first
[00:20:23] stuff is good he never liked dane cook really but I was already doing stand up
[00:20:27] when he got real popular oh I wasn't at that point um I mean I liked him when I
[00:20:31] was I was pretty young the first one that came out when he really popped
[00:20:36] I think I was in like I don't know high school in middle school yeah yeah
[00:20:40] um but you can have you can be bad at common I mean you should can make you
[00:20:45] laugh and be bad oh I think it's funnier than good
[00:20:49] no no I'm not mean I I don't mean ironically like shit like like making up
[00:20:53] fake shit is just bad yeah right it's still funny it's funny
[00:21:00] so in like a weird meta context that he would even you would make something fake
[00:21:04] to get a laugh um but l.o. is one of the best though I'm not I'm not
[00:21:08] shitting it on him who Lawrence Owens oh he's hilarious
[00:21:13] Lamar Odom Lamar Odom really tight fight him smoking crack pretty funny hilarious
[00:21:18] it was it was genuinely funny and so it was a good bit
[00:21:21] it was really good respect a bit and then going back to Chloe
[00:21:24] no dude she's just got engaged to Tristan Thompson from the
[00:21:28] cabbalines after two months of dating Jesus LeBron is fucked
[00:21:33] that sucks Tristan Tristan what are you doing Tristan yeah I mean I'm sure
[00:21:37] it's real awesome to fuck Chloe Kardashian the wackest one I don't know
[00:21:42] man she's got the renaissance the Chloe when she started dating
[00:21:45] uh uh la bar Odom where she got married to him
[00:21:49] the onion headline was third best laker gets engaged to third best
[00:21:58] yeah what did your take on the Kardashians yeah
[00:22:01] oh um you know on Star Trek there's a race
[00:22:05] there's a race called the Cardassian Cardassians yeah
[00:22:08] Cardassians it's basically the same fucking thing yeah yeah
[00:22:12] and uh and everybody wants to fuck him honestly what the whole plot of
[00:22:15] deep space is popped I thought it was really funny
[00:22:18] deep space nine is actually uh this people think it's the space station
[00:22:22] it's actually the name for Cisco's dick
[00:22:26] how funny is it too that the captain is named after uh
[00:22:30] the the artist Cisco yeah yeah yeah yeah man it means
[00:22:35] saying that's good that popped off so big in Baltimore dude because
[00:22:39] that he's from there he's from yeah they he was they used to real I saw
[00:22:43] I you went you went to the fudge factory in the inner harbor when they used to
[00:22:46] sing there oh yeah I saw them as a kid yeah I
[00:22:50] mean I didn't find the fudge real was as a four-year-old but
[00:22:53] yeah I mean that's a neighborhood in Baltimore
[00:22:55] the fudge factor yeah yeah the fudge factory is a neighborhood it's where
[00:22:59] stops from true hill is a neighborhood or a true
[00:23:03] it's true no park drew it hills a neighborhood yeah
[00:23:06] drew it hill but not true not dr you but they changed it to drew
[00:23:10] yeah it sounds cooler drew it is like this awesome neighborhood
[00:23:14] awesome houses and it's like uh it's the it's the only cool
[00:23:19] it's the only neighborhood with cool architecture in Baltimore that
[00:23:22] isn't getting gentrified and it's like oh I wonder why that is is it a lot of
[00:23:25] it's still abandoned and it's like all locked up what's because black people
[00:23:28] live there every other it's like oh why won't white people move here why
[00:23:31] do they take it away what's that road that goes up
[00:23:34] that's like up through Drew Hill and Bolton Hill
[00:23:36] is it like dolphin or something uh there is dolphin but that kind of that's
[00:23:42] kind of like on the other side of shit that takes you down to like uh there's a
[00:23:46] lot of pretty houses over there the one that's on um
[00:23:49] the one that goes like around the park like off of uh Montebello
[00:23:54] that takes you this is now there's a road that's off uh and it's kind of like a
[00:23:58] weird long name that starts with an a but there's these like six-story houses
[00:24:02] I don't know they look like the houses in Charles Village but they're like six
[00:24:04] stories they're huge yeah yeah I went into one of them
[00:24:07] it's all like I mean I guess it is kind of starting to get gentrified it's all
[00:24:09] like artists kids who just like take it out it was fucking
[00:24:13] awesome yeah it's huge uh but like if that's like people are
[00:24:17] gentifying Greektown because they're like the poor people are white
[00:24:21] yeah it's like no one that's what happened with hand in yeah exactly
[00:24:24] is like people are like oh this is such a quaint neighborhood and it's like
[00:24:27] you mean what yeah exactly it's like where all these people are on heroin
[00:24:30] and will stab you yeah yeah what it's like what's what I love about
[00:24:33] hand and it's like you walk around there and it's like all like
[00:24:37] you know trinket shops and then like designer cupcakes and shit
[00:24:41] but then they'll just be like a guy with his shirt off with a swastika on his
[00:24:44] chest like marching down the street and then people are like
[00:24:47] hello neighbor I just moved here he's like get a fuck out of here get
[00:24:52] a boy yeah that filly is really good for that too
[00:24:55] dude yamden is so funny though dude hamden is like the neighborhood
[00:24:59] I would get I guarantee hamden is the place
[00:25:01] that leads the nation in white women with mixed race children that say the
[00:25:06] n-word like for sure just calling their son the n-word
[00:25:10] like they're not I'm disciplining them that way
[00:25:14] there's seven year old son in a stroller who still got a fucking
[00:25:18] his name is my name is named after where
[00:25:21] where he was conceived yeah this is my son prison
[00:25:35] uh fuck oh man love him dude yeah that royal forms
[00:25:40] and this is the best best royal farms dude hell yeah dude it was like that
[00:25:44] at royal farms I was at there I was crashing with Ben I went to
[00:25:48] not not the one no is it a 7-11 that's on like
[00:25:51] falls in and 36 yes okay then the royal farms is on like
[00:25:57] caswick or something yeah and yeah 36 yep yeah so I was at that royal farms
[00:26:01] I told you this story I was staying at Ben's place
[00:26:03] and I went in the morning and I just got like an oatmeal
[00:26:05] and like one of those like instant oatmeal and a banana
[00:26:09] and this dude in like a fucking marcaco sweat suit
[00:26:12] he's like that feet away from me he looks at what I'm buying he's like
[00:26:17] oh you getting that jail food and I was like excuse me
[00:26:21] you know and he's like well I just jail food every day when I was in jail that's
[00:26:25] what I would eat and I was like well you know it's just a oatmeal
[00:26:32] you know it's jail food yo I love that Mickey my friend Mickey
[00:26:37] he he's like like a good cell no no no Mickey
[00:26:40] uh Friedland uh he fucking it's funny shit he works it uh
[00:26:44] he works it gold and west he was a waiter yeah some fucking like
[00:26:48] little prison twink came up to saw Mickey and he was like
[00:26:52] you got some nice little titties on you he was like you should go blonde for the
[00:26:56] summer just like he's giving him bit like prison
[00:27:00] bitch advice yeah like I don't like survive and he's like what
[00:27:04] we're on the outside yeah the guy just got out of jail and he's giving
[00:27:08] Mickey advice he says you've got some nice little titties on you
[00:27:12] you should go blonde for the summer is Mickey trans no no she's a normal
[00:27:17] fucking dude with big buck fucking teeth also what was I think Ben
[00:27:21] that phrase Ben over here yeah yeah yeah
[00:27:24] damn it Petey spent all my sweatpants money on Doritos again I think
[00:27:30] spent on that's not real dude yes I'm gonna get better than make that
[00:27:34] shit up that's not like you dude it's not a fucking liar
[00:27:37] yeah it's not a piece of shit liar that makes up stories
[00:27:40] yeah about chargers yeah what charges I was wondering about that like oh
[00:27:44] yeah yeah uh fucking I used to live with cubus
[00:27:48] and like it was almost like every day cubuses like oh it was on the bus and
[00:27:52] there was like a trainee getting blown by a crackhead
[00:27:55] and the sheriff came on and shot both of them it's like
[00:27:57] Chris there's no way this happens every single day they're on a fucking bus
[00:28:01] there has to be some kind of fucking although
[00:28:03] embellishment going on here although if weird shit I feel like if you look at
[00:28:07] Chris cubus yeah you're like oh I don't have to behave yeah I mean I don't
[00:28:11] think he's lying it was just like such an absurd amount of weird shit he saw
[00:28:14] on the bus yeah it's like you could fucking yeah he already sets the tone
[00:28:18] of like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he's not gonna say shit
[00:28:20] yeah he's gonna know the best thing ever that the Austin bus system produced is
[00:28:25] my roommate Joe stats posted a picture one time of this like haggard looking
[00:28:30] fucking overweight middle-aged woman with like uh on the bus and she's
[00:28:35] reading uh the novelization of Dawson's Creek
[00:28:40] I love that shit I love the books after a shitty TV show where it's like
[00:28:45] they just trick stupid people by posting pictures like glossy ass pictures like
[00:28:50] oh maybe this won't be a book maybe I'll open it and it'll be TVs
[00:28:54] somehow also I'll be watching the tea the best is the halo books I remember
[00:28:58] seeing a couple of kids in high school you got halo books
[00:29:01] and I was like just don't do you just you don't read yeah
[00:29:06] don't fucking act like you read books that doesn't count as reading what
[00:29:08] you're doing right now he's not reading why like don't just don't do that yes
[00:29:14] fucking game yeah don't read the halo book yeah that's
[00:29:19] fucking a whole nother level of fun yeah they had a couple of them too
[00:29:22] because I remember they used to sell them in GameStop
[00:29:24] oh my god if your book is being sold at a fucking video game store that's not
[00:29:28] a book that doesn't count as a book yeah I see like uh like older men on the
[00:29:34] subway all the time reading the Harry Potter books really just like
[00:29:38] like older like 60 something year old men alone on the train reading Harry
[00:29:43] Potter no I probably I probably told this story already but I was on this
[00:29:47] subway like uh probably like seven months ago and this like real like cool
[00:29:53] black hipster gets on you know like um like just like a beaten type of guy
[00:29:58] yeah with like the beard with like a mustache or like the Isis beard but like
[00:30:02] a very true low trim the Isis beard yeah yeah yeah
[00:30:05] you know like uh very like wireframe like circular blacks on glasses yes yes
[00:30:10] like a very hip guy yeah he's wearing like a future hat like a Quaker
[00:30:14] yeah yeah yeah that kind of shit yeah and uh he's uh he's got like a uh like a
[00:30:20] book bag with him and he posts up like uh by the door you know like in
[00:30:24] between the seats doing a lean like straddles and he like looks at one side
[00:30:28] of the train and looks to the other side of the train
[00:30:31] then he reaches in his bag and he pulls out catcher and the rye
[00:30:34] no I'm just reading it I'm like you fucking loser
[00:30:39] damn you're a cool ass 13 year old man yeah yeah
[00:30:42] I feel so stupid that I still love that book black impsters are the coolest
[00:30:46] people in the entire world there's nobody that's like the nexus of cool
[00:30:49] that's yeah that's that's the well so anytime they fuck up it's like
[00:30:53] such a pleasing moment it's like there's like uh you know it's like a wink
[00:30:57] from the matrix to let you know that this is all like a simulation yeah
[00:31:01] you know yeah I saw one of those guys uh trip on the sidewalk one time
[00:31:06] and try to like downplay it it was fantastic
[00:31:09] what do we just trip did a cartwheel into it that would be time probably
[00:31:12] I just started dancing people start throwing money at him
[00:31:14] yeah it becomes viral the trip dance I love when those dance guys in Times
[00:31:18] Square like near the park or whatever they'll like you know they're getting
[00:31:22] ready to do the dancing they like build up like a crowd
[00:31:25] but then they they try to guilt trip you into
[00:31:28] like watching it they're like don't be afraid of me just gonna have a black
[00:31:30] man they like say that to white people all the time and then white people
[00:31:34] were like ah fuck yeah I guess I have to watch this
[00:31:37] yeah also those dudes are always like in the summer like
[00:31:41] shirtless and so insanely cut yeah from dancing from dance yeah yeah
[00:31:46] yeah and it's like it makes you feel bad because it's like you're watching and
[00:31:48] you you got to stop trying to get hard somehow it's so funny that like yeah
[00:31:52] I look at those guys no I got you that's you're
[00:31:55] okay to be gay yeah no I'm not gay yeah what um I was talking about something
[00:32:00] else to be in that kind of shape I would have to work out and eat clean for
[00:32:03] like two and a half years and they do like the hokey bogey right yeah
[00:32:08] they got like yeah it's like fucking wow check out Christian Bale's transformation
[00:32:12] for Batman it's like check out this guy's transformation for
[00:32:15] sleeping on the train the role he's playing is yeah
[00:32:19] his guy that does pull-ups on the L-train I love seeing like uh what
[00:32:24] soup like old guys like yeah you know like you know 70 year old guys just
[00:32:29] absolutely brawling yeah like you see those all the time like homeless
[00:32:34] guys especially yeah yeah the homeless well it's just
[00:32:37] thing that's why they survive like a homeless guy with your body would die
[00:32:40] and we're done in a week yeah right yeah so you have to be sort of like an
[00:32:44] animal to live outside it's why they're very sinewy
[00:32:48] and I mean homeless people of any race there's no way to make a basis
[00:32:53] I can't say that this is a racist thing I'm saying
[00:32:56] you know they're a you pick whatever race you like
[00:32:59] and fill in the blank but all homeless people are jacked
[00:33:02] wink wink though oh you got some little cute little titties
[00:33:07] you got some nice little titties on what did he say to that shit you go blonde
[00:33:10] for the summer I don't think he was like what he just left that's funny
[00:33:14] there was like an older black on the bus one time that was like trying to fuck my
[00:33:18] dad and my dad got like hell yeah my dad was like mad about it
[00:33:21] human side came like home from work all pissed off and it's like
[00:33:26] I think he's working like Ritz camera at the time it's like bullshit like
[00:33:30] eight dollar an hour job so he's already mad he's like
[00:33:34] yeah I'm on a fucking bus and some guy was like oh you got a tight little ass
[00:33:38] I'm gonna fuck you I'm like why are you telling me this
[00:33:43] I mean you didn't do anything you shouldn't repeat that story
[00:33:48] yeah you just got harassed you just got fucking about a six-year-old dad getting
[00:33:52] sexually harassed on the bus because he sat too close to the back
[00:33:58] my when I was a kid we were in uh i'm from vegas so like we would go to the
[00:34:03] strip like when my grandparents were in town or whatever so like my
[00:34:07] my grandma and grandpa were in town we went to the Bellagio
[00:34:10] yeah and there was this woman there and she like took my dad aside she whispered
[00:34:13] something in his ear and then he laughed and walked away and then my
[00:34:17] grandfather was like what was that my dad just says like super loud he's like
[00:34:20] it's a prostitute she tried to have sex with
[00:34:24] it's like nine years old and it's like you didn't really do the same that
[00:34:30] lot all right well we're gonna take a break and then we'll be back after these
[00:34:34] messages hey everybody's two-corder here from
[00:34:38] a tummy.com and i've got baby blades middle fusion line of fighting tops by
[00:34:49] his bro i've got the basic tops i've got like
[00:34:56] tronic version i've got launchers grips i've got the stadium
[00:35:04] we're gonna put these to the test and see just how good they are so stand by
[00:35:12] for my new toy review here's the background now
[00:35:18] baby blades first appeared as a manger or comic in Japan in the year 2000
[00:35:25] the anime had fallen all long after and the car and toy company of Japan
[00:35:32] started producing the baby blades spinning tops
[00:35:36] to go along with all that there were video games released
[00:35:41] a movie and a lot like you saw what pokemon here we see
[00:35:49] the cartoon folds into the toys and the toys makes interest in the cartoons
[00:35:57] for a folder each other we've seen that again with ugio and bakan
[00:36:03] so stop things we should do all of the episodes
[00:36:08] at once in one day and i said that's sort of a bad idea
[00:36:11] it's not a bad idea what's a bad idea it causes like continuity issues
[00:36:17] what kind of nudity issues well then we pick up where we left off and we can't
[00:36:20] remember what the fuck we said and i think it's better i think yeah if we do
[00:36:25] what days apart we there's more of a chance we repeat ourselves that's
[00:36:28] not true at all hundred percent how no i'm not talking about repeating
[00:36:32] ourselves if we like bring something back up that we just talked about
[00:36:36] well that's what we got to be pros baby we got to be podcast pros if you want to
[00:36:39] be a fucking pro we could just it like shouldn't be an issue to just record
[00:36:46] we talk about instead of having a um i don't want two episodes in the one day
[00:36:51] and then stagger them i disagree i think that's more pro shit to do it once
[00:36:56] get one day the listeners don't even know it's theater of the mind
[00:37:00] you know where did you who told you that expression i heard of adam korla
[00:37:04] said it once seven years ago the fuck i did the adam korla yeah
[00:37:12] you know i was listening to peter of the mind when i was listening to
[00:37:16] uh you know people talk about fucking when i wasn't fucking
[00:37:20] almost all of my like guesses about sex came from listening to people
[00:37:24] talk about talking about offline really i think so yeah did you listen on the
[00:37:28] radio yeah i listen to i would fucking go to sleep
[00:37:32] i would listening to love listening to love line whoa when i was like in i
[00:37:36] don't know sixth grade or if you had a radio in your bedroom hell yeah dude
[00:37:40] that's pretty cool hfs man fuck we were talking about that on the other
[00:37:45] episode weren't we those no you know if we recorded it earlier today we'd
[00:37:49] know yeah um right i went to hf festival
[00:37:54] and uh drank vodka out of a fucking camel back
[00:37:59] whoa that was pretty cool yeah it was so crazy when they switched formats
[00:38:03] i know it was like literally insane what is it what i don't know what you
[00:38:06] use it like the big alternative yeah hfs is like the legendary like dc
[00:38:10] college rock radio state oh yeah for those t-shirts for it right
[00:38:14] what yeah i'm sure they're t-shirts that's not trying to blood in with you having
[00:38:19] some kind of relevance here and knowing what the fuck we're talking about
[00:38:22] yes it's a oh yeah i know about that that's the t-shirt radio station
[00:38:25] no no no no don't explain it to me i have as much information as i need
[00:38:31] it's a famous t-shirt shut the fuck up it's a famous t-shirt yeah but overnight
[00:38:38] if you lived in dc you saw like seven guys wearing it over the
[00:38:41] overnight they switched it to uh famous guys like clear channel bought it and
[00:38:46] then overnight they like fired everyone and uh
[00:38:50] it just replaced it with this like that spanish like
[00:38:54] yeah like that weird circus music yeah and then people didn't even
[00:38:58] people like protested about it and then they brought hfs back but on a different
[00:39:02] like uh yeah it sucks now it's like any other
[00:39:05] fucking clear channel like jack fm bullshit were they playing like fugazi
[00:39:10] and like yeah back in the day yeah i mean they played more like but
[00:39:14] you know i mean in the early 90s if you wanted to hear like ream or whatever
[00:39:17] okay it was like college rock yeah right yeah
[00:39:20] that was like the only place that it would be
[00:39:22] you know on the radio is hfs do you remember chicken shack yeah do you
[00:39:26] remember when uh do you remember when uh johnnie riggs got caught with all that
[00:39:31] child born i remember my mom like having to explain
[00:39:35] was he like the morning so you guys no he was like they're like one of their
[00:39:39] main like disjockeys and uh in the 90s like he got
[00:39:44] there was like a heroin bust or something he was on drugs but then they found all
[00:39:47] this fucking child porn she's double in place yeah my mom was like yeah now he
[00:39:51] was looking at naked pictures of children and i'm like seven and i'm like
[00:39:55] oh okay is that wrong isn't good i don't know
[00:40:01] what uh why you would do that i get interested in beating off
[00:40:06] we talked about this we've talked about this before
[00:40:09] you and i but i don't think on the podcast but like our moms all have so much
[00:40:15] child porn of us like in the bath my mom had a picture of my ass like
[00:40:20] so i got a picture of i was like reading in my room or something naked or whatever
[00:40:23] it was okay my mom like came in she was like spryze and we took a picture of me
[00:40:27] i'm like what the fuck are you doing this is like framed it and put it up in the
[00:40:31] living room and like first you come over and i look what the fuck is that
[00:40:34] you know i'm like hide it and then i'm like mom stop putting this up and she
[00:40:38] would do it over and over again i think she like
[00:40:40] gets some kind of pleasure out of humiliating me
[00:40:43] do you think it's like a deliberate own that your mom is oh yeah absolutely
[00:40:48] eight-year-old person you're asking a way where she's like i think it's funny i
[00:40:51] think everything has to be sort of like a power struggle or whatever so
[00:40:55] she has to do it to it's like you know i'm the parent
[00:40:59] right because i want to listen to her fucking otherwise
[00:41:02] so she shows everybody your little ass dick your last little kid dick no it's
[00:41:05] my ass it wasn't a dick my mom had the dicks out
[00:41:08] dude we had made like a we had like a three boys three boys me and my
[00:41:11] me and my little brothers little writing me two
[00:41:13] mountains we're just sitting on watermelons with our little dicks out
[00:41:17] and she just had that like next to like like i might even still be like at my
[00:41:20] house next like my fucking senior portrait giant on the produce
[00:41:24] yeah that's weird greek bitches but it sounds dick on all the watermelons
[00:41:30] yeah it's not as now it's free also this whole thing that we've gone to
[00:41:34] pay for it the bath time pictures of like oh yeah
[00:41:38] now in retrospect there are pictures of me and my my sister was like two and i
[00:41:42] was six you know just like just eat a bath
[00:41:47] but it's like what do you do with those pictures right it's not like you just
[00:41:50] have you're like you're gonna want this when you're older no i'm not
[00:41:54] i'm not gonna want that i think you're gonna put a seat
[00:41:57] i think you're gonna want to see what your dick looks like yeah
[00:42:00] i think you know how they like make you do like the handprints and kindergarten
[00:42:04] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:42:06] they're like and there's like a there's like a wall in your house with pencil
[00:42:10] markings on it but they go horizontal right like age eight
[00:42:14] age nothing i remember me and my brothers would have
[00:42:19] as little as kids like dick measuring contests yeah just like
[00:42:23] and then once you're like your neon green play school ruler
[00:42:28] now he goes up to one of us we would like hold them next to each other
[00:42:30] we had no idea what was and my dad like walked in
[00:42:34] on us and he's like what the fuck is going on
[00:42:38] you know because i remember the worst one was i like to cheat
[00:42:43] we would get hard we would be like we would first just
[00:42:46] measure them soft and then one one of us realized if you get hard your dick
[00:42:50] gets bigger and that's when we're there's like all right we gotta fuck all this
[00:42:53] you know what's crazy is this is literally how the greeks invented the
[00:42:57] this is the first man yeah the first boy penis
[00:43:01] the boy penis event yeah so they invented democracy
[00:43:04] boy penis stretching we they had to vote on whose dick was better
[00:43:08] oh yeah uh yeah it was um that was those were fun times
[00:43:13] did you ever my my friend uh one of my friends from middle school
[00:43:19] uh he was to his little brother he his move
[00:43:22] when he was like four was to be like i have a surprise for you
[00:43:30] close your eyes and he would open over again
[00:43:38] that's a cool ass kid like who's gonna say no like a little kid be like i have
[00:43:42] a surprise you think he's gonna put like a gummy bear in your head or something
[00:43:45] he did it to like his mom his brother's dad and his teacher
[00:43:52] i remember being like daycare who's the king it wasn't like daycare and like
[00:43:56] fucking first or second grade and there's these two kids in the back of the van
[00:44:00] like two boys and they were like uh just making out with each other
[00:44:04] and they were like look we could do it it's not weird or whatever and it was
[00:44:08] like guys stop doing that they're like tongues out like
[00:44:12] you know full-on making out with each other that's incredible it was bizarre
[00:44:15] yeah i'm old i'm sorry i don't know they were probably like
[00:44:18] i don't know seven oh yeah so we didn't know what they were doing but it's
[00:44:23] like you did it in front of everybody yeah
[00:44:27] you know we're gonna have to remember this and talk about it on our respective
[00:44:30] podcast when we're all after we're all 30
[00:44:33] all this out yeah damn i'm sure you remember those guys names
[00:44:38] so i guess they were the dogs then yeah i think one of them actually it
[00:44:42] i know because it's kind of fuzzy who it actually was doing that i just
[00:44:46] remember i think one of them is named eric and then i think the other one was
[00:44:48] his kid matt but there was his kid matt and i forget his last name but
[00:44:52] he built a tent in the corner of the daycare one time
[00:44:56] and this had to be like 1997 because i remember Titanic had come out and he
[00:45:00] was obsessed with Titanic oh my god he loved the movie so much yeah
[00:45:04] he had like a picture book of the movie like yeah he'd like go through the
[00:45:08] you know and like you bring it to school and show it
[00:45:10] and so he would play Titanic you know he would like you know as a game
[00:45:14] yeah he would like you know that would be played Titanic you know whatever
[00:45:18] and i remember my favorite thing to do in the daycare center was sign up for
[00:45:22] the computer area and then hold a magnet to the monitor and destroy the
[00:45:27] me and my shit is all you need to know about you as a human being
[00:45:30] because that as a baby basically what you loved what you spared your hobbies
[00:45:36] were destruction and ruining other people's fun
[00:45:41] hold the magnet to the street and then no shit i swear god blame it on the
[00:45:43] and then no shit i swear god blame it on the retardic
[00:45:52] that's incredible that's incredible that's hitting for the maulin cycle dude
[00:45:56] that's doing everything yeah yeah trolling
[00:45:58] vandalism blaming the retarded bullying
[00:46:01] there was this kid matt then he fucking he was obsessed with
[00:46:04] atantic and then he built a tent in the corner of the room
[00:46:19] uh the fuck so this kid matt built a tent in the corner of the room out of
[00:46:22] like blankets and shit and he like propped it up
[00:46:25] and then uh he brought this girl who was like
[00:46:28] like three years younger than him into the tent
[00:46:32] and i guess they were playing titanic in there
[00:46:35] and this this one kid you heard like one of his french girls this one kid
[00:46:39] goes he peaked his head in there and then he comes out looking like a ghost
[00:46:43] and i don't know what the fuck happened but he goes i you know he was like oh
[00:46:47] you know he like looked shocked and maybe my friends are just watching this
[00:46:50] happen he goes up and tells the teacher like this
[00:46:53] the counselor john you know he says something to him
[00:46:56] and john's like you know drops everything and does that like
[00:47:00] walk where he's you know of speeding up with the
[00:47:04] type of just the variable speed of him like
[00:47:07] fucking increasing you know how does he at that tent in like three seconds and
[00:47:11] he looks in there and then he just rips that fucking
[00:47:15] get out of it i don't know what the fuck he was doing
[00:47:18] there oh no he ripped that kid out of there so i'm assuming he was like you
[00:47:25] that's hilarious just like in titanic yeah yeah i know
[00:47:29] and i was really hoping for a wholesome turn no no no
[00:47:31] this doesn't make what i was doing with the computer sounds so bad now
[00:47:35] doesn't it i was just learning how magnets work
[00:47:42] fuck man this this girl my preschool i remember i had a
[00:47:45] i had a partner you got partnered up for like and she wanted to play house all
[00:47:49] the time yeah but her playing house was
[00:47:51] putting a baby doll in her dress and then yelling at me for not
[00:47:56] having a job and it fucking freaked me out i was like this little innocent
[00:48:01] ass fucking kid i was like uh i don't like playing with jennifer
[00:48:06] she's like you don't do anything right that was what house was it was fucking
[00:48:10] so and like the she would like pop the baby out and scream
[00:48:14] and then yell at the kid i'm not even joking i remember the like when we were
[00:48:17] really in like pre pre k like kids would play house
[00:48:20] and then like the closet with all the clothes and shit in it they had this
[00:48:23] fucking uh this like green thing that was like
[00:48:27] astroturf yeah but it covered your entire body
[00:48:30] and i just thought that was the coolest one so i would always choose to be the
[00:48:32] lawn when i'm in the house just so i could wear that thing
[00:48:37] then i did nothing i would just wear it
[00:48:41] this is laid down on the floor yeah i wouldn't lay down or anything i guess
[00:48:44] that's autism yeah no part thing i want to be the light fixture
[00:48:49] i remember when i was like eight or nine my friend max like figured out how to
[00:48:53] tape things on vcr yeah so we could go in a tv guide and then tape real sex
[00:48:58] hbl real sex hell yeah so then we like have sleepovers at his house and watch
[00:49:01] real sex but like real sex wasn't porn it was a documentary about sex a lot of
[00:49:06] the time it was like you know like 75 year old hippies like doing a circle jerk
[00:49:12] right like that was our introduction to like to like
[00:49:15] naked people and jerking off it like it was just like it was like it wasn't
[00:49:19] actually beat off in the same room no we couldn't beat off even at that point
[00:49:23] we were like 10 nine or ten years old i couldn't be off i did
[00:49:27] did you ever do like beat off where everyone's beating off in the same room
[00:49:30] and they're like a sleepover um picks a corner and beats off no we did a thing
[00:49:34] once where like my friends we all had to go to the bathroom and like come
[00:49:38] oh hell yeah i'm like to prove that we could come to pictures of your mom
[00:49:43] no it's still to like sports illustrated swimsuit edition pictures to adam's
[00:49:48] mom they would all pass them around and uh beat off the adam's mom my mom is
[00:49:55] what's it say it she's she's lovely what we're hot
[00:50:00] yeah just like i had a friend that had a hot mom we found her dildo one time
[00:50:04] i don't know why we were going through their shit but i remember i told you
[00:50:09] my friend zach finding his own hot mom's dildo and he's like what the fuck is
[00:50:12] this and he was like no you know because he's like
[00:50:15] holding in his hand he's like vibrator and like i'm like yes
[00:50:20] yeah dude she was so she looked like holly berry
[00:50:24] she was so hot my friend robert like the house that we used to all get drunk at
[00:50:28] and like at stoned out in high school was because he had a single mom
[00:50:31] oh god she was a school nurse during the week and then on the weekend she would
[00:50:34] dance and so his house would always be free
[00:50:38] jesus throughout the weekend but she had that's a jig is shit right there
[00:50:41] she that's vegas is fuck she had legit the biggest hits of all time
[00:50:44] and like at like 15 years old she's she was the
[00:50:49] like i deal of hottest she's like complete ideal of hottest woman you
[00:50:53] heard right like and we were all fucking in love with her
[00:50:56] and she used to fuck with us dude she used to like answer the door in a
[00:50:59] towel it should be like i didn't know you boys were coming over
[00:51:02] was it's like on her head no yeah just on her head yeah completely
[00:51:06] they make it was stuffed into her pussy yeah and it was like in retrospect it was
[00:51:09] really sad there was like a revolving door of like deadbeat
[00:51:12] boyfriends and stuff but like you know we got to
[00:51:15] did anybody with drugs and alcohol uh no one fucked his mom
[00:51:20] not even later but but uh we all furiously beat off to this
[00:51:26] mom this is funny like those are prime beat off you know our friends growing up
[00:51:30] this uh my friend like Amir his uh uh his mom had this friend Bill
[00:51:35] who had come over like they both like they knew each other i think they both
[00:51:38] taught it like the community college or something or he did or i don't i don't
[00:51:41] remember exactly what the story was but they were like colleagues of some
[00:51:44] right capacity and uh so they uh you know bill would always be
[00:51:50] over and then i started making fun of them like your mom's fucking bill
[00:51:53] your mom's like she's not in a debt with bill or whatever we like laugh about
[00:51:57] it like laugh and be like no she's not dude shut up and then uh and then yeah
[00:52:01] his parents got divorced and bill moved in yeah bill's his dad now
[00:52:07] that's so fucking funny oh man holy shit dude yeah i know that's some real
[00:52:12] shit dude it's a real last podcast this is a real thing that happens real
[00:52:16] life yeah we are i think we should stop calling us i was
[00:52:19] Puerto Rican rattlesnakes i think that's over i think he should be real last
[00:52:21] dudes i'm the i'm a real us dude dude i think the we should be real we're the
[00:52:25] realized dudes now oh i'm real as fuck dude i've never been
[00:52:29] we gotta have where we're so on i think Lewis would be a good guess we should
[00:52:31] actually yeah i did i did his podcast with uh amico and chris tinkle who i just
[00:52:37] met i don't know uh he didn't really say much other than
[00:52:42] he got mad when Lewis was like forcing everybody to watch videos of two
[00:52:45] russian girls like cutting kitten's heads off
[00:52:47] oh well i guess that's real dude it's real and that is real that is true
[00:52:53] that's pretty his ass it's real and it's ass and his podcast it's terrible
[00:52:57] oh yeah yeah yeah you're right you're right if we're gonna be realized dudes
[00:53:01] which we are you got to show videos of animals being tortured
[00:53:05] god that sucks yeah we tried that that PlayStation VR thing that chris
[00:53:09] guy brought it over that's just cool man yeah yeah
[00:53:13] i uh i want i want the kind of virtual reality we just fucking walk around
[00:53:17] and fucking shoot guns and shit you know what i mean
[00:53:20] i don't like the walking around aspect because i don't really see how that would
[00:53:23] work it's okay with like limited mobility i want like a little
[00:53:26] ass room where you go in and you fucking yeah
[00:53:29] because i i don't i honestly don't understand how that VR thing would be
[00:53:32] fun uh with anything where you have to like walk around
[00:53:35] because you're still just moving shit on the controller
[00:53:38] you can look around or whatever what it would be cool for is like driving
[00:53:41] or flight simulators yeah driving a train simulator like
[00:53:44] game where you just stand there and watch trains pass and air horn simulator
[00:53:48] if you can play static image but putting in different airway through this guy
[00:53:53] i i i tell you that story about this guy me and my friend matt one day
[00:53:56] we're like uh we're gonna build like a potato cannon and matt had this friend
[00:54:00] john who he knew from like alternative school who was very much autistic
[00:54:03] yeah yeah and so he had like john john had a car so john picked us up and like
[00:54:09] drove us home depot and he made john buy everything
[00:54:12] jesus and then made john like assemble it
[00:54:15] and we had to go back to john's house like three weeks worth of work as a
[00:54:18] bagger at john yeah yeah uh no it's like you can build a
[00:54:21] potato cannon pretty easily for like 50 bucks tops and supplies okay
[00:54:26] yeah you need a hacksaw uh like you know probably cumulative uh pvc pipe
[00:54:31] yeah you need six here's here's exactly what you need you need five feet of uh
[00:54:36] of two inch pvc piping you need about a foot and a half of four
[00:54:40] four inch pvc piping and then like a reducer and then a cap for the end
[00:54:45] and then you need uh uh like a ignition for uh
[00:54:50] grill like one of those push button spark things yeah yeah
[00:54:53] and then some pvc cement and shit and like putty and then like maybe some kind of
[00:54:57] over inclined to get those out of it uh anything that fits the diameter of the
[00:55:02] yeah so yeah actually if that would be awesome if you had a two inch diameter
[00:55:05] dildo cloppiest dildo yeah shooting out of the could yeah you would lube up
[00:55:10] lube up like ten feet away yeah lube up the barrel
[00:55:14] yeah like jackass and hold on man these things are fucking cannons like they
[00:55:18] shoot like they the first time we shot off that potato in the woods uh-huh
[00:55:22] we were like oh fuck and they're like this is a weapon
[00:55:25] because they fire it it's loud as shit it sounds like a fucking cannon oh jeez
[00:55:29] and uh it fires potatoes it like you just in a public feed per second yeah
[00:55:33] well i shot it down uh uh matt's driveway the first time
[00:55:38] like we just put it on the ground i like i did a test shot and like just launch
[00:55:41] this potato and like you know it was like maybe six inches off the ground
[00:55:44] right and it launched and it didn't hit the ground for like
[00:55:47] probably like 150 feet whoa so it's you know moving with that amount like
[00:55:52] for a little bit of water yeah yeah that's so cool
[00:55:54] and uh we set it off and then fucking uh matt's like October's guy
[00:55:58] yeah matt's roommate this old black eye guns and he's like that sounded like a
[00:56:01] gun i'm leaving probably smart but he made john do it and fucking john
[00:56:12] the autistic guy in his house he had in there like you know he lived with his
[00:56:16] parents but it was like a fucking mess or his shit everywhere wait he lived
[00:56:19] his parents any had a black roommate no they weren't roommates they were
[00:56:23] friends oh okay yeah so uh hold his john i don't know he's
[00:56:27] probably like now probably like 37 okay i thought i thought for a second
[00:56:31] maybe like an old ass man hanging out with children yeah
[00:56:34] yeah so he lived with his parents in the house is like a fucking mess
[00:56:37] and uh in like you know the dining room is like a table with shit all over
[00:56:41] and then like one section of the kitchen he has like his
[00:56:44] microsoft flight simulator set up with like the two monitors and like the
[00:56:49] you know like the the power levers for the and he's like yeah i'm
[00:56:53] simulating a flight from here to huai and it's just like a shittily
[00:56:57] rendered image of clouds and he's just like looking at it and it's like
[00:57:05] you know like just nothing is happening yeah he's just sitting there
[00:57:11] like looking at it he's simulating the stupidest part of a flight just the
[00:57:20] and that's what that shit is dude oh man that's so good that's full spectrum
[00:57:24] that is awesome what what enjoyment do you get out of that do you think
[00:57:28] mike rosoff flight simulator yeah well try to have no idea is the weirdest
[00:57:31] one because it's like you can't even steer the train
[00:57:34] at least in flight simulating crash the plane you're on a track yeah
[00:57:39] yeah you're on a track it's about like making sure you get to places on time
[00:57:44] so it's about like managing timetables i'm assuming
[00:57:48] there's been ads for farm simulator yeah now where it's like that's fun
[00:57:52] because there's resources and there's like a game to it no dude
[00:57:55] that's i can imagine it's like harvest moon or wait that was on Facebook right
[00:58:00] wasn't that i don't know i just saw it no it's like a play state no i don't
[00:58:03] mean like it's like a place is that farmville or whatever yeah farmville
[00:58:07] yeah it's a PlayStation 4 game that's like you're a farmer
[00:58:11] that's like just just a job yeah but there's been a lot of like
[00:58:14] like harvest moon was really fucking successful and it's basically that
[00:58:17] but that's like a little fucking i don't know how is that any different than mine
[00:58:20] don't you get like a wife or something i don't remember i never played
[00:58:24] it sounds like like rollercoaster tycoon or sim city but just before
[00:58:27] you know it's bullshit sim ant no game it's like an ant hill yeah you're an
[00:58:33] ant and that's an ant colony and then the bad guys are spider and you have to
[00:58:37] like make enough ants to eat the spider otherwise it's
[00:58:40] fire focusing uh yeah i guess you have to make more ants
[00:58:44] and all the ants are like i was so kicked by therapist the other day
[00:58:49] you know i just go to work every day it's so poor it it was a time with
[00:58:54] ants i was making love with the world with the other day and sim copter too and
[00:58:58] that one was weird because like you didn't do
[00:59:01] shit that helicopters normally do you're like putting out fires and stuff
[00:59:04] all right yeah some some like rescue copters do
[00:59:07] that shit though do they i think so when it's like a big
[00:59:11] ass forest fire you get choppered in fucking
[00:59:15] put that shit away what are you talking about sorry helicopter dude
[00:59:19] or were they like go to a lake and they like get all that water yeah they
[00:59:22] suck up take up suck up the water and then they dump it
[00:59:25] hell yeah dude i played i played the sims like a motherfucker dude
[00:59:29] and sim city i'm so sure we're all gonna have personal
[00:59:33] helicopters to come and they pull the dumps out of your ass that sounds
[00:59:36] pretty good wipe you from the sky amazon amazon's
[00:59:40] you had black mirror episode about that
[00:59:41] that you have the helicopter so that shows sucks by the way it's okay i mean i
[00:59:46] love the the first two episodes the first two episodes of the first
[00:59:49] season were great yeah then this one the big fucking episode was a
[00:59:52] crackle episode was good the one with the the new one with like the ratings
[00:59:55] the one that one was a shitty episode they priced out all that from an
[00:59:58] episode of community also oh really that was literally an episode of
[01:00:02] community yeah but you know it's like you know how
[01:00:05] about this it got this new show it's gonna blow you
[01:00:07] more it's about how like the off phones is actually like bad yeah i did that
[01:00:12] as a as a vibe yeah as i sometimes mobile phones is good
[01:00:17] but other times mobile phones is bad yeah that's basically what that show is
[01:00:23] now they didn't want i watched last night it's like
[01:00:26] wife the internet was the bad guy they did that
[01:00:29] then one last night i started watching it and it's like
[01:00:32] it's a beautiful day today this is the bbc world service it's a beautiful day
[01:00:35] today in the perfect future world where everything is perfect
[01:00:38] and the robot swarms of bees we've created for some reason are operating
[01:00:42] completely as normal as everyone expected oh i wonder what could happen in this
[01:00:46] episode go on there's one that i i haven't
[01:00:52] i didn't watch but there's like all these like
[01:00:55] there's all these like uh slate articles and stuff that's like
[01:00:59] yes queen black mirrors lesbian episode does it again and they're like
[01:01:03] this episode has nothing to do with technology it's just a lesbian story
[01:01:06] and it has a happy ending yeah that one was like yeah it
[01:01:10] isn't i mean it's sort of his technology related it was like directed well and
[01:01:14] written well and i i enjoyed it for for that reason
[01:01:17] yeah yeah no it was kind of cool it's about like uh
[01:01:20] old people who can like you know you upload your brain to the cloud when
[01:01:24] you're ready to die or whatever but the cloud is basically just um
[01:01:28] you know you get to choose an error to go live in so it keeps cutting from like
[01:01:32] 1984 to 1980 to 1996 2002 but the you know art
[01:01:36] direction is like really yeah it's like it looks like stranger things though and
[01:01:41] my roommate was watching that episode and i was like oh this is yeah but then you
[01:01:44] know they did well like 2002 really fucking looks like 2002
[01:01:48] you know and i saw the 80s part is very day glow and
[01:01:51] yeah yeah i don't know why is it a way i'm very
[01:01:55] very wam it's so wam yeah i'm like yeah let's i want to i want to make one
[01:02:00] a black mirror episode dude yeah it's like okay it's like it's like
[01:02:04] it's like imagine everyone has a pacemaker because the fat is
[01:02:07] shit right yeah so their hearts don't be right anymore
[01:02:10] but then what with the pacemaker is they're getting
[01:02:12] mind of their own you see so nay is making everyone's hot beat too fast
[01:02:18] and then they're saving heart attacks the robot bears we got on the circus
[01:02:24] the reap chip in them is still dormant yeah
[01:02:26] nice so they got you know it's everyone's hooked up to a dick sucking machine
[01:02:31] but then he sucks your dick completely right
[01:02:34] it rips your dick off the body and then we found out the robots are using the
[01:02:42] yeah i thought the pig fucking episode was so good because it wasn't even i've
[01:02:45] never what would happen technology just so real i like the rest
[01:02:49] no there's it the prime minister gets blackmaled
[01:02:53] yeah um to fuck a pig on live television or some girls gonna be or one of the
[01:02:57] princesses is gonna be murdered oh yeah what are the
[01:03:00] what princesses is yeah gonna be killed and then um
[01:03:04] you know the whole episode they're like trying to find a way around it they're
[01:03:07] trying to find a way to make it cgi of him fucking a pig
[01:03:11] and then like the he has all these they get cut off at every turn
[01:03:16] and so basically the end of it is the prime minister on live tells us some
[01:03:19] pig do you get to see and then at first at it's cool because at first the whole
[01:03:23] country's watching everyone's in pubs like getting really excited it's like
[01:03:26] how it would be in real life yeah yeah yeah yeah
[01:03:30] everyone's like this rules and then like two minutes and everyone's like holy
[01:03:33] fucking shit how long does he have to talk so
[01:03:35] sad i think to completion if you had to fuck an animal what animal would you
[01:03:40] fuck i could i could fuck any animal i want but i can only
[01:03:44] fuck one yeah dog up to three yeah i don't know what's a good
[01:03:50] animal to have sex with apparently my friend ramsie from college who was
[01:03:54] one of the most disgusting humans i've ever met he would literally like growl
[01:03:58] at old ladies like he was like oh he loved he wanted to fuck old ladies
[01:04:02] and he wanted he had like he was like a fucking i don't know
[01:04:07] he was a real lebanese when it came to a leba uh his uh
[01:04:12] his views on women and uh he uh he did some research and apparently
[01:04:19] horse pussies or a lot like human pussies yeah so uh that's the front runner
[01:04:25] i don't think my dude you guys remember mr hans stuff in a horse up let's just
[01:04:29] say yeah you'd have to find a real small horse yeah maybe a toy pony a toy pony
[01:04:34] i don't think like i'd ever have the confidence to like you know i think
[01:04:37] about it because like i'm really crutch at this horse plus
[01:04:40] you maybe that's better maybe offer like what animal would you
[01:04:43] fuck and then i think i'm like wow there's so many animals there has to be a choice
[01:04:46] they're like yeah i would fuck that animal and then it's no there's another single
[01:04:51] one where you would actually be that cool yeah people fuck donkeys a bunch in
[01:04:55] countries sheep yeah people fuck sheep Arabs love fucking goats
[01:04:59] yeah that's so true it's true 100% sure now they got these videos of them on
[01:05:06] infrared you can check it out yourself you look and they got these healthy got
[01:05:10] the Apache helicopters over there yeah and you see on it they got these two guys
[01:05:14] and they got a goat bent over and they're both boston and sappucco
[01:05:19] they bend it over further it's an awful tower not a break it's leg so they
[01:05:22] can bend it over like a you know like a girl uh yes
[01:05:27] they're doing the awful tower ticket yes um yeah it says you have to do that
[01:05:32] note in a kuran the kurans it's it's written in there that you have to
[01:05:39] okay all right there we yeah i don't know maybe like a hand job for
[01:05:43] monochtopus that would be tight that's not a
[01:05:46] i see where you're getting at yeah maybe just like take some kind of
[01:05:49] well you trick you trick the octopus into thinking your dick stole its gold
[01:05:54] and then it jacks you i feel like i could rip it off though they're strong as
[01:05:57] hell do oh yeah i mean and yeah and smart they know that's gonna hurt go
[01:06:03] know they got your dick in it yeah well also they don't have any bones so you
[01:06:06] can technically titty fuck their brain you can fold their brain in half and titty
[01:06:10] fuck it now we're back i wonder if it's smart enough to know what's
[01:06:17] yeah then it would knows it's getting raped
[01:06:21] could you have consensual sex with an octopus uh yeah if they turn uh red that
[01:06:31] if they ink you that's squirting yeah that's them coming
[01:06:35] well what kind of animals come like big time turtles
[01:06:38] like jizz a lot yeah dogs actually don't have a like they don't
[01:06:43] not they just fucking leak it just leaks yeah
[01:06:46] that seems so unsatisfied but no turtles bust i like busting a nice
[01:06:50] they don't have a rue which animals fuck for pleasure there's not that
[01:06:54] many dolphins for bonobos dolphins yeah but no
[01:06:57] both but monkeys are too fucking muscular do well bonobos are like matriarchal
[01:07:01] like there's like a lot of lesbians they eat each other's cookies so
[01:07:05] bonobos tight i would love to be all her
[01:07:07] yes queen bonkets oh yeah yeah what was that one i don't know one of the
[01:07:13] fucking guys we fucked the bonobos it was the guys we
[01:07:20] i thought karaame and let me tell you it has completely revitalized my
[01:07:24] relationship with steven he was cheating on me for like two
[01:07:28] months and i was like okay we got to talk about this he was like maybe you should
[01:07:31] fuck a dog so i did and it's never been better a
[01:07:34] relationship um he just leaked onto me do you think
[01:07:39] yeah somebody told me they got a quarter million
[01:07:41] dollar book deal they the good for them ladies
[01:07:46] the ladies the fuck ladies we'll get we're we're gonna dislike them i did
[01:07:49] sound like i disliked them when i said that i just resent anybody that could
[01:07:52] say the kind of money yeah i found out mike laurants got a hundred grand for
[01:07:55] winning that roast master saying good for mikey i'm like i hope he
[01:07:58] fucking falls down the flight of stairs i mean it would be okay after but i
[01:08:02] you know something bad oh no dude his athletic career would be done
[01:08:06] yes he's a packed out to be over guy right yeah
[01:08:10] um i love i love when anybody shines off a podcast as a podcaster is there a
[01:08:15] wheelchair comic there is just a million wheelchair comics
[01:08:19] yeah there's seriously ask that question is there a guy in a wheelchair does stand
[01:08:23] there's Eddie wheels well i guess Cosby sits down
[01:08:27] oh there's fucking uh there was a guy who used to come to wise acres to sit down
[01:08:31] comic huh the the sit down comic you ever see him he was a wise acres guy he
[01:08:36] would show up and they would have put like a special ramp next to the stage
[01:08:38] so he'd get his motorized wheelchair up to the stage
[01:08:41] and he had like CP or something and he was this like middle-aged white guy who
[01:08:45] had this like uh this like african servant this like yeah this super yeah
[01:08:51] this like like a nurse like a like a super dark black guy that was just like
[01:08:54] would hold the microphone for him to his face
[01:09:00] and i would stand up but i can't you know and uh yeah it was bizarre
[01:09:09] did he kill did he bum never he always bummed who's the open mic i mean
[01:09:13] right right the only people that killed were guys that were friends with like
[01:09:17] rob mare and Andy Klein and normal person and right right right
[01:09:20] you know the crew the wise acres boys yeah boys
[01:09:23] those guys you know it's so funny that i was like 16 17 hanging out there
[01:09:28] and then like the people i would hang out with they were like adults in my
[01:09:31] head but they were like 26 27 and they would wear like button down shirts
[01:09:34] tucked into their pants and had like finally groomed like goatees and they'd
[01:09:38] get their haircut once a month and yeah yeah they were like adults and i'm like
[01:09:41] now i'm this age as older than most of them i'm like
[01:09:45] yeah i don't know why the fuck they did that we're all wearing baseball cats
[01:09:49] was that we're all wearing baseball caps right now
[01:09:52] except for me yeah yeah um what's in shambles that's pretty much the
[01:09:56] episode right there that's a good one yeah goodbye