Cum Town | Regular | 03/31/2021
[00:00:00] Hey everybody welcome to the improv jam. I'm your host David Thomas penis and this is my my co-host Zach Rothstein. Hey, hey, we're just how we doing a couple of guys that did not get any pussy until college was almost over and now we're wearing purple hoodie hoodies and doing improv.
[00:00:19] And we're pissed and we're freaking pissed off and we're fucking seething at our core. We're some of the angriest people and we will rape.
[00:00:28] We'll rape and then once we get called out for rape we'll be we'll move to an even darker place and at least one of us it hasn't happened yet.
[00:00:41] She has to Thomas Middle ditch for raping at a goth club it sounds like. Yeah, what's he one of the. That should be legal. Which group. Which group was he in? No, he was in the nerd show. Yeah, he's in.
[00:00:54] But he does long bang theory. No, no, no, no, it was good. The show's pretty good. So come out. Oh, okay. I actually I don't know. I didn't know who Thomas Middle ditch was.
[00:01:03] I don't know who Chet's Chet's scorpion. Is that the guy everybody's talking about? Yeah, by the way, I know I just realized I said David scorpion. That's his name. David scorpion.
[00:01:15] Everybody's Randy rainbow. That's the one I'm thinking. I thought I confused him. I can not to be a rapist. I confused him. And she's only.
[00:01:26] I'm an Eric scorpion. I confused pretty often. It's it's tough. He's that actor's son. He's the son of Michael Michael. Michael Wanda Foster scorpion. Michael Wanda. Michael Wanda.
[00:01:40] David Foster scorpion. You know, Dave Foster. Of course I do. Yeah. He was in everybody hates Chris. He was the teacher. Oh, God, he was hilarious in that. Do lobster's feel pain.
[00:01:59] You do that whole. What's David? David Foster. One. Oh, one. Oh, and his son is Chet Phoenix. Wait, wait, wait, which shouldn't be David Foster Phillips if he's doing that? No, he's Phillips Phillips David Thomas.
[00:02:15] He played he played stubs on Miami justice. I thought I thought you were doing like emo Phillips and Dave Foster. I'm just getting into misinformation. Yeah, we're we're a lying podcast. Yeah, I want to see like what because apparently
[00:02:35] now doing misinformation is the highest crime. Oh my God. I want to see what kind of misinformation you can well we actually are Russian agent. We have been saying missing information on the show. Everything we've said is not true except for that thing about Randy rainbow about Adam being gay, which is true.
[00:02:52] When did we say that sort of the whole time? I don't think on this episode. Yeah, undercurrent of the entire show. All right. Well, the last five years. Like I suppose I guess that's what the show is about.
[00:03:09] Like our big piece of misinformation that we've been trying to combat is what the M RNA vaccine what M RNA stands right now. No, no, they just say our end part of.
[00:03:28] Wait, that says for registered nurse. Yeah.
[00:03:32] Not in this household. That's what our nest stands for. Yeah. So they got this. This Derek Chavon trial coming up. Do you? I'm rooting. I'm going prosecution on this one. I think we're all pretty much on the prosecution side.
[00:03:50] I'm rooting for the prosecution. Do people really pick sides in that thing? It seems like it's kind of like everyone's sort of wait and see.
[00:03:57] What do you mean by that? Not the best man win. I think we sort of know who the guy on trial is not the best man. That's pretty clear.
[00:04:07] I thought that was just something I think people sort of casually. Everyone is rooting pretty hard for one side. Are there Derek Chauvin fans out? I don't think there are. I don't think I don't think I'm going to closet Derek. I put my foot.
[00:04:21] I put my foot in the water and the temperature reading the room. My general read on the consensus of American citizens. This was very much like a 1998 should we introduce the blue M&M or the purple M&M kind of thing.
[00:04:35] I think the stakes are a little higher than that and I think you're reading on the room. In this situation, the purple M&M has been murdered by the blue M&M. Oh, yeah.
[00:04:44] And we're deciding whether or not to be mad at the blue M&M. I think we're all mad. Yeah. And everyone's hoping that the blue M&M is going to go straight.
[00:04:51] But isn't the moral of the story? Is it underneath it all or all chocolate? That's not the moral. That by being on trial for murder in a way, Derek Chauvin is...
[00:05:03] You could say that he is himself. You couldn't even say that. No. Whatever you're going to say. A man who's gotten the RN vaccine. No.
[00:05:10] That's certainly not the case whatsoever. Even following your twisted logic, I don't believe.
[00:05:16] Would you say that you could call Derek Chauvin? No. Whatever you're going to say no. Whatever you're going to say no.
[00:05:24] And why don't we go back to about Tom's middle-ditch raping people with the black lipstick on?
[00:05:28] Yeah, let's go. I don't want him to talk about Derek Chauvin. He did.
[00:05:31] I just wanted to get it. I just wanted to get it.
[00:05:34] And what is... How about Derek Levine and his Derek Chaully Levine from Glen Gary Glen Ross? Okay.
[00:05:42] And he's like, you should have seen it. No, no, no. I had him down there. We don't need to do any more.
[00:05:47] We don't need any character bits that are spun off of Derek while we're talking about him.
[00:05:52] And it was death. We just had him. No, no, no.
[00:05:55] And he was... You asked how about? And I said no? And he had a $20 bill? No, no, no. And it was fake. No, sir.
[00:06:03] You said how about the machine? Roundly no. I just wanted to convene the machine.
[00:06:09] I wanted to see who you guys were rooting for. And I think that Stav and I are both going prosecution.
[00:06:13] We are definitely... Let me just say that. I am firmly rooting for him.
[00:06:17] I want to put that out there about myself too. I'm going pros.
[00:06:20] I'm still finding out who all the players are. He's a kid. He's a player. He's a undecided player.
[00:06:25] I need to know who all the players are. He makes the way he gets big red sweat.
[00:06:29] And he wants to ask a question. I need to know who all the players are. Apparently they already had the karate expert
[00:06:34] textified the trial. So I see we've reached the karate expert phase of the public trial,
[00:06:41] which is a very important part of the public trial. The karate expert era... Who did they have?
[00:06:47] There's the tiny glove era and then there's the fat twins on motorcycles.
[00:06:51] Who were those guys? I don't know. I think they were on postcards.
[00:06:55] I really only know the reference from the Simpsons. Who would they get as the karate expert?
[00:07:03] Who do they get? A real sentence? They're a guy from the video.
[00:07:08] He was in the video? Derek... No, he's hard.
[00:07:11] A guy who testified yesterday with the jump off of this is...
[00:07:15] Is there was in fact a martial arts expert who testified that Derek Shavin did a blood choke?
[00:07:21] Yeah, it didn't seem like he used to... I mean, he was very well trained, whatever the fuck was going on.
[00:07:29] Well, at the point of his testimony was to prove that Derek Shavin knew that he was cutting off circulation to George Floyd's brain.
[00:07:39] I just want to say I hope he goes to jail.
[00:07:46] Let's go a rare time that we are voting for the prosecution.
[00:07:51] But what if the defense attorney is like just the most charming...
[00:07:57] Yeah, what if the defense attorney is George Floyd in his own right?
[00:08:02] Is it different? I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:08:10] This is one of those times where I don't need to meet him.
[00:08:12] Derek Shavin should have hired just like the most fucking like...
[00:08:33] Tuscant land on such an upstanding man as mister, a gentleman, dakda, a reverend Derek Shavin.
[00:08:42] I don't want to hear your side of the story.
[00:08:52] Just an organ playing in the background.
[00:09:05] Why do they have big TV trials in the movie about he?
[00:09:07] That he was on trial for the racist murder of an unarmed black man that the entire world
[00:09:14] And no one could help him, except a fucking bum-ass, a drunk clown of an attorney they
[00:09:24] They'd pass the bar by bribing people with detailing jobs.
[00:09:32] Not a love story, but he gets them all.
[00:09:38] I think they need to spice it up and make it that they fall in love.
[00:09:42] I'm just saying, if we want to take it to the next level.
[00:09:44] I think that unfairly portrays the gay community as a bunch of racist murder-
[00:09:52] I think that's the message you want to send is that all gay people are Derek Shavine and
[00:10:00] You put your foot over it there by saying that Derek Shavine is gay.
[00:10:05] You just stepped over the line and now you're covering it up and the crime...
[00:10:11] The crime is just worse than the scene of racist.
[00:10:13] I'm saying being gay is everyone is gay.
[00:10:17] All of us have that in us and through the power of understanding two very different people.
[00:10:26] Let me cool if those exist in real life.
[00:10:28] You wake up in the morning, you go to sleep out of your eye, you go to the bathroom, stand
[00:10:35] I knew I shouldn't have had all that cocklabs.
[00:10:47] I had too many chocolate covered jacksmakes.
[00:10:51] That would be nice if I had too many chocolate covered strawberries.
[00:11:10] You said a fucking peanut butter sandwich was the best sweet.
[00:11:19] No, but that's a masculine man type of sweet.
[00:11:22] One time my girlfriend made cookies and my friend was over and he was kind of a fatter
[00:11:30] And the peanut butter cookies and he ate one.
[00:11:36] And then we both started laughing at him and he got on.
[00:11:43] We were being prejudiced against the fact that community.
[00:11:47] First of all, delectable doesn't sound good coming off the tongue of anyone that's not
[00:11:56] Yeah, but delectable is kind of a show boating singing song.
[00:12:01] I think that's the kind of joy he was in.
[00:12:03] He was enjoying that cookie in a way that you would you don't have the faculties to
[00:12:08] If I could sing, I would go into musical theater because if all those gentlemen are homosexuals
[00:12:15] and I could smash all the pussy, probably smash all that pussy.
[00:12:23] Yeah, depending on where you stand on the Kinsey scale that day.
[00:12:35] Your Apple Watch is, hey, we're not sure looking a little gay today.
[00:12:41] Small fluctuations in how much of a homo you are normal.
[00:12:54] We noticed you were getting fucked in your ass between the hours of 9 and 8 a.m.
[00:13:03] That's the guy we've come on the asshole.
[00:13:07] We certainly wouldn't want to discourage you from getting fucked in your ass.
[00:13:15] What's the longest you think you're fucked in your ass and it's still comfortable?
[00:13:23] I don't think it's comfortable from the minute.
[00:13:26] I think if you like getting fucked in your ass.
[00:13:30] What do you mean you don't like taking a shit?
[00:13:34] I like the feeling of after taking a shit.
[00:13:35] I'm sure like a dog in that I, you know, I shit outside and I do the weird arching thing
[00:13:42] Sometimes I make a weird grimace and I make eye contact with people.
[00:13:47] Sometimes I do squat to shit to get it all out quick and it feels nice.
[00:13:55] A shit is when you take a real nice one, ain't nothing wrong with that.
[00:14:01] I just mean there's probably I don't know 15 minutes at the absolute max of pure X.
[00:14:12] Other than that it would probably feel bad.
[00:14:14] Even if you love it, you know what I mean?
[00:14:17] Yeah, I'm excited for Easter chocolates.
[00:14:27] I haven't the pregame to you know what happened.
[00:14:48] Just going, isn't that why it's called Passover?
[00:14:57] If they wanted you to do it, they'd call it do the do it.
[00:15:06] You ever noticed that black people got big lips?
[00:15:25] Some of them aren't going to be winners.
[00:15:28] I had to dump my 12 year old girlfriend because her titties were too hard.
[00:15:39] They looked good, but they weren't ripe.
[00:15:50] That's what tees don't know about titty fucking.
[00:15:52] You have to learn that when you're older.
[00:15:57] You ever notice that when you fuck a 14 year old, you meet in the park or tinnies aren't
[00:16:09] Just a budget of 72 year old juice and tuxedos watching him do this.
[00:16:17] I tried fucking over in the air, so it was like trying to untie a balloon with my car.
[00:16:33] Imagine trying to untie a balloon with my car.
[00:16:40] Anyway, back to the stuff about blocks.
[00:17:05] Oh, people say, oh, we don't know why we're over there.
[00:17:10] I do because there are a bunch of raggards.
[00:17:17] You don't need to sell me on anything more than that.
[00:17:24] After 40 years of observations about phone books.
[00:17:29] Just picture him with caution tape around his mouth.
[00:17:33] Yeah, they say, oh, those weren't the guys that even did 911.
[00:17:37] Yeah, well, neither were the police officers that defend us every day.
[00:17:50] I'm still on the fence about their anchovies.
[00:18:04] Even more often me, he'd be my boyfriend.
[00:18:24] You're really fucked up if you get to track five being gay with Jerry Chubby.
[00:18:29] When they show him on the stand behind that big wooden box, I wish I was under there sucking his car.
[00:18:41] I want to go under his robe so I look like an 1800s photographer.
[00:18:48] But I thought you wanted to fuck children with big toys.
[00:19:19] And he's saying all the lines from your favorite shows.
[00:19:36] I would love to watch that comedy special.
[00:19:48] That guy should be in jail just for having that name.
[00:20:27] I don't think we need to have computers.
[00:20:42] I'm definitely having it pronounced something.
[00:20:46] This is like playing Russian roulette right now.
[00:20:51] It's like letting Nick, my guy have a computer.
[00:20:59] Let's spin the bullet and see what comes up.
[00:21:09] Oh, it actually is from Jerry Seinfeld.
[00:21:34] That's the defense is hinging his case on that.
[00:21:42] Go ahead and speak a little Chinese for him, Derek.
[00:21:52] We was practicing out there in the cell.
[00:22:06] You could at least speak a little Chinese.
[00:22:15] If you convict this man, I'm going to kill a bitch.
[00:22:21] The first bitch I see, I'm going to be harassed to death.
[00:22:27] That would again be a very good strategy.
[00:22:40] I'm going to psych that from the record.
[00:22:54] We're going to put you in Gucci slippers.
[00:22:59] He's dressing like the bitch imagine we got one.
[00:23:13] You've been the most racist, cops, defending him.
[00:23:21] My client would like to be referred to by his Muslim name, Rose by Delicious.
[00:23:35] When we did the Miss Congeniality scene.
[00:23:41] We did like a teaching you how to be a lady montage.
[00:23:49] They bring Stanley Tucci and the teach Derek Shavine how to act like a homo.
[00:23:59] Stanley Tucci and Kathleen Madigan is the first person to be a
[00:24:07] the coach Derek Shavine on being a messy slot.
[00:24:22] The phone said, message slot is what it is.
[00:24:27] That's how I don't see a slut in your content.
[00:24:31] You would think a guy like me would have some woman just
[00:24:40] But said they have all names like Tinder 5 or.
[00:24:54] No, I'm about to be celibate for April, I've decided.
[00:25:05] You're going to teach yourself how to meditate in hands
[00:25:08] I'm literally, it's one more month in the dojo.
[00:25:23] And I was the 20,000 step bastard for the first time
[00:25:31] Fucking, I had my second shot in Harlem.
[00:25:38] Two miles every day, two inches in the pants.
[00:25:42] I walked with us way more than two miles.
[00:25:50] They call me the Archbishop Desperate Two.
[00:25:57] It is because I have the two inch penis.
[00:26:01] And I walk two miles every day through the pussy
[00:26:05] And they said, we are all out of pussy go home.
[00:26:09] His two two inch penis couldn't get any pussy.
[00:26:34] And then she just better not tell anyone.
[00:26:41] If a hot girl wants to fuck me, she's going to have to come over to my apartment and
[00:26:56] I found this website that sells DVDs of the worst TV shows.
[00:27:01] With all the TV shows that I don't shut up about.
[00:27:05] I guess this company just downloads them off Pirate Bay and puts them in a box for you.
[00:27:18] I got to say, seven days is pretty good.
[00:27:20] Me spending money on pirated DVDs of the shows that made me as retarded as I am is as close
[00:27:29] as a guy like me gets to giving back to the community.
[00:27:49] No, I know how to play all of the ethnic sports ping pong basketball.
[00:28:02] Well, but wouldn't you say it's more, I feel like more Pakistani and Indian people like
[00:28:17] No, Indian people are just spicy British people.
[00:28:20] Although I do love that the British colonized India.
[00:28:23] They were like, well, we're taking the hats.
[00:28:25] We're definitely going to call each other Raj.
[00:28:32] And then you can keep the rest of your shit.
[00:28:35] We're taking these two and yeah, all the other stuff's bullshit.
[00:28:41] Which if it were me, if I was a king of England, what would you do?
[00:28:47] Bring those motherfucking elephants back here.
[00:28:50] And I'm not even, we're not going to use them for anything.
[00:28:52] I'm just going to wheel them out in front of the houses of every fat bitch with opinions
[00:28:59] I'd be like, Oh, Helen, good to see you.
[00:29:14] Yeah, put a fucking purple wig on the elephant.
[00:29:21] We got 7,892 more women to go through here.
[00:29:26] Yeah, just another day in the life of the Raj.
[00:29:31] And if you want to live the life of a Raj, check out GetSuperLeaf.com.
[00:29:38] There's nothing more royal than taking pills, cradam pills.
[00:29:56] So go to GetSuperLeaf.com slash com town, which will activate the 20% discount on what
[00:30:04] Well, just give me a second to click on the link so I can read the website to you like
[00:30:11] a father to his young dumbass son as he goes to bed.
[00:30:16] To create him in full spectrum, we're just the cradam.
[00:30:28] Our creative meets the American Cradam Association, aka.
[00:30:31] Now to be confused with the American Kennel Association, which judges dog quality for
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[00:31:29] As we know, so many in the Cradam community have been killed by the police.
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[00:31:55] So this shit is either powder or capsules.
[00:31:58] Yeah, it's what we can't really say make that many claims, right?
[00:32:03] Yeah, we're not allowed to make claims.
[00:32:06] The more we're restricted legally, the better the thing.
[00:32:14] Because saying if this did nothing, we could be like, oh, it's, it's to go ahead and take
[00:32:19] Yeah, with this shit, it's like, so that's a nice.
[00:32:23] So that's no, that's what we would be saying if it didn't do anything.
[00:32:27] So you get, you don't have a heroin problem yet.
[00:32:31] If you try this stuff, you're going to say what's next.
[00:32:36] Let's, let's take it to another little.
[00:32:41] Apparently if I, I myself never do, I don't do these drugs, but if you're trying to get
[00:32:51] And I, I've definitely taken it and I think it's good as well.
[00:32:53] And I've had a good time and you know what I will, I can't make claims for anything scientific,
[00:32:58] but I'll say the vibes are off the charts.
[00:33:00] Another thing I like about is when you're doing a bunch of it, women are like, stop.
[00:33:16] Which is a selling car already a half hour late is it.
[00:33:20] That's big on the bullet points for me.
[00:33:27] I love calling the botanicals for sure.
[00:33:36] I'll sort of when you were caught up like a botanical mentality.
[00:33:45] The syrup, the orchid show at fucking those are botanicals.
[00:34:15] Yana, my client doesn't even own a botanical pencil.
[00:34:19] And going furthermore research indicates that there's no such thing as a botanical pencil.
[00:34:25] So I ask you again, how could he possibly have killed Mr. George Floyd?
[00:34:33] They're like, just one guy in the like deliberating.
[00:34:36] It's like, I mean, he made a really good point about the botanical pencil.
[00:34:49] Half of half of his argument was that I'm going to show you a magic trick monologue
[00:34:58] I would love to see it insane old black guy.
[00:35:07] It's a little black guy with he Lloyd Ledger Joker makeup on the face.
[00:35:20] Maybe we've all had too much in this world.
[00:35:45] So if so, if so, credit bike, you buy creative power, you go to super especially as you got
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[00:36:00] You just pop like fucking 16 of them in your mouth.
[00:36:08] And that shit, you get a big old fucking big gulp of mud.
[00:36:24] And what I imagine meeting God would be like is like you and three of the stupidest people
[00:36:30] you know going on a walk outside and laughing too hard at the Arby's logo.
[00:36:38] If I had to describe it when you die, that's what happens.
[00:36:45] Just sitting in a little ass fucking park.
[00:36:51] Trees telling you no one will ever leave you.
[00:36:56] And it's kind of like being in an efficiency apartment somewhere with a manager of a game
[00:36:59] stop watching the tune town scene from who framed Roger Rabbit.
[00:37:07] And so you freak out and have to turn off who framed Roger Rabbit.
[00:37:11] And that's what that's what it's like to meet you.
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[00:37:28] Why buy super specio says because you deserve the highest quality.
[00:37:33] Everyone on the podcast that doesn't have a little SP to say yes.
[00:37:43] No, so you deserve the highest quality projects and service.
[00:37:45] That's another reason to buy Kratum is because you deserve it.
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[00:37:59] They're like, no, damn, I just got a hankering to do like a jigsaw.
[00:38:06] Every like six months, I'll have this thing that's like do a medieval themed jigsaw.
[00:38:11] I don't know where it comes from, but it's like getting a thousand piece Robin Hood jigsaw
[00:38:19] It's you know, it's like you're good at your destiny is to be a fucking like a renfaire
[00:38:28] Certain recommend different kinds of balsa would the make like model bi planes.
[00:38:33] Yeah, if if if your dig was any it was wood, it would be balsa wood.
[00:38:57] Are we living in the system of justice or this some kind of mad Max Spyro dome situation.
[00:39:03] That my client can't get a fair trial just because he's got a Jerry curl and a velour
[00:39:16] And it was the beep heard around the world and somehow also the lawyer was convicted
[00:39:27] I mean, there's got to be no way that he's like you have to prosecute him.
[00:39:33] The system knows that because if he doesn't go to jail, there's going to be riots.
[00:39:37] Like I think he's probably going to get off somehow.
[00:39:43] Carl Riddenhouse will get off for sure.
[00:39:45] But the Shavine guy, it's like there's too much although that with that the one cop in
[00:39:49] South Carolina that caught on camera, he did go.
[00:39:55] Something fucked up is going to happen.
[00:39:58] There's no way he's going to go to jail.
[00:39:59] Well, they I mean, getting what he did to trial is like a big deal.
[00:40:06] I hear they should let they should let me orchestrate that defense.
[00:40:14] The whole thing, the Joker makeup, the lower track suit, the Gucci slippers.
[00:40:19] Have a mentally ill lawyer and Joker makeup.
[00:40:27] So that way he definitely goes to jail.
[00:40:31] I mean, it's kind of a but it would really start a conversation.
[00:40:35] You know, new people think it would really be open up the dialogue in America.
[00:40:42] We need more talk on a little bit less yellow than one.
[00:40:45] And what we really need though is get superleaf.com.
[00:40:54] We can also check out patreon.com slash com.
[00:40:58] If you want to hear the conclusion to this argument, we're in it.
[00:41:02] We're in Adam and stop admit that I was 100% right.
[00:41:11] Whatever you think it has anything for it or because this is being edited in in post
[00:41:19] And the next super we almost forgot and in the next 10 minutes, we'll have a discussion
[00:41:28] We will the topic of discussion almost certainly.
[00:41:30] And I'll tell you right now, folks, it's going to be funny to listen to because they'll
[00:41:34] be disagreeing with me till the cows come up.
[00:41:38] But this part, which is being edited in after the fact, you're doing it in the middle of
[00:41:44] And remember, remember a lot of people as a broadcaster, listen to you Nick and remember
[00:41:50] And this part, which is later, it's not.
[00:41:53] It's three oh nine on March 30th right now.
[00:41:56] It was like three o'clock when we started that plot.
[00:42:04] They got to think this shows done at seven o'clock in the morning that we're out.
[00:42:09] We're in some, we're in some Bruce Springsteen S.
[00:42:14] We wake up, we have our black coffee and the diner together.
[00:42:17] And then we take our fuck week podcast and we have a lot.
[00:42:20] Bruce would actually, you know, he felt bad about portraying himself as this working class
[00:42:26] And really he lived life of luxury that he would get up at four a.m. every day and pimp
[00:42:31] himself out, he would go out and he'd just hit 95 and he'd be at the Thomas Edison service
[00:42:42] So I'll swap open with our ass wide over there.
[00:42:46] Yeah, that's where that song comes from.
[00:42:55] Scott's step was a young boy and he walked in on in New Jersey and he walked in on Bruce
[00:43:01] Springsteen being raped in a truck stop.
[00:43:03] Well, I thought he was pimping himself out and he's a buck then he, when he came older,
[00:43:08] he learned that by the time sex workers didn't understand what was going on.
[00:43:12] And he asked his father, his Christian, he said, why is Bruce Springsteen having gay
[00:43:18] He's the only way his father could stomach it.
[00:43:27] He's still to boss but he's still to boss but he's not due to gay shit on purpose.
[00:43:35] And that's a, so if you know how to edit genius.com.
[00:43:54] is go to patreon.com slash come town and buy the fucking premium to hear Adam and
[00:43:59] stop admitted or not admitting about the upcoming we're not going to be saying bait.
[00:44:03] We won't there's no upcoming the intellectual master off the intellectual suck me off more
[00:44:10] like him and go to stave.biz perch pick up a couple stavros how he's approved the t-shirts
[00:44:17] you know they had like Gary Kasparov play chess against the computer yeah or they do
[00:44:22] a thing where like a woman has to compete against a Roomba that'd be awesome yeah with
[00:44:27] her mouth cleaning yeah I thought sucking dick no you've been no that also I think
[00:44:34] just a woman versus IBM flashlight that's deep pink that would be cool yeah I do really
[00:44:42] want to put my dick in one of those Chinese dick sucking machines yeah you see those
[00:44:46] how good are they banks they look awesome it's sort of like a it's like a bidet for
[00:44:50] guys exactly yeah they should have that urinals should be able to take a shit get your dicks
[00:44:55] like the same time by a robot a blump and he blumpkin yeah dude we might have to sell
[00:45:00] that we should that would be a pretty good invention I would love to get suggest on shark
[00:45:07] tank yeah it's a it's a bidet but it sucks your dick also so far sharks our prototype
[00:45:16] is just a a pulley a lever in a pulley system we put a flashlight on one side of it you have
[00:45:21] to tug it yourself when you're just here with a groucho marks mask on trying to sell a laser
[00:45:25] pointer that you put on the top of your dick uh no shut up number one yeah number two number
[00:45:33] two I'm getting out of here and you're like angrily packing up in the dots going on
[00:45:44] body that was some other guy wow look at this machine well machine Chinese dick sucking
[00:45:52] machine wow look at it looks awesome right the best time feel the best top I ever had
[00:45:57] in my life was somebody she kept incredible I want to do rhythm I want to mix a dick sucking
[00:46:03] machine that is what I think right here right here in my kitchen I want to get a second
[00:46:07] machine right here in my apartment right in front of the couch it's obvious what it is
[00:46:11] but it looks like the chef from the Chuck E Cheese band yeah be awesome and some people
[00:46:16] come over and they're like what's that I'm like check this out yeah and they're gone
[00:46:21] and I'm doing my eyes rolling back get my dick sucked by that chef yep the only human
[00:46:30] right everybody else is a fucking animal animals I think the story of Chuck E Cheese is that
[00:46:35] that chef stop taking his medicine yep yep you got rabies from a couple fucking rats in
[00:46:43] a little bear whatever the fucking one yeah oh wait was there like a bird yeah the bird
[00:46:48] is in that band yeah she was hot dude imagine imagine this guy just suck yeah dude that's
[00:46:56] well done she didn't shall it yeah it does look like you it does honestly look exactly
[00:47:03] what's going on man hey okay she time to suck her deck dude I the things are going really
[00:47:08] good lately I started a band with a rat in the dark I'm sucking dick for a living and
[00:47:15] I'm in a band with a rat in the duck yeah we're bringing scar back it's a sky band it's me
[00:47:21] a ducker rad some kind of purple monster that represents my gay impulses and a dog and a
[00:47:30] bass and hound oh yeah the hound of course yeah you know what the fucking bird bitch could
[00:47:35] get get catch a dick oh they made her hot now the bird bitch they gave her regular people
[00:47:40] uh legs like sexy legs it's just a person wearing like yellow tights now in the reboot
[00:47:51] this one is funny the old version it looks like a certain podcast cassie stud that let
[00:47:57] me see oh my god I think it's fucked up looking and he also works as a pizza man I run oh
[00:48:04] okay very funny very funny man was the same way was there a pig oh someone's excited hit
[00:48:10] the possibility of a relationship no I just don't remember there being a pig a possibility
[00:48:18] stops very I'm not I don't want to fuck a representation I wouldn't be that would not
[00:48:23] be representation yes it would be in what sense I'm not a pig am I Nick answer the question
[00:48:34] I'm pleading that's not gonna do with you you're not accused of anything so you can't believe
[00:48:42] that I've reserved the right Chuckie cheese pig there was a pig I think that's awesome
[00:48:51] because they're cute sucky D's nuts harmony how lat who's that that's a different one
[00:48:58] you can how that's my dick madam oink there's somebody named madam oink damn there's a there
[00:49:05] was a Texas dog broad that they had for a while I guess the Texas dog foxy Colleen no it's
[00:49:12] I Hannah how let her harmony how let look at foxy Colleen no that's so terrible no yeah
[00:49:19] she looks awful no she doesn't yes she goes fuck you oh actually she looks pretty hot yeah
[00:49:26] damn I would legitimately fuck that thing yeah yeah I guess I would fuck a then animal
[00:49:34] with big tits yeah shut out the retarded women who are really into being from Texas okay shout
[00:49:41] out to them what who are those women you know I'm talking about like they wear the hat and
[00:49:46] shit anybody that's in their dumb thing big hat big tits big hat big tits big ass sounds
[00:49:54] good to me mm-hmm sign me up for the rodeo hassles oh yeah the western where shit and
[00:50:00] they're meant they're handicapped women that dude no they're not I don't mean retard I'm
[00:50:05] an retarded like Texas late Jasper T. Jowels mentally retarded Jasper T. Jows I think it
[00:50:13] was the retarded character no he released an album in 2020 called every day is a birthday
[00:50:18] wow I was recently the latest Jasper T. J. what does it sound like play it yeah let's
[00:50:30] go ahead listen to baby music it's actually pretty good mmm hmm all right let's see is
[00:50:37] on Apple music yeah okay this is Jasper T. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J.
[00:50:50] well come on man get to it Jasper yeah I guess the Chuck E. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J.
[00:51:08] well I think it's like ambient fucking house music I don't know it's pretty good I don't
[00:51:14] mind it well don't sell them short just because he's an anthropomorphic dog from Chuck E. J.
[00:51:19] J. J. H. J. every day's a birthday is a pretty good album there's no way they do it this
[00:51:25] it is there's no lyrics would you show me a Google thing and they show me where you're
[00:51:33] playing the festival no you're playing some no it's no this is the no I'm being had not
[00:51:40] being had what is this you've never been had in your life what can I spot a fire apple
[00:51:45] music or something I'm not a dunce bro I know this is it every day
[00:51:55] that's what all their music sounds like this is dream big kids inspirational
[00:52:04] dream I was a night shining the fuck is this bullshit pretty good this shit
[00:52:15] isn't fun little kids like why is Jasper sing like this like a woman
[00:52:26] okay if you're just tuning in we're reviewing listen to lovers and friends
[00:52:52] the Chuck E Cheese band we check out some sweet tunes from the Chuck E Cheese
[00:53:00] band which suck dick this is that Carly Rae just this is it's so this is how
[00:53:05] when the Henny's classic had dream big she's a hen that chick Chuck E Cheese
[00:53:10] let's see what other videos they don't have good music did crochet all day
[00:53:13] Chuck E Cheese it's not happy enough for me dude this one's all right this is
[00:53:19] more this is stop trying to put his clothes on
[00:53:24] recently I've been spending a little more time this is pretty good
[00:53:38] yeah here you go Chuck E Cheese spring break dance let's see if this one's
[00:53:43] good hi everyone we're having a blast here today during our spring
[00:53:47] celebration aren't we you know I have a fun dance for us to do here today it's
[00:53:53] my spring break break dance don't worry you don't have to be a professional
[00:53:57] break answer to do this one okay but like has break dancing even be a thing for
[00:54:01] like 25 years more than what child is like yeah I'm in the break dancing I'm
[00:54:07] in the boom boxes it's 1985 crack has decimated my
[00:54:11] I need a high-top fade and some some terminators and I did like I didn't want
[00:54:20] to be able to break dance oh it seems like the coolest thing of all time
[00:54:25] I'm gonna show you it's not bad he's got bars but this is like so sugar hill
[00:54:31] games I know it's so outdated to release and when did this even fucking come out
[00:54:36] in 2021 weird that they did that like that whoever wrote this is probably still
[00:54:42] too young to write rap music that sounds like that hundred percent how did it
[00:54:48] happen which you know means that there's like the comments what's that is it
[00:54:53] being skewered online no this is good it's all children they're like I'm it's
[00:54:58] all children commenting I come be molested my favorite comments you go to the
[00:55:05] J's YouTube video for help my favorite my very comments on YouTube songs are
[00:55:11] like my brother recently had stage for leukemia and he died and this was his
[00:55:17] favorite song during the last couple months that's your favorite that's pretty
[00:55:21] fucking real now musings with Mr. Munch the fuck is this jack hand they should
[00:55:29] they're ripping off J let it go so there's duct tape but what about all the
[00:55:37] other birds stop where's the tape and the turkey tape just doesn't seem fair this
[00:55:44] is literally deep thoughts yeah but shit Jasper told me that the word race car
[00:55:53] spelled backwards race cars car but how about the word race war that race war
[00:56:01] backwards seems like what's going on these days you ever notice how it's not
[00:56:06] cool to be a white man which is a Nordic chant that will bring about the
[00:56:26] racial holy war with a white man will finally return to his kingdom what is
[00:56:31] this a dog who's singing this no monies cool they call them billboards but who
[00:56:45] is Bill cool I think he's the guy that fucked my wife well I was working at a
[00:57:04] oh man who I'm gonna submit a writing package to the Chuck E Cheese website
[00:57:10] good luck I am a Emmy award-winning professional comedy writer and I've got a
[00:57:18] couple of ideas you're mad about you have you heard about the protocols of
[00:57:24] the elders of Zion it's probably my most famous work you wrote that yeah it's a
[00:57:32] credit it's a credit you're on staff you've stepped on it my I remember in high
[00:57:38] school there's the nerd lunch Richard Richard Lewis being like how about the
[00:57:43] prozac of the elders of Zion yeah that's what we really need geez the other
[00:57:51] day I went I went to go take a piss of the urinal and I saw my dick and I almost
[00:57:56] killed myself because it's so small it's small folks if you ever seen I was
[00:58:01] looking at my nephew he was just born and I went in his parents were asleep I
[00:58:05] went in the room to get a peek just a peek to see if this infant's penis is
[00:58:10] bigger than mine and what do you know it is so I'm telling my therapist she
[00:58:13] calls the police now I'm in jail I'm sucking dick for cigarettes that is so
[00:58:19] much funnier than this is act basically that is that's how we got to use it they're
[00:58:26] using they're not even fucking me they're using my ass as a purse folks I've got
[00:58:31] half the commissary stored in there it's like the it's like the hidden
[00:58:35] compartment scene from heavyweights there's a Costco sized drum of peanut
[00:58:40] M&M shoved up my ass so some guy named T-bone can go in there and have a snack
[00:58:45] when his blood sugar is low yes and now and that's my pitch for musings with
[00:58:55] Mr. Munch is we get Richard Lewis we switch it out instead of Jack Handy
[00:59:00] because four year olds don't know who that is and you're butchering it get the
[00:59:03] reference we get a hip also I mean this has to be like a fucking 75 year old
[00:59:09] man right hundred percent he's like what if we did is Richard Lewis it's from
[00:59:13] what I'm saying we should get Richard Lewis to do it that's who's that's who
[00:59:16] did that right Richard was like what if we do a rap kids like rap we get
[00:59:21] chucking he's like hello zippy to the west zippy to the east I like pizza and
[00:59:25] I don't don't get HIV just say no and look both ways before crossing the
[00:59:31] street you got fucking sneakers on your feet or something you know a rap you
[00:59:36] got I'm going to lunch yeah you know that's what rap sounds like now right I don't
[00:59:43] even know that's how cuz that shit sounded dated when I was a child yeah
[00:59:47] exactly that I'm old now and my what I think rap is now is it guys just like
[00:59:51] yeah it's just like a guy overdosing on fucking coffee what is no not even cough
[00:59:59] syrup that was when I was a teenager the cough syrup music was great no they
[01:00:04] still do this still do they coding yeah all right I'll let it slide
[01:00:09] Xanax they like anti-anxiety pills and pain pills fucking benzos are bullshit
[01:00:16] they like to take depression pills you're taking too much of like your your
[01:00:20] your the shit they prescribe you for being a pussy yeah that's why they're so
[01:00:24] into Richard Lewis these they love them they love for future come full circle
[01:00:29] yep he loves curb you gotta do real drugs like gasoline huff that shit
[01:00:36] people say gasoline is about pissing on a woman's pussy that's the daddy janky
[01:00:43] song yeah I was I was I was that I was ever confirmed that it means pissing on
[01:00:50] on top of a I don't really see the this is cool so they have a music video
[01:00:54] called nothing like a walk it's about going for a walk and it's very funny to
[01:01:00] imagine like putting this on for like a class of preschoolers and one of them
[01:01:03] is in a wheelchair that's rude that's good man I think you're gonna do so about a
[01:01:08] fact you doesn't want to go to the teacher comes back and and she's like and did
[01:01:12] you guys like to be a hound whoops I forgot that Legless Larry was in this
[01:01:18] class my name's Eric oh Legless Larry Larry learn how to be a scientist yeah
[01:01:29] okay kids today we're gonna we're gonna take off all of our shoelaces and tie
[01:01:35] them together and attach them to Larry's legs and turn them into a puppet I don't
[01:01:40] want to do that it's not up to you Larry Larry it's about making sacrifices for
[01:01:46] the class because I'm hungover because I'm gonna let them play with the kid
[01:01:53] with the legs I got too drunk at the field trip the chucky cheese and I showed
[01:01:57] Mr. Munch and I tried to fuck the chef because I thought he was a real guy and
[01:02:03] the width of his head made me think he had a big day I saw his big head and I
[01:02:12] said that guy's got a thick cock now that's the kind of thick little python
[01:02:16] and I can wreck I unzipped my jeans and pulled my pussy lips through the hole
[01:02:25] and then I started talking like Duke Ellington's really
[01:02:33] see what other damn that's a nice that'd be a very meaty pussy Adam get off your
[01:02:37] phone no no I was trying to find this song get off your phone I was trying to
[01:02:41] find the song that I that I remember I I was I was gonna tell you but I remember
[01:02:46] in high school the nerd lunch table we're all laughing right I was like damn
[01:02:51] I was like you were alone in a red table I was the we case closed no no that was
[01:02:59] on my table it was good girl power I'm taking this smart the smart words what's
[01:03:04] by Londo by Londo is Spanish it means dancing sometimes I feel I'm having a
[01:03:13] bad day maybe feeling a sad way and I could break down
[01:03:17] pretty good fuck is this it's not bad how many views fuck you said about
[01:03:21] old honey I feel a frown upon my face and I don't even know why mm-hmm
[01:03:29] groups are good is the parity with the hold on why does it start with this is
[01:03:37] Spanish for dancing uh-huh and then the rest of this is just it might be Spanish
[01:03:41] all right well I londo might be in the fucking court thank you
[01:03:52] I'm absolutely going a little trudy's mexmar tour and get drawn through this
[01:04:02] song that's the challenge is this song is 18 minutes and 27 seconds
[01:04:07] no way yeah girl how's that how many views is it hold on let's go to the maps and
[01:04:13] let's see let's go to Trudy's Austin what is Trudy's is a like a Mexican
[01:04:21] text mex restaurant in Austin and there was a thing called the Trudy's
[01:04:25] challenge which I don't know if is real or if I just thought of where they
[01:04:30] would cut you off you run along the order more than like two or three
[01:04:34] mexmarts because there's just a shit ton of booze in them and so you try to
[01:04:39] yeah you try to hit all three trudies in one day no changes at a real thing and
[01:04:50] yeah that's definitely the truth you drive from each one okay so Trudy's North
[01:04:54] Star Trudy's Texas Star Trudy's South Star Trudy's North Star
[01:05:00] and I start awesome there I gotta remember these places Adam so please I'm
[01:05:05] sorry please sorry I apologize he's trying to remember it this challenge
[01:05:11] South Star let's put that in there not trying to amapping it out and then
[01:05:16] we're gonna add a stop by Adam it's a good song it is pretty good this is you
[01:05:24] know how hard it is to keep the audience surprised what's going on
[01:05:29] naked is on Google right now trying to figure out the room is round yeah so
[01:05:33] moving okay done okay so it's a Trudy's South Star driving what's the
[01:05:41] word yes okay 17 minutes to go from all three of them oh that's nothing now
[01:05:47] by Lando is an 18 minute and 27 seconds so wait no you'll have to do contact
[01:05:52] less ordering okay yeah you got to order ahead and the clock doesn't start
[01:05:56] until the first drip drink touches your lips but that leaves you a minute and
[01:06:00] 27 seconds to drink six mechs marks and you can absolutely remember guys
[01:06:05] listeners this challenge is absolutely endorsed by the Trudy's corporation
[01:06:10] so you have to listen to by Lando it's a kind of a challenge to with the
[01:06:18] by Lando song from Checchi cheese to get cut off at all three trudy's awesome
[01:06:32] this is good though that's a good message because for children if you're
[01:06:36] having a bad day yeah you have you dance you dance if you're an adult if
[01:06:42] you're an adult you drive to all three trees and you drive drive to all three
[01:06:45] absolutely fuck off 17 minutes I can't believe how perfectly that worked out
[01:06:50] wow that's pretty smart 17 exactly now keep in mind you have to take looks like
[01:06:55] you're gonna have to take 35 and then you cut over on what is this MLK probably
[01:07:00] 30th Street so you got to make sure that you cut over on Dean Keaton it
[01:07:05] probably should be in a motorcycle so you can lane split yeah you want to
[01:07:09] definitely be on a motorcycle yeah so big soon yes take Dean Keaton maybe 200
[01:07:14] Keaton is what is a speedway what is that I don't remember Austin Jivy Dean
[01:07:19] Keaton the San Jacinto then you hit yeah you hit the fucking trudy's over there
[01:07:25] by the campus and then 29th you going right through the school I love it yeah
[01:07:30] don't get distracted by the co-ed yeah over the hoties cock and pussy right
[01:07:34] so you take 19 year old cock take 29th boblin around 29th over to mopack and
[01:07:40] you take mopack all the way up to fucking the to the other trudy's up on
[01:07:45] the north side by one and three and you can do that and I'm looking at Google
[01:07:49] Maps now 17 minutes and this is the middle of the day yeah this is 3 35 p.m. on a
[01:07:53] minute if you are doing this late at night you know you know you want to
[01:07:58] there's way more traffic you should be doing really first thing in the morning
[01:08:01] well what time is Trudy's open we'll see it's your new south south star what
[01:08:05] time do they open let's check that out let's call them actually okay thank you
[01:08:15] for calling Trudy's north star please hold while I try to connect you I'm gonna
[01:08:23] ask them if they still do the tributes challenge okay if you're listening at
[01:08:35] home maybe if you know look at pictures of like guys or something yeah some hot
[01:08:42] guys what it yeah I hope it's not like this when you try to do the challenge
[01:08:48] because if you're just gonna completely fuck it up it's gonna fuck up your
[01:08:50] timing if you're on the phone calling the next place trying to order the drinks
[01:08:54] beforehand you might need a quarter to need someone in the side car the
[01:08:59] motorcycle work in the phones yeah while you're driving drunk I would love that
[01:09:03] and they got to be dressed like the dog from Chuckie's your dress like Chuckie
[01:09:15] it's by Lando Trudy's challenge I'm trying to get fucked up please hold while I try
[01:09:22] to connect you thank you just taking so long what are they swamp I'm not I'm
[01:09:26] not waiting on that come on dude call different trudy we're called the one
[01:09:31] in the south star one okay no call the one on campus I ask if any chicks are
[01:09:36] over there right now I don't think there is okay you want to do that yeah oh
[01:09:41] hold on these are all temporarily closed oh geez for what for covid I thought
[01:09:47] Texas was open yeah what the fuck these must be one of those no it's a fucking
[01:09:51] liberal ass Austin yeah faggot awesome bullshit all right let's do the Houston
[01:09:55] challenge let's do the Houston by Lando challenge yeah but I don't know if they
[01:09:59] have do they have trudy's in Houston hope to God they do I've never been to
[01:10:04] Trudy's I just typed in fucking Houston and Google Maps look at the middle of
[01:10:08] the map the whole I said the biggest thing in Houston I type is the Holocaust
[01:10:18] Museum Houston it's got its own icon it's massive yeah what the fuck is the
[01:10:25] Houston Holocaust Museum was a really important well I tell you folks it was
[01:10:30] one of the worst who did is they've never done had in the world I agree I
[01:10:35] call them German fellas decided the bankers had to go and they formed a
[01:10:41] posse and ran them all the way out right into the fringes what they're
[01:10:45] pulling down a couple of Jews they decided to do a resistance one of them's good
[01:10:51] with books wrote a little bit about her titties in it and kept it a secret up
[01:10:55] in the closet we got that very book right here folks called Anne Frank's diary
[01:11:00] you can read about her first menses I remember Jacking off to it when I was
[01:11:05] a boy no longer than you young man what's your name leaf come up here leaf let me
[01:11:10] take a look at your penis they could see here what it what everybody look at
[01:11:15] this boy's penis what do you notice well how's it different from mine it's a
[01:11:20] cuter no mine's got a tip on it mm-hmm because I'm from an older time back when
[01:11:26] we thought that was wrong and so the young boy now because enough Jews have
[01:11:30] repopulated themselves they've spread their disgusting ideas like circumcision
[01:11:35] or interesting let me ask you some part yes is there is there is there is
[01:11:40] something else somewhat kind of other product that you're interested in maybe
[01:11:44] no I'll tell you what I'm I'm here because I was doing the truth is
[01:11:48] challenged yeah Orlando I've cut off I failed yeah and there was nothing better
[01:11:54] to do but to hang out at the Houston Holocaust Museum doing free guided tours
[01:11:59] and insistent child shows that's all that's all I don't work I guess what I'm
[01:12:04] wondering is if do you have either trouble getting your penis hard or do
[01:12:09] you like to gamble or either of those anything to do with CBD no not this
[01:12:16] checking oh so you only like Kratum I only like Kratum just checking because
[01:12:24] usually we've been doing usually we've been doing to this week I got stuck in
[01:12:28] the middle of negotiating a six six read by with another company that wanted me
[01:12:34] to take some weird experimental fucking pill and I said yeah I'm better off
[01:12:41] without the three thousand dollars okay back to the child's penis you wanted
[01:12:47] to look at now I think I'm all right I've heard my throat doing that guy that's
[01:12:52] a good guy yeah it's a good kind I've heard my throat doing that guy a sentence
[01:12:56] Adam has said many times you just said it's one of Adam's famous sentences as
[01:13:05] as printed on the Adam statue you sit in Holocaust museum back back in the
[01:13:11] cast history they called me the statue of Adam on his knees and in the
[01:13:14] 30th that it's it's inscribed I'd rather live on my knees than work a day in my
[01:13:19] life yeah listen when you love what you do you work and you have no work at all
[01:13:26] you don't work it there yeah you don't work a day well anyways come dot town or
[01:13:30] yes I guess that would also be tree on dot com slash com town it's where you can
[01:13:36] hear us attempt the trudy's challenge we will be doing it live and we will be
[01:13:42] forcing Adam to drink and drive we direct I had a second steering wheel
[01:13:46] installed in Adam's car in the passenger seat for when we go to lunch and I will
[01:13:50] enjoy my eye on everything yeah you have a look at drivers a car it was my birthday
[01:13:58] present Adam is having a second steering wheel installed in his car for when I'm
[01:14:04] when we go to lunch and I can decide can I can I can I can I play us off okay are
[01:14:16] we still playing yeah go ahead no you hit the button or no I did hit the button
[01:14:20] so are we on so no we're all I just want to play are we on or off we're off I
[01:14:26] just want to play you guys the song that I remember that go ahead in nerds we're
[01:14:31] listening to in high school and they were laughing and I was like wait they said
[01:14:35] this is the gay song play it I don't know what this is Star Wars
[01:15:12] really good stuff man well that was definitely worth it dude I think it was
[01:15:19] pretty good you don't like that oh that was fucking hilarious what do you get a
[01:15:26] wookie for Christmas no I know I know when he has a comb I get it so it's
[01:15:31] really good such a funny contribution was awesome what do you mean that's it
[01:15:34] that's not a contribution that was awesome and was definitely gonna work
[01:15:37] not in the rhythm of that being mentioned really definitely funny enough really
[01:15:42] work against the momenta well I thought the show was over for 45 minutes I wasn't
[01:15:47] zoned out I gotta get this let somebody I was trying to remember the name of
[01:15:52] that song and don't do the math on how long and no no don't from the moment the
[01:15:56] moment he talked about it somebody call a Martha Matisha no don't stop