Cum Town | Regular | 05/19/2021
[00:00:17] The date is April 1st, 1930, April Fools.
[00:00:23] That's how April Fools joke this year, folks, saying that it's okay to get pussy from a man.
[00:00:32] Big news from Germany, this Hitler fella.
[00:00:43] We're joined by a comedian Howard Gee to explain this.
[00:00:50] And this is the new WKNY, New York's only radio station.
[00:00:57] What do people like about this Hitler guy?
[00:01:13] I mostly know Howard from the Kiss My Bumper.
[00:01:21] I opened for him at Magoobie's Joe Castle in time.
[00:01:29] No, I did seven minutes about even worse constructed jokes about being fat and having
[00:01:41] It's always been the same genre, just much shittier every...
[00:01:55] I tried to hide being bald with spikes.
[00:02:01] I don't know if you guys noticed, but...
[00:02:14] Yeah, I had no idea that I had a bald spot for way too long.
[00:02:28] But yeah, I remember being 21 and then somebody being like, yeah.
[00:02:32] Somebody being like, yeah, I'm losing my hair.
[00:02:43] And my line was always, well, I just have thin hair.
[00:02:54] You can't run your fingers through my hair and say it's not soft.
[00:02:59] Yeah, when we met, you were just about getting ready to lose the buzz, baby.
[00:03:04] The buzz was coming right then and there.
[00:03:06] Yeah, you're telling me your girlfriend was like, just giving you information on Rogan.
[00:03:10] Yeah, my girlfriend and my mom were both trying to get me to use Rogan.
[00:03:21] Fucking out like the postcard to get more information.
[00:03:35] You let time ravage your body and you do nothing about it.
[00:03:39] You know, except I'm about to go by jewelry, I think, soon.
[00:03:44] You get jewelry, you get Hawaiian shirts.
[00:03:56] If Adam went rapidly bald in like the next year.
[00:03:58] You would have such, you would have a crisis.
[00:04:02] You're not even close to strong enough.
[00:04:04] Maybe I'd become like one of those southwestern gay guys that gets really into turquoise and
[00:04:09] You would 100% go buzz cut and you would have like a little mustache.
[00:04:24] Someone who regularly imagines you being hauled onto a train and taken to a camp.
[00:04:39] Some would say the kind of activity is only the company knows about.
[00:04:48] I'm going to teach you something I learned at the CIA and then George Bush sucks your
[00:04:55] This is called this is something I learned at the CIA.
[00:05:00] This is called the dullest dick twister.
[00:05:03] Tell me how to do how to do this to a foreskin the cock eating association.
[00:05:13] We change it to the eat it to gaslight the American public.
[00:05:18] What do you think used to be spelled with an eye?
[00:05:21] What do you think Poppy Bush was up to in the CIA?
[00:05:23] What kind of shit where did they send it?
[00:05:32] He was he was he was swinging with Barbara.
[00:05:37] He was using Barbara's pussy as a honey pot.
[00:05:40] She was fucking she was fucking she got she fucked Pinochet.
[00:05:51] Makes me think of like a yellow rose of tacks like a cock.
[00:05:59] You're going up to an ice cream truck and be like do you have any.
[00:06:03] It's two thirds Italian ice and the tip is a is sort of a pin.
[00:06:18] The Prince from Candy Land sitting there with just that.
[00:06:24] I would 100% suck a Candy Man's cock if that's what it tasted like.
[00:06:28] If the tip was soft serve and the base was Italian ice.
[00:06:42] Well, the Prince from Candy Land is made out of Candy too, right?
[00:07:04] I feel like we've actually done this too.
[00:07:08] We had something about the fucking muck.
[00:07:10] You called me the muck guy or whatever?
[00:07:32] No, I wouldn't want to suck Lord Licorice off.
[00:07:39] He looks more like he's more made out of candy.
[00:07:43] But if Nick died, we don't know how to upload it.
[00:07:47] We don't know the password to the Patreon.
[00:07:48] I thought you were the mud monster, but you're more plumpy.
[00:08:17] No, that's your fucking read, especially a baby game.
[00:08:26] I want it to be that so that you are making it honest.
[00:08:30] Now real quickly, we'll go through all the ones that are Adam, Princess Lollipop, Queen Frosting,
[00:09:00] Just a reminder for the listeners at home.
[00:09:06] And the King Candy character also known as me.
[00:09:11] King Candy is my boyfriend and that's not you.
[00:09:15] I saw King Candy's soft serve cock because you're not King Candy.
[00:09:20] You're Lord Licorice and you're jealous of what being King Candy has.
[00:09:29] Adam handed me a tweet that has the word in it.
[00:09:35] It's some guys responding to TMZ saying Bill Gates pursued women at work hooked up with
[00:09:45] And then that terrible word fucking hoes ain't news.
[00:10:09] Adam, do you think you could survive on the DL?
[00:10:15] Yeah, you know these loud mouth queers on the DL.
[00:10:25] It was honoring sucking a straight man's cock.
[00:10:28] You could use to be able to be a celebrity that fucked men and no one was the wiser.
[00:10:39] My friend, my friend Phil, but friend of the show, he wrote a letter to Matt TV and said
[00:10:46] that he really liked the Miss Swan sketch.
[00:10:49] And Alex Pourns scene, Santa Becca, signed headshot.
[00:10:53] And it said, Phil, you look like a man.
[00:11:06] I would have gotten so stoked after that.
[00:11:09] Lord Lickarish is the main antagonist in the board game Candy Land.
[00:11:14] And the main antagonist of the animated film Candy Land, the great lollipop adventure.
[00:11:22] Why don't we start watching it now with a little bit of the episode?
[00:11:42] I have a sexual relationship with King Candy.
[00:11:51] I just turned your headphones off so I can tell Adam the seeker.
[00:12:15] I love how we record them now because we constantly call back.
[00:12:24] You might have noticed the show is bad now.
[00:12:28] And the reason for that is we get all the juices going in the early episode.
[00:12:22] And then I need to bag a sour cream and onion chips.
[00:12:34] Then we watch the movies based on the board games.
[00:12:59] And the crime is explaining what the board game is.
[00:13:10] Okay, you guys want to talk board games?
[00:13:12] Today's episode is Candy Land the Great Lollipop Adventure.
[00:13:19] Yeah, my dick is actually the lollipop.
[00:13:21] Based off the 2002 version of the game, Lord Licorice has his minions, the bites.
[00:13:28] Which steal Princess Lolly's scepter and plans on using a concoction he made to make licorice grow everywhere.
[00:13:40] Take over Candy Land turning it into licorice land as described in his musical number.
[00:13:51] They're propagating the ugly stereotype that licorice is bad.
[00:14:16] And you know what, black licorice is not as bad as people say it is.
[00:14:19] They all attempt to catch the protagonist.
[00:14:22] But they're all foiled after reaching to the candy castle Lord Licorice tries to bring licorice to be ruler.
[00:14:30] Jib stopped him by putting green icing when trying to put the scepter.
[00:14:46] Cloppy, the swap monster grabs him after that.
[00:14:54] Except Jib who wasted his last icing container.
[00:15:01] Lord Licorice thought he failed, but he put his backpack on the slot.
[00:15:06] Princess Lolly puts her scepter on the center slot, causing all of the licorice to go away
[00:15:14] He complained that everything is lollipops and despaired he will not make everything licorice anymore.
[00:15:25] We don't know if we can trust this guy.
[00:15:38] In many spin off children's books, he does mean things such as trying to eat everyone's
[00:15:44] Guess who is leaning a little bit more on the Lord Licorice category stuff.
[00:15:53] Sometimes if they have the exposed insulation that looks like cotton candy, yes.
[00:15:59] Other than that, that's really throwing you for a loop as a kid.
[00:16:02] When I went to Home Depot with my dad, it took a lot of willpower not to chew that stuff.
[00:16:10] A needle, a framed needle point in the foyer of his apartment that says I'm here to eat
[00:16:21] I'm feeding the asses of plenty of fursi.
[00:16:23] Here's an image called Lord Licorice's defeat.
[00:16:33] It looks like he's getting his ass fucked by a giant.
[00:16:40] I can't wait to watch this after this show.
[00:16:48] Just call in and you can win two tickets to see Lord Licorice's rams headlight.
[00:17:03] Similar to Boris Badnov, Natasha Fatali.
[00:17:06] Snylie Whiplash, Dick Dastardly, Desaunus John.
[00:17:09] Lifty and Shifty and Rocky and Muggsy, Lord Licorice has a stereotypical mobster look from
[00:17:19] Those being a green crocodile named Crockett, the brown vulture named Buzzy.
[00:17:38] He, at the last bullet point, he is a homosexual under the trivia section.
[00:17:50] Okay, and now the pendulum is fully swung back to you being Lord Licorice.
[00:18:07] And if you're listening at home and you don't get why we're reading this, I'd say burn one
[00:18:12] And then you're going to roast a fucking bone.
[00:18:15] Yeah, smoke one down to come town this week.
[00:18:18] Or maybe you should smoke something else maybe.
[00:18:55] So, Princess Lolly Scepter is the key to today's celebration.
[00:19:25] Boy, yeah, I guess he is a homo scepter.
[00:19:43] Turbo Tax offers three ways to get you home all the advertising in the show.
[00:19:53] Use zero accounting software, delete your correct books account.
[00:19:58] Now we're going to be listening to the Licorice Land song and the Great Lolly Poverty.
[00:20:05] There's a place in Camden, and it's made for one bee bee.
[00:20:16] Of course, Lord Likres will be a rams head live, actually.
[00:20:26] And your boyfriend, by calling in and answering correctly,
[00:21:04] And you can read more about Adam at BlueChoo.com.
[00:21:07] BlueChoo.com, the most delicious candy in Candy Land.
[00:21:12] The candy you get at the end of the game.
[00:21:23] Yeah, but that's the best you're going to ask for in Candy Land.
[00:21:28] Just somebody that got the pills early, got their shit cut off.
[00:21:34] No, listen, if she's hot and she's got a piece, I'll suck it.
[00:21:37] In Candy Land, you take a bitch to the candy shop.
[00:21:44] That's that's that's that's that's that's anyway.
[00:21:49] And you're thinking to yourself, am I into this?
[00:21:51] Is this am I pushing too hard on a sexual boundary?
[00:21:57] Not because you're not into the sexual situation,
[00:22:01] And that's where our friends over at bluechu.com come in.
[00:22:05] Because maybe if you're trying to fuck a princess who's trans
[00:22:08] and it's your first time with someone of that orientation,
[00:22:12] of that gender, whatever you want to call it,
[00:22:15] you might get the the first time fucking nerves.
[00:22:18] And with Bluechu, you can choose between the generic version
[00:22:23] of Sedanafil or Todatalafil, which is this generic version
[00:22:29] It won't keep you from crying, but it will keep you.
[00:22:34] Well, if you need to cry, which is valid.
[00:22:46] Yeah, you got to check this shit out, dude.
[00:23:13] Although we're debating, I would fuck that gingerbread tree.
[00:23:20] But I, if I were to fuck it, I would use bluechu.
[00:23:27] Because you're seeing his style and you're under you.
[00:23:29] Something is connecting and you because you are.
[00:23:42] But you and lord licorice do because you're the same guy.
[00:23:49] And after your plans to cover Candyland and licorice,
[00:23:54] Bluechu.com offers stuff for your penis.
[00:24:01] Oh, use promo code comtown or comtown20.
[00:24:06] At this point, just fucking figure it out.
[00:24:19] And let me tell you, I've had people come up to me thank me,
[00:24:22] kiss me on the cheeks, almost in tears.
[00:24:25] Because bluechu saved their relationship
[00:24:29] And now they have a regular size medium, hard cock.
[00:24:36] I'm going to address this me and Istanbul.
[00:24:45] And I'm not lord licorice because I use bluechu.com, which
[00:24:54] Well then I'm definitely not lord licorice.
[00:24:55] Well I'm definitely also using bluechu.
[00:25:31] How about you wait until we're done talking about bluechu?
[00:25:34] Which has the same sexual chemicals as Viagra and chialis.
[00:25:39] If you want to pump your confalosexual chemicals,
[00:26:03] It's a giant neon sign that says dick pills.
[00:26:07] And you can put the flashes on your wife's tits.
[00:26:14] You can hang it on your wall next to your St. Paulie girl.
[00:26:24] I would like to get my dick sucked by the St. Paulie's girl.
[00:26:28] Just when she's holding two beers and sucking you up the same time.
[00:26:30] I would like to dip my cock in the beer.
[00:26:32] Then she gets a little refreshing hit of ale.
[00:26:36] She's so strong holding those two strong.
[00:26:43] What the fuck is the point of an opera cloak?
[00:26:48] You cover as your boyfriend sucks your cock at the opera.
[00:26:53] So no, it's almost like no one can see you.
[00:26:56] I'd use it to sneak my friends into the opera.
[00:27:06] Well, I guess we're going to go to Wikipedia.
[00:27:07] Check out bluetooth.com to win tickets to C's.
[00:27:15] Oh, he's been bumped up to the first mariner.
[00:27:23] And he'll actually be at Fishhead, Cantina.
[00:27:27] He'll be a beautiful Arbutus Maryland performing live
[00:27:37] She's at the Fishbowl Thursdays at UMBC.
[00:27:40] That's where you would go underage, get fucked up,
[00:27:43] grind your little penis on a girl, not get pussy.
[00:27:46] I think that's where I heard the story.
[00:27:53] The whole story about doing a real rough crowd or whatever.
[00:27:58] And then somebody threw a beer at the stage.
[00:28:04] And then opened it and he goes, thanks for the drink.
[00:28:11] The idea that it would be an unopened beer at a bar.
[00:28:15] That it's legal to sell unopened beers at once.
[00:28:21] That all of every single part of that is so awesome.
[00:28:28] The internet destroyed people like that because then they just get to be insane online.
[00:28:32] So you don't encounter them in real life.
[00:28:35] Because the magic is to see that just to stumble at those people.
[00:28:37] We lost our notion of community, which is talking to those kind of people.
[00:28:41] I remember going to Wysakers one time and they had all of the fat middle-aged comedians
[00:28:50] There's somebody who's just shooting them with a camcorder.
[00:28:54] I didn't even just want to rig for sound or anything.
[00:28:59] And I couldn't even determine what was happening.
[00:29:01] There was just a giant plate of spaghetti.
[00:29:04] I was sitting there and he's affecting some like sopranos thing.
[00:29:09] And he told me explain what was going on.
[00:29:12] He's like yeah we're making a viral video.
[00:29:24] Like to what extent something goes viral.
[00:29:28] It's probably like seven and a half minutes long.
[00:29:34] I couldn't discern what the sketch was.
[00:29:37] It was just like a bunch of fat people eating spaghetti.
[00:29:41] If someone can find that please show it to us.
[00:29:57] Come on Adam we know it in our hearts who's learned like fresh.
[00:30:04] I interrupted the read rudely but now I think I have a chance to say it.
[00:30:16] Yeah we're going to take it's available.
[00:30:23] So every month basically every Monday other than the first Monday of the month.
[00:30:28] And we I believe because there's reduced capacity we encourage buying tickets online.
[00:30:35] Not only do we encourage it for right now.
[00:30:38] You can't walk up and get tickets if you don't have them online.
[00:30:44] Don't be part of the scene like the you know like a the lot report at a great whole dead
[00:30:52] Unless you're a single woman with with large.
[00:30:54] But you know it not even just with just for a single woman that wants to get into some
[00:31:04] Well, no over it of course of age over 18.
[00:31:13] But yeah anyway so that there also I'm going to run an hour a couple more times in the city
[00:31:19] I'm going to do the eighth of June at the slipper room.
[00:31:25] And then on the 22nd I'm going to do two shows at Union Hall and at Union Hall they're going
[00:31:31] to do the real capacity but you have to have vaccination records.
[00:31:35] So anyway that's two chances to see me fucking try and remember my hour stand up comedy.
[00:31:42] That's June 8th at the slipper room in June 22nd at Union Hall.
[00:31:48] Oh and I'm going to do style yourselves your problems again.
[00:31:51] Maybe once a month and the first one will be next Wednesday.
[00:31:59] And finally and most importantly Nick is Lord Lickarish.
[00:32:22] It's just that scene in Eyes Wide Shut and then Stav's fat fucking head poking on the side
[00:32:29] What's up can I also get some pussy from Nicole Kidman?
[00:32:32] A head and a half shorter than all the other people.
[00:32:38] Yeah but then everyone else at the party.
[00:32:40] He's the star of the movie you're just one of the extras.
[00:32:50] I watched that movie like six times a year.
[00:33:06] I thought it was good but then I remember that I didn't need lunch.
[00:33:20] It's about the Wolf of Bremley saying that I've been meted by women.
[00:33:29] Recently you may have heard the news that I raped a woman and I'm being meted in the
[00:33:40] I think that my penis has been inoperable since the filming of the China syndrome where
[00:33:50] the director made me put my penis in an actual nuclear reactor to see what would happen.
[00:34:00] And since then I've been what I consider a girl.
[00:34:05] Since then I've been getting fucked in my ass.
[00:34:10] That's what it's called right China syndrome.
[00:34:17] Imagine riding and giving out getting a Wolf of Bremley style mustache ride.
[00:34:39] It sounds telling me this nuclear reactor makes people retarded.
[00:34:45] I'm saying my penis got stuck in a reactor and now I can't get my dick hard anymore.
[00:34:55] But if you fold my balls maybe you can use them as a pussy.
[00:34:59] Well Michael I was wondering maybe you could try sucking my penis.
[00:35:09] It's a movie called the China syndrome written and directed by me, Wolf of Bremley.
[00:35:17] Well the premise of the movie sucks my dick.
[00:35:24] I want to kind of me putting my penis in a nuclear reactor.
[00:35:39] My penis has to be sucked by Michael Douglas.
[00:35:57] Will come to your house and knock down your door and give you a job.
[00:36:00] Liberty Mutual has a ruler that they'll send to your house to measure your penis.
[00:36:10] If a girl is nearby you can ask her to measure your penis.
[00:36:13] Call your doctor and ask him about getting pussy.
[00:36:15] We'll send you the trick Liberty Mutual ruler.
[00:36:18] Makes your dick 1.1 inches longer than it is.
[00:36:22] You may know that I lost my penis in a nuclear accident in the 1960s.
[00:36:30] Honestly we should make a ruler that says your dick is bigger than it is.
[00:36:36] That's a huge money making opportunity.
[00:36:39] Bremley and I've had diabetes for about 20 years.
[00:36:42] I stay active even I feel pretty good most of the time.
[00:36:47] Bad news is my penis is still damaged from a nuclear accident.
[00:36:55] I would not want my penis in a volcano.
[00:37:02] Imagine him like showing up in Hollywood and hot dinosaurs office being like I'm trying
[00:37:17] I'll do whatever it takes to have a career.
[00:37:25] We need more guys like him in Hollywood.
[00:37:28] And more leading men that look at Turbo Tax offers three ways.
[00:37:37] You know when I was a kid and got a hold of a nickel I thought I was rich.
[00:37:41] I didn't turn on my nose at pennies either.
[00:37:47] Something I love is nickels and pennies.
[00:37:49] We talk we played this conversion for all the show.
[00:37:52] Well for Brimley must be a Jewish icon.
[00:37:59] In fact if anyone wants to pull the clip of Adam saying he doesn't remember the commercial.
[00:38:05] Email it at Nick or Adam at nikyslordlicorish.com.
[00:38:12] This presentation is brought to you by Liberty Medical so you can live a better life.
[00:38:17] This is going to be somebody's joke video.
[00:38:21] I'm Wilford Brimley and I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about diabetes.
[00:38:39] I was very very fortunate to be engaged to my partner, Dick Richards.
[00:38:58] Wilford Brimley on homosexuality by Wells for president added 10 years ago.
[00:39:07] See back then you actually have to learn how to use Premiere Pro.
[00:39:12] Right and get on your podcast and say I lost my dick.
[00:39:17] Trying to have sex with a nuclear reactor.
[00:39:20] I thought it was a giant glowing pussy.
[00:39:24] I had done some peyote and I thought the reactor was a big glowing red pussy.
[00:39:43] Imagine if you had a constantly hot penis so hot you have to wear metal underwear and it would
[00:39:56] There's come time clips that come up when you search them.
[00:40:01] Let's just start listening to the show.
[00:40:03] Yeah that's how we flip it on the clip guys.
[00:40:06] You know what we should start doing honestly.
[00:40:12] Honestly we should just like start rolling the good clip.
[00:40:17] Compilation is episodes we don't feel like doing the show.
[00:40:25] And like you know how we went to the cabin and we did 12 episodes.
[00:40:29] Instead of doing them just take videos from online.
[00:40:32] Well these guys did all the work by putting the clips together.
[00:40:34] Well we did the initial work they did this work.
[00:40:54] One of Michael Keaton's name was Michael Penis.
[00:41:17] Now I'm trying forcing myself to get on that level.
[00:41:25] Tonight on Inside the Actor studio I sit down with Hollywood.
[00:41:51] A lot of people confuse me with the actor Michael Penis.
[00:42:03] This is going to be confused with the black actor Michael Michael K. Penis.
[00:42:16] This is so much better than doing the show.
[00:42:25] That's a nice part about never listening to the show.
[00:42:30] That's the more important part of the end.
[00:42:37] It's funny to do it as a bit for a little bit.
[00:42:43] We got ourselves back to talking about cushy dreams.
[00:42:49] Maybe we can figure out the end of the ad.
[00:43:03] Let everybody know some of the highest qualities.
[00:43:15] It's lab tested, grown in Humboldt County, just like the real shit.
[00:43:19] With real marijuana recently being legalized in New York state.
[00:43:23] You smoke one of these things and it gets you fucked up
[00:43:29] I like to wake up and I smoke a whole pre-roll.
[00:43:32] They sell pre-rolls and they sell eights.
[00:43:41] Wake up and then it's like I've been smoking weed for hours and I'm done with it.
[00:43:48] If you like me, you have constant chest pains and your eye hurts.
[00:43:55] It does not alleviate that at all but you feel sort of high.
[00:43:58] And you don't give a shit enough to make a doctor's appointment.
[00:44:04] Even though you can finally afford healthcare for the first time in your life.
[00:44:13] I called in the Blue Cross Blue Shield and they hung up on me.
[00:44:18] Well it's probably because you sound like a villain like Lord Licorice.
[00:44:22] Because I was fucked up on cushy dreams.
[00:44:28] CBT, the perfect CBD and it's 100% legal.
[00:44:31] You get caught with it, you hand it over to the cop and you say, you know, it's like a
[00:44:37] Officer, I bought this from a podcast told me to buy this podcast and they never say anything
[00:44:43] Yeah, they got all kinds of different strains.
[00:44:46] Dependently lab tested, yeah, hustle, energy, flow, flow, uh, uh, yape, vivacity, soul,
[00:44:55] sister, sister girl, flavor, flavor girl, flavor town, flavor town, the Guy Fieri line,
[00:45:02] Bam, rock star, they have the orange crocs, clinical, clinical depression, Monsanto.
[00:45:10] They have the Monsanto, they got the fucking Monsanto.
[00:45:21] I would, I would kiss Monsanto Riviera one time.
[00:45:26] And anyways, I'll let him show me the ways of love.
[00:45:35] What are you a baby having CBD gummies?
[00:45:47] And, um, I got it all lined up on my table here.
[00:45:51] And after we finish this read, yeah, we're going to play some, some clips for you guys.
[00:46:00] We're going to play the clips through the phone while we watch Candyland, the lollipop,
[00:46:08] We haven't rigged up, we will automatically end at one hour exact.
[00:46:16] Now I kind of want to try some licorice.
[00:46:21] Yeah, I'm telling you, it's not that bad.
[00:46:23] Should we get some licorice after this?
[00:46:27] Just as a taste test, we'll get some licorice after the show.
[00:46:30] But while we do that, you guys should go to cushydreams.com and use promo code COMTOWN
[00:46:44] It says any XT or D or D or D or when you use promo code COMTOWN at cushydreams.com
[00:46:52] and your personal computer, that's P-E-R-S-O-N-A-L-C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R promo code COMTOWN.
[00:47:09] I got a promo code COMTOWN or COMTOWN 20.
[00:47:20] Premature, as always, check with your doctor before taking any medication because you were weak.
[00:47:43] I've been the same size since I was in music.
[00:47:52] Shouts out, by the way, to my chrissing, keeping his son uncircumcised.
[00:48:05] He was like, let's say, look, let's see what's going on here.
[00:48:21] And also, I went to meet the baby last week and he claimed that the baby had a very nice penis.
[00:48:33] Dude, I've been eating tomatoes and watermelon.
[00:48:39] I'm going to get some licorice and watermelon after this.
[00:48:58] Yeah, it's good to get into gay baby movies and then be like, I'm doing this for work.
[00:49:05] Yeah, I'm going to be purchasing this movie and writing it off on my taxes.
[00:49:16] Remember when Paul Manafort got caught buying that jacket for like $10,000 to write it off
[00:49:23] And it's like, no, you just don't know how to do taxes.
[00:49:26] That's a good thing about Paul Manafort.
[00:49:29] He bought a $10,000 jacket and he was like, yeah, I need this for work a bit.
[00:49:35] That's like from what every account I've ever had has told me.
[00:49:38] That's one of the only things you can't write off is drip.
[00:49:49] What if your business is even then all the shit you like quote unquote write off.
[00:49:53] I basically, for every time I eat out, it's like if it's with other comics or whoever,
[00:50:03] But then the bookkeeper only takes like fucking 10% of that.
[00:50:06] Yeah, I don't think they take the full time.
[00:50:16] They know that you keep your records really tight.
[00:50:17] Although I'm done with my CPA, finally.
[00:50:24] Well, now you can have a sexual relationship.
[00:50:27] If you're an account, you want to manage CPA's out there.
[00:50:32] Actually, that would be kind of cool to fuck a CPA.
[00:50:38] If you're a CPA, if you're a lady out there and you have some bullshit accounting job.
[00:50:44] You know, you want some business and then also I sexually harass you at your office.
[00:50:53] I come in, I drop off the paperwork, I close the door behind me.
[00:51:00] And I'm like, yeah, what else can I do?
[00:51:07] I guess she's been listening to Andrew WK on the way over.
[00:51:13] I step it up in a notch and I'd fuck the meanest bitch that works at the IRS.
[00:51:25] No, and then she's so addicted to me that she has to let me cheat on my tax.
[00:51:34] You don't have that kind of fucking ability.
[00:51:36] Yeah, but a woman like that wants a pathetic penis.
[00:51:43] If you're one of these mean cons at the IRS, they're just one step sex with Adam, go ahead
[00:51:49] Call into the Justin Scott Spiegel morning show and describe the we sent you.
[00:51:56] Describe Adam's penis to whoever answers the phone and ask for tickets to see Lord Lickarish.
[00:52:08] Please call 9-8 Rock incessantly and ask for two tickets to see Lord Lickarish at the Fishhead Cantina.
[00:52:25] I have some great open mic memories there.
[00:52:28] Shout out to Uncle Dave and his little last penis.
[00:52:32] I have, you know when you have a memory of a place that's so hazy that you can't tell if it was like a dream?
[00:52:41] That's how I feel about Fishhead Cantina.
[00:52:43] I know remember the layout and what it looked like inside.
[00:52:48] It's the kind of place you dream about to.
[00:52:55] It was like a Chinese doctor's office that they added a park.
[00:52:59] That they added a jetty element to a dock bar, a staple to a Chinese doctor's office.
[00:53:08] I would be shocked if it's still open actually.
[00:53:11] I think I heard rumors that we're going out of business.
[00:53:17] And if that's true, I'm going to go to a vigil.
[00:53:19] I get really sad anytime I hear a business fails.
[00:53:34] I did have some nice memories at Circuit City.
[00:53:54] It was like a plug went into the entrance.
[00:53:59] Yeah, when I was a kid, I'd see the place.
[00:54:14] You look at the fucking gateway computers.
[00:54:21] Gateway 2000, because that hasn't been a year yet.
[00:54:28] If you Google it, you remember Dr. Dreamos?
[00:54:33] You know I never made it there, but I remember.
[00:54:36] If you Google that, you get pictures of comedians we know from like 15 years ago.
[00:54:51] Well, for me and Nick, we have a little bit later.
[00:54:54] I would say we have about two years left.
[00:55:07] These are like guys that were sitting sucking on the teeth of Brandon Weatherby.
[00:55:13] Yeah, dude, that's not, do not say that.
[00:55:16] The most offensive thing is when I met you, you were like Brandon Weatherby is the one
[00:55:20] That was the first time honestly I met you at Looking Glass Lounge at his show.
[00:55:33] Our enemies have a telescope that he would put in other guys pants.
[00:55:38] That's where they named the restaurant.
[00:55:42] Adam was just standing looking up guys cocks through telescope.
[00:55:49] One of my first mics I was at RFG and Ralph told me to, he's like, you better be good because
[00:55:57] And I said, I said, I don't know what that means, but that just sounds so funny.
[00:56:08] Uncle Dave took a break from jacking off in his parents basement as a 47 year old man to
[00:56:17] And I remember seeing him in the audience.
[00:56:20] He's going to hear that and he's going to have to beat off.
[00:56:28] Is cafe Japanese so, yeah, I don't think so.
[00:56:40] I used to go there in college to do sake bombs.
[00:56:47] You were down there off at foggy bottom.
[00:56:50] Which is also your nickname after you spoke to lounge.
[00:57:05] It comes back every like, but way back in the day.
[00:57:09] The the the the the the P street mics were so ho Japanese.
[00:57:18] My brother I was still in Baltimore kicking around 16 year old phenom.
[00:57:26] I'm the oldest one on the show, except in cases where being that makes you a loser.
[00:57:30] In which case you are both the oldest and Lord Lick.
[00:57:37] Look, I don't want to get in the middle of this age dispute, but you are Lord Lick.
[00:57:42] Listen, I was born during the Reagan administration and I'm proud of it.
[00:57:56] I'm glad I got the last year of the gipper.
[00:58:00] Adam does Adam only knows the first ladies.
[00:58:06] I would love to get my dick sucked by Nancy.
[00:58:14] I knew one day I'd have to bomb several countries to get over it.
[00:58:21] Nah, dude, I bet you Reagan loved watching this bitch suck cock in front of him.
[00:58:24] He wanted the wall torn down because his wife was getting fucked on.
[00:58:38] Should I throw out my TV and get a fish tank?
[00:58:44] But you I am fairly certain you will be a fish tank at a certain point in your life.
[00:58:56] Number one adult first to take he had as an adult is real good.
[00:59:03] It is very funny that you did go participate in genocide.
[00:59:12] It's like for all the jokes we do, it's not like me and Stav went on some Lewis and Clark
[00:59:19] Imagine if like when I was 18, I went to a reservation to just boss people around.
[00:59:28] My church group went to a reservation to shove people around and eat their food.
[00:59:35] Just admit you had a small part in genocide.
[00:59:42] If somebody went to like Hitler youth camp, they're like, yeah, but I just brought the
[00:59:47] You wouldn't be like, oh, did you buy by me?
[00:59:51] You thought I brought napkins to Israel?
[00:59:57] You don't have like the Naval Academy where they all have to climb up that statue.
[01:00:02] And the IDF, they have a graduation party and they all fight to be the person that just
[01:00:09] It is really hard to climb to have the cheapest involvement.
[01:00:16] Uh, no, I just now participate in the genocide.
[01:00:19] Nobody wants to bring the Mountain Dew code red.
[01:00:22] And once again, our official stance is free Palestine.
[01:00:28] But my stance is more just fuck Israel.
[01:00:31] You're more kind of like, you know, I made it.
[01:00:37] I'm not glad it gives me cover right now.
[01:00:58] Did you see this Jeremy Corbin thing where he's like next to an inflatable, like guy with
[01:01:03] horns that is speech and they're trying to say that it's like an anti-Semitic caricature.
[01:01:17] They're trying to say that that's anti-Semitic to the.
[01:01:20] I saw that tweet and I thought it'd be funny to go down to like the, the protest in Bay
[01:01:24] They like vicious anti-Semitism on display and then just zoom the video in on like a
[01:01:30] bank of America posted on social media.
[01:01:34] Be like, people are informing me that this bank was already there, that it's not part
[01:01:39] of the protest, but it's very clear that the subtext is clear.
[01:01:44] Subtext, obviously the implication is that Jews run all the banks.
[01:01:48] Yeah, that's why they're protesting outside of it.
[01:01:52] Oh, you couldn't have picked anywhere else.
[01:01:53] Anyway, you couldn't have picked another 14 block stretch.
[01:02:03] So I want to return the, what are all the items, bad takes?
[01:02:10] Because I got to be honest, I could see you getting into because you like learning stuff,
[01:02:17] You like, you know, you like to dabble with.
[01:02:20] Yeah, but you could check my pillage balance and you could, you might, he might kill him.
[01:02:28] It's why I'm not good at cooking because cooking is a very one way process.
[01:02:32] All the things I like to do are like iterative or you can like, you know, you get a lot of
[01:02:38] You fuck around until you problem solve.
[01:02:44] The food is cooked or it's not motherfucker.
[01:02:47] Yeah, but I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm real men's meals over here.
[01:02:52] You're having a lot of piece of lettuce marinated in sunny D.
[01:03:12] I think I've had so much of a fish tank.
[01:03:13] So they ban the cops from pride and the cops are upset about it.
[01:03:22] They just have to be mad at everything.
[01:03:26] So some guys like this is unbelievable that these queers don't want us there.
[01:03:34] Like those guys, those guys approved of it like six months ago.
[01:03:43] So who's so now you know what that means?
[01:03:48] Oh, I thought you were going to say we need to be the new cops.
[01:03:53] Now we I thought you were going to say we got a stop once you go to a tournament army
[01:03:58] They have fried dough and actually now I want to go.
[01:04:10] If you can have like all these other how about just a parade for just generalized hedonism.
[01:04:20] There's a part of it that's gay lazily having gay sex.
[01:04:22] I don't want to wear a costume or be jacked anymore.
[01:04:26] What I want is to watch it's just I have a float and it's just me on like a big platform
[01:04:32] with like wheels under it and I'm sitting on a couch watching the Lord licorice movie.
[01:04:40] And I'm like, you know, it's not as gay as I thought it would be.
[01:04:45] It's for a dog George Sakaz like great job.
[01:05:17] Prepared flow featuring me and Mr. George to have in gusics in my ass.
[01:05:30] You invited George to Kai to the gay program.
[01:05:38] I thought I was going to be the grand master.
[01:05:44] I can't be the grand master of the gay pride.
[01:06:05] He said, I guarantee you Michael Douglas will be in Chinatown.
[01:06:16] The worst take I had on the show is when I didn't know what a turf was.
[01:06:22] Then the next episode says, I said that I looked it up and I think that it's bad.
[01:06:30] I think for one episode, I asked Nick, what it was.
[01:06:39] Yes, you think that's the most offensive thing you've said on the show.
[01:06:46] All the anti-Semitic things that you've said on the show.
[01:06:58] You two have said some real advice on that.
[01:07:01] If I had just been doing this show with my normal black, with female friends.
[01:07:08] I did tear down the fourth wall, but the show ends.
[01:07:11] You go home to your girlfriend, stop goes to Chinese buffet.
[01:07:18] Me and my friends, the black women on friends with sit here and watch.
[01:07:31] She's sitting there being like, which one's fucking sister?
[01:07:38] Yeah, I think it's kind of off of them.
[01:07:42] I had to admit it, but they all look the same.
[01:07:49] You're sitting in the baseball players.
[01:07:53] Doesn't know what the concept of twins is unless they're for the Minnesota twins.
[01:08:13] I don't know what he's got his own home.
[01:08:20] What do you mean like, I thought they were all neighbors.
[01:08:23] Oh, you mean like a guy who lives next door?
[01:08:29] I thought it was the Dutch word for, you know, sister.
[01:08:34] That's what they call them over there as a neighbor.
[01:08:37] Yeah, that's what they call a place in neighborhood.
[01:08:52] The thing is that they would still apply to just the term neighborhood if it didn't mean
[01:09:13] What's supposed to just take their word for it?
[01:09:23] I saw some really gay tweet from him the other day.
[01:09:30] Where he's like, there is a chemical that is abundant in, you know, that will cause death
[01:09:37] if consumed, you know, and it's in 99% of our food and the products we consume.
[01:09:51] Are you tweeting this like popsicle stick fucking cool, dude?
[01:09:57] I would say like six or seven years ago.
[01:10:00] Well, what the I fucking love science Facebook bitch.
[01:10:05] I hope he cashed in on some pussy at that time because it's not coming now and Neil deGrasse.
[01:10:12] Yeah, he's still getting it off of like ladies that are like, we have to trust the science.
[01:10:15] I was like, because he got cheat type bitch.
[01:10:21] I was trying to rip off all of her clothes to see her space tattoos.
[01:10:26] Like she had a tattoo of Pluto and I had to pull.
[01:10:32] He's like, I had to pull her clothes off to see it.
[01:10:37] This is weird nerd like looking under this woman's clothes.
[01:10:40] He's like, believe me, I never saw pussy.
[01:10:56] Playing black guys don't have big arms.
[01:11:01] I think that might be my worst take on the show.
[01:11:04] You're also, I remember pro Tulsi Gabbard.
[01:11:07] I'm pro like one of those one of his man.
[01:11:13] You thought she was going to be president.
[01:11:28] Probably, you answer mad or someone smart.
[01:11:37] I would like to see that monotone deep voice.
[01:11:44] Accused of sexual misconduct by four women.
[01:11:57] That's a woman's name that accused him.
[01:12:02] Wait, so he has four accusers and he's allowed to tweet that shit?
[01:12:08] So Shia a met and so somebody's like, he raped me.
[01:12:11] And it's like, you gotta be like, Shia a met.
[01:12:28] And we're going to get a bigger wagabamoon-able.
[01:12:39] Damn, I love all your screensabers now.
[01:12:46] I might think I might have to go to Greece.
[01:12:53] I'm copying sister to the traveling case.
[01:13:09] This is your hit the, hit the, she's dead now.
[01:13:12] That was easy button on the older grass.
[01:13:22] Well, he said, he put, he set up a telescope into her pussy.
[01:13:27] He was in the observatory looking into her bedroom.
[01:13:30] If you stink, they called her on the phone.
[01:13:32] He's like, ah, actually, I'm at the observatory right now.
[01:13:36] Do you mind if I mash my penis up to the eye part of the telescope?
[01:13:49] That would be awesome if you feel, it felt like you were getting pussy.
[01:13:55] If there was an invention that was like a telescope, and you looked, you trained it on the pussy
[01:14:03] Apartment to unwind over a bottle of wine.
[01:14:06] She felt uncomfortable as he gazed into her eyes and held her wrist to feel her spirit connection.
[01:14:11] He spent two hours together as he made sexual references to song lyrics and has ascribed his
[01:14:22] So Neil deGrasse was clearly trying to get pussy from her.
[01:14:26] And then he sexual references to song lyrics.
[01:14:29] Have you ever heard I'm fat by weird al Yankovic?
[01:14:33] I often feel that that describes my penis when I'm sexually aroused.
[01:14:48] Would you ever say that your pussy gets fat when you turn it on?
[01:14:52] As would be in the weird al Yankovic song, I'm fat.
[01:14:58] No, in fact I've only ever listened to weird al.
[01:15:01] I've never heard any music aside from that.
[01:15:04] I spent years playing bass because I thought it was the same as the accordion.
[01:15:12] So this was recent that Neil deGrasse was trying to.
[01:15:16] As she was leaving, he took her by the shoulders and said, I want to hug you so bad right now,
[01:15:20] but I know that if I do, I'll just want more.
[01:15:24] A car drive home the next day watching.
[01:15:37] I mean, did he do anything or was he just a weirdo?
[01:15:40] On the car drive home the next day, Watson said he told her she was too distracting to ever
[01:15:46] She couldn't stand the idea of working with him any longer the following day.
[01:15:50] She reported the incident at her resignation to a line producer.
[01:15:54] Suggested that Watson tell everyone she was leaving due to a family emergency.
[01:15:59] And she processed what happened over the next few months.
[01:16:02] Her mind ultimately to the woman who claimed to have been raped.
[01:16:23] And you can't you couldn't pay me to stop seeing the angles.
[01:16:29] That's clearly why I was fired from every minimum wage job I've ever had.
[01:16:33] Because I kept seeing angles and saying them out loud.
[01:16:36] Beautiful angles in front of customers.
[01:16:40] And they refused to see it as angle seeing.
[01:16:43] They said it was just explicit loud rape jokes being shouted across the game stop in
[01:16:56] And I shrugged my shoulders and I said you break it you buy it.
[01:17:01] I heard another manager say that I'm trying to make manager.
[01:17:09] My goal was to get fired as an associate to make a room for myself as a manager.
[01:17:24] I'll be starting in five now as you now your time the boss and your fire.
[01:17:35] And we're going to take my file and replace it with yours.
[01:17:38] Now you're the one who said that you would you think Lara Croft deserves to get raped
[01:17:48] How bad the latest two murder is is that you wish you would get raped in the game.
[01:17:53] Because it would at least give you a reason to play it.
[01:18:06] Watson founder on Instagram and center of the M. Hi there.
[01:18:10] I just want to reach out to say that I believe you about Neil deGrasse Tyson.
[01:18:15] On Thursday Watson allegations are made public on a blog called I don't know how to read
[01:18:20] that word which had previously published a man's claims twice.
[01:18:27] I just remember that there was some like oh this is the one I remember.
[01:18:32] Caitlin Allers an astronomy and physics professor at Bucknell University who said that Tyson
[01:18:36] had grabbed her and reached down the front of her dress to look at her tattoo at a son
[01:18:46] He's a monistically ripping this woman's clothes off.
[01:18:50] They're like it's not a tattoo of the solar system.
[01:18:53] Do you want to come back to my apartment and listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson while drinking
[01:19:05] I'm trying to get pussy off some Martin Elleys.
[01:19:09] Do you want to drink Capri Sun in my apartment and listen to the Jedi Weird Al Yankerbeck
[01:19:26] It was the one that was the Mr. American pie.
[01:19:31] Your chance to know the answer has passed.
[01:19:44] You're running with a long, long time ago in a galaxy far away.
[01:19:55] You're going to grow low for your time.
[01:20:00] The other guy's holding a bottle, Martin Elleys in his lap.
[01:20:03] Fucking stomach coming out of the bottom of the shirt.
[01:20:05] He's on his fifth bottle of Martin Elleys acting drunk.
[01:20:09] Just his eyes closed, just jamming out to this.
[01:20:12] I'll try like pawing at someone next to a collier.
[01:20:23] You know, I often imagine if I had the force, what I would do is I would force my penis
[01:20:36] We took the bongle from the scene and we went to see the queen.
[01:21:00] There's people, just like fat people that got married and then like had their first dance
[01:21:09] It's not, it's not, it's like, it's like, people talk about like homosexuals destroying
[01:21:16] Un-hot people did that a long time ago.
[01:21:19] Like the way it worked is if you were ugly, like some poor ugly bastard, you married a
[01:21:27] That kind of still has like a biblical feel.
[01:21:34] It's fucking like with tattoos of like the moon and knights from Aquateen hunger force.
[01:21:52] Someday later now he's just a small fry.
[01:22:01] Did you know this junk got saved isn't even old enough to change
[01:22:15] Really weird als he knows he knows real pain in his life
[01:22:22] I mean the shots out to him for making a career out of like just what would be a YouTube channel now
[01:22:29] Do you know his parents died very tragically wait a gas gas poisoning and then and then he had a show that night
[01:22:38] That seems like then you found out that the girl came from inside the house
[01:22:43] What do you mean that he killed his parents? I can't confirm that wait. Did that really happen his parents died very tragically and
[01:22:52] The nerds nerds needed him and he needed to make them happy with his song. She's not this one. However
[01:22:59] Yo, oh boy. What are you doing, man? Yeah, you're looking for you. Yeah, we ain't seen you around Burger World
[01:23:08] Oh, you know around won't be some pizza think I got extra piece around here somewhere. No, that's okay
[01:23:16] Thanks, yo ding-dong man. Ding-dong ding-dong. Yeah, okay. Let's just wow what if
[01:23:28] That was perfect that was a great Adam Adam is attempting to ruin it. Sorry. They say a really good fast forward on YouTube
[01:23:38] Acknowledged even I might even call it for the day. That's it. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna top that
[01:23:42] I'm gonna have to play that piece of fat phobic art
[01:23:47] Did that offend you? I haven't been good at anything
[01:23:58] That was insane dude that was lit it could not be more perfect a perfect fast forward
[01:24:03] Take that everyone said I never accomplished. Yeah, everyone's saying this episode is bad
[01:24:08] Do we want listen to an old episode for 20 minutes of it guess what about that fast forward?
[01:24:13] That is perfect fast forward. They're gonna say I edited that then it was fresh like the
[01:24:21] Might have to yeah, I'm feeling so hot off that I might have to just put on a bathing suit and
[01:24:26] Only wear that for the next six weeks. Yep
[01:24:30] In my apartment and buy some drugs to have sent here
[01:24:36] Get hosed off every once in a while outside instead of bathing yeah, cuz you're wearing a bathing suit anyway
[01:24:42] We're in bathing suit might as well just take it big cold bath going
[01:24:46] What I like to do is I I boil I get the water boiling hot on the stove
[01:24:51] Dump 12 eggs in there wait five minutes then jump right into my ice bath all my eggs
[01:24:57] And then I just sitting there eating slowly
[01:24:59] Feeling and eating just pulling soft boiled eggs out from under my body and the ice bath and eating them in there
[01:25:06] That's beautiful man. Yeah, that's awesome. I'm one of the most appetizing ways to bathe
[01:25:14] Fuck yeah, can you go on a like a body positivity?
[01:25:18] Mega thread on Twitter. Yeah about how I'm fat is you talk about how that that song is I will need to be canceled
[01:25:25] I will but listen folks go to patreon.com slash come town sign up for the apps come to funny moms come see me
[01:25:32] Do stand up go by next t-shirts go by my t-shirts and we'll be back the tickets for funny moms or