Cum Town | Regular | 05/26/2021
[00:00:10] So it's kind of hard for us to come back from.
[00:00:14] This fun little thing we did about just tires, which, uh, it was racist.
[00:00:27] That guy's name sounds kind of like he's got a great cock.
[00:00:34] And it's almost like his cock because it's magical.
[00:00:43] Maybe it's spelled M magic with a K and he's satanist.
[00:00:48] He's doing Alistair Crowley style magic.
[00:00:53] Say that Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Michael B. Jordan.
[00:00:58] Uh, B Jordan Jackson, Jordan Jackson, baby King, Martin, B.B. King, Martin, B.B.
[00:01:05] Uh, Martin Lawrence King, Martin Lawrence King Lawrence of Arabia, Lawrence of Arabia,
[00:01:14] Saudi Arabia, Saudi Myers, Saudi Murphy, Saudi Murphy, Saudi, 5000, Andre 5000, Andre
[00:01:26] 27, he good, Dala Johnny 27, Johnny number five, Johnny number 12, Mombo number five,
[00:01:47] Bagel boss bagel boss Vin Diesel Vin Diesel.
[00:02:06] If you see the police, Warren, Warner Brothers.
[00:02:18] Brian six, the comedian from Philadelphia is he's black.
[00:02:25] I'm not white, but I'm thinking this is a madam man.
[00:02:39] I know that he wrote those letters about how he wanted to fuck his mistress.
[00:02:48] So yes, so Warren G. Harding was the first black president.
[00:02:59] They were the first one we treated like a boo.
[00:03:02] Was that a meme or is there something we joked about on this show?
[00:03:06] It says, you know, like first black president and Donald Trump and it says first and word
[00:03:12] No, maybe it was just something in my head that I was smiling about while in line at
[00:03:44] Yeah, his parents gave him up for adoption.
[00:03:50] He only there was a priest who taught him baseball and saved his life.
[00:03:57] He was originally on the other stories about the Catholic church you don't hear.
[00:04:01] Everyone's talking about when they fucked the kid in the ass.
[00:04:04] You taught the Bambino how to play the great Bambino.
[00:04:09] You got to pay the cost to be the boss.
[00:04:32] The designer famously of the Nazi uniforms.
[00:04:45] I've never said the Nazis didn't dress slick.
[00:04:50] I've said a lot of other things about them.
[00:04:57] And it's like my narrative report, but they have pre-cogs that can tell if somebody's
[00:05:26] Instead of a pool of water, it's the coin room from DuckTales.
[00:05:29] Listen, I'm seeing a lot of stuff that says War and G. Harding wasn't Americans first
[00:06:17] Oh, it's going to be a really good show.
[00:06:29] His short stories are all like the like morals, but the morals are always really like...
[00:06:37] You know, Chekov, you know, it's famous quote.
[00:06:46] It was like in a couple hundred years that we'll be able to...
[00:06:49] There was one guy that came up with it.
[00:06:59] But then an even bigger bully was like, actually we are gone.
[00:07:05] And then the rule of the school was like, whoa.
[00:07:08] And then he became the number two bully after the big bully.
[00:07:17] Really embarrassed about just that rat chat.
[00:07:24] Did people in your school say that fuck started when it was...
[00:07:40] You only get pussy when the king tells you.
[00:07:43] You only get pussy when the king tells you.
[00:07:45] The king tells me when the fuck my wife...
[00:08:05] We were recording this a couple days ago, but Funny Moms is back tonight.
[00:08:10] Tonight and next week are going to be sold out, but please continue to check the...
[00:08:20] Getting back on stage and reconnecting with our gorgeous...
[00:08:28] You gonna have me get fucking slaughtered by these...
[00:08:31] It's gonna be the same thing that would happen every time where I go, we host, and I think
[00:08:34] I'm gonna do a spot, but then I get a boy I want out of hosting.
[00:08:39] And now that I have to go back to Queens, I don't know if I'm ever coming back from one point.
[00:08:47] I'm gonna turn it into me going through the newspaper and telling you what the real story is.
[00:08:53] We lock the doors and I light a bunch of candles.
[00:09:00] You know, I really have blow people's minds.
[00:09:09] Who could have foreseen such a tragedy at the fireworks...
[00:09:15] The government needs to let us have fireworks show.
[00:09:20] Would you buy a gun if they let us buy guns here?
[00:09:31] Yeah, but you can go to the firing range and fuck around with them, but do you have one in your house?
[00:09:36] Yeah, you can also go buy a prostitute, but it's much funnier to own your own sex life.
[00:09:42] The sex life is chained up to the theater.
[00:09:49] It's much better to just have a woman chained to your radio.
[00:09:56] You always have to get a pussy retightened to the pussy doctor.
[00:10:06] I would rather just show up, fuck the prostitute.
[00:10:13] I like going to a meeting up with the prostitute and having just nice conversations about what her vibe is.
[00:10:24] Yeah, you hire prostitutes to make them call you Mark.
[00:10:29] You take them to a garage and you interview them?
[00:10:33] There's probably some shitty comic that's like, yeah, I started the theme as I interview prostitutes.
[00:10:40] There's an artist guy that did a thing where he...
[00:10:43] Hire prostitutes and have them draw him.
[00:10:48] And then he would price sell their work for a lot of money.
[00:11:01] If Jim Davis was getting processed, dude.
[00:11:06] And she's like, sprawled out on the bed.
[00:11:08] And he's smoking a cigarette and they're both laying there.
[00:11:10] And he's like, casually just drawing Oda on her inner thigh.
[00:11:16] You worked my fucking box over like you wouldn't believe.
[00:11:32] That's how you know you got fucked by Jim Davis.
[00:11:44] They'll remember that Jimmy R. Buckles.
[00:11:58] He just draws Garfield, like sitting facing on her inner thigh, but facing towards her knee.
[00:12:04] And Garfield's tail is just sort of shoved into her place.
[00:12:18] Or a cat's tail could be pretty good at tickling a clit, you think?
[00:12:27] But what if the girl's allergic to cats?
[00:12:33] But then scratching your clip probably feels good.
[00:12:49] Scratching their clips where I like it worked.
[00:12:56] I don't understand what it's like to have a light scratch.
[00:12:58] Nine inch nails type of girls do that sort of stuff.
[00:13:08] These goth kids that they're trying to, they want to spook people and want to scare people.
[00:13:16] On Jenny Jones, we've got some goth teenagers who say that they're snowballing.
[00:13:24] Where they spit comb into each other's mouths.
[00:13:27] And you might think that has nothing to do with being goth, but they're doing it.
[00:13:32] And they're doing it with black lipstick on.
[00:13:38] I just wish I was in the audience where I could boo at kid.
[00:13:43] When do you think society is going to get back?
[00:13:48] And will it be, will it be, libs or fucking the other kind of thing?
[00:13:58] It's like, it's like guys with like their entire bodies are Fuppas and they're 43 years
[00:14:03] old and they like Carly Rae Jepsen like arguing.
[00:14:06] No, but those guys are, those guys like the kids are like, the kids today are so much smarter
[00:14:13] They're all radical communists like me and not just someone that is living in the same
[00:14:22] It's my understanding as a fat-titted 43-year-old, a lib narcissist is that children now are
[00:14:30] living in the same exact culture I was 20 years ago because I can only understand people
[00:14:40] And by the way, these kids, they think I am cool.
[00:14:47] Why don't you just drink out of the bottle?
[00:14:56] He has a bottle of water that he poured into the cup.
[00:15:02] Some of the wackiest stuff happens on this show.
[00:15:06] You're really what we call, what we call in the biz a pedophile.
[00:15:10] No, this is nothing to do with pedophiles.
[00:15:16] Oh, well, it's a good thing in the business.
[00:15:18] You know, if I could have dinner, any historical figure of all time, cheerios be.
[00:15:26] In fact, now that I think about it, what I really want is just to have a bowl of cheerios.
[00:15:34] Dinner with Hitler afterwards, but a bowl of cheerios.
[00:15:40] I don't embarrass myself with dinner with Hitler, but eating too fast.
[00:15:46] Because you know he's going to add a roll.
[00:15:52] I'm just going to sort of pick it my Caesar salad.
[00:16:05] And then I bled burp and throw up a little bit of cheerios all over the table.
[00:16:12] Now in this case, are you trying to fuck Hitler?
[00:16:15] No, I just, you know, yeah, I mean, he's Hitler.
[00:16:28] Well, you're not that that number all it cost at 11 million.
[00:16:42] That would be a fun S-L sketch is to have, you know, it's like the gay people that were
[00:16:53] And maybe Bowen Yang can play that character.
[00:17:05] We used to get that job and get fired at me.
[00:17:07] How about the Holocaust, but they're killing gay Asian men.
[00:17:18] The fat woman lesbian, the kid who, his dad died in 9-11, but he acts like he got raped.
[00:17:34] You could not be more molested than that by a plane going into a tower.
[00:17:46] Is there a, I know you want a type cast here, but perhaps there's somebody who it's in their
[00:18:03] You've been mailing us this sketch for 10 years.
[00:18:10] He's sending them like little like saw, like jigsaw tapes that say playmate.
[00:18:24] It's jigsaw, the song of his, but it's a gay Chinese guy.
[00:18:31] And it's a gay Chinese guy and he's kidnapped by saw and they play the tape and he's like,
[00:18:36] we're an outfit that just absolutely clashes in summertime.
[00:18:41] And the gay guy is like, he's throwing his prep pills away.
[00:18:48] He's, you know, he's, he's trying to put a gun in his mouth, but he can't stop sucking.
[00:18:55] There are times when the kids are in the house.
[00:18:57] That's why all his food has to be milkshakes.
[00:19:03] I'm running on a tape liver to hide the choices yours.
[00:19:11] And then someone in the writers room is like, stop playing those tapes.
[00:19:21] It says in every time it says Adam Friedland on the return of.
[00:19:33] But you know what I was just thinking at the beginning of that riff, right?
[00:19:36] So Jews got Israel after the Holocaust.
[00:19:43] The only reason they gave them the Castro was to be mean to Cuba.
[00:19:54] Well, that's where they did a gypsy with the car.
[00:19:58] The guy hits the gypsy of the car and they gets cursed.
[00:20:04] What else, you know what they could get is some, some creative wallet.
[00:20:13] It's pretty fucked up that the reparations for the Holocaust for gay guys was not a beautiful
[00:20:20] wallet from our friends at RidgeWallet.com.
[00:20:24] And this is the kind of shit that it doesn't matter if you suck cock, you eat pussy.
[00:20:32] Maybe put into another bigger cock, docking style.
[00:20:35] Whatever you're into sexually, RidgeWallet has an option for you.
[00:20:40] You've got a big fat guy that have the FridgeWallet.
[00:20:41] They do have the FridgeWallet, which we've covered in past episodes.
[00:20:44] You can have just a little square, a credit card sized piece of cheese that you pull out
[00:20:54] Anybody carry their credit cards or money or anything.
[00:20:58] Remember that picture online of that fat bitch just eating a block of cheese?
[00:21:04] With the box of cheese that's in the back of the wheelchair, she's just eating a block
[00:21:11] And she was also a valuable customer of RidgeWallet.
[00:21:37] How about the male version of Persephone is wallet to Sifreffi?
[00:21:46] In the answer to the question, how about that?
[00:21:54] That's really hitting all the notes for Starbucks.
[00:22:01] And I got to say, I wasn't a big wallet guy before this.
[00:22:04] I used to just loosely carry shit in my pockets.
[00:22:07] You would leave me keep his money under his breasts.
[00:22:11] My breasts are not capable of holding that money.
[00:22:19] And my love and support to the big-titted community, of course, and to the regular, any
[00:22:25] Well, I actually have no love for the regular titted or small titted community.
[00:22:30] Well, we know that you had some tolerance for the small titted community.
[00:22:41] Well, yeah, you had a rough go with the small titted community.
[00:22:54] Anyway, I hold no prejudice, even though there's one dumb **** in that community.
[00:23:00] I personally, because I have something in common with them that I can't hold my money under
[00:23:13] My penis, if we're going to take it to the metaphor, the P breast equals penis, which
[00:23:20] But if we're going to say that, it does.
[00:23:28] It's even better when it's when it's got a ridge wallet nearby because I don't know
[00:23:32] about you guys, but my dick has gotten bigger since I started putting a ridge wallet in
[00:23:44] My dick has gotten a little bit bigger because it's sort of like you rise to the occasion
[00:23:51] of what you're only as good as your friend.
[00:23:53] Show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are.
[00:23:59] And yeah, you know, I got my fucking wallet here.
[00:24:06] And what I keep in here is extra condoms.
[00:24:10] I get fucked because I, you know, I'm cheating on my husband who's an elevator repairman
[00:24:17] with a different kind of elevator servicemen.
[00:24:22] My husband handles the down stuff and I handle all of the the going when the other guy I'm
[00:24:42] That sounded like your Virgil impression.
[00:24:55] I'm here for midge wallet AKA Ridge wallet.com.
[00:25:00] Another thing about me is that I'm gay.
[00:25:12] Well, the point I was trying to make is it's around cool stuff.
[00:25:19] If you keep your wallet in your pocket next to your cock, your cock wants to impress
[00:25:23] the cool wallet, which is made of Nick has a gold one for Christ's sake.
[00:25:27] I have a fucking carbon steel fiber or whatever the fuck it's called.
[00:25:32] These are high quality ingredients, folks.
[00:25:34] This isn't your fucking gay ass daddy's wallet.
[00:25:37] And this isn't something that's just, you know, this is something that the great men
[00:25:44] Ernest Hemingway had the sickest daily carry.
[00:25:49] A compass, a different like a stopwatch, a timepiece, a little flask with EH in monogrammed
[00:26:17] A moleskin notebook that he would write all of his poems and whatever he did.
[00:26:27] He had all that kind of shit in his wallet.
[00:26:38] He could sell that off for a bunch of whale blubber or whatever the fuck.
[00:26:45] A lot of people don't know that, but he carried a picture of Adam Friedland, famous serial
[00:26:57] You sent the tapes and you wrote my address on.
[00:27:03] It's the movie Air Force One, but the president is gay and Chinese.
[00:27:12] Even by your standards, this is pretty lazy.
[00:27:16] This is what they wrote back that time.
[00:27:23] Maybe I that could have gone somewhere.
[00:27:44] He's like it ain't over to the fat lady.
[00:27:56] So yeah, if whatever Ridge wallet and you want to wall it, they also go.
[00:28:07] I can't really speak to how they got some good backpacks.
[00:28:11] What do you guys want to say about the big backpacks?
[00:28:14] Well, they got a slot for my power block.
[00:28:24] I've got a bunch of those lying around.
[00:28:27] I'm more of a let the phone kind of die guy.
[00:28:31] I've got a stack of power blocks from a failed relationship with a robot and with a robot
[00:28:38] with a woman that constantly needed to charge her phone.
[00:28:41] Yeah, that's the thing with these damn broads.
[00:28:49] They always be texting other motherfuckers.
[00:28:58] I got a funny story about that, but I'll tell you about it afterwards.
[00:29:06] No, no, I got a good line I got from a guy who's spot.
[00:29:13] But they said something very funny to me.
[00:29:21] But what you want to do though is go to www.prichmold.com and use promo code COMTOWN or COMTOWN TOWN
[00:29:28] 20 or maybe there is no promo code for Ridge Wallet.
[00:29:32] Maybe it's Ridge Wallet.com plus COMTOWN.
[00:29:34] Just whatever you do, make sure you do not buy the gold and wallet because I was under
[00:29:38] the impression that was an exclusive for me.
[00:29:42] So if you want to have the exact same wallet as Nick, you buy the gold and all.
[00:29:49] And Nick is saying that right now, but he's holding up a sign that says whoever buys the
[00:29:55] And I will hang out with him and get not only that, I will riff with them and I will find
[00:30:02] what they say funny and I'll go to central Ohio.
[00:30:08] So go to fucking Ridge Wallet.com and figure that shit out.
[00:30:16] I really didn't get enough sleep last night, dude.
[00:30:25] I turn the lights off at like I get tired at 8 p.m.
[00:30:28] I lay down, turn the lights off and then I just sit here and I'm like the Chinese story
[00:30:35] I thought the bus would be saying, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:30:41] And then I do every movie, every launch from every movie to infinity and good time happy
[00:30:56] Aren't they making a light year movie, which is like what Buzz Lightyear, the action figure
[00:31:08] There was a Buzz Lightyear animated series.
[00:31:12] Buzz Lightyear was voiced by Potty from Seinfeld.
[00:31:25] He's not the voice of the actual Buzz Lightyear.
[00:31:31] Is this embarrassing for you to be this wrong in front of this?
[00:31:34] Almost as embarrassing as the check off thing.
[00:31:37] I don't know why I keep calling back to that.
[00:31:39] It's more embarrassing as imagining Adam before the show saying I'm going to bring up
[00:31:44] check off and then pretend to be a bear.
[00:31:51] Practicing being like, oh, I can't believe I said that.
[00:31:55] You get rear-ending somebody practicing his false humility.
[00:32:00] And by the way, he's never read it either.
[00:32:09] My girlfriend, she said, do you want to listen to some check off short stories?
[00:32:17] So the whole, you should be reading stuff like that because she's seven years old.
[00:32:22] Also seven-year-old shouldn't be reading that stuff.
[00:32:32] How red and how big is Clifford's ghost?
[00:32:34] Cuz every regular dog's dick is pretty red.
[00:32:41] And then there's a little Italian guy on each page that's like, look how fucking big
[00:32:45] You ever see the fucking, you just turn a child turning the page.
[00:32:50] Look at the size of this fucking thing.
[00:32:57] He's like a four-year-old looking available.
[00:33:03] I don't remember what, I just, he's just, I don't remember.
[00:33:07] I mean, I remember being inundated by Clifford Media as a child.
[00:33:20] I remember being more, more impressed with the color of Clifford than the size of the
[00:33:27] Yeah, and I would, I remember wishing so bad that I could have a red dog.
[00:33:34] I never had that desire, but I respect that you did.
[00:33:37] It's a dog that's a color like that, like blue or green.
[00:33:45] Neon green dog wearing Oakley is pretty sick.
[00:33:53] And he's like, we need a country just for people with down syndrome.
[00:33:57] Why is, why are we Carmichael retarded?
[00:34:01] Because he's wearing something like that.
[00:34:03] No, I think cool, cool guys were Oakley.
[00:34:06] We want to create the future for mentally retarded people of all syndromes.
[00:34:21] On the show, Dog the Bounty Hunter, they had special Oakleys.
[00:34:34] Yeah, he's like, babe, babe, we just got a report that there's a bunch of peanut M&M
[00:34:40] stuff down by the wrong John Sift shop.
[00:34:44] Somebody buried peanut M&M's in the sand.
[00:34:49] And they rush out and then he's just sitting on a public bus with a siren strapped to his
[00:35:06] I have to show you my candy hunting license.
[00:35:14] Do you have to have a license to bounty hunt?
[00:35:17] Have like a fake license that I don't know if it's real.
[00:35:25] He always showed a badge that I didn't, I don't know what he was getting, where that
[00:35:30] came from or how much is a bounty worth, dude?
[00:35:32] How much does a dog get guy motherfucker?
[00:35:41] I used to be a lot of money back then, bro.
[00:35:49] And was that shooter triggering for you to read the title?
[00:35:54] That's what they have to read the title and have.
[00:35:59] He's like, this sounds like the scariest movie of all time.
[00:36:04] This is one of the most horrifying movies.
[00:36:09] That's how fist bullet dollars the original.
[00:36:16] That's not another one called for a few dollars more.
[00:36:19] And I was like, well, that sounds like a better deal.
[00:36:23] Oh, I guess you, in your head, you were selling something.
[00:36:26] No, it's, it's even more money in this one.
[00:36:29] That's also, that's also, that was also triggering because it reminded you of when you were
[00:36:48] Oh, I got a little Snickers bar for you, dude.
[00:36:56] It's a weird, it's funny that the only two sides that have names are king and small,
[00:37:01] And then everything in between them, what is that?
[00:37:13] That's, yeah, there's really no more pathetic size of dick than slightly above average.
[00:37:20] That really is worth just barely average is a lot better.
[00:37:33] Yeah, that's like a guy that wants to tell you about the Volkswagen he just bought.
[00:37:38] The consumer report said that it's a really good deal.
[00:37:44] Because when your dick is barely serviceable, you have no ego around it.
[00:37:53] Whereas if your dick is barely a little bigger, then you're like a guy who's really good at
[00:37:57] like football in high school but couldn't play in college.
[00:37:59] Not even really just happened to be on the football team.
[00:38:03] They just needed to fill out the wrong...
[00:38:11] My dick is Charles Esterton in that movie.
[00:38:18] Let's Rudy live in a shack or something.
[00:38:25] I have not seen Rudy in a million years.
[00:38:27] Yeah, I think I watched it at the doctor's office when I was a kid but it doesn't count
[00:38:43] For sitting on the bench in Little League, you little bitch.
[00:39:18] My parents put me in baseball because they thought it was the American sport.
[00:39:22] I was picking pansies out in the outfield.
[00:39:27] I decided I didn't want to suck anymore.
[00:39:38] Should go over for the idea of doing social media campaigns.
[00:39:57] You said the idea of Adam was in the guy D.L.
[00:40:05] He's saying a lot of false things about me on the show.
[00:40:10] I don't know about any of the other episodes.
[00:40:18] But it should have been videos rose a bunch of gay Chinese guys.
[00:40:35] We went to go see the new Chris Rock song movie.
[00:40:39] That was a fun night with the whole crew.
[00:40:42] I love that Stephen laughed after 10 minutes to go drink by himself at a bar.
[00:40:53] Chris Rock is so bad at acting, and now he's old and maybe going crazy.
[00:41:02] Outside of not being cool, he's just incapable of acting.
[00:41:10] As a kid, I would watch all his movies.
[00:41:12] I would go to the theaters and watch the movies.
[00:41:16] Down to Earth was my favorite one, but it was so bad.
[00:41:19] What's the one where it's in DC and he's president?
[00:41:27] Yeah, Bernie Mac's great in that movie.
[00:41:29] That movie, I saw a guy getting a blowjob.
[00:41:33] Chris Rock just seemed to just see him.
[00:41:35] And then you looked him in the eyes and you were like, am I doing a good job?
[00:41:39] Maybe it's also because he has so much presence in bringing the pain.
[00:41:44] He seems so powerful in his performance.
[00:41:49] But when he acts, it's like he just seems incredibly uncomfortable.
[00:41:54] Yeah, it's tough because you think he would at least be passable, but he's just not a
[00:42:01] It's funny because everything he does in acting, it feels like he's delivering a bit.
[00:42:07] He reads lines with bit delivery kind of cadence where there's already some idea that he knows
[00:42:13] he's going to get to and he's using written language to get to the idea.
[00:42:20] Rather than it seeming like a performance.
[00:42:22] Well, not even performance, but like, yeah, exactly.
[00:42:24] And guys, if you want to see real acting, go to the come town web series.
[00:42:28] I guess what the point I was going to make was the, he's now kind of, he's entering like
[00:42:36] Nicholas Cage territory where he's just barely there.
[00:42:41] Yeah, where he's like sort of detached.
[00:42:42] There's a couple of scenes in that saw movie where he just like seemed psychotic.
[00:42:53] Well, Nicholas Cage has been perfecting Neo shamanism for.
[00:43:01] The color for outer space, the Richard Stanley movie that he did like recently.
[00:43:16] But you would also could happen as you could get a cratum or something.
[00:43:25] In fact, there's a specific way he could get it.
[00:43:30] I would love to naturally talk about some of the benefits of cratum for our friend from
[00:43:33] our friends at super spec, speciosa, super speciosa, which you can purchase at get superleaf.com slash
[00:43:43] comtown get superleaf.com slash comtown promo codes baked into the URL folks.
[00:43:56] It's a, it's a great, it's, it's got a hundred, it's 100% all natural, one ingredient cratum
[00:44:08] Cratum can help improve your mood, deliver energy and reduce pain.
[00:44:15] Don't fuck if you kidding me, I'm going to be pissed off.
[00:44:18] Cratum is also used to relieve stress and take the fucking edge off.
[00:44:24] Every batch of super speciosa has a QR code to scan and view the exact lab certificates.
[00:44:29] So you know you're getting high quality product.
[00:44:33] If you're not completely satisfied, here's the another beautiful aspect.
[00:44:37] Super speciosa will give you your money back.
[00:44:41] And here's, here's a couple of things I was thinking about.
[00:44:44] You know, cratum gives your whole body energy, but for some, for some people, but for some
[00:44:53] If you're tired from all the sex you've been having, cock or your vagina, taking super
[00:44:58] speciosa could energize you to fuck like a god.
[00:45:03] Cratum is in fact a cousin of the coffee plant.
[00:45:06] So it's like a little latte for your balls.
[00:45:08] You an aging millennial, new aches and pains, cratum is great for pain relief.
[00:45:14] You hurt your back, pull a muscle from all that fucking unwind with a glass of cratum
[00:45:20] Dude, I can't tell you how many fat glass a mud.
[00:45:23] I can't tell you how many times I have been balls deep in some gas and I've, and I've
[00:45:29] thrown my back out because like I said, I have a average penis and I have to get wild with
[00:45:35] the positions to make it really do some work.
[00:45:45] But I'm talking the weight of his body.
[00:45:49] You know what some women are into that.
[00:45:53] Uh, women, women's dream sex is being crushed by that boulder from Raiders of the Lost
[00:46:00] That's what they want is they want to be chased down an alley by a giant boulder and
[00:46:04] then flat boulder have a five and three quarters go right into the easily with no stress, no
[00:46:13] The women's dream relationship is the first level of Super Mario 64 where they climb a
[00:46:19] mountain and then there's a bomb with a mustache that keeps crushing them just lying on them
[00:46:26] eventually throwing, throwing them off of the mountain.
[00:46:30] And that's the mythology of the feminine.
[00:46:40] So, um, yeah, after I fuck like that, that's what I like to do.
[00:46:50] If you're only into jerking it and you just probably nice and dirty and you need a little
[00:46:55] extra push to get to come town, super specios is Kratum will get you there.
[00:47:05] So if you're, if you're wrist hurts, then you can take it.
[00:47:13] Kratum is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about why.
[00:47:26] We encourage you to think for yourself.
[00:47:28] Do the research, do the research, go to superspeciosa.com and decide whether you want an experimental
[00:47:34] M on RA Vax or if you want Kratum to drink.
[00:47:40] To make you feel better about the plant, the scam.
[00:47:49] I imagine this is why you're so damn funny.
[00:47:57] That's a bunch of Kratum before today's episode.
[00:48:01] So look, I mean, there's a lot of other stuff here to talk about.
[00:48:06] You know, Kratum comes in a tea powder and capsules that you can put anywhere, anywhere,
[00:48:11] folks, your pocket, your backpack suitcase.
[00:48:19] And we have all got that residual COVID blues.
[00:48:22] Superpeciosa can pull you out of your run.
[00:48:28] And like we discussed earlier, you could jack off even though you risk.
[00:48:33] You could use it so you can keep jacking off.
[00:48:36] Southeast Asia has been using Kratum to reduce pain and raise energy levels for centuries.
[00:48:42] They're also they are also are in great.
[00:48:51] They got a Bob Evans down there and they put it in their mouth.
[00:48:54] They got a they're doing a big breakfast for everybody who's trying to stop Asian hate.
[00:49:05] We have every episode of the Charlie Chan.
[00:49:15] It was a white guy that that I can't remember.
[00:49:19] Well, look, what's important is that superpeciosa wants you to come again with on the list.
[00:49:24] Limited use of their 20% off promo code, which is come town.
[00:49:28] So go to get superleaf.com slash come down for 20% off your entire order promo code come
[00:49:38] And boy, oh boy, are we excited to keep doing Kratum and we want you to do it too from super
[00:49:47] The instinct raise got to be the laziest fucking animal they got ever made and they
[00:49:52] Yeah, it's just like a big ass frog with flaps and a horse shoe grab tail.
[00:50:02] They have a spike though and their tail is like a spike.
[00:50:10] Oh, I also want to say I was I said on last week's episode, I would be doing style yourselves
[00:50:13] your problems again this Wednesday today.
[00:50:17] However, I got tickets to see the Knicks instead.
[00:50:20] I'm going to I'm going to go to game two of the NBA playoff.
[00:50:23] So style yourselves your problems will be coming back monthly next week.
[00:50:27] Damn, I should get tickets to do something.
[00:50:38] In fact, what I will do is go to patreon.com slash come town and sign up for the premium
[00:50:47] The entire archive of premium episodes is it starting to become clear to you that we
[00:50:53] check out about halfway through regular episodes where you might want to get your hands on
[00:50:59] the ones we do in the morning right after I've had all my cigarettes.
[00:51:05] And let's just say we record that one first and it was better.
[00:51:08] Every episode I get the second dose of the Pfizer or is I called the Lizer?
[00:51:24] Like like those they always have funny names for things.
[00:51:27] But what's I don't even look at like the what they're calling with.
[00:51:46] You got to do a down syndrome kind of the Modona.
[00:51:50] Well, everybody taking the Modona vaccine, but Modona.
[00:52:08] She's like copyright this and she's just pulling her pussy wide open.
[00:52:16] And her pussy's farting a nice long weave.
[00:53:06] A lot of people like how we knock celebrities down a peg on the show
[00:53:12] It was only a matter of time before we found her in our cross. Yeah, sorry Madonna
[00:53:17] I do like some of your songs, but your pussy's farts. I
[00:53:21] Heard a song the other day that I really liked. What was it? It's like her like Asian sounding song
[00:53:42] Madonna I think it's called time to say goodbyers. You know, you know, it would be great to do like an Asian version Madonna
[00:54:04] In way, mam's theme song with a little Asian flair
[00:54:08] And in front of you is a pitch for a sketch. It's a new Disney movie, but the princess is gay
[00:54:14] Like why is this song themed you've never killed any of us
[00:54:21] Even threatened us. We're pretty sure we know who you are
[00:54:26] We're not the cops. We're not the cop. Please stop trying to arrest you
[00:54:39] Dude, I've just been just smashing sounds like sounds like Metallica
[00:55:25] Let's get to the fucking guitar parts. What is this? It's Ying vie Malmsteen from the album Eclipse
[00:55:32] It's more of a romantic. This is the kind of shit. They'd sell it like the Discovery Channel store
[00:55:43] It's less Asian, yeah, it was just the pipes, but yeah, it's a powerballon
[00:56:00] Yeah, dude, check out Ying vie Malmsteen's album Eclipse. It's it's pretty romantic
[00:56:05] Compared to a lot of his other stuff. That's more about you know fantasy battles between you know different realms and
[00:56:12] Mm-hmm. He also released recently a single wolves at the gate, which is very good. Mm-hmm. They let them in
[00:56:18] They don't they you know what? Why don't we kid me? Why don't we have a little bit of
[00:56:25] Wolves at the door. Oh, they're at the door. Yeah Madonna's like why don't the wolves try to enter this door?
[00:56:43] Now this is just like the power rangers
[00:56:58] Yeah, I just been listening to that I can jacked dude, that's pretty good fucking energized
[00:57:04] Doing fucking curls doing very light curls and hurting my forearm
[00:57:09] I'm wondering I haven't checked in on the adjustable dumbbell since the pandemic started
[00:57:14] But I feel like they haven't been restocked yet. Probably restocked
[00:57:17] I'm gonna run on those and pull up. I gotta start I gotta start
[00:57:21] Exercising or something again. I took a long break and just switched to
[00:57:29] That's the yin the yang of life though my brother honestly though. I don't feel like I feel like I haven't been like depressed in like
[00:57:35] Like six months. I don't know about that. I really feel like fine. It's hard to
[00:57:43] Describe what feeling fine because it feels like nothing
[00:57:48] Feeling depressed or feeling fine. Well obviously feeling fine is better. All right. I was checking but it's confusing
[00:57:55] It is confused because it's like how you know, you know, I'm not like happy
[00:57:58] That's right, right, right. I just don't want to kill myself. Yeah, it's just you know, it's a nice day out
[00:58:03] I probably want to get stuff done, but I won't but that's because I'm a lazy piece of shit, right?
[00:58:11] Damn look at the fucking yeah look at the was that the Santa Monica pier?
[00:58:16] I don't know, but it looks cool. That's where I'm from dude. No, you're not that's the pier I grew up on
[00:58:20] No, I was born in St. John's Hospital Santa Monica
[00:58:24] Yeah, they told you that but what you actually grew up on was a pier which is a penis
[00:58:28] It was a long penis that extended in why don't you take a long walk?
[00:58:34] Peenus penis. Yeah, why don't you take a long suck off my short?
[00:58:51] I don't put that on the business course
[00:59:03] Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's got a nice sound to it nice flavor brandy flavor in your ear
[00:59:09] Well folks this episode was brought to you by craft macaroni and cheese
[00:59:14] Don't know what to feed your family tonight
[00:59:16] Neither do we but this is something. Yeah, some of you could feed them
[00:59:21] You could put tuna in it and make it Nick style
[00:59:24] How did you know about that Nick's favorite style? Yeah tuna tuna hot sauce a little bit of craft macaroni and cheese
[00:59:35] That's right now you're sucking with dick. Oh you now you're sucking with Pricka dough now you're now you're fucking with that
[00:59:44] Our Chinese people still playing ping pong. Absolutely. Oh, yeah, they've been playing throughout the pandemic
[00:59:51] Actually, that's why they let let it escape from the lab give them extra time to practice to give them practice
[00:59:59] So they'd be ready for the 2021 olympics. Oh, they are going to dominate. Yeah
[01:00:05] Yeah, they found out pants trying to stop it from how they're saying the olympic cat
[01:00:09] It'd be very cool for this the pandemic to end and then China to announce international media that they're having
[01:00:20] You know, they're opening back up and the first big thing they're doing is the 827th annual bat eating
[01:00:28] Yeah, that would make a lot of people nervous the pangolin soup
[01:00:32] Festeringle and souffle who's trying to get some. Yeah, is that pangolin? No, it's a it's a disgusting looking animal
[01:00:39] Yeah, got covid from it's not a penguin. No, it's a pangolin
[01:00:45] That sounds like an annoying girl in the batman
[01:00:48] Pangolin is a Chinese. It's a gay Chinese version of pangolin. Yeah, that's right. Who's like, what do you think? I'm gonna eat you Batman?
[01:00:56] Yeah, who do you think should do a sketch about that?
[01:00:58] You've got one you forgot one minute to come up with it
[01:01:04] Yeah, pangolin looks like a fucking artichoke fucking anteater. Yeah, I
[01:01:10] Cannot believe they eat these motherfuckers, dude. How about the show?
[01:01:22] Like what if they actually make one of those sketches they probably will
[01:01:25] What if I just what if I pitched everything but you do a gay Chinese swap so no matter what?
[01:01:33] Yeah, they have no we're calling tips on it. It's what we call the hips on all of them
[01:01:46] This sucks, dude. I got a good night's rest the other night and then I'm at home. I'm watching basketball
[01:01:52] I can't fall asleep yesterday dude. I start doing drugs to sleep. Yes. That's yes
[01:01:57] I think it's time for I got a good night's rest last night and and does anybody have a fucking no
[01:02:04] Go ahead. No, it's boring. Does anybody have a colonipin hookup because I always sleep like a baby on either
[01:02:10] Muscle relax. I don't think it's proper sleep
[01:02:13] You know, I think yeah, I think when you take a Benz. Oh, I don't think it's like I don't think it's he says that
[01:02:18] It's the yeah, I don't think it's the restful sleep. It always feels like it is
[01:02:23] It always feels great, but some yeah, it always feels incredible
[01:02:27] What about muscle relaxers? That's not bad before bed muscle relaxes and benzos if you have muscle relaxers or
[01:02:36] Hit me up. The best one is just drinking a bottle of night quill before bed. Oh, yeah
[01:02:41] Well, you just sleep for two days feel terrible when you wake up after that you just do like
[01:02:50] Seven pm the next day when I take a Xanax before bed. I wake up sweaty
[01:03:03] About Dracula and he's I guess which guess what kind of Dracula I am
[01:03:11] Oh, fuck my ass instead of brahm strokers Dracula. It's bat eaters Dracula
[01:03:18] I was gonna say cock strokers. How about Dracula gets eaten by a Chinese guy when he's in bat mode
[01:03:25] Do you become a vampire then instead of instead of what's his name van Helsing it's chin
[01:03:40] No, just leave it at the chin. No, I think so
[01:03:47] No, I know you're worried about the singing party
[01:03:57] The Tony Hinchliffe thing just happened
[01:04:06] And only targeting one guy that was a writer and now a performer for SNL
[01:04:39] Uh next week will be record will be broadcasting live
[01:04:45] The the new castle Delaware whistling festival
[01:04:49] Uh socially distance vaccinated mass down so the whistles work
[01:04:57] Mass have devastated the professional whistling industry. I've been triple mass all year and unable to whistle and it's been hell for me
[01:05:06] What's the song called? Oh, I know that song
[01:05:14] No whistles only sir. Nope. No, you can't sing at a whistle
[01:05:17] Thank you for tuning into the whistling podcast guys. We'll be back next week and as always for the good version of the show
[01:05:26] Go to stavi.biz. I got some shows coming up
[01:05:29] uh me and adam will be doing a show at the
[01:05:33] Slipper room on a Tuesday of some kind and i'll be at union hall with Ian
[01:05:41] Uh tomorrow show is already sold out, but me and nick will be at the stand uh fat tuesday's
[01:05:46] Uh, but you know whatever man just keep a fucking eye out. You know
[01:05:51] Keep checking for those funny mom's tickets more will be going on sale soon
[01:05:56] We're excited. I know it's already happening. We're excited to see everyone's we're not excited