Cum Town | Regular | 07/07/2021
[00:00:16] The bright side this is the best thing that's ever happened I know he's never he doesn't have a chair anymore
[00:00:22] There's no chair. Yeah. Oh my fucking god. Can you imagine I bad if he was still in the boxing shit on the box?
[00:00:36] Guys the best thing that's ever happened on this body not okay, so clearly Adam shit himself Adam shit
[00:00:41] Adam shit himself shit all over the chair
[00:00:45] Get him he's wearing hulfers was wearing white pants
[00:00:47] That's what makes it even better is that he's like I'm gonna dress like a painter and he took precaution
[00:00:51] This is thing if I were to ever wear white linen pants
[00:00:54] I wouldn't check the weather report to make sure that people couldn't see my dick if it rained right which is what Adam did to prepare himself
[00:01:01] To preempt any kind of embarrassment he shit through linen pants
[00:01:05] He's shit through linen pants and then shit on the chair
[00:01:09] He squirted that there's literally a little puddle of diarrhea on the red camper chair that Adam usually sits on yeah
[00:01:15] He shit himself clean through his pants also Adam
[00:01:19] There's when you get in the shower. There's a jug of soap on the floor
[00:01:25] There's soap on the floor that jug on the floor is soap. There's none in the shower
[00:01:33] Clean your ass and hurry the podcast has started put your fucking clothes in that trash bag
[00:01:38] I swear to god if I go in my bathroom and there's shit anywhere
[00:01:44] I'm gonna lose my mind. I don't know why I don't hear this shower on already
[00:01:49] Yeah, what is taste price still shitting he's probably shitting again also. What the fuck dude? It's lit
[00:01:55] Complete liquid he squirted just shit waters right through and how did it make it through clean through your paint underwear pants and
[00:02:03] Almost through the camper chair. I hate him
[00:02:09] You had no warning you were gonna shit. I can't wait to ask her about all this
[00:02:16] Incredible folks straight up shit himself in white pants and white pants
[00:02:22] Which you wouldn't do at home. No, it's due here
[00:02:25] No, yes, do you hear while looking at like Rihanna mean we were all having a good time having lunch?
[00:02:30] I was eating my salad you were you were eating your jack links beef jerky and half of Adam's trail mix and
[00:02:37] All of a sudden all we hear is oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no
[00:02:48] He's holding his he's holding his ass. He's like and he's like no. I didn't shit. Oh another classic
[00:02:55] That's the thing because you thought you asked me like Adam. Did you shit yourself and I'll go
[00:03:03] I do I don't think that I did when he's making his lying face
[00:03:10] Yeah, yes, yes the pensive the classic yes
[00:03:13] I know exactly as he always breathes through his nose. He goes and he looks up. He does like he has like the most obvious
[00:03:18] Tails in the world absolutely no, I know exactly the face you're talking. No, I didn't like he's trying to solve a math problem
[00:03:25] I don't believe I had sex with that woman
[00:03:28] Well, that's not a lie. Yeah, that's not that wouldn't be the rare time. He would be lying
[00:03:34] Hmm. Oh, no, I did not fuck that mentally ill woman. Oh
[00:03:44] It's honestly so awesome Adams the one who shit himself clean through his fucking pants right wearing pants not even wearing shorts
[00:03:51] Not free balling he's got underwear pants still shit right through it. Yeah in a shirt too
[00:03:57] And he's carrying that that chair. Yeah with him that chairs forever solid. There's lit. There's literally shit on it. I
[00:04:05] Mean it's disgusting that we have to fucking he's taking that with it
[00:04:08] We have to work taking it all the way with him. It's not going in my trash outside
[00:04:13] No, it's going his personal going in your his car. Yep to be taken home and put on the wall
[00:04:18] That's right as a reminder of his weak ass little asshole. Mm-hmm
[00:04:23] I guess that's what happens when you get your shit bloat out. Yeah, you know, right when you when you've been like sitting on a
[00:04:33] Dude he's still shitting I don't hear the shower Adam are you still shitting?
[00:04:42] Okay, he's cleaning up. He's putting the stuff in the trash
[00:04:45] Remember it doesn't touch anything but the garbage bag
[00:04:53] Don't forget the most important part. I don't want my things touched
[00:04:58] You got I would you think he dribbled shit on the floor? Of course you can't even manage fucking bringing an ice craw
[00:05:04] The across the room without spilling it everywhere
[00:05:15] We didn't hear the shower running your hair is dry your hair is dry
[00:05:29] I know it doesn't feel good you shit yourself, but you're lying about having taken a shower
[00:05:34] Yeah, here's what I understand why did you take a half shower? Why not just take the
[00:05:47] Okay, but do that, but then also take the full shower in case you actually
[00:05:53] You know what I mean, it's of course embarrassing you shit yourself, but this is your most your most famous stand-up bit is shooting you
[00:06:04] It's not embarrassing so much as it is on your brand you're taking that towel with you too
[00:06:12] In fact everything from the bathroom is believing with you
[00:06:15] Oh, yeah, go get him some shorts. Yeah, I guess I'll get you shorts, but take everything other than my
[00:06:23] Fancy clippers that it right everything out of the bathrooms got to go
[00:06:27] All the books he has there the magazines on my magazine the Q-tips all my copper copies of soldier
[00:06:35] Fortune and foreign affairs are going with you
[00:06:37] I'll find shorts go get shorts for Adam. Oh, he put your shoes put your shirt back on. What's wrong Adam?
[00:07:09] What did you eat bro, I don't know would you have for breakfast fruit fruit? Oh
[00:07:16] Oh fruit and what else oatmeal no no, yeah, I use the soap
[00:07:31] I clean my ass I trust that he cleaned his ass feels really bad dude. It's okay
[00:07:38] I really I'm not saying this for sympathy or anything, but I
[00:07:48] You were white pants, dude, I know I just got the white pants
[00:07:58] What the fuck dude what the hell what happened? I haven't shit my pants in like three years. Well, there we go
[00:08:04] It had to happen now. It had to happen now
[00:08:08] Which is good. It's good that it happened this way. It's just my life. Yep
[00:08:12] Look man, I do this in public for fucking ugly people
[00:08:22] They're not gonna do anything man. They're gonna have a good laugh
[00:08:25] We're gonna have a good laugh, okay now relax. Thanks going to get you some shorts
[00:08:32] You would have been fine, but just please Nick Nick's getting a short out of storage
[00:08:48] Folks in the meantime, why don't you go to stave.biz slash tour? I'm coming at you real soon
[00:08:53] You know, I'm gonna be in Poughkeepsie this weekend. I'm gonna be in fucking Connecticut this weekend to BJ Ryan's
[00:09:00] And then I'm going cuz starting in the summer. We got fucking Portland, Seattle
[00:09:05] Denver fucking Utah Salt Lake City. I just adding New Orleans to the mix
[00:09:16] Do you put some put some khaki at Nick is handing Nick is handing Adam some khaki's you I
[00:09:26] And also buy some tea if you ever shit yourself
[00:09:31] Go get a t-shirt from stave. Dot is to yeah, don't forget to
[00:09:44] He's acting but he seems more pathetic. Oh, he's acting he thinks he's proud of himself for shooting his pants
[00:09:49] That's the thing about Adam is he's like a
[00:09:51] He's like a healthy narcissist. He's a narcissist without any kind of self-loathing
[00:09:57] So he does something like this and he's like isn't it cute that I shit myself. That's so human
[00:10:04] Meanwhile, he'll leave and there's just guard. He'll forget the chair
[00:10:08] But the most infuriating thing is it'll also leave his empty ice coffee cup sitting on the floor. Yep
[00:10:14] Which you would think after which is the culprit. Yes, of course. It's the ice coffee that really did it. Mm-hmm
[00:10:24] Yeah, no, no, hold on that's not there's a guy that comes by who like has to make sure the garbage is sorted and I'm friends with him
[00:10:33] he's like the landlord has him come by and
[00:10:37] There's not gonna be a bag of clothes filled with shit in
[00:10:40] The garb so we're gonna we're gonna do is when you leave you'll take the chair and the clothes
[00:10:46] I don't have a chair anymore. You don't have a chair. But listen, that's your fault
[00:10:53] How about this where's the box you can take the return of the box you can take the chair with you and
[00:10:59] Then bring it back and you can sit in the chair when you remind as a reminder
[00:11:08] It's get this you got a free pair of pants out of it because I'm certainly not taking those back
[00:11:12] Yeah, they look good on you, honestly. I
[00:11:14] Don't realize you're a nick with the same size
[00:11:22] Get the box Adam time to return to the box well you can sit in the chair for now
[00:11:26] Just put take one of those old newspaper. No leave that there take one of the old newspapers put it down you can sit on
[00:11:37] Get the news old newspapers are right next to it. We're gonna get through this put like three or four
[00:11:43] Use pet newspapers in there was this the financial time the financial times of one that you're socialist
[00:11:49] This there's more there's in there dude. There's more open already
[00:11:57] This feels really bad no it doesn't it's serious right? I'm not like doing a bit. It's okay Adam
[00:12:08] Just look we need you to rally no one just themselves on the radio you didn't it was right before but we had a good time
[00:12:16] That's not true at all a lot of people George Norrie famously shit himself in 1994 while doing a broadcast with Bob Lazar
[00:12:23] You hear that yeah, what's that are they cool no they're both faggot?
[00:12:39] That is awesome like we're just we're in your house. I know we're he was he's literally three feet from a toilet
[00:12:47] Mm-hmm. We weren't out and about yeah, he got to stop emergency
[00:12:53] He's like oh, I gotta go see a gastroenterologist
[00:12:56] It's literally him being too comfortable in his life
[00:12:59] The gastroenterologist is gonna take one look at you and said you should be a little bit more anal retentive literally and
[00:13:10] Elimination diet and figure out what it is that gives me such you should start with cock
[00:13:15] Mm-hmm. It's not cock. You know that you should do a sublimination diet and you just got me those pants buy new ones
[00:13:21] I can't where am I gonna find those fucking pants? I gotta look them up online. Yes easy. Okay, I get me super easy
[00:13:29] I'm such a fucking loser. She's a use that use that top that part piece of cardboard has got some book in it
[00:13:35] Did somebody sent me that I don't want?
[00:13:37] So you just you can put that down as a seat yep, and then take that with you when you leave take the book
[00:13:42] Take no just leave it and put that down put that down and now sit on it
[00:13:47] Or maybe one more no, that's fun. Okay. I'll be honest with you guys. Yeah, I don't deserve the chair
[00:13:55] That's true get back on the box. Don't sit on the box
[00:14:03] 30 minutes ago we would have said the same thing
[00:14:05] Now you can't trust you understand it now now everywhere we go and every show that we do we have to
[00:14:11] Like if we go back on tour in Australia, we're gonna have to tell the flight crew on the plane
[00:14:21] They're gonna have to make an announcement this man's a shit at liability
[00:14:30] It has to who wears diapers. Oh, that's true. I actually don't have to do any of that. We'll just get diapers
[00:14:36] I'm not a guy, but it's for Adam to wear
[00:14:38] Which I which if you recall I bought for him years ago that is true before before we didn't show
[00:14:48] Immediately got bossy about and was like my character is the star and I was like well
[00:14:53] I don't want my friend to be embarrassing audience
[00:14:56] And shit himself on the show so I'm going to get him diapers and you acted like that was some kind of insult
[00:15:03] When clearly now Nick is vindicated the thing about the person on this podcast that has revealed himself to need diapers is you Adam
[00:15:12] Vindicated about you wearing diapers. Yeah vindicated about fucking coronavirus being fake
[00:15:18] Vindicated he's on a wind streak folks. Yeah
[00:15:21] The next thing I said those Chinese dragons actually they're like it's like just like 12 guys
[00:15:27] Well, I think that's well known. Yeah now
[00:15:34] So for a while you were really scared after after somebody got to the bottom of it by taking a peek to see if the dragon had a bigger
[00:15:41] Dick than me and when I saw the inner machinations of
[00:15:45] Like what the hell is 12 Chinese guys? It's fucking a bunch of Chinese. No big green scaley cock. There's no day
[00:15:51] What the hell is this this tastes like a regular Chinese guys this isn't a dragon's penis at all
[00:15:59] There's no fucking armored ball sack that I can fucking bounce up and down on I'm trying to suck a big lizards dick
[00:16:07] Here pal no, I know I got his eight Chinese guys to suck off
[00:16:11] I could just do that any day doesn't have to be Chinese New Year for me to do that now
[00:16:15] I understand what the fireworks are about really funny Adam look man
[00:16:22] You know what we get those emails that are like I've been in a dark place in my life
[00:16:28] No those go right to the garbage. Yeah, just like the books you sent me which go there are used as a diaper for
[00:16:34] Yeah, and he gives you said they will be used to block items asked from emitting any more shit on any of our stuff
[00:16:42] If I may you may go ahead you have the floor
[00:16:44] People are like I'm suicidal my parents divorce and turns out Adam's poo is side
[00:16:50] That's right because he's shit his pants today, and I we can't stress enough. He literally shit his pants
[00:17:04] He's like he can't help himself, but be like this is my moment the shot right my emotional turn my star turn
[00:17:11] Where to you you have no shame? I you don't you don't you pretending to be embarrassed
[00:17:17] You don't know what embarrassment is I just makes you it's a cute thing for you to be
[00:17:23] Humiliated you're like isn't that endearing I shit myself everyone goes all Adam. Yep
[00:17:30] I haven't done the shit well not me pal bit. I'm gonna steamroll right pass it and talk about Chinese dragons
[00:17:37] You can maybe if you want to figure out a way to contribute to that
[00:17:40] Yep, that's what I was trying to say what I feel like those suicidal guys
[00:17:46] When I'm listening to you do that hey, I was trying to suck a dragon stick right it
[00:17:55] Escapism folks this today's episode is brought to you by the movie joy ride with Steve
[00:18:05] I just thought about it a second ago. It's great. It's a lot of you'd love it, dude
[00:18:10] Really if you were on drugs. Yeah, there's the bitch
[00:18:14] What's your name is like Mimi so so so bo so bo less me me so BS so BS me
[00:18:19] Yeah, she used to be around back in the days when I remember that name
[00:18:26] Mimi Bobi asked Bobak's me my phone is in the poop bag
[00:18:32] You put your shit on your phone well all my stuff is in my pockets of the poop pants
[00:18:37] Why don't you take it out you fucking idiot now I remember that I have to
[00:18:42] Did you shit anymore after you shit yourself? Yeah, I went more in the toilet obviously
[00:18:50] So you had fruit for breakfast we just for dinner last night I had fruit and I had
[00:18:55] This is the thing that's crazy he gets mad at me when I come over and just start smoking my pipe in his house without asking
[00:19:02] It's crazy that you somehow have even the score with all of Nick's rudeness
[00:19:08] Your house that is the score it is a million to zero. I don't know man. Shit a million to one
[00:19:16] Shitting in his nick of all the disrespectful things Nick is done going and coming in eating puffins by the handful
[00:19:24] Having any I had an accident any snack I had an accident and you come here and I've been on your side of this whole thing
[00:19:31] I'm always like damn Adam Nick owes Adam for that one Nick is the dickhead here
[00:19:37] Somehow in one fell swoop you completely even the score and now Nick has another what five more years of behaving that way
[00:19:45] I mean I may stop the snacking but definitely not smoking in the house
[00:19:59] It's gonna shit shit on his furniture, bro
[00:20:03] Okay, there's a camping chair. It's still up to fucking chair. He owns it's
[00:20:08] Can you admit that it's less bad than it if it were his sofa?
[00:20:13] Absolutely, I can admit that but you the fact okay you shit on something he owns yes, and this is the thing
[00:20:19] It's like whoa, why do I have to sit on a box? Why do I have to sit on a chair?
[00:20:24] You know why it wasn't on a sofa because you're not allowed on the so you've lost you've I thought honestly
[00:20:30] I thought wow this is cool. Maybe Adam will get to be on regular
[00:20:32] This is a story of my life someday soon is that I have to be the villain right
[00:20:39] The guy bad guy the guy that sees the world for what it is before anyone else
[00:20:44] And they say that guy's an anti-semite or an asshole
[00:20:54] Broad stuff. I wasn't unfair to Adam in general. I think most people can agree
[00:20:57] It was solely this weird chair thing the chair thing is the only time you've ever been on kind and and they say why and I'm like
[00:21:12] Like why are you talking like that? I'm like like the Oracle from the Matrix. You're like
[00:21:18] Are you all right? I'm like I have an emotional disability
[00:21:24] Makes me I like acting kind of gay and weird because it bothers people right it makes me uncomfortable
[00:21:32] More so than them, but I know makes but at least it's making a game. They're like well
[00:21:37] They imagine themselves acting that gay and through some kind of weird reversal of empathy
[00:21:42] It makes them want to kill themselves and me
[00:22:00] One of the finest online proprietors of chewable tablets to get your dick harder than a mug chewable dick tablets
[00:22:09] That's right. Check them out at dick pill dot penis
[00:22:15] So one of the fans do us a favor by dick pill dot penis and redirected to blue chew dot com
[00:22:21] In fact if redirect by by dick pill dot penis and redirected to
[00:22:27] Blue chew dot com slash com slash come that's a great idea. Let me see
[00:22:34] We'll figure this out. We got time. Yeah in fact do us a favor and buy a bunch of wacky
[00:22:43] God I love blue chew and one one thing I'll say it gets my dick heart and it's never made me shit my pants. Mm-hmm
[00:22:49] That's so great. That's something you can say. Yeah go dot blue chew dot com slash com town
[00:22:55] So it's got to have to go as the sub domain go dot blue chew dot com slash come town and then yeah
[00:23:05] Yeah, they'll dot paint. Oh, I should have checked to see if dot penis is one of the available
[00:23:12] Adam poop the chair. No see this is what I mean
[00:23:15] You can't try and co-op. He's just no he's just trying to scoot in there and
[00:23:20] And be like remember when we were paying attention to me. I'm not doing that. Yeah, we're doing an ad read Adam
[00:23:27] Come on. I'm trying to be funny. You think anybody's fucking money. You think people are gonna buy these
[00:23:33] By these chewables. We actually done we actually don't because I lost track of which reads we were doing and forgot to invoice them and now
[00:23:41] Yeah, so yes, technically we do not get paid because
[00:23:49] A monopoly style bank error in your favor, right in their favor kind of a thing that could not have been preempted
[00:23:57] By any degree of organization on my end
[00:24:04] You see this bit giant box that's covered in tape with an arrow on yeah, the pointing up the files are in there
[00:24:11] So yeah, nice, but that's all of my accounting stuff for the last year is a bunch of pieces of scrap paper
[00:24:17] Half of which have just the slayer logo drawn on pretty cool. Yeah, that's still my move
[00:24:30] In doctor visits no impatient conversations no
[00:24:34] Psychological testing to see if you can stand trial
[00:24:42] Sound mind and body your a handle on erect penis a sound and fury the sound and fury of your mind
[00:24:49] Demanding that you fuck whenever you see a woman the power over becomes more smaller man
[00:24:54] And you black out and then it's too late. You've already done the deed. It's almost as if a demon is taken over
[00:25:01] Are you writing this down mr. Police there's no test like you and then they explained to you that
[00:25:10] Literally everyone that's arrested comes in here and tries this and there's no such thing as getting off on insanity
[00:25:25] Joker pencil move yeah, you know, yeah, that was the first time I've seen that one
[00:25:29] That's you go to blue q.com you do the Skype doctor visit and just try to get dick pills by reason of insanity
[00:25:40] Dick chewable I'm too crazy to have a fucking soft cock. They're not paying the same active ingredients as
[00:25:48] Salad-dodin to fill into Dallas, but Viagra and Seattle is there for boomers right?
[00:25:53] These are shit for millennials who are now old enough that their dicks don't work. Yeah, all the zoomers that listen to the show
[00:26:07] Which streaming yeah, you have a trad girlfriend basically you're a whole isn't really that many kids is that still happening?
[00:26:14] They they're all aspiring to be like one or two cartoons from 4chan
[00:26:18] That's my impression of our understanding of zoomers is one they're all mixed race
[00:26:29] They're all trying to be just yeah drawings MS paint drawings. Yeah, I
[00:26:34] Don't know jokes on that. I can't believe people are fucking being religious and that's like that can't be that many of them
[00:26:40] I'm getting more religious. Are you yeah Greek Orthodox don't even try a pal. Why you don't?
[00:26:46] Come on. Well, you did what you guys did
[00:26:50] We didn't do anything. You know what you did well, you can find out what they did at bluetooth.com where there's no
[00:26:58] There's no fucking there's no doctor visits
[00:27:04] It comes in discrete package discrete packaging discrete packaging the same active ingredients as
[00:27:11] Saya whatever yeah, and listen because they're chewable tablets in Italy. They call it Chiales probably
[00:27:23] Blue chew is American made not like that Italian bullshit. That's right
[00:27:27] I like Viagra and C. Hour of the set of us motherfucking a happy fourth of July by the way for it's July
[00:27:33] Go celebrate by getting yourself some chewable tablets big Madison hard as shit tastes good by the way
[00:27:40] It's really good kind of a blueberry kind of well. It tastes like a smarty. Yeah, which I mean a little sweeter
[00:27:46] Oh, I might go trick-or-treating this year
[00:27:55] Just me it's like clearly a grown man 64
[00:28:00] 225 just just trick-or-treating for six
[00:28:03] Yeah, but you have a car and it's fast so you can hit multiple neighborhoods
[00:28:07] I could just from my car and you're sprinting with a megaphone
[00:28:11] Yeah, the big fishing net put it in the net put it in the net. I'm sure I have a really good costume
[00:28:20] Robot I'm out here trick-or-treating for a black kid that was killed by the police. Yeah, can I have this candy?
[00:28:27] He's in the car actually he's a muta compromise. I'm out here collecting candy for Tamir Rice
[00:28:32] So how do you yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Are you racist? You're in blackface
[00:28:41] Okay, so I guess you're too racist to give me candy. I'm the ghost of woke past
[00:28:46] This used to be all right. How joltson was was he was one of the first
[00:28:54] Very fucking true. Yeah, I'm the ghost that says boop very fucking true in fact my friend
[00:29:05] Go to comm slash com town go there instead of the promo code because I
[00:29:11] Think the promo code is com town, but I like the I like the the way just going
[00:29:18] Of riding in a long I don't want to type shit in my dick is soft, right?
[00:29:24] Fucking problem a lot you don't want it. You gotta go where your dick is gonna get hard. You want your dick?
[00:29:29] I'm not asking these questions, man. Come on man. I'm not out and answering these questions off
[00:29:35] When you might when my dick is hard, I'm gonna look in the mirror and I'm gonna look at my dick
[00:29:44] And you understand that I got to suck a dick to even get an heart right so fucking true
[00:29:50] And that's that's called constitution America's law
[00:29:57] Yes, I fucked in my ass. I got fucked in my ass. Come over here so I can suck your cock
[00:30:09] My man's got you think how big do you think miss penises Joe Biden? Yeah
[00:30:14] It's probably a nice six and a half no bigger than that. You think seven inches? Yeah, really
[00:30:23] Yeah, interesting definitely bigger. How tall is he Joe Biden six one?
[00:30:29] Okay, I don't know. I just guess that I
[00:30:32] Think I'm saying six and six and a half. How did
[00:30:37] How did hunters dick look? I didn't look at the I didn't see the picture actually I saw a blurred out
[00:30:41] I couldn't find the one he's got a nice thing. I've seen it. Yeah, he's got a nice dick
[00:30:49] He's got like a mom like a kind of droopy. Don't people say that's dad bought
[00:30:56] He very much has like the the middle-aged mom that just got into like depletion exercise
[00:31:02] Like I'm taking care of myself by eating lemon today and running 18 and a half miles
[00:31:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I've never felt I really feel like I've detoxed
[00:31:14] Because I'm shitting and pissing myself everywhere. I go and I'm detoxing. Yeah. He's got that kind of body
[00:31:21] Yeah, I know you're saying it's like from crack. It's drooping
[00:31:24] But the thing that's drooping is in shape. Yeah, he looks like you know
[00:31:27] You know what he looks like you know that picture of like Khrushchev on vacation not Khrushchev
[00:31:33] Bresnav the bresnav swim trunks with the telephone
[00:31:38] Sounds there's a picture. Oh, yeah, he's in an indoor pool
[00:31:42] Yeah, I don't know where he is, but he's on his bresnav on the phone and he's he's got swim trunks on
[00:31:50] If that guy went on a diet and didn't lift any weights, but the cock is good. You're saying though. Yeah, I don't
[00:31:56] Hunter oh, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yeah, I feel like Biden's got a big big
[00:32:02] I think he's probably got a honking cock. I change my mind. I'm going to seven in the quarter
[00:32:07] Hunter's hunters got what I would call sort of like a workhorse
[00:32:10] Mm-hmm stocky like like he's like the point like kind of like a point man cock
[00:32:16] Well, so like a stocky six like a like a
[00:32:20] Socky six might be a little bit longer than that, but it's like he's got like you know like you know like
[00:32:24] You know like gets the job done gets the job done, but not in a way where it like just gets the job that you know
[00:32:29] It really gets a job done. Well. Yeah, it is very nice out of the park
[00:32:33] I'm gonna sit with workhorse because that was the word I chose
[00:32:37] And now I'm being pressured to I'm not you're putting me on the defensive to explain what I meant
[00:32:42] Which I don't like I get it. I'm just gonna
[00:32:45] Intellectually and emotionally I'm just gonna put my head back under the dragon
[00:32:52] That's it's called the under the dragon mentality
[00:33:01] That if you call in the come town if you call in the come town, it's the hold on. Let me pull up our number again
[00:33:08] Let me see what our number is. Can you pull that up quick?
[00:33:13] It's impressive also to go along with the workhorse thing to agree Nick
[00:33:19] That he could be on smack and crack and still be horn. Well, he's probably got so you want to talk about dick pills running through
[00:33:25] Yeah, definitely so if you want to call if you want to call in the come town you can order
[00:33:31] My house help series just our 4 1 0 3 3 8 1 0 9 8
[00:33:36] Or write us at 3800 Hooper Avenue Baltimore, Maryland 2 1 2 1 1
[00:33:48] Yeah, call it contact us by calling 4 1 0 4 6 7 3,000. Yeah, and
[00:33:53] That's right. That's our number. Yeah, wait no hold on
[00:34:01] Adam's mouthing. I shit myself again at us. Come on stop 4 1 0 3 3 8 1 0 9 8
[00:34:07] Yeah, and say I want this I want to do the dragon under the dragon. I want to live under the dragon. That's what I was
[00:34:16] What do you you don't even know we're saying dude, I know I got it once again, Mr. Pretendy
[00:34:25] Mr. Pretendy there's no shit in his ass now that I'm in a vulnerable place
[00:34:30] Can I admit something to you you're gonna show up with a bag of shit in your hand
[00:34:39] End of when you're your chair that you have to take with you coming through the house like a woman that's just finished shopping
[00:34:45] And it like laughing already your girlfriend. You're like it was so funny. I shit myself at the show
[00:34:51] No, I don't think he's good. I honestly think it's gonna be
[00:34:59] Monday night you're gonna. Can't you're not you won't be able to contain he will yes
[00:35:05] It will take a couple days and we finally does he's gonna tell like it's a charming anecdote
[00:35:09] I feel really but I think for today especially because she got an I'll be dead
[00:35:13] And I want you to know how that I'll be dead by then over my dead body
[00:35:18] Hopefully hopefully that's exactly how it goes
[00:35:23] Literally how it goes down and that and then I'll keep the patreon going until people I won't post an episode
[00:35:29] But until people unsubscribe notice five bucks a month no and that's and you know it
[00:35:34] That'll be a nice little retirement plan for me if you guys do that and I would be nice. Can I admit my
[00:35:40] My thing yeah, my moment of vulnerability sure I
[00:35:46] Always felt like the being from Maryland thing like you guys it seemed like you share a really nice thing
[00:35:55] No, and I've I've always been like I you know, I wish that I could be part of it
[00:36:00] You know well you can I worked in Silver Spring for you can't we're not even we're not even friends
[00:36:05] We're sort of like professional rivals. That's right. It's sort of like a Nikki loud
[00:36:09] Whoever the fuck another guy is in that movie from
[00:36:14] Yeah, I'm the hot one. I'm the hot one physically, but I'm the guy who's better at driving also
[00:36:18] So I'm combined the two characters you don't do that and yes
[00:36:22] The guy who's played by Thor. I would love Thor Ragnarok. That's the guy I am. I don't care if he loses
[00:36:28] That's the guy I haven't seen the guy that's hot and also the one you're the one that's better at the fuck
[00:36:34] I'm just but not as hot as the world. No. I first of all
[00:36:38] I was the one that even came up with the and I was gonna actually say it, but I didn't know the thing at all
[00:36:43] No, you're gonna say formula. You're in a different movie called crush and it's about the orange soda and yeah, and it's delicious
[00:36:49] And I'm drinking some it's about the reason you don't have a chair on this show
[00:36:53] I'm on the fucking sofa. Thank you exactly because God forbid. That's the other thing too
[00:37:01] As I say, oh was Adam you can't have a chair or be on the couch because
[00:37:06] Star means to be on the couch nice try privately me and Adam had a conversation
[00:37:11] I can you imagine what would happen if he sat in the chair don't even try it?
[00:37:15] I'm not interested in the chair and I sat on the box a couple times to give our friend Adam a fucking respite
[00:37:21] If I move that if I move you have that if I move the sofa back you'll notice there's a big X that says fat
[00:37:30] Reinforced steel all the way down through the bottom the part of the next apartment on
[00:37:35] Yeah, there's a beam I destroyed the apartment of the people who live downstairs to put the beam in and I said what are you doing?
[00:37:41] And I said one of my friends is morbidly obese the other shits himself
[00:37:45] There's a Roman column right underneath where your secret column. What do you mean?
[00:37:50] It's a Greek a column well just just just like you know
[00:37:55] Our understanding of history is Roman culture has to prop up greek culture and legitimize it not at all in history
[00:38:01] Otherwise known why don't you show yourself again chief? That's me, huh?
[00:38:05] Shut the fuck up. Why about that because you called it a Roman column. So I'm going to your country when
[00:38:13] After you go after come to come at the same time
[00:38:17] We can have my dad's birthday. I can't go the same time. I'm there a couple weeks
[00:38:22] Well, I might be there at the tail end. All right, well, then I'm going because I want to understand
[00:38:28] Here's something you can understand it's not copying it is copying
[00:38:32] Well, where are you going where are you going after? I'm not telling you is you're going to LA
[00:38:37] You know, I was born there. That's you're not that's copying. You're not from L. I was born in Santa Monica St. John's Hospital. It doesn't matter
[00:38:45] Come on Saint John's ward for the criminally homosexual infant
[00:38:51] That's why I would my mother give birth because of the tests that
[00:38:56] Fucking showed that's where she should be
[00:38:59] I almost took a test and they handcuffed her and they're like we need you to fucking I almost hear I almost died that day
[00:39:07] So what I don't care. What do you mean you almost died? There were complications
[00:39:12] He was the he was as a baby. He was so allergic to coming out of pussy. No, he touched the pussy
[00:39:21] He tried to try to hang himself with the umbilical cord
[00:39:24] Because some of his mom's pussy got on his head the spank him when he was born like they do with the baby
[00:39:29] But it made him come yeah, I don't know if he's gonna be able to handle life
[00:39:34] Well, it's cool that I could come as a baby. He's he has he actually has the Guinness World Record of being the earliest molested baby
[00:39:44] Second he got out. He was molested which no other babies had that I'd like to see you
[00:39:48] He got so hard his dick was almost a half centimeter. Yeah, it's just be nice
[00:39:56] Book for having the biggest dick in the world
[00:40:06] Fuck you. I don't care. You just start your own record his book of world records
[00:40:13] And the only record is biggest dick and I have it and with the records are closed
[00:40:23] In fact, we're putting you down as most annoying person to call
[00:40:26] Yes, we're calling but putting you down as big as faggot
[00:40:31] Um if you're a big faggot, you can check out
[00:40:41] Yep, if you're a lot any type of person. Yeah, if you're cool to go there well that kind of guy could be cool a
[00:40:52] What sorry, what are you saying in his book that makes you cool that makes you a cool guy and I agree? Yeah
[00:41:00] But what I really agree on even more than that. Hey zip ahead come over here a second
[00:41:06] I got something to tell you you trying to get high off fake weave while I got the perfect website for you
[00:41:11] You're fucking dragon face retard. Okay. It's cushy dreams calm now for goops
[00:41:20] He was on a roll like an old slur like an old time a TV commercial. Yeah, yeah
[00:41:26] But I ran out of the safe ones right hey shovel face. You're looking for a huh?
[00:41:32] Are those the I think it's all relative for Nick. Hey, hey retod
[00:41:37] Yep, hey retod come over here for a set no, that's what it is. It's the sham Wow guy
[00:41:41] Hey camera guy come over here pick a look at my fucking penis look at my cock does this look weird to you
[00:41:47] Do you think this bump should be here Wow clean off your car suck my fucking cock fuck me in the ass?
[00:41:57] Put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. It's that simple. It's that easy Billy mace here for my penis
[00:42:03] Billy mace here for getting your dick suck for oxy is pretty cool oxy cushy for oxy dreams
[00:42:09] Oxygen that dude. I would love oxy drinks. Yeah, oh fuck
[00:42:15] But instead of like instead of it not getting you fucked up it gets you incredibly fucked up
[00:42:21] Someone's got a shit again. Yeah, you watch him shit the new pants
[00:42:28] Yeah, he's shit's through your fucking now
[00:42:30] He's gonna use he did this on purpose so we can use this as an excuse anytime
[00:42:34] We're doing the show to go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom always for whatever reason. Yep. Oh look who's back
[00:42:41] Why'd you leave when you guys talk about cushy dreams for a second while I go get my coffee?
[00:42:45] Cushy dreams is a fantastic product. I love it as a product. It's safe. It's effective
[00:42:51] How about a website for Adam called mushy jeans calm
[00:42:59] Yeah, you're actually get out of this by complimenting me. I know your game
[00:43:04] It is true a compliment of mine has never worked on you. I know because I know what you're trying to do
[00:43:09] What am I trying to do you're trying curry favor? Yeah, exactly
[00:43:13] I would never curry favor which I look I have the problem is is that
[00:43:19] Shooting your pants awful that sucks even if it weren't embarrassing which it's honestly in your 30s
[00:43:24] It's really not that embarrassing. It's just sort of a sneak preview of what life what's coming soon of what life is going to be in your
[00:43:34] Faster than you could ever remember being 15
[00:43:38] And now think about how long now think about how long ago that was
[00:43:42] That's how soon you're gonna be 70 years old
[00:43:45] It's gonna move that fucking quickly and you're gonna be shitting yourself and your whole is gonna be looser
[00:43:51] Every day I just feel like if by the day if that's happening when I'm 70
[00:43:56] I just hope that I have a wife and a loving family
[00:44:01] And I won't and that's how I feel real have a you have a baby
[00:44:12] And folks that's a little preview of the patreon it looks like somebody has gone to the bathroom in that
[00:44:18] Again, it's time to get beat up like a CC until you
[00:44:24] Make make white people out of your penis
[00:44:27] Yep, and that's a little foreshadowing of our patreon episode and that you're gonna want to check out at patreon
[00:44:33] Dot com and Adam. Yeah Adam just dressed up like Jesse Smollett getting beaten up by two giant
[00:44:42] No guys fuck them too, right? Yeah, they did that's awesome. Um, anyways, could you dreams calm?
[00:44:49] It's honestly hustle energy you guys talk about I love to see James if you know in a listen
[00:44:54] We've joke around a lot on this podcast and we're very rarely sincere
[00:44:58] But I want to take a moment to be extremely sincere about this beautiful product that I love so much a product
[00:45:04] We use I do use it I truly do because look I'm trying to leave a healthy lifestyle
[00:45:10] You know, I'm the 20,000 step bastard. You know, I'm trying to trim down a little bit before I go to Greece
[00:45:14] Hit the fucking beach with my titties looking gorgeous when I smoke regular marijuana. I'm eating everything in sight
[00:45:21] I'm wrecking my diet what I love about cushy dreams is it has none of this the fucking it doesn't have the psychoactive parts of marijuana
[00:45:28] It doesn't make me eat like a fucking asshole either and when stop goes psychoactive
[00:45:33] That's when he really loses control. I go insane in the membrane right and
[00:45:37] Cushy style cushy dreams is something that you can maintain control. I maintain total control by body
[00:45:43] I have you know, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I have never shipped my pants on cushy dreams
[00:45:49] Some people with weak constitution shit their pants sober
[00:45:53] What I'm gonna tell you though what you want to do is go to fucking cushy dreams calm and look
[00:45:58] They got all kinds of different types of fucking CBD high quality CBD and this shit is lab tested by the way
[00:46:04] It's the highest fucking goodest mother fucking quality shit. There is out there. Yeah, so
[00:46:10] You and you can get different types. There's you want to feel up you want a little pep in your step get hustle get energy
[00:46:16] They also got a fucking they also got hybrids that are more of a indica variation
[00:46:21] Which is what I tend to get I tend to wind down for the body of cushy dreams a body high. Yeah, okay
[00:46:27] I'm smoking that shit. I'm drinking a fucking diet cream soda, and I'm calling it an evening
[00:46:32] I'm winding down, and I like the little half-gram joints. They got little packs of those they got full-gram joints
[00:46:38] They even got three and a half gram tints tins and again folks. This is CBD flower
[00:46:43] This is CBD high quality premium CBD, but and it's the kind of then let me say this if she charry Richardson was fucking
[00:46:51] So cari Richardson Chicago Richardson Chicago
[00:46:55] Richardson, which she's been a really fast hot black girl, but she talks like Benicio del Toro
[00:46:59] If she was smoking cushy dreams she would be in the Olympics today. I love Benicio del Toro
[00:47:05] The like a guy that's what's the promo? He's been in a bunch of shit cushy dreams calm slash come town
[00:47:11] I think promo code is come town or come town 20. I think it's probably come down and you get 20% off your next order
[00:47:17] So enjoy that you little fuckers. What were we saying about Benicio? I was it had its moments past
[00:47:23] No, it's not even being bashful here. It's just there was a shot to take
[00:47:28] Came and went all right. I feel like we've been having a good one
[00:47:33] We've been up to the caliber I loved when Benicio del Toro fucked
[00:47:41] What the fuck is her name Patricia our cat in that
[00:47:44] Escape from Dan Amora and you could see kind of the side of her ass. Yeah, she was looking rough
[00:47:49] She was looking she got fucked up for that role and I still I didn't beat off to it
[00:47:55] Uh-huh if let's say it was the beginning of a porno and then her tits came out and she sucked his cock
[00:47:59] I absolutely could have jacked off to that to completion. That sounds pretty tight. Yeah guys
[00:48:07] The events that transpired before the show have distracted us. I feel like from the most important
[00:48:13] All right, black creators going on strike on TikTok. No, that's not it. No a different black crater
[00:48:19] Who's finally been exonerated the black creator
[00:48:22] The creator Billy the creator he's like Tyler the creator. Yeah, who
[00:48:32] Who you don't know who he is a guy from Cosby show got out of jail
[00:48:40] Who he put girls to sleep and he's a he was a rapist
[00:48:45] Rape them who got out of jail for the reasons that remain unclear, but who is that?
[00:48:52] You know kids say the darnest things the Jello commercials. Oh
[00:48:56] Oh the guy from Jello commercials. Yeah
[00:49:00] JLLO. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was wondering why they had that guy on there. Yeah, like well
[00:49:06] Kind of didn't want to eat this shit to begin with but now oh
[00:49:09] So you knew him as a rapist in the Jello commercials. No, I just knew him as a guy from that
[00:49:15] I didn't know he raped people. Oh, yeah
[00:49:16] Well, he's out well he got out of jail because they said that he didn't do it ever the entire his entire life
[00:49:29] People were like what are the odds that 60 women would lie and it's like do you really want to do the math?
[00:49:38] Do you want do you want to know because I have the answer statistically nicks were on the numbers
[00:49:59] That's pretty good odds, but you know it's pretty good odds
[00:50:02] But you know five or six is even better. You know also as good those same odds
[00:50:06] What's that getting a free can of sprite when you look under the cap?
[00:50:09] One in six. Yeah, so have you ever gotten a free sprite? I haven't had sprites since I was a dancer the quest I
[00:50:17] Have you have I use it? I used to fucking hit that shit all the time. Oh really? Yeah, I guess I didn't buy that much
[00:50:26] Not ill I would say but just tell my mind works
[00:50:29] I'm there's a kid I would win those free sprites all the time anytime I had a sprite
[00:50:33] It was like I looked under the cap and I got a free sprite very nice and it would make me mad
[00:50:37] Because I'm like I'm using up all of my luck now. Oh, yes and later in life
[00:50:43] I'm gonna be a miserable fact now still on the free sprite train the kid wasn't wrong. No, I think you did you so
[00:50:50] Paul yeah, but no, I'm still very lucky. That's true
[00:50:57] I've I'm using it all up. Yeah, what's gonna happen when I really need it? Yeah
[00:51:02] Whenever I lose I feel like I'm closer to my next victory
[00:51:06] But whenever I win I feel like I'm closer to my next defeat
[00:51:10] That's the worst way to think about it, man
[00:51:12] I think it's like a kind of a Zen Buddhist way of thinking about it. No, it's that some Wayne Gretzky shit
[00:51:17] No, I think Wayne Gretzky loves all their shots
[00:51:21] Did you want you to shut the fuck up and play hockey pal?
[00:51:23] Leave the leave the leave the quote doing to the genie the geniorety like us like us
[00:51:29] Gore Vidal. Yeah smart the smart people Gore Vidal's famous quotes
[00:51:38] Zipperhead why don't you come over here? I don't think he said that I've got a sham while for you
[00:51:44] Was he alive during the time of the sham well, yeah, he died relatively recently really yeah with like
[00:51:51] 2011 I guess that's sure I remember him. Oh, yeah
[00:51:54] It's probably one of those old guys that was getting young cock. Yeah, cuz he said such weighty things
[00:52:00] Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a gay version of you would suck off Gore Vidal. Thank you for saying a gay version
[00:52:09] You've had a rough day at a news Norman Naylor that died in 2012 somebody died in 2012. I think it might have been Norman Miller. Yeah
[00:52:29] Yeah, they're like I want I want to get a
[00:52:34] Penis put on me so I can become a man and then the doctor goes mailer. I barely knew her
[00:52:39] Yeah, you're like what and he's like, you know like Norman Miller
[00:52:44] What are you talking about shit? They're like sorry. I was just listening to the pot. I'm listening to a podcast right now through a
[00:52:53] I've got a secret service in your piece. Yes. I'm the trans doctor
[00:53:01] Yeah, you know I heard you know imagine a imagine a world where mentally retarded man is also gay
[00:53:19] And he runs into the gay retard and and he's elected to be the front of the dragon
[00:53:27] And being a dragon turns him on so much that just dick is hard and pokes through the front of the dragon
[00:53:33] Dragon and it's an nostril and it they can't see which way they're going naturally is a dragon and they walk into a child
[00:53:41] And somebody sees the penis go into the child's ass
[00:53:44] And now all of the men are on trial now the whole dragon is
[00:54:00] That's awesome that would be a really good episode
[00:54:09] Imagine an Indian woman, but she doesn't smell bad whoa
[00:54:12] And so people think she's doing black they think it's a white lady doing black face
[00:54:17] Right because she doesn't stink and the whole town goes after her and accuses her of racism
[00:54:22] And she's dragged into the town square and her clothes are stripped off
[00:54:26] And then they see that her pussy is purple and they realize oh no, it's just a non-stinky Indian woman. Dude, dude. Dude. Dude. Wow
[00:54:44] That's a fuck dude. They're really not pulling any punches on this reboot of the fucking this is the one Jordan P. O. Read free booty
[00:55:02] That really is the edge of the human imagination
[00:55:26] What if it was actually a panther that was pink and he went around stealing art?
[00:55:38] When I saw the movie the pink panther I thought there would be a cartoon panther
[00:55:46] And it made me cry because it was just a french guy
[00:55:58] That's actually mostly just from housing installation
[00:56:06] Because my dad obviously was a carpenter
[00:56:08] And I spent a lot of my time as a child at Home Depot
[00:56:12] I saw the cartoon but there was nothing else kind of entertaining
[00:56:18] I did want some insulation because of it
[00:56:23] Oh yeah because the inspector is what's his name?
[00:56:25] I thought the pink panther was the diamond
[00:56:31] But wasn't there a cartoon of the pink panther too?
[00:56:35] Because specifically because children were upset
[00:56:40] Yeah I remember my parents showing me that and beat and I was fucking pissed
[00:56:48] What if the thief's song that the pink panther was actually without sucking my dick
[00:56:55] And you to suck my dick because I can't
[00:57:00] What if you could see Winnie the Pooh's penis?
[00:57:06] What if he still wasn't wearing shorts?
[00:57:21] And sometimes when he sneezed it would move up and down
[00:57:27] What if Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were in a years long gay relationship with each other?
[00:58:12] Darth Vader made people nut in their pants
[00:58:17] What if Darth Vader used his magic powers
[00:58:37] That kind of peaked with the Chinese guy dragging
[00:58:41] They may have peaked there but all of them were solid base hits at least
[00:58:47] That's one of those things where I had a bit of younger man or
[00:59:11] You realized there would never be an answer
[00:59:13] Then this bit would be anywhere between 20 to 80% better
[00:59:23] And you're like who cares if there's some meaning to life
[00:59:28] I'm sure even if I figured it out it would be fucking gay
[00:59:32] It wouldn't be anything cool like gaming and getting pussy
[00:59:40] It would probably be some faggot god shit
[00:59:56] Imagine a world where the meaning of life is eating pain pills
[01:00:00] And getting your dick sucked by Chinese
[01:00:06] In a place called the that shit rule zone
[01:00:12] Imagine the world where every bitch is trying to get a huge dish
[01:00:17] Imagine a world where every woman has big, huge ass tits
[01:00:36] If you pull up your loud to have a gun and make them suck you dick
[01:00:42] And none of the other guys are Darth Vader
[01:00:46] You're the only Darth Vader in the fucking world
[01:00:54] And you get all three of the what if superpowers
[01:01:02] Since you use as many fucking coupons as you want
[01:01:06] There's still somehow there's a value to the tickets
[01:02:04] But they finally open the fortune cookie
[01:02:24] We forgot to author the tape of the episode
[01:02:56] And you had to fist fight a different guy
[01:03:16] But you can't because you got a big claw
[01:03:40] In the fucking cool ass motherfucking zone
[01:03:48] Imagine getting road ahead in a monster truck
[01:04:16] And then the Joker is your friend now too
[01:04:20] And then you hang out with both the Joaquin Phoenix and the Heath Ledger Joker
[01:04:26] And they say it's actually cool to watch my little pony
[01:04:34] And no one thinks you're a fucking loser
[01:04:40] Imagine being able to play Nintendo DS in the girls locker room
[01:04:48] And they can't see you because you're invisible
[01:05:08] Hear about the next episode of the Twilight Zone